


Unbroken

by W0rldofmy0wn



Series: Unbroken [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Betrayal, F/F, Forgiveness, Ice Nation - Freeform, Love, Mount Weather, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Redemption, Relationship(s), Stress, Survival, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-05-04 02:32:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 46
Words: 430,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5317202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/W0rldofmy0wn/pseuds/W0rldofmy0wn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke thinks she'll never be able to forgive Lexa for walking away at Mount Weather. Lexa knows that the one she truly needs to forgive is herself. But Clarke is shattered now, broken, possibly beyond repair. What will need to happen for the Sky Girl to finally be able to look past all of the horrible things she's done and finally forgive herself? More than either young leader can even begin to imagine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friendly readers! This is a story that I've been planning out for about a year now. I wanted to start it a while ago, but ended up getting sucked into another story that I only recently finished that wasn't supposed to be as long as it turned out to be. Now that it has been completed, however, I plan on focusing solely on this story for a while. For anyone waiting for news on the sequel to "The Note," it will happen, I promise, but not in the particularly near future. This is going to be a long story, and I want to get a good bit of it out before season three starts (which I, along with all of you, I'm sure, am VERY excited for!). Like I said, I've been planning it for quite a while now, so I think, at least for a while, updates should come fairly regularly, at least once if not twice a week.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoy! Thanks for reading. Oh, and I think it goes pretty much without saying that I do not own "The 100" or any of its characters. Thanks again!

Clarke didn't turn around as she walked away, feeling Bellamy's eyes boring into her. She knew he didn't understand, not really, but she couldn't stay. It wasn't that she didn't want to stay: she wanted nothing more than to be able to spend time with her friends, to help them get through the trauma that Mount Weather had put them through. She wanted to hug her mother, to not leave her side until she was once again up and moving around. She wanted to be able to mourn for those they had lost, those she hadn't been able to save, along with everyone else. She wanted to be able to go home, to remain among her people and let the past simply be the past, forgetting everything that she had done to get them all back there.  
  
But she couldn't. She couldn't forget any of it. She knew that wherever she looked, if she stepped inside that camp there would always be a reminder of what she had done. Those reminders were everywhere, and they were all the very people who she had done so much to save. It was her mother, unable to walk, needing to be carried in a stretcher back to camp because of what had been done to her. It was Octavia, the girl whose glare still pierced through Clarke whenever she looked at her, clearly unable to forget what Clarke had allowed to happen at TonDC. It was Raven, another one who had needed to be carried down from the mountain both because of the destruction of her leg brace and because of what the Mountain Men had done to her. It was Monty and Bellamy, the two who had helped her to bring down the mountain, but had looked to her to make the final decision. It was Jasper, the boy who had once been her friend, but now looked at her with nothing but hatred, a clear reminder that she had been responsible for the death of the girl he had come to love. It was all of this and so much more that made it impossible for her to step foot into Camp Jaha, made it impossible for her to go home.  
  
And so Clarke walked. She walked for hours, her steps taking her farther and farther away from her people. Twigs, leaves and grass crunched beneath her feet, rocks were kicked or stepped on, but her feet kept moving. She didn't know where she was going; she had no destination in mind, only that she had to _get away_. She had to get away from the people whose faces only reminded her of what she had done. She had to get away from everyone she had ever cared about.  
  
She walked for hours, thinking she had no destination in mind, but suddenly she looked up ahead of her and realized that she had unknowingly walked straight to the drop ship, her first home on Earth, and her first place of mass killing. Her legs brought her up to the fence the original hundred had built, and when she looked through the opening she could still see scorched skeletons lying everywhere. This was where she had killed three hundred Grounders. She now had to remind herself that they had been there to kill Clarke and all of her friends, but that knowledge no longer made her feel better about what she had done. Instead she just remembered how Finn had tried to create peace between the two peoples, and how it had been her idea to bring guns to the possible peace-treaty that had ended before it could even begin. If she hadn't...  
  
She couldn't think of that. Instead she just shook her head and turned around, not stepping foot on that burnt ground. She once again wandered, letting her feet lead her without thinking about it, and this time she wandered for a much shorter period of time before coming to another abrupt halt. Suddenly she was standing outside the bunker Finn had brought her to so many times, and she had to bite her bottom lip to stop the tears from falling from her eyes. This had been their place, hers and Finn's; it had been where they had really come together, both as friends, and then later physically and romantically. And then this had become the first place where Finn had murdered for her. The body of the Grounder was still inside, she knew, more than likely beginning to decompose by now. Nevertheless, this time she stepped forward, deciding to go in. She wouldn't stay, couldn't stay, but she had no supplies other than the gun she still held in her hand and knew that inside were a few things that may help her to survive on her own. Dropping from the ladder, her feet hitting the concrete and creating a small thud, she had to cover her mouth and nose. The stench from the decaying corpse was overwhelming, and she had to swat at the flies that suddenly flew around her face before once again settling on the body at the far side of the bunker. Clarke looked at the corpse, bugs eating away at the flesh that still remained and crawling all over it, and shuddered. She couldn't stay and look at what Finn had done for her for long, so she quickly grabbed a bag and began filling it with supplies and as soon as she had everything she needed she left the bunker, with no plans on ever returning to it.  
  
As she walked, Clarke tried desperately not to think about all of the things that she had done since her arrival to Earth just a short time ago, but the thoughts were nearly impossible to escape, especially after seeing the drop ship and the bunker. In the span of a few weeks, she had lost too many friends and people who looked up to her, and had been responsible for more deaths than she could count. She couldn't imagine what her father would say to her if he could see her now and knew all she had done, and she self-consciously rubbed her wrist where his watch once clung to her skin. Finn had given it back to her just before he gave himself up to the Grounders, but she could no longer bare to feel it hanging on her wrist. It weighed her arm down, as though her father knew all that she had done, and she couldn't look at it any more without thinking about Finn, so she now carried it in her pack, doing her best not to think about it.  
  
Clarke did not stop walking until the sun had begun to set behind the distant trees. She found a fallen tree, its trunk thick enough to be a good back rest, and set the single pack that she carried down next to it before she went in search of good firewood. After she had collected an armload, she carried the wood back to her spot by the fallen tree and began building a fire pit, before placing some twigs and thin sticks in it strategically so that it would catch quickly. Pulling her backpack to where she sat next to the pit, she unzipped it and dug around until she found the small box of matches she had found in the bunker. Eventually she would run out, she knew, and would have to resort to striking rocks together to create the heat source, a skill the hundred had learned not long after landing on Earth, and a skill she herself was not very good at. She would have to practice while she still had matches to rely on, but for the moment all she wanted was a fire in front of her, so she struck one of the matches, bringing the small flame down to the twigs set up in front of her, coaxing the fire to life as she fed it more twigs, and then larger sticks until it was big enough to take the couple of larger logs she had been able to find. Once it reached this point, Clarke tucked the box of matches back into her pack, and left the fire in search for more wood, never going far enough away that she couldn't see her fire by the fallen tree.  
  
After a few trips to gather wood, she decided that she had enough to last her the night, and she settled back down, leaning against the tree trunk and watching the fire dancing in front of her. Once again she opened her pack, dug out the single blanket that was inside it and a couple of the small ration packets she had taken from the bunker, along with her knife and gun. The rations at the bunker had been scarce, so after these she knew that she would only have enough left for another day or so, and would soon need to find a more permanent shelter and re-stock her supplies. For the moment, however, she didn't care. She had food, a fire, and a solid tree to lean against, and it was all she needed. She used her knife to cut open one of the food packets, before setting it down on one side of her, while the gun she kept on the other side, ready in case anything came out of the darkness that was quickly falling all around her.  
  
Luckily for her, the night was quiet, and nothing came out of the dark to attack her. Maybe it was because of the fire in front of her, or maybe it was just that, for the first time in months, luck was with her, and anything that might attack her was far enough away that traveling to the isolated girl made the trip not worth the effort. Either way, Clarke was alone, and it was what she wanted. 

***

Clarke did not sleep that night. Even if she had been tired, she wouldn't have let herself; there were too many dangers that could come from the dark around her, and she had no one else to keep watch, so her eyes remained opened. Every now and then she would let them close for a few minutes and leave it up to her ears to detect any signs of danger, but she would always open them again shortly after. She would scan the woods around her, or at least what she could see of them, and kept her fire fed so that the flames never died down.  
  
She spent most of the night staring into the flames, listening to her surroundings, and thinking. She thought about everyone she loved: her mother, Finn, Bellamy and Octavia, Jasper and Monty, Raven, and all of the others who had looked to her for guidance and protection. She thought about all those she had let down: her mother, Finn, Octavia, Jasper, all of the innocent people she had sentenced to death in Mount Weather. She thought about the people who had betrayed her: President Wallace and his son, and how that betrayal had cost their people their lives. Lexa, who had betrayed her only to save her own people. Clarke couldn't think about that betrayal for very long, as that betrayal made her heart ache, and every time she thought about Lexa's face when she had told Clarke that she had accepted Cage's offer, she would feel the tears begin to build up at the corners of her eyes, and she would have to wipe them roughly to keep them from really falling.  
  
Needless to say, it was a very long night for Clarke Griffin. But like every night, eventually the black began to fade into gray, and soon she was able to see farther than just a few feet past the now dim glow of her fire. Rather than wait for the sun to be up fully, Clarke put her fire out, gathered her things back into her bag which she then slung over her shoulder, and when she was sure that her fire was completely out, she began walking again.  
  
This time as she walked, she paid better attention to her surroundings. When she passed a bush that held a number of berries on it, she stopped and studied the berries before deciding they were safe and putting a number of them into an empty food pouch for later that day. Once the pouch was full, she put it back in her bag and grabbed a few more handfuls of the berries, eating them as she walked away from the bush. Later on that day, sometime in the afternoon, she stopped again when she noticed some of the edible roots that the original hundred had found when they first made it to Earth, and picked a number of them, putting them in another empty food pouch. Her stomach was grumbling, having only had the few berries from earlier, so she picked a couple more to munch on, and then continued on. She only stopped when it once again began to get dark, and found shelter this time uphill of a small stream. Once again she built a small fire pit and started a fire before she went out and collected enough firewood for the night, and this time when that was done, she made her way back down the small hill to the stream. After studying it for a moment, she decided it was probably safe, and fell to her knees, dropping the small canteen that she carried with her before scooping up handfuls of water and slurping them up greedily. She knew she must be dehydrated; she had finished all of the water in her canteen sometime that morning and had not had anything to drink since. After drinking her fill for the moment, she dunked her canteen in the stream, filling it before heading back up the hill to her fire pit.  
  
Tonight she leaned against a large rock, and once again had no plan to sleep, the dangers of the woods still very real, but after at least thirty-six hours straight of traveling and no sleep, she found that much harder to do than she had the night before. She was able to fight the heaviness of her eyelids for a few hours, instead distracting herself by eating more berries and roots. When she had finished with that, she picked up a small stick, and began drawing in the dirt around her, but eventually the stick, along with her eyelids, became too heavy, and before she knew it, she was dreaming. 

_Fire._  
  
_An explosion._  
  
_Screams._  
  
_Smoke and screams filled the air, and Clarke couldn't tell which was making it harder for her to breathe. The smoke clung to her mouth and nose, filling her lungs with this poisoned air. The fire was everywhere, all around her, and the heat seemed unbearable, nearly blistering her skin. However, the crackling of the fire was barely audible over the number of screams that filled the air. Clarke wanted to cover her ears, and for a moment she did, until she realized that it made no difference; no matter how hard she pressed the heals of her hands against her ears, the screams pierced through. She looked down as she took her hands away from her ears, and nearly screamed herself: she was standing on a pile of body parts, all bloody, many with bones piercing through the flesh that remained on them._  
  
_Looking back up from the pile of appendages she stood on, figures started to take shape, some stumbling through the flames, some already fallen to the ground near her. Most of the people were Grounders, and they were all screaming. Some screamed from pain, others from fury. To her right, she saw Indra, holding the bloody stump that was all that remained of her right arm. She was glaring at Clarke, and her scream was one of uncontrolled fury. To her left, another Grounder who she didn't know laid on the ground, screaming from pain at the large piece of metal that had pierced through his abdomen, the wound bleeding heavily. Octavia stood over him, trying to help him, but when the girl looked up at Clarke, she gasped: half of Octavia's face had blistered, the skin deep red and raw, her hair singed down to her scalp. Nevertheless her eyes gleamed, twin beacons of blame and rage. She glared at Clarke, even as the man continued to scream in pain beside her._  
  
_“What have you done?!” she cried furiously, her eyes piercing into Clarke, “How could you have let this happen?!”_  
  
_At that moment, the ground shook as a second explosion tore through the air, and Clarke watched as Octavia was engulfed in flames, her screams of fury directed only at Clarke._  


Clarke jerked awake, her breathing erratic. She looked in front of her, and noticed that her fire had started to die down. She got up, her body shaking, and grabbed a few thick sticks to throw into the fire to build it back up. Only when the flames were once again dancing in front of her did Clarke sit back down in her spot, leaning against the rock once again. Her shirt stuck to her skin, having been soaked from her sweat brought on by the dream, and she shifted against the rock, pulling the damp shirt from her skin. She forced herself to take a number of large, calming breaths, before she could shake the panic that had been brought on by the visions that haunted her whenever she closed her eyes.  
  
It hadn't happened like that. Clarke hadn't been directly in the village when the missile had hit TonDC, but it wasn't hard to imagine what it had looked like at that moment. She had seen enough of the destruction later on when she had returned to what remained of the Grounder's village, even after most of the flames had been put out and many of the people had been dug out from under all of the rubble. Octavia hadn't actually been hurt, but it was a miracle that she hadn't been, and Clarke didn't think she'd ever be able to look at Octavia again without feeling the guilt from knowing that she had all but sentenced her friend to death and it was only luck that had saved her.  
  
Sure, it had been Lexa's idea to leave the village without warning anyone about the danger that was flying towards them all, but Clarke had gone along with it. She knew that Lexa had had a point: the best way to keep Bellamy safe, and to keep the people in Mount Weather from searching for the spy among them, was to allow the missile to hit without warning any of the people remaining in the village. Knowing that it was the only way to take down Mount Weather didn't make it any easier for Clarke as she walked away from the hundreds of people who she knew she was condemning to a horrifying death, but she had done it. She had walked away, and that was only one of the many decisions she had recently made that hung heavy on her shoulders.  
  
As she stared into the fire, unable to keep herself from reliving the horrors she had allowed to happen, once again the night began to fade, and the gray of dawn began to filter in all around her. Just as she had done the morning before, she didn't bother to wait for the sun to actually rise, but rather put out her fire and began walking again as the gray morning surrounded her. 

***

For three more days, Clarke walked aimlessly through the trees. She replenished her food stores as she went, finding berries, nuts and roots to tide her over wherever possible. Once she saw a rabbit and thought about shooting it so that she could stock her meat supply, her mouth watering just thinking about biting into the meat, but decided against it. It was too dangerous to waste the few bullets she had with her, especially when there was no guarantee she would hit it with her first shot. So she lived off what little vegetation she could find and grew used to the dull ache of hunger that developed in her stomach.  
  
During the day, Clarke walked. During the night, she tried desperately to stay awake, knowing the dangers that surrounded her, and knowing the dangers of what her mind would do to her whenever she drifted off. A person can't survive without sleep, however, so every night, no matter how hard she fought against the heaviness of her eyelids, eventually they would drop, and the visions of the horrific events she had allowed to happen would appear before her, their detail agonizing. 

_The bodies lay everywhere, covering every inch of the concrete floor beneath them. At first glance it was impossible to tell where one body started and another continued. They lay on top of each other, their red sores oozing slowly at every point of contact. Clarke looked down on them and slowly began making out the details of individual bodies._  
  
_That one was the man who had served her dinner on her first night at the Mountain. He had given her a smile as he handed her her food. Now his jaw hung open, bright red blisters covering his lips along with every other bit of exposed flesh._  
  
_In the short time Clarke had been there, Clarke had heard this woman playing the piano three different times. It had always calmed her slightly, even as she tried to find a way out of there. Her crusted swollen fingers would no longer be able to press the individual keys even if there was still life running through them._  
  
_Dante Wallace lay in the middle of all of them, the bullet wound in his chest still bleeding sluggishly even though it was clear his heart had long since stopped beating. His son, Cage Wallace lay beside him, reaching out as though to touch his father, but his hand had never quite made it._  
  
_Maya lay directly in front of her, her eyelids blistered and open, her clouded gaze staring directly at Clarke._

It was Maya's stare that jolted Clarke awake, her heart racing in her chest. The images of the horrors she had created at Mount Weather were too powerful, and she could feel her empty stomach rolling, bile piling up in the back of her throat. She couldn't afford to waste what little sustenance she had been able to put in her stomach, so she swallowed, breathing slowly through her nose, forcing her sickness down.  
  
A stick snapped beyond her fire, and with a jolt Clarke grabbed her gun, standing and aiming it towards the noise all in one quick movement. Though the night was slowly coming to an end, there wasn't yet enough morning light for her to see by, but when the figure slowly stepped into the light her dim fire still managed to put off, Clarke wished the darkness would swallow her up again. Her grip on the gun tightened, her arm not lowering as she clenched her jaw hard, her nostrils flaring.  
  
“Hello Clarke,” Lexa stated as she stepped towards the fire, her gaze holding Clarke's and ignoring the gun pointed directly at her. At the short distance between them, Clarke could not miss if she pulled the trigger, and yet Lexa acted as though she didn't see the gun at all.  
  
The Grounder looked like she had when they were in TonDC, her clothes simple and her sword strapped to her back. A loose cloak covered her to keep out the chill of the night. From what Clarke could tell she was alone, but that didn't mean anything. Her warriors could be hiding in the trees, arrows and spears already pointed at the blonde. Even if she was alone, Clarke knew better than to believe she was safe. She'd learned never to let her guard down around the brunette, whether she wore war paint or not.  
  
Clarke's fist tightened even further, the grip of her gun biting into her palm.  
  
“Go away,” she growled, glaring at the other girl across the fire.  
  
“I cannot go away, Clarke,” she replied as she took another step closer, her tone as neutral as ever, and just the sound of her voice caused fury to build up in the blonde.  
  
“Get the hell away from me,” Clarke snarled, her anger evident in her tone. “Just get away.”  
  
Lexa stopped walking towards the other girl, but rather than turn away, she remained where she was, staring at the blonde.  
  
“I will get away if you return to your people,” she informed her, and Clarke frowned, her glare not leaving her face.  
  
“Why should I go back to Camp Jaha? More importantly, what makes you think I'm going to listen to you?” the blonde asked, shifting slightly in her stance but not allowing her gun arm to waiver even an inch.  
  
Lexa continued to act as though the gun didn't exist, a fact that was quickly getting on Clarke's nerves.  
  
“It is not safe for you to be traveling alone, Clarke,” the Commander told her, “Winter is about to set in, and you have not experienced anything like it before. You will need proper shelter and supplies to survive. What you carry with you will not be enough.”  
  
“What do you care what happens to me?” she lashed out, venom in her voice, and she felt a spark of pride when she noticed the other girl wince ever so slightly, the look quickly wiped off her face the next moment.  
  
“I care, Clarke,” Lexa murmured quietly, but Clarke clearly heard the words, though she had stopped believing them days ago.  
  
“No, you don't,” the blonde replied, flinging her words at the other girl. “You don't care. You aren't allowed to turn your back on me and then say you care. It doesn't work like that.”  
  
“You do not need to believe me,” the brunette told her, “I do not expect you to. But you do need to return to the safety of your people. If you remain out here on your own, you will die.”  
  
“You don't know that,” Clarke bit back, shooting another glare at her.  
  
“I do,” Lexa replied immediately. “You are already showing signs of weakening, Clarke. What do you have for food with you? When was the last time you got enough sleep to feel rested? You are pushing your body beyond its limits, Clarke, and if you continue you will push it too far.” When the blonde didn't answer, Lexa saw the flash in those blue eyes, and she knew. She had suspected it since she laid eyes on the blonde, restlessly sleeping next to her fire, but the flash confirmed her fear. “Clarke, death is not the answer,” she said quietly, and the way the blonde pulled back from her slightly told her she was right. “You do not deserve what you are putting yourself through, and I will not leave you to allow yourself to waste away.”  
  
“You walked away leaving me to die before,” Clarke accused, her voice low, nearly shaking with the emotion she tried hard to keep inside. “Why would this be any different?”  
  
Clarke watched Lexa close her eyes, watched her chest move as she let out a long breath through her nose. When her eyes opened again, Clarke was almost shocked to see true emotion in that green gaze.  
  
“I did not wish to walk away then, Clarke,” she answered softly. “You know that is true. But I had no choice. I had to make the best decision regarding my people, and I made it. This choice has nothing to do with my people. This time I am not walking away until I know that you are safe.”  
  
“I'm not going back,” was the simple reply. “I can't go back.”  
  
Lexa stared at her for a long moment and then nodded.  
  
“Fine. I have a suggestion then,” she began, but Clarke cut her off before she could continue.  
  
“And I'm definitely not going to Polis with you, or TonDC, or any of your villages,” the blonde spat, and that time the hurt that flashed in Lexa's eyes was clear, nearly making Clarke grin. Rather than letting that show, she just continued to glare.  
  
“I was not going to say you should come to Polis,” Lexa replied, holding her head up a bit higher as though to hide the hurt Clarke had noticed. “There is a cave not far from here that I know of. It can provide protection from both predators and the elements. It is also far enough away from your people and mine that you should not be disturbed by either. There you will at least have a chance of survival.”  
  
Clarke didn't answer immediately, instead mulling the idea over, though she did allow her arm to relax slightly, not completely bringing her gun down to her side, but not pointing it as directly at the other girl. Though Lexa clearly believed Clarke was trying to kill herself, it wasn't true. Or, if it was true, Clarke hadn't realized it yet. In reality, the blonde had only been roaming the way she had because she didn't really have anywhere else to go. Even just thinking about returning to any of the places she knew of felt as though a spike was being shoved through her chest, so she had walked without any plan of where she was going. Lexa was right though, as much as Clarke truly hated to admit it: if she kept going in the way she had been, she would die, if not from starvation or weariness, then from the cold when winter did finally hit. And as much as she really, really hated the idea of letting Lexa help her, this cave may just solve that problem.  
  
She wasn't ready to give in just like that, however.  
  
“Even if I agree to let you take me to this cave, what makes you think I'm going to stay there after you leave?” Clarke asked. “Unless you're planning on staying with me, in which case there's no way I'm going with you.”  
  
“You know I could not stay,” Lexa told her, raising her eyebrows slightly. “I must return to my people. And I have no way of knowing if you stay or not, I can only hope that you do. What happens to you matters to me, Clarke.”  
  
The blonde's jaw clenched again at that.  
  
“Now,” she spat, “Now that we aren't at war. Now that I've killed your enemies for you my life matters to you.”  
  
Once again something flashed across the other girl's face almost too fast to see, but Clarke managed to catch a glimpse of it. She couldn't be sure, but she thought that maybe it was shame. Or regret. Either way, it wasn't enough.  
  
“I did not want you to have to do that, Clarke,” Lexa replied softly, her shoulders drooping just a bit. “I take no pleasure from what you had to do at Mount Weather.”  
  
Clarke did _not_ want to talk about this particular subject. Just to get Lexa to drop it, Clarke dropped her arm completely and quickly grabbed the bag next to her, hauling it over her shoulder. Kicking the one burning log over so that the small flames would die out quickly, she straightened back up and took the few steps to move over towards the other girl.  
  
“Alright, fine, show me this cave,” she ordered, one hand holding the strap to her bag while the other hand remained holding her gun, clearly having no intention of putting it down any time soon. Moving closer to the other girl, she saw Lexa's gaze drop slightly and then look up to meet hers again, and her hand reached out hesitantly. Clarke tensed, side stepping the motion. “Don't,” she growled, and Lexa's hand immediately dropped to her side. “This doesn't change anything between us, Lexa,” she added, her tone hard. “The only reason you don't have a bullet between your eyes right now is because it would mean the end of my people. Don't think that me letting you help me means I forgive you because I don't. I don't forgive you. I hate you. I hate what you did, and what I had to do because of you. I will never be able to forgive you for it. So don't even try. Just lead the way so that you can leave me alone.”  
  
Lexa clenched her jaw, and Clarke could see the hurt in her eyes, but she didn't care. The brunette just nodded and turned, walking away, and Clarke followed after her. 

***

They walked for the better part of the day, all in silence. Lexa led the way, the blonde trailing behind her, and at times it was though she could actually feel Clarke's glare boring into her back. The other girl's anger was evident even just in the way she walked, and Lexa had no doubt that Clarke had meant what she said about wanting to shoot her: if Lexa's people wouldn't attack the Sky People at the death of their leader, the brunette would be dead. She believed it, and she even believed that she deserved it, but she knew that Clarke wouldn't do it. Though she had left, her people still meant everything to her, Lexa knew, and she would never be able to put them in harm's way. But just because she couldn't kill Lexa didn't mean she couldn't show her just how much she now despised the Grounder leader, from the way she glared at her to the fact that she never once loosened her grip on her gun.  
  
In all honesty, Lexa didn't care. Clarke could hate her, despise her, and even wish her dead: she was just so immensely relieved that the blonde still lived.  
  
The moment the Mountain Men's offer had left their lips, Lexa's heart had fallen back into the void it had been locked away in years ago and had only recently emerged from. She had wished with all her being that she could have simply reached out and ripped their vocal cords from their throats, ending those words before they had been uttered. But she couldn't reverse time, and the moment she had heard the offer, she knew she had no choice. She had to take them up on it for her people. She could not justify refusing it, and in doing so risking the lives of a countless number of those who looked to her to lead them. The leader of the Mountain Men had known that, and so had used that knowledge to end the alliance between Grounders and Sky People, and in doing so sealing the Sky People's fate.  
  
She would never forget the look of utter betrayal that had been in Clarke's eyes when Lexa had told her. She would always remember how her own heart had wailed in grief as she turned away from the blonde, how each step she took as she walked away had felt as though she had concrete blocks tied to her legs, her guilt and sorrow weighing her down. Once again she had let down the person she cared about. Once more she had been forced to stand back as the one person her heart yearned for faced certain death. Once more she had failed, and with every step she took as she led her people home, she couldn't help but wonder if it was at that exact second that Clarke was drawing her last breath.  
  
So when Lexa learned four days ago that the Sky People had survived, she had barely dared to hope. When she got word of a certain blonde seen walking amongst her people, Lexa's breath had nearly been knocked from her lungs. After believing for days that Clarke had been killed or was trapped and being tortured for her bone marrow, the news of her so gloriously alive was cause for celebration, even if Lexa was the only one celebrating. So it didn't matter how much the blonde hated her: it didn't matter if she never looked at her again with anything other than that glare, or if she never put that gun down around her again. She was alive, and that was all Lexa could have even dared to wish for.  
  
It was the middle of the afternoon when they reached a steep slope, Lexa leading the way up it. They climbed for a few minutes, and when they reached the top, the brunette stopped, stepping to the side so that Clarke could continue on for a few paces. She did so, scanning the area carefully.  
  
Trees still surrounded them, but the mouth of a cave stood only a few yards away. It blended in well with the slope, so that if you weren't looking for it, you might not see it, but because Lexa had seen it, Clarke saw it as well. She stepped forward cautiously, still not completely trusting that they were alone, and peered inside the cave. It was deep, much deeper than it seemed from the outside, and wide, with plenty of space to move around. In the center of the area a small fire pit had already been constructed, and on one side of the cave a stack of firewood had been piled up. As the blonde walked further in, she noted a small pile of blankets wrapped up in the back of the cave, along with a bow and a quiver filled with arrows, as well as two large baskets next to them. Carefully opening one of the baskets, she realized it was a food storage unit, with a sharpened knife resting just inside the cover. In the second she found various survival items, including a line and hook for fishing, bottles of what Clarke assumed was some kind of medicine, and a canteen for water. Taking another look, Clarke realized an extra set of clothes were even folded neatly on top of the blankets. Clearly this was not just another cave in the woods.  
  
She turned to Lexa, who had followed her and stopped just inside the mouth of the cave.  
  
“What is this place?” she asked, her nerves on edge. It almost seemed as though someone lived there, and that had not been part of the arrangement they had made. Though at this point she really should know better than to take Lexa at her word.  
  
The brunette just shrugged as she looked around, her shoulders relaxing, clearly feeling comfortable there. “It is one of my safe places,” she answered simply, taking another step inside the cave towards the blonde.  
  
“Safe places?” Clarke questioned, her confusion evident in her tone.  
  
“It was something Anya taught me while I was her Second,” Lexa replied, walking slowly around and looking at everything, as though to make sure it was all there. “She told me that a warrior should always have places set up where they can go if they cannot get back to their village or their people. If they are hurt, or if a storm or an enemy cuts them off from those they are traveling with, they must have a place they can get to until it is once again safe to travel.” She walked up to the blankets and clothes, running her fingers over them lightly. “She and I found this place, and together we made it into what it is.” She drew back her fingers and turned to Clarke, her back straightening again, almost as though she had caught herself before she could say any more than she meant to. “She and I were the only ones who knew about this cave. None of my people will find you, and I doubt any of your people will be traveling this far. You will be safe here, and you will be alone, as you desire.”  
  
Clarke nodded, though honestly she didn't really know what to make of any of it. She didn't know if she wanted to live in this cave that had been Lexa and Anya's. She definitely didn't want Lexa's help, or to feel like she owed her anything, and she hated the idea of Lexa knowing where she was, but she could admit that in a way, the cave was nice. It would be a relief to not spend every moment of the day traveling, and every moment of the night trying to stay aware of her surroundings and on the lookout for danger. And the fact that she would be alone, away from everyone she cared about and who cared about her only made it better. Even if she didn't make the cave her permanent living arrangement like Lexa wanted, she could always stay for a day or two while she regained her strength and then leave. With any luck, Lexa wouldn't find her this time, and she wouldn't have to see the other girl again.  
  
This seemed like the best plan for the moment, so Clarke turned to Lexa and shrugged.  
  
“Fine, I'll stay here,” she told her, not bothering to mention for how long, “But it's time for you to leave. I told you, I'm not living with you.”  
  
Again Lexa looked almost hurt, but she nodded.  
  
“You are welcome to anything in here,” she informed the blonde as she began making her way back towards the mouth of the cave. “There isn't much, but it should be enough for your survival. For now, at least.”  
  
Clarke didn't say anything, and in her silence she could have sworn she saw Lexa let out a silent sigh. The brunette made it to the entrance and was about to slip out when Clarke called out, “Wait.” She turned around and looked at the blonde, questioning her with her eyes. Clarke took a couple of steps towards her and then asked, “How did you find me, Lexa? No one knew where I was going. I didn't even know where I was going.”  
  
“When we got back to Polis, I sent a couple of my warriors to watch your camp,” Lexa answered honestly, seeing no reason to lie, even as Clarke's jaw tensed once again. “It was necessary to know how your people would react when they learned what had happened.”  
  
“You mean you needed to know if they would attack you, because you betrayed us,” Clarke spat, and Lexa didn't bother denying it.  
  
“It was necessary,” she repeated instead, holding Clarke's gaze. “But instead of finding out your people's plans, they saw you and the others who had been in Mount Weather return. They left as soon as they saw your people return to inform me, and then three days ago two of my hunters informed me that they had seen a lone Sky Person walking in the woods.” She paused for a moment, her gaze shifting to the cave wall. “When they described the Sky Person, I knew it was you, and I realized you had left your people. I went to the spot where they had spotted you, and then tracked your movement, finding you at your fire.”  
  
“Why bother trying to find me?” Clarke asked, her tone rough. “Why not just leave me alone?”  
  
Her words drew Lexa's gaze back to her, and once again Clarke was surprised to see the amount of emotion in them, even if her voice remained steady as she spoke.  
  
“I told you, I care for you, Clarke,” she replied. “I could not leave you to die. Not after I found out you still lived.”  
  
Clarke had no reply to that, and didn't try to come up with one. Lexa maintained eye contact for another moment, and then just nodded before she turned away. Once again however, Clarke stopped her before she could leave.  
  
“Did you send them back?” she asked, “Your warriors? Did you send them back to Camp Jaha once you knew we'd come back? Are you spying on my people right this minute?”  
  
Lexa didn't turn around, didn't need to see the accusatory look on the blonde's face.  
  
“I did,” she answered simply. “It is necessary.”  
  
Clarke's fingers clenched into fists and the hand that still held her gun trembled slightly.  
  
“Tell them to leave,” she ordered the brunette, “Tell your warriors to leave, and never send anyone to spy on my people again.”  
  
At that, Lexa did turn, twisting her shoulders so that she could study Clarke's face. She didn't mention that Clarke had left her people, that even if she told her she would, her warriors could still be there and the blonde wouldn't know. She didn't tell Clarke that she had to know if her people planned an attack on Lexa's for what had happened at Mount Weather. She didn't argue, didn't even try. Instead, she merely nodded.  
  
“As you wish, Clarke,” she replied, and then she turned again, and this time when she stepped forward, Clarke did not try to stop her, and she kept walking until she could no longer feel Clarke's glare boring into the back of her skull.  
  
Clarke watched her until the brunette disappeared in the trees and then stared after her for many minutes, her mind buzzing with too many thoughts and feelings to truly decipher any of them. Finally she just turned around and walked back into the cave, deciding that if she was going to stay for a couple of days, she might as well see what she had in her bag that she could add to what was already set up for her survival.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the support so far with this story! I'm glad to see that it seems like people are enjoying it, so far. Hopefully this chapter is able to keep that interest up.
> 
> There is a little bit of Trigedasleng in this chapter, and there will be more throughout the story. I will always put the translations in the notes at the end of the chapter, and if anytime I forget that, just let me know and I'll add it in. I'm using a Trigedasleng translator (don't you just love the internet?), so it's perfectly possible that it isn't entirely accurate, therefore apologies if any of you are fluent in the language (I am jealous if any of you are actually fluent in Trigedasleng) and see the errors.
> 
> Thanks all! Enjoy.

For almost a week, Clarke stayed at the cave, barely stepping foot outside it other than to restock her wood supplies and the food stores as they began to deplete. More often than not, Clarke simply sat at the fire pit, staring into it and trying not to think of all that had happened to her in such a short amount of time. Her time on the Ark seemed to be a whole other lifetime away, and yet in reality she knew it hadn't even been a few months since she landed on this planet. How had her life changed so completely, so quickly?  
  
She tried not to think of her people, but found it impossible to do. She wondered what they were all doing as she sat in her cave. Was Raven, and all of the others who had been drilled for their bone marrow, were they healing well? Had Octavia and Lincoln been able to settle in with the rest of their people, or did they still feel as though they didn't belong? How were Bellamy and Monty, the other two who had played a part in the destruction of the Mountain Men, how were they holding up? Did they see radiation burns whenever they closed their eyes, just as she did? Was Jasper mourning the loss of the girl he had fallen for? Was her mother blaming herself for Clarke's disappearance? Was she worried?  
  
Clarke thought about them all. A large part of her ached, yearning to return to them. They were her people, her friends, they looked to her to guide them, but she was broken. Shattered beyond repair, and no longer knew how to look at them without seeing the monster she had become. So she stayed away, knowing that she couldn't help them anymore. She had given every part of her to them, so much so that she no longer felt she had anything left in her to give. She had become empty, hollow, a shell of who she had once been, now filled only with guilt and the burden of being the one who had to sacrifice her own humanity so that her people could all keep theirs. It was a sacrifice she had made willingly, and would do again if she had to, and it was perhaps that very knowledge that kept her from returning.  
  
Each night, as Clarke stared into her fire from beneath the blankets provided for her, she thought that the next day she would leave. She would leave the cave and travel as far as she possibly could so that no one would ever be able to find her. Not Bellamy, not her mother, and especially not Lexa. She thought about getting away, about finding a spot where she could truly be alone, and she would tell herself that, yes, tomorrow she would leave.  
  
But she never did. Each night, once her fire died out and she felt herself fall into sleep, her dreams would plague her, showing her the violent images that were never far from her mind. Burning bodies. Missing limbs. Eyes staring accusingly at her, mouths crying out in pain, in anger, in fear and desperation. Guns, spears, arrows. Weapons firing everywhere, and bodies falling all around her. The people she cared about, staring up at her from lifeless eyes. The sound of a drill whirring, only to be drowned out in battle cries. Blood. Fire. Enough of both to drown an entire nation. It all came to Clarke in her dreams, forcing her to see what she so desperately tried to unsee. And so she would wake, jolted back to consciousness, her body quaking, breath barely reaching her lungs, eyes stinging with unshed tears. Each night the dreams came to her, and each night she tried to pretend they weren't slowly killing her.  
  
Because of the dreams she barely slept. If she was lucky, she managed to get a couple of hours of rest in before the visions would force her awake, but seldom was she that lucky. And so every morning as she rose from beneath her blankets, she did so with weariness, her limbs heavy, eyes tired, and even the thought of leaving the cave was more effort than she had the energy to put in to it. Instead she would build the fire back up, return to her spot next to it, and once again fail to not think of anything at all as she stared into the dancing flames.  
  
On her sixth day at the cave, she began to regret not leaving sooner when she suddenly heard a sound just outside her cave as though a large animal was moving around. She moved as silently as she could, grabbing her gun from beside her and letting her fingers circle around the grip tightly. She got up quietly, moving slowly to the mouth of the cave, unsure of what she would find. What she saw caused the nervous tension to leave her, immediately replaced with anger as her jaw tightened and her shoulders squared. Stepping out of the cave she called, “What they hell are you doing here? You're not supposed to check up on me, that's not what we talked about.”  
  
Lexa looked down at the blonde girl from atop her horse, her eyes sweeping over her, quickly taking in every detail of the girl before her. She noticed the dark circles beneath those blue eyes, saw how tired those eyes looked. She noted the tension flowing through the other girl, from the tight grip on her gun to the way she stood with her feet spread apart, as though prepared to attack or to run. She noticed the pull of her lips as they turned down into a frown, matching the glare from her eyes. All of this she noticed in a second, but she commented on none of it. Clarke did not need to be told that her body continued to weaken; Lexa knew she could feel it, and while the thought terrified the brunette, she knew the blonde would not wish to hear it. So instead she focused on the blonde's words.  
  
“I am not here to check up on you, Clarke,” she replied, then allowed herself to add, “Though I do admit, I am glad to see that you are still here.” When the blonde only glared at her harder, Lexa fought to keep her sigh from escaping, her success not doing anything to lessen her worry. “I am here to tell you that in two days I will be taking some of my warriors to Mount Weather,” she informed the blonde, and when she saw the other girl's eyes widen in shock, she continued, “The dead must be seen to, Clarke. The ways of my people do not allow for their bodies to remain behind. They must be cleansed, so that the pain of my people can be cleansed as well.”  
  
“You're... You're going back... back to Mount Weather,” Clarke repeated dumbly, her brain unable to fully process the words. Lexa merely nodded. Clarke shook her head, her eyes closing just briefly as she said, “I don't, I don't understand.”  
  
“Blood has had blood, Clarke,” Lexa replied easily, her posture remaining perfectly straight atop her horse, even as the beast began to fidget beneath her, clearly not wanting to just stand there much longer. “Now the dead must be seen to. They must burn, so that the fire can cleanse away the pain and suffering that they have caused my people for so long. I have come to you simply to inform you that the smoke you may see will be nothing to worry about. You, and your people, will be safe.”  
  
Clarke's mind raced, still stuck on the idea of Lexa returning to Mount Weather. Her eyes scanned the brunette's face, and while she couldn't entirely read it, she saw a glimpse of something in those green eyes. She frowned, trying to figure out what it was.  
  
“There's more,” she stated, her eyes still scanning Lexa's, “There's another reason. Something you're not telling me.”  
  
Lexa's face tilted a little higher, and Clarke knew it was true. She held Lexa's gaze until she saw the brunette let out a silent breath, her chest rising and then falling as she did so. Finally Lexa gave the smallest of nods.  
  
“There are those among my people who do not believe the stories,” she informed the blonde, and Clarke turned her head slightly, eyebrows pulling down. “The Mountain Men have plagued my people for so many years, many of them do not believe that you and your people could have possibly brought them down. They believe the stories to be lies and fear that your people have merely made an alliance with the Mountain Men. Those who believe this think that your people are waiting to attack us, and that you plan to wipe us out. They believe that we should attack you first, destroy you before you can destroy us.” Lexa maintained eye contact with Clarke as she spoke, reading the emotions that flew across the blonde's face. Anger. Betrayal. Fear. All the same emotions she had shown when first Lexa informed her about her deal with the Mountain Men. All emotions that cut through Lexa like a knife. “I lead my warriors to Mount Weather to see to the dead, yes, but I also lead them to be witnesses to the truth of what has happened. I lead them there so that they may return to my people's villages, to tell that our enemy has truly been defeated, that the stories are not just tales. I lead them so that the peace that remains between our peoples, however tentative it is, will remain. But before I lead my people there, I had to come to you first, Clarke. I had to make sure you knew that you and your people are safe.”  
  
Clarke opened her mouth to reply, but no sound came out. As Lexa's words continued to register in her head, the blonde simply couldn't think of anything to say. Her heart ached as she registered the true care in the brunette's words, reminding her what they had almost had before Lexa had walked away. Clarke hadn't known she'd wanted it, hadn't realized how much she had come to feel for this other girl, until she had watched Lexa's back as she had left her alone outside their enemy's door. The knife in her gut twisted then as it did now, the sharp pain simply reminding her that no matter what the brunette said, Clarke could never trust her. So rather than fall into the care laced into her words, Clarke just set her jaw, her gaze not wavering. Finally she nodded.  
  
“If your people need proof, then go,” she told the brunette. “Because if even one of them attacks my people, there will be war, and this time it won't stop until everyone from one side is dead. I took down Mount Weather; if I have to, I'll take your people down too, Lexa. I won't let my people die.”  
  
She watched as Lexa's jaw tightened, her eyebrows lifting just slightly, the threat to her people pushing past her care for the blonde.  
  
“I do not wish for that war, Clarke,” she replied, her tone as even as ever though the blonde could see a number of emotions battling in her eyes. “I am doing all in my power to prevent it from happening. My people have been at war long enough.”  
  
Clarke nodded, not saying anything, and after a second Lexa returned the nod before drawing on the reins of her horse, urging the beast to turn around and return to the path they had come from. Before they could disappear however, Lexa heard Clarke call quietly, “Lexa?” She turned in the saddle, pulling the horse to a stop. She met Clarke's eyes once again, raising her eyebrows in a silent question. Clarke paused for another second, and just as Lexa was about to turn to continue on her way, the blonde finally called, “Thank you. For the warning.” The brunette nodded once again, her emotions once again battling inside her as she saw Clarke's face soften just slightly even as her eyes remained guarded. Without another word from either of them, Lexa turned back around and flicked the reins gently, urging her horse to move once again. Clarke once again watched her disappear before returning to the cave and her fire. 

***

For hours, Clarke sat and stared into the flames, her emotions in a turmoil. Lexa and her warriors were returning to Mount Weather. Not to fight, but to take care of the dead. Even if it was only to prove to her people their enemy was defeated, they would still be seeing to all those bodies Clarke had simply left behind to rot, her need to get her people back home overpowering her need to care for the dead. She had just left them where they had all fallen, barely able to look at them. They hadn't deserved that: few of them had deserved death, and even fewer of them deserved to be left to rot away. Maya didn't deserve that. Her people, the people who had just wanted to be able to live a normal life, didn't deserve that.  
  
With a growl the blonde stood up, kicking the burning log in front of her to the side before she moved to the back of the cave, grabbing her pack and quickly filling it with the supplies she knew she would need. With a scowl on her face, Clarke left the safety of her cave, not bothering to care that the sun had begun to set. The moon would be out soon, and its light would be enough to guide her back to the hell that she hadn't been able to stop thinking about ever since she pulled that lever.

***

Lexa rode at the front of the line, Indra riding to her left behind her, with Walsh, one of her most trusted warriors from Polis, riding behind her on her right. The three rode in silence as they led a hundred warriors through the trees, the steady uphill climb doing nothing to tire their horses. With each step she could feel the warriors behind her tensing up further, but she showed a relaxed back, her shoulders squared in confidence rather than fear. If they sensed any fear from her, then they would only believe the stories further, and she could not have that. Still, it was hard to appear relaxed; though she knew her enemies to be dead, this land that they now traveled on had led to nothing but death for her people for too long, and it was impossible to erase all that history in such a short time. Nevertheless, she sat with confidence, not allowing her body to show the slightest bit of concern.  
  
Finally they broke out from among the trees, riding across the small expanse that led to that great iron door, and when Lexa saw the small figure standing before it, she allowed the corners of her lips to turn up into the smallest of smiles. Indra, behind her, did not share in her happiness.  
  
“Chit ste em doing hir?” she growled, and even without turning Lexa knew she was shooting daggers at the blonde with her glare.  
  
“Shof op, Indra,” Lexa demanded quietly, and though she was sure the woman's glare never changed, she listened, clenching her jaw tightly to keep any other words from escaping.  
  
Lexa led her people forward, stopping only a few feet away from the blonde, and even though she must have heard them approaching long before, the blonde didn't bother to turn around. Lexa released her hold on the reins, using her arms to push herself up so that she could swing one leg over the back of her horse, her feet landing firmly on the ground. She heard two other sets of boots hit the ground just before she heard the rest of her warriors begin to dismount, and held up her hand, silently telling her two followers to remain where they were. Alone, she stepped forward, moving beside the blonde as she merely continued to stare at the door in front of her. While Clarke stared at the door, Lexa stared at Clarke, her eyes taking in everything about the girl beside her. Everything about the moment merely reminded Lexa of the similar moment they had had only two weeks before. Since then, everything had changed, and yet here they were again.  
  
“You are here,” Lexa merely stated, breaking the silence between them.  
  
“I'm here,” Clarke replied evenly, her face hard as she continued to stare at the door before her.  
  
“Why?” Lexa asked, even though she knew the reason.  
  
“I killed them,” Clarke answered, her tone quiet but hard. “I should be one of the ones to put them to rest.”  
  
Lexa nodded, and then turned so that she too was staring at the door. The words, she knew, were easier said than done. Rather than say so however, she simply stared ahead of her while her small army stood behind the two young leaders, waiting for their orders. They hadn't defeated their enemy together: Lexa had not been given the luxury of that option. But together they could put the enemy to rest, forever ending the power Mount Weather had over both their people. That they could do together, and Lexa would see to it they did, just as soon as Clarke was ready to step foot back into the place where she had had to make a decision that Lexa knew had changed her forever.  
  
Her gaze flickering to Clarke once again, easily reading the hard clench of her jaw, set of her brow and pain in her eyes, Lexa felt her heart ache again for the girl, but pushed it to the side. There was work that must be done, and the fact that Clarke was here to help them did not change that. So Lexa turned, her eyes sweeping over her people. Indra and Walsh still stood next to their horses, his gaze on her while Indra continued to glare at the blonde's back, untrusting as ever. The rest of her warriors stood behind them, their own gazes going back and forth between her and the blonde. All of these warriors had been a part of the attack on Mount Weather and many of them had probably last witnessed Clarke in this exact position. While Indra looked at the blonde with mistrust, Lexa noticed that many of her other warriors looked at the blonde with respect. The realization tugged at the corners of her lips, trying to draw forth a smile. She ignored that, maintaining a straight face as she addressed her people.  
  
“You all know why we are here,” she told them loudly, speaking in English for Clarke's sake. “The Mountain Men are dead, but their bodies remain behind. With fire we will put them to rest and cleanse the pain they brought to our people. With fire we will move forward.” Her eyes scanned them all, watching as many stood straighter, others clenched their jaws, some lifted their heads. These were her people, and they listened to her as they always did. She saw the few anxious stares turn to the great iron door, now hung open when last they had been here it had been closed. There was a fear among them, a nervous hum that even Lexa felt. Behind that door was where their enemy had hunted them for decades, capturing them, draining them of their blood and turning them into monsters. The last time they had been there it had been with an army, the largest army her people had ever known. Now they stood there, a mere one hundred warriors, and not all of those warriors believed their enemy to be truly dead. It did not matter though: she was their leader, their commander, and they would do as she ordered, follow where she led.  
  
With a nod to them all she turned back around, her gaze once again going to the iron door. It was daunting just in its size, but it would not stop her this time as it had before. Without taking her eyes from the door she murmured to the girl standing beside her, “Are you ready, Clarke?”  
  
“No,” was the quiet reply from between clenched teeth, but nevertheless the blonde stepped forward and Lexa followed her, listening as her people followed her.  
  
Clarke led the way inside, taking them down hallways and corridors, and as they walked Lexa's eyes scanned all around her. Everything about this place was unfamiliar to her, and even the air felt different as she walked down the many hallways. Her fingers itched to draw her sword, feeling defenseless with her weapon strapped to her back and not in her hand, but she had to show her people she did not fear. She heard many of her people draw their own weapons, clearly unable to believe as completely in the safety of their surroundings as she had to. It was only then, at the thought of weapons that Lexa looked to Clarke's hands, realizing she did not have her gun out. Her eyes shifted to the pack hanging from the blonde's back, and the Commander felt certain that it was there that the younger leader's weapon could be found. She at least knew of the certainty of their safety, and the thought once again caused Lexa to feel a tug at her heart.  
  
After long minutes of walking, going down concrete hallways and corridors, stairs leading them further and further down until Lexa felt almost as though she couldn't breathe, her heart nearly racing as she tried not to think about how far they had gone from the surface, Clarke finally stopped outside of a door. Lexa stopped beside her and heard all of her people stop as well. The blonde stared at the door, her jaw clenching tighter.  
  
“Most of them are in there,” she whispered, and Lexa noticed her hands shake before she balled them into fists.  
  
The Commander wished to give her the time she needed, but she could not do it, not with a hundred warriors at their backs, already strung too tightly with unease. So the young leader lifted her chin and stepped forward, pushing the door open and entering the room. Clarke did not follow immediately, and the next two to enter were Indra and Walsh, Indra once again shooting a glare at the blonde that was ignored.  
  
Lexa's eyes swept over the sight before her, her jaw clenching. Bodies laid everywhere, one on top of another, red sores long since dried up but still far too evident on their skin. Flies and other bugs buzzed around, going from one lifeless form to the next. Lexa's stomach turned at the sight, but she fought it. She had seen too many horrible things in her lifetime to allow this to make her sick, but it came close. She heard murmurs from some of her people as they entered the room, but other than that it remained silent, the sound of boots against the hard floor the only sound other than the flies buzzing. The sight before them was simply too horrible for words.  
  
All of these people were dead, and all had died a death that terrified the young leader. She had grown up understanding the power of a sword or arrow or spear. She understood pain, knew that it could come easily from steel or rock or strong hands. She had been taught to respect these things, had been taught that all warriors died, that all death was painful, but that some deaths meant more than others. She understood the death of a warrior, understood taking a sword to the chest or having an arrow pierce through flesh and bone. These were all deaths she accepted, knowing that one day one of those deaths awaited her. She had been responsible for delivering all of these deaths to countless others and carried those deaths everywhere she went.  
  
This was not a death she knew, nor was it one she understood. She had felt the burn of a fire many times in her life, from the white-hot burn of heated metal to flames leaping angrily before her. That burn she understood, and she even understood the burn of the biting cold. She knew what it felt like to push through a wind or water so cold that it burned. All of these burns she knew; the burns along her enemies' skin she did not understand. Never had she heard of air being able to do this to a person, unless it was the acid fog that these very people had controlled. Now she saw the power that even just the very air had over some people, and what she saw horrified her, no matter how well she hid it.  
  
A set of footsteps moved up to her, and Lexa didn't have to look to know the blonde had finally stepped into the room.  
  
“Now your people know the truth,” she said quietly, a hard edge to her words. “There's no denying it anymore.”  
  
“I never believed otherwise,” Lexa replied, her voice also quiet. Clarke made no indication of replying, so Lexa turned to her people, many of whom were standing along the edges of the room, some of whom still stood in the hallway. The bodies on the floor were too many, leaving little room for her warriors. Her eyes landed on Indra and Walsh, nodding to them. They saw, and carefully made their way over to the Commander. “Send a third of our warriors out to begin building the pyres. They will need to be large, and there will need to be many of them. Send another five out as lookouts; just because our enemy is dead does not mean there is not other danger out there. Three more are to look after the horses. Rotate people around so that all help clear out the dead at some point.”  
  
“Sha, Heda,” they said in unison and then turned, both shouting orders. She saw a number of warriors turn and walk back down the corridor and she wondered if they weren't almost happy to be leaving this room that smelled so much of death.  
  
As they left, Lexa once again addressed those remaining.  
  
“We will take the bodies outside,” she informed them, her words as unwavering as ever. “Be gentle with them. Work in twos to lift them.”  
  
A number of her warriors nodded, and a light murmuring of “Sha Heda,” was heard, and then they began to move, breaking up into twos and beginning the long work before them. She watched as they moved, carefully lifting the bodies from the hard floor, disturbing the flies that had come to rest on them. No one talked, the weight of their work pulling on them all.  
  
Lexa turned to the blonde who still stood next to her, her eyes still hard as she stared at the sight before her.  
  
“Clarke,” Lexa began softly, but the blonde cut her off.  
  
“Let's go,” she merely said, stepping forward and leaning over the nearest body, carefully taking its wrists in her grip. Lexa watched her, her eyes briefly unable to hide her sorrow for the blonde, but then she stepped forward too, carefully taking a hold of the body's ankles. Together they lifted it, and then they followed the line of warriors back out the door and up to the surface.  
  
The two worked in silence, bringing first one body and then a second up to the surface, gently placing both of them in the pile that was building as her warriors worked on the pyre. The silence spread around them, none of her warriors having any words for the work they were doing. Their boots hit against the floor, they let out low grunts as they lifted heavy bodies, and the flies buzzed around their faces as the warriors disturbed the corpses they had chosen to settle on, but none of them spoke. No words were said again until Clarke and Lexa entered the room after delivering their second body to the surface and Clarke's gaze was drawn to two warriors lifting a body from the middle of the room. Her eyes widened before she exclaimed, “No!” She ran across the room and Lexa followed quickly, worry heavy on her shoulders at the blonde's sudden exclamation.  
  
“Don't touch her!” Clarke yelled as she reached the two warriors, her eyes not leaving the body in their grasp, “Put her down!”  
  
The two looked at the Commander and Lexa simply nodded to them and then they gently placed the body back on the ground and moved over to the next one, lifting it instead.  
  
Lexa watched as Clarke sank to her knees beside the corpse, the tremble of her chin all too evident to the watchful brunette. Her fingers shaking, Clarke reached out, gently running them through the corpse's mass of dark hair. In a glance Lexa took in the sight of the form, a girl close to their own age, her skin as burned as all the others, but the significance of this body was clear.  
  
“Who was she?” she asked quietly, and for a moment it didn't seem like Clarke was going to answer.  
  
“Maya,” she finally murmured, the pain in her voice all too clear to the brunette. “She helped us. From the very beginning, she helped us. And I killed her.”  
  
“You did what you had to, Clarke,” Lexa told her softly.  
  
“Yeah,” Clarke replied, the edge back in her voice, “Because of you.”  
  
The words were like a slap to the face, but it was a slap that Lexa knew she deserved, and so she took it. So rather than deny or try to give some sort of excuse, Lexa merely said, “We must take her out of here, Clarke.”  
  
“That's all they wanted,” the blonde whispered, her fingers still running gently through Maya's hair. “To get out of here.”  
  
Lexa had nothing to say to that, so she simply stood there until Clarke stood back up, and together they carefully lifted her up, taking her to the surface she never got to see.  
  
They worked for hours, bringing body after body to the ground. With each trip to the surface Lexa would check in with her warriors building the pyres, the pile of bodies ever-growing. Finally, on their fifth or sixth trip, one of the pyres was ready, and then Lexa pulled a number of her warriors over to help she and Clarke arrange the bodies along it. It took long minutes, and during that time those warriors who were still bringing bodies up from below ground stopped, gathering around and watching in silence. Only once they had fit all of the bodies they could on this first pyre did Lexa and Clarke step back, and suddenly Walsh was at Lexa's side, a burning torch in his hand. Without a word he handed the torch to Lexa who accepted it, the smooth wood cool beneath her palm. She could feel the heat from the fire burning at the end of it, but that heat did nothing to warm the cold within her. The bodies piled in front of her seemed to stare through her and the blame weighed heavy on her shoulders. Because Clarke was right: if she hadn't left, many of these people would still be alive. If she had stayed and fought, Clarke would not have had to kill these innocent people. Her gaze was pulled to a small body directly in front of her and the guilt pushed down on her even further. He had been just a child. Young; innocent. And now he laid before her, his skin as riddled with burns as the rest of his people.  
  
She lifted her chin, refusing to let her feelings get the better of her. With a neutral expression, she stepped forward, carefully bringing the torch down on the pyre. The dry sticks caught quickly, and just moments later the bodies were engulfed in flames, wood and flesh burning together. Together they all stood there, watching as the bodies burned away before them. No one spoke as they watched, the crackle of the fire the only noise that broke through the silence. To Lexa, the crackle was deafening, and she wondered if it seemed the same to Clarke. Seeing the blonde lift her head just a bit higher out of the corner of her eye, Lexa guessed it did.  
  
As the flames finally began to die down, the Commander looked up at the sky. The day was ending, and night was quickly approaching. She turned her eyes back to her people and noticed their weariness. Her warriors were tough, strong, able to work through anything, and while there were times she would push them, this was not one of them. She gestured once again for Indra and Walsh, and again they approached, both of their faces hard and drawn. This work was even getting to them, and to Lexa, that said something.  
  
“Split our people into groups,” she informed them. “Twenty people per group. Tell the first group to rest. They have three hours, and then the second group is to rest, and so on. Make sure to put yourselves into a group as well. I want none of my people pushing themselves too hard with this work. The dead will wait if they must.”  
  
“Sha, Heda,” they both agreed and then turned around and began to bark orders to her people, splitting them up into groups as their Commander ordered. Lexa watched for a moment as a number of warriors pulled away from the rest, disappearing into the trees.  
  
Clarke did not wait. Once the flames had died down, she turned to head back inside, just as Lexa was getting Indra and Walsh's attention. She couldn't wait: there were still too many bodies left, too many people still inside. It hurt, seeing them all, tore away at her, but she needed to keep working. She owed it to them. They were dead because of her, dead because she had needed to save her friends, her people: she owed it to them to truly put them to rest. She shouldn't have left their bodies lying on the cold concrete ground in the first place, should have taken care of them right away, but she'd had other things to worry about at the time. She'd been too busy checking on her friends, making sure they were okay, doing her best to comfort those who needed it, helping to make stretchers for those who couldn't walk: she simply hadn't been able to do anything else. And if she was being honest with herself, she hadn't been able to look at the bodies littered at her feet, hadn't been able to think about what she had just done.  
  
Now she looked. Now she saw. Now she forced herself to think about it all, and what she thought crushed her. There had been nearly fifty bodies on that first pyre: she had counted as they had piled them on, and even with that fifty, there had still been a small pile of bodies already brought to the surface that couldn't fit on it. Stepping back into the Mess Hall, she clenched her jaw as she saw just how many more bodies were left. It seemed like they had barely made a dent, countless bodies still lying throughout the room. There hadn't been more than sixty of her own people here when she pulled that lever. She had saved maybe sixty lives, and in doing so, taken at least a couple hundred: what about that was right? What made her people worth it?  
  
They were worth it, though. They were worth it, and she would do it again, and that's what scared her. She looked at the destruction, the death before her, and there was no doubt in her mind that she would pull that lever again if she had to. It was killing her, what she had done, slowly and absolutely killing her, but she would do it again.  
  
She felt someone quietly move up behind her, and she didn't have to look to know it was Lexa.  
  
“Come on,” was all she said, stepping forward, and she heard the other girl follow her without a word.  
  
They worked for hours, lifting one body after another. Clarke got used to the smell of dried blood, got used to the flies buzzing around her head, got used to the pull in her arms as she lifted the next body. She got used to the silence, neither of them saying a word as they worked. It became a rhythm, a terrible, horrible rhythm, each step the same as the one before, each body the same weight in her grip. The details were different: this one's hair was long, that one's was short. This one was young, this one was old. This one's mouth hung open, most likely having died screaming, this one's jaw was clenched shut. The details were different, but the work was the same, and the guilt was the same, only increasing with each trip.  
  
Gently the two girls placed the body in their hands on the pile, smaller now that they had just recently burned the second pyre, and then Clarke turned, ready to go back again, when Lexa's hand shot out, gently grasping her arm. The blonde turned, her eyes first going to the hand on her arm, and then turning up to Lexa, a confused expression on her face.  
  
“We must rest, Clarke,” the brunette told her quietly, “Everyone else has: now we must also.”  
  
Clarke just shook her head, telling her, “No, I'm not stopping. There's too many still down there.” She tried to pull out of Lexa's hold, but the grip just tightened.  
  
“You must rest Clarke,” Lexa insisted, and Clarke thought for a second she saw a flash of worry appear in the other girl's eyes, but it could have just been a trick of the shadows casted by the torches set up around them to see by. “Pushing yourself too hard will not help the dead. My people will keep working, but we must rest. Once we have done so, then we will continue.”  
  
Clarke opened her mouth to argue some more, but then closed it. She'd been ignoring it for hours, but now that they had stopped she could feel the exhaustion causing her muscles to nearly spasm. Her arms ached, her legs ached, and her heart ached, and while she doubted she would be able to get any sleep, she knew that Lexa was right. So she just sighed and nodded, and only then did the brunette release her grip, leading the way to the dark woods.  
  
Lexa led the way to where they had left the horses, nodding to her warrior stationed with them when he nodded to her, and then she went to her own horse, pulling two blankets from her saddle bag. She handed one to Clarke, and then they moved away from the horses, finding a couple of trees to lean against. They were not right next to each other, but they were close enough that Lexa would know if any of her people tried to attack Clarke. She doubted it would happen, her people clearly having developed a kind of respect for the blonde and knowing that it would mean their death, but she felt better being close. Her mind still too focused on the work she had done all day and would have to get back to in just a few short hours, Clarke didn't say anything about the nearness of the trees, instead just taking her backpack from her shoulders and dropping it to the ground beside her. They settled down against the trees, the blankets covering them now, each lost in their own thoughts and too preoccupied to even try to talk to the other.  
  
Clarke had been wrong: the moment she settled against the tree and closed her eyes, she fell asleep, her exhaustion not allowing her to remain awake, and this sleep remained blessedly undisturbed by images of any of the many things she had done to put her there against that tree.  
  
Lexa listened, noticing the change of the blonde's breath as she fell asleep, and she smiled softly before closing her own eyes, allowing herself to drift off as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed! Feel free to let me know your thoughts; I love reading them!
> 
> Translations:
> 
> "Chit ste em doing hir?" - "What is she doing here?"
> 
> "Shof op, Indra." - "Be quiet, Indra."
> 
> "Sha, Heda." - "Yes, Commander."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter three! Sorry it took a little while: I meant to upload this last night, but it was my birthday and I ended up hanging out with a few friends and watching "The 100" (perfect, right?), so by the time I got home it was late enough that I needed to get to bed. :P But thanks for the feedback so far; I've got a few ideas from readers about how I should go about figuring in the Trigedasleng and am taking all of those suggestions into consideration. Luckily there isn't any in this chapter, so I still have time to think more about it. So thanks for that, and I hope you enjoy chapter three!

The sun had risen above the treetops by the time Lexa awoke, her mind rising moments before her body. She remained against her tree for a long minute, her eyes closed as her mind worked. She did not need to remind herself of where she was: the tree at her back was reminder enough. Nor did she need to remember what it was she was doing there, her muscles all protesting as she shifted, trying to get some feeling back into limbs that had gone numb after being in one position for too long. The ache of her muscles was not a new sensation for the young leader: she had learned as a young child the trials that go hand-in-hand with putting the dead to rest, had long since known this ache. She shifted again, feeling the pull against her limbs, the dull pain in her back and neck from spending so much time the previous day hunched over, but banished the aches from her mind. They were not worth thinking about. They would pass, as all pain did, but she had much more work to do before that could happen.  
  
Finally opening her eyes, Lexa frowned, her gaze subconsciously going directly to the tree Clarke had leaned against only a few hours before, getting her own rest. Now the tree remained, but the blonde was gone, as was any trace that she had been there, and Lexa felt a pull of worry in her gut. She could not have been attacked or injured: Lexa was a light sleeper, and nothing had stirred her slumber. Still, the worry pulled at her, and it was that worry more than anything else that got her to her feet, her blanket now slung over her arm as she slid her sheathed sword once again across her back. Her face remained blank as she walked back to the horses, merely nodding to any of her people she came across, but on the inside she feared, the missing blonde never leaving her thoughts. As she tucked her blanket once again into her saddlebags that fear subsided slightly when she noticed the blanket Clarke had used already folded neatly and returned to the bag, and next to it Clarke's pack. Still, her worry wouldn't completely leave her until she found the blonde, could assure herself that the other girl was safe, so she walked as quickly as she dared back to that giant iron door that led to so much terror.  
  
Breaking through the trees, Lexa had to clench her jaw. She had only slept for a couple of hours, and yet the pile of bodies on the ground waiting for their turn in the fires had increased, one piled on top of the other so that they were again difficult to count. Even as she walked forward, she watched as her people in their pairs continued to slowly trickle out the door, bodies held as carefully as they could be between them, only to be placed among the pile. Again Lexa was reminded of how different everything would have been if only she hadn't been forced to take that deal the Mountain Men had offered, and again the guilt she felt sprang up, eating away at her. She would not let the guilt destroy her, had learned long ago that actions have consequences, and that life and leading meant living with those consequences, but even knowing that she could not completely quell the guilt within her. Still, she would not let her people witness her guilt, instead holding her head high as she looked around.  
  
Another pyre was almost completed, meaning that soon they would be able to burn the pile even now still growing as another set of her people gently laid another body among the rest. She made her way over to the pyre, her gaze drawn to the large piles of ashes and scorched bones that lay on the ground from the previous burnings, not allowing her eyes to linger long. She wished to find Clarke, yes, but at the moment she had to be the Commander, had to see to the work that still needed to be done, and so would have to put off her worry for the blonde for the moment as best she could. So with just a simple nod to her people building the pyre she bent down, grabbing one of the large logs they had cut down, wrapping her arms around it before she stood, carrying it with her. She didn't say a word and none of her people tried to speak to her, all of them working in a solemn silence as they worked to finish the pyre. In a short while they had completed it, and then they moved over to the pile of corpses, breaking up into twos and carefully lifting the bodies to be transferred to their final resting place.  
  
As they moved, her people working inside the mountain stopped when they stepped outside the great iron door, watching their Heda and her crew set up the next pyre. Lexa paid little attention to them, her focus not leaving her work until she saw a flash of blonde out of the corner of her eyes. She looked up even as she and one of her warriors carried the corpse between them to the pyre, and found Clarke working with Ryder to add the body they carried between them to the now somewhat diminished pile. The two stopped along with the rest of the warriors, turning to watch as the next burning was set up, and Lexa could feel Clarke's eyes following her. She knew it was really the bodies that she carried that held the other girl's attention, but she couldn't help but hold her chin up higher under that watchful gaze.  
  
At last they had piled as many of the bodies on the pyre as they possibly could, and once again Lexa was handed a burning torch, the girl accepting it without even really seeing who handed it to her. Her back straight, head high, she once again stepped forward and lit the structure before her, the wood quickly catching, and again she and her people all watched as the bodies of their enemies burned before them. Only when these bodies had also turned to a pile of ashes and bones did they move again, all either returning to the mountain or beginning to build the next pyre.  
  
Lexa handed the torch to one of her warriors and turned, finding Clarke still staring at what now remained of the burned bodies. Her forehead was drawn, eyes overly bright, the pain in them obvious. Her fists were clenched at her sides, her back just as straight as Lexa's. Finally without a word she turned around, once again disappearing into the mountain, and Lexa followed, choosing to return to the work of carrying bodies rather than to help with the next pyre.  
  
At least, she had planned to return to carrying bodies to the surface, but when Clarke, once again inside the mountain and walking down a concrete corridor, took a sudden turn where before they had gone straight, Lexa frowned and followed. She kept her distance, understanding the blonde needed her space, and kept her footsteps even, not trying to hide her presence from the other girl. If she wanted to, the blonde could turn and tell her to stop following her, to leave her alone, and she would, but until that moment she would remain behind Clarke. The younger leader never turned though, never told her to go away, so Lexa continued to follow her, her confusion evident as they continued down new hallways and steps the brunette hadn't taken before.  
  
They turned a corner and Lexa's eyes were drawn to a couple of bodies on the floor. These were not the bodies of children or the innocent: these were warriors, the guns lying on the floor beside them as much proof as the wounds that had killed them. Their bodies had not been burned. Instead they had been killed in battle, obvious sword wounds the cause of their deaths. Lexa believed Clarke would stop beside them: she didn't.  
  
She didn't stop, simply walked by them, and so Lexa did not stop either, instead making a mental note to have her warriors get them and take them to the surface along with the rest of their people. She walked by them, and continued to follow Clarke as the blonde made her way down the hallway, turning every now and then to a new hallway, and soon Lexa had lost track of where they were, too much of her focus on the blonde. These concrete walls all looked the same to her, and she hoped that the blonde knew where she was going.  
  
Lexa soon found that she did, the blonde finally stopping by a set of doors. Hesitating for just a moment Clarke reached forward, pushing the doors open, and then she stepped inside, Lexa following her. The brunette's gaze swept around the room they were in, taking in all of the details at once. A battle had been fought in this room, but this was not a room that had ever been meant to see battle. Beds were set up, a couple turned over, furniture spread everywhere, much of it in broken shambles on the floor. Splashes of blood painted the concrete beneath their feet and as her eyes flickered to the corners of the room she saw a few more bodies hidden amongst the damage.  
  
“My people lived here,” Clarke stated suddenly, her tone hard, eyes straight ahead. Lexa looked to her, but the blonde did not turn to meet the look. “The Mountain Men told them, told us that we were safe here, and they gave us this room. And then when my people realized what was going on, this is where they first fought back. I'm told they won, for a while. They were able to hold their own, only losing a couple. For a while.” She went silent again, and Lexa had no words, nothing to say to the blonde, so she remained quiet. For another moment they stood there, taking in the sight before them, before Clarke turned and left the room through the same door they had entered from. Lexa followed, letting those doors swing shut behind her, and once again Clarke led down numerous halls that left Lexa wondering just how deep into the mountain they were going. Finally they reached another door, and this time Clarke did not hesitate. With her teeth clenched tightly together she pushed the door open, and Lexa followed her into a new room.  
  
Warriors laid among the dead on this floor as well. They too had guns lying beside them, their clothing the uniforms that had not been worn by the innocent, but these bodies had not been killed in battle. The burns riddled their bodies, covering their skin just as thoroughly as they had covered the dozens Lexa had already seen. She let her gaze linger on the bodies for just a moment, before she took in the rest of the room. It was a prison of some kind, that much she could tell from the hooks and shackles on the walls, and this room too had blood splattered along its floor. Mostly the blood was on the table in the middle of the room, and it was this that the blonde stared at.  
  
“This is where they took them,” she said, her tone trying to remain even, but Lexa could hear the pain and fury behind her words. “Once they were captured, this is where the Mountain Men took my people. They chained them to the walls,” she pointed to the small cuffs, as though the brunette hadn't seen them, “And then they picked one person at a time to strap down to this table.” Clarke walked over to the table, and this time Lexa didn't follow her, instead remaining where she was even as her eyes followed the blonde's every movement. The blonde moved to the other side of the table, where a tray lay with various items on it, and picked one of the items up, her finger pressing against a button and suddenly the tool came to life, a whirring noise hissing from the instrument as its end began to spin impossibly fast. Clarke didn't take her eyes off the tool as she continued. “When the person was securely strapped to the table, one of their doctors would take this drill and use it to dig into their flesh, going into the bone so that they could get the marrow. They would go through the hip, the leg, the knee, wherever they wanted to, they didn't care, just so long as they got what they wanted. The person was awake for the entire thing. Until they died, at least. They felt it all.” Clarke's finger moved from the button and the tool stopped its whirring, but she didn't put it down. She looked at the table as she said, “Raven was on this table.” Her voice shook slightly when she added, “My mom was on this table. Cage put her there after I shot his father. My mother was tortured because the leader of the Mountain Men wanted to get revenge on me.” Suddenly she dropped the tool as though she couldn't bare to touch it anymore and it crashed against the floor. The sound that it made as it hit the floor was the only noise for a moment, Clarke too lost in the memories of what she had seen to say anything, and Lexa not knowing what to say.  
  
Lexa saw the blonde's jaw clench further, her eyes closing briefly, and she took a single step forward, needing to say something, so she simply murmured, “Clarke...”  
  
“No,” Clarke growled, her tone rough, but part of that the brunette knew was just her trying to keep her emotions in check. She opened her eyes and met Lexa's, and the Commander saw the anger and shame in them. “No,” she repeated, her voice quieter this time as she shook her head once, moving away from the table and back towards the door. “There's somewhere else you need to see.” Lexa merely nodded, closing her mouth and holding her head high once again before she followed the blonde back out of the room.  
  
This time as they walked Lexa paid even less attention to where they were going and more attention to Clarke. The blonde's back remained straight, rigid, and her shoulders were squared, but Lexa could practically see the guilt she was carrying on them. She wished desperately for something she could do to ease the other girl's burden, but she knew it was a burden that no one could lift but Clarke. Her heart ached for the other girl, and the guilt gripped at her gut, but there was nothing she could do but to follow where the blonde led.  
  
After a number of turns they once again passed the warriors lying on the floor in the hallway, and this time Clarke stopped just briefly, bending down and searching through their pockets, her fingers withdrawing with a small rectangular card gripped between them. She stood back up, and without another look at the bodies she began again, Lexa following along behind her. They turned another corner and then stopped in front of a door where Clarke scanned the card in front of a little box on the wall, and then Lexa nearly jumped when she heard a humming and groan, and then the door before them opened on its own. Clarke stepped inside and a moment later Lexa followed, her head still held high. Once she was inside Clarke pressed a button on the wall and the metal box groaned again, and suddenly it was moving. Lexa felt the muscles in her calves clench just as her jaw did, but she did not let her nerves show. Finally the box stopped and the doors opened again and Lexa gladly stepped out of the small room after Clarke, her jaw only then loosening.  
  
They did not walk far this time before Clarke stopped in front of another door, and when she held the card up once again to another little box on the wall, Lexa felt her muscles tense up again, but this time the doors merely opened to another, larger room. This room was not metal, as the one that had moved had been. Instead this room had a concrete floor just as the rest of Mount Weather had, and its ceiling sloped above them, creating almost a dome. Beds lined this room, but unlike the first room Clarke had showed her, these beds remained upright, well-made still, clearly well-kept. As they stepped inside lights flickered on around them, and Lexa heard a quiet humming come on. Her eyes scanned the room, noticing all of the equipment lining up beside each bed and the pipes that ran along the walls.  
  
“This is Medical,” Clarke spoke quietly, her words carrying easily across the room. She walked further in, moving between two of the beds, and Lexa followed, still keeping her distance from the blonde. “This is where the Mountain Men came whenever they were hurt. Whenever they were burned.” She stopped for a moment, closing her eyes, and when she opened them, Lexa could see the other girl working to control her expression. “They called it their 'treatments,'” she informed the brunette, for the first time looking directly at Lexa, and Lexa met her gaze and then followed the movement of her hand as she pointed various things out as she continued. “When someone had radiation burns, they would come in here and lie in one of the beds. They would be put to sleep, and then the doctors would hook them up to these tubes.” Clarke's hand moved, her fingers raising to point at the plastic tubes hanging beside the bed, and while Lexa's eyes followed the movement, the blonde didn't take hers off of Lexa. “They didn't feel anything, but their blood would filter through the tubes, to be replaced with the blood of your people.” Lexa felt her nostrils flare, her brow suddenly turning down in a harsh frown. She followed Clarke's fingers as they rose again, pointing to the metal pipe hanging off of the wall. “The tubes run through there, out of this room, and into the Harvest Chamber, where they kept your people. Your people would be knocked out, hung upside down, and then be attached to the tubes as well, and their blood would be used to treat the Mountain Men.”  
  
Lexa's fingers clenched together into tight fists, the intensity of the action causing her fingernails to dig into her palms painfully, but it was just one more pain she pushed aside. “Show me,” she ordered, no longer content to simply follow Clarke. The leader within her had been awoken by the blonde's words, and she needed to see for herself the horrors that had just been described to her.  
  
“You won't like it,” the blonde warned, her tone almost soft, but she stepped out from between the beds and returned to the end of the room, passing Lexa. Her eyes moved to a large, heavy looking iron door at the end of the room. “Once you see it, you can never unsee it.”  
  
“Show me,” Lexa ordered once again, her tone that of the Commander of the Grounder Army, and then Clarke turned away from her, her entire attention going to the door she now stood before. Again she held the card up to another box and with a beep Lexa heard the door creak, beginning to open. Clarke reached out, her muscles heaving against the heavy door, and pushed it the rest of the way open, and then stood back, this time letting the Commander go first. The brunette did, her head high once again and shoulders squared, and she passed Clarke quickly, stepping into a new room.  
  
The moment she did, she felt the fury within her take over. It gripped her heart, the heat from her anger melting away any of the cold guilt she had been feeling up to this point. Her nostrils flared again as her eyes burned, pure hatred now consuming her. She stepped forward, and it was all she could do not to wail out her anger and grief.  
  
The room was lit by an unnatural blue light, and yet the horrors of the room were all too clear. She stepped forward, eyes drawn to the thick chains hanging down from the ceiling, some kind of binding hanging from the end of each, and it was clear that these were the chains that her people had been hung from. Below the chains, sticking out of the bottom of the walls were the other end of the plastic tubes, the chains clearly placed so that they could be near enough the tubes to make it all easy for the Mountain Men. Her eyes swept away from the chains as she stepped forward, her fury only building with every step. Before her were cages: countless, small, metal cages. She did not have to ask to know that it was these cages her people had been kept in, and as her angry gaze looked around the room, she had a hard time breathing past the fury burning in her lungs. Her eyes were pulled down, finding another body lying between the cages, and for a moment she felt a sense of satisfaction in seeing her enemy lying dead before her in this room that had been used for so many years to kill her people.  
  
Her people had been placed in cages. For as far back as any of them could remember, they had been hunted like prey, and this is where those unfortunate enough to get caught had been kept. They had been beaten, broken, tortured and then used as blood supplies, hung upside down and drained until there was nothing in them to drain. Used until they became useless.  
  
“This is where I found Anya,” Clarke murmured, coming up behind Lexa, and this time it was Lexa who could not look at Clarke. The blonde moved between the line of cages before them, her eyes falling to the man on the floor, stepping around him carefully, before she stopped by one of the cages, kneeling down in front of it. Her hand moved up, fingers curling around the thin metal of the cage. “All of these cages were full,” she continued, still looking into the empty cage before her. “The people inside them...” she trailed off for a moment, closing her eyes. When she spoke again, she did so quietly, obvious pain in her voice. “I'd never seen anyone look so defeated before. They were all dying. I knew they were Grounders by their tattoos, but Anya was the only one I actually recognized. When I saw her here...” she trailed off again, this time speaking again sooner. “When I saw Anya in this cage, I realized that our people weren't so different. We were all just human. All just scared. She was the only one I could save though. I didn't have any choice; I couldn't help anyone else.”  
  
Lexa wasn't listening to Clarke. The blood was pumping too loudly in her ears, her rage taking over completely. Everything around her caused her heart to cry out. The chains. The cages. The metal hooks hanging from the never-ending ceiling. For generations her people had ended up here, locked away in these cages. For generations her people had been turned into monsters or drained for their blood. Warriors. Healers. Hunters. Innocents. The children of her people had grown up fearing the very real stories of the monsters living inside the mountain, and now Lexa was finally seeing what those monsters had been doing all those years. There wasn't a person she knew who hadn't been effected in some way by the Mountain Men. All of her friends growing up had known someone taken by the Mountain. Gustus's brother had been taken. Indra had lost countless of her people to these monsters. Anya had been taken. Even her-  
  
With a snarl of fury Lexa drew her sword in one quick, fluid motion, and then she quickly moved to the tubing sticking out of the wall, bringing her sword down on them all one at a time. The slice of her blade bit through the smooth plastic easily, the tubes all falling to the floor below with barely a sound. Without a look back Lexa stormed back into the other room, her rage making her momentarily forget about the blonde behind her, keeping her distance from the ferocious Commander. Lexa stepped back into the peaceful looking medical area, but her fury caused her to see nothing but the pain her people had suffered. She moved to each bed, going straight for the tubing hanging from the wall beside each, her sword again easily slicing through the plastic and causing it to all fall around her feet. With each swing of her sword, Lexa merely felt her heart cry louder, the pain and fear of generations running through her. She got to the last bed and cut through the tubes, and then because she still had so much anger inside her she swung up at the pipe sticking out of the wall, her strength merely denting it at first. She kept swinging at it, and soon she could see the dent growing, before she finally pierced through the metal and the tubing inside it. She stormed back over to the first bed, again swinging at the pipe and the clangs rang out in the room as the steel of her sword came into contact with the metal of the pipe.  
  
“Never again,” she snarled, almost as though she was talking to the room itself. Her sword came down on the metal again, piercing it much in the same way as she'd done at the other end of the room. “Never again will my people endure this. Never again will I allow my people to be used like this.”  
  
“You're right,” she heard Clarke call from the door, and only then did she stop swinging her sword, her eyes still glaring into the metal before her as she looked at the damage she had caused. It still wasn't enough. She wanted to destroy it all, everything the Mountain Men had used to hurt her people, she wanted it broken beyond repair. Her chest heaved, her breath coming in short gasps more from her anger than having tired. “Your people never will have to endure this again. But it's not because you cut up their equipment. It's because these people are dead. These people, the ones you made a deal with, are dead, and that's because of me. You didn't destroy your enemy, Lexa; I did.”  
  
The Commander's eyes fell closed, her brow drawn as her lips curled down. She opened her eyes again only as she turned, finally facing the blonde. She found Clarke staring at her, an accusation written across her face that Lexa had seen hiding away every time she had looked at her since that fateful night when she had walked away. It was no longer hidden as it had been before, only escaping every now and then. Now it was clear, an obvious blame that the blonde placed on the brunette, and Lexa felt the fury grip at her chest once again. Because it was her enemy that had caused that accusation to arise in those blue eyes. As a last desperate and calculated act, her enemy had presented her with an option she could not refuse no matter how much she had wanted to, and with that option they had severed any bond that could have formed between the two young leaders just as entirely as if Lexa had been hung by her ankles and drained of her blood until dead. Her enemies had lost, but they had also won, and that knowledge was easily eating away at the Commander.  
  
After a long moment, Lexa replied quietly, her tone still hard with her anger, “I did not wish for that, Clarke.” She closed her eyes again, and this time didn't even bother to try to hide the pain on her face. The only one before her was Clarke, there was no one else to see her weakness, and with all the fury inside her from this place and the knowledge of what had happened to her people, she did not have the strength to try to hide her pain from the blonde. She opened her eyes, directly looking at Clarke as she did so, and she saw the blonde's brow crease, her eyes still hard even as she shifted slightly under Lexa's gaze. “There is nothing I wish more than for that deal to have never been offered to me. There is nothing I wish more than for you and I to have been able to take down our enemy together.”  
  
“Wishes don't come true, Lexa,” Clarke snapped, her tone hard. “Not on Earth, at least.” All Lexa could do was nod, because it was true and she knew it. “Now come on.” Clarke turned, once again walking into the room with the cages, and Lexa almost snarled again just thinking about the room. Nevertheless she followed the blonde, shoulders squared as she once again walked through the doorway, her back rigid and sword still in her hand. She stepped through and saw Clarke already leaning over the body between the cages. Again Lexa nearly snarled, because while before she had felt guilty in seeing all the bodies piled up around her, now she could feel nothing but her fury for all of these people who had used her own people so cruelly for so long. Still, she stalked over to the body, remaining upright. In so many ways now all she wanted was to leave the body here along with the rest, no longer caring about putting their souls to rest. They cared nothing for her people, so why must she care for theirs?  
  
Clarke looked up at her, seeing the brunette glaring down at the body. She pointed to the man's forehead, telling her, “Look.” Lexa did, her hard gaze following the movement of the blonde's finger. “He was shot. That means that his own people killed him. He was trying to help my people when his own shot him. Maybe trying to help both of our people. He was innocent.”  
  
“None of them are innocent, Clarke,” Lexa growled, her glare never wavering. “They are all guilty.”  
  
“The enemy does what they must to survive, just as we do,” Clarke echoed, the words hitting Lexa and reminding her of the time she had spoken those same words to the blonde. At the time they had been at war and now they were at peace, and yet in so many ways that time had been so much simpler.  
  
Finally Lexa just nodded, giving in to the lesson she herself had taught the blonde, and then she re-sheathed her sword across her back before she leaned over also, carefully wrapping her fingers around the man's ankles as Clarke did the same with his wrists. Together they lifted him, carefully carrying him into the medical room and then quickly turning to the hallway. As they left the two rooms, Lexa closed her eyes again, those images forever ingrained in her mind as Clarke had promised they would be, and the only thought that gave her any relief was the knowledge that those cages would never again hold any of her people in them. At long last her people were free of the nightmare that had haunted them for generations, and it was that thought that managed to break through the fury still gripping Lexa's heart. The rage was still there, but it had lessened, and she knew that while it would never fully leave her, at least she would be able to set it aside in order to continue this work she had led her people to accomplish.  
  
They had to once again go in the moving metal room, and once again Lexa's muscles stiffened as the floor below her feet began to move, but soon it had stopped again and Clarke led the way out, soon turning down a hall and leaving it behind them. They had farther to carry this body, the room with the cages much farther away from the iron door than the majority of the bodies were, but finally they were stepping through it again, the sun finally hitting their skin, and Lexa closed her eyes once again, taking in a deep breath of the fresh air. Just that was enough to calm her down, and she felt her face falling back into its neutral expression, hiding away any lingering traces of fury or pain.  
  
While they had been gone the pile of bodies had grown once again, and the next pyre was nearly completed so the two stayed at the surface after gently placing the body amongst the pile. They would have helped finish the structure, but Lexa's people seemed to be in a rhythm, each knowing what they needed to be doing, and getting involved would only disrupt that rhythm, so they merely stood and waited, Lexa's other people moving to stand around them as they too returned to the surface, many with bodies to add to the pile. Finally this pyre too was complete, and then Clarke and Lexa helped the warriors move the bodies to the pyre, once again unable to completely transfer the entire pile over, and once again Lexa was handed a burning torch. This pyre went up as easily as the ones before it, and soon a new pile of ashes and charred bones littered the ground along with the rest. This time however the small chill of guilt that ran down her spine as the flames engulfed the bodies before her was barely noticeable, the heat from her fury and satisfaction nearly matching the heat from the burning pyre. Those flames shone in Lexa's eyes, and as she watched the bodies burn before her all she could think about were the hundreds of cages somewhere below their feet that had been used for generations to lock away her people, all of whom were only now getting their justice.  
  
It was years late, and she had not been the one able to give those souls the justice they deserved, but she hoped they all could rest easier now, knowing that their enemy had finally been destroyed just as thoroughly as they had destroyed them. Her people, both alive and dead, deserved that justice, and even though that justice came at a steep price, she was glad that they finally had it, and she would pay it again if she had to; her people would always come first, no matter what her heart wished for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! As always, I love hearing what you think, so please feel free to leave a comment or message me! For those who don't know, I'm on tumblr as clarkethewanheda, and love hearing from people there as well. Thanks!


	4. Chapter 4

As the flames died down to embers and smoke, the ashes and bones littering the ground before them, the majority of the warriors turned back to the mountain, once again disappearing inside its dark doors to return to the room where bodies still waited to be brought to the surface. Lexa and Clarke turned with the warriors, following them through the large doors, and this time they didn't veer off into a new direction. They returned to the first room, finding far fewer bodies lying on the concrete ground now that four pyres had been burned, and yet still far more remained than either girl could truly stomach. Each pyre had held nearly fifty bodies, and still so many more waited to be burned. Clarke had to close her eyes, trying to keep her emotions in check. They'd burned over two hundred already, and still had so many to go. She had killed so many people to save so few, and just the thought of it caused the bile to rise in the back of her throat.  
  
She swallowed it down, not allowing her body to expel her guilt the way it naturally wanted to, and opened her eyes again, quickly stepping over to a body still on the floor. This body was small, just a young child who had been as innocent as a person could be, so she carefully lifted him into her arms, not needing or wanting the help in carrying him. Lexa watched her and then gently lifted the little body that had been beside the boy, perhaps his sister, one who was maybe a year older than him and yet still so young, and together they turned back to the door even as Lexa's warriors continued to walk through it. They carried the bodies to the surface, both of their hearts heavier than the weight they carried in their arms. Even Lexa, the fury still burning inside her, felt the guilt pull at her heart. None of her enemies had been innocent, and yet had these two children really done anything to be her enemy? They would have someday, she knew, had they been allowed to live; as they grew, they would have become what their elders were before them, and would have continued to take and torture her people. Until then though they had merely been children, young and, yes, innocent, and yet they had paid for their elders' crimes just as thoroughly as those who'd truly been guilty had.  
  
They carried the small bodies to the surface, adding them to the pile of bodies that never seemed to truly diminish, and then they made their way back into the mountain. As they worked together to carry another body up to the ground, Lexa's emotions battled inside her. The images of the dead flashed before her eyes, seeing the young and innocent as well as the old and guilty. These images fought behind her eyes, fought with the images of hundreds of cages stacked up one on top of the other, of chains hanging from the ceiling. The images battled for her attention, and as they battled, so too did the guilt and fury within her. Those dead had been the ones to take her people for so many years and lock them in those cages, and yet the mass death before her still managed to pull at her, the guilt once again growing, its ice easily battling the fire of the fury within her.  
  
None of this was acceptable. She was the Commander: it was her duty to protect her people at all costs. The responsibility of making the choices that effected all of her people fell to her shoulders alone, and she did not have the luxury of being able to wallow in the consequences of those choices. Her emotions did not matter, nor could she ever let them control her as they fought to do now. So whether the fury or the guilt won inside her, it made no difference; neither could she show, neither could she allow to appear on her face as her people looked to her, their own emotions shining at her from their eyes as she passed by them. They had the luxury of being able to feel those emotions, and perhaps even Clarke did too, her own pain and guilt obvious from the pull of her brow and turn of her lips. She almost envied that luxury, but again, envy was not an emotion she was allowed to feel. So she simply kept her expression controlled, ignoring the pain from Clarke, the wonder and terror from her people, and continued to work.  
  
Before long they were burning the next pyre, once again all work stopped so that all could watch the dead burn. After that the sixth pyre was built faster, her people building it having fallen into a quicker rhythm after putting together so many others that day, and soon it too had bodies piled on and around it, flames eating away at dead flesh, licking at bone and turning it black as dark gray smoke swirled into the sky, burning the eyes of those who watched. Before the flames had even all died down, the seventh pyre was being built, her warriors trudging into the woods to find more wood, to cut down more logs to build a structure just as large as the ones that had been built before it. Seeing her warriors getting to work already, Lexa turned, Clarke right behind her, and led the way back into the mountain once again, more of her warriors following the two leaders.  
  
Reaching the room she had now become all too familiar with, Lexa looked around, her eyes scanning what was left before her. Only a couple dozen bodies remained now, the end of their long work nearly in sight. She remembered the warriors they had walked by when Clarke had shown her all of the rooms where both of their people had been kept, and turned, eyes scanning her people.  
  
“You ten,” she spoke, gesturing to a small crowd of warriors just entering the room. They straightened up, their attention all directed solely on her now, and waited for her orders. “You will come with us,” she stated, and a few of them nodded, all still waiting for further instruction. She turned to Clarke then, the blonde who was once again not looking at her, eyes too focused on the dead still lying on the floor, and murmured, “We must see to the warriors who are not in this room. Their bodies must burn as well.”  
  
Clarke nodded, her hard expression not changing, and then she turned abruptly, walking past the warriors waiting for their Heda. She nodded to them and then followed Clarke, hearing her warriors follow her.  
  
The small group walked silently down the concrete corridors, their footsteps the only sounds they made as they moved. They reached the two bodies of the warriors in the hallway first, and two of her warriors stepped forward, carefully throwing the bodies over their shoulders rather than carry one between them. Lexa nodded to the two warriors who returned the nod before they turned around, walking back the way they had just come from. Her warriors all had great senses of direction, and so she didn't worry about them getting lost in this gray maze, and yet she allowed her eyes to linger on them until they made it to the end of the hall and turned back around the corner they had just come from. Only then did the Commander turn, her head once again held high, and Clarke began again, leading the way to the first set of doors she had shown Lexa. The dead in here were few, and so half of her warriors broke off, stepping inside the room and getting to work with those bodies before Clarke and Lexa turned away, those remaining following them once again. They finally reached the door to the room where Clarke's people had been kept and tortured, and they all walked inside, Lexa's warriors taking a quick look around before they got to work. Lexa was about to step forward and help, when she felt a hand grab at her arm, fingers curling around it tightly. She turned, raising her eyebrows at Clarke, noticing her warriors freeze and look to them out of the corners of her eyes. She saw one man shift slightly, his eyes on the hold the blonde had on his Heda, and noticed his hand move slowly to the knife he had strapped to his waist. She shook her head almost imperceptibly, and he stilled.  
  
“There's one more,” Clarke said quietly, either not noticing the silent exchange between Lexa and the warrior, or just ignoring it. “Let's go.” She turned then to the warriors in the room, still all watching the two young leaders, and told them, “When the others are done with the bodies in the last room, have them help you with these bodies.” Each warrior turned to look at Lexa, their expressions clearly questioning her rather than listen to orders from this Sky Girl, but Lexa simply nodded to them. They returned the nod and then got to work, bending down and starting to pick up the bodies on the floor. Only then did Clarke move, dropping her hold on the other girl's arm and turning back to the door they had just stepped through, Lexa following her as they returned to the hallway.  
  
Clarke led them to a hallway Lexa had not yet been down, and again the only sound around them came from their footsteps. The Commander's eyes scanned the hallway as they walked, always alert, but she saw nothing but concrete and doors as they moved. Finally Clarke stopped in front of one of the doors and pulled the little card from her pocket, having held on to it from earlier, and held it up to another box on the wall. The box beeped, and Lexa heard a click from the door before Clarke reached forward and pushed it open. She stepped inside the room, and Lexa followed, her eyes quickly taking in the details around her. There were screens and buttons everywhere, a large desk and a couple of chairs, and the mechanical whirring in this room was even louder than it had been in the medical room Clarke had shown her. All of the technology around her was new to Lexa, and her eyes moved to the many screens on the walls. From them she could see her people working in both the last room they had left and in the main room where the majority of the bodies had been, and she felt her eyebrows pull down, not understanding.  
  
“What is this?” she asked, stepping forward.  
  
“They're monitors,” Clarke explained, mirroring the step to stand beside Lexa. She pointed to the largest screen in front of them showing the main room before she added, “There are cameras set up in most of the hallways and some of the rooms. The leaders of the Mountain Men used them so that they could always know what was going on with their people. When Bellamy and Monty showed me this room, the cameras showed us what was happening to my friends.” She turned to a screen to their side and Lexa followed, seeing the few warriors they had left still clearing out the smaller room. “I could see it all. I saw my friends hanging from the wall, saw Raven on the table, saw what they were doing to her.” Her eyes were focused on the screen, more likely remembering what she had seen the last time she'd looked at it than seeing what was there now, and then she turned, looking at the monitor before them that showed Lexa's warriors working in the main room. “I could also see all of the Mountain Men,” she said, a pain in her tone that Lexa couldn't help but hear. “I could see all of their people, all gathered together. They clearly had no idea what was going on. They were relaxed.” She paused then, having to swallow in order to control her emotions. “They had no clue the danger they were in, no clue that an army had been outside their doors or that my people were in a room just down the hall, all waiting to have their bone marrow forcefully removed. All waiting to be killed. They had no idea that their leader had put them all in danger. No idea that I stood right here, trying to think of a better way to save my friends.” She looked over to the side, and Lexa followed the gaze, finding a man's body lying on the floor, his eyes open and staring at the ceiling above him. He was old, his hair white, and a bullet wound had pierced his chest, ending his life. His skin showed no hint of blisters.  
  
“Dante Wallace,” Clarke murmured, and Lexa stiffened. She remembered the name; Clarke had finally been able to put a name to her enemy when their two people had called a truce, and it was a name that Lexa would forever remember, and now she even had a face to put with it. “He was the one who came up with the idea to make the deal with you.” Lexa's lips turned down, a small snarl escaping them. Clarke turned to her, her eyes hard, the pain in them obvious, but her tone remained even. “He knew you,” she said, “Knew you would accept the deal and walk away. He knew you would desert me and my people. His son thought that would be the end of it, that I would give up, but I think he knew better.” She turned back to the body on the ground, her eyes meeting his dead stare. “He wasn't a bad person,” she said quietly, her tone expressing how much she believed that, “He was just as much stuck in this war as any of us. His son was the one who had decided to take my people's blood and then bone marrow. He never wanted that. He even helped us, for a little while. According to Bellamy, at least. He helped us, but I shot him in order to try to get his son to let my people go. It didn't work.”  
  
She turned again, now looking at the desk before them, at a lever that seemed to hold her gaze. Lexa followed the look, her eyes tearing away from the man lying on the floor, her heart finding no sympathy for him the way that Clarke's did, and turned to look at the lever also, though why she didn't know. She soon learned though, when after a moment of quiet Clarke murmured, “I warned Cage. I told him that if he didn't let all of my people go, I would irradiate level five. I warned him that I would kill everyone in here, if he didn't release my people. He didn't listen. Instead he put my mother on that table and began drilling her for her marrow. So I pulled the switch. I pulled the switch, and then watched as hundreds of innocent people burned to death.” She closed her eyes, remembering the moments following her action. She remembered watching as the people on the screens doubled over, screaming as the red blisters appeared on their skin. She had watched as they all burned, and she had done nothing to try to stop it.  
  
Her eyes opened again, and she turned back to President Wallace's body on the floor. She stepped over to him, her hard gaze unable to look away from his open eyes. She remembered the look on his face both before and after she had pulled the trigger, remembered the words he had said to her.  
  
“None of us has a choice here,” she whispered, the words as fresh in her mind as though this dead man were saying them with her. “Those were some of the last words he said. 'None of us has a choice here, Clarke.'”  
  
“He was wrong,” Lexa stated, her eyes also on the body on the floor, and at her words Clarke was finally able to tear her gaze from Wallace, blue eyes turning to look at Lexa. The Commander stepped up beside the blonde, her eyes not leaving the body on the floor, and Clarke saw the fury hidden behind her eyes as she looked at the man responsible for so many years of torture to her people. “We all had a choice, Clarke,” she continued, her tone even, controlled. “He chose to continue a war that started years ago, chose to kidnap both of our peoples, and then chose not to stop his son. I chose to take the Mountain Men's deal, chose to walk away from you and your people. And you chose to kill your enemy in order to save your people.” It was only then that she tore her gaze away from Wallace, turning so that she could look into the blue eyes looking at her. Her tone softened only slightly when she continued, “What none of us has is freedom from the consequences of our choices. The consequences for his choices was the knowledge that all of his people would die because of what he and his son had done. The consequence to your choice is the guilt you still feel eating away at you, that you will continue to feel even when you leave this mountain.”  
  
“And you?” Clarke spat, anger clear in her words. “What were the consequences of your choice, Lexa?”  
  
Clarke watched as Lexa's eyes scanned across her face, the pain suddenly all too obvious in them, and Clarke wanted to look away but couldn't. Her anger dissipated slightly at the look, her own eyes scanning the Commander's.  
  
“My consequence was believing for days that you were dead, that those I had made a deal with had killed you,” the brunette murmured, “The consequence that I live with now is that very look I see whenever you look at me.” For the first time Clarke heard her speak solely as a girl, a girl whose heart had been broken, no trace of the Commander in her tone or on her face. “I live with the knowledge that you will never again be able to trust me, that when I turned my back to you, choosing our enemy's promise over the truce we had made, I destroyed whatever could have been between us. That is the consequence of my choice.”  
  
Clarke's throat burned, the absolute guilt and hurt in Lexa's tone effecting her, but she fought against it. She knew that the other girl hurt, knew that she hated what she had had to do, but Clarke's anger and the betrayal she still felt were too powerful for her to be able to let the other girl's pain break through her. She still couldn't look at Lexa without thinking about how if she hadn't left, Clarke wouldn't have been forced to pull the lever at all. The blonde's guilt was another consequence of her actions, and Clarke couldn't forgive her for that. So rather than say anything to Lexa's words, she looked away, clenching her jaw to get control of her emotions again, and then moved over to Wallace's body.  
  
“Come on,” she said, not looking at the brunette, “We should get back to work.”  
  
She assumed that Lexa nodded but didn't look up to see it, and then felt the body move as the other girl wrapped her hands around its ankles. She did the same to his wrists, and then they were lifting the body between them as they had done with so many others, leaving this room and the words they'd spoken there behind.  
  
They moved through the hallways again, passing the room where they had left the warriors behind, and before they moved past Lexa carefully placed the body in her hands down before walking into the room, finding her people lifting the last of the bodies from inside it. She nodded, as much to herself as it was to her people, and then returned to the hallway, lifting the body again and following Clarke's lead as they continued down the hallway. When they finally made it to the surface once again it was dark, the sun long since having left the sky, and torches were set up, lighting the area around them. As the two young leaders moved through the iron door, Lexa noticed Indra see her, and then the older woman approached them, shooting a glare at the blonde before turning to Lexa. She and Clarke placed the body of the Mountain Men's leader on the pile, and only then did Lexa turn to Indra.  
  
“We have removed all of the enemies from the Mountain, Heda,” the woman informed her, and Lexa was almost surprised when she chose to speak in English rather than Trigedasleng. “The final pyre is almost finished as well.”  
  
“Good,” Lexa replied, giving her a nod. “Instruct more warriors to help, so that it can be done sooner. This pyre will have to be larger than the others, in order to fit all of the remaining bodies on it.”  
  
“Sha Heda,” Indra said, her eyes as fierce as ever as she nodded, and then she turned around, yelling to some of the warriors standing around and drawing them to her.  
  
Lexa's eyes swept around them, taking in the pyre being built, pile of bodies near them, and warriors around them, and then she turned once again towards the door. She trusted Indra's words, but she needed to see for herself that their work was almost done, so once again and for what she hoped would be the last time she entered the mountain, feeling Clarke following her.  
  
They walked the now familiar walk to that first room, stepping through the doors and looking around. A couple of her warriors still lingered there, but as her eyes swept the room it was clear that all of the bodies were gone. She was about to turn once again when some movement from the warriors still there caught her attention. One of them was holding a knife, its blade shining in the light of the room, the handle gold, and it was clear from the way he looked at it that he thought to keep it.  
  
“Put it down,” she ordered, her tone low but carrying easily to him and the others. They all turned to her and he dropped the knife back to the table, shoulders squaring back. She moved to them, looking at the items lining the tables and walls around them. Much of it was food, now molded and filled with flies, but more of it was beautiful, silverware and plates, cups and picture frames, all manner of items that the Mountain Men had had to themselves for generations. She reached her people, still looking at all that was around her, and informed them quietly, “No one is to take anything from this mountain. All of this is our enemy's, was used by those who took our people and turned them into Reapers or used them for the blood within their bodies. We will leave it all here, as we will leave the memories that have haunted our people for so long.” They all nodded to her and then left, leaving the room and all that was in it for the last time.  
  
Clarke, who had watched the whole thing, stepped up beside Lexa, her eyes also taking in everything around her.  
  
“Is that smart?” she asked, her brow still drawn. “Some of this stuff could be useful for your people.”  
  
Lexa turned to Clarke and raised her eyebrows at her.  
  
“If you wish to have any of it, then that is your choice, Clarke,” she informed the girl. “You are not one of my people, I will not tell you what to do. However my people will not take that which belonged to our enemy.” Her eyes once again scanned the room, adding, “We have all that we need, and nothing in here is important enough that I wish for it to come into our villages. But if you want any of it, then go ahead. Perhaps some of it will be able to help you survive better on your own.”  
  
Clarke's teeth clenched, eyes still looking at the stuff around her. Lexa was right; some of this stuff would be good to have, would make surviving easier. But the idea of taking any of it, of bringing any of it back with her as yet another reminder of what she had done, wasn't something she could stomach. She thought that perhaps that was one of the reasons Lexa didn't want her people taking any of it either, but didn't say anything. Instead she just shook her head and then tore her eyes away from it all, moving back to the door.  
  
“Coming?” she called over her shoulder, the only response she could give the other girl. “The last pyre's probably just about done.”  
  
Lexa nodded even though Clarke's back was to her, and then she followed the blonde out of the room, letting the door swing shut behind them both for the final time.  
  
They returned to the surface, meeting the last of Lexa's warriors who had been left in the room where Clarke's people had been tortured, carrying the final two bodies between them. They all walked through the iron doors for the last time, and the warriors moved directly to the now completed pyre, laying the bodies there rather than putting them in the pile. Clarke and Lexa moved to the pile and helped the warriors already there, transferring the bodies from the pile to the pyre. Finally the last body had been moved and for the last time a torch was handed to Lexa. She felt the eyes of all her people on her as she stepped forward again, dipping the flames of the torch to the pyre, the dry sticks catching just as quickly as they had for the previous six burnings. She stepped back as the flames began to grow, and a hundred warriors watched as this final pyre burned, the flames eating away at that which had been meant to feed it. They all stood in silence, watching and listening to the crack and snap of the fire.  
  
Long minutes later, and it was over; the final of the Mountain Men had been burned, and that which they had set out to do had been accomplished. Once again Lexa felt the gaze of all her people on her back, and so she turned to address them all. Her eyes swept over all of them, finding rigid shoulders, high chins, and proud eyes.  
  
“Our work is done,” she spoke at last, “Our enemy is forever gone, never to hunt our people again.” A murmur went up which quickly turned into a cheer, the relief to them all nearly palpable. Only Clarke and Lexa herself remained quiet, Lexa's expression neutral as Clarke tried to keep hers the same, the pain in her eyes only obvious to Lexa. The Commander gave her people the moment however, knowing that they needed it after all their hard work, and she tried not to see how their cheers effected the blonde. Finally she held up her hand, and all went silent just a moment later, her people's attention once again on her. “You have all done good work,” she informed them, her pride for them evident in her voice, and she saw many of them shift, standing even straighter than they had been. “And now you deserve a rest. It is late: we will wait until morning to begin the trek home. We will move to the trees, and we will eat and rest. All of us must regain our strength before we may return to our people and tell them of what has been done. Go.”  
  
One by one and then in small groups her people began to trickle away, walking past the many piles of ashes and disappearing into the trees. She watched them go, nodding to them all as they left, and then the only people left standing with her outside the door to the mountain were Indra, Walsh, and Clarke. She turned to Indra and Walsh, telling them, “Choose a few of our people to set as scouts. I will have no surprises tonight.” They both nodded to her and then left quickly to obey her orders. Only once they were gone did Lexa turn to Clarke, her expression softening only slightly.  
  
“It is dark,” she stated, “And you have worked as hard as any of us. You are welcome to stay with us tonight, Clarke. Stay, eat, and regain your strength. I will take you back to your cave tomorrow. It is partially on the way back to Polis anway.”  
  
“You don't have to do that, Lexa,” Clarke replied, her tone tired, and with their work done Lexa could see the droop of the blonde's shoulders.  
  
“I am aware of that,” she said, “But I want to. I still wish to know that you are safe, and if you leave now you will not be. It is too dark, and there are too many dangers in the dark for you to travel alone. And I will be able to get you back to your cave faster, if you come with me in the morning. My horse will get you there far sooner than your feet will be able to.”  
  
A part of Clarke wanted to argue, still distrusting the girl before her and not wanting any help from her. But she was tired. Her body was tired, her mind was tired, and her heart was tired, and the idea of walking back to the cave at all, especially in the dark, was too much effort to even think about. So instead of arguing, the blonde merely nodded, giving in, much to Lexa's surprise. The Commander didn't allow that surprise to show, however, and just returned the nod.  
  
“I must check in with some of my people,” she informed the blonde. “The horses are still where we left them, and your pack should still be with mine. You are welcome to the blanket you used last night as well. If it is alright with you, I will come by shortly to check on you. You have no need to fear; none of my people would dare attack you. You are safe.”  
  
Clarke nodded once again, quietly murmuring, “Thank you,” before she turned around, trudging to the woods. She heard Lexa move behind her, but didn't look to see where she was going as her footsteps disappeared. She was too tired to care about anything other than getting her pack and finding a place to sit down.  
  
She walked through the trees and passed a number of Lexa's warriors, too tired even to notice the respect in their eyes when they nodded to her as she passed them. She simply returned their nods and made her way over to where all of the many horses were picketed, quickly finding Lexa's. She gave the horse a gentle pat, and then felt herself lean against the large beast, her forehead pressing against its side. She closed her eyes, and all she could see were radiation burns and faces. She felt the few tears fall past her clenched eyelids, and then angrily shook her head, wiping her eyes with her shirt sleeve. She couldn't think of that now, couldn't let the people around her see how much she was hurting, so she just moved to the saddlebags and riffled through them until she once again had her own bag on her back and the blanket she'd used the night before hanging over her arm. With another pat to the horse she walked away, trying to find a spot to sit that was far enough away from everyone else that she wouldn't have to feel anyone's eyes on her.  
  
Finally she found a spot, a new tree to lean against, and she slung her bag off her back and sat down. Her head fell back against the tree, and her eyes looked up at the few stars she could see between tree branches. A lifetime ago she had lived among those stars, and in that life her only dream had been to go to Earth someday. If she could talk to the girl who had lived that life, she would tell her to be careful what she wished for.  
  
Her thoughts were only interrupted a while later when she heard heavy footsteps moving towards her. She looked away from the sky, her head tilting back down as she thought about how she should have taken her gun out of her bag before this. Lexa had said she was safe, but how much could she really trust Lexa's words? Someday she was going to have to finally learn that lesson.  
  
Today was not that day though. The darkness around her made it hard for her to make out faces, but by the firelight that someone had started many yards to her side she was just able to recognize the man walking towards her. Ryder took another few steps forward, his hands held up in front of him holding something, and he nodded to her, his eyes looking down respectfully.  
  
“Wanheda,” he began, and Clarke's brow pulled down at the strange term. “You must be hungry. I have brought you something to eat.” He held the bowl he carried out to her, and she stood up, reaching forward to accept it. Taking the bowl, she caught a whiff of meat and vegetables of some kind, and she realized it was some kind of soup. He also handed her a small pouch full of berries, and she accepted them both, touched.  
  
“Thank you,” she replied, her genuine tone telling him how much she appreciated it. He nodded to her and then turned around and left her to be alone and she sat once again, this time with the soup warming her hands.  
  
The smell of the soup made her stomach growl. She hadn't realized she'd been hungry until this moment, but then she thought about it and remembered that she hadn't eaten anything all day. She took a small sip of the broth, the heat of the liquid warming her up, and then took another sip, her eyes closing. She ate most of the soup and half of the bag of berries before she stopped, placing both beside her. She was still a little hungry, but decided to give her stomach some time to digest what she'd just fed it before she gave it anymore. Once again she tilted her head back, but rather than look up at the stars she let her eyes fall closed, her exhaustion getting the better of her.  
  
She was on the border of sleep and consciousness when everything she had done came back and hit her full force. The sight of the bodies all piled up on one another, red blisters covering their skin. The sound of flies buzzing back and forth between one corpse to the other. The scent of burning flesh as the flames licked at the bodies within them. It all came back to her, and along with it came a rolling in her stomach, and a moment later Clarke was on her feet, running to some bushes, putting more distance between herself and the warriors in the trees so that they wouldn't hear her. The soup and berries came back up, the acrid taste of stomach acid coating her mouth, and then her body continued to rebel, finally having its way after she had pushed it aside so many times. She heaved into the bushes, the muscles in her stomach clenching as bile rose up her throat, no longer having anything else in her stomach to throw up. She heaved again, wincing in pain as her body protested everything she had done, and then she felt hands pull her hair back away from her face, one then falling to rub gently along her back.  
  
“Easy,” Lexa murmured, her voice soft, and although Clarke didn't turn around it was almost as if she was whispering in her ear. “Do not fight it. Your body is doing what it must. Do not fight it.”  
  
Clarke heaved again, her eyes clenched tight. The last thing she wanted was for Lexa to see her like this, the shame of her sickness washing over her, but at the same time the gentle strokes on her back were helping to calm her down just as much as the whispered words were. Lexa continued to murmur them until her heaving had stopped, but once it had Clarke couldn't look at her.  
  
“I wish you hadn't seen that,” she croaked, her throat dry and the acid still burning against it. She felt the hand on her back move, and the next moment she saw her holding out a canteen from the corner of her vision.  
  
“Rinse your mouth out and spit, and then take slow sips,” Lexa informed her, and while she already knew all that, she accepted the canteen without a word and did as she was told. As she carefully rinsed her mouth out and spit the water into the bushes, Lexa continued, “There is no shame in getting sick, Clarke, especially once the work is all done. Your body is merely expelling that which it has seen. In many ways it is good.”  
  
“I don't think I'll be really getting rid of any of the things I saw for a long time,” she whispered, her eyes clenching tightly again before she stood up, taking a slow sip of the water. Opening her eyes again, she turned to Lexa, meeting the other girl's look and seeing the worry in them. “Here,” she said, holding out the canteen, “Thanks.” The brunette accepted the canteen, her eyes studying Clarke's. Even in the dark she could see the pain she was trying to hide in them.  
  
“You should rest, Clarke,” she finally said, her voice still soft, “Your body is exhausted from all you have done. Rest, and you will feel better.”  
  
“Wouldn't that be nice,” Clarke mumbled, though whether she was referring to resting or feeling better, Lexa couldn't tell, and then the blonde just sighed. She walked past Lexa and returned to the tree that still had all her stuff next to it, and then sat again, pulling the blanket up over her. Out of the corner of her eyes she saw Lexa move as well, sitting down and leaning against a tree just a few yards away, but she didn't say anything. The two sat in silence for a long moment, each lost in their own thoughts, when Clarke suddenly asked, “What does 'wanheda' mean?”  
  
Lexa stiffened against her tree, quiet a moment before she turned, looking at the blonde.  
  
“Where did you hear that?” she asked the other girl.  
  
In the darkness she saw Clarke shrug slightly before saying, “It's what Ryder called me. He brought over some food for me and called me 'Wanheda.' What does it mean?”  
  
The news was a surprise to the leader of the Grounders. She'd heard the term before, but it had been many years before her current vessel had been born since anyone had earned that title. It was a great honor, but she doubted the blonde would think so. She remained quiet for another moment before she answered quietly, “'Wanheda' translates to 'Commander of Death,' or 'Death Commander.'” She paused a moment before adding, “It is a great honor, and a title that has not been used for many years. If my people are calling you Wanheda, then it means they greatly respect and fear you. It means that they see you as more than just the leader of the Skaikru.”  
  
They sat in silence for a moment, Lexa straining her ears to hear anything from the blonde, trying to read her reaction to the words in the dark. Finally she heard Clarke murmur, “Commander of Death. Sounds about right.”  
  
There was too much self-loathing, too much pain in the blonde's voice for Lexa to remain silent.  
  
“It is meant in honor,” she repeated, trying to ease the blonde's troubles, but her words had no effect on the other girl.  
  
“Sure. Honor,” the other girl said, and again Lexa couldn't ignore the pain in her tone, but this time she could think of nothing to say that would do anything to ease her pain.  
  
Clarke thought about the title, thought about everything she had done to earn it, and she hated it. She hated it, but she knew it fit her. She had been responsible for the death of all the people they had burned that day, and killed hundreds more as well. She had become the Commander of Death, and there was nothing she could do to change that. Her heart was heavy, the blood of hundreds of people forever staining her hands, and she knew that nothing she would ever be able to do would make up for that, so she didn't even bother to try to think of a way to wash it off. Instead she just clenched her teeth again, trying to stop the few tears from streaking down her face, but if Lexa noticed them, she didn't say anything. Ignoring them, Clarke closed her eyes, leaning further against the tree, and slowly felt herself drifting off.  
  
For the second night in a row, Clarke didn't dream, her exhaustion too much to allow anything to plague the rest she so desperately needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! As always, feel free to let me know your thoughts. I don't actually know the exact translation of "Wanheda," I just remember when the title of the first episode of season three was release, a lot of people on Tumblr were speculating that it basically meant "Commander of Death" and that it was in reference to Clarke, and I thought that fit really, really well, so that's what I went with. So if that's incorrect, I apologize. And also AHHHHHH!!!!! Who else is freaking out over the season three trailer?! Can it please be January 21st? Because I am so very, very ready for it!!!


	5. Chapter 5

With her eyes still closed, Clarke could pretend the light hitting her eyelids was from the fluorescent lighting on the Ark. She could ignore the shuffle of leaves and dirt around her and pretend that all she heard was the mechanical hum of the many machines always working to keep their space station floating, keep them all alive. She could even pretend that in a moment she would hear her father start his usual, horribly off-tune humming, deciding that she had slept late enough. After a few seconds her mother would shush him, and Clarke could picture the grin he would give her before he simply changed his humming to singing, the singing even more off-tune than the humming had been. Her mother would scold him until he grabbed her waist and pulled her close to him, turning them both into a dance, and soon her mother would just be laughing, both parents ignoring her as she protested the loud wake-up call. It had all happened so many times, it was almost too easy to picture.  
  
But she wasn't on the Ark anymore. There was no more mechanical hum, no more fluorescent lighting. There was no more humming, no singing, no matter how off-tune, from her father anymore, because her father was dead. He was dead, and her mother hadn't laughed in... Clarke didn't know how long. Probably since before her father had decided to go public with the news about the mechanical failure. There was no more happy family, no more happy moments. Now there was just Clarke, the daughter who'd chosen to walk away from her mother because just looking at the woman who'd given her life caused her stomach to churn, the guilt just too great. There was just her.  
  
Her, and a Grounder army of one hundred warriors. She could hear them, moving around in the trees, shouting back and forth to one another in a language she still didn't understand, and she wished that they could have just disappeared in the night. She wished that somehow they could have left, that she could be alone, even before she truly woke up. But they hadn't, they were still there, and wishing they weren't wasn't going to do her any good, so she just let out a sigh before she finally opened her eyes.  
  
And of course the first thing she saw when she did so was Lexa. Lexa, looking at her, and the look the Commander was giving her caused a whole flood of emotions to war within her. She wouldn't think about those emotions though, wouldn't even allow them to fully take form within her thoughts, so she just pushed them aside as she looked away. She winced as she stretched beneath her blanket, her body protesting against all the work she had done the day before. Every one of her muscles was sore, from her arms and legs, to her back and neck. Even her stomach muscles hurt when she moved, reminding her of the very short period of time her dinner had remained in her stomach the night before, and she grimaced as she registered the taste in her mouth leftover from her time heaving into the bushes.  
  
“Here,” she heard Lexa say, and turned to see the Commander rise, moving over to her with her hand out, offering the blonde her canteen once again. Clarke took it, disliking the taste in her mouth more than she disliked accepting something from the other girl. She took a long swallow of the water, only partially washing away the taste, but it was something at least. “You must eat as well,” Lexa added, holding out a bowl of some kind of porridge that Clarke hadn't noticed before then. This Clarke didn't take for a moment, eyeing the food, even as she felt the hunger pang shoot in her stomach. She noticed the almost silent sigh the brunette let out, before she moved down, balancing on her toes as she sat before Clarke. “You must be hungry, Clarke,” she murmured, looking down at the bowl in her hands. “None of us ate much yesterday, and what you ate ended up in the bushes. Please, take it. It will help you to build up your strength.”  
  
Finally the blonde just sighed, unable to refuse her stomach anymore, and with a slight roll of her eyes she accepted the bowl, only taking a bite once Lexa had moved away from her again. She sighed, her eyes closing as the warm mush made its way to her stomach. It was good, and the two different kinds of berries mixed into it only made it better.  
  
Lexa watched her eat for just a moment before she said, “I am glad you like it. I must go check in with Indra and Walsh. We will be leaving shortly, but until then I will leave you alone.”  
  
“Good,” Clarke replied, not looking up from the bowl in her hands, not needing to see the flash of hurt across Lexa's eyes to know it was there. The brunette merely nodded, pushing the hurt away, before she turned around, walking away to leave her alone as she had promised.  
  
Clarke ate all of the porridge and easily could have eaten more, but she wasn't about to go find Lexa or any of her warriors to ask for it, so once the bowl was empty she just placed it down beside her. She sat there for a few moments, just listening to the nature around her, every now and then interrupted by a shout from some warrior, and tried to just focus on what was around her. If she stayed focused on that, maybe she could put off thinking about what she'd done the day before. So for a while she just sat there, spending most of the time watching a squirrel race down the trunk of a tree a few yards away and then scurry across the ground, looking for nuts and other food, simply trying not to think.  
  
Finally she decided that if they were going to be leaving soon then she should probably relieve herself before they got started, and so got up, wincing as her body once again protested the movement, and then began walking farther away from the many warriors near her. Once she was far enough away that she couldn't hear or see any of them, she found a bush to squat behind, sighing in relief as she felt the pressure that had built up in her bladder release. Once done, she returned to her tree, leaning down to grasp her bag before she secured it to her back once again. She then reached down and grabbed the blanket and bowl, throwing the blanket over her arm before she turned around and began the short walk back towards the Grounder warriors. This time as she passed them, she noticed the looks in their eyes as they nodded to her, a few of them murmuring “Wanheda,” as she passed. The name hit her just as it had done the night before, but she just pushed the feelings aside.  
  
All of the warriors around her seemed to be getting ready to leave. A few stood next to the fires that had been built, putting them out. Others packed up blankets and cookware, securing both to their horses' saddlebags. Some simply stood and watched, eating jerky or berries for their own breakfast before they too began to pack up. Clarke could feel the eyes of all of them on her as she walked by, but she ignored them just as she ignored the title some of them used on her. She simply walked by them all, heading to where the horses had been kept while they worked, assuming that was where Lexa's horse would still be.  
  
She was right. As she stepped through some bushes, she found the white horse standing roughly where she had seen it the night before, but this time others stood nearby it. Lexa held the horse's reins, but her attention was on Indra and Walsh and Ryder, all who stood by her, listening to her orders. Clarke saw green eyes shift to her as she approached, but she didn't meet them, nor did Lexa stop speaking with her warriors. She was speaking in Trigedasleng, and none of what she was saying were the few phrases the blonde had been able to pick up on, so she didn't even bother trying to understand. Instead she just moved to the other side of the horse, ignoring both Indra's glare and Ryder's respectful watch, and she shrugged her bag off of her shoulders. She placed the blanket over her arm back into Lexa's saddlebag in the spot that had been left for it, and then carefully attached her own bag to it. Once done she remained turned towards the horse, her hand moving up to once again pat against its side, still trying to ignore everyone around her. Finally Lexa finished speaking with the three warriors and they all moved away to their own horses standing nearby, quickly mounting up. Clarke heard a number of warriors follow their lead, but her attention remained focused on the footsteps she heard moving over to her. She turned around to find Lexa standing beside her, her eyes scanning the blonde's face. Clarke picked her chin up, meeting the Commander's look, keeping her face as blank as possible. After a moment of eye contact, Lexa nodded, and then grabbed the horn of her saddle and easily pulled herself up on the horse's back, before reaching a hand down to Clarke. The blonde eyed the offered hand for a moment, disliking the idea of being so close to the other girl for as long as it was going to take to get back to her cave, but all of the warriors around them were watching, and Clarke knew this was the fastest way to get back. So finally she reached forward and grasped the offered hand, allowing Lexa to pull her up on the horse.  
  
Clarke shouldn't have been surprised by the other girl's strength, and yet she was. She barely needed to help the brunette at all before Clarke was atop the horse and sitting behind the Commander, her front nearly pressed against the other girl's back even if she was trying to keep some space between them. She didn't particularly want to be touching Lexa, her anger with the other girl still too strong for her to want to be so close, but when Lexa flicked the reins and the horse began moving, Clarke reached out inadvertently, her hands going to Lexa's waist as her body jostled from the movement. The brunette didn't say anything, barely even made any show that she had noticed, and Clarke left her hands there, deciding that it was better than taking the chance of falling off of the horse. Lexa had already seen her throwing up; she didn't need to see her falling off a horse too.  
  
The Commander tried to ignore the slight grip that suddenly appeared at her waist, but she couldn't completely ignore the way her heartbeat picked up the moment she felt those fingers press against her. She could keep any of those feeling from appearing on her face, however, and did, instead holding her head up a little higher as she guided her horse forward. She looked around at her warriors, all watching her movement, and then nodded to them, flicking her reins once again as she urged her horse forward. Indra and Walsh fell in on either side of her, their horses remaining just a few steps behind Lexa's, and then the rest of her warriors fell in behind them. It was time to leave this mountain, once and for all.  
  
The small army traveled for many hours, putting as much distance between them and the mountain as they could, as quickly as they could. Their enemy was dead and burned, but Lexa knew it would be many generations still before her people could travel to that place without the memories of its horror clouding their minds. The further they got from that place of pain and suffering, the more she felt her people relax. Before long she could hear the murmurings coming from many of them, finally comfortable enough to talk to one another as they traveled. Soon she could hear laughter coming from a few of them, and with the laughter it was as if the last traces of fear and nerves left the army. She could feel the weight lifting off all of their shoulders, and allowed the corners of her lips to turn up. This is why she had brought her people on this mission: now they could all relax, knowing their enemy was truly gone, and they would spread the word to the rest of her people, and hopefully that would settle any unrest that remained among them. She felt the tight grip at her waist shift slightly, and her eyes fell closed for a brief minute. _Please let it settle the unrest_ , she thought, her thoughts going out to the universe and whatever being might hear and accept them.  
  
Clarke also felt the shift among the warriors, but she couldn't feel the sense of easiness that they all suddenly seemed to feel. Her mind was back in the mountain, still stuck on all of those lives she had taken. When she wasn't focused on the many bodies, her mind drifted to her own people, the ones she had chosen to save, the people she cared enough about to once again become a mass murderer. They were only alive because she had chosen that their lives were worth more than the almost four hundred who had been born in that mountain. She had decided who got to live and who had to die, and thinking about that made the palms of her hands nearly tingle. Without meaning to, she gripped Lexa's waist harder. It was a power she had never wanted. It was a position she hadn't asked for, and yet being the Wanheda is what she had become.  
  
It was nearly mid-afternoon when Clarke was jostled out of her thoughts. She looked up when Lexa urged the horse to a stop, unaware of how little she had been paying attention to her surroundings. The brunette had stopped them next to a large river, and as Clarke looked around she could hear all of the warriors stopping behind them, all going quiet as their Commander turned her horse towards them. Indra and Walsh both urged their horses a few steps forward, closing the distance between them and their leader, and sat up straighter as Lexa spoke to them. Once again she spoke in Trigedasleng, and once again none of what she said was anything Clarke recognized. Indra and Walsh were focused on her every word though, and as she spoke Clarke noticed Indra's eyes flicker up, once again giving her a glare. Clarke met the look, her facial expression blank. She knew Indra didn't like her, knew that she distrusted her, and she doubted that would ever change. Since she had no reason to need the older woman to trust her, Clarke didn't care. Lexa however shifted in her seat, breaking Indra's glare as her tone turned sharp. Clarke watched as the fierce woman finally looked away from her, those hard eyes turning back to the Commander. It was Walsh who replied when Lexa finished speaking, and once Lexa nodded in response to his words, both leaders returned the nod before turning back to the rest of the warriors and barking orders.  
  
For a moment, Lexa remained there, her eyes scanning over her people as they followed the orders they were given. Finally she nodded once again, more to herself than anyone else, and then pulled on the reins still wrapped in her fingers, urging her horse to turn around and continue walking down the river, quickly falling out of sight from the rest of her people. She kept her horse moving, her focus split between listening to the noise her people made from where she had left them, and eyes on the river bend before them. After a moment Clarke spoke up for the first time since they left the mountain, and suddenly all of her attention was the blonde still pressed against her back.  
  
“What's going on?” she asked, and Lexa could hear the mistrust in her voice. “Why are we leaving your people? Are we going back to the cave already?” Clarke was fairly sure they still had hours to go before they'd be even close to it, but she also knew she wasn't as familiar with these woods as Lexa was.  
  
“Not yet,” Lexa answered, and she could feel Clarke's grip on her waist tighten. The blonde was suspicious she knew, but she didn't let that get to her. Once far enough away from her people that she couldn't see or hear them, she pulled her horse to a stop. Deftly she moved off the animal's back, slipping out of Clarke's hold and immediately missing the contact. She ignored that just as she ignored the suspicion in the hard look the blonde was giving her. She held up a hand to offer to help the other girl down, but the blonde ignored it, pushing herself off the saddle and swinging down to the ground. Lexa let her hand drop, meeting Clarke's look as soon as the other girl stood before her. In answer to the suspicious look, Lexa tilted her head towards the water.  
  
“We have all done hard work,” she began, her tone even. “The dead are gone, but the grime of the work remains with us. We must bathe, wash away that which still clings to our skin. It is the way of my people.” She paused for a moment, finally looking away from those blue eyes as she added, “I did not think you would wish to bathe before all of my people. I brought us away from them so that you might have some privacy.” As she spoke, Lexa moved around the other girl so that she could get to the saddlebags. Pushing past blankets and the other items she had needed for this trip, her hands finally emerged with a set of clothes clutched between them and a towel over her arm. She held them out to the blonde, her look of surprise clear on her face, the confusion still in her eyes. “I will keep watch as you bathe,” she said, still holding the clothes out for her to take. “My people are not foolish enough to come to us unless something is truly wrong, but there are always dangers in the woods.” She paused again, shifting almost nervously before she promised quietly, “My eyes will be on the trees. You do not have to worry that I will watch you. You will have your privacy.”  
  
Everything the brunette said raced through Clarke's mind, but the one thing she could truly focus on were the clothes still being held out between them. They weren't hers, and they weren't ones that Clarke had seen Lexa wear in the couple of days they had been together. She reached out, fingers wrapping around them and accepting them, but even as she did so she met Lexa's eyes.  
  
“You knew I was coming,” she accused quietly. “You knew I was going to go back to Mount Weather and help you take care of the bodies. How?”  
  
Lexa didn't break the eye contact even as one shoulder slightly shrugged at the other girl's words. “I saw it in your eyes,” she replied easily, “When I told you that I would be leading my warriors back to the mountain to see to the dead, I could see it in your eyes. You couldn't stay in your cave once you knew that. You do not wish it, Clarke, but I know you. You could not stand by and do nothing when there was something you could do to put the dead and their victims to rest. Just as I couldn't. In this way we are the same.”  
  
“Is that why you told me you were going?” Clarke asked, her tone still hard. “To trick me into going too?”  
  
Hurt flashed across the other girl's face before she answered, saying, “I told you that we were going for the same reasons I have already said: I did not want you to worry if you saw the smoke.” She hesitated a moment, and then admitted, “Though yes, I hoped that if you did come it would help you get past what you had to do. Putting the dead to rest can help heal the pain you feel. I know.”  
  
The truth of just how well the older girl knew that flashed across her face, and Clarke couldn't look at her anymore, couldn't think about how many times Lexa had had to do this all for herself. She grabbed the towel from the other girl and turned away, letting the conversation drop as she moved over to the water's edge, the clothes Lexa had given her still gripped tightly in her hands. Seeing the water in front of her, Clarke suddenly wanted nothing more than to get out of the clothes she was currently wearing and plunge herself into the river. She hadn't thought about it before, but now she looked down at herself and felt her skin crawl. Taking care of the dead had been dirty work. Those bodies had been heavy, and the number of times she had needed to go back and forth from the surface to the depths of the mountain had caused her to sweat for hours. She suddenly realized how much she smelled, and only a small fraction of that smell was sweat. Her shirt and pants had dried blood and other fluids crusted along the fabric, and she could smell both the stench of the dead and the smoke that had been given off as the dead burned clinging to her, and once again her stomach rolled. She fought it, holding down her breakfast much better than she had her dinner, but she suddenly felt an incredible need to get out of the clothes she was currently in.  
  
Without turning to see if Lexa had been true to her word about keeping her eyes on the trees and not on the blonde, Clarke placed the clean clothes and towel she'd been given on a large rock by the water's edge, and then quickly tugged her shirt over her head, trying to ignore the second roll of her stomach as she felt the dirty cloth move over her skin. As soon as it was off she tossed it to the ground, quickly unbuttoning her pants as soon as her hands were free. She shimmied out of the material as fast as she could, kicking it away as she pulled her feet free. She moved closer to the water as she pulled off first her bra and then her underwear, and she couldn't bring herself to turn around to see if Lexa was watching. If she turned and found green eyes on her, it would be just one more moment of proof that she could never trust a word that came out of the brunette's mouth. What she really hated though was that a small part of her wanted those eyes on her. She hated Lexa still for what she had done, still couldn't forgive her for walking away, but she hated her less than she had when the brunette had found her slowly dying in the woods. There was a small part of her who saw the understanding in those green eyes, saw the acceptance and absolute knowledge of how the blonde was feeling, and that small part of her wanted to sink into that acceptance.  
  
She wouldn't though. As lonely as she was, as much as she was hurting, she couldn't allow herself to find comfort from Lexa. Not yet. Maybe not ever. She had hurt her too much, cut her too deeply, and she wasn't ready to forgive her for that yet. So rather than turn around and look to see if there was a pair of green eyes watching her, she moved forward, stepping into the river.  
  
As her feet became submerged in the water, she took a sharp breath. The water was cold, much colder than it looked, and if she wasn't feeling so disgusting she knew she wouldn't be able to go in any further. But she still felt as though the blood of those she'd killed clung to her bare skin, and she desperately needed to wash it away so she continued forward. She kept her eye out for anything in the water that might attack her, easily remembering Octavia's first swim on Earth, but there didn't seem to be any giant eels or snakes or anything in this river, and if there were, they didn't seem to be interested in the lone Sky girl. She finally got up to her waist in the water, her skin reacting to the immense cold by immediately forming goosebumps, but she ignored it. Taking a moment to steal herself, Clarke closed her eyes and then finally plunged the rest of the way under, keeping her feet firmly planted on the rocks and dirt shifting beneath her steps. At some point she would have to learn how to actually swim, but for the moment this was good enough. She stayed under as long as she could, her eyes still clenched tight, and let the cold cling to her. She finally resurfaced, gasping for air, and then she began to scrub against her skin, trying to wash away every bad thing she had done in the past few months. She knew it wasn't possible, but the feel of the water against her body did make her feel a little better, and she let out a little sigh as she ran her fingers through her wet hair, doing her best to wash it as well.  
  
Clarke only stayed in the water for a few minutes, the cold too strong for her to remain there any longer, but as she turned to exit the river, she felt better knowing that at least she no longer smelled like she'd helped burn over three hundred corpses. Turning, Clarke's eyes immediately went back to the shore, and she couldn't help it: her gaze went straight to Lexa. At some point since she'd turned away from the brunette, the young leader had moved the horse closer to the trees so that the animal could graze on the little bits of grass that grew further away from the rocky shoreline, and she now stood near the horse, her back to the river and the blonde in it. She stood easily, her stance loose even as Clarke knew she was busy scanning the trees. Though she'd never know for sure, the way the brunette stood convinced the blonde that Lexa had remained true to her word, turned from the moment Clarke had moved away so that she could give the blonde her privacy. The knowledge of that pulled at something inside of Clarke, but she refused to think about it any further.  
  
Reaching the shoreline, Clarke shivered again as the cool air hit her wet skin. Quickly she moved over to where she'd placed the clean clothes, pushing them aside so that she could grab the towel and wrap it around herself. It wasn't the softest towel ever, but it was enough to fight off the cold, and it soaked up the droplets of water still rolling down Clarke's skin. As best as she could she dried herself off before she turned back to the pile of clothes. She had everything there that she needed and quickly pulled them on, sighing silently in relief as the dry clean cloth came in contact with her skin. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, frowning only when a certain scent came off of the clothes, hitting her nostrils. She knew that scent, had been pressed particularly close to it for most of the day, and her eyes opened and once again fell on Lexa, the brunette's back still facing the other girl. The clothes were Lexa's, and while that shouldn't mean anything, it did. The blonde just didn't know exactly what.  
  
Ignoring this new bit of knowledge, Clarke moved forward, the towel still in her hands. She stepped up beside Lexa, using the towel to try to ring more of the water out of her hair, and it was only then that the brunette shifted, her eyes moving over to where the blonde had stopped beside her.  
  
“All done,” Clarke merely told her, her tone even and trying not to hint at the many emotions fighting inside her at the moment. “Your turn. I'll keep watch.”  
  
Lexa merely nodded and then stepped back over to the horse, pulling another pair of clean clothes from the saddlebags. Clarke kept her eyes forward, still trying to get more of the water out of her long hair, but out of the corner of her eyes she could see Lexa reach to the hem of her shirt as she walked away from Clarke and the horse towards the river. Her hands were just starting to pull the shirt up, exposing a quick flash of her stomach before she walked out of Clarke's periphery, and the blonde had to force herself to keep her eyes forward and not follow the brunette's movement. Lexa had given her her privacy while she bathed and now Clarke would give the same to her. That flash of skin stuck in her mind nevertheless, and Clarke silently swore at herself. Yes, she still hated Lexa, that was true, and yes, it was also true that she still didn't trust her, but it was also still painfully obvious to her that she remained physically attracted to the other girl, no matter what her brain tried to tell her. She could fight that attraction though, ignore it until it went away, and that started by keeping her eyes forward, trained on the trees. So that's what she did.  
  
Lexa shed her clothes as she walked to the water, dropping the clean clothes to the ground just far enough away from the edge so that they wouldn't get wet. As soon as she was bare, she walked into the water, the chill of its bite not slowing her down in the slightest. She'd had to bathe in water much colder than this before, and still remembered the winter when she had been fourteen and fell through the thin ice, Anya's strong hands the only things that had saved her from slipping under completely. _That_ had been cold water, and she had been sick for two weeks following it. Compared to that, this water was nothing.  
  
As soon as she was deep enough, the young leader dove forward, her strong legs pushing her off of the ground and arms sweeping out in front of her to guide her through the water. She had been three when she had first learned to swim, and if she closed her eyes she could still feel her father's firm grip holding her sides, making sure she did not slip under the water's surface. There were times now when she would go for a swim simply to remember her father, the water acting almost as a lifeline to her memories of him, and though this was not one of those times, it was still difficult to think of much else. The thoughts of her father warred in her mind with the thoughts of a certain blonde standing on the shore however, and as they usually did, the thoughts of the blonde won out in the end. In this case it worked out well, the blonde acting as a reminder of why she was there, and after a few more strokes of her arms, Lexa stopped moving, deep enough now that she had to tread water as she ran her hands along her skin, washing away the filth that had stuck to her even after removing her clothes. She sighed, the cold water wrapping around her body like an old friend, and she wanted nothing more than to remain there for many hours, washing away every pain and sorrow she had ever felt. The river was not large enough to do that however, and there was both a blonde and an army waiting for her, so she finished quickly before she began swimming back to the shore.  
  
Her feet once again falling to the bottom of the river, Lexa stood and walked out of the water, her eyes moving to Clarke's figure. She saw Clarke shift her weight from one foot to the other, but otherwise the blonde did not move. Emotions raged within Lexa, too many to count or to even try to begin to understand, but with Clarke's back to her, she allowed herself to frown, allowed her brow to pull down. This other girl had such an effect on her, the kind of effect that no one had had on the brunette in years, and it troubled her. She did not know how to control the feelings that fought inside her, did not know how to keep herself grounded as she so desperately needed to be. It would be easier for her, perhaps, if she had left Clarke alone. It had not been her responsibility to find Clarke when she had gotten word of the blonde alone in the woods. Clarke was one of the few people on the ground that Lexa wasn't in fact responsible for, and yet she was drawn to this other girl more completely than she was to most of her people. There had been few in her life that Lexa cared about the way that she cared about the blonde, and over the past few weeks that few had diminished even further. It would be wise of the Commander to turn away from this other girl, to leave her alone as she clearly wished to be left, but the brunette found that thought to be nearly impossible to bare. If nothing else, she had to know the blonde was safe. Once she could be sure of that, she could walk away from her and not return. She hoped.  
  
Trying to turn her attention away from the girl before her, Lexa shifted her focus to the clean clothes that lay neatly on the ground. She had given Clarke the only towel that she had, her saddlebags not having room for two of everything she had believed she would need in the event the Skaikru leader joined them at the mountain, so she allowed the water droplets to run down her skin. Her hands moved to her long hair, wrapping it around itself and trying to ring as much of the water out of it as she could. She winced only slightly as the tight braids woven against the top of her head pulled at her scalp, only ringing the hair out harder. Once she had gotten as much of the water out as she could, she let the long locks fall against her shoulder blades before she leaned down and grabbed at her clean clothes. Quickly she pulled the clothes over her body, the dampness from her skin quickly causing the cloth to stick to her, but she could ignore it. It would not be the first time she had had to ride in damp clothes, nor she guessed would it be the last. Once dressed, she gathered up the dirty clothes she had dropped to the ground, carrying them as she moved back up the shore towards her horse. As she passed Clarke, she felt the blonde's eyes fall on her and follow her movements. She did her best to ignore it, moving once again to her saddlebags and carefully pushing the dirty clothes inside. As she finished she felt the other girl move over to her, and then she felt something be pushed into her free hand. She turned, finding Clarke handing her the damp towel.  
  
“Here,” she merely said, “Thanks.” Lexa nodded, taking the towel from her, but she couldn't help but notice the way Clarke's eyes were drawn to a drop of water she felt roll from her hairline down her jaw and then down her neck. The sweep of the blonde's eyes against her caused her breath to nearly hitch in her chest, her heartbeat picking up a faster rhythm. The blonde tore her eyes away and stepped back, putting some space between them, and while Lexa ached to close that space once again, it also helped her to think more clearly. She turned so that she could shove the towel into the saddlebag along with her dirty clothes, and while her back was to the blonde she used that time to get control of the way her heart pounded in her chest. Taking a silent breath, Lexa closed her eyes, controlling her breathing the way Anya had taught her before she went into battle. Being around Clarke was like going to battle, the blonde causing her heart to pound in the same way the anticipation of a fight did. She wasn't entirely sure whether that was a good thing or not.  
  
After a moment of getting complete control of herself once again, Lexa turned and met Clarke's eyes. The blonde looked as though she too were trying to maintain control, though just what kind of control Lexa couldn't read. She ignored it however, knowing that nothing good could come of either of them losing the control they both needed, and simply lifted her head a little higher.  
  
“We should be getting back to my warriors,” she stated, moving as she spoke so that she could wrap her horse's reins around her hand. “They should be finishing up as well.” Clarke nodded, stepping forward, and Lexa watched as she reached out and gently rested her hand against the horse's side. Lexa wondered if the gesture was one used to ground herself, but she ignored it as she did everything else. She turned, and as she did so her eyes swept over the rocky shore before them, noticing Clarke's dirty clothes still left where the blonde had dropped them before her own time in the river. “Are you not going to get your clothes?” she asked, pulling the blonde's attention back to the shore. “You can wash them and wear them again.”  
  
Clarke's gaze moved from Lexa and the horse, shifting to look at the pile of clothes she had left by the river. In all honesty she had forgotten about them, but looking at them now felt almost like taking a punch to the gut. She knew Lexa was right in that she could wash them, but she also knew that seeing them would only serve as a reminder of what she had done.  
  
So she shook her head as she focused back on Lexa, telling her quietly, “No. Leave them here. I don't want them. Not anymore.”  
  
Lexa studied her for a moment, and then nodded rather than argue. She made a mental note to bring Clarke more clothes the next time she went to the cave, but rather than say anything she reached up and grabbed her saddle horn, deftly pulling herself once again to her horse's back. Reaching down as she had that morning, she clasped Clarke's forearm and easily pulled her up on the horse behind her, also making a note to get her more food. Clarke settled behind her, and they both ignored the feeling of Clarke's front pressed lightly to Lexa's back.  
  
Without another word, Lexa flicked the reins and her horse started forward, taking them back to her people. The brunette felt the younger leader's hands fall back to her waist, the grip against her damp shirt less uncertain than it had been just an hour ago. Her heartbeat picked up once again, and she had to fight to keep the warring emotions taking place inside her chest from appearing on her face. She would soon be with her warriors again, and they did not need to see the confusion that their Heda felt about the blonde sitting so close to her.  
  
With her front pressed against the other girl's back and wet hair tickling her face, Clarke fought to keep the same uncertain emotions from her own face, eyes falling closed as Lexa's scent once again bombarded her. She didn't know what she was feeling other than that it was all just too much, and Clarke couldn't let herself get lost in it or she'd never be able to get out of it. So she fought as Lexa did, her own expression remaining as blank as she could keep it, even as her fingers clung to the brunette's sides.  
  
After a few short minutes of traveling, the horse rounded the bend and suddenly they were once again with Lexa's people, the many warriors also all in new clothes and hair wet from their own dips in the river. As the two leaders approached them, if any of the warriors noticed the way they both worked to keep their expressions carefully blank, they said nothing. Instead they all simply mounted up once again, eyes trained on their Commander, and with a simple nod Lexa led them back into the trees, once again leading them all home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! We are slowly getting past the hurt, betrayal, pain, etc., and moving on. It's not completely done yet, but we are moving towards that, at least. As always, I love your feedback, so please feel free to let me know your thoughts! Also, I plan on updating again on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day as my holiday gift to you all. If I get into a really good rhythm, I might even be able to update sooner and also then as well, but that will depend on writer's block and how busy my week is. But anyway, be on the look out for the next chapter around then, and to anyone celebrating anything before then, happy holidays and stay safe! Thanks all!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello wonderful readers and Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! I hope you are all having a wonderful holiday so far, and as promised, here is part of my gift to you all: Chapter Six! If you haven't noticed, I also wrote a holiday tag-along story for "The Note," so if you enjoyed that story, I highly recommend checking that out. Also, if you've been patiently or impatiently waiting for "Continuum," then your wait is just about over: the first chapter should be uploaded within the hour! All of these updates are my gifts to you lovely people, and I hope you enjoy them!

After the river, the small army did not stop again for hours. Already the Commander knew that those returning to Polis wouldn't get back until long after dark, and those returning to Tondc with Indra would reach their village much later than that. She pushed their horses as much as she dared, being sure not to push them so hard they would tire, but enough so that their pace remained steady as they traveled the many miles in the woods. They did not stop to eat, warriors simply digging into their saddlebags and pulling out jerky to tide them over as they traveled. The only time the Commander broke the silence between herself and the blonde was when she informed the younger girl that she too had food in the saddlebags if she were hungry, and a few minutes later Clarke had dug around in them, pulling out a small pouch of jerky. She grabbed a piece and bit into it, tearing off a chunk of the dried meat before she handed the pouch to the girl sitting in front o her. The two shared the simple meal, saying nothing as the pouch was passed back and forth between them until they had both finished and Clarke shoved the much lighter pouch back into the saddlebags behind her. Her hands fell back to the brunette's waist, and neither said another word, Lexa's eyes trained forward while Clarke tried to look anywhere but in front of her.  
  
Suddenly, after hours of constant travel, Lexa stopped at the split in the trail, leading her horse over to the side of the path where she could watch her people go by her, out of their way. The Commander nodded to her warriors, telling them to continue on, which they did, marching and riding past and splitting in half as they reached the fork. Half would continue on to Tondc while the other half continued to Polis. Lexa watched her people pass her, nodding when one of them would make eye contact and bow their head slightly in respect to her. These were her people, and they had just finished a difficult task for her, so they all deserved her acknowledgment. As they passed, she noticed a number of them look past her and to the blonde behind her, their heads bowing in respect to both women. She did not let the emotions those looks stirred within her to show on her face as she returned their nods. The only two warriors to stop as they reached her were Indra and Walsh. They looked at her with blank expressions, but she knew they were both wondering why she had stopped. She nodded to them, and then tilted her head towards the split pathway.  
  
“Indra, take your warriors back to Tondc,” she ordered the other woman, who nodded, “Tell them they did good work these past couple of days. I will see you again soon.”  
  
“Sha Heda,” Indra replied, nodding her head, and then she turned her horse back onto the path and followed the last of her people as they headed for home. Lexa then turned to Walsh.  
  
“Take our warriors home,” she commanded him, “Tell them also that they have done great work, and that I am pleased.”  
  
Walsh frowned, the confusion evident on his face.  
  
“Ba Heda,” he began, but Lexa cut him off, her voice firm, allowing for no questions.  
  
“Do not question me, Walsh,” she told him coldly, “I gave you an order. I shall return soon. Do not think to argue with me. Now go. Our people continue without you.”  
  
Walsh hesitated for a moment longer, his eyes flickering to Clarke who still sat behind the Commander, but Lexa shifted her position ever so slightly, giving him a cold look, and he finally nodded.  
  
“Sha, Heda,” he replied, and then turned his horse back to the pathway as well to catch up with his warriors, the last of whom had just disappeared out of sight.  
  
“You should go with them,” Clarke said suddenly, breaking the silence she had been in ever since they left the river.  
  
Lexa turned around to her slightly, her facial expression not changing, hoping that Clarke would see it and not argue with her.  
  
“I am taking you back to the cave,” she informed the blonde, no nonsense in her voice, hoping to end any debate they might have. It was Clarke that she was talking to though, so she might as well not have hoped.  
  
“You should go back to your people, Lexa. You haven't seen them in days, and they haven't seen you,” Clarke told her, “I'm sure your people miss you.”  
  
Lexa simply snapped the reins at her horse, leading the beast into the woods in the direction she knew Clarke's cave was. As she did so, she called over her shoulder, “You have not seen your people for much longer, nor have they seen you. Do you intend to return to them now?”  
  
“No,” Clarke replied, shaking her head, her tone hard.  
  
“Then I can wait to see my people a little longer as well,” the Commander informed the blonde, “And I will see that you return to the cave safely.”  
  
Clarke could have kept arguing, but she could tell from the way Lexa's jaw was set and the tightness in her shoulders that she would not be swayed, so instead she simply fell back into her silence, emotions and thoughts both battling within her as the horse moved forward. Her emotions were everywhere, flying from the horror of what they had just done to the confusion she felt surrounding the girl sitting front of her. She tried not to think about any of it, tried not to feel anything at all, but she still hadn't mastered that skill the way the brunette had.  
  
The two girls rode in silence the rest of the way, the only sounds coming from the trees around them and the leaves and sticks breaking beneath the horse's hooves. They rode for hours, but both had become so accustomed to traveling in the woods that the hours seemed to go by quickly, to the point where Clarke was almost surprised when she realized she recognized the area around her, and knew they were close to the cave. Considering the woods around them had started to grow dark, it was good that they were almost there, neither of them wanting to have to travel once night had finally taken over completely. Dangers only increased with the dark, and neither had any wish to tempt fate, especially as they had no light to lead them through the darkness. Traveling via horse made the trip shorter, and soon it was making its way up the slope that led to the opening of her cave. As soon as they were on level ground again, Lexa dismounted, Clarke following along right behind her.  
  
They continued to move in silence, Lexa helping Clarke to unhook her small pack from the horse's saddlebags, and then finding some water for the horse and herself before she left. Clarke watched them move about after she set her pack inside, her face blank. As soon as her horse had had enough water, Lexa set her jaw and then nodded to Clarke in farewell, trying to control the feelings swirling inside her. Just before she could climb up, however, she felt a hand on her arm. She turned to the blonde in confusion.  
  
“Wait. It's... It's too late to travel. Stay. Please,” Clarke said softly, and Lexa could see the many emotions flashing across the blonde's sad blue eyes. “Stay.”  
  
Lexa studied her for just a moment, her heart starting to beat a little faster. She had not expected this, but she would be lying if she said some part of her hadn't hoped it would happen. It was the first time Clarke had asked for her company since she had made her decision on Mount Weather, and just that small fact gave Lexa's heart hope, even if she pretended it didn't matter. Finally she nodded, but didn't let go of the reins.  
  
“If I am staying, then I must find sufficient shelter for my horse,” she informed Clarke, who simply nodded and let her hand drop from Lexa's arm. The loss of contact made Lexa's heart ache slightly, and even more so when Clarke immediately turned away from her and headed into the cave, but the Commander sighed silently, not allowing herself to be completely discouraged. It was still progress, and progress she knew she had no reason to hope for.  
  
After setting the horse up under a large, well-sheltered tree where it would be able to graze and would be close enough nearby if Lexa needed it or to hear if it was in distress, Lexa made her way back to the cave, taking another deep breath before she went in, to try to steady her emotions. It was completely dark by then, so Clarke had already gotten a fire started, and the shadows created by the fire danced along the walls. As Lexa walked towards the heat source, she saw Clarke sitting next to it, chewing on the left-over dried jerky and berries from their trip to Mount Weather. The brunette walked up to the fire, taking a seat far enough away from Clarke so that she would not be invading the blonde's space, and Clarke handed her some of the jerky and berries.  
  
“Thank you,” she told the other girl, who just nodded in reply.  
  
The rest of the evening was passed in silence. They ate in silence, and then they sat and stared into the fire in silence for a while longer. It was awkward, the two of them sitting together, and they both felt it. Neither knew what to say to the other, both trying hard to ignore the confusion they felt being so close to this other girl that they felt so many different emotions for. Finally Lexa turned and looked at the pitch darkness outside, and then stood up, taking her sword from its straps on her back and setting it down beside her out of the way but where she could still reach it.  
  
“We should sleep,” she informed Clarke, breaking the silence. “We have worked hard at a difficult task, and now our bodies must rest.”  
  
Clarke nodded, and then got up and moved further back into the cave and grabbed a few blankets for them both. Lexa banked the fire while she did that so that it would die down soon, and then she accepted the blankets Clarke handed to her with a nod. Both girls got two blankets, one to sleep on, and one for a cover. They set up their beds with enough distance between them that they each had their own space, falling back into a silence. The silence made Lexa clench her jaw, trying to keep her disappointment from washing over her. Closing her eyes tightly as she laid beneath her blanket, she just managed to keep a sigh from escaping her lips as she decided Clarke asking her to stay hadn't been a break through after all.  
  
Lexa lay awake long enough for the fire to completely die out, as she simply stared above her at the ceiling. She believed Clarke had fallen asleep, and was just about to allow herself to fall into unconsciousness as well, when she heard a noise from where Clarke lay.  
  
“I would have done it,” she whispered in the dark, and Lexa nearly had to strain her ears to hear her.  
  
“Would have done what?” the Commander asked her, also speaking quietly, as though Clarke were an animal she may scare off if she spoke too loudly.  
  
“Saved them,” the blonde told her, speaking just a hair louder, “My people. If Mount Weather had given me the deal instead of you, I would have done the same thing. I didn't want to admit it, but it's true. I would have taken the deal.”  
  
Lexa's heart began to speed up again, and she had to close her eyes and take a brief moment to compose herself before she could respond.  
  
“I know,” she finally replied, opening her eyes to once again stare up at the dark ceiling, “I know because you are a true leader Clarke. You must always put your people before everything else. Before anyone else. Your own happiness is unimportant, especially when it comes to the safety of your people. That is the responsibility that we share.”  
  
The silence that followed her words felt heavy to Lexa, weighing down on her as she waited for Clarke to reply. Finally all she heard from the darkness was, “I know.”  
  
The words hung in the air around them, pressing down on both girls. They knew things weren't fixed between them; it would be a long time before either of them would be able to think past what they each had been forced to do at Mount Weather. Nevertheless, they both were able to breathe slightly easier, feeling like perhaps, just perhaps, the path towards reconciliation had just become a bit clearer. With this thought on Lexa's mind, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to fall into sleep.

***

Lexa was a light sleeper; she always had been, even as a young child. Now that she was the Commander, she had to be a light sleeper, so that she could be fully alert at the slightest hint of danger. So when Clarke began to toss and turn, it didn't take long for the movement to bring Lexa out of her sleep. She opened her eyes and stayed where she was for a few moments, breathing silently and listening to the blonde girl. She hoped the other girl would calm down and go back to a peaceful sleep, but she knew better. She had seen Clarke having her nightmares before, that first night when she had found her asleep by her fire in the woods, had even been prone to them herself at one point, and knew that they would not just go away. So when Clarke began making noises, whimpering in her sleep, Lexa immediately threw off her blankets and moved to the other girl. It was dark in the cave, but Anya had taught her at a very young age how to move in the dark and she had spent much time in this cave, so she didn't need any light to make her way over to the blonde. As soon as she reached the sleeping girl, she knelt down next to her.  
  
“Clarke,” she whispered softly, hoping not to scare her but wanting to get her out of her own head. “Clarke, wake up. It is alright, you are merely dreaming.”  
  
The blonde girl simply curled herself into a tight ball in her sleep and continued dreaming, murmuring at the images in her head.  
  
“Clarke,” Lexa tried again, hesitating before she reached out and gently shook the other girl's shoulder. This movement did not have the desired effect: rather than waking up, Clarke's murmurings turned into cries.  
  
“No... No... I'm sorry. So sorry,” the other girl cried, her body really starting to shake, “I didn't mean, I just... didn't want... couldn't... so sorry...”  
  
This time Lexa didn't hesitate; she didn't even think about it. She moved forward and pulled Clarke's upper half into her lap, holding her tight and stroking her hair as she began to rock back and forth slowly.  
  
“Shhh,” she whispered to the shaking girl, “Shh, it is okay Clarke; I've got you. I am here. Open your eyes. I am here.”  
  
It only took a few moments after that for Clarke to finally wake up, but when she did she didn't seem to know where she was. She began to push against Lexa, not knowing who was holding her. Lexa was about to let her go, thinking that Clarke didn't want the contact, but just then the blonde registered who it was and what had happened, and instead she clung to Lexa, pulling the arm across her tight against her body. The images of dead bodies covered in radiation burns were all so fresh in her mind that she couldn't stop shaking, and suddenly she completely broke down, tears falling from her eyes. She did her best to keep her sorrow silent, but she couldn't control how her body still shook, and she knew Lexa could tell that she was crying. She didn't want to be like this in front of the Commander, didn't want Lexa to see her weakness, but the brunette simply continued to hold her, rocking her and whispering to her softly.  
  
“It is alright, Clarke,” the Commander murmured, pressing her cheek to the top of the blonde's head, “It is alright. They are just dreams. They will pass.”  
  
“They aren't just dreams,” the other girl growled, the tears clearly evident in her voice, “They were real people, and I killed them. I killed all of them.”  
  
“Yes,” Lexa agreed not unkindly, nodding against the top of her head, not stopping her rocking motion. “You did. You killed them. But you did it to save your people, Clarke. It does not help right now, I know, but it will, someday. It will help when you see the lives you saved, the lives that looked to you to save them. Their lives make it worth it.” She paused for a moment, thinking of her own demons and dreams, and then she added, “The faces of those you killed will never leave you, but neither will the faces of those you rescued. They are what will make it worth it, someday. They are what will help you to forgive yourself.”  
  
Clarke thought about those words for a few moments, and then she asked quietly, the smallest hint of a bite in her voice, “Have you forgiven yourself yet for any of it?”  
  
Lexa's fingers paused as they ran through the golden locks around them, remaining still for a moment before continuing. She thought about her words before she said them, and when she did, she was sure to speak carefully.  
  
“I have done many things as Commander that I did not wish to do,” she told Clarke slowly. “All things I have done were for my people. I have had to kill, and sent others to what I knew would be their death. Whenever I make a choice like that, it does not please me, Clarke. Leaving the people to die in Tondc when the missile approached was not easy for me. It was an easy decision, yes, but not an easy action to take. Those were my people, all whom looked to me to make their lives better, and I watched as a missile sent from my enemy demolished two hundred and fifty people, most of whom were my responsibility. I could have saved some of them; perhaps even most of them, but then my people within Mount Weather would have been lost forever, and my enemy would have kept picking off my people for many years. Many more than just two hundred and fifty lives would have been lost, and that would have been my fault. So while I do not like what I had to do, yes, I have forgiven myself for the choice I made.” She remained quiet for a moment, staring off into the darkness, and then added quietly, “That goes for the choice I made on Mount Weather as well. I could have stuck by your side, and helped you rescue both of our peoples. If I had refused our enemy's proposal, we would have won, and you would not have had to kill the innocent. But I would have lost many more of my people. I was given the opportunity to save all of those who look to me to lead them, Clarke. Not just some or many. All. It was not an offer I could refuse. No matter how much I wished otherwise. So yes, I have forgiven myself.”  
  
Clarke's tears had dried, but her jaw had also set firmly as Lexa spoke. The Commander could feel the anger in the way her muscles all tensed, and suddenly Clarke released her grip on the Grounder's arm, pushing herself away from the other girl and putting some distance between them. Lexa remained where she was, a pang striking her heart as Clarke pulled away, but she didn't move far and she didn't tell the brunette to leave her which at least was something.  
  
“You left my people to die,” the blonde accused quietly, the hurt evident in her voice, and Lexa could perfectly picture the accusatory look she would be getting if it wasn't dark. “You left me to die. I know why, but... You still did it. You still left me.”  
  
Lexa swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat, having to close her eyes briefly at the hurt directed at her, and then replied slowly, “I made a choice, Clarke. A choice that wasn't really a choice. As a leader, there was only one thing I could do: I had to choose my people. I have forgiven myself, Clarke, but that does not mean that I am happy with what happened, nor does it mean that I don't regret having to make that decision. It will forever be a sorrow to me, remembering the look that was in your eyes at that moment, and knowing that I was the one who caused it.”  
  
The two sat in silence for a short time, letting Lexa's words truly sink in. Lexa believed that the conversation may have ended, and was about to leave Clarke's side when the younger girl finally admitted softly, “I can't forgive myself.” Her words were whispered in the dark, and yet Lexa heard everything that went into them. “I know you had to choose your people; you'll always choose your people first, just like I will. But blaming you for what I did is just easier than admitting... Admitting that I can't forgive myself for what I did. I know why I did it, and I know I would do it again if I had to... And that just makes it worse. I killed over three hundred and fifty people. Many of them were just kids. And I would do it again. How do I... How do I live with myself, knowing that? How do I even begin to forgive myself? Do I even deserve forgiveness?”  
  
Lexa thought about her words, and then replied, “I do not know if any of us deserve forgiveness.” She paused then, her eyes turning to Clarke. The darkness hid the blonde's details, but she could still make out her figure, could tell from the dark silhouette that the younger girl had turned away from her slightly. Lexa wanted to reach out, to touch her, turn her so that she would look at the brunette, but she didn't want to push the other girl. Instead she simply added quietly and honestly, “But if any of us do, it is you.” Clarke just shook her head, not believing the other girl, and the Commander could see the movement of her silhouette. Lexa would not accept that refusal. “You do, Clarke,” she insisted, “You do not see it, but it is true. Your people look to you to lead them, to make the difficult decisions that they cannot make, and you do. They look to you to protect them, and you do. It was you who saved them from my warriors, just as it was you who saved them from Mount Weather. You escaped that place of terror, and then did not rest until you brought them all home safely. You alone created the alliance that still stands between your people and mine. Everything you do, every action you take, is for those who look to you. You, Clarke Griffin of the Skaikru, deserve forgiveness, but the only one who can give it to you is yourself.”  
  
As Lexa spoke, Clarke closed her eyes, trying to let the Commander's words wash over her. In many ways, she knew that Lexa was right; everything she had done since the moment she landed on this planet was to save those who had landed with her. But it was hard for her to remember all of the good she had done; it was too overshadowed by all the bad. Nevertheless, she tried to believe Lexa's words, and even though she knew she was a long way from the forgiveness the brunette spoke of, she did feel as if a very small weight had lifted off of her shoulders.  
  
“Thank you,” she finally said quietly, and without really thinking about it she reached forward, her hand finding Lexa's in the dark. The touch was small and only lasted for a moment before she pulled away again, but it was contact that she felt she needed.  
  
Lexa smiled slightly at Clarke's motion, feeling another bit of the wall between them crumble down. “I need no thanks,” she informed the blonde, murmuring the words into the dark, “I spoke only the truth. Now try to sleep; I will be here to wake you if the nightmares return.”  
  
Clarke's lips turned up into a slight smile as she closed her eyes, moving to once again lay between the blankets. The other girl remained beside her, and she moved over just a bit so that she was closer to her. Whether it was because of the small size of the blanket or simply because she wanted to be closer, she wasn't entirely sure, but she let herself have the movement before she whispered once again, “Thank you, Lexa.”  
  
Lexa felt the blonde move beside her, heard the whispered words, and wished to reach out and once again run her fingers through her hair. She didn't though, aware that though things had possibly begun to change between them, there was still much to be done to repair what had been broken between them. She allowed her lips to curl up slightly once again though, the simple knowledge that Clarke felt safe enough to lie so close to her enough to give her hope, before she whispered back, “No Clarke: thank you.”

***

Lexa shivered slightly and pushed herself closer to the body lying next to her, her eyes still closed. Even without opening her eyes she could tell that it was morning, and she knew that she should get up. She always tried to be one of the first people up, knowing that someone always needed her for something, and the quietest time of the day for her was early in the morning, before most people were awake. She was sure that if she didn't get up soon, there would be a line of people outside her door, impatiently waiting to speak with her. She groaned slightly at the thought, and buried her face into the shoulder next to her, some hair tickling her cheek. She scrunched her nose, a small smile on her lips as she breathed in the scent of the person next to her, but when the scent registered in her mind, the smile dropped and she froze. Even as she opened her eyes, her brain screamed the truth of the situation at her: she was not lying in her own bed in Polis, but instead in a cave, hours away from her people, pressed against Klark kom Skaikru. Luckily, a still-sleeping Klark kom Skaikru, so the blonde couldn't see just how comfortable the Commander had been curled up next to her.  
  
Very carefully Lexa pulled herself away from the sleeping girl, not wanting to wake her, but not daring to stay this close to her any longer. Even though their talk the previous night had possibly changed something between them, Lexa didn't know if Clarke was ready to be this close to her yet, and honestly, she wasn't sure if she was ready for it either. She liked Clarke; she wanted Clarke, but after everything that had happened, she knew rushing into anything was a bad idea. So rather than stay so close and risk anything, she shifted away from the sleeping Skaikru leader, moving as silently as possible. As she moved, Clarke rolled into the spot Lexa had left, snuggling into the warmth left behind by the brunette's body. Lexa smiled at the soft look on Clarke's face as she slept, happy to see the blonde looking so peaceful.  
  
Leaving the warmth of the blanket, Lexa shivered, rubbing her arms to try to warm them up. Winter was on its way, and she could feel it in the air. Right now it was only a chill, but it wouldn't be long before that chill would be replaced by the biting cold. She looked at the blankets Clarke had grabbed for the two of them; they wouldn't be enough for the lone girl. They held up fine against the summer cold, and even the fall chill, but once winter hit, Clarke was going to need better blankets or she would freeze to death. Lexa refused to let that happen, and made a mental note to bring better supplies the next time she visited. For now though a fire would do to fend off the cold, so she made her way over to the fire pit, tossed some logs on, and got a small fire going.  
  
Once that was done, she moved to the back of the cave where she knew Clarke still kept her dried meat and stores of berries and roots. She frowned when she noticed that the blonde had used up most of the stores, and was running low on meat as well. Shaking her head, she grabbed the bow and quiver of arrows that she had left with Clarke and exited the cave, deciding to go hunting to replenish the blonde's meat supply. She was out for just under an hour, and in that time managed to bag two rabbits, a pheasant and a squirrel, enough meat to keep Clarke stocked for a little while at least. She tied the dead animals together with the bit of rope she always carried with her for just such times, a trick Anya had taught her as a child, and made her way back to the cave. When she got there, she found Clarke awake and sitting at the still-burning fire. Lexa nodded to her in greeting, carefully dumped the animals on the ground near her, and then placed the bow and quiver back in their spot at the back of the cave. Before sitting back down at the fire across from the blonde, she unhooked her hunting knife from her belt, and pulled the string of animals to her.  
  
“You needed more food,” she stated, trying to break the awkward silence that had fallen over them.  
  
“I could have gotten it myself,” Clarke responded, though Lexa was glad to hear her tone was more conversational than accusatory.  
  
“I did not mind,” the brunette told her as she untied one of the rabbits from the string and settled it in front of her, “You were sleeping; I was awake and needed something to do.”  
  
Clarke looked into the fire, and Lexa thought perhaps she was purposefully trying not to make eye contact with the taller girl.  
  
“I thought you'd left,” the blonde informed her quietly, and Lexa almost smiled when she continued, “I was... unhappy that you didn't say goodbye. But when I went outside, I saw your horse was still here, so I figured you'd be coming back. Thanks for the food.”  
  
Lexa quickly and carefully slid the knife into the fur of the rabbit, beginning to skin it before she replied, “You are welcome. And I would not leave you without saying goodbye, Clarke. I would not do that.”  
  
The blonde smiled ever-so-slightly, and Lexa's heart nearly skipped a beat.  
  
“I didn't think you would,” she told the Commander as she stood up and moved to the side of the cave where she had placed her pack, opening it and pulling out a small knife of her own. She carried it back over to the fire where she sat down next to Lexa and untied the second rabbit from the line. She thrust her knife into the beast to skin it as well, but Lexa stopped her before she could do much more.  
  
“Clarke,” she said, gently placing her hand on top of the blonde's wrist, halting her action, “What are you doing?”  
  
Clarke frowned at her, and then held the rabbit up.  
  
“What does it look like I'm doing?” she asked, looking at Lexa as though she had asked a ridiculous question. “I'm skinning a rabbit.”  
  
Lexa opened her mouth, about to say something, but then shut it again immediately, frowning. Clarke noticed the action, and raised her eyebrows at the Commander.  
  
“What?” she asked, “You want to say something, I know you do. Spit it out.”  
  
At that Lexa gave her a very confused look, and informed her, “Clarke, I have nothing in my mouth to spit. And it would be rude to just do so right now. There is no reason to.”  
  
Clarke shook her head, a small grin on her face, which simply caused Lexa to look at her with even more confusion.  
  
“No,” the smaller girl told her, “I didn't mean to actually spit something out. 'Spit it out' is just a phrase we use if someone isn't saying something, but they obviously want to. Another person will tell them to 'spit it out,' or rather, 'just say what you want to say.' So Lexa, just say whatever it is you want to say.”  
  
Lexa let out a very small sigh, and then she drew her knife from the beast's body, using it to point to Clarke's knife inside of the second rabbit.  
  
“You are not skinning your rabbit properly,” she informed the blonde, “You are being too rough with it, and cutting too deep. You waste meat that way. You must make a quick, clean incision, without going too deep into the body.”  
  
Clarke looked from the rabbit in her lap to the rabbit in Lexa's, and then just shrugged.  
  
“Show me,” she said simply, so Lexa did.  
  
For an hour, Lexa showed Clarke the best way to skin and clean a rabbit, and what the best ways to preserve the meat were. Lexa was glad that she had caught two that morning, so that as she showed Clarke, the blonde could repeat the actions on her own. If she was going to survive even just part of the winter on her own, she would need to know how to properly care for her food, and since she had yet to show any sign of wishing to return to the Skaikru's camp, it meant she had to learn fast. She even showed Clarke how to care for the hides, so that she could use them to help keep her warm when the harshest winds of winter blew. They then cooked up a decent portion of one of the rabbits, and had that for breakfast, along with what remained of Clarke's berries. Lexa tried to decline, telling her she should keep them for herself, but Clarke just rolled her eyes at the brunette.  
  
“Lexa, I can pick more berries,” she reminded the overly-careful Commander, “I've already found a few bushes where they grow. I'll restock them later today. Don't worry.”  
  
Finally Lexa gave in, and she did have to admit that the tangy flavor from the berries paired very well with the rich rabbit meat. Once they were finished eating however, Lexa knew she had to be leaving.  
  
“I must go now,” she stated as she stood, and again she was almost happy to see the smallest glimmer of disappointment fall across Clarke's face, even if the blonde did wipe it off almost immediately.  
  
“Yeah, you should probably be getting back to Polis,” she agreed, standing up as well and following Lexa to the mouth of the cave, “I'm sure your people are missing you.”  
  
“I imagine your people are missing you as well, Clarke,” Lexa replied, and then she stuck her thumb and her middle finger to the corners of her mouth and let out a piercing whistle. A few moments later her horse came clomping from around one side of the cave, moving straight to Lexa. The Commander held out one hand for the horse to sniff as she gently ran her fingers through the horse's mane. She then stepped to the side and guided the horse up another couple of steps and grabbed the horn of the saddle, pulling herself up and swinging one leg over the horse's side.  
  
“Maybe they are,” Clarke agreed with a shrug as she watched the Commander gracefully mount up, “But I'm not ready to go back yet. I still don't think I'll be ready to go back for a while.”  
  
Lexa nodded as she pulled gently on the reins and guided her horse around, but she swung her head around so that she could still look at Clarke as she told her, “Very well. Then I will return in a few days with more supplies. If you are to survive the winter in this cave, then you will need more than just those blankets and a fire to help you.”  
  
Clarke shook her head.  
  
“You don't need to do that, Lexa. I'll be fine,” she insisted, but Lexa wouldn't hear it.  
  
“No Clarke, you will not,” the girl informed her in her commander tone, which she didn't often use on the blonde so Clarke knew the taller girl wasn't going to back down, “You have not dealt with our winters before; they are harsh, and to survive this one, you will need more than what you have. I do not wish to see you die, so I will bring you what you need. I will return in a few days.”  
  
Clarke just sighed, shaking her head, but a smile was on her face.  
  
“Whatever you say, Lexa,” she simply replied, “I'll be here. Safe travels. I'll... I'll see you in a few days.”  
  
Lexa nodded down at the other girl, whose smile still held on her face, nearly making a smile break out on the Commander's in turn. Rather than let that happen, she quickly turned her horse, and urged it on, beginning the journey back to Polis.  
  
Clarke watched her ride away until Lexa had gone out of sight, her emotions tampered down more than they had been the previous day, but still whirling within her. Watching the reason for those emotions disappear she sighed, turning back inside the cave. Now she had a squirrel and a pheasant to butcher. She just hoped the process was the same as rabbit butchering. It seemed there was a reason she had never been put on butchering detail at the dropship, and it wasn't just because she had been their only doctor. But she could learn, and she would, and she would survive, just as she had always done. And if she needed the Commander's help to do that... Well, maybe she was starting to see that wasn't such a bad thing after all. Not completely, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the chapter! Thanks for reading, and as always, I love to hear your thoughts. Again, hope you all have a great holiday! Thanks everyone!
> 
> Trigedasleng Translation: 
> 
> "Ba Heda" - "But Heda"


	7. Chapter 7

Lexa remained true to her word. Five days later Clarke looked up from the fire she had built when she woke up that morning as she heard a large animal approaching her cave. Knowing the need to be cautious, Clarke grabbed the gun that lay on the ground near her and quietly crept to the mouth of the cave, peering around it with the weapon clenched tightly in her fingers. She relaxed slightly when she saw Lexa atop her horse riding through the trees outside her cave. Upon recognizing who it was, Clarke tucked her gun carefully away, though the tension in her body didn't ease up completely. Although she no longer wanted to kill Lexa at the sight of her, Clarke still couldn't feel entirely comfortable around the other girl. Too much had happened between them, and a trust had been broken, and Clarke knew it would take a long time before she could truly feel comfortable with the other girl again. She was trying though, so she managed to send the other girl a slight smile as the horse approached her.  
  
The Commander noticed the gun and then the way Clarke held herself even as she put the weapon away, and she understood. She could see the indecision, the confusion and lack of trust within the blonde. While it hurt her to have Clarke look at her with this guarded expression, she understood why it was there, and that it would take time to break through it after all that had happened between them. She could only hope that she would be able to, because even though she knew that there was little hope for any kind of relationship between the two of them, Lexa's heart still ached whenever she set eyes on this blonde girl. The ache pushed against her even harder as she got closer and could see the dark circles beneath the blonde's eyes once again. It was clear that the leader of the Skaikru still could not sleep peacefully, her demons too fresh in her mind to allow her any rest, and that hurt the Commander deeply. She wished there was something she could do for the other girl, but she didn't know what it might be. So for now she would have to provide the best comfort she could that the other girl would allow.  
  
“Lexa,” Clarke said in way of greeting, nodding her head at the other girl.  
  
“Clarke,” Lexa replied, returning the nod, before she swung down off of the horse, patting its neck affectionately before turning and gesturing to the packs attached to its saddles. “As promised, I have returned with winter supplies,” she stated, and watched as Clarke approached, looking at the two large packs. “I have brought clothing meant to withstand the cold, as well as a thick winter fur that should keep you warm during the winter nights.”  
  
Clarke looked into the first pack and found the clothes: furs, leather gloves with fur lining, warm shirts and pants and even a pair of fur-lined boots had been packed tightly together so that they could all fit in the saddlebag. In the second, she found a giant fur blanket that felt incredibly soft, and as she pulled it partially out of the bag, she could tell that it would be far warmer than any of the blankets she already had. She wouldn't say so, but she was happy to have it: the past couple of nights had turned colder, and she had started leaving the fire going even once she attempted to sleep. The smoke and flames only added to her nightmares, but the warmth it provided outweighed the lack of sleep, especially since the nightmares came whether there was a fire going or not. No matter what she tried, Clarke couldn't stop them from coming, and had gotten used to only getting an hour or two of sleep every night. With these extra supplies however she might be able to get just a little more sleep, now that she wouldn't be shivering on top of the dreams.  
  
Looking up from the blanket she still held, she met Lexa's eyes. As always she saw more in them than she thought the other girl meant to show, but she did her best to ignore those feelings as well as the swirling emotions she felt in her own chest .  
  
“Thank you,” she simply said, meaning it. The other girl merely nodded, accepting the thanks without a word even as the sincerity in the simple statement caused her heart to pound just a little harder in her chest. Ignoring it, she moved to the saddlebag with the clothes in it and pulled the pack out. “Allow me to help get these in your cave, Clarke,” she stated, the words not quite a question but said in a way that allowed Clarke to refuse the help if she wished to. She didn't though, instead just giving Lexa her own nod, and then together they unhooked the two packs from the horse's back and carried them inside.  
  
“I apologize,” Lexa began as they moved to the cave's entrance, and Clarke's eyes swept over to the side so that she could see the brunette as she spoke. “I meant to arrive earlier, but a few of my people caught me before I could leave and needed me to settle a dispute. It took longer than I would have liked.”  
  
“That's fine,” Clarke replied quickly. “I didn't even know that you were coming today, so it's not like I was waiting around for you.” She paused for a moment, and then asked carefully, “Is everything alright with your people?” Even with their two people in an alliance still, she didn't know how much Lexa cared to talk about what might be going on with the Grounders. Their alliance was tentative, shaky at best, so the blonde would understand if the other girl didn't want to talk to a potential future enemy about her people.  
  
Lexa simply shrugged though, her face showing no signs of worry as she answered, “Yes, everything is well. A few of my warriors merely got into a dispute that had to be dealt with. They are restless, I believe.” The corners of her lips quirked up into the slightest of smiles as she carefully placed the pack that she carried at the back of the cave beside the rest of Clarke's supplies. “It has been a long time since my people were not actively fighting a war or at least preparing for one: many of my people do not know what to do with themselves now that we are in a time of peace.” She shrugged again, and Clarke could easily read the young leader's contentment at her words. “They will all settle down once the shock and uncertainty of this new time has left them, and those warriors will cool down sooner with the work detail I put them on for disrupting that peace.” The sides of her lips turned up just a hair further when she added, “Walsh will see to it that they have little energy for anything but eating and sleeping once he has finished working with them. He is well known for his ruthless training techniques.”  
  
Clarke couldn't entirely stop her own lips from turning up into a small grin at that, both from the brunette's words and from the true ease that seemed to have taken over the young leader. There was still a guarded look in her eyes, an awareness that never seemed to leave her, but at the same time she seemed more relaxed, more at ease than Clarke had ever seen her. It occurred to Clarke just then that this was probably the first time in her life that Lexa had experienced a time of peace. With the Mountain Men gone, the coalition still strong and the alliance with the Sky People, there was no threat for Lexa to focus on, no enemy that needed to be defeated, and Clarke could almost see how much easier Lexa walked with that knowledge. The blonde was almost surprised by how much that realization hurt her. She herself had been dealing with an enemy around every tree for only a few months; she couldn't imagine what it must have been like to to be worrying her entire life the way she had been since landing on the ground. The thought caused a pang of sympathy to hit her, but she forcefully pushed it away. She didn't want to have any sympathy for Lexa still, the sting of her betrayal still too sharp for the blonde to be able to look past it.  
  
Even so, Clarke could admit, if only to herself, that being around Lexa didn't tear at her the way it had only a couple short weeks ago. She was still angry, still couldn't really find it in her to forgive the brunette, but she could understand it all a little better. She could look past that anger and see the care for her that still shone in green eyes, and seeing that care, though confusing, didn't hurt in the same way it had.  
  
Choosing not to form any of her inner thoughts to words, Clarke turned, her eyes moving to the mouth of the cave. She could see the shadows growing from the trees not far from the cave's entrance, and knew that it was late afternoon, and that it would only be another hour or two before the darkness would begin to take over.  
  
“You should stay,” she said suddenly, breaking the quiet that had grown between them. She felt Lexa's eyes on her and turned to meet them. “You won't be able to get back to Polis before night sets in. It'll be safer for you if you stay the night again. You can leave tomorrow.”  
  
Lexa's eyes scanned hers for a moment, trying to read everything in them, and then merely nodded before saying simply, “I will see to my horse, and then I can help you prepare a dinner for us. I have some bread and cheese in my food pouch that you may like.”  
  
Clarke nodded, the idea of something other than berries and meat one that she gladly accepted, and then turned, moving back to her stores of food at the back of the cave. She heard Lexa's soft footsteps as she left the cave and she closed her eyes after opening the basket with food in it, taking a quick moment to try to control the confusing emotions swirling inside of her. Taking a small breath, she opened her eyes again and turned all of her focus to the food in front of her.

***

Once again that night, Lexa was woken by Clarke thrashing around in her sleep as the nightmares overwhelmed her. Just as she had done before, Lexa moved over to the scared girl, wrapping her arms around her protectively and waking her from her terrors, and once again Clarke fell into those arms wrapped around her, and only once she did so was she able to sleep well, Lexa's watchfulness seeming to keep the demons at bay. Once the other girl had fallen asleep, however, Lexa remained awake, Clarke's fears worrying her mind. She knew the girl needed to find a way to fight her demons, knew that Clarke had to win this battle, but could also see that she was losing. Alone, away from all of those who loved her and looked to her, Clarke was allowing the monsters to eat away at her, and soon there would be nothing left of her. Lexa wouldn't have that. She could not stand the thought of Clarke losing to her demons as she shut herself off from everyone else.  
  
And so Lexa spent the night thinking as she watched over the finally peacefully sleeping blonde. She thought about all she knew of the girl, all she had witnessed of her, and by the time the first rays of the sun began to filter into the cave, Lexa thought that she just might have an idea of how to help her fight her demons. 

***

For the first time in many days, it wasn't a horrifying image of dead or dying bodies that woke her up. Instead she awoke slowly, the shiver passing through her the cause of her return to consciousness. She hadn't chosen to use her new blanket the night before, thinking she wouldn't need it quite yet, could wait a bit longer, but now as a second shiver ran down her spine, she realized that the cold was coming in too quickly for her to continue using the same blankets she'd been using. Making a mental note to make sure to take it out and start using it that night, she sat up, knowing there was no point in trying to sleep anymore. She looked around the cave, a frown pulling at her lips. There was no fire going, no food cooking or animals being skinned, because there was no Lexa. The Commander was nowhere to be seen, and Clarke wondered if she had once again decided to go out hunting while the blonde slept. She still had meat left from Lexa's last visit and saw no reason for the brunette to have gone in search for more, but she knew better than to try to understand why Lexa did the things she did.  
  
Pushing herself to her feet, Clarke shivered once again but ignored it, instead moving over to the fire pit to get a little bit of warmth in her cave. Just as she was taking out her box of matches to get the fire started she paused, hearing movement outside of the cave. Again she frowned, dropping the matches back down by her bag, a little relieved she wouldn't have to see how few were left, and then made her way to the mouth of the cave. She stepped out, at first not seeing anything out of the ordinary, but when she stepped to the side of the cave, her frown only increased, her confusion clear as her eyebrows pulled down.  
  
Many yards away from the cave she found Lexa, her knife out as she carved a large circle into the bark of a tree. Inside the circle she had carved out another about the size of her hand, and when she stepped back, looking at her work, she nodded, and then picked up the bow and quiver of arrows she'd left leaning against the tree. Clarke looked at the bow and arrows, surprised. They were obviously the ones that had been in her cave, but she hadn't even noticed they were missing. Clearly that told her how much she used them.  
  
Turning with the weapons in hand, Lexa looked up and saw Clarke, giving her a nod. She walked back towards the blonde, her feet crunching against the leaves and rocks along the hard ground, but she didn't say anything until she'd made her way back to the younger girl's side. Only when she was close enough that she wouldn't have to raise her voice to be heard did Lexa say evenly, “Good morning, Clarke.”  
  
“Morning,” Clarke replied, but her frown didn't leave her face, her eyes darting back from Lexa and the weapons to the tree she had just vandalized. “What are you doing?”  
  
“Giving you a target,” the Commander answered easily, reaching the blonde and putting the quiver of arrows on the ground, pulling one out as she did so. “It is easier to practice when there is a clear target to shoot at.” She held out the bow and arrow both, her facial expression not giving anything away as she waited for the blonde to take them from her.  
  
Clarke merely raised her eyebrows at the offer, her eyes trailing down to the weapon.  
  
“I don't use a bow,” the blonde informed her. “I've never used one. I don't need it. I have my gun.”  
  
Now it was Lexa's turn to raise her eyebrows, giving her a look of polite interest.  
  
“Oh?” she asked, her tone light, “You have your gun. That is good Clarke, but how many bullets do you have to go with it?” The blonde didn't answer, looking away, and that was enough of an answer for the brunette. “A gun, like a bow, is only helpful when you have something to fire from it. I know little of guns other than that, but I do believe that it is much more difficult to make bullets than it is to make an arrow. You must be armed, Clarke, for both protection and hunting, and I do not believe your gun will be enough to give you both. However, I can teach you how to use a bow, and I can teach you how to make new arrows. If you will let me.”  
  
Clarke wanted to argue, wanted to tell her she didn't want Lexa's help, because it was true; she didn't. She didn't want her help, but she had already accepted it when she let Lexa show her to the cave. Lexa was already helping her, already working to make sure that the blonde survived on her own, and while Clarke hated it and didn't entirely understand it, she knew she needed it. She knew that if it weren't for this cave that the brunette had brought her to, she could easily already be dead. And she also knew that Lexa was right: she needed better protection than what she had now, because what she had now was one gun with a single clip that wasn't even full. What she had now were a few bullets in the woods, by herself, with who knows how many dangers around her. So while she hated the fact that she was about to accept Lexa's help once again, she also knew that it was necessary. So instead of putting up a fight or arguing until one or the other of them got their way, Clarke just reached forward and took the offered weapon, its weight feeling out of place in her hands.  
  
She lifted the bow as she'd seen the Grounders do and then fit the arrow to the string, but it all felt wrong, and the string on the bow was tighter than it looked, so when she tried to pull it back, it fought her. She struggled for a moment, and then thought she had it, and let it go, but the arrow simply fell to the ground in front of her feet. She nearly blushed, more embarrassed than she cared to admit, looking so bad in front of Lexa's watchful eyes, but simply bent down and picked up the arrow, fitting it once again to the string. This time she held the arrow tighter, trying to keep it in place, and it stayed on the string. She pulled the string back again, looking at the target Lexa had made in the tree so many yards away, and then she released the string, the arrow shooting from the bow. To her dismay, the arrow went nowhere near the target, instead shooting off to the left and imbedding itself into the ground a few feet shy of the tree she had hoped to hit. She glared at the arrow, as if her failure were all its fault.  
  
“You must relax, Clarke,” Lexa told her, her voice even, giving no hint to what she thought of Clarke's horrible shooting. She reached down and grasped another arrow, pulling it out of the quiver. “Your body is too tense; you must loosen up. Hold the string loosely in your fingers when you draw it back, do not grip it quite so hard.”  
  
Clarke looked down at the bow in her hand and then held it out, raising her eyebrows at the brunette when she looked up and met her eyes. “Show me,” she merely said, and Lexa simply nodded, gently taking the bow from her hand. She turned so that her side was facing the tree, and then easily fit the arrow to the bow's string. She looked at Clarke, meeting her eyes, and then she turned to the tree, her arms lifting the bow and then easily pulling the string back with three fingers. Barely taking a moment to look at the target, she let the string go, and the next moment her arrow had planted itself firmly into the center of the target she had created. Clarke watched it all, trying to keep her own face as expressionless as the Commander's.  
  
Lexa gave a little nod to the arrow sticking out of the tree, and then turned back to the blonde, handing her the weapon again. Clarke accepted it, and then accepted the next arrow Lexa pulled out of the quiver. Rather than stepping back however, Lexa instead moved forward, her hands going to the blonde's shoulders and gently turning her. Clarke stiffened slightly at the touch, but she didn't say anything, so neither did Lexa. The older girl guided her hands over Clarke's, showing her how to properly fit the arrow to the string, and then adjusted her grip both on the shaft of the bow and the string. Nodding once her fingers were in the right place, Lexa moved to stand behind the other girl, her hand moving to the blonde's elbow. Carefully she ushered the arm up, Clarke following her movements and pulling the string back.  
  
“Look at your target,” Lexa spoke quietly, and Clarke tried not to notice how close she was. “Feel the string against your fingers and the arrow against your bow. Take a deep breath, and when you are ready, release the string.” The brunette released her elbow and stepped back, giving Clarke her space as she carefully aimed at her target. Clarke took a deep breath, mind trying to be solely focused on the target in front of her, and then felt her fingers release the string.  
  
The arrow did not hit the target, but it didn't shoot into the ground either. It hit the right tree, just a couple of feet above the target. Clarke let out a little growl. Lexa, however, seemed impressed.  
  
“That was not bad,” she informed the younger girl, and Clarke turned to her, her eyebrows raised.  
  
“I didn't even come close to hitting the target,” she argued, pointing to the tree, but Lexa merely shrugged.  
  
“You came closer than your previous attempt,” she replied, eyeing both arrows that Clarke had shot. “The fact that you were even able to hit the correct tree with just your second arrow is quite good. It is better than I did, when I was first learning to fire a bow.”  
  
“Yeah?” Clarke asked, trying to picture Lexa as anything other than the great shot she clearly was. The brunette merely nodded, choosing not to tell Clarke that she had not quite been four the first time she had been handed a bow to shoot. The age difference made no matter: their peoples were simply different, and the fact that she had learned so much earlier in life compared to Clarke did not lessen the fact that Clarke was already showing progress. She watched as the blonde took another deep breath and then reached down on her own, grabbing another arrow and then fit it to the string, once again turning towards her target.  
  
They worked with the weapon for an hour, Clarke shooting and getting progressively closer to her target, still having a wild shot every now and then. Lexa watched and made corrections when she noticed Clarke's stance shift, gently repositioned her hands when they slipped from the proper grip on the bow or told her to loosen the tight hold on the string when needed. The blonde listened, following the soft words from the Commander, and for a while she almost forgot why it was she needed to learn how to use the weapon. She got lost in the pull of the string, the soft wood gripped in her hand, the thunk of the arrow as it hit the trunk of the tree. What she tried not to realize was how she also got lost in the other girl's voice, quietly correcting her and giving her words of encouragement, the gentle touch of her hands when she pushed her hand against the blonde's back, urging her to square her shoulders, or the careful grip on her arm when she let her elbow drop too far when she pulled the bowstring back. She got lost in all of it, so lost that she was surprised when she reached down for another arrow and found none left in the quiver. Lexa was not surprised, clearly, for when Clarke looked up she found the other girl already halfway to the tree, collecting the few arrows she walked by that had been shot short of the target, easily pulling them from the earth their points had sunken into.  
  
Clarke followed the other girl, grabbing the quiver from beside her while still carrying the bow in her other hand. She moved over to the tree, eyes stuck on Lexa while the Commander stood studying the target and arrows littering the tree's trunk, both in and around the large circle.  
  
“These are not bad, Clarke,” Lexa told her, her tone once again sounding rather impressed. “There is power behind your arrows. And your aim improves with each shot. With more practice I believe you could become an excellent bowmen.”  
  
The blonde raised her eyebrows at the praise before turning to the tree to see for herself how well she'd done. None of her arrows were in the bullseye like Lexa's, but there were a few that at least were inside the target, and a number of other ones that had landed just outside of it. She looked closer and could see that about half of the arrowheads for each of her arrows were embedded into the tree. Her eyes scanned over to Lexa's: the entire arrowhead had sunk into the tree, none of it showing from its spot in the middle of the bullseye. Clarke shook her head slightly, but didn't fight it when her mouth turned up into a small smile. Instead she followed Lexa's lead when the brunette reached up and began pulling the arrows from the trunk, checking each carefully before she placed them back into the quiver Clarke had leaned against the tree when they had stopped. With only a little urging, the arrows all came out easily enough, and soon they had collected all but the one Lexa had shot. The Commander reached to her belt, pulling her knife from its small holster, knowing she would need it to dig the arrow from the wood, but Clarke's hand suddenly on her wrist stopped her. She looked up at the blonde, her brow pulled down in slight confusion as the other girl just shook her head a little at her.  
  
“Leave it,” she told her, “It'll give me something to compare my own work to.” Lexa studied her for just a moment before she nodded, stepping away from the tree and leaving the arrow behind. Ready to move away from the archery lesson and onto her next idea, the Commander took a few steps away from the tree and the others around it. She needed space enough for both of them to move for the next lesson she had in mind, and she could feel Clarke's confused eyes on her as she moved, especially when she suddenly threw the knife in her hand to the ground. She could feel the blonde's confusion and curiosity grow when she reached up and grabbed the strap to the sword hanging on her back, pulling the scabbard and weapon both from over her shoulder and then lightly tossing it to the ground with the knife. She turned then, meeting the blonde's eyes, her expression still easy, giving little away. She saw the blonde's shock increase when she simply called out to the blonde, “Attack me.”  
  
Clarke's eyebrows shot up, her surprise as clear in her expression as it was in her tone when she just asked, “Excuse me?”  
  
Lexa met the expression with her own easy one, simply telling her, “Attack me, Clarke. I wish to see how well you can fight.”  
  
“I'm not attacking you, Lexa,” Clarke replied quickly, taking a single step towards her. “Why do you need to know how I fight?”  
  
The brunette nodded towards the bow and arrow in the blonde's hands, not taking her eyes from the younger girl's as she informed her, “A bow and arrow or a gun are good, Clarke, important for survival, but they are only a part of being able to survive on your own. What happens if you meet an enemy and you do not have either with you, or you are out of arrows or bullets?” She paused for a moment, seeing the confusion only partially leave the blonde's expression, before she continued. “You must be able to defend yourself without these weapons,” she insisted. “Too often an attack comes without warning, and you do not have time to draw your weapon. When this happens, you must be able to fall back to your own body as your protection. Your hands must be a weapon of their own, as must the rest of your body. If you know how to fight, then your chances of survival increase greatly. If you do not, then they decrease greatly.”  
  
“I know how to fight,” Clarke argued, her eyes scanning across Lexa's face. “I don't need you to teach me that.”  
  
Lexa shrugged, ignoring the way Clarke's eyes moved across her face.  
  
“Perhaps you do,” she said, “And if so, then I will not bother you with trying to teach you more. But I have never seen any Sky Person in hand-to-hand combat, save for Octavia, and that was only when Indra made her her Second. From what I have seen, your people stick to their weapons, using those and only those for protection. Your guns are powerful, I cannot deny that, but they are not infallible, especially when you have few bullets. Bows and arrows are the same way. All of our warriors learn hand-to-hand combat before they are ever given a sword, knowing that the chances of them needing to defend themselves with their bare hands are great.” She paused again before adding quietly, “I have seen many good warriors slain because they could not defend themselves well enough when they dropped their weapon. I will not allow that to happen to you.” Her eyes as she finished bore into Clarke's, the look so intense that Clarke had to look away, the stirring in her stomach suddenly making it a little hard to breathe. Finally the blonde just nodded, stepping closer to the brunette, and Lexa returned the nod. “Attack me, Clarke,” she said, “I will not attack back.”  
  
Clarke's eyes scanned over the brunette, seeing the easy stance she held, and then she licked her lips. While she really didn't think she'd need to know how to defend herself in hand-to-hand combat with their people in an alliance, Lexa's logic made sense, and she knew that peace didn't always last. So she lightly tossed the bow and quiver behind her, took a deep breath, and then rushed forward without a word, pulling her fist back as she moved. Lexa watched her, her eyes not leaving Clarke's even as she threw her fist forward. For a split second Clarke was afraid that she was going to hurt Lexa, but just before her fist came in contact with the other girl's cheek, the brunette stepped to the side, her body quickly moving out of the line of fire as Clarke's fist merely met air. Her eyes widened, surprised at the speed with which Lexa had been able to move. She quickly turned towards the brunette and rushed forwards again, but a second time the brunette moved away from her just as it seemed Clarke's fist would come in contact with her face. Clarke attacked, and Lexa dodged, her eyes barely moving away from Clarke's even as the blonde's moved from hers, watching Lexa and trying to follow her movements as her brow pulled down. Every time Clarke thought she was going to make contact, Lexa managed to move out of the way just in time, and it was seriously starting to piss Clarke off as her breath turned heavy, sweat beginning to bead along her forehead. While she tired, Lexa looked as though they could simply be having a friendly conversation, no trace of her movement showing on her face, and that only fueled the blonde's annoyance further.  
  
“Alright, how the hell are you doing that?” Clarke finally growled, this time not moving forward after Lexa once again dodged her attack. Instead she just glared at the other girl, even as she tried to control the quick rise and fall of her chest.  
  
Again Lexa shrugged, her eyes still not moving from Clarke's.  
  
“Your movements are easy to predict, Clarke,” she informed the other girl easily, earning a fresh glare from the blonde. “You move heavily, allowing your arms to lead you. You are wild, and you wear your frustration clearly on your face. This frustration shows your opponent your impatience, and they can easily use that impatience to tire you out.” She shrugged again, keeping her voice light as she added, “Honestly, it is clear you are no fighter, not in this sense, anyway.” She was not trying to be cruel to the blonde, but she could see the way the other girl clenched first her jaw and then her fists, her fingers curling in on themselves.  
  
“I beat Anya,” Clarke growled, “Could have killed her even, if I'd have wanted. I almost did.”  
  
They were dangerous words, and even as she spoke them, a voice inside her head told Clarke that she should probably shut up right now. She knew Lexa had cared for Anya, knew that the two had been close, and hearing that she had at one time nearly killed the woman Lexa had looked up to could lead to real trouble for the blonde. Rather than get angry, however, her words had another effect on the brunette before her. She saw Lexa's eyebrows shoot up, unable to hide the sudden surprise on her face, and while that surprise satisfied the blonde's hurt pride a little, it also chipped away at that pride even more, the Commander's clear disbelief in her words clear.  
  
Lexa opened her mouth and then closed it a couple of times, her shock taking over before she noticed the flash of almost hurt that crossed the blonde's face. Finally she said hurriedly, “It is not that I do not believe you Clarke. It is just that... Well, Anya was a great warrior. I was fourteen by the time I finally beat her in hand-to-hand combat, and even then I limped away from that fight with a broken arm and injured ankle. It is difficult to imagine her bested by anyone, especially anyone who is not also a great warrior.”  
  
It was Clarke's turn to look surprised, and she wasn't able to keep all of the incredulity from her voice when she asked, “Wait, Anya broke your arm? I thought she was your mentor? What were you two fighting about?”  
  
Lexa looked at her curiously, her brow turning down a little as she answered easily, “We were training.” The blonde's mouth fell open slightly as she exclaimed, “Wait, Anya broke your arm just when you guys were _training_?!” The exclamation pulled Lexa's brow down even further, unsure where Clarke's surprise was coming from.  
  
“Yes,” she replied easily, “We were training, and that was the first time that I was able to beat her. It was a great victory for me.”  
  
Clarke was shaking her head while she spoke, and as soon as she had finished the blonde insisted, “But you guys were _training_. Isn't an injury like a broken arm a little much when you're not actually in battle?”  
  
“It was not broken badly,” Lexa assured her, still unsure why Clarke was making a big deal of this. “There were many other times I had far worse injuries from training.” As the blonde just continued to shake her head, Lexa tilted her head slightly as she asked, “Are your warriors not ever injured during training?”  
  
“I mean, yeah, injuries happen, but not _broken bones_ ,” Clarke answered, “We train for battle, but we don't seriously injure each other while doing so.”  
  
Lexa's brow turned down again even as she asked, “But how can you train for battle without injuring each other, seriously or otherwise?” When Clarke just looked at her like she was crazy, she added, “In battle, people get injured: that is the definition of battle. If in training you do not learn how to fight through any pains or injuries you receive, how can you or your warriors be expected to fight through it then?”  
  
Clarke opened her mouth to answer, but then had to close it, realizing she didn't have one. The idea of someone getting a broken arm just in training appalled her, and she tried to ignore the fact that a big part of that horror came from the fact that she was imagining a young Lexa pushing herself to just keep fighting harder even as her arm hung limply at her side, but at the same time, the young leader's words made sense. If in training you fight as though you are in a real battle, then there can be no surprises when it's the real thing. It was a ruthless way to see the world, but from what she had seen of the ground in the short time she'd been there, this world was nothing but ruthless. So as much as she didn't like it, hated that that kind of training was necessary, she understood it. Still, she couldn't keep herself from shaking her head a final time.  
  
“I guess that explains why your warriors never seem to feel pain,” she said finally, her eyes once again meeting Lexa's. “You're just... used to it.”  
  
Lexa nodded, telling her, “From the moment we begin training to be warriors, we learn that pain is part of our life. You take it, you fight through it, you ignore it. You do not let it beat you, or you die.”  
  
Clarke listened, her brow pulling down just slightly in concentration as she took in the brunette's words. Something about them hit the blonde harder than she cared to admit. Because she was in pain: it wasn't a physical pain, but she felt it nevertheless. She was in pain, and that pain pulled at her, tore into her, burned her lungs with every breath, and she was so tired of it. She didn't really believe that she could ever be free of this pain that had become like a second skin to her, but she was willing to try just about anything at this point to get rid of it.  
  
So she sighed, letting out the breath she had been holding in, and turned back to meet Lexa's eyes.  
  
“Okay, so how do I become a warrior?” she asked, and saw the corner of the brunette's mouth turn up slightly.  
  
“You already are a warrior, Clarke,” the older girl informed her, stepping closer. “Every leader is. But if you mean how do you become a better fighter, I can help you. I will teach you.”  
  
Clarke nodded, and again Lexa stepped forward, and then one of her feet slid over to the blonde's, lightly pushing one foot to the side so that her stance widened. She moved around the younger girl, reaching out and lightly pushing against the blonde's back, straightening her back and squaring her shoulders. Her hands moved to Clarke's arms, pulling them up, and then she stepped beside the blonde. She raised her own hand up, showing it to the other girl as she pulled the hand into a fist.  
  
“When you throw a punch, your thumb should never be tucked into your fist,” she stated, showing what she meant by first tucking her thumb into the fist, and then showing her the correct way to do it. “I noticed in a few of your punches you had your thumb tucked in. If you had made contact with me, it is just as likely that you would have broken your thumb as causing injury to me.” She nodded to the blonde, and the other girl copied her, properly curling her fingers into a fist. Once done, Lexa continued, telling her, “When you throw the fist, you want to hit your opponent with your knuckles, not with the flat of your fingers. Again, this is just as likely to cause pain to you as to your enemy.” She paused, giving a moment for Clarke to take in her words before she continued, “When you throw the punch, you want to keep your wrist straight. Bending the wrist will not only cause your punch to be less powerful, but could also injure you.” Very lightly she turned and slowly punched Clarke's upper arm, the demonstration so light that Clarke could barely feel it, but gave the blonde a chance to see what she meant. She repeated the action so that Clarke could see it again, and then she turned so that she was facing Clarke head on. She nodded, telling Clarke, “Now punch me in the stomach.”  
  
Clarke looked at her like she was crazy, her eyebrows once again shooting up.  
  
“Excuse me?” the blonde asked, “You just want me to punch you, just like that?”  
  
Lexa's lips curled up, but she nodded, saying, “Yes. You need to practice, and the stomach is the largest target. Now punch me; it does not have to be hard if you do not wish.” Clarke eyed her again, still thinking that she was kind of crazy, but she did as she was told, drawing her fist back just slightly before she pushed her arm forward, her fist coming into contact with Lexa's stomach just a little harder than the other girl's hit against her arm had been. However, as her knuckles moved against the other girl's stomach, even through her shirt Clarke could feel the hard muscles beneath it and she knew that she'd have to have a lot more force behind her punch for it to come even close to hurting the other girl. She nearly blushed, suddenly remembering the hardness of Lincoln's abs, and imagining the same thing but on Lexa caused her throat to go a little dry. She did her best to ignore both the thoughts and the way her body was reacting to the thoughts, instead taking a step back, her fist moving away once again from Lexa's stomach.  
  
The brunette didn't seem to see the slight pink tinge take over the blonde's cheeks, her focus instead still on the punch itself.  
  
“Not bad,” she said. “Practice the punch every day. Use trees, rocks, the ground.” She shrugged, saying, “Whatever you can find to practice against, do it. The repetitive motion of the punch will ingrain the proper way to do it within you, until you do not need to think about it. Using hard surfaces will hurt at first, but they will toughen up your knuckles.” She looked her over again, once again needing to urge her to widen her stance, one of her feet having moved in while she practiced her punch. “Look at your stance.” Clarke did, looking at the placement of her feet and feeling the way she held her shoulders. “Remember that stance,” Lexa told her, “It will keep you centered. This is the stance you always want to fall back into after an attack. You should feel loose, your arms up easily. It should take no effort to make any movement. You should be able to step in any direction and your body should be able to follow easily, fluidly.”  
  
“When you fight, your body is not many different parts,” she continued, “It is one piece, one whole with which you use the entirety to move, whether you are dealing a punch, a kick, a hit. Whether you carry sword, knife, or have no weapon, your body must feel free to move. If your body is too tense, it will feel heavy, and that heaviness will slow you down. There are some warriors who use that heaviness as a strength. They root themselves to the earth, believing their opponents will never be able to knock them down. For the most part, these warriors are large, muscular, and more often than not men.” Lexa's eyes scanned Clarke's figure, and even though she knew it was only in regards to this training, Clarke once again almost blushed under the look. “You and I are not suited for that kind of fighting,” the brunette continued. “We are small, and would be easily moved if a larger opponent were able to hit us.” Her eyes flickered up, meeting Clarke's. “Therefore we do not allow our opponent that opportunity. My speed, as much as my strength, is what keeps me alive in battle. Perhaps even more so. You must remain loose, balancing easily on the balls of your feet, so that when your enemy attacks, you can evade that attack.” She paused a moment, shifting slightly as she settled in her own stance. Her eyes scanned Clarke's, and Clarke saw a little spark in them. She was having fun, the blonde suddenly realized, and it hurt her a little when she also realized she'd never seen that spark in the brunette's eyes before. “If you are fast, you can evade an enemy's attack while simultaneously dealing your own blows. Wear your enemy down until they are breathing heavily as I did with you earlier, then your enemy is already partially beat.”  
  
“I wasn't breathing that heavily,” Clarke argued, rolling her eyes, but she couldn't stop the pull of her lips when she saw Lexa smile at her.  
  
“Perhaps not,” she gave her, “But you were tiring, and it was only a matter of time. Had we actually been fighting, it would not have taken much longer for me to claim my victory.”  
  
“You sound awfully cocky,” Clarke informed her, and she almost laughed when Lexa frowned, tilting her head at the strange term. Clearly seeing that the other girl didn't understand it, Clarke said instead, “Sure of yourself. You seem awfully sure that you would have won. But you don't know, I could have surprised you. I've done it before, with others who thought they'd beaten me.”  
  
“You are right, Clarke,” Lexa admitted, actually managing to look a little sheepish. “I should not act so... 'cocky.'” The foreign word sounded funny even to her own ears, but she ignored the strangeness of it. “One should never allow themselves to believe they have won before the battle is actually over. It is when this happens that you are most likely to make a mistake, and mistakes can cost you your life. But not at this moment.” She turned her attention completely back to the other girl, her eyes looking up to meet Clarke's again. “For now we are simply learning the basics that you must know. I have seen you attack, but now I must see how you are with evading an attack. This time I will attack you, and you will try to evade each attack. Do not worry,” she assured the blonde, “I will not attack as though to injure. You will be safe, even if contact is made.”  
  
The blonde just nodded, her face setting into a look of concentration.  
  
“Alright then,” she said, shifting slightly in her stance, eyes not moving from Lexa's, “Attack me.”  
  
Lexa did, rushing at Clarke, and she watched as Clarke watched her, stepping away from the attack just in time. The Commander attacked again and again, and each time she did she studied Clarke's movements. The blonde was able to dodge the majority of the attacks, though every now and then contact was made. Each time the punch was light, Lexa pulling the attack back when it was clear Clarke could not get away fast enough. She moved more slowly than she would with a trained warrior, and put far less power into her punches than she would in normal circumstances, but this wasn't to win a battle: this was only to see how well Clarke could already do, and to help her get an idea of what she could do to improve the blonde's fighting. They moved for long minutes, and even though the longer they moved the slower Clarke got, her body obviously tiring long before Lexa's, the brunette felt a new kind of respect form for the blonde. The younger leader did not complain, did not act as though any of this were a waste of time, instead just setting her jaw even more stubbornly every time Lexa's fist managed to connect with her arms or side. The Commander could see that the blonde was already taking this training seriously, and that almost brought a small smile to the leader's lips.  
  
Finally, when beads of sweat were rolling down the sides of the blonde's face and even Lexa could feel the light sheen of perspiration on her skin, she stopped. She saw Clarke eye her warily for a moment, and gave her a small reassuring grin.  
  
“I think that is enough for the moment,” she informed the other girl, “We have done a lot in a short period of time. Already you show improvement in your movement. You are a fast learner, Clarke.”  
  
“Thanks,” the blonde replied, swiping her sleeve across her forehead to wipe away the sweat that had gathered there. “This was... fun, actually. Kind of.”  
  
Lexa's grin grew, if only by a fraction, before she told the other girl, “Anya would have told you that training is not meant to be fun. It is meant only to beat sense into you so that you can be prepared for a fight at any moment.” Her eyes darted to Clarke's, and again the blonde thought she saw that spark flash in her eyes. “I have often found it to be fun too, however.” Her gaze turned up, looking up at the sky, and then her grin fell, that flash wiping away as quickly as the smile. When she looked again at Clarke, the blonde was actually disappointed to see her face had gone back to the neutral expression she nearly always wore. “I must go now though,” she informed the other girl, “The morning will be ending soon, and I should be getting back to my people.”  
  
A kind of disappointment developed in Clarke's stomach at the words, but she didn't let the feeling show on her face. Instead she just nodded, agreeing with, “Yeah, I guess you probably do need to be getting back.” She paused for a minute, watching while Lexa moved over to where she had dropped her sword and knife on the ground. The older girl bent over and grabbed the sword first, slinging its strap once again over her shoulder before grabbing the knife and returning it to her belt. As she turned and met Clarke's eyes once again, the blonde heard herself saying, “Do you want some breakfast before you go? We've been working so long, maybe you should eat something before you start the long trek back.”  
  
Again Lexa's lips pulled up into a small, brief smile before she answered, “I would love to Clarke, but I have food still in my bags that will be able to hold me over until I get back, and I should be leaving. My people may begin to worry if I do not return before nightfall. I thank you though, for the offer.”  
  
“Okay, sure. No problem,” Clarke replied, suddenly feeling awkward. How was it that only a few weeks ago she never wanted to see Lexa again, but now she didn't really want the other girl to leave?  
  
“You should run,” Lexa spoke suddeny, and when Clarke looked at her curiously, she clarified, “Every day. You should run every day, on both flat ground and hills. It will help you build up your stamina and help with your breath control, that way you will not tire as quickly when you fight.”  
  
“Oh,” Clarke just said. “Okay. Thanks for the tip.”  
  
Lexa nodded and then looked as though she were about to turn away, but she stopped before she could turn completely. For a second she looked off, and Clarke wondered what she was thinking, but then those eyes turned back to her, and she met them easily. There was an uncertainty in them, and that uncertainty surprised her.  
  
“Clarke, I...” she began, but trailed off. She took a moment, her eyes looking into Clarke's, before she continued. “I enjoy visiting you. I enjoyed working with you today, and have enjoyed the little time we have spent together. But... If you do not wish for me to return, all you have to do is say so. You now have enough supplies to last the winter, and know enough about the bow and arrow that you should be able to replenish your food supplies with a little more practice. I would like to do more, teach you more and learn more from you, yes, but if you do not wish to see me again, all you have to do is tell me. I understand how you feel about me, and I know that after what I did to you, you have no reason to want me to be near you. I will understand if you do not wish for me to come back again, and I will respect that wish.”  
  
She finished speaking, and Clarke couldn't say anything. Her eyes scanned quickly across the brunette's face, seeing the truth in her promise. She believed that Lexa meant what she said; she believed that if she said so, the other girl would never come back here, never come back to her again. She didn't know how she knew she could trust that promise, considering the whole reason she was supposed to hate Lexa at the moment was because of her breaking another promise, but she believed it. It was not long ago that she would have latched on to that, immediately telling this girl who had caused her so much pain to never come back, and she would have been thrilled to watch her walk away for the last time. But now those words were stuck in her throat, and no matter how she tried to coax them out, they simply wouldn't budge. Instead, when she saw the corners of Lexa's mouth turn down minutely and her chin lift up just barely, trying to hide her hurt before she turned around, she heard herself call out, “The next time you come, could you bring more bread?”  
  
Lexa froze in her turn, and a part of her was glad she had moved far enough around that Clarke couldn't see her face because she wasn't able to hide the surprise or the smile that grew as the blonde's words registered in her mind. She felt her heartbeat quicken and had to close her eyes as she tried to regain control of both her face and her heart.  
  
“Sha, Klark,” she said without turning around. “I would be happy to do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really hoping that in season three someone is going to teach Clarke how to fight (and yes, I will be extra happy if it's Lexa), because that poor girl gets knocked out so often. Seriously, she has to have gotten so many concussions in the short time she's been on the ground. She's had a couple of good fights (her fight with Anya being amazing), but overall she just keeps getting knocked out, so I'm hoping that changes. But anyway, I digress. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! As always, I love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> Trigedasleng:
> 
> "Sha, Klark" - "Yes, Clarke"


	8. Chapter 8

A week went by without any sign of Lexa. Clarke had started expecting to hear her horse after five days, and then when there was no sign of her riding through the trees, the blonde had to tell herself that she didn't care. The Commander was busy, had her people to run and take care of, so of course she couldn't be expected to return so soon. So Clarke tried to push her disappoint away, did her best to pretend she didn't feel it, choosing instead to focus on other things.  
  
Clarke no longer spent every day sitting inside her cave just staring at her fire. Now, instead, after waking up each morning and having something for breakfast, she would grab the bow and quiver of arrows and she would make her way to the target Lexa had made for her. She would set herself up where and how Lexa had shown her, and then she would go through the entire quiver of arrows, barely taking a break from one to the other. Often times once the quiver ran out, she'd gather up all of the arrows, first quickly studying how well she had done, and then she would fire the entire quiver again. On the fourth day she managed to fire an arrow within the bullseye, the arrow embedding itself just a couple of inches away from Lexa's arrow that still remained firmly within the tree. She hadn't been able to stop her grin when she noticed that, and felt a warm rush of pride run through her. It took her another two days to do it again, but she was now steadily hitting within the target at least.  
  
In the afternoon, she ran. At first she never went far from her cave, too worried about what she might run into if she traveled too far, but soon she was running in new directions every day, each day going a little farther than the last. She found that she enjoyed running: she liked pushing her body, liked the pumping of her legs as her feet slapped against the hard ground, even kind of loved the burn of her lungs as she simply kept going. Along with the enjoyment of the running itself, she also liked that as she ran, she was also able to find new resources for herself. On the third day of running, she found bushes and bushes of berries, and she quickly turned around, returning with pouches so that she could collect some. On the sixth day she found a stream, and when she broke out of the trees she scared a deer, the animal looking at her before it fled. She made a mental note to come back with the bow sometime: this could potentially be a great area for hunting.  
  
Every day she ran and she practiced with her bow, and with each day she felt a little more like herself and less like the murderer she had come to see herself as. She still dreamed, the images of the things she'd done haunting her, but the dreams were less frequent. Now when she went to bed she was too tired from the work she had done that day to let the images keep her from sleeping, and once she was out, her body actually allowed her to get some rest before bringing the images into her mind. Her sleep was fitful, yes, but less so than it had been, and she could almost feel the life returning to her. She was no longer the person she had been on the Ark: she hadn't been for weeks, and with each terrible choice she had had to make while on the ground, it had felt like she took on a new skin. Leader. Healer. Killer. The list continued on, a never ending plethora of titles that she now felt as though had embedded themselves into her being, and now she had a new skin, a new title: Survivor. Maybe she'd been a survivor all along, but it was only now, on her own and with no one around her to have to keep alive as well, that she sank into the skin, allowing it to become her entire being. The memories of her other selves remained at the corners of her mind, but whenever the visions of what she had done tried to take over she pushed them away with the pull of her bowstring, the _thunk_ of an arrow against the tree, or the quick slap of her feet against the ground. She was a survivor, and she found this skin easy to wear, a comfort to it that she was more than happy to sink into. As a survivor she was finally free.  
  
Finally, on the ninth day, she heard the heavy footsteps of a large animal breaking through the trees, but this time she knew the footsteps. Even as she felt her heartbeat pick up slightly, she didn't look up from her target. If anything, she focused harder, making sure of her aim, before she released the string in her fingers. Her arrow hit inside the target, just a few inches outside of the bullseye, and then she reached down and grabbed another arrow, setting it to the string. She heard Lexa dismount, heard her footsteps as she approached the blonde, but still she didn't look away from the tree. She took a breath, trying to only focus on the target before her, and once she had that focus, she released the string again, her arrow landing within the large circle.  
  
“Very good, Clarke,” Lexa told her, standing just behind the blonde as she eyed the cluster of arrows in the target. “You have clearly been practicing.”  
  
“It gives me something to do,” Clarke just said, not yet ready to admit how much she enjoyed the simple pull of the bowstring. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Lexa move, and she turned to find the other girl leaning over, grabbing one of the arrows out of the quiver standing beside the blonde. She held the arrow up near her face, studying it carefully. Clarke watched her, raising an eyebrow at her, and a moment later the brunette's eyes looked up from the arrow, moving directly to meet the blonde's gaze.  
  
“Your arrows are losing their edge,” the brunette informed her, handing the arrow out for the blonde's inspection. Clarke took it, frowning as she studied the arrowhead. “You have clearly used them many times,” the other girl continued. “With each use they have dulled. They must be sharpened, and new arrows made if you plan to continue working with the bow as much as you have done.”  
  
Looking this closely, Clarke could see what Lexa was talking about. The point of the arrow was chipped, the edges rounded. Gently she ran a finger over the edge and had to increase the pressure of the touch before she felt the slight sting of the small cut. Her eyes turning back to the brunette she simply asked, “Alright, how do I sharpen them? And what do I need to make more?”  
  
The smallest of smiles appeared on the brunette's face before she asked, “Would you like to go for a run? We can collect the supplies you will need, and I can see if you have been working on that as well.”  
  
One corner of the blonde's mouth turned up, almost as if in response to the brunette's, before she challenged, “You sure you can keep up?”  
  
The response only made Lexa's smile grow. 

***

Clarke hadn't stood a chance of keeping up with Lexa. Thinking about it while they each focused on their own task as they sat around their fire, Clarke almost grinned again. She thought that over the week she'd done a pretty decent job of building up her speed and her stamina, definitely being able to run further and faster today than she had been the last time Lexa had visited. Yet her running was absolutely nothing compared to the brunette's: Lexa was able to shoot through the trees, her feet barely making a sound as she moved. Clarke could have sworn that while she stepped on every single fallen branch in her way, Lexa managed to somehow hover over them. Even just trying to keep up with the other girl had been a challenge, and Clarke was pretty sure she had even been holding back. After collecting everything Lexa said they would need, she had shown Clarke how to run with a longer stride, how to move her body in the best way to increase her speed. She'd tried the run on the way back to the cave, a sack full of narrow sticks on her back as Lexa carried the stones, grasses, feathers and sap they had collected, and while it had felt awkward at first, slowly she became more used to it as they moved. Lexa still beat her easily in the race back, but she liked to believe that she had at least done a little better.  
  
Now they sat in her cave, the supplies they had carried laid out between them. Lexa sat sharpening both the arrows Clarke already had as well as the thin rocks they had collected, while Clarke used her knife to strip the sticks of their bark. A couple of new completed arrows were laid carefully out beside each of them, the sap drying as it held the feathers in place. They were crude, and the ones that Lexa had made definitely looked better than the ones Clarke had done, but they were whole, and the blonde was pretty sure they would get the job done. Looking at them, Clarke felt a little spark of pride flare up inside her.  
  
“In the morning, would you care to continue working on hand-to-hand combat, Clarke?” Lexa suddenly asked, her eyes just briefly turning up to look at the other girl as she continued to scrape the side of the rock she held against the large stone she had placed before her. “If your work with the bow is anything to go by, I believe you could show great improvement with that as well. Soon, at least, if you continue to practice.”  
  
The blonde nodded, her own eyes not leaving the stick she held, too worried about cutting herself if she looked up and let her knife slip.  
  
“I'd like that,” she answered. “I've tried working on my punches some, but the actual fighting is harder to practice with no one to fight against.”  
  
Lexa gave her the smallest of nods. As they had collected supplies she had noticed the small bruises and scrapes that lined the blonde's knuckles, her work with the punches Lexa had taught her made obvious by the wounds. She also understood the difficulty in learning to fight without an opponent to work against. Anya had always made sure that she herself had never been at a loss for someone to work with, stepping in herself whenever another fighter couldn't be found. The steady flow of rivals and teachers had been what had helped her learn so quickly, and what had gotten her used to fighting against so many different styles. She would have to think of a better way for Clarke to practice on her own other than simply punching trees.  
  
“Then we will work more with that tomorrow, and I will teach you moves other than simply punching and dodging,” she replied. She noticed the tips of Clarke's lips turn up into a small smirk, her own matching the look when Clarke challenged, “Good. Soon maybe I'll be able to beat you.”  
  
The near playfulness of the words told Lexa that they weren't a threat, more of a joke. She allowed her eyebrows to rise, meeting Clarke's eyes when she looked up from the stick in her hands as the last bit of bark fell away from it. “It has been many years since I have been beaten,” she informed the blonde, her own playfulness tinting her tone, “I look forward to your attempt to be the first within that time.”  
  
“Maybe your people just go easy on your since you're their leader,” the blonde suggested, giving her a shrug of her shoulders. “Maybe they're afraid of the consequences if they did beat you.”  
  
“Perhaps,” Lexa agreed easily, her voice light. “It has been more of my experience to find warriors who want nothing more than to beat me though, simply so they can say they were able to out-fight their Heda.” She mirrored Clarke's shrug. “But I could be incorrect in that perception. I will just have to teach you, and then we can see which might be the truth.” Clarke just shook her head before turning her attention back to her work, but Lexa didn't miss the twitch of her lips as she tried not to smile. Lexa followed her lead, returning her attention to her own work, but allowed one corner of her lips to pull up just a bit. There was a comfort between them, a feeling Lexa had not expected to find when she approached the cave that morning, but she felt it and certainly wouldn't complain about it. The tasks she had given Clarke had clearly helped the blonde during the short time since she had last seen her as she had hoped they would, and she could only hope that the more Clarke focused on surviving, of learning how to truly live on her own, the stronger she would get and the easier it would be for her to keep her demons at bay.  
  
While the sun sank outside, the two worked in the cave, putting together one arrow after another. Lexa had seen to her horse before they had gone to get supplies, and with the amount of grass she had set the animal near, she knew she wouldn't need to check on it again that night. She'd brought both of her saddlebags into the cave, and when the brunette looked up to see darkness outside the mouth of the cave, she put the finished arrow in her hands down, moving over to them. She felt Clarke's eyes go to her at her movement, but did her best to ignore it as she knelt down by the bags. Opening the flap, she took out the loaf of bread inside, removing the cloth she had wrapped it in. She stood and turned back around, quickly meeting blue eyes.  
  
“As you requested,” she simply said, holding the bread out. Her eyes flickered back to the bags, adding, “I also brought you a pot and some herbs that I did not think you had. Both should make cooking a little easier for you.”  
  
“Thank you,” Clarke told her, a little touched by the generosity. Lexa was no longer just helping her survive, but trying to make everything that much easier for her. A couple of weeks ago that knowledge would have enraged the blonde. Now it only made the confusing emotions battling inside her grow.  
  
“Of course,” the brunette replied as though it were nothing. She returned Clarke's smile when she saw it though, and then watched the blonde as she also stood up.  
  
“I'll get some things to go with the bread, and then we can have some supper,” she said, seeing Lexa nod out of the corner of her eye as she moved to the back of the cave to her food stores.  
  
She gathered some food together before she moved back over to the fire, and soon both girls were sitting and eating in peace. For a while they didn't try to talk, both content to simply fill their stomachs in the comfortable quiet. After eating most of her food though, Clarke looked up at Lexa through her lashes, a question swirling in her mind that had been bothering her for days.  
  
“Hey Lexa,” she finally called quietly, breaking the silence. She saw Lexa's eyes flick over to her, her attention immediately turning to the blonde.  
  
“Yes Clarke?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at the blonde before taking another bite of her bread.  
  
“How is it that you can be here?” the blonde asked, her curiosity clear on her face. “With me, I mean? And not at Polis or Tondc with your people? Where do they think you keep going every week? And how do you manage to come by yourself? Before, I don't think I ever saw you without a guard unless you were in your tent. Now you're traveling for hours alone in the woods. Aren't your people worried about you?” The questions all tumbled out of her, her curiosity too great now that she voiced it, and she watched as the other girl responded to them.  
  
Lexa's eyes fell from the blonde's, carefully trying to control the expression on her face as she replied with a shrug, “They do not need to know where I go. I am their Heda, and they do not question me.” Looking back up she added, “Besides, we are at peace; the fact that I travel alone shows my people just how true I believe that peace to be. If I do not fear an attack, then they feel they do not need to fear either. They might worry that I am alone, but the fact that I am also settles their worry. And I do not walk with a guard anymore.” A flash of something crossed her face, and Clarke frowned at it before Lexa said, “The last guard I had tried to kill me: I do not need another.”  
  
Clarke realized what the flash was just as she realized who the other girl had been referring to, and she felt a little pang of sorrow hit her, her brow turning down as she reminded Lexa softly, “Gustus wasn't trying to kill you, Lexa. He was trying to protect you.” The pain flashed across the other girl's face once again, even as she tilted her head up, raising her chin as she replied evenly, “Yes, he was trying to protect me, and I killed him for it. I do not need another guard who will try to do the same thing.”  
  
That was a feeling Clarke knew all too well, and she had to bite her lip to keep her own emotions from taking over as she turned back to her food. She felt Lexa's eyes on her, and knew that the brunette was also remembering the boy who had killed and then been killed for her. Clarke wasn't ready to talk about Finn though, so she was glad when Lexa didn't try to mention him, instead saying haltingly, “And... If something were to happen and my people needed me, there is one who knows how to find me.” That drew Clarke's attention, her head popping back up as she frowned.  
  
“I thought you said you and Anya were the only two who knew about this cave?” she asked, suddenly suspicious.  
  
If Lexa could hear the suspicion in her voice, she ignored it, studying Clarke carefully. Her heart began to beat just a little faster, and she was surprised she had even allowed herself to bring this up.  
  
“We were,” she assured the blonde slowly, still not sure if she should continue with these thoughts. “But there is one who once knew these woods well. I have given him landmarks to find me by, if it is ever necessary. He does not know this cave, nor does he know you are here or why I come to it.”  
  
While her suspicions lessened, her curiosity only grew at the brunette's words, especially when she saw the hesitation in the other girl's eyes. She wasn't comfortable talking about this, and the blonde wanted to know why.  
  
“How do you know he won't just come here sometime, to see why you keep coming back?” she asked, eyes scanning Lexa's face. “Who is he?”  
  
“He will not come here because he does not leave Polis,” Lexa answered, her words quick and final, as though there were no room for argument with them. She sounded like she had had to say them many times before, possibly to this mystery person, and Clarke's confusion only grew, wondering who would dare to argue with her and why she felt so strongly about this.  
  
“Why?” she just asked and then repeated, “Who is he?”  
  
Now it was Lexa's eyes scanning her face, and Clarke wondered what she was looking for. Whatever it was she must have found it, because she saw the brunette shift nervously before she answered quietly, “His name is Taigon. He is my brother.”  
  
Clarke blinked, surprised and sure she must have heard wrong.  
  
“I'm sorry, your what?” she asked, but Lexa didn't say anything, just kept looking at Clarke, her expression guarded. The blonde's jaw dropped just slightly, shaking her head in confusion as she said, “You have a brother? You've never mentioned him before. Never.”  
  
“We were at war before,” Lexa answered simply, her eyes still not leaving Clarke's. “There was no reason to mention him then. And then you were wandering and needed shelter, and then we were seeing to the dead. There was never any reason for my brother to come up. And...” She trailed off for a minute, almost as if she wasn't going to continue, but then she added quietly, “And I do not let any who may some day be my enemy know about him.”  
  
Again Clarke had to blink in surprise at her words, but when she saw another flash of pain cross Lexa's face, she suddenly understood.  
  
“Costia,” she murmured just loud enough for Lexa to hear it. “You're afraid the same thing that happened to her could happen to him.” The brunette merely nodded, her heart still beating wildly in her chest the same way it did whenever she had these thoughts, but she did her best to hide the fear that gripped her as she slowly told her, “Costia was taken because it was believed she knew my secrets. She had only been close to me for a few years: I have been close to Taigon his entire life, long before I was called to lead my people. He was born only a year after me. We grew up together; if one of my enemies managed to get a hold of him, his fate would be far worse than hers. I will not ever let that happen.”  
  
“That's why he doesn't leave Polis,” Clarke realized. “You're afraid that if he does, he'd be taken.” Lexa merely nodded. “And...” Clarke continued, her words forming slowly as her brow turned down, “And you didn't tell me about him because I could be your enemy some day. You think I... You think I could torture your brother? Could kill him?”  
  
Lexa's head raised just a fraction higher, her chin jutting out just a little further as she replied, “Of all my potential enemies, you would have the most reason to. I left you on the mountain. I left you and your people to die.” She paused a moment and then reminded her, “And you have been known to do it before. Your people captured Lincoln and tortured him: it is not such a far off belief that you could do the same with him too.”  
  
Clarke's eyes fell closed, remembering Lincoln tied up in the dropship and all the things she had allowed to happen to him. It had been for Finn, she had allowed it only to save him, but it had been wrong and even in that moment she had known that. She didn't think she could ever do anything like that again, and she hoped she would never have to find out for sure. Opening her eyes and meeting the brunette's, she swore to both herself and Lexa quietly, “That'll never happen, Lexa. I swear to you, no matter what happens between us or our people, I will never try to use your brother against you. Never.”  
  
The other girl met her look and she held it as the brunette scanned her face, reading everything there. After a moment she saw Lexa nod once.  
  
“I believe your words, Clarke,” she replied just as quietly, “I believed it before I said anything, otherwise I never would have mentioned my brother to you. I trust you. Probably more than I should.”  
  
The two sat in silence for a few moments, each studying the other, forgetting about both their food and their work. The mood between them had shifted, the easy silence replaced with one with less comfort and yet even so there was something about the way that they both looked at each other that somehow kept them both partially at ease. Clarke decided to latch on to that ease, refusing to let the air between them turn anymore awkward as she turned her attention back to her meal. She took a bite of what remained of her bread, chewing it slowly before she looked back at Lexa. Swallowing the mouthful she asked, “So what's he like? Your brother? Is he a warrior?”  
  
The corners of her mouth turning up, Clarke couldn't help but notice the way Lexa's face softened slightly as she spoke of her brother, even as she once again shifted in her seat.  
  
“No,” the brunette replied, looking down at her own food and dividing her attention between finishing her meal and speaking of her brother. “No, Taigon has never been one for violence. As children he often cried whenever I got into fights with others. He is a healer now, and often will say that he had to become one so that there was always someone to see to my injuries.” The corners of her mouth pulled up farther, and Clarke could see from that and the tone of her voice as she spoke just how much she cared for her brother. The girl sitting before her was so different from the Commander of the Grounder Army, and it showed her just how little she really knew the other girl.  
  
She didn't let any of her thoughts show, instead rolling her eyes once as she asked, “Why doesn't it surprise me you were always getting into fights as a kid? You were a little warrior child, weren't you?”  
  
Lexa looked up, meeting Clarke's eyes, and her smile grew. Instead of answering this question that didn't sound like it required an answer, she returned with, “And what about you, Clarke? What were you like as a child?” She frowned for just a moment before she asked, “And do you have brothers or sisters?”  
  
The blonde shook her head, telling her, “No, no one had siblings on the Ark, it wasn't allowed. It was against the law.”  
  
Lexa's frown grew, her confusion evident as she asked, “I thought Octavia and Bellamy were siblings?”  
  
“Yeah, they are,” Clarke quickly replied, understanding the brunette's confusion. “But they are the only siblings. Bellamy and their mom hid Octavia away for most of her life so that no one knew about her. For fifteen years she was confined just to their room, having to hide from everyone else.”  
  
Lexa raised a single eyebrow, saying dryly, “I cannot imagine Octavia staying in one spot for that long.” Clarke grinned, and then Lexa's brow dropped again as she asked, “But why did she have to hide? Why was more than one child not allowed?”  
  
“We were in space,” the blonde replied with a shrug, “Had been for almost a hundred years, which meant we had severely limited resources. Families were allowed to have one child and no more because that was all we thought we could accommodate for.” Anger flashed in her eyes as she added, “We were wrong, of course. We didn't even have enough resources for that many people, let alone enough for families to have more than one kid.” She looked back up, finding Lexa's eyes still on her. “That's why Octavia was arrested; just because she was the second child. Her mom was killed for having her, and Octavia was sent down here to die like the rest of us, just because she'd been born.”  
  
Clarke's words horrified Lexa, but she said nothing. She thought it all sounded barbaric, killing someone simply for having a second child and then planning on killing that child simply for living, but these people were not her people. Their ways, however cruel they seemed to her, were not for her to comment on. Instead her eyes flickered to Clarke's face as her mouth turned into a partial smile.  
  
“I did have someone who was kind of like a brother to me, though,” she continued quietly, looking down at the fire, and Lexa could see she was lost in memories. From the pain in her eyes even as she smiled, the brunette could already tell that those memories carried hurt with them as well as joy. “We grew up together, and he was my best friend.” Clarke's eyes fell shut as she spoke, the partial smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “We did... everything together. Our parents were friends, so it kind of just happened naturally. We weren't related, but he was my family.”  
  
Blue eyes opened and moved up to meet green, and Lexa said softly, “You loved him.”  
  
Clarke nodded, even as she replied, “Not in the same way he loved me, but yeah, I did. I loved him a lot until I thought he'd gotten my father killed.” A noise that could have been a laugh if there had been any humor in it came from the blonde's throat. “I didn't love him so much after that.” Lexa looked at her curiously, not saying anything so as not to push her into speaking of anything that was too painful, but Clarke answered the unspoken question anyway. “When I found out that my dad was going to go behind the Council's back and tell everyone about the malfunction on the Ark, I told Wells. I just needed someone to talk to about it. But then my father got arrested and floated, and I thought he was the one who turned him in. His father was the Chancellor, after all, it wouldn't have been hard for him to do.”  
  
“This is the leader before your mother, correct?” Lexa asked, trying to remember what she had been told of the leadership of the Sky People. “Marcus Kane?”  
  
“No, though Kane definitely was one of the ones who wanted my dad floated,” Clarke told her, and at seeing the slight confusion on the other girl's face she explained, “On the Ark it was Jaha that was the Chancellor. My mom and Kane were both on the Council with him, which means they had power too, but he was in charge. Wells was Jaha's son.”  
  
“Ah,” Lexa simply said, finally mostly understanding each person's role in the story. “I recall Jaha. He was the one that I sent with my message to your people.” She had not liked that man, and even now the corners of her mouth twitched as she remembered the satisfaction she felt when she easily brought him to the ground after he dared to try to take her hostage.  
  
“Mm,” Clarke simply agreed, and then continued, “I hated Wells after that. My dad died and I got arrested for trying to help him, and all I could think about was how it was all Wells's fault. He got arrested so that he would get sent to Earth with me, to try to make things better, but it wasn't until right before he died that I realized he hadn't turned my dad in. He'd just let me think it was him so that I wouldn't know that the person who actually turned my dad in was my mother.”  
  
Lexa's eyes widened just slightly, her surprise showing for just a moment before she could hide it. Clarke saw the surprise though, a corner of her mouth pulling up just slightly as she shook her head, saying, “That's a whole other story.” From the tone of her voice, it was another story that she did not wish to go into at the moment, so Lexa did not pry. Instead she asked quietly, “How did your friend die?” Honestly, she didn't really want to know, terrified that the answer would be that one of her people had killed him and then there would be just one more pain Clarke suffered that would be due to her, but if she had been responsible for it, then she deserved to carry the blame.  
  
The answer was not what she was expecting, however, when Clarke replied, “A little girl stabbed him in the neck. Her parents had been killed on the Ark, and it was the only way she knew how to get back at his father for taking them from her. And then she jumped off a cliff.” The blonde let out a heavy sigh, her shoulders slumping down noticeably before she turned her attention back to Lexa completely. “Could we... Could we take a break from me for a minute?” she asked. “All of my stories are just... depressing. Tell me about your family. Taigon's a healer? What about your parents?”  
  
Lexa nodded, willing to take the weight of storytelling off of Clarke's shoulders, though she feared the blonde may not find her tales any less depressing.  
  
“My father was a warrior,” she began, her own eyes trailing to the fire now as memories flooded back to her with every word. “Before it was known that I was to be the next Commander, my mother blamed him for my wish to be a warrior too. I can remember being very young and watching him clean his sword. He would grin as my eyes trailed the movement of his hands, but my mother would often try to distract me.” A small smile pulled at her lips as her eyes flickered up, finding Clarke's on her, before she told her, “My mother did not wish for me to be a warrior. She feared it, afraid that she would lose me, just as she feared losing my father. She was displeased when I announced one night when I was not yet four years old that I was going to be the greatest warrior our people had ever seen.” She noticed Clarke's grin and had to fight against her own as she admitted, “As a child, I may have been a bit boastful. It was one of the first things that Anya was sure to knock out of me once I started training with her.” Clarke just shook her head, her grin still present, but then raised her eyebrows, silently telling her to continue.  
  
“My father was a warrior, and my mother did just about everything else,” she said. “She worked with the healers, learning some from them but never enough to be a healer herself, and hunted. She turned skins into clothes, she cooked, and she taught.” Again, her lips pulled up as she added, “That was her favorite thing to do. She loved teaching, and taught many of the children in Polis how to read and write. She and my father were both greatly respected, even before it was known who I was.”  
  
“What happened to them?” Clarke asked softly, easily noticing the tense with which she spoke about them. The smile fell from her lips, and Clarke was sorry she asked when she saw the pain flash across the other girl's face.  
  
“The same thing that happens to us all,” the brunette answered quietly, her eyes falling to the flames once again. “They died.” Noticing the fire had started to die down as the two spoke, Lexa rose, setting the little food she still had beside her, and moved to the side of the cave where Clarke kept the firewood, grabbing an armful. As she moved, she spoke, her eyes focusing on her work rather than the blonde. “When I was thirteen my mother went out with a small hunting party. They were ambushed by Mountain Men. Two of them survived the ambush, managing to fight their way free from the enemy, but the rest were not as lucky, and my mother was one of the unfortunates. She was taken, and I never saw her again.” She paused for a moment, eyes drawn to the fire again as she turned back towards it, before she murmured quietly, rage biting at her tone, “Now I know that she lived the rest of her life, however short it was, in those cages. Now I know what my enemy did to her.” She tossed a log into the fire, her fury uncontrolled enough that the log smacked against those already in there, a rush of embers shooting forth. She closed her eyes momentarily and took a deep breath, fighting to control her emotions once again. Clarke didn't say anything, giving her the moment of fury in silence, clearly understanding. Lexa opened her eyes again, briefly letting them flicker over to the blonde, and then she turned and moved back to her seat. As she sat, her eyes moved back to the flames and she continued.  
  
“Two years later, my clan was at war with another. As Anya's Second, I fought along beside her. She led our people into battle, our warriors ranging out behind us. We all fought, and she led us to victory, crushing our opponents beneath our swords.” She had to pause again, her eyes falling closed as she continued. “I believed it was a great victory for us all. I can still feel the rush I felt as our enemy retreated, blood running from my blade to my hands. We had won, but I quickly learned that victory had come on the back of great loss.”  
  
“Your father,” Clarke murmured, and Lexa merely nodded.  
  
“He had followed us along with the rest of our warriors,” she said quietly, “And like many others, that fight was his last. He died in the midst of battle, his soul gone before the news of his injuries had ever reached me.” Her eyes still closed, Lexa could hear the fire crackling and the sounds of the night, but nothing more. Opening her eyes, she found Clarke's already on her, the understanding and sorrow in them clear. Lexa nodded, silently thanking her for her quiet reassurance, and then she told the blonde, “It was my parents' deaths that made me realize the need for the coalition. We were twelve clans but one people, and we were killing each other needlessly while our true enemy picked us off. I tried to get Anya to see it as well, but she told me that the twelve clans would never be able to come to peace. She believed too much blood had been shed for it to ever end.” The smallest of smiles pulled at her lips as she added, “She was one of the first to agree to the coalition once I became Commander though. She said that she would follow in my folly, even if she believed it impossible to do.”  
  
“Would you tell me about it?” Clarke asked, her eyes bright with hesitant curiosity. Lexa met those eyes, scanning them as the blonde added, “Would you tell me how you became the Commander?”  
  
The brunette broke the eye contact, her gaze moving back to the flames flickering between them. She felt Clarke's eyes still on her, silently waiting. She was sure the blonde noticed as her mouth pulled into a tight line, but she merely sat, watching. Finally Lexa gave the smallest of nods.  
  
“As you can probably guess, I was not always the Commander,” she finally began, her voice quiet as she continued to stare into the flames. “Or, my soul has always been the Commander, but no one knew that this vessel held that soul for many years.” She closed her eyes, trying to find the right words to explain it, but when she opened them again, she glanced up and saw Clarke still watching her, patiently waiting. “When one of my vessels die, my soul is reborn into a new one. Babies who are born shortly after the Commander dies are watched carefully for signs that they might be the soul's new body. I was one of those babies. I was watched, but I did not know it. As a young child, I knew nothing about what some believed I might be.”  
  
“So you had no idea you might be the Commander?” Clarke asked, her curiosity cutting through her silence.  
  
Lexa thought about the question for a moment and then replied, “Not as a child, no. I noticed eyes on me sometimes, but little more than that. My parents did not treat me as anything more than their child, and the other children did not know what I might be, so I had no reason to think anything else. And I was too busy to notice any whispers.” Clarke noticed the corners of her mouth twitch, a smile almost appearing on her face, and the blonde raised her eyebrows at her. In answer to the silent inquiry, Lexa admitted, “I was often known to get into fights as a young child. There were others around my age who thought to harass Taigon.” She shrugged, adding, “My brother was a peace keeper, an easy target for those wishing for someone to hit. I soon decided that it was my job to return every hurt my brother received to those who thought they could get away with it.”  
  
Clarke grinned, shaking her head as she muttered, “Why doesn't that surprise me?”  
  
Lexa returned the grin before continuing with her story.  
  
“It was because of this that I became Anya's Second. One day when I was five, I caught three older kids picking on Taigon. They were pushing him around and he was crying.” Something flashed across Lexa's face, and Clarke silently studied it, even as she listened to Lexa talk. “Without thinking, I got involved.” Again a small smiled tugged at her lips as she admitted, “It did not go as well as I hoped it might. I was young still, with no training, and they were all older. Taigon tried to help, but I believe I pushed him away just as much as the other three did. While we fought though, Anya walked by and when she saw what was happening she stopped.”  
  
“She stopped the fight?” Clarke guessed, and at the question Lexa's eyes brightened as her lips turned up momentarily.  
  
“Of course not,” the brunette replied, shaking her head. “Anya allowed it to continue until the three had finally tired and left me on the ground. Taigon was crying still, and as soon as they left he was trying to take care of my injuries. Even at four, he was already acting like a healer.” She grinned again. “Only then did Anya approach us. She told me that I fought foolishly, that I would never hope to be a warrior if I continued to get beaten so thoroughly.” Lexa shrugged. “And then she offered to make me her Second. She was young then too, barely a warrior in her own right, but to me she was a true fighter, and I was so excited by her words that I forgot all of the pain I was in.”  
  
The brunette shrugged again, her eyes moving back to the fire.  
  
“And so I became Anya's Second,” she said, “And she worked me too hard to notice any stares others directed towards me, and she certainly did not treat me as though I was anything but the girl she had taken on. I left my parents so that I could travel with her. I still saw them and Taigon every now and then, but Anya kept me busy. She taught me how to ride. Taught me how to fight. I already knew some tracking and hunting skills, but she taught me more. She taught me how to fight with my bare hands or with knife or sword or bow. I learned how to kill, and what it meant to take a life. I learned what it meant to be a warrior. She taught me all she knew, and I followed her proudly.”  
  
Lexa trailed off, her eyes still staring into the fire as her lips pursed together, and Clarke knew she was remembering this woman who had meant so much to her for so long. The blonde sat in silence, her eyes never leaving Lexa's face as her own few memories of Anya ran through her head.  
  
“I remember standing beside her as Anya was named the next leader of our clan,” she finally continued, but Clarke interrupted her before she could say more.  
  
“So the clan leaders aren't reborn like you then?” she asked, head tilting to the side just a bit, “They're chosen?”  
  
“Yes and no,” Lexa answered, looking up to meet her eyes. “It is believed that souls that are meant to lead will find a way to do so, so it is very likely that those who are leaders now have been leaders also in their past lives, but they are not sought out the way my soul is. The leaders of our individual clans are chosen differently. To become a leader, you must prove you have the strength to lead. Usually a leader will appoint another who they have watched carefully to take over once they die. That is what our previous leader, Hanseng did. He saw Anya grow as a warrior, saw her abilities to lead and make decisions, and before he died he named her the next leader of the Woods Clan.” Lexa looked up, her eyes taking in the shadows that danced across the cave walls, the flickering firelight bringing them to life. “That is not always how it is done, however,” she added after a moment, “There are times when a leader dies before they are able to name their successor. When this happens, those who wish to lead will gather a group to support them, and then there will be a tournament to see who is the strongest.” Clarke watched as her brow became drawn, her lips forming into a tight line. “And then there are times when someone will rise up and try to take over even when the current leader still lives. They will challenge the leader to a fight, and the leader must accept the challenge or they will appear weak. The two will fight to the death, and the winner will be the leader of that clan. Usually when this happens, the challenger will also have a group backing them up, otherwise even if they win they will have to worry about the people rising against them. If they win, they know for sure who supports them. If they lose, the current leader will know who they cannot trust among their people. Very seldom does this happen, but when it does it often divides a clan.” She paused again, finally saying, “This is how Nia became the leader of the Ice Nation. She challenged the previous leader and won.”  
  
The name of the Ice Queen caused them both to go quiet, Lexa trying not to think about the person who had caused her so much suffering, and Clarke trying to give Lexa the moment she needed. Seeing the pain flash across those green eyes, Clarke couldn't help but feel her own pang of sorrow for this girl who had come to mean more to her than she cared to admit, even to herself. So rather than let Lexa get lost in her thoughts, Clarke asked quietly, “So you were with Anya when she became the leader of your clan?”  
  
Lexa tore her gaze from the wall behind the blonde, her eyes instead turning to meet blue ones, and after a moment she nodded.  
  
“Yes,” she finally said, “I was twelve when Anya took over, and I remember standing beside her as she swore to lead and protect our people. I was never more proud to be her Second than on that day...” She trailed off for a moment, eyes closing, and when they opened again she turned back to stare into the fire. “Much changed after that. I was no longer the Second to a warrior, but also to a leader. We traveled more, visiting each city among our clan. She met with each chief and I always went with her, learning from her what it meant to be both a warrior and a leader.”  
  
“That must have made it a little easier when you finally became the Commander,” Clarke told her, her eyes still refusing to move away from the other girl's face. She watched as the brunette let out a silent sigh.  
  
“In many ways, yes,” she agreed, and then remained quiet for another moment, still staring at the fire. Clarke scanned her face, trying to read everything there, all of the thoughts and feelings the other girl tried to hide away, and she nearly frowned when she realized something almost like regret swam in those green eyes. Lexa sighed again before she continued, and Clarke could hear it all in that small breath.  
  
“Just before I turned sixteen news reached our clan that the Seer was going to each village, looking for the next Commander.” Again Clarke quirked her eyebrows, the movement drawing Lexa's gaze to the blonde's face and Lexa answered the silent question. “They called her the Seer because it was believed she would be able to look into a person's eyes and know whether they were the Commander or not. She was a woman named Ula, and she had known the two most recent vessels, being the sister of the first and then mentor of the next. Word reached us that she and a few others were searching, and that with a look and a few questions from her, the new Commander would be found. They planned to meet with every person who had been born soon after the previous vessel's death until Ula had found the new vessel.”  
  
“By then I had noticed the looks. I had heard about the previous Commander and when he had died. I knew I was one of the ones she would meet with if she hadn't already found the new vessel by the time she made it to our city. I ignored it all though. I just kept training, believing the new vessel would be found before she could ever meet me. I was wrong.”  
  
Clarke studied her face again, scanning her eyes and the pull of her brow. She noticed the set of her jaw, and she couldn't help the slight surprise in her tone when she realized, “You didn't want to be the Commander.” A moment later, Lexa simply shook her head, closing her eyes.  
  
“I just wanted to be a warrior,” she finally whispered, her eyes still closed. “But I knew. I knew what was going to happen when I finally met with her.”  
  
Lexa could still remember that day so clearly. She remembered waking up early like every morning, and as she had walked through the streets she had heard the whispers. Warriors had gone out the night before to guide the Seer and her people to Polis, and they would be back later that morning. She had felt the stares follow her as she walked, had felt the eyes boring into her skin. She had taken her horse and disappeared into the woods, foolishly hoping that if she left for long enough, perhaps this woman wouldn't be able to find her to look into her eyes and change her life forever. But Anya had found her, had known where to look and had found her training, her sword out and carving new nooks into the broken tree trunk she had used to take her frustrations out on for years. Her mentor had raised her eyebrows at her, the message all too clear to the young warrior, and the moment she had sheathed her sword the older woman had grabbed her by her braid as she had all throughout her childhood and dragged her back to her horse. Remembering the motion, Lexa's lips curled into a half smile, her fingers reaching up to wrap around the strand of hair that had fallen over her shoulder long minutes ago. That had been the last time Anya had pulled her by the hair, the last time Anya had treated her as her apprentice rather than superior, and even now Lexa's heart ached at the memory.  
  
“I wanted to be a warrior and nothing more, but I knew what I was,” she murmured, fingers still wrapped around her hair even as she finally opened her eyes and looked up to meet Clarke's gaze. “I had known for some time, though I refused to admit it. But the moment I saw Ula, I could not deny it anymore. She was too familiar, too much like someone I had always known even though I had never met her before, and I could tell she knew it as soon as she looked at me as well. She asked me the questions that she had asked a dozen or more people before me, but I did not need to think to answer them. Each question was clear to me, and with every answer I gave I could feel what had been my life slipping away from me. She finished and declared that I was the Commander, and just like that my life as merely Lexa ended.” Again the young leader's eyes fell closed, her words having a clear effect on her. When they opened again, they fell back to the fire between them, and Clarke watched as she sat a little straighter, a shadow of something flashing across her face. “I became Heda, and those who moments ago had been my equals or superiors became my people, and all they saw when they looked at me was their leader. I could no longer be Anya's Second, or my brother's sister, or Costia's lover: I was the Commander, and nothing else could come before that. Nothing else can ever come before that.”  
  
Clarke listened and felt her heart ache for the brunette because she understood. Too well. For her it hadn't happened suddenly like that; it had been a gradual thing, starting with being sent to the ground and then increasing every day from then to the moment she couldn't walk back into camp. Her responsibilities had grown daily, as had the weight of the knowledge of how many people looked to her to lead them. That weight had increased until it all felt like it was crushing the blonde, but even then she had had to live with it, pretending that the decisions she made weren't destroying her until she had managed to get away, to give herself the space she desperately needed from those who looked to her to lead.  
  
But Lexa couldn't do that. The responsibility of leading had been dumped on her all at once, and from that day on she had had to survive while drowning in the decisions that effected thousands of other lives. And she couldn't get out. No matter what she wanted or how much she might need it, this other girl had no hope of being able to walk away from her people like Clarke had done. She had to hold her head high and show her people a face that never wavered. She couldn't let her people see her like she was at this moment, her shoulders sagging just slightly, lips curled down even as she tried not to show any emotion, and eyes shining with her sorrow and pain. She had been born into this life with no choice in the matter and was just expected to lead with no hesitation, and so that was what she did, and only now did she allow the wear of all that stress to show.  
  
Her sorrow for the other girl hit her like a wave, washing over her. A part of her tried to fight it, tried so hard to still let her anger at the young leader push the sorrow away, but that part of her was growing smaller every day, and the more she learned about Lexa, the harder it was to try to find a good reason to want to be angry at her. She had turned her back on her, left her to die even, that was still as true as it had been the moment the knowledge of the Mountain Men's deal had left the other girl's lips, but even that memory no longer held the same kind of hurt that it had only weeks ago. Because Clarke understood it. She did. She'd understood it from the moment she saw Lexa turn away from her, she just hadn't been able to accept it. Now she did, because the person who had agreed to that deal had been the Commander, the sole person responsible for the lives of thousands. The girl sitting across from her now, the girl who had found her in the woods and refused to let her die, that was Lexa. They were supposed to be one and the same, but they weren't. The brunette had been fighting herself so long to be nothing but the Commander; Clarke had realized that when she'd learned about Costia's death, and maybe that was because no one she cared about saw her as herself anymore. The pressure that put on her, the weight of that responsibility... Clarke had buckled under her own responsibilities: she couldn't imagine being able to remain strong under the sheer amount of people who looked to the other girl.  
  
“I see you,” the blonde finally whispered, barely loud enough to be heard over the snap of the fire. Lexa heard her though, her eyes pulling up from the flames and finding blues eyes already looking into hers. She scanned those eyes, her heart beginning to beat wildly in her chest as Clarke repeated softly, “I see you, Lexa.”  
  
She did. Lexa could tell by the way those blue eyes steadily looked into hers that she did see her. Not the Commander: _her_. Clarke was looking at her in a way that no one had looked at her since the day this vessel had met Ula and the old woman had changed her life. Clarke looked at her like she were a person, not a legend or a leader, not an infallible warrior: a regular person who was allowed to make mistakes, allowed to smile and laugh and live without having to think of others first. She looked at her like she were a person allowed to feel joy just as much as she was allowed to feel pain, and that look made her feel both as she clenched her jaw, not allowing the tears to form that she could feel gathering at the corners of her eyes. She pushed them away, even as she murmured, “I see you as well, Clarke.”  
  
They sat there in silence, neither choosing to look away from the other's eyes, because this is what they both so desperately needed and so desperately tried not to need: another person to look past all the things they had done, all the choices they had been forced to make because of a responsibility that neither had asked for, and to just see _them_. Clarke saw Lexa, and Lexa saw Clarke, and the knowledge that there was finally someone out there who could see them for who they truly were and not just what they had to be tugged at each of their hearts.  
  
As the fire danced between them and the noises of the night increased around them, they ignored it all just to look at each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hadn't planned on putting in the story of how Lexa became the Commander quite so soon, but it kind of just worked really well with this chapter, so there you go. I hope you liked my explanation of how it all works. I don't think it's been really explained much in the show other than just that her spirit chooses the next Commander, so this is what I came up with. Hope it makes sense and that you all enjoyed the chapter! Thanks!


	9. Chapter 9

Time fell away for Clarke; in a way, it no longer existed. When she had first been led to her cave, each morning when she woke up she would think about how long it had been since she'd left her people, how long it'd been since she'd pulled that lever inside a mountain that had changed everything about who she thought she was. Now she didn't: now when she woke up, instead of thinking of the past she thought of the future, of that day and what she would do that day to help her survive.  
  
With every visit, Lexa taught her something new. Their training with hand-to-hand combat continued, and soon Lexa was holding back less as they moved together, the corners of her mouth pulling up as she noticed Clarke's improvement. She was by no means up to Lexa's level of skill, but she learned quickly, and even without a partner to work with every day her progress was astounding. She soaked in every move that Lexa taught her, her body practicing each sweep of her foot, each throw of her arm and twist of her body over and over again until they became second nature to her. Her body seemed to thrive in the work, muscles quickly learning the new movements, welcoming the twists and pulls as she attacked and defended. The running she did while alone made her faster, lighter on her feet, and soon she was evading attacks almost as easily as Lexa did. The brunette had to stop herself from beaming at seeing the way Clarke took to the training, her pride for the blonde clear as her eyes shown as they moved together.  
  
Teaching didn't end with the combat. Soon Lexa was taking Clarke through the trees, teaching her how to pick up on the smallest sign of life. Clarke had done alright learning tracking as part of Earth Skills, and then Finn, their best tracker by far, had taught her even more; it all paled in comparison to what Lexa knew. Lexa taught her how to scan her surroundings, how to notice even the smallest detail, and how to determine what details were important and which were not. She taught her to follow trails that had never been mapped out before, taught her how to leave markers that only she would notice, taught her how to build traps for small animals once she'd tracked them down. She showed the blonde that weapons were not necessarily necessary when it came to hunting: a twine of rope could be just as useful as a bow, and once she learned this, Clarke managed to catch any number of small animals with the traps Lexa showed her. Before long her meat stores were fully stocked without any fear of running out any time soon, and she soon had furs that Lexa taught her how to sew together to add to her pile of clothes or blankets, all important as the weather only got colder.  
  
But Lexa didn't just teach her: she continued to bring things for Clarke, little gifts that always seemed to pull a small smile to the blonde's face. Vegetables that Clarke didn't otherwise have access to. Cutlery to make meals easier. New clothes so that she didn't have to live out of only a couple of shirts and pants. A warm fur jacket to keep her warm when she traveled. During one trip, Lexa noticed the few drawings Clarke had added on the walls of the cave with the cold charcoal from her fire, the product of an afternoon bored and alone, and the next time she visited she handed the blonde a small bag. When she opened it, Clarke found a number of pieces of chalk inside, and her eyes had widened, her heartbeat picking up just a bit at the gift. Everything before that had been wonderful and she'd appreciated it, but it was that gift that caused the biggest smile to pull at her lips, and seeing it Lexa hadn't been able to quiet the beating of her own heart. That night as Lexa sat next to the fire she watched as Clarke used a stick of the chalk on the wall, bringing beautiful images to life beneath her fingertips, and even as they talked Lexa had a hard time paying attention to the blonde's words as she watched Clarke's fingers dance across the rock, turning what had been boring stone into a beautiful landscape. Clarke had noticed the way Lexa's eyes followed the movements of her hands, but she had tried to ignore it, fighting down both the way her heart beat against her ribcage and the slight pink tinge that grew along her cheeks.  
  
Clarke no longer had to ask Lexa to stay the nights: it just became the norm. A few days would go by, and then Lexa would ride up to the cave on her horse, usually sometime in the early afternoon, and the two would train or hunt or run, and then Lexa would remain for the night, the two preparing a simple meal together out of Clarke's stores and whatever Lexa had stashed away in her saddlebags to add to it. As they ate they would talk, both telling stories of their lives to the other, the other always trying not to show how obvious it was that they hung on their every word. Clarke told Lexa about the Ark, stories involving her parents, Wells, other friends who hadn't made it to the ground. She even told some stories about once they'd made it to the ground and some of the things the Delinquents had experienced, usually trying to focus on the happier, funnier stories, however few there were of them. In return, Lexa told Clarke of her life before the Arkers fell from the sky, stories of growing up, of Taigon and her parents, of being Anya's Second. They talked little about their actual positions as leaders, choosing to focus instead on childhood stories, neither wanting to bring up any story that might dampen the mood of the night, but every once in a while one would share some story about the trials of leadership, each finding the little relief in being able to share the story with someone who understood.  
  
The only subject that they seemed to silently agree they would not talk about was past loves. Maybe it was because the memories of those loves hurt more than the rest, maybe it was because the wounds that those losses had caused hadn't healed for either of them yet, or maybe it was because they were afraid that talking about the past could draw attention to the present and the feelings that each felt growing stronger towards the other with every visit: they didn't know, but neither did they dare to try to find out. Whatever it was that had somehow forged between them, as unlikely and impossible as it was, was too new, too fragile to try to talk about or even think about. Each felt like it would be too easy to break this peace between them, this silent understanding that they had, and neither wanted to take the risk of doing so. So they talked, learning more and more about each other, but never mentioned two very specific names or the way their hearts beat in their chests the moment Lexa pushed through the trees and they were once again together.  
  
After spending the evening talking, they would sleep. Lexa had begun packing an extra blanket in her saddlebags, just as warm as the one she had given Clarke, and eventually, without either of them talking about it, it had ended up just staying at the cave. She used this blanket, making her own bed many feet away from the blonde, each giving the other space. Now that she was so busy every day, Clarke was too tired at night to allow nightmares to haunt her, so there were very few times now when she would wake Lexa from her sleep. While she was glad to be mostly rid of the dreams, a part of Clarke almost missed them, because she missed the way Lexa had held her those couple of nights when her nightmares had plagued her. She missed the feel of Lexa's arms around her, missed having the other girl's body pressed close to hers, missed her body heat. More than once she wondered what would happen if she asked Lexa to join her under her own fur, the one kiss the two had shared what felt like so long ago stuck in her mind. She remembered the hesitant pressure of Lexa's lips against hers, remembered the soft, gentle way she had pressed herself against the blonde, and she remembered how her body had responded to the kiss before she had even been fully aware it was happening. It had felt natural, kissing Lexa, had felt as though their lips knew how to work together before they even touched, and she wondered sometimes if it had just been because of the heat of the moment or if it had been something else. She wondered if they could come together again just as easily, just as naturally as they had that first kiss, but she tried to push the wonder from her mind. She was attracted to Lexa, she couldn't try to deny that and no longer did, and her hatred and anger for the brunette had long since ended, but the idea of trying to find what she was sure they had lost always made her pause.  
  
She wasn't entirely sure why that was. Maybe because it had been Lexa who had acted first before, had been the one to initiate that one and only kiss and she was waiting for the other girl to do so again. There were times, many times, when Clarke would meet her eyes and she could see it, the exact same look she had had in that tent, in that time and place where everything had felt so natural and right even though everything outside had been so wrong. She could see that look, but Lexa didn't take the step forward she had before, and maybe that's what Clarke was waiting for.  
  
She didn't really think so though: she had never been particularly shy about physical attraction, had never had a problem initiating a kiss when she wanted to and knew the other person wanted to, so that didn't seem like the problem here. Maybe it was just that she wasn't ready to move on to someone else yet. After all, she had loved Finn, and it hadn't been that long ago since he died. In so many ways it felt like a long time ago though, felt like it had been years ago, so much had happened since then, and so she wasn't sure that was the reason either. Maybe she was just worried that trying to take that step, to close what little distance still remained between them, would simply blow up in her face. There was too much risk involved, too many possibilities for hurt. She had loved her father, and then been hurt. She had loved Wells, and then been hurt. She had loved Finn and been hurt. She had and still did love her mother, her friends, her people, and all of that love is part of what had crushed her so entirely that she hadn't been able to return to camp. Maybe she was just afraid that opening herself up, that taking that step closer to Lexa and pressing herself against her, would just open her up to more hurt, and maybe she wasn't sure that she could take that. So she didn't, didn't try to figure out what to do about the feelings she felt growing inside her, didn't try to read too much into the looks she sometimes caught Lexa giving her, and instead did everything she could to just focus on what they already had so that it wouldn't change, for good or for bad.  
  
In the mornings they woke up early, Lexa always an early riser and Clarke easily falling into the habit as well. Often times they would share a simple breakfast, and then would do a little more training before Lexa would look up, realize how much time had gone by, and then tell Clarke that she had to go. Every time the words struck them both, but every time they both just accepted it, disappointed but understanding. Lexa would get her horse from where she had left it the night before beneath the tree for shelter, hoist herself up, throw one last look at Clarke and then nod before she left. Clarke would watch her go until she disappeared into the trees, trying to tell herself that she wasn't as disappointed to see the brunette leave as she really was. More often than not Clarke would then either go for a run or take out her bow and arrows, trying to lose herself so that she could get the Commander out of her mind. She was always only so successful.  
  
Clarke was skinning the rabbit she had found in one of her traps that morning, when she heard the unmistakable sound of Lexa's horse approaching. She looked up from her spot a few feet to the side of her cave, not wanting to get any mess inside the cave as she skinned and gutted the animal, and smiled as soon as she saw Lexa appear from between the trees. The brunette's eyes moved right to her, and her smile grew slightly as Lexa returned it with a small one of her own. The leader led her horse right up to the side of the cave where Clarke sat, her eyes barely dipping away from the blonde's to see that Clarke's fingers continued to work against the animal in her hands even while she looked up at the brunette.  
  
“Hei, Leksa,” Clarke said in way of greeting, her lips pulling up slightly as she saw the twitch of Lexa's lips at her words. Along with everything else the brunette was teaching her, they'd begun lessons in Lexa's language only a couple of weeks ago. She was far from fluent, her accent was horrible she knew, and often times the words felt rough in her mouth, but seeing Lexa's reaction whenever she tried to speak her language was worth it.  
  
“Hei, Klark,” Lexa replied, eyes shining before she even dismounted. She did, pushing herself up against the saddle so she could easily swing one leg around, and the moment her feet dropped to the ground she looked back to the blonde, asking, “Ha yu?” She saw a spark appear in those blue eyes, and she shook her head, knowing what the answer was going to be before she even said it.  
  
“Ai laik badas,” she answered easily, drawing the final word out to clearly sound like the English term “bad ass.” The moment the blonde had learned that this was the translation for “wonderful,” she had used it every chance she got, clearly drawing amusement from it just as she did at this moment. Raising her eyebrows even as her lips remained quirked up, she asked, “Yu?”  
  
“Badas, seintaim,” the brunette said, choosing not to draw the word out as Clarke had done even as the corners of her lips remained turned up. She wrapped the horse's reins around her hand, switching to Clarke's language as she added, “I will see to my horse, and then would you care to work on your training? I have a surprise I feel you might like.”  
  
The blonde's brow rose even further, curious, and she nodded, telling her, “Yeah, I just have to finish with this and then I'm all yours.”  
  
Lexa could feel the heat rising to her cheeks at the words. With the way the blonde just smiled and then turned her attention back to her work, she could tell that the phrase was just another one that Clarke's people had that's meaning did not seem to truly match their words, but even so just the implication was enough to have Lexa's heart pick up its beat in her chest. Her attraction to the other girl had merely grown with each moment they spent together, and a part of her wanted so badly to push this, whatever it was that had somehow formed between them, further. She remembered their single kiss, the feeling of Clarke's lips possibly forever seared into her mind, but along with that memory were Clarke's words following the kiss, and so too was the memory of Clarke's eyes when the brunette had turned away from her at their enemy's doorstep. It seemed as though she had moved past that, yes, but being friendly towards one another was completely different than what Lexa's body yearned for. It was better, safer, not to try to push things, not to try to change their unlikely friendship into something else, something more, and because it was safer, Lexa would never risk it.  
  
So instead of allowing herself to read into the blonde's words, she simply nodded and then stepped away, leading her horse to the now familiar tree she always set it under whenever she visited. She unhooked the saddlebags from its back as well as removed the saddle, working quietly but every now and then whispering soft words to the beast. She pulled a blanket from one of the bags and settled it over the horse, knowing that while its thick coat would be enough to keep most of the cold away, the extra warmth would be better for it. Once it was all settled in, she reached into the bag once again and took out some oats, a treat for the horse so that it knew how much she appreciated it always making the long journey for her. As the animal nipped the treat from her hand, her free hand ran along its neck, fingers moving gently through its long mane. When the oats were all gone the horse bumped her shoulder lightly, as though thanking her, and then pulled away, taking a step closer to the tree as its head lowered to the ground to help itself at the dying grass that still remained around its feet.  
  
With a final pat, Lexa turned away and moved back to the cave, the heavy saddlebags over one shoulder while she carried the saddle over her other arm. As she passed the blonde still at work with her rabbit, Clarke looked up again and flashed her a smile which Lexa easily returned, but neither said anything. They finished their work in silence, Clarke finishing up with the rabbit, putting the meat away to be cooked that night while she hung the small pelt on the rack that Lexa had helped her make while Lexa placed her saddle and bags inside the cave, taking out the few supplies she had brought Clarke and adding them to her stores. When she finished she moved to help Clarke, and it wasn't long before their work was done and they had moved down to the small clearing they always used for their training.  
  
“Alright, so what is this surprise you have for me?” Clarke finally asked, quirking an eyebrow as she finally broke the comfortable silence. One corner of Lexa's mouth turned up into a small grin, and then she reached behind her with both hands, grabbing the two handles of the swords Clarke could see past her shoulders. With no effort, she drew both weapons, the soft sound of the metal of each sliding against its sheath as they were drawn clear in the quiet, and Clarke's eyes widened slightly. Her grin growing just a hair, Lexa tossed one sword up in the air, the blade flipping around as it moved, and then easily caught it by the blade as it came back down. Clarke's eyes flickered to the hand, seeing fingers gingerly wrapped around the smooth metal, clearly free of any injuries, and then flickered back up to Lexa's as the sword was held out for her.  
  
“I thought perhaps it is time to see how you do with a sword,” the brunette answered lightly, a tinge of amusement in her tone. “You have progressed well in hand-to-hand fighting, and even shown improvement in fighting with a knife: now let us see how you do with a larger blade.”  
  
Clarke reached out, her throat suddenly a little dry, and accepted the weapon. The grip felt good in her hand, cold but quickly warming under her palm, and she wrapped her fingers around it tighter. The weight felt good also, not too heavy but also not too light, and her eyes ran up along the sword. It was simple really, nothing particularly beautiful or ugly about it, no fancy designs along its blade, but it shown in the light, clearly well taken care of, and its edge was obviously sharp. She guessed it was everything a sword needed to be, and after another quick moment of studying it, her eyes flickered back up to Lexa. Without meaning to, she looked at Lexa's own sword in her hand, and could see that while the two swords were similar, they were not identical, clearly not part of a matching set.  
  
“I had that made for you,” Lexa informed her, eyes pulling almost nervously to the blonde's weapon. “I thought something just a bit lighter than my own would work well for you. How does it feel?”  
  
“Good,” Clarke answered, lifting the sword a little higher. “It feels good.”  
  
“Good,” Lexa said, and then green eyes moved over to blue and she asked, “Would you like to learn how to use it?”  
  
Clarke let out a small scoff, her lips curling up into a smile even as she rolled her eyes and replied, “No Lexa, I think I'd much rather just hold it.” Her eyes were bright when they met Lexa's, and the brunette could see the playfulness dancing around in twin swirls of blue. Her tone did not match her words, and Lexa just shook her head, her own lips curling up slightly.  
  
“Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke,” she informed the other girl, the words tinged with more humor than they had been the last time she had said them. Clarke just grinned at the familiar words, and then shifted, trying to match the easy stance Lexa already stood in.  
  
“Alright, then yes, I'd like to learn how to use it,” she replied, and Lexa's lips curled up just a bit more as she took a step forward to show the blonde the proper placement of her hands.  
  
The work with the sword was hard and felt off to Clarke, more awkward than any of the other things Lexa had taught her, but she stuck with it. She reminded herself that the bow had felt wrong in her hands at first too, and now she was easily hitting the bullseye with just about every arrow, and even making it in the target from horse-back. So she stuck with it, following Lexa's quiet instructions as they worked, Lexa showing her how to stand, how to attack, how to defend, all with the long weapon that she told Clarke needed to feel like an extension of herself. The brunette could easily see that the blonde was having a difficult time with the weapon, but she just watched carefully, always ready to correct the other girl with gentle words whenever something about her movement was off and even more ready to encourage her when she moved correctly.  
  
They spent hours together in that small space, moving with and against each other, and even though the work was tiring, especially for the blonde who was still so unused to it, the time flew by, the sun setting long before either thought it should. 

***

“Clarke.”  
  
Her name was whispered so close to her ear that it caused her to shiver, but even so she just clenched her eyes tighter, refusing to open them. A hand moved to her shoulder, lightly pushing against it, but she just groaned, rolling over to try to ignore the girl trying to wake her up. Her body protested as she turned, the ache in her arm especially powerful, and it just gave her one more reason to fight against consciousness. The sword lesson the day before had clearly taken a toll on her muscles, and she wanted nothing more than to stay beneath her warm furs, letting both her body and mind continue with their rest. Normally she was happy to get up at dawn with Lexa, but this one time her bed was too tempting and the cold of the air around her nose was too biting, and she had absolutely no desire to rise.  
  
Lexa, it seemed, didn't care.  
  
“Clarke, wake up,” she heard murmured, the hand now moving to her back facing the brunette and pushing lightly against it. Clarke just let out a little growl, her brow furrowing.  
  
“No. Sleeping,” she answered, still not opening her eyes. “You should be too. It's nice.”  
  
She could almost hear the other girl's lips turning up into a smile before she replied quietly, “Yes, sleeping is nice, I agree, but wake up. I have something to show you.” Clarke groaned again but finally gave up, her eyes cracking open.  
  
It was dark in the cave, only the smallest amount of light trickling in from the edges of the fur Lexa had brought her during one of her previous visits to hang at the mouth of the cave, and from that little bit of light Clarke could tell that it was still early in the morning, earlier than even Lexa normally rose. She scowled as she sat up, shivering lightly as her warm fur fell from her shoulders, and turned the scowl on Lexa, the girl balancing on her toes as she scrunched down beside Clarke's bed. Lexa just met her scowl with a little grin before she held out her hand, Clarke's warm jacket all ready for her, and Clarke grabbed it, shrugging it on. Her scowl only grew when Lexa gestured to the blonde's boots beside the bed, telling her as she rose, “Put your boots on.”  
  
“Yes _mom_ ,” the blonde growled, pulling her legs from under her blankets and shivering again, but nevertheless shoving the boots on her feet.  
  
Lexa just grinned at the growl, in too good a mood to let Clarke's grumpiness effect her as she moved to stand just inside the mouth of the cave. She could feel her blood coursing through her, felt an energy gripping her that made it almost impossible to wipe the grin from her face. She was excited, and she hoped that when Clarke saw what she had to show her, she would be too.  
  
Clarke stood with a wince, her body still angry at her, and then moved over to where Lexa was, her eyebrows rising up, a little scowl still evident.  
  
“Well?” she asked, too tired still to worry about being polite. She and Lexa were passed polite pleasantries at this point anyway, she figured. “What did you want to show me?” Instead of answering, Lexa's smile just grew, and then she reached out, pulling the fur back that hung from the mouth of the cave and then stood back so that Clarke could easily see past her. When she looked out into the morning, the blonde's jaw dropped, the scowl immediately wiping from her face and a look of awe and astonishment taking its place.  
  
Everything outside was white. Not just white: sparkling white. She'd seen snow before by now, waking up a couple of mornings to a light powdering of it along the ground, but this was different. It covered everything she could see, blanketing the ground, hanging from tree branches, even clinging to the side of the fur that Lexa still held back for her. The light of the morning sun hit the white powder and seemed to bring it to life, the sparkle and glitter of the snow making it look almost alive. Clarke let out a little breath in awe as she took a step forward, and her breath clouded before her, and even that cold breath seemed to have more life in it than usual. It was all dazzling, beautiful, the most magical thing the young leader had ever seen, and it all took her breath away in a moment.  
  
“Wow...” she breathed, eyes darting all round her to try to see it all, and then Lexa stepped forward, letting the fur drop behind her as she moved to stand beside the blonde. While Clarke took in the sight of the world before her, Lexa took in the sight of Clarke, and she found it just about as hard to tear her eyes from the blonde as the blonde found it was to tear her eyes from the snow before her.  
  
“Would you still like to go back to sleep?” the brunette teased lightly, and her lips pulled up further as the blonde just shook her head.  
  
“No way,” Clarke said, her voice soft. “It's beautiful.”  
  
Lexa finally tore her eyes away from the blonde to look out herself, and even though she'd spent her life seeing snow every winter, she nodded, easily agreeing. “Sha, it is.” Without entirely meaning to, her eyes flickered back to Clarke's, and she was suddenly very glad she had just happened to be visiting the other girl the morning of the first true snow fall of the season. “Would you like to take a ride, and see more of it?” Eyes tearing away from the white, Clarke finally turned to Lexa and nodded, a smile quickly growing along her lips. Lexa returned it, and then reached out and took Clarke's hand, leading them towards the spot she had left her horse. She didn't know why she felt the need to take the blonde's hand, didn't know where she found the courage to complete the small gesture, but the excitement within her from the snow and the look on the other girl's face pushed her to do it, and when she felt Clarke's fingers wrap easily around her own, her heart beat with a whole new excitement.  
  
They spent most of the morning traveling around the woods near Clarke's cave, the blonde soaking up the sights of this new world while Lexa split her time looking at the snow with looking at the blonde. As they went, Lexa told Clarke not only the uses of the snow, but also the dangers, ever the cautious leader. She warned Clarke of the ice on the river that they passed, warned how though it may look sturdy in some places, it was not yet strong enough to walk on and added to the warning the story of when she had fallen through the ice. After the story she promised to show her how to cut holes in the ice once it was strong enough so she could continue to fish throughout the winter, and Clarke nodded to it all, taking in all of the information. The dangers Lexa warned her of didn't surprise the Sky girl: after all, this was the ground, and she had already learned that often the most beautiful things there were also the most dangerous. She shifted against the girl riding behind her, her fascination with the snow momentarily forgotten at the thought, but then pushed it away, letting her focus move back to the world around them and the words Lexa was quietly murmuring in her ear.  
  
By the time they made their way back to the cave, they both knew Lexa had to be leaving, and they both felt the heavy disappointment as Lexa helped Clarke get down from the horse, both throwing a look at the other they didn't know was obvious before Lexa nodded, eyes meeting Clarke's as she murmured, “Leida, Klark; I will return soon.”  
  
“Leida, Leksa,” Clarke replied, one corner of her mouth turning up slightly. “I'll be here.”

  


***

The next time Lexa arrived at the cave, it was on foot, and she scared Clarke. Unintentionally. The blonde was standing in her usual spot in front of her target, bow raised with an arrow to the string. She was concentrating so hard on her target, working to get a fifth bullseye in a row, that she jumped when she heard, “You are clearly much more confident with that bow than you were when you first held it.” The jump caused her arms to jerk, and she inadvertently released the string, her arrow flying off to the right, far away from the target and embedding itself in the ground for the first time in weeks. So much for five bullseyes in a row.  
  
“God Lexa, you just scared the shit out of me!” the blonde exclaimed, her hand flying to her chest where she could feel her heart racing against her ribcage. As she turned she saw Lexa's eyes widen, her eyes darting down, and Clarke blushed slightly. “Not literally, Lexa. It's just a figure of speech. You just surprised me. Really, really surprised me.” Her eyes darted behind the brunette, frowning before she asked, “Where's your horse?”  
  
“My apologies, Clarke,” Lexa replied, eyes moving back up to the blonde's. “I did not mean to scare you. My horse is back in Polis. Traveling in the snow with it is risky, and I did not want to have to leave it outside over night as I would have to do if I had brought it with me here. Let it stay warm inside the stables tonight with the other horses.” Clarke nodded, the words all making sense, but even so her frown remained.  
  
“But isn't it kind of a long walk?” she asked, eyes darting down and following the trail of footprints Lexa had left behind her as she appeared from the woods. The other girl simply gave her a shrug, careful not to dislodge the small bag that was slung over her shoulder.  
  
“A few hours,” she admitted. “I left before the sun was quite up this morning, having told Walsh and a few others last night that I would be going. I ran part way, and was able to cut down on some of the time.” Clarke's eyes moved back up to meet hers as she added softly, “It is worth it.”  
  
The blonde's breath got stuck in her throat, and she had to fight to keep herself from blushing again as the heat rose in her cheeks. If she failed at all, she could easily blame the pink tint on the cold that clung to the air.  
  
“Would you like to do a little sword work?” she asked quickly, trying to ignore the way her heart still thumped in her chest. “I think I've made a little progress. I've been practicing my attacks against trees, and it seems like they're getting better. Of course, that could just be because the trees can't fight back.”  
  
Lexa's lips curled up in the smallest of smiles, and Clarke couldn't tell is if was because she knew the blonde was rambling or not, but if so she didn't say anything. Instead she just nodded, telling her, “I would love to, Clarke. I will go drop off my bag in the cave, and then we may get started.” Clarke just returned the nod and then watched Lexa turn and walk back to the mouth of the cave, quickly disappearing inside as she pulled the fur back, and then let out a deep breath. She closed her eyes momentarily, trying to control the rhythm of her heart, and then moved forward to gather the few arrows she had fired, placing them to the side along with her bow and then lifting her sword from the snow where she'd dropped it, planning on moving to practicing with it once she'd finished with the bow. She pulled the weapon from its sheathe, the cold metal sliding out easily, and then tossed the empty sheathe back to the snow-covered ground, bouncing a little on the balls of her feet while she waited for Lexa's return, trying to warm up quickly.  
  
The brunette finally emerged from the cave, pushing the fur out of her way and letting it fall back behind her, her own sword swinging idly in her hand, and Clarke tried not to stare as she walked back down to her. While inside, Lexa had taken off her coat, and for some insane reason all she wore now was a tight tank top, tight pants, and her heavy boots. Her arms were bare, the tattoo wrapping around her upper arm a striking difference from the skin around it, and as she got closer Clarke could tell the hair along her arms stood on end, little goosebumps running over the flesh. So much for getting her heart beat back under control.  
  
“Aren't you cold?” she asked, raising an eyebrow and trying not to let Lexa see how she was effecting her.  
  
“No, not really,” the brunette replied easily, eyes moving to meet Clarke's even as she continued to nonchalantly twirl her sword around, loosening up her arm muscles. She clearly had no idea what she was doing to the blonde. She shrugged, saying, “My jacket kept me too warm during my run here and I am still feeling that warmth. I figured since there was a good chance that our workout would just make me feel even more warm, I would just take it off so I did not have to deal with it. Plus it weighs me down, makes my movements slower.”  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes, scoffing, “Yeah, cause we wouldn't want your movements to be any slower. It's not like I ever have a hard time keeping up with them already.” Lexa's lips just curled up, her eyes bright and sword finally coming to a stand still in her hand before she asked, “Would you like to attack or defend first, Clarke?” The blonde just sighed, rolling her shoulders a little to get her own muscles ready, before she answered, “Might as well start on the attack.” The brunette nodded, and they both shifted, falling into their stances, and then they began.  
  
Clarke ran forward, closing the distance between them quickly, and her sword swept down. Lexa's tilted in her grasp and the two came together, the grating noise of steel falling on steel breaking the quiet around them. Clarke pulled back and came down again, this time from the other side, and once again Lexa's blade moved to meet hers, easily parrying her attack. Each time Clarke moved her sword, Lexa's countered, always stopping the blow before the blade could bite into her flesh, and the two got lost in the dance of it. Although still sloppy, Lexa could see that Clarke's work had improved, and it only improved more as they worked. Before long Clarke had to take a step back, holding up one hand to indicate she was stopping for a moment, and then she too was shrugging out of her jacket, tossing the heavy coat to join her bow and arrows on the ground. She still wore a long sleeve shirt, but even so she immediately felt cooler, wiping the sweat from her forehead, and then she turned back to Lexa and nodded, and once again she rushed forward. She attacked until they took a short break, stopping just for a minute or two to get fresh air into their lungs, and then they started again, this time with Lexa attacking. Her attacks were slow, controlled, but Clarke easily dodged them, her sword rising up to meet her blade every time. She felt the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth and could see the same thing on the blonde's face, even as she kept all her concentration on the brunette's blade, and the two continued to move together.  
  
All was going well until Lexa lunged forward, no differently than she had done a number of times already, and Clarke quickly stepped to the side to avoid the attack. They'd been moving so much though, stamping through snow until it became packed down beneath their feet, and now instead of soft, loose drifts beneath them it had become a hard, slippery surface. Clarke stepped, thinking she'd be easily able to twist, but the only twisting that happened came from her ankle as it slipped across the hard snow instead of remaining in place. She hissed as the pain shot through her ankle, winced as the hot needles erupted inside her boot, and the moment she did Lexa froze, her eyes going wide.  
  
“Clarke!” she exclaimed, eyes immediately falling to the blonde's boot where the other girl could clearly no longer support all her weight. Her arms dropped, the training immediately forgotten as she stepped forward, worry etched into the movement, but she stopped, her eyes flying back up to the blonde's face as she shook her head.  
  
“No,” the blonde growled, the tone more directed at the pain still shooting through her ankle than at the concerned brunette. “Keep going. Warriors learn to fight through pain. Fight through it or die, right?”  
  
Lexa knew the words were right, knew that if it had been her and she'd been fighting Anya the older woman wouldn't have even blinked before she continued her attack, but that knowledge didn't quiet the worry in her heart. She shifted, her eyes darting from Clarke's eyes to her boot, not wanting to continue when she knew it would hurt the blonde, but she saw the resolve in the other girl's face, noticed the way her fingers just gripped her sword tighter, and she nodded. She moved forward, admittedly even slower now than she had before, and her own heart winced as she saw the blonde shift her weight, the pain coming from her ankle obvious in her eyes even as she moved her sword up to block the attack. Lexa moved, kept attacking, but her eyes never stopped scanning Clarke's, afraid of going too far. Finally, after many more minutes of the training, Clarke stepped back, wincing as she did so, and dropped her sword.  
  
Lexa's immediately followed, and then her sword was on the ground as she moved forward, eyes darting once again to the blonde's boot before going back to her eyes. Without thinking she was beside the blonde, carefully wrapping one of her arms around her shoulder.  
  
“Come on,” she murmured soothingly, “Let's get you off of that foot. You need to sit.” Clarke nodded, even though she wanted to argue, wanted to say that she could keep going, but having Lexa pressed against her, feeling the warmth of her skin as one of her arms wrapped around her waist, and seeing the concern in her eyes was too powerful a draw. So she let Lexa help her, let her lead them to the cave, the brunette moving slowly so that the limping blonde could easily keep up. Lexa reached out and drew the fur back and let Clarke lead the way into the cave, and together they limped over to the blonde's bed. Incredibly carefully, Lexa helped Clarke turn and sit on the bed, more carefully than she really needed to be, and suddenly Clarke couldn't help but wonder when the last time was that someone had been this gentle with her, had been so concerned with her well-being. Feeling Lexa's calloused but so incredibly soft hands gingerly pull both boots from her feet, Clarke honestly couldn't remember. She watched Lexa, eyes following her every movement, and the swirl of emotions she felt in her chest were powerful enough to make her forget about the pain in her ankle.  
  
As soon as the boots were off, Lexa turned away, moving directly to the fire pit in the middle of the cave, grabbing the flint she had taught Clarke to keep nearby so that she could always start a fire. She used it then for that very purpose, getting first a small ember and then finally flames, coaxing them into life all while her thoughts remained solely on the blonde. Finally the fire was going and she had fed larger logs to it, and then she moved back to Clarke, kneeling down and gingerly wrapping her fingers around her calf and foot. She barely moved the foot, but nevertheless she noticed the wince Clarke gave at the movement, even though she tried to hold it back. She was not surprised by it: the ankle had swollen to probably twice its size, but luckily she noticed no discoloration.  
  
“It's just a bad sprain, Lexa,” Clarke told her, trying to reassure her. “It's fine.”  
  
She knew she should trust the other girl's words: after all, she was the healer and it was her ankle, but even so she couldn't push her worry aside. Seeing Clarke in pain, any pain, tore at her, and she wanted to make it go away. She knew she couldn't, not entirely, but she knew how to help, at least. Her eyes flickering back to Clarke's she just said, “Stay here. I will be right back.” She waited for Clarke's confused nod, and then she stood back up and quickly exited the cave.  
  
Clarke watched her go, her confusion as to where the other girl was going mixing with the confusion she felt with all of the many emotions stirring in her chest. Lexa was so worried, so obviously concerned for her, and it was just a stupid ankle. The pain, while still there and definitely still a factor, had lessened since she sat down and the boot had been removed from her foot, so there was certainly no reason for Lexa to worry this much. Something tight squeezed around her heart just then, her eyes widening as she wondered suddenly, if this is how Lexa acted over an injured ankle, how had she felt when she left the blonde at the mountain to die? It was a question she had never really allowed herself to think much about, never wanted to let herself get into and start picking apart, because for a while she hadn't been able to look past her hate for the other girl long enough to spare her a second thought, and then she just hadn't wanted to think about that painful moment in her life. But now she couldn't help but think about it. At that moment, Lexa had had her army at her back, had her enemy who offered her the truce standing beside her, and had Clarke's people looking at her, and she hadn't been able to show any of them anything but her strength. But if the way she acted now, alone with the blonde and an injured ankle was anything to go by, she must have been completely shattered at that moment on the mountain. Her heart squeezed even tighter at the thought and she had to close her eyes to try to control the pain she suddenly felt for the other girl. Lexa had made a choice that had broken Clarke, but now Clarke realized it had broken her too.  
  
Finally Lexa reappeared, pushing the fur leading into the cave out of her way, and as Clarke's eyes immediately moved to her she noticed the brunette had both swords hanging from her back as well as the quiver of arrows, the bow and Clarke's jacket in one arm, and what looked like crusted snow in her other hand. Concerned eyes shifting directly to Clarke, Lexa moved to the side of the cave where she'd placed her bag, carefully dropping the various weapons and jacket beside it, and then reached in and quickly pulled out a shirt. Without hesitating she transferred the snow she held to the shirt, wrapping it up lightly and then moved back over to the blonde. Kneeling down in front of her with her back to the fire, she gingerly placed the shirt against the swollen ankle. The slight cold of the snow hit Clarke's skin, blocked just slightly by the shirt, but she ignored it, her eyes never once leaving Lexa's face. She scanned the face, her heart racing in her chest as emotions continued to battle inside her, but the only thing she could really focus on was Lexa as her green eyes, still bright with worry, moved up and met hers.  
  
“I know the snow is not really what you need,” she murmured, “But I did not want to go all the way to the river and leave you alone.” Her own eyes scanned Clarke's before she added hurriedly, “But if you need ice, I can. It will not take long.”  
  
Those words, and the care laced through them, finally did it. The dam of emotions inside of Clarke broke, and suddenly she was leaning forward, fingers wrapping around Lexa's arms, pulling the other girl forwards. Before Lexa entirely knew what was happening, Clarke's lips were on hers, one hand gently cupping her jaw, and without realizing it she was returning the pressure. They both sighed into the kiss, falling into it the same way they had fallen into their first, and then Clarke was deepening it, tilting her head slightly to the side and Lexa's hand was suddenly gripping the back of her neck tightly, as though afraid she might pull away. She wasn't going to though, had absolutely no intention of pulling away for a very long time, and her free hand mirrored the hold on Lexa's neck. As their kiss deepened, neither noticed the shirt fall off Clarke's ankle, or the melting snow hit the ground.  
  
The Commander's mind had ceased to function properly. One moment she was offering to go get the blonde ice for her ankle, and the next those lips, lips she had spent weeks dreaming about, were against hers again and the world went hazy. Her mind shut down and her body woke up, immediately responding to the kiss by pressing forward, falling into the hand cupping her jaw, pressing her own hand to the back of the other girl's neck and then leaning into the touch as the other girl mirrored it. Her lips tingled, her breath had gotten caught somewhere between her lungs and her throat, and everything about this moment felt like a dream and waking up from one all wrapped into one.  
  
But Lexa's mind can only shut down momentarily. This time it was Clarke who drew back for a breath of air before she leaned forward again, and this time at the loss of contact it was Lexa who woke up. Her mind suddenly screaming at her for being a complete fool, she pulled back against the light tug of Clarke's fingers along the back of her neck, not letting their lips meet again. This time it was Clarke's eyes scanning hers as soon as they opened, but just like last time Lexa couldn't speak immediately after breaking apart, thoughts having trouble forming into words. She saw worry cloud the blonde's eyes, and she couldn't help the brush of her fingers along the back of her neck, trying to wipe that worry away even as she tried to explain to herself why she had stopped. Before she could form those words though, Clarke was speaking, her thumb rubbing across the brunette's jaw as she murmured, “It's okay, Lexa. I know I stopped us the last time, but I'm ready now.”  
  
Lexa had to lick her lips, nerves and euphoria both spiking at the blonde's words, and for a moment she was distracted as Clarke's eyes fell to her mouth at the small movement, but she pushed the distraction as well as the emotions aside.  
  
“That may be true Clarke, but we cannot do this,” she whispered, and watched as Clarke's eyes shot back up to hers.  
  
“Of course we can,” Clarke argued, ready to say more, but Lexa shook her head, her heart straining at her own words. She didn't want to say them, didn't want them to be true anymore than Clarke did, but they were and she knew it.  
  
“No Clarke, we can't,” she insisted quietly, and though her words were gentle, Clarke heard the firmness in them. She scanned the brunette's eyes, her brow pulling down into something caught between a scowl and a frown, and just asked, “Why?”  
  
“Our people, first of all,” Lexa answered, and at her words she saw a wince cross the blonde's face that she knew wasn't due to her ankle. “They would not like it. You may be the Wanheda now, and many of my people may respect you, but far more of them would see anything between us as a betrayal to them. And while you may have forgiven me for what I did on the mountain, I doubt any of your people have.”  
  
“I don't see any of your people here or mine, Lexa,” Clarke argued as she pushed herself forward, wanting to trap those lips again so they could stop saying these things that she knew were true but really didn't care about right then. Lexa simply pulled back though, not far enough to truly break them apart, but enough that Clarke let out a sharp breath, letting herself fall back.  
  
“It is not just that though Clarke,” Lexa murmured, and the crease in Clarke's brow pulled down further as she saw something like fear flash across the brunette's face. She studied her for a moment, wondering what she could possibly be thinking about, until the other girl continued quietly, “I will not put you in that danger, Clarke; not ever.” And suddenly the blonde's eyes widened, understanding.  
  
“The Ice Queen...” she said, trailing off as Lexa simply nodded, pain flashing across her face in a way she couldn't hide from Clarke. At the back of her mind, she briefly wondered if she'd ever been able to hide anything from Clarke.  
  
“Nia is one of them, but I have many enemies, Clarke,” she told the blonde, her lips curling down further with every word. “And all of them would use whatever advantage they think they could to get to me. Because of this I have to keep my brother locked in my city so that I know he is always safe. It is not a life he asked for, nor is it the life he deserves, but because of me it is what must be done. I will not put you in the same danger he is in, the same danger I put Costia in: I cannot do that. If something happened to you because of me...” She trailed off, eyes clenching tight. She had already thought once that Clarke had been killed because of her choices: she couldn't do that again.  
  
Clarke's eyes darted across Lexa's face, studying every inch of it, and she wondered if there was anyone else in this world who cared as deeply as the brunette. Everything the other girl said caused her heart to swell and also to cry out at the pain she felt, but she wasn't having it. With Lexa's eyes still closed, Clarke leaned forward, her thumb once again brushing along the other girl's jaw, and so lightly that she could barely feel the skin beneath her lips, she kissed down the trail her thumb had just swept against. She felt Lexa's breath hitch, knew that she had opened her eyes, and pushed back against it when she felt Lexa's fingers subconsciously tighten against the back of her neck. After a moment, she tilted her head up, eyes immediately meeting pools of green, and she let one corner of her mouth curl up.  
  
“What makes you think you get to make decisions for me, Lexa?” she asked, and she saw the brunette's brow furrow in confusion. “You can decide what happens with Taigon: he's your brother and one of your people, and so that's fine. I'm neither related to you, which is really, really good right now, nor am I one of your people, so you don't get to decide what I do.” Her voice softened, fingers brushing against the smooth skin beneath them again as she added, “Don't get me wrong: the fact that you care about me enough to worry like this, to be able to put aside how you feel so that you know I'm safe, is really, really appreciated, but stop it. I get to decide what I want, get to make my own choices about my life, at least while I'm here in this cave, and what I want is you.” She arched her eyebrows. “Specifically what I want is for you to kiss me again.”  
  
Lexa swallowed, her throat having gone completely dry at the blonde's words, but she couldn't give in. “Clarke,” she tried to say, tried to argue, but the other girl cut her off.  
  
“No, Lexa,” she said, eyes not leaving the other girl's. “No. If things were different, if we weren't here in this cave alone, then I might agree with you. If anyone knew where we were, then maybe you'd have a point. But no one knows, Lexa.” Again the corner of her lips quirked up, eyes scanning Lexa's. “No one knows, so we don't have to worry about it. We don't have to worry about either of our people, or any of our enemies, or anything else. You don't have the be Heda here, and I don't have to be whatever I am; we can just be us.”  
  
“I am always the Commander,” Lexa murmured, wanting Clarke's words to be true but knowing they weren't. “No matter where I am or who I am with Clarke, I am always Heda.”  
  
“You are,” the blonde agreed with a small nod, the motion enough to make Lexa's fingers dig gently into her skin again, as though afraid she were about to pull away. The grip, along with the way Lexa looked at her in that moment, told Clarke that no matter how much she had to argue, she wanted nothing more than to be as close to the younger leader as possible. “But you are also always Lexa.” The brunette's breath got caught in her throat again when blue eyes scanned hers. “Just be Lexa right now. Let yourself put what you want before everything else, just for once.”  
  
The breath caught in her throat dissipated, and suddenly breathing was easy again. And then it wasn't, because Lexa had pushed forward, closing the space between her and the girl she so desperately wanted to be kissing, and she was doing just that. Clarke's grip at the back of her neck tightened and both of her hands went to the blonde's cheeks, cupping her face and holding her to her, and the last thing she needed in that moment was something as trivial as oxygen.  
  
She was doing something she hadn't done since she was fifteen: she was putting herself first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite a bit of fluff in this one, and then finally, the moment we were all waiting for I think. Hope you enjoyed it, and as always, I'd love to hear what you think! Also, I got a little feedback on the Trigedasleng before, but I'd like a little more: does putting it in like I've been doing, with the translations here in the bottoms notes work, or does it break up the reading for you and it would be better to have the translations right in the story? I like the looks better of it like this, but if it breaks it up then it doesn't matter how it looks: I'd rather it was smooth for you guys. So please, let me know your thoughts so I can make it better for you guys if you think it could be! Thanks!
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations:
> 
> "Hei, Leksa/Klark" - "Hello, Lexa/Clarke"  
> "Ha yu?" - "How are you?"  
> "Ai laik badas" - "I am wonderful"  
> "Yu?" - "You?"  
> "Badas, seintaim" - "Wonderful, also"  
> "Leida, Klark/Leksa" - "Goodbye, Clarke/Lexa"


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE NOTE THE RATING CHANGE BEFORE READING THIS CHAPTER. I debated for a long time whether I wanted to simply imply the budding of a physical relationship between Clarke and Lexa, or whether I wanted to explicitly write it out to show the growth of their relationship. As those of you who have read some of my other work know, I am not exactly shy about writing sex scenes, and I think it's kind of important in seeing the trust that has developed between them, so I decided to change the rating. If you are not comfortable with reading these kinds of things, let me assure you that while there may be a few more scenes similar to this every now and then, they are not the main point of this story (sorry to those who would like more of it!). Anyway, now that I have given you the heads up, I hope you enjoy!

Oddly enough, nothing really changed once Clarke and Lexa started kissing, except for the fact that, yeah, every now and then they would kiss. Lexa couldn't leave her people any more often than she already did, and Clarke never asked her to. On the many days she wasn't around, Clarke continued to work on her training, practicing what she could of hand-to-hand combat, armed combat with both knife and sword, and work with her bow. She tended her traps, skinned whatever animals she caught, added to her collection of furs, ran, drew, and generally just kept herself busy. Whenever Lexa was able to visit, they continued to work together, Lexa teaching Clarke and Clarke willingly learning, each telling the other stories about their life, and generally just happy to be with one another. Now often times training ended in congratulatory kisses, a walk among the trees often ended when one would press the other against hard bark and capture delicious lips with their own, stories were interrupted when one leaned over, too distracted by the movement of the others mouth to be paying attention to anything else.  
  
Honestly, the only time there was an obvious change was the time when Lexa visited and Clarke actively wouldn't let her kiss her because she had a cold. Lexa had given her a confused look, telling her, “If you are cold Clarke, you should wrap up in your fur.” The blonde had just grinned, shaking her head as she informed the other girl, “No Lexa, I'm not cold, I have a cold. I'm just a little sick, and I don't want you to catch it.” On her next visit Lexa had held out a small sack, and when Clarke took it and looked in it she'd found dried herbs inside. Giving Lexa a curious look, the older girl had told her, “I think Taigon now believes I may be going mad. He did not know what I was talking about when I asked him what one takes when they have a cold. However, I think that should help you.” The herbs had helped, along with the fact that the cold had pretty much been over by that point, and so when Lexa tried to kiss her after that the blonde had happily let her. No, nothing changed except that now neither chose to ignore the emotions swirling in their chest, both could just smile when they saw that knowing look in the others eyes, and both were happier than they'd been in a very, very long time.  
  
Oh, and one of Clarke's favorite changes: when Lexa was there, she no longer slept alone. They hadn't progressed this whatever it was past long, deep kisses and light touches, maybe both a little too afraid to push things too quickly, but the first time Lexa had visited after that first kiss in their cave Clarke had given her a look when she started to lay her fur out away from the blonde's, and simply drawn her blanket back farther, the motion and look nothing but clear in their meaning. Lexa had grinned, knowing better than to try to argue especially since she saw no reason to, and had slipped beneath the fur, immediately molding her body to Clarke's. Ever since that had been the arrangement, and now the fur that Lexa had used before lay beneath them, giving them another layer away from the hard ground. Stuck between the furs and Lexa's body against hers, Clarke didn't see any reason why she ever actually got up in the mornings.  
  
And this morning was no exception. Her body was pleasantly warm, almost on the side of too warm, the soft fur beneath her keeping the cold of the ground away while the thick fur on top of her kept the chill of the air out. Add to that the arm that had snaked around her middle long minutes ago when she had felt Lexa wake up behind her, and Clarke figured this must be what heaven would feel like.  
  
Correction: when Lexa suddenly leaned forward and pushed her hair aside before she began pressing the lightest of kisses across the nape of her neck, _that_ was what heaven must feel like. She hummed softly, still not opening her eyes, but pressed back, loving the way the brunette's body simply returned the pressure.  
  
“Good morning, Clarke,” she heard Lexa whisper in her ear, and either the tone of her voice or the feeling of her breath brushing along her ear made her shiver. Maybe both.  
  
“Morning,” she murmured, her arm moving down to hold the other girl's in place against her waist, and the pressure of Lexa's arm only increased, pulling her closer.  
  
“You know, if you turned around I could kiss you good morning instead of just having to say it,” Lexa teased, making Clarke grin. She really liked waking up to this girl beside her.  
  
“Yeah, but if we do that then you're gonna think it's actually time to get up, and I'm comfy,” she replied, still not turning over.  
  
“It is time to get up, Clarke,” the brunette insisted, though Clarke could hear the humor in her voice. The blonde just shook her head, saying, “Nu uh, it's still dark. Definitely not time to get up yet.” Lexa scoffed, and Clarke could feel the vibrations through her back.  
  
“Are your eyes open?” the other girl asked, and the blonde's lips just turned up.  
  
“Nope,” she answered easily, and she felt Lexa's grin as she leaned forward and pressed another kiss to the back of her neck. “Well then of course it is dark. Open your eyes.” Clarke groaned and again she could feel Lexa's smile against her neck, and her own smile grew as she turned over, shifting beneath the blankets. Once she was facing the brunette, she finally opened her eyes, and the first thing she saw as they opened were bright green eyes followed by a small smile. Yep, this was definitely something she wouldn't mind getting used to.  
  
“There,” Lexa murmured, meeting her eyes the moment they opened. “Now you can see it is bright and time to get up.”  
  
Clarke raised an eyebrow, because the minimal light filtering in from outside was not even close to anything she would call bright, but she decided not to point that out. Instead she just leaned forward a little, and she watched Lexa watch her, the corners of her lips pulling up as she whispered, “Not quite yet. You still need to kiss me good morning.” She saw the smile shine brighter in green eyes than it did on her lips, but then Lexa was leaning forward and pressing her lips to Clarke's and then the blonde's eyes were closed again. She hummed into the kiss, her arm moving up so that she could cup the brunette's cheek, and she felt the arm still around her waist tighten once again. They stayed together for a long moment, and when Lexa finally pulled back just enough to disconnect their lips she heard Clarke whisper, “Now that's a wake up a girl could get used to.” Her smile grew, and then she leaned forward again, this time leaving a quick peck to the blonde's lips.  
  
“Yes,” she agreed easily as she pulled back again, and then Clarke saw her lips twitch up as she continued, “And now it is time to get up.” Clarke groaned again and she let out a little laugh, finally sitting up and by doing so pulling the blanket up with her. She saw the blonde scowl at her, but then she sat up too, and the scowl fell away as the brunette reached out and took her hand, standing up and pulling the blonde with her.  
  
Leaving the warmth of the blankets, Clarke shivered and Lexa noticed, quickly moving over to the fire pit. With little trouble she soon had a small flame going, and then Clarke was handing her larger logs to put on it, and before long the cave was slowly heating up. Even so, Clarke put on her heavy jacket, the chill biting in the air, and then handed Lexa hers once the brunette stood up. She nodded, thanking the blonde, and slipped into it, a small smile playing at her lips as the moment the jacket was on, Clarke reached over and wrapped her fingers once again in the brunette's.  
  
They stood at the fire for a few moments, getting warm, and then they moved, going to Clarke's food stores and putting together a small breakfast for themselves. They spoke little, each easily knowing the rhythm of the other after so many mornings of doing the exact same thing, but the silence that they worked in was a comfortable one. Soon they were sitting together and eating, and if Clarke pressed herself closer than necessary against Lexa where they sat, Lexa certainly wasn't going to complain about it.  
  
Finished, Lexa stood up and made her way over to the entrance of the cave, pulling the fur back the moment she reached it. Looking out, for the first time that morning her smile fell, brow pulling down into a frown. The world outside the cave was white, as it had been for weeks now, but the snow wasn't just on the ground. It fell in thick flakes, so many of them that it was difficult to see the white trees only a few yards from their cave. It had begun falling the night before, and Lexa had hoped it would stop over night so that the trek back to Polis would be easy enough, but clearly that hadn't happened. She looked up, and though the sky was nothing but white and gray, she could tell that it was still early morning, so there was still time for it to stop before she really needed to be heading back.  
  
She felt more than saw Clarke move over to her side, and the frown fell away, her brow softening in the way it did only for the blonde. She turned to the other girl, her lips curling up as she saw blue eyes already on her, and simply said, “Come. I will help you clear a path to your target and the training ground, so that it is easier later.” Clarke nodded, and together they stamped through the snow, using their feet and hands to try to make an easy path to these two places Clarke visited the most, but over an hour later when the job was done and they once again stood in the mouth of the cave, the snow falling from the sky hadn't lessened any, and again Lexa looked out with a furrowed brow, thinking about her walk back to her people. Clarke, the ever observant and only person who ever tried to give the brunette orders, saw the look, and just shook her head.  
  
“Don't even think about it, Lexa,” she said, and the brunette turned to her, quirking an eyebrow up. The blonde just returned the look, showing no signs of backing down and told her, “You are not walking back to Polis in this storm. It's too dangerous, and it's stupid. Your people can survive without you a little longer.”  
  
She expected an argument, but didn't get one. Instead Lexa just grinned, reaching down and slipping her fingers through the blonde's. She knew the other girl was right, and had been thinking the same thing: it would be better to wait out the storm, even if it meant it could be another day or so before she made it back to her people. Better to wait, and not get lost in the storm, therefore making it even longer before she returned. Rather than saying so though, she just let out a small, exaggerated sigh and then replied quietly, “Sha, _nomon_.” Clarke grinned, rolling her eyes just a little, and then she pressed closer, pushing herself up and meeting the lips that came down the moment Lexa noticed her movement.  
  
The kiss was quick, playful, and then Clarke broke away, even pulling her hand from Lexa's, before she moved back into the cave. Lexa raised her eyebrows and then followed, and when she stepped inside Clarke was at the fire, using the long stick she kept for rearranging burning logs to push them apart a bit, creating space in the center of the pit. Once done, she grabbed the large flat rock she kept to the side of the cave before carefully placing it in the cleared out space in the middle of the flames. She looked up, meeting Lexa's eyes and just asked, “Could you grab a bunch of snow?” Lexa nodded, understanding what she was doing, and grabbed a bowl from the back of the cave before disappearing outside once again. When she returned, Clarke already had a few of the vegetables she had brought out and cut up, along with chunks of meat. Lexa moved straight to the fire, dumping the snow into the pot Clarke had placed on the rock while she was gone, and the moment the mass of flakes hit it they started melting. Once the snow had turned to water, Clarke brought over the vegetables and meat, dumping them in the pot as well, and then added a few pinches of some of the herbs Lexa had brought weeks ago. Stepping back, the blonde nodded, eyes still on the pot.  
  
“There,” she said simply, “That should make a pretty good soup later.”  
  
“Sha, it should,” Lexa agreed, and then she watched as Clarke's eyes shifted to her, a spark appearing in them. She took a few steps closer, quickly closing the distance between them, and then her arms were wrapped around Lexa's waist, her head tilted up just slightly as she asked, “Now then, what could we possibly do to pass the time?”  
  
Lexa grinned, easily reading the answer Clarke was expecting in the blonde's eyes, but instead of giving that answer she replied, “Training.” The smile fell from the blonde's face even as Lexa's grew, and her nose wrinkled.  
  
“That is really not the answer I was looking for,” she mumbled, but Lexa's grin just grew more, not backing down, and Clarke groaned. “Lexa, there is a blizzard out there,” she said, as though the older girl needed the reminder. “Can't we just stay in the warm cave? We'll barely be able to see anyway.”  
  
Clearly that was the wrong thing to say, and the blonde sighed again as she saw a twinkle appear in the brunette's eyes as she replied, “Clarke, you cannot always choose the weather when in battle. Someday you may need to fight in a blizzard, so you should practice now. Training does not cease simply because it is snowing.”  
  
Clarke sighed again, feeling absolutely no desire to go outside into the cold and away from the warm fire that she could be kissing Lexa next to, but she could see the stubborn grin on the other girl's face and knew that no amount of arguing was going to change her mind. So finally she dropped her arms and took a step back, rolling her eyes as she gave in. “Fine, you win; let's go bruise each other instead of kiss like we could be doing.” The corner's of Lexa's lips curled up further before she promised, “We can kiss after we train. Now: what type of training would you like to do?”  
  
The blonde gave her a look, clearly telling her exactly what kind of training she would like to be doing, but replied, “Why don't we just go with knife? Since we haven't done that one in a while.” Lexa nodded, readily agreeing, and then the two moved, gathering up their knives and also grabbing the gloves that Lexa had supplied Clarke with many visits ago. Slipping them on, they finally left the cave, walking into the white world outside.  
  
Clarke's annoyance didn't last long. The snow, and the fact that Lexa was staying longer than she ever had before, left her feeling giddy, and even though she'd rather be kissing Lexa than trying to stab her, she couldn't shake that giddiness. As they reached her training ground, each easily settling into their stances, she looked over to Lexa, and saw a similar giddiness in her eyes as well, and Clarke couldn't help but smile. They moved, and though they both moved with intent, there was a lightness to the movements of each of them that wasn't usually there.  
  
They had long ago moved from attack and defense drills with knife fighting, and instead moved on to actual faux battles. Clarke would attack, her gloved-hand that clutched her knife darting out to rake Lexa's side, and Lexa's knife would quickly move to block the attack before she would turn, her knife moving into its own attack. Nothing was scripted, it wasn't endless drills: it was a true battle, and a way for both of them to see how Clarke did when in a real fight. Lexa still held back partially, never using all of her power or strength, but the more they worked, the less she needed to hold back, and the more of a fight Clarke actually gave her. Just as always, soon they were both warm, the chill of the air and snow losing to the energy and warmth provided by their movements.  
  
Movements which were slower, harder to make than usual. The snow rose up to their knees, hindering them as they stepped and ran, ducked and rolled. It made it all harder, but at the same time it just made the giddiness inside of Clarke grow. She loved the snow, loved being out in it with Lexa, even if she'd rather be elsewhere doing other things. It all made her feel light, happy, and even as they moved together, knives flashing in the white, Clarke couldn't help the small smile that pulled at her lips.  
  
That smile only grew when Lexa attacked and she dodged, rolling to the side, as an idea formed in her head. She lunged forward, knife out, and now Lexa dodged, turning around just long enough to evade the weapon, and in the split second that her back was to Clarke, the blonde reached down with her free hand, grabbed a fistful of snow, and the moment the brunette turned back around, she hurled it at her. Her aim had improved greatly with more than just the bow and arrow, and the snow hit the other girl in the chest, exploding against her. She grinned, even as Lexa looked down at the spot on her chest a bit of the snow still clung to, and then she looked back up, raising an eyebrow at the blonde.  
  
“Clarke, we are supposed to be training,” she reminded the other girl, exasperated.  
  
“I am,” the blonde agreed easily, reaching back down and grabbing another fistful of snow. Since Lexa had stopped, her shoulders loosening, Clarke took an extra moment to press the snow into a ball. “I'm using my surroundings to my advantage, just like you taught me.” With another grin, she threw the ball of snow, this time hitting the other girl in the shoulder.  
  
Lexa should have stopped the play: training was not a time for fooling around or jokes, Anya had taught her that many times when she had tried to do something foolish like this. But Lexa's blood hummed in her veins, energy from not just the training but also the snow and the fact that she was still here with Clarke pumping through her, and her own lips were already curling into their own grin. Her heart was beating in her chest the way it only did when she was around the blonde, and so she didn't let herself think about it too much when her own free hand was scooping up a handful of snow.  
  
“That is true, Clarke,” she merely replied, playfulness all too evident in her tone, “You should always use your surroundings to your advantage.” And then she was throwing her own snow at the blonde, and the blonde was shrieking, and then they were throwing snow at each other while one hand continued to curl around the hilts of their knives.  
  
Clarke ran, putting a little extra distance between them, and as she moved she continually reached down and grabbed snow, turning only to lob it over her shoulder at the brunette. Lexa followed, the grin on her face only growing, and she used her knife arm to try to block the fistfuls of snow while her other hand continued to scoop up her own snow to throw at the blonde. Finally the blonde stopped, turning to hold her ground as she threw handful after handful of snow at the other girl, and Lexa continued running, ignoring the snow as it exploded against her. When she was only a short distance from the other girl she sprang forward, and then they were wrapped together as they rolled in the snow, both laughing as they moved. Finally they came to a stop, Lexa lying in the snow with the blonde pressing down on top of her, her legs firmly wrapped around the brunette's waist. Snow clung to their clothes, their hair, everything, but neither seemed to care. Clarke leaned forward, her knife already pressed gently against Lexa's neck, and murmured, “Looks like I win.” She saw Lexa raise an eyebrow, the little smile on her face simply growing as she asked, “Is that so?” and Clarke looked down in surprise when she felt the smallest amount of pressure possible press against the inside of her thigh. Lexa's knife pressed against her, her femoral artery somewhere beneath it. The blonde shook her head, grinning, before she replied, “Alright, so I guess it's a tie.”  
  
“Mm,” Lexa simply agreed, her eyes flickering across Clarke's face. The hand not holding the knife reached up, brushing a few snow flakes from her cheek, and she felt the other girl lean into the touch. The next thing she knew Clarke was leaning over, her knife moving from her neck and mouth moving down to meet Lexa's, and Lexa happily accepted it. Their lips moved together, eyes falling closed, and Lexa could feel herself relax into Clarke's body against hers. One of Clarke's hands moved to her face, her damp gloves cupping her cheek, and then both of her hands were on the blonde's waist, fingers tightening against the hipbones she could feel beneath Clarke's clothes. Clarke hummed against her lips, welcoming the pressure of Lexa's hands on her, and then her tongue darted out, tracing along thin lips that weren't hers. She heard Lexa's breath hitch, and then those lips parted and her tongue moved forward as she deepened the kiss. As they explored against each other, Clarke pressed her hips down harder against the brunette, almost involuntarily, and when she did the grip on her waist simply got tighter. They kissed for long, heated moments, ignoring both the snow beneath them and the snow that continued to fall around them, and when Clarke finally did pull back they were both breathing heavily, lungs burning for air. Her eyes opened, finding Lexa's opening as well, and her heart hitched as she saw the look burning in the other girl's eyes. Lexa's eyes scanned her face, her lips already pulled up in a slight smile, and she felt her hands brush lightly against her hips. She returned the easy smile, leaning over again, but rather than moving back to the brunette's lips, her mouth fell to the other girl's jaw, leaving feather-light kisses as she worked her way down until her lips were pressed just below Lexa's ear.  
  
“Lexa,” she breathed lightly, just before her mouth moved up and she nibbled lightly on the other girl's earlobe. She heard something like a whine come from the other girl's throat, and the sound shot through her, making her heartbeat pick up and heat begin to pool between her legs, but she ignored it all. “Yes Clarke?” she heard the brunette murmur, a slight hitch in her voice. The blonde suddenly grinned against the girl beneath her, whispering in her ear, “I win.”  
  
The brunette's eyes shot open, having fallen closed when Clarke's teeth closed around her earlobe, when she felt a blade press lightly against her neck. Her mouth fell open even as Clarke shifted above her, pulling herself away from her ear so that she could see the brunette's face. Their eyes met, amusement more than evident in the blue pools that stared down at her, and then the blonde said, “I told you Lexa, never count me out; I'm full of surprises.”  
  
Lexa couldn't think, too many emotions warring inside her. On the one hand, her pride was severely bruised: she hadn't lost a fight in years, and yet the knife pressed against her neck told her that she had just lost. On the other hand though, Clarke was, for all intents and purposes, her student, and she felt a swelling of pride for the blonde. That had been smart, using her opponent's distraction against her, and she couldn't help but respect the blonde even more for it. So rather than try to think too hard about it, she just shook her head, telling her, “It would seem you are. I yield.” Clarke's grin merely grew, and then the knife moved away from Lexa's neck and the blonde replaced it with her lips. Lexa's eyelids fluttered, not entirely closing, and she couldn't help but think that if this was her punishment for losing, she would have to lose more often. Not that she could ever, _ever_ let any of her people know about this.  
  
Finally Clarke pulled back, eyes still bright with amusement, and then she pushed herself up until she was standing over Lexa, and the brunette found she didn't mind the view at all. Clarke seemed to read her thoughts, her eyes rolling slightly as her hand reached down.  
  
“Come on,” she said, “I won, so I say training's over for the day. Let's get back into the warm cave before we get buried in the snow.” Lexa nodding, accepting the hand reaching down to her, and let Clarke help her up. Once up, she bent back down to pick up the knife she had dropped while kissing the blonde, the blade already partially buried in the fresh snow, and then stood up as she wiped it off against her pants.  
  
They trudged through the snow, starting to shiver now that their wasn't a warm body against them helping to forget the cold, and both let out little sighs as Clarke pulled the fur back and they stepped into the cave. The fire, though having died down some while they were gone, had managed to chase away the worst of the cold, and already the soup still cooking was throwing off a pleasant aroma, giving them both something to look forward to in a couple hours when it would finally be ready. Clarke stepped over to her stack of firewood and grabbed a couple of pieces, carefully arranging them in the pit so that the fire could grow again, while Lexa set her knife and gloves by her pack. She shrugged out of her heavy coat, letting the damp material hit the ground, and sighed again as the warm air in the cave hit her now that she had fewer layers on. What she still wore stuck to her, the snow that had clung to her pants quickly melting and turning the clothing damp as well as the sleeves and bottom of her shirt where snow had managed to make it under her jacket, and while not entirely pleasant, she ignored it. She slipped out of her boots and then pulled off her wet socks, the hard dirt of the cave feeling good against the soles of her feet.  
  
Clarke turned from the fire as the other girl's jacket hit the ground, and her eyes traveled along the brunette's body of their own accord. She could see the snow melting against the other girl and could feel the same thing happening to the snow on her, her pants and shirt quickly growing damp. She shrugged out of her own coat, letting it drop away from the fire, and felt a trickle of water run down the side of her face as the snow that had clung to her hair melted, and suddenly her eyes were pulled to a drop of water that ran down the other girl's neck. Her heartbeat picked up as she remembered that look in Lexa's eyes just a few minutes ago when she was pressed beneath her, and her breath hitched in her throat. Suddenly all she wanted was to see it again, to feel the other girl against her, to be holding her and be held by her, and when Lexa's eyes shifted up, a small smile on her lips, she watched as those eyes widened, the smile fading in surprise as she clearly read the hunger in Clarke's eyes. Her eyes scanned the blonde's face, even as she kicked off her own boots, the socks that had fallen off her feet while they had been fighting remaining in the boots as they fell to the ground, and then Clarke saw the way the brunette's throat moved, having to swallow as she watched the younger girl, her fingers moving to her pants, unbuttoning them and pulling them down her legs.  
  
“Clarke...” Lexa mumbled, the name getting partially stuck as her throat constricted while pale legs were revealed in the firelight. Part of her wanted to look away, wanted to give the other girl privacy as she undressed as they had always done whenever Lexa visited, but the way Clarke's eyes held hers told her not to.  
  
“Lexa,” Clarke simply replied, her voice soft, almost sweet, and the brunette's heart beat hard against her ribcage at they way her own name sounded on the blonde's tongue.  
  
“I am not sure,” she began, having to lick her lips, her mouth suddenly going dry as she watched Clarke begin to walk over to her. She didn't know if it was purposeful or if she was imagining it, but there seemed to be a little more of a sway in her hips than usual as she moved.  
  
The blonde reached Lexa, closing the distance between them quickly until only a little space kept them apart. She reached forward, fingers brushing along the brunette's jaw lightly. “I am,” she murmured softly, eyes scanning Lexa's as Lexa's scanned hers. She took the final step forward, pressing her body against the other girl's. “But if you're not,” she continued in the same soft tone, “You can stop me.” She pushed herself up on her toes, closing the small height difference between them, and then her lips were on Lexa's, keeping the kiss light so that Lexa could easily pull away if she wanted, even as her eyes fell closed.  
  
Lexa felt the small pressure against her lips, felt Clarke's body press against hers, and part of her knew she should pull away. She shouldn't let herself do this, shouldn't get anymore caught up in this other girl than she already was, but that voice in her head had been losing and steadily getting fainter ever since she had met the blonde. Taking this next step in whatever this relationship was between them was only going to make it hurt more when she had to walk away from the blonde for good, but that day, even in its certainty, was an unknown day in the future, and she had too many other important things to think about at the moment. Like the light brush of Clarke's nails along her neck as the fingers on her jaw fell down and the shiver the touch caused. Or how gently Clarke was kissing her, giving her the opportunity to pull away if she needed it. Of how she was being a complete idiot, wasting time having these thoughts while she could be touching Klark kom Skaikru.  
  
So she stopped thinking and started touching. Her hands moved from where they had been hanging uselessly beside her, and they moved up Clarke's body, trailing lightly against the blonde's bare legs, causing the blonde to shiver under the touch. They continued up, one hand stopping at the blonde's waist and sliding against her back, pulling her even closer while the other hand continued up, stopping only when she cupped the blonde's cheek. Her head tilted, deepening the kiss, pushing Clarke's head back just slightly at the force she used. She felt the fingers that had fallen to her shoulder tighten, just as Clarke's other hand moved to her arm, grasping hard right where her tattoo rested beneath her shirt, and the pressure of those fingers only made her hungrier for the blonde. She kissed her, over and over until they were both breathless, and then Clarke's mouth moved from hers to her jaw, nipping playfully at it, her grin obvious against Lexa's skin. The hand on Clarke's cheek fell away, moving to the button of her pants, and quickly her fingers were pulling at it, trying to get the material off and on the ground as soon as possible. Clarke felt the movement, and then her hands were helping the brunette and Lexa was clenching her eyes shut, heavy breaths escaping her lips as the blonde's mouth moved, working gently down her neck. As soon as the pants were loose enough, Clarke was pushing them down Lexa's legs and Lexa was quickly stepping out of them, thankful for her wonderful balance as she shuffled to get the tight, damp material away. And then they were gone and her attention was completely on the blonde again, her hands both moving to Clarke's face and she was pulling her closer so that she could once again kiss those beautiful, soft, amazing lips.  
  
Clarke's heart raced in her chest, her blood pumped furiously in her veins, and she felt so light-headed she wasn't entirely sure any of this was real. She felt Lexa's skin against hers as she pushed herself even closer to the blonde, their legs bumping together, and she felt a jolt of electricity shoot through her. She wanted more, wanted to feel every bit of the other girl against her, and then her hands were slipping under Lexa's tight shirt, her fingers pressing roughly against the older girl's bare sides. Her grip only tightened as she felt Lexa moan into their kiss, and then Lexa's hands were on her back again, pulling her even closer. Their lips moved, pushing and pulling, nipping and sucking against the others, noses bumping or cheeks brushing together as their faces tilted, both feeling the urge to kiss the other as long and as deeply as possible.  
  
It wasn't long before Clarke took a step back, her hands grasping the brunette's sides even harder and lips still working against the ones pressed to hers, pulling Lexa with her, and Lexa let her. Lexa followed, too distracted by the feel of the blonde, the pressure of her lips and fingers, to even bother to question why they were moving, and then they had stopped and Clarke was pressing against her again, this time trying to gently push her down. She followed the guidance of those hands, and then she was lying on her back, the soft furs of Clarke's bed not nearly as soft as the blonde's skin, and Clarke was straddling her hips again, just as she had been outside in the snow.  
  
Lexa grinned, pulling back and breaking their kiss for the first time in what seemed like long, glorious ages. Clarke pulled back as well, raising an eyebrow at the brunette's grin, and Lexa just asked her, “You do not have another knife, do you? I do not have to worry for my safety, correct?” Her voice was hoarse, her throat dry and breath coming quickly now that she actually had access to air, and Clarke had to stop the small moan from escaping her throat at the sound of her voice in that moment. Instead she just returned the grin, leaning back down and leaving light kisses along the expanse of Lexa's neck, the brunette arching her chest beneath her subconsciously.  
  
“No, I do not have another knife,” she teased, words as light as the kisses she rained down on the other girl. “And as for safety, yeah, you're safe. If anything comes out of the woods, I'll protect you.” She lifted her head, her eyes meeting Lexa's, and the brunette could easily see the light that shown in them. “I know how much you need protection,” she added, her lips curling up in a teasing smile.  
  
Lexa's eyes scanned the blonde's as she murmured, only partially joking, “I think the only one I need protection from is you.” Clarke's smile just grew before she leaned down and captured the brunette's lips again, and Lexa's eyes fluttered closed, fully aware that it was going to kill her when she had to say goodbye to this amazing girl.  
  
She didn't think about that though. Instead she thought of Clarke's lips pulling against hers, of the fingers that still clutched her sides. Her own hands reached up, once again settling against the blonde's hips, the skin there burning against the palms of her hands. She didn't know what she wanted to do more, let her hands travel up beneath the blonde's shirt or try to pull down the underwear that still clung to the other girl so that she could feel more of the skin along her hips. Her internal debate over which was the better choice was interrupted when she felt Clarke's fingers move, falling down to the hem of her own shirt, and then the blonde was tugging at the material and she was pushing herself up slightly to help the blonde. The shirt was up over her head in record time and the blonde was throwing it somewhere across the cave and somewhere in the back of her mind Lexa hoped that it hadn't landed in the fire because she really liked that shirt, but then she watched Clarke's eyes rake over her form and the shirt was wiped clean from her thoughts.  
  
If Clarke's throat hadn't been dry before, it was now. Her eyes fell on the girl beneath her as soon as the shirt was out of her hands, and she watched as Lexa settled back against the furs, but she couldn't look up to meet the other girl's eyes. She was too busy, her eyes scanning and taking in every detail of the girl between her legs, and it took every bit of self control she had not to moan loudly. Because of course Lexa was gorgeous, that was no surprise, and of course her stomach was tight, skin rippling beneath her finger tips as her hands fell down on her, and even of course she had a few faded scars, symbols of past battles forever etched against her. But what Clarke hadn't been expecting, and why she hadn't been expecting it she had absolutely no idea because hello, these people had tattoos everywhere, what she hadn't been expecting was the dark, swirling tattoo along Lexa's side, starting just above her hip and trailing up the side of her ribcage. And of course on her other side Clarke could see just the sliver of another tattoo, and yeah, of course Lexa had more tattoos on her back, why did any of this surprise the blonde? Her eyes swept over the tattoo she could see, silently telling herself she was going to have to get the other girl to roll over some time later so that she could see the tattoo on her back as well, and then her fingers were tracing over it. She felt Lexa shift beneath her, pressing herself against the brush of her fingers, and only then was she able to tear her eyes away from the revealed skin, turning back up to meet Lexa's. Green eyes were almost black, and the hunger in them went straight to the space between the blonde's legs that had begun to ache long minutes ago. Clarke's lips came down to hers, one hand resting beside Lexa's head so that she could easily still hold herself up while the other continued to trace along tan skin, and she felt the vibrations against her lips as the brunette moaned lightly into the kiss.  
  
Lexa's fingers trailed up, moving to the hem of the blonde's shirt, and when the blonde pulled back from her lips just slightly she breathed out, “Ai gafin kom ai op yu.” Her brow furrowed slightly, and then she repeated in Gonasleng, “I want to see you, Clarke.” Her mind was having a hard time of thinking of anything at the moment, let alone thinking it in a language that wasn't her natural one.  
  
The blonde let out a little chuckle and Lexa's eyes flickered back to them as she replied quietly, “I figured that was probably what you meant.” Lexa returned her smile and then was pulling the blonde's shirt over her head, and now it was her turn to throw the shirt haphazardly as her gaze pulled to the pale skin that was revealed, eyes scanning every inch and taking it all in. As soon as the shirt was out of her hands they were back against Clarke, fingers running delicately along soft skin that shivered lightly beneath her touch. Her eyes flickered back up to blue, and she just whispered, “Beautiful.” Clarke's eyes crinkled, smile growing, before she leaned back down. Her lips were almost against Lexa's, eyes looking into hers before she told her softly, “Yu laik seintaim.”  
  
Her own language flowing from between those lips shot something through Lexa, and suddenly she was pressing forward, fingers moving from Clarke's skin to wrap in her hair, pulling her close as their lips came together again. Clarke's fingers followed the lead of the Commander's, and soon they were wrapped in brown locks, trying to be careful of the braids woven against the other girl's head, but no longer having complete control over herself as she moved against the brunette. If she pulled against the braids, Lexa didn't seem to mind, instead just doing everything she could to deepen the kiss further until neither could tell where one set of lips began and the other ended. They remained together, skin pressed against skin wherever possible, until their lungs burned, and when they broke apart both sets of hands fell from the locks around them, both traveling almost immediately to the others sides. Fingers moved to the only pieces of cloth still on the upper half of either of their bodies, and as they looked into each others eyes both sets of hands pulled the cloth up, and after a few interesting maneuvers from both of them, they were bare except for the underwear that still clung to them. Throats once again dry, they both stared unabashedly, taking in the sight of the other girl before them.  
  
Clarke was the first one to move, tongue darting out from between dry lips to lick them quickly, and then she was leaning down once again, her lips returning to Lexa's neck, and she felt Lexa relax completely under her. Green eyes fell closed as lips worked against her skin and her hands moved once again to Clarke's sides, holding her loosely. Those lips traveled, never staying in one place too long, knowing she couldn't leave any marks on Lexa's neck that could be seen by her people, but when she reached the brunette's clavicle she couldn't help but nip against it lightly, especially when the little pressure caused the brunette to take in a sharp breath of air. Clarke grinned against the skin, and then continued moving down, her fingers brushing lightly against Lexa's hips. She could feel the brunette beginning to shift beneath her, could feel the way her legs had begun to move slightly behind her, and she knew she wanted Clarke to keep traveling down.  
  
She didn't give her what she wanted: instead, when she reached Lexa's chest she stopped, her lips kissing down the valley between the breasts and then kissing back up it. Again she heard Lexa take in a sharp breath and felt the grip on her hips tighten, but she was too focused on her work to really notice. She teased the brunette for a moment, lips and tongue pressing against her breastbone and only traveling partially up the side of either breast, and then she heard the brunette huff, could imagine the scowl on her face without even needing to look up, and she grinned. One hand moved from Lexa's hip, trailing slowly up her stomach, and again she felt the brunette shift beneath her. And then the hand was on Lexa's breast and her thumb brushed against a nipple that immediately pebbled beneath the touch, and Lexa couldn't hold back the small moan that escaped her lips. Wanting to hear more of that, Clarke brushed her thumb over the nipple again, and then her mouth finally trailed up the ignored breast, lips closing gently around the second nipple just as her thumb moved against the first again, and a louder, stronger moan graced her ears. She worked both buds, pulling against them gently with lips and fingers or rubbing small circles over them while her other hand continued to grip Lexa's hip, fingers brushing against the skin there, and Lexa no longer tried to hold back her moans. Her mind had shut down completely, every thought leaving her other than those that revolved around the blonde on top of her, and it felt so good.  
  
But it could feel better, and as she felt Clarke's tongue press against the bud still in her mouth, tracing tiny circles over it, the spot between her legs burned, aching for attention too. Without entirely meaning to her hips jutted up, hitting against the blonde above her, and she must have happened to hit Clarke just in the same spot because suddenly a moan tore from the back of the blonde's throat, vibrating against Lexa's sensitive nipple and making her moan as well.  
  
“Beja, Klark,” she groaned, breath hitching again as fingers pulled gently against her other nipple and then the thumb brushed over it again. “Stop teasing me.”  
  
Clarke didn't respond, and other than the way Lexa felt her lips curl up, she made no indication she'd heard anything. The brunette believed she was going to ignore the plea, and had resigned herself to more of this delightful torture, when the hand still on her hip suddenly moved, and even as Clarke's other hand and mouth continued to work against her chest, Lexa could focus only on that hand that had begun to dip down. She whined, not meaning to let the noise escape her, but it was worth it when the sound seemed to spurn the hand on, and then the hand moved over her mound, and even through her underwear, the pressure was enough to make her buck her hips into the hand. She wanted more, so much more, and bucked her hips again, as though to tell Clarke so, and the movement seemed to do the trick because the next moment the hand moved up again and then fingers had slipped beneath the underwear and Lexa groaned loudly as a finger pressed down on her, easily sliding through her wet folds. Clarke's mouth had stopped moving against her, her head lifting up so that she could watch Lexa's face, and when her finger traveled up, gliding against the brunette's clit, it was all worth it as she watched her mouth drop slightly open, her throat working as she tried to swallow. She moaned loudly as the finger brushed against the sensitive bud again, and then all but cried out in dismay as the hand suddenly left her, pulling quickly out from under the piece of fabric. She scowled at Clarke, more than ready to growl at her to get back to what she had been doing, but then the blonde was shifting on top of her, moving down her body, and then fingers hooked in the side of her underwear and the fabric was being pulled from her body. As soon as it was gone Clarke moved back to her spot on top of Lexa, and her eyes shifted straight to the brunette's, holding her gaze even as her hand returned to where it had just been.  
  
Lexa didn't tear her eyes from Clarke's, but she could feel the hand sliding up the inside of her thigh, and inadvertently she shifted, legs spreading out just a little wider to give the blonde better access. And then the fingers were against her again, and then they were pressing against her, easily sliding back up to her clit and starting a slow, steady rhythm as they circled it. Her breath hitched again, her chest rising and falling quickly now, and she didn't know which was truly effecting her more, Clarke's fingers against her or her eyes as they burned down on her. Either way her body was clearly effected, her hips pressing up against the blonde's hand, small moans tearing from her throat. She watched the hunger grow in Clarke's eyes with every sound, watched the way blue scanned across her face, but then those fingers were moving down, and then two were pushing into her and her eyes fell shut, the loudest moan yet tearing from her lips as her head pushed back against the furs beneath her and her hips pushed up against Clarke's hand, needing those fingers further, harder, faster.  
  
“God, you're so beautiful Lexa,” she heard Clarke murmur, and again she moaned, though whether it was due to the words or the fact that the fingers had begun to move inside her, she couldn't say. All she could say, all she wanted to say, was the blonde's name, and so she did.  
  
“Klark,” she groaned, the name tearing from her throat, and to the blonde's ears it sounded even more amazing than the moans. “Klark!”  
  
With each moan, each groan of her name, Clarke's fingers moved faster, and soon Lexa was moving uncontrollably beneath her, her hips jutting up to meet her fingers every time. The own space between her legs ached, begging for attention, but Clarke ignored it, her focus solely on the brunette slowly unraveling beneath her. She'd never seen Lexa out of control like this, doubted she had been out of control like this in years, and that knowledge just spurned her on, pumping her fingers inside of her faster. Soon her fingers were curling inside the brunette and Lexa's moans were reaching new levels and even Clarke was having a hard time breathing as her eyes remained fixed on the older girl. She knew, could easily see, that Lexa was almost there, had almost reached that point, and she shifted her hand slightly so that her thumb could hover over her clit. She didn't bring it down though, and another small whine came from the back of Lexa's throat just before another moan tore through her. Clarke ignored the noise, leaning over, and even as her fingers continued to curl inside the other girl, she whispered, “Look at me, Lexa.”  
  
The words had to fight through the foggy haze that Lexa's mind had been stuck in ever since Clarke's fingers had entered her, but finally they did and her mind registered them, and then her eyes opened, and the only thing she saw was Clarke, beautiful, strong Clarke, leaning over her, eyes meeting her own, and then suddenly she felt the pressure of the blonde's thumb press roughly against her clit and the fingers inside her push even deeper.  
  
“Jok,” she managed to get out, and then her body was spasming around the fingers inside her and those fingers continued to pump against her, dragging out the orgasm as long as her body would allow. They pulled out only when she had finally stilled, and then before she could properly get breath into her lungs again Clarke's lips were on hers, pulling at them hungrily, and Lexa didn't care, she didn't need air, oxygen wasn't nearly as important as Clarke and her lips and her fingers and the eyes that had fallen closed the moment the kiss began.  
  
Lexa's mind was too tired, too distracted by the lips against hers to notice right away the push of Clarke's hips against her own, but when she finally did it was all she could think about, especially as those hips came down again and she could feel the wet spot on Clarke's underwear growing impossibly wetter as it pressed against her skin. And then she heard the whimper, small, soft, come from Clarke even as she continued to kiss the older girl, and the sound pulled something like a growl, hungry, powerful, from Lexa. She pulled back from Clarke's lips, finding the blonde's eyes still closed even as her own opened, and she saw the way Clarke's bottom lip had been pulled between her teeth, as though to help her hold in her noises as her hips continued to push down against the brunette. Lexa's hands reached up to her hips, gripping them tightly to stop their movement, and only then did Clarke's eyes open. She looked down, and Lexa gave her a small smile, and then she was shifting herself so that she could move down the blonde's body, and when the blonde realized what she was doing she moaned before Lexa could even touch her.  
  
Lexa's small smile turned into a grin as the moan reached her ears, but other than that she just ignored it. She finally stopped moving when her head rested between Clarke's legs, and it was all she could do to hold in her own groan as she looked above her, the wet spot on Clarke's underwear all too clear. Her hold on the blonde's hips tightened and she lifted her head up, bringing forth a second moan of anticipation from the blonde. She ignored that one too, and closed her eyes as her tongue darted out, swiping across the wet material in front of her. The moan that caused she didn't ignore, her thumbs rubbing against the soft skin beneath them. Her tongue darted out again, this time pressing roughly against the material, and her own groan grew in her throat, though she was able to keep it from escaping, even when she felt Clarke buck against her.  
  
Letting her head fall back to the furs beneath her, her eyes trailed up Clarke's body bent above her, and she just said, “Take them off.” Clarke nodded quickly, clearly thinking the same thing, and she moved on shaky legs, quickly pulling the material off as soon as she could. Her heart beating crazily in her chest, she moved back over Lexa's face, licking her lips as she looked down her body, meeting green eyes. She nodded, and that seemed to be all the other girl needed.  
  
Lexa's fingers gripped the blonde's thighs and then her head was up again, and this time she let out her groan as her tongue finally slipped between Clarke's lips. The vibrations of the noise made Clarke groan in return, and then her hips were pressing down roughly, urging Lexa to continue, not to waste anymore time. But Clarke had teased her, had made her wait, so Lexa saw no reason to give Clarke what she needed right away. Instead she slid her tongue along the length of her lips, eyes closing as she took in what was Clarke and only Clarke. She felt fingers move to her head, tangling into her hair, and briefly she wondered how she might explain to her people how the usually so well-kept braids had turned into the mess they were sure to be, but she banished that thought. She would figure that out when her face wasn't between Clarke's legs. Her tongue moved to the blonde's clit, tracing light circles against the bud, and she felt the grip in her hair tighten as the younger girl let out another moan. She kept the circles light, gentle, at times barely there, and when she heard Clarke growl above her, she had to fight to keep the corners of her mouth from turning up into a grin. She focused instead on the work with her tongue, and only after a few more gentle presses against the nub did she allow herself to move on, trailing slowly, ever so slowly, back down. Clarke growled again, but the sound got cut off, turning into a groan as Lexa's tongue finally entered her, but still the brunette teased her. She moved slowly, careful, even strokes of her tongue working inside the blonde, and finally Clarke couldn't stand it anymore.  
  
“Dammit Lexa, stop teasing me!” she exclaimed, the smallest of whines coloring her tone, and then she felt the brunette shift, one hand dropping from its spot on her thigh. Lexa's head fell slightly back, her mouth leaving Clarke's sex and Clarke whimpered at the loss. Her breath got caught in her lungs when she looked down and saw the smirk both on Lexa's lips and in her eyes, right before she replied evenly, “Sha, Klark.”  
  
And then her fingers were inside the blonde and her lips had wrapped around her clit, sucking roughly against the bundle of nerves, and Clarke's mouth fell open, her eyes rolling up as they closed and she was bucking against both Lexa's mouth and her fingers and it felt _so good_. And then the brunette had moved again and her tongue was inside her again but this time it was anything but slow and gentle and Clarke couldn't help it as her fingers gripped tightly against the hair wrapped around them even though in the back of her very very clouded mind she knew the grip must hurt, but she couldn't stop, hoped Lexa wouldn't stop, stop what she was doing because yeah, oh god it felt so good, so damn good and why the hell had they waited so long to have sex? If she had known Lexa could do _that_ with her tongue, her fingers which were suddenly circling furiously around her clit, god, if she had known about any of this she would have jumped the older girl the first time she saw her in her tent, she didn't give a damn that others were there, Gustus could have slit her throat, that would have been fine just so long as he had waited until after Lexa had finished, had finished that incredible, _amazing_ thing she was doing with her tongue, death would be fine, probably welcome even because damn, life could never again be as good as it was right now, nothing could ever beat this, because right now Lexa's head was pressed firmly between her legs, her tongue was thrusting inside her roughly, over and over again and those talented, oh-yes-so-talented fingers had just rejoined it and nope, nothing in life would ever feel as absolutely amazing as this moment right now.  
  
Finally her body broke, the work Lexa continued to do between her legs too much, and her orgasm tore through her just as she managed to get out, “Fuck!” Her legs shook, inadvertently clamping around Lexa's ears, holding her in place as though she had planned on pulling away. She hadn't though, humming lightly instead as Clarke came around her tongue, and she pulled her fingers out and then returned her wet grip to the blonde's hips so that she could easily keep herself up as she lapped up everything that was Clarke. She heard the blonde moan again, felt the pressure of the legs against her head increase, but ignored it all, gently thrusting her tongue continually into the blonde to help her ride her orgasm out for as long as possible. Only when the blonde had stopped shaking and the thighs pressed against her had lessened their pressure did she stop, instead using her mouth to clean the other girl, mostly just because she didn't want to move away yet. But the whimper that tore through Clarke's throat told Lexa that she was too sensitive, that she needed a break, so finally she let her head fall back, giving Clarke the space she needed.  
  
She looked up Clarke's body above her, the fine sheen of sweat on the blonde's skin only making her want to touch her more, but she behaved, letting her grip on the blonde's hips loosen. She saw Clarke look down at her and couldn't help the smirk from growing as the other girl groaned again when she noticed the brunette licking her lips. Her legs still shaking, Clarke moved so that she no longer straddled the brunette's face, and then her tired, incredibly content body was falling onto the furs beside the older girl. Even though both of their chests heaved, trying to get air into lungs that had gone too long without it or with too little of it, Clarke still forced her body to lean over, pressing her lips to Lexa's. She moaned again as she tasted herself on those lips, but then returned the grin when she felt Lexa's lips pull up. Finally she pulled away, letting her upper body fall lightly against Lexa's, and she hummed happily when she felt one of Lexa's arms wrap around her. Her eyes darted up, meeting the other girl's.  
  
“That,” she finally managed to say, “Was a way better use of our time than training.” Lexa just laughed, and Clarke had to fight herself not to close her eyes and get lost in the sound. Lexa didn't laugh nearly enough: it sounded beautiful, more magical than music. The blonde made a note to herself to try to make her laugh more often.  
  
“I should argue with you and tell you that training is the most important thing you could be doing,” the older girl told her, her fingers brushing softly against the skin beneath them. “I will not, however.” A smile tugged easily at her lips as she added, “It was certainly more fun than training, I will give you that.”  
  
“Way more fun,” the blonde readily agreed, her own lips curling up into another smile. Her eyes turned up, scanning the other girl's face before she asked, “No regrets?”  
  
Lexa's eyes fell down to the girl still pressed against her chest, her smile softening as she replied reassuringly, “Of course not. You?”  
  
“None whatsoever,” Clarke easily answered, and then her eyebrows rose as she added, “I'm a little disappointed we waited so long to finally do this. Think of all the time we wasted with our clothes on.” Her words made Lexa laugh again, and the sound once again stirred at the blonde's heart. She sank further against Lexa, the arm around her back tightening as she did so, and her hand fell to the brunette's collarbone, tracing along its sharp line. Lexa shifted slightly, humming at the soft touch, and her eyes fell closed, simply basking in the moment. Clarke watched her, eyes not leaving Lexa's face, and then suddenly a thought entered her head and she let out a little laugh. The brunette raised her eyebrows, silently asking her a question, but didn't open her eyes. “I guess Octavia's not the only Grounder-pounder now,” Clarke mused in response to the silent question.  
  
The strange term that obviously had something to do with her people got Lexa to open her eyes, shooting Clarke a curious look. “I do not know what that means, but if it has to do with Octavia I do not believe it can be good,” she said, and she watched as Clarke's lips turned up into a grin.  
  
“It's what a lot of the Delinquents started calling her after she began sneaking away from the dropship to see Lincoln,” the blonde informed her, “It's just a rude term that means she has sex with Grounders. Which,” she added, pulling herself a little further up Lexa's body so that their heads were level, “If all Grounders can do that thing that you can with their tongues, then my people really don't know what they're missing.”  
  
“I do not know if all of my people can do it,” Lexa replied, one corner of her mouth curling up into a smirk. “And I do not think our people will be coming together like that any time soon, so I am afraid your people will have to keep missing out.”  
  
“Too bad for them,” Clarke murmured before she closed the small distance between them again, pulling Lexa's lips against her own. She could still taste herself against the older girl's mouth, and the knowledge of that just made her want to move down Lexa's body and find out what she tasted like in return. But they were both tired, chests still moving heavily as they tried to recover from their previous orgasms, and trying to get another one out of Lexa already seemed like more work than either of them were up for quite yet. So she put the thought out of her mind, storing it for later when they were both rested, and pulled out of the kiss, eyes meeting the brunette's as she did so, and they both just smiled at each other. Lexa's fingers along her back traced up her spine softly, and she sighed lightly, pressing back against the small touch. Her own hand fell across the older girl's stomach, fingers gliding over the flat plain, and then they were tracing every twist and swirl of her tattoo.  
  
Eyes flickering to the ink, she suddenly remembered the sliver she saw of the tattoo on the other girl's back, and then her eyes were back on Lexa's face.  
  
“Can I see the tattoo on your back?” she asked, her fingers not stopping in their movements. Green eyes met hers and then Lexa simply nodded before she carefully pulled her arm out from under Clarke, the blonde missing the small touch on her back almost immediately, and then she rolled over onto her stomach, her arms moving up and crossing beneath her so that she could rest her head on them. She turned to Clarke, head falling down to rest against her arms, and watched as the blonde's eyes scanned her exposed back.  
  
Immediately Clarke realized the error in her question. Lexa didn't have just one tattoo along her back: she had twelve, twelve small symbols creating an oval along the expanse of her skin. The two at the top of her body sat atop her shoulder blades, and then the rest traveled down, arching out into a wide enough oval that those out farthest only just managed to remain on her back and not be considered on her sides. The two furthest down her back rested only a couple inches above her tailbone, one on each side of her spine. The symbols were all small, but nevertheless the detail and stark difference between the black ink and Lexa's skin made each a work of art. Clarke's eyes were drawn to one, and she realized she had seen the symbol in various places in Tondc.  
  
“Symbols of the twelve nations?” she guessed, and Lexa simply nodded.  
  
“I got each once the clan joined the coalition,” she told the younger girl, still watching Clarke as her eyes flickered across her back.  
  
“Not just when you became Commander?” the blonde asked, still studying the detail of each symbol, and Lexa shook her head even as she felt a gentle finger move over one of the tattoos and trace along it slowly. For some reason she was unsurprised that it was the symbol of the Woods Clan, the clan she had been born to that Clarke first chose to study.  
  
“There have been many vessels before this one,” she explained, “Each did something great for our people. This is how I show the great thing that this vessel was able to do.”  
  
“You've got a lot more great things coming, Lexa,” Clarke murmured, eyes not pulling away from the tattoos. “The coalition won't be the only one by the time your soul moves on to a new vessel.”  
  
To Clarke, her words were just words, spoken almost without thought as she studied the designs on the work of art before her, but to Lexa they were more. Her heart squeezed in her chest, breath once again hitching in her lungs. She studied the blonde's face, wondering where that simple faith, that apparent easy belief came from after all she had put this girl through, but she didn't say anything. Instead she just laid still as Clarke studied her, simply studying her right back.  
  
The tattoos along the brunette's back were beautiful, but they weren't the only thing there that drew Clarke's attention. She studied each in depth though before she let her eyes be pulled to the other, crueler art there. Running along down Lexa's spine and horizontally across the center of her back were two straight lines, the lines formed by small, raised bumps. She should have known that Lexa wouldn't have her death marks in the haphazard cluster she'd seen on other Grounders' shoulders or backs: the Commander was much too organized, too methodical for that, clearly even before she was the Commander. Hers ran straight, dividing her back into four equal sections, and for some reason Clarke's fingers itched to run over them. She didn't let them though, not yet at least, instead just once again tracing the symbol beneath her finger tip. She couldn't look away from the marks though, and her brow pulled down just slightly as she asked quietly, “How old were you when you got the first one?”  
  
Lexa did not have to ask to know Clarke was no longer speaking of her tattoos.  
  
“Six,” she answered quietly. “I had been training with Anya for eight months. It is this one.” She lifted her head, arm twisting around so that she could point to the mark in the center of her back, her finger finding it like she was drawn to it. In a way she was: she remembered many hours when she was young when she would reach behind her and brush her finger over the bump, for a while the pride rising up in her whenever she did. The pride did not rise anymore when she did it, and yet there were still times when she was alone that her hand would drift behind her and a finger would glide over it. It symbolized her first kill, the first step down the path to what she had become.  
  
Clarke's eyes followed the brunette's movement, eyes falling to the mark she so easily pointed out, and after studying it for just a moment her eyes trailed up and then down the lines. There were many, too many to easily count in just a glance, and the blonde had no desire to sit there and count how many death marks ran along the other girl's skin. She studied them though, eyes gliding over each mark, taking in the grotesquely beautiful picture.  
  
Lexa watched those blue eyes travel up and down the length of her back, and then her arm moved to once again curl beneath her. Resting her head back down, her eyes remained trained on the blonde, wondering what ran through the other girl's head as she studied these marks that barely scratched the surface of showing how bloody her hands were. She could read little in those eyes as they traversed across her back, though the way her brow turned down just the slightest told her a little. She felt her muscles stiffen as the finger touching her glided slowly from the tattoo to her spine, hovering for just a moment before it just barely brushed the mark she had just pointed out to her. A moment later and the finger was gently sliding along her spine, the bumps raising it as it traveled.  
  
“It's a beautiful design,” she heard the blonde murmur, and the words caused her own brow to pull down.  
  
“It is not meant to show beauty,” she said, and Clarke shook her head, eyes quickly flickering to hers.  
  
“No, I know,” she agreed quickly, and then gave a little shrug. “But it does.”  
  
“It wouldn't if I had continued to add to them once I became Commander,” she replied quietly, eyes flickering away from the other girl. “It did not take me long to realize that if I continued to add to them every time one of my people died because of an order I gave that I would soon not have a spot along my skin that did not have a mark.” It was her turn to shrug, the ripple of her skin pushing against Clarke's finger before her eyes moved back to the blonde's. “I did not need them anyway: I remember each order I have given that has resulted in the loss of life.”  
  
Blue eyes didn't move from hers as Clarke murmured, “Every order you gave was for your people.” Emotions flashed through those eyes, all too clear to Lexa as the blonde's words were clearly meant for both of them. “Every decision you made was for them. It's what makes you a great leader.”  
  
_Will you still think that the next time I must put my people before you?_ , Lexa thought, but didn't say. She had no desire to speak the truth that she knew would be inevitable someday. She had put those thoughts off this long; she could continue to push them away for a little longer. So instead she just let her lips curl into a small smile before she pushed herself up and shifted over. She felt Clarke's hand remain on her back as she moved, but then she was pushing Clarke to the furs so that she now lay on her back, eyes staring up and scanning the brunette's face. Lexa softly trailed her lips along the blonde's shoulder, and she heard the small sigh the other girl couldn't help but let out. Her smile grew slightly at the sound, and she added just a bit more pressure as she trailed her lips along the blonde's skin.  
  
“I do not wish to talk about our people right now,” she breathed lightly against the pale skin against her lips and watched as little goosebumps rose beneath her breath. Her eyes slowly turned up, finding the younger girl's already trained down on her. One corner of her mouth pulled up further before she added just as softly, “I would much rather talk about you. Or kiss you. Or touch you.” Her eyebrows rose once again before she added, “I believe we have a little time still before the soup will be ready: we should use it well.”  
  
Clarke couldn't stop the tiny whimper in her throat at the look in Lexa's eyes or the way her body began to move up hers, her lips suddenly pressing up the expanse of her neck. She licked her lips and swallowed before she replied shakily, “I'm getting the sense that you already know how you want to use it.” She could feel Lexa's smirk against her and then felt one hand already begin to trail down her body. “I do,” was all the brunette said, and then Clarke's eyes fell closed as the hand traveled further down and the older girl's mouth moved to her jaw, and the last coherent thought the blonde had was that this had to be the greatest snow storm ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the chapter! In regards to my last note about Trigadeslang, I got a couple of comments on it, so here is what I have decided (for now, at least; it's always subject to change): when there are only a few words or a simple sentence, I am going to continue doing it the way I have been, with the translations just down here in the notes. When there is more, especially when there is a lot more (which will be coming up soon), I will be writing in italics, and when you see that it will mean that the speaker is speaking in Trigedasleng and I just don't have all of the translations that I need for it. So yeah, that's my plan for now. I hope that works well for you all!
> 
> Trigadasleng:
> 
> "Sha, nomon" - "Yes, mom"  
> "Ai gafin kom ai op yu" - "I want to see you"  
> Gonasleng - English  
> "Yu laik seintaim" - "You are also"  
> "Beja, Klark" - "Please, Clarke"  
> "Jok" - "Fuck"


	11. Chapter 11

Clarke grit her teeth as she used her knife to scrape the three fish she'd caught off of the ice. It had been dumb to drop them there as soon as she'd pulled them out of the hole she and Lexa had chiseled into the river, but she'd been so focused on dropping her line back down to get the next one that she hadn't worried about it. Now she could feel the smirk radiating off the brunette as she tied the latest fish to the string they'd brought, and she could already hear her telling her “I told you, Clarke,” even if the older girl's mouth was pursed into the grin. She had, and that was what frustrated the blonde the most: with the first fish she'd dropped, Lexa had advised she keep it off the ice, warning her of the very real possibilities of the dying fish freezing to it, but Clarke had ignored her, told her it'd be fine, and she'd just let it go. Now the blonde could feel green eyes on her, and she didn't dare to look up with her scowl, knowing the look she'd find directed at her.  
  
Finally the last fish came up, bits of scales remaining behind on the frozen river, and Clarke decided it was good enough. The four fish they'd caught would be plenty of a meal for both of them, and there was a good chance there would even be some left over. Since she'd decided they should go fishing just so she could have one meal that wasn't rabbit, squirrel, or other ground critter, that would be enough. She allowed herself to look up then and chose to ignore the twinkle in Lexa's eyes as she handed the string over with the one fish already hanging from it. Quickly Clarke attached the other three, and after wiping fish scales off of her knife against her pants, they stood up, carefully walking back to shore. The frozen fish hit against Clarke's back as she tossed the line over her shoulder, but she ignored it, simply shifting so that the line wouldn't hit against her bow also.  
  
They left the river and reentered the woods, walking in the direction of Clarke's cave, and for the most part they walked in a comfortable silence. Lexa reached out, her gloved-hand wrapping around the hand not holding the line of fish, and the blonde just looked over at her, squeezing the hand as she shot the older girl a smile. The smile was easily returned as one corner of Lexa's lips turned up, and they simply continued to walk, neither needing to say anything. They enjoyed the peace of the others company, and felt no need to disrupt it.  
  
Clarke knew they were only about half way back to the cave when Lexa suddenly stopped, pulling the blonde to a halt beside her. She frowned slightly, turning back, and Lexa's smile only grew before she held her free hand up to her lips, telling the younger girl to remain quiet. Clarke nodded, agreeing even though she had no idea why, and then Lexa pulled her to the side, quietly leading her through the trees, very much not in the direction of the cave. It took Clarke a moment to realize she had seen something, and another moment to realize she'd found a trail and was following it, and then finally she saw the tracks, partially obscured in the snow. They followed the tracks for a few minutes and then Lexa was pulling them silently behind a cluster of large bushes and she was pointing out through them to a tree many feet away, and when Clarke looked she saw the deer whose tracks they had been following.  
  
The blonde felt the little smile grow on her lips, couldn't help it as she watched the animal slowly moving around the tree, eating something from its lower branches. It was a good sized deer, an animal that had obviously been finding food somewhere during the long winter, and even as they silently watched it continued to move around the tree. Clarke's bow pressed against her back, the few arrows she'd brought along making no noise in their quiver, but she didn't bother to draw either; the deer was too large, too much for her to eat on her own or even with Lexa helping, and she had enough furs to keep warm, so she had no reason to shoot it. Instead she just stood hunched next to Lexa, watching it and smiling at the beauty of the scene before her.  
  
After a few minutes she must have moved though, must have shifted in just the right way so as to brush up against the bush they were hiding behind, because suddenly the deer's head picked up, ears twitching around momentarily before it took off, fleeing from whatever danger it had thought it had heard. She sighed as she watched it go, once again wishing she had Lexa's skill at being still and silent. The other girl just grinned, understanding the sigh, and stood up fully before she pushed through the bushes.  
  
“You did well, Clarke,” she informed the blonde, trying to get her spirit back up as she moved closer to the tree the deer had been under. “We were able to watch it for long minutes before it left.”  
  
“Yeah yeah, I know, you don't have to humor me,” the younger girl told her, giving her a look, and Lexa's grin just grew even as she tried to fight it. Instead of trying very hard, she just turned away and stopped next to the tree, her head shifting so she could look up into its branches. “It's good that it left. It was eating the nuts from this tree, and now that it's gone we can collect some,” she insisted, removing one of the pouches they always carried with them in case of stumbling on berries or nuts just like this. She turned her head only slightly, calling over her shoulder, “You don't have any of these in the cave, but I think you will like them. They are Jobi nuts. They go very well in soups or breads or just with a meal and can be used for medicine as well.”  
  
“Alright, let's get some then,” the blonde agreed even as she let out another sigh, and then she stepped forward, moving to stand next to Lexa. She stopped beside the taller girl and reached forward, carefully pulling a handful of the nuts from the nearest branch, but as she brought them closer she got a better look at them, her brow pulling down. They looked familiar somehow, as though she had seen them before, but for a moment she couldn't think of when. Suddenly her eyes widened, remembering exactly why they looked so familiar, and she dropped the handful to the ground, even as she exclaimed, “Lexa, wait!” Without warning, she reached over and smacked Lexa's hand as well, forcing her to drop the few nuts she had just picked.  
  
The brunette blinked, surprised when Clarke's hand suddenly hit against her own, and then she looked down to see the few nuts that were now lying in the snow. Eyebrows raising just slightly, she looked over to the blonde, asking her evenly, “Is something wrong, Clarke?”  
  
“They're not safe,” Clarke told her, her brow pulling down as she turned back to the tree, eyes scanning along its branches. “They're poisonous; they cause hallucinations.” Seeing the other girl raise her eyebrows, clearly not understanding, she said instead, “They make you see things that aren't there.”  
  
“Yes,” Lexa replied easily with a simple nod, causing Clarke to whip her head around, looking at the other girl in surprise. The corners of the taller girl's lips tugged up, as though she were fighting a smile as she informed the other girl, “When Jobi nuts go bad, they can cause visions. That is how they are used in medicines: they help with pain, and often are able to help the injured person forget about their wounds. We also use them in ceremonies at times, but it is more often that we pick the bad ones for their help with healing. However,” she added, reaching up again and picking a single nut from the tree while still maintaining eye contact with the blonde, “If they have not gone bad, they are perfectly safe to eat, and quite enjoyable.” As though to prove her point, she pressed the nut between her lips, chewing pointedly at Clarke as the other girl watched. Swallowing, she finally let her smile pull up at her lips, saying, “You see? They are perfectly safe at the moment. You can tell by their coloring: good nuts are brown, as these ones are, but as they go bad they become lighter, turning a pale green.”  
  
“Oh,” was all the blonde managed to say, feeling more than just a little foolish as she watched the Commander swallow even as her smile grew. Breaking eye contact, she turned back to the tree and picked one for herself, not letting herself hesitate as she tossed it in her mouth. The nut was good, and she easily remembered how much she had liked them that one time she'd had them before. Reaching out and picking a few more, she dumped them into the small bag Lexa was holding out for her.  
  
The brunette's eyes trailed over her as she moved, a corner of her mouth twitching before she asked evenly, “I take it you experienced what happens when you eat them once they go bad?”  
  
Clarke could hear the humor in her tone, and she fought against her own smile as she nodded, telling her, “Yeah, I did. We pretty much all did, in fact.” Her eyes moved over to the other girl for a moment, and she noticed the slight raise in her eyebrow, asking for more of the story. She just rolled her eyes, but let the small smile out as she told her, “A few weeks after we landed on Earth, there was a day where pretty much everyone at the dropship ate some of them, and we were all seeing things. Apparently it was a mess.”  
  
Lexa's brow raised a little higher, a look of polite interest on her face as she murmured, “Your people are lucky Anya did not know about that: she would have wiped you all out in minutes if she had attacked then.” Clarke rolled her eyes before replying, “Yeah, I know. That's one of the reasons we got rid of the rest of them once we were all thinking clearly again.”  
  
“A wise choice,” the brunette agreed, turning and beginning to help the other girl collect more of the nuts. A moment later she let the curiosity get the better of her and she asked, “What did you see?”  
  
“What?” the blonde asked, taking a step back so that she could look at the other girl. Lexa merely turned slightly, meeting her look, and repeated, “When you ate the nuts, what did you see?”  
  
Turning back to the tree and busying herself with collecting more of the nuts, Clarke answered quietly, “My dad.” She felt Lexa's eyes still on her, but didn't turn as she added, “I was back on the Ark, in the cell that they kept me in after I was arrested, and he was there. He wanted me to forgive my mother for what she'd done.” She saw Lexa nod slightly out of the corner of her eyes; by now she'd told the other girl the whole story of her father's arrest and fatal punishment and the role her mother had to play in it, so she knew that she didn't have to go into anymore details about that. Instead she let the corners of her mouth pick up again, saying quietly, “It didn't really matter what he wanted though, I was just so happy to see him again.” She closed her eyes for just a moment, remembering the hallucination clearly. “It all felt so real, even though I knew it wasn't. I was able to hug him, and it actually felt like he was hugging me back.”  
  
“They are powerful,” the brunette murmured, her own eyes falling back to the tree before them. “The visions you see when you have taken them...” She trailed off for a minute, seeming to search for the right word. Finally she just gave a little shrug, saying, “You cannot truly tell in that moment what is true and what is not.”  
  
“You sound like you know,” Clarke said, turning and quirking an eyebrow up. The brunette simply turned to her, pulling the bag in her hands shut after the blonde dumped a final handful in, and nodded. “As Commander I have had to eat them a couple of times at some of our ceremonies,” she informed the other girl, hearing the inquiry in her voice. One corner of her mouth quirked up before she added, “And there may have been a time before that when I took a few to see what it would be like.”  
  
At that the blonde's eyebrows shot up, her curiosity immediately piqued. Her mouth fell open just a little before she sputtered, her surprise more than evident, “Are you telling me you got high? On purpose? When you weren't supposed to?” Lexa looked at her curiously, and she clarified, “You took the Jobi nuts in order to see visions even though you weren't supposed to?” The other girl merely nodded, and a huge grin broke out on the blonde's face. “Lexa, you delinquent!”  
  
“I was young,” Lexa tried to assure her, her head tilting back just a bit. “It was foolish.” She turned away from the tree, starting to head back to the cave now that they had finished collecting the nuts, but Clarke quickly moved to her side, shaking her head.  
  
“Nu uh,” she said, the grin still on her face as she easily kept up with the Commander's quick stride. “There is no way you are going to tell me that and then not tell me the whole story. Talk, Lexa.”  
  
It was Lexa's turn to roll her eyes, but Clarke's grin and her interest pulled her lips back up, unable to hide it, and finally she gave in, nodding.  
  
“I was young,” she reaffirmed, “No more than fourteen, I believe. All of the leaders of the different villages had gathered in Polis for a celebration. As Anya was the leader of our Clan, she ate the nuts during one night of the celebration, and seeing how she acted with them in her system, I wished to try them for myself.” She shrugged, as if this were a thing all teenagers did, and then continued, “So I stole a handful of those that were supposed to be saved for future celebrations. Taigon, Lincoln and I-”  
  
“Wait a second,” Clarke interrupted, stopping in her tracks and forcing Lexa to stop and turn to her. Her eyes were wide with confusion as she asked, “Lincoln? You mean, Octavia's Lincoln?” Lexa merely nodded, and her confusion only seemed to grow as she added, “You and Lincoln were friends?”  
  
She seemed to lull the thought over for a moment before she responded slowly, “I do not know if I would say we were friends, but we knew each other.” In answer to the confusion still on the blonde's face she shrugged slightly, saying, “He was one of Indra's warriors, and only a couple years older than I. We would train together, whenever Anya and I traveled to Tondc or he and Indra and their warriors came to Polis.” Again, she shrugged, saying, “Anya enjoyed having us train together. He was a good fighter, and fought differently than she and I, so it gave me a good opponent. He was also interested in healing, so he and Taigon often spent time together when he visited Polis. As he was always kind to my brother, I enjoyed spending time with him as well.”  
  
“I... I didn't know that,” Clarke murmured, lips pulling down slightly. “Lincoln never talked as though you two had known each other.”  
  
“I would not have expected him too,” Lexa replied, her tone lowering even as she continued to watch the blonde. Clarke's eyes flickered to hers and she added, “Once I became the Commander, any kind of possible friendship he and I had ended: he was one of my warriors and I was his leader.” Something, not quite anger and not quite pain, but something, flashed across her face. “And then he became a traitor to my people and I could see him as nothing but that. He chose the Sky People over his own, and I cannot look past that.”  
  
“I know,” Clarke said, a hint of sadness coating her tone, but then she started walking forward and Lexa followed the motion as the blonde stepped up beside her. After a moment of silence between them the younger girl looked over at her again, simply asking, “So you stole the Jobi nuts and then what?”  
  
“We snuck away into the woods,” she continued, picking up the story where she had left off. She looked forward, paying attention to her surroundings as they moved, but much of her focus were on her words as her lips turned up once again. “Once we were away from any who might catch us, we each ate some. We had to wait a bit for the effects to hit us, but when they did, it was certainly powerful.” Her lips pulled up a bit further, the amusement clear in her voice as she informed the other girl, “Taigon began talking to the trees and plants around us. He kept asking them how they felt about being used for our medicine, and thanked them for letting us kill them so that we would live. Lincoln became convinced that he could fly, looking up into the sky and declaring that he would live among the clouds.” Her brow pulled up, lips quirking as she admitted, “He may have almost broken a leg, after he climbed a tree and jumped from its branches.”  
  
Clarke let out a little laugh, finding it hard to imagine Lincoln doing anything like that, and then she turned her attention back to the other girl as she asked, “And you? What did you see?”  
  
Lexa went quiet for a moment, her lips falling out of their smile and brow furrowing ever so slightly, and Clarke's curiosity grew even as her own smile left. The brunette seemed to be off somewhere else for a moment, possibly reliving that moment, before she answered softly, “At first there was little difference. And then the colors around me began to grow, getting much stronger than any I had seen before. They all began to blend together, and then they blended into a person.” She paused for another moment and Clarke remained silent, eyes not leaving her face. “It was my past vessel,” she finally said, eyes flickering briefly to the blonde's, just in time to see blue eyes widen. “He did not have to tell me his name or who he was: I just knew. He told me that I would have to start leading my people soon, that I would have to accept who I was. I had known for years by then the possibility of it, but I had been fighting it, choosing not to believe. He told me to stop fighting it, that I must accept it. He told me that my people were going to need me soon, and when they did I had to be ready to lead them.” She let out a noise that almost sounded like a scoff before saying, “I did not tell Taigon or Lincoln that, of course. Later when they asked what I had seen I made up a story about fighting a number of warriors and winning. They believed it easily.”  
  
“Wow,” Clarke finally breathed, breaking the short silence that had fallen between them. “That's quite the vision.”  
  
“Yes,” the brunette chuckled lightly, allowing the heaviness her words had caused to roll off of them. “Anya knew, of course,” she added, her lips pulling up once again. “I do not know how she knew, but when we returned she gave me one look and then put me through one of the most difficult training sessions I have ever had.” Eyes flickering over to Clarke, her grin just grew as she admitted, “It was worth it, however, to see Taigon talking to a tree and Lincoln trying to fly.”  
  
Clarke laughed and Lexa's grin grew even further, and then she was reaching out and taking the blonde's hand again. Their eyes met easily, as though it were second nature now, and they both just smiled as they continued towards the cave, a line of fish still hitting against the blonde's back and a bag of nuts in the brunette's other hand. 

***

Clarke groaned loudly, her body pressed against Lexa as her hips continued to move against the other girl's fingers even as her orgasm hit her. She could vaguely make out Lexa whispering to her in Trigadeslang as they moved, but the sense of euphoria that had hit her made it hard for her to focus on the words, let alone try to translate them. With a final shudder she let her body drop, her arms giving out from under her as she fell back to the furs, her upper body landing partially on the brunette and partially on the blankets. She let her face fall to the crook of Lexa's shoulder, her forehead pressing against the furs as her chin and cheek pressed against the other girl's skin. Another small moan escaped her lips as the other girl slowly pulled her fingers out from between the blonde's legs, and then the arm that was pressed between her body and the blankets moved so that she could wrap around Clarke's far side, her hand going nearly to the small of the blonde's back where her fingers began to gently trace small shapes against smooth skin. Clarke hummed at the small touch, a little smile pulling at the corners of her mouth even as her face remained pressed against the other girl's shoulder. Lexa sat up just enough so that she could grab the fur that had pooled down around their legs back up over them until it laid just beneath the spot on Clarke's back where her fingers continued to move, and she felt Clarke shift beside her, settling completely beneath the blanket. They laid there quietly for a few moments, enjoying the quiet as they each worked to catch their breath, before Clarke finally lifted her head up. She shifted again slightly so that she was no longer directly on top of the other girl, instead so that their sides pressed together, and pushed herself up so that she could lean against her elbows. Her head turning, she saw Lexa's already looking at her, her own small smile on her face. She returned the look before she shook her head, telling the other girl emphatically, “You know, you are really good at that.”  
  
The corners of Lexa's lips pulled up farther, and Clarke could see the smile all the way in the brunette's eyes.  
  
“I do what I can,” she simply replied, her tone light.  
  
“Well you do it really, really well,” the blonde insisted, shooting her another grin before she added, “In fact, you do it so well that I kinda missed what you were saying at the end there. Was it anything important?”  
  
The shoulder not near the blonde shrugged as Lexa's eyes scanned her face, her smile not fading in the least.  
  
“I was merely telling you how beautiful you are,” she answered. “So yes, it was important, but I do not mind repeating myself.”  
  
Clarke could feel the heat in her cheeks grow but ignored it, instead leaning over so that her face was closer to the other girl's. Once they were only a couple of inches apart she stopped, her own eyes scanning the brunette's before she murmured, “You're pretty beautiful yourself.” Before Lexa's smile could grow at the words, Clarke was moving once again, her lips pressing against the other girl's, cupping them gently before she deepened the kiss. Lexa returned the kiss, the hand not still resting against the blonde's back moving up to cup her face as her head tilted just slightly to the side, both sets of eyes closing as they lost themselves in the motion of lips. The kiss lasted for long moments, and when they finally disconnected each girl continued to wear the smile on her face. Once again Lexa's fingers began to move gently along pale skin, drawing inconsistent designs without thought, while Clarke's hands reached forward and began playing with the ends of Lexa's hair, the brown locks splayed out on the fur in front of her. For a long while they didn't say anything else, both perfectly content to lay there in the moment and enjoy being pressed close to the other, listening to the crackle of the fire and sounds of the night outside of their cave.  
  
Lexa looked up at the ceiling above her, watching the shadows dancing along the rocks and mixing in with all of the many drawings Clarke had added to the cave's walls, and let out a little breath. It had been a long time since she'd felt this content, a long time since she'd felt this happy being pressed so close to another person. It was hard not to think of why it had been such a long time since she had felt like this, and the thoughts crept into her mind even as she tried to push them away. Clarke must have noticed the shadow pass through her eyes however, because suddenly she was looking at the brunette, eyebrows raised slightly as she asked, “What is it?”  
  
“It is nothing, Clarke, do not worry,” she tried to assure the blonde, but her brow just raised higher, giving her a small, exasperated look.  
  
“Don't even try that with me, Lexa,” she told her, giving her a pointed look. “I think by now I know you well enough to know when something's on your mind. You're exposed to me Lexa, and I don't mean just in the fact that you're lying next to me naked. So what is it?” She watched as the brunette let out another small breath, so quiet that Clarke could barely hear it, and her eyes moved back up to the shadows on the ceiling. Clarke didn't let the fact she'd looked away deter her, instead continuing to look pointedly at the other girl.  
  
“It is just,” she finally began slowly, her voice low. “It has been a long time since I have been in this kind of a situation. I have not allowed myself to connect to another person in this way in many years.”  
  
Realization of what she meant quickly hit the blonde, and she quickly replied, also quietly, “You mean Costia?” Lexa merely nodded, the shadow flashing across her eyes again, and Clarke studied the look for just a moment. “What happened to Costia was horrible Lexa, but that doesn't mean you have to live the rest of your life alone. You can let yourself be with someone again.”  
  
Lexa shook her head slowly, not turning towards the blonde as she closed her eyes, saying quietly, “No, I cannot.” Eyes opening again, she turned just enough to meet Clarke's worried gaze. “I will not put anyone in the danger that would open them to,” she continued, not looking away from the piercing blue. “The only reason I can allow myself to do this with you is because, as you have said, no one knows where you are or that this is happening.” She turned again, breaking the eye contact so that her gaze could travel back up to the ceiling. “I will not risk another's life as I did with Costia.”  
  
Clarke wanted to argue with her, wanted to tell her that what had happened to Costia hadn't been her fault, but she knew her words would only fall on deaf ears. Lexa blamed herself for the other girl's death just like she still blamed herself for Finn's, and she knew nothing she could say would be able to convince her otherwise. So instead of trying, the blonde simply leaned forward slightly, her lips leaving a soft kiss against the brunette's shoulder, and the little motion drew the other girl's eyes back to her.  
  
“Will you tell me about her?” Clarke asked, looking up at her through her lashes. Lexa studied her face for a moment but she merely held her gaze, giving her a small, encouraging smile. Finally the brunette nodded before looking back up, and Clarke watched as her eyes darted across the ceiling, her tongue suddenly licking her lips. What she had asked was difficult, Clarke knew, so she simply waited patiently, resting her cheek lightly against the shoulder beneath her while her fingers continued to play with the other girl's hair.  
  
“She was... everything to me,” Lexa finally breathed, her voice only getting stronger as she spoke. “She was kind, and beautiful. Her voice...” Her eyes fell closed, as though the picture of the girl she had loved grew stronger against her eyelids. “It pulled me to her, entranced me whenever she sang. And she was fierce.” The corners of her lips pulled up as her eyes opened again, a new life in them. “She was not a warrior, but Walsh always said she had a warrior's spirit and that if she ever wished to learn to fight, she would be a great one.”  
  
“Walsh knew her?” Clarke asked when Lexa paused, and the brunette nodded. “He was her uncle,” she replied, causing Clarke to raise her eyebrows in surprise, but she still didn't look away from the ceiling. “She was strong,” she mused quietly, and then a little smile pulled at one corner of her mouth as she added, “And stubborn. It took me almost a year to get her to admit that she cared for me.”  
  
“How'd you two meet?” Clarke asked, her own lips curling up into a smile. One arm shifted, gently moving to Lexa's chest so that she could rest her head on it as she continued to watch the brunette.  
  
“We met as children,” she answered, “We were both born in Polis, and were not that far apart in age. She was a year older than me, so we spent some time together before I became Anya's Second, but not much. When we did, she was just another kid to me, as I was just another to her as well. But once I became Anya's Second, I traveled so much, even before she became the leader of our clan, that I seldom saw anyone from my home. If I did see her, I did not think much of it. It was not until I was fourteen and saw her after being away for months that I looked at her in a new way. I spent time with her whenever I could, and I quickly realized that I had developed feelings for her. It took her quite some time after that to realize she had developed feelings for me as well.” She paused again for a moment, memories of this girl she had loved flashing through her mind, and Clarke just waited quietly, watching her.  
  
“When I became the Commander, she didn't care,” she finally continued, her voice getting quiet once again. “Everything changed in my life, but she seemed determined not to let her and I change. It was strange for me, knowing that everything else was different now, but she was always there to give me a smile when I needed one. She helped me, supported me, and never stopped loving me. We remained happy.” Clarke could feel the sudden tension in the brunette's body, her jaw clenching for a moment before she murmured, “Until that happiness was taken away. Until she was taken from me and I could do nothing about it.”  
  
Clarke frowned, a question on her mind that she'd wanted to ask for a while, but didn't want to hurt Lexa anymore by asking it. Lexa must have felt her uncertainty, because then her head tilted down, the fur beneath her head propping her up just enough that she could easily make eye contact with the blonde.  
  
“What is it Clarke?” she asked, “And do not try to tell me it is nothing; I know you just as well as you know me.”  
  
A small grin pulled at the corner of the blonde's mouth for just a moment at the words, before her frown returned. She met Lexa's eyes before she asked slowly, “Why couldn't you do anything about it? I mean, the Ice Queen took her and killed her, why couldn't you demand her death in return? Didn't that make her a traitor?”  
  
She felt Lexa sigh beneath her, saw the flash of pain across the brunette's face, and she wished she hadn't asked. Before she could try to take her words back though, Lexa's free hand moved up, coming to rest along her arm so that her fingers could gently brush against her skin in the same patterns her other hand continued to draw along her back. The gesture was small, but it was meant to reassure Clarke that her question was welcome, and she felt herself sink even further against the brunette beneath her.  
  
“If I had known in time, I could have,” Lexa finally replied quietly, her eyes once again trailing up to the ceiling even as her fingers continued to move delicately against Clarke's skin. “I was still trying to piece the coalition together,” she explained. “Nine of the twelve clans had agreed to it by then, but I was still working on getting the other three to join. The Ice Nation was one of them. Nia was furious that I had been named Commander, and was trying everything she could to remove my title.” She noticed the blonde raise her eyebrows, asking her a silent question, and Lexa let her eyes flicker back down to her as she answered, “Nia was like me; she was another baby that had been born shortly after the previous Commander had died, and she believed that she was supposed to be the next one. She believed I had somehow tricked Ula into making me Commander, believed I had robbed her of her title.” She paused for a moment, eyes moving to the cave wall across from her, studying one of Clarke's drawings without really seeing it. “After the Woods Clan, the Ice Nation was to be the next place Ula and her people would have gone looking for the Commander. Maybe if she had gone there first Nia would have already known she was not the Commander by the time it was announced I was. Maybe that would have changed it all...” She trailed off, getting lost in the thought before she let out a loud sigh.  
  
“But that is not how it happened,” she said, eyes moving back to Clarke. “Ula came to me first, and declared that I was the Commander, and Nia believed I had stolen what should have been hers. So to try to break me, she stole what was mine.” A shadow of anger and pain washed quickly across her face, and Clarke felt a pang in her chest seeing it. She leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to the brunette's chest, trying to remind her that she was there for her, and the shadow disappeared. She let out a small breath and then gave her a small nod before she continued.  
  
“The twelve clans had been fighting so long, I knew it was going to be nearly impossible to get them to agree to come together,” she continued. “So when I began talking of the coalition, I stated that any clan that agreed to join would be forgiven of any crimes or war acts they had committed against any other that was also in the coalition. At first the leaders of the different clans did not like that, but it was the only way to truly be able to come together as one people. I declared that any clan once in the coalition who acted against another for an act done before the agreement was made would be a traitor, and that then the entire of the coalition would move against them. It is easier to go to war against one clan, but much different when you risk going against many, so this kept the many clans from turning on each other again after joining.”  
  
She had to pause again, the memories suddenly all rushing back to her, and the breath caught in her chest for a moment before she could continue. She licked her lips, closing her eyes as she felt Clarke brush her thumb against her arm in encouragement, and focused on the small motion to help her go on with her story.  
  
“I was away when it happened,” she murmured, her voice quiet even though she knew Clarke could hear the pain in her voice. “I was visiting one of the villages of the Sankru. They also had not joined the coalition yet, and I was meeting with their chiefs to try to convince them. I had been traveling from one village to another, the trip taking weeks to complete. I was not in contact with my own people other than the few who had traveled with me. When I was told the Ice Queen had unexpectedly arrived, wishing to speak to me about joining the coalition, I was shocked but also excited by the prospect. I hoped that seeing her join her people to the coalition would convince the Sankru to do the same. So when I met with her, I had no idea what was going to happen. With witnesses all around us she declared that she wished to join and I accepted, welcoming her. I had no idea...” She trailed off again, her eyes shutting tightly for a long moment. When they opened again Clarke could see the pain in them as clearly as anything else. She wasn't trying to hide it at all, allowing it to show, and the blonde's heart jumped in her chest, never having seen the brunette completely open like this before. Quickly she moved, pushing herself over and then up until she was laying beside the brunette, her arms moving to wrap around her. As she moved Lexa's hands fell from her skin and she didn't try to return the hold, her fingers instead clenching into tight fists. Even so the brunette pushed into Clarke, either consciously or subconsciously, accepting the comfort the blonde tried to give her. Tears fought to form but she didn't let her them fall, didn't let her voice shake as she continued, but the pain she felt was still all too obvious to both of them.  
  
“It had happened about a week after I left,” she continued, her tone low as her eyes burned a hole into the rock above them. “Costia and a few others were out on a hunt, and they were attacked. The rest were knocked unconscious and left on the ground for our warriors to find, but she was taken. Her abductors took her back to the Ice Nation, back to Nia, who tortured her for days, trying to learn my secrets.” She stopped for a brief moment and then continued, fighting to get the words out. “Finally, after beating her until she was nearly unrecognizable, the Ice Queen cut off her head, and I had no idea any of this was happening, too busy trying to bring my people together. I was away, and the girl I loved suffered unimaginable pain because of me.” She broke off again, having to work to control her breathing as her heart raged in her chest at the memories. She swallowed, fighting the rage and hurt inside her before she continued. “I didn't know about any of it, until we stood in a room surrounded by others. She had just joined her people to the coalition when she told me she had something for me, to help us celebrate.”  
  
Lexa's chin trembled, her fury palpable even as she tried to control it. Clarke held her tighter, trying to do everything she could to help her, and watched as the fury and pain took over. “One of her warriors handed her a bag and then she held it out to me and I took it. When I reached in, I pulled out a head.” She had to stop then, her jaw clenching together so tightly that Clarke worried about her damaging her teeth. When she spoke again, her voice shook with all her emotion. “I didn't even realize who it was at first,” she growled, a single tear slipping out of the corner of her eye that she ignored and Clarke pretended to. “The face was beaten so badly, I didn't recognize her. It was too bruised, too swollen. I did not know until I saw the tattoo.” She stopped for a moment, one hand reaching up and pointing to a spot on her neck near her ear before as she added, “She had a small tattoo just beneath her right ear. I saw that, and suddenly I knew whose head I was holding and I couldn't breathe.” She stopped, shaking her head, and then she let out a long, deep breath to try to calm herself. It didn't work entirely, but when she continued her voice shook less. “Gustus was beside me, and he realized who it was just a moment after I did. As soon as he did he was on her, his sword pressed harshly against her neck and pushing her to her knees. Her warriors were ready to attack and the rest of mine were ready to return the attack, but I couldn't see anything other than the head in my hands. When I finally looked up, I met her eyes, saw the way her lips curled up even as Gustus held her down, and I knew exactly what she had done. Before either side could do anything else I ordered Gustus to release her.” Lexa looked over to Clarke, seeing the complete attention the blonde was giving her, and she felt herself break just a little. “I had no choice,” she whispered, her voice breaking with her obvious pain. “If I ordered her death, I would be breaking the coalition, breaking the very laws I had created, and everything I had worked for would have ended before it could even begin. And she knew that. She wanted me to order her death so that she could show the others there that I would break the rules I had set forth. She wanted to prove that I was not fit to lead, and so I had to prove otherwise. I wanted peace for my people, so I had to let my love's murderer go free. There was nothing else I could do. Not if the coalition was to survive.”  
  
Of everything, the way the other girl's voice broke as she spoke shocked Clarke the most. Her eyes scanned Lexa's face, meeting the bright green that were looking at her, silently begging her to understand, and the blonde realized that no one else ever had. There had never been anyone else who Lexa could truly share her pain with, no one who truly knew the cost of putting their people first over everyone, even the most important person in their life. Lexa had chosen her people then, as she always did, and that had probably been the first time she had had to. In front of those who looked to her, her enemy had given her the option of peace and a forgiveness that wasn't deserved, or a war that would bring about the death of countless of those who she was responsible for. In the shortest of seconds everything had changed for her, and she had acted without even allowing herself to think of the pain she would suffer because she lived only for her people. Thinking about it, Clarke's eyes fell closed, her brow pulling down as she felt her throat burn, the memories of all her own choices swirling inside her head.  
  
“You did what you had to do,” she murmured, and she could feel Lexa's eyes still on her. Opening her eyes again, they fell straight to the other girl's, and the burning in her throat only got worse as she said, “You were strong, putting your people first. I wasn't that strong. Not when I had to choose.” She saw the understanding flicker in green eyes, watched as Lexa's lips opened as though to say something, and then closed again, her brow turning down as she tried to think of the right thing to say. Blue eyes fell closed again, breath hitching for just a moment before she added quietly, “I was willing to go to war. I was ready to let countless people die. My people; I was ready to make them fight, just so that I didn't have to lose the guy I loved.”  
  
“Clarke,” Lexa murmured, her voice so soft that the other girl could barely hear it, though she felt it when a hand came up and brushed lightly against her arm. Thoughts of her own past, her own decisions she had made shifted, her focus entirely on the guilt and hurt clear in those eyes that looked back at her. “You do not have to talk about this. I do not expect you to.” She didn't, not at all: after all, she had been the one to order the death of the boy this other girl had loved. It had been her words that parted them, her sword that would have ended his life once he had atoned for the lives he had taken. Asking Clarke to relive this would be like the Ice Queen asking her to speak of Costia, and she knew that of all things, that was one thing she could never do. But Clarke merely shook her head, eyes opening again and meeting hers.  
  
“He wasn't always like that,” she informed the brunette, ignoring the other girl's words. Her eyes watered, the tears easily building in them, and Lexa wanted nothing but to wipe her pain away. She couldn't though, no matter how hard she tried, she could never wipe this hurt away, and the level of pain hit her harder because she was the cause of it. She felt as though the blood of this boy she spoke of coated her hands, and she had no desire to touch Clarke and let it wipe off on her. So she kept her hands down but continued to watch the other girl, her eyes never leaving the storm of blue, and she just listened as the blonde spoke.  
  
“He wasn't,” she repeated, licking her lips as though to regain control of their trembling. “He was... He was sweet. He cared, about us all. About peace. About me.” She stopped for a moment, taking a breath through her nose to try to control herself, and couldn't stop the wet chuckle that tore from her throat as she said, “I thought he was an idiot. At first. I thought all he cared about was having fun, goofing off. But he didn't. We wouldn't have been able to survive without him. I... _I_ wouldn't have been able to survive without him.” A tear rolled down her cheek and she brushed it away quickly, fighting to keep the pain inside even though it was clearly pouring out of her. Lexa ached to soothe her, to comfort her in anyway she could, but she could be no comfort in this. This pain, like so many pains that plagued this girl beside her, was due to her, and she would just have to let the knowledge of that tear her already broken heart into more pieces.  
  
“He was the first one who thought that peace with the Grounders was possible,” Clarke continued, swallowing thickly. “He and Octavia and Lincoln, they believed it, but I didn't. I was the one who decided to bring guns when we went to meet Anya and talk about peace. It was my fault that ended before it could even begin.”  
  
“It was wise to bring weapons,” Lexa murmured, eyes still not looking away from her face. “You would not have been able to talk Anya into peace: she would have taken the opportunity to take out the enemy's leader, as well as any who were with you. Your decision saved your life and his that day.”  
  
“Maybe,” the other girl admitted quietly, “But we'll never know for sure. What we know is that the war between our people really started then, and he was one of the ones who helped so many of us live through it. He was always looking for a way to save us that wouldn't kill too many of your people. He hated killing.” She paused for a moment, the burning in her throat becoming unbearable as another tear streaked down her face. “Until he thought your people had taken me. He changed then, became someone else, someone who would do whatever it took to find me.” She stopped again, and when she continued her voice shook. “He killed... He killed eighteen innocent people because he was trying to find me. He killed them for me.”  
  
The memory of the eighteen dead tore at Lexa's heart just as much as the blonde's obvious pain did. Those eighteen had been her people, her innocent people who had had no part in that war. It was one thing when she lost a warrior: warriors understood, from the moment they touched their weapon, that their fight could be over at any time. Warriors understood and accepted that, the choice to protect those they care about outweighing the cost they would someday pay. Losing one who wasn't a warrior, who had not agreed to sign up for that and had never agreed to it, that hurt her on a completely other level. Children and elders, mothers and fathers who only wished to care for their family; these were the people she fought so hard for, fought so hard to shield from all the pain and violence she and other warriors opened themselves to, and the fact that so many of her people who had been innocent had had to experience that pain, that fear when they can see an enemy before them waiting to take their life, that tore at the very core of who she was and she still felt a part of her howling for the justice those souls had not been able to truly get. She saw it though, the absolute pain and agony this other girl beside her felt both for their deaths and for the death of their killer, and that she knew was a kind of justice seldom reached, even if that justice tore at her just as deeply as the part that wished for more did. It was a contradiction that fought within her whenever she allowed herself to think of what had been done to those eighteen people and their murderer, and that contradiction fought more violently than usual within her at that moment. Because as much as she wished for every drop of justice for those souls they could possibly get, she could not bare to watch as this guilt crushed the girl beside her. So finally, even though her hands still felt dirty, still felt as though the blood clung to them, she wrapped her arms around the other girl, pressing herself closer. Clarke's head fell into the crook of her shoulder, and a hand moved up to run gentle fingers through her hair.  
  
“Those deaths are not your fault, Clarke,” she whispered soothingly, trying to get the younger girl to truly hear her. “They were not killed for you or because of you, but because this boy allowed his emotions to get the better of them, and in this case it had deadly consequences. He made a choice every time he pulled the trigger of his gun, and none of those choices were your fault.”  
  
“I made a choice too,” she heard the blonde murmur against her shoulder, and she could feel the tears run against her bare skin. “You told me we could have peace, and all it would cost was him. One life for eighteen, but I still chose to put all of my people in danger, just so he might live. He was the only reason we didn't go to war: he gave himself up even as I was trying to hide him. I didn't care what happened to anyone else. I loved him and I didn't know how to let him go. Couldn't let him go.”  
  
“It is difficult to let go of those we love,” Lexa agreed quietly, speaking the words softly against the blonde's ear. Her grip tightened slightly around the other girl and she felt Clarke push into it. “But you also saved him. You spared him a horrible death. That was strong of you. Very strong.”  
  
“I couldn't,” Clarke began, and her voice broke. She took a moment, fighting to push down the pain in her throat, and said, “I couldn't let him go through that, what your people would have done to him. What he did was horrible, but I couldn't stand by and watch him be tortured. I had to... I had to...”  
  
“You had to save him,” Lexa murmured, and Clarke could feel the breath on her ear. “That is what you did, Clarke: you saved him. Perhaps it does not feel like it, but you did. You showed him the mercy I would not.”  
  
“You couldn't.” The blonde picked her head up then, finally meeting Lexa's eyes again, and though the pain in them was still raw, there was also understanding. “You couldn't,” she repeated as green eyes scanned hers. “Your people had to come first. You couldn't show him mercy. Couldn't show me the mercy I asked you for.”  
  
“No,” the older girl agreed, the one word so quiet it was almost hard to hear over the crackle of the fire so many feet away. “But even then, part of me wanted to.” The last bit was said even more softly, a quiet admission that they had both already known to be true but hadn't said out loud. Clarke leaned forward, her forehead pressing against Lexa's, and her eyes fell closed for just a moment. When they opened again, green eyes met hers immediately and she whispered painfully, “We've both had to do so many things...”  
  
“Yes,” the other girl easily agreed, her voice just as soft. “And there will be many more choices we have to make.”  
  
Blue eyes scanned green and green scanned back and then Clarke murmured, “I wish I could choose to stay in this cave forever.” Lexa felt the pain that the words caused tear at her heart, even as she admitted just as quietly, “I wish I could choose to stay with you.”  
  
The words hit them both, because of all the choices they would each undoubtedly have to make, that was the one thing neither of them had the freedom to choose. Because, as they both knew by now, wishes don't come true on the ground, and their people must always come first.  
  
For the moment though, and whatever time they had remaining, they would remain pressed close, holding onto the only other person who could ever truly understand everything they each felt. They would stay there, together, wrapped in the arms of the person they had each come to care about most, and pretend, just for a little while, that they did have the power to choose each other, that this cave could be their entire world, and that nothing outside it would ever matter more than the other girl. They could pretend, because that at least was a choice they had the freedom to make, at least for the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have much to say about this chapter other than I hope you enjoyed, even if it was a bit emotional and raw. As always, love to hear/read your thoughts! Less than a week left!


	12. Chapter 12

Breaking through the snowy trees, Clarke wanted to smile as she looked up towards her cave. She wanted to smile because that had become the natural thing, the automatic response whenever she saw Lexa now, but this time she couldn't. She couldn't because something was wrong, and even though she didn't know what, she knew it was true. Because Lexa was there, which was wonderful, but it had only been four days since her last visit, and she never returned so soon. It was clear something was wrong because Lexa wasn't wearing the simple clothes she usually wore when she visited, but something that almost resembled what she had worn when they stood together against their enemy at Mount Weather. Perhaps most obvious, it was clear something was wrong because Lexa not only sat atop her horse after traveling weeks now without it, but a second horse stood next to her, already saddled but with no rider. So something was wrong, very, very wrong, and the way Clarke's heart started beating in her chest made it impossible for her to smile. Instead she swallowed, trying to push the worry down, and calmly walked the short distance from the trees to the spot where Lexa sat, clearly waiting for her. Green eyes turned to her the moment she stepped out from the trees, and the fact that the look was guarded, something that hadn't happened in months now, just proved even more that something had happened.  
  
As she approached, Lexa swung her leg around and pushed herself off the horse, feet firmly planting themselves within the snow, her eyes only leaving the blonde briefly as she moved. She grasped her horse's reins in one hand, feeling the animal shift beside her as its rider dismounted. Turning her attention back to the other girl, she clearly saw the worry in the blue eyes that watched her as the distance between them lessened, and had to fight to keep her own expression from changing. She could not reach out to Clarke as she wished, could not try to wipe that look from her eyes, because unlike every other time she had come to this cave, she now stood solely as the Commander, and could not let her feelings change what she had come to do.  
  
Finally Clarke stood in front of the other girl, her eyes scanning hard green, and after a moment all she could do was ask, “What is it? What's happened?”  
  
Lexa's chin lifted just the slightest, eyes not leaving blue as she answered, “I have had word from one of my people. Yesterday a messenger from the Floukru came to Polis with a message from Luna, the leader of their people.” She stopped for just a moment, her eyes scanning Clarke's before she said, “According to Luna, a group of Sky People have been spotted only a few miles from one of their villages. The group is small, numbering in less than thirty she thinks, and they are not doing well. The warriors she has sent to check on them to see if they pose a threat to her people report that the winter is killing them. They do not have adequate supplies, and if left where they are it will not be long before they are all dead.”  
  
Clarke's eyes widened, her breath getting caught in her chest. Images of her people flashed through her mind, faces she knew as well as her own and cared about so much more racing through her head as she tried to process the words. Still, what Lexa was saying didn't make a lot of sense.  
  
“But my people must know how to survive the winter by now,” she argued, disbelief hitting her. “I mean, Kane, Bellamy, my mom... There's no way any of them would send out a party for anything unless they were well equipped.”  
  
“I am not sure it is any of the people who you left at your camp, Clarke,” Lexa replied, her eyes still guarded even as she watched the blonde before her. Seeing the younger girl's confusion, she continued, “My people have been ordered to stay away from their camp, but even so, a group that large would not have been able to travel that far without any of my people knowing about it, and the moment someone did they would have brought the information to me. I do not know who these people are, but I do not believe they are those that are supposed to be at your camp.”  
  
“There were survivors from one of the other stations,” Clarke suddenly whispered, the truth of it hitting her. “When the Ark came down, this group must have survived, and they must have landed further away than any of us had traveled.” Her eyes moved from Lexa's, scanning the air before her rapidly, and the brunette knew she was thinking of all this might mean. “They've been surviving on their own all this time,” she murmured, her words more to herself than to the older leader. “But now they're...” Eyes darting back to the brunette, she asked, “Are they safe? Where they are? Other than the cold, are they safe?”  
  
Lexa nodded, knowing the blonde was referring to her own people so close to this group, and she replied easily, “They are safe. My people have orders not to approach any Sky Person they see, and if possible not to let any Sky Person see them. There are too many possibilities of a war otherwise.” She met the blonde's eyes, adding, “And the village they are near is not like Tondc or Polis: the Floukru are not comprised mostly of warriors; they are fishermen, hunters. There are some warriors, yes, but Luna would not risk the few that she has against an unknown enemy, even a group as small and weak as this one appears to be. She sent her messenger because she knows we are in an alliance with the Sky People, and wishes for that alliance to hold.”  
  
The blonde nodded, her gaze moving from the brunette once again. Lexa watched her face, able to practically see the thoughts flying in the young leader's head. She was unsurprised by her next words, but even so she felt a small tug pull in her chest. She ignored it, pushing the feeling aside.  
  
“I, I have to go to them,” Clarke stammered, throat dry and nerves humming, and before she even finished talking Lexa was already nodding.  
  
“I knew you would feel this way,” the older girl told her, turning back to her horse and unstrapping one of the saddlebags from its saddle. “We will collect what we can carry from your cave, and then we will leave. There is a small group of my people waiting for us an hour away.” She turned again, bag now in hand, to find the blonde staring at her, eyes wide and surprise on her face.  
  
“You don't have to do that, Lexa,” she murmured, shaking her head slightly. “These are my people: you have no obligation to them.” Lexa merely met her look, her expression softening just slightly.  
  
“I do have to, Clarke,” she replied quietly, meeting the other girl's eyes. “This will show your people, both those we ride to save now and those back at your camp, that I wish for our alliance to hold. I cannot take back my choice at the mountain, nor would I if I could, but perhaps this will help to show your people that it was not a choice I made lightly. And,” she added, eyes shifting away from the blonde's face, “You do not know where Luna's village is. I will not allow you to travel alone in the woods when you do not know where you are going. It is too dangerous.”  
  
The breath caught in the blonde's chest again, the care laced among the other girl's words obvious. For the first time that day, Lexa allowed the guarded expression to drop fully, and when she looked back at the blonde Clarke saw the worry and care she'd become so familiar with looking back at her. She had to fight against something in her chest, some pain that she didn't want to think about yet, and just let herself return the look.  
  
“Are you sure?” she asked, eyes scanning Lexa's. “I don't know how much time this'll take. Can you be away from your people this long?”  
  
Nodding, the other girl simply said, “My people know where it is I am going, and while many do not like it, they know what I am doing and that it is important. Walsh will watch over Polis while I am gone and they will do well. Besides, I have not been able to travel to Luna's village in almost two years; it is good for me to check in with those who follow me regularly, and this will give me an opportunity to do that.”  
  
Clarke studied her for just a moment, trying to take in everything Lexa allowed to show on her face, and then it was her turn to nod, telling her slowly, “Alright, if you are sure you can do this.” She shrugged then, admitting, “It'll be easier, having your help to get to them.” Lexa merely met her look, letting a small smile pull at her lips that Clarke returned, but then she closed her eyes, letting out a sigh before opening them again. When she did the smile was gone, her face easing into her Commander mask, and as soon as it did Clarke stood a little straighter, almost subconsciously taking on the leadership persona she had developed during her months on the ground. They were no longer just Clarke and Lexa at their cave, but the leaders of the Skaikru and the Grounders.  
  
Without letting herself waste anymore time, Clarke moved to the horse Lexa had brought for her and unhitched its saddlebag, and then they both moved into the cave. Without needing to speak, Clarke moved over to her food stores, transferring everything in them to the bag as well as some of the cookware, while Lexa moved to the bed of furs that had grown over the time Clarke had spent in the cave. They packed what they could, taking only the most important things, and as they moved, Clarke tried to ignore the prickle of tears she could feel at the corner of her eyes or the way her heart had begun to thump in her chest. She ignored the drawings on the walls and the fire pit in the center of the cave, tried not to think about the countless hours she had spent with chalk in hand or sitting in front of the fire's warmth. She tried not to think of the many memories, the many moments she'd had in the cave, and even more so she tried not to think about the fact that she may never see it again. Her bag full, she made sure her knife was already hanging securely on her belt, and then walked to the side of the cave, quickly picking up both her sword and bow and arrows. She wouldn't leave those there, couldn't leave them behind, and it was so much more than just the fact that they may be useful that made her feel so strongly about them.  
  
Short minutes later, the bags were strapped to their horses, her bow and quiver of arrows strapped down as well and sword slung across her back just as the one Lexa always carried was, and she was sitting atop her horse, staring at the cave. Lexa sat beside her, her horse shifting impatiently beneath her, sensing that it was time to go, but Lexa kept it still, watching the blonde as she stared at the cave. She knew the way Clarke's heart yearned to stay, because it was the same way her own heart had yearned every time she had left after visiting, and this time the yearning was only stronger. Looking at the cave, she felt certain that she would never return to it, would have no reason to return to it after this, and that feeling tore at her chest. Their time together in this cave had ended, and the knowledge of what that meant nagged at her mind even as she fought to push it away.  
  
Finally Clarke turned away from the cave, swallowing heavily, and then met Lexa's eyes, and just nodded. The older girl returned the nod, and then she gently pulled at the reins, allowing her horse to step away from this place that had become home to them both. 

***

“Why did you tell me?”  
  
Lexa's gaze shifted to the blonde riding beside her, her posture straightening even further as the question left the other girl's lips. They had been riding in silence for almost an hour, and only now was Clarke asking the question she felt sure had been nagging at her mind for the majority of that time. She met blue eyes, and the blonde continued, saying, “I mean, you didn't have to tell me. If you hadn't, I probably never would have known about these people. My people at Camp Jaha definitely wouldn't have ever known, and there would be fewer people who might someday be your enemy. So why'd you tell me?”  
  
Her eyes shifted away from the blonde as she quieted, her questions hanging between them. She looked out over her horse's ears at the trees and snow in front of them, but the words still rung in her mind. She had thought about that. Briefly. She had thought that if she simply remained quiet, this small group of people would die before any other Sky Person knew about them, and there would be fewer possible enemies for her to worry about. But she'd banished the thought even before it had completely formed, and a moment later she told the other girl why.  
  
“I could not take that chance,” she replied softly, eyes still staring ahead. She could feel blue eyes on her, and she naturally wanted to turn to meet them, but she kept herself facing forward, refusing to make the simple turn. “If I did that, allowed these people to die when there was time still to save them, and you had ever found out, you would never be able to trust me again, nor would I have the right to ask you to. As a leader and protector to my people, it would have been wise perhaps to remain quiet, but it also could have been very, very risky. The moment you or any of your people found out, however unlikely that may have been, our alliance would be over, and you would once again look at me with hate.” Finally, simply because she couldn't fight it anymore, she allowed her gaze to shift, meeting the other girl's, and she whispered, “And I would not be able to survive that.”  
  
Clarke's mouth fell open just slightly, the absolute honesty of her words shocking her. She met the look, saw the way emotions swirled in green eyes, and had to try to ignore the way her heart had begun to beat in her chest. She knew the likelihood of her ever finding out would have been so slim it shouldn't have even really been a factor, but just the fact that it had been enough to drive Lexa to her decision meant more to her than she really knew how to express. So finally she swallowed, fighting past the lump that had formed in her throat, and then simply murmured, “Thank you. I don't think I would have been able to survive that either. So just... Thanks.”  
  
The older girl nodded, eyes still focused on the blonde, and for a moment neither could look away. Hearts beat a bit faster than normal, palms began to sweat lightly inside gloves as they clutched reins, and both had to fight against the urge to lead their horse over closer to the other just so that there could be less space between them. Both saw the flash in the others eyes, emotions that they both tried to push down, knowing that their time together was quickly drawing to an end, but in that moment, each could ignore that truth. Each could live in their world of pretend, of no one else but the other, for another few moments.  
  
And then they broke through the trees and that moment ended. Lexa saw the horses first out of the corner of her eyes and she let the look she gave Clarke drop away, turning to face forward once again, her shoulders automatically squaring as her full attention shifted to the few people before them. Once she turned, Clarke broke away from the moment as well, following the other girl's lead and turning, trying to push down the way her heart continued to beat against her ribcage as her focus turned to the scene in front of her.  
  
When Lexa had told her there was a small group of her people waiting for them, she hadn't been exaggerating. Five horses stood many feet before them, their riders all relaxing around a small fire pit they had obviously built while they waited for their Heda to return. As soon as they heard Lexa and Clarke's horses make their way through the trees, all five people stood up, and only one of the faces was one Clarke recognized. Seeing Ryder turn towards them, his look as respectful as ever as his gaze moved over them both, Clarke felt herself almost smile. She liked Ryder, had always felt a little safer as he followed her around Camp Jaha and traveled alongside her, and she got the sense that he respected her more than just because Lexa told him to. Having him along this unknown journey with them suddenly made her feel just slightly better. He nodded to her when he noticed her looking at him, and bowed his head ever so slightly out of respect and she returned the motion.  
  
The other four Clarke did not know, but she allowed herself the few seconds it took them to close the space between them to look them all over. Standing next to Ryder was another warrior, his stature and the sword strapped to his back making that obvious. Clarke didn't recognize him, but she wouldn't be surprised if he had been with them when they had attacked Mount Weather: he didn't look like the kind of man who would want to sit out of a fight. He was big, nearly as big as Ryder, and he appeared to have a tattoo along the side of his face that got lost in his large beard and seemed to continue down his neck and possibly to his shoulder. Though his lips were pursed and he looked at Lexa as any warrior would look to their leader, Clarke thought she saw some sort of humor in his eyes and a twitch to the corners of his lips, as though he often smiled, which was not something she had seen with most Grounders.  
  
Beside him stood a girl younger than Clarke, her hair a light brown but with lighter, almost auburn streaks in it. She didn't try to hide her grin or her wide eyes as she watched the two leaders riding towards her, and Clarke wondered just who she was. A brown tattoo curled from the center of her forehead down the left side of her face, arching above her eyebrow and ending just under her chin. She clenched and unclenched her fists, the only way she allowed the excitement that she clearly felt to show. Standing next to her was an old man, his hair long turned gray and now pulled back into a ponytail, and he showed no excitement other than mild interest. His eyes were guarded as he watched them approach but remained standing with his back straight, obviously feeling at ease. A bow was slung over his shoulder and Clarke could see the quiver of arrows peaking over his shoulder.  
  
The last figure standing on the end was another man, younger than the others but clearly older than the girl. He had no beard like the other three men, but he seemed old enough to grow one, and his hair too was pulled back into a loose ponytail. As far as the blonde could tell he had no visible tattoos, but considering the cold in the air, that didn't mean he didn't have any. If Clarke had to guess she would have said he was around her age, and two things surprised her about him. First was that he stood with no weapons other than the knife on his belt: even the girl had a sword along her back, but he had none. Second, while the others all switched their focus from their Heda to her, his gaze remained solely on the blonde, dark green eyes seeming to study her. She saw no hostility in his look, only curiosity, and met it, and something about his gaze seemed familiar. She studied him back as they approached, only breaking eye contact when Lexa pulled her horse to a stop. She mirrored the action, and then followed as Lexa dismounted. Even as she pushed herself out of the saddle and back to the ground, she could feel his eyes still on her and once she turned around she met them again. Even closer now, the sense of familiarity only grew.  
  
Ryder was the first to speak, stepping forward, and when Clarke noticed his eyes on her she turned to meet them, looking away from the younger man. He bowed his head again just slightly, his deep voice telling her, “It is an honor to see you again, Wanheda.”  
  
The title that she hadn't thought of for weeks now hit her, but the blow was much lighter than it had been the last time she had heard it. Instead of focusing on it, she let herself smile at him, replying sincerely, “It is an honor to see you again too, Ryder. Thank you for coming to help my people.”  
  
“I help you, Wanheda,” he informed her, and then his eyes flickered over to Lexa, giving her a respectful nod as well and adding, “And Heda.”  
  
Lexa returned his nod and then stepped forward, her body turning to Clarke to get her attention. Once the blonde had turned to her she said, “Ryder and everyone here volunteered to make this journey. We all wish to find and help your people.” Clarke nodded, and then Lexa turned back to the line of her people. Gesturing to the man standing next to Ryder, she told Clarke, “This is Shet. He is one of Polis's greatest warriors.” Shet stood straighter, letting a smile curl on his lips at her praise, and then he turned to Clarke, the smile not lessening as he simply greeted her with, “Wanheda.” She returned his smile with a nod, and Lexa moved to the girl, saying, “This is Shayne. She is Luna's Second, and the one that was sent with the message about your people.”  
  
“It is honor to meet you, Wanheda,” Shayne murmured, her eyes still wide as she looked at Clarke, taking a step forward. “I have heard many things of you. Great things.”  
  
“Thank you,” Clarke replied, and when she smiled at the girl her eyes just seemed to get wider. “I've heard some great things about your people as well.” The few words caused a big grin to grow on her face, and she looked as though she wanted to say something else, but her eyes flickered to Lexa and she held it back. Even so Clarke could see the excitement building in her eyes as well as the curiosity, and she had a feeling a lot of her travel time was going to be spent talking to this girl.  
  
“This is Jax,” Lexa continued, moving down the line, and the older man nodded his head at Clarke, a gesture which Clarke mirrored back. The brunette went on to say, “Jax is one of our greatest hunters. He was the first to teach me to fire a bow. He does not speak English, but if anyone can find food for your people once we have located them, it will be him.”  
  
Clarke met the older man's gaze and said to him carefully, “Mochof don yun sis au, Jaks.” His eyes widened slightly, obviously surprised by her use of his language, and he simply replied, “Sha, Wanheda. Osir hon op oyun kru.”  
  
Out of the corner of her eyes, Clarke noticed Lexa's lips twitch, clearly doing her best to hold her own smile in as Clarke spoke in her language with her people, and then she turned to the final person in line and the twitch disappeared. Clarke saw her meet the man's eyes, saw the small grin he gave her before she let out a small breath and said, “And this is Taigon.”  
  
The blonde's jaw dropped just a bit, unable to hold her surprise in, but when she once again met the dark green eyes that had turned back to her, it was obvious why his gaze had seemed so familiar to her. While not exactly like Lexa's, there was a definite similarity between them, some look that they both shared, and the more Clarke studied him, the more resemblances she noticed. His chin wasn't quite as sharp as his sister's, but it looked just as stubborn. Their noses were the same, cheeks similar, foreheads both high, though Lexa's was more rounded. His lips pulled further up into a small smile, and while it seemed to come more naturally to him than it ever did to Lexa, the smile nearly reflected the same one that the brunette had shown to her on countless occasions now. Honestly, Clarke was a little surprised she'd needed to be told in order to see the clear family resemblance.  
  
“I hope my sister has not told you horrible things about me,” Taigon teased, his tone easy, the joking clear as his eyes momentarily flickered back to Lexa. “If so, they are not true.”  
  
The tone, and the way he seemed so comfortable talking to her, quickly brought out her own smile, lips pulling up. She shook her head lightly, simply telling him, “Nothing too horrible, no.”  
  
Clarke got the sense that Lexa wanted to roll her eyes, but stopped herself just before she did so. Nevertheless, one corner of her mouth twitched up, unable to completely hide her response to their interaction, but a moment later her chin rose just a bit higher and any trace of joking around left her. Instead she allowed her eyes to dart over her people and then up to the sky, trying to judge how much time they had left in the day. Her grip tightening on the reins still in one hand, she drew her horse up closer to her and quickly pulled herself up, the motion fluid and easy and then she was looking back down at the six people now looking up at her.  
  
“Come,” she simply said to them, pulling at her reins lightly and drawing her horse back a couple of steps. “It will take us days to make it to Luna's village: we will get as far as we can before we must stop for the night. Teik osir bants.”  
  
A few of them nodded, and then everyone moved to their own horse, quickly mounting up under their leader's watchful eye. Before going to his horse, Shet moved to the small fire they had made and lightly kicked at the logs, breaking it apart so that it would quickly die out. As the last ready, once he had mounted up and turned his attention back to Lexa she scanned them all one final time and then flicked her reins, urging her horse forward.  
  
For a while, Clarke rode alone, Lexa and Taigon riding side by side at the front of their party. She could hear Shet and Jax talking quietly behind her, their Trigedasleng too fast for her to catch much of it, but she didn't mind. Ryder rode with them, and she could feel his presence behind her just as she had been able to months ago while at war, and just as it had done then it comforted her now. She already missed her cave, but at the same time it felt good to be riding, to have a real purpose, and being around others felt good too.  
  
Suddenly Shayne rode up beside her, her eyes still a bit wide, and Clarke turned to her, offering a small smile. The girl returned the smile and seemed to take it as an invitation. Her eyes scanned the blonde's face as she exclaimed quietly, “It really is honor to ride with you, Wanheda.” She couldn't keep the excitement from her voice as she added, “You are legend by my people. We all know of what you did at the mountain. You are great leader.”  
  
Clarke looked away for a minute, her heart twisting painfully in her chest. Even after all this time even just thinking about Mount Weather hurt. She had come to accept what she had done and moved past it, but it still hurt, and the fact that would be forever what she was known for hurt even more. She didn't let the hurt show though, instead just shrugging and telling Shayne, “I'm no legend. I just did what I had to.”  
  
If anything, her response only made the girl's eyes get wider, shaking her head as she replied emphatically, “No no, you are legend. You ended the Maunon.” Just mentioning the Mountain Men seemed to cause a shadow to cross the young girl's face. She told Clarke seriously, “The Maunon take our people for many years. Kill us. Turn us to wuskripa.” She shook her head again, eyes darting away just briefly before turning back to the older girl. “My people, my village, know the stories. We fear they come to us someday. But you save us all from them. You are legend. You fall from the sky to kill our enemy; you are legend.”  
  
When said like that, Clarke had to admit that she could see where this idea of being a legend had come from, but she tried once again to dispute it, insisting, “Really, I'm not a legend. I just did what I had to in order to save my people.”  
  
Shayne sat up straighter in her saddle, her face bright with interest.  
  
“What are they like?” she asked hurriedly, “Yu Skaikru? I hear stories, but never see one.”  
  
Without meaning to, Clarke's lips turned up into a small smile before she answered, “Well you're seeing one right now.” Shayne blushed slightly, the pink of her cheeks only making Clarke's grin grow. “Actually we're a lot like your people, with just a few differences.”  
  
“Tell me of them?” Shayne asked, her eyes bright, the questions swimming in them all too clear to the blonde. Seeing her curiosity, Clarke had a feeling she wouldn't stop asking until she got the answers she was looking for, so as the corners of her lips tugged up into another smile, she told the younger girl a little about her people, answering each of her questions as best she could every time a new one was asked.  
  
Clarke lost track of how much time went by as they talked, Shayne asking her question after question about her and her people, and each question the blonde answered as best as she could, surprised at just how interested the younger girl was with even the simplest of answers. She managed to get a few of her own questions in every now and then, and spent the time while Shayne answered split between focusing on the girl beside her and the two people who rode ahead of them. Lexa and Taigon continued to ride side by side, and if they spoke they were talking too quietly for Clarke to hear what they said. She watched them, seeing the way they shifted in their saddles, and the small movement made her think that for the most part they rode in silence, only breaking it every now and then. Her eyes darted over them, taking in the way they held themselves and even now she could see the similarity between the siblings. Lexa rode as she always did, her back perfectly straight, shoulders easily squared, looking both comfortable and ready for anything that might happen. Taigon rode in the same manner: his back too was straight, head up, prepared even though there was nothing to be prepared for. The blonde had always thought that Lexa held herself in that way simply because she was the Commander and had learned to do so, but seeing her brother mirroring her posture made her wonderful if she'd just always been like that. Watching them, Clarke sat up a little straighter, realizing that she naturally slouched slightly in the saddle. The movement only seemed to catch Shayne's attention even more, and soon a new line of questions were being fired at her, and Clarke had to shift her focus completely back to the other girl or risk missing one.  
  
After another handful of questions Clarke watched as Taigon turned his horse around, urging the animal back to them. He turned on Clarke's free side, looking over at Shayne, and then gestured slightly at the girl leading them all with his head.  
  
“Heda would like you to ride with her for a little while. She wishes to speak with you about your village,” he merely said, and once again her eyes widened. She looked ahead at the back of the brunette, and Clarke noticed her swallow thickly before she nodded.  
  
“Sha,” she replied, and then lightly kicked at her horse's sides, urging the animal forward until she had closed the distance between them.  
  
“She's nervous,” Clarke stated, watching her go, and turned to see one corner of Taigon's mouth curl up.  
  
“Many are when asked to accompany the Commander,” he informed her, his tone bordering on formality. He too watched the younger girl approach his sister as he added, “Especially those who do not know her well. Her title proceeds her, and stories of what she has done only seem to grow the further they travel. Shayne was probably surprised to find a woman of flesh and blood when she finally reached Polis: I am convinced that many believe her to be some powerful god before they meet her. When they finally see what she really looks like, I can understand their surprise.” Eye twinkling as he turned to meet Clarke's look, the corners of his lips grew further, no longer even trying to hide his grin. “I don't think any expect to find their great and powerful Commander to be my tiny sister. She does not look intimidating when you have had the picture in your head of a god.”  
  
At his words, Clarke's grin pulled up to match his own, even as she raised her eyebrows at him. “And what would your sister do to you if I told her that you called her tiny?” she asked him, her tone light. He grimaced, eyes darting back to Lexa as though she could hear their conversation, and answered, “I hope you are not that cruel. I just saved you from another round of endless questions, so you owe me. Besides, I am already going to be in trouble when she finds out it was me who sent Shayne to her.”  
  
“She didn't ask for Shayne to ride with her?” Clarke asked, and when Taigon shook his head her grin only grew. She mirrored his movement, shaking her head slightly as she told him, “Well then I guess I'll be nice and not tell her what you said.”  
  
He smiled again as he replied, “I thank you.” Eyes turning back up to where he saw Lexa politely talking with the younger girl, he said more seriously, “I hope you didn't mind all the questions though. She is just excited to meet you. There have been many stories among our people about you and the other people who fell from the sky, and especially for those who live so far away, meeting the one who took down the Mountain Men is something of a dream.”  
  
Clarke faced forward again, her gaze moving away to stare blankly in front of her, not focusing on anything as she said quietly, “All I did was kill a lot of people so that my people would live. It's not... That doesn't make me a legend. Not a good one, at least.”  
  
She could feel his eyes on her, and turned back to meet them. His eyes, only a few shades darker than Lexa's she noticed, seemed to be studying her, his brow pulled down just the slightest. Rather than say why it was he scanned her face, he merely nodded once, saying, “That is how you see it, yes, and I can understand why you see it that way, but to her and most of our people, you destroyed an enemy that none of us had ever been able to get to before. You got rid of the monsters within the mountain, the monsters that have been haunting our people for years.” He gestured back up to Shayne, eyes not leaving Clarke's. “She has never seen a Mountain Man before: the Floukru villages were all too far away for them to travel, but that does not mean every child within her village didn't grow up listening to the stories about them. Their people were only ever in danger if they had to travel to one of our villages, which means there have been few of them who have ever been to Polis or Tondc or any of our villages near the mountain. Even though they knew they would probably never have to use it, their warriors were taught the enemy's language as best as they could be. They all feared, just as we all did, of someday being captured by this terrifying enemy, and being taken into the mountain and disappearing forever.” He shrugged then, his tone lightening up slightly. “And now because of you, that fear is gone. With one act, you have wiped away generations of fear. No longer do any of us worry about being taken into the mountain; no longer are children scared by stories of the monsters waiting to steal them from their parents. We are all safe now to travel amongst our villages without having to worry about our enemy appearing and capturing us, making us disappear forever or turning us into monsters. So to her, and to many of us, you are a legend, and a hero.”  
  
“I...” Clarke started to say, but she trailed off, not knowing what to say to that. She understood everything he said, it all made sense, but at the same time she couldn't get the image of hundreds of bodies with burn marks all over them falling to a concrete floor. Images of cages, chains and drills fought the first, and she just didn't know what to feel. So finally she just shook her head, having to close her eyes to try to fight against it all as her lips curled down.  
  
Taigon studied her, watching the way she reacted to his words. He saw the many conflicting emotions cross her face, saw the uncertainty in her eyes before they fell shut and noticed the way her shoulders drooped just slightly. None of it was strange to him, having seen each reaction before, and he couldn't help but let his expression soften.  
  
“I see why she was drawn to you so quickly,” he murmured, and his words caused her eyes to fly open, surprise in them as she turned back to him. He just smiled at her, telling her, “You bare the weight of the world along your shoulders, just as she does.”  
  
“I... I don't-,” she began to say, eyes flickering to Lexa's back, but he cut her off.  
  
“It is good that she has found you,” he informed her, his words still quiet. He spoke just loud enough so that she could hear him, knowing that those around them were too far away to hear as well. His eyes followed hers, also settling on his sister's back, and Clarke saw his expression soften, worry edging into his tone just a little. “She does not know how not to carry it all with her,” he told her. “It seems like for years now she has been drowning, losing herself to her people. She has given every bit of who she is to everyone else, and that has worn away at her.” His eyes flickered back to Clarke's, meeting them, and he saw the same belief in those blue eyes. He smiled again, the worry leaving his voice as he added, “Until recently. Recently I have noticed a change. She still carries us all with her, still acts as the powerful leader that she is, but recently I have seen my sister again. I do not know how to explain it, but for years I watched as my sister slipped away and was replaced by the Commander, the woman who must sacrifice everything of who she is for those she leads. The Commander is great, and I follow her orders without question, but I have missed my sister. And seeing her again...” He trailed off, seeming to search for his words, but then he shrugged. “It has just been very nice, seeing her again.” His eyes flickered back to her, his mouth curling up into a small smile as he added, “And I get the sense that it is you who has brought my sister back. And so I have to thank you for that; I did not believe I would ever see her, not after what she has been through.”  
  
“You don't need to say anything about that,” Clarke interrupted, eyes moving back to Lexa, her tone even quieter. She didn't want any painful memories brought up, not when she knew they would just hurt the girl riding before her. “I know, and I get it: she had every right to shut down after that happened.”  
  
“She told you?” Taigon asked, eyebrows raising just slightly in surprise, and Clarke just nodded. He turned again to study her, the revelation telling him that there was even more to this girl riding beside him than he had initially thought. Rather than voice that thought however, he simply said, “Then you know what it must mean to her, getting close in any way to you.”  
  
A corner of Clarke's mouth twitched up, turning to meet Taigon's and she asked, “Is this the 'If you ever do anything to hurt her, you'll regret it,' speech? Because I've never got that from an older sibling before. It could be interesting.”  
  
His lips curled up, matching her own grin, and he just shrugged before saying, “I do not know, maybe it is. I know she can take care of herself, but she is not as tough as she likes to believe she is.” His eyes flickered back to his sister as he added, “Though I would prefer if you did not tell her I said that, either. I would really be in trouble for that, and I have gone so long without her beating me up, I would hate to ruin it.”  
  
His grin only grew as the blonde let out a small laugh, the sound loud enough that it made Lexa turn slightly in her saddle. He watched as his sister met her eyes, and easily noticed the small smile on both of their lips as they made eye contact. The interaction was small, brief, before Lexa turned back around, and he doubted anyone else had noticed, but he had, and that one look stuck in his mind. He pushed the thought away to go over later, instead focusing entirely on the blonde as she began to speak.  
  
“Don't worry,” she said, lips still turned up in a small smile as Lexa turned back around. She turned then to meet Taigon's look. “Your secret is safe with me. And...” She went quiet for a minute, her brow pulling down as she seemed to think over her next words carefully. Her gaze returned to Lexa's back, eyes darting across it, and Taigon watched her as she seemed to watch his sister. “I can't promise you I won't hurt her,” she finally answered truthfully, still not looking away from Lexa. “Just like she can't promise she won't hurt me. The truth is this, whatever this is, it's... I don't know. It can't last. We both know it.” She turned to Taigon then, and he saw the pain of that knowledge in her eyes. “She has her people and I have mine, and neither of us can turn our backs on them. We have to choose them first and neither of us will ask the other to do any differently. I don't even really know what this is between us, but it doesn't matter: it'll end soon, and there's nothing either of us can really do about it.” She paused for a moment, letting those words sink in for them both. Finally she met his gaze again, mouth turning up in an attempt at a smile, and she told him, “If I could, I'd promise not to hurt her, because I don't want to. But I can't make that promise.”  
  
His eyes scanned hers, reading everything in them that she let him see, and his heart weighed heavy in his chest. For his sister, yes, but also for this other girl, who also had willingly placed her heart on the line with the full knowledge that it would be nothing but crushed eventually. That pulled at him, and the thought simply made him shake his head as he closed his eyes.  
  
“You do not know how similar you two are,” he murmured, eyes opening and moving straight to his sister. “It is good that she has you, even if it is only for a limited time.” Out of the corner of his eyes he saw her turn to Lexa as well, giving him the smallest of nods. Trying to lighten the mood between them, he let his lips curl up once again, joking, “It is certainly good for me that she has you.” He saw her turn to him and mirrored the move, immediately watching as her eyebrow twitched up curiously. His grin grew, answering her silent question with, “I have a feeling it is largely due to you that I was allowed to come on this journey.”  
  
“I was wondering about that,” Clarke replied, letting the conversation shift, glad to be moving away from thoughts of having to walk away from Lexa. That moment was rapidly approaching, and she didn't want to think about it any sooner than she had to. “Lexa told me that you never leave Polis, and yet here you are. How did that happen?”  
  
Taigon shrugged before he told her, “I do not know, actually. When Shayne arrived at Polis with the news about your people, I had no reason to believe I would be joining the group to find them, but then Lexa told me that I would be going. As it has been years since I have left Polis, I did not waste any time arguing or trying to find out why, though I suspect it has to do with you and the fact that Lexa wished to bring a healer along. Whatever her reason, I am happy to be here.” As he finished, he looked up, taking in the trees surrounding them, eyes wide as he tried to take it all in. He knew it wasn't likely he'd be leaving his home again once they returned to Polis, and wanted to remember every detail of the trip.  
  
Clarke watched him, noticing the longing in his face as he took in everything around him. She gave him a moment to take it all in before she mused quietly, “You must miss it. It must be... annoying, I guess, being told you can't ever leave your home.”  
  
He turned back to her and nodded, though his shoulders lifted in another small shrug.  
  
“Yes,” he answered, “It is, but I understand why it is Lexa will not allow me to leave.” Again, his eyes trained back on her, and this time it was Clarke who watched him as he looked to his sister. “I saw what happened to my sister, saw what the loss of the person she cared so much for did to her, and I have no desire to do that to her again. I hate being locked inside the walls of Polis, miss the trees and being able to move around freely, but I understand why I can't anymore. It just is what it is.” He tore his gaze from his sister, eyes flickering to meet Clarke's, and again he smiled slightly as he admitted, “But I will enjoy this freedom while I have it. Perhaps as we go I will even be able to stop and collect herbs and berries to add to my healing supplies: that used to be my favorite thing to do as I moved through the woods.”  
  
Clarke's smile matched his as she asked, “If you do, would you mind teaching me what each herb and berry does? I know a little bit about your healing techniques, but I'd love to know more.” His eyes lit up, and Clarke had to fight against her growing smile as he replied hurriedly, suddenly sounding almost as excited as Shayne had, “Yes, I would be happy to teach you. Perhaps you could teach me some of the healing ways of your people? I am told you know how to turn Reapers back into men. And Nyko told me that Lincoln was dead, and that you brought him back to life! How did you do that?” The excitement in his tone finally pulled the corners of her mouth into a bigger grin, and the two of them spent the rest of their ride together trading healing secrets, each thrilled to be able to learn from the other. 

***

The group of Grounders and lone Sky Person continued traveling until the sun had begun to set, and only once it was disappearing behind the trees did Lexa finally bring them to a stop. They all dismounted for the night, each needing to stretch after hours in the saddle, and then got to work building a small camp for themselves. They moved together easily, almost as though they were used to traveling as a group, and soon they had two tents and a fire pit set up, a small fire roaring as Jax squat beside it, putting together a simple meal for them. Once it was ready, they ate in relative silence, the many miles they had covered that day quickly catching up with them. For awhile once they had finished they all lounged around the fire, but it wasn't too long before those who hadn't been chosen for first watch were heading into their tent, wrapping up in thick furs to ward off the cold and then easily falling asleep until it was their turn to stand watch.  
  
Clarke slept soundly, but when Shet wrapped lightly on their tent, quietly murmuring, “Heda, it is your watch,” she awoke the moment Lexa started moving. She knew it had surprised the Grounders when their Commander had insisted she stand watch at some point, but it hadn't really surprised Clarke. She knew Lexa worried that there were so few of them, and with the amount of distance they had to travel she knew the Commander didn't want to push her people any harder than she had to or give them any extra work. Taking a few hours of watch meant that no one else had to do it, which meant they all got more rest, so she had been expecting it when Lexa had insisted on doing it.  
  
So when Lexa silently shifted from beneath her furs, Clarke followed. She knew Lexa heard her even in the dark, and could just make out the other girl's silhouette as she turned to her. She imagined the curious look she must be getting, but neither said anything as they moved, not wanting to wake Shayne up. Without a word Lexa stood up and made the way to the entrance of the small tent, stepping out into the cold and holding the fur aside so that Clarke could follow. She saw Shet waiting between the tents, eyes flickering around to the dark trees that surrounded them, and gave him a nod as he turned to her. He returned the nod and then stepped to the other tent, quickly disappearing inside now that he had been relieved from duty. As soon as Clarke had stepped out of the tent, Lexa let the fur fall closed again, and then led the way over to the fire that still burned a few feet away. She sat on one of the logs they had moved over to the fire pit hours ago when they had made camp, and felt it shift slightly as Clarke sat down next to her. It was only once they were both sitting, the fire dancing before them, that Lexa finally broke the silence.  
  
“You do not have to be out here, Clarke,” she merely said, her tone quiet, though whether that was so anyone listening from inside the tents wouldn't be able to hear or just because of the silence of the night around them, Clarke couldn't say. She simply shrugged in reply, her hand reaching out and wrapping around the brunette's. Even with their gloves on, they could each feel the others fingers try to wrap around each other almost instantly.  
  
“I know,” Clarke replied, her tone just as quiet as the older girl's. “But I want to be out here.” She leaned to the side, her head falling to Lexa's shoulder, and she felt the other girl stiffen before relaxing under the new pressure. Even so she heard the worry in Lexa's voice as she murmured, “Clarke. We cannot do this.” Lifting her head just slightly, Clarke met her eyes as she turned and looked down at the blonde. “I trust all these people we travel with,” she continued, her voice even quieter now. “That is why I wanted them to come, but even so, we cannot act this way. They can see nothing between us. Nothing... like this. It is too dangerous. If the wrong person finds out-”  
  
“I know,” Clarke sighed softly, finally lifting her head. “If the wrong person found out, I'd be in danger and so would you.” Even though she desperately didn't want to, she let go of Lexa's hand, letting both of hers fall in her lap. She felt the other girl shift slightly next to her, noticed the way her hands fell down as well, and let out a little sigh. “You know, I didn't really think it was possible for someone to worry even more than me, but then I met you.” She smiled, her lips pulling up just a bit as she turned and met green eyes. “Which kind of changed my life. In more than just the obvious ways.”  
  
Lexa allowed the corners of her lips to pull up, and had to fight the urge to take Clarke's hand in hers again. They remained firmly in her lap, even as she murmured, “You have changed my life as well, Clarke.” She watched as those beautiful lips pulled up even more, eyes soon trailing up to meet blue. She could see the firelight flickering in them, and had to keep herself from leaning forward so she could be even closer.  
  
Clarke held her gaze for a moment, finally needing to break away or she wouldn't be able to stop herself from closing the distance between them and capturing beautiful thin lips with her own. She turned towards the fire, watching the flickering flames before them, and for a moment they sat in the silence, too many emotions moving between them. Finally, simply to break the quiet, Clarke said softly, “Taigon knows. About us.” Eyes flickered back to each other and she added, “He had already guessed and then I kinda confirmed it. I figured of everyone, he's probably the one you trust the most, so it isn't too bad if he knows. Right?”  
  
The brunette nodded, tearing her gaze away from the blonde's again. She turned forward, trying to focus on the fire and not the girl beside her or the many emotions tumbling inside her that all had to do with this girl, as she replied, “I thought he knew. Or at least suspected that there was someone. I have seen him watching me a few times after I have returned from visiting you, and could tell he knew that something was different.” She shrugged, her eyes trailing up and looking up at the few stars she could see through the tree tops. “If anyone must know, I am glad it is him. I trust him not to say anything.”  
  
The other girl nodded, having expected as much, and then let her head fall back as well, letting her focus shift to the stars above. With the trees and clouds obstructing her view, there were only a few that could be seen, but those that could shown brightly, and all she could think about was the many times she had stared out the windows of the Ark and looked at the same stars.  
  
“It's still a little weird to me sometimes,” she murmured, gaze not leaving the sky. She felt Lexa's eyes flicker to her, but didn't turn to meet them. “It feels like it was a whole other lifetime that I lived up there, but sometimes I still think I'm going to wake up back on the Ark and everything that's happened will just have been a dream.”  
  
“Are you disappointed?” Lexa asked, eyes still focused on the face tilted up to the sky. “When you realize it is not a dream?” She felt her own arm move slightly when the other girl shrugged, and somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that she should move over so that they weren't so close together, but she ignored the thought.  
  
“Some of it, yeah. Some of it I wish was a dream that I could wake up from and it would have never happened,” the younger girl told her truthfully. She turned then, meeting the green eyes that glowed with the firelight. “And there's other parts that would devastate me if I found out they hadn't actually happened.” Lexa's breath caught in her chest, seeing the implications of the words clear in blue eyes, and she had to fight with herself not to push even closer, especially when the blonde's eyes dropped to her lips. Finally controlling the rhythm of her breathing, she murmured, “There are parts that would devastate me as well, if I found out they had not happened.” She watched as the other girl's lips curled up into a small smile, but as she shook her head lightly, Lexa noticed a sadness woven into the turn of her lips.  
  
“I just...,” she whispered, trailing off before she let out a long, heavy breath. Closing her eyes, she turned away again, opening them once her head had tilted back, gaze returning to the sky. “If I had known the last time I held you was going to be the last time I could hold you, I wouldn't have let go so easily.”  
  
The words and tone with which they were spoken yanked at Lexa's heart, making it jump into her throat. She had to swallow, trying to calm her emotions down until she could control them again. Her hands curled into fists in her lap, the desire to reach out and touch the other girl nearly impossible to ignore, but she did. What she could not do was stop herself from leaning over and lightly nudging the other girl's shoulder with her own. Blue eyes fell back to her and she met them, trying to give her a smile. “We are not apart yet,” she whispered, voice so quiet Clarke wouldn't have heard the words if she hadn't naturally leaned closer to her. “It will take us days to reach Luna's village, and even once we have found your people we will have to decide what happens next. We still have some time, even if it is not much.”  
  
She watched as Clarke's lips turned up, the smallest of smiles appearing. The blonde leaned forward even more, her forehead touching against Lexa's just for a moment. Blue eyes held green eyes, and while both could easily see the fear and worry in the others, they also saw the momentary relief the brunette's words gave them.  
  
“You're right,” the younger girl finally murmured, pressing her forehead just a little harder against the brunette's before she pulled away. “We still have some time.”  
  
Eyes held with one another for another few moments, and then they both turned out, switching between looking up at the sky and scanning the woods around them, and both felt the other push a little closer as they allowed the silence to surround them once more. 

***

The small party traveled for four more days, and Clarke found that traveling with the Grounders was enjoyable. Shayne was a constant companion as they rode, never running out of questions to ask, but Clarke welcomed them and enjoyed learning about the Boat People in return. Ryder and Shet rode with her every now and then, and while Ryder remained the quiet, ever-present shadow, she quickly learned that Shet had a hard time remaining quiet. He told Clarke stories about their people, taught her jokes that she didn't always get but that he insisted were good, and generally kept the mood light. When she found herself riding next to Jax, she did her best to speak with him, using the little Trigedasleng Lexa had taught her to keep up with the conversation, and he was able to teach her more, with the help of Shayne and the others around her. Taigon was an easy riding companion, always happy to talk of their different styles of healing or to also share stories of their people, even finding ways of inserting a few stories of what his sister was like as a child without getting more than a few glares from the Commander. Her favorite moments of course were when she got to ride next to Lexa, the two riding in silence as easily as they did in conversation, sometimes with Taigon or one of the others riding with them, and sometimes as just the two of them. Even though Clarke's body began complaining about the long distance and many hours in the saddle during only the second day, overall she found that she liked traveling with the small group, and the time seemed to go by much more quickly than she would have expected it to.  
  
It went by so quickly, in fact, that she was surprised on that fourth day when Shayne told them all they were nearing the spot the strange Sky People had been found. The mood surrounding them all seemed to tangibly shift, eyes all spending more time scanning through the trees than they had before then, and Clarke's eyes were among them. It was Jax who first saw the trail, a small piece of cloth hanging from a branch, obviously a piece of shirt that had been ripped off as someone walked through the trees, and then as they moved past it, soon they all could see the footprints in the snow, many different sets that all seemed to lead in the same direction. Clarke could see the tension forming along Lexa's back, easily noticed the way her eyes quickly shifted through the trees, and knew that she had immediately settled fully into her role as Commander.  
  
“ _Jaks, Teigon_ ,” she said in Trigedasleng, and Clarke was only able to pick up on some of what followed. “ _Stay at the back. Raider, Shet, Shein: do not draw your weapons, but be ready. We do not want them to think we mean to attack, but do not let your guard down_.” The blonde watched as each of the Grounders nodded, saw them shift in their formation until the three warriors rode in front of the healer and hunter, Lexa and herself leading them all.  
  
For a few more minutes they continued forward, eyes always moving, but even so Clarke's heart jumped into her throat when they rounded a corner and someone suddenly scrambled down a large tree, nearly falling to the ground. The someone was small, a young girl even younger than Shayne, but she glared up at the group, eyes darting to each of them, a thick stick in her hand held up as a weapon. Clarke could see the fear in her face even as she tried to hide it, but even more obvious than that fear was the way she shivered, the clothes hanging off of her doing far less than they should to keep out the cold. She was thin, far thinner than she should be, and her skin was far too pale even against her bright red cheeks. Messy brown hair was pulled back out of her face, and it was almost hard to see the redness of her cheeks under the layer of dirt clinging to her skin.  
  
“Who are you?!” the little girl demanded, raising her stick a little higher, clearly not letting this group intimidate her enough to back down. “What are you doing here?” Without giving them any time to answer, she screamed over her shoulder, “Help! Strangers, Grounders, they're here, help!”  
  
Quickly Clarke swung herself off of her horse, her movements drawing the girl's eyes to her. She dropped her horse's reins, letting Lexa reach over and grab them, none of the Grounders making any move to move from their own horses. The blonde put her hands up, taking a careful step towards the girl, who just took a step back.  
  
“It's okay,” Clarke murmured reassuringly, and she saw the girl's eyebrows shoot up when she spoke in English. “We're not here to hurt you. My name is Clarke Griffin: I'm from the Ark too, and I just want to help you.”  
  
“Griffin?” the little girl asked, eyes getting a little wider. Her brow pulled down in confusion as she asked, “Like Dr. Griffin?”  
  
Clarke smiled, giving her a nod as she told her, “Yeah, like Dr. Griffin; she's my mother.”  
  
The girl studied her for a brief second, opening her mouth to say something else, but before she could another figure ran through the trees from behind her. This woman was older, her face harder than the girl's, but her clothes hung off of her in the same manner, and she too looked far thinner than she should be. She held a spear in her hand, a crude weapon that had obviously been made from parts from whatever station they had come from, and held it up threateningly at the group before her.  
  
“Reese, stay back!” she ordered, her voice low and allowing no room for argument as she glared at the Grounders. Her eyes darted to each of them, always moving back to Clarke, the one closest to her, and it was her that she leveled the spear at. Clarke heard Lexa shift behind her, but shook her head just slightly: she knew Lexa did not like that the weapon was pointed at her, but she couldn't let the brunette draw her sword or things could easily get out of control too quickly to stop. So instead she just held her hands up higher, showing the woman she had no weapon, hoping the obvious act would help ease the tension she saw running through her. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to be getting her the results she wanted.  
  
The little girl, Reese, pushed herself away from the woman's grip, eyes momentarily leaving the group and going to the woman's face.  
  
“But she says she's from the Ark,” she argued, her hand with the stick still clutched in it falling just slightly. Her eyes flickered back over to Clarke as she added, “She says she's Dr. Griffin's daughter.”  
  
The woman's brow rose, surprise clear on her face, but she couldn't wipe away her glare entirely, nor did she lower her spear. Instead she continued to meet the blonde's eyes, but directed her words to the girl as she told her, “We don't know what they want, Reese. We can't trust them.”  
  
Clarke was about to try to explain that they had come to help them, when she heard a new voice call out, “Nygel, what's going on?” At that voice, Clarke's eyes widened, recognizing it immediately even though it had been almost a year since she'd heard it, and when the owner of the voice stepped through the trees, she let her jaw drop.  
  
“Callie?” she asked, eyes darting over to the woman who she'd known her entire life but hadn't thought about in months. The woman turned to her, breaking her attention from the other woman and girl in front of her, and she looked at her in confusion for a moment before Clarke saw her own eyes widen in recognition.  
  
“ _Clarke?!_ ” Callie exclaimed, the shock, awe and disbelief all mixing in her tone, and the blonde just nodded, the same emotions getting stuck in her throat, not allowing any other words out. They stared at each other for a minute, and then Callie was rushing forward and Clarke was mirroring her steps, and then she felt the arms of her mother's best friend wrap around her and she was squeezing the other woman back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My goal was to get this chapter up before the season premier, and I am just managing to meet that goal! Now to wait about a half hour, and then IT'S TIME!!! AHH!!
> 
> Trigedasleng:  
> Floukru - Boat People  
> "Mochof don yun sis au, Jaks," - "Thank you for your help, Jax,"  
> "Sha, Wanheda. Osir hon op oyun kru." - “Yes, Wanheda. We will find your people.”  
> "Teik osir bants." - "Let us leave."  
> Maunon - Mountain Men  
> Wuskripa – Monsters  
> Yu Skaikru? - Your Sky People?


	13. Chapter 13

Momentarily forgetting about everyone else around them, Clarke let her grip around the other woman tighten. Memories of Callie swirled through her mind: the smile she'd had on her face at Clarke's sixth birthday party when she'd presented the little girl with a small art kit; countless dinners where she'd sat next to Clarke, talking to her parents across the table while skillfully helping Clarke hide the vegetables she didn't want to eat under the table; her laughter, mixed in with her mother's and even sometimes her father's as they talked in their main room, the three adults relaxing together while Clarke worked on her homework; the many times when Callie would leave Abby's side to look over Clarke's shoulder, helping her with that homework whenever she saw a frustrated look on the blonde's face. This woman had been involved in so much of Clarke's childhood, and for months now she had believed her dead. Holding her now, feeling the tight grip she kept around the blonde's shoulders, the way the side of her face pressed against Clarke's, it almost felt unreal to the young leader, as though it were too good to be true. But she was there, holding the blonde, and Clarke was fairly positive she hadn't eaten any bad Jobi nuts in the past hour, which meant that however unlikely this situation was, it was really happening. With that thought, Clarke's grip tightened even further, fingers gripping into the thin shirt covering the older woman's back.  
  
Finally Callie pulled away, moving just far enough so that she could look at Clarke, eyes scanning across her face. Her shock was still evident, just as Clarke was sure her own was, as she began babbling, “How...? I mean, you're alive! I just, I can't believe it! I, I mean last I knew you were with the other hundred that were sent down, and Abby said you were still alive, but that, that was so long ago, I thought for sure... But here you are! Right in front of me, and I still can't believe it, but it's you! Clarke, you're alive!” And then she was pulling the blonde in for another hug, her arms crushing around her just as tightly as she had the first time, and again Clarke just returned the tight hold.  
  
“I am,” she agreed, her own tone thick with her surprise. “And you are too!” She pulled back then so that she could study Callie again, taking in the hollowness of her cheeks, the obvious tiredness that she could see in the back of the other woman's eyes. She, just as with Reese and Nygel, showed obvious signs of malnutrition, her clothes hanging off of her in a way they never had before. Still, just the fact that she was actually there, actually standing in front of Clarke and holding her, was enough. “I thought, when you weren't with the others, I thought that you'd died. I thought maybe you'd died on the Ark, or trying to get to the ground. But you didn't, you're here and I, I just...” She tried to search for the right words, right way to express just how happy she was to see this woman again, and found that she couldn't. Instead she just shook her head, her grip on her arms simply tightening, and she felt the pressure returned, the look in the older woman's eyes telling her that she understood exactly what she meant.  
  
“Others?” Clarke heard asked, and the word seemed to break her out of the spell she was under, suddenly remembering they weren't alone. She looked over at Nygel, the one who had spoken, and found dark eyes on her, the spear in her hand still tightly gripped but pointing up now, no longer threatening anyone with it. Her face remained hard, guarded, her suspicions still clear, but Clarke didn't focus on it. Instead she just nodded, telling her, “Yeah, the others.” She turned then, eyes shifting between the three new survivors, informing them, “A couple of the stations survived the landing, and now those who were in them are all living together. They call the place Camp Jaha, and there are a couple hundred people living there.”  
  
Callie's grip on Clarke's shoulder got tighter, drawing the blonde's attention to her, and the worry flashed across her face as she asked quickly, “Your mother? And, and Marcus?”  
  
“They're both fine,” Clarke assured her, but before she could say anything else she had to pause. “Or, they were the last time I saw them,” she amended, sudden fear gripping her. It had been months since she last saw her mother, and the last glimpse she'd seen of her was when she had been carried into camp on a stretcher. What if she hadn't been alright? What if something had happened, what if the injuries she'd gotten in Mount Weather had been worse than she thought and she hadn't survived them? Or what if something else had happened while she had been gone, and her mother had been killed by something else? Clarke had been so focused on getting away, of distancing herself from everyone she cared about that she'd never thought about what could be happening to those she'd left. The fear and the thoughts pushed at her, dug into her skin painfully, but she did her best to ignore them. Even with Lexa's orders for the Grounders to stay away, surely one of them would have heard about it if the leader of the Sky People had died, and that news would have reached Lexa who would have passed it along to Clarke. Surely, if anything had happened to her, somehow Clarke would have found out about it. So she pushed the thoughts aside, trying to ignore them, and shifted her attention back to Callie and the others around her. She forced herself to give the woman a partial smile, telling her, “In fact, last I knew they were doing really well: Mom's actually the Chancellor now, and Kane's... I don't know, her co-Chancellor, I guess.”  
  
The older woman's eyes widened, even more surprise flashing across her face as she asked, “What, how did that happen? And how did you know about us? How did you find us?”  
  
“Oh, uh, right,” Clarke muttered, realizing she had completely forgotten about the small group of Grounders still waiting a few feet behind her. She pulled away from Callie, taking a step back away from the older woman, and turned, seeing Nygel's eyes already on the group. She, apparently, hadn't forgotten them, and didn't seem like she would be taking her suspicious glare off of them until she was absolutely sure they could be trusted. Turning even further, Clarke looked back at the small group, seeing Shet's eyes holding the woman's glare, returning it with a suspicious look of his own, but her own eyes went right to Lexa, finding green eyes not wavering from her. The Grounder leader sat stiffly in her saddle, seeming to wait for a cue from the blonde to move. Clarke gave it then, giving the other girl a small nod, and Lexa immediately swung her leg over the side of her horse, easily landing on both feet. She stood regally, her back perfectly straight and head held high, and held up her hand when she heard her two warriors shift to move as well.  
  
“ _No_ ,” Clarke heard her tell them in their language, “ _Stay with Teigon and Jaks. I will be able to handle it if she chooses to attack_.” Her words were obviously focused on Nygel, the older woman having shifted and tightened the grip on her spear when the young leader dismounted, but still she didn't take her eyes from Clarke. The blonde saw both Ryder and Shet shift again, faces hard, the desire to follow her instead and protect her from these unknown people obvious, but they did as they were ordered and stayed on their horses along with the other three Grounders. Clarke saw Shayne's eyes dart around them all, clearly trying to assess the situation, and while it was obvious she also wanted to follow the Commander, she remained where she was too, knowing the order was for her just as it was for the other two warriors.  
  
Head still high, Lexa walked over to Clarke, her stride easy, neither fast nor slow, clearly showing that she felt perfectly at ease and felt no intimidation from any of those around her. She stopped only once she stood by Clarke, and only then did she allow her gaze to move from the blonde, slowly turning first to the woman Clarke had embraced, then to the young girl still standing with the stick in her hand and watching everything unfold, and then finally to the woman with the spear. She met the woman's eyes, showing her absolutely no emotion, even as the other woman continued to watch her suspiciously.  
  
Needing to lessen the tension between them all, Clarke turned back to Callie, as the most familiar face among them, and told her quickly, “Callie, this is Lexa, the Commander of the Grounders. She's their leader, and the one who told me about you. There's a Grounder village near here, and when her people told her about you, she immediately found me. We're here to help you, however we can.” Turning to Lexa, she gestured to the older woman, telling her, “Commander, this is Callie Cartwig: she's my mother's best friend, so I've known her practically my entire life.”  
  
The use of her title rather than her name didn't escape Lexa, and possibly due to it, she held her head a little higher as she met the other woman's eyes. She kept her face emotionless as the woman seemed to study her, not allowing her own eyes to waver from the woman's face. Finally the woman nodded to her, saying, “It... It's an honor to meet you, Commander Lexa. Thank, thank you for coming.” Her tone did not sound sincere, her own suspicions more evident in her tone than in her face as was the case with the one called Nygel, but Lexa did not allow those suspicions to hinder her. She understood them, having her own suspicions about them, but she at least did not let them show in any way.  
  
“You are Skaikru,” she merely replied, her tone remaining even as shock appeared across each of their faces as she spoke in their tongue. Nodding slightly to the blonde still standing beside her, she continued, “You are Clarke's people, and so you are part of the alliance. I will do all in my power to help you and your people.”  
  
“Thank you,” Callie repeated, this time more genuinely. The suspicion in her eyes was fading, surprise replacing it, but still Lexa revealed nothing of her own thoughts or feelings.  
  
“Where are they?” Clarke asked, worry coating her tone as her eyes flickered to the three new Sky People. “We were told that there were more of you, and that many of them weren't doing well. How many of you are there? Where are the rest of you?”  
  
Callie and Nygel's eyes met, seeming to have a silent conversation, and Lexa bristled slightly. Clarke had asked perfectly reasonable questions, and they chose to ignore them momentarily, instead trading looks. A part of her understood that these people did not see Clarke as their leader yet, had only just found out that she lived, but the other part of her wanted the blonde to be respected immediately as she deserved. She felt the blonde shift beside her, and then felt the small bump against her arm. To others, she knew it would look like a perfectly harmless movement, but Lexa knew it was only meant to calm her down. Out of the corner of her eyes Lexa looked to her, and saw the small quirk of the younger girl's lips. Silently she let out a small breath, simply raising her head higher, and let go of the part of her that wished to tell these women that it was Clarke they now followed and would do well to answer her questions when asked.  
  
Finally the two woman broke their eye contact, and while Nygel continued to look skeptical, Callie turned back to the two young leaders. Her eyes met Lexa's for a brief moment, and then jumped back to Clarke, and it was the blonde she spoke to as she said, “We found a building nearby for shelter. We'll take you to them.” Clarke nodded, and then Callie turned back in the direction she had originally come from, Clarke quickly following her. Lexa turned and met her peoples' eyes, gesturing for them to follow, and then she followed Clarke, easily catching up so that she could walk beside the other girl. She heard the young girl follow behind her and then the other woman follow as well, and finally she heard the sounds of hooves moving through snow, and knew that her people had begun moving, trailing just a few paces behind the rest of them.  
  
As they walked, Lexa's eyes scanned the trees around them, constantly on the lookout for more hidden Sky People. Even as she remained vigilant, she listened as Callie filled Clarke in on how they had ended up here, her gaze shifting every now and then to see the blonde's reaction to the words.  
  
“We were in Tesla Station,” the woman began, and when Lexa looked over she could see the tight pull of her lips and hardness in her eyes. “The station crashed in the middle of some desert, completely breaking apart on impact. There were about three hundred of us in that station, but only sixty-two people survived the crash. Those of us who did tried to make a camp there, tried to find enough supplies to survive, but we couldn't. We were able to find a little food, but water was almost impossible to gather. When the first couple of people began to die of dehydration, the rest of us knew we had to find somewhere else to live.” She stopped then, looking up, perhaps remembering those who had died, and Lexa noticed Clarke's hand go to her shoulder. The woman turned into the gesture, giving the blonde a grateful smile, and then continued.  
  
“We traveled for weeks, never really knowing where we were going, and we lost more along the way. Eventually we made it out of the desert, but it wasn't long once we made it to the woods that it started snowing, and then we had to try to find shelter from the cold. We kept hoping we would run into other Ark survivors, but never did. Then many of those of us still alive started to get sick, and we knew we had to find somewhere to stay for the winter and try to regain our strength.” Again she stopped, this time shrugging, before she continued, “About three weeks ago, we found a deserted building big enough for us all. It's falling apart, but for the most part still secure, and it's at least something of a shelter against the winter.”  
  
As she finished, she led the group around a thicket of trees, and as soon as they moved by them they all looked ahead and could see the same building she had just spoken about. Cement steps led to a large doorway, broken apart in many places by vines and other plant life, even more growing out of the sides of the dilapidated building, but the columns holding up the roof above the door remained solid. Letters had been carved into the stone above the entrance way, but time and nature had worn most of them away, making the words illegible to any who might have been able to read them. The doorway was large and no longer had a door, and there were spots along the walls where stone and brick had crumbled away over the years. Even so, the building was clearly large, and from what Lexa could see it appeared to be sturdy, the plant-life growing from its walls helping it to blend in with the nature around it.  
  
The building itself was an interesting find out here in the middle of the trees, but Lexa's attention was pulled away from it as she saw people begin to emerge from the doorway, their expressions turning down when they saw the group approaching their temporary home. The Commander felt their eyes on her, saw the fear in them just as much as the uncertainty, and felt her muscles tense in response. She kept her face carefully blank, showing these people nothing of her own uncertainty, and felt the weight of her sword pulling against her back with every step. There were more of them than of her own people, the trickle of people continuing to step outside as they drew closer, but looking at the frailty of their bodies, the hollowness of their faces, Lexa felt certain that her people would be able to take them if they chose to attack. The thought caused the brunette to allow her gaze to shift to Clarke, knowing that the blonde would not want any kind of fight between the two people, and Lexa watched as blue eyes scanned worriedly at each person who stepped through the doorway.  
  
“How many of you are there now?” Clarke murmured, not taking her eyes from the small group that had gathered in front of the building, and out of the corner of her eye she saw Callie's frown deepen.  
  
“Only twenty-four,” she answered, her sorrow of the many they had lost evident in her tone. “And of those twenty-four, there are seven who are still sick.” Pain filled her voice as she added quietly, “I don't know how much longer any of them are going to make it.”  
  
Lexa knew those words would strike at Clarke's heart, and so was unsurprised when her brow furrowed, her body turning once again towards the other woman.  
  
“I'd like to see them, if it's okay,” she told Callie, and then gestured back to Lexa's people, all who had stopped behind them, their eyes all shifting through the small crowd of people. Lexa could see the anxious way they all held themselves in their saddles, her warriors especially. She noticed Shet grip his reins tighter, the grip obviously telling Lexa how much he wished to be holding his weapon at that moment, and she met his eye. Subtly, the motion so small she doubted anyone else saw it, she shook her head, clearly telling him not to do so, and she saw him grit his jaw tighter but loosen the grip on the reins. Her attention pulled back to Clarke as the blonde continued, “The Commander brought one of their healers with her, and some medicine that might be able to help.” She looked as though she were about to say something else, but then her brow furrowed, turning and meeting Lexa's gaze as she asked, “There is medicine, right?”  
  
The Commander merely nodded, telling them both evenly, “Yes, I had Taigon pack what he thought would be most needed.” She turned again to her people, meeting her brother's eyes, and nodded to him, and the next moment he was pushing himself from his saddle and going through his saddlebags. As he did so, Lexa shifted her gaze, meeting Ryder's eyes, and nodded again, and then the warrior was dropping from his horse as well. He stayed by Taigon until the healer had all he had been looking for, and then the two approached, stopping just behind their group. Lexa noticed Nygel's grip on her spear tighten, noticed the weapon move just a hair, and had to stop herself from drawing her own weapon. The moment her brother's feet had landed on the ground her heart had begun to beat wildly in her chest, her anxiety about the situation only increasing. So far she did not regret bringing him along on this mission, but if any of these Sky People attempted anything against him, she would personally see to every one of their deaths, and that would not go over well with Clarke, she already knew. So she tried to calm herself down, tried to push her worry aside, and a moment later her heart was back under control, only beating a little more quickly than usual.  
  
Clarke clearly either saw or sensed the shift in her comfort, because a moment later she was moving over to the two Grounders, conveniently placing herself between Nygel's spear and Ryder. Even so, Lexa's eyes did not leave the weapon, her worry for the blonde only increasing. The younger leader simply gave them all an easy smile, still trying to calm everyone down as she said, “Taigon is one of their best healers: hopefully between the two of us we will be able to help your sick.”  
  
Callie looked almost relieved at the prospect, some of the worry draining out of her face. She returned Clarke's smile, and then her gaze shifted to Nygel and she rolled her eyes.  
  
“Put down the spear, Nygel,” she told the other woman, “They're here to help us: clearly they aren't a threat.”  
  
“Just because they say they're here to help us doesn't mean they're actually here to help us,” the other woman argued, and Lexa noticed the Sky People gathered behind them shift nervously. “People'll say whatever they think will get them what they want, and we don't know what they want.”  
  
“We _want_ to help,” Clarke informed her, meeting her eyes. “That's it.”  
  
“We have brought more than just medicine with us,” Lexa added, her tone strong, and the Sky People immediately turned to her. She looked back to the rest of her people with the horses and called out in their language, “ _Unpack the supplies we brought_.” As they moved to follow her order, she turned back to the group around her and continued, “We have also brought food and furs.” Her eyes shifted to those loitering around the building, all hanging around still to see exactly what was happening. “Your people look hungry and cold: what we have will be able to help them with that.” Turning back to meet Nygel's hard gaze, she lifted her chin again, telling the woman, “What we have will not be enough for all of you for long, but one of our greatest hunters is also with us, and I will be sending him out soon. We wish to help you.”  
  
“Why?” the woman demanded, her tone no less suspicious than it had been many minutes ago when they had first met. “No one does anything for free: why do you want to help us?”  
  
Without looking away, the Commander gestured to the blonde still standing between this woman and Ryder, and simply replied, “It is as I said: you are Clarke's people, and therefore are part of the alliance. I honor that alliance by helping you as I can unless Clarke says otherwise.”  
  
“We really are just here to help,” the blonde added quietly, also speaking directly to Nygel. The woman's eyes didn't leave Lexa's, and the brunette didn't look away or allow her expression to change. Finally the other woman gave her the smallest of nods, and then lowered her spear, her grip loosening a bit.  
  
Seeing the tension lessen, Callie seemed to let out a sigh of relief, and then she turned to where her people had all crowded around the entrance to their home. She smiled at them, trying to appear reassuring, and said loudly, “Everyone, this is Clarke Griffin. Clarke is the daughter of Counselor Abby Griffin.” Clarke stepped forward, trying to give them a smile as she heard the murmuring from the gathered crowd. Callie easily smiled at her and let her hand fall to the girl's shoulder, grasping it lightly before she turned and gestured to Lexa. “And this is Lexa, Commander of the Grounders.” Lexa did not step forward, but she did turn to the Sky People, her eyes moving over them slowly, and she watched as a few shrunk back under her gaze while others met it uncertainly. “They've come to help us.” She turned again to the blonde and just asked her, “What's your plan?”  
  
“I would like to see your sick, if you don't mind,” Clarke answered easily, turning to Taigon and gesturing for him to come with her. Her eyes then shifted to Lexa, scanning the brunette's face carefully as she said, “And maybe you and your people can work with Nygel to divide the supplies you brought, Commander?” Lexa's eyes shifted to her brother and then to the building before them, uneasy with letting him out of her sight, but she knew that was why the blonde had given her the look she had. Finally she nodded, but as she did so she looked at Ryder, telling them, “Ryder will go with you.” She noticed Taigon roll his eyes slightly but also noticed the blonde's small smile as she returned the nod.  
  
“Okay,” Callie told them, “Follow me.” Clarke shifted her focus to the other woman after a final shared look with the brunette, and then the small group broke away, moving towards the building before them. Lexa watched as those standing in front of the doorway parted as they approached, giving the strangers a wide berth, and didn't take her eyes from them until they had disappeared inside to where she could no longer see them. Again the young leader had to force her worry away as her heart once again began to beat quickly in her chest, but she did her best to ignore it. Instead she allowed her attention to shift back to Nygel, the woman still standing in the same spot, eyes still on her. She nodded to the woman, and then began walking towards the horses to where Shet, Shayne and Jax were still unhooking various saddlebags and going through them. She grabbed one of the ones that they had dropped to the ground, opening the flap of the bag to find many pounds of jerky. Turning back to Nygel, she allowed one eyebrow to quirk up just slightly as she asked, “Where would you like us to put the food?”  
  
“I'd like it in my stomach,” the woman replied easily, her eyes dropping to the bag that the Commander held up before her. Her joke however was quickly followed by more murmurings from the crowd still hanging outside the doorway, all their attention drawn back to the Commander at the mention of food, and when she turned to look at them all, she saw them staring at the bag, the hunger clear on their faces. She sighed, and then looked back to the young leader. Lifting both eyebrows, she asked her, “How much food did you say you brought?”  
  
Lexa's eyes scanned the crowd all watching her, and she felt a spike of sympathy shoot through her. She remembered times during her traveling with Anya when they had packed little food, remembered the way her stomach had gnawed on emptiness, and knew that none of those times had compared to what these people were experiencing. “Enough for the moment,” she finally answered, eyes still moving over the people who were slowly starting to move closer, the draw of food enough to push away their fear, at least momentarily. “And we will find more to replace it.” She turned back to her people, telling them, “Take out the food first: I want the bags of vegetables, berries, anything we brought, out now.” She heard the “Sha Heda,”s in reply and then the bags were being brought to her, and soon four more bags of food sat around her feet. “How would you like to do this?” she asked Nygel, seeing the other woman just as focused on the bags as the rest of her people were.  
  
Tearing her eyes from them, Nygel turned to the others who were still creeping closer and shouted, “Alright, form a line. You know the drill, it'll be just like on the Ark: you get your share, and then move along. We need to make sure there's enough here for everyone.”  
  
Lexa watched as the Sky People quickly fell in line, eyes still all on the food. Nygel moved over to Lexa, grabbing one of the bags and pulling it open in front of her. As she did so, she looked back to her people, telling them, “We'll be serving you, so don't even think about getting greedy or you won't get any.”  
  
“I'll help too,” they heard, and then their attention fell to Reese, the young girl forgotten until that moment. She carried her stick with her but then dropped it beside her as she moved to Lexa's other side, grabbing one of the bags still at her feet. She stood easily now, as though any fear she may have had earlier had left completely, and even smiled up slightly at the brunette, and Lexa allowed herself to return the smile, even if it was just a small quirk of her lips. The Commander looked back to her people and called, “ _Sheine, Shet: you will help us serve as well. Jaks, continue to sort out the furs and other supplies_.” They all nodded, moving to take on the task she had set for them, and soon the line of Sky People was moving forward and the five of them were handing out food from the bag each held.  
  
Many of the Sky People placed the food they were given in their shirts, holding them out like pouches, and Lexa silently berated herself for not bringing plates, even though there were far too many Sky People for them to have been able to do so. Still, these people did not seem to mind the lack of plates, more than happy just to accept the food they were given, some even giving her nods or whispering quiet “Thank you”s as they passed. As they did, Lexa studied their faces, taking in the details of each, and all of the details told her the same thing: these people were all slowly dying, the winter killing them. She handed out the food, and as her bag began to get lighter, she knew that they were going to need much, much more to be able to successfully help them. For the moment however, there would be enough, and each could have what was probably their first full meal in weeks.  
  
After everyone out there had been given food, Lexa looked back at Jax. He had arranged the bags they had brought with clothes and furs out, and Lexa scanned them quickly. It was all they had been able to easily bring, but it wouldn't be enough for all of the people here. Eyes moving up, she saw Jax already watching her, and she informed him, “ _Get ready to leave for a hunt, but do not go until I tell you to_.” He nodded, and then moved back over to his horse to follow her order, pulling his bow from where it had been attached to his saddle. The brunette then turned to Nygel, the woman still standing next to her and watching her, and she asked, “How many more of your people are there?”  
  
The woman gestured to the building with her chin before saying, “Just the sick and Callie are left: everyone else got food.”  
  
“Good,” Lexa replied, and then grabbed the bag that Shet had been serving out of, finding there to be far fewer berries in it than there had been just a few minutes ago. She turned back to the woman, easily holding the two bags in her arms, and said, “We will take what is left of the food to them, and any that remains once they have eaten should be stored inside.” Nygel nodded, moving to collect the other bags, and as she did so Lexa allowed her focus to shift back to her own people, all who were watching her. “ _Prepare to ride_ ,” she informed them in Trigedasleng. “ _Once I have finished inside, we will ride to meet Luna. Prepare Teigon's horse as well_.” They all nodded, and as soon as they had moved to follow her orders she looked back at Nygel. The woman was waiting for her, a look still in her eyes that told Lexa she didn't fully trust her yet, but when the young leader nodded to her she returned the gesture and then led the way towards the building. Lexa followed, feeling both the eyes of her own people and the eyes of the Sky People on her as she walked up the steps and then disappeared through the doorway.  
  
As they walked forward, their footsteps rang out softly, reminding Lexa of the mountain, but she pushed the thought away. Her eyes scanned around her as she moved, seeing snow on the floor around them for a short ways before it turned into a dirty cement floor. The walls along the inside looked much the same as they had on the outside, and there were some places where the high ceiling had caved in long ago, piles of rubble on the floor as the holes remained open above them. None of it was surprising to the brunette: this was the way it was with most buildings, and even in Polis it was common to walk by or enter a building that had holes in its walls or roof, though in her city at least many of those holes had been patched up over the years. They walked by a few rooms, fire pits in the center of them with a fire going even with no one in them, and it was these rooms that appeared to be whole. Each room had shelves lining the walls, but they didn't stop so that Lexa could explore what sat on them. Finally they came to another room, this one with a door to it, and Nygel reached forward, pushing the door open.  
  
More shelves stood in this room, books lining them, but it wasn't the shelves that Lexa looked at: instead her focus shifted immediately to the people laying on the floor, all shivering even as a large fire roared in the center of the room. She saw Callie and Ryder standing to the side, her brow drawn as she looked in front of her while Ryder simply watched the other two work, his stance easy but ever-prepared, and then the Commander's eyes shifted to Clarke and Taigon. They each knelt beside one of the people on the floor, each holding a make-shift cup to the person's lips. Lexa could hear them both murmuring quietly, trying to get the sick people to drink whatever it was in the cups, but could see they were having limited success. Neither stopped though, gently forcing a jaw open if it was needed, and neither turned away from their work until they had gone to each of the seven people lying there. Only once they'd seen to everyone did Clarke look up, her gaze going straight to Lexa. Quickly she stood up from her spot on the floor and moved to the brunette, eyes falling to the bags she and Nygel still held.  
  
“We have brought what is left of the food,” Lexa informed her, eyes not straying from the other girl's face. Clarke looked into the bags, seeing the different kinds of food, and frowned before she looked back at the people on the floor.  
  
“I'm not sure if they'll be able to eat much of this,” she murmured, the worry as obvious in her voice as it was along her brow. “They're all too weak.”  
  
“Perhaps if we mash up the berries,” Taigon suggested, moving up behind Clarke and looking into the bag that held the rest of the berries. Clarke turned to look at him and he shrugged slightly, saying, “It will not be much, but it is probably the best we can do. If they can keep down the berries, it might give them more strength so that they may later eat more.”  
  
Clarke seemed to be thinking it over, her brow still pulled down in worry, but finally she nodded, saying, “It's as good an idea as any, right now.” She turned back around to look at the sick lying near the fire, and noticed Callie kneeling next to one of them. “Callie,” she called to the woman, and she looked up at her. “Come eat. You don't need to get sick too.”  
  
Lexa turned to Nygel, meeting her look as she added, “You too should eat.” Nygel made no attempt to argue, instead just going through the bags and serving both herself and the other woman the same amount she had allowed everyone else to have. They two sat down and began eating, and though they both tried not to show it, the food was obviously a very welcome relief that neither had had much of recently.  
  
As the two woman ate, Lexa looked back to Clarke and Taigon and gestured for them to follow her. They did, and Lexa led them to the other end of the room where neither of the two women nor any of the sick would be able to hear them. Passing Ryder, Lexa nodded to him and he returned the gesture, not choosing to follow. From where he stood she knew he had the best view of the entire room, and wasn't likely to move from the spot unless specifically told. As she reached the far side of the room, Lexa's eyes fell to the seven bodies on the floor, quickly looking over them.  
  
“What are they sick with?” she asked quietly. Her gaze ended on the youngest, a little girl who looked barely old enough to be speaking in complete sentences, her body wrapped tightly in the arms of another woman. Both figures shivered against the light blankets over them.  
  
Clarke's brow pulled down even further as she answered just as quietly, “I think it's a flu. A bad one. The problem is they're all so weak their immune systems don't seem to be able to fight it off. All of them have fevers, most of them have bad coughs, and Callie said a few of them have been physically sick. If we can't boost their immune systems, get them strong enough to fight the sickness off, then they could die.”  
  
Lexa looked over to Taigon, her brother easily meeting her eyes as she asked him, “What you brought, will it help them?”  
  
He shrugged, the worry as clear on his face as it was on Clarke's.  
  
“Maybe,” he replied, “Some of them, at least. I have herbs for the coughs, some for the heat of their fever, but I do not know if I have enough for all of them, and there is other herbs that may work better, I just do not have them here.”  
  
The Commander frowned, but nodded. They had brought what they could for supplies, but little of it would actually help these people to survive. She looked at both of them, voice still soft as she informed them, “I must go see Luna.” Shifting to look solely at Clarke she explained, “I cannot be this close to her and my people without going to check on them. She asked for my help with your people, and so I must make sure she knows we are here. I will see if there is any way that she can help as well.” She paused for a minute, making sure she had Clarke's full attention as she added, “I will not force her to, however. I do not know how her people are on supplies: I will not force her to give up whatever she may have for those who are not our people.”  
  
The blonde nodded, not breaking eye contact as she told her, “I understand, Lexa. If she can give us anything, then that'll be great, but I don't expect you or her to give up supplies she needs for her own people.” Lexa's lips curled up just slightly, and Clarke matched the small smile. The Commander's smile fell, however, when she turned to her brother and informed him, “You are coming with us to Luna's village.”  
  
Taigon scowled, his tone hard as he growled, “No. No, you brought me here as a healer, and this is where I am needed. These people need my help; I am not leaving.”  
  
Lexa matched his scowl, her voice low as she told him, “You are coming with me: I am not leaving you here with people I do not know I can trust.”  
  
He opened his mouth to argue some more, but Clarke's hand suddenly on his arm stopped him. He turned to the blonde, the scowl on his face only falling away some as he met her look.  
  
“Taigon, go with her please,” the Sky leader said, and he glared at her. She met his glare, raising her eyebrows as she added, “If Luna has supplies that she's willing to spare, what we need most is medicine, and you know the right herbs to get.” Letting a small grin grow on her lips, she gestured slightly towards his sister, telling him, “You know she would have no idea what to look for. You would be going as a healer, not as the Commander's brother.”  
  
He studied her for a second before letting out a long sigh. His eyes closed briefly, and when they opened again they fell straight to the blonde's. “Fine,” he finally agreed, “I will go.” He shook his head then, looking between the two of them, and muttered, “You two really are meant for each other.” His eyes ended up on his sister and he rolled them, telling her, “I will go wait like a good soldier with the warriors.” She returned his eye roll, her lips turning up in a small smile, and he returned the smile before walking away, quickly leaving the room. As he walked by, Ryder turned to follow him, knowing without being told that he was to stay close to the healer while they were around the many possible enemies.  
  
Once he had left them, Lexa turned her full attention back to Clarke. “Thank you,” she murmured sincerely, knowing it was mostly her words that had kept her brother from putting up any more of an argument. The blonde just gave her a smile, telling her, “Hey, I meant what I said: you would have no idea what medicine was needed.” Lexa fought herself to keep her smile from growing or from rolling her eyes once again. Clarke saw the smile though, her own growing, before she added quietly, “I know you have Commander things you have to do, but come back as soon as you can, okay? Even if you can't get any supplies from Luna, I could use your help.”  
  
Lexa nodded, her smile falling away, becoming serious immediately as she replied, “Of course, Clarke.” Eyes darting back over the other people in the room, she informed her, “Jax will not be coming with us: he will be going out on a hunt, and with any luck he will be able to bring something in so that there is more food.” Her eyes moved back to Clarke's, easily meeting them. “I will also be leaving Ryder here with you.”  
  
“No,” Clarke argued quickly, shaking her head. “No, he can't stay here with me.” Lexa raised her eyebrows, the look in her eyes telling Clarke she could argue all she wanted but it wasn't going to change her mind, and the blonde sighed. “Lexa, I need these people to trust me, and having a big muscular warrior following me everywhere I go is not going to help with that.”  
  
“I do not trust these people, Clarke,” Lexa replied, her tone hard. “They may be Skaikru, but they do not know you as their leader yet. You may not be safe here: Ryder will ensure that you are.”  
  
The blonde took a step forward, closing some of the distance between them, and murmured quickly, “Lexa, I know you're just trying to keep me safe, I get that, but this time I need you to not worry about my safety so much. Leaving one of your warriors with me isn't going to help me establish myself with these people, and it's definitely not going to get them to trust me.” Lexa grit her jaw together, knowing that the blonde had a point, but still not liking what she was saying. The blonde didn't look away from her though, adding, “You think I'm a leader: let me be a leader to my people.”  
  
“They do not know they are your people, Clarke,” Lexa argued, but the younger girl could hear the edge to her tone falling away. Knowing that the brunette was on the verge of giving in, Clarke just shrugged.  
  
“One of your warriors following me around isn't really going to help with that,” she replied, and she just smiled slightly at the other girl's glare. “Besides, if something does happen, I'll have both my knife and my sword. Remember, I do know how to defend myself now: I had a pretty good teacher.” Her smile grew as she noticed the tug on the corners of the other girl's lips, obviously trying to hold back a smile. “If you really want to leave Ryder behind, have him go hunting with Jax: that way there will be a better chance that they'll get something, and maybe even something big enough for everyone.”  
  
Lexa wanted to argue more, wanted to insist she had a warrior with her, but in the end she just had to nod, giving in. All of Clarke's points were valid, each of her words making sense. Before she dropped the matter entirely however, she had to tell the other girl, “Make sure you have your gun as well.”  
  
Clarke's eyebrows rose, one corner of her mouth pulling up a little further as she said, “Wow, the gun too? You really want me to be armed.”  
  
“I want you to be safe,” Lexa insisted, eyes boring into the blonde's. “I will be very unhappy if I return and anything has happened to you.”  
  
Clarke's smile softened and she only just managed to keep herself from reaching out for the other girl, remembering that they were not alone in the room. Instead she just murmured quietly, “I'll be safe, Lexa.” The brunette closed her eyes, letting out a long, silent sigh, and then when they opened again, she simply nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a little bit of inquiry as to whether I'm going to keep working on this story now that season 3 has started (THE PREMIERE WAS SO GOOD AND I'M SO READY FOR TOMORROW'S EPISODE!), and I just wanted to assure anyone wondering that yes, I will most definitely be continuing with this story. Obviously it won't have anything to do with the actual third season, though if there are lines or themes from the season that fits into the story line I already have mapped out, then I'll probably add them in. Other than that, there probably won't be any cross over. Also, as a bonus, I'm uploading the next chapter as well. I wrote this and the next one all together, but it was a little long and easily divided into two, so you get double the update tonight. So anyway, I hope you enjoy!


	14. Chapter 14

Clarke followed Lexa out to see her and the Grounders off, watching as first Jax and Ryder rode off for their hunt, and then the Commander and the rest of her people left in the opposite direction, and as she watched them disappear through the trees, her heart beat a little more heavily in her chest. She hoped that Luna would have a few supplies she'd be willing to give them, but really she just wanted both Lexa and Taigon back already. Lexa was a constant comfort whenever she was around, and with seven people in varying states of sickness, having Taigon for an extra pair of hands would have been helpful. For the moment she would have to make due on her own though, so she allowed herself to push away thoughts of the Grounders as she slung her sword across her back. She had already made sure her knife was securely attached to her belt, and simply to humor Lexa, had even taken the gun she hadn't touched in months out of her pack, tucking it into the back of her pants where it would be out of the way but within reach if she needed it. Once armed, she stepped forward and began to pick up the bags they had left behind, the most important being the small bag of herbs and other medicines Taigon had shown her during their traveling together.  
  
Before she could grab a second bag that held a few fur blankets in it, Callie stepped forward, quickly picking it up and then giving her a smile. Nygel still stood with them also, her eyes remaining focused on the spot where the horses and riders had disappeared from just a moment ago, until others stepped up, many trying to go through the bags to see what had been left.  
  
“Hey, step back,” she hollered, attention drawn to them immediately. “We'll divvy up what's here, and those most in need will get first dibs.”  
  
As the crowd began to grumble but stepped back, Clarke watched as Callie's grin widened. Turning to the other woman, she told her, “Careful Nygel, you're starting to sound like you belong on the Council back on the Ark.” The other woman held her head up high and then simply flipped her off, only making her laugh. Dark eyes moving over to the blonde watching her, she lowered her finger and muttered, “No offense to your mother.”  
  
Clarke shook her head, holding up a hand as she replied, “None taken. I get it.”  
  
At the mention of Abby, Callie's gaze softened, her eyes moving back over to Clarke. “Your mother, she's really alright?” she asked, and her care and worry were clear in her voice. Clarke had to push past her own sudden worry, throat going a little dry before she managed to shrug and get out, “Last I knew she was alright. Alive, at least.”  
  
A frown appeared on the other woman's face, her brow pulling down in confusion as she asked, “Last you knew? What does that mean?”  
  
The blonde sighed, gently shrugging the bag she carried over her shoulder and began to walk back towards the steps to the building, needing to get back to the sick. Callie followed her, her own bag still in her hands, but she didn't take her confused look away from the blonde. Trying to think exactly what to tell her, Clarke's eyes darted around a bit, seeing Reese standing off to the side and looking at her, stick once again in hand. She gave the little girl a small smile, but she just looked away, moving to help Nygel divide up the supplies they had left. Not thinking anything of it, Clarke looked back to her mother's best friend and gave her a shrug.  
  
As she walked up the steps she said quietly, “I haven't seen my mother in a couple months. I haven't really seen any of them in a couple of months.” She saw the other woman open her mouth to say something but she cut off the obvious question. “I did something,” she informed her, brow turning down as her thoughts drifted back to Mount Weather. Her gaze shifted to look ahead of her, not wanting to see the other woman's face as she spoke. “Something that I had to do, something that I didn't really have much of a choice with, but what I did... It wasn't good. It was...” She sighed. “Just really, really not good.” She had to pause for a moment, had to swallow against the tightness that had closed around her throat before she could continue. “Because of that, I couldn't go back. I just couldn't... I couldn't look at them all. They were all just... just reminders of what I had done. So I left, and I haven't been back since. I haven't seen any Sky Person since the Commander found me and told me about you.”  
  
“Sky Person?” Callie asked, knowing better than to try to get any more information about what Clarke clearly had no desire to talk about. The girl looked back at her, giving her a small smile as she replied easily, “Us. The Arkers. Those of us who fell out of the sky. It's what the Grounders call us. Skaikru.” The older woman just nodded, and Clarke could practically see the thoughts swirling in her head, but she kept those thoughts to herself.  
  
They walked together until they had once again reached the room where the sick still lay inside, but before Callie could go in Clarke grabbed her arm.  
  
“Hold on,” she said, seeing the confused look the older woman once again directed at her. “I don't want you to go in there.”  
  
Callie's brow pulled down even further as she asked, “Why not?”  
  
“I don't want _any_ of you to go in there,” Clarke clarified, needing her to understand it wasn't just her. “Those people are all really sick, and they got that way because of their weak immune systems. You and the rest of the survivors of Tesla Station can't be doing much better. You've barely eaten, and your body doesn't have the energy to fight off the sickness if you catch it. I don't want any of you going in there, not until they're all feeling better at least.” She met Callie's eyes, adding, “We can't risk any more people getting sick: there's already too little medicine, and these people obviously look to you, so we really can't have you getting sick.”  
  
“And what about you?” she asked, raising her eyebrows, “What if you get sick? You can't take care of all of them alone.”  
  
“I have a better chance of fighting off the illness,” the blonde replied with a shrug. “My system hasn't been weakened by hunger. And once Taigon gets back he'll be able to help me. I should only be on my own for a day or two; I can handle that.”  
  
Callie seemed to be thinking it over, her worry made clear by the turn of her lips, but then she just sighed, shaking her head. “You're right,” she finally admitted, and then met Clarke's eyes with a little smile. “You're just like your mother, do you know that?”  
  
The words were supposed to be encouraging, and in many ways they were, but in other ways she was just reminded of the decisions they had each made that made them so alike. She swallowed again and forced a smile, murmuring, “Yeah, I know.”  
  
With only a few more words between them, Clarke finally took the bag that Callie had been carrying and re-entered the sick room, closing the door firmly behind her. She looked at the line of people still laying on the floor, noticing immediately that while she had been gone two of them had gotten sick and none of them had stopped shivering, and felt her face set, ready to get right to work.  
  
Insisting she could handle the seven people alone may have been a bit of a hope rather than a reality: she'd never looked after this many people at once. She had been their only doctor at the dropship, sure, which meant she'd been responsible for the health of all of the delinquents, but other than the time the Grounders sent Murphy in with the blood disease, there had never been this many for her to take care of at once before. Even with the Grounders' disease, she hadn't been alone: she'd been in charge, telling everyone how to care for themselves and each other, but she'd had help seeing to the sick, even while sick herself. Now she didn't; now it was just her, and she quickly learned that one person trying to care for seven people in varying stages of poor health was more than just a little draining.  
  
Before doing anything else, she quickly went through the two bags she'd carried in, finding what she had to help her. Taigon had explained what the different medicines helped with, and she had some that would be helpful if she could get her patients to keep it down, but it had been hard enough just to get them to drink the first bit of tea Taigon had brewed for them. Seeing the pot he had used for it still sitting next to the fire, she quickly grabbed it and a second pot that laid tucked into the bag with the few furs, and quickly took them back outside, filling them with snow. Once back in the sick room, she place both next to the fire, adding more herbs to one and leaving the second as just water. While the snow melted, she removed the furs from the bag, shaking them out. There were three of them, and she immediately decided to divide the seven people into groups, splitting them up by degree of sickness. With whispers of encouragement and a little poking and prodding, she managed to get them all to move, until the two who seemed to be in the best shape laid together beneath one fur, the two who were worse but not yet getting physically sick beneath the second, and the other three beneath the last. Beneath this last fur laid an old man, far older than any of the others in the room, and the young girl who Callie had told her was only three years old. These two were the weakest, the ones who had been unable to keep their tea down while she had been gone, and when she tried to get either of them to look at her she noticed their eyes couldn't focus. The last of the three held tightly to the little girl, and even though she wasn't as sick as they were she refused to let go. She was the girl's mother, and the grip on her daughter and tone of her voice when she growled at Clarke told the blonde in no uncertain terms that she wasn't leaving her. Finally Clarke gave up trying to argue with her and just hoped being so close to them wouldn't get her even sicker.  
  
Once they were split up and all lying beneath the furs, Clarke took one of the blankets they had been using and used her knife to cut it into strips. The cloth was thin, already well-worn, and came apart easily. Carefully dunking the strips into the pot of water she had taken away from the fire once the snow had all melted, she rung them out, and then placed them along each person's forehead, easily feeling the heat from their fevers radiating from their skin. When she finished she noticed that the water with the herbs in it had begun to boil, and carefully began pouring the tea into the cups Taigon had taken out of his pack when they first entered the room, and once each had cooled enough, she set to work trying to get each patient to drink the tea. Some took it easily, the drink a welcome relief to parched throats, but others Clarke had to force to finish the drink.  
  
She spent hours in that room, mashing berries and trying to get them to eat, re-brewing tea with different herbs in the hopes of attacking each part of their sicknesses, wiping sweaty brows with cool cloths. The only times she left were when she needed more wood for the fire or more water in either pot. As she walked through the building she often passed by Callie or Nygel or both of them, sometimes giving them updates when she had them, other times simply nodding to them, and then she would hurry back to the room. One time as she was re-entering with an armful of wood she heard the older man begin to cough, and she dropped the wood, making it to him just in time to turn him on his side before he vomited on either himself or the woman lying next to him. Clarke did her best to clean both him and the mess up, but the smell of vomit mixed with the smell of the sweat coming from all of them, and she had to swallow thickly in order to keep her own stomach under control.  
  
With every log she put on the fire, the temperature in the room grew, until she had stripped out of her jacket as well as her long-sleeve shirt, wearing just a tank top. She felt her hair sticking to her skin as she moved, but hoped the heat would help them to sweat the sickness out, and for a few of them it seemed to be working. The more time went by and the more tea she managed to get them to drink, the more aware a few of them became. They all slept, for the most part fitfully, but in the few minutes when one would wake, she would try to talk to them, to see how lucid they were. She could tell that few knew what was really going on around them or who she was, but as it got later and later, she began to see improvement from at least a couple of them.  
  
The first major sign of change startled Clarke as she was brewing a new pot of tea, the herbs in this one specifically for coughs. The older man and both of the women who seemed to be doing the best had been continually coughing for at least an hour now, and she was trying to get them something to help with it when she heard a voice behind her ask roughly, “Who are you?”  
  
Jumping a little bit, the blonde turned, seeing a guy around her own age sitting up, the fur falling down his chest to show that he had been sweating so much his shirt was actually sticking to him. His voice cracked when he spoke, and she noticed him wince when she turned, either due to the sound or a sore throat. Whichever it was, she grabbed one of the cups that had tea from her last brew still in it, and brought it over to him.  
  
Kneeling down next to him she murmured softly, “Shh. It's okay, I'm just here to help you. Here, drink this.” He took it, eyes clouded but alert, and looked at her suspiciously even as he drank it. As soon as the drink hit his tongue he closed his eyes, moaning slightly as the cool liquid relieved his sore throat. Clarke smiled at him, and took the cup as he handed it back to her. “Good. And to answer your question, my name's Clarke. I'm from the Ark too.”  
  
His eyes widened, shock obvious, as he gasped, “There were other survivors?” He coughed then, his words getting stuck in his throat, and he felt her gently rub his back.  
  
“Shh,” she repeated, smiling at him kindly. “You don't want to get over-excited: your body really can't take that right now. But yes, there are other survivors. I'm actually one of the original hundred that were sent down to see if Earth was survivable. But some of the other stations survived also.” She saw the awe in his eyes as he looked at her again, and asked him, “What's your name?”  
  
“Orion,” he replied, and noticed the quirk of the blonde's lips, making him roll his eyes. “Yeah yeah, I know, even in space my mom was a star freak.”  
  
Clarke just let herself grin at him before she told him, “I like it.” The grin fell slightly, eyes moving over him before she asked slowly, “Do you think you can handle a little food, Orion?”  
  
Again, his eyes widened as he exclaimed, “There's food?!” She nodded, the corners of her mouth pulling up again, and he told her, “I'll eat the food even if it kills me.”  
  
“I wouldn't offer it to you if I thought it would,” Clarke informed him with a grin, moving to where the few food pouches had been placed against the wall. She dug through them, taking out what she thought would be easiest on his stomach, and carried the berries and vegetables over to him. His eyes just widened more and he reached out for them, but before he could get them Clarke pulled back a little, meeting his eyes and telling him seriously, “Eat slowly. You're body has been through a lot, and if you eat too quickly it'll most likely just try to expel the food.” He nodded, and she finally handed him the food, watching him carefully as he began to eat. After a moment of studying him and deciding that for the moment at least, his body was going to accept the nourishment, she moved back over to the pot, continuing her work with the tea.  
  
She was kneeling by the little girl, both her mother and herself sleeping fitfully, and trying to get her to drink some of the tea between sudden bouts of coughing, before Orion spoke again.  
  
“She's not doing well, is she?” she heard him ask quietly, and when she looked up she saw him looking at the little girl sadly.  
  
Clarke looked down at her as well, easily seeing the flush of her skin, hearing her labored breathing when her coughing managed to stop, and had to bite her lip. Finally she answered carefully, “She isn't responding to the medicine like I hoped she would.” Her eyes darted up when she heard him let out a small, humorless laugh.  
  
“Hope,” he simply said, “That's her name. Her mother's Grace. We always joked, you know, while we were traveling, we joked that we'd be fine since we have Hope and Grace with us. With everything, none of us really thought that the three year old would live this long on the ground, not when we lost so many others, but somehow she made it. She survived the crash, the desert, everything so far, when no one really thought she would. And now...”  
  
“She's going to be fine,” Clarke told him, meeting his look. “She'll survive this too.” He looked like he didn't fully believe her, but he didn't try to argue with her either. She closed her eyes, fighting against a fear that had gripped her chest, and pushed it aside. When her eyes opened she once again met his. “You should get some more sleep,” she informed him, “You need the rest so that you can get better too.” His eyes fell down to the little girl she still knelt beside, but then nodded, pulling the fur back over him as he laid down and closed his eyes.  
  
For hours more, Clarke continued to go through her motions, having no idea what time it was or how much time had gone by. There were no holes in the walls or roof of this room, no windows to the outside, so it was only when she went outside for wood or snow that she was able to get a sense of the time. Even when it had turned pitch black out and had clearly been pitch black for a while, Clarke didn't stop. She kept the fire going, kept the tea brewing, kept the cloths along their foreheads cool. Two more people woke up and were able to legibly talk to her, both women around her mother's age, but after she got more tea and some food into them they too fell back asleep.  
  
Her own eyelids were beginning to get heavy when she suddenly heard a loud knock on the door of the room. Pulling herself to her feet and away from the fire, she hurried to the door, opening it to find Callie on the other side. The older woman's eyes quickly swept over her, but rather than say anything about her appearance she just said, “I thought you should know, the hunting party the Commander sent out is back.”  
  
Clarke's eyes widened, relief flooding her even as she asked, “Did they get anything?” Callie nodded, her own relief obvious as her lips twitched up, telling her, “They're carrying a good sized deer on one of their horses.” The blonde smiled, her lips easily pulling up at the words, and she turned around, taking a quick look at her patients. They were all sleeping at the moment, and for once none of them were coughing, so the young leader stepped out into the hall, gently closing the door behind her.  
  
She led the way down the hall, Callie easily keeping up with her, and in just a matter of moments she was walking back out into the trees, the cold air of the gray morning immediately hitting her bare arms, but she was too excited by the prospect of food to notice. Not far from the building's entrance she saw Jax and Ryder pulling the carcass of a deer from the back of one of the horses, and quickly ran down the steps to greet them. The healthy survivors of Tesla Station were already starting to crowd around the two Grounders, their excitement over the thought of more food clearly winning over their suspicions of these strange people. Clarke would have pushed her way through, but the moment they noticed her, they stepped aside, clearing a path for her. She wasn't sure if they did so because they were also suspicious of her or if they meant it in a respectful way, but she wasn't going to think about that too much at the moment.  
  
“ _Raider, Jaks_ ,” she greeted in Trigedasleng, seeing the people behind her shift at her use of the strange language out of the corners of her eyes, “ _Welcome back. I am happy to see you had a good hunt. Thank you_.”  
  
They both nodded to her, but it was Ryder who replied, “Sha, Wanheda.” His eyes scanned the growing crowd behind her, easily seeing the way they all looked hungrily at the deer, and he looked back at her, saying, “We will skin and gut it, and then we will prepare the meat.” She gave him a smile, hoping they both saw how grateful she was as she told them again, “Thank you.”  
  
They turned to find a place to begin the work of preparing the deer, but stopped when Nygel stepped out of the crowd, taking a few steps towards them. Ryder's eyes flickered to the strange woman first and then over to the Wanheda, but the blonde seemed to be unaware of what was going on as well. Eyes moving back to the one called Nygel, he listened as she informed them, “I'll help you.” His eyes moved back to the Wanheda, and it was only once she had nodded slightly that he once again met the woman's eyes, giving her his own nod. Without anymore interruptions, the three walked a little ways into the woods, far enough away so that the mess of their work would not stain the ground near the Sky People's camp.  
  
Clarke watched them go, surprised by Nygel's offer to help, but happy that she had made it. If she could trust the Grounders, maybe it would help convince the rest of the Tesla Station survivors to do so as well, and that would just make everything easier.  
  
Pushing the thoughts to the side for the time being, Clarke turned to Callie who had moved over to her, and said, “I'm going back to the sick: could you let me know when the food's ready? I think some of them might be able to keep a little meat down.” The older woman nodded, and with a thanks Clarke turned away, once again disappearing into the building and shutting herself away with the seven sick.  
  
With the arrival of Ryder and Jax and the prize of their hunt, Clarke's spirits lifted, but she was no less busy. Inside the sick room once again, she quickly fell back into the routine of going from one person to another, wiping away sweat, force-feeding them medicinal tea, and cleaning up after them whenever one of them got sick. The physical sickness lessened as the day went on, even from the two sickest of them, but for both the older man, whose name she learned was Kender when Orion woke up again, and Hope, their coughs just continued to get worse. Clarke couldn't wipe the worry from her face as she looked at them, and that worry was mirrored on Grace's face as the mother met her eyes while she tried to get Hope to drink more of the tea.  
  
“Save her,” the mother pleaded, her eyes a little wild as she caught the blonde's gaze. “Don't let my little girl die.”  
  
“I'm going to do everything I possibly can,” Clarke promised, and she watched as Grace licked cracked lips and then nodded. She felt a tug at her chest, a fear she didn't want to put words to pulling at her, and forcefully pushed it away. She refused to think about the fact that the last pot of tea she had made had the last of the fever-reducing herbs in it, and that the herbs to help with their coughs was getting seriously low as well.  
  
Hours after Callie had knocked on the door with the food Clarke had asked for, there was another knock, the same woman standing there when the blonde opened the door. When Clarke met her eyes, they were wide with awe and excitement and maybe a little bit of uncertainty, and Clarke just looked at her curiously.  
  
“Commander Lexa,” the woman breathed, and before she even said anything else Clarke's breath had gotten caught in her throat. “She's back. And... Clarke, you have to see it!”  
  
With barely a look back into the room, Clarke pulled the door shut behind her, and all but ran down the hallway, not entirely caring that Callie was many steps behind her. The moment she stepped out on the front steps, her jaw dropped, eyes growing wide at the sight before her.  
  
Her gaze was immediately drawn to Lexa, of course, the Commander standing regally beside her horse and watching as people clearly followed her orders around her, but the activity forced Clarke to look away and take in everything else. They hadn't returned alone: Clarke looked out, seeing a number of Grounders she had never seen before walking around, carrying sacks full of supplies, and Nygel and a number of other Arkers moved with them, helping them to go through the supplies and divide everything up so that it could all be stored correctly. The sacks were being pulled out of a large wagon, the wagon hitched to a horse that hadn't traveled with them earlier, and Clarke watched as Shayne stood inside it, speaking in Trigedasleng with the other Grounders as she carefully tossed the many bags to those standing nearby to catch them. Taigon was also standing in the wagon, slinging a couple of bags over his shoulders, and when he stood up his gaze moved to Clarke still standing on the steps, and grinned. He gestured for her to come over, his eyes moving over to Lexa, and Clarke followed the look. The Commander still stood where she had been when Clarke had first emerged from the building, but now another woman stood with her, the two quietly talking as people moved around them.  
  
Unable to pull her eyes away from the motion around her, Clarke quickly moved down the stairs, eyes still wide. She approached Lexa and the other woman, her movement drawing green eyes to her. She saw amusement there, and noticed the way the corners of Lexa's lips turned up just slightly at her shocked expression.  
  
“Clarke,” she stated, drawing the other woman's attention to the approaching Sky girl. The woman turned, eyes quickly meeting the blonde's, and Clarke noticed that there seemed to be amusement in her eyes as well. When she finally reached them, Lexa nodded to the woman, saying, “Clarke, this is Luna, the leader of the Boat People.” Turning to Luna, she added, “Luna, this is Clarke, leader to the Skaikru.”  
  
“I have heard many things of you, Klark kom Skaikru,” Luna told her, her voice soft. “It is an honor to meet you.”  
  
“It's an honor to meet you, Luna kom Floukru,” Clarke replied, smiling, and then her gaze turned back to the movement around her and she asked breathlessly, “What's all this?”  
  
A corner of Lexa's lips turned up, not taking her eyes from the younger girl's face as she informed her, “When I spoke with Luna of your people's situation, she was very generous. She offered all of these supplies in the hopes they would help.”  
  
Clarke turned to the older woman, unable to say anything for a moment, and she simply smiled, telling her, “It is my way to show my wish for our alliance to remain strong.” The blonde returned the smile with a genuine one of her own, saying, “It is my wish that our alliance will stay strong too.” She looked around again, overwhelmed by the amount of supplies being removed from the wagon, and then met her eyes once again. “Thank you. Really, just... Thank you so much.” Luna merely nodded, accepting the thanks without another word.  
  
As they finished talking, Taigon walked up to them, eyes falling to Clarke as he asked a bit anxiously, “How are the sick?” Brow pulling down at the reminder of the seven people she had left inside, she met his look and replied quietly, “Some of them are doing better, I think. I've been able to get most of them to eat something, and their fevers seem to have gone down, but there's a couple of them who seem to be getting worse, and I'm almost out of herbs for them.”  
  
He shifted, letting one of the bags slung over his shoulder swing into view as he told her, “We have more herbs now, thanks to Luna. We will do all we can for them.”  
  
Clarke nodded before turning back to the Commander and the leader of the Floukru.  
  
“I have to get back to the sick,” she informed them, something like an apology in her tone. “But thank you, again, these supplies are an amazing gift. I won't forget what you've done for us.”  
  
Luna's smile only grew, her head lowering slightly as she told the young leader, “None of us forget what has been done.” She held the blonde's gaze for a moment before she nodded towards the building. “Go, see to your sick.”  
  
Just before she turned away, Lexa met her eyes, telling her quietly, “Once everything is seen to out here, I will join you inside, to make sure you have all you need.” She saw the blonde give her a small smile, and then she turned completely, Taigon following her as they once again moved into the building of the Skaikru.  
  
“ _So that is the Commander of Death_ ,” Luna murmured, her eyes trailing after the blonde as well. “ _The stories do not do her justice_.”  
  
The Commander turned to her, an eyebrow raised as she asked, “ _What do you mean_?”  
  
“ _The tales say she has the power of Death walking among us_ ,” Luna replied easily, still focused on the building the girl had just disappeared in. “ _I would disagree_.” She turned then, meeting her Commander's look. “ _It is in her eyes_ ,” she informed her, “ _There is a strength there that death alone does not have_.” The Commander didn't know what to say to that, and just allowed her own gaze to fall back to the building the blonde had just gone inside, Luna's words echoing in her mind. 

***

For perhaps an hour, Lexa helped both her people and Clarke's go through the supplies Luna had given them, working alongside everyone else to make sure it was all stored properly. The moment it was pulled out from the wagon, they placed the large pot they had been given over the fire going in the largest room inside the building, melting snow down before dumping vegetables and a good portion of the deer Jax and Ryder had brought back into it. One of the Sky People sat beside it, stirring the soup so that it all cooked evenly, and within a few short hours its scent had spread throughout their camp, causing a number of stomachs to grumble. While they waited for the meal to be ready, Lexa helped Callie and one of Luna's people go through the clothing that had been given to them, deciding who needed what. She looked up from her chore every now and then, seeing Grounder and Sky Person working together, the suspicions from both sides sliding away as they all worked together to bring life back into the camp, and had to stop herself from grinning. This was a dream she had long since stopped dreaming, the idea that the two people could truly live in peace and work as one, and though she knew that it wouldn't last, for the moment she allowed the joy at the sight of it all to warm her heart.  
  
When the soup was ready, they all gathered around, the woman who had been stirring it carefully serving it out as everyone stepped up with the bowls Luna had provided them. All work stopped, and Lexa watched as the two people sat together to share the meal, a comfortable quiet settling around them all. Some of the Skaikru talked with one another, some Grounders talked with each other, and here and there she saw some of the two people trying to speak together, their language barrier being the only thing holding them back. She saw Shayne sitting with the girl Reese and a couple of the other children of the Skaikru, and when she looked at the small group she caught Reese's eye. The girl blushed, caught watching her, but then gave her a little smile, and Lexa returned it.  
  
Once they had finished eating, Luna gathered up her people, preparing to leave, and Lexa walked out with her to their horses. She stopped when the other woman did, watching as she looked back to the Skaikru camp.  
  
“You will come and see us again, Heda?” she asked, and Lexa nodded.  
  
“Sha,” she answered, “Once it has calmed down here, I will return and we will talk. We will set up the trading route so that the Floukru and Trikru can trade goods easily, now that it is safe to do so. When I return to Polis, I will gather the first load of supplies to send to you. As my thanks.”  
  
“You do not have to, Heda,” Luna replied, a smile pulling at her lips even as she spoke. “I did not do this for your supplies.”  
  
“I know,” Lexa informed her quietly, “But I will still send them.”  
  
Luna met her look, seeing the stubborn set of her brow, and allowed her smile to grow even as she shook her head. “Sha, Heda,” she simply said, grabbing onto the reins of the horse that one of her people led to her and drawing the beast closer. Quickly she mounted up, hearing her people follow her, and then she looked back at the young woman still on the ground looking up at her. “Be well, Heda,” she told her, pulling lightly at her reins to get her horse to turn. “I will see you soon.”  
  
“Be well, Luna,” Lexa replied, and with a final nod, the older woman gently kicked at her horse's sides and Lexa stood back to watch as the small group of her people rode out, disappearing into the growing darkness of the trees.  
  
After a moment, Lexa moved back inside to join the Skaikru and her own people who remained, and nodded to the two warriors and hunter.  
  
“We will bring soup to the sick,” she simply said to them and they all nodded, getting up from their spot around the fire. They grabbed more bowls, moving over to the pot that still had some soup remaining in it, and gathered enough for those in the sick room. As they turned to leave the room, Lexa caught Nygel's eye, the woman already looking at her, and after just a moment of hesitation, she saw the woman give her a nod. Allowing the smallest smile to pull at her lips, she nodded back.  
  
The sick room was not far from the room where the rest of the Sky People were, so in just a couple of minutes Lexa was pushing a door open, the sudden heat inside the room hitting her and making her immediately wish she had taken off her long-sleeved shirt before entering. Her people followed her inside, and it was only once they were all inside and the door was closed behind them that she looked forward, seeing a couple of the sick already sitting up and eying them warily. Taigon knelt beside one of them, handing them a cup of something, and he too looked at them when they entered. He smiled, and then turned, looking down the line of people.  
  
“Clarke,” he called, and Lexa's eyes followed his line of sight, finding the blonde kneeling over an elderly man, trying to get him to drink from her own cup. The blonde looked up, her focus clearly having been on her work, and looked surprised when she saw the small group standing by the door. Lexa met her eyes, one corner of her mouth turning up into a small smile as she held out the bowls she carried. “We have brought soup,” she informed the blonde, and she watched as Clarke's lips too curled into a smile.  
  
“Soup?” one of the Sky People said, his eyes immediately falling to the bowls in their hands and Lexa saw Clarke roll her eyes.  
  
“Orion, do you ever think of anything but food?” she asked him playfully, pushing herself to her feet. With another glance down at the man, she just sighed and then moved towards the Grounders, Taigon also rising from his spot on the floor.  
  
As she passed the boy who had spoken, he shot her a grin and replied, “Not usually, no.” She just shook her head, smiling slightly, and continued moving towards the Grounders.  
  
They passed out the bowls, the people who were strong enough taking it from them and beginning to eat. The only two who were not awake were the man and a young girl, and Clarke placed their bowls near the fire, hoping they would wake up soon so that she could feed them. Lexa took the only two remaining bowls from Ryder, telling him and the other two who had followed her into the room, “ _Go rest. You have all done good work today. You deserve to relax now_.” They nodded to her and then to Clarke, and then left the room, pulling the door closed behind them.  
  
Once they were gone, Lexa turned to Clarke and her brother, holding the two bowls out and raising her eyebrows at them.  
  
“Eat,” she ordered. “You will do these people no good if you yourselves are not well taken care of.” Taigon took one of the bowls, not bothering to argue, and sat, leaning up against one of the shelves in the room where he could keep an eye on the Sky People across the room. Clarke however looked worriedly over at the sick Skaikru, clearly not wishing to take a break from caring for them, but Lexa stepped into her line of sight, raising her brow further. “Eat, Clarke,” she simply repeated, and finally the blonde let out a sigh and then nodded, accepting the bowl. She sat too, her eyes falling closed for a moment as she rested her head against the books on the shelf behind her, and Lexa did not take her eyes from her as she followed the blonde to the floor.  
  
“You have not slept,” the brunette stated, not needing to ask: the truth was written across the other girl's face. Eyes opening, the younger girl looked at her sheepishly.  
  
“Not really, no,” she answered before taking her first bite of the soup, eyes falling closed again as she groaned lightly.  
  
“You have not eaten, either, I see,” Lexa added dryly, unimpressed with Clarke's care of herself. The blonde just shrugged, taking another bite before she said, “I was too busy.”  
  
“Clarke, you must take care of yourself as well as others,” she insisted, but before Clarke could reply she heard her brother let out a light snort.  
  
“Do not listen to her,” he told the blonde, looking over and meeting his sister's eyes. “She is the first to tell you to take care of yourself, but the last to follow her own words. I have seen her skip meals so that others have enough even when there is plenty, and when she has a wound it is nearly impossible to convince her to sit still long enough for it to be seen to.” The blonde chuckled, a smile pulling at her lips as she continued to eat, and Lexa shot a glare at her brother that did nothing to wipe away his own grin.  
  
“Nevertheless,” she growled lightly, still glaring at him before she turned back to Clarke and let her tone soften. “You must rest, and you must eat.”  
  
“I'm eating and I'm resting, Lexa, so don't worry about me,” the blonde told her quietly, looking at the brunette out of the corner of her eyes and giving her a small smile. Lexa could tell her that she always worried about her, but they were words the brunette knew she was already aware of.  
  
To fill the small silence that had settled, Clarke asked, “How was visiting Luna?”  
  
“It was good,” the brunette answered, giving her a small nod. “I will be going back once everything has settled down here to talk with her more. There is much that she and I have to talk about.”  
  
Lexa saw the grin pull at Taigon's lips again and was already glaring at him when he said lightly, “That is good. Maybe when you arrive Dala will have returned from her visit to Saic: I am sure she will wish to see you before you leave.” Lexa just glared at him harder, trying to ignore the way Clarke's lips had pulled up at his words and the way she looked at the brunette, eyebrows raising. “Do you wish for me to beat you as I did when we were yongons? Because I will.”  
  
His grin just grew, completely ignoring the threat as Clarke, amusement clear in her voice, asked quietly, “Who's Dala, Lexa?” Again she glared murderously at her brother before she raised her head, chin sticking out as she turned to the blonde.  
  
“Dala is Luna's daughter,” she informed the other leader. “She was the first person I ever kissed.”  
  
“What she isn't telling you,” Taigon continued, leaning towards Clarke, his grin making it all the way into his tone, “Is that Dala fell madly in love with her after that. I only met her once when she and Luna and a few other Floukru were visiting Polis, but while she was there Dala followed her around everywhere.” His eyes were bright, laughter shining in them as he added, “Lexa did all she could to avoid her while she was there.”  
  
“Aww, Lexa!” Clarke exclaimed quietly, her amusement obvious from the way her lips curled up. “You broke her heart! That's so mean!”  
  
“I was _twelve_ ,” the brunette insisted, shooting another glare at her brother. “I did not know kissing her would make her refuse to leave me alone.”  
  
“I'm surprised Luna agreed to join the coalition, after you broke her daughter's heart like that,” the younger leader joked, and Lexa turned her glare on the blonde.  
  
“I should never have allowed you two to meet,” she muttered, turning away from them slightly, but when she felt Clarke's hand on her arm, she couldn't help but look back at her. The blonde looked as though she were trying to control her smile as she asked, “Tell me Lexa, should I worry about this Dala? Maybe next time you go to Luna's village I'll have to go with you to scope out the competition.”  
  
The brunette huffed, rolling her eyes before she informed the blonde quietly, “There is no competition, Clarke. I can think of no one, especially not Dala, who can compete with you.” The blonde's eyes softened, her amusement replaced with something else that Lexa did not wish to try to name, and then she felt the blonde bump against her side lightly.  
  
“Good,” she simply said, her lips still curled up into a small smile. She looked into her soup and then just as quietly added, “No one can compete with you, either. Just so you know.” Lexa felt her heartbeat pick up in her chest, heat rising slightly to her cheeks, and had to fight against leaning into the small pressure against her side.  
  
“I am clearly in the middle of a very special moment,” Taigon mumbled from the blonde's other side, eyes darting away from them. “Perhaps I should leave you two alone.”  
  
Clarke turned to him, about to say something, but before she could their moment was shattered by a voice shouting from the other side of the room.  
  
“Hope! Hope!”  
  
Clarke's attention immediately pulled back to the room, her head quickly swinging around to see what was going on. Grace was sitting up, her daughter in her arms, and a look of absolute panic had spread across her face. “She's not breathing! She's not breathing!” the woman cried, her voice shaking violently, and the next instant Clarke was up, what remained of her soup splashing to the floor as her bowl fell from her hands. Taigon and Lexa both stood quickly as well, but as her brother ran after Clarke, Lexa just stood back, watching the scene unfold before her as pain gripped at her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, and hope you all really enjoy the new episode tomorrow! I have no doubt I will!
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations:
> 
> Yongons - Children


	15. Chapter 15

The fire crackled, flames licking up large branches, turning the cloth that covered the small body atop the pyre into char before beginning its work on the tiny form. Lexa watched, the snap and pop of the fire carrying out over the crowd gathered around it. Suddenly a louder pop sounded, and Lexa's gaze was drawn to the small cloud of embers that seemed to rise with the smoke, eyes trailing the orange lights as they floated through the air. The scent of smoke and burning hair filled her nostrils, making it difficult to breathe but she didn't cover her nose as some of the Skaikru gathered around were doing. She just stared ahead, respectfully watching as the fire did its job, consuming and putting to rest both the body and soul of the little girl who had drawn her last breath only a couple of hours ago. She watched and she listened, the soft sounds of the fire mixing with the shifting feet of the many people around it as well as the quiet sobs that came from the mother who had held on so tightly to the body of the child she had lost before Callie could convince her to let it go. The woman sobbed, the sound tearing at the Commander's heart, her pain ripping at all those around her. Out of the corner of her eye, Lexa saw Clarke's fists clench, her eyes damp even as she refused to allow her tears to fall, and the hard set of the blonde's face simply pulled further at Lexa's heart.  
  
Clarke had tried so hard; the moment Grace's words had reached them, she had been up and across the room, and Lexa had watched as she tried desperately to save the little girl. She had spent long minutes pressing against the child's chest, tried to breathe air back into her body, but finally she had had to give up, meeting the mother's eyes to tell her that her child was gone. Even before the words had left the blonde's lips, Lexa had seen the devastation in that blue gaze, had seen the pain that still haunted the other girl, and had wanted to comfort her in some way. The younger leader had been too busy trying to comfort the grieving mother however, and then when she finally had been pushed away she had been unable to meet the Commander's eyes. The brief moment they met, Lexa had easily read the guilt that rippled across the other girl's face, and then Clarke had been turning to her other patients, trying to comfort them as the sight of the dead girl hit them all. Seeing and understanding Clarke's desire to be left alone, Lexa had taken it upon herself to leave the sick room and inform the rest of the Skaikru of their loss.  
  
Now they all stood around the pyre that had been built for the lost child, and the mood that had been so upbeat and light only hours ago had shifted, each person getting lost in their sorrow and grief as they watched the fire eat away at the body within its flames. Some cried as the mother did, but most stood silently, hard, solemn looks spread across their faces.  
  
The body was so small that it hardly took any time for the fire to consume it. As the flames began to die out, slowly people peeled away from the crowd, moving quietly back to the tasks they had been working on before the pyre had been completed. Lexa turned, hoping to be able to catch Clarke's attention, but the blonde turned also, moving over to her patients, all of whom had insisted on leaving their sick room so that they too could pay their respects to their lost comrade. Carefully she tucked the older man's arm around her shoulders, murmuring to him softly as she helped him move away from the fire, leading them all back inside so that they all could get the rest they needed. Lexa watched her go, her brow pulled down in worry, but when she felt a hand against her arm she tore her attention away, eyes shifting to find her brother beside her.  
  
“Do not worry,” he murmured to her quietly, the words meant for her ears alone. She saw his eyes flicker over to the retreating blonde and then back to her, an understanding in them. “She simply needs space to mourn: it is difficult losing a patient, especially one so young. I will keep an eye on her until she is ready to talk with you.”  
  
Lexa gave him a small smile of gratitude. She had no good excuse to follow the blonde to the sick room, knew the other girl was not yet ready to accept her comfort and would not want her hovering over her. Knowing that Taigon, who had every right to help the other girl with the sick, would at least be there to keep an eye on her made her feel the smallest bit better. “Mochof, bro,” she whispered and he nodded, squeezing her arm just a little tighter before letting go and trailing after the sick who had just disappeared into the building.  
  
Forcing herself to push her worry for the blonde aside for the moment, Lexa scanned the few faces still standing outside, finding her people among them. Her focus shifting back to the various tasks they still had to take care of before she could rest, she made her way over to them, watching as they all turned to her as she approached. Nodding to each of them, it was Jax that she spoke with, knowing he had been helping a couple of the Skaikru go through what they had for meat with what Luna had been able to donate and what remained of the deer he and Ryder had caught.  
  
“ _How is the meat supply looking_?” she asked him, and he gave a small shrug.  
  
“ _There is enough for a couple of meals, Heda,_ ” he answered, “ _But not more than that. Not with this number of people_.”  
  
“ _Then in the morning you will hunt again_ ,” she informed him. “ _We must be sure that there is enough for everyone_.” He nodded again and looked like he was about to reply, but something over her shoulder caught his eye, drawing his attention away. She heard the movement just as they all shifted, and she turned to find Nygel walking over to her, her spear once again in hand. The woman's eyes flickered back and forth between her and Jax, but then rested on her.  
  
“Are you sending your people out on another hunt?” she asked, and though Lexa wasn't sure why she was asking, she nodded.  
  
“Yes,” she replied. “Tomorrow morning Jax will be going back out. You need more meat than you have even now, and another fur or two cannot hurt either.”  
  
The woman shifted just for a moment, seeming to think something over, and then met her eyes as she stated, “I'd like to go with him.”  
  
Lexa was only just able to hide her surprise at the woman's words, only allowing her brow to raise slightly. She had not expected this.  
  
“He does not speak your language,” she warned the woman, but she just shrugged.  
  
“There are ways other than speech to communicate,” she replied easily, looking as though the language barrier truly didn't matter to her. Lexa studied her for a moment and then translated her words for Jax, the hunter's focus shifting to the other woman as he too studied her. Finally he replied, and his words caused the corners of her mouth to pull up slightly. Turning back to Nygel, she told her, “He says you are welcome to join him so long as you can move quietly and can be ready to leave by first light tomorrow.” The other woman nodded, seeing no problems with these terms, and then the Commander added, “He also says that if you are to go with him, he will show you how to make a proper spear, one that will hold up in a hunt.” The woman's eyes moved to the spear she carried, looking the constructed weapon over momentarily before she looked right at Jax. Meeting his eyes, she nodded, telling him, “I would like that. Thank you.” He returned the nod, clearly understanding her meaning if not the words themselves, and then gestured for her to follow him so that they could gather the right supplies to make the new weapon.  
  
Lexa watched them go, both a little surprised and relieved. With Nygel choosing to trust and work alongside them, she hoped that the trust between these people and her own would only continue to grow.  
  
Leaving Ryder and Shet with instructions of their own, Lexa left her people, allowing her attention to drift to the few Sky People that remained outside. She moved over to them, offering her help with the various tedious tasks they performed. She didn't dare go inside yet: she knew the moment she stepped foot in the building her steps would undoubtedly lead her to Clarke, and she knew that the blonde needed to be left alone. So she busied herself outside, helping to gather more berries to add to their stores, collecting snow in various pots so that it could be melted for drinking water, even offering to take the axe that Luna's people had brought them and find them more firewood. The smooth handle felt good in her grip, as did the pull of her shoulders as she swung the tool against a long-dead tree to the side of the Skaikru camp, and the steady motions helped her to push away her thoughts of the young Sky leader even for a short time.  
  
As she yanked the head of the axe from the crevice that had formed in the log before her, her eye flickered up, seeing a line of Sky children all watching her, all holding sticks in their hands. She recognized all four of them, but only knew one by name. Her eyes moved to Reese, brow pulling up.  
  
“Yes?” she simply asked, her back straightening up as she addressed them, the axe shifting slightly in her stance. Reese met her gaze unabashedly, even giving her a small smile before her eyes flickered to the sword Lexa had leaned against a tree as she had worked with the axe.  
  
“Is that your sword?” the girl asked, a tinge of excitement and curiosity in her voice as she turned back to meet the Commander's look. “I mean, you've been wearing it, so it's probably yours, but can you use it?” Brow turning down in her own curiosity at the question, Lexa nodded. The simple affirmation only made the girl's eyes widen further, taking a step closer and holding her stick a little higher as she asked excitedly, “Will you teach us?”  
  
“Teach you...” Lexa trailed off, eyes darting to her sword and then back to the four children. “To use a sword?” All four nodded quickly, each showing just as much interest as Reese did, and Lexa allowed herself a moment to study them. One seemed to be older than Reese by a year, perhaps two, while another seemed to be just a year or so younger. The smallest of them looked to only be about five, and the way he clutched his stick in both hands made Lexa wonder if he truly understood what he was requesting or whether he was simply following the crowd. For Skaikru, they seemed too young to wish to learn to fight, but by her own people's standards they were at just the right age to begin learning, Reese and the girl older than her even a little old to be beginners. Even so, she could easily see their eagerness to learn, and that was a kind of energy she had always loved to be around and felt herself whenever Anya had had anything to teach her. They were not her people though: it was not her place to teach them. She looked over their heads, seeing the couple other Sky People still outside paying these children no mind, all too focused on their own tasks. “It is not my place to teach you how to fight,” she finally answered slowly, looking back down on them. “Your people may not like it.”  
  
“They won't care,” Reese argued, clearly the spokesperson for the group. “Most of the adults are always telling us to go find something to do anyway. And we want to know how to defend ourselves.”  
  
As one who had seen too much of the world and all of the many ways it could hurt someone, this was the right argument to use on the Commander, and by the little spark she saw in the girl's eyes, Lexa wondered if she didn't somehow know that. Whether or not she did, Lexa had to let out a silent sigh, trying not to let it show. She met each of their eyes, ending with the young girl.  
  
“Alright,” she finally gave in, and she could see their grins all grow. “I will teach you how to defend yourselves. However, if any of your people have a problem with it, that will be the end of it.” They all nodded quickly, immediately agreeing to her terms, and she tried not to let her own small smile show. “Let me see how you each stand while holding your weapon.”  
  
She watched them all shift, each holding their stick out, and saw the way their faces turned down in concentration, even the youngest's looking as though he were taking it very seriously. She moved to each, gently correcting their stances, moving hands either further up or further down on their sticks, or urging them to straighten their backs while relaxing their shoulders. They all followed her direction, and once they were standing correctly she grabbed a stick of her own from the ground, slowly showing them the proper way to move with their weapon. The lesson continued on for many minutes, and as each moved back in and out of their stances as they practiced the moves she showed them, she tried to only allow the corners of her lips to turn up. She enjoyed teaching the art of combat, and enjoyed it even more when those she taught clearly had a desire to learn as these children did.  
  
They worked as long as they could until the sun had set, darkness slowly beginning to pool around them. Only once it had grown dark enough that they could no longer easily see around them did Lexa finally stop them. She held her hand up to them, the motion clear enough even without light, and they all stopped moving, letting their sticks fall to their sides. She hid the small grin their immediate response caused by turning away and reaching down to sling her real sword over her shoulder. As the familiar weight once again settled across her back, she turned back around, finding each of them still looking at her, and nodded to them as she easily grabbed the axe she had dropped to the ground at the beginning of the lesson.  
  
“Good,” she told them all, watching as smiles appeared on each of their faces. “You all did well with your first lesson. Now it is time to go inside, however. There is no point continuing when we cannot properly see.”  
  
“Will you teach us more tomorrow?” Reese asked, once again speaking for all of them, and once again Lexa noted the excitement in her voice. She looked them all over briefly before giving them a small nod.  
  
“If your people do not object and if there is time, I will teach you more tomorrow, yes,” she gave in, once again having to fight herself not to allow her lips to pull up more as their grins all grew. “Now, let's go inside and join your people.”  
  
She led the way, but the four of them all gathered around her, each still holding their stick and walking proudly, as though they had just come back from some great adventure. Looking down on them, Lexa couldn't help but remember feeling the same way when she had first become Anya's Second. Every training session, every lesson had felt new, had made her feel important, and she had learned to walk with her head held high just as these kids did now. Eyes flickering up to the sky just before they entered the Skaikru's camp once again, her thoughts traveled so easily to the woman who had taught her all she knew. _I hope you were proud of me_ , she allowed herself to think. _I hope you know I was always proud of you, and proud to be your Second_.  
  
Entering the building, Reese and the other older child, Gwen, stepped forward, leading them all through the hallways, and Lexa allowed herself to follow them. They passed the closed door of the sick room, and the brunette allowed her gaze to linger on it for just a moment, the desire to go in and see Clarke pulling at her, but she pushed the feeling aside and continued to follow the children before her. They led her to the main room where the majority of their people sat around a blazing fire, many talking and working, a kind of ease blanketing them that Lexa hadn't seen before. Looking around the group, she could still see the effects of their loss, eyes turned down, tears running down a few cheeks, but over all the mood was one of content. Many sat together putting a meal together, and when Lexa and the children entered the room they beckoned them over, quickly handing out the dinner. Lexa accepted hers with thanks, nodding to them and receiving a nod in reply, and then she moved over to the side of the room, finding a spot where few already sat. Easing herself down, she began to eat her meal slowly, eyes moving around the room.  
  
Her own people were there, looking far more comfortable among the Sky People than she would have believed. Jax sat to the side with Nygel, carefully showing her how to build a proper spear, and even with the language barrier between them, Lexa could see that they were already working well together. Ryder sat quietly across the room from her, his eyes always falling back to her, but he too looked around the room, taking it all in. Shet sat to the side with a small group of the Sky People, talking loudly and teaching them a popular game among her people that consisted of seven sticks and a smooth stone. As he talked he grinned, clearly at ease, and she saw that the Sky People all grinned back. The sense of peace in the room astounded Lexa, and she had no problem basking in it for a little while.  
  
Her thoughts were interrupted when Callie came over, meeting her eyes as she asked, “Mind if I sit?”  
  
Lexa gestured to the open space beside her, answering simply, “You are welcome to, yes.” The other woman did so, settling down beside her, and then they sat in silence for a moment while the woman looked around the room.  
  
“It's incredible,” Callie finally murmured, and Lexa turned to her, raising her brow slightly. “Just... All this. It's just incredible.” Meeting her eyes, the woman's voice lowered. “Just a couple of days ago I thought that none of us were going to make it. I was sure that we were all going to die in here. And now I look around and I see all this. I look around and I think that we actually have a good chance of survival. And that's because of you.”  
  
Lexa saw something, gratitude, thanks, something, flash in the other woman's eyes and she shook her head just slightly.  
  
“I did nothing,” she insisted quietly, “Clarke is the one who has saved you. You are her people, and I have done nothing but assist her when I could.”  
  
“You both saved us,” the woman argued, not backing down. “I don't think any of us would have had any chance if it weren't for both of you. So thank you.”  
  
Lexa would have continued to argue, knowing full well that if it were not for the blonde she and her own people would not be there, but there was a stubbornness in the woman's eyes that Lexa was beginning to think all Sky People had, so finally she just nodded, accepting the thanks. At that moment Reese moved over to them as well, sitting on Lexa's other side without asking, and her arrival also served as an ending to the conversation. She began telling Callie about their sword lesson, and Lexa watched her out of the corner of her eye to see how the woman would react, learning she had been teaching their young how to fight. She didn't seem angry though, only interested, and Lexa took that as a sign that the lessons would continue until she had to leave. Seeing the excitement still on the young girl's face, that knowledge didn't annoy her as she thought it probably should.  
  
The Commander remained in that room for long hours, watching the Sky People interact with each other and her own people, but over and over again her attention would roam down the hall of its own accord, her thoughts never leaving the blonde who had locked herself away with the sick for long. She wanted to give the other girl her space, wanted to let her try to sort through her feelings from Hope's death on her own, but just the possibility of her in pain made the Commander anxious to get back to her. She held off as long as she could, but when many of the Sky People were pulling out blankets for sleep, she decided she had held off as long as possible. Carefully she got up, trying not to wake Reese, the little girl having fallen asleep against her not long ago, and met Callie's eyes once again as she stood. The woman gave her a little smile, helping her to gently lower the girl to the floor without waking her, and after Lexa grabbed a blanket from the side of the room and carefully tucked it around the sleeping form, the other woman gave her a little nod. Lexa could see in the silent look Callie was giving her that she knew where she was going, but neither said anything as the brunette quietly slipped from the room, leaving the Skaikru and her own people to get some sleep. She made her way down the hallway, her feet barely making a sound against the hard floor, and when she reached the door to the sick room, she opened it, entering the room just as quietly.  
  
The heat in this room was still stifling, the fire making it warm enough that Lexa knew she wouldn't need a blanket in order to sleep, but looking across the room she saw each of the six remaining patients already lying beneath their own, all appearing to sleep soundly. Opposite them she saw Clarke and her brother, the blonde laying down on the floor, turned away from the doorway, possibly getting some sleep herself. Taigon sat not far from her, his back leaning against the bookshelf along the wall, and the moment she stepped into the room he looked to her, giving her a small smile. Eyes sweeping over each figure, Lexa made her way over to him, lowering herself so that she could sit beside him. Her eyes were still on the blonde, scanning along her back, as she asked softly, “How is she?”  
  
She felt her brother shrug beside her, and turned to see him also look towards the blonde.  
  
“As you would expect,” he answered, his voice also low so as not to disturb any of the sleeping forms. “She lost a little girl today: that is a loss that we all feel.”  
  
“She feels it more deeply,” Lexa whispered, unable to tear her eyes away from the younger leader. “She blames herself for something she had no power over.”  
  
She felt more than saw her brother's eyes turn to her, scanning her face before he replied, “That is another thing that you two have in common.”  
  
Lexa didn't deny it, couldn't deny the truth of it, and instead just continued to study the other girl as her brother studied her.  
  
“Did she eat?” she finally asked, and then tore her eyes away so that she could meet her brother's. “Did you eat?” She saw him roll his eyes slightly, a small grin pulling at his lips before he muttered, “Sha, sis. I ate, as did she.” His eyes flickered back to the blonde before he added a bit more hesitantly, “Though she did not eat much. But some, yes.”  
  
Lexa let out a small sigh, expecting the answer, but pushed the flutter of worry it caused down. She would just have to be sure that Clarke ate a full meal tomorrow. Looking back to her brother she told him, “You should sleep. You need your rest.”  
  
“You need your rest as well,” he argued playfully, raising his eyebrows at her, and she met the look, telling him, “I will rest later. You should rest now: you have been busy taking care of the sick all day.”  
  
“And you have been busy taking care of everyone all day,” he insisted, but when she continued to just stare blankly back at him, he let out a sigh. “You worry about me too much, sister,” he informed her, and she let the corners of her mouth turn up.  
  
“And I will continue to worry about you, brother,” she easily agreed, lightly nudging his side with her elbow. He smiled at her, leaning down to bump her shoulder with his forehead, a gesture that had been much easier when they were younger and she was taller than him, and then told her quietly, “And I will continue to worry about you.” She nodded, knowing nothing she could say to him would ever convince him not to worry, and then he stood up, moving away to a corner of the room where he could lay out a blanket, lying on top of it and finally relaxing after a long day. In only a few short minutes he was asleep, his breathing easy, and Lexa leaned back against the shelf, closing her eyes as she listened to it.  
  
She stayed there for a while, awake and listening to the breathing in the room. She got up once to add some wood to the fire, but then moved back to her spot on the floor, patiently waiting. She could focus on each person's breathing, and knew the difference in a person's breath from when they actually slept to when they only pretended to, so when Clarke finally turned over, her eyes already open and moving straight to Lexa's, the older girl was not surprised. She met Clarke's look, trying to give the other girl a small smile, but Clarke did not smile back. Lexa could see the pain on her face, could still see the hurt and guilt in her eyes, and so she reached out, gently taking Clarke's hand from where it rested on the floor and entwining their fingers together. She felt the blonde tighten the grip before she pushed herself closer to the brunette, until her body was nearly curled around Lexa's. She lifted her head up, laying it on the brunette's lap, and with her free hand the Commander began to run gentle fingers through her hair.  
  
They sat like that for a few minutes, Lexa trying to comfort Clarke and Clarke trying to take in that comfort, before blue eyes turned up to meet the other girl's, and the pain was even more clear in them as the blonde whispered, “I couldn't save her.”  
  
“No one could have,” Lexa replied quietly, not changing the slow rhythm of her fingers as they gently ran along the younger girl's scalp.  
  
“I can't save anyone,” Clarke insisted quietly, the self-hatred all too clear in her voice. “I really am the Commander of Death.”  
  
Lexa's brow furrowed, her fingers finally stopping, and she made sure she had the other girl's attention as she told her, “You have saved countless lives, Clarke. All of your people are only alive because of you: you are the one who came to me looking for peace, and it is because of you that that peace still stands. And here.” Lexa's eyes shifted, looking across the room to the six patients still sleeping soundly beneath their blankets. “These people only live because of you as well. You lost Hope, and that is a tragedy and it hurts, I know, but you have saved everyone else. These six in here would be dead if not for you, and the other seventeen Skaikru here would also die soon.” The blonde looked away from her, her frown still pulling her lips down, but she didn't let go of Lexa's hand, if anything just pressing against her fingers harder. Free hand moving to the younger girl's chin, Lexa gently tilted her head back up, forcing her to meet her eyes, and Clarke easily read the understanding she found looking down at her from someone who had felt everything she felt already. “I know it is difficult to look past those we have lost and see those who are still here due to our actions,” Lexa informed her softly, and Clarke watched as something flashed in those green eyes. “But if you try, you will be able to see just how amazing you are, Clarke.” Her voice lowered even further, her words barely more than the lightest of whispers as she added, “How amazing I think you are.”  
  
She watched as the blonde squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, pressing her face against Lexa's thigh, and the brunette noticed the light stream of tears run down over pale cheeks and soak into the fabric of her pants. Her free hand once again moved to blonde hair, running soothing strokes through those beautiful locks, and she just sat there quietly as the blonde let her sorrow out, the motion of her fingers and grip of her hand telling Clarke that she was there. She would take all of her sorrow away if she could, but she did not have that power, and so would just have to settle for doing her best to comfort the other girl.  
  
Finally Clarke lifted her head, pushing herself up before she wiped her arm over her face, trying to brush away the tear streaks. Not letting go of the hand still held firmly in her own, she met Lexa's eyes and then leaned forward, her lips meeting the brunette's, both sinking into the kiss. Her arms moved over the other girl's shoulders, pulling her closer to the Commander, and Lexa's hand that had been running through her hair moved to the back of her neck, gently cupping against it. She knew that she should push the blonde away, knew that they shouldn't be affectionate in a room where any of the Sky People could wake up any moment and see them, but for the moment she didn't care. Perhaps she was being selfish, but Clarke seemed to need the comfort that the kiss gave her, and Lexa didn't know when or if she would get the chance to kiss this girl again, so she took this possible last opportunity and held onto it, just as she held onto Clarke. She felt the blonde shift against her, felt the slide of her lips as she deepened the kiss, and Lexa welcomed it, letting herself fall completely into it.  
  
After long moments that were much too short, Clarke finally pulled back, breaking the contact between their lips. She didn't move far, her face still close to Lexa's, and when the brunette opened her eyes she saw the blonde's still closed. The hand along the back of her neck shifted, moving to run gentle fingers along her jaw, and only at the touch of her fingertips to her skin did Clarke's eyes open. She looked forward, easily meeting Lexa's, and as she met them she whispered, “Thank you, Lexa.”  
  
“I need no thanks,” the brunette murmured, fingers still running lightly along her jaw. “I spoke only the truth.”  
  
Clarke's eyes fell closed again, and Lexa felt her push against her fingers, her face turning into the touch slightly. “Still,” she said softly, eyes opening again, “Thank you.” Lexa just nodded, unable to form the swirling thoughts in her head to words when Clarke was this close or looking at her with that look of utter care, and she noticed the blonde's lips curl up into a small smile. She pressed forward again, leaving another light kiss against the Commander's lips, and this time it was Lexa's eyes that fell closed at the small touch.  
  
This time when she pulled away Clarke shifted, moving so that she could sit beside the brunette, their fingers still intertwined as she pressed lightly against the other girl's side. Lexa's eyes opened again and she watched the blonde move, giving her her own small smile as the younger girl settled beside her. She felt Clarke's head fall to her shoulder and she allowed her own to rest against it, finding peace in just being so close to the other girl. They sat together in an easy quiet, both just happy to be with the other one until Clarke asked, “How's everyone else doing?”  
  
“Your people are well,” Lexa replied, neither of them moving. “There is a sorrow among them at having lost one so young, but they are all strong. They hurt, but they are moving on.” As though for proof to the words, she added, “In the morning Nygel will be joining Jax for a hunt.” Clarke's eyes flickered to hers, the blonde's eyebrows raising and Lexa answered the silent inquiry with, “It was her idea. She heard me talking to him about it, and asked to go. They spent the evening together making her a real spear.”  
  
“Wow,” Clarke said, the slight surprise evident in her tone, “And Nygel's the one I didn't think would ever trust you.”  
  
Lexa nodded, agreeing, and told her, “Our people are much more comfortable around each other than I had believed would happen. Shet spent the evening teaching a number of the Skaikru some of our games, and before we ate I taught the children their first sword lesson.”  
  
Clarke's head lifted just slightly so that she could turn towards the brunette, her brow raising as she asked, “Really? And no one had a problem with that?” Lexa shook her head, telling her, “I was surprised as well, but Reese and the others really wished to learn, and when Callie found out about it later she did not seem to mind. I believe the lessons will continue until I must leave.”  
  
Trying to ignore the end of the thought and the way the idea of Lexa leaving pulled at her gut, Clarke gave her a small smile. “Good,” she informed her, “You're a great teacher: they'll be able to learn a lot from you.”  
  
The brunette returned the smile, saying, “Perhaps we can teach them together.”  
  
Clarke's smile grew, her face softening a little as she murmured, “I'd like that.” They looked at each other for a moment, both just getting lost in the others smile, before Clarke leaned back with a small sigh. When her head fell against the bookshelf behind them, she winced slightly before reaching up and pulling the hard book she'd hit her head against from the shelf. Dust covered the book, but when she blew on it and then ran her sleeve over the cover it seemed to be in decent condition. Eyes moving from it to the shelves along the walls of the room, she let out another sigh.  
  
“My mother would love it here,” she whispered, fingers tracing lightly over the cover of the book. She saw Lexa's head tilt slightly and looked over at her, answering her silent question. “I'm pretty sure this is a library,” she explained, gesturing to all the books. “We had a library on the Ark, but it was nothing compared to this. My mother would absolutely love wandering around, seeing all the different kinds of books. It's kind of incredible that they've all survived this long.”  
  
“I am sure you can take some with you,” Lexa told her, her own gaze barely moving from the blonde's face as she scanned the room. “Luna's people have no use for them.” The blonde turned back to her, brow raised curiously as she asked, “What do you mean? They don't read them?”  
  
“They do not know how,” Lexa replied, the answer only making Clarke's brow raise higher. “There are very few of my people alive today who would know how to read any of these. Of the thousands of us, only a few hundred can speak Gonasleng, and of those few hundred only one or two can read it. Even I cannot read the enemy's language, other than a few words.”  
  
“Really?” Clarke asked, and Lexa just nodded. The blonde looked down at the book in her hands, remembering how much she had loved it on the Ark whenever she could curl up with one of their few books and get lost in its world and escape from her own. She looked over at the brunette still watching her and held the book between them. “I'll teach you, if you want,” she told her, and this time it was Lexa's brow that raised at her words. She felt herself grin slightly, joking, “You've taught me so much, it's about time I taught you something. And if you learn to read, maybe you can teach some of your people. There's no reason these books need to be forgotten.”  
  
Lexa looked at the book and then her and then at the many books that lined the walls, and nodded hesitantly. She wasn't entirely sure what she was getting herself into, but Clarke seemed to be excited by the idea, so she accepted it. The blonde's grin only grew and then she opened the book, telling her, “We might as well start right now.” Lexa nearly argued, wanting to tell Clarke that she really should try to get some rest, but then the blonde started reading, her eyes scanning over the pages before her, and Lexa got lost in the other girl's voice, her words bringing to life a whole new world and Lexa found herself sinking into it. Suddenly the idea of reading lessons didn't seem like a bad thing at all.

***

Hope's death seemed to be the last great tragedy for the Tesla Station survivors. Clarke became more determined than ever to help the six who became known around the camp as Clarke's patients, and it wasn't a full twenty-four hours after the three year old's death that Orion was the first of them allowed to leave the sick room. He was under strict orders to take it easy and return to the room the moment he started feeling ill again, but he never had to, and soon the others were joining him, all of them beating the illness that had come so close to ending their lives. Kender was the last of the six to be allowed to leave the room, and when Clarke saw Callie later, the woman insisted that she hadn't seen the old man looking this good since they had crash landed. Finally able to step foot out of the sick room with Taigon beside her, the blonde looked around at her six patients laughing and working alongside the other survivors, and felt a sense of pride for what she had accomplished. The only one of them not looking as though they were happy to be able to return to the others was Grace, the woman more often than not mourning off in a corner, and whenever Clarke saw her she felt the guilt pull at her gut again, but with a knowing look from Lexa she was able to push the guilt aside and focus on those she had saved, and not the one she had lost.  
  
While Clarke worked with her patients, Lexa worked with the rest of the Skaikru. She helped them collect supplies, build simple structures like a water trough, taught them easier ways to build their fires. She and her people hunted, often times with some of the Skaikru tagging along to help, and taught them the best ways to skin the animals they caught and prepare the meat. Every meal they had she watched as the Sky People would scarf down their food, understanding their very real fear of not having another meal for a long period of time, and would make a note to herself to get more for them. She could see their strength coming back, could see life returning to faces that had all but given up, and even though they weren't her people that return of life warmed her.  
  
Somehow they fell into a rhythm, and every day the four Skaikru children would come to Lexa, sticks already in hand, and she would have to fight down her smile before she took them to the side of the camp, teaching them more of the combat they asked to learn about. Every now and then an adult would show up with them to also learn, Nygel the most consistent of them though her interest remained in the spear that Jax had taught her to build that she seldom was without now. Lexa taught her how to fight with the weapon as well as hunt with it, paying just as much attention to her and the other adults who joined them as she did with the four children, none of whom ever missed a lesson. Callie would stop by every now and then, watching rather than participating, but she never tried to stop the lessons, only meeting Lexa's eyes every now and then and giving her a smile. After all of Clarke's patients had been allowed to leave, she began joining the sessions as well, helping Lexa teach the young and interested and working on her own combat skills as well. Lexa saw the amazement in the eyes of those watching whenever she and Clarke paired off, her own people even stopping by and watching their Heda and Wanheda train together, and she felt a sense of giddiness rise up in her. A part of her knew that this would never last, that their two people would never be one in the way they felt during these moments, but when Clarke was nearly grinning as she attacked or defended with her own sword, Lexa couldn't help but believe in the possibility of a true peace.  
  
Their reading lessons continued as well. Every night, once the day's activities had settled down, the two would find an empty room, pick a book from among the many along the shelves, and Clarke would teach Lexa what the strung-together symbols meant, showing her how they flowed into words and then sentences and then worlds that the brunette had never imagined before. She would spend some time trying to read the writing herself, her progress from the previous night always bringing a smile to the blonde's face, and then she would sit back and relax as Clarke read, her voice bringing the stories among the pages to life. Sometimes the children would join them at these times, and Lexa would watch how they often got lost in the words just as she did. Thom, the youngest of them, would often climb in the blonde's lap, peering into the book along with her, and Lexa would watch as the other girl's lips would curl up into a smile as she held the little boy in her lap, her words never wavering. More often than not, Lexa's own lips would curl up when she felt a small body press slightly against her side, Reese sitting so close to her that she might as well be in the Commander's lap.  
  
The young girl confused Lexa. She was eager, always watching the Grounder leader and smiling, wanting to learn more from her. She was the most active member of the sword lessons, still the speaker for the group of children, always asking questions and wanting to know more, until Clarke joined them. The moment the blonde showed up anywhere, Lexa would notice the young girl go quiet, barely even looking at the girl who had come to save her people. While the other children would gravitate towards her, Reese hung back, always sticking to Lexa's side and seldom even looking to the blonde. Clarke noticed her behavior as well, neither of them understanding it until they were talking to Callie one night.  
  
“Her father was one of the first volunteers for the Culling,” the older woman told them, her eyes on the little girl laughing on the other side of the room. “From what I understand, she was going blind due to oxygen deprivation, and he chose to die so that she might see.”  
  
Lexa had seen the understanding on Clarke's face when she too looked over to the young girl, and later on that evening when she was told about the story of the Culling on the Ark, Lexa had understood as well.  
  
It was because of this new insight that Clarke found herself walking over to the little girl the following day, for once sitting alone as she held her stick in front of her, probably imagining an opponent before her. Today there wouldn't be any lessons: Lexa and her people had left that morning to visit Luna, so Clarke figured this was as good a time as any to try to talk to the young girl.  
  
“Can I sit with you?” she asked as she approached. Reese looked back at her, her stick going still and moving to her side as her face became guarded, brow pulling down. Clarke waited, not wanting to push anything, and finally the girl shrugged.  
  
“Guess so,” she mumbled, turning away again, and Clarke lowered herself down to the log Reese sat on, not taking it personally when the girl shifted further away.  
  
She let herself study the girl for a minute, seeing the way she sat with her shoulders tense, eyes trained in front of her as though she were forcing herself not to look anywhere else, and then she let out a sigh, also looking ahead of her.  
  
“I'm sorry about your father, Reese,” she murmured, the truth of her words clear in her tone. Out of the corners of her eyes she saw the girl stiffen, her jaw clenching.  
  
“Your mom killed him,” she growled, not bothering to hide her anger. “Her and the other Counsel members, they all killed him.”  
  
“I know,” Clarke whispered with a nod. “I've been told what happened. I'm sorry.”  
  
Reese clenched her jaw tighter, trying desperately not to look over at the older girl sitting beside her. She had liked Dr. Griffin: she'd always been nice to her, and she'd been the one trying to help her when she couldn't see out of one eye. But she'd loved her father, and it was because of the doctor that he was dead.  
  
She hadn't always known that. Miss Lucy had told her that there had been an accident on the over-time job that her dad had been working, and she had believed it. But with everything else that had happened, the people on the Ark weren't very good at keeping something as big as the Culling a secret, and soon she had discovered the truth: her father had volunteered to be killed, and it was the Chancellor and his Counsel who had killed him. Miss Lucy had died too in the trip to the ground, and now she was all alone and the daughter of the woman who had killed her dad was sitting next to her, and she still didn't know how to feel about that.  
  
“My dad was killed on the Ark too,” she heard Clarke say, and almost against her will she found herself turning towards the older girl, seeing the sadness on her face. “And it was partially my mother's fault.”  
  
“What?” Reese asked, disbelief clear in her tone because the idea of Dr. Griffin killing her husband was too horrible to be able to easily grasp. The blonde looked over to her, meeting her eyes before she said, “My dad was the one who found out that life-support on the Ark was failing. He wanted to go public with the information, felt like everyone had a right to know, but my mom and the other members of the Council thought that it would cause a mass panic. He was going to go public anyway, so my mother talked to Jaha to try to get him to talk sense into my father. Instead he got floated. So as much as you might not believe me, I do know how you feel.”  
  
Reese looked away, her thoughts all jumbled in her head, a sympathy she hadn't felt before for the blonde pushing back against her anger at the girl's mother. Her fingers gripped her stick tighter, the thin bark pressing into her palm as she asked quietly, “Do you hate her for what she did?”  
  
“I did,” Clarke told her truthfully, nodding. “For a long time after I found out she was the one to turn him in, I hated her. I couldn't look at her or even think about her without also thinking about how if it weren't for her, my dad might still be alive.” She paused then and shrugged, before she turned her head to the side, looking at the little girl. Reese turned also, meeting her eyes, and she continued. “But eventually I had to let that hate go. She's still my mother, and as much as I hate what she did, I understand that her intentions were to try to save him. She made the wrong choice, and I don't know if I'll ever entirely be able to forgive her for that, but now I can look past that and see that everything she's done has always been for me, even if I don't like the choices she made.”  
  
“I don't think I can forgive her,” Reese murmured, looking away again. “I don't think I can forgive any of them. He... He was my dad. He was all I had, and...” Clarke watched as a tear slid down the girl's cheek. “And I'm so mad at him.” She turned to Clarke, and the blonde could see the confusion, anger and pain reflecting from brown eyes as she admitted a truth she probably hadn't even allowed herself to think of before. The girl's lips quivered, her breath catching before she continued. “He volunteered to die. He left me, and I hate him for it. I'm just... I'm so mad at him, and I don't know how to stop. I don't wanna be mad or hate him: I know he did it for me, but that just makes it worse. I don't know how to stop being so mad at him for leaving me.”  
  
Clarke felt her throat burn, had to clench her own jaw to keep tears from forming. Sliding over on the log, she put one arm around the girl's shoulders, pulling her into her and felt it as Reese burrowed into her shoulder, her tears soaking into the blonde's jacket. Clarke held her, rocking slightly as she ran her free hand through the little girl's hair.  
  
“I hated my father too,” she finally whispered, putting into words the feelings that had plagued her for so long while she sat in her Sky Cell on the Ark. “And I hated myself for hating him. I understood why it was he wanted to go public, understood that what he was doing was for me, and the guilt I felt because of that made me so angry. I couldn't forgive him for making me feel so guilty, and then couldn't forgive my mother for turning him in. I was just... so angry.”  
  
“How did you get over it?” Reese mumbled into her shoulder, the words barely audible. Clarke had to close her eyes, her lips pulling down as she answered truthfully, “I was sent to the ground. And here I learned that life's too short to be angry at the people you love. You never know when you might lose them or have to make your own choice that nobody else agrees with, even if it is the right thing to do. I learned that life is already difficult enough without adding any more anger in. It's better to forgive and remember the reasons why we love the people we care about than to focus on why we should be angry at them.”  
  
“You make it sound easy,” Reese said, pulling back slightly so that she could look up at the blonde, and Clarke couldn't stop a small scoff from escaping. “It isn't,” she informed the girl. “It's incredibly hard, and sometimes impossible not to feel that anger again. But when you are able to do it, when you can think about your father or whoever it is and not feel that anger and only remember how much you love them and how much they loved you, it's worth it.”  
  
The girl didn't say anything, instead just studied the blonde's face, as though searching for something. Finally she gave a small nod, and then leaned her head back against Clarke's shoulder, her tears done for the moment even though her chest still felt heavy. The older girl held on to her, letting her lean against her, and though Reese wasn't entirely sure how she felt about being so close to the daughter of the woman who killed her father, she allowed herself to sink into her slightly.  
  
“I don't know if I can forgive Dr. Griffin,” she finally admitted, her voice soft. “But I think I trust you, and I can try. I don't want to be angry anymore.”  
  
“It'll be a process,” the older girl informed her, “And you might never fully be over your anger. But you'll feel better trying to get past it. Trust me.”  
  
Reese didn't really know why, but she did: sitting there in that moment, letting Clarke hold her, she trusted her, and maybe that was a step towards letting go of the anger that had been burning inside her for so long. She hoped so, at least. 

***

Riding back into the Sky People's camp that night, Lexa didn't fail to notice Reese standing with Clarke as they approached, the girl no longer looking as though she wished to avoid the blonde. Lexa met Clarke's eyes, saw the small smile she threw at the brunette even as Reese shifted, taking a subconscious step towards the blonde, and returned the smile. Clearly something had happened between the two Sky girls to change the way Reese felt about her leader. As far as Lexa was concerned, it was a good sight to return to.  
  
Pulling her horse to a stop, she swung down as the two stepped forward, Reese grabbing her reins and holding the horse in place even though Lexa knew it had no plan to move. She heard her people drop behind her, their feet planting solidly in the snow, and took her reins from Reese, thanking the girl, before she handed them to Ryder. Before the warrior could take the horse away, she unhooked the saddlebags from its back, carefully placing them on the ground beside her. As she moved, Callie, Nygel and the other three children all came out, moving towards them, and Lexa couldn't help but think how odd it was that she felt warmth stir inside her at this strange greeting party.  
  
“Welcome back, Commander,” Callie said to her, giving her a smile and Nygel just nodded, offering her own welcome.  
  
“Thank you,” she replied, returning the nod, and then turned to Clarke as the blonde asked, “How are Luna and her people?”  
  
“They are well,” she returned, and her eyes swept over the small group as she added, “She was happy to hear that your sick are doing better, and offered her condolences on your loss.” Their faces turned down just slightly, the reminder of the one they lost hitting them all, but they were able to push it aside in thinking about all who had been saved. Her eyes flickered to Clarke momentarily, and the blonde noticed a hesitant look flash across her face. She frowned, unsure what she had to be hesitant about, and then realized why it was there when the Commander turned to Callie and Nygel, telling them, “She has also offered to send a few of her people to assist in the journey back to the Skaikru camp, whenever you feel your people are ready to go. She wants to make sure you arrive safely.”  
  
“That's... That's very generous of her,” Callie replied, eyes a little wide. “We'll accept, of course.”  
  
“And when do we think we'll be making that trip?” Nygel asked, eyebrows raised as she turned to both Callie and Clarke. Lexa's eyes flickered to the blonde, seeing the many emotions that flashed in her eyes. No one else could see it, but Lexa knew the idea of returning to her people had started a war within the young leader's mind.  
  
“We aren't ready yet,” Callie told the other woman, neither of them noticing the silence from the two young leaders or the shift both girls had felt. “Everyone's still regaining their strength: I don't think we're ready for that kind of travel yet. And while we have more supplies now, I don't think there's enough for that kind of a trip.” She sighed, looking back towards the building where most of their people were getting the evening meal ready. “Not that I know how we'll carry much of anything with us.”  
  
“Luna has offered the use of the wagon we brought supplies in before,” Lexa broke in, finally taking her gaze from the blonde and turning to the other women. “You will be able to place what you cannot carry in there. You will have to leave some things behind, yes, but much of it you will be able to bring with you.”  
  
“Thank you,” Callie murmured, meeting the Commander's eyes and Lexa could easily see the relief and gratitude in them. “And please, thank Luna for us.”  
  
“You will be able to thank her yourself,” Lexa replied. “She wishes to be here to see you off and to say her good-byes.”  
  
While Callie nodded, Nygel scratched the back of her head, her brow turned down slightly. She looked around the camp, seeming to think out loud as she said, “We've got most of the supplies we'll need. We've got berries and nuts and vegetables from the Floukru, and I'm sure we'll be able to find more as we travel. It's meat that we need more of: we've got a lot, but not enough for a trip that'll take us...” She trailed off, looking at Clarke and Lexa, not knowing herself how long it would take.  
  
“It will take at least a week to get to the Skaikru camp,” Lexa answered the inferred question, eyes once again momentarily moving to the blonde who still stood silently. “Possibly longer. Luna does not have enough spare horses to make the trip easier, so it will have to be made on foot. And as you have already said, your people still do not have all of their energy: any trip they make will be slow.”  
  
“Even so, we should try to leave soon,” Clarke finally spoke up, breaking her silence. They all looked to her, Callie and Nygel to focus on what she had to say, Lexa so that she could read the girl's face as she said it. She saw a hardness in blue eyes that wasn't usually there, and could tell that the blonde disliked her words even as she said them, knowing they were true. “We can't keep expecting Luna to supply us with medicine and other things that we can't get on our own, and if another illness breaks out, I can't promise I'll be able to help anyone. We were lucky this time, but next time it could be something I've never seen before. If that happens, my mother and the other doctors at Camp Jaha will be much more likely to be able to help.” She stopped for a moment, looking around the small group all watching her, and her gaze stopped as she met Lexa's eyes. Ignoring the near panic that rose in her chest, she finished with, “Everyone will be safer once we're there.”  
  
Lexa's eyes scanned hers, seeing all of the hidden emotions that no one else saw, and then she nodded, her own emotions locked away. “Tomorrow I will lead a hunt,” she informed them, “We will do what we can to stock the meat supplies so that we can leave soon.”  
  
“I'll join you,” Nygel said quickly, looking to the Commander. “And I know a couple of others who'll want to go also.”  
  
“Can I go?” Reese asked, speaking up for the first time, drawing their attention back to the four children standing with them.  
  
“No,” Nygel told her, shaking her head and Callie gave the girl a small smile as she pouted, telling her, “You four will stay here with me and help us to figure out what we'll be able to take with us and what we'll have to leave behind.” Reese scowled, crossing her arms across her chest, and Clarke smiled slightly, her hand going to the girl's shoulder.  
  
“You can help me go through what we have left for medicinal herbs,” she suggested, and though it was obvious the idea did not seem like a pleasant one, the girl gave in.  
  
“Fine,” she sighed, rolling her eyes, and Clarke grinned as she squeezed her shoulder slightly.  
  
Nygel and Callie looked to each other, no longer paying much attention to the children or either of the two leaders. “We should tell everyone,” Callie said to the other woman, and Nygel nodded. “Get everyone to start thinking about what they can leave behind,” she agreed, and with a nod to the rest of the small group, the two women turned away, talking quickly together as they walked towards the library, going over different ideas as they left.  
  
Clarke and Lexa watched them go, their own thoughts running through their heads before Reese drew their attention back to her.  
  
“I want to go hunting,” the girl growled, her arms still crossed in front of her. She looked up at Lexa, eyes getting big as she pleaded, “Please Heda, can't I go hunting with you?”  
  
The Commander had to fight to control her grin, noticing the way Clarke rolled her eyes at the girl's plea. They had both noticed days ago that Reese had begun using the title she had heard the Grounder's call her, and in this moment they could tell she hoped it would help her win over the Grounder leader.  
  
Shaking her head, Lexa told her, “Your leaders have spoken, Reese: you will remain here and help Clarke.” The girl pouted but didn't argue, probably knowing better than to try, and again Lexa had to force herself not to grin. Eyes flickering first to Clarke and then back to the children, she knelt down beside her saddlebags, telling them, “But I do have a surprise for all of you.” Her words seemed to grab all of their attention and she felt all of them watch her as she reached into her saddlebag, carefully pulling out four knives, each inside a leather pouch. “When Luna heard of your lessons, she insisted that young warriors should each have a true weapon rather than just training with sticks.” The corners of her lips pulled up as she saw four pairs of wide eyes look down on the treasures she held out in front of her. The four knives ranged in sizes, each the correct length and width so that they should be manageable for the young warrior they were meant for. She had chosen each carefully, taking in to consideration all she had seen of the four children, to the point where she was sure even Thom, the youngest of them, should not have a problem with his weapon.  
  
With awe clearly written across their faces, each child reached forward to grab a knife, but Lexa pulled them back before they could. Her face serious, she met each of their eyes as she informed them quietly, “These are not toys. They are real, and they are deadly. You will treat your knife with respect, and you will use it only in training or self-defense. A warrior who disrespects their blade or draws it when it isn't necessary does not deserve to carry that blade. And,” she added as an after thought, eyes rising to meet Clarke's raised brow, “You will do as Clarke says. She is your leader, and your blades are hers. If she believes you are not using it as it should be used then you will lose it and no longer be a warrior. Do you understand?”  
  
All of them nodded, echoing together, “Yes Heda,” and then Lexa handed each the blade she had chosen for them, her lips once again curling up as she noticed the care and reverence they all held their knife with. Even Thom held his weapon carefully, drawing the short blade from its sheathe slowly, awe written across his face.  
  
“We will train with your new weapons tomorrow,” Lexa informed them, standing up once again and looking down on them. “For now I believe it is time for you to be going inside and seeing if your people need your help with anything.” They all nodded to her, and just before they turned she reminded them, “Remember: those blades are only to be used in training and self defense. They will not be used for anything else.” Again all four of them nodded solemnly and then they left, all standing a little straighter as they walked back inside to rejoin their people.  
  
“Did you really just give a five year old a knife?” Clarke asked the moment they were out of earshot, her eyebrows still raised. Lexa met the look the blonde was giving her and shrugged, telling her, “The blades are all dull.”  
  
“You just armed four kids all under the age of ten!” the other girl exclaimed, though oddly enough there was more amusement in her tone than anger.  
  
“I was given a sword once I became Anya's Second,” Lexa replied, reaching down and grabbing the saddlebag from the ground. Slinging it over her shoulder, she added, “And my father had taught me how to use a knife before that, and neither that blade nor the one Anya gave me was dull.”  
  
Clarke closed her eyes, shaking her head before she groaned, “And you really don't think you were too young to have a weapon then? You never hurt yourself with it?”  
  
“Of course I hurt myself,” Lexa answered, meeting the blonde's eyes when she opened them again. “It taught me how not to hurt myself.” Gaze moving to where the four children had disappeared into the building, she added, “They wish to be warriors, Clarke: a warrior carries a weapon. Those sticks they have been training with would not hold up in a real fight.”  
  
“There's no reason any of them are going to be in a real fight any time soon, Lexa,” Clarke argued, and she watched as the other girl once again shrugged.  
  
“I hope you are right,” she said easily, taking a step closer to the blonde. “If that is the case, they will have no reason to use the weapon. But at least they will have it if they need it.”  
  
Clarke just shook her head again, clearly seeing that the brunette had absolutely no remorse for handing four children knives. Again the blonde saw just one more way in which their two people were different.  
  
“I'd take them away, but I only just got Reese to like me,” she finally sighed, giving up. “She'd go back to hating me if I tried.”  
  
“You spoke with her, I take it,” Lexa said, taking another step towards the blonde, happy to let the knife matter drop. She noticed Clarke's lips turn up, a small smile forming, and allowed her own to form in return.  
  
“Yeah, we talked,” the younger leader answered. “I think she trusts me now. Though I don't think she's going to be particularly happy to see my mother.”  
  
Lexa shifted where she stood, her smile falling as she scanned the blonde's face.  
  
“And you?” she asked, drawing the girl's eyes to her. “How do you feel about returning to your people?”  
  
“I-” Clarke began, and then let out a loud breath, shaking her head. She looked up, as though searching for the right words, and then finally said, “I don't have a choice. Not really. I need to get them somewhere I know they'll be safe, and that's Camp Jaha. Like it or not, it's time for me to go home.”  
  
“I will see to it that you and your people get there safely,” Lexa told her quietly, eyes not breaking away from the blonde's face. She saw Clarke turn to meet her gaze, their eyes locking together as a small smile once again grew on the blonde's lips, telling the brunette, “I did notice you said we will be leaving soon.” Pausing so that she could take a look around to make sure they were alone, Clarke stepped forward, closing the gap between them, and took one of Lexa's hands. “You don't have to do that, you know,” she told the older girl. “Not that I don't appreciate it, because I do, but if you need to get back to your people you don't have to come with us. It would take you a lot less time to get back to Polis if you went directly back rather than go with us back to Camp Jaha.”  
  
“My people can be without me for a little while longer,” Lexa murmured, one hand gently resting against the blonde's neck. She had also taken a quick look around, finding them to truly be alone, and allowed herself this closeness. “Luna will be sending some of her warriors with us, and I will be able to speak with them while we travel, and then they will follow me back to Polis.” Eyes scanning the blonde's she insisted, “I have spent much time in the past few months making sure you are safe, Clarke: I will stay with you now until you are with your people again. Plus I... I do not wish to say good-bye. Not yet.”  
  
Clarke reached up with her free hand, grabbing Lexa's and lifting it so that she felt it gently cupping her cheek. Pressing against it, she looked up into green eyes and whispered, “I don't want to say good-bye yet either.” Forcing a partial grin she added, “I guess it's a good thing it's going to take a while to get everyone back there.”  
  
“Yes,” Lexa replied softly, eyes scanning blue, “It is a very good thing.”  
  
They didn't kiss, didn't dare to with the possibility someone could come out of the library at any time, but they did stand close together, holding on to each other and staring into the eyes of the person they had no desire to leave, but would be taken away from much too soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so everyone is aware, I will now be writing this story from beyond the grave because this week's episode absolutely KILLED ME! New favorite episode, no question. I won't say anything more in order not to spoil anything for anyone who hasn't seen it yet, but seriously, it basically killed me. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! I've already started the next chapter, so I'm hoping to be able to update again either tomorrow or sometime the following day, so be looking for that. We'll be getting Clarke back to Camp Jaha soon and getting more beloved characters into the story. Soon soon. 
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations:
> 
> "Mochof, bro," - "Thank you, brother,"  
> "Sha, sis," - "Yes, sister,"


	16. Chapter 16

The next morning Lexa rose early, trying to move quietly so as not to disturb the others sleeping near her, but nevertheless she was unsurprised when she saw blue eyes open, Clarke giving her a small smile before yawning. Without even thinking about it Lexa felt herself smiling back, unable to stop herself from watching as Clarke sat up, arms raised above her head as she stretched, and the brunette couldn't help but think of all the mornings they had woken up together in their cave, light kisses bringing both of them to consciousness. She wanted to lean forward and press her lips lightly to the blonde's, wanted to be able to hold her close and feel her body against hers, but didn't dare. Since all of Clarke's patients had gotten better the two of them had been sleeping out in the main area along with everyone else, knowing that it would be better for them to be around both of their people rather than shutting themselves away. Unfortunately that meant any touches, any kisses or heated looks must remain held back, even now while the others all slept around them. So instead of leaning forward and capturing Clarke's lips as she wanted to, Lexa simply allowed herself to smile at the other girl, holding out her hand to help her up.  
  
The two moved out of the room together quietly, silently making their way through the halls and out into the soft morning light, and the moment they stepped outside Lexa's eyes rose to the sky above. Gray clouds littered the sky and an extra chill bit in the air: clearly winter was not yet over.  
  
“Not the greatest morning for a hunt,” Clarke murmured, also looking up at the sky. “Looks like it might snow.”  
  
“I am sure I have hunted in worse,” Lexa replied easily, head tilting back down so that she could scan the area around them. They were the first outside, but she had no doubt her people and the Skaikru joining the hunt would be right behind. She continued forward, making her way over to where their horses had been picketed. Reaching hers, she held out one hand to the horse, allowing it to sniff her hand as she ran her other hand softly along its neck. After a moment, she felt the beast press against her palm, most likely looking for a treat and felt the corners of her lips turn up. Clarke moved over to the horse as well, her own hand running down its face, and Lexa noticed her grin as she said to the beast, “She's always so sure of herself, huh Keryon? She thinks she can do anything.”  
  
Lexa couldn't help but roll her eyes at the words, telling the other girl, “Clarke, I have told you before, I do not name my horses. And while yes, I am sure of myself, I know I cannot do everything, but I can hunt even in a snow storm, if we are to have one.”  
  
“You don't have to name her,” Clarke replied easily, barely looking away from the horse, “I did. I think she likes the name. Don't you, Keryon?” As though in answer, the horse lifted its head, butting lightly against the blonde's hand. Grinning, Clarke finally looked back to the brunette, telling her, “And I know you can hunt in a storm, I just wish you didn't have to.”  
  
“We need more food if we are to make the trip to your camp,” Lexa replied with a shrug. “That means we must hunt. Besides,” she added, once again looking up at the sky, “We do not even know for sure that there will be a storm. They could be just clouds.”  
  
Instead of arguing, Clarke just sighed, letting the conversation drop when she saw Lexa's people all walking over to them, Jax's strung bow already resting across his shoulders, Ryder and Shet carrying their own. Seeing them, Clarke looked over to Lexa's saddlebags near the horses and moved over to them, grabbing her bow and quiver of arrows. Handing them to the brunette, Lexa nodded her thanks before turning back to her people. She noticed Taigon yawn and grinned at her brother, saying, “ _Is it too early for you, brother? You appear to be sleeping while you walk_.”  
  
“ _Teigon is not used to rising with the sun_ ,” Shet teased, slinging an arm around the younger man's shoulders. “ _He needs more beauty rest_.”  
  
“Shof op,” Taigon growled lightly, shrugging the arm away from him. Looking at his sister he said, “I only got up to see you off. I would much rather still be sleeping.”  
  
Lexa's eyebrows rose, humor curling one corner of her lips up as she reminded him, “I did not tell you you needed to see us off.”  
  
“I know,” he replied, holding his head high in a way that very much reminded Clarke that he and Lexa were siblings. “I chose to do so on my own, because I am a good brother.” His sister's lips curled up even further at his words, looking over to Shet as the other man said loudly, “At least he is up. It would seem that he rises better than the Sky People do.”  
  
“Are you sure about that?” they heard someone call, and the group turned to see Nygel and two Skaikru men walking towards them, all three looking wide awake. Clarke saw that they all three carried the bows that the Grounders had taught them to make days ago, each with a quiver of arrows on their backs. She saw Nygel scan Taigon's face, raising her eyebrows as she told him, “You look like you could use more sleep, Healer.”  
  
Taigon growled, clearly thinking it was too early to be picked on like this, and Lexa and the rest of her people simply grinned. Turning to the three Skaikru, Lexa allowed her face to smooth out, showing them her regular emotionless look as her eyes swept over them. She met Nygel's eyes, the woman nodding to her, and she returned the simple gesture, asking her, “Is this all you expected?” Again Nygel nodded, telling her, “Yeah, we're all here.” Looking over the entire group, Lexa nodded a final time before she said, “Good: we will get going then.” Turning back towards her horse, she met Clarke's eyes and noticed the small smile the blonde threw at her. She returned it before stepping up into her horse's stirrup, easily pulling herself atop the horse. Her people moved to their own horses, quickly mounting up, and as they turned towards the trees the three Sky People followed them on foot, and Clarke watched them all until they had moved out of sight.  
  
Letting out a small sigh, Clarke turned towards Taigon, the only one still standing with her, and raised an eyebrow to him as she said, “She's very awake in the mornings, isn't she?” She saw him roll his eyes dramatically before he groaned, “Annoyingly so. She has always been like that and has always enjoyed picking on me for disliking them.” Grinning, Clarke linked her arm with his, turning them both back towards the library as she told him, “To get back at her, why don't we go back inside and you can tell me more embarrassing stories of what she was like growing up?” Looking up at him, the blonde could easily see the smirk forming on his face before he replied, “I like the way you think, Klark kom Skaikru.” She returned the smirk and the two continued on towards the building, Taigon already launching into a story about the time Lexa got stuck in a tree when she was eight years old.

***

Unfortunately for Clarke, the rest of the Tesla Station survivors didn't sleep much longer after the hunting party left, which mean she only got to hear a few of Lexa's embarrassing stories. As soon as people began getting up and moving around, she and Taigon had to get to work too. They had talked with Callie the night before after she and Nygel had spoken with the rest of their people, telling them about the trip they would soon be making to Camp Jaha, and had decided that the day would be used to figure out what they needed and how they would be able to get it all there. They had the wagon that Luna had lent them, but wanted to be able to bring more than just what it would carry, so Taigon spent the morning working with a few other Tesla survivors turning the old blankets they had used before the Grounders had shown up into sacks of various sizes. Callie went around to different stations, helping people make a breakfast for everyone, making sure the children all had something to do to keep them occupied, and answering any questions anyone had. Grace trailed along behind her, the woman still silent and withdrawn since her daughter's death, but Clarke knew Callie hoped having a job and helping everyone else would help her to move past her sorrow.  
  
For her part, Clarke spent much of the morning back in the sick room, going through the herbs that they still had left and determining which ones would be the most important to have on hand while they traveled. She planned to bring all of them with her, but wanted to keep the most useful with her rather than packing them away, and so spent a long time debating which ones to keep out. Reese and Thom both sat with her, listening to her explain what each herb did, and while she could easily see that the girl at least was bored, to both of their credits they sat and listened and tried to help her decide which she needed. Finally they began to carry everything out of the room, placing it all in the hall along with everything else that had already been gathered that would be loaded into the wagon just before they finally left, and when Callie walked by they stopped and talked for a minute, Clarke checking on the progress of everyone else and Callie checking on her own progress. When the woman continued on her way, Clarke looked down and noticed how bored Reese looked standing there, Thom not looking any better, and she couldn't help but grin.  
  
“How about a short break from going through the supplies and a quick sword lesson to get a little energy out?” Clarke asked, and at her words both of their eyes lit up. She laughed, and then led them back outside, the other two children quickly joining them when they saw what they were doing. Clarke didn't let them take out their knives, wanting Lexa to be there when they had their first lesson with a real weapon, but worked with them for quite a while with their sticks to make up for it. While they practiced it began to snow, fat flakes falling down on them and making the kids all grin, even pulling a smile to her own lips as she continued to teach them how to evade an opponent's attack. Finally she knew that they had to be getting back to work and declared the lesson was over, much to the kids' dismay.  
  
Going back inside, Clarke once again headed to the sick room, knowing that a couple of things remained inside. Reese and Thom still followed her, begrudgingly agreeing to get back to work, and the moment they entered the room they moved over to the small pile of things that still waited to be taken out. Clarke grinned at them as they walked over to the pile, and then moved over to her own bag. It was the bag that she had brought from her cave, and the first thing she noticed as she walked over to it was the handle of her own sword sticking out of the flap. Her fingers itched to wrap around it, wanting to work with it since she hadn't been able to in a few days, but she ignored it, seeing no use in practicing without Lexa and knowing she had other work she needed to do. Grabbing the bag, she moved over to one of the bookshelves in the room, scanning along the spines of the books, picking a few out that caught her eye. Lexa had told her she could take a few of the books, and she was certainly not going to pass up on that offer. Kneeling down with the six she grabbed, she opened the flap of her bag, immediately seeing that there wasn't enough room in it for all of them. She rearranged the things already inside, taking her knife and gun out, attaching the knife to her belt and sticking the gun into the back of her pants, and with a little more maneuvering, she finally managed to jam all six books into the bag.  
  
Picking up the now much heavier bag, Clarke moved back into the hallway, her two little shadows following after her. She added her bag to the larger pile, and then wandered back outside, seeing a fresh blanket of snow on the ground, flakes still falling down around them. Looking out, she saw a number of people moving about, all with their own jobs, and saw Callie moving between them, talking to everyone as she went. Seeing her, something felt off to the blonde, something that for a moment she couldn't quite figure out, and then she frowned when she realized Grace was no longer with the other woman. Her frown only grew when she realized that she hadn't seen her with her when they had talked earlier either.  
  
“You guys go see if Kender needs any help gathering berries,” she told Reese and Thom, not turning to look at them as she scanned the area in front of her for the missing woman. “I'll join you after I talk to Callie.” Out of the corner of her eyes she saw them nod and then walk over to the old man at the side of the camp picking berries off of a bush, and then moved over to Callie.  
  
“Callie,” she called out, getting the woman's attention just as she was walking away from a small group of people mending clothes. The woman turned to her with a smile, raising her eyebrows, and Clarke asked her, “Where's Grace?”  
  
“She went to help Taigon and the others put together bags a while ago,” Callie informed her. “Why?”  
  
“No reason, I was just wondering,” Clarke replied, giving her a smile, but even with the answer, something still felt wrong to the blonde. Waving to the woman, she turned around, heading back inside. She was sure that everything was fine, but she knew the gnawing in her gut wouldn't leave her until she found the other woman.  
  
When she reached the room Taigon and three others were building the bags in, Clarke realized everything was not in fact fine, eyes scanning the space and not seeing the missing woman anywhere. She didn't allow herself to panic though, didn't even let her worry register on her face as Taigon looked up at her, grinning.  
  
“Did you come to help, Clarke?” he asked her, and she made herself return his grin.  
  
“No, actually I came to talk to Grace,” she told him and then looked around the room again. “Is she here?”  
  
“No,” he informed her, brow turning down slightly, and she wondered if maybe she wasn't hiding her worry as well as she thought she was. “Last I knew she was with Callie. Is she not anymore?”  
  
“She probably is,” Clarke lied, forcing an easy grin on her face. “I just thought I'd check here before I went looking around elsewhere. Thanks.”  
  
“Would you like help looking for them?” Taigon asked, something in his tone still telling her that he didn't entirely believe her, but she shook her head.  
  
“Nah, that's fine, I think they're just outside,” she said, still smiling as she turned around. “I'm sure I'll find them.”  
  
The moment she left the room, her smile dropped, her face pulling down, but still she fought against the panic in her chest. She scanned around her as she moved, looking for any sign of the missing woman, and the moment she walked through the doorway of the library she was scanning the people outside: no sign of Grace. Taking a deep breath to calm herself down, Clarke controlled the expression on her face and then walked towards the trees, eyes still moving and looking for any sign that might lead her to the missing mother. As she moved she considered going back over to Callie and telling her about the missing woman, but she didn't want to cause a panic. After all, as far as she knew Grace was fine and in one of the many rooms inside of the library, probably just needing to be alone. There was no need to tell anyone else of her fears.  
  
She moved in a slow circle among the trees around the camp, eyes focused solely on the ground. She was on her second time around when she finally spotted them: a single pair of fresh footprints in the newly fallen snow, the steps very much leading away from the camp. She looked ahead of her, following the path the prints made, but couldn't see any sign of the woman who she was pretty sure had made them. Debating with herself for a minute as to whether or not she should turn around and tell anyone her theory, she finally decided against it, trudging forward and following the path without so much as a look back at the camp. It would take too long, she reasoned, trying to put together a search party, and Grace already had an unknown head start: she could be miles away by now. Clarke knew that she could move faster through these woods than any of the Tesla survivors, so knew she had a better chance of catching up to the mother before she did anything foolish if she went alone. So with those thoughts, she broke out into the run Lexa had taught her, her eyes not leaving the trail that the broken-hearted mother had left before her. 

***

Reese looked up from the berry bush in front of her just in time to see Clarke disappear into the woods, seeing the way the older girl's face pulled down into a frown. Curiosity getting the better of her as it often did, the young girl dropped the handful of berries she had picked into Kender's bucket and then followed the blonde into the trees, rolling her eyes but ignoring it when Thom followed her. She was kind of used to it at this point, the five year old always seeming to want to follow her, so she just gestured for him to keep up, and then they too disappeared into the woods, following the same trail she had seen Clarke follow. 

***

As she ran, Clarke silently berated herself. She should have seen it coming, should have known that Grace would do something like this. The mother had watched her baby die right in front of her: of course she wouldn't be able to handle it. The amount of pain she must have been in the past few days would have been great, and Clarke should have seen that she wouldn't be able to take it. After all, isn't this pretty much what she herself had done after Mount Weather, whether she'd really been aware of it at the time or not? When she walked away from her people, it was with the knowledge that she wanted to die, even if she hadn't realized it. She hadn't been able to take the pain, the guilt she had felt after what she had done, and a part of her had decided that death, that wasting away in the woods all alone, was better than trying to live with it. Lexa had seen it, had known the moment she'd laid eyes on her, and had refused to let her. Lexa had saved her from herself, and now she hadn't been able to see the exact same pain and guilt she felt manifesting in the mother whose three year old had died as Clarke tried to save her. Idiot, idiot, _idiot_!  
  
Clarke picked up her speed, snow continuing to fall around her, her worry about losing the clear trail in front of her pushing her forward. She tried to remember everything Lexa had taught her about tracking as she moved, in case she did lose the trail, but luckily for the moment the snow fell lightly enough that the footprints remained obvious as they wove through the trees. She didn't stop even for a moment, silently thanking the many hours of running she had done over the past few months for building up her stamina and breath control, and after what she guessed may have been a little less than an hour, she noticed the tracks looked fresher, as though there hadn't been much time for new snow to fall inside them. With that thought spurning her on she kept going, eyes only ever leaving the trail so that she could scan around her, looking for any sign of the woman she was following. Finally when she looked up she saw a figure huddled against a tree, and as she drew closer she let out a sigh of relief.  
  
“Oh thank god,” she breathed, slowing down as she approached the tree, and she could tell that the other woman had heard her by the way she shifted. She sat with her knees drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around her legs with her head pressed roughly against her knees, and from the movement of her shoulders the blonde could tell she was crying. Stopping when she was only a few feet away she called out softly, “Grace?”  
  
“Go away,” was the strangled response that she got, the woman not even bothering to pick her head up. “Just go away!”  
  
Clarke bit her lip, the sight of the broken woman crushing her, but she didn't listen. Instead she took another step closer, telling her, “I'm not going to do that, Grace. I'm not leaving you alone.”  
  
She watched as Grace just shook her head, her entire body moving with the motion before she managed to get out between sobs, “G-go away!”  
  
Rather than doing what she wanted, Clarke knelt down in the snow only a foot or so away, giving the woman a little space but not much. She kept her tone soft as she told her, “No, Grace. I'm not going anywhere.” She saw the other woman shake her head again, but this time she didn't say anything, her entire body still shaking from her sorrow. Trying to get her to look up, Clarke murmured, “I know you're hurting, Grace, but this isn't the way to deal with it. You miss your daughter and you feel guilty that you're here and she isn't, but that doesn't mean you should go off to die alone.”  
  
“H-how would you know what I'm feeling?” she demanded, her voice muffled from both her tears and her knees. “Have you e-ever lost a d-daughter before?”  
  
“No,” Clarke replied truthfully, her tone still quiet, “But I've lost others. A lot of others, in fact.” She stopped then, thinking about all the people she had lost, and had to close her eyes, feeling the pain that wrapped around her heart whenever she allowed herself to think about those losses. “You don't want to know how many people I've lost, and honestly I don't really want to have to say. But you need to understand that I really do know how you feel. Like...” She trailed off for a minute, looking up at the sky between the tree tops, watching the snowflakes fall around them. “Like you've lost a part of you. Like you will never be whole again. Like, like there's an entire piece of you missing, and the pain and hurt and guilt is what has filled that spot up, and you know you'll never be able to get rid of it.” Her voice wavered. “Like the people who are gone deserve to be here and you don't. You feel like it's your fault they died, and even when someone tells you it isn't you know they are lying. You know the fact that you are here and they aren't makes it your fault, because it was your job to take care of them. They were your responsibility, and if they're dead then you deserve to be too.” Out of the corners of her eyes she saw Grace's head lift up, and she turned back down, meeting eyes that were wide with shock and wet with tears. Seeing them, Clarke suddenly realized that tears had begun to fall down her own cheeks, but she didn't reach up to wipe them away. Instead she just met Grace's gaze, held her eyes as she told her firmly, “But that's not true, Grace: you don't deserve to die. You did everything you could for Hope, took care of her every day of her life. She died, and that's,” Clarke paused, looking for the right word and then continued once she had found it. “Heart-wrenching, it is, it's heart-wrenching and terrible, but that doesn't make it your fault. We all tried to save her, all did everything we could for her, but she died anyway. And I know it hurts, I know you think the pain will never go away, and I can't tell you it will because I still hurt, every single day whenever I think about the people I lost it hurts more than I can ever take, but you have to take it, have to survive because... because...” Again the blonde paused, her breath getting caught in her throat as the tears continued to fall down her cheeks, and she saw Grace scanning her face. “Because if you don't, if you die then all of your memories of Hope die with you, and as long as you still have memories of her, she's still alive, at least in some way. You keep Hope alive by living, and if you give up, if you decide that dying is just easier than living with all this pain, then you're not only killing yourself but you're killing what's left of Hope too. And you can't... You don't want to do that. Of everything, that's the one thing you absolutely cannot do.”  
  
“How do you...” Grace began to ask, but she didn't finish the question, because it was all too clear exactly how the girl knew all that: she had experienced it, had felt everything that she had been feeling for days now, and the truth of that was written on the girl's face and evident in her words. She met the blonde's eyes and for a few long moments Grace scanned her face, as though she was looking for some kind of hint that any of the girl's words weren't true, that somehow she didn't truly know what she was feeling. She could see it though, staring back at her in blue eyes, she could see the absolute truth of this girl's words. This young girl who had come to them only days ago, who had worked tirelessly to get them all back on their feet, completely understood the gaping hole that had taken root in her chest ever since the moment her baby had taken her last breath. She had suffered, possibly in a way that Grace herself would never understand, had known and still knew the pain the one-time mother felt tearing away at her, and yet here she sat, jaw set and eyes staring into her own even as the tear streaks still ran along her cheeks. Grace met that hard gaze, and finally managed to get out, “How do you live with it? How do I keep going when all I feel every day is this pain?”  
  
She watched as the blonde looked back up at the sky, seeming to think her words over before she answered. “You find something to live for,” she finally replied quietly, eyes not moving from the sky above her. “Even if that something is just the memory of your daughter, you find it and you hold on to it and you refuse to let the pain be stronger than it. You cry. You scream. You run or you fight or you throw things if you need to, but whatever you do you do it enough and you put your entire will into it that for even just a moment, the pain goes away. And then when it comes back, you do it again. You don't stop, don't give up, because now you're living for the person or people who died, and they deserve whatever life you can give them.” Gaze falling and once again meeting hers, the younger girl told her quietly but firmly, “You accept the pain but you fight it: you don't let it win. Not ever.”  
  
Grace felt fresh tears flowing down her face, but she didn't look away from those hard blue eyes that had clearly felt the pain of the world, and finally she nodded, giving in. The pain that had flowed like liquid into her lungs was still there, still burning her from the inside out, but Clarke's words were just as true as that pain; no matter how much it hurt, she had to keep going. For Hope. She would do it for her little girl.  
  
Even after the young woman nodded, Clarke didn't look away. She saw the resolve shift in those brown eyes, saw the way the muscles along her neck relaxed slightly as she gave in, but she also knew just how easy it was to give in to the sorrow she too had once been drowning in. She studied the woman in front of her, trying to see if she had really made up her mind to keep going or whether she would fall back into her pit of despair the moment Clarke looked away, but some spark in her eyes finally convinced her that she would be able to do it. Pushing herself to her feet, Clarke reached down, offering her hand to the woman, and after a moment of slight hesitation Grace reached out and took it, letting the blonde pull her to her feet. Once she stood Clarke continued to scan her eyes, asking her softly, “Are you okay now?”  
  
“No,” the other woman answered honestly, and Clarke could easily see the pain flash once again across her face. “But I'll try to be. I'll keep going. For Hope.” The younger girl reached out, placing her hand on her shoulder and then gave it a gentle squeeze.  
  
“Good,” she murmured, her face softening. “It's not going to be easy, but I think someday it'll be worth it. And I'm here.” She paused before she added, “You know, if you ever need someone to talk to, if the pain is just too much. I'm here.”  
  
“Thank you,” the other woman whispered, her voice cracking. “I just... Thank you.” Clarke nodded, giving her a small smile as she once again gently squeezed the woman's shoulder, telling her, “Come on: let's get back to camp before anyone misses us.” Grace nodded and Clarke dropped her hand from her shoulder, both turning back in the direction they had come from, both wiping away the tears marks from their cheeks as they went. They didn't talk anymore, the words already spoken between them too heavy, but as they each got lost in their thoughts, they felt a kind of peacefulness settle over them, helping them both to calm down after the extremely emotional encounter.  
  
They hadn't been walking long when Clarke's brow furrowed, her eyes drawn to the ground. She stopped, and only a moment later Grace stopped as well, turning to give her a look, confusion clear on her face but the girl wasn't looking at her. She knelt down, studying two pair of footprints in the snow, both pair smaller than hers or Grace's. From what she could tell, it looked like the two someones had been following them, but for some reason had veered off, the prints leaving the trail she had followed to find Grace and leading off into the trees. She let out a small sigh, having a pretty good idea who at least one set of prints belonged to, and then began following, not wanting Reese and whoever was with her to get lost out here. Grace followed her, now seeing the tracks also, and they walked quietly, still at ease in the silence.  
  
A sudden scream broke that ease, and both women jumped, their hearts nearly stopping in their chests. Without a second thought, Clarke broke out into a dead run, Grace still following behind her, and just a few moments later they broke through a couple of dense trees, stopping dead in their tracks at the sight before them, the blood completely draining from their faces.  
  
It had been Reese who had screamed, and now they could both see why. She and Thom were both pressed up against a tree, terror on their faces as a massive bear lumbered towards them, its focus completely set on the two children. Reese was trying to push the little boy up the tree with one hand, trying to get him to grab onto the branches above them in order to put more distance between them and the animal, but Thom couldn't reach even the lowest branch and even if he could, he seemed to be paralyzed with fear. In her other hand Reese held the knife Lexa had given to her, its blade pointing towards the giant animal moving closer to them.  
  
Focus shifting from the two kids, Clarke's eyes took in the sight of the creature in a breath: it was dark brown, matted fur covering its body, and she could tell that it easily towered over her even from this distance. It walked on all four legs, a slight limp in its gait, and when her eyes trailed down further she saw that one of its paws had mutated due to the radiation, a second clawed foot protruding from the side of the first. Its lips were curled back, large, incredibly sharp teeth showing as it moved towards the kids, and Clarke didn't have to guess what its thoughts were as it moved closer to them.  
  
She took the entire scene in in a moment and then jumped into action, every thought other than that she needed to get Reese and Thom to safety leaving her. She took a few steps forward, seeing a large stone on the ground, and picked it up before she chucked it at the bear, screaming, “Hey!”  
  
Her aim had improved in her time away from her people, and the rock smashed into the creature's shoulder, making it roar before it swung its head around, looking for the cause of its sudden hurt. It saw her but didn't move towards her, instead just meeting her eyes as it growled again.  
  
“Grace,” Clarke murmured frantically, her eyes never leaving the bear, “When it comes after me, get Reese and Thom up in the trees, as far up as you can climb.”  
  
“When it... But...” the other woman stammered, unable to get her thoughts into words around her fear, but Clarke didn't need to hear them. “Just do it!” she yelled, having no time to try to calm the older woman down as she moved farther away from her, hoping the bear would follow her. She reached down and grabbed another rock from the snow, meeting the animal's eyes before chucking it, this time hitting the bear just above one of its eyes. The roar the bear gave off with that was deafening, or maybe just deafening to Clarke as her mouth went dry, and then it was moving forwards quickly, not running at her yet but also not stalking towards her as it had been doing with the kids. She quickly stepped back, turning as she stumbled backwards and began running away, but even as she began moving she heard Grace move as well, and when she looked back she could see the other woman sprinting towards Reese and Thom. She also saw the giant bear that was now chasing her, and that sight caused her heart to nearly stop beating, panic flooding through her system.  
  
Clarke ran as fast as she could, hearing the heavy footfalls of the massive beast behind her, and reached back, grabbing the gun she had stuck into the back of her pants earlier that morning. The weapon felt strange in her grip after so many weeks of not touching it, but at the moment the cold metal was a welcome relief. Her fingers curled around the grip tightly as she ran, her eyes scanning the trees around her as she raced forward, desperately looking for some kind of cover. With her focus up and scanning around her however, she didn't see the root sticking out of the snow and suddenly she was toppling forward, her heart leaping into her throat as she went down.  
  
The moment she hit the ground she scrambled to push herself back up, turning so that she could see behind her, and there the bear still was, loping towards her, lips still pulled back as it bared its teeth at her. Fear gripped her, the kind of fear she hadn't felt in months, but she threw her arms out in front of her, immediately taking aim, and then she was pulling the trigger over and over again, watching as the bullets struck the terrifying beast looming towards her. 

***

Lexa crouched low, the staff of her bow warm beneath her grip, eyes trained forward. She had been still for so long that the falling snow had begun to gather along her shoulders and arms, but she ignored it, putting the slight chill out of her mind. Out of the corners of her eyes she saw Nygel shift slightly, the movement barely noticeable as she lifted her spear just slightly higher in aim. She knew that Jax was hidden in the trees not far from the other woman, and that Ryder, Shet and the two other Skaikru who had come with them were hidden as well, one of them standing not far on her other side, his sights trained on their target just as much as hers was. The large boar before them continued to dig through the snow, completely unaware of the danger around it, and Lexa knew that they had the kill already. One of the Skaikru lifted his own bow, putting an arrow to the string, and she allowed hers to rest by her side. As much as she enjoyed hunting, she knew the Sky People would be proud of the kill that they had made on their own, and even if the man did miss, she knew one of her own people would hit the boar before it could get too far. The man pulled his bowstring back, and a second later his arrow flew through the air, grazing along the boar's side. The animal squealed angrily and turned to run away, but a second arrow flew from the trees, embedding itself into its flesh. The boar ran a few more steps, squealing angrily the entire time, before it finally fell, its body giving up as its soul departed.  
  
Stepping out of the trees they all hid behind, Lexa saw the man who had fired the first arrow high-five the other Skaikru man, the one who had fired the second, and she felt the corners of her lips turn up. She walked forward, sensing the others following her, and when she reached the now dead animal, she knelt beside it, one hand resting on its still body.  
  
“Yu gonplei ste odon,” she murmured quietly, the words a small apology and thanks for the sustenance it would give them, and then she stood again, looking at the people around her. She saw Ryder and Jax both leading the horses forward, having kept them only a short distance away so that their presence wouldn't disturb the hunt, and she gestured easily to the boar on the ground. “Tie it down,” she ordered simply, and they nodded, Shet and one of the Skaikru moving forward to lift the heavy animal.  
  
“Good shots,” Nygel said, giving a slight grin to the two other Skaikru, and both men returned the grin.  
  
“Piece of cake,” the first man replied, but as he moved by the second man shoved him with his shoulder, not letting the motion make him drop the boar.  
  
“Says the one who missed,” he growled, good humor in his voice. “I'm the one that actually got it.”  
  
“Only cause I slowed it down for you,” the first man insisted, and when Lexa saw Nygel roll her eyes at them, Lexa couldn't stop the tug as her lips pulled up slightly once again.  
  
About to tell them all that they had done well, the words and smile fell away as a sound rang out around them, her heart freezing in her chest.  
  
Gun shots.  
  
_Clarke_.

***

Five bullets. That was how many rounds Clarke had in her gun, and she kept pulling the trigger until there was nothing left. When the gun simply clicked at her, its ammo used up, she felt her fear increase tenfold. The bullets had all hit the bear, lodging into its shoulders, skimming against the top of its head, even tearing through one of its ears and into one of its legs, but while she saw dark blood begin to pool against brown fur, the new wounds barely seemed to slow it down. The animal stopped for a brief moment as the bullets hit it, a roar of pain and fury tearing from its throat that made the blood in Clarke's veins freeze, and then it was moving forward again, this time running at the girl still on the ground. Clarke flew to her feet and then ran as fast as she could, no longer thinking anything but _Run, run, run run_! She dashed through the trees, swerving around them whenever she could to try to slow the animal down, but the movement slowed her down as well. Her chest heaved, arms and legs shook, but she couldn't let herself focus on anything but moving and hearing the bear still running after her. As she ran she tore her knife from her belt, gripping it so hard in her hand that she felt the handle leave indentations against her palm, but even so she didn't let up on the grip. She swore at herself over and over, calling herself every manner of stupid for not having her sword or bow with her, but just kept running.  
  
Eyes constantly scanning around her for a way to safety, she finally saw it. There, only a few dozen feet in front of her, was a tree, one of its branches hanging low enough that she had a chance. She heard the animal growling as it got closer and closer to her, shortening the distance between them with every step. She knew if she didn't reach that branch she was as good as dead, so with a final burst of energy she picked up her speed and just when she was only a few feet away she sprung forward, arms outstretched. Her arms hit the branch and she curled them around it, desperately clinging to it. Just as she began to pull herself up she felt a sudden burst of pain spike against her leg and she let out a sharp breath but otherwise ignored it, clenching her teeth tighter as she fought to pull herself up. Once securely on the branch she kept moving, doing everything she could to keep climbing higher and higher in order to put more distance between her and the creature below that wanted to tear her to shreds. Once she was finally high enough she stopped, daring to look down as she stood on a branch near the top of the tree and clung to its trunk.  
  
The bear looked up at her, its head tilted back, and let out another roar before it turned away, only to turn back towards the tree a moment later. Clarke watched as it paced around the base of her tree, growling and roaring, and she let herself take a number of breaths, trying to calm the rhythm of her breathing. She tore her eyes from the animal just for a moment, looking back the way she had come, and found that she had run far enough away that she couldn't see Grace or either of the children, and she let out a small, relieved breath.  
  
That breath proceeded to get stuck in her throat when she looked back down. Her entire body froze, jaw falling open slightly as she watched the bear stand up on its hind legs and move towards the tree. It pulled its large body against the trunk, and when it reached up with its front legs, Clarke knew that she was in serious trouble. The bear was going to climb the tree and she was going to be stuck: in trying to get away, she had completely trapped herself.  
  
She only had one choice, and when she realized that she grit her jaw together, her fingers clenching even harder against the knife still in her hand. Thinking a silent prayer, she took in a deep breath she was pretty sure didn't make it anywhere near her lungs, and then she screamed and jumped forward, falling from the believed-safety of the tree.  
  
Her body fell through the air, thin branches ripping against her skin and clothes as she plummeted down, and then she slammed against something large and hot, the breath knocked completely out of her. She didn't have time to try to breathe though: the moment the bear felt her hit against its back, it pushed away from the tree, roaring its fury, and the fingers of Clarke's free hand tangled themselves harshly into its fur. Her legs squeezed against its back, but even so, it took every bit of her will power to hold on as the animal fell forward, moving beneath her. It shook, trying to dislodge her from its back, but she just held on tighter, even using her teeth to keep herself on, its fur gripped tightly between her jaw. With her hand that still held her knife she stabbed blindly, unable to see where she hit, but after a few tries she felt the hot blood running down the knife's blade and over her hand. The bear seemed to almost howl beneath her, the roar mixing with a cry as it continuously stood on its hind legs and fell heavily forward, doing everything it could to get her to let go.  
  
Clarke tried to ignore the cramps in her legs. She tried to ignore the fact that the fur her held on to seemed to be coming loose, her tight grip on it slowly starting to rip it from the animal's skin. Her jaw ached, the force with which she held on to the fur in her mouth lessening with each passing second, and the knife in her hand was beginning to slip in her fingers, the blood now covering both the weapon and her fingers making it harder and harder to hold onto. The blonde clenched her eyes shut, fully aware that she was quickly losing all of her strength, trying to come to terms with the fact that she was about to die, when the bear rose once again on its hind legs. She could feel the tears pricking the corners of her eyes, trying to accept the fact that she was just about done, when a voice rang out over the beast's roars.  
  
“Clarke! _Get down_!”  
  
Eyes springing open, she felt a sudden rush of energy shoot through her. She knew that voice, and if Lexa was there, then she had a chance. Without hesitating, she let go of her grip against the bear, immediately sliding against the animal's back and then landing roughly on the ground, and the moment she felt herself hit she was rolling away, trying to put as much distance between herself and the animal as she could before it realized it had lost its cargo. As soon as she'd put a few feet between them, Clarke looked back up, and she saw the way the animal's body jerked just as she heard the many small _thuds_ that seemed to erupt against it. The bear remained upright for another few moments, and then it let out another roar before it swayed on its feet. As the sound cut off, Clarke watched as the massive animal fell to the ground, this time not moving.  
  
Heart still beating wildly in her chest, Clarke couldn't take her eyes off of the animal lying on the ground. She kept expecting it to get up, to move and look at her and roar again, but it didn't and then suddenly another form was dropping down beside her, something blocking her view of the bear. Eyes barely focusing, the blonde forced herself to swallow, trying desperately to calm herself down, and looked away from the bear to whatever had blocked her view. Her focus shifted, and then she finally realized it was Lexa in front of her, that the Commander had fallen to her knees next to her and green eyes scanned her face wildly.  
  
“Clarke? Clarke, look at me,” the brunette was saying, her voice finally breaking through the buzzing that had at some point clouded the other girl's mind, and Clarke did as she was told, finally meeting those green eyes. She saw fear, true and complete fear that was only just keeping itself from turning into panic in those eyes, and Clarke didn't have to wonder if her eyes showed the same thing. Without thinking about it, the blonde threw herself forward, arms clutching around the other girl.  
  
“Lexa,” she whispered over and over again, “Lexa, I, I don't, how did you, where did, what, Lexa I-” The Commander cut her off, pulling only partially from the girl's grip, a shaking hand moving up to push snowy hair out of the blonde's face.  
  
“Shh,” she murmured, still scanning the younger girl's face, “You are alright. The bear is dead, it is over, you are alright.”  
  
“But, how did you...?” Clarke asked, her mind still unfocused and unable to get all her thoughts in order. She shook her head, trying to clear the fear and buzzing away, but Lexa's hand remained gently to the side of her face, holding her.  
  
“We were nearby hunting,” she explained quickly, understanding the unfinished question. “I heard your gun go off. I came as quickly as I could.”  
  
Clarke nodded, the answer making sense enough in her haziness, and she looked past the girl sitting in front of her, back at the animal lying still in the snow. Ryder stood next to the beast, bow still in hand as his eyes swept over the large animal. Turning back, Clarke noticed a bow in the snow behind Lexa, and somewhere in her clouded mind she put together they fact that they had both shot it, finally bringing the animal down.  
  
Lexa couldn't control the way her heart beat ferociously in her chest, couldn't even tell if she was really breathing or had been breathing ever since she'd heard the first gun shot. All she could do was stare at the blonde in front of her, trying desperately to get the image of Clarke desperately clutching to the back of the giant bear out of her mind. She'd nearly frozen when she'd pulled her horse to an abrupt stop, seeing the scene before her as the bear tried to throw the blonde from its back. She and Ryder had fired shot after shot at the animal, watching as the arrows sprouted into its body, hadn't dared take her eyes from it after she'd seen Clarke drop from its back, but now all she could look at was the blonde still shaking in front of her.  
  
“What were you _doing_?!” she growled, unable to contain her fear as her words sprang forth. “Why, why were you trying to wrestle a bear, Clarke? Why aren't you back at camp like you are supposed to be? What are you _doing_ out here?”  
  
The blonde met her eyes and she noticed how unfocused they were, shock still clouding the girl's system.  
  
“I had to find Grace,” she replied, as though that meant something to the brunette, and then Lexa watched as her eyes widened, focus finally returning to them. “Grace!” she exclaimed, panic in her voice. “Reese, Thom! I, I have to go make sure they're alright!” She moved to push herself up and then took in a sharp breath, wincing. When her hand came away from where it had been pressed against her leg, Lexa saw the blood and she felt her heart leap into her throat.  
  
“Ryder!” she yelled, head whipping around to see the warrior still by the dead animal. “Get me my horse! Now!” She heard him answer but looked away, attention immediately turning back to the blonde. Her eyes trailed down to the girl's leg, seeing the blood blooming from a wound across her thigh. Growling at herself for not noticing it sooner, the Commander quickly stripped out of her jacket and pulled her shirt off over her head, and then used the knife hanging from her belt to cut the shirt into strips. She ignored the cold as the snow and wind hit her bare stomach, instead reaching forward and firmly tying the fabric strips around the wound in an attempt to slow the bleeding. While she worked, she saw Clarke force a smile before she joked, “Are you hoping stripping for me will get me to forget the pain? Because that might work.”  
  
Eyes flickering up to meet blue, Lexa clenched her jaw, growling, “This is not a time for jokes, Clarke.”  
  
“I think... I think this is the perfect time for jokes,” the blonde argued, wincing as the other girl tied the fabric around her leg even tighter. “After all, a bear just almost killed me and I didn't think I'd get another chance to joke around with you, let alone see you shirtless.”  
  
At that moment Ryder stepped up beside them, Lexa's horse beside him, and the Commander nodded to him without looking away from the blonde.  
  
“Now is not the time for this, Clarke,” she repeated, her voice still hard, and then she stood up, quickly pulling her jacket back over her arms but not taking the time to close it. Instead she reached forward, pulling Clarke up with her, not missing it as the blonde winced again. Just as she was getting the other girl to her feet, she heard the rest of the hunting party show up, heard the gasps and mutterings coming from the Skaikru, but again she ignored everything but the girl in front of her. “Come on, we must get you back to Taigon.” Ryder pulled the horse up closer, not needing to be told to hold the animal still while Lexa lifted the other girl, getting her atop the horse as carefully and quickly as she could.  
  
“But Grace and Reese and Thom,” Clarke muttered, shaking her head and looking back at the trail she and the bear had left in her mad dash, “They're still out there. I have to go find them, tell them it's safe again.”  
  
As she spoke, Lexa pulled herself up and dropped into the saddle behind the blonde, and Clarke could feel the growl she let out at the words. Grabbing the reins from Ryder, she turned the horse, turning her attention momentarily to the hunting party. “Shet,” she called out, and the man immediately gave her his full attention. “Follow the trail the Wanheda and the bear left and find Clarke's people. You will bring them back to the Skaikru camp safely. Ryder, Jax,” she turned to her other two people, both quickly looking up at her, “You two will get this bear back to camp, along with the boar we got. The hunting is over.” Eyes flickering to Nygel and the two Skaikru men behind her, she told the woman, “You should go with Shet to find your people. The other two should help with the carcasses.” They all nodded to her and she returned the nods before she flicked her reins hard, yelling, “Go!”  
  
Her horse took off, speeding through the trees, arms closing around the girl in front of her. She heard the blonde call to her, “I should go with Shet and Nygel,” but she ignored the words, only urging her horse to continue forward faster.  
  
“You need to see a healer, Clarke,” she replied, arms tightening around the blonde. “Shet and Nygel will find your people and make sure they return to camp safely.”  
  
Clarke wanted to keep arguing, but her head was still foggy, her panic still gripping her and the pain from her leg pulling at her senses. She hadn't felt the wound until she had tried to stand up, adrenaline masking the sharp pain where the claws of the bear had managed to rip through her skin, but now she felt it, her leg throbbing under the tight bindings Lexa had tied around it. She felt dizzy, and knew that it was from a combination of fear and blood loss, and so allowed herself to sink into the body behind her, letting Lexa be the one to keep her on the horse.  
  
They didn't talk, Clarke too focused on trying to clear her head and ignore the pain from her leg and Lexa too focused on trying to get the girl back to the camp as quickly as she could, and before long the horse and riders broke through the trees, Lexa pulling the animal to a stop just outside of the library. The Sky People who had been working outside dropped whatever they were doing, surprised and suddenly afraid as the Commander came riding frantically into the camp. Lexa ignored them all, her eyes quickly scanning those standing around and whispering, not seeing her brother anywhere, but she did see Callie. “Get me Taigon!” she ordered loudly, meeting the woman's eyes, “Clarke is injured!” She saw the woman's eyes widen and jaw drop before she took off, running into the library.  
  
At her words, she heard the whispers from the Sky People increase, noticed that people began to move out of the building to see what was going on, but she ignored them. Dropping to the ground, the moment she as once again standing she reached up, pulling Clarke down as well, settling the younger leader in her arms rather than let her try to walk on her own.  
  
“I can walk, Lexa,” Clarke tried to assure her, but again Lexa ignored her words, turning and leaving her horse and the growing group of people behind as she started to move quickly towards the building. Just as she was bounding up the steps Callie and her brother appeared, both sets of eyes going straight to the two girls.  
  
Taigon wasted no time. “Get her to the sick room,” he ordered, Lexa nodding and then going inside, and Callie followed quickly on her heels, Taigon stopping to go through the bags of herbs that Clarke had only just taken from the sick room earlier that morning, quickly catching up with them once he'd found everything he needed.  
  
“What happened?” Callie asked frantically, eyes barely leaving the blonde in the Commander's arms.  
  
“I'm fine Callie, it's nothing,” Clarke tried to insist, but Lexa interrupted her.  
  
“Oh yes Clarke, getting attacked by a bear is nothing,” she growled, the fear still thrumming through her veins leaving her with little patience. Finally getting to the sick room, she found the door closed and rather than wait for someone to open it, she shifted Clarke's weight in her arms and then kicked it open. Taigon once again right behind them quickly side-stepped around them, setting the herbs and pot of snow he carried down on the floor before he placed a pile of furs out in the middle of the floor not far from where the fire pit still sat.  
  
“Place her here,” he informed the brunette, and Lexa moved over to the furs while he moved away, getting some wood from the side of the room to start a fire and putting the pot right next to it so that the snow would quickly melt.  
  
Gingerly Lexa laid Clarke out on the furs, not moving away once the blonde was lying in front of her. When Clarke tried to sit up she reached forward, gently pushing her shoulders back down. Meeting the girl's eyes she told her, “Lie still, Clarke.”  
  
“Really Lexa, I'm okay, it's just a scratch,” the blonde insisted, pushing back against the brunette's hand until she was able to partially sit up.  
  
“What happened?”Callie asked again, moving to the blonde's other side, eyes sweeping over the girl as she tried to understand what was going on.  
  
“I would like to know that also, Clarke,” Lexa said to her, eyes hard as she stared at the other girl. “Why did I find you hanging from a bear's back?”  
  
“You were what?!” Callie exclaimed, eyes going wide and jaw dropping.  
  
Clarke shifted, wincing as the movement caused a fresh wave of pain to hit her, and then looked around the room, eyes finally settling to meet Lexa's.  
  
“I had to go find Grace,” she finally explained. “She disappeared from camp and I found her trail, so I went to find her. What I didn't know is that Reese and Thom followed me. I found Grace, and then when we were on our way back to camp we heard a scream. The bear had Reese and Thom cornered up against a tree.” The corners of her lips pulled up even as Taigon moved over to her, his knife out. While he cut through first the bindings Lexa had placed against her wound and then her pant leg so that he could see the extent of the injury, she told Lexa, “Turns out you were right about giving the kids knives. Reese had hers out, trying to scare the bear off while she tried to get them both up the tree.” Wincing as the shredded fabric was pulled carefully from her leg, her eyes fell to her bloody thigh, seeing the three long claw marks that had been left behind when the bear had swiped at her. Swallowing down the bile that rose in the back of her throat, she continued. “I got the bear's attention by throwing rocks at it so that Grace could get the kids to safety. I ran, and it chased me. When I fell I tried to shoot it with my gun, but the bullets did nothing but make it madder.” Once he'd been able to remove the cloth from over the wound, Taigon had moved over to the pot of now warm water, submerging a clean cloth he had brought in with him. Ringing it out as he moved back over to the blonde, he began to gently dab at the wound, cleaning away the dried and fresh blood. Clarke ignored the little waves of pain it caused, turning back to Lexa to finish her story.  
  
“I kept running and it kept chasing me, and then I saw a branch ahead of me that I could reach and so I jumped up to it. I guess when I did the bear got me. I pulled myself up until I thought I was safe, but then the bear stood up.”  
  
“Bears can climb trees,” Taigon informed her quietly as he finished dabbing away at her wound and she rolled her eyes at him.  
  
“I figured that out, thanks,” she told him, and he grinned slightly at her tone before he moved away again. Lexa did not grin, her face still hard as she refused to look away from the blonde.  
  
“And then?” the brunette asked, eye not leaving Clarke's. She heard the other girl sigh before she turned back to her, telling them, “And then I had my knife out, and decided that my only chance was to jump and see what happened. So I did, and I landed on the bear's back and held on and just kept stabbing it while it tried to shake me off. And then you showed up.”  
  
“You... You jumped on a bear's back,” Callie stated, as though trying to wrap her mind around the very idea of it, and Clarke just shrugged. Looking up at the woman, she told her, “I didn't see any other option. It was that or get stuck in a tree with it.”  
  
“You did what you had to,” Taigon agreed, walking back over, and when Clarke noticed the orange-glowing knife in his hand she felt her heartbeat pick back up. She felt Lexa's fingers slip into hers, and when she looked back, green eyes were still watching her closely.  
  
“What's that for?” Callie asked worriedly, also seeing the burning blade the healer carried over to the injured girl, but Clarke shook her head at her.  
  
“It's fine Callie, it's just to help,” she assured her, and then Taigon was kneeling on her other side across from his sister and Lexa's grip on her hand tightened. Her free hand wove into the furs below her, grasping tightly to both those and Lexa's hand, and as the healer brought the blade closer to the wounds, she clenched her jaw tighter. As the white-hot blade pressed against her thigh, immediately blistering the skin and closing the wounds, Clarke couldn't entirely keep in the strangled scream she felt tear through her throat, even as she kept her mouth firmly shut. She clenched her eyes shut, the pain from the blade spiking through her, but then the knife was gone and the pain had lessened, though the throbbing of the blistered skin didn't ease. The next thing she knew Taigon was gently pushing against her arm, and when her eyes opened again she saw that he held a cup of steaming tea out for her.  
  
“Drink this,” he told her, “It will help with the pain.” She nodded and untangled her fingers from the furs, taking the cup from him before she took a small sip. The drink was hot and bitter, but she continued to drink, forcing it down. When she finished she handed the cup back to him, nodding to him in thanks.  
  
Taigon took the cup and allowed his gaze to scan the room. He saw Callie still standing behind Clarke, the woman clearly still worried for the girl, but what he focused on was the fact that his sister had yet to look away from her. He recognized that look in her eyes, saw the fear in them, and knew that she would not leave the blonde's side until that fear had subsided. He also noticed the fact that she had yet to let go of the blonde's hand, and the blonde had only shifted closer to her once he took the cup from her. Deciding the two needed a moment alone, he dropped both the cup and knife near the fire and stood up, looking over to Callie.  
  
“We should let her rest for the moment,” he informed her, and he saw how the woman's eyes flickered between the two girls still sitting in front of them. Getting her attention again, he added, “When she has rested, she will need a new pair of pants, and it would appear that the Commander needs a new shirt. Perhaps you could help me pick some out from the clothes that have been mended? And your people appeared worried when they rode back into camp; perhaps we should go inform them of what has happened.”  
  
Tearing her eyes away from Clarke and the girl who still sat beside her, Callie looked at the healer, and after a moment, nodded. She was about to leave when Clarke spoke up, turning to her as she told her, “The rest of the hunting party should be back any time with Reese and Thom and Grace. Can you make sure they're all okay, please?”  
  
“Of course, Clarke. You just get some rest and we'll take care of everything. You've done enough for today,” she informed the blonde, and returned the small smile the girl gave her, even if her worry hadn't completely subsided.  
  
With that Callie left, going to inform the rest of their people what had happened, and as she left Taigon too began moving towards the door. Before leaving he muttered to his sister, “ _Do not be too hard on her. You would have done the same thing and you know it_.” Lexa didn't acknowledge the words, still refusing to look away from the blonde, but Clarke looked to him and gave him a small smile before he left, pulling the door shut behind him.  
  
As soon as he left silence took over the room, neither girl saying anything for a moment. Looking back at the brunette, Clarke finally broke the quiet by saying, “He's right: you would have done the exact same thing to save any of your people.”  
  
Her words seemed to break some kind of spell that had been placed on the other girl, and finally Lexa's eyes closed, possibly for the first time since they had entered the room. Clarke watched as the Commander let out a long, shaky breath before her eyes opened again, and this time when they did she noticed tears forming in the corners of those green eyes. “Hey,” she murmured, those almost-tears breaking through the last of the haze in her mind, and she reached out with her free hand to brush her fingers lightly along the brunette's jaw. “I'm okay, Lexa. Really.”  
  
The next thing Clarke knew she was laying on her back after having been roughly pushed down and Lexa was straddling her stomach, the hand whose fingers were still intertwined with the brunette's held over her head while Lexa's other hand wrapped itself in her hair. The brunette pushed forward and their lips met roughly, the kiss a mess of teeth and tongues that Clarke could barely keep up with, but her eyes easily fell shut as she tried. Her fingers squeezed against Lexa's and then her free hand slid beneath the Commander's open jacket, palm resting against her bare side. It took a minute, her focus so entirely on the movements of their mouths, to realize that Lexa's body was shaking, the movement unnoticeable until she was pressed against the blonde. The shock of the discovery made Clarke pull back from the kiss, eyes widening as she looked up at the girl on top of her. When she pulled away, Lexa's eyes opened also, and again Clarke could see the tears that she refused to let fall making green eyes brighter than normal. She watched as Lexa scanned her face, her grip on the blonde's hand and hair only getting tighter when she finally breathed out, voice breaking, “I was so scared. Don't... I can't lose you, Clarke.”  
  
She'd never heard that voice so soft, so small before, and the fear that clearly gripped the other girl crashed against her. Free hand moving to the back of the brunette's neck, she gently pulled the girl back to her, closing the distance between them until their lips were once again moving against each other, this time so much more slowly. Clarke kept this kiss controlled, gentle, almost as though the action itself was meant as a promise. When she finally felt Lexa pull away just slightly, their eyes opened again and she slowly rubbed her thumb against the back of the brunette's neck as she promised her quietly, “I'm fine, Lexa: you're not going to lose me.”  
  
Lexa looked below her, studying the face of this girl who meant everything to her, and she allowed her words to help quiet the way her heart still raced in her chest. “Good,” she finally replied quietly, “Because I do not think I would survive it if I did. I care for you too much, Clarke.”  
  
“I care for you too much, too, Lexa,” Clarke murmured, bringing their combined hands closer so that she could press the back of Lexa's hand to her cheek. “Way too much.” Lexa allowed her lips to pull up, her heart slowly returning to its normal rhythm. She leaned forward again, eyes closing as she pressed her forehead against the blonde's, trying to get lost in just being so close to the other girl. She felt Clarke's free hand leave the back of her neck and slip beneath her jacket once again, her arm curling around her back so that she could pull the Commander even closer to her. She welcomed the movement, her body easily sinking further against the blonde's, and for long, uninterrupted moments they simply held on to one another, both just happy that they could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am glad to know that last week's episode effected pretty much everyone the same way. We will all have to claim a graveyard together. Especially after this week's episode, I imagine. Anyway, hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations:
> 
> Keryon - Soul  
> "Shof op" - "Be quiet"  
> "Yu gonplei ste odon" - "Your fight is over"


	17. Chapter 17

With the bear and the boar added to their stores, the mixed camp of Skaikru and Grounders finally had enough food to be able to make the journey to Camp Jaha, and the moment everyone realized that the excitement coming from the Tesla survivors became nearly palpable. Clarke couldn't even walk down a hallway without overhearing conversations about what the camp would be like, who would be there, whether certain loved ones had made it to the ground and would be waiting for them. Many times she would be pulled into one of the conversations, having to try to answer the many questions these people had for her. They figured she would know the answers; she had come from the camp, after all, so must know what it was like and who would be waiting for them there. The blonde answered what she could and dodged the rest, not telling them that it had been at least three months since she had stepped foot in the camp and really didn't know how it had changed in that time or who still survived. She tried not to think about that, tried not to think about who might be gone when she finally did return, and instead just smiled at those around her, doing her best to keep their hopes up.  
  
The day following Clarke's adventure with the bear, the camp was abuzz, everyone working harder than ever to make sure they had everything ready to leave. Well, everyone but Clarke. Even though she insisted many times over that she was fine, it seemed like Lexa never took her eyes off of her, always there to shoot her a glare whenever she tried to move around too much. In reality Clarke knew that she couldn't be watching always, because unlike the blonde, Lexa remained busy the entire day helping the Skaikru get ready to leave, stopping only to work with the children with their new knives for a short time in the morning, and leaving briefly in the afternoon on a trip to Luna's village to inform her of the Sky People's departure. However, the moment Clarke tried to exert herself, to put more pressure than Lexa deemed necessary on her leg, the brunette would somehow know and show up at her side, and at a raise of her eyebrows the blonde would roll her eyes and let out a small huff of annoyance before sinking back to the furs below her rather than trying to put up a fight. Taigon couldn't even help her, the healer knowing better than to try to argue with his sister whenever her face set stubbornly as it did now, and instead chose to agree with her, telling Clarke to rest while she could. It annoyed the blonde to no end, sitting to the side while everyone else worked, but people kept bringing over small, menial tasks for her to try to keep her occupied, and even though she suspected it was all a part of Lexa's plan to try to keep her busy and not moving, she chose to accept it with very little fight. She wouldn't tell Lexa because then the brunette really wouldn't let her move around, but her leg still throbbed some, and honestly sitting was much more comfortable than trying to walk, so she accepted the small, easy jobs.  
  
When Callie suggested they put off the trip for another few days to give her more time to heal however, Clarke finally put her foot down.  
  
“No,” she told the woman, hers, Nygel's, and Lexa's eyes all meeting stubborn blue. “We aren't putting the trip off any longer. We have everything we need now: if we put it off, we'll just start running out of supplies again. We're leaving tomorrow, and that's that.”  
  
No one bothered to try to argue with her anymore, though she easily saw the concerned look Callie shot her and the hidden worry in Lexa's eyes. Nygel was the only one who seemed to completely agree, evenly meeting her gaze and nodding in agreement, and then they all got back to work with whatever tasks they had been busy with before starting this discussion that had barely begun, and no one brought it up again.  
  
Clarke meant her words and knew that the decision was the right one to make, but even so she hated to make it. While the Tesla Station survivors buzzed with excitement at the idea of seeing their people again, the exact same thoughts filled the blonde with dread, an icy fear beginning to pump through her veins. What would it be like, she couldn't help but wonder, being back there again? She had walked away from the camp because she knew seeing all of those faces would just remind her, day after long day, of what she had done, the choices she had made to get them there, and she hadn't been able to stand those thoughts. A long time had passed since then, time that felt so much longer than the three months it really was, but was she ready? She had changed while she'd been away, there was no way to deny that, had learned how to deal with the memories and knowledge of what she had done, but would the guilt that had nearly killed her just return, as though no time had passed? In just a few days she would be once again confronted with the faces of the people she cared about most in the world, the people she had sold her soul for and knew she would do it again for. Would she really be able to handle it, or would it crush her just as she had known it would those many weeks ago?  
  
She didn't have to ask to know that Lexa sensed her worries, probably reading her thoughts just by looking at her. Whenever she was near, the brunette would reach out, barely brushing against her arm, a gesture that probably looked like an accident to those who might be paying attention enough to see it, but Clarke knew it for the reassurance it was meant to be, and while it helped, it also crushed her just a little bit more. Because going back to Camp Jaha, returning to her people, meant the end of everything that had developed between them. She didn't have to see the people she'd left behind to know that their anger over the Grounder leader's choice at Mount Weather wouldn't have subsided. There had been little enough trust between the two people's before that from both sides: after the betrayal, she knew the likelihood of any of them even speaking to the Commander or any of her people again was slim, let alone trying to accept or trust her. No, when she got back it would be to a camp full of people who hated the Grounders and who despised their leader. And there was nothing she could do about it.  
  
Walking out of the library after a final look around to make sure they hadn't forgotten anything, Clarke forced herself to push away those thoughts, ignoring the hard ball of emotions that had developed over night in her gut. Instead she focused on those around her, seeing the twenty-three Tesla survivors all milling around outside, a few tying down the final few bags into the wagon while others just shifted anxiously, clearly ready to be on their way. A couple of Grounders moved among them, helping the Skaikru to finish getting ready to leave, but the rest stood patiently near the trees, simply watching the goings on taking place before them. It was these Grounders Clarke moved towards, eyes drawn immediately to Lexa but then quickly shifting to the woman standing beside her, and the moment she was close enough she nodded respectfully.  
  
“Luna,” she said, smiling at the woman, “Thank you for coming and seeing us off.”  
  
“It is my pleasure,” the older woman replied, her lips curling up to return the smile. “It would have saddened me to miss you.”  
  
“It would have saddened me too,” Clarke told her truthfully. “Again, I want to thank you for all that you've done for my people. I owe you, and I won't forget that.”  
  
“I do not believe you will, but you owe me nothing,” she informed the blonde, eyes sweeping up and looking over the people moving before her. “All I did was for our alliance, and for you, Klark kom Skaikru. And,” she added as an after thought, turning and nodding to Lexa, “For my Heda.”  
  
“Rest assured that I will not forget what you have done for the alliance,” Lexa promised her, tilting her head up. Luna bobbed her head slightly, her lips curling up again at the brunette's words, and then her eyes flickered between her leader and the Skaikru leader. Raising a hand, she gestured and one of her people stepped up beside her. Clarke couldn't hold her grin back when she recognized Shayne, the girl standing still but bubbling energy pouring out of her all the same.  
  
“As my Second, Shayne will accompany you during your journey,” Luna said, and Clarke could practically see the excitement shining in the young Second's eyes. “Four more warriors will go with you also. I apologize: I would send others but...”  
  
“No,” Lexa told her, shaking her head slightly as the woman trailed off, “You do not need to send any more than that. The rest of your warriors should stay with your people.” Clarke nodded her agreement, and again the woman's lips turned up.  
  
“And now I must return to my people,” she said, shifting as one of her guards moved behind her, bringing her horse to her. Taking a hold of the reins, she looked back to Clarke, telling the girl sincerely, “It is an honor to have met you, Klark kom Skaikru. You are always welcome among my people.”  
  
“It is a great honor to have met you also, Luna kom Floukru,” Clarke replied, respect clear in her tone. “I truly hope to be able to come back and visit soon.” She didn't extend a welcome for the woman to come to her own people: they all knew that it was not an invitation she could safely give. Nevertheless the woman nodded, accepting her words, and was about to turn to Lexa to say good-bye, when Callie and Nygel moved over to them, both nodding their heads respectfully to the Grounder leader. Luna looked at them, raising her eyebrows, but did not give them the intimidating look she knew she was very much capable of.  
  
“I'm sorry to interrupt,” Callie began, eyes moving around the circle before they focused back on Luna. “We just wanted to also give you our thanks. None of us would still be here if you hadn't of helped us. So thank you. Really, thank you so much for everything you've done for us.” Nygel nodded, her own form of silent thanks, and after a moment, Luna returned the nod.  
  
“As I have said,” the woman told them, her tone quiet, “I do not require thanks: I am only happy that your people are well.” They nodded again before they walked away, knowing that there were other places they were needed and knowing that the three left behind needed to finish saying their own good-byes. Watching them leave, Luna told Clarke quietly, “You have good people, Clarke. I hope that you and they remain well.”  
  
“Thank you,” Clarke just said, touched by the woman's words, and the Grounder smiled at her before she turned to Lexa, the smile not leaving.  
  
“Leidon, Heda,” she said, and then added in English, “You will visit again soon, I hope.”  
  
“Sha,” Lexa replied, reaching out her arm and allowing the other woman to clasp her elbow as she returned the firm hold. “I will return, and perhaps the next time you will be able to accompany me back to Polis. The Capitol misses you.”  
  
“I would like that,” the woman told her with a grin, finally releasing her grip from the Commander's arm and feeling the other girl do the same. Urging her horse forward, she quickly mounted, the few Grounders behind her who would return with her to their village doing the same. She looked once again at the two young leaders, nodding to them both, saying, “Ride safely.”  
  
“Ride safely,” Lexa repeated, Clarke echoing the words behind her, and then with a final smile the woman turned her horse around, she and her guards disappearing in the trees quickly.  
  
Once she left, it didn't take long before Clarke could see that everyone, Sky Person and Grounder alike, were ready. Ryder moved over to her, bowing his head respectfully as he led her horse to her, and with a few final words with Nygel and Callie, a grin from Reese who seemed to materialize at her side, and a nod from Lexa, already sitting atop her own horse, Clarke let out a long, silent breath, pulled herself into the saddle, and then they too started forward, leaving the library and temporary camp behind them for what would probably be the last time.

***

It had taken four and a half days for the Grounders and lone Sky girl to find the Tesla survivors: it took twelve days for them to get those survivors to their new home.  
  
For the first day of travel, Clarke remained on her horse, using the beast as the Grounders did to try to clear an easy path through the snow for those on foot to follow. The day in the saddle gave her leg another few hours of rest, but the following day she walked with her people, letting others take turns throughout the day of riding so that they could get some rest. She and the Grounders were used to the long hours of travel: the rest of the Skaikru were not, and that became abundantly clear by the slow pace they kept up. Lexa led the way, her horse trailing a few steps before her warriors, and she made sure to keep the going slow, trying to account for the Sky People's lack of grace walking among the woods. Few of the survivors complained, most of them focusing on where they were going over how they were getting there, but still the Commander did what she could to make the journey easier for them.  
  
They stopped far more than they had when trying to find Clarke's people, but part of that was the fact that these people had to walk, their limbs tiring long before those on the horses could even begin to feel the same kind of exhaustion. Whenever they would rest, most of the Skaikru would sit, the long journey pulling at their muscles and making their feet ache, but the children at least never seemed to tire. The moment they stopped Reese and her followers would flock around the two young leaders, and both would have to hide their grins as they pulled out knives, sticks, or even sometimes bows, the lessons acting as a good distraction for all of them. When it was time to start back up again, none of the children would argue, instead simply sheathing their knives, dropping their sticks or bows back into the wagon, and run through the group of people around them, acting as the best kind of alarm either leader could ever have imagined. Reese would fall back beside Clarke and walk with her or move up to walk beside Lexa's horse, and again both girl's would have to hide grins that threatened to split their faces.  
  
During the days, other than the few short breaks when they would teach the lessons or wander around and speak to their people, Clarke and Lexa spent little time together. Lexa led the group, her eyes always scanning their surroundings, ever the fierce protector even when it wasn't just her own people she needed to protect, and Clarke moved among her people, encouraging those who were tired, slipping tips to those who complained of aching feet, or just listening to stories from those who wished to speak with her. They were too busy being the leaders that they both were to have time to be the lovers they had become or even the friends that they had been for longer, and neither could fight that. It was when the sun began to sink over the treetops, when Lexa would finally stop the group for the evening and people would begin digging through the wagon to set up the few tents they had and begin cooking the evening meal that the two would gravitate towards one another. At these times they still had to show their people the faces of two leaders, but at least now they walked together from Sky Person to Grounder, making sure that all was well side-by-side. When they slept, a luxury they did not get every night and many nights only for a couple of hours, they did so next to each other, huddled among many other bodies inside a tent barely made to keep the cold out, and so they were able to use the excuse of the cold to be close, nearly pressing against each other. More often than not they would lay there for many minutes, having silent conversations as they stared at each other, not daring to speak the thoughts in their head for fear of those around that could be listening, but also because those thoughts became increasingly more panic-inducing with each day that went by. As they traveled, they could both keep themselves busy enough with the safety of those around them to be able to push away the thoughts of the moment that was quickly approaching, but at night, being so close and yet having these barriers all around them, those thoughts nagged in their minds, tugged at their hearts, and couldn't be easily ignored. So they would just stare at each other, each trying not to think about how the other seemed to scan their face, as though trying to memorize every detail in fear that they could possibly forget even one aspect of the other. On the nights they did sleep, they got very little rest.  
  
Twelve days should have felt like a long time, but it didn't. It felt more like a second, maybe a single minute, and then Clarke was having to fight down the burning of her throat when Lexa stopped the group after hours of walking, everyone immediately falling to the ground or pulling out what was left of the dried meats or nuts, needing something to tide them over until the next meal. She saw the brunette hand her horse's reins over to Ryder the moment she dismounted, watched as the girl turned around and seemed to find her without even needing to search, and as the Commander began to make her way over, Clarke felt the sliver of despair slicing through her chest grow, easily seeing the emotions swirling in green eyes that were trying to hide their own pain. Carefully she slid Thom off of her back, the boy having asked for a piggyback ride after their last stop, and straightened up, knowing without having to ask what it was the other girl was walking towards her for.  
  
Lexa reached Clarke at the same time the other three children did, all already holding sticks in their hands, but before any of them could say anything Lexa held her hand up.  
  
“There will be no lesson during this rest,” she informed them, not even bothering to take her eyes from the blonde. “I must speak with Clarke. Go see if any of your people need help with anything.”  
  
Groaning, disappointment clear on their faces, most of them did what they were told, dragging their sticks in the snow behind them as they turned away. The only one who didn't immediately follow the order was Reese, the girl's brow pulling down worriedly as her eyes flickered back and forth between them.  
  
“It's alright, Reese,” Clarke told her, also not looking away from Lexa. “Go on, please.” With a final look to them both, the girl finally turned and walked away, sliding her stick into the loop she'd made for it along her belt.  
  
For a short moment the two stood and looked at each other, reading the others expression easily, and then Lexa turned, looking back at Clarke before she tilted her head, silently telling the blonde to follow her. Clarke did, letting the brunette lead her further among the trees, far enough away that their conversation wouldn't be overheard but close enough that they could still see their people milling around, relaxing until it was time to start again. Again, the two stood in silence for a while, neither wanting to break the quiet and speak the words that were going to break both of their hearts. Finally, Lexa, the ever-realist leader, did what neither wanted to do.  
  
“Your camp is only a couple of hours away,” she said quietly, her voice strong for as much as she was trying to hold back her emotions. “You and your people will be safely within its fence soon.”  
  
The words were not a surprise to the blonde: even after three months away, she had begun to recognize the area around her early that morning, certain landmarks sticking out that only managed to send the stabbing emotions deeper into her core. Lexa's next words did not surprise her either.  
  
“I cannot take you directly to your people's camp,” she informed the blonde, regret tinging her tone, and Clarke easily noticed it when she looked away briefly and then immediately back. “I cannot say how your people would react, seeing my people moving towards them. Even with you and the Skaikru with us, they could think it an attack and try to defend themselves. What lies between our people is an alliance that is too easy to break. None of my people have been this close to your camp since before the Mountain: I cannot take the risk that my people might be in danger or that something could happen that would destroy that alliance. I am sorry.”  
  
“Don't be,” Clarke told her quietly, not looking away from green eyes that were showing more emotions than she knew they were supposed to. “You're right: it's too risky for your people to go anywhere near the camp. I don't want anything to happen that could hurt our alliance.” _Or you_ , she silently added, but didn't say. This good-bye would tear her up enough already without another admission of how much the brunette meant to her.  
  
Lexa nodded, her jaw clenched tightly, and Clarke knew that she was trying to keep control of herself just as the blonde was trying. If the wetness that had begun to pool in either of their eyes was any indication, neither were doing a particularly good job. She made a sound that seemed an awful lot like she was trying to clear her throat, and then she said to the blonde, “But we can take you a little further. We will not leave until you are within an hour's walk to the camp.” Both heard but ignored the way her voice had broken when she started talking.  
  
Clarke made herself smile, forced her lips to turn up just slightly as she tried to joke, “Always so worried about protecting me.”  
  
The joke was meant to make them both smile, meant to break up the mass amounts of tension pooling between them, but it didn't. Instead it only made the blonde's throat burn more when green eyes only shone brighter, the care of her words lacing through both of their bones as the brunette merely whispered, “Always.” Clarke had to shut her eyes, losing in her fight to hold her pain back as a tear slipped from beneath each eyelid. She felt the gentle brush of fingers against her skin, opened her eyes to find Lexa reaching forward and brushing the tears away, and the motion only made another fall.  
  
They could only stand there, taking in and trying to process both their hurt and the others for so long before they knew they had to leave this small spot in the woods and continue on. Finally Clarke swiped her arm across her face, angrily wiping away the tear marks that had been left behind, and nodded, the silent indication they should go. Neither moved for another moment though, no words exchanged between them as their hearts agonized in their chests, because they knew no words that would make this prolonged good-bye any easier in either of their languages. All they could do was meet each others eyes and see the hurt, the pain, the longing for just a little more time, and understand that there was no more time. Not really. All they could do was accept what was, what had to be, and try to find a way to build a dam around the flood of emotions that burned inside both of them.  
  
Finally, knowing that their time was up, Clarke turned away, still having to fight the tears in her eyes and painful lump in her throat, and then Lexa was following her as they walked back towards their people. When they reappeared from the trees, those lying around saw them and got back to their feet, all knowing that it was time to go again. Ryder approached Lexa, leading the Commander's horse behind him, but the girl merely shook her head, squaring her shoulders and holding her head high so as to hide the agonizing sorrow that shook her to her core. With her best mask on, she stepped forward, Clarke stepping right alongside her, and they began again, leading their people behind them as they walked side-by-side.  
  
Clarke very purposefully tried not to keep track of how much time went by as they walked, but no matter how much it was in reality, all she could think was that it wasn't enough. They hadn't had enough time, not with this walk, not with their time with the Tesla survivors, and most importantly not together, alone in their cave. It wasn't enough, not nearly enough: she wanted more time, wanted another chance to hold Lexa, to make her smile, make her laugh, make her love, she just wanted more of _Lexa_. She had spent time, wasted time she now thought, hating the older girl, and now all she wanted was a chance to make up for that wasted time. She wanted to go back to the cave, go back to their training, back to when they had been becoming friends and then back to when they had become more. She wanted to go back to that first kiss, both first kisses, both the one when she hadn't known she was attracted to the other girl and to the one where she had been desperately fighting against that same attraction. She wanted to travel back to a snow storm, the perfect snow storm, when they both had allowed themselves to let go and truly give in to each other. She wanted all of those moments, over and over again, couldn't even begin to fathom how she could possibly just let them go now that she had had them, and felt her heart actually squeeze in her chest when she thought about how she was going to have to find a way to do just that.  
  
All too soon Lexa stopped again, and the moment she did Clarke had to close her eyes, fighting herself not to let anymore tears fall. She only opened them when she heard everyone else behind them stop, and could barely meet green eyes when they flickered, just briefly, to hers before turning to meet the confused Skaikru behind them.  
  
“This is where we must part,” the Commander called out, and Clarke was almost surprised to hear just how clear her voice was before she remembered that this was the same girl who had learned years ago not to show her emotions even when her heart was being ripped from her chest. She watched as Lexa's eyes scanned those listening to her, meeting her own people's gazes and tilting her head to them. They all pulled away from the Sky People, moving to stand by her, and then she looked back out to the Skaikru. “My people and I must return to our capitol,” she informed them, before she gestured to the blonde beside her, and Clarke noted that she couldn't look at her. “You are close to your camp: Clarke knows the way from here and can lead you there. You will be safe.”  
  
A light murmuring went up from the group of Skaikru, many brows pulled down, frowns on faces as they looked to one of the two girls who had saved them.  
  
“You're not coming with us to the camp?” Callie asked, taking a step forward, her sadness at the words clear in both her tone and face. Lexa looked to her, meeting her eyes as she simply replied, “I cannot.” She did not say specifically why she couldn't, instead just: “I must return to my own people now.”  
  
For long minutes the Sky People and Grounders said their good-byes to one another, and Clarke noted from where she watched that both people seemed to be disappointed in having to say the good-byes. She saw Shet clasping elbows with a few of the Skaikru, Ryder exchanging solemn nods with some, Shayne and Reese smiling as though the friendship they had developed over the past few days were not at an end but just put on pause for the moment. Each of the patients who had been sick shook Taigon's hand, absolute thanks shining from their eyes, and it all just made another spike of pain hit her, seeing what their people could be together but never would be, not on any larger scale. She watched each of the four children move to Lexa, all throwing their arms around her and Lexa returning the hold, and she had to turn away, fighting against more tears.  
  
Footsteps approached her, and she looked up, finding Taigon walking towards her, sorrow in his eyes as they scanned her face, and the fight against her tears became even harder. He stopped just in front of her and for a moment just studied her, the blonde studying him right back, neither able to hide the fact that this moment was hurting them both. Finally, just so that she could get it over with, Clarke held out her hand, not looking away from him as she told him sincerely, “I'm really glad I got the chance to meet you, Taigon. I'm really going to miss you.” Taigon didn't even look at the presented hand, instead just stepping forward and suddenly she felt his arms clasping tightly around her, pulling her close to him. Without a second thought, she threw her arms around him, returning the tight hug, and couldn't help it when a few new tears fell, quickly soaking into his jacket.  
  
“I am glad to have met you, Clarke,” she heard him whisper roughly, emotion all too evident in his tone. Unlike his sister, he didn't fight it back. “I will miss you as well, more than I can say.” He pulled back, not yet letting go completely, and met her eyes again, scanning them as he murmured, “Remember that you are more than just a leader to your people. You take care of them, but you must take care of yourself as well.” Any words she might have said got stuck in her throat, the burning once again flaring up, and all she could do was nod before he managed to give her a small smile and then pulled away, stepping back over to where the rest of his people had moved together. When she turned to follow his movements, her eyes immediately found Lexa's.  
  
There was pain in those green eyes: so much pain, so much sorrow and regret and hurt and the same wish for more time that Clarke felt, that all Clarke wanted to do was run over and kiss her, to kiss those feelings away. She wanted to wrap her arms around the other girl, wanted to whisper all the words she had already said and had yet to say to her, wanted to make sure she knew, that she truly understood what she meant to the blonde. But she couldn't do that, because the moment she touched the brunette, the moment she felt those arms around her or got close enough that she would be able to whisper everything that was in her heart to her, she knew that she would never be able to pull herself away. So she just stood there, meeting those green eyes and letting those green eyes meet hers, and they said nothing, knowing there was nothing more they could say.  
  
Finally, once the Skaikru had grabbed everything they needed from the wagon and the group had divided so that they were officially two people again, Clarke saw the brunette swallow, saw the movement in her neck, and then she nodded, finally tearing her eyes away before she turned.  
  
Panic erupted in Clarke's chest, the kind that made it hard to breathe. Lexa was walking away, going back to her people, and suddenly the reality of the moment crashed down on her. It crashed down on her because she was about to let Lexa walk away, again, just let her leave without telling her anything that needed to be said. She was going to let the brunette walk out of her life as though she had never meant anything, and in that split second she realized, without a shadow of a doubt, that she couldn't physically let that happen. She simply couldn't.  
  
“Lexa!” she called, running forward and leaving the Tesla survivors behind as she raced to close the already too-large space between them.  
  
At her exclamation, Lexa whirled around, her eyes wide, and then she was taking quick steps to meet the blonde in that space between their people, confusion and relief both breaking through her mask as though it had never been there. And then they were standing right in front of each other again, both of their people's watching, and it was all Clarke could do to keep herself from flinging her arms around the other girl. But even if she knew in the deepest part of her being that she couldn't just let this other girl walk out of her life, she also knew that nothing had changed, not really, and that that kind of display would only make things harder for both of them. So when they were together again, Lexa's eyes scanning hers rapidly, clearly searching for the reason she had been called back, the blonde just held out her arm. She watched as the brunette's brow turned down, her confusion only doubling, but she reached out as well, clasping her fingers firmly around the younger girl's elbow as fingers wrapped around hers.  
  
“Three weeks,” she heard Clarke whisper rapidly, blue eyes intense as they stared into hers. “In three weeks I'm going to get away from my people and go to the dropship. It won't be long, probably just a day, but I'll be there, and I'll be alone.”  
  
The implication was obvious, the clear, “ _And I want you to meet me there_ ,” easily read in her eyes, and Lexa felt her heart skip a beat before it sped up, her breath getting caught in her throat. Just a moment ago she had thought she was saying good-bye, thought she was looking at Clarke for the last time and the thought alone had been killing her, actually raking through her gut and killing her, but now she was saying something else entirely. And she shouldn't put any thought into it, Clarke couldn't have truly thought this through, not really, neither of them should allow their hopes to rise again, but it was too late and those hopes were about as high as they could get considering the situation. So instead of tossing the idea aside like her sensible self told her she should do, she simply allowed her grip on the blonde's arm to tighten, returned the hopeful look that she saw in blue eyes, and murmured quietly, “Three weeks.”

***

“You look pale.”  
  
Out of the corners of her eyes, Clarke could see Nygel studying her as they walked, saw the way her eyes scanned across the blonde's face, but didn't look back at her. She didn't say anything, didn't really have time to before Callie, walking on Nygel's other side, stepped up, looking around the woman so that she could study the younger girl as well, sudden worry evident in her gaze.  
  
“She's right Clarke, you look very pale all of a sudden,” the woman told her as she stepped around Nygel, her hand quickly coming up as she pressed the back of her fingers to the blonde's forehead. “Is it your leg? Is it hurting?”  
  
“I'm fine,” Clarke replied, pulling away from the hand and still not looking over at the worried woman. “Really, don't worry about me.”  
  
The words were both a lie and the truth at the same time; her leg was, in fact, fine, hadn't given her any problems for days now, and all she really had to show for her bear chase were the three scars that had been burned into her thigh. Her gut, however, was about as far from fine as it could get: her stomach tossed and turn, the almost iron taste of nervousness coating her throat and tongue. Her fingers, firmly curled into fists at her sides, had started shaking long moments ago, and she had had to clench her fists tighter to stop the motion. With her eyes trained in front of her, the thinning of the trees before them still managed to hide that which caused the intense reactions inside her, but it wouldn't be long now.  
  
Mere minutes later, Clarke stepped through the last of the trees, Callie and Nygel following on one side as Reese followed on her other, and then all of the Tesla survivors were walking into the clearing, audible gasps of awe and surprise coming from many of them.  
  
Honestly, Clarke nearly gasped as well the moment her gaze swept across the snowy field before them. Clearly she was not the only one who had made use of the past three months: Camp Jaha, it appeared, was no more, the wire fence and run-down space station replaced with a much more permanent structure. The new fence that surrounded the building appeared much higher, much stronger than the wire Clarke had last seen, and it made it difficult to see inside the camp from so far away, but even from what she could see it was obvious that the people living there had spent long days and probably weeks turning what had been a small space station that had crashed into the ground into a place where countless people could safely live. Along the front of the fence by what Clarke could tell was the door, currently closed to block out the world around them, read a long sign which simply read “ARKADIA.”  
  
After taking a moment of letting the new sight sink in for herself and those who followed her, Clarke stepped forward, beginning to make her way across the field, the Tesla survivors quickly following her. She hadn't gone far however before she saw movement atop the fence, heard shouts that she couldn't quite make out with the distance still between them, and suddenly she stopped, putting her hand up and making everyone behind her stop as well. Suddenly thoughts of the last time she had led someone to this very same camp came flooding back to her, guilt tugging at her insides as she remembered not only the shot ringing out but also the blood that had coated her hands as she'd tried to stop the bleeding, begging Anya to hang on. Turning, she quickly looked at the twenty-three people behind her and immediately saw a problem: they looked like Grounders.  
  
Luna and her people hadn't been able to give them much, but they had been able to provide some pieces of clothing, some jackets or furs, and now, with those pieces ranged out among these people, they no longer looked as though they had dropped from the Ark, not right off at least. From far away or to those who didn't know, they looked like the same people who had left the people within the camp in front of them in the hands of a terrible enemy. If they kept walking forward, just as Lexa had feared for her own people, those inside might think they were attacking, and the Arkers inside might launch a counter attack.  
  
Before anyone could continue moving, Clarke turned around, scanning the people behind her, seeing the confusion on their faces as they waited to go into their new home. She could see the excitement, the eagerness to keep going, but clearly she had managed to develop some kind leadership role among them, because none of them moved, all waiting for her.  
  
“Wait here,” she told them, meeting their eyes as she looked around the group. “They aren't expecting us, don't know what this might be, and so might be on the defensive. I'll go, and let you know when it's safe.”  
  
Most of the people there continued to look at her as though they didn't truly understand, but many of them nodded anyway, agreeing. She saw the concern in Callie's eyes, noticed the way Nygel's grip on her spear shifted, but neither woman said anything. After a final look around, she nodded and then turned, once again stepping closer to the fence on the other side of the field.  
  
She wasn't alone; Reese, clearly not having heard her clearly, moved with her, her head held high as she walked in time with the blonde. Clarke stopped, looking down at the girl before saying, “Reese, you need to stay here.”  
  
“No way,” the little girl replied, her face set stubbornly, brow pulled down as she met Clarke's look. “I'm your Second, and Shayne said that a Second always stands by their leader's side, no matter the situation.”  
  
Clarke had to fight to keep herself from either rolling her eyes or groaning. Only a couple days into their journey, Reese and Shayne had become friends, the Second all too happy to share with the younger girl her role and what that role meant, and from that moment Reese had decided that she was going to be Clarke's Second. No amount of Clarke telling her, as nicely as she possibly could, that she didn't need a Second would change the girl's mind, so finally she had given up the argument, much to Lexa's amusement.  
  
Now however, she suddenly wished she hadn't given up so easily, because it was clear that the girl was not going to back down. Blue eyes flickered over to the fence again, another flutter of movement visible along its top, and she knew that they were being watched. If she wanted to get this done before shots began to rain down on them, she didn't have time to try to take the argument up again now.  
  
“Fine,” she finally said, giving in, but she gave the girl a hard look and told her sternly, “But you stay behind me, got it?” The girl nodded, her hand falling to the hilt of her knife strapped securely on her belt, and Clarke barely managed to hold in her sigh as she turned and once again began to make her way forward. She felt her own knife at her belt as well as her sword hanging in its sheath across her back, but neither weapon made her feel any better: she knew that if the people inside the fence didn't recognize her, neither knife or sword would do anything against the bullets that might rain down on all of them.  
  
As she got closer to the gate, its door towering over her now, she raised her hands at her side, clearly trying to show that she wasn't a threat. She saw Reese hesitate out of the corners of her eyes, fingers gripping tighter around her knife momentarily before she too raised her arms. They were close enough now that Clarke could hear the shouting from the people watching them from above, but she didn't recognize any of the voices.  
  
“Grounders,” she heard growled, and “Don't shoot yet, wait for your orders!,” along with other, less legible murmurings. Raising her head, she tried to meet their faces, mostly failing as the fence had clearly been built so that they could see outside while those outside couldn't easily see them, and called up loudly, “We aren't Grounders.”  
  
Her words only caused more murmurings, this time quicker and even less sure, and her heartbeat had begun to race in her chest, realizing they didn't believe her when she suddenly heard a voice she definitely recognized yell, “Hold your fire! Put your guns down and open the gate!” More murmurings and then: “I said open the damn gate, now!” The gate was large enough that it took a long moment to get it open, and once it did Clarke looked through, finally getting an unobstructed view of the new space that was clearly no longer Camp Jaha.  
  
There were buildings: not many, but a few, and what had once been chaos and tents made out of whatever they could find now was order, a series of structures that all clearly had a purpose. Paths led between the structures, the trodden snow a clear indication of where the most foot-traffic took place, and even now she could see people moving around, everyone so much more at ease than anyone had ever been in the camp she had left.  
  
It was all amazing, an incredible change from what had been, but at the moment Clarke couldn't look around. Instead her eyes instantly moved to the guy standing in the open gateway, eyes scanning her as disbelief appeared on his face. His had been the voice she had recognized, and it was with a shocking amount of relief that she breathed out, “Bellamy.”  
  
At his name, Bellamy's eyes only widened, his disbelief shifting into surprise as he murmured, “It is you. Clarke.”  
  
And then he strode forward quickly, and suddenly his arms were around her shoulders, pulling her tightly to him, and only a short moment later she'd thrown her arms around him, eyes closing as she returned the hard hug. Breathing became hard, but she attributed that more towards the burning in her throat than the force of the hold. When he finally pulled back, it was only enough so that he could scan her face, fingers still tightly wrapped around her arms as he sputtered, “We've been looking, but no one ever, there was no sign of you, anywhere, we couldn't find you. But here you are. You're back.”  
  
Something that felt almost like a vice gripped at her insides, guilt and too many other emotions to try to name rampaging through her as she saw how he looked at her while scanning her face. “I'm back,” she just said, trying to hide the pain those words caused her from her voice. “And I'm not alone.”  
  
Pulling out of Bellamy's grip, Clarke turned to Reese, the girl having stood only a couple of feet away during the reunion, eyes watching everything suspiciously, and told her, “Reese, could you go get everyone else and tell them it's safe?” The girl looked up at Bellamy, the young man looking at her in surprise, as though only just now realizing she was there, but then looked back to Clarke and nodded before turning around and running back out into the snowy field outside the gate.  
  
“What...?” Bellamy asked, confusion clear in his tone as he watched the girl disappear, but before Clarke could try to answer the question she was interrupted.  
  
“Holy shit. Holy shit, is that-? Clarke?”  
  
Turning, Clarke saw Raven standing a few feet away, her eyes wide as though she were looking at a ghost. Clarke gave her a small smile, and then the girl was practically running over to her, her bad leg barely slowing her at all. Raven threw her arms around the blonde, her shock still more than clear as she kept saying over and over, “Holy shit! Just, holy shit!”  
  
At the girl's words, Clarke felt the corners of her lips pull up further, her eyes once again closing as she returned the girl's hug, a small laugh escaping her before she could interrupt the many shocked mumbles with, “Yeah, it's me, Raven.”  
  
“Holy shit!” the girl repeated one more time, pulling away, and Clarke saw the giant grin that was on her face. “Well it's about damn time you came back! We've been looking for you everywhere. Abby's been sending out one search party right after another.” Her eyes widened at the thought, and then she stepped back, turning to one of the many guards who Clarke suddenly realized were watching the reunions. “Hey,” she called to him, jerking her thumb over her shoulder, “Go find the Chancellor and tell her she needs to get out here right now. Go!” The man's eyes shifted to Clarke, but he nodded and then left them, jogging away from the scene and the small crowd that had begun to form as people realized that something was going on.  
  
The thought of seeing her mother again caused the squirming in her stomach to increase, but Clarke pushed against it, trying her best to ignore it in the hopes it would settle down. Instead of letting herself think about it, she turned her attention back to Raven as the girl looked back at her and continued, “Seriously Clarke, where have you been?! We've all been worried sick about you! Where were you? And what,” she asked, taking a step back and frowning as she finally seemed to take in the blonde's appearance, “What have you been doing?”  
  
“Raven, let her catch her breath, would you?” Bellamy growled, stepping up and resting a gentle hand on the brunette's shoulder. “She just got back and you're hounding her already.”  
  
“No, it's okay,” Clarke said, meeting Bellamy's eyes before shifting her focus between both of her friends. “I get it. It's been a long time. It's just... It's really good to see you both again.”  
  
Raven's facial expression softened, the grip she still held on the blonde's arm loosening just a bit before she told her softly, “We've missed you too Clarke.”  
  
Before any of them could say anything else, Clarke heard over her shoulder, “Well well well, if it isn't my little bird. I must say I'm not at all surprised to see you here. I should have known you would be too stubborn to die.”  
  
Clarke turned, pulling slightly out of Raven's grip, and saw the Tesla survivors finally making their way up to the gate. It was Nygel who had spoken, and the blonde was surprised to see something that looked almost like a grin pulling at the woman's lips, an expression she was pretty sure she hadn't yet seen the woman make. The words meant nothing to the blonde, but at Raven's gasp she turned back to her friend, watching as her jaw dropped open in shock, eyes wide.  
  
“N-Nygel?” the mechanic finally managed to get out, and Clarke realized Raven being nearly speechless was another thing she hadn't ever seen. “H-how? W-what?”  
  
“Clarke, what's going on?” Bellamy asked, his eyes shifting between the group of people who had stopped just within the gate and the blonde, and then he watched as Clarke pulled away from them, walking over to the group. Her hand moved to the shoulder of the girl who'd been with her a few minutes earlier, and he didn't even try to hide his surprise as she told them, “They're all from the Ark. They were in Tesla Station, and they all survived the crash. They needed a better place to live, so I brought them back here.”  
  
A crowd had gathered, creating an almost semi-circle just behind Bellamy and Raven, and at the blonde's words, the majority of people there began murmuring quickly, dozens of pairs of eyes scanning over the group of new survivors. Suddenly someone pushed through the crowd, a young man Clarke didn't immediately recognize, and he called out haltingly, “Orion?”  
  
Clarke's first patient to get better looked over at him and the blonde saw the grin that suddenly broke out across his face as he exclaimed, “Paul! You idiot, of course you're still alive!” The two moved forwards, throwing their arms around each other as they laughed, and the murmurings among the crowd only grew, now a positive buzzing energy flowing through them.  
  
Everyone was watching the scene unfold, Clarke included, her attention so focused that when she heard her name called so softly it was almost a whisper, it caught her by surprise, her heart skipping a couple of beats as the voice echoed inside her head. Turning, the lump in her throat grew until it nearly hurt to try to speak around, and her voice broke the moment she saw who had pushed through the crowd, eyes not leaving her for a moment.  
  
“Mom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone else make a lot of unintelligible sounds whenever Clarke and Lexa (or even just one or the other of them) are on the screen when watching a new episode? Or re-watching an old one? Cause I do, and sometimes I'm not sure if it's healthy to really be this invested in the lives of two (amazing) fictional women.
> 
> But anyway. Two quick notes: First, I've had a couple people comment or message me who seem to be afraid that now that the story is heading towards Clarke's return to Camp Jaha/Arkadia, that this story is coming to an end and I'm going to be cruel and leave things sad and unhappy between our girls. I will take this moment right now to assure you that while I won't say anything about not being cruel, this story is FAR from over. Let's just say, I have barely dented the surface of where this story is going.
> 
> Second, holy cow! It is very clear that a ton of you really loved the action that came from the previous chapter (I love it too), so let me also assure you that there will be more action-y chapters coming up soon. So if that's what you love, just hang on a little longer and I think you'll be... I don't know if "happy" is really the word, but we'll go with it!
> 
> But anyway, I hope you enjoyed, and as always, feel free to let me know your thoughts!
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations:  
> "Leidon" - "Good-bye"


	18. Chapter 18

For a moment, Clarke could do nothing but stare at the woman in front of her. She felt as though the blood in her body had all turned to lead, the heavy substance weighing her down. Her heart rammed against her ribcage as her mind went blank, momentarily unable to think of anything but the fact that there was her mother, standing in front of her again, blessedly _alive_. The small, insistent fear that had been pulling at her for weeks now, making her wonder if this woman would even still be living when she returned dissipated, and her heart beat with heavy relief.  
  
And then her mother hurried forward and threw her arms around her, and Clarke could finally move enough to return the hold. Her eyes squeezed shut as her nose pressed against her mother's neck, taking in the familiar scent that hadn't changed much even once they got to the ground. That scent and the arms around her comforted her, but even with that comfort her jaw pressed together tightly. Most people probably wouldn't have noticed it, but this was her mother, the woman she had known and loved and lived with her entire life, so when Abby had closed the space between them, Clarke had noticed the slightest change in her walk. It wasn't a limp, not quite, but it was near enough, and the blonde knew that what had happened to her mother at Mount Weather had taken its toll on the woman's body. Clarke felt her heart squeeze in her chest.  
  
“Clarke,” she heard her mother whisper against her, and noticed the small break in her voice. “You're okay. Oh god, baby, you're okay.”  
  
“I am, Mom,” Clarke murmured back, though honestly she wasn't sure if the assurance was truly meant for her mother or herself. “I'm okay.”  
  
Her mother pulled back just slightly, hands moving to cup her daughter's face as she looked at her, eyes scanning over her.  
  
“Where have you been?” she asked, and Clarke was unsurprised by the worry coating her tone. “Why didn't you come back sooner? God Clarke, do you know how worried I've been?”  
  
Clarke opened her mouth to say something, and then immediately closed it again. The questions, especially the first one, were all questions she hadn't thought of answers to yet. She couldn't, _wouldn't_ , tell her or anyone else the truth, couldn't talk about her cave or Lexa or what they had become, but didn't have anything else to say that would satisfy her mother. She saw the way her mother's eyes pierced into her own, and knew that the woman expected answers, but she didn't have any for her.  
  
Luckily for the blonde, their attention was pulled back to the crowd around them when Kane pushed through, his eyes first going to the mother and daughter reunion, and then sweeping past them. He looked over the new Arkers, but his gaze froze and eyes widened at one in particular.  
  
“Callie?” he breathed out, loud enough to be heard, and the one name seemed to momentarily pull Abby's focus from her daughter as her own eyes widened.  
  
The aforementioned woman's face broke into a smile, her own attention pulled away from the reunion she too had been watching, and looked to the man as she stepped forward, breaking away from the people behind her.  
  
“Marcus,” she simply called back, her smile only growing, and then the two both moved forward, and it was their turn to pull each other tightly to one another.  
  
Kane couldn't shake the shock of seeing her, the disbelief and surprise not leaving his expression even as he felt her against him. His shock was shared, clearly, as Abby looked over to them, her eyes just as wide, as she whispered also, “Callie?” After another moment of hugging Kane, she stepped back, turned to her best friend, and her grin only grew.  
  
“Abby,” she said, and then moved over to the woman, Abby releasing her hold on her daughter for a moment so that she could return her best friend's hug.  
  
“How?” Kane asked, still clearly unable to wrap his mind around the fact that she and all these other new people were here. His eyes swept out over them, taking in the many reunions taking place now that the crowd had realized that these were indeed their own people, and his gaze stopped at the woman now standing near Raven, watching them. His eyes widened further. “Nygel?”  
  
The woman who in what seemed like another lifetime had been a constant source of problems for him smirked, taking a few steps forwards, saying, “You didn't think it'd be that easy to get rid of me, did you Marcus?”  
  
He heard Raven snort, noticed her roll her eyes, but didn't take his focus off of Nygel except to look back and forth between her, Callie, Clarke and the rest of the newcomers.  
  
“How did this all happen?” he asked her, and he saw Nygel look over to the blonde girl who still stood near her mother.  
  
“Ask her,” the woman told him, nodding to Clarke. “We're only here thanks to her and the Commander.”  
  
Clarke closed her eyes, cursing herself inwardly. She should have warned them ahead of time, should have told everyone to be careful with how much they said about how Clarke had found them. Nygel hadn't spoken loudly, not really, but even so she heard the Arkadia Arkers near them begin whispering, and when she opened her eyes again and looked around, she noticed that many of them had stiffened. Before long the murmurings only grew as the whispers spread through the crowd, and while reunions continued to take place, she also noticed the way many people now shifted on their feet, their gazes going to the open door and out across the field, as though searching for the very Grounder Nygel had just spoken of.  
  
Unlike the majority of the Arkers, when Kane looked to her she saw true curiosity and maybe a little bit of hope in his eyes.  
  
“The Commander?” he asked her, and she could hear that hope in his voice. When she looked to her mother though, she saw distrust in the hard line of her lips. Turning, she saw Bellamy and Raven still standing near them and saw the same distrust etched into their stances as well.  
  
Clarke sighed, unable to keep the small breath in, and then looked at those around her before she said quietly, “We should go talk.”  
  
Her mother, and the rest of them, nodded, before turning her attention back to the crowd. The lines on her face seemed to melt away as she looked at those in front of her, so many families or friends reunited, and she allowed a smile to pull at her lips.  
  
“Welcome to Arkadia,” she called out to them, and everyone in the crowd went quiet, turning to their Chancellor. “Welcome home. We are thrilled to be reunited once again. Please know that you are all welcome here, and that we will find you rooms immediately that will be yours where you can put whatever you brought with you. Until then, please help yourselves to food: there's plenty for everyone. If anyone needs any medical attention, the infirmary is inside and Jackson will be happy to see to you, and I will be there shortly as well. You can all just rest now: you are safe.”  
  
Abby watched as those who she had been leading for months now all smiled or relaxed, ease once again moving through the crowd. She did not miss the fact that the new Arkers all seemed to turn to her daughter, as though looking to her for the same assurance the Chancellor had just given them. She looked at Clarke and watched as her daughter smiled at them all, simply nodding to them. At that small motion, the new Arkers all seemed to truly relax, and Abby couldn't help but wonder exactly what her daughter had been doing for three months, or how it came about that these people seemed to look to her as their leader.  
  
Clarke noticed the look that her mother was giving her, but she ignored it. She continued to look at the Tesla Station survivors, and as they all once again began hugging and talking to people they hadn't seen in months, she felt her smile soften. She'd given up her freedom, her life away from all of this for them, but it was worth it, watching them all smile and truly relax in ways she hadn't seen them do before then.  
  
A small hand pressed into hers, and she looked down. At some point during the welcome Thom had broken away from the group and moved over to her, Reese moving just behind him. Now they both stood next to her, and Clarke could see a mixture of shyness and fear on the little boy's face, while Reese seemed to be doing her best to keep her own emotions hidden. She was doing fairly well with it, until Clarke noticed her eyes flicker to the Chancellor and Kane, and her jaw tighten.  
  
Kneeling down, Clarke squeezed the little boy's hand tighter, giving them both a small smile.  
  
“I have to go talk with the Chancellor and Kane,” she informed them softly, keeping her tone light. “You two should stay here with everyone else, okay?”  
  
Honestly, she wasn't surprised by their response. Rather than agree, Thom shook his head and threw his arms around her neck, holding on to her tightly, and Reese just raised her eyebrows at her. Clarke sighed, but nodded, wrapping her arms around the little boy still holding on to her as she stood up, shifting him in her hold as he buried his face into the crook of her neck. He, like Reese, had no parents, no family, and while Clarke had at one point hoped that maybe they would be waiting for him here, when she had mentioned it to Callie, the woman had looked at her sadly and told her how both his parents had died when the Tesla Station had crashed into the ground.  
  
“Alright then,” she murmured softly to him, rubbing his back slightly, “I guess you're coming with me, little warrior.” She felt him smile against her neck, and let herself smile in return, looking down at Reese and gesturing for her to follow them. Looking back up, she saw her mother watching her, and met her eyes, the smile falling slightly as she nodded, saying, “Let's go.”  
  
Abby returned the nod, and then Kane turned around, leading the way back through the crowd and towards the large structure in the middle of the camp. Abby and Clarke followed behind him, and Clarke tried to ignore the side-long looks her mother kept giving her, and the fact that Reese had very purposefully moved to her other side so that she wasn't near the Chancellor. Behind them came Bellamy, Raven, Callie and Nygel, and if either of the former counselors had a problem with the small group behind them, neither said anything.  
  
As they moved forward, Clarke allowed her eyes to scan around her, trying to take in the changes that had been made to the camp since the last time she had stepped foot in it. Her gaze swept around, stopping suddenly when she saw two familiar faces watching her. Lincoln and Octavia stood outside of one of the small buildings, and while Lincoln gave her a small smile when he saw her look at them, Octavia simply continued to stare at her, her brow pulled down and the smallest of glares directed at her. Clarke felt a pang of guilt and hurt hit her as she remembered one of the last conversations she'd had with the brunette before she left, and the way she looked at her now told her in no uncertain terms that Octavia still hadn't forgiven her for what she had allowed to happen at Tondc. Having to swallow around a lump in her throat, Clarke's arms tightened around the little boy holding on to her, using his weight to try to anchor her as she felt her heartbeat begin to speed up. She'd been in the camp for no more than a few minutes, and already the pain of her past decisions had begun to wash over her.  
  
She did her best to ignore that hurt, did her best to push the look Octavia was giving her out of her mind as she turned her focus back to the group around her, stepping through the doorway of the large structure in the middle of the camp and following her mother further into the building. They moved down corridors and past large rooms where even more people appeared to be working, few of them looking up from their work as the group passed, and then Kane and her mother stopped in front of a closed door. Opening it, Kane gestured, ushering them all inside, and once everyone was he too stepped in, closing the door behind him.  
  
Clarke looked around the room, seeing a long table with various chairs in one corner, a small tattered couch in another, and a board pushed to the side with what looked like maps and lists on it. A small shelf along the wall held some of the few books that had survived the crash to the ground on it, and Clarke thought of her pack, outside with everything else the Tesla survivors had been able to carry with them. Ignoring the thought for the moment and the fact that her bow and quiver were with it, she turned towards her mother as she began speaking.  
  
“Clarke, what's going on?” Abby asked her, breaking the silence that had fallen over them while they moved. “Where have you been, how did you find Callie and the others, and what does the Commander have to do with any of it?” She said Lexa's title with enough distrust and hate in her tone that everyone in the room noticed, and while Callie and Nygel just looked at her curiously, Clarke felt Reese shift beside her. When she looked down at the little girl, she was scowling at the Chancellor, fingers clenching tightly on the handle of the blade at her belt. Clarke reached down, gently placing her hand on the girl's shoulder, and met Reese's eyes when she looked up at her. The moment the girl looked at her, she saw Reese let out a small sigh, her fingers loosening their grip on her blade.  
  
The shared look with Reese only took a second, and then Clarke was looking at the others in the room. Her mother hadn't looked away from her, eyes scanning her face as though she might be able to find all of the answers she wanted if she just looked hard enough. Kane met her eyes, his curiosity still evident as he waited for her to speak, while Bellamy had his arms folded across his chest, one eyebrow raised. Raven stood back, leaning against the wall, but she also watched Clarke with arms crossed in front of her, waiting to hear what the blonde had to say. Callie and Nygel stood together, the first looking back and forth from the blonde to the others in the room while the second simply watched Clarke as well.  
  
Closing her eyes as she let out a little sigh, Clarke shifted Thom in her arms so that she could tuck him into her side, using the now free hand to rub at her forehead. She could already feel a small headache coming on, and they hadn't even really begun talking yet. When she opened her eyes again, her gaze moved right over to the table a few feet away, and she moved over to it, pulling one of the chairs out so that she could sink into it. Unsurprisingly, Reese followed her, standing so close to her once she stopped that the blonde could feel her brush against her shoulder whenever she shifted nervously.  
  
“They're from Tesla Station,” she finally said, purposefully ignoring her mother's questions as she nodded towards Nygel and Callie. “A number of them survived when they landed, and have been looking for other survivors since then, and trying to find a safe place to live. They ended up in a broken-down library near one of the Grounder's villages. When the leader of the Boat People realized they were Skaikru, she sent a messenger to the Commander. The Commander found me and led me to them, and then we came here.”  
  
There was so little detail in her story that she knew there was no way she was going to be able to get away with leaving it at that, but even so she had to fight against clenching her jaw when her mother asked, “How did the Commander know where you were? We've been looking for you for weeks, how did she find you?”  
  
Not meeting her mother's eyes or the looks of anyone else in the room, Clarke just shrugged, muttering, “She's the Commander: I'm sure she has her ways.”  
  
“I'm surprised you didn't shoot her the moment you saw her,” Bellamy drawled, his eyes hard. “I sure as hell woulda.”  
  
Clarke bit the inside of her cheek, remembering how that was exactly what she had almost done that first time Lexa found her in the woods. She couldn't think of that though, not for more than the quick moment the memory hit her, because once again Reese's fingers had clenched around her knife.  
  
“Clarke wouldn't hurt Heda!” the girl growled, shooting daggers at Bellamy with her glare. “They both saved us!”  
  
The girl's words surprised those in the room who hadn't been at the library, while Bellamy's words surprised the few who had been. Callie looked shocked, her eyes wide as she asked nearly at the same time, “Why would Clarke want to shoot the Commander?”  
  
Everyone's eyes turned to Clarke at the same time, and the blonde had to fight against closing hers and wishing she were anywhere else. Especially in a cave alone with the very person they were all talking about.  
  
“They don't know?” Raven asked, pushing herself off of the wall and taking a step closer to the group.  
  
“Don't know what?” Nygel asked, her eyes darting back and forth between Clarke and the rest of the group.  
  
Clarke held her head a little higher, forcing herself to meet their eyes as she answered Raven. “I didn't see any reason to tell them and make them distrust the people who were trying to help them anymore than they already did.” Looking at Callie and Nygel and feeling Reese beside her and Thom still holding on to her, she told them, “The people here don't trust the Grounders, and have every right not to. Especially the Commander. We were at war together against an enemy that, that was killing both of our people, and when the enemy saw we were going to win, they offered the Commander a deal that would save her people and doom ours. She took it.”  
  
She made the story sound simple, factual, as though the events of that one moment hadn't been haunting both herself and Lexa ever since. And, she realized as she forced herself to look around the room, everyone else. Eyes were hard, mouths drawn tight, from those who had been part of that fight. Even Kane, the one who clearly still desired peace, had clenched his jaw at her words, and the small, barely existent part of her that had dared to hope that somehow, someway she would be able to show these people that peace truly was an option, died inside of her. She had no doubt that the feelings these four had in remembering what the Grounders had done to them at Mount Weather was shared among the rest of her people, and honestly she was a little surprised that the tentative peace they had managed to keep hadn't been broken already. Lexa had been wise in ordering her people not to go anywhere near the Skaikru camp, Clarke suddenly knew: she had no doubt that at the sight of any Grounder, shots would have been fired and that peace would have been extinguished.  
  
“Heda saved us,” Reese repeated, her brow still furrowed, looking at Clarke, and the blonde met the look, giving her a sad smile.  
  
“She did,” she agreed, reaching down and taking the girl's hand that still rested on her knife. She felt Thom shift on her lap, saw him finally lift his head to look at her, and gave him the smile as well. “She saved you guys, but couldn't help everyone here. She had to turn her back on us, so they don't really like her.”  
  
If the adults in the room noticed that she hadn't included herself in that, none of them said anything about it. Instead Bellamy just stepped forward, glaring, though when Clarke looked up at him, she knew the look was directed at the woman he spoke of and not at anyone in the room.  
  
“She _betrayed_ us,” he spat, his anger evident. “Because of her we had to-”  
  
“I know what we had to do, Bellamy,” Clarke interrupted him, returning his glare. “I know what I did.”  
  
“What _we_ did,” he argued, his voice softening just slightly. “You left because of what we had to do because of her.”  
  
_I survived because of her_ , she could have said, but looking around the room, she saw the anger and hate in the eyes of those who loved her and knew that nothing she could say would convince them that Lexa had done what she had to do. Instead she just sighed, looking away from him as she replied, “And now I'm back because of her.” She felt Reese squeeze her hand and returned the pressure, before she turned to her mother, meeting her eyes as she asked, “There's enough room for the Tesla survivors, right? There are twenty-three of them.”  
  
“Of course,” her mother told her, nodding her head in surprise, as though there not being room had never crossed her mind. “We've managed to build on to what we had, and so have a few rooms still available, and if we need to we can always pair people up until we can build more. As soon as Spring is here we were planning on expanding anyway.”  
  
“Good,” Clarke said, pushing herself back to her feet, arm once again tightening around Thom. She looked over to Callie and Nygel, nodding to them as she told them all, “I'm going to go back out and make sure everyone's settling in okay. Come find me if you need me.” They both returned the nod and then she moved forward, Reese following along right behind her. As she passed, she felt her mother reach out and touch her arm, trying to stop her.  
  
“Clarke...” she murmured, eyes clearly sad, and the blonde had to fight against a fresh wave of pain inside her. She couldn't stay in there any longer though, and just forced herself to give her mother a small smile, promising, “We can talk more later, Mom. Right now I have to go make sure everyone's alright.” She saw her mother let out a small sigh and then nod, pulling her hand away, and she continued forward. As she opened the door, she was pretty sure that Bellamy also nearly stopped her, his brow pulled down as he began to reach out, but Raven's hand on his shoulder stopped him.  
  
“Don't,” she told him quietly as they all watched Clarke and the two kids leave the room, the door closing behind her. “She needs her space.”  
  
“She's had space for three months,” he growled, turning away from the door and meeting the mechanic's gaze. “And now she's back, but she'll barely look at any of us.”  
  
“Abby, what happened?” Callie asked, turning her attention to her best friend. “What did she have to do?”  
  
Abby felt the tears forming in the back of her eyes as well as the anger forming in her chest as she looked at Callie and Nygel, both looking to her for an answer. Meeting her best friend's eyes she informed them quietly, “Because of the Commander, my daughter had to irradiate an entire civilization. Because of her, Clarke had no choice but to to commit genocide.”

***

Clarke knelt beside the various bags that had been left behind as many of the Tesla Station survivors reunited with lost loved ones, going through them to see what they had left that could be added to any stores those in Arkadia already had. Reese, Thom and Grace all knelt beside her, helping. Other than the occasional question as to where something should be placed, they worked in silence, each immersed in their own thoughts. The blonde fought with herself, trying not to let her thoughts travel to what she knew her mother and the rest of those she had left behind must be talking about. To distract herself, she dug through her pack, looking over the six books she had placed in it, as well as the few other things still inside. The books made her think of Lexa, or more specifically the reading lessons that they'd been having over the past couple of weeks, and she felt her lips curl up in the smallest of smiles. She loved watching the brunette's brow turn down, loved watching her concentrate so hard so that she could form the symbols before her into words and a story. Lexa took the reading lessons the same way she took everything else: seriously, so it was often Clarke who would have to nudge her, give her a smile at times when the words would give her trouble, to try to remind her that it was all just for fun.  
  
Shaking her head, Clarke closed the bag, trying to push those thoughts away. It'd been less than a few hours since she and Lexa walked away from each other, and she was already missing her more than she really knew how to describe. If she allowed herself to keep thinking about the Commander, it was going to be a very long three weeks.  
  
Shrugging the bag over her shoulder, she stood up, turning to look over to the other three working with her, but before she could she heard a quiet voice behind her call out, “Clarke?”  
  
“Monty!” she exclaimed before she'd even seen him, her head whipping around to find him. He stood only a few feet away, a small smile on his face, and she returned it with a large grin of her own before she bounded over to him, wrapping him into a tight hug. He returned it quickly, burying his face against her shoulder just as she did the same.  
  
“I heard people talking, saying you were back with more Ark survivors, but I didn't entirely believe it until this moment,” she heard him mumble against her, and when she pulled back she saw the way his mouth had turned up into a large grin to match her own.  
  
“Yeah, I'm back,” she replied simply, returning the look, and then she took a small step back so that she could scan his face. “How are you?”  
  
She saw something flash in his eyes, saw the grin waver just a bit before he answered, “I'm... I'm good. How are you? What have you been doing?”  
  
“I'm... surviving,” she finally said slowly, because this was Monty and she really couldn't lie to him. He nodded, his expression softening in a way that told her he completely understood. “And that's all I've been doing. Just surviving.”  
  
“Good,” he told her, one hand squeezing her arm a little tighter, “I'm glad: we all need you to survive.”  
  
“How's...” she trailed off, needing to swallow as the guilt built up in her. “How's Jasper?”  
  
Monty clenched his jaw, and she could see how hard he was fighting to keep his emotions in check. He just gave her a small shrug finally, telling her, “I don't know: he doesn't really speak to me much anymore. But he's... not that great, I guess. He hasn't, hasn't really gotten over... it yet.”  
  
Clarke felt her guilt only grow, biting her lip for a moment to try to keep it in. She closed her eyes, trying to control her voice before she said, “Monty I'm... I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have asked you-”  
  
“I'd do it again.” He cut her off quickly, and her eyes opened to see a steely determination in the boy's eyes. “If I had to, I'd do it again. You wouldn't even have to ask.” She scanned his face, and saw the exact same emotions that she had been feeling for months now: regret, guilt, hurt, but the absolute knowledge that if they had to, they would do it all again.  
  
“Where are we taking these?”  
  
Clarke looked away from the boy in front of her when the words broke through their moment, and she turned to see Reese standing next to her once again, two bags slung over her shoulders and raising her eyebrows at Clarke. Thom stood behind her, a grin on his face as he too stood with two bags, both dwarfing him, while Grace stood a bit further back, clearly trying to give Clarke and her friend some space while they talked.  
  
“Good question,” the young leader said to her, and then she turned, saying, “Maybe my friend Monty can help us with that. Monty, this is Reese, and behind her is Thom, and Grace. Everyone, this is Monty.”  
  
They exchanged their hellos, the kids both smiling up at him while Grace nodded to him, and then Clarke asked him, “What do you think? Do you have a few minutes? You know this place a lot better than I do now, and we could use some help figuring out where to put the food and supplies we have left.”  
  
He grinned, stepping over to Thom and gently taking one of the bags from the boy, saying, “Sure, but if I'm helping I should probably carry something too. Huh dude?” Thom's smile only grew, and seeing it, Clarke felt her own lips turn up.  
  
“Alright then,” she said, walking over to Grace and taking one of the bags still at her feet, “Lead the way.”

***

The sun had set and every new member of Arkadia had been shown to their new rooms by the time Nygel made her way over to her. Clarke sat in front of a small fire, alone for the first time since stepping foot into the camp. Reese and Thom were both taking a look around their new room, her mother was busy in Medical, and anyone else who would want to talk to the blonde must have been busy with their own thing. She was enjoying the quiet, but when she heard the footsteps approaching and looked up to see who it was, she felt her face slip into the best mask she could make, trying not to give away any thoughts.  
  
Without asking, the woman sat on one of the logs around the fire, not looking over to the blonde. Clarke stared straight ahead as well, knowing that she'd get to whatever it was she'd come over to talk about soon. Nygel wasn't the kind of person to beat around the bush.  
  
“Your mother told us what happened,” she just said, not needing to elaborate. Clarke heard no sympathy or pity in her tone, and it almost caused her to look over, but she kept herself facing forward.  
  
“Figured you'd all hear the story sooner or later,” Clarke just replied, doing her best to keep her own tone even. She almost lost it when she continued, “And let me guess: now you hate the Grounders too, just like everyone else.”  
  
“My opinion on the Commander and her people hasn't changed,” Nygel replied, and at the response Clarke couldn't help it as her eyes widened slightly and then flickered to her. When they moved, she found the woman already looking at her, and she met the look. “As far as I'm concerned, the Commander made a choice during a time of war. All I care about is what she did to help me and mine: that means more, in my opinion.” Her eyes moved away just for a moment, skimming over the camp around them, before she added, “Though my opinion probably isn't shared by many others.” Clarke had to swallow thickly, knowing that she was right, and then those eyes turned back to her. “The only opinion I have that's changed is the one I have on you,” she continued, and she saw the girl's jaw clench as she shifted in her seat. “Not because of the decision you made at that mountain: that was another decision made during war, and you did what you thought you had to. What it sounds like you _did_ have to do. No,” she said, studying her face, “What changes my opinion on you is the fact that you clearly were able to put what the Commander did behind you and move on. You were able to forgive her, clearly, and that impresses me.” Clarke saw a corner of the woman's mouth turn up before she informed the blonde, “I don't forgive easily, personally: in fact, seldom do I forgive at all. If it'd been me in your shoes, I can't say I wouldn't have tried to kill the Commander the moment I saw her again, just like the boy said.” She stood up then, stretching a little as she did. Her eyes wandered again, her expression still calm. “You're a bigger person than me, it would seem: a bigger person than anyone else here, I'd guess. If anyone can bring us and them together, it's gonna be you.” She turned as though to walk away, but just before she did her eyes met the blonde's again and she said, “Hell, you've already started.”  
  
Giving her a single nod, Nygel walked away from the fire, leaving the blonde alone once again. Clarke watched her leave, her mouth hanging open slightly in surprise. That was very much not how she had expected that conversation to go.

***

Once again, sleep became a problem for Clarke. That first night back in Arkadia, she slept fitfully, dreams waking her up multiple times. She'd fall asleep and be haunted by faces of the people she loved most being trapped inside a mountain, doctors moving around them, and the sound of a drill whirring to life would drown out their screams. She'd wake, her body shaking as she tried to get the visions out of her head, and then force herself back to sleep, and then new dreams would take over. Dreams of a silhouette lit only by flickering firelight. A body pressed against hers, lips capturing her own, fingers trailing down her skin. A mouth ghosted along her ears, whispering words in a voice that she would recognize anywhere. A flash of a smile. Hair tickling her shoulder. Green eyes staring into her own until all she wanted to do was drown in them. She'd wake up from these dreams, and it was almost worse than the others. These dreams made her heart ache, made her yearn to be nowhere else but beside Lexa, and every time she woke up to find she wasn't, she felt the little ball inside her gut grow heavier.  
  
Finally Clarke gave up on sleeping, throwing the blanket off of her as she swung her legs over the side of her bed. The metal floor felt cold against her bare feet as she stood up, and she grimaced; being inside, in the metal contraption that had at one point been a part of the Ark, probably hadn't helped her sleep. After months of it, she'd gotten used to the ground and just a few furs beneath her, and now being stuck inside this room only made her feel trapped.  
  
Quickly she got dressed, completing her outfit with her jacket. She pulled it close to her, brought the collar up and buried her face in it. It was the jacket that Lexa had given her shortly after bringing her to the cave, and now it helped her feel connected to the brunette, at least a little bit. Letting it fall back down over her shoulders, she moved over to the other side of the room where her weapons were, and quickly gathered them up. She slipped her sword over her shoulder, followed by her quiver of arrows, and then slid her knife into her belt, finishing by picking up her bow. She knew, without a doubt, that she had no reason to carry any weapon, let alone so many, but after so many months of living by them all, she felt better having them close.  
  
Leaving her room, the blonde walked swiftly down the hall, trying to move quietly so as not to wake anyone sleeping in any of the rooms she moved by. Finally stepping outside, she felt her shoulders loosen, a bit of tension leaving them. Being outside felt good, felt right to her now, even if there still was a bit of a chill in the air.  
  
She walked easily through the camp, looking around as she moved. Few people were up so early, and those who were nodded to her sleepily if they acknowledged her at all. For those who did, she returned their nods, and she couldn't help but grin to herself as she realized that Lexa had somehow turned her into a morning person. Rolling her eyes at the realization and the smug look that would be on the brunette's face when she told her, Clarke turned a corner along the trail she was following, and felt her grin only grow.  
  
“What are you two doing up so early?” she called out, her good humor obvious in her tone, and the moment they heard her, Reese and Thom turned and grinned from where they were sitting next to a fire, whittling some sticks with their knives.  
  
“Clarke!” Thom exclaimed, jumping up and running to her as soon as his knife was once again in his belt. He threw his arms around her legs when he got to her, and she felt her smile only grow as she reached down and playfully ruffled his hair.  
  
“We couldn't sleep,” Reese informed her, walking a little more calmly over to them, both of their sticks in her hand as she too placed her knife in its designated spot along her belt. “It was too much like being back on the Ark. It was weird.”  
  
Clarke looked at her sympathetically, nodding as she agreed. “I know what you mean, it felt pretty weird for me too. But since we're all up, what do you say we go get a little bit of training in? The others can join us when they wake up.”  
  
She saw both of their eyes light up, and had to fight to hold in a laugh as their smiles nearly split their faces in two. Instead she just smiled at them before ushering to them to follow her, and together they made their way towards the front of the camp. It took some persuasion to get the guards on watch duty to open the door, but finally the three were slipping out of the camp, the door left open just a bit for them to get back through later.  
  
They stood out in the field, and for a while they simply did some warm ups, getting their bodies ready for the work, before they pulled out their sticks and went over the different moves they'd been taught over the past couple of weeks. Clarke let them try the moves on each other, having them go through the same process Lexa had made her go through when she'd first been starting, careful to pull them back if one got a little too enthusiastic. Finally they all agreed to move on, and all dropped their sticks to the side as they pulled out their knives.  
  
Clarke was showing them how to try to disarm an opponent, when she suddenly heard her name yelled and a small commotion. She looked up, confused, to find her mother, Kane, and Callie all moving towards them, all of them walking quickly to the point where her mother was nearly running.  
  
“What's going on?” she asked as they approached, her confusion only doubling when she saw her mother glare at her.  
  
“You can't just disappear like that Clarke!” Abby exclaimed, clenched fists moving to her hips. “You can't... I have to know where you are!”  
  
“I didn't disappear,” she replied, still surprised by her mother's sudden outburst. “I'm right here: it's not like I went very far.”  
  
“You shouldn't be out here anyway, you should be inside the camp where it's safe,” her mother told her, eyes still burning, and Clarke thought she could see fear in them mixed in with this sudden anger.  
  
“Where it's...” she trailed off, and then the real meaning behind her mother's words clicked in her head. She fought from rolling her eyes, instead doing her best to keep a straight face as she told them, “You don't have to worry: there aren't any Grounders out here. They have orders not to come anywhere near this camp.”  
  
Kane's eyebrows raised, her words clearly surprising him, but her mother didn't seem to really be listening. She was too busy scanning Clarke's face, though what she was looking for, the blonde had no idea. She looked like she was about to say something else when her gaze flickered over to Thom and Reese, eyes widening when she saw what they were holding.  
  
“Are those...?” she asked, trailing off, and then she leaned over and took the knife out of Thom's little hand, surprising the boy. Eyes turning back to Clarke, she shook her head in disbelief before saying, “Knives Clarke? Really? They are children!”  
  
“Hey, that's mine!” Thom exclaimed, trying to reach up, but he was far too short to be able to grab it back. Reese glared at the woman, quickly moving her own knife behind her back even as she growled, “That's Thom's! Heda gave it to him, and only Clarke can take it away! She's our leader!”  
  
Clarke watched as her mother's mouth pursed into a hard line at the mention of the Commander, and she couldn't help but clench her jaw.  
  
“So this is what Lexa thinks is okay?” Abby asked, anger still evident in her tone as she held the knife out in front of her. “To give a _five_ year old a knife? She wants to turn _our_ people, our _children_ , into warriors?”  
  
“No, she _wants_ them to be safe,” Clarke growled back, unable to keep her own anger out of her voice. She broke the look she was shooting at her mother when Thom moved over to her, tears in the corners of his eyes.  
  
“Clarke, I wasn't bad,” he whined, clearly trying not to let his tears fall. “I was good, I promise, I never used it when I wasn't sposed to!”  
  
The blonde knelt down next to him, turning away from her mother for a moment. “I know you were,” she told him quietly, reaching up and wiping away the single tear that fell down his cheek. “You've been very, very good with it. The Chancellor just doesn't understand that.”  
  
“I'm not going to let children run around with knives!” Abby exclaimed, and before Clarke could respond Reese cut in again, shooting a death glare at the Chancellor as she yelled, “We're not children, we're warriors!”  
  
Clarke closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. She knew that Kane and Callie were both watching this screaming match, and wouldn't be surprised to find any number of other people standing by the door of the camp and watching as well. Opening her eyes again, she stood up, meeting her mother's look, before she said to the two kids, “Reese, Thom: please go with Callie and see if she needs help with anything. The Chancellor and I need to talk.”  
  
“But Clarke,” Reese started, but when the blonde looked at her, raising her eyebrows, she just blew air through her lips, letting her argument go. Instead she nodded, shooting one more glare at Abby before she reached out and took Thom's hand. “Come on Thom.” They moved over to Callie who met first Clarke's eyes and then looked over to her best friend, and then focused back on the kids, saying, “Okay, let's go see what we can find for breakfast.”  
  
As soon as they left, Clarke and Abby were once again glaring at each other, and Kane just kept looking back and forth between them, clearly feeling uncomfortable.  
  
“Excuse us Marcus,” Abby said to him, not looking away from her daughter, “But my daughter and I need to talk.” He just nodded, obviously knowing better than to try to get involved, and then Clarke stormed past them, her mother right on her heels.  
  
They walked in silence, everyone easily seeing both their glares and getting out of their way as they re-entered Arkadia, and it took them no time to reach Abby's office, the Chancellor shutting the door behind her as soon as they were both inside.  
  
“What has happened to you that you think letting children play with knives is a good idea?” Abby asked the moment the door was closed, still shooting a look at her daughter. “Thom is _five_ and Reese is only _nine_ : there is absolutely no reason for either of them to have a weapon!”  
  
“They aren't _playing_ with them, Mom!” Clarke argued, giving her mother her own look. “They have them for _survival_! They are so they both know how to protect themselves if they need to!”  
  
“They are children, they don't need to know how to protect themselves. That's what we're here for,” Abby insisted as she walked over to the table in the corner of the room and dropped the knife she still held on it.  
  
“Try telling that to the kids that were in Mount Weather,” Clarke growled, and she watched as her mother visibly stiffened, her eyes wide when she looked back at her daughter. She met her mother's look, telling her, “We're on the ground now Mom; there's no such thing as absolute safety. Everyone needs to know how to protect themselves, even kids. That's the only way the Grounders have survived: by making sure they can all take care of themselves. If Reese and Thom want to learn how to fight, then they should be allowed to learn.”  
  
She felt her mother's eyes scan her face, but didn't let up on her glare. They were both silent for a minute, before Clarke watched her mother's face fall, her anger seeming to melt away, worry replacing it.  
  
“Clarke,” she murmured, eyes still flickering over her daughter's face. “Where were you? Why... Why were you gone for so long?” She closed her eyes, shaking her head, and the blonde had to look away when she added, “I know... I know why you left. I understand why you needed to go but... I'd just gotten you back. Everything was finally over and then you just disappeared. I didn't know... I had no idea... For three months...”  
  
Just like that, all of her anger washed away, quickly replaced with guilt. She'd known it would hurt her mother, just leaving the way she did. She hadn't even said good-bye, but she'd known that if her mother knew she wanted to leave she never would have let her. So she'd disappeared without a word to anyone but Bellamy and Monty, and now she saw the worry that her mother had felt for three months.  
  
“I'm sorry,” she told her quietly. Her eyes flickered back to her mother's, and she didn't try to hide her guilt. “I am, I just... I had to go. I couldn't, couldn't come back here. Not after what I did. And I knew you wouldn't want me to go. I knew you'd try to keep me here so I... I just left. I'm sorry.” She saw her mother swallow thickly, saw the tears gathering in her eyes as she looked away, and she quickly stepped forward, wrapping her arms around her. She closed her eyes, holding back her own tears as her mother returned the hold, arms curling even more tightly around her. “I'm sorry Mom. I just, I couldn't come back here. Not then. I couldn't take it.”  
  
“And now?” Abby asked, pulling away slightly, her hands both moving to her daughter's face. She held her there as her eyes scanned that stubborn blue gaze she had known the girl's entire life. “Can you take it now? Or are you just going to leave again, now that you've brought Callie and her people back here?”  
  
Clarke licked her lips, opening her mouth to say something, but no words would come out. She'd thought about that; she'd thought about sneaking away again, now that she knew the survivors were all safe, and just returning to her cave. She could go back to what her life had been like before she'd known about Tesla Station, go back to spending her days hunting and running and training. Lexa would go back to visiting her, she was sure of it, and they could fall back into what they had become. She could do it.  
  
But she couldn't. Not really. Not now that she'd been back. Now she'd seen Monty, seen Raven and Bellamy. She'd seen her mother, seen the worry in her eyes and the relief everyone else felt with her being back, and she couldn't try to change that. Knowing that they all worried about her was one thing: seeing the extent of that worry, especially here, in this moment with her mother, was another thing altogether.  
  
“I'm back,” she finally whispered, meeting her mother's eyes. “I'm not leaving again. I'm not saying that it isn't hard, that I don't, don't still hurt, but I'm back.” She swallowed, finding it hard to do with the lump that had formed in her throat, and then said softly, “I missed you, Mom.”  
  
“Oh honey,” Abby murmured, pulling her daughter close again and feeling her press against the crook of her shoulder, just like she had done whenever she'd cried when she was younger. The Chancellor pressed her lips to the side of her daughter's head, taking a moment to try to steady her voice before she breathed out, “I missed you too. So much.” She felt Clarke nod against her and then the girl's arms shift, a moment later holding her tighter. Pulling back, she moved so that she could meet her daughter's eyes, seeing the few tears that had fallen from damp eyes. Gently she brushed a few strands of hair out of Clarke's face before she said quietly, “Why don't we spend the day together? We can have breakfast, and then I know you'll want to check in with everyone new here, and we can do that together. And then we can just talk. We haven't spent time just you and me in much too long.”  
  
Clarke smiled slightly, and she saw her mother mirror the action. She leaned forward, hugging her tightly once again before she said, “I'd like that.” She let her arms drop then as she stepped back, her smile still in place as she began walking towards the door, telling her mother, “I'll go grab us something to eat and then we can start talking.” Abby simply continued to smile at her, nodding once before she had the door open, and then Clarke was back in the hallway, the door still open behind her as she started to walk away.  
  
As she moved, Clarke wiped the slight tear streaks from her cheeks, being careful with the movement. The knife she'd carefully grabbed off of the table as she hugged her mother remained tucked in her sleeve, and she let out a small sigh as she felt it brush against her arm. She'd go find food for herself and her mother, but first she had to find Thom and tell him to go hide the knife: she had a feeling their knife lessons at least would be postponed until she managed to talk her mother around. Knowing that she got the majority of her stubbornness from her mother, she knew that could take a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love manipulative Clarke. I just love her so much. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter! As always, feel free to let me know your thoughts; I always love reading them!


	19. Chapter 19

Once Abby realized that Clarke had stolen the knife back from her, the two had fallen into another screaming match. It only lasted for a short time, and then they actually were able to spend the day together, but both felt on edge with the other for some time after, and Clarke knew the moment her mother saw Thom with the knife she'd just take it away again. Already aware of this, when she'd found the boy and given the knife back – to his absolute joy – she'd told him to hide it somewhere and not to take it out whenever anyone was around. He took her words seriously, and after that she never saw him with it, and never heard about her mother finding it either, so she assumed wherever Thom had hidden it was somewhere the Chancellor would never think to look.  
  
The knife lessons were over now, Clarke not daring to try to teach them anymore, and both of the other girls also chose to hide their knives away, not daring to try to take on the Chancellor and risk losing them. Reese however kept hers on her belt, never drawing it but never without it either, and the moment the Chancellor saw her and started approaching her she would just walk away quickly, shooting a glare at the woman. The few times she stood her ground were when Clarke was there, at which times she would just stand next to the blonde, one hand on her hip and the other curled around the hilt of her knife, as if daring the older woman to try to take it. It was a battle of wills more than anything else, but whether the Chancellor just didn't have it in her to take on both the little girl and her daughter at once or whether she was more okay with a nine year old having a knife than a five year old, she never tried to take it away.  
  
Other than the knife argument, the Tesla Station survives fell into life at Arkadia fairly easily. Many of them looked visibly more at ease, now with a secure home and friends and family around them. They each took on jobs that suited what they already knew how to do, assimilating well into the natural flow of Arkadia life. The biggest difference between them and those who'd been there before them was that they all turned to Clarke when they had questions instead of her mother or Kane, and that the few times any talk about Grounders came up, they stayed quiet while others spoke harshly of them, sometimes even speaking in defense of the people who had saved their lives. Reese, Clarke knew, got into a number of screaming matches with the other children in the camp whenever she heard any of them saying anything negative about the Commander or any of her people, to the point where eventually Clarke told her that she wanted the girl to just walk away the moment she heard anyone bring up the Grounders. The girl followed her request, but Clarke knew that her anger still burned inside her, it showing whenever they trained in hand-to-hand combat or her work with the bow and arrow, the only styles of training that she still taught any of the kids who wanted to learn.  
  
While the Tesla survivors found it easy to sink into life at Arkadia, Clarke did not. Many people there didn't know how to act around her, remembering what she had been like before the attack on Mount Weather. Their leaders were the Chancellor and Kane, and she understood that, trying not to get in the way. Those left of the original hundred didn't seem to know how to look to her either. They remembered, vividly, how she had protected them before the rest of the Ark came down, remembered all that she had done when they had been taken by Mount Weather, and because of that they treated her with respect, but they also knew she had left them. In her time away, they had, in many ways, forgotten about her, and turned first to Bellamy and then to her mother and Kane as their leaders, and now that she was back, they didn't really know how she fit in.  
  
In all honesty, Clarke herself didn't know how she fit in. She'd become a leader out of necessity, first when they landed on the ground and needed someone to balance out Bellamy's leadership role, and then when the Mountain Men had threatened them. She'd been the one to build the alliance with the Grounders, sure, but at this point the majority of the Arkers no longer cared about that truce. She may be the leader that Lexa always declared her to be, but now she had no one to lead, not really.  
  
So she spent her days keeping herself busy. She spent a majority of every day with various members of Tesla Station, as well as old friends from before she'd left. She hunted when she could, joining the parties that went out a couple of times a week, trained with the kids who still wanted to train with her, and did what she could to keep her own skills sharp. She spent most of her time with Raven or Monty, the two friends who seemed the most excited to have her back. Often times she hung out with Bellamy as well, but she could feel an unease between them that neither had yet to bring up. She knew he was mad, angry with her for leaving like she had, but she wasn't ready to get into that fight if he wasn't.  
  
The two people who refused to see her were Jasper and Octavia. Jasper barely looked at her, never making eye contact, but she could feel his anger radiating off of him, and she could see how the decision she had made in the mountain was destroying him. Monty had told her, within the first couple days of being back, that Jasper had spent the majority of his time the past almost four months wasted, trying to drown his pain in moonshine. The guilt she felt when she heard that and later again every time she saw him, tore through her, but any time she tried to approach him he just acted like she wasn't there, completely ignoring her.  
  
Octavia didn't ignore her, exactly. Whenever Octavia saw her, she would shoot a harsh glare at the blonde, her own anger and fury entirely directed at the other girl, and then she would turn and walk away, refusing to talk to her. Clarke knew that her anger was about what she had allowed to happen in Tondc, and that guilt ate away at her just as much as any other. Still, she was determined to get Octavia to talk to her, and finally she figured out a way to make it happen.  
  
It was only two days before she planned to leave to meet Lexa in secret, and just the fact that time was slowly approaching gave her the extra boost of confidence she needed. In the late afternoon she walked through the camp, smiling to those who passed her, but she had only one thought on her mind. Finally she made it to the back of the camp where a small clearing was, and just like every day, Lincoln and Octavia were there, the two sparring with one another. She stopped just a few feet away to watch, standing silently, and a few minutes went by before either of them noticed her. Stepping to the side to dodge one of Octavia's attacks, Lincoln looked up, finally seeing Clarke, and he stopped, a worried expression pulling at his face as he looked from the blonde to his girlfriend. He'd been polite to Clarke, feeling no anger towards her for anything that had happened, but he knew how Octavia felt about her. Sure enough, when Octavia saw his expression and turned around, she scowled the moment she laid eyes on the blonde.  
  
“Go away Clarke,” she growled, turning away from the other girl and trying to once again focus on her sparring match with her boyfriend. “I'm still not going to talk to you, and I'm definitely not going to forgive you.”  
  
“I'm not looking for your forgiveness,” the blonde replied easily, not moving from where she stood, and then she lied, “I'm not here to talk to you, either.”  
  
“Then what are you here for?” the other girl demanded, whipping back around and crossing her arms in front of her chest. Clarke just nodded towards the two of them and then let her eyes fall to the sword that Octavia had placed on the ground when she and Lincoln had decided just to work on hand-to-hand combat. “I was hoping I could join you,” she answered, eyes moving back to the brunette as she shifted slightly, drawing the other girl's gaze to the sword that hung at her back.  
  
Octavia raised her eyebrows, the glare still obvious in her eyes even as she looked at the blonde in disbelief.  
  
“You want to fight me?” she repeated, a mixture of humor and anger in her tone, and Clarke raised her own eyebrows back at her.  
  
“I want to train with you,” she clarified, drawing the sword from her back and swinging it casually in her grip. She saw the girl's eyes move to the blade, her suspicions clearly only growing, before Octavia told her, “No way. Not gonna happen, so you can just leave now.”  
  
“Come on,” Clarke argued, not letting the subject drop, and she saw Octavia clench her jaw in annoyance. “I haven't gotten a good fight in with anyone who really knows what they're doing in days; weeks, almost. I need a work out, and since you obviously already want to kick the shit out of me anyway, I figured you'd be the best partner. Unless I'm too much of an unknown, and you're afraid. If that's the case, maybe Lincoln would be up for it.” Her eyes moved almost nonchalantly over to Lincoln, as though it really didn't matter to her which of them she trained with.  
  
The last bit was a taunt, an obvious one that Clarke knew would hook the other girl, and from the small sigh she saw Lincoln let out, she wasn't the only one who knew it would work. Octavia's glare returned at a hundred percent, her jaw clenching tightly, and the next moment she moved over to her sword and picked it up, circling it around with her wrist in order to loosen the muscles up.  
  
“You really want to fight, Clarke?” she growled, one foot stepping to the side in order to widen her stance. “Fine then: let's fight, but don't think I'm gonna to go easy on you just because you're the Chancellor's daughter.”  
  
Clarke reached up and slid the sheath of her sword from over her shoulders, tossing it to the ground. As she began shrugging out of her jacket, knowing that she would get too hot with it on, she simply replied, “I never expect anyone to go easy on me just because of who my mother is.” She dropped her jacket next to the sheath, and then widened her own stance, fingers clenching and unclenching around the hilt of her blade.  
  
“Octavia, Clarke, this is a bad idea,” Lincoln told them, trying to stop this fight before it could begin, but Octavia just growled to him, “No Lincoln, if the Princess wants to fight, let her fight. Let's see how she does when she doesn't have the option to run away and let everyone else deal with the consequences of her decisions.”  
  
Clarke's own jaw clenched at that, but she didn't let the words goad her like the brunette clearly wanted them to. Instead she just watched as the other girl shifted her weight slightly, both of them clearly waiting for the other to make the first move.  
  
The blonde knew she wouldn't have to wait for long: Octavia had learned a lot from both Indra and Lincoln, but in moments like this, when her emotions were running hot, she didn't have the same kind of patience that Clarke did. Suddenly she sprang forward, her sword out, and Clarke's eyes didn't leave the blade as she came running towards her. She felt her feet firmly pressed against the ground and waited, just as she had been taught, until it was almost too late.  
  
Just as Octavia's blade came down, Clarke shifted her weight and spun on the ball of one foot, stepping out of the way of the sword just in time. Immediately her own sword shot out, seeing Octavia's unguarded back, but then the other girl turned just as quickly, her blade moving to block Clarke's attack. The blonde looked up, seeing a momentary look of surprise in the other girl's eyes, but then her glare wiped it away. She shoved her sword forward, forcing Clarke's to slide down and off its blade, and then she stepped closer, the weapon moving towards the blonde's open side. Clarke twisted, her spine protesting against the movement, but it was just enough to get out of the other girl's line of fire. She took a quick step forward, moving faster than Octavia realized she could, and using her elbow she struck the brunette's sword arm, the force just hard enough to jar the arm without leaving any kind of real damage behind. Stepping back quickly to evade any kind of counter attack, the blonde put a short bit of distance between them, both of them falling back into an easy stance. Octavia rubbed lightly at the spot she'd been hit, more surprised and infuriated by it than anything else.  
  
“Come on Octavia,” Clarke called out, eyes not for a second leaving her, “I thought you weren't going to go easy on me.”  
  
The brunette let out a growl and then sprung forward again, but this time she made sure she had control of her emotions instead of attacking blindly. When she brought her sword up, she saw Clarke get ready to block it, but at the last minute she changed the direction of her swing, bringing it once again to the blonde's unguarded side. This time when Clarke stepped to the side, she couldn't completely evade the attack, and the flat of the brunette's sword struck her, hard enough that she didn't have to wonder if there would be a bruise later. Instead of letting it distract her though, she ignored it, stepping back to try to once again put more distance between them, but this time Octavia followed her. She swung her sword out, and Clarke leaned back, her own sword rising up to meet the other girl's. The two weapons struck, coming together, and then both girls were leaning into it, the swords crossing as they glared at each other.  
  
Finally Octavia couldn't keep any of her anger inside and she yelled, “You just left us!” Pushing harder against the two swords, she growled, “You knew, you knew the missile was coming, and you did _nothing_!”  
  
“I made a _choice_ ,” Clarke yelled back, her own anger brewing over, at the brunette, at the rest of the Sky People, at herself. “I did what I had to do so that we could win a war!”  
  
“Who decided you have the right to choose who lives and dies?” Octavia asked, her anger only growing as she continued to push against the swords still stuck together. “Who gave you that power?!”  
  
“I did!” the blonde replied, nearly yelling again but just managing to keep her voice down. “The day that three hundred Grounders waited outside of the dropship to kill all of us, I decided that I had the power to say who lives and who dies, and I made my choice! Just like in Tondc, and just like at Mount Weather! And I will always, _always_ choose whatever is most likely to save my people!”  
  
“Well you made the wrong choice, didn't you?” Octavia taunted, “When you chose to trust Lexa!”  
  
Clarke's eyes widened, her teeth ground together, and the next moment her foot sprung out, leg wrapping around the younger girl's. She yanked, and Octavia's eyes widened as she began to fall down. She hit the ground and immediately rolled, putting distance between herself and the blonde, and then she was back up on her feet.  
  
“Did I strike a nerve, Clarke?” she asked, a smirk growing on her face as she stood back up. “You trusted Lexa, ran away with her while two-hundred and fifty people died, and then she turned on you. You let those people die, and then she walked away to let us die. To let _you_ die. That _choice_ worked out really well for you, didn't it?”  
  
“And what about you?” Clarke spat, fury in her voice. The arm holding her sword shook, but she tried not to let it show. She saw Octavia's eyes narrow, unsure where she was going, before she added, “You're just mad because you're here. You wanted to be a Grounder, stuck to Indra's side during the entire war, but now you're here and you're miserable. How did that _choice_ turn out for you, Octavia?”  
  
Once again Octavia darted forward, and this time Clarke made absolutely no move to dodge the attack. Instead their swords came together once again, and once again they pushed against each other, trying to bare the other down with their weight. “I chose my brother,” the brunette yelled at her, and then the blonde exclaimed, “So did I! Letting the missile hit Tondc was so that _Bellamy_ would be safe in the mountain, so that Cage wouldn't realize they had a spy on the inside!”  
  
“Two Hundred. And Fifty. _People_!” Octavia yelled, and then she shifted her weight to the side, forcing Clarke's sword to follow it. With the movement, she brought her elbow up, crashing it into the blonde's face.  
  
Pain erupted along Clarke's cheekbone and the side of her nose, making her hiss as she tried to fight it down. For the briefest of moments, Octavia looked almost surprised, as though she couldn't believe she'd actually done that, and then Clarke pushed against the two swords, spinning to the side. The younger girl clearly wasn't expecting the movement, and before she could fully react the blonde was at her side, turning towards her with her own elbow up, and then she felt her lip split as the elbow rammed into her mouth. Blood coated her tongue and ran in a small trickle down her chin, but she barely even winced at the pain, even as she wiped the blood from her chin. Turning and meeting blue eyes that were still glaring at her, she spat a glob of red to the snow below her, and then she moved towards the blonde once again.  
  
After that, they didn't talk, didn't try to goad the other into an attack, because they didn't need to. One would attack and the other would defend until they could move to the offensive, their eyes never leaving each other. Lincoln stood to the side, hands clenched into tight fists, but he knew that there was nothing he could do to stop this. He understood that this, as hard as it was to watch, was something that both of the two girls needed, so he just stood there as a witness. He watched as they moved, Octavia moving in the ways both he and Indra had taught her, and watched as Clarke spun and dodged, side-stepped and ducked, and something about the way she moved pulled at him.  
  
Before he could realize whatever it was he felt he should be recognizing, he was pulled from his thoughts when he heard multiple pairs of heavy footsteps running over towards them. He had known it would only be a matter of time before the fight between the two girls was noticed, and he turned to see who was finally coming over to try to stop it. He saw a number of people standing back, watching the entire scene from a safe distance away, but it was Bellamy, Abby, Kane and Raven he saw running towards them. They stopped only when they had drawn up to him, and it was clear to see the fury and worry in their faces.  
  
“Clarke!” Abby exclaimed at the same time Bellamy yelled, “Octavia, that's enough!”  
  
“Hey you two, knock it off!” Raven added, a worried glare pulling at her own brow, but the two girls listened to none of them, just as Lincoln had known they wouldn't.  
  
Clarke felt the palms of her hands tingle as her sword once again came down against Octavia's, the force of the attack causing her sword to vibrate lightly. She saw the blood running down the brunette's chin, felt the angry sting around her eye as the skin beneath it began to swell, but she didn't let up anymore than the other girl did. Once again their swords came together and they pressed down on each other, neither backing away. There was something different about it this time though, something missing from the previous times they'd pushed together like this, and when Clarke looked into Octavia's face, she saw the tears that had begun to pool in the girl's eyes.  
  
“All those people,” the other girl growled softly, her voice breaking, and while there was still anger their, it was covered by her pain. “How could you just let all those people die? How could you do that, Clarke?”  
  
A single tear fell down the girl's cheek, and that along with the pain in her words ruptured the dam that Clarke had managed to piece together for herself. She felt her own tears forming, felt it as a couple slid down her cheeks, and she just shook her head even as she continued to press against the other girl's sword.  
  
“I didn't ask for this,” she reminded Octavia, her own voice breaking. “I didn't want any of this to happen. I never asked for any of it.”  
  
At her words, the fight seemed to drain out of both of them, and Octavia pulled away, her eyes never leaving the blonde's face even as she took a step back. Her sword fell to her side, Clarke's mirroring it, and then she shook her head.  
  
“None of us asked for any of this,” she spat, but there was less venom in her voice than there had been only a few minutes ago. “None of us ever asked for it, especially none of the people who died in that village when you could have saved them.” She saw Clarke swallow, saw the way she clenched her jaw and another tear rolled down her face, but the blonde just held her head higher.  
  
“I did what I had to do,” she just said, her voice strong even though her hands shook. “I did what I had to do, and I'd do it again. As much as I hate it, as many innocent lives were lost, I'd do it again.”  
  
Octavia just shook her head, closing her eyes. When she opened them again, it was to shoot another glare at the blonde, but this time Clarke saw something in them that hadn't been there before.  
  
“I don't know how you can live with yourself,” Octavia told her honestly, the anger still prevalent in her tone, this time tinted with true confusion. Clarke just lifted her head, meeting the brunette's eyes as she replied, “I learned how to forgive myself. Someone showed me that was the only way I'd be able to.”  
  
Shaking her head again, Octavia just let out a loud huff, before she turned and walked away without another word.  
  
For a moment no one else moved, and then Bellamy jogged forward, shooting Clarke a worried look as he passed her, Lincoln following not far behind. Before her mother or anyone could say anything to her, Clarke moved over to where she'd placed her jacket and sheath on the ground, picked them up, and then moved away in the opposite direction. 

***

Clarke sat at one of the look-out points atop the gate, leaning against the wall in front of her as she stared out the small window. She was looking out at the trees, the nearly bare branches swaying in the light breeze as the orange of the sunset colored the area before her, but her thoughts were far away from this space. Her mind was miles and miles away, lost in a cave somewhere, remembering the soft touch of the girl she would see in just a couple of days. Thinking about it, she couldn't help it as the small smile tugged at the corners of her lips.  
  
Her thoughts were interrupted when a pair of footsteps moved up behind her, and then she heard someone sitting down next to her. She leaned back just a bit, just enough so that she could see Lincoln settling himself down, his back leaning against the wall beside her window. He didn't say anything right away, so Clarke once again leaned forward, letting her gaze go back out to the trees before her.  
  
“It took me a while, but I finally figured it out,” Lincoln finally said, breaking the silence between them. Clarke only raised her eyebrows, a motion she knew he could barely see, but apparently he took her silence as permission to continue. “It's been awhile since I saw that fighting style, been a while since I trained against her, but I couldn't get the way you moved out of my head, and finally I realized why it looked so familiar.” Now Clarke leaned back, knowing where this was going, and met his eyes, her face unreadable as he scanned her, asking, “How long has the Commander been teaching you how to fight? I don't remember seeing you two train before the attack on Mount Weather.”  
  
“She started teaching me just a few weeks after I left,” Clarke replied easily, seeing no reason to lie to him. “It started with teaching me to use a bow and arrow, and then moved on to hand-to-hand, and then progressed from there.”  
  
“So she's the one who taught you so much about us,” he inferred, and when she raised her eyebrows at him, he simply returned the look. “Come on Clarke: anyone can see that you're clearly different from who you were before you left. Octavia and I may be the only ones who know enough about my people's culture to see just how Grounder you act, but others can see that something's different at least.” She didn't say anything, just turned to look back in front of her, and he took a moment to study her. “I'm surprised you allowed her to teach you,” he finally added, that surprise clear in his tone. “After what she did, I wouldn't have expected you to let her get anywhere near you. She betrayed you, dishonoring my people-”  
  
“She _saved_ your people,” Clarke interrupted, cutting him off but not looking at him. “What she did, she did to save her people. Just like what I did was to save mine.”  
  
He studied her for another moment, trying to understand where this could all be coming from. The Sky People in this camp all hated his people, hated the Commander the most of all of them, and he knew that at least at one time Clarke had shared that opinion. Now it seemed that one less Sky person felt that way, and as his eyes scanned over her face, they widened when he realized just how that opinion had shifted.  
  
“You care about her,” he said, reading it in her face, and after just a brief moment the blonde nodded. “How...?”  
  
“She found me,” Clarke told him, answering the unspoken question. “After I left, she found me and saved me. I hated her then, hated her more than anyone else in this camp possibly could, but she saw what I was trying to do to myself, and she refused to let me. Even though she knew I hated her, even though she knew I could have shot her at any moment, she refused to allow me to die. She saved me, and then she taught me how to survive.” Finally she pulled her gaze from the horizon, turning to face Lincoln, and met his eyes as she murmured, “She taught me how to forgive myself for everything I'd done. She... She just saved me.”  
  
There was more to the story than that, Lincoln could read that truth in the blue eyes that stared back at him, but he didn't push. He just met the look, studying her for another moment, before he shook his head.  
  
“I don't know what happened between you two,” he murmured, looking away and out over the Skaikru camp, the camp that had become a home he wasn't sure he wanted. “But if you can forgive her for the choice she made, I can as well. I don't know how easy it will be for the rest of your people, but I will do it.”  
  
“Thank you, Lincoln,” Clarke whispered, her face softening just a little. He just nodded, eyes still moving over the camp, and then he sighed. “It will take a lot more than you and I forgiving her to bring Grounders and Sky People together, however.”  
  
Clarke had to close her eyes, fighting against letting out her own sigh. “I know,” she finally breathed, eyes still closed as she leaned forward, feeling the cold metal of the window pressing against her forehead. She shifted, letting the cold press against the swelling beneath her eye, not wincing even when the motion caused a small flare of pain to shoot through her skull.  
  
They sat for a long time together, the silence growing between them as the sun sank further in the sky and night began to fall around them. The first few stars had appeared in the sky and Lincoln was looking up at them, the back of his head resting against the wall behind him when he heard Clarke say quietly, “Lincoln?”  
  
“Mm?” he grunted lightly, not feeling like forming any words, and then he looked over to the blonde as she asked, “Can you not tell anyone what I told you? About me and Lexa? Not even Octavia?”  
  
“You don't want them to know?” he asked, and he heard her let out a small scoff.  
  
“I want them to know, sure,” she answered, pushing slightly away from the window as she turned towards him, “But they all hate her. My mom, Bellamy, Octavia... Everyone hates her, except maybe Kane. They hate her, and they wouldn't understand. They don't know her as anyone other than the Commander who took the deal with Mount Weather. You and I know her as more than just that, but trying to get them to see it...” She trailed off, shaking her head. “It's gonna be hard, and I don't think me telling them that she and I are... whatever we are, is really the best way to go about it. Not to start with, at least.”  
  
He thought about it for a second, and then nodded.  
  
“Alright,” he said, “I won't say anything, not even to Octavia.”  
  
“Good, thank you,” Clarke replied, and then he saw the corner of her mouth twitch up before she added, “And I won't tell her about the time you thought you could fly and almost broke your leg, jumping out of a tree.”  
  
His eyes widened, jaw falling open slightly as he asked, the surprise clear in his voice, “She told you about that?”  
  
Her grin only grew a little as she nodded. “Yep,” she answered, looking over at him, “She told me about that. About you and her and Taigon stealing the bad Jobi nuts and using them to get high. I never would have guessed that was something you would do, but then I guess I wouldn't have expected it from her or Taigon either.”  
  
“You know about Taigon?” he asked, even more surprise in his voice. He had always been very careful never to mention the Commander's brother around any of the Sky People, knowing her worry about him.  
  
Clarke just nodded again, still meeting his eyes as she said, “Yeah, I know about him and met him too. He came with us to save the Tesla survivors, helped me heal their sick.” Lincoln's eyes widened, and she continued, her voice softer, “I think he misses you. He never said anything, but you came up sometimes when he was teaching me about the different herbs and berries you use for medicines, and it just seemed like he missed you.”  
  
Instead of saying anything right away, Lincoln took the opportunity to study her again, really and truly study her. Clearly whatever she had going with the Commander was much more powerful than he had suspected, if she not only knew about her brother but had also met him.  
  
“I miss him too,” he finally replied, voice quiet as well. “I miss many of my people.”  
  
Clarke's brow turned down, looking at him sadly before she told him quietly, “I'm sorry, Lincoln. I'm sorry you can't go back to your people.” He just shrugged, feeling the familiar ache in his chest whenever he thought of them, but he did his best not to focus on it.  
  
“You made your choices,” he simply replied, meeting her gaze. “So did I.”  
  
At that, they heard footsteps climbing up the ladder to get to the perch they sat in, and then the face of the girl he had made his choice for appeared, Octavia climbing up the steps to join them. Her eyes briefly flickered to the blonde, and he noticed Clarke go quiet, her face smoothing out as she met the look, and then she looked to him. As she did, he saw her smile, and she held her hand out to him.  
  
“A couple of guards said you were up here, but I wasn't sure if I believed them,” she told him, and again her eyes flickered over to the blonde. “What are you doing?”  
  
“We were just talking,” Clarke informed her. “Lincoln just wanted to check and make sure I was okay after our training session.”  
  
“Oh, good,” Octavia said, and then she shifted her weight from one foot to the other before her eyes flickered to the blonde again. “Are you?” she asked, “Okay, I mean?”  
  
“I'm fine,” Clarke replied, her lips pulling up into a small smile as she touched at the eye she had blackened. “You've got a hard elbow, but not that hard. If you'd gotten me with your head, then maybe I'd be worried.”  
  
Octavia couldn't help it as the grin tugged at her lips, unable to remain unfazed by the blonde's joke.  
  
“Yeah well, you're just lucky it was just my elbow and just one hit,” she told her, arms crossing in front of her. “If we'da kept going, you'd have a lot more than just a black eye.”  
  
“And you'd have a lot more than just a split lip,” Clarke agreed easily, her smile not wavering. “How is that, by the way? Not too bad, I hope?”  
  
Octavia rolled her eyes.  
  
“Oh please, you barely nicked the skin,” she replied, “There was hardly any blood.”  
  
Clarke's smile only grew, even as Lincoln stood up and moved closer to the brunette. She didn't take her eyes off of her as the younger girl pushed herself into her boyfriend's side, a small pang of jealousy stirring inside her. _Soon_ , she thought, _Soon I'll be back with Lexa_.  
  
Even with Lincoln pressed against her, Octavia once again began to shift her weight from foot to foot, before she let out a long sigh.  
  
“Look Clarke, I still don't forgive you for what you did,” she said, her tone even and with far less anger than she'd had before. The blonde's eyes met hers, and she continued, “But maybe I can try. I can't make any promises, but I'll see what I can do. If nothing else, you can train with us more: maybe if I get to kick the shit out of you a few more times it'll be easier to forgive you.”  
  
Again Clarke felt her lips twitch up, nodding once before she replied, “I don't know how often you'll actually be able to kick the shit out of me, but I'm happy to keep training with you guys. Maybe you'll even be able to keep me from drawing blood next time.” She saw Octavia roll her eyes but also noticed as her lips turned up, unable to completely hide her grin. The pair turned around, about to leave, when Clarke called out, “Octavia?” The brunette turned back towards her, raising an eyebrow. “Thank you.”  
  
“Don't thank me yet, Clarke,” the younger girl told her, “I just said I would try to forgive you. It's gonna take more than just a black eye to get there.”  
  
“Do your worst,” Clarke taunted lightly, her tone just joking enough to pull once again at the smile that fought to break out along the brunette's lips.  
  
“Oh don't worry Clarke; I fully intend to.”

***

A light knocking at her door pulled the Chancellor away from the book she'd been immersed in ever since she woke up. It was one of the ones Clarke had brought back for her from the library the Tesla survivors had been living in, and for the past week she'd made sure to wake up a few minutes earlier than usual so that she would be able to get a little bit of reading done. Being Chancellor meant that her days were busy, a constant flow of people needing her, and these few minutes to herself in the morning helped her to remain focused better throughout the day. At the knock at her door, she gave out a little sigh: apparently her day would be starting early this morning.  
  
Gently placing the book down on the small table beside her bed, she stood up, stretching slightly as she made her way over to the door. She made sure she wore an easy smile on her face as she opened it, but the moment she saw who was on the other side, that smile fell slightly as her heart leaped into her throat.  
  
“Morning, Mom,” Clarke said quietly, giving her what she thought was supposed to be an encouraging smile. “I didn't wake you up, did I?”  
  
“Clarke! I- No, no you didn't wake me up,” Abby assured her, trying to remain calm as she took in her daughter's appearance. The blonde was already dressed for the day, a heavy pair of boots on her feet and wearing the same jacket she'd barely ever been without ever since returning to the camp. What made the woman's heart beat so quickly was the quiver of arrows over her shoulder and the bow in her hand. Trying not to show her anxiety, she asked easily, “Is a hunting party going out this morning? I don't remember Kane talking about that yesterday.”  
  
“Not an entire hunting party, no,” Clarke replied, and Abby felt the panic building in her throat. “It's just me. I'm gonna be leaving the camp for the day, to do some hunting on my own.”  
  
“I'll send Bellamy and Lincoln with you,” Abby offered, trying to keep her tone light, “And maybe a couple of other people. I'm sure more people will make it a more successful hunting trip.”  
  
She watched as her daughter shook her head, the same stubborn look on her face that Abby had seen there countless times before as she said, “No Mom, I'm going alone.”  
  
Feeling the burn building up in the back of her throat, Abby finally let her fear take control as she whispered, “You're trying to leave again. You're not... You're going to disappear, aren't you?”  
  
Clarke sighed, her fingers rubbing against her forehead, and then she stepped forward, wrapping her arms around her mother tightly. After a moment, Abby returned the hold, pressing her face into her daughter's shoulder.  
  
“Just for the day, Mom,” she heard her daughter tell her softly, “I'll only be gone for the day. I'm gonna be back tonight, tomorrow morning at the very latest. I swear.”  
  
“Why?” Abby asked, pulling just far enough away so that she could study her daughter's face. “Why do you need to go?”  
  
She watched as something flashed across Clarke's face, saw that her daughter needed to swallow thickly before she replied, her voice barely more than a murmur, “I was gone for almost four months, Mom. I was alone during that time. Being back here... It, it's good, don't get me wrong, but it's... suffocating. I got used to being alone, to not having to answer to anyone, or have to explain to anyone where I was going or what I was doing. I didn't have to account for anyone other than myself and now... Now I'm back and everything's different, and I love you all, I do, but I just... I can't breathe, you know?” Her grip along Abby's arms tightened, and she tried to give her mother a small smile.  
  
“I just need a day,” she continued, not looking away as her mother scanned her face, “Just a day every now and then when I can go out and be by myself for a little while. And then I'll be back, and everything will be fine.” She stopped for a moment and Abby noticed a flash of guilt cross her face before she added, “I just, I didn't want you to think I disappeared again. I wanted to make sure you knew I'd be back soon.”  
  
Abby pulled the blonde against her again, closing her eyes as she felt her daughter's hair press against her cheek. Her heart still beat harshly in her chest, but she tried to calm it down, tried to take a deep breath.  
  
“Thank you,” she managed to whisper. “For not just disappearing. And... And I hope you have a good day.” Stepping back again, one hand moved to Clarke's face, fingers gently cupping her daughter's chin. She looked into those blue eyes she'd loved for eighteen years now, scanning them as she forced herself to try to understand. She could see where her daughter was coming from, had seen that it had been hard for the blonde the past few days, and so she made herself swallow down her anxiety, even if it still clung to her chest. Instead of letting herself get lost in it, she just added quietly, “Stay safe, Clarke. I love you.”  
  
The blonde smiled up at her, her relief obvious now that she knew her mother wasn't going to fight with her, and she lifted her bow up, eyebrows raising slightly as she replied, “Don't worry, Mom. I've got my bow and I've also got my gun in my quiver in case I need it; I'll be fine.”  
  
Forcing herself to return the smile, Abby stepped forward, pressing a small kiss to her daughter's forehead before she raised her eyebrows in return, informing her daughter, “As your mother, all I ever do is worry about you, Clarke.”  
  
Clarke's smile grew slightly, the look mirrored on her mother's face. She turned, but before she could walk away she looked back over her shoulder, giving her another smile as she said, “I love you too, Mom,” before she turned away, leaving the room and her mother behind. 

***

It was all Clarke could do to keep herself from running, her heart already beating quickly in her chest. She knew she was close, knew the dropship was just ahead, and her excitement at seeing Lexa again coursed through her, making her grip on her bow tighten. She tried to contain it, but that excitement had only been growing with every step she took, and now it was all but bursting out of her. She made it to the top of the small hill just outside the dropship gate, and then there was no controlling her feet anymore. The moment she saw the horse and figure next to it, she found she couldn't control the smile that pulled her lips up or the speed of her feet. She didn't care about being quiet, didn't care about whether she was heard or not, and then Lexa was turning towards her, a smile already on her face and eyes glowing. Clarke saw that smile falter slightly, surprise replacing it, but all the blonde could do was grin as she finally closed the space between them, dropping her bow and flinging her arms around the brunette's shoulders and then her lips were against Lexa's and everything was right with the world.  
  
The force with which Clarke threw herself against the brunette would have knocked them both down if Lexa hadn't braced herself, and as it was she had to tighten her grip on her horse's reins in order to keep them up. And then the reins were dropped and her fingers were in blonde hair, pulling the younger girl even closer to her, her eyes falling closed the moment she felt Clarke's lips against hers. She drank the blonde in, not fighting it as Clarke's lips moved roughly against her, barely remaining still for a moment. She felt the arms around her shoulders tighten, felt fingers suddenly wrap themselves in her own hair, and all she could do was deepen the kiss, holding the other girl even closer. They pushed and pulled against one another for long, glorious minutes, both basking in the feeling of being together, being so close, once again.  
  
When Clarke finally did pull her lips away, it was only to let a little oxygen into both their lungs, and then she was pressing kisses all along the brunette's face and Lexa was laughing and the sound dueled against the perfectness that was kissing Lexa, only making the moment more perfect.  
  
“Oh god Lexa, I've missed you,” Clarke murmured hotly between kisses, never drawing her lips away form the brunette's face for more than a second. “Just... so much!”  
  
“I've missed you as well, Clarke,” the other girl informed her, her hands finally moving from the blonde's hair to the sides of her face so that she could still her movements, and then she brought their lips together again, both sighing into the kiss.  
  
“It has been way too long,” Clarke mumbled when they pulled away again, eyes opening a moment later and finally letting herself just look at the other girl. She smiled, her heart soaring in her chest. “Hi.”  
  
Lexa's lips pulled up, leaning forward and closing the little bit of space that had somehow come between them. “Hi.”  
  
For a long minute they just looked at each other, needing no words to tell the other just how happy they were to be together again. When Lexa's fingers moved to Clarke's cheek, the blonde sighed, leaning into the gentle press of her fingertips. She pushed herself up, once again capturing the other girl's lips, and felt those fingers tighten just slightly against her skin. She sighed into the touch and felt the other girl smile against her, before Lexa pulled away, dropping another quick kiss to her lips at Clarke's pout.  
  
“Not that I do not enjoy kissing you, Clarke,” she told the blonde, watching as the girl's eyes opened once again, “But I am curious: what happened?” Her fingers moved up, brushing lightly against the discolored skin beneath one of her eyes. The swell of the bruised eye was even more obvious beneath her touch than it had been to sight, and the brunette's eyebrows simply rose as she gave the blonde a look.  
  
“It's nothing,” Clarke promised, reaching up and moving the hand away from her face, her fingers instead wrapping around the brunette's. “Octavia and I were just training together: she needed to get a little anger out.”  
  
“And so you allowed her to blacken your eye?” Lexa asked, her voice almost a little too innocent.  
  
“I didn't allow it, exactly, but I knew she needed to at least try to get a few hits in,” the blonde replied with a shrug. “She wouldn't talk to me, so I did what I had to to change that.”  
  
“If I had known you would not be entirely safe among your people, I would not have offered to take you back to them,” Lexa informed her, reaching up again to brush lightly against the bruise without releasing her grip on the blonde's hand. She felt Clarke's cheek push against the back of her hand and she had to fight to keep the smile from her lips as she added, “If you had simply let me kill Octavia as I desired, you wouldn't be injured now.”  
  
The younger girl's grin only grew as she shook her head, eyebrows raising as she replied, “I don't think we would be here right now if I hadn't stopped you from killing her. That might have been a little hard to get over.”  
  
She watched as Lexa let out a small sigh, green eyes still focused on the bruise along her cheekbone. Fingers brushed lightly against the discolored skin once again as the brunette finally gave in, admitting, “You are probably right. I just do not like seeing you injured.”  
  
“It's just a little bruise, Lexa, barely even a black eye,” Clarke told her, pushing herself even closer to the other girl simply because she hated that there was any space left between them. “You can't tell me that you don't get injuries from training every now and then.”  
  
“I do,” she agreed with a small shrug, but then her eyes flickered up to Clarke's as she added, “But I do not care for my own well-being the way I care for yours.”  
  
Clarke's heart thumped against her chest, heat rushing to her cheeks even as she felt her lips pull up farther. “I should have known you were a smooth talker,” she said, tilting her face up slightly, “No wonder you were able to unite all twelve clans.” Lexa's brow pulled down, clearly not entirely understanding her words, but rather than explain Clarke just pressed forward once again, engulfing the brunette's lips against her own. Her arms fell to the other girl's waist, tightening around it as she pulled the older girl closer, and she felt Lexa sink against her as her fingers once again wound through blonde hair.  
  
“I do not know what that means, or how my talking is smooth and what it has to do with the twelve clans, but if it gets me that reaction I will have to continue,” Lexa told her when they pulled away, her own cheeks a little flushed from lack of oxygen, and all Clarke could do was let out a small laugh before she pulled away, one hand dropping down to clasp around hers before she bent over and picked up the bow she'd so unceremoniously tossed to the ground many minutes before.  
  
“Come on,” she said, tugging gently against the hand and turning as though to begin walking, but Lexa stopped her, not moving. When Clarke looked back at her, one eyebrow pointed up in confusion, she saw the other girl's eyes dart to the gate the dropship lay behind. Suddenly understanding her worry, Clarke gave her a smile. “Don't worry,” she assured her, “We're not going in there. I wouldn't ask you to do that.”  
  
A look of relief washed over the brunette's face before she could wipe it away. The idea of entering the space where three hundred of her warriors had been killed had been eating away at her, but the thought of seeing Clarke again had been enough for her to force herself to do it. Now knowing that she wouldn't have to enter that graveyard, she felt even better about agreeing to meet the blonde. This time when Clarke tugged against her hand, she followed, quickly grabbing the reins of her horse with her free hand.  
  
“Where are we going then, Clarke?” she asked as they climbed a slight hill, the old Skaikru camp remaining empty behind them. She felt Clarke shrug her shoulders, and lifted her eyes to meet the blonde's as she turned her head to answer.  
  
“Don't know,” she admitted as she walked, snow crunching beneath her feet. “I only chose the dropship because we both knew where it was and didn't have time to think of anywhere else. I figure now we can look for a better place to meet the next time. You know, now that we aren't surrounded by our people.”  
  
Lexa felt the corners of her lips tug up and didn't try to stop it. Her fingers tightened around the other girl's at the mention of meeting again, her heartbeat quickening in her chest.  
  
“I like that plan,” she replied, allowing Clarke to aimlessly lead her through the trees. “Though I have to warn you, I do not know if I will be able to sneak away from my people every three weeks. I will try, but coming so close to your camp is a much farther trip than it was to visit you at the cave. I will do my best, though.” She met Clarke's eyes as they looked over at her, her smile softening. “I do not like being away from you for so long.”  
  
Clarke easily returned the smile, her eyes brightening at the admission. “I don't like being away from you for so long either,” she told her, and then asked, “How far a trip is it, from here to Polis?”  
  
“A little less than three days,” was the answer, Lexa now looking ahead of them, lazily scanning the trees. “It will be faster once winter has ended and there is no snow on the ground, but at the moment we must go slowly.”  
  
Clarke stopped, Lexa stopping beside her when she felt the tug on her arm, and when the brunette gave her a curious look she asked, “You've been traveling for three days, and you're just going to turn around and go back after a few hours?”  
  
“Not this time, no,” the older girl replied, patting her horse along its neck when it nudged her, clearly annoyed that they had stopped. Looking back at the blonde she told her, “I have spent the past few days in Tondc. When Spring is here we will begin to rebuild what was destroyed, and needed to meet with Indra as well as see for myself how much they were able to accomplish before the first snow fell and what still needs to be done. A number of her people have been living in Polis, but I know that they are anxious to be going home. Hopefully it will not be much longer before they will be able to do so.”  
  
At the mention of Tondc, Clarke felt a shot of guilt ripple through her. Lexa must have seen the shadow cross her face, because she squeezed her hand again, stepping closer to the blonde. Clarke just sighed, shaking her head, before she turned into Lexa, letting her shoulder bump against the other girl's before they began walking again.  
  
“I wish I could help,” she murmured, “What happened to the village was my fault: I should be there to help rebuild it.”  
  
“What happened to the village was not your fault, Clarke,” Lexa reminded her, her words the exact opposite of what the blonde had been hearing lately. She noticed the taller girl's voice remained even, but when she looked over, she saw the hardness that had taken over her face as she continued, “Tondc's destruction was the fault of the Mountain Men, no one else. They were the ones who fired the missile.”  
  
“I know,” Clarke admitted quietly, because she did know that, even if Octavia's words still forced the guilt to churn around in her gut. She sighed then and felt Lexa's eyes flicker over to her as she added, “Still, I wish I could help. The people of Tondc deserve to have their home back.”  
  
“They do,” Lexa agreed with a small nod, and Clarke felt her grip her hand tighter. Looking over, she met green eyes as she continued, “And you have already made it safe for them to return to that home. Thanks to you, when the village is rebuilt, they will no longer have to worry about Reaper attacks or the threat of the Mountain Men. I know you do not like to speak of what you had to do, but it made more than just your people safer.”  
  
Clarke let out a long sigh, but nodded, giving in. It wasn't the way she wanted to be able to help those people who had lost so much, but she knew that Lexa had a point. Rather than keep talking about it and risk tainting her time with the brunette with painful memories, she let the subject drop.  
  
They walked together for over an hour, conversation flowing easily between them, broken up with comfortable silences and more than one kiss. They wandered aimlessly, no exact destination in mind, but neither of them particularly cared, more than happy just to be able to be with the other girl once again uninterrupted.  
  
After a while however, Lexa found that her throat had gone dry from the talking and kissing and walking, and when she took her canteen from her saddlebag, she found it almost empty. She scanned her surroundings, wanting something other than just snow to quench her thirst, and smiled when she found what she was looking for. Up ahead, she saw a small stream, a light layer of ice covering it. Pulling Clarke along behind her, they moved over to it, and once she reached the stream's edge she handed her horse's reins to the blonde. As soon as the hand was free, she bent down next to the stream, pulling her knife out of her belt as she did so. Using the hilt, she struck the knife against the ice a few times, finally breaking enough away to allow her to dip her canteen in, refilling it. She stood, quickly sliding the knife back into her belt, and held the canteen out to the blonde, offering her a drink.  
  
“Thanks,” Clarke told her before taking it and lifting it to her lips. She took a sip, and then made a face as she handed it back and muttered, “Wow that's cold.”  
  
“Did you expect differently, Clarke?” Lexa asked, a slight teasing in her voice before she too took a sip, and as the ice water hit her teeth she had to fight not to make her own face. Clarke raised her eyebrows, clearly seeing the small wince she hadn't been able to hold back before retorting, “Nope, were you, Lexa?” Instead of replying, the brunette just grinned.  
  
Clarke looked around them, seeing nothing but trees and the stream, and then looked back to the brunette. “Why don't we stop here for a few minutes and rest?” she asked, “We can keep going in a little while.”  
  
Lexa nodded before she took the reins back from the blonde, leading her horse over to a thin tree and setting the animal up beside it. After an extra pat against its neck, she moved to her saddlebags, pulling a fur from one. She turned and met Clarke's raised eyebrow.  
  
“Would you prefer to sit on the cold ground?” she simply asked, easily understanding what the look had been implying. Rather than answer directly, the blonde just shook her head, her lips curling up as she replied, “You're always prepared, aren't you Lexa?”  
  
“Yes,” was all she got for a reply, but she could see the amusement shining in the older girl's eyes. Her grin growing, Clarke lightly tossed her bow to the ground beside the fur Lexa had just laid out, and then shrugged her quiver over her shoulder. Once holding the strap in her hand, she reached inside, pushing the few arrows and her gun aside and pulling out a small book. Looking up, she met Lexa's eyes as she held up her prize. “Me too,” she told her. “You didn't think you were gonna get away without another reading lesson, did you?”  
  
Lexa let out an exaggerated sigh, but didn't fight the smile that pulled at her lips. Really, she had no problems with their reading lessons, even quite enjoyed them, though at the moment she would rather just be holding the blonde. She didn't try to argue though, instead just taking the book when Clarke handed it to her, and then sunk down onto the fur, Clarke moving to sit next to her. Once her back was leaning comfortably against the tree she'd placed the fur next to, she opened the book, and allowed herself to try to get lost in the letters and words before her rather than the blonde next to her.  
  
For a while, Clarke took the reading lesson seriously. She helped Lexa string the letters together whenever she came across a word she wasn't familiar with, answered any questions the brunette asked about what a specific phrase meant, and just generally paid attention. Before long however she found herself staring at the brunette's lips, watching the way they formed the words. Lexa's voice turned into a haze inside her head, the words themselves melting away as she watched her lips move. The brunette stared intently at the book, her fingers gently running along the pages, and as they moved Clarke's eyes would dart down to them, imagining them running against her skin instead. Her eyes would flicker back up, see those lips still moving, still forming a story that Clarke had long ago stopped paying attention to, and suddenly a reading lesson was the last thing on her mind.  
  
Without warning, she had the book out of Lexa's hands, tossed lightly to the fur behind her, and then she was straddling the brunette's lap. Lexa looked surprised by the sudden change of events, but then Clarke's hands were on her neck, fingers tilting her head up, and their lips were together and she let that surprise go. Her own hands moved to the blonde's waist, her grip tight against her, only getting tighter when she felt Clarke push against her until no space remained between their bodies. Lexa's back was pressed against the tree and her front was pressed against Clarke, and she had absolutely no complaints about the turn of events.  
  
Still, she couldn't help but feel the need to tease the other girl just a little.  
  
“I thought,” she murmured when the blonde pulled away to move along her jaw, “That this was supposed to be a reading lesson?”  
  
“We've had reading lessons more recently than we've had sex,” Clarke replied easily, barely taking her lips away from the brunette's skin, “I decided the book can wait.”  
  
“But lessons are important Clarke,” Lexa teased, “Nearly as important as training.” Clarke pulled away slightly at that, raising her eyebrows as she met Lexa's eyes. “More important than touching me?” she asked, and Lexa had to force herself not to gulp at the tone of her voice. “Because I can get off you and we can keep reading.” She made to move, shifting her weight, but Lexa's hands tightened their grip on her waist, holding her in place. She held her smirk in as she looked back down at the other girl.  
  
“Reading can wait,” she agreed, pulling Clarke so that she was once again pressed against her, “Touching you is much, much more important.”  
  
“I thought you might think that,” the blonde murmured, leaning forward once again, and then her lips were again moving lightly along the brunette's jaw and all conversation for the moment stopped.  
  
As Clarke's lips moved along her jaw, teeth nibbling and sucking on her skin, Lexa's head fell back, hitting against the bark of the tree behind her, but she didn't care. She moved to allow the blonde more access, and then those glorious lips were pressing against her neck, switching between gentle and harsh movements. Lexa's tongue darted from between her lips, licking them in some insane attempt to calm her heartbeat down, and then her fingers were moving to the front of Clarke's jacket, quickly pulling the zipper down even as the blonde's body remained pressed firmly against her own. The moment the zipper was released, her hands moved beneath the younger girl's shirt, and she felt Clarke take in a sharp breath against her as the brunette's cold fingers pressed against her skin. A moment later and Clarke was simply pressing herself closer to the brunette, her skin begging to be touched and Lexa was happily meeting the demand. Long fingers ran along her waist, skimming across smooth skin that shivered beneath the light touch, before tracing patterns up her sides. Lexa heard a small whimper escape the blonde's throat and she grinned, even as the lips against her neck moved down and began sucking on the little bit of her collarbone that was exposed from beneath her own jacket and shirt. Needing to see as well as feel, her hands quickly pulled out from beneath the blonde's shirt, causing a slight huff from said girl, and then she was pushing the jacket off of Clarke's arms, the other girl quickly moving to help. The jacket fell to the fur beside them, and then deft fingers wrapped around the hem of the blonde's shirt, and Lexa bunched it up, pulling it over Clarke's head the moment the blonde pulled far enough away from her to allow the motion.  
  
As her shirt came off, Lexa's eyes seemed drawn straight to the bruise coloring along the blonde's side, and she had to clench her jaw: she knew a bruise caused by a hit from a sword when she saw it. Eyes flickering back up, she met Clarke's, telling her, “Octavia tries my patience.” She watched as the words only pulled the blonde's lips into a grin before she leaned down again, those same lips barely ghosting over her own.  
  
“Octavia tries everyone's patience,” she whispered, her breath hot against Lexa's mouth, and then she closed the small space still between them, pushing the brunette harder against the tree as their lips moved together once again. Her bare stomach pressed against the fabric of Lexa's jacket, and she felt herself shiver as she tried to sink into the other girl's body heat and away from the cold air pressing against her sides and back.  
  
“Must be a Sky Person trait,” Lexa murmured when Clarke's lips pulled back from hers, the corners of her mouth tugging up. She watched as Clarke's grin only grew before the blonde nuzzled lightly against her neck, lips pressing soft kisses against her skin again before moving to her ear.  
  
“Definitely a Sky Person trait,” she agreed, her voice husky, and Lexa couldn't help but shiver as her hot breath hit her ear just before her earlobe was between the blonde's teeth. Once again her hands fell to the other girl's sides, Clarke's skin now cold beneath her fingers, and for a moment she felt guilty, undressing the blonde out in the cold. But then Clarke's lips moved just beneath her ear and sucked greedily at her skin as her hips ground down lightly on Lexa's lap, and suddenly the Grounder realized she actually still had far too many clothes on.  
  
Hands moving back up Clarke's body, they came to rest on either side of the blonde's face, and then she was pulling the girl away from her neck. Clarke gave her a curious look, but then Lexa crashed their lips together once again and the look disappeared, eyes falling closed as she quickly moved into the game of give-and-take that was Lexa's lips against her own. Her fingers flew to the brunette's hair, grasping the long strands in a harsh grip, and the action only made Lexa's lips move faster against her. The other girl's hands moved back down her body, falling and running smoothly over bare shoulders and along her arms, down her sides and then back up her stomach, and when they came to rest against Clarke's chest, she felt herself take in a sharp breath before Lexa's lips were moving against hers once again. Hands cupped her chest, and she could feel the way her body was responding even from beneath the bra that still clung to her skin, nipples quickly hardening against the pressure that came from the other side of the material. Lexa never tried to take it off nor did she ever try to slip her hands beneath it, but she didn't need to: she could feel the reaction just fine as it was. Besides, that wasn't the reaction that Lexa was most focused on.  
  
As her mouth and hands moved against Clarke, she felt the blonde begin to move against her, her hips starting to push against Lexa's legs. At first the motions were small, controlled, but before long Lexa could feel the action grow as Clarke's desperation did, and soon the blonde was roughly pushing herself against the brunette. Lexa pretended not to notice, pretended she had no idea how worked up Clarke was getting, even as she felt the small smirk grow at the corners of her lips. She simply continued kissing the blonde, letting her hands run along the girl's chest and stomach, her lips falling to Clarke's neck when she finally broke the kiss.  
  
“Lexa,” she heard Clarke say, clearly doing her best to keep her voice even. “Stop it.”  
  
“Stop what, Clarke?” Lexa simply asked, her lips pulling only an inch or so from the blonde's skin. Suddenly one of Clarke's hands moved from her hair, fingers roughly gripping her chin, and Lexa felt her head pull back to meet the blonde's gaze. When she met the other girl's eyes, she felt her own arousal grow between her legs.  
  
Clarke's cheeks were flushed, a pink hue spread across them that had nothing to do with the cold air. Her mouth seemed dry, if the way her jaw hung open slightly was anything to go by, and her eyes seemed so dark they appeared nearly black. She crashed her lips against the brunette's, and Lexa felt herself nearly gulp under the ferocity of the movement, but easily allowed herself to get pulled into the harsh kiss.  
  
“Stop ignoring me,” Clarke growled the moment her lips moved away from Lexa's, and again the brunette had to fight not to let her reaction to the way the blonde was looking at her show. The hand that gripped her chin moved down, grabbing one of the brunette's wrists, and pulled the hand away from her chest. With a speed that was driven by pure need, she pushed Lexa's hand down her body and then pressed the hand between her legs, feeling the pressure even through the pants that still clung to her skin. The pressure was enough to pull a groan from the back of her throat, and then her hips rocked forward, pressing themselves into the hand harder.  
  
The action and the groan were enough to get Lexa moving. Her other hand followed the first, and then she was unzipping the blonde's pants, pushing them down as best she could with the girl still on her lap. One hand slipped between Clarke's thighs, and then her palm was against the blonde's sex, the wetness that already clung to her underwear obvious against her skin. Clarke groaned again, and then her own hands fell down Lexa's body, and she was tearing at the zipper to the Grounder's jacket, roughly pushing it away from her body before she stood on legs that shook. The hand left her center, pulling a whimper out of her, but then she felt both her underwear and pants being pulled down her legs and she kicked both off before sinking back down on the brunette's lap. Before Lexa could touch her again, her hands were grabbing at the older girl's shirt, desperately needing to see Lexa's skin, and then it too was on the ground. Her hands fell to the Grounder's stomach, running along skin that rippled beneath her touch, her head falling forward so that she could run her mouth along the girl's shoulder.  
  
And then she was gasping as two fingers were suddenly inside her, and she felt the moan tear from her throat as they pushed in further, her hips moving on their own accord to meet them. Lexa's free hand moved to the center of her back, and those fingers between her legs continued to push and pull inside of her, and Clarke could barely keep her moans in. She used the brunette's shoulder, her teeth sinking slightly into the skin, to try to remain quiet, but when Lexa's fingers curled, she stopped trying and allowed the groans to tumble forth freely. As she began repeating the Grounder's name, she felt the movements inside her only grow in their speed, curling and thrusting and doing wickedly wonderful things to her. Her body responded perfectly to Lexa's ministrations, her hips falling to meet each thrust, barely ever pulling back so that those fingers would stay inside her, and she could feel her insides clenching down on them. Her body wanted them to stay where they were, wanted the motions to never stop, and in so many ways she knew it was just a physical manifestation of the way she felt always, always wanting Lexa beside her, always wanting her near, around, right there to talk to, right there to hold, right there to touch, right there to kiss, _right there_.  
  
“Right there Lexa,” she panted, her breathing harsh, and she wasn't even entirely sure the words were legible around her groans. “Right there, oh god, please Lexa, right there.”  
  
One way or another, Lexa knew what she was so desperately asking for, and Lexa continued to hit her right there, right in that one spot that was making Clarke's legs shake and heart fly in her chest. She curled her fingers and hit that spot again, and then her thumb moved up and began circling the blonde's clit, her motions almost slow compared to the way her fingers pressed inside the other girl, and a high pierced noise somewhere between a whine and a moan escaped from between Clarke's lips.  
  
“Please Lexa,” the girl practically begged as she shoved her face against the brunette's neck, “Please, I need to, I need to...”  
  
“Let go Clarke,” she heard the brunette whisper in her ear, almost too softly to be heard over her moans, “Let go.”  
  
And then the thumb against her clit pressed hard against her before beginning to rub furious circles against it, and Clarke's body snapped. Her head shot back and her hips ground onto the brunette's hand as the coil that had been building in her gut finally burst, and it was all she could do just to let her hips move as her hands moved to the other girl's shoulders, fingers pressing so hard into them that Lexa knew she would be left with bruises once they were done. She didn't care, instead ignoring it and wrapping her free arm around the blonde's waist and letting her ride her hand until her body couldn't take it anymore.  
  
Finally that moment arrived, and Clarke fell forward, her forehead falling once again to Lexa's bare shoulder, and she felt the arm around her tighten, supporting the dead weight that her body had become. Gentle lips pressed along her neck, helping her work down from the orgasm that had just torn through her, but she could do nothing but gasp as she tried to get her breathing back under control. She whimpered when Lexa moved, her fingers slipping out of her, and she felt the brunette press against her neck harder, a silent apology for the necessary movement. Clarke simply shifted, her head falling into the nook of the other girl's shoulder, forehead pressing against Lexa's neck, and then she felt Lexa's arms wrap around her waist, holding her in place while she tried to regain even just a little control of her body.  
  
Lexa pulled Clarke closer to her, letting her sink against her. She felt the blonde still breathing heavily, felt the way her body gasped to pull air into her lungs, and she just held her. Her lips moved against the expanse of the girl's neck, leaving soft, gentle kisses along pale skin that deserved to be worshiped every moment of ever day. Her mouth moved to the center of her neck, and then began trailing kisses up, until she reached the blonde's chin, and then she was gently pushing against the girl, getting her to pick her head up so that she could continue upwards. Finally Clarke did, and then her lips were ghosting over her chin, and finally they were pecking against the blonde's lips, leaving the smallest of kisses against them every time they came together.  
  
She didn't stop until she felt Clarke grinning against her, and then her kisses were being returned until one time when she tried to peck against the lips, the blonde didn't let her pull away. Clarke's fingers moved to Lexa's hair and then she was holding her head in place so that she could press against the brunette's mouth, and the older girl simply let her. Their lips danced together, heads tilting, noses bumping, and they each got lost in just how amazing it always felt to be able to kiss this other girl.  
  
After a long moment of lips pushing against each other, Clarke finally pulled back, putting just a little space between them. When Lexa opened her eyes, she found the blonde already looking at her, a smile pulling at the corners of the girl's mouth. Clarke pressed another kiss to her lips, and then she felt her whisper, “Stand up.”  
  
Lexa captured the lips one last time before she nodded, knowing without a doubt that she would forever do anything Clarke told her to. The blonde shifted just enough so that she could move, and then she was rising to her feet, her legs tingling just a little after having had someone sitting on them so long. She looked down in front of her once she was standing, and felt her throat go completely dry as Clarke pulled herself up on her knees, settling her body just in front of Lexa's. Clarke's eyes flickered up to hers, and Lexa found she couldn't look away from them even as the blonde's hands moved up to the hem of her pants. They were unzipped and pulled down slowly, underwear moving along with them, but still all Lexa could do was watch Clarke. She saw the other girl smile, the smallest hint of a smirk coloring it, but still she couldn't look away. Her pants and underwear were pulled away from her body, Clarke throwing them behind her, and Lexa was nearly bare in front of this girl who had all the power in the world to destroy her. She had given Clarke that power almost without even meaning to, and she knew that even if she wanted to, she could never regret it.  
  
The blonde's hands pushed her legs apart just a bit further and then settled on her hips, fingers pressing lightly against the bones she could feel just beneath Lexa's skin. Still she stared up at the brunette, not once breaking their eye contact, and then she was leaning forward, her face inching towards the space she could practically feel burning for her touch. She saw the little hitch in Lexa's breath, saw the way her eyes nearly clouded over from pure and uncontrollable desire, and then her mouth was against her.  
  
Clarke sighed, her eyes finally falling shut as first Lexa's scent and then her taste bombarded her. She sighed, and then her grip on the other girl's waist tightened, and she all but dove in. She heard the small gasp that tore from the Commander's throat, felt it as hands moved down to wrap fingers in her hair, and the noise and action only spurned her on. Her tongue was on Lexa's clit, drawing frenzied designs both around and over it, and she listened as Lexa couldn't help but let out a quiet cry, her fingers burrowing further into blonde hair. One hand fell away from the brunette's hip, falling down to her thigh and pressing against it, urging her to give her even more room, and the moment Lexa's leg shifted, she was moving down, and then her tongue entered her in one quick motion. As Lexa moaned she moved, drinking in everything from the noises the other girl was making to the arousal that coated her tongue.  
  
All Lexa could do was press her back against the tree behind her. Her legs felt weak, soft, and it was entirely due to the work Clarke was doing between them. Her fingers gripped the blonde's hair, and somewhere in the back of her clouded mind she worried about hurting the other girl, but she couldn't bring herself to loosen the grip. All she could do was hold onto it as she desperately tried to pull air into lungs that burned, the oxygen having a hard time making its way around the moans that flowed from her lips. Somewhere even further in the back of her mind she wondered what her people would think if they could see her right now, could see just how completely and utterly lost to the blonde girl she was, but honestly, she couldn't think about them right now either. All she could think about, all she could possibly do, was sink into the moment, with Clarke's hands on her, her mouth working so beautifully against her, and wonder how she had ever managed to get this lucky. Nothing she could have possibly done in this or any other lifetime could possibly have made her deserve this moment, this feeling, this bubbling and popping and fuzzy feeling she felt in her chest just as strongly as she felt the burning and twisting coil wind in her gut.  
  
The two emotions dueled inside her, the coil in her gut fighting for attention over the bubbling in her chest, but thinking, actually being able to form thoughts and try to pay attention to either, was an action that was completely beyond her at the moment. All she could do was feel, and all of those feelings washed over her, lost only to the feeling of Clarke's tongue within her, of the fingers that had just moved from her leg to between them, to the motion of those fingers as they began to circle her clit, and then all she felt was the coil break as her orgasm tore through her. It tore through her, and she let it, her head hitting hard against the tree behind her as her body pressed into it, needing something solid and stable to keep her up while that terrible, awful, _wonderful_ tongue continued to move inside her as her body shook around the blonde's head.  
  
Clarke's hand moved back to Lexa's leg, her arm wrapping lightly around it as her other hand continued to press against the brunette's hip, doing her best to help the other girl remain upright as her orgasm rocked through her body. She slowed down the motion of her tongue, thrusting it now slowly inside the brunette, not yet able to tear herself away from this spot she loved being in so much. But then she felt the small tug against her hair, heard the small noise that managed to escape Lexa's lips, and she pulled away, a small grin on her lips. Before moving too far, she turned her head, raining light, almost non-existent kisses down the insides of Lexa's thighs, and she felt it as the brunette shuddered above her just once more. She moved back, and then Lexa's legs weren't holding her up anymore, the brunette almost falling back down to the fur. The moment she was down, Clarke was pressing forward, her lips finding the other girl's, and now it was her turn to press light kisses over and over against Lexa's mouth until she finally found the energy to return the pressure.  
  
“Perhaps,” Lexa finally said, the words nearly getting stuck in her dry throat, “It is a good thing we are unable to see each other more often than every three weeks.”  
  
Clarke leaned back, surprise spreading across her face as her brow turned down.  
  
“Why?” she asked, too shocked to say anything else. That was definitely not the reaction she was expecting.  
  
But then Lexa's lips pulled up into a small smile, and then she was leaning forward, her forehead pressing against Clarke's as her hands moved to cup the back of her neck. “Because,” she answered, her tone somewhere between teasing and being absolutely serious, “I do not think I could survive an orgasm like that much more often.” Her lips pressed a quick kiss to Clarke's. “My fight was nearly over towards the end of that.”  
  
Clarke let out a loud laugh before she leaned forward, grinning as she once again drew beautiful lips in for another kiss. There was a time when she never would have thought that Lexa, hard, stoic, Commander Lexa, had a sense of humor: now she realized just how wrong she had been, about so many thoughts she'd had about this other girl whose lips were eagerly moving against her own.  
  
“There you go, being a smooth talker again,” she finally said when she pulled back, and she saw the same happiness shining from Lexa's eyes that she felt coursing throughout her entire body. “You're going to inflate my ego if you keep giving me compliments like that.”  
  
“I speak only the truth,” the other girl replied, her eyebrows raising as she fought to control the grin on her face. She failed, but didn't care. “You are very good at that.”  
  
“I guess it's just one more thing I learned from you,” Clarke told her, leaning back just slightly. “Between the tongue trick and all the training, I might as well be a Grounder.”  
  
“If only...” Lexa murmured, her eyes scanning Clarke's face, and the humor that the blonde had felt a moment ago disappeared, replaced with something else.  
  
“Yeah, if only,” she agreed quietly, sitting back finally and putting a little space between them, though somehow without either of them thinking about it, their hands moved together, fingers wrapping around each other. “It would certainly make things easier.”  
  
She watched as Lexa shrugged, green eyes finally breaking away from her face to look around them once again.  
  
“Yes and no,” the brunette replied, still scanning the area around them even as she felt Clarke watching her. “If you were one of my people we would not have to sneak away to see each other, but that is partially because we would not be seeing each other.” Her eyes moved back, once again meeting blue. “It would be no safer for you, if you were a Grounder. Not to be with me. I would not put you in danger then anymore than I will now.”  
  
“Right,” Clarke said quietly, her eyes flickering down for a moment, and Lexa felt her heart pull in her chest. Before she could say or do anything though, Clarke's eyes were back on hers and she was letting out a small sigh. “Doesn't matter though: I'm not a Grounder and you're not a Sky Person. And even if you didn't have enemies, it still wouldn't be a good idea for us to stop hiding... this. Our people still don't trust each other.”  
  
“Right,” Lexa echoed, her brow pulling down. She watched as Clarke sighed once again, and the look on the blonde's face pulled against her heart. “But,” she continued, her thumb brushing along the back of the other girl's hand, drawing her attention back to her, “At least we have found a way to still see each other. It is difficult, perhaps, but it is something. More than I ever believed I would get.”  
  
Her words brought the smile back to the blonde's face, even if it was smaller than it had been.  
  
“It's more than I ever knew I wanted,” she replied, her voice soft, and the words caused Lexa's mouth to go dry for an entirely different reason. The two simply stared at each other for a moment, lost in all the feelings that swirled in each of their chests.  
  
The moment ended as a small brush of wind passed them, and Lexa saw Clarke shiver, her already prickled skin reacting even more with the fresh burst of cold.  
  
“We should get dressed,” she stated, looking around the fur for each of their clothing. “It is too cold out to remain bare without at least a fire, and even then it would be too easy for us to get sick.”  
  
Clarke nodded, but Lexa noticed the small grin form on her lips.  
  
“See, you could absolutely be a healer,” she informed the brunette, her tone light. “You already know how not to get sick.” Lexa felt her lips turn up as well before she replied, “Some things are simply known, Clarke.”  
  
Clarke let out a small laugh, but then when she saw Lexa reach for her shirt, she beat her to it, hiding it behind her back. She saw the brunette raise an eyebrow at her, an almost exasperated look appearing on her face.  
  
“Clarke, I believe we just agreed that we should be getting dressed,” Lexa stated, easily noticing the spark of mischief that had appeared in blue eyes.  
  
“I know,” the blonde replied, her voice teasing, “But first you have to pay the price in order to get your shirt back.”  
  
Raising her eyebrow further, Lexa asked, “Oh? And what is that price, Clarke?” The younger girl's grin only grew before she answered, “You have to kiss me.”  
  
Lexa couldn't help but shake her head, even as her own lips curled up into a smile. She pushed herself up, and then the next thing the blonde knew she was crawling towards her on her hands and knees, a look in her eyes that clearly said, “Two can play this game.”  
  
“I suppose that is a price I am willing to pay,” she all but purred, and Clarke couldn't help but gulp. And then Lexa's body was pressed against her once again, one hand moving to the back of her head while the other moved beneath her chin, tilting her head up. Her lips came down against Clarke's, for a moment almost floating above them, her breath hot against the blonde's lips, before she allowed that space to close. Her mouth molded itself against Clarke's and the blonde heard her let out another noise that almost resembled a growl as she tasted herself against Clarke's lips and tongue. The blonde's eyes fell shut, her body going a little limp as the Commander held her head in place so that she could move as she pleased against the Skaikru leader. She didn't move away for long moments, their lips never stopping in their movement against the other, until finally Lexa drew back just far enough so that she could easily look into Clarke's eyes. As soon as blue eyes opened, she found green staring back at her, a proud smirk ghosting over Lexa's lips.  
  
“Did I pay enough, Clarke?” the brunette murmured, moving forward just enough to barely brush her lips against the blonde's again, and Clarke felt herself shiver.  
  
“Y-Yeah, I'd say you paid enough,” she answered, unable to stop the slight stammer in her voice. She watched as the smirk on Lexa's face only grew before the older girl reached behind her, pulling her shirt from Clarke's grip. Her own smirk moved into place, and as Lexa reached behind her Clarke reached up, running her fingernails ever so slightly against the brunette's taut stomach. Green eyes flickered back to hers and she saw the hunger in them grow once again, but then she was leaning forward, leaving a quick kiss against Lexa's lips before she was moving away, standing up so that she could collect her own clothes.  
  
“Come on,” she simply said, barely even looking at the other girl when she moved, though she knew Lexa hadn't taken her eyes off of her. “Like you said, we should get dressed so that we don't get sick.”  
  
Her grin only grew as she heard Lexa let out a long breath before informing her, “You are cruel, Clarke: just cruel.”  
  
“Don't know what you're talking about,” the blonde shot over her shoulder, though from her tone Lexa had no doubt she knew exactly what she had done.  
  
Nevertheless, they did move to get dressed, the cold of the air enough for them to put their teasing aside. As they moved, they did so in a comfortable silence, stealing small glances and seeing the other smile while they pulled their clothes back on their bodies. The moment her pants were securely on, her jacket the only piece of clothing still lying on the fur, Lexa finally pulled her gaze away from the blonde and moved over to her horse, checking on it to make sure all was still well with the beast. She smiled as it nudged against her arm, admonishing her for leaving it alone for so long, and let her fingers run down the side of its neck in a silent apology.  
  
“Lexa,” she heard Clarke call, and when she looked over to the blonde, she saw the younger girl gathering both the fur and her jacket up from the ground. Her brow was pulled down, eyes scanning in front of her as though thinking about something. She looked up and met the brunette's eyes, before saying, “Tondc: is there any reason I can't help you rebuild it?”  
  
Now it was Lexa's brow that turned down, the girl's words surprising her.  
  
“What do you mean?” she asked, unsure exactly what the other girl was truly asking.  
  
“I mean, my people hate yours, but do your people hate me? Me, specifically?” Clarke clarified, and at that Lexa's brow shot up.  
  
“No,” she replied easily, and then amended, “Not most of them, anyway. Most of my people respect you greatly or they fear you. You are Wanheda, remember?”  
  
“Well then, why can't I help rebuild?” the other girl asked again, and there seemed to be an excitement growing in her tone that Lexa didn't understand.  
  
“I did not think your people would wish for you to travel to one of our villages, Tondc least of all,” Lexa answered, but Clarke began shaking her head slowly.  
  
“Tondc is what really brought our people together in the first place: after the missile, that's when Grounders and Sky People really started to work together,” she said, and Lexa watched as her face brightened further as she continued, some idea clearly swirling through her mind. She continued, her voice quiet as though she were working the idea out as she spoke. “And it wouldn't be just me that went: Octavia would go to help, she feels like she's more of a Grounder than an Arker anyway, and Lincoln would love to go back, he misses his people. And I bet Kane would be more than willing to help, as well as a lot of the Tesla survivors.”  
  
“I don't...” Lexa began, her mind trying to catch up with Clarke's, and she shook her head, “I do not know about all that. Lincoln would not be allowed back: he knows as well as any of us that if he shows his face in any of our villages he will be taken as a traitor. Even I cannot stop that, not after he betrayed his people twice and disobeyed my direct order. And I do not know how Indra would take it, having so many Skaikru in her village again.”  
  
“You could order her to allow it though, right?” Clarke asked, and Lexa finally turned completely around so that she was facing the blonde.  
  
“I could,” she answered slowly, her eyes scanning the other girl's face, “But I do not know if that would be wise. A person may follow an order, but that does not mean they will do so willingly. It may just make Indra dislike your people more, if I am ordering her to allow them into her village again.” When Clarke's brow furrowed further, Lexa continued, “I could, however, try to convince her to let them in. If in the end she feels comfortable enough to agree rather than having to follow an order, it could work. But why do you ask this, Clarke? What are you thinking?”  
  
“The bombing of Tondc brought our people together originally,” the blonde answered, her words coming out faster the more she spoke. “Maybe rebuilding it is what can bring them together again.” When Lexa gave her a confused look, she added, “Think about it, Lexa. If even just a few of my people, me and those who already trust you, can go out and help you rebuild a village that was destroyed in the war we all fought together, maybe when we go back to Arkadia we'll be able to begin convincing the others that our alliance really can last, that Grounders and Sky People really can live together in peace.” She began pacing, and Lexa's eyes followed her movement. “I mean, I know it'll take more than just that, there's a lot of animosity between our people, but it could be a step in the right direction. If Indra and her warriors, your warriors, welcome us, and I make sure only the people I trust not to cause any problems go, then maybe it'll work. Especially if Kane is one of those people. He respects the Grounders already, and even though he's upset about what happened at Mount Weather, I really don't think it would take much for him to forgive, and when my people see him able to forgive, to walk comfortably beside your people, I don't know, it might just be enough to start changing things. There's no guarantee, obviously, but it's something. It's something we can try, at least.”  
  
Clarke stopped talking, and when she did she also stopped pacing, once again turning to look Lexa straight on. She watched the Grounder take her words all in, watched as she slowly mulled them over, processing every possible outcome that could come from this idea. Clarke knew that it might be a long shot, that it might not work out at all like she hoped it could, but it was the only idea she had so she held her breath as Lexa thought it over. Finally the brunette nodded.  
  
“I will speak with Indra,” she replied, and Clarke's eyes widened, a little surprised. “I cannot promise anything, and even if I am able to convince her, it will still be some time before the weather will be nice enough to start building. We can use that time to decide how you wish to bring the idea to your people, and how you will tell them you came about the information.” She saw the smile spread across Clarke's face, but her own thoughts remained unsure. “Do not get your hopes up too high, Clarke. There is nothing to promise that this plan will work.”  
  
“It'll work,” the blonde informed her, moving over to her and lightly placing her arms over the Commander's shoulders. She leaned in, leaving a kiss against Lexa's lips before she pulled back, her expression showing nothing but determination. “It has to work.” 

***

One Week Later

She raised her eyebrows as her two warriors entered the room, immediately kneeling before her. Their heads lowered, not looking up at her, and she lifted her chin higher.  
  
“ _Well_?” she asked, studying them both.  
  
“ _The informant states that the Commander disappeared last week from Tondc_ ,” Maloch informed her immediately, lifting his head up to look at her. She saw the way his lips pulled up into a smirk. “ _It is believed that she went to meet with the Sky girl again, even though she has returned to her people_.”  
  
“ _The informant believes it will not be the only time_ ,” Jojesh added, his head lifting also. Unlike her first warrior, he kept his face completely expressionless, even as he met her eyes.  
  
Her fingers began tapping on the arm of her chair, but she managed to keep her own face blank as well, even as she felt the excitement inside her grow once again.  
  
“ _Good_ ,” she finally replied, and then she nodded to them, ushering them to their feet. They quickly stood, and she met both of their looks as she ordered, “ _Have our informant find out where and when they meet and make sure your warriors are ready to ride out the moment I tell you to. There will be no mistakes with this or I will have people's heads_.” They both nodded and she flicked her fingers at them. “ _Go_.” Quickly they exited, letting the door fall shut behind them, and then she was alone and she finally allowed the smirk to form along her lips.  
  
She'd thought she'd lost her chance: when the informant had told them weeks ago that the Sky girl had returned to the Skaikru camp, she'd believed they had not been able to move fast enough and she had lost the one opportunity she'd had in over five years. She'd gone into a silent rage, but now it seemed like her chance had not slipped from her fingertips as she had believed. There was still time, and she would not waste it.  
  
Queen Nia, leader of Azgeda and the rightful Commander to the Twelve Clans, leaned back in her throne and allowed her smirk to grow. Soon she would meet this Sky girl, this Clarke, and not long after Lexa would finally fall.  
  
Her plans would not fail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun. A lot happened in this chapter, I know. I hope you all like it, and yes, of course now the Ice Nation is going to be rearing its ugly head. For those of you also watching season three, just a reminded that the Nia in this story isn't exactly the same as the Nia in the show: in this she's the same age as Lexa, not older. So yeah, hope you enjoyed and are excited (and maybe a little nervous) about what will be coming! Thanks all!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you watched last night's episode, all I have to say is this: stay strong, Clexakru. We'll get through this. Somehow, we'll get through this.

Reese fought to hide her yawn, trying to cover it with the hand that didn't have her bow in it, but Clarke saw it nonetheless. The older girl looked down at her, giving her a grin before she asked, “What, is it too early for you, Reese?”  
  
“No,” the girl declared, holding her head up higher, “I'm wide awake.” Her words probably would have had more power behind them if she hadn't yawned again as soon as they were out, shooting a little glare up at the blonde when she started laughing, even as she felt the corners of her lips turning up.  
  
“Give her a break, Clarke,” Bellamy said, shooting Reese a little grin, “Not everyone can be as awake as you are when it's barely light out.”  
  
Reese didn't return the grin, instead feeling her small smile fall away when he spoke, inadvertently moving closer to Clarke when he turned his attention on her. She could tell he noticed by the way his brow pulled down just a little, but she didn't really care. He was wearing a guard jacket, and while he seemed nice enough, the guards all just reminded her of what had happened to her father back on the Ark, and she really hated remembering that. She couldn't help but wish that he hadn't chosen to tag along with them, but if Clarke wanted him there then she figured she didn't have any right to say anything.  
  
When she moved, Clarke must have noticed, because she suddenly felt a hand fall gently to her shoulder, and she turned her focus back on the other girl. The blonde was still smiling at her, an understanding clear in her eyes, even as she said, “I know: somehow I've become a morning person and didn't even realize it was happening.” She tilted her head towards Bellamy, adding, “And the grump over here doesn't understand it at all.”  
  
“I don't mind it,” Reese assured her, smiling now that it was Clarke she focused on, “Getting up early doesn't bother me at all.”  
  
Her words were true: normally Reese was one of the first ones awake in the morning, often times a sleepy Thom dragging himself along behind her as she ventured through the camp looking for something to do. Last night however she hadn't been able to sleep, and even though the excitement that had kept her from that rest still buzzed inside her even now, the yawns had started to catch up with her.  
  
It wasn't hard for her to figure out why she was so excited: Clarke was taking her on her first hunting trip, and just thinking about it the night before had made sleep almost impossible. Her excitement at possibly getting to fire her bow at something other than a tree or stationary target was almost palpable, and when Clarke had swung by to get her that morning she'd been up and dressed for a long time already. They'd said good-bye to a grumpy Thom, the boy mad that he was getting left behind, and headed out, and not even the fact that Bellamy was with them could dampen her mood.  
  
Reese scanned the ground in front of them as they walked, trying to remember all the little tricks Clarke had already taught her, and did her best to move as quietly as she could. Clarke barely made any sound at all as she walked, but Reese kind of wanted to shoot a glare at Bellamy: his footsteps were heavy against the snow, and every now and then the butt of his gun would hit against the canteen at his waist, making a small noise. Even _she_ moved quieter than he did, and she'd only been practicing for a few weeks. Amateur.  
  
A few minutes later the young girl was busy looking ahead of her, trying to find prints in the snow, when Clarke suddenly stopped, moving over to a tree and studying around its base. Head lifting up, she looked at Reese and gestured for her to come over, Bellamy following a couple of steps behind. When Reese was close enough, the older girl pointed at a spot by the bottom of the tree where snow had been pushed away and a hole had been dug.  
  
“You see this, Reese?” Clarke asked, pointing to the hole as she lowered herself down to the ground, balancing precariously on her toes, and the girl nodded. “I think at some point a boar or other animal was digging around at the roots here, probably looking to see if there was anything to eat buried beneath the snow here. See this?” She pointed to a spot on the tree where it looked like some of the bark had been worked away. “I think the boar used the tree to sharpen its tusks here too.”  
  
“Will it be back?” Reese asked, her heartbeat picking up its pace in her chest. She tried to ignore the fact that her palms had started to sweat just a little.  
  
The blonde only shrugging, looking back at her as she straightened up from where she'd been crouched over. “I don't know,” she answered honestly, and then started walking forwards again, not missing the way Bellamy was looking at her, his brow turned down just a bit. She ignored it for the moment, instead telling Reese, “It might be back, but maybe not today. We'll keep going towards the river and set up there. As one of the few bodies of water around this area, there's a much better chance of catching something there.”  
  
Reese nodded, following after her, and as she moved she wiped her hands on her pants, trying to wipe away the sweat that had gathered. Clarke noticed the movement and gave her another little grin, asking her, “Nervous?”  
  
“No,” she replied quickly, but when the blonde just rose her eyebrows at her, she let her shoulders fall just slightly. “Maybe just a little.” Her fingers played with the hem of her jacket before she added quietly, “I've never killed anything before.”  
  
Wanting to be a warrior like Clarke and Heda were, she knew that it was stupid, being afraid of killing and she wished she wasn't. Before she could think any further on it though, Clarke had stopped and knelt down next to her, looking her in the eyes. Any traces of joking were gone, and Reese met her look with wide eyes of her own.  
  
“It's okay to be nervous, Reese,” she told her quietly, not taking her eyes away from the younger girl. “In fact, it's good that you're nervous. Killing something, taking a life, should never be something that's easy for you. Even if it's just an animal, you need to always be aware that what you're doing isn't something that should be taken lightly. You should never plan to kill something unless it's absolutely necessary for survival. Got it?”  
  
The girl didn't look away, instead scanning the blonde's face, before she nodded.  
“Yeah,” she finally said, “I got it.”  
  
Clarke didn't break their eye contact quite yet, still watching the girl for a moment longer to make sure she really did understand, but then gave a nod of her own. “Good,” she replied, gently squeezing the younger girl's arm before she stood again, giving her another smile. As they started forward again, Reese didn't notice the strange look Bellamy kept shooting at Clarke out of the corner of his eye, and though Clarke did, she chose to pretend she didn't.  
  
They walked for a while longer, finally making it to the river, and when they did it didn't take them long to find the perfect spot to set up. Bellamy climbed up the tree first, letting his gun rest in its sling across his back as he hauled himself up and checked each branch along the way. Clarke followed after him, her quiver on her back and strung bow carefully over her shoulders, and as she climbed up, the horn hanging from a rope on her belt continuously bounced against her hip. She knew that Bellamy had a radio, and that was how he and many of the other hunting parties out planned to communicate, but she and Octavia and Lincoln had chosen to take the horns. Since they'd been teaching her what their different signals meant, she figured she might be able to get a little practice in if all went well. Finally Reese trailed up along behind them, her own quiver and bow matching Clarke's, and soon they'd each found a secure branch to set themselves in, all facing towards the river.  
  
The moment she was seated, Clarke grabbed one of the ropes she had looped at her waist, and tossed it the short distance to Reese, the girl catching it before looking up at her. Taking the second rope out, she began looping it around the branch and her lap as she informed her, “Secure yourself in place. Just to be on the safe side. We could be up here a while, and if any of your limbs fall asleep you don't want to have to worry about falling out of the tree.” The girl just nodded, quickly mirroring her actions, and soon they were both tied loosely in place. Again Clarke saw Bellamy shoot her a look, and again she ignored it.  
  
After that, they barely spoke, each of them knowing how they needed to be quiet in the hopes of something coming along, and all just sat there, watching and waiting. During that time, Reese learned something she hadn't thought of before: hunting was _boring_. She tried to focus on the river and the shore around it, tried to focus on the trees around them and wait for something to walk through them, even ended up trying to just watch the small birds flying from branch to branch around them, but before long she was fighting yawns again. At first they came only sparingly, but before long they were nearly constant, and her eyelids were getting heavy. Just sitting there, doing nothing, meant that her night of barely sleeping was finally catching up with her, and before long her eyes closed, her battle against the drowsiness finally ending.  
  
Clarke sat still on her branch, focusing on her breathing the way Lexa had taught her, keeping it quiet and calm. Her eyes ran along the bank, constantly on the lookout for any animals that decided they needed a drink, but her mind traveled, flicking from one thought to the next with very little linking them. She thought of her friends, thought of the training with Lincoln and Octavia that she was missing because of the hunting trip. It had been a couple weeks now since she'd started joining them regularly, and since their first fight she and Octavia had seemed to somehow come to a silent understanding. Every now and then she'd catch the other girl looking at her, a slight pull along her brow, and she knew she was remembering what had happened at Tondc. She didn't bring it up anymore though, and while Clarke knew she still hadn't actually forgiven her, she also could tell that Octavia was trying. Part of her wanted to tell her about the idea she'd come up with of having a few of them go back to Tondc in the Spring and help rebuild the village, but she and Lexa had agreed that it would be best to keep the idea to themselves until it was closer to that time. When she and Lexa had met again just a few days ago, the older girl had said that she mentioned the idea to Indra, and while the woman had at first refused to allow Skaikru back into her village, she was now thinking about it.  
  
Her thoughts flickered from training with Octavia and Lincoln and moved on to training with Reese and Thom, and that brought her to thoughts of the pout Thom had worn as she and Reese left the camp and he was stuck behind. She'd asked Raven to keep an eye on the boy while they were gone though, and Raven had happily agreed to “take him under her wing” as she said, and when Clarke had noticed the smirk and glimmer in her eyes, she'd made her promise not to teach him how to blow anything up. Even now she wasn't entirely sure how much she trusted her friend to keep that promise.  
  
She thought of a number of other people as well, sitting there and waiting for something to come to the river. She thought about Monty, and how he was one of the few people still that didn't really look at her any differently after what had happened at Mount Weather, thought of her mother and how their relationship, though still strained at times, continued to get better almost daily. She thought about Jasper, and how he still barely even looked at her, once in a while sending her a glare or sneer in his drunken state, and knew that that relationship had a long way to go before it would be anywhere even near where it had once been. That thought brought her to her other relationships that still remained strained, and that thought brought her back to Bellamy.  
  
Once he entered her thoughts, Clarke couldn't help but look over at him from the corner of her eyes. She noticed the way his lips had turned up, no longer looking out at the river, and when she followed his line of sight, she felt her own smile grow as well. Just a couple of branches away, Reese's head had fallen forward, her chin resting against her chest even as she continued to hold onto her bow, and it was clear that she'd fallen asleep.  
  
“Glad I had her tie herself down,” she murmured quietly, breaking the silence that had been surrounding them for at least an hour now.  
  
“Mm,” Bellamy just grunted, and she noticed his grin falter slightly. He remained silent for a moment longer, and then asked as nonchalantly as he could, “That's a neat little trick: where'd you learn it?”  
  
Clarke just shrugged, choosing to keeping looking down at Reese rather than back up at him. “Just something I figured out,” she lied, having absolutely no desire to tell him that it was just another trick Lexa had taught her.  
  
“You've got a lot of little tricks now,” he said, his voice even but Clarke could hear something tinting it just along the edges. When she didn't say anything in reply, he looked back down at the sleeping girl, noticing the bow she still held onto. “She looks like she'd rather fall out of the tree than let go of that bow,” he remarked. “How Grounder of her.”  
  
This time Clarke looked up, though she didn't quite look over to him as she gave him another little shrug. “She likes it; it makes her feel safe, knowing how to use it.”  
  
She saw Bellamy eye her own bow out of the corner of her eyes, saw the way his lips pulled down at the sight of it.  
  
“Looks like she isn't the only one who's more comfortable walking around like a Grounder,” he muttered, the disdain obvious in his voice as his tone shifted. When she didn't try to deny it or refute it, his eyes flickered to hers and she met them, her expression controlled even as his brow pulled down. “Since when do you choose a bow over a gun?”  
  
“Since all I had for my gun were a few bullets and needed something else to help me survive,” Clarke answered easily, her tone even but quiet so as not to disturb the slumbering girl resting near them. “If I wanted to survive, I needed to learn how to use a weapon that I could maintain, with ammo I could make.”  
  
Her answer only made him shift, his face turning so that he looked straight ahead and away from her, but she noticed how his fingers tightened around his gun. He clenched his jaw, and finally Clarke let out the sigh she'd held back as she once again felt the pressure grow that had been building between them all day; hell, ever since she returned. She leaned back further against the tree, perhaps to try to brace herself, before she told him, “Go ahead.”  
  
Eyes not turning back to her, Bellamy just continued looking down at the river. “What?” he just asked, trying to appear relaxed but Clarke could easily see the tension throughout his entire frame.  
  
“Let me have it,” she insisted, and at that he did turn, just barely, just enough for them to make eye contact. There was a hardness in his eyes, a guard that appeared whenever he looked at her that she'd seen before, but not for a long time. She met the look, continuing, “I know you've had stuff you've wanted to say to me ever since I got back. So come on, let me have it.”  
  
His jaw just clenched tighter, his nostrils flaring just a bit, and for a moment he didn't say anything. Clarke didn't let it go, didn't turn away from him, instead just waited. Finally she saw his shoulders shift slightly before his jaw unclenched and his eyes scanned her face.  
  
“You just left,” he said, the words coming out slowly, as though he were still trying to control himself. “After everything that happened, you just left. You just walked away and disappeared. Nobody had any clue where you were, if you were even still alive, just... nothing. You walked away from us, from all of us, after we... After I _helped_ you...” He shook his head roughly, unable to say the words, as he looked away once again. The tension in his body only increased, and another shot of guilt stabbed through her.  
  
Clarke still didn't take her eyes away from him. They had been partners, had counted on each other, looked to each other to help keep everyone else safe for weeks. It hadn't been a natural partnership, not in the slightest, and for a while they had practically hated each other, but through the needs of survival that hate had dissipated and they had grown into a friendship that neither had expected to find. They'd leaned on one another, helped one another. When Clarke had chosen to pull that lever, Bellamy had chosen not to let her do it alone. And then she had just left, left him behind to pick up the pieces of their people while she went to try to pick up the pieces of her humanity, and now she was facing the consequences of that choice.  
  
“I'm sorry,” she finally whispered, her tone quiet but loud enough for him to hear her. His eyes once again flickered to her, but he didn't turn completely. “I am. Leaving everyone... It wasn't... It was selfish of me. I know it was, and I knew it then too, but I did it anyway because... Because I knew you'd be there.” She stopped for a brief moment, having to swallow around the lump that had begun to form in her throat, and when she did she noticed his body shift towards her, looking at her more head on now. She met his eyes, saw the slight shift in them, as she continued. “I knew that I could leave, knew that it was safe to go, because you were still gonna be there with everyone. I knew that they were all safe with you, that you'd take care of them while I was gone. And you did. You did, and while I'm sorry I left, I also don't regret it.” She noticed his eyes widen a little, noticed his shoulders stiffen once again. “I don't regret leaving, Bellamy, because I needed to do it. I needed to go, needed to get away from everyone. I couldn't face what I'd done for them, not then, not before I'd come to terms with it on my own.”  
  
“And you think I could?” he cut in, his words as sharp as the glare he shot at her. “You think it was easy for me, being stuck in that camp? Seeing everyone, every day, and thinking about what I had to do to get them there? You think watching Jasper drink himself into a stupor every day was easy? You think I didn't feel guilty?” His eyes flashed and the grip on his gun tightened. “I _killed_ people, Clarke,” he growled, and the tone of his voice almost made her flinch. “People who had been helping me. People who had been helping _us_. You didn't know them, not like I did. You killed strangers, people you barely knew: I killed Maya, the person who saved me the first day I went into that hell. I killed the people who had been helping to hide ours for days before you were able to get your goddamn army up there. I killed kids, some who I had _talked_ to, some who thought I was there to protect them, thought I was one of them. I killed people who trusted me and helped me, and every single day I had to live with our people, the ones who I killed hundreds of people for, and you, you got to walk away from it all. You left me behind to pick up the pieces even though I was one of the ones who was broken.”  
  
For a moment Clarke didn't know what to say, couldn't really say anything, the guilt flowing freely through her and pressing down on her. She opened her mouth, tried to get something out, and for a minute couldn't. “Bellamy, I-”  
  
Before she could finally say anything else, he kept talking, a glare forming along his face.  
  
“And then you come back, and you look like one of _them_ ,” he nearly snarled, and Clarke's eyes widened slightly at the amount of animosity in his voice. “You come back, and you've got a bow and a sword and you're teaching kids how to fight like them or how to track animals like them. You and Octavia are playing Grounder, as though they aren't the enemy, as though they didn't betray us, haven't been killing our people off ever since the first day we got here! You act like everything's fine, act like nothing's wrong while what we should be doing is getting ready for whenever they attack next.”  
  
“They're not going to attack, Bellamy,” Clarke tried to tell him, but he just scoffed and rolled his eyes before shooting a look at her as though she were an idiot.  
  
“They're _Grounders_ , Clarke: it's what they do,” he informed her. “They attack and they kill. We should be ready to attack first.”  
  
“Bellamy, I...” Clarke said, trailing off, trying to find the right words as her head spun with the amount of anger and hate in his voice. “No. I just... No. We're not, not going to attack them. We're in an alliance, in a time of peace, we're not going to attack them and jeopardize that.”  
  
Again Bellamy rolled his eyes so hard she thought it might have actually hurt, and then he looked back over at her.  
  
“Please Clarke, you can't actually believe that crap, can you?” he asked, his disbelief clear. “This isn't peace, it's the calm before the storm. The Grounders are just biding their time: they'll attack, and more of our friends will die unless we're ready for it. They'll turn on us: it's what they do.”  
  
“Do you hear yourself right now?” Clarke asked him sharply, leaning towards him, and he raised his eyebrows at her. “You're talking as though every single Grounder is the same, like each and every one of them has the same thoughts and feelings and agenda, and that agenda is just to wipe us out. Do you realize how stupid that is? The Grounders are no more the same person than you and I are, or you and Octavia, or you and Monty. They're each their own person, with their own thoughts and feelings, and while yeah, I'm sure there are some who might want to attack us, overall they're just trying to survive too.”  
  
“They've killed dozens of our people, Clarke,” he tried to remind her, but she just exclaimed, “And we've killed _hundreds_ of theirs!” She shook her head, only just able to keep her voice from rising, remembering Reese was sleeping no more than a few feet away from them. She had no desire for the girl to have to listen to this conversation. “Seriously Bellamy, is that what you want? A war? You want revenge because they betrayed us at Mount Weather? Okay, fine, but then they're gonna want revenge on us for whatever attack we throw at them. Where does it stop? When do we decide that the fighting should end? Who get's to decide that there's been enough revenge to go around?” She saw him shift uncomfortably, eyes flickering away briefly and then back, and she lowered her voice even further. “Our ancestors already almost destroyed the world once,” she reminded him, meeting his eyes again. “If all we do is keep fighting, keep looking for a reason to justify more revenge, more death, we're not going to be any better than them. I've already committed genocide once: I'm not doing it again.” Her words made him visibly flinch, and he looked away.  
  
She studied him for a moment, giving both of them a minute to get their emotions under control, before she murmured, her tone softening, “Hasn't it been nice these past four months, not having to really worry about an attack around every corner? Hasn't it been nice not having to mourn a new loss every other day, cry for another dead friend? Do you really want to go back to what it was like those first few weeks, when every movement in the trees made everyone go running for their guns? Do you really want to go back to trying to torture people for information, to bringing guns to what is supposed to be a peace treaty, to frantically building bombs because if we don't we know we won't survive the night? Is that what you want?”  
  
“No,” he whispered, his tone gruff, but she could hear the truth in the one word. “No, I don't want to go back to that. I don't.” He turned back to her then, meeting her eyes as he added, “But I don't trust them. Even if everything you said is true, I don't trust them.”  
  
Clarke let herself shrug, not looking away as she replied, “You don't have to trust them, you just have to not go looking for a fight.” She watched as Bellamy scanned her face, his eyes narrowing slightly.  
  
“You do, though,” he said, speaking the thoughts that had been swirling around in his head ever since she got back. “You do trust them. After everything they did to us, after turning on us like they did and what they made us do, you trust them. How?”  
  
“I see them for what they are,” she told him honestly, still not breaking their eye contact. “Just people. That's all they are; they're just people, no different from you or me or any of us. They might have different beliefs, different customs than us, but that doesn't make them less or worse than what we are.” His brow lowered, as if studying her, and she let out a sigh. “This isn't like a book, Bellamy,” she said, “We aren't the good guys and them the bad guys or vice versa: we're all just people, all just trying to find a way to survive in a world where that's nearly impossible. They've done terrible things to us, that's true, but we've done terrible things right back to them, and if we don't stop, if we don't try to keep this peace between us going instead of looking for a reason to spill more blood, then the fighting is never going to end, and no one is ever going to be safe. And that's all any of us, us or them, really want: just to feel safe.”  
  
He scanned her face again, eyes boring into hers, and she didn't look away. For a long moment he just studied her and she let him, before he finally sighed. She watched as his body language shifted, his muscles loosening as much of the tension drained out of his body, and then he leaned backwards, his back and head moving to rest against the trunk of the tree behind him. His gun laid loosely in his lap, even his hands relaxing from their ferocious grip on the weapon, and he just stared up at the nearly bare tree branches above them.  
  
“Someday you're gonna tell me what happened to you out there by yourself,” he informed her, his tone lighter than it had been all day. Eyes flickered back to hers, and he actually grinned, one corner of his mouth pulling up in its easy way. “You're gonna tell me how you went from hating them just as much as I do to how you see them now.” Hesitantly she nodded, though honestly that was a story she wasn't sure she really wanted to tell anyone, especially not in its entirety. He accepted the nod and returned it, before he looked up again, away from her. “I don't trust 'em,” he declared, his tone clearly telling her how true the words were, “But I trust you, and I get your point, even if I don't like it. And I'm not dumb: I won't go looking for a fight with them.” Eyes flickered back and met hers, and she saw something flash across his face. “But if they attack, if they do anything against us, I won't hesitate to fight back. Not for a second.”  
  
They simply stared at each other for a moment, neither breaking their eye contact, and then Clarke just nodded.  
  
“Fair enough,” she agreed, though on the inside she prayed that that moment would never come.  
  
After that, they once again settled back into silence, only this time the silence felt more comfortable for both of them. Things weren't perfect between them again, not by a long shot and they both knew it, but progress had been made.  
  
The morning wore on. After a while Reese jerked awake, clearly surprised to find she'd fallen asleep, and the girl nearly blushed when Clarke looked down at her, a small grin on her face. She returned the look with a sheepish smile of her own, and then pushed herself straighter, sitting as uncomfortably as she could so that she wouldn't fall back asleep. It worked: although still bored nearly out of her mind, she didn't sleep again.  
  
The morning was long past half over, Clarke just about ready to suggest they get down from the tree and move around just to stretch a bit, when the blast of a horn in the distance broke through the silence. A second blast, longer than the first, sounded just after the first ended, and Clarke's mouth pulled up into a grin. She began to untie the rope from around her legs, seeing Reese quickly follow her movements from the edge of her vision, but before she could say anything she heard static come from the radio in Bellamy's pocket.  
  
“That you guys?” she barely made out, but when Bellamy pulled the small device out, Miller's next words were louder, more clear. “Hey, you there? Was that you guys that made that noise?”  
  
Bellamy held the radio up by his face, speaking into the device as he replied, “Nah, it wasn't us. Must have been Octavia and Lincoln. Maybe they got something?” The last part was directed at Clarke, knowing she understood the horn calls far better than he did, and she nodded. Returning the motion, he focused back on the radio, telling Miller, “Yeah, they got something. We'll go to 'em, see what they got, and help them get it back to Arkadia. The rest of you stay out and see what else you can bring in: we've got a lot of mouths to feed. Be careful.”  
“Got it,” they heard Miller say, and then from another radio they heard Monroe tell him, “Gotchya Bellamy. You guys be careful too.”  
  
While Bellamy spoke with them, Clarke wrapped her fingers around her own horn, quickly untying it from her belt. Lifting it to her lips, she blew into it, sounding out two short blasts and then a longer one, to tell Octavia and Lincoln they'd heard. A couple moments later she heard their reply, and grinned as she refastened it to her waist.  
  
Reese left the tree first, her legs shaking slightly once she hit the ground after having been tied to a tree branch for multiple hours. Clarke followed down, rubbing her own legs to wake them up as soon as she was standing solidly on the ground, and finally Bellamy all but fell out behind them, his feet planting firmly on the ground with a solid _thud_. He twisted his shoulders, and they all heard his back crack a few times, before he smirked, nodding to them.  
  
“Let's go,” he said, and they both nodded back.  
  
They didn't have far to go: none of the hunting parties that were out were very far away from the others, everyone close enough to someone else so that they could get help if there was trouble, so it was only a few minutes before they could see movement up ahead. A few more steps, and they noticed Octavia standing with a long, thick tree branch leaning up against her. Just past her, Lincoln was bent over the body of a panther, using some of the string he carried to tie its paws together. The animal didn't move unless Lincoln forced it to, the two arrows sticking out of its side the obvious cause of its death.  
  
Octavia saw them approaching and shifted in her stance, a smirk forming along her lips that mirrored her brother's.  
  
“Took you guys long enough,” she told them, the smallest bit of arrogance coloring her tone. Her eyes scanned over them, noticing they carried nothing new with them, and raised an eyebrow at them. “What, nothing for you guys?”  
  
“We didn't see a single thing,” Clarke informed her, stepping up next to the other girl. “We sat in a tree all morning, and got nothing but stiff legs.”  
  
“Sucks,” Octavia replied, though there wasn't any sympathy in her voice at all. Her gaze trailed over to Reese, finding the girl staring at the panther, and told her, “Sorry Reese: I know you were hoping to get something for the first time today. You'll get another chance soon, I'm sure.”  
  
Reese nodded, but was only paying partial attention to the other girl. Her focus was entirely on the animal laying in the snow next to Lincoln, and though Clarke stopped next to Octavia, she continued forward, stopping only a few feet away from it. From here she could easily see the arrows still sprouting out of the animal's flesh, saw the blood painting the snow red beneath its lifeless form, and could even see the glazed look that had taken over the panther's eyes the moment it had died. She felt uncomfortable, being so close to the dead animal, felt guilty even though she hadn't been the one to kill it. Her fists clenched at her sides, trying to push the feeling away, but it grew in her chest the longer she stood there, staring at the animal. She wanted to look away, but couldn't bring herself to.  
  
Lincoln saw her stop out of the corner of his eye, glancing back at her when she did. He saw the look on her face, saw the confusion and guilt and little bit of fear there, and remembered when he had first felt the same way. Pulling one final time at the cords in his hands to make sure his knots were tight, he let them drop before he turned to her.  
  
“Come here,” he said gently, holding his hand out to her, and after a moment she did as she was told, walking stiffly and closing the small gap between them still. She stopped beside him, the panther now lying right in front of her, and still she couldn't look away. One of Lincoln's hands reached out, laying gently against the shoulder of the fallen beast, while his other moved to hers, pulling it forward as well. He saw her bite her lip when her palm finally rested next to his own against the animal, her eyes widening slightly as she felt the heat that still remained inside the panther's body warming her cold fingers.  
  
“When a life has left, we have words that we speak,” he informed her, his tone soft and gentle, and he saw her eyes flicker over to meet his. He gave her a small smile, telling her, “We say, 'Yu gonplei ste odon.' It means, 'Your fight is over.'” He leaned back, looking at the lifeless animal before him. “We say these words to honor the one who has died. In this case, where this animal has died so that we can survive, it's even more important to honor it.”  
  
Reese took the words in, soaking up the importance of them. Her fingers in the panther's fur shifted, clenching the body of the animal just a bit, before she whispered, “Yu gonplei ste odon. Thank you.”  
  
Footsteps approached behind them, and Reese felt an arm move around her shoulder from her other side. She looked up to find Clarke smiling softly down at her, tightening her hold just a bit as she told her, “Good job, warrior.”  
  
The girl frowned, meeting her look before arguing, “But I didn't kill it: how am I the warrior?”  
  
“You did the most important part,” the blonde informed her quietly, eyes turning back to the body lying in the snow. “You honored the dead. If a warrior doesn't do that, then they don't deserve to be one.”  
  
Again the girl frowned, her brow just pulling down further, but she nodded. She wasn't entirely sure she understood, but she'd let the words sink in and think about them at least.  
  
After that they got to work. Octavia carried over the branch she'd been holding, and carefully they worked it across the animal's body, sliding it between its tied legs. Bellamy and Lincoln moved to either end, bracing the branch over their shoulders, and together they lifted the panther up. They shifted until the branch had fallen into a comfortable spot for each other them, and then the group started forward, making their way back to Arkadia.  
  
The trip back was a quiet one. The moment their hunting had ended, Octavia slung her bow over her shoulder and picked up her sword, carrying it in an easy grip, always ready for anything. Clarke and Reese continued to carry their bows, each with an arrow out and strung loosely, eyes scanning the woods in case of any unwanted attention. The three of them spread out, Clarke leading them all while Octavia took up the rear, Reese hanging just behind and to Clarke's side. Bellamy and Lincoln walked between them, unarmed due to the hundred pound carcass being carried between them, but also spent much of their journey back scanning the around around them.  
  
Before long however they broke through the trees and could see the large gate of Arkadia rising ahead of them, and they all allowed themselves to relax slightly. The guards on watch were clearly paying attention, as long before they made it to the gate the door was opening, and a handful of people stood just inside, waiting to help with the panther. Bellamy let out a small groan as he and Lincoln lifted the branch from over their shoulders and placed the body on the ground, rolling his shoulder a couple of times to get the kinks out of it. Octavia saw the motion and smirked, quirking her eyebrow up.  
  
“What's the matter big brother, too heavy for you?” she taunted, her foot darting out and pushing lightly against the animal on the ground.  
  
Bellamy just rolled his eyes, even as he continued to roll his shoulder.  
  
“As if,” he replied, ignoring the smirk his sister gave him. “The branch was just digging into my shoulder, that's all.”  
  
“Uh huh, sure, whatever you say Bell,” Octavia told him, and then she pointed her thumb over her shoulder at her boyfriend. “But it doesn't look like Lincoln had any problem with the branch digging into him. Maybe you need to work out more.”  
  
Clarke saw Lincoln shake his head, nearly rolling his eyes as the Blake siblings began to get into one of their famous dumb arguments, and saw the way Reese couldn't help but grin and almost laugh in response to Octavia's words. The blonde didn't even bother trying to stop her eyes from rolling: they moved on their own accord, even as she slipped the arrow she'd been carrying back in the quiver on her back.  
  
“Alright guys, that's enough, knock it-,” she began to tell them, but the words got caught in her throat when a small explosion rang out from one side of the camp, her heart jumping into her throat at the sudden noise. The next moment she looked up and saw a black plume of smoke rising from the back of the camp, and before anyone could say anything she took off, running towards it. She heard multiple pairs of feet slapping the ground behind her, but didn't look back to see who was following.  
  
To absolutely no ones surprise, the smoke was coming from Raven's workshop, a little building she'd declared her own not long after it'd been built. By the time Clarke reached it, a small crowd had gathered around it, everyone standing far enough away that any second or third explosions probably wouldn't hit them. The young leader elbowed her way through the crowd, the fear in her chest gripping her too hard to worry about being polite, and just as she managed to break through to the front, she saw the door to the shop open. Two people stumbled out of it, coughing so hard that it even sounded painful. The smoke poured out both the door and windows behind them so thickly that even from a few feet away Clarke could feel her eyes begin to water. Ignoring it, she ran forward, dropping to her knees in front of Thom, her hands moving straight to his face and forcing him look at her even as he continued to hack up his lungs. Black soot coated his shirt and stuck to his face and hair, but other than that he appeared to be in tact upon first inspection.  
  
“What _happened_?” Clarke growled, worry still thrumming through her as she shot a glare up at Raven, the girl now crouched over with her elbow over her mouth as she too continued to cough.  
  
For a moment she couldn't answer, the coughing not letting up long enough to get any words out, so she just shook her head as the tears from the smoke streamed down her face. “Don't... look at me!” she finally managed to get out before she pointed down at Thom, “It was... all him!” When she pulled her arm away from her face however, Clarke couldn't help but see that she had the biggest grin on her face that the blonde thought she'd ever seen.  
  
Raising her eyebrows, Clarke looked back at the little boy in front of her.  
  
“Thom?” she asked, her tone softening just slightly, and the boy gave her his own grin.  
  
“I just wanted to see what would happen,” he gave for an answer, the grin just growing. “And it was awesome!”  
  
Raven laughed when Clarke didn't, her entire upper body shaking. Her chest apparently finally under something that resembled control again, she shuffled over and slung one arm over the boy's shoulder, pulling him up against her side.  
  
“I like him,” she declared, grinning down at him while he grinned back at her. Turning back to Clarke, she asked, “Can I keep him? I promise I'll take care of him.”  
  
Clarke shot a glare at her before taking Thom's arm and pulling him away from the other girl.  
  
“No, you definitely can't keep him, not if you're going to be teaching him how to blow things up!” she nearly screeched, her heart still racing in her chest. Raven just gave her a pout before groaning.  
  
“Aww, c'mon Clarke, you've already got a mini-me!” she nearly whined, pointing to Reese, and for the first time Clarke realized that she'd been one of the people to follow her, moving at some point to stand right beside the blonde. Currently her arms were folded in front of her and she was glaring at Thom while the boy just grinned at her. “He can be my mini-me!”  
  
“No Raven, you don't get to watch him if you're going to be teaching him things like this!” Clarke exclaimed, still glaring at the other girl. “You both could have seriously gotten hurt!”  
  
“Pff,” Raven said, flipping her hand at the blonde before crossing her arms over her chest. Her lips pulled into a simple smirk as she told her, “I had it all under control. It was all perfectly safe.”  
  
“Safe?!” Clarke almost yelled before pointing to the smoke still slowly pouring through the door, “You seriously are calling that _safe_?” Raven looked as though she were about to reply when she was suddenly cut off.  
  
“Don't bother, Raven,” they heard, and all of them turned to see Jasper standing at the edge of the crowd. His eyes were on the building, watching the smoke, but his fingers were curled around a bottle, and the way he swayed slightly on his feet clearly told them what was in it. He didn't even look as them as he said, “T's not worth wasting your breath. Clarke only likes blowing things up when she's the one who decides what gets destroyed.” He took a long swig from his bottle, his lips curled up in a humorless smile. “Din't you know? She's the one decides who lives and who dies. If you keep playing around and die, she'll be mad cause it wasn't her decision.” He took another swallow, but this time his eyes moved over to meet Clarke's, and she felt the anger and hate that filled them boring into her.  
  
“Jasper...” she tried, wanting to be able to say something that would help him, but nothing came to mind, and even if she'd been able to think of something it wouldn't have mattered. The moment she said his name he just glared before turning around and pushing his way back into the crowd and away from her. She took a step forward as though to follow him even though she didn't know what to say, but a hand on her shoulder stopped her. She turned, and found Octavia just behind her.  
  
“Don't,” she murmured, her fingers squeezing just a little tighter on her shoulder for a brief moment. “I got it.” Clarke met her look, wanting to argue, but knew that nothing she could say would help in that moment, so finally she just sighed, nodding. Octavia squeezed her shoulder once again, and then quickly followed after the boy to try to give him some of the comfort that Clarke just couldn't give him.  
  
Thom watched them, clearly seeing the tension in Clarke's face, and the sadness he could see in her eyes only made him sad too. Her hand still held his arm, and he reached up, putting his small hand over hers to get her attention. Feeling the movement, he saw the blonde look down at him, and he gave her a smile.  
  
“So...” he said, drawing the word out just a little. His smile grew a little as he said, “Can I do it again? I wanna see if I can make even more smoke!”  
  
His distraction clearly worked and his smile only continued to grow as he watched Clarke roll her eyes as she let out a small groan. In front of them, he heard Raven start laughing, and he turned to her, seeing her return his smile.  
  
“Oh man kid, you 'n me are gonna get along really well,” she declared, moving forward and holding her hand up for him to high five. He did so, even as Clarke let out another groan.  
  
“Oh god, what have I done?” she moaned, though he wasn't really sure who she was talking to. “I never should have let you anywhere near Raven.” He looked back up at her, flashing her a grin, as he replied, “I think she's fun!” The blonde only rolled her eyes again and then flinched when a new voice called out.  
  
“What _happened_?” Abby exclaimed as the crowd parted to let her through, and Clarke just groaned again. Suddenly it felt like a very, very long day, and it was barely past noon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry: after last night's episode, I really, really wish I had some good ol' fashioned Clexa fluff in this chapter (or even just Lexa in general), but that's not how it worked out. At least we got some good Reese and Thom time though! Lexa will be back next chapter: the real action of the story starts soon, and I just have to ask you all to trust me. In regards to this chapter though, I like to believe that is roughly how the conversation would have gone if Clarke had been able to get to Bellamy before Pike did. Thanks everyone, you're as wonderful as always, and I always love to hear your thoughts! Also, if anyone needs to vent, I'm more than happy to vent along with you, so just message me!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I have to tell you all something about this chapter: This is actually the first chapter I ever wrote for this story, and I wrote it all the way back in... July, I think? Maybe June. I have been painstakingly waiting since then to finally be able to upload this chapter, and now that everything that comes before it has FINALLY been written and uploaded, I can honestly tell you all that this is still my favorite chapter that I've written yet. So I really, really hope you all like it. Brace yourselves.

Minutes turned into hours. Hours turned into days. Days turned into weeks, and during that time Clarke focused on her people while Lexa focused on hers, miles and miles away from each other. They did what they had to, trying from afar to keep a brittle peace holding between two peoples who neither liked nor trusted each other. The work, though frustrating at times, was important, and they both knew it. Their people needed them, even if Clarke had still yet to truly figure out what her role among her own people had become, and so during those minutes, hours and days, they did their best to push the other girl from their minds, only allowing themselves fleeting thoughts here and there, and if any of their people noticed the small way their lips would tug up just from those small escaped thoughts, no one asked, though Lexa noticed more than one smug look from Taigon and Clarke noticed more than one curious look from her mother, Bellamy and Octavia. When they noticed the looks, they would carefully wipe the smile from their faces, hiding their thoughts and feelings behind the masks they had both learned, Clarke more recently than Lexa, were necessary when walking among the people who looked to them to lead.  
  
But then those days would crawl together to form three weeks, and Clarke would slip away from Arkadia and get lost in the woods, her mother and Bellamy spending the entire day wondering where she had gone and silently fearing she wouldn't be back, and Lexa would ride out of Polis, her head held high as a number of her people would gather around to watch her go, their eyes shining as they thought of the great things their wonderful Heda had accomplished and was surely riding out to accomplish more. Taigon had an idea of what his sister was truly up to, and so simply stood back, a small smile etched across his face, knowing that when she came back his sister would be returning as well as the Commander, and he could never do anything but look forward to it and hope that Clarke would be as happy to see Lexa as he knew his sister was to be seeing the blonde. She never said anything, but Reese had a pretty good idea who Clarke left to see every three weeks too, and the thought made her want to ask the blonde to take her with her, but she knew better than to try to invite herself along: if Clarke wanted her there, she'd ask her. So she patiently waited, hoping someday she'd get to see the Commander again.  
  
They could never be together for more than a few hours: that's just how it worked. They would meet, often time at the little stream they had found that first meeting, and they would spend hours together, talking, hunting, training, reading, and mapping each others bodies. They would get lost in one another, finding the freedom that they only allowed themselves during these few short hours, and while never enough, they clung to them because it was all they had.  
  
So at the moment, to say Lexa had a hard time paying attention to her surroundings would have been an understatement. Though they were supposed to be out for a ride to enjoy the sights of the earth, being pressed so close to Clarke made everything else disappear from the Commander’s mind. With the blonde girl sitting in front of her on the horse, Lexa’s world became one of gold with Clarke’s hair directly in her face, and she had no doubt that it was the most beautiful sight she would ever find. That was only until Clarke would turn around slightly and the brunette would get a glimpse of the other girl’s face. _That_ , she knew, was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. As they rode through the woods, it was getting more and more difficult to look away from the Sky girl in front of her, and honestly, she didn’t mind at all. She enjoyed watching the bliss on the other girl’s face, enjoyed feeling the excitement that emanated from the blonde’s very being. Lexa knew that only part of that excitement was due to their sight-seeing; after all, Clarke had been on the earth for months now, and had gotten used to these woods. She had lived in them throughout the long winter, seeing the white world around them after each snow storm sparkling with the white crystals. Now that the winter was coming to an end, those crystals had begun to melt away, and the earth had begun to come alive again, small buds appearing in the bare trees around them. All of this the blonde had seen from her cave, and then more of once she returned to her people. No, Lexa knew that much of the blonde’s excitement came from being pressed so close to the Commander, just as much of her own excitement was due to having the Sky girl’s back pressed against her front, her arms reaching around the blonde in order to hold the reins. Sure, by this time Clarke could easily guide the horse herself, but Lexa enjoyed using the excuse to have her arms around her, and she sensed that Clarke enjoyed it too.  
  
The Commander closed her eyes, breathing in Clarke’s unique scent and nearly getting lost in it, when suddenly she felt it, and the ease of the moment suddenly slipped away. She didn’t know what exactly “it” was, but her senses were now on the alert, aware that something was wrong. It had been thanks to her senses that she had made it this far as Commander to her people, and had learned many years ago to trust them, so the moment they screeched at her, she listened. It was only then that she realized how quiet it had become. She didn’t hear any scampering of small animals in the snow along the ground, or squirrels running up trees. She didn’t hear a single bird calling, or even moving from one branch to another, and that’s when the feeling clicked into place and she knew: they were being hunted.  
  
All of this swirled through her mind in a moment, and as soon as the realization registered, she opened her eyes, her face set as she scanned the trees around her, darting from base to top, knowing their predator was watching them from somewhere.  
  
Clarke must have felt Lexa tense up, because the next moment she turned partially around from her seat in front of the brunette, a frown on her face.  
  
“What is it?” she asked quietly, seeing Lexa’s troubled expression.  
  
She didn’t answer, instead still scanning the trees, and suddenly she saw it: a slight movement in one of the trees many yards in front of them. She registered the bow just as the arrow was loosed, flying straight towards the girl sitting in front of her.  
  
Lexa didn’t think, she just reacted. Her arms tightened around Clarke, one hand grabbing her arm while the other held tightly to the reins, and as she tugged on the rein to turn the horse, she also used all of her strength to throw Clarke from where she sat, out of the line of the arrow.  
  
Clarke had no time to react: one moment, she was sitting atop the horse pushed tightly against Lexa, and the next she was flying through the air before landing in the muddy snow. For a moment her world went white, snow blocking her view of everything else. She fought to push herself out of the wet that threatened to swallow her up, and finally managed to get herself on her feet, wiping the dirty snow out of her face as she stood, clumps of the it clinging to her skin and clothes. She scowled and turned back towards the horse, ready to give Lexa a piece of her mind for that really _not_ funny trick, but the moment she saw the brunette the words got lodged in her throat. Lexa had doubled over, but as she sat back up, the only thing Clarke could look at was the end of an arrow sticking out of the other girl’s left shoulder.  
  
Everything happened too quickly after that. Lexa reached down and dug through the saddlebag, completely ignoring the arrow sticking out of her shoulder and looking for the gun she knew Clarke had brought with her. She'd brought it every time they'd met up, this time sticking it in the saddlebag the moment they'd decided to go for a ride, not realizing she might need it. When she didn’t immediately find it, she swore under her breath and instead grabbed the bow and quiver of arrows that Clarke had attached to the bag in case they wanted to do any hunting. She used her knife to deftly cut through the ties connecting it to the bag, and tossed both bow and arrows down to the blonde, even as another arrow flew through the air and pierced her thigh, merely grunting from the pain. That was when Clarke realized she had turned the horse so that beast and rider were blocking her from the line of fire, shielding her from their enemies. Her mind remained calm even as another arrow flew through the air, this time missing her by mere inches and passing right over her, and she felt her entire being shifting into the warrior she'd been trained to be ever since she was five years old. The moment the weapons were out of her hand, Lexa grabbed the first arrow shaft and broke it so that there wasn’t as much of it sticking out of her body, and then she did the same with the second. She then reached behind her and drew her sword from its sheath, arming herself for combat as she breathed steadily through her nose, keeping her heartbeat under control as it threatened to quicken. A roar suddenly reached Clarke’s ears and she could see from behind the horse that a group of Grounders were charging at them from their own horses, their own swords drawn.  
  
“Clarke, get behind that tree over there!” Lexa ordered, gesturing behind them, and Clarke turned to find a large tree that had fallen long ago, its trunk big enough to take shelter behind, “Find the bowmen in the trees and take them out! I will take this group.”  
  
Lexa didn’t give Clarke time to argue. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, the Commander kicked her mount forward, completely ignoring the two arrow shafts sticking out of her body. Still fighting to register everything that was going on, Clarke scrambled to grab the bow and fit an arrow to it even as she turned towards the trunk, swearing at herself for not having her gun on her. While her work with bow and arrow had certainly improved over the past couple of months, never before had she needed to fire an arrow at a person, and the uncertainty she felt now at having to do so for the first time desperately made her want her gun. _Please_ , she begged silently, though she didn’t know who or what she was begging to, _Please, just let us get out of this safely, and I swear I will never walk around without my gun again_.  
  
The moment she was safely behind the trunk, she peered over it, and had to duck down immediately as another arrow came flying through the air, this time soaring directly at her. The arrow hit the trunk with a solid _thunk_ , and as soon as she heard it, Clarke was back up, peering into the trees. She followed the path of the arrow into the branches, and there, high above her she saw another Grounder. He was making some sort of signal, and Clarke scanned the area, quickly finding a second Grounder in a tree many yards away from the first. He had his arrow set and drawn, and Clarke realized too late that his aim was at the Commander, locked into battle still atop her horse with five other Grounders. The blonde pulled her string back and quickly took aim, firing the moment she could, but she wasn’t able to get the arrow off before he let his own fly. Somehow Lexa had seen it, or sensed it even as her sword locked with one of her enemies, because she shifted them, putting her enemy right in the line of fire, and the arrow sprouted right in the center of his back. She then roughly pushed her now dying enemy away from her, turning just in time to block one of the other Grounders’ downward cuts with his own blade, her horse rearing back and using its front legs to keep another enemy away while Lexa dealt with the first.  
  
Seeing Lexa alright for the moment, Clarke shifted her attention back to the two Grounders in the trees, once again dodging just in time to miss being struck with an arrow that suddenly came flying right above her head. She took a quick breath and then jumped up, immediately taking aim. Her first arrow had missed its target as well, embedding itself in the tree a few feet above the Grounder, but this time Clarke took the breath that she needed to aim, and then fired. Her enemy was at a disadvantage, not being able to hide behind his own tree, and took the arrow in the leg. As soon as the first arrow was gone, Clarke grabbed another, fit it to the bow, and loosed again, hitting the same Grounder in the chest. This time he lost his balance when the arrow hit, and then fell, and even from far away Clarke could hear him crashing against branches as he fell to the earth. She ducked again as the second Grounder set his sights on her, but this time she wasn’t quite quick enough, and she swore when she felt a sharp sting on her arm. The arrow had only grazed her, so rather than deal with the wound then, she bit her lip hard and stood up again. This time she knew exactly where the Grounder was in his tree, so she needed no more than a quick second to set her sights on him, and then she fired. She got him in the side. He ignored the wound and drew his bow again, but she was ready with a second arrow to her bow and let loose just a split second before he did, dropping as soon as the arrow flew from her fingers. The next second she heard another _thunk_ as his arrow hit her trunk again, and carefully she peered over the edge to find if she had hit him or not. What she saw horrified her: her arrow had pierced his throat, and he was clawing at it, both hands curled around the shaft of wood. He yanked it out of his neck, just as his foot slipped in his own blood, and he followed his friend down to the ground. Clarke knew he would be dead before he hit the snow: she had pierced his jugular when she hit him, and pulling the arrow only made him bleed out faster.  
  
Trying to swallow the bile that had risen in her throat but unable to, Clarke turned from the trees back to Lexa. The Commander still managed to sit atop her horse, holding her own. Clarke counted, and saw that of her five original opponents, only three remained. The man she had used as a shield against the arrow lay on the ground, getting trampled beneath all of the hooves above him. A second person, this one a woman, also lay on the ground, and though she moved around some, Clarke could see she couldn’t stand up, but she was too far away to see why. Both of their horses were nowhere to be found, clearly having run away the moment their riders fell from them. The other three enemies circled her, clearly made weary of the brunette’s skill by their fallen comrades. Though she still seemed alert to even the smallest movement, Clarke could tell that Lexa was getting tired, and she knew she had to do something. She reached into the quiver, but was shocked when only one arrow brushed against her hand. She looked down and confirmed that there was only a single arrow left: when she'd left Arkadia that morning, she hadn't really planned to use the bow at all, and so had only taken the six arrows with her.  
  
Shaking her head at her stupidity, Clarke grabbed the single arrow and jumped over the tree trunk, running closer to where Lexa stood, still surrounded. If she only had one shot, she had to make it count, and the best way to do that was to get as close as possible. She tried to be quiet as she ran, but she still hadn’t perfectly mastered Lexa’s ways of moving silently, so she was heard, and two of the Grounders turned their focus to her. One grinned when he saw her, and the other only stared her down, but they both turned towards her, their swords raised as they kicked their horses into action. Lexa saw this all happen with wide eyes, and a sudden burst of energy made her kick her own horse after them.  
  
Clarke continued to run towards them, even as the two turned and charged at her. Only when she had cleared more than half the distance between them did she drop to one knee and raise her bow up, the arrow already on the string. She aimed at the closest Grounder, still charging at her and waited, her breath stuck in her chest. She had to kill him immediately or he would kill her before she could so much as move out of the way.  
  
One breath.  
  
She could feel his horse’s hooves beating the ground, drawing closer.  
  
A second breath.  
  
Her own heart beating in her ears drowned out every other sound.  
  
A third breath.  
  
She looked him in the eyes: he was close enough now that she could see they were a dark, deep gray.  
  
She let the arrow loose…  
  
And watched as it hit him directly between those gray eyes, the force of the arrow throwing his body back.  
  
She had to duck and roll out of the way to avoid his horse from trampling her, and as the beast passed her, she heard a small thud and looked up to find his body lying just a few feet away from her, his eyes still open and piercing into her as though to blame her for the lifelessness that had suddenly taken over his form.  
  
“ _Clarke!_ ”  
  
Hearing the cry of her name caused her to look up, her gaze wrenched from the lifeless body next to her, and instead she turned to a still very alive Grounder charging right at her. The woman on this horse had her sword raised, and she was close enough that Clarke knew she wasn’t going to get away in time. She just stared up in horror as the woman began to bring her arm down to land the final strike to the Sky girl…  
  
But the strike never came. Instead Clarke watched as a sudden look of pain and surprise erupted on the woman’s face, and she fell forward before she slid off the side of her horse. Clarke had to tuck and roll away again to avoid another set of hooves, and this time when she looked up the woman who had tried to kill her lay face-down on the ground, Lexa’s sword sticking out of her back. Another set of hooves rode towards her, but this time when she looked up it was the Commander herself, and the moment she reached Clarke, she slowed the horse down, turning it away from the blonde still on the ground so that she could face their final enemy. When she turned however, the final attacker was gone, having fled as his last two companions died. Lexa took a long moment to scan their surroundings to make sure the enemy had completely disappeared. When she decided they were all gone, she nearly threw herself off her horse and ran over to Clarke, still sitting in the snow, looking around herself somewhat dazed. The moment she was close enough, the Commander grabbed the other girl by the arms and yanked her to her feet roughly.  
  
“ _What_ were you _doing_?” she screamed, and Clarke blinked, realizing she had never heard Lexa use that tone before, “Were you trying to _kill_ yourself? Were you trying to kill me?! I thought my heart stopped when I saw you drop in front of that horse! Do not _ever_ do that again! Do you understand me?!”  
  
Before Clarke could respond, Lexa pulled her in, kissing her roughly. She felt Lexa grab her hips and pull her in as close as she possibly could, her grip so strong Clarke knew she would leave bruises, but she didn’t care. Suddenly everything that had just happened washed over Clarke, and she grabbed the back of Lexa’s head, tangling her fingers into the brunette’s hair and pulling her closer as well. The kiss was long, and it was rough, a tornado of lips and teeth and feelings, fear and worry and frayed nerves all battling for control. They kissed until they couldn’t breathe, and then kissed some more, finally pulling away only when it became absolutely necessary. Only their lips pulled apart, while their foreheads remained pressed together, and they opened their eyes to search the other, to make sure they were really still there.  
  
“Never. Do that. Again,” Lexa repeated more calmly this time, and Clarke nodded, even though she had done it to save Lexa, and even though she most certainly would do it again if she had to. Now was not the time to argue, however, it was the time to be thankful to be alive, so Clarke just kept nodding. Lexa grabbed her face and kissed her again, this time kissing her slowly, carefully, as though she was just thankful to be able to do it again. Which was exactly why she did it. As she pulled away this time, she let out a shaky breath. She then pulled back, and stood up straight, turning to the enemies on the ground. She glared at them all, and Clarke could see her hatred for these people rolling off of her, almost palpable. Her gaze moved to look around her as well, but the first thing she saw were the two arrow shafts still protruding from Lexa’s body.  
  
“We have to take care of those,” the blonde told her worriedly, motioning to the shafts, but Lexa just shook her head ever so slightly. Her gaze had fallen on one of her earlier victims, the woman who Clarke had seen laying on the ground, still alive but unable to move. When the two walked towards her, Clarke could see why: the back of one knee had been slashed, almost clean through, and she had a long diagonal gash from her shoulder to the opposite hip. She was losing blood fast, to the point where Clarke was a little surprised she was still alive.  
  
Lexa limped up to the woman, her face pulled into its usual Commander mask, but with hate now shining in her eyes. As she passed her final victim, she reached out and yanked her sword out of the woman’s back, and when she reached the woman still alive on the ground, she lowered its blade to the woman’s throat.  
  
“You will tell me why you tried to kill me,” she spat out, absolutely no mercy in her voice. "You will tell me who sent you.”  
  
The woman just stared up at her, and Clarke could see the defiance in her eyes, but also the resignation. She knew she was about to die, but she wouldn’t beg, or plead, or tell Lexa what she wanted to hear. She merely lifted her chin, exposing more of her throat, clearly inviting Lexa to do it, to just get it over with. Lexa clenched her jaw, and then spat out, “Yu gonplei ste odon,” before she sliced the woman’s throat, killing her immediately.  
  
The two stayed still for a moment, letting everything from the past few minutes sink in. Finally Clarke asked quietly without taking her eyes off the dead woman, “Who would do this? Why would they attack you? Or were they trying to attack me, and you just got in the way?”  
  
“They were after me,” Lexa replied in a clipped voice, “They had orders… to kill me.”  
  
At that, Clarke turned to the taller girl, a look of confusion and worry on her face.  
  
“But… But you’re their Commander! You’re the Heda; who would order them to kill you like this and think they could get away with it?!” she cried, her nerves still a jumbled mess inside her and not understanding what was going on.  
  
Lexa stood quietly for a moment before she gestured to the woman’s shoulder, drawing Clarke’s gaze back to the body. Beneath the blood that had pooled from the woman’s chest wound, she could make out some kind of scar that appeared to be some sort of design, but she had no idea what it was supposed to be, so she simply turned back to Lexa, shaking her head slightly, not understanding.  
  
“It is… the symbol of the Ice Nation,” the brunette informed her quietly, breathing heavily, “They use scarification to mark themselves, rather than... tattoos. The Ice Queen sent her soldiers to… kill me. Now I must… Go.” She turned to walk towards her horse, but before she could take more than three steps, she fell forward on her knees, one hand going to her side, the other reaching out in front of her to brace herself on the snow.  
  
“Lexa!” Clarke exclaimed, and ran to her, falling beside her.  
  
When Lexa moved the hand that held her side, Clarke saw that it was covered in blood. She gasped as she looked closer: Lexa’s black clothes had hidden another battle wound. Sometime during her fight, she must have taken a sword to the side, leaving behind a long gash. Gently Clarke felt at the wound and swore: it was deeper than it looked, and Lexa was losing a lot of blood. When she looked up at her face, she saw sweat beading on the taller girl’s forehead, and Clarke’s blood nearly froze as she suddenly remembered that many Grounders used poison on their weapons.  
  
“Clarke…” Lexa began, reaching out as she tried to stand back up, but her hand was shaking, and she began to fall forward before Clarke caught her.  
  
“Shhh,” the blonde soothed her, trying desperately to keep the sudden and debilitating fear out of her voice, “Shhh, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” She carefully turned Lexa around in her arms, and then gently laid her on the ground, holding the brunette’s head in her lap. She leaned down and gently kissed her forehead before telling her softly, “I’m gonna go get a couple of things from the saddlebags, okay? I’ll be right back.”  
  
Lexa licked her suddenly very dry lips and nodded slightly before she reached up and wrapped her fingers around what was left of the shaft sticking from her shoulder. She grit her teeth, about to push it all the way through when Clarke's hand shot out, fingers wrapping tightly around her wrist and stopping the motion. Surprised, Lexa looked up at Clarke, easily reading the fear in her eyes even as she tried to remain calm.  
  
“Don't,” she just said, fingers tightening around the brunette's wrist a bit further. “Leave it in for now. Pushing it through might only make things worse. Don't do anything until I'm back, okay?”  
  
The younger girl didn't release her wrist until Lexa nodded once again, and then Clarke gently held her head up as she moved back, before placing it gently on the ground. She then stood up and rushed over to Lexa’s horse, which had moved away from all of the bodies on the ground, clearly not liking the scent of blood. The blonde threw open the saddle bag and immediately pulled out the extra shirt she found in it and a canteen with water. After another moment of digging around, she pulled out her gun as well which had been resting on the bottom of the bag beneath everything else. Not trusting that another attack wouldn’t come at them before they could get to safety, she tucked it into the back of her pants where she could easily reach it. She then grabbed the horse’s reins and pulled the beast back over to where Lexa was laying on the ground. She let go of the reins a few feet away from the other girl and this time the horse stayed where it was while she pulled her knife from her belt and began tearing the extra shirt into strips. As soon as it was cut up, she lowered herself to her knees next to the Commander, and began trying to bind the other girl’s injuries, completely forgetting about her own wound on her arm. Once the bandages were on as best as she could get them, she moved back to Lexa’s head, placing it gently on her lap once again. She grabbed the canteen and held it to Lexa’s lips.  
  
“Lexa, I need you to drink some water now,” she said soothingly, the way she would talk to a young child. Lexa’s eyes were closed, and for a brief moment Clarke was afraid that she had passed out, but the other girl nodded slightly, tried to swallow, and then parted her lips. Clarke carefully lifted the canteen to her lips and poured some water into them, and while much of it ran out the sides of her mouth, she did manage to drink some of it. Clarke stroked Lexa’s hair, looking at the make-shift bandages she'd just put on her: already each one had begun to dye a slight red, the wound at her side soaking the cloth the fastest. She leaned down and placed another gentle kiss to the brunette's forehead, desperately trying to calm the wild beating of her heart as she told her softly, “Okay Lexa, now we have to get you somewhere safe, and get you taken care of.”  
  
The brunette nodded, and finally opened her eyes. She tried to get up, but she only had the strength to sit up, needing Clarke to help pull her to her feet. Her head had begun to spin, and she knew that only some of the reaction came from the blood loss: the Ice Nation, as always, were ruthless cowards, and had coated their weapons in poison. She ignored that knowledge, knowing there was nothing she could do about that fact now other than try to fight against it. Once she was standing, Clarke held one arm around her shoulder, supporting the taller girl as she led her to the horse. She stopped them only so she could bend down and pick up Lexa’s sword, and then she took the sheath from Lexa’s back and put it on her own, sheathing the weapon behind her. They then began moving again, and once they reached the horse, Clarke helped Lexa to mount, pushing her up on the horse’s back and then helping her get settled as best she could. Once up, Lexa shook her head, trying to clear it before she took the reins.  
  
“The healers in Polis… will take care of me,” she informed Clarke, her breathing still labored, “And then, we will… strike the Ice… Nation.”  
  
She suddenly felt a thud behind her, and then arms circle around her tightly.  
  
“You’ll never make it to Polis on your own,” Clarke told her, taking the reins from her and urging the horse forward, “You’d fall off within the first hour of riding if not before.”  
  
Lexa shook her head, clenching her jaw as the movement of the horse beneath her caused pain to shoot through her many wounds.  
  
“You cannot go to Polis, Clarke,” she said through her clenched teeth, “My people… might think you did this. If I am unconscious when we get there… you could be dead before I even wake up. Not even Taigon or Ryder would be able to... to keep you safe.”  
  
Clarke set her jaw determinedly, just urging the horse to move faster.  
  
“I know,” she replied quietly, “But we’re not going to Polis. We’re going to Arkadia. To my people.”  
  
Lexa’s eyes widened, and she turned to look at Clarke, even though her entire body screamed in protest to the movement as her wounds burned against her flesh.  
  
“ _No_ ,” she growled, and reached to take the reins from the blonde, but she just held on to them tighter.  
  
“ _Yes_ ,” Clarke informed her, not wavering in her decision as their bodies moved with the horse running beneath them, “My camp is closer than either Polis or Tondc. We’ll get there within an hour. It would take much longer than that to get to your people, and you don’t have that kind of time. You need help and you need it _immediately_. My people will take care of you. I will take care of you, Lexa.”  
  
Lexa clenched her fists, wanting to argue more, but she could feel by the hard set of Clarke’s body that she was not going to give in, and Lexa did not have the energy for a fight.  
  
Unfortunately, that was what worried her: if Clarke’s people attacked her, she was in no position to defend herself. At the moment, she was having a hard enough time staying atop her horse, and that was even with Clarke’s arms around her and body pressed close to her. She doubted she would have the strength to lift her sword, and even if she did, there was no way she would have the energy to actually use it. She was defenseless, and even though her people were technically at peace with theirs, they all knew that she had been the one to choose to take the deal at Mount Weather, which meant the majority of the hatred in that camp all swirled around her. However, though she may not trust the Sky People as a whole, she trusted Clarke, and they were her people. If Clarke said she would be safe, then she would have to believe it, and trust in the other girl to keep true to her word. So far she, at least, had given Lexa no reason not to believe in her, and so she would, even if all of her instincts were screaming at her to turn around. She would trust Clarke, and Clarke would keep her safe: she had to trust in that.  
  
As the horse raced through the trees, Clarke kept her arms around the girl in front of her. She could tell from the tension in Lexa’s body that she was fighting to stay conscious, but was slowly losing the fight. Her body kept pushing against Clarke’s arms, and if it weren’t for the girl behind her, she would have fallen off the horse before they had gone more than a mile. Lexa hated feeling so weak: she hadn’t fallen off of a horse since she was seven, and she could still remember Anya’s smirk pointed at her as the little girl had pulled herself out of the mud. She couldn’t remember the last time she had so little strength, and riding into what could possibly be enemy territory did not make her feel better about it. It did, however, keep her eyes open and her mind as alert as possible. If Clarke was wrong, Lexa refused to die unconscious: she would stare her enemies down with her last breath, even if she couldn’t lift her sword to defend herself.  
  
Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime to Clarke, they broke through the dense trees and galloped into the open area that led right up to the gate to Arkadia. Clarke only bothered to slow the horse down once they’d made it halfway through the snow-covered field, and she could see movement from the top of the gate. She swore, realizing that from where she was sitting behind Lexa the guards on duty probably couldn’t see her, instead just seeing the Commander of the Grounders racing towards the camp. Her hands tensing even harder around the reins, Clarke shifted her weight and braced her feet in the stirrups, standing up so that she could peer over Lexa’s head, and therefore be clearly seen herself. The muscles in her arms tensed as well, holding herself in place as she continued to brace the brunette in front of her. When she got close enough, she slowed the horse down even further, though they continued to move forward. She took in a deep breath, and then bellowed in her loudest voice, “Open the gate!”  
  
They were only a few dozen yards away when she finally saw movement, and the gate started to open, albeit a bit slowly. She could hear shouting from the guards on lookout, and as soon as the gates were open enough for them to get through she urged the horse forward, entering the camp. She didn't have time to worry about what their welcome would be like, didn't have time to worry about the guns that were sure to be pointed at them the moment they stepped through that door: all she could think about, all that raced through her mind at the moment was Lexa, and the fact that the brunette stiffened even further in front of her, leaning even more heavily against her.  
  
The gates shut firmly behind them without her saying so, and she knew her people were suddenly worried about an attack. Already a small group had formed a few yards in front of her, and it was only growing. She couldn’t worry about that, though. She sat back on the saddle as she brought the horse to a stop, and she could feel Lexa’s fear and tension rolling off of her. It mixed well with the fear that was rolling off of Clarke, but she knew they were afraid of very different things. Lexa, she knew, was solely focused on the crowd in front of her, while Clarke’s sole focus was Lexa and her wounds. Clarke scanned the crowd, searching for one person in particular, and when she finally saw Abby push her way to the front of the crowd, she let out a breath that she hadn’t realized she had been holding.  
  
“Mom!” she cried, swinging one leg around the horse and then jumping to the ground, her arms going straight to Lexa once she stood, to continue to hold her up. Lexa made no move to get off the horse, and Clarke knew she figured she would need the higher position if things went wrong.  
  
Abby rushed to Clarke, but then stopped a few feet away, her eyes darting back and forth between her daughter and the girl still sitting on the horse who was now glaring down at her. Her eyes immediately took inventory of the sight in front of her, noticing first the blood stains on her daughter’s arms and across her dark jacket, and then the blood stains on Clarke’s hands as she held the Commander in place on the horse. She noticed the way the Commander’s body swayed slightly on the horse and how her eyes continually moved in and out of focus. At first sight that was all she saw, but when she took another step forward she could see the broken arrow shafts sticking out of the Commander’s shoulder and thigh as well.  
  
“Clarke!” Abby exclaimed, her brain trying to register the whole sight in less than a second, “What happened? What’s going on?”  
  
Clarke just shook her head, a slightly panicked expression on her face.  
  
“No time to explain, Lexa needs help!” she replied urgently, and she began gently tugging at Lexa, trying to get her off the horse, but the Grounder used the little strength she had left to resist, her eyes still scanning first Abby’s face and then the entire crowd. Clarke growled, frustrated, and then she told her, “Lexa, _come on_ , you need to get those wounds cleaned and taken care of! Please! We need to stop the bleeding!”  
  
Kane suddenly pushed his way through the crowd, running up next to Abby, his eyes wide in confusion, probably matching her own expression.  
  
“The Commander?” he breathed, thoroughly shocked, and everyone around him heard him, and then a ripple ran through the crowd, and an ocean of whispers roared all around them.  
  
Lexa’s eyes darted from face to face, even as Clarke tried once again to get her off the horse, her heart beating rapidly in her chest, knowing it wasn't only from the poison that she could feel spreading through her veins. She saw Octavia, Lincoln, Bellamy and Raven at the front of the crowd, worry and suspicion clearly written across their faces as they looked from Clarke and herself to the people around them. Her fingers clenched tightly around the reins she'd grabbed the moment Clarke had dropped them, and her horse, catching her nerves, fidgeted beneath her. Her heart raced in her chest, and the faster it beat the blurrier her vision got. The blurrier her vision got, the faster her heart beat. She shook her head, the movement barely perceptible as she tried to clear her vision as she continually scanned the crowd before her. Her eyes finally stopped on one figure as a man pressed forward, breaking to the front of the crowd but staying near his people, not stepping forward as Clarke’s mother and Kane had.  
  
“Clarke,” she whispered down to the blonde without taking her eyes off the man, and when the leader of the Skaikru looked up at her, she followed Lexa’s gaze to the man whose jaw was clenched and glaring daggers at the Commander.  
  
“What is _she_ doing here?” the man growled loud enough for everyone to hear him, and the whispers suddenly died down, “She doesn’t belong here. She turned her back on us! Left our kids for dead! It's our time to turn our backs on her and let her die!”  
  
A general murmur ran through the crowd, and Lexa’s fingers itched for her sword, but Clarke had taken it and put it in the sheath she now wore on her back, and the Commander didn’t have the strength or agility to take it back. Instead she sat tense, her nerves screaming at her to run, but she had no way to do that, so she had to trust Clarke instead. She shifted nervously from her seat atop the horse and waited to see how this would play out, eyes not moving from the man who had spoken even as the warriors with guns shifted in their stances, many of them clearly sharing the man's thoughts.  
  
The blonde glared at the man, taking her hands off of Lexa, praying silently that the other girl would be able to hold herself up for just a minute. She walked quickly up to the man, her face set. She knew him: Terrence, father to one of the forty-seven who had been in Mount Weather. He had every right to be angry at Lexa, she knew, but she wasn’t going to have it. Her fear beat so thickly in her veins that she didn't have time for compassion for the father, didn't have the mental capacity in that moment to remember that he had every reason to be angry. Instead all she could do, all she could think about, was Lexa and the wounds that riddled her body that needed to be taken care of now. Reaching him, she grabbed his collar and pulled him down to her eye level, shooting a glare at him she'd never known she was capable of making. Even though she was a few inches shorter than him, she could feel his confidence suddenly leaking out of him, his eyes widening in surprise.  
  
“ _She_ is the commander of the entire Grounder army,” Clarke spat at him, her eyes furious, “If _she_ dies, we’ll all be next, because every single one of her warriors will think we killed her, and they _will_ get their revenge. Now. Step. Back.”  
  
He nodded frantically, and she let go of his shirt, giving him a slight push, causing him to stumble back. She wasn’t being fair to him, she knew; after all, this was a man who had believed his child to be dead, and he was only angry at the person who had turned her back on them. He had every right to be angry at her, but right now the only thing Clarke could think about was getting Lexa into the infirmary and taken care of. She glanced at the crowd, glaring at them all, silently daring anyone else to step forward and challenge her.  
  
One person did step forward.  
  
As Terrence stumbled back, she saw a hand grab his shoulder, almost as though to brace him, but then another figure stepped out of the crowd and continued to push him back, stepping in front of him. Nygel moved forward, briefly meeting Clarke's eyes and giving her a small nod as her hands tightened on the spear she carried. She took a moment to look at the Commander, still sitting stiffly atop her horse, before she turned to face the crowd, holding her spear at the smallest angle across her body. Her eyes roamed over all of them, silently daring any of them to step forward.  
  
Clarke reached out and gently squeeze Nygel's arm, silently thanking her. Giving those near her one more warning look, she turned back around, and swiftly moved back over to the horse, her hands going right back to where they had been on Lexa’s side. She looked up at Lexa and nodded, silently telling her that it was alright, she was safe, and after a slight pause, Lexa returned the nod, and then shakily swung her non-wounded leg around the horse and allowed herself to slide down to the ground. If Clarke hadn’t been there, she would have slid all the way down, because as her feet touched the trampled snow, she realized just about all her strength had left her, and there was no way she would be able to hold herself up. Clarke grabbed her though, helping her move her arm around her shoulder, while her own arms circled the taller girl’s waist, having better leverage there. Suddenly Octavia stepped forward from the crowd, quickly moving to Lexa’s other side.  
  
“Heda,” she said a bit stiffly, bowing her head slightly, and after a moment Lexa nodded back to her. The dark-haired Sky girl gestured for Lexa to put her other arm around her shoulder, and after a moment’s hesitation, she did.  
  
Watching the scene play out before her, Abby made a quick decision. She turned around, scanning the crowd, and almost immediately found who she was looking for.  
  
“Jackson,” she called to him, and his focused snapped to her, “Go prepare the infirmary.”  
  
He nodded to her, and then turned and pushed his way through the crowd, heading straight for the infirmary to get everything ready for her. As soon as she saw him go, Abby turned back around and moved swiftly to Clarke, who was working with Octavia to help the Commander limp towards the back of the camp where the infirmary was. As she fell in time with the three girls, she quickly scanned what she could see of the Grounder’s injuries.  
  
“What happened?” she asked, also noting the slight wince on her daughter’s face and trying to figure out where the blonde was hurt as well.  
  
“We were attacked,” Clarke informed her, ignoring everyone but her mother and Lexa. Kane quickly got to work with a few guards, clearing the crowd away so that they could move in peace. The only people who were allowed to stay behind were Lincoln, Bellamy, Raven and Monty, who had shown up just as Lexa had been getting down from the horse, all who followed them in case they could help with anything. “A few warriors from the Ice Nation. Lexa held off five at once, but she got shot twice with arrows and cut at least once with a sword or a knife. Mom, I think they used poison on their weapons. She’s been burning up for almost an hour!”  
  
Abby nodded her head and then patted her daughter’s shoulder, trying to ease her worry.  
  
“It’s alright Clarke, Lincoln told us about that a while ago and helped us collect plenty of antidote,” she reminded the blonde, “She’ll be okay.”  
  
Finally they reached the infirmary, and Bellamy and Lincoln cut in front of them to hold the door open for them so that all three girls could enter at once. Jackson stood on the far side of the room, various pieces of equipment all prepped and ready, and Abby rushed over to join him, moving straight to the sink they had set up so that she could wash her hands before she got started. Octavia and Clarke walked Lexa to one of the beds in the room, turning to help her sit down. As soon as she was down, Octavia stepped back and joined the others who still stood at the entrance to the infirmary. Clarke moved to step back as well, but suddenly she felt Lexa’s grip on her arm tighten. She looked down at the brunette, and saw the Commander looking up at. While the expression in her eyes wasn’t fear, it was the closest thing to it that Clarke had ever seen reflected in those green eyes, and that scared her.  
  
“Clarke, do not leave,” Lexa said softly, and though she didn’t say it, they both heard the “me” that was dangling at the end of her order. She clenched her jaw, and Clarke couldn’t tell if it was due from pain or if it was because the Commander believed she was showing weakness in front of others. Either way, Clarke’s eyes widened in surprise when she added a barely audible, “Please,” her voice breaking slightly.  
  
Clarke’s heart ached at the sight of the injured girl in front of her, and she took Lexa’s hand in both of hers. She kissed it lightly, not caring that blood clung to Lexa’s skin still from either her own wounds or those she dealt to her enemies or that there were others in the room to notice, and looked into the other girl’s eyes.  
  
“I’m not going anywhere,” she promised, and she could see Lexa searching her eyes for the slightest lie. What she found instead was complete sincerity and another emotion that Lexa didn’t dare to allow herself to think about at the moment, and finally she nodded, before she laid back on the bed, Clarke’s hands still wrapped around her own. 

***

He had watched everything from the back of the crowd. He had heard the shouts as Clarke rode inside the gate, heard the whisperings of her having a Grounder with her. He’d clenched his fists and followed, making sure to stay back and out of the way. He watched Abby move forward, and then had heard the ripple that spread through the crowd about who the Grounder was. When he heard that, he had frozen, his glare narrowing in on the girl still sitting on top of the horse. It was _her_. After all this time, he finally had a face to put to the title. _This_ was the Commander, the one who he had unknowingly set all of his hopes on, and who had betrayed them, killing the girl he had grown to love. _This_ was the woman he had vowed to get revenge on. Watching her sway on the horse, suddenly that revenge seemed so close, he almost felt giddy. Of course, he didn’t _actually_ feel giddy: he hadn’t felt anything but sorrow and anger and hate since he returned from Mount Weather, but with the taste of revenge on his tongue, he thought that maybe, after today, he could feel something else.  
  
As Octavia walked forward to help Clarke steady the Commander, Jasper turned away from the crowd, disappearing from sight. It was finally time. 

***

Things moved quickly once they made it to the infirmary. Abby got right to work, Jackson and Clarke both helping her, following her orders as she barked them out.  
  
“First things first,” she stated to Lexa, moving over to the bed with a cup of something in her hands, “We need to get this antidote in you. Taking care of the wounds won’t matter if the poison kills you while we do it.”  
  
Lexa, whose entire body had begun to shiver at this point, eyed the cup suspiciously, not taking it when Abby held it out to her. Clarke took it instead, giving Lexa a look.  
  
“Lexa, you need to drink this,” Clarke informed her, her tone leaving no room for argument.  
  
The Commander merely continued to eye the cup, trying to swallow as she mumbled out, “… is poison.”  
  
The blonde growled at her, scared by how much the poison was clearly affecting the Grounder now that she was inside and lying down. She held the cup out, sliding her other arm beneath the other girl’s head, helping her sit up just a bit when it was clear she didn’t have the strength to hold her head up herself.  
  
“It isn’t poison, Lexa, I promise,” she told the other girl, but as she just stared at the cup, her eyes going in and out of focus, Clarke helped her turn her head to look at her, and moved her face closer to the Commander’s. “Hey,” she said, her voice soft and reassuring, “It’s me: I would never give you anything I thought would hurt you. Okay? So drink.” Lexa just looked at her for a moment, licked her dry lips, and then nodded slightly. Clarke repositioned her head up, and then brought the cup to her lips and poured it back slowly, making sure the other girl drank it all. Once she had, she gently rested her head back down, before turning back to her mother, handing her the cup. “Now what?” she asked, her face set, trying not to let her worry show.  
  
Abby was looking at Clarke, a strange expression on her face, but when the focus shifted back to her, the expression changed back and she handed the cup to Jackson, who in return handed her a sharp knife. She turned back to her daughter and the girl on the bed and informed them, “Now we get those arrows out.” She looked down at the Commander, meeting hard eyes that would have been more intimidating if she'd been able to keep her focus from shifting in and out. "First I have to cut off your shirt, so we can easily get to the wounds.” Lexa didn’t argue, just clenched her jaw tightly as the older woman brought the knife towards her stomach, every instinct of hers telling her to attack the person moving a weapon close to her. She didn’t, however, her jaw remaining clenched and closing her eyes as the knife ripped through her shirt. Even though she felt extremely warm from the fever that had taken over her body, she shivered as the cold air hit her, but she didn’t allow her body any other movements. Clarke remained by her head, her free hand running soothing fingers through her hair, and she heard the blonde girl stifle a gasp when the extent of her wounds were revealed. Once the shirt was cut open and the bandages Clarke had managed to put on her earlier to slow the bleeding were pulled gently away from the wounds, Abby moved to her right thigh and cut the material around that arrow away as well.  
  
Once the wounds were all visible, Abby nodded, scanning them and making a quick decision. Her own emotions and thoughts whirled inside her, knowing who this was lying in front of her and what she'd done to her people, but she was a doctor before she was Chancellor, and a wounded patient was a wounded patient. She looked back up, eyes flickering over the tight hold her daughter still held on the Commander's hand and fear in Clarke's eyes, but she pushed that aside for the moment as she focused on the girl lying before her. “Alright, now I need to get those arrows out of you, Lexa, but in order to do that, we’re going to have to tie you down so that you don’t move. I’m sorry, but it’s the only way to make sure you will lie still enough.”  
  
Lexa wanted to tell this woman that she was the _Commander_ , that she had felt pain much worse than this before, but the fever was clouding her mind and she couldn’t seem to get the words out. The idea of pain was a much more comfortable thought for her than the idea of being tied down in what could possibly be enemy territory, so when Abby and Jackson clicked a strap across her ankles, she panicked, and nearly tried to jump off of the table. She didn’t have the strength or coordination however, and Clarke had just let go of her hand so that she could press it against the Commander’s shoulder, and that weight by itself was enough to keep the brunette in place. _Trust Clarke, trust Clarke_ , she repeated like a mantra in her head, even as Abby and Jackson walked around her bed, using the straps she hadn’t noticed hanging off it to hold her in place. They attached a strap across her ankles, midsection, and just below her shoulders, the final strap just a couple of inches below the arrow shaft still sticking out of her. Once strapped down, she tried to move, and found she couldn’t, and something akin to fear bubbled up in her throat, but she squashed it back down. Clarke was beside her still, and she knew the blonde girl wouldn’t allow anything to happen to her.  
  
“This is going to hurt, Lexa,” she heard Abby say, and at the sound what remained of her attention snapped back to the older woman. _I am the Commander_ , she wanted to say, _You have not earned the privilege to speak my name_ , but her mouth had gone completely dry, her tongue felt as though it had swollen to at least double its natural size, and the energy it took to form words seemed to be too much at the moment. So instead she remained quiet, trying to simply shoot daggers at the woman with her eyes. She didn’t think it worked however, because the other woman showed no signs of fear as she continued, “I have to make the arrow wounds larger, so that I can check and make sure they aren’t embedded in bone, and then if they aren’t, and if no major arteries are near them, I will have to use my fingers to carefully pull them out so that they don’t do any more damage.” She then turned to Clarke and told her, “Clarke, you may want to let her hold your hand so she has something to squeeze. She may need it.”  
  
_I am the Commander!_ , Lexa repeated in her head, wondering how this woman could be so daft, _Pain is nothing to me_ , but she did have to admit, at least to herself, that feeling Clarke’s hands cover her own again did sooth her slightly. Feeling Clarke’s grip, she simply closed her eyes again, waiting for the blade to slice her skin.  
  
She felt the cool metal of the blade enter her shoulder wound first and cut an inch or so down away from the wound. She did not flinch, even in her slightly delusional state. She was still the Commander, and would not let this blade intimidate her. Her jaw remained clenched, even as she felt the stinging metal leave her, and then fingers enter the incision, poking around the arrow shaft. All she allowed at the sudden invasion was a small intake of breath, and then went back to lying silently, trying to ignore the fresh waves of pain.  
  
Abby used both sight and touch to figure out exactly how the arrow was angled and how deeply it was embedded. Inwardly she sighed in relief as she found that it had missed bone and major arteries. Without warning, she carefully pulled the arrow up and out, until she was holding it up for Jackson to take from her. Immediately she replaced the arrow with a thick piece of cloth to try to slow the bleeding while she turned her focus to the other arrow. She motioned to the cloth and told her daughter, “Clarke, put pressure on the wound. I’ll stitch it up once the other one’s out.”  
  
Clarke nodded, releasing Lexa’s hand from one of her own, and moved over to the cloth, pressing it against the wound with as much force as she dared. Her other hand continued to hold the Commander's, and she felt fingers tighten around hers, the only obvious sign that the other girl was still conscious. Clarke returned the pressure, silently reminding Lexa she was still right there, and pressed just a little harder against the wound on her shoulder. Abby moved down to the brunette’s thigh, completing the same maneuver of cutting an inch or so longer gash down from the arrow wound, and then gently pushing her fingers in to decide the best way to pull it out. This one was a little trickier, she found: this arrow, while embedding itself in muscle rather than bone, had landed near enough the femoral artery, and if she wasn’t careful, the arrow could slip and cut it, which would in turn cause the Grounder to bleed out. She moved incredibly slowly, using her free hand to hold down the leg for added insurance against it moving. The girl had done very well so far, barely moving a muscle as the doctor worked, but all it would take was one minor flinch and she’d be in real trouble. Finally, after taking many minutes to painstakingly guide the arrow head out of the flesh, she held it out for Jackson to take, and grabbed a second cloth to cover this wound.  
  
Once the arrows were out, it was easy work. She and Jackson got to work, stitching up the wounds. She worked on the gash on the girl’s side first, fearing the amount of blood that she had already lost from it, while Jackson stitched up the leg wound, both of them cleaning the wounds as they worked. As soon she was done with that, she moved to replace Clarke by the brunette’s chest, and just as Jackson finished with the leg wound, she used her head to gesture towards her daughter. Not taking her eyes from the wound before her, she told him, “Jackson, stitch Clarke up, please. Clarke, I need you to drink some of the antidote as well. You may not be feeling the effects of the poison yet since your wound is minor compared to the Commander's, but I don't want to take any chances.” Jackson nodded in response to her order, moving over to the sink to wash Lexa's blood from his hands before he poured more antidote into a cup and moved over to Clarke so he could start getting to work on her injury.  
  
The blonde frowned as he handed her the cup, her mind too clouded with worry to understand. “What…?” she asked, confused even as Jackson cut away some of her sleeve. When he touched her arm gingerly, she looked down and realized she was still bleeding from her own arrow wound. She shook her head, reluctantly releasing Lexa's hand as he led her to a bed to sit on, having completely forgotten about it. She brought the cup to her lips, quickly swallowing its contents before she let her hand fall back to her side, wincing slightly as the needle pierced her flesh.  
  
Clarke’s movement away from her was what finally made Lexa move, just before Abby was about to stick a needle into one end of the long cut just by her shoulder. Opening her eyes, she moved her head, trying to follow Clarke’s movements, and she could feel her heart start beating faster and faster as she felt the other girl’s presence leave her.  
  
“Clarke…” she tried to say, but her breath got caught in her throat as she tried to move to get up and follow the blonde, the straps holding her down.  
  
“Shhh,” she heard the Chancellor say soothingly, before running her fingers gently through her hair. She wanted to tell the older woman to stop, to once again try to remind her that she was the _Commander_ , and that she didn’t need to be soothed by her, but the touch felt just like the many times Clarke had done the same thing, running her fingers through her hair while they sat together in their cave. So instead of reprimanding the older woman, her eyes closed once again, even as she heard the other woman say softly, “It’s okay; Clarke’s still here, we just have to take care of her wound too.”  
  
Exhaustion from the day’s events suddenly hit Lexa hard, and she could feel herself beginning to fall into the unconsciousness that she had been fighting for so long, but at hearing of Clarke's wounds, she frowned. She tried to fight longer to stay conscious, needing to know that Clarke was okay, but she knew she was losing the fight.  
  
“Should have… taken care of her… first,” she managed to get out, before she allowed herself to succumb to the beautiful oblivion of darkness.  
  
Abby’s movements with the needle and thread stilled as the young woman’s words reached her, and her gaze moved to the girl’s face. She could tell that she had finally fallen unconscious, and looking at her like this, her face soft with the peace that comes from a deep sleep, she was reminded once again at just how young this girl was. Looking just at her face, she didn’t look like someone who had led countless people into battle and killed countless people herself: she didn't look like she'd promised an alliance with her own people, only to betray them at the last minute. It was only when she looked down at the girl’s torso, at not only the wounds she was currently working on but also the many scars that had healed over many years and the dark tattoo on her side, that painted the picture of who this girl really was and what she had done.  
  
Finishing with the stitches, she tied off the string and then used a clean knife to cut away the extra, frowning. Looking up from her work, she glanced across the room to where Jackson stood next to her own daughter, stitching her wound even as she continued to look at the girl lying in front of Abby, the worried expression still on her face. The mother sighed, seeing what was going on, and turned away, shaking her head. She didn't know what had happened, how her daughter and the Commander of the Grounder Army had come together in this way they obviously had, but the feelings between them suddenly were all too obvious. Her own feelings shifted, her mistrust in the Grounders still more than strong, but now there was a curiosity that settled alongside it as well. Looking between the two of them, a thought that had already crossed her mind many times appeared again, this time accompanied by a new one: these two girls had both had too much responsibility thrust on them too young, and now their hearts were leading them down another impossible trail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well? What did you you think? Ugh, I really hope you liked it, and I really hope that really stupid, really dumb thing that happened in the last episode won't turn anyone away from this story: I can promise you, I am much, much more trustworthy than Jason Rothenberg.
> 
> Also: I have the next couple of chapters already written, they just need minor editing, but I'm still going to be updating just once a week. The reason I will be doing this is because I am going to spend my normal writing time these next couple of weeks on getting "Continuum" up and running. I've already gotten started on the next chapter, and am hoping to be able to update that this weekend and then keep that as a weekly thing for a short time as well. I don't know about you all, but I at least am in desperate need of some Clexa family fluff and lovin', and this happens to be the perfect way to get it. So I apologize for the slight cliff-hangery chapters you will be getting in the next couple of weeks, but I'm hoping to offset those cliffhangers with Clexa and their growing family in the sequel to "The Note." So just bare with me, my delightful friends, and as always, PLEASE, I really want to know your thoughts, especially on this and the next few chapters! Thanks all!


	22. Chapter 22

Lexa slept. She remained on the bed with her eyes closed, body not moving and unconscious for hours. People came and went: Octavia and Lincoln checked in every hour, Raven slipping in with them every now and then, and even Bellamy joining them sometimes. Monty checked in twice, his eyes worried as he looked at the sleeping form, but trying so hard to be reassuring for his friend. Kane came in three times, the first time asking how the injured Commander was doing, and then not saying anything either of the other two times. Abby and Jackson were back and forth, coming and going, each time checking on Lexa’s pulse, checking her forehead to see how her fever was doing, and making sure any movement she made in her sleep didn’t disturb her stitches. Each time she came in, Abby would look at her daughter, trying to inconspicuously gauge how the blonde was doing as well.  
  
Clarke knew what she was doing, but didn’t give her any indication of such. She remained: she didn’t move from Lexa’s side, staring, watching the rise and fall of the brunette’s chest as she took in oxygen. She lived in a constant fear that each breath would be the girl’s last, that at some point the chest before her would suddenly go still, and Lexa would silently slip away from her. When that fear became too strong, Clarke would reach out and touch her arm, feel the warmth coming off of her skin to reassure herself that she was still there, still with her. When she did that, she had to ignore the fact that her skin was too warm, that the fever had warmed her far more than she should be. Still, the touch assured her that the other girl still lived, and that comforted her even as the temperature worried her.  
  
She didn’t try to keep track of the time. She didn’t want to know how many hours, minutes or seconds had passed since Lexa had closed her eyes, didn’t want to know how many breaths she had taken. All that she needed to know, all that _mattered_ , was that she was still breathing, that the time kept going on. As long as Clarke still had more time with this girl, this frustrating, stubborn, intelligent, beautiful, _wonderful_ girl, then Clarke could handle the waiting. She could let Lexa sleep, rest up and restore her strength, just so long as she didn’t leave her.  
  
Reaching out and slowly taking the sleeping girl’s hand, she gently ran her fingers over her knuckles before entwining the fingers with her own.  
  
“Don’t leave me,” she whispered finally, alone in the room with the sleeping girl in front of her. She allowed her voice to break as she spoke, allowed all of her truest emotions to fill her voice, because in that moment she wasn’t pretending for anyone. She refused to pretend, right then, that the girl before her meant anything less than everything to her, and that she could go on without her. “Please,” she begged, her voice breaking again, “Please Lexa, don’t leave me. Not yet. Not you. I need your soul to stay… stay right where it is. I can’t… I can’t do this without you. If you go… If you leave me before… Dammit Lexa, there are so many things I need to tell you. You can’t die until I’ve figured out how to say them. So… so you can’t leave me.”  
  
The tears fell from her eyes, leaving hot wet trails running down her cheeks. Her free hand gripped the bedsheets tightly, and her grip on Lexa’s hand tightened as well. She clenched her eyes shut while her teeth bit down on her bottom lip, worrying it as she always did when her emotions got too intense and she needed to rein them in. She was so focused on her sorrow and worry that she almost didn’t notice it when the other girl returned her tight grip. Registering the movement, the blonde’s eyes flew open, first going directly to the connected hands, and then turning up to find two bright green eyes staring at her. One corner of the Commander’s lips pulled up in a slight smile as Clarke’s blue eyes looked at her in surprise. She disentangled her fingers from the blonde’s and slowly reached up to the other girl’s face, gently brushing her tears away with the pad of her thumb then cupping her cheek.  
  
“…Not going anywhere,” she finally croaked out, her mouth and throat completely dry. She didn’t let that stop her, however, and continued, “Not leaving you. Never again.”  
  
They both knew that they were words she couldn’t promise, both knew that nothing had changed, and that for both of them their own people would always come first, but at that moment, neither of them cared about that. Everything outside of their small room disappeared, and the only thing that mattered at all was the fact that Lexa was alive, and that the two were together. Clarke let out a watery laugh and then leaned forward quickly, grabbing Lexa’s face and kissing her, trying to be gentle, but the worry she had been feeling for so long rushed through her, making the kiss more forceful than she meant it to be. Lexa didn’t care though, and returned the kiss with an equal fervor, her worries also pushing themselves out through the contact.  
  
Finally Clarke pulled away, her face remaining just a short distance from Lexa’s, searching her eyes as though to convince herself that she was really there, really alright. A small smile formed on the Commander’s lips again, and she joked softly, “Perhaps I should get injured more often. This wake up is worth the pain.”  
  
The blonde just shook her head, closing her eyes. When she opened them again, Lexa’s smile fell slightly, seeing the seriousness and worry that still clouded the ocean of blue before her.  
  
“Don’t you dare,” Clarke whispered, her tone low, as though she was trying to suppress the anxiety she still felt, “Don’t you ever scare me like that again. Got it?”  
  
Lexa studied her face, seeing every raw emotion that Clarke was trying to hide from her. She once again ran her thumb over the other girl’s cheek, and felt the blonde press her face into the touch, needing to feel her to help convince herself that she was indeed alright.  
  
“I will… do my best not to,” she replied, unable to lie, knowing there was every possibility something like this would happen again, but Clarke nodded, accepting her words.  
  
They stayed together for a few minutes, reading each others eyes and gently touching each others faces, convincing themselves that the other was truly alright, and then Clarke finally cleared her throat, knowing that at any moment anyone could walk in on them. So she pushed herself back away from the other girl, reading the disappointment but understanding in her eyes, and stood up.  
  
“Are you thirsty?” she asked, and Lexa nodded.  
  
“Quite,” she answered, and tried to push herself up. She grimaced as her fresh wounds complained at the motion, and before she could hide it, Clarke noticed and gently but firmly placed her hand on the Commander’s shoulder.  
  
“Stay,” she ordered, giving the brunette a look that wouldn’t allow for any arguments, “Don’t move. I’ll get it for you.”  
  
“I do not usually allow people to give me orders,” Lexa informed the blonde, even as she allowed her body to rest back against the bed, “But for you, I make the exception.”  
  
Clarke walked over to the table set up at the side of the room, and uncovered the bucket they kept in there for drinking water. Grabbing a cup from the table, she dunked it into the bucket, pulling it out when it was full, and then re-covered the bucket. Turning to walk back to Lexa’s bed, she gave the Grounder a sly smile and then said, “Huh. I seem to recall quite a few times when you were more than happy to follow my orders.” Reaching the bed, she handed the cup to the other girl before she added, “Of course, during those times usually one of us isn’t wearing pants and the order results in a pretty incredible orgasm for at least one of us.”  
  
Taking the cup from the blonde, Lexa sat up just slightly, allowing the tips of her lips to curl into a small smile as she looked up at the girl through her eyelashes. She took a long sip of the water, allowing the semi-warm wetness to finally relieve her much too-dry mouth and throat, and then pulled the almost empty cup from her lips. Handing the cup back to Clarke before she laid back down, she replied evenly, “Yes, I do recall enjoying those orders.” She paused for a moment, eyes turning down to her torso which was covered with a thin blanket and nothing else. “Speaking of not wearing something, what happened to my shirt?”  
  
Clarke moved back to the chair she had pulled up beside Lexa’s bed and sat back down in it before reaching to the floor next to her and grabbing something and then placing it on the bed beside Lexa. The other girl looked at the object, finding a shirt, but not the shirt she had been wearing earlier that day.  
  
“We had to cut your shirt off you,” Clarke informed her, the playfulness leaving her voice as she was brought back to what had happened. “In order to take care of your wounds, we had to cut it off. I had Octavia run to my room and get you one of my shirts to put on.”  
  
“Ah,” Lexa replied, once again sitting up and wincing slightly, allowing the blanket covering her to fall down her front as her fingers began to play with the fabric of the shirt beside her. “I remember now. Thank you.”  
  
Clarke merely nodded, blushing just slightly as Lexa so openly allowed her upper half to be exposed. Her chest was still covered, as they hadn’t had to cut through her bindings to take care of even the shoulder wound, but so much of her skin was in plain view and Clarke’s fingers itched to run along it, to trace the new and old scars on it to help convince herself that she truly was alright. She wanted to trace her fingertips along the black tattoos as she had so many other times, knowing it would help to calm her down as it always did. This was not the time for that, however, so with a mental shake of her head, she stood up once again and grabbed the shirt lying on the bed.  
  
“Can I help you put it on?” she asked, even as she lifted it and shook it out.  
  
Lexa gave her a look, her forehead tightening as she told Clarke coolly, “I have been dressing myself for many years, Clarke. I believe I can manage.”  
  
The blonde just rolled her eyes, and then gave Lexa her own look.  
  
“Would you just let me help you already?” she replied, exasperated, and after a moment Lexa gave in, nodding even as she partially rolled her own eyes. She found, however, that it was nice to have the help, as Clarke gently helped her get the shirt on over her head and then first the uninjured arm, and then the injured arm into their proper places. She had not been taken care of like this in many, many years, and part of her enjoyed the extreme care Clarke was giving her, the other girl's brow furrowed as she did her best not to hurt the brunette. She saw no reason to admit to this, however, and once the shirt was on properly she merely nodded her head, telling her, “Thank you, Clarke.” When Clarke smiled at her, however, she thought she would let Clarke help her with anything she wanted if she would just look at her like that for the rest of her life.  
  
“You’re welcome,” the blonde replied, and then sat back down in her chair, her shining eyes never leaving Lexa’s.  
  
The two sat together for a few more minutes, talking and simply enjoying each others company. Clarke kept glancing at the areas where she knew Lexa had been wounded, now hidden under the shirt. The brunette knew that it was due to her worry, and just those little glances told the Commander how much the blonde cared for her, so she said nothing about them, merely taking one of Clarke’s hands in her own, brushing her thumb over it soothingly. The blonde smiled at her, knowing what she was doing, and Lexa couldn’t help but smile back.  
  
That smile faltered, however, when Lexa heard footsteps approaching, and suddenly Clarke’s mother entered the infirmary, her medical Second trailing behind her. Lexa pulled her hand away from Clarke’s, her face changing to its natural neutral expression as the healers turned to look at them. Seeing her awake and sitting up slightly, Abby forced a smile on her face. The Commander could tell that she had mixed feelings about having her there, mixed feelings that Lexa herself shared. The older woman clearly knew better than to speak them, as she just walked over to the bed, taking in the whole picture of her daughter leaning against Lexa’s bed and the Commander staring her down as she approached.  
  
“Well Commander, it’s good to see you awake,” the doctor said, “How are you feeling?”  
  
“I am well,” Lexa replied, and then after a pause she forced herself to add, “I thank you for your care.”  
  
The older woman made a shooing motion with her hand, one that Lexa recognized very well, as it was one that Clarke often made. For some reason seeing the similarity between the two shocked her, though she knew it shouldn’t have. This was Clarke’s mother after all, and Clarke, unlike herself, hadn’t left her mother’s side when she was five years old, so she’d had many years to take on her mother’s mannerisms. This thought made her wish she could have met the blonde’s father, as she wondered what of his mannerisms she had picked up.  
  
“No thanks necessary,” Abby informed her as she took a few steps closer, bringing her up to the edge of the bed to stand beside her daughter, “I’m a doctor, it’s my job, and helping people to feel better is why I do it.”  
  
The woman reached forward, and Lexa tensed, but her eyes flickered to Clarke who just raised her eyebrows at her and then shook her head almost imperceptibly. Sighing internally, Lexa did not flinch away from the hand as she wished to, and instead allowed it to be placed lightly on her forehead. The gesture made her feel like a small child, but rather than say so she clenched her jaw and remained silent. She noticed Clarke’s lips turn up in a brief smile, and even though she wanted to roll her eyes in a very un-Commander-like way, she managed to keep a straight face on.  
  
“You’re still a little warm, but I think your fever’s broken, at least,” Abby informed her, finally drawing her hand back from Lexa’s skin. She moved away from the bed, causing Lexa to let out an inner sigh of relief, and walked back to the table where Clarke had gotten her water. She moved some things around, took out another cup, and then unplugged a vile on the shelf, pouring the contents into the cup. Carrying it back over to the bed she held it out to Lexa, who eyed it warily. “This is more antidote,” she told her, as she handed the cup to her, “You need to drink this to make sure we get rid of any remaining poison in your system. After you drink it, I’ll go ask someone to get you some food. After everything you went through, you must be hungry.” She then looked at her daughter as the brunette tilted the cup back, draining its contents and added, “And I’m sure you could use some as well. I take it you won’t leave to get it for you both?”  
  
Clarke shook her head, replying, “I’m not leaving her side, no. Ask Octavia to do it, please.”  
  
Abby sighed, and Lexa had to wonder why that request was so difficult, but she kept her mouth shut as Clarke took the empty cup from her and set it on the ground by her bed. The older woman just shook her head before saying, “Alright, I’ll ask Octavia to do it then. We’ve got some other patients we have to go check on, but I’ll be back in a few hours to make sure nothing has changed, okay?” Clarke nodded her head, and Abby nodded once in response, before she turned to her Second and said, “Come on Jackson, we’ve got other work to do.” The man nodded, took one final look at Lexa who stared back at him, flinched, and then turned around, leading the way out of the large tent, Abby following behind him.  
  
Once they had left, Lexa turned her attention back to Clarke and stated, “You should not have to request that they do something. You are their leader: your orders should be obeyed without question.”  
  
The blonde simply gave her a look, scrunching up her face in a way that almost made Lexa want to laugh, before she replied, “Yeah, well, she’s my mom, so I can’t really order her to do anything.”  
  
“My nomon would have had to follow my orders had she been alive once I became Commander,” Lexa told her flatly, “All of my people must. There are no exceptions.”  
  
Clarke just sighed before saying, “Yeah well, our people are run a little differently, remember? Plus, most of my people are still getting used to me actually being in charge, if I even am. I have to be a little more… diplomatic with all of my people than you do with yours.” She grinned then, and added, “But I wish I could have met your nomon. I bet she was an amazing woman. And your…,” she paused for a moment, searching for the word, and then her eyes lit up as it reached her. “Nontu?”  
  
Lexa smiled slightly, nodding, proud of Clarke. It made her feel oddly warm inside, knowing that even among her own people she still cared to learn about Lexa’s. While the feeling wasn’t altogether unpleasant, it made her feel a bit strange, so she pushed it aside, choosing to ignore it. At least for the moment.  
  
“Sha,” she said, “Very good, Clarke.”  
  
The blonde returned the smile, a slight twinkle in her eye as she replied, “What can I say, I had a good teacher.”  
  
“Yes,” Lexa agreed with a completely straight face, “You did.”  
  
Clarke scoffed and shook her head, causing the brunette’s lips to slip into a smile.  
  
As they smiled at each other, they heard a set of footprints drawing near the infirmary, but they didn’t think anything of it, assuming it was Octavia with the food. However, as soon as Clarke heard the figure enter the room, she saw the smile drop from Lexa’s face and her jaw set as a look of anger flashed in her green eyes. Frowning, Clarke looked behind her, wondering what had made that look appear, and when she saw who it was and what they were holding, Clarke jumped to her feet, her own lips pulled back into a warning scowl. Just inside the doorway, the door closing behind him even as she jumped up, Jasper stood with one of their guns trained straight at Lexa. In a moment, the blonde reached behind her and grabbed the grip of the gun she had stuck in the back of her pants so many hours ago, suddenly glad she hadn’t thought to remove it, and aimed it at Jasper even as she stepped into his line of fire, blocking Lexa’s body from his view as best she could. Thanks to all of her training with Lexa, she moved so quickly that she had her gun pointing at his chest and her body blocking the other girl before Jasper realized she had a gun at all.  
  
“Put it down, Jasper,” Clarke warned, her voice hard and hands not wavering in their position, even as her heart thumped against her chest. She didn’t want to hurt Jasper: he was her friend. Ever since they had landed on the ground, they had worked together to keep each other and everyone else alive. She couldn’t shoot him. Neither could she let him shoot Lexa, however, so she kept her gun trained on him, not even blinking so that she could take in every move he made.  
  
“Get away from her, Clarke,” Jasper just spat harshly, his tone clear for the first time in a long time as his mouth curled into an angry scowl, his hands not shaking either. “I don’t want to hurt you. Just move.”  
  
Clarke could feel a sudden hand pressed gently against her back, and she knew that Lexa was trying to urge her to move, to get herself to safety, but she just mentally dug her heels further into the ground, refusing to budge.  
  
“I’m not going anywhere, Jasper,” she replied, her voice even. “But you are. Turn around and leave. Now.”  
  
“No,” he growled, his jaw set, and she noticed his fingers tighten around the grip of his gun as he took a few more steps towards them. Clarke shifted her weight, ready in case he moved to pull the trigger, but his finger didn’t twitch, so she let him take the few steps. If he got close enough, maybe she would be able to lunge out and take the gun from him, and then no one would be hurt. She knew it wasn’t a likely scenario, but she hoped for it nevertheless.  
  
Every muscle in Lexa’s body had tensed, her eyes never leaving the boy’s gun, even as Clarke stepped in front of her. She felt her heart speed up, and a wave of fear overtake her, but she knew it wasn’t fear for herself: it was fear for Clarke. Clarke, who was _foolishly_ placing herself between Lexa and this boy _with a gun_ who wanted to kill her. She wanted to grab Clarke, push her aside, get her _out of the way_ , but she knew any big movement on her part may only put the blonde in more danger, so instead she just reached out carefully, gingerly placing her hand against the small of the other girl’s back. She felt the blonde’s muscles beneath her palm shift, pushing herself slightly into Lexa’s touch, but otherwise not moving.  
  
“Please Jasper, just turn around and we can forget this ever happened,” Clarke said, trying to somehow reason with him.  
  
“I can’t forget,” he snapped, his eyes flashing at her, “I can’t forget anything that’s happened, and it’s time she finally paid for what she did!”  
  
Suddenly they heard more foot steps outside the infirmary along with voices, and the three bodies inside remained still, none of them daring to make any sound.  
  
“Alright Princess, here’s your dinner,” Bellamy said, a joking tone in his voice as he opened the door with one arm, holding a small tray of food with another. He was looking behind him when he entered, holding the door open for his sister to follow him who also carried a tray, so it wasn’t until she stepped inside and froze that he looked up, finally seeing what was going on in front of him. He looked at Jasper and Clarke, both holding guns up and pointing them at each other, with the Commander partially sitting up in the bed behind Clarke, her eyes shooting daggers at Jasper.  
  
“What the fuck is going on?!” Octavia exclaimed, her eyes darting from Jasper to Clarke.  
  
Bellamy sized up the situation, quickly realizing what was happening, and then moved to put the tray of food down, feeling the weight of a gun of his own resting in his belt, but Jasper saw the motion.  
  
“Don’t even think about it, Bellamy!” he shouted, causing Bellamy to freeze before he could even get the food out of his hand, “Don’t move, or I will shoot!”  
  
Octavia’s eyes widened, her jaw dropping in disbelief.  
  
“Jasper, that’s _Clarke_ ,” she said, drawing out the name as though he had completely forgotten who she was, “You’re not going to shoot Clarke!”  
  
Jasper shook his head slightly, though his eyes never left the blonde’s.  
  
“I don’t want to shoot Clarke,” he informed the girl he had had a thing for not long ago. “I want to shoot the Grounder, but Clarke’s in the way.”  
  
“You can’t shoot her either, Jasper,” Octavia told him, almost pleading with him, “She’s the Commander!”  
  
“I know!” he shouted, and they all heard the hatred and pain in his voice which nearly made them all shrink back, “Don’t you think I know exactly who she is?”  
  
“Jasper, this is _stupid_ ,” Clarke hissed at him, her eyes flashing, “Do you really think you can just kill the Commander of the Grounder army? What good will it do? What’s the _point_?”  
  
“What’s the _point_?!” he growled, clenching his teeth together even as he nearly shook with rage. “The _point_ is that it’s her fault! All of it, it’s _her fault_! She’s the cause of _every_ bad thing that has happened to us since we landed on this damn planet! She was behind every Grounder attack on us, responsible for killing who knows how many of our people! And then she… She turned her back on us. _It’s her fault she’s dead_!”  
  
Nobody had to question who he was referring to.  
  
“No, Jasper, it’s not!” Clarke exclaimed, and she could feel her eyes beginning to get watery. She pushed that knowledge aside, ignoring it, as she continued. “It’s _my_ fault Maya is dead! _I_ killed her, _I_ made the decision to pull the switch, so it is _my_ fault! Lexa had nothing to do with it!”  
  
“Exactly!” Jasper screamed, the word tearing from his throat. “That’s exactly my point! She was supposed to have something to do with it! If she had stayed, if she hadn’t betrayed us, then Maya wouldn’t have died! All of those people, they would have survived if _she_ hadn’t turned her back on us! So it’s _her_ fault that she’s dead! You know it and I know it, and now she’s going to pay for it!”  
  
“Jasper this isn’t right,” Bellamy called out, trying to keep his voice calm to defuse the situation. “You know it isn’t, so let’s just go. This doesn’t have to happen.”  
  
“Please Jasper,” Octavia pleaded again, “Let’s go talk, just you and me. It’ll be alright.”  
  
“No,” he said forcefully, ignoring her plea and his calm, “She’s going to die, right now. Clarke, move, or I’ll shoot. I don’t want to kill you, but I will if I have to.”  
  
Lexa growled, the threat to Clarke finally breaking her silence. Clarke just pushed back against her hand, trying to silence her, and she went quiet, though her teeth remained bared almost like a wild animal as her fingers dug slightly into Clarke's back.  
  
“I’m not moving, Jasper,” Clarke informed him quietly, “And I don’t want to kill you either, so please, just walk away.”  
  
Jasper shook his head, scowling even harder before he said, “I can’t believe you Clarke. I never thought you’d choose _them_ before your own people. She forced you to kill _Finn_. Do you remember that, Clarke? You remember him? Finn loved you, and you had to kill him because of _her_.”  
  
Lexa felt Clarke stiffen against her hand, and she wondered at the expression on the other girl’s face. She knew that the blonde had worked past the death of her former lover, but from her own experience she knew how much the pain and guilt of a lover’s death hurt even when you thought you were over it.  
  
The tears nearly began to pool in the corners of her eyes, but Clarke continued to ignore them. For a moment, she remained quiet, Jasper’s words sinking over her, and then she told him softly, “Yes, I remember Finn. I remember that Finn let his feelings for me cloud his judgment, and killed eighteen innocent people. I remember that Finn owned up to his own guilt, and handed himself over to Lexa and her people, rather than let his own people die for him. I remember plunging a knife into his stomach, choosing to kill him so that he wouldn’t suffer. I remember… I remember his blood clinging to my hands as I tried to wash it off.  
  
“But I also remember the Commander agreeing to let all of our people live, as long as we handed Finn over. One life for eighteen. I remember the Commander agreeing to let me say goodbye to him, even though she didn’t have to. I remember Lexa stopping her people from attacking me in a rage when I killed him. So Finn’s blood is on my hands, Jasper. Not hers.”  
  
Jasper just shook his head again, the scowl never leaving his face.  
  
“It’s still her fault that Maya’s gone,” he insisted, “It’s her fault she’s dead.”  
  
“Lexa had to make the best decision for her people,” Clarke told him, and he glared daggers at her.  
  
“You’re _defending_ her?! For _that_?!” he exclaimed, and out of the corners of her eyes she could see even Bellamy and Octavia shift a little.  
  
“Yes,” she said, and they all looked at her incredulously. She could even feel Lexa stiffen further behind her in surprise. “Yes, I’m defending her for that,” she continued, “Because _I would have done the same thing_. If the roles had been reversed, and Cage had given me the deal to get all of our people out of there safely and leave hers behind, I would have taken it. I understand. It would have killed me, and would have been a hard decision, but I would have done it. Instead, Cage gave her the deal. And she took it. And then I flipped the switch, and killed every single person in Mount Weather. I didn’t have to: I could have left and tried to come up with a new plan to rescue you all, and we might have even been able to come up with something, but by then too many of you would have already been killed. So I made the decision. I irradiated the whole place, killing every last person in there. I will never be able to wash all of that innocent blood off my hands. But you know what? I would do it again. _Because my people come first._ Always.”  
  
The words hung in the air, almost sticking to them. Bellamy and Octavia seemed to be holding their breath, waiting to see which way this went, looking for any opportunity to jump in and end things before they got messy. Lexa remained still on her bed, her muscles ready to move at a moment’s notice, her fingers still clenched against the blonde's shirt as though she might be able to pull her out of danger. Jasper and Clarke stood where they were, staring each other down. Finally Jasper said, “That doesn’t change anything, Clarke. I’m going to kill her. If you want to stop me, you’ll have to shoot me.”  
  
Clarke looked at Jasper, but at that moment she didn’t see the boy standing in front of her holding the gun: instead, she saw the boy who had landed with her on this planet. She saw the goofy guy with the goggles, walking around and making jokes with his best friend. She saw the boy who had jumped into the water to save Octavia their first day on the ground. She saw the boy wounded, hanging from a tree, who she only just barely managed to save. She saw the boy who had had her back every step of the way, until she pulled that stupid lever. She saw the boy who smiled, over the boy who hadn’t smiled in months. She saw her friend, and she knew. She knew that she couldn’t kill him. Not even for Lexa.  
  
When the realization hit, her body relaxed, and when her body relaxed, she felt the tension in the room from the rest of them sky rocket. She lowered her gun, and she could feel all of their eyes on her, but she didn’t look up. Instead, she let the clip fall the ground, and then she kicked it away from her before she tossed the gun to the side, away from everyone. She didn’t look up until the gun lay on the ground many feet away, and when she did, she brought her arms up in surrender as well.  
  
“I’m not going to kill you Jasper,” she nearly whispered, but it was so quiet in the room she knew everyone could hear her. Nevertheless, she raised her voice slightly as she continued, the tears finally falling from her eyes. “I can’t kill you; you’re my friend. But I also can’t stand by and watch you kill Lexa. Do you know why?” She paused for a moment, and nobody said anything. “If you kill her, you won’t just be killing her, you’ll be killing all of us. She is their _Commander_. If she dies and the Grounders think we had anything to do with it, it won’t matter if it was an accident or a murder: they will kill every last one of us. They won’t care that we have children here. They won’t care that it was just one person who killed her: they will rip apart every single person in this camp. It will be bloody, it will be terrible, and we will lose. No matter how hard we fight back, no matter how many guns we have, we will lose, and we will die. And I can’t… I can’t stand by again and watch more innocent people die. I can’t. I have… I have too much blood on my hands already.  
  
“So if you want to kill Lexa, then I won’t stop you. But you have to kill me first. Right now, you have to kill me.”  
  
The silence was deafening. None of them moved, none of them spoke, none of them even dared to breathe loudly. Three pairs of eyes were locked on the two figures in the center of the room, waiting to see what would happen. Clarke simply stared into Jasper’s eyes as he stared back into hers, and he saw her resolve to die shining back at him. His hands grew clammy and his mouth dried up, even as his brain whirled, shooting out empty thoughts. He licked his lips, his hands clenching the gun. This was his moment. This was what he had waited months for. He had a chance. He had to take it, wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he didn’t…  
  
But that was _Clarke_. She had just told him to kill her. Literally, those words had come out of her mouth, and here he was with a gun pointed at her. This was not a situation he had ever wanted to be in. He liked Clarke. Even if he kinda hated her right now, he still liked her. And more than that, she was right, dammit, and he knew it. He wanted his revenge, _needed_ his revenge, wanted to see the woman behind the blonde lying in a pool of her own blood, choking on her last breath the way Maya had choked on hers. But he didn’t want what would follow. He didn’t want everyone else to die, just because of him. He didn’t want to be the reason they were wiped out. And dammit, it wasn’t fair, because if she were any other Grounder, he could kill her, and they would probably just demand his life, which he could totally give up cause he would have gotten his revenge, so he would be kinda okay with dying. But no, the one Grounder he desperately wanted to kill was the leader of their entire stupid people, and if he killed her, it wouldn’t _just_ be him that they would want to get revenge on, it would be everyone, and could he really do that? Was his revenge really worth _that_? Even the part of him that was always aching, always screaming for the revenge that would soothe his pain knew it wasn’t. He may want more than anything else to kill that girl hiding behind Clarke, but he couldn’t and _fuck_ that just wasn’t fair.  
  
Growling curses, Jasper dropped his own clip, and then threw his gun to the side too. He shot one final glare at both Clarke and the Grounder behind her, and then turned around and stormed out of the infirmary, pushing Octavia away from him when she reached out to touch him.  
  
“Leave me alone,” he growled, shifting away from her and storming out of the room as the door opened and then closed behind him.  
  
Clarke’s head dropped down, most of the tension leaving her body, and she could feel the atmosphere in the room shift. It still felt entirely uncomfortable, but at least now no one was pointing a gun at anyone else. She heard a boot shuffle against the hard floor as one of the siblings stepped forward.  
  
“Clarke,” she heard Octavia say, but she shook her head, cutting the other girl off. When she lifted her head and turned to look at them, they both had to catch their breaths at the intensity radiating off of the blonde.  
  
“Bellamy, go get me Kane and Lincoln please,” she said, her voice low and leaving no room for argument, “Octavia, I want you to guard the entrance to the infirmary: _nobody_ is to come in here unless it’s my mother. When Lincoln gets here, I want him to stand guard with you. Get me when Kane gets here. Don’t let him in here. Don’t let _anyone_ with a gun in here, got it? If anyone else tries to come in, or needs to speak to me, _you_ will come get me, okay?”  
  
Octavia opened her mouth to say something, lost the words, and then just nodded. Bellamy clenched his jaw, but then he too nodded, and then handed the tray of food he was still holding to Clarke, Octavia stepping forward to do the same with her own tray. Once Clarke had both, the two Blakes stepped back outside, exiting the room.  
  
As soon as they were gone, Clarke turned around, her face back down, and carefully placed the two trays on the open space of the bed by Lexa’s legs. The Grounder did not say anything as she watched Clarke move over to where the two guns were lying on the ground. The blonde knelt down, picked up both guns and clips, reloaded them, and then stuck one in the back of her pants, and carried the other over to the bed, setting it down on the floor beneath the foot of the bed. She then sat back down in her chair and dragged one of the trays up the bed to rest in front of her. All of this she did in silence, and Lexa allowed it, until she saw Clarke reach forward and tear a chunk of meat free, her hand shaking as she brought it to her mouth. Seeing that shaking, Lexa ignored her food, needing instead to find a way to comfort the blonde.  
  
“Clarke,” she said softly, and she watched as the blonde picked her head up and finally met her eyes. Her eyes were bright with her recent tears, and her jaw still seemed tense, even as she tried to chew the piece of meat in her mouth. The blonde lifted her hand to stuff more food into her mouth, but Lexa's hand reached out, fingers lightly wrapping around her wrist, stopping the action. When Clarke sent her a look, Lexa brushed her thumb over the back of her hand, not needing to say anything. Clarke could read everything the brunette was thinking from her face, and it was that look that finally caused the tension to fully leave her body. She shoved the tray of food to the side, and then leaned over the bed, resting her face against it. Lexa's hand moved to her head, gently running her fingers through her hair.  
  
“He used to be my friend,” the blonde finally whispered, a few tears sliding down her cheeks. “He was one of the people I could completely trust. We counted on each other. Then Mount Weather happened. Now. Now he's a completely different person. He loved Maya. He loved her, and I killed her. I killed her.”  
  
Lexa's fingers continued to run gently across her scalp, and Clarke closed her eyes, trying to lose herself in the feeling.  
  
“You did what you had to, Clarke,” she heard Lexa tell her, just as she had so many times before. “You saved your people. You saved him.”  
  
“I know,” she whispered, “I do. And I've come to terms with it. Maya didn't deserve to die, but I can't regret what I did. In order to save Jasper and all of my people, I had to kill Maya and all of hers. I just... I just wish I hadn't lost Jasper too because of it.” She sighed then as she lifted her head, causing Lexa to pull her hand away, though it went back to Clarke's hand and the blonde took it, wrapping it in her own. She sighed again, saying, “But I did. The Jasper I knew is gone, and I don't think he's coming back. But don't worry, I'll make sure he doesn't bother you again. He won't be allowed anywhere near you.”  
  
Lexa frowned, her fingers going still against Clarke's gentle hold.  
  
“He should be killed,” she stated, and Clarke's head shot up, her eyes immediately finding Lexa's steely gaze. The woman looking back at her was the Commander of the Grounder army, not the Lexa that she had spent the winter getting to know. “He leveled a gun at you. You are his leader, his commander. The moment a warrior turns against his leader, he is a liability, and a dangerous one. He can no longer be trusted, Clarke. He threatened to kill you, and so deserves a traitor's death.”  
  
Clarke met Lexa's look, shaking her head before she replied, “No. No way. He's mad, yeah, but I'm not going to kill him for that. He has every right to be mad at me. And yeah, maybe he pointed a gun at me, but he didn't hurt me. He won't hurt me, just like I won't hurt him.”  
  
“You are not thinking like a leader,” Lexa informed Clarke, her tone hard. “If you cannot trust a warrior to follow your commands entirely, then you cannot trust him in battle, and a warrior you cannot trust in battle is useless. More than that, he is dangerous. Especially since he threatened you. He threatened his leader, and so should die. Immediately.”  
  
Clarke pulled her hand roughly from Lexa's and pushed herself away from the bed, her chair scraping against the floor below them before she stood up. She glared at the other girl, not wanting to hear any more of this. Lexa simply returned the look with a thrust of her chin, her jaw set stubbornly.  
  
“That is not going to happen, Lexa,” the blonde growled out, “I am not going to kill Jasper.”  
  
“Then you show your weakness,” the Commander replied, and Clarke's hands curled into fists.  
  
“Because love is weakness, right?” she spat back between clenched teeth, “We've been down that road before, Lexa. Just because you think me loving the people I lead makes me weak doesn't mean I am going to blindly start killing anyone to prove you wrong.”  
  
“Clarke, that is not what I am saying,” Lexa insisted, pushing herself up further on the bed, trying to get the blonde to understand. “You have shown me that not all love is weakness. There are some we love that we fight even harder for because of that love. But when that love blinds you, when it becomes the only thing you can focus on, then it hinders you. When you begin to trust someone blindly because you care for them, there will come a time when they slit your throat in your sleep. Jasper has become a problem that you as the leader of your people must deal with. Others cannot see him threaten you and see him get away with it. Others wanting power will come to you, and the next person who points a gun at you may not put it down as he did. You must make an example out of him, and then your people will think twice about questioning you.”  
  
“No, Lexa,” Clarke argued, her voice rising, “If I have Jasper killed, all of my people would _start_ questioning me! Our people are different, remember? When someone breaks a law, we have _trials_. We don't automatically kill them, or maim them, or string them up in a tree! We let them try to explain themselves, and even then if we find them guilty, we put them in prison, we don't just kill them!”  
  
“You told me that on the Ark people were killed just for stealing medicine,” Lexa argued, her face still set.  
  
Clarke had to pause for a moment, realizing that Lexa was right. On the Ark, people had been killed for a lot less than pointing a gun at someone. Her own father was proof of that. Finally she shook her head and then told her quietly, “Yeah, well we aren't on the Ark anymore. There people were killed because we had severely limited resources. Here we can find more of pretty much anything we need, so we don't have to have strict laws like that. Here, people get fair trials.”  
  
Lexa's jaw merely tensed further, clearly not ready to drop this.  
  
“He threatened you, Clarke,” Lexa informed her, “You are not safe with him alive. I will not allow that.”  
  
“ _No_ Lexa,” the blonde growled, moving closer to the bed, her tone surprising the brunette. “No. I will not have it. This is not going to be like with Octavia after Tondc. Jasper is one of _my_ people. _I_ say what happens to him, not you.” She reached the edge of the bed and leaned down, and Lexa wondered if it was possible to drown in that blue glare that pierced right through her. “You will not hurt him. If you do, or any of your people do, and he hasn't _directly_ attacked you first, then I will consider it an act of war, and the peace between our people will be over. Do you understand?”  
  
Both girls remained silent for a moment as they stared each other down. Finally however, Lexa gave the smallest nod of agreement.  
  
“Yes,” she finally said, her tone no less hard, “I understand.”  
  
“Good,” Clarke replied, and then stood back up, breaking their eye contact and trying to let the air between them shift.  
  
“Ahem,” somebody coughed behind her at the entrance of the infirmary, and Clarke turned to find Octavia standing in the doorway. The younger girl jerked her thumb over her shoulder, saying, “Clarke, Bellamy's back with Kane and Lincoln.”  
  
The blonde nodded, threw one final look down at Lexa on the bed, and then moved to the door, murmuring a “thanks” to Octavia as she passed her. And then suddenly she was gone, and Lexa let out a silent breath, closing her eyes as she did so and lying back on her pillow.  
  
“So ah, what did she mean by, 'This is not gonna be like with Octavia after Tondc?'”  
  
Lexa opened her eyes to find Octavia still in the infirmary doorway, her arms crossed in front of her as she looked at the Commander questioningly. Her jaw was set, and something akin to hatred flashed in her eyes. She thought perhaps it wasn't hatred, but an extreme anger that the smaller girl simply tried to keep bottled up, but either way, it was clear that this small warrior was not happy to have the Commander there.  
  
Lexa let out another sigh, this one audible. Rather than answering the question, she told the young warrior, “You should never stand with your arms crossed in front of you. It leaves you vulnerable for attack. Surely Indra taught you that, or even Lincoln.”  
  
Rather than reply, the young brunette simply cocked an eyebrow at the older girl, not letting the question drop. Seeing that, Lexa looked at her stoically and replied, “When I found out that you knew Clarke and I had known about the missile heading to Tondc and not told anyone, I wanted you dead. I felt you were a liability, and you staying quiet about it was a risk I felt we could not take. Clarke disagreed. She said that she trusted you, said that she knew you would not say anything. She stopped the warrior I sent to kill you right before he loosed his arrow, and then refused to do anything further until I agreed not to have you killed.” Perhaps it was because of the fight she had just had with Clarke, or it was just the weariness of the day finally getting to her, but she didn't try to hide her own anger as she added, “Just one _more_ time when Clarke saved your life, and yet you still treat her as though she has not done enough for you.”  
  
Octavia looked taken aback at that last part, and then glared at the Commander, a look which caused Lexa to tighten her fists.  
  
“You guys let our people _die_ ,” she accused her, “You two knew the missile was coming, and only got _yourselves_ to safety. You could have warned everyone, and then maybe those people would have lived! Fewer lives would have been lost, at least!”  
  
“Yes, but then what of those inside Mount Weather?” Lexa spat back at her, her fury finally bubbling over as she roughly pushed herself back up on the bed. She was tired, sore, and still reeling from her fight with Clarke, and she was tired of listening to these Sky People and their foolish views. “If we had warned everyone as you wish we had, those inside Mount Weather would have known that somehow someone inside the Mountain was communicating with us, and then they would have found our spy, who was your brother if I remember correctly. Then he would have been strapped down as your other people were and drilled for his bone marrow, my people would have been drained of their blood, and we on the outside wouldn't have stood a chance against the Mountain Men, so all would have been lost. Would that have been better? Would the hundreds of lives lost outweigh the two-hundred and fifty that would have been saved because Clarke and I got everyone out of Tondc before the missile hit?” Octavia remained silent, a shocked look on her face. Clearly this had never occurred to her before, and as her arms fell to her side, Lexa's own demeanor shifted. When she spoke again, her tone was softer, though no less strong. “You are a warrior, Okteivia kom Skaikru,” she informed the younger girl, “And from what Indra has told me and what I have witnessed, you have the potential to be a great one. But Clarke is a leader. Where you only see what is before you, she sees everything. You think only about the here and now; she thinks about the consequences of the here and now, and about every possible scenario that could happen. You fight to keep yourself safe and the few whom you care for safe, like your brother, or Lincoln. Clarke fights to keep you all safe, from you and your brother, to the youngest child to the oldest man. If you think what Clarke does is easy, then you are a fool. If you think that she lives easily with the choices she has had to make, then you are a blind fool. Clarke agonizes over the things she has done, but rather than support her, you blame her for that which she could not stop and what she had to do. She believes you to be her friend, but I believe you are only her friend when it works for you. So yes, you are a warrior, and a great one, but you are also a child, Okteivia kom Skaikru. Now leave me. Clarke has given you orders, and it is not to converse with me. Go back to your post. Be a warrior.”  
  
For a moment, Octavia simply stood there, her mouth hanging open slightly, but then she seemed to shake herself out of her stupor. She licked her lips, and then nodded, saying, “Sh-sha Heda,” before turning around quickly and exiting the infirmary.  
  
Letting out another sigh, Lexa fell back on the bed, a small groan escaping her as her wounds complained from the rough treatment. She stared up at the ceiling, letting her thoughts drift, knowing they would undoubtedly return to Clarke before long. They always did. 

***

Clarke angrily walked through the doorway as the door opened for her, wishing for once that it wasn't automatic and that she could slam it shut. Maybe that would help her shake the residual anger that still clung to her, but since she couldn't, she did her best to push the heated emotion aside. Looking ahead of her, she saw Lincoln and Bellamy standing with Kane, Bellamy quietly talking to the other two men, no doubt filling them in on what happened. She moved over to them, and as soon as they saw her coming, all three men turned towards her, going quiet.  
  
“Lincoln, I need you to stand guard here with Octavia,” she told him, not having the patience for pleasantries of any kind and just getting to business. “Nobody is allowed to enter the infirmary other than myself and my mother. If anyone else shows up and needs to talk to me, then you or Octavia are to come and let me know. _No one_ goes in, got it?” The Grounder-turned-maybe-Sky Person nodded, and then stepped over to the entrance of the infirmary and took his position beside the doorway without any questions. She then turned to Kane and informed him, “I need you to find Jasper. He is to be arrested and placed in the Sky Cell until the Commander leaves Arkadia.”  
  
Kane gave her a worried look as he replied, “Is that smart, Clarke? He's one of our own people. People won't like him getting arrested for nothing.”  
  
She glared at him and answered harshly, “Then inform them that if Jasper had his way, the entire Grounder Army would be on their way to kill us right now.” Kane looked taken aback, and before he could say anything else, Clarke continued. “Right now Jasper is a danger to everyone, including himself. I want him in the Sky Cell immediately. You can tell him that he will be released once the Commander is safely out of camp.”  
  
Still looking a little unsure, Kane nodded, and then hurriedly left, hopefully to do as Clarke had said. The blonde watched him go, her face still set in a scowl.  
  
Bellamy watched her, and then told her, “Careful there, Princess, or your face may freeze like that.” She shot him a glare which he just raised his eyebrows at, daring her to yell at him or try to give him an order. Instead, she felt herself deflate, her eyes closing as she let out a long breath. Bellamy nodded as she did so, saying, “There you go. That's the Princess we all know.”  
  
“Sorry,” she finally murmured, rubbing her forehead to try to ease the small headache she was getting, “I don't mean to be so grouchy. It's just... been a long day.”  
  
He gave her one of his half smiles as he replied, “Yeah, I guess so.” Then he just shrugged and asked, “What do you need me to do?”  
  
She continued rubbing her forehead, trying to think if there was anything that she had forgotten. Finally she looked up and asked him, “Can you find Lexa's horse? I don't know what happened to it after we went to the infirmary.”  
  
He nodded, telling her, “Yeah, I can do that. I think Raven might have taken it somewhere to keep it away from everyone else. I'll go find out.”  
  
“Thanks Bellamy,” she replied, a genuine smile on her face.  
  
He just grinned back at her. A moment later his eyes flickered to the door that his sister and Lincoln stood guarding, and the grin faltered just a bit. Rather than ask any of the questions she knew he must have, he just turned his attention back to her, allowed the grin to grow again, and turned around, heading towards the front of the camp where he had last seen the horse. Clarke watched him walk away, allowing herself a moment to calm down before she returned to the infirmary and had to face Lexa again after their fight.  
  
Just about to turn around and head back in, she stopped when she heard someone call her name. Turning, she saw Reese running down the hallway towards her.  
  
“Clarke!” the little girl called again, rushing to get to the blonde.  
  
When she finally reached her, Clarke asked, “Is everything okay, Reese?”  
  
The younger girl looked up at her, the worried expression on her face simply causing Clarke to worry.  
  
“Is Heda alright?” the girl asked, and Clarke let a small sigh of relief out. She really didn't know if she could handle anything else right then.  
  
She gave Reese a smile as she told her, “Yeah, I think she's going to be fine. We were able to get her wounds taken care of in time.” She didn't want to say what could have happened if they had gotten there even just ten minutes later.  
  
Reese continued to look worried though, glancing at the infirmary behind Clarke.  
  
“What happened to her? Who attacked her?” she asked, anger evident in her words. Clarke knew the little girl looked up to Lexa, and apparently the idea of someone attacking her did not sit well with her.  
  
“It's... hard to explain,” Clarke began, not sure how much she should tell her about the Ice Nation and Lexa's history with them. As far as she knew, she was the only Sky Person who knew about Costia and how she died, though she supposed Lincoln might have told Octavia about it at some point. She doubted Lexa wanted anyone else to know about her painful past, and as much as she trusted Reese, one of the few people who actually really liked the Commander and looked up to her, she didn't feel like she had to right to tell the little girl about what had happened. So instead of going into detail, she just told her, “Let's just say that the Commander has some enemies, and they found her today. But don't worry: we took care of them.” _Most of them_ , she silently added, _And there are more where that came from_. She tried not to let herself think about that, though, and instead focused on Reese, who was still looking at her as though she didn't completely believe her.  
  
She didn't try to push it, though, instead asking, “Can I see her?”  
  
Clarke looked over her shoulder at the infirmary entrance where Lincoln and now Octavia also stood. She knew Reese wouldn't ever try to hurt Lexa, unlike most of the people in the camp, but she wasn't sure about the girl going in at the moment.  
  
“I think Heda really just needs some rest right now, Reese,” Clarke replied, “But maybe you can visit her later.”  
  
Reese sighed, but nodded. She turned, but before she walked away she looked back and said, “Tell her I'm glad she's okay. Please.”  
  
“I will,” Clarke replied, and Reese nodded and then walked away, her hand falling down to her waist and fingers wrapping around the hilt of her knife, obviously finding comfort from the weapon.  
  
Clarke watched her go, and then turned back to the infirmary. Octavia was watching the young girl walk away too, a confused expression on her face, while Lincoln simply looked ahead, a warrior following his leader's orders. Clarke respected that: Lincoln really had no reason to listen to her, and yet he followed her better than many of the people who had fallen from the sky with her. She walked towards them, nodding to them both, each returning the nod, before she moved the tent flap out of her way and once again entered the infirmary.  
  
As she walked in, her gaze immediately fell on Lexa, who still laid in her bed. She had been staring up at the ceiling until she heard Clarke enter the room. At her entrance, Lexa looked over, and their eyes met. For a moment, neither said anything, their earlier words still hanging between them. Finally, to break the awkward silence between them, Clarke said, “I just saw Reese. She's worried about you, and wants you to know she's glad you're okay.”  
  
Lexa nodded before replying, “She has nothing more to worry about. I am fine.”  
  
Clarke raised her eyebrows at the older girl. She knew that was far from the case: she had just been seriously injured and poisoned, and was in what she could consider to be enemy territory. Clarke could see how that was effecting her in the way she held herself, her body rigid, unable to relax. Nevertheless, she didn't bother arguing, knowing that Lexa would never admit to anything other than feeling perfectly fine. Instead she just moved further into the room, going back to the chair that still sat next to Lexa's bed. She sat down, and as she sat she looked up, meeting Lexa's gaze once again. The brunette looked as though she wanted to say something but couldn't get the words out, so Clarke reached out and took her hand, gently running her thumb along its back. She gave Lexa a look, almost a smile but not quite, but meant to be comforting, and watched as Lexa closed her eyes, her body language changing as she sunk into the comfort that Clarke's presence gave her.  
  
“Clarke, I... am sorry,” she finally told her, her tone quiet. “These are your people: I do not have the right to tell you how to lead them. I did not mean to imply that my way is better. I just...” She paused for a moment, her eyes opening and looking straight into the blue eyes watching her. She saw something in those eyes, the same something she had been seeing in them for weeks now, and while that something caused something akin to fear to rise in her, she also knew that the same something shined back at the Sky girl from her own eyes. She could easily get lost looking into those eyes, and even more easily lose her train of thought, but before that could happened, she continued, telling her, “I just care for you, Clarke. And I worry. Especially when you step in front of a gun for me. That worries me greatly.”  
  
A small grin grew on the blonde's lips as she began playing with Lexa's hand in her own.  
  
“You know, I could say the same to you about taking a couple of arrows for me,” she replied, and Lexa looked away, a blush almost coloring her cheeks, causing Clarke to let out a small chuckle. Lexa looked back at her as she laughed, trying to give her a stern look, but the corners of her lips refused to cooperate as they turned up into a small smile. “I care about you too, you know, so seeing you actually take those arrows for me... You scared me.”  
  
“I never mean to scare you, Clarke,” the brunette told her softly, and then added, “But I cannot promise I will never do it again. I would... I would be very unhappy if anything ever happened to you.”  
  
Clarke smiled again and stood, leaning over the bed until she was hovering just an inch or so from Lexa's face. “I would be very unhappy if anything ever happened to you, too,” she replied, and then she closed the last gap between them, both girls sinking into the kiss. It was an easy kiss, simple. It didn't need to be anything more: it was enough for each girl to fully understand how they felt for each other.  
  
After a few moments Clarke stepped back, breaking the contact, but each girl kept a small smile on her lips. Clarke took Lexa's hand once again and sat back down, returning to playing with the brunette's fingers. Lexa smiled at the small action, and then that smile fell away as she sighed. Clarke looked up at her, raising her eyebrows.  
  
“I should be going,” she replied to the look, pushing herself up further in the bed, “My people will be wondering where I am and will begin to worry soon.”  
  
Just as she was about to let her legs fall over the side of the bed, she felt Clarke's grip on her hand tighten. She looked up and saw Clarke shaking her head.  
  
“Lexa, you can't go yet,” the blonde told her, “Your stitches still need time to set. If you try to ride back to your people tonight, you will just rip them open again. Plus its getting late: you wouldn't even make it to Tondc before dark, and you could injure both your horse and yourself further. Not to mention the fact that one of those warriors got away. As far as you know, he could be waiting to ambush you now that you're hurt and weaker. You can't go back alone, and you can't go back now.”  
  
“Clarke, I must return to my people,” Lexa informed her, frowning. “It does not matter that I am injured: I must return to them, and once I do, I must get my warriors ready.”  
  
“You're going after the Ice Queen, aren't you?” Clarke asked, her expression trying to hide the worry in her voice but failing to do so.  
  
“I must,” the brunette replied, her tone hard. “Her warriors attacked you, threatening the tentative peace that remains established between our people. Her people attacked you, and they attacked me.” Something in the other girl's tone shifted, and Clarke could hear the satisfaction edging its way into the brunette's voice. “The Ice Queen made an attempt on my life, and this time I have no reason to hold back. This time there is no reason why I cannot kill her for what she did.”  
  
Clarke looked at her face, saw a fire burning in Lexa's eyes, and felt her subconsciously tighten her grip around the blonde's fingers.  
  
“You're not talking about today,” Clarke stated, not needing to ask, already knowing the truth. “You're talking about what she did to Costia.”  
  
Lexa's jaw clenched, and Clarke could tell she was thinking about her past love.  
  
“I could not do anything about it,” Lexa finally said quietly, her tone hard. “I needed to form the coalition, needed to bring all of my people together. To do that, I needed the Ice Nation. So when they... When they took her, took my Costia, there was nothing I could do. I looked the queen in the eye when she handed me her head.” Lexa's eyes closed, reliving the moment, and all Clarke could do was squeeze her hand to try to offer some comfort. After a moment her eyes opened again, and though she didn't cry, Clarke could see the pain in them. “I held her head, feeling the weight of my sword on my back, and all I wanted was to take my weapon and remove _her_ head. But I could not do it. I had no choice but to let her walk away, or risk everything I had worked to accomplish.  
  
“But this time I do not have to walk away. This time I can take an army and destroy her and her followers. This time she will pay for all she has done.”  
  
Clarke let her words sink in, a shiver running down her spine. She had seen Lexa in action, had seen what she could do with her sword. Even just in the training the two had done together she was a whirlwind with her weapons. She would never be able to feel bad for the Ice Queen, the one who had crushed Lexa's heart so thoroughly, but she knew Lexa's vengeance would be terrible, and so could almost feel bad for her. Almost.  
  
“Alright, she'll pay, yes, but not tonight, and not tomorrow,” Clarke told her, “Tonight you will stay here and rest, and then tomorrow me and some of my people will escort you back to Polis, and then you can gather your army for your attack. Okay?”  
  
Lexa wanted to argue: her revenge against the Ice Queen was finally within her grasp. Ever since she had held Costia's head in her hands there had been an acrid taste in her mouth. She had never dared to believe she would actually get an opportunity to get the justice she had craved for years, but now it was before her, and all she wanted was to march out immediately and take it. She wanted to argue with Clarke, but as she shifted in the bed, she felt her stitches pull against her flesh. Between the pull of the stitches and the stubborn look in the blonde's eyes, she knew she wouldn't be able to leave the Skaikru camp as she wished she could. So instead of arguing she just nodded, though she informed the blonde, “You do not need to escort me back to Polis, Clarke. I can get there on my own.”  
  
Clarke just nodded, telling her in an even tone, “Yeah, you could, I'm sure, but there's still at least one warrior out there whose orders are to kill you, and you're injured. There is no way I'm letting you go out there by yourself. It's not going to happen, so don't try to argue with me, please.”  
  
Lexa considered trying to anyway, but when Clarke raised her eyebrows and gave her a look, she just sighed and nodded. There was no point in arguing: it was not an argument she would win, and while she did not look forward to Clarke's warriors joining them on the journey back, at least it would mean she would have a little more time with the blonde before she went to war.  
  
“Well,” Lexa finally said, “If I am not leaving today, then what shall we do to pass the time in this room?”  
  
Clarke laughed, shaking her head before she answered, “I can think of a pretty good way of passing the time.”  
  
Lexa smiled back at her as she carefully shifted over in the bed, making room so that the blonde could join her. Clarke returned the smile as she crawled onto the bed, gingerly tucking herself into Lexa's side, doing her best not to bump any of her injuries. Her head rested against Lexa's uninjured shoulder, and she sighed as she felt Lexa's head lean against her own and her arm wrap around her middle. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply, hearing Lexa do the same. She would worry about Lexa going off to fight another war tomorrow: tonight she lay next to the brunette, their bodies pressed close together, the weariness, worry and stress from the day finally leaking away, replaced with the peace of the moment.  
  
It was the only thing either girl truly needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I admit that this is one of my other favorite chapters, so far. I don't know why, but I've especially enjoyed the brief conversation between Lexa and Octavia ever since I first wrote it months ago. So yeah, hope you all enjoyed it as well, and hope the Jasper-confrontation lived up to expectations! Till next week, my friends!
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations:
> 
> Nomon - Mother  
> Nontu - Father


	23. Chapter 23

As hard as Clarke tried to get Lexa to rest the next morning, no amount of persuasion could convince the Commander to put off her return home any longer. “My people need me,” she simply informed the blonde, and after the third time of hearing those same words, Clarke finally let the matter drop. She didn't like it though, and Lexa had to be careful as she walked around the infirmary not to let any ounce of pain show on her face, otherwise Clarke would once again tell her she needed to take more time to heal. She didn't though: what she needed was to get back to Polis and gather her warriors and set off for the Ice Nation before the Ice Queen could get any further away. If her warrior had returned immediately after their fight the day before, the queen would know that she would be on her way soon to kill her, and therefore be on the run. She had no doubt that the queen's plan had been for her to die in the fight, and then to try to take power in the confusion and chaos that her death would create among her people. Once she knew her plan had failed though, she was sure to be on the run, and there was no way Lexa was going to let her get away a second time. Which meant that no matter how much she could tell Clarke worried for her, she needed to return home.  
  
Nevertheless, it was mid-morning by the time she finally managed to step foot outside of the infirmary, Clarke following after her. She looked around her, seeing only Lincoln and Octavia for the moment, but she knew the rest of the Skaikru were still around, so her nerves were on edge. Her eyes scanned her surroundings, aware that she had enemies everywhere in this camp.  
  
“Octavia, Lincoln, come on,” Clarke said, motioning for them both to follow, “We're escorting the Commander back to Polis.”  
  
Lexa heard the two warriors move to follow them.  
  
“I do not need an escort, Clarke,” Lexa informed the blonde once again, knowing that it wouldn't have any effect on the Sky girl's opinion.  
  
Clarke simply raised her eyebrows before saying, “Whether you need one or not, you're getting one. You can try to argue with me all you want, but we're still going with you.” She then turned to Octavia and asked her, “Where's Bellamy?”  
  
“Last I knew he was at Raven's tent. The horse is there, too,” Octavia replied, following as Clarke began to lead them all away from the infirmary.  
  
“Good,” Clarke said, “Because he's coming too.”  
  
Octavia nodded while Lexa managed to hold back her sigh of frustration. As the Commander, she was used to traveling around with an escort, but her escort had always been comprised of people she knew she could trust. Other than Clarke, she did not know that she could trust any of those who would be accompanying them. But Clarke trusted them, so she would too, even if it made her uncomfortable doing so.  
  
Before they could get any farther, however, Clarke's mother rounded the corner, seeing the small party, her eyes moving directly to the Commander. Lexa saw the distrust there, saw that now that she was up and on her feet and moving around the woman shed her position of healer and took on the air of the Chancellor. She met the woman's eyes, not backing down from them. As far as she was concerned, Clarke was the only leader among the Skaikru that mattered, and even though this woman had possibly saved her life the day before, that did not mean she would falter under her gaze.  
  
After a brief moment of meeting the Commander's proud look, Abby turned her focus over to her daughter, meeting the blonde's eyes. “Can I have a word with you, Clarke?” she asked, her tone telling the girl that really it wasn't a question and more of a statement. Her eyes flickered back to the brunette, before she added, “Alone, please?”  
  
Clarke held in her sigh: she should have known she wouldn't be able to get away that easy. She looked at Lexa, meeting the Commander's eyes, and raised her eyebrows. “Stay here,” she told the other girl, before letting her eyes flicker to Octavia and Lincoln. “Octavia and Lincoln will guard you, in case anyone else comes by.”  
  
“I am perfectly capable of protecting myself, Clarke,” Lexa informed her, but even so she tilted her head, giving the blonde the smallest of nods. Clarke felt her lips pull up in a small grin, not really trying to hide it from any of the other three.  
  
“Believe me, I'm aware,” she assured the brunette, “But please, humor me anyway.” She saw more than heard Lexa let out a small sigh, but once again she nodded. She let her grin grow for a short second, before she turned back to her mother and led the way back into the infirmary, the door opening and then closing behind them, leaving them alone.  
  
Clarke felt her mother's eyes drifting over her, and stole a moment to brace herself before she turned around to face her. When she did, she found her mother standing with her arms crossed over her chest, one eyebrow raised.  
  
“I'd like to know what's going on, Clarke,” Abby said simply, her tone having only the smallest edge to it.  
  
Her daughter met her look, telling her, “I'm rounding up a party to escort the Commander back to Polis to make sure she gets there safely.”  
  
Abby's eyebrow only raised higher, her lips pursing together before she replied, “That isn't what I meant and you know it. What's going on with you and Lexa?”  
  
Clarke had known what she meant, just hadn't wanted to really get into it at the moment, but when her mother straight out asked, she felt her shoulders slump slightly. She let out a small sigh, not sure really where to start, and let her eyes flicker around the room, not meeting her mother's gaze for a moment. Finally she did, and when she did she just shrugged before saying, “We, we're... Together, I guess.” She shrugged again, before telling her, “Honestly, I don't really know what we are, but we're something. I... I care about her. A lot. And she cares about me.”  
  
She saw her mother's shoulders loosen slightly, her arms not held quite so tightly across her, even as her brow pulled down.  
  
“I don't understand, Clarke; how did this happen?” Abby asked her, her confusion and her worry obvious in her tone. She hesitated for a moment, another question clearly lingering in her mind, and then she just asked softly, “How do you know she isn't just using you, honey?”  
  
“She isn't,” Clarke answered firmly, the words said so quickly it was obvious to Abby that she truly believed them. “I know she isn't, Mom; I know it. She saved me, when I left camp: the only reason I survived on my own is because of her. So when I say I trust her, then you need to trust me. Please.”  
  
Abby studied her daughter's face, not understanding where this blind faith in the person who had already turned her back on them once was coming from. She rubbed her forehead, feeling a small headache coming on, and then looked at her daughter and said, “I need more of an explanation, please. I would like to know everything that has happened that's got you to trust in the person who already proved she can't be trusted.”  
  
At her words, she saw a quick flash of anger cross her daughter's face, but the look quickly wiped itself away before the blonde's shoulders sagged once again. Abby saw blue eyes flicker from her own face to the door behind her and noticed her daughter shifting where she stood. Eyes moving back to her mother a moment later, Clarke told her, “Mom, I promise: when I get back from taking Lexa home, I will tell you everything. I'll answer all your questions and fill you in on everything that happened to me while I was away and what Lexa has to do with it all, but right now I have to go. It's only a matter of time before someone's anger gets to be too much and they try to attack her, and if that happens Lexa won't be the only one in danger. So please, let me go take care of her, and when I get back we'll talk. Okay?”  
  
Abby studied her for another moment, eyes running over her face, but finally she nodded as her arms fell down to her sides.  
  
“Alright,” she finally said, “We'll talk when you get back. But we are going to talk, Clarke: I want to know how this all happened.”  
  
The blonde nodded, her lips curling up in the smallest of smiles before she promised, “I'll tell you, Mom. When I get back, I'll tell you everything.” Abby returned the nod and then stepped forward, wrapping her arms around her daughter, Clarke quickly returning the tight hold. She held onto her daughter for a long moment, trying to silence the many questions still swirling in her head, and then finally pulled back, pressing a kiss to the girl's forehead.  
  
“Safe travels, Clarke,” she said, stepping back even as her hand fell to the girl's and squeezed it. “We'll talk more when you get back.”  
  
Clarke just smiled and nodded, and then the two turned back around, exiting the infirmary once again. The moment they were back in the hallway, the Chancellor looked back over to the small group waiting for Clarke, her eyes moving immediately to the Commander's, and again she met proud green eyes. She studied them for a moment, her brow pulling down just slightly, before she nodded to them all and then headed down the hallway, leaving them to do whatever they needed to do.  
  
The moment the Chancellor's eyes left her own, Lexa allowed her gaze to shift to the blonde's, meeting blue eyes already looking at her. She studied Clarke for a moment, silently trying to gauge whether the blonde was alright or not and what her mother had wished to talk about, but the other girl just gave her a smile. “Come on,” she simply said, the words meant for all of them even as her eyes continued to hold the brunette's. “Let's go find Bellamy and Keryon.” Lexa rolled her eyes at the name Clarke had long ago given to her horse, but couldn't help the slight smile from pulling at her lips, especially as she noticed Octavia and Lincoln give each other curious looks at the unfamiliar name. Clarke just returned the smile, and then started forward, leading the small party down the hall and away from the infirmary.  
  
The blonde led them through the camp, and Lexa forced her focus away from the blonde, instead turning it to the many others they passed as they walked. Lexa looked ahead of her, head held up, as the many Sky People they walked by stared openly at her, some in awe, others in contempt, the rest in confusion and fear. She held her head high, kept her stride proud. These people would see nothing but confidence from her.  
  
In just a few minutes they reached a small building which she saw her horse standing outside of, lazily waiting for her as Bellamy sat not far away from it. He sat near another, and when the girl turned around Lexa immediately recognized Raven. The girl stood leaning against her horse, petting its neck, and Lexa raised her eyebrows at that, disliking another being so affectionate to her horse, but held her feelings back.  
  
“Bellamy, Raven,” Clarke said, nodding in greeting as they all approached.  
  
Seeing them, Bellamy stood up, a grin on his face. Lexa noticed how he purposefully kept his eyes away from her.  
  
“Hey Princess,” the boy replied, nodding back, and then pointed to the horse, saying, “There's your horse, all safe and sound. Am I done babysitting now?”  
  
“Hey, if you didn't want to be here, you coulda just left,” Raven informed him, looking over her shoulder at him, “I was fine taking care of this beauty all by myself. Didn't need you bugging me.”  
  
“I asked him to find the horse, Raven,” Clarke told her, “I didn't know you had her.”  
  
“Yeah, I know, he told me,” the girl said, placing her hand on the back of the horse and using that to brace herself to help her turn around to face the group. “Doesn't mean he needed to stay and bother me all night.”  
  
“Well he won't be bothering you anymore,” Clarke interrupted before the boy could say anything. “He's coming with us.”  
  
“I am?” Bellamy asked, raising his eyebrows, once again giving her the look that told her he didn't take orders from her. Lexa bristled at the look, wanting to wipe it off his face, but held herself back. These weren't her people, she had to keep reminding herself, they do things differently.  
  
“Please,” Clarke added, “We're escorting the Commander back to Polis, and I'd really like you to come with us.”  
  
Bellamy took a moment, looking at each of them, his eyes finally landing on Lexa. His jaw clenched for a moment, the only obvious sign of his dislike of her, but she let it brush off. She was not surprised by the look, and simply returned his stare, her neutral expression not changing. His eyes moved on to his sister and his jaw clenched even further. Finally he nodded.  
  
“I'll come with you guys,” he replied, standing up, and Clarke nodded. She then turned to Raven.  
  
“Time to say goodbye to the horse, Raven,” she told her, stepping forward to take the reins of the beast.  
  
The girl sighed, but stepped forward to hand her the reins. She gave the horse a final pat, and then stepped back.  
  
“Goodbye, beautiful,” she said to the horse, a wistful tone in her voice.  
  
Clarke grinned at her, and shook her head before she handed the reins off to Lexa. The horse came to her immediately, nuzzling her hand when she held it out for the animal. Just having the beast with her again made her feel more secure.  
  
With the horse and warriors in tow, Clarke led the way to the entrance of the camp. Nodding to the guards on duty, they opened the gate. As they waited for the gate to open, Lexa tried to ignore the many open stares and glares she was receiving from the many Skaikru who had begun to gather into a small crowd, all keeping their distance. She continued to hold her head high, showing them nothing of her true emotions, until she suddenly heard footsteps smacking the ground as they ran towards them, accompanied by a shouted, “Wait! Heda!”  
  
Lexa fought to contain her grin as she turned, easily recognizing that voice. Turning, she found Reese and Thom both running towards them, a huge grin on the boy's face and a worried look on the girl's. She dropped the reins of her horse, taking a step forward to meet them, and had to fight to keep in her groan when Thom refused to stop, instead plowing into her legs and wrapping his arms tightly around her. She just managed to keep the grimace from her face as her injured thigh protested the treatment, instead letting her lips pull up in a small smile as she looked down at him. Reese approached more cautiously, clearly remembering the injuries she'd sustained, but Lexa held out her arm, welcoming her to move closer, and then Reese's arms were wrapped around her waist, her face buried against her hip. Again Lexa felt her lips twitch in a smile, and her own arms wrapped around their backs.  
  
“I missed you, Heda,” she felt Reese mutter against her side, and the girl pulled her face back a moment later, head tilting up to look worriedly at her. “Are you okay? What happened? Who hurt you?”  
  
Shifting in their hold, Lexa knelt down when their arms loosened their grips, one hand moving to each of their shoulders. She gave them a small, reassuring smile, as her eyes flickered between them.  
  
“I missed you both as well,” she told them, and she saw Thom's eyes light up and Reese's lips pull back in a small smile. Her fingers tightened slightly against their shoulders before she added, “And you do not need to worry about me. I am fine, and those who thought to hurt me are gone.” Some of them, she added in her mind, but saw no reason to worry them further by telling them that. To change the subject and try to wipe the lingering worry from Reese's expression, she raised her eyebrows, telling them, “Clarke has told me of the training you two continue to do: you will both be fine warriors someday, warriors to make any leader proud. You have done very well.” They both beamed under the praise, and Lexa couldn't help but smile back. She heard and then saw two more sets of footsteps approach, and allowed her gaze to travel up. The smile fell away as she regained her neutral expression, squeezing their shoulders a final time before she rose to her feet once again.  
  
As she stood, she met first Callie's, then Nygel's eyes, unsure of what to make of this encounter. She had known where they stood before the two women had stepped foot into Arkdia: now, after weeks of undoubtedly hearing stories of how she had once turned her back on their people, she couldn't guess as to how they felt about her. She felt movement behind her, and then saw Clarke step up beside her out of the corners of her eyes, but still she didn't look away from the two women before her.  
  
She needn't have worried. Callie's smile was as easy as ever as she met the Commander's eyes, the warmth obvious in her voice as she said, “It's good to see you again, Commander. I'm very pleased to see that Abby was able to help you with your injuries; we were all worried about you.” Lexa looked past the two, and found a number of familiar faces in the crowd, the faces of the Tesla survivors who she had helped return to Arkadia, and was surprised to see the smiles and relief on their faces.  
  
Eyes flickering back to Callie, she nodded, not letting her surprise show as she replied, “It is good to see you as well, Callie. I am pleased to see that you and your people have made a home here and are safe.”  
  
“We have, and that's thanks to you,” the woman replied before glancing at Clarke and her smile only grew. “And Clarke, of course.”  
  
Lexa simply nodded, not knowing really what to say to that, and then her attention flickered over to Nygel as the woman shifted, leaning lightly on the spear she carried with her now as she had while they had been traveling together. The woman's brow rose momentarily before lowering again, asking the young leader, “The ones who attacked you?”  
  
“Will be seen to,” Lexa replied, her head tilting just a little further back, meeting the woman's gaze. Nygel simply nodded, her lips quirking up a little, before she said, “Good. Make it hurt.”  
  
“I intend to,” Lexa informed her, letting the corners of her mouth mirror hers, and the woman simply nodded again. They stood that way for a moment, all in perfect understanding of one another in a way Lexa had never believed they could be, before she felt Clarke's hand against her arm.  
  
“Come on, Lexa,” she murmured as the Commander turned her attention to her, “We should probably get going before it gets any later. We should get as far as we can before dark.”  
  
The Commander nodded, eyes meeting the two women before her once again in farewell, and then turned to follow Clarke as the blonde began to turn away. Before they could take a step, however, they heard Reese ask excitedly, “Can I come?” Thom, not wanting to be left out this time, piped up, “Me too, I wanna come!”  
  
Clarke looked down at the two kids, shaking her head even as her lips pulled up into a grin, telling them, “Sorry guys, but I need you two to stay here while I'm gone. I need you to keep an eye on things.” Reese's brow pulled down into a scowl, about to argue, when she noticed Heda's eyebrows raise almost imperceptibly. She let out an exasperated breath, only just barely managing to keep herself from crossing her arms in front of her.  
  
“Fine,” she finally agreed, and she heard Thom sigh beside her before nodding too. Without really meaning to, her face softened, eyes looking back up at the Commander as she asked, “But when are we gonna see you again, Heda? I miss you, and these Sky People are driving me crazy.”  
  
Lexa only just managed to keep the laughter she felt in her chest from bubbling out from between her lips, especially when she heard Octavia let out a laugh behind them. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Clarke roll her eyes, her own smile obvious on her face, but the blonde didn't say anything. Turning her attention fully to the young girl in front of her, Lexa informed her as solemnly as she could manage, “It is my hope that I will see you again very soon, Reese. In the mean time, do your best to stay sane among the Skaikru.” Looking at Clarke out of the corners of her eyes, she couldn't help but let herself grin slightly as she added, “I know, they can be very trying at times, but you are strong. You will be fine, I know.” She felt Clarke elbow her side lightly, but still couldn't wipe the grin from her lips, especially when Reese rolled her eyes, nodding seriously.  
  
“So trying, you have no idea,” she agreed, and even Callie and Nygel couldn't help but fight to hold back their own grins behind the young girl. She sighed again, and then stepped back, pulling Thom with her. She gave the Commander one more small smile before she said, “Bye, Heda. See you soon, I hope.”  
  
“See you soon, Reese, Thom,” Lexa replied, nodding to each other them, and then she and Clarke turned away from the small group of Tesla survivors and made their way back over to the party standing in the open doorway, waiting for them.  
  
“I am not trying,” Clarke whispered, her words only loud enough for Lexa to hear them, but the twitch in the corner of her lips told Lexa she was fighting to hold back her grin.  
  
“Of course not, Clarke,” Lexa murmured, equally as quiet, still feeling numerous sets of eyes on them but just a bit more comfortable with it after her interaction with the four Tesla survivors. “I would never say such a thing about you. I was merely speaking of the rest of your people.”  
  
“Liar,” Clarke said, a little louder now as they finally reached the group waiting for them, but this time she didn't fight the smile that grew along her lips. Lexa reached out and took her horse's reins once again as Octavia handed them to her, meeting Clarke's eyes and not saying anything, even as her own lips twitched. The blonde just shook her head at the barely noticeable response, before she looked out the now open doors at the field before them. Letting out a long sigh, she turned back to the other girl.  
  
“Let's get you home,” she said, and the brunette nodded, following the blonde as she finally stepped out of the camp, the three warriors following after them.

***

They traveled for hours without speaking. For a while Lexa walked with Clarke, leading her horse along beside her, but when Clarke realized she had begun to slow down she insisted Lexa start riding, so Lexa got up on the horse, riding slowly so that the four others could keep up.  
  
As they walked, they all scanned the woods, being sure to check the tops of the trees as well as the ground. They all remained on edge, afraid of an attack, now that they were on the move and getting further and further away from Arkadia, but no attack came. Instead it remained peaceful for hours, and after a while they all relaxed, though never stopped scanning their surroundings.  
  
An hour or so before nightfall, Lexa stopped them, bringing her horse to a halt and swiftly sliding down from the animal's back, ignoring the sharp pull of her wounds.  
  
“From here I go alone,” she told them, looking at the four Skaikru, “I am near enough Tondc, none would dare attack. It is time for you to return to your camp.”  
  
“Lexa,” Clarke begin, wanting to argue, but Lexa cut her off, looking over at her.  
  
“Clarke, you have brought me as far as is needed,” she informed her, “I thank you for your care, but I must go the rest of the way alone. It is only another hour or two until I reach Tondc, and then Indra will send some of her warriors to escort me the rest of the way back to Polis.” Clarke looked as though she still wanted to argue, so she added quietly, “It is for the best. My people would not be happy to see you all. I cannot promise safety for all of you.”  
  
Clarke frowned, and asked, “What do you mean? You're the Commander, you're people would listen to you if you tell them we weren't the ones who attacked you.”  
  
Lexa nodded, replying, “This is true, but that does not mean they will be happy to see you. My people do not trust yours anymore than yours trusts mine.”  
  
“Don't know why, since you're the ones who turned your back on us,” Bellamy stated, shifting slightly from one foot to the other.  
  
Lexa eyed the boy, refusing to react the way he clearly wanted. Instead she simply met his stare, telling him, “Many of my people had no wish to call a truce with yours. Your people burned down one of our villages and then killed three hundred of our warriors. Then one of yours killed eighteen innocent people in cold blood. My people have long memories. They remember all you did to us.”  
  
“We only fought back because you attacked us,” Bellamy growled, scowling, his body shifting as though he was about to attack.  
  
“Our peoples will never agree on who started the war,” Lexa informed him, not allowing her body to shift to match his. She had better control than he did, she could already tell, so she didn't worry about an attack. If he did attempt anything, she knew she was faster than him, even with her wounds. “But whether your people started it or mine did does not matter. You do not trust my people, and my people do not trust yours, save maybe for Clarke, so it is safer to stay away from each other. At the moment we are at peace, but it would not take much for that peace to come to an end, and returning with me to one of my villages while I am injured may be enough to push someone just far enough over the edge to end it. Plus,” she added turning towards Lincoln, her eyes hardening slightly, “ _He_ will not be welcomed at Polis.”  
  
Octavia glared at her, stepping towards Lincoln, growling in much the same way her brother had just done, asking, “Why? Lincoln's one of you.”  
  
Lexa turned her gaze momentarily to the young warrior and then turned it back to the man staring back at her, his gaze steady and meeting her own.  
  
“He has betrayed our people twice,” she reminded them. “Our people gave him a second chance after he turned on us, and then he turned once again. If he steps into Tondc, even I would have a hard time convincing my people not to kill him.” She then turned back to Octavia and told her, “Therefore, I suggest parting here, rather than taking any chances.”  
  
Octavia grabbed his hand, stepping closer to him, and he tightened the grip, as though to reassure her of his safety.  
  
Clarke looked from them to Lexa, clearing trying to decide whether it was worth it to try to argue or not. Lexa turned to her, her gaze softening.  
  
“Clarke, this is the way it must be,” she murmured, ignoring the other three, “I am sorry, but it is the best option for my people and yours. You have cared for me as much as you can, but now I must go.”  
  
“To war,” the blonde replied softly, clearly not caring that there were others there to hear the worry and care in her voice. “You're going to war, Lexa. I just...” She trailed off, closing her eyes as she searched for the words.  
  
Lexa understood without them, though. She glanced at the three warriors a few feet away, all suddenly looking uncomfortable and trying to look anywhere but at the two leaders, and then stepped forward, until the gap between them barely existed.  
  
“I will return, Clarke,” she promised softly, “I will return, and when I do, I will come to you and we will find a way to solidify the alliance between our people. We will see each other again soon.” Clarke started to look away, clearly about to say something, the worry evident on her face, but Lexa brought her fingers up to the blonde's chin, gently pulling her back to attention. “I promise, Clarke,” she added quietly, looking directly into those blue eyes as they turned to look into her green ones, “I will come back to you. I will not let Nia keep me from you.”  
  
Clarke searched her eyes for a moment, looking for something, so Lexa simply kept gazing down at her, and finally the blonde nodded. She closed the small distance between them, ignoring the three people near them, and pressed a firm kiss to the brunette's lips. Pulling away after a moment, she told the other girl, “You'd better come back soon. And I'll be waiting. So just... be careful.”  
  
Lexa nodded, and then stepped back, and without another word she returned to her horse, hoisting herself up quickly. Turning the beast around, she shot one last look at Clarke, nodded, and then once Clarke nodded back, she urged her horse into a trot, leaving the Sky People behind.  
  
Clarke watched her ride off, a sinking feeling in her stomach. Already she was starting to worry for the brunette's safety, and she knew that worry would only get worse the longer she went without knowing whether Lexa was safe or not.  
  
“Clarke. Um...” she heard Octavia say behind her, clearly trying to think of something to say to her, but not knowing what.  
  
The blonde just let out a silent sigh, sending one more look towards the trees Lexa had just disappeared through, and then turned back around, meeting all of their stares.  
  
“Come on,” she simply said, starting the journey back, “Let's get back to camp.”  
  
The Blake siblings looked at each other as Clarke walked by them, but then just followed along with Lincoln, not saying another word about what they had just witnessed. 

***

It all happened too fast to react to. In the middle of the night, canisters dropping as if from out of nowhere are nearly impossible to see, but the four travelers heard them, and then heard the gas as it quickly leaked out, surrounding them in seconds. With the little light of the moon, Clarke and Lincoln both recognized the pink smoke and covered their mouths, trying to warn the other two to do the same, but it was too late: both had already inhaled too much of the gas, and within another moment both Blake siblings fell to the ground, unconscious. Lincoln's hand over his mouth was only able to filter some of the gas out, and he too quickly started to feel the effects, but managed to remain conscious and on his feet, eyes scanning the darkness around him even as his vision began to blur. Clarke used the neckline of her shirt to cover her mouth, a much better filter than Lincoln's hand, and so the gas barely effected her as she too scanned around her, her heart beating rapidly. None of this made sense, the Mountain men were all dead, all of them, how could this be? Where had this gas come from, who could be behind this? Clarke jumped when she heard a twig snap somewhere behind her and turned quickly, just in time to see the figures appearing in the smoke. Her eyes darted back and forth, trying to see all of them at once, but it was too dark, there was too much gas, and they were all wearing masks.  
  
She was just about to lift her gun, ready to shoot any one of them, when she felt something hard strike her in the back of the head. She dropped, her world going black even as she felt arms closing around her. 

***

Lincoln tensed as the figures appeared in the dark, the gas having no effect on them as the masks they wore filtered it. His eyes were drawn to Clarke as one of the figures snuck up behind her and struck her in the back of the head with a rock, dropping it so that he could lift the now unconscious girl. Lincoln sprang forward, his hand falling from his mouth as he held his breath, ready to fight. One of the figures was suddenly in front of him and he lashed out hitting hard and hitting fast even as his vision began to blur in front of him. He grabbed the figure by the throat, feeling fingers press around his biceps, and then he felt a strike to his own head and he fell forward, crashing against the figure's shoulder. His body slid to the ground, barely conscious as he felt the cold of the snow cling to his heavy shirt. The figures all turned away from him then, and the last thing he saw was the one figure hoist the unconscious blonde over his shoulder before his vision completely went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I know it's a bit shorter than many of my chapters, but it still felt whole to me, and trying to add more just so it was longer seemed like just trying to add extra stuff to a paper in order to get it to the length requirement for a class. So I hope you liked it even for its shortness.
> 
> Now to what I need to actually talk about. So yesterday this thing happened where I got into a car accident (snow and driving sometimes doesn't mix, guys). I'm fine, so please don't worry about me, but my car is less fine. Which means that getting to and from work this week is going to be a thing that I have to worry about. Which, unfortunately means that I might not (as in, probably won't) have as much time for writing this week and maybe next week. This is the last chapter I have that was all written, though I have parts of the next chapter started. It is my hope that I will be able to spend a lot of time this weekend writing, and therefore will be able to update next week just as usual, but I just wanted to give you the warning that I might miss the usual deadline by a day or two. I'm going to try not to, but I might.
> 
> Finally, for anyone who is also reading "Continuum" and has been waiting for the next chapter of that: last week I had a serious case of writer's block, which is why I haven't updated it again yet. With my accident and with where we are in "Unbroken" (I'm both very sorry for leaving you with that cliffhanger and loving it because that's just the kind of evil person I am), I can't make any promises that I will be getting "Continuum" updated this week either. Unfortunately. As much as I love Cal and Tris and Skylar and my happy Clexa family, "Unbroken" is still my priority. So I will be getting back into happy Clexa family sometime soon, but it might not be immediately. So that's just my heads up.
> 
> So yeah. I just wanted to keep you guys updated wit


	24. Chapter 24

Bellamy clenched his eyes shut tighter, the sun too bright and filtering easily through his eyelids. He was groggy, a heaviness pulling at his limbs that he hadn't felt before. And he was cold. Like, really cold. He shivered at the realization and moved to pull a blanket up over himself but paused when he didn't find one. The next moment he froze, his sluggish mind working hurriedly to process his surroundings even before he opened his eyes.  
  
His clothes were damp: that he noticed right away. His face was cold, and when he moved it he felt dirt and snow rake against his skin. He heard the sounds of the woods, birds, branches, the wind, all much more loudly than he should if he were safely inside the gate at Arkadia.  
  
But he wasn't in Arkadia. He opened his eyes, but even before he opened them he knew it to be true. He saw the snow and dirt, saw the trees and sky, but mostly what he saw was his sister laying on the ground a few feet away.  
  
“Octavia!” he exclaimed and then scrambled up, the heaviness of his limbs not slowing him down. He quickly crawled over to her, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her head into his lap. “Octavia, wake up! Come on O, wake up!” His fear caught in his throat, terrified that she wouldn't wake up, but then he saw the rise and fall of her chest, and that terror subsided just a bit. He continued to lightly shake her shoulders, still saying, “Wake up O! Come on!”  
  
Finally he noticed her eyes scrunch up before she opened them, a confused look evident on her face.  
  
“Bell?” she asked, her voice as groggy as he felt. She shivered and he just pulled her closer.  
  
“It's alright O, I'm here,” he told her, and she just frowned at him.  
  
“I can see that, but why the rude wake up?” she asked, and then a moment later she seemed to actually take in her surroundings, stiffening in his grasp. “What...?” she asked, trailing off before she pushed herself lightly away from him, looking around them. He was too busy watching her, looking for any sign of injury, to notice anything else, but he noticed it when her eyes suddenly widened, her mouth falling open slightly. “Lincoln!” she exclaimed, and then it was her turn to scramble up, running over to the guy she loved.  
  
Bellamy turned to follow her gaze and found Lincoln lying in the snow a few yards away from them. He quickly got up too and followed his sister, his eyes scanning around them. Something wasn't right, and something more than the obvious part where he just didn't know what they were doing out there. His mind was too fuzzy, only giving him little snippets of things, but he knew that something was very wrong so he continued to scan their surroundings as his sister threw herself to the ground next to Lincoln.  
  
“Lincoln!” she exclaimed again, her hands going to his side and lightly shaking him. She noticed the small trail of dried blood from the wound on the back of his head and she felt her heart leap to her throat. She continued to shake him, refusing to believe he could be dead, until she felt him move against her push. “Lincoln,” she breathed, relief flooding through her as she watched the man she loved finally open his eyes, his brow pulled down. He moved to get up and winced, one hand going to the back of his head. “Take it easy,” she told him, her worry still clear in her voice, “Take it easy.”  
  
“They took her,” Lincoln muttered between clenched teeth, “They took-,”  
  
“Clarke!” Bellamy exclaimed, his eyes widening as he saw the blonde's gun on the ground and it all came rushing back to him. Clarke bringing the Commander to Arkadia. The four of them escorting the Commander back. The gas canisters falling from seemingly nowhere. Passing out in the middle of the night. He looked up the sky and swore: it was at least the middle of the day, which meant they had been out for hours.  
  
Lincoln nodded, gritting through the pain again as his head ached from his wound.  
  
“Yes, Clarke, they took her,” he reaffirmed, also looking up and realizing how much time had passed.  
  
Octavia looked back and forth between him and her brother who was picking a gun up off the ground, not understanding.  
  
“What?” she asked, panic barely suppressed, “Who took Clarke?”  
  
Bellamy turned to Lincoln, and Octavia followed the gaze. Lincoln looked at them both, a hard set to his jaw.  
  
“It was the Ice Nation,” he informed them, “I attacked one of them and managed to see a scar before getting knocked out. The gas was the Mountain Men's weapon, but it was definitely the Ice Nation who attacked.”  
  
“Grounders,” Bellamy growled, his face pulling into a glare. “It was probably the Commander. After Clarke just helped her!”  
  
“I don't think Lexa would do that, Bell,” Octavia said, slowly remembering everything they had seen and heard the day before between the two leaders, and Lincoln shook his head.  
  
“It wasn't the Commander but her enemy,” he informed them both, each sibling turning their attention back to him. “The queen of the Ice Nation has been trying to take the Commander's power for years. If I heard correctly while she and Clarke were talking yesterday, it was her warriors that attacked them. Now she has taken Clarke to get to Lexa.”  
  
Octavia clenched her fists, standing up abruptly.  
  
“We have to do something!” she exclaimed, “We have to go after them!”  
  
“We can't, not just the three of us,” Lincoln replied, also standing up, though doing so a bit more slowly as his head throbbed. “If they didn't have such a head start, we might be able to. As they do, they will make it back to their village long before we could catch up, and the three of us couldn't defeat an entire nation on our own.”  
  
“Then we'll go back to Arkadia and get our own warriors,” Bellamy growled, his tone hard as one fist collided with the palm of his other hand. “This Ice Queen might be going after Lexa, but she attacked one of our own, and so we'll take her down and save Clarke.”  
  
“We should tell Lexa too,” Octavia added, and when Bellamy shot her a look she just glared back. “Maybe you weren't listening to them yesterday Bell, but Lexa's planning on leading an army to take down these people, and now they have Clarke. If Lexa doesn't know that she could get caught in the crossfire. We have to warn her.”  
  
“Octavia is right,” Lincoln agreed, meeting Bellamy's eyes, “Lexa has a right to know that Clarke has been taken by her enemy.”  
  
“You guys go back to Arkadia and tell our people what happened,” Octavia said quickly, “I'll go to Lexa and tell her.”  
  
“I'll go with you,” Lincoln told her, causing her to shake her head roughly.  
  
“No way Lincoln, you heard what Lexa said,” she argued, “Even she might not be able to keep you safe from her people if you step foot in Polis again. There's no way you can go back.”  
  
“I have to,” he replied, his resolve clear. “You've never been to Polis before, you don't know where it is. Even if you could find it, there would be just as much likelihood of you getting killed as me, and I can't let that happen. With the news that we have, I doubt the Commander would allow any harm to come to us, but we have to live long enough to give it to her. That is most likely to happen if we go together.”  
  
Octavia scowled, but she couldn't argue. Everything he said made sense and was probably true, but her heart had already started to beat faster from knowing the danger he would be putting himself in.  
  
Bellamy also scowled, clearly not liking the idea of his sister walking into Grounder territory any more than she liked the idea of Lincoln doing so, but he couldn't argue either. He had to trust that Lincoln was right, and that once the Commander heard what they had to say they would be safe. Having to trust in the Commander was not exactly an easy thing though. Nevertheless he would do it, for the moment at least. And if anything happened to his sister, he would take that woman down, consequences be damned.  
  
Finally he just nodded, saying, “Okay, I'll go back to camp, and you two go to Polis to inform the Commander. Be careful.” He met his sister's eyes with his last words and she nodded.  
  
“We will be,” she told him, and Lincoln nodded as well. And then the two looked at each other and they turned around, quickly running in the direction they had all been coming from. Bellamy watched them go, worry eating away at his gut, and then he turned too and began running back to camp. He did not look forward to seeing the look on Abby's face when she heard what had happened.

***

A blinding white light pierced through the darkness, making Clarke wince. She knew the white light wasn't real, knew it was merely a manifestation of the pain splitting through her head, and yet even so she still tried to force her eyes shut tighter, hoping to ward off the light and remain in the dark. Every movement her body made caused the light to flash behind her eyelids, a sharp ache pounding through her skull. Even without opening her eyes, she knew that she must have gotten a concussion: the sharp pull at the back of her head mixed with the churning in her stomach, and for a moment she fought with her own body, forcing herself to keep her last meal down. She needed to tell Lexa to stop, that she needed to get off the horse or she was going to be sick, but was afraid she'd lose the fight with her stomach the moment she tried to open her mouth.  
  
Large arms wrapped around her sides tighter, and suddenly the sharp pain and nausea were the farthest thing from her mind.  
  
Those were not Lexa's arms. She knew Lexa's arms, had gotten intimately familiar with them over the past few months, and so knew in a heartbeat that these weren't hers. Forgetting about the soothing aspects of the darkness, her eyes flew open the moment she made the realization, and for a moment the white light became real, obscuring out everything else in her vision. Slowly the blinding light tapered away, her vision clearing, but the moment it did she wished it hadn't.  
  
It wasn't Keryon's back she was riding on. This horse's mane was dark, far darker than Lexa's mare's, and there were small braids woven in its mane that she'd never seen in Keryon's. The hands wrapped around its reins were large, rough, the skin cracked along the knuckles, and most certainly male. The sight of them made her jump, and the movement only turned her attention to her own hands: they were in front of her, bound together at the wrists, the leather cord wrapped around them tight enough that she was surprised she hadn't noticed immediately. As she took in the sight of her bound hands, her hearing seemed to wake up at the same time her sight did, and suddenly she could make out a number of other hooves moving through the snow, far more than just from the horse she currently rode on. All of this information trickled through her mind, bringing her to one all-too-obvious conclusion: she had been captured.  
  
As the thought began to fully form, Clarke felt her heart begin to beat faster, a familiar panic trying to set in, but she pushed it back. She needed to keep her head clear, her mind sharp, and allowing herself to panic would only make things worse for her, so she took several large, deep breaths, forcing her breathing to remain slow. It wasn't until she felt like she could maintain control of herself that she finally allowed herself to look around.  
  
She and her captor were riding at the front of their party. From the fur of his clothing, she knew without having to turn around that he was a Grounder, and when she looked to either side of her she saw three more Grounders riding near them. From the sound of the hooves in the snow, she guessed there were more of them riding behind them, but when she turned she couldn't see them past the broad shoulders of the man sitting behind her. Letting her eyes flicker to each of them that she could see, she quickly found that none of her captors looked familiar to her. Nothing about this situation was good.  
  
“So the great Wanheda finally wakes up,” a voice rumbled, and the vibrations she felt against her back made it clear that it was her captor who'd spoken.  
  
She shifted, turning so that she could finally get a good look at the man pressed against her back. The skin along his face appeared rough, leathery almost, as though he'd spent most of his life out in the cold. He was not unattractive: his jaw was squared, shaved clean most likely to show off the twin scars that met at the peak of his chin, his brow set high, giving him a smug look. His lips added to the look, the corner of one side of his mouth pulled up in a small smirk. Another scar ran down along the right side of his face, looping just above his eyebrow almost as though it were put there purposefully. Part of his long, almost blonde hair was pulled back in a loose pony tail, keeping it out of his face while the rest of it ran along the back of his shoulders. Looking him over quickly, Clarke might have even gone as far as to say he was handsome if it weren't for his eyes: they appeared to be caught somewhere between blue and green, as though they couldn't decide which color they wanted to be, and the mixture of the two colors gave him almost a cruel look. Or maybe, she realized as she felt his arms tighten further around her, the cruelty she read in those eyes had nothing to do with their color.  
  
“What's going on?” she demanded, ignoring her thudding heart and meeting that cruel smirk with a glare of her own. For the moment she felt it better to play indignant leader rather than terrified captive, so she seized the role and ran with it, hoping to say something that would be enough to convince these Grounders to let her go. “Why did you attack my people? Skaikru are under the Commander's alliance: let me go and I can tell her that this was all a misunderstanding. If you let me go I can talk to her, and we can forget this ever happened.”  
  
Her words only made the man's smirk grow.  
  
“And you have the power to control the Commander?” he mused, one eyebrow rising, but when Clarke opened her mouth as though to come up with some kind of response, he shook his head at her. “You do have that power, don't you?” he asked, leaning forward slightly, and Clarke tried to shrink away from him. On the back of the horse however, there was only so much space, and only so far she could go. His smirk only grew, his lips peeling apart so that she could see his teeth, almost bared in his grin, and she turned away, trying to ignore the way her heart pounded against her ribcage at the look. He leaned over, his face moving closer to the back of her head, and when he spoke next she could feel his hot breath on the back of her skull, forcing a shiver of fear down her spine. “You have that Commander under your control, that is true,” he informed her, his voice no less rough even though his tone had lowered, “But unfortunately for you we do not recognize your Commander. Your Commander is the pretender: soon you will meet the real Commander. She is not so easily controlled as your Lexa is.”  
  
She felt his arms tighten almost painfully around her sides, his elbows pushing against her waist, and had to grit her teeth. Her jaw only clenched tighter when she felt his face get even closer to the back of her head, to the point where she could just barely feel his chin skimming along the top of her scalp. A very large part of her wanted to slam her head back against it, to show him what would happen if he tried to get so close to her again, but she knew it wasn't a smart idea: as much as she didn't want to admit it, he was much larger than her, and she was at his mercy. Pissing him off like that would only make her concussed head hurt more, and make him more likely to cause her further injury. Knowing that didn't keep her from trying to pull further away from him when he moved closer, however.  
  
“Meilok,” she heard a voice call out suddenly, and felt the man behind her stiffen before pulling back and turning. He looked over at another of the Grounders, a man who rode just a few feet to their right, and when Clarke turned towards him too, she found him simply staring ahead, not even bothering to look at either of them. “Epleni.”  
  
The man behind her, Maloch she assumed, shot him a glare, but pulled back anyway, creating the smallest of space between himself and Clarke. Even so she heard him growl, “ _Do not give me orders, Jojesh: I take orders only from the queen, not you_.” The man said nothing in response, still didn't even look over at him, and Clarke heard Maloch let out a noise that, had it been loud enough, would have sounded like a growl.  
  
Clarke took a moment to study this other Grounder out of the corner of her eye. Unlike Maloch, who even now with a little space between them sat hunched in the saddle, Jojesh sat with his back completely straight, his head held high. From the side, Clarke could see that he wasn't grinning like the captor she rode with, his lips instead drawn in a straight, almost uncaring line. From this far away she couldn't make out many other details, other than the fact that most of his dark hair sprouted from his chin, a braid or two twisted into the beard, while what was on his head seemed to be purposefully kept short. If he had any scars or tattoos, they weren't obvious enough to see from a few feet away.  
  
As soon as she'd taken in the few details she could of this second captor, Clarke turned once again so that she could look straight in front of her. Closing her eyes, she let her panic build for just a moment, going over everything that she now knew. She was in both the best and the worst possible scenario.  
  
Ice Nation. They were Ice Nation warriors: they had to be. The minute Maloch had mentioned a second, “real” Commander, she'd remembered Lexa telling her about the woman who'd taken so much away from her, remembered how she'd said that the Ice Queen believed she was the rightful Commander, and that Lexa had somehow tricked their people into stealing the title from her. Knowing it was this woman these people were taking her to made the panic inside her chest flare up, to the point where she nearly felt light-headed. She'd heard the story of what this same woman had done to Costia enough times that she didn't have to wonder what kind of person she was or what was likely to happen to her once they finally met. Maloch had made it obvious that they all knew exactly what kind of relationship she and Lexa had developed, though how they'd found out about it she had no idea. However it happened, she knew there was a very good reason why she hadn't been killed yet: the Ice Queen had designed a death for her that would hurt Lexa far worse than just dying in an ambush in the woods.  
  
The thoughts flew through her mind, making it almost hard to breathe as the panic spread to her lungs, and Clarke had to force herself to take long, deep breaths. With each inhale, she pushed the panic down, forced it further back so that she could focus. The Ice Nation might have her now, but this was not the first time she had been captured by an enemy. She couldn't count how many times it had seemed like she was doomed, only to figure some way out of whatever situation she was in. If she stayed calm, if she kept a clear head, this time would be no different. She'd always been able to figure something out before, and now she had months worth of training with Lexa to use in her favor, plus an idea of who it was she was up against. She knew what to expect, understood what was likely to happen to her, but if she stayed strong, if she kept her wits about her, she could survive this because she knew something her enemy didn't know.  
  
Lexa was coming.  
  
Lexa, and an entire army, would soon be on the Ice Queen's doorstep, tearing through whatever warriors her enemy had assembled. All Clarke had to do was survive long enough for Lexa to find her, and she'd be fine.  
  
Clenching her bound hands into tight fists, Clarke's eyes opened again, her face setting into a look of absolute determination as she stared in front of her, the sound of hooves breaking through snow echoing in her ears.

***

They traveled for a full day and night, barely stopping to rest, and darkness had once again set in when Lincoln reached a hand out, stopping the both of them. His senses, like Octavia's, were on high alert, his blood rushing through his veins. It was the same feeling he always had just before a fight, and while it worried him, he also figured it made sense. It would be a fight to enter Polis, to find Lexa and explain what had happened before a lucky sword or arrow pierced his flesh or the flesh of the girl beside him. He knew his people, knew the hatred they had for traitors, and he knew in their eyes that was all he was now.  
  
“Take out your sword, and hold it up in surrender,” he murmured quietly to Octavia, his eyes scanning the darkness around them. “Polis is close, so we're sure to be seen soon by someone on watch. We can't let them think we're attacking.”  
  
Octavia nodded and drew her sword from the sheath on her back just as Lincoln did with his own, both holding them with their hands up in the air.  
  
They only managed to walk for a few more minutes before an arrow thumped against the ground before them. They stilled, their arms still up, as a figure took shape in the darkness, a bow drawn with a second arrow on its string and pointed directly at them.  
  
“Chon yu bilaik en chit laik yu hir gon?” he asked, his voice rough.  
  
“Osir souda chich kom Heda,” Lincoln replied, keeping his tone even.  
  
The man stepped forward, not loosening his hold on his bow.  
  
“Haukom?” he asked, the obvious mistrust still in his voice.  
  
“Osir don info em souda sen,” Lincoln informed him, keeping his hands above his head. “Em ste hashta Azgeda.”  
  
The man stiffened before them, and after another moment he nodded, lowering his weapon. He gestured at them to continue and they did, the man following behind them with his bow still out but no longer drawn. They walked for another five minutes or so before they could see firelight between the trees. They kept moving, and then they were walking through a large gateway, its door already open, warriors around it and eyeing them suspiciously. Octavia tried to focus on the warriors, but her gaze naturally wanted to travel to the city that was suddenly spread out before her, the likes of which she'd never seen before. Even with the urgency of their news and the worry she felt, she couldn't help but look around, wide-eyed, as the warriors continued talking beside them. None of them paid the three much mind other than a glance, until one warrior stopped the conversation he was having, seeing them out of the corners of his eyes and then giving them a suspicious look.  
  
“Nou,” he ordered, stepping over to them, and they had to stop, attention suddenly drawn to them. The man walked over to them and Octavia saw Lincoln stiffen out of the corner of her eyes. He looked Lincoln up and then he scowled. “Natrona,” he spat, and suddenly the warrior behind them had his bow drawn again, pointed at their backs. His eyes flickered over to Octavia and added, “En Skaikru. Taik em.” Two of the warriors quickly left their posts at the gate and Octavia felt one of them pull her arms behind her back tightly just as she saw the other doing the same to Lincoln. Neither of them fought their capture, knowing that a struggle would only put them in even more danger.  
  
“Walsh,” Lincoln began, but before he could say anything else the man's fist darted out, hitting him directly in the stomach, causing him to double over.  
  
“Lincoln!” Octavia screamed, jerking against the man holding her back when the other man's eyes fell back to her. She saw Lincoln shake his head at her and she stilled, not bothering to hide the glare she was giving the man who'd just struck the guy she loved.  
  
“Lincoln?” a voice asked, shock clear in his tone, and then the young man this guy had been talking to came over, his brow pulled down in both concern and anger. He took in the whole scene before him, eyes flickering from Lincoln to Octavia and then to Walsh before darting back to Lincoln. “What are you doing here? Are you a fool? You must know you will die a traitor's death!”  
  
“Taigon,” Lincoln said, a hint of relief in his voice, “Taigon, we need to talk to the Commander!”  
  
“You will not speak with the Commander,” the other man snarled. “You betrayed her when you turned against our people. You do not deserve to be within her presence.”  
  
“Walsh, please, it's important,” Lincoln tried again, but the other man merely shook his head, shooting him a hateful glare.  
  
Octavia saw the man Lincoln had called Taigon look back and forth at them again before he turned to Walsh, telling him, “Let them speak, Walsh.”  
  
Walsh bristled, turning his glare to Taigon.  
  
“ _I do not take orders from you, Teigon_ ,” he growled at him roughly, “ _The Commander being your sister does not give you any power, and you would do well to remember that. Do not think to give me an order again_.”  
  
“It's about Clarke!” Octavia finally exclaimed, breaking her silence. “She's in trouble!”  
  
That seemed to grab everyone's attention, all of them turning to her with wide eyes.  
  
“Wanheda?” she heard the man holding her ask, and she turned slightly, seeing a face she thought she recognized. It took her a moment to think of his name, but then remembered he had been the one Lexa had ordered to follow Clarke around before the attack on Mount Weather. Ryder.  
  
“Clarke?” Taigon asked, the worry clear in his voice, and Octavia couldn't help but wonder why she seemed to matter so much to this stranger. “What happened to her? Where is she?”  
  
“We were ambushed on our way back to camp and knocked out,” Octavia informed them hurriedly now that she'd gotten their attention. Lincoln met Taigon's eyes and added quietly, “It was the Ice Nation, Taigon. They took her.”  
  
Octavia saw Taigon visibly pale in the flickering light of the torches along the wall, and noticed Walsh clench his fists. She felt Ryder tense behind her and even though she didn't entirely know what was going on, she knew it was all worse than she had originally thought.  
  
Taigon turned to Walsh and told him, “I'm going to get the Commander; _do not hurt them_.”  
  
Walsh clearly forgot that he had only moments ago told this man never to try to give him an order again, because he merely nodded, giving a look to Ryder and the warrior holding Lincoln in place, and then they were released. With a final look at the two of them, Taigon turned and broke out into a run, leaving them. The urgency with which he left only made the sinking feeling in Octavia's stomach sink further. 

***

Lexa stood in her room, trying not to pace as she looked once again at the map laid out on the table in front of her. She could feel the energy flowing through her, fueling her body. She wanted to leave with her warriors then, be on her way to take down her enemy at that very moment, but she knew it was smarter to wait until the morning. They could travel faster in the light, and her people would be ready then. The warriors from Tondc should be there by morning light, and then she would lead them and her own warriors to the destruction of her enemy. The problem was that as much as she knew it was wiser to wait, the taste of revenge was on her tongue and she wanted nothing more than to hold the head of the person she hated most in this world in her hands. She finally had her excuse to do so, and waiting even just a minute longer to go after that revenge was agonizing.  
  
She let out a deep sigh, grimacing as the stitches along her side pulled at her skin, the feeling uncomfortable. She was more used to the healing power of a red-hot blade than she was to needle and thread. It was just one more way that Clarke's people were different from her own. Looking back down at the map in front of her, she tried to ignore the annoying itch of the wound by focusing on planning her attack against her enemy. Even that wasn't enough to fully distract her though, and she was seriously considering ripping the stitches out and using a heated blade on the wounds when her brother suddenly burst into her room. Her eyes jumped to him, a scowl appearing on her face.  
  
“I am going to the Ice Nation Taigon, and no words you say will stop me,” she informed him, her voice tight. She knew he disliked her riding to battle so soon after being wounded, but even he had to realize she couldn't wait to heal. Her revenge was in front of her, and she had to take it.  
  
“Lexa,” he murmured, and his tone stopped her in her tracks just as she was about to turn away from him. She turned back, her eyes immediately going to his face and she scanned it, seeing the fear and worry on it. Something wasn't right.  
  
“What is it Taigon?” she asked, her tone changing as well as she felt the energy within her increase.  
  
“Lincoln is here, and a Skaikru girl,” he began, and she scowled, cutting him off.  
  
“What are they doing here?” she growled, looking away as she began pacing. “I told them not to come; I told them I wouldn't be able to save Lincoln. What were they thinking?”  
  
“Lexa!” Taigon exclaimed cutting her off, drawing her focus back to him in surprise. None of her people had cut her off in years, her brother included. She scanned his eyes, trying to read what was in them, but still all she saw was the same worry and fear. “Lexa, it's Clarke,” he began, and she stiffened. “They were attacked and she was taken. The Ice Nation has her.”  
  
Lexa heard the roaring in her ears drown out everything else as her heart stopped beating in her chest, just as it had done when she was sixteen.  
  
She didn't think: she couldn't think, the roaring in her ears too loud for any thoughts to break through the white noise. For the first time in many years, she simply reacted. Without a word she pushed past her brother, no longer able to register the worry on his face as she moved by him. Quickly she yanked the door open and all but ran down the hallway, barely registering the sudden shock on the faces of the guards who stood outside her door. She ran to the elevator, Taigon behind her, and once inside she had to fight herself not to scream as it seemed to crawl to the bottom floor. Her fingernails bit into her palm, drawing thin trails of blood, but she couldn't feel it. All she could feel was the buzz that had washed over her, had settled into her head and into her veins the moment Taigon's words had left his lips.  
  
Finally the elevator stopped and she burst out of it, immediately moving to the front door of Polis Tower, throwing it open. She stepped out into the night, her eyes darting before her as she all but ran down the long streets of Polis, vaguely aware of the quick steps of her brother behind her as he followed. She passed many of her people, all who stopped, turning to her with smiles on their faces that quickly fell away when they saw the set of her jaw, the pull of her brow, and then all quickly got out of her way. Her eyes scanned the area before her as she moved, looking for the two whose news had caused her heart to stop, and when she finally saw them by the front gate of the city she began to move even faster. She saw Walsh and Ryder standing with the two of them, a couple other warriors ranging around them, clearly uncertain of what to do with these two unwelcome visitors, but she ignored them all even as they straightened as she approached. Her focus was locked solely on Lincoln and Octavia, and if she had been able to think at the moment she would have noticed how the Sky girl took a hesitant step back when she saw the brunette and realized that for the first time, she had absolutely no control over the expression on her face. Finally reaching them, she didn't bother with any pleasantries, simply growling the moment she was close enough to be heard. “ _What happened_?”  
  
Octavia's eyes darted across the Commander's face, fear suddenly gripping her. She'd never seen this girl with anything other than a look of polite disinterest on her face, maybe a little annoyance or slight anger, but nothing like this. Even with her lips pressed tightly together, she could see that the Commander's jaw was clenched, her teeth bared as her brow pulled down in a harsh glare. Her eyes flashed, anger and hatred and fear all rolling together, and Octavia had to force herself to swallow, her mouth and throat suddenly going completely dry. Something was very, very wrong, and the sinking feeling in her gut grew, her fear growing as the Commander glared at her and the man behind her kept shooting worried looks at the angry leader.  
  
“We were attacked,” she finally answered, her voice stronger than she felt. She clenched her jaw, refusing to let her sudden fear cripple her, instead shoving it away as she always did. Straightening a little, she met Lexa's eyes, giving her her own glare as she continued, “After turning around from getting you to Tondc. Sometime in the night, we were attacked and knocked out, and Clarke was taken.”  
  
“It was the Ice Nation,” Lincoln added, holding his head high as the Commander turned her glare on him, “I saw the scars on one of their warriors.”  
  
“How could you let them take her?” Lexa growled, her eyes shooting daggers at Lincoln. “How did they beat you?”  
  
Lincoln squared his shoulders, refusing to let the furious woman's words effect him.  
  
“They had the gas of the Mountain Men,” he informed her, and they easily saw the shock in her eyes at his words. “They used that, wore the Mountain Men's masks so that it wouldn't effect them. I did what I could, but was knocked out before I could stop them. They hit Clarke over the head and they took her.”  
  
“You are sure it was Azgeda?” Lexa needed to know, her eyes boring into Lincoln's. “You, you're sure that she was just knocked out? She isn't...”  
  
“The blow wasn't enough to kill her,” Lincoln quickly replied, both for Lexa's sake and for Octavia's, the girl's eyes having widened at the implication she clearly hadn't taken into consideration before. “And yes, it was Azgeda, there is no doubt.”  
  
“Bellamy went back to our camp to let our people know what happened,” Octavia cut in, her eyes quickly flickering back to the Commander's. “But since we knew you were going to war with them, we had to come and warn you that they have Clarke.”  
  
Lexa swore, the word surprising all those around her, and she turned away from them all, taking a few steps away. She paced, feeling their eyes on her, but she ignored them, unable to contain her emotions as she usually did. The roaring in her ears remained, but her mind was finally starting to work again, reminding her that no matter how she felt, she was the Commander and she needed to start acting like it. This display she was putting on was not helping her or her people, and it wasn't helping Clarke, so she closed her eyes and tried to take a deep breath. No matter how hard she tried to calm herself though, she couldn't do so. Never had she wished harder than in that moment that she wasn't the Commander. All she wanted was to jump on her horse and ride as fast as she possibly could. She wanted to find her enemy's trail, follow it, and kill every last person she found at the end of it until she had Clarke safely in her arms again. And she would. Every last person who stood in her way of finding the blonde would die at her sword's end, but unfortunately she couldn't just go as she wished. She needed to be smart, needed to think of her people first just as always, and what that meant was making sure that they were safe, which meant that she couldn't go after Clarke: instead she had to go to the Skaikru.  
  
She swore again at the realization, this time keeping the exclamation under her breathe, but she knew it was true. Clarke was their leader, and Bellamy had gone back to them to tell them of her capture. For all she knew, they could be preparing an attack on her people at that very moment. They didn't know that the people who took Clarke were her enemy: all they knew was that the blonde had been taken by Grounders, and she had no doubt that many of them would think that she had ordered the capture. Their tentative peace was in danger, and she could not lead her warriors to do battle while another enemy may come after those she left unprotected. So as much as she hated it, as much as her heart screamed at her to go after Clarke and those who had taken her and forget everything else, she knew she couldn't do it. She had to clench her jaw tighter, fighting against the burning in her throat and hard thud of her heart against her ribcage as the realization struck her harder, but she knew she had no other choice. Even though going to the Sky People would put her days behind Clarke and her captors, it was the only thing she could do and she absolutely hated that knowledge.  
  
Turning once again, her eyes moved back to those still watching her. She noticed the worry in her brother's eyes, the firm set of Lincoln's jaw and tilt of Octavia's head, the focus of her warriors around them, but she ignored it all.  
  
“Walsh,” she snapped, and he stood a little straighter as she turned all of her focus on him. “Prepare a third of our warriors. Make sure they are ready to ride out within the hour.”  
  
“A third of our warriors, Heda?” he questioned, and she nodded.  
  
“Yes,” she replied, her eyes still hard. “We are going to the Skaikru camp. They cannot think this is an attack against them or our people will be in danger when we attack the Ice Nation. I must speak with them, assure them that those who have done this are as much our enemy as theirs.” He nodded, understanding, and she continued, “Another third of our warriors are to be ready to leave the moment Indra and her warriors arrive from Tondc. Put Shet in charge of those who are to remain behind. They are to meet us where it is that Clarke was taken.” Her eyes moved to Lincoln and Octavia, the two turning their complete attention to her as she told them, “You two will tell Shet where that is, as well as Walsh.” She looked once again to Walsh, telling him, “The rest of our warriors are to stay here. I will not leave my people unprotected.” As her general nodded to her, she looked back at the man who had one time been something like a friend to her. “Lincoln, you will lead Ryder and two others out.” Her stance shifted, the fire in her eyes burning brighter as she focused completely on this man who had betrayed her people twice. “You will lead them back to this spot, and then the four of you will track the movements of those who took Clarke. If you are able to catch up to them before they reach the Ice Queen and you can safely do so, you will get Clarke back.” Her teeth clenched tighter, her heart speeding up even further as she refused to look away from Lincoln. “If you get the chance, save her,” she growled quietly, a plea just barely tinting her tone. She saw him scanning her eyes, but she didn't turn away under the look. After a moment, he merely nodded. She returned the nod, and then looked to Ryder, the warrior still standing to the side of Octavia, his hard expression not changing as she turned to him. “Ryder, you will be in charge of this group,” she informed him, and he easily met her gaze, his respect for her clear on his face. “Choose our two best trackers and go. When you find the trail, follow it. Find our enemy. And Ryder,” she took a step forward, not breaking eye contact, “Lincoln is not to be harmed. He may be a traitor, but he is our best chance of finding Clarke and preventing a war with the Sky People. Do you understand?”  
  
The warrior simply nodded, showing no signs of argument as he simply replied, “Sha, Heda. We will find Wanheda, and then we will destroy these people who dared to attack you.”  
  
She returned his nod, his words causing the blood-lust already coursing through her veins to simply grow, but she tried to ignore it for the moment. Instead of giving into the desire to chase down her enemies and do just as he said, she turned to Octavia, the Sky girl quickly turning to meet her look too.  
  
“Octavia, you will come with us to your camp,” she informed the girl. “Perhaps if you are with us your people will not think we are there to attack.”  
  
The girl hesitated for a moment, her eyes flickering to Lincoln for the briefest of seconds, her worry at being divided from him obvious, but then she looked back at Lexa and nodded, squaring her shoulders as she replied, “Sha, Heda.”  
  
Lexa's eyes swept over all of them, seeing them all still looking at her, and then she nodded, telling them, “Now go. You have your orders.”  
  
They all nodded to her, Walsh quickly turning away and moving to get her warriors ready and informed of the new plan and Ryder looking to Lincoln before he told the other man, “I will find Ashi and Jynt: they are great trackers as well as great warriors, and then we will go.” Lincoln just nodded and Ryder turned away. As soon as he was on the move Lexa watched as Lincoln pulled Octavia into his arms, murmuring soft words to her. She watched Octavia throw her arms around his shoulders before she nuzzled into his neck, returning his words with her own.  
  
Seeing the pair caused a spike of pain to shoot through Lexa, her lungs collapsing in on themselves as her throat burned again. She turned away quickly, her hurried footsteps taking her back to her tower as she ignored everything around her. Eyes clenching shut tightly as she walked, she tried not to think about the last time she had held Clarke like that, and tried even harder not to think that she may never do so again. She looked without seeing as she entered the tower and then the elevator, her mind racing and stuck all at the same time. Images of Clarke whirled in her head, and she had to clench her eyes shut tightly to try to prevent any of them from morphing into the horrific images she had seen of others who the Ice Nation had taken. Her eyes still closed, she stepped forward the moment the elevator stopped, opening them only as she began making her way down the hall to her room, trying now to control the pace of her steps. The moment she reached her door, she swept past the guards stationed there, not waiting for them to move and roughly pushed the door open herself, letting it slam shut behind her as she stepped into the space where she was supposed to feel safest.  
  
Nothing about the room felt comforting in the way it was supposed to. Instead she felt trapped, as though the very walls were closing in on her. She couldn't breathe, didn't know for sure if she had even taken a breath since Taigon's words had reached her ears, and suddenly the roaring increased. It grew, blocking out every other sound, and then spots appeared in her vision. She felt as though a hand of ice had gripped her heart, fingers tightening around it at a steady pace and not bothering to let up on the grip as the muscle tried so desperately to beat against them. Her throat burned, her ears roared, her heart shattered beneath the pressure against it, and suddenly she couldn't take it anymore. Without even realizing it, a howl tore from her throat, and suddenly she rushed over to the small table in the center of the room, fingers quickly curling around its side before she flipped it over, not caring as the map and candles that had been on it fell to the floor, the small flames sputtering out as they rolled along the hard surface. Her entire being wailed in agony, and all she could do was reach out and destroy what was around her because she couldn't destroy her enemy.  
  
“Lexa,” she suddenly heard, and spun around, her teeth clenched together tightly as she tried to get a hold of herself. Taigon had come in, probably not long after her, and she could easily see the worry in his eyes.  
  
“Get out,” she croaked, her pain far too evident in her voice to go unnoticed by either of them.  
  
The order was ignored as the young man took a step closer to her, his brow furrowing, and she could easily read the stubbornness in his eyes as he looked at her.  
  
“No,” he replied, and she glared at the direct defiance, but he didn't back down. “I am not leaving Lexa, because I don't think you want this next conversation spoken in front of anyone else.” He scanned her face, taking another step forward and she merely stood up straighter, her eyes hard as he looked at her. That hardness seemed only to make his resolve grow as he informed her, “I am coming with you.”  
  
Her eyes widened at the words, and if it were even possible the fingers clenching around her heart simply tightened further.  
  
“ _No_ ,” she growled, “You are not.”  
  
“I am,” he insisted, his own tone hardening. Again he stepped forward, telling her, “The last time this happened, you had Anya and Gustus to keep you from doing anything stupid. They're gone now, and I know you: without someone to stop you, you could easily ride off on your own to try to take on the entire Ice Nation by yourself. I will not let you do something as foolish as that and get yourself killed.”  
  
“And I will not let you come with us where you might get yourself killed,” she spat, her eyes burning into his. “You are not a warrior: it won't be safe, and I will not risk losing you as well.”  
  
“Then assign warriors to watch over me!” he shouted, throwing his hands up. “Have me watched at all times, give me a guard, I don't care, but I am coming!” When Lexa just shook her head sharply, he told her, “If you try to leave me behind, I'll just sneak after you. I will follow, and there is a better chance of something happening to me if that is what I must do.”  
  
“I could have you locked up,” Lexa warned him, her tone still hard as she took a threatening step towards him. “I could order the warriors who are left to protect our people to lock you away until I return.”  
  
“It wouldn't work, and you know that,” he argued, eyes flashing. “There are too many here who like me, who would be willing to break me out of whatever prison you tried to lock me up in, and I would never tell you their names once we returned.” He let her think about that for a moment, not even flinching at the glare she gave him, before he added, “And I know every way out of Polis. I have spent a lot of time in this city, and have found countless ways to leave without being detected.” She looked at him, shocked, eyes widening once again. “I've followed your wishes up until now,” he assured her quietly, his tone softening slightly. “I have remained in Polis, not leaving because I understand why it is I have to stay here. But now I am coming with you. I don't care whether you want me to or not: I am coming.” He took another couple of steps, closing the distance between them, and then he told her softly, “You are my sister, and I will not let you face this enemy alone. Not this one.”  
  
Lexa wanted to fight, wanted to threaten him, to ensure that he would not try to go with them, but at his words it felt as though the fight suddenly slipped away from her. At the reminder of just which enemy this was and why he couldn't let her face them alone, she had to clench her jaw even harder to try to control the sudden tremble of her chin. She felt the fear grip her tighter as the tears formed in her eyes, even as she tried desperately to keep them from falling.  
  
“I can't lose her,” she finally whispered, a single tear rolling down her cheek. She didn't brush it away, just allowed it to fall, and she knew Taigon was watching her break. “I just... I can't lose her.” Her words got caught in her throat as she cried quietly, “She can't die because of me. She can't... She can't die. I can't lose her. Not like this. Not again. I can't... I can't do this again.”  
  
Suddenly Taigon was pulling her close, wrapping his arms around her, trying to comfort her in a way that only Clarke had tried to comfort her in so long. She couldn't return the hold, couldn't bare to bring her arms up to wrap around him, but she did allow herself to push into him, her head falling to his shoulder as her eyes clenched tight.  
  
“We will find her,” he promised quietly, trying to soothe the sister who never let herself fall apart like this. “She will be okay, and once she's safe we will destroy the woman who dared to take her from you. The Ice Queen will die, and Clarke will be alright.”  
  
“You don't know that,” Lexa whispered against him, not bothering to open her eyes. “We both know what is going to happen to her. We both know.”  
  
Taigon simply wrapped his arms tighter around his sister, feeling her let out a slight sob against his shoulder. He frowned even as he tried to whisper comforting words to her, because she was right: they both knew exactly what was going to happen to the blonde who had stolen his sister's heart, and they both knew the chances of reaching her in time to save her were unlikely. Still, he continued to try to comfort her, refusing to let himself get too lost in those thoughts. He had to believe they would make it because he knew: he knew his sister wouldn't survive that pain a second time. So they had to save Clarke; they just had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting intense guys. Like... It's gonna be so intense. I am so excited! But anyway: thank you all for the well wishes after last week! Life is getting back on track, so I should hopefully be set to still update weekly without any major issues. That's certainly my hope, at least. As always, love to hear your thoughts, they always make my day! Hope you all enjoyed; till next time!
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations:
> 
> Chon yu bilaik en chit laik yu hir gon? - Who are you and what are you here for?
> 
> Osir souda chich kom Heda. – We must speak with the Commander.
> 
> Haukom? - Why?
> 
> Osir don info em souda sen. Em ste hashta Azgeda. - We have information she must hear. It is about the Ice Nation.
> 
> Nou – Stop
> 
> Natrona – Traitor
> 
> En Skaikru. Taik em. - And a Sky Person. Take them.


	25. Chapter 25

From the moment she awoke, Clarke's brain began working in overdrive. Her head hurt, but as the day wore on the sharp ache turned into a dull throb, and she forced the pain to the back of her mind. Instead she focused on her situation, always looking for anyway out of it.  
  
As the hours wore on however, it became clear to the blonde that any kind of escape from her captors was not going to be easy. For one thing, there were simply too many of them. The first time they stopped to allow the horses a rest, Clarke finally got a chance to look around and see how many Grounders there were, and what she found was nothing if not discouraging. There were ten Ice Nation warriors in total, all decked out in either swords and knives or spears, or bows and arrows. Each looked hardened, scars evident on their faces or neck or hands, and Clarke knew that slipping away from any of them would be more than just a challenge. At first glance none looked familiar in any way, until she got a good look at one of them, a man with a sword strapped to his back who walked with a small limp when he dismounted from his horse. Looking at him a second time, Clarke felt her jaw clench when she realized he'd been the only warrior to attack her and Lexa and live. When he caught her glaring at him, he simply returned the look.  
  
Their number was not the only reason Clarke would have a hard time sneaking away: she quickly found that becoming their prisoner meant losing any sense of personal space or privacy. When they traveled she rode with either Maloch or Jojesh, the two obvious leaders of the group. Maloch would push himself against Clarke when she rode in front of him, often times his elbows digging sharply into her sides, and she had to fight to keep the wince from her face whenever it happened. Riding with Jojesh was a little better: though still a prisoner with her hands bound in front of her, her second captor left a small amount of space between them, and the only times his arms touched her were when the horse would shift and her body would sway, her ability to steady herself in the saddle lacking without full use of her hands. The first time they stopped to rest, a leather rope only a few feet long was quickly attached to her bound wrists, and from the moment her feet touched the ground to the next time she found herself lifted into a saddle, one of her captors kept hold of the other end of the rope. Even when she complained of needing to relieve herself her rope would be handed off to one of their three female warriors, and one of them would accompany her to a nearby bush. Her captors gave her no chance at escape, at least one pair of eyes on her at all times, and that knowledge made the panic she managed to hide begin to surface whenever she allowed herself to think about it.  
  
For a day and a half the Ice Nation party traveled, Clarke constantly on the lookout for anything that could help her escape her current situation. She listened whenever any of her captors spoke in Trigedasleng around her, hoping to pick up on something that she could use to her advantage while keeping her facial expression blank as though she had no idea what was being said, and tried to ignore them whenever any of them spoke in English to her, their words meant only to scare her more than she already was. She kept her expression controlled, schooled just as Lexa's so often was, but on the morning of her third day of being their captive, she nearly lost that control as she looked around her. Her eyes widened and she only just managed to keep her jaw from dropping when she realized where they were and where they were heading. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Maloch throw her a smug grin from where he rode beside her and Jojesh, and she had to bite the inside of her cheek so hard it started to bleed to keep herself from either cursing or crying. Instead she just sat straight, her head held high and glare on her face as Jojesh and the other warriors simply kept their horses moving forward, doing her best to ignore Maloch and any others who may be watching her for her reaction as they got closer to their destination.  
  
Only a few minutes later the ground shifted beneath them as the horses all began to make their way up the slope in front of them, and soon they broke through the trees, many of the horses stopping just outside of them. Maloch did not, urging his horse forward a few more steps before he turned the animal and brought it to a halt, eyes immediately falling on Clarke's face. The young leader did her best to give away nothing of how she felt, did her best not to let any of her emotions show, but the tilt of the warrior's grin told her she wasn't entirely successful.  
  
They were at her cave. Somehow, someway, they had found the place that Clarke and Lexa had come together, found the one spot they thought they'd kept hidden from everyone else.  
  
Maloch was the first of the warriors to dismount, the scuff of his boots hitting against the snow loud enough for them all to hear before the other Grounders began to dismount as well.  
  
“We'll rest here for a short time,” he called out to the rest of them, his gaze holding Clarke's as she held her head high from where she still sat atop Jojesh's horse. His lips curled up into the smallest of smirks before he continued, “Span out and keep your eyes open: there are many spots around here where prying eyes could be watching.” Clarke felt bile rise in the back of her throat but didn't let the effects his words had on her show. Smirk growing as he held her gaze, a moment later he turned and walked towards her cave, pushing the fur that still hung at its entrance back so that he could disappear inside.  
  
A few warriors moved to follow his orders, disappearing back into the trees while a couple others remained behind to keep an eye on the horses. Jojesh reached up and pulled her from his horse, setting her feet on the ground and not letting go of his rough grip on her arms until her shaking legs had stilled and she had her balance under control. The moment she was steady, he looked up at the nearest warrior and tossed his end of her rope to him, telling him, “ _Watch her_.” Clarke looked over to the warrior, biting her cheek again and wincing when she saw it was the same warrior who'd attacked her and Lexa what felt like a lifetime ago. He nodded to Jojesh and the leader returned the nod before he too walked away, disappearing into the trees.  
  
The moment Jojesh disappeared, the Grounder holding her rope looked at Clarke and grinned before he gave the rope a sharp tug, causing her to nearly stumble forward. He led her back towards the trees, her rope in one hand and his horse's reins in the other, and the moment they reached the nearest tree his arm reached out, connecting with her stomach and shoving her to the ground. She grit her teeth as she all but fell backwards, her back hitting against the tree hard before she slid down it, the cold snow quickly biting at her as she was forced to sit. Her captor simply grinned again before he turned around, his attention moving to his horse as he moved to one of its saddlebags and opened it, and the moment he turned Clarke felt her pulse speed up. This could be her chance.  
  
For a long moment, Clarke looked around her, taking in her surroundings and planning. Barely moving so as not to draw attention to herself, she scanned the area around her, trying to take in every detail. Maloch had yet to reappear from inside the cave, so at least she didn't have to worry about him. Jojesh had disappeared into the woods, for what reason she couldn't guess, but with both of the leaders missing, she knew this might be her best chance for an attempt at escape. With Maloch's order a few of the other warriors had disappeared as well, so now only five of her captors were in sight, none seeming to pay any attention to her. For the first time since she'd woken up, no one was watching. Even the man still holding the other end of her rope didn't seem to be paying attention to her, his focus on his horse as the fingers not wrapped around the leather continued to dig through his saddlebag. Eyes dropping to the hand down at his side, Clarke could tell that his grip on the rope was loose, his attention elsewhere. If she timed it just right, she should be able to yank the rope out of his hand before he even knew she was moving.  
  
After making sure she knew where each of the Grounders around her were, she turned to the side slightly, eyes flickering to a tree only a few dozen yards away. It was the tree Lexa had carved her target into so many months ago, and even now Clarke could see the arrow that still stuck from the center of it. She'd left it there during the weeks she'd used the target for practice, always looking to it to judge her own work, and had forgotten it the day Lexa had told her about the discovery of the Tesla survivors. Now, if she could reach it in time, it might be the one thing that would get her out of this mess. That one arrow might just be enough to save her.  
  
Taking another quick sweep around her, she felt her heart beat so quickly that it felt as though it had begun to vibrate. Her nerves jumped through her, tension building in the back of her neck as her throat went dry. For the first time since she'd been captured, no one was directly next to her, no one was paying her any attention, and this was her chance. So she took it.  
  
As she'd looked around, she'd begun wrapping the rope around her hand slowly, and now without any warning she gave it a hard jerk. As she'd hoped, her guard had been too focused on his saddlebag and let his grip on the rope relax, and with the force of her yank the rope sprung from his fist. He looked down in surprise the moment he felt it leave his grip, fingers opening in shock, and when he looked back at the prisoner he was supposed to be watching, she was already rolling to the side, springing to her feet a moment later. He turned and ran after her, trying not to let his limp slow him down as he swore at himself for letting his guard down.  
  
The moment Clarke's feet were under her, she was racing towards the tree, ignoring the shouts she heard behind her as her captor yelled to his fellow warriors. She could hear his footsteps as he chased after her, but she pushed the loud steps out of her mind, her sights narrowing in until the only thing she saw was the arrow sticking from the target before her. The distance closed between herself and the tree, and she felt as though the speed of her heart only doubled with every step she took. Finally she reached the tree, throwing herself against its bark as her fingers wrapped around the smooth shaft of the arrow. Its head still remained lodged within the tree, the entire thing hidden from view just as it had been when Lexa had first fired it so many months ago, and Clarke grit her teeth as she tightened her grip. Back then, she would have had no hope of being able to pull it out; back then she would have needed a knife to pry it loose from the bark, but for over a month now she'd been firing her arrows just as deeply into her targets as this one was. Normally she'd have to wiggle it around for a few seconds to loosen it, but at the moment she had no time for that. She could hear the steps of her pursuer closing in on her, and knew she would only have one chance.  
  
All at once, she felt fingers curl tightly around her bicep, another hand clutching at the back of her jacket, just as she yanked at the arrow with all her might. For a brief moment, it felt as though it hadn't been enough, that the arrow would remain inside the bark, but then she was moving and the arrow was moving with her, its stone edge retreating from the tree. The warrior who held her turned her around roughly, unaware of her prize, and without thinking about it, she harshly thrust the sharp arrow head up, catching him along the neck. His eyes widened in shock, darting down to see the weapon now in her hands, and then they flickered back to Clarke's face. The blonde met his look with a harsh glare as she quickly thrust the arrow into his neck a second time, the entire stone disappearing beneath the skin. She didn't look away, didn't break eye contact with him as a thin trail of blood began to slip down his neck from around the shaft of the arrow. “This is for Lexa,” she growled softly, and she watched his eyes widen just before she yanked back, forcefully pulling the arrow out and along the side of his exposed throat. Hot blood poured forth, some of the sticky red splattering across her face while more of it covered her hands, and then she was pushing him away, hearing him splutter as his hands desperately reached up to grasp against the wound even as he fell backwards.  
  
Clarke didn't wait to see if she'd struck deep enough to kill him; the moment he was down, she turned and raced into the trees, her fingers still clenched around the bloody arrow as her arms swung in front of her. She'd done all the planning she could, and now she just ran, ran without thinking, without looking behind her to see if she was being followed. This was her chance, possibly her only chance, and if she just kept running, kept her feet moving and body going, she might get away. She knew the cave wasn't too far from Polis, a few hours if she ran the entire way, so if she just kept going, kept running, maybe she would be able to escape her captors and reach Lexa. Maybe she could get away and destroy the Ice Queen's plans before she ever even got to act on them. All she had to do, all that was truly necessary, was for her to just keep running.  
  
She didn't get far.  
  
Clarke heard the two horses behind her, felt their hooves beating against the ground the closer they got, but refused to stop. There was no hope, not of out-running horses, but even knowing this she couldn't force herself to stop. She felt the tears building in the back of her eyes as she heard them get closer, but she refused to let them fall. Her breath was already coming in quick, short gasps, her fear tiring her out long before the actual movement could, but still she kept going. And then the two horses and their riders were in front of her, and even as she tried to change directions she knew it was no use. One of them pulled up close to her, cutting her off a second time, and when she tried to turn again she felt a sharp boot hit her back, sending her sprawling forwards. She dropped the arrow, and with her hands tied, she couldn't catch herself, wincing as first her knees and then her elbows struck the hard ground, the snow doing barely anything to cushion the fall. She tried to ignore the pains as she struggled to get up again, tried to keep running, but then one of the warriors was next to her, hands roughly pulling her back to her feet. She struggled against the grip, tried desperately to shake them loose, and only stopped when she felt a sudden blow strike her across the face. The intensity of the blow turned her vision white for just a second, and she winced as the force of the hit made her bite her tongue, blood immediately flowing from the wound and coating her teeth. The man who struck her grabbed onto the rope still tied to her hands, forcefully pulling her over to his horse, and when he turned back towards her she spat in his face, the blood and spit mixture hitting his cheek. He growled, raising his hand and she flinched, expecting it to come down a second time, but before it could the second warrior had her fingers wrapped around his wrist.  
  
“ _No_ ,” she told him, hard eyes looking from him to their prisoner. “ _We take her to Meilok, that's it_.” He growled, his glare never leaving as his focus remained on the blonde, but he nodded. “ _Fine_ ,” he replied before he quickly pulled himself back into his saddle. He tugged on the rope, forcing Clarke to take a step forward, before adding, “ _But she will walk back_.” He tied his end of the rope to his saddle horn and the woman merely nodded, quickly mounting her own horse, and then the two flicked their reins and started back in the direction they'd come from. The moment his horse moved, Clarke felt herself be tugged forward as well, and only just managed to catch herself before she fell once again. Her captors kept the pace of their horses quick, quick enough that she was all but running to keep up and stay on her feet, and she glared at their backs as her knees protested every step. The coppery taste of blood still filled her mouth, and all she really wanted was to be able to wash it out, but knew better than to think she'd get the chance any time soon.  
  
She hadn't gone far, so in a matter of minutes they once again broke through the trees at the top of the slope, Clarke's cave in view. She looked over as they passed the tree she'd pulled the arrow from: her first captor's body laid beside it, eyes open and arms fallen to the side. His hands and chest were dark with his blood, the red splashes that had hit the snow where he'd fallen a stark contrast to the white around him. He didn't move even as two other warriors moved around him, their eyes flickering up to Clarke as she was all but dragged by them, and she couldn't help but feel satisfaction when she looked over at his still form.  
  
The horse she was tied to sped up a bit, and she nearly stumbled as she was jerked forward, her attention forcefully pulled from the dead warrior. A moment later and both horses were pulled to a stop, their warriors dismounting quickly. The Grounder whose horse she was tied to reached up and deftly removed the rope from his saddle horn, giving it a hard yank once he held it again, and once again Clarke was forced to stumble forward. Both of the warriors moved away from the horses, and Clarke had to clench her jaw as they moved to the fur that still hung from the cave's opening. They pushed it aside, disappearing into the cave, and the blonde was forced to follow.  
  
The first thing Clarke noticed as she entered the cave that had been her home for over three months was the heat: Maloch had started a fire, and as always it hadn't taken long for the inside of the cave to warm up with its heat. She had to blink a few times as the shadowy light within its walls replaced the bright light outside, and before her vision could fully adjust she was being pulled forward again and then a foot pushed against the back of her knees, forcing her to fall forward. She winced as her knees once again fell roughly against the hard ground, but grit her teeth to keep any noise she might make from the pain silent.  
  
“ _What is this?_ ” she heard Maloch ask, his voice whipping through the space between them. She looked up and found him standing on the far side of her cave, his eyes trailing over her before moving to the two warriors that now stood at her back.  
  
“ _The prisoner tried to escape_ ,” she heard the man behind her say, and he must still have had the rope in his hands because he gave it a little tug and she felt her arms jerk slightly to the side. “ _She killed Maks and then ran. We caught her and brought her back so that you could deal with her_.”  
  
Clarke didn't take her eyes off of Maloch as he slowly began making his way across the cave. His eyes never left her, and in the flickering light of the fire she saw one corner of his lips turn up briefly, almost in a smile but not quite. “ _How did she kill Maks?_ ” he asked, his tone light, almost casual, as though he wasn't talking about the death of one of his warriors.  
  
“ _She pulled an arrow from a tree_ ,” the woman behind Clarke informed him. “ _She used it to stab him in the neck_.”  
  
Maloch stopped walking only when he was standing in front of the kneeling blonde, his bright eyes still not leaving the girl's face. He knelt slightly, one hand reaching out so that his fingers could grip her chin, and then he used the grip to tilt her head to the side. She watched him take in the sight of her cheek, looking at the bruise she could tell had formed where she had been hit. A moment later he moved her head back, once again meeting her eyes, and she did something she knew was possibly very stupid and likely only to earn her another injury: she spit at him just as she had the man behind her. He didn't even flinch as the bloody spittle hit his cheek, didn't even seem to notice it other than to once again almost smile at her. His grip on her chin tightened momentarily before he released her, standing up again, and Clarke fought to keep the shiver she felt from running down her spine. He was much too calm, much too in control, and something about that scared her.  
  
Once again standing, Maloch looked past the kneeling blonde, not even bothering to wipe the spit from his cheek as he looked at the two warriors behind her. He stepped forward calmly, holding his hand out, and a moment later the rope was being handed to him without him needing to say a word. He looked down at the leather in his hands, wrapping it around his wrist a few times before he asked almost uninterestedly, “ _And how did she get the injury to her face? Did Maks do that when she attacked?_ ”  
  
“ _No_ ,” Clarke heard the warrior who'd hit her reply, “ _I did it. She tried to fight back when I caught her and-_ ”  
  
The rest of his explanation was cut off, a loud smack erupting in the cave causing Clarke to jump. She looked behind her and saw the warrior's face turned to the side, blood already trailing from his lips and a bruise matching her own growing along his cheek. Maloch flexed his hand, drawing Clarke's focus to it, and it wasn't hard to put together what had happened.  
  
“ _Idiots_ ,” the man growled, glaring at both of the warriors, “ _You know the Queen's orders: no harm is to come to the Sky girl until the Queen decides what to do with her. If you cannot follow that simple order, perhaps Maks is not the only fool who deserves death. Now get out before I decide to slit your throats as she did his_.” The two fled, leaving as quickly as they had entered, and Clarke had to fight with herself to keep her expression blank as though she hadn't understood any of what had been said. A moment later and Maloch stepped up beside her, one hand slipping beneath one of her arms and beginning to hoist her up.  
  
“Now Clarke, you do not belong on your knees,” he teased, his tone suddenly as light as it had been before he had threatened his own people. The sudden shift in his temper only made her shudder again. He looked over at her, raising an eyebrow. “At least not at this moment.”  
  
Shakily the blonde stood, trying to hide her fear of this man and managing to meet his grin with her own glare. The glare only made his grin widen before he dropped the rope he'd been holding, surprising her. Seeing that surprise, he raised his eyebrows and told her, “If you wish to run again, go right ahead. I doubt you'll make it any further than you did the last time, but I do enjoy chasing you.” Seeing something flash across his face, Clarke simply remained where she was, meeting his look as she clenched her jaw, almost wincing again when she felt a sharp sting pulse from her injured tongue.  
  
Seeing that she wasn't going to try to run, Maloch's grin only grew once again before he turned away from her, moving deeper into the cave. His footsteps were easy, almost slow as he moved, and Clarke watched him carefully, sure that there was a purpose behind his movements. “You are wise not to run,” he finally called out, not turning towards her, and she could hear a shift in his tone as he added, “And clever, to think to use that arrow to kill one of my warriors.”  
  
“You don't seem all that upset about it,” she replied, shifting slightly where she stood. She saw him shrug and still he didn't turn to her as he told her, “If he was foolish enough to give you the opportunity, then he deserved his death. The Queen has no need for idiots like him.”  
  
Clarke had nothing to say to that, so instead of trying to come up with something she just continued to watch him as he seemed to look around him. His eyes roamed across the cave, and then he was moving close to one of the walls, and she could see he was studying the art she had added to them during her time living here.  
  
“These are very good,” he informed her, looking over his shoulder and throwing her a grin. He quirked one eyebrow at her before he said, “I assume it is you who did them; I have heard many things about your Commander, but never have I heard that she has a talent for drawing.”  
  
“The Commander is full of mysteries,” she simply replied, choosing not to tell him any more than that. His grin only grew into a smirk, eyes quickly raking over her before he told her, “That I have no doubt of.” He turned then and took a few steps further back, stopping beside another of her drawings, and this time didn't bother to turn around as he said, “Still, I doubt your Commander would choose to create a drawing of herself.”  
  
Clarke clenched her jaw so hard she felt the muscles in her neck strain as her eyes flew to the drawing he now stood beside. She could easily still remember the night she'd drawn it: it had only been a few weeks before Lexa had shown up with the news about the Tesla survivors, and when she'd told Lexa she wanted to draw her, the other girl had simply smiled and nodded. Clarke still didn't know how long she'd worked on it, looking from the Grounder to the rock in front of her, working with the chalk in her hand to get every detail just right. Lexa had laughed at the way her tongue stuck out the side of her mouth, had shook her head whenever Clarke playfully told her she wasn't allowed to move yet, and then had barely even looked at the portrait of herself when the blonde had finally declared she was done. The Commander had given it a quick look, told her it was wonderful, and then somehow convinced the artist to come back to their furs so that she could show her how much she appreciated the care Clarke had taken with the portrait. It had been a night like so many others they had spent together, and now she knew the memory would be forever tainted. No one but she and Lexa were ever supposed to see it, see any of this, and the fact that Maloch now stood beside the portrait, his cruel eyes drinking it in, made Clarke's stomach roll and blood boil.  
  
“How long did you know?” Clarke asked, managing to maintain some kind of control over her tone. “How long have you known about this place? About the Commander and me? How did you find out?”  
  
Maloch turned, simply looking over his shoulder again and giving her another smirk, shrugging.  
  
“Longer than you think,” he answered, his tone smug as he purposefully ignored the last question. He looked back at the portrait in front of him, and Clarke heard the amusement in his voice as he continued. “You and your Commander believed you hid yourself away from the world, but we were watching. You thought you were safe, but we could have attacked whenever we wanted.” He reached forward, hand idly reaching towards the drawing, and Clarke couldn't keep herself quiet.  
  
“Don't touch it,” she growled, taking a step forward, and this time he turned his entire body towards her, eyebrows rising again.  
  
“Or what?” he asked, the corners of his mouth flickering up. “You will attack me as you did Maks?” He let out a small chuckle, shaking his head before telling her, “You have no arrows here to pull out of the wall, and even if you did, I am not so easily beaten as he was. It would take much more than that to kill me.” As if to prove her threat meant nothing to him, he reached forward again, and then his hand was on the wall, roughly brushing down the portrait. He started at Lexa's forehead, his fingers breaking the lines that created it and then dragging the chalk down across the rest of it. Clarke watched as first Lexa's face and then her neck were smudged, the lines that made up the drawing she'd spent so long on broken. She couldn't tear her eyes from it, couldn't look away as the portrait became distorted, the face she'd spent so many hours staring into forcefully morphing before her eyes. She felt Maloch's eyes on her, felt him watching her reaction, and fought with herself not to give him one. All she allowed herself to do was clench her jaw tighter, her hands bound in front of her curling into fists.  
  
Maloch pulled his hand away from the wall once his fingers had moved down the length of the portrait, his lips curled up into a cruel smirk. Turning away from the blonde, he slowly began making his way towards the back of the cave. As he moved, he struck his hand out again, dragging it along the length of the wall and through any of the other drawings he passed.  
  
“You and your Commander thought you were clever,” he called out, his voice easily carrying over the crackle of the flames between them. “Your Commander, your dear Lexa, thought she could hide you away in this cave and no one would ever find you. She believed she could have you, that she could hide you here and you would be safe.” Reaching the rear of the cave, Maloch stopped next to the baskets Clarke had had to leave behind, his fingers moving away from the wall to glide along the tops of them. She watched him, bile rising in her throat as the intensity with which she glared at him grew with every word. His eyes flickered over to her, meeting the glare, and his eyebrows rose. “Do you feel safe right now, Sky girl?” Eyes turning back down to the basket, his foot reached out, the toes of his boot slowly pushing against it until it fell over. Its cover had never been particularly strong, so the moment it fell against the ground, it sprang open, the few dishes she'd gathered scattering along the dirt. She'd taken all the food she had left when she'd gone to find the Telsa survivors, but the furs she'd left behind fell out along with them, as did the spare knife she'd had and the few other knick knacks she'd gathered. He moved to the second basket and did the same to it more forcefully, and the clothes and other items in this basket flew out across the ground. Looking up from the mess, Maloch smirked, meeting her glare again. “Your Commander tried to hide you, but clearly she failed. You chose the wrong Commander, and now you will have to decide if your Lexa is worth what we have planned for you.”  
  
Clarke heard every word he said, but her attention had split the moment the second basket had toppled over and its contents had spilled across the ground. Among those contents was the small bag of chalk Lexa had brought her so long ago, the bag skidding to a stop not far from the fire. Maloch hadn't seen it and even if he had, he wouldn't have known what was inside, but Clarke did, and she had to fight not to stare at it. If she could get to it, if she could sneak a piece of chalk from it without him seeing, maybe she'd be able to leave a trail for Lexa to follow. With her most ruthless captor standing right in front of her though, it was going to be a challenge getting it without being spotted.  
  
Maloch took a step forward, a plate shattering beneath his boot as he purposefully walked on it, and she stepped to the side, looking as though she were merely trying to keep the distance between them, but in reality trying to move closer to the pouch. His eyebrows rose, as though the two were having a perfectly polite conversation, as he looked down at the items around his feet.  
  
“How would she react if she saw this?” he asked, kicking a cup and sending it hurtling towards the wall. While he looked down, Clarke took another single, small step forwards. “If your Lexa saw this place as it is now, what would she do?” His grin grew then, face lifting and eyes once again meeting Clarke's. Reaching down, he didn't break eye contact with her even as he grabbed a shirt from the ground. “She brought all of these things to you, thought they would help you. What would she do if she saw them now?” His fingers moved to the bottom of the shirt, and Clarke watched with a straight face as he slowly ripped it apart, the sound of the tearing fabric fighting to be heard over the crackle of the flames. The moment he'd ripped a piece of the shirt off, he tossed the useless fabric into the fire, watching the blonde's face for a reaction. Other than the slightest twitch of her eyebrows, she gave none. The lack of reaction only made his grin grow.  
  
“You were happy here, in this cave, alone with just your Commander beside you,” he mused, stepping forward, not caring that one of the furs now laid beneath his boots. He dug his foot further into it before taking another step, what remained of the shredded shirt hanging out of the side of his fist. Eyes moving back to the wall where a dozen or more pictures still showed, he allowed his focus to shift from the blonde to her artwork again. “You do not need to try to deny it,” he informed her over his shoulder, “I could tell. I watched you a couple of times, and could see how content you were. And when your Lexa showed up...” A corner of his mouth twitched. “Then you were even more content.” Reaching the wall, he brought the shredded cloth up, dragging it along the wall and smudging every drawing in front of him. “It always made me feel powerful,” he admitted, his voice quieting even though the tone seemed stronger. “Knowing that at any moment I could end your happiness. You two thought yourselves alone, thought no one knew, but I could have captured you whenever I wanted. Or killed you. I had all the power over both the Commander and the great Wanheda, and neither of you ever knew.” The cloth wiped across Lexa's portrait, distorting it even further.  
  
Fury boiled beneath Clarke's skin, an anger she hadn't known she could feel battling with the bile that rose in her throat at his words. Her skin crawled, the hair on her arms standing on end at just the thought of him watching: watching her, watching her practice with her bow, watching her moving around outside her cave, watching her reaction whenever Lexa rode through the trees. He couldn't have been there all the time, she knew, couldn't possibly have been watching always, but not knowing when he'd been there, hiding in the trees, tainted every memory she had of this place. This was where she and Lexa had learned how to move on, move past what had happened at Mount Weather and just what they meant to each other, and knowing that Maloch had witnessed even one second of their time together made her want to both vomit and tear his eyes out. She couldn't allow herself to react though, wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing how his words effected her. So rather than focus on what he said or how he was so effectively destroying not just the cave but all the memories she'd made in it, she focused on something more important.  
  
His attention solely on her drawings, Clarke used Maloch's distraction to slowly inch her way towards the pouch still lying not far from the fire. She could feel beads of sweat run down the small of her back, the heat inside the cave mixing with her nerves, but she ignored them. Her eyes remained stuck on his back, not daring to look away for fear that he would turn around and see what she was up to. Slowly, inch by inch, she made her way across the dirt floor, and only when she was close to the pouch did she finally allow herself to tear her eyes away from her captor and down to her prize. Her heart beat ferociously in her chest, so loudly she was afraid he'd be able to hear it. She took a final step and the pouch was laying at her feet, the end of the leather tie holding the bag closed laying on the ground beside the toe of her boot. Eyes flickering quickly back to her captor, she found Maloch still contentedly destroying the art she'd added to the cave wall, and quickly bent over, careful not to fall over as she did so. With her hands tied, her fingers had a hard time pulling against the knot tied across the top of the bag, and with every second that ticked by her mouth got drier as her nerves increased. Her eyes flickered back to the man across the room, still blessedly distracted, and then the knot was finally undone, the small pouch opening and the few pieces of chalk still there finally visible by the flickering firelight. Nearly crying in relief, Clarke's fingers slipped inside the pouch, wrapping around a stick of the chalk and pulling it out.  
  
Footsteps at the entrance to the cave made Clarke's heart stop in her chest, and then the fur hanging at the mouth of the cave was pulled back, and the blonde's head shot up as she dropped the pouch to the ground. Jojesh stood just inside the cave, the fur falling closed behind him, and his eyes moved directly to Clarke. Her fingers curled around the piece of chalk in her hand, trying to hide it from him, and for a brief moment that felt like an eternity, they just stared at each other. Clarke didn't dare to move, didn't dare to do anything, afraid any kind of movement would make her guilt even more obvious, and waited for this second captor to destroy any hope she had of leaving Lexa a trail to follow.  
  
A moment later her eyes nearly widened in shock as the man turned away from her, his facial expression not changing as he turned his attention to Maloch who'd yet to look away from the wall.  
  
“ _Meilok_ ,” he said to the other man, his tone even, “ _We should be leaving. We have spent enough time here: we are wasting daylight_.”  
  
Clarke heard Maloch let out an exasperated sigh, and she stood quickly just before he turned back around, shooting her a small grin before looking at the other man.  
  
“I suppose you are right, Jojesh,” he agreed, taking a few steps forward and purposefully stepping on anything in his way. “The Queen expects us back soon.” He moved closer to Clarke, who subconsciously tightened her grip on the piece of chalk she still held, trying to make sure it was hidden from his sight. Reaching her, he leaned down and grabbed the end of her rope from the floor, tossing it over to Jojesh who easily caught it. As he did so, he met Clarke's eyes and lifted his eyebrows as he told her, “She very much wishes to meet you, and we do not want to put that off. The Queen can be intimidating when she doe not get what she wants.” Neither Clarke nor Jojesh said anything in return, the blonde just giving him a glare while Jojesh looked at him uninterestedly before turning around and beginning to walk out of the cave. The rope pulled her forward slightly after he'd taken a few steps, and Clarke moved to follow, but just before she turned she saw Maloch move over to the small pile of wood still sitting on the other side of the cave. Before she could see what he was doing, Clarke was forced through the opening of the cave, the fur falling shut behind her. Even so, she didn't have to wait long to find out what he was up to: not more than a few moments later, Maloch followed after them, carrying a thick branch with him. One end of the branch was glowing, small flames leaping from it, and when he met Clarke's eyes once again his smirk grew before he held the flaming end up to the fur dividing the inside of the cave from the outside. Soon the flames leapt from the torch to the fur, the hide going up in flames before the blonde's eyes. She forced herself to swallow around a hard lump in her throat, the heat of the burning fur doing nothing to break through the cold that had settled inside her chest.  
  
Jojesh did not allow her to watch the flaming spectacle for long: soon he was urging her forward, pulling her down the slope to where the rest of her captors had gathered with their horses, waiting for their two leaders and prisoner so they could leave. As they moved, she could hear Maloch's boots crunching in the snow behind them, but she refused to turn around to even glare at him.  
  
The moment they reached the rest of the Ice Nation Grounders, Jojesh roughly pulled her closer to him, his fingers immediately going to the bindings around her wrists. Deftly he began to untie one of them, shocking Clarke. Clearly she wasn't the only one surprised, as a moment later she heard Maloch growl behind her, “ _What are you doing?_ ”  
  
“ _She killed Mats_ ,” Jojesh answered simply, just as the leather loosened around one of her wrists. He slipped it off, and before she could make so much as a move he was twisting both of her arms behind her back and then slipping the leather back around her wrist, tying her hands together even more effectively than they'd been in front of her. “ _She is a danger with her hands before her. With her hands behind her, she poses no threat_.”  
  
Clarke saw Maloch step forward, once again entering her field of vision, and easily heard the contempt in his voice as he said, “ _You fear an untrained Sky girl who is already tied up, Joujesh?_ ” Her captor looked up and met his look even as he finished securing the knot in place, before he replied, “ _She has proven already to be more than she looks: I will not take any chances_.” Clarke saw Maloch just smirk, his eyes trailing down first to her tied hands and then to her face, before he turned and walked towards his horse, letting the matter drop.  
  
One of Jojesh's hands moved to the center of Clarke's back and she was pushed forward, nearly stumbling from the sudden movement, and another of their warriors led his horse over to them. Without another word his hands were on her waist and then he was lifting her up, dropping her into his saddle. She swayed slightly, unable to catch herself with her hands tied behind her, but the next moment he was dropping into the saddle behind her, his arms moving around her to grab a hold of his reins. With a light kick to his horse's sides and a slight tug on his reins, he turned his horse around to join the others, and then they were off again, his arms and Clarke's leg muscles keeping her in the saddle.  
  
As the horse stepped forward, Clarke noticed the body of the man she'd killed still lying in the snow, already forgotten by those she traveled with. Smoke from the the burning fur rose from her cave, clouding the air behind them as they began forward again, and the blonde's brow pulled down as her fingers curled tightly around the chalk still in her fingers. A sense of determination settled into her chest as the smoke filled her lungs. Her captors believed her helpless: she'd show them she was anything but.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slightly late update and for the lack of Lexa; she'll be back in the next one, so you only have to wait a little longer to find out how she's doing. There will be some chapters for a while that only have Clarke or only have Lexa in them, as well as parts of chapters that will focus on other characters. Some chapters will have them both, but many won't, simply because they each have very different story lines developing from here on out. Hope you enjoyed the chapter, and that you're all looking forward to more as much as I'm looking forward to writing it! Thanks!


	26. Chapter 26

Lexa closed her eyes, fighting the urge to turn her horse around and just _run_. She could do it. With no warning, she could flick her reins and her horse would be off. She could find the trail and follow it. Follow it until she found Clarke, found the people who dared to take her. If she didn't stop, if she just let her horse keep running, she might be able to catch up before they made it back to their village, back to their queen. She would catch up, and the moment she knew they were nearby she would draw her sword and the moment she saw them she would attack. Her blade would fly through the air and as it pierced her enemies' flesh her own blood would hum from the knowledge of their deaths. They would all die, and then she would go to Clarke, hold her tight, refusing to let go. She would hold her, keep her close and she would tell her everything that she hadn't yet been able to say. She would kiss her, touch her, make sure she was there and with her and _alive_ , and then she would never let the blonde out of her sight again. She would protect her, love her, care for her, do anything the other girl ever asked of her because they would be together and Clarke would be safe and everything would be alright again. It could all happen if she just turned and pushed her horse into a run right now.  
  
But it was too late for that. She rode at the front of her warriors, a small army of them riding at her back, and she knew that if she tried to run they would follow, and while yes, that was what she so desperately wanted, to lead her warriors into battle against this enemy who had haunted her for years, it would mean leaving more of her people vulnerable. She had a duty to them, those she left behind in her villages, a duty to protect them above all else, and that duty is what kept her facing forward, kept her from tugging on the reins in her hands and turning her horse around. She had to make sure they were safe, and that meant riding to the Skaikru camp first, meant making sure that these people who could so easily be their enemy remained their ally. She had already lost too many innocent people to them: she could not take any risk that might put more lives in jeopardy. So no matter how her heart screamed at her to follow after Clarke, she let her head and her horse lead her through the trees.  
  
They had been riding for just over two days, Lexa pushing her army and their horses far harder than she'd ever pushed them before, and even now she only wanted to force them to move faster. The trip that should have taken another day to complete was ending, and yet even knowing that wasn't able to calm the storm of emotions inside her. She fought to ignore them, and finally, just a short time after the sun began to rise and break up the gray of dawn, she led her people through the trees, and there across the wide expanse she saw the Skaikru camp.  
  
She sat up straighter in her saddle, carefully controlling her facial expressions. She had to push Clarke out of her mind for the moment, had to keep her entire focus on the job at hand. She would worry about the blonde every second after she knew her people were safe, but for now she had to push that worry aside, as impossible as that task was. Her warriors road silently behind her, but she could easily hear a number of them shifting in their saddles, a high-strung energy flowing through them all. They knew these people they approached were allies only in title, knew that the slightest shift could cause the tentative peace between them to break, and that knowledge raced through them all as each step brought them closer to their enemy's door.  
  
Lexa stopped her horse about a hundred yards away from the closed gate, her eyes not leaving it even as she pushed herself from her horse's saddle. Behind her she heard both Walsh and Octavia dismount, but the rest of her warriors remained seated. Finally tearing her eyes from the closed gate, Lexa turned around, her back tingling as she turned it to her enemy's eyes. It would be easy in that moment, she knew, for any one of the Sky People to look through their gun and shoot her, and that knowledge caused the hair at the back of her neck to stand up, but she ignored it. Instead she allowed her focus to shift to Walsh and Octavia, both who had stepped up to her and both who now looked at her for instruction. Quickly she reached up to her shoulder, wrapping her fingers around the strap that held her sword to her back, and lifted it over her head. With the sheathed sword hanging from her grasp, she held it out to Walsh, the general giving her a confused look.  
  
“You will stay here with our people,” she informed him, leaving no room for argument in her tone. “I will go speak with the Skaikru alone, and you will hold my sword for me while I am gone.”  
  
“Heda, that is unwise,” he said slowly, brow turning down, though he took the sword from her, his eyes never leaving hers. “You should be armed in the event they turn on you. I should go with you for the same reason, as should some of our other warriors.”  
  
Lexa shook her head, her eyes narrowing before she told him, “Do not question me, Walsh. I will go alone so that they may see that we have come in peace and that we do not wish for a fight. Octavia will come with me, but you and the rest of our people are to stay here and wait for my return.”  
  
“And if you do not return?” Walsh questioned, his brow turning down farther along with the corners of his lips.  
  
“Then you will return our people to Polis and prepare for the war that will come from the twelve clans in the event of my death,” she replied easily without breaking eye contact. “You will protect our people until my spirit has found its next vessel.”  
  
She watched as his jaw clenched, clearly not liking the answer, but finally he merely nodded and stepped back, shooting a glare first at Octavia and then at the gate to the Skaikru camp before he turned around to rejoin the warriors. She watched him go, her eyes following him as he pulled himself back up into his saddle, and without meaning to her eyes flickered over to the man riding beside them. Taigon's eyes were on her, the worry all too evident in them, and in the brief moment they met she felt her heart begin racing in her chest. She'd tried fighting with him, tried to get him to stay behind at Polis, but nothing she'd said had been enough to convince him. In the end she'd had to give in, had to accept his presence in her army, simply so that she at least knew where he was. She didn't doubt he would have simply followed if left behind: her brother was nearly as stubborn as her, and the hard set of his jaw had been enough to tell her she'd been fighting a battle she would lose. So she had conceded, had allowed him to ride with them, but the knowledge that her brother, one of the only two truly important people in her life, was riding towards an enemy who had already nearly destroyed her once had managed to make breathing difficult for the past two and a half days. If she hadn't already stopped breathing entirely the moment Octavia and Lincoln's news reached her, she'd be worried. As it was, she had no way of knowing whether the sharp ache that had settled into her chest three nights ago came from lungs that desperately needed more oxygen or a heart that was preparing to shatter all over again after only recently being pieced back together. She was fairly certain it was both.  
  
Pushing her brother and the worry his presence caused her out of her mind for the moment, she quickly scanned over her army before turning around so that she once again faced the gate and held her head up just a little higher before saying quietly to the girl standing beside her, “Let's go.”  
  
“You should have kept the sword,” Octavia murmured quietly as they set forth, her own eyes locked on the gate as well. “A lot of them are really not going to like seeing you.”  
  
She merely tilted her chin higher, keeping her walk strong and posture straight as they approached the gate. They had almost reached it by the time they heard shouting from the other side, and then it was being pushed open, and the first thing Lexa saw as the Skaikru camp came into view were five warriors with guns trained at her chest, each glaring at her and throwing their hate at her from their eyes as a crowd gathered behind them. The palms of her hands itched for her sword, but she kept her hands relaxed as they hung at her side, not even allowing them to curl into fists. She could not allow any bit of her demeanor to appear threatening or she would be dead and her people would fall into war and chaos.  
  
One of the warriors stepped forward and she was unsurprised to see Bellamy, his gun held high and muscles tensing as he kept himself from pulling the trigger one finger rested against.  
  
“O, come here,” he ordered, his eyes not leaving Lexa's, but Octavia didn't move right away.  
  
“You can't shoot her Bell, you know she didn't have anything to do with this,” Octavia argued, glaring at her brother.  
  
“We don't know that at all,” he said, grip not loosening on the gun, “We just have her word for it, and we all know her word is shit.”  
  
“Bellamy, stand down,” they heard suddenly, and the other warriors and crowd turned to find Kane pushing through the cluster of people. Neither Lexa nor Bellamy turned, both maintaining eye contact with the other, Bellamy glaring and Lexa showing her best controlled expression. Marcus Kane moved over to him, reaching out and swatting the gun down, finally getting Bellamy to break eye contact before he shouted to them all, “All of you, lower your weapons!” The other warriors did as ordered, albeit reluctantly, and Lexa's eyes moved over to Kane's until there was more movement in the crowd and suddenly Clarke's mother was moving forward, stepping up beside the man. Seeing her, Lexa felt a pang of guilt and fear and worry run through her, but she pushed it aside. She couldn't think about Clarke right then. She couldn't; she had to think about her people. They had to come first.  
  
“What are you doing here, Commander?” Abby asked, the shaking in her hands and crease of her brow the only indication of her anger and fear. Kane's hand moved up to her shoulder, and she shifted into it, seeming to find even just a little comfort in the contact.  
  
“I came to be sure that our alliance still stands,” Lexa answered, her eyes now meeting the other woman's and not looking away. With Clarke gone, she was these people's leader, which meant she was the one Lexa had to deal with. “I am here to make sure that my people are safe, and that you know that I did not order this to happen.”  
  
“This?” Abby repeated, a bite to her tone. “What _this_? Grounders have kidnapped my daughter, taken her after she tried to help you: how can you expect me to believe you didn't have everything to do with _this_?” As she finished her voice shook, her obvious emotions getting the better of her. Before she spoke, Lexa made sure to control her own, locking them away so that her own pain would not be as clear as this other woman's.  
  
“I appreciate the help that you and Clarke gave me with my injuries,” she informed her, her head not lowering even a centimeter even as her heart screamed as she spoke the blonde's name. “You had no reason to do so, and yet you did: that is something that I will not forget. The ones who took your daughter are led by the same one who ordered the attack on me. She is an enemy, and already I was about to lead my warriors to war with her before the news of what happened to your daughter reached me. Now I will do everything in my power to bring her back to you.”  
  
Abby's eyes scanned her own and she did not shift under them. She worked to control her face, worked to make sure that none of the agony she felt knowing that her enemy had Clarke showed, instead hoping she could see the sincerity of her words. It was Kane who finally replied, his fingers squeezing around the woman's shoulder gently before he murmured, “I believe her, Abby. I don't think the Commander had anything to do with this.” Lexa watched as the woman's shoulders drooped ever so slightly, the fight draining out of her.  
  
“No, I don't think so either,” she finally agreed quietly, but then the hardness returned to her eyes as she once again glared at the brunette, telling her, “But if anything happens to my daughter, our alliance will be over. It's still your people who have her, and I want her back.”  
  
_As do I_ , Lexa thought but didn't say. Instead she simply nodded, saying, “As I said, I will do all in my power to return her to you.” Abby shook her head, her brow pulling down even further before she replied, “No. I'm going with you. She's my daughter, and I am going to get her back myself.”  
  
“Abby,” Kane began, but Lexa cut him off with another nod. She had been expecting that.  
  
“I have brought an extra horse for you,” she informed them, her words clearly surprising them both.  
  
“You're not going alone Abby,” they heard, and all three turned to see Bellamy step forward once again. His jaw set, he continued, “Clarke's one of us. She's the only reason most of us are alive. I'm going too.”  
  
“Me too,” Octavia quickly spoke up, stepping up beside her brother. “She's out there, and so is Lincoln, and I'm going to fight until they're both back safe.”  
  
“You're not the only ones.”  
  
They all turned, and Lexa saw Raven step forward with a number of others behind her. Monty stood beside her, both with guns already in their hands, and he nodded, saying, “Clarke never stopped until we were all safe. Now it's our turn to rescue her.” The people behind them all murmured their agreement. Lexa's eyes shifted as another few figures emerged from the crowd, and she immediately recognized Nygel and eight of the people she and Clarke had brought to the camp only a few weeks ago. The strong woman stood with her spear in hand, its bottom resting just barely on the ground, but it was Lexa she was looking at, not Abby or Marcus.  
  
“We're going with you,” she said, her voice strong. “Clarke and the Commander saved us. We won't stop until she's safe again.” A small figure moved up beside Nygel, and Lexa's gaze fell down to Reese, standing with a bow in her hand and quiver of arrows on her back. “Yeah,” she agreed, her face set as she looked up at Lexa. “We're ready to follow you, Heda, and get Clarke back.”  
  
“Reese, no, you're too young, it's too dangerous,” Abby began, but as she tried to argue with the little girl to tell her it was too dangerous for her to go, Lexa tuned them out. More people kept stepping forward, all swearing to march off to war and bring their leader home, and it caused a cascade of emotions to swirl within the young leader. On the one hand, she was not surprised: she had always been able to see what a great leader Clarke was, and that these people were willing to put themselves in harm's way just to save her was a testament to that. It made her heart swell with pride for Clarke, and wished the blonde could see just how much her people cared for her.  
  
On the other hand though. On the other hand, there were far too many of them. She had ordered that her people saddle and prepare a handful of extra horses, expecting a few of the Skaikru to insist on going. Abby she had known would, as would Bellamy and Octavia, and she had guessed at a couple of others. But these were too many. She had to leave some of the horses back in Polis, had to make sure her people left behind had them for work and protection, so she didn't possibly have enough for this many people. Many of them would have to travel on foot, which would just slow them down. Lexa's gaze traveled up to the sky and she wanted to growl: their enemy was already days ahead of them. Add to that the fact that they were all surely traveling by horse and there had to be far fewer of them than even the army that Lexa planned to march after them, and they would easily be able to make it back to the Ice Queen days before Lexa's army had any hopes of drawing near them. That meant days that Clarke would be in that woman's grasp, days that she would suffer the same way Costia had suffered, and days where she could be killed in the same way Costia had been killed. Just the thought made Lexa's blood both boil and freeze in her veins, but she could not let her emotions be seen by these people.  
  
“We must leave shortly,” she said, interrupting the argument still being held between Reese and Abby. Her gaze swept to the older woman, eyes piercing into hers as she added, “I do not care how many wish to join you: I will be leading my army after our enemy within the hour. They already have a head start, and we must catch up to them. If you wish to march with us, then that is fine, but you will be ready to leave within the hour as well, and you will keep up. If you or any of your people slow my army down, I will leave you behind. This is my only warning to you. There are some extra horses, but not enough for all of you, so if you cannot keep up, do not come.” Giving a moment for her words to sink in, the young leader allowed her gaze to sweep over all who had stepped forward. Her eyes stopped when she noticed Jasper take a step towards the group behind Raven and Monty, a gun already in his hands. He met her look, fingers tightening around the weapon, but just lifted his head up, as if daring her to tell him he couldn't go. She didn't say anything, merely held the look for a moment longer before she turned her attention back to Abby and Kane. “I will return to my people, and we will give you some time to prepare yourselves, but we are leaving in an hour. If you are not ready then I will leave you behind.” She held their eyes for another moment and then nodded before she turned around, once again feeling her back tingle as countless almost enemies with guns stood behind her, but she walked calmly forward and exited through the gate, leaving the Sky People to figure out their plan.  
  
As she stepped back out into the open, the gate closed behind her and she let out a small, silent breath. Head turning up to the sky, she watched as a bird flew across the expanse of blue above her, the animal having no idea of the storm of emotions raging inside her, and suddenly she wished she had wings as her eyes fell closed. If she had wings she could find Clarke. If she had wings she could fly to the girl she cared so much for. If she had wings there would be no place her enemy could ever go that she would not find her, and then she would kill her. If she had wings, maybe she would have the freedom to do all of these things without having to worry about maintaining peace between her people and Clarke's all while her heart remained still in her chest, not even daring to beat. If she had wings, maybe she would be able to escape this pain that grasped at her chest, clawing into her heart and lungs and making just the simple act of breathing white-hot agony.  
  
But she didn't have wings. She had legs and an army to lead, a peace to keep alive between two people who hated one another, and the knowledge that what she found when she finally reached her enemy could be just more pain. What she had was herself, alone among hundreds, because the only other person who truly understood her was gone, and with each passing hour the likelihood of ever finding her alive again dwindled more and more. That was all she had. 

***

The moment the gate closed behind the Commander, Abby saw Reese's hands move to her hips, her glare only growing.  
  
“I'm going!” she declared, her grip on her bow tightening. “I'm Clarke's Second: she needs me, and I'm not gonna stay behind when she's in trouble!”  
  
“I'm sorry Reese, but you are not,” Abby insisted, her brow softening as she looked at the young girl. “You're too young and this will be too dangerous: you'll stay here where it's safe.”  
  
“You're not in charge of me,” the girl growled, taking a step forward.  
  
“As your Chancellor, I am,” Abby informed her, meeting her glare, “And I am telling you that you aren't coming. I'm sorry, but it's just too dangerous.”  
  
“I don't care if you're the Chancellor!” Reese exclaimed, her fists curled so tightly her arms started shaking, “I stopped caring what you and the rest of the stupid Council think when you killed my dad!”  
  
The sudden reminder of the Culling felt like a slap in the face, and Abby's eyes widened in surprise. She felt Kane stiffen beside her, the memory of what they'd done clearly effecting him just as it did her, but she didn't turn to look at him to see the pain she knew would be written all over his face.  
  
“Reese...” she began, but had to trail off. Nothing she could say about what had happened to the girl's father would do anything to lessen Reese's anger or her own guilt, so she said nothing. Instead she just shook her head, letting out a small sigh before meeting the girl's angry gaze again. “I'm sorry you feel that way, Reese, but it doesn't change anything. You're not coming, and that's final.”  
  
The girl's glare grew, one hand falling to the knife she always wore on her belt and gripping its handle, and for a moment neither of them looked away. Abby could read the fury the girl felt, but she refused to back down. She still believed her own daughter shouldn't have had to deal with all the danger and death she'd been through since coming to the ground; there was no way she was about to let a nine year old march into a war zone. So when the girl's grip on her knife tightened, Abby's eyebrows just rose, not about to let this little girl anywhere near danger. Finally after a long moment Reese let out a loud growl before she released her grip from her knife and shot a final glare at the Chancellor, turning and pushing her way through the crowd and back into the camp. Abby watched her go until her attention was pulled back to the crowd still around her.  
  
“We need to arm everyone who's going,” Bellamy stated, everyone turning to him. He looked around at those who'd stepped forward, his brow drawn as he counted. When he looked over to Nygel and the Tesla Station survivors behind her, Abby saw her shake her head.  
  
“We don't need you to arm us, boy,” the woman informed him. She shifted, the butt of her spear tapping against the hard ground a couple of times before telling him, “We've already got our weapons.” The eight people behind her all nodded their agreement, their faces set, though Abby couldn't see any weapons on them other than the spear Nygel held.  
  
“Are you sure?” Kane asked, shifting his stance to look over at them. “We don't have an endless supply of guns, but we should have enough to arm you and still have some left here to defend this camp with.”  
  
One of Nygel's eyebrows lifted up as she turned to him, the corner of her lips quirking up as she met his eyes. “I am very sure, Marcus,” she answered. “We've got our own weapons: leave your extra guns here to protect those who stay behind.” Ignoring him as he opened his mouth to say something else, she turned to the people behind her, all of them looking to her for orders. “Go,” she told them, her head nodding towards the back of the camp. “You heard the Commander: they're leaving in less than an hour. We're not going to hold them up. Meet back here in thirty minutes. Go.”  
  
The Tesla Station survivors all nodded and then scattered, each melting back into the crowd behind them to go and collect their things. As the eight survivors pushed back through, another survivor pushed her way out of the crowd, and Abby saw Nygel's smirk fall slightly as Callie stepped forward, a gun already in her hands and bag over her shoulder.  
  
“I'm going with you,” the woman said, looking first to Nygel and then to Kane. Abby saw the other woman's brow pull down, meeting her friend's determined expression with one of her own as she replied, “You aren't a fighter, Callie: you should stay here. It's safer.”  
  
“I agree,” Kane said, taking a step towards the woman he'd at one point cared so much for. His brow drawn, he added, “It won't be safe out there, and the Tesla survivors who remain behind look to you for advice. It would be better if you stayed here with them.”  
  
“I don't care about being safe,” Callie replied, meeting both of their looks, and then she turned to Abby, her expression softening slightly. The two friends looked at each other for a moment before Callie told them all, “I've known Clarke her entire life: she's the closest thing to a daughter I have. You're my family, Abby, you always have been, and Clarke is part of that family too.” She looked over to Kane then, easily seeing the hesitance in his eyes. “Even if Clarke hadn't been the one to find us out there, I'd still be going after her. I don't care how dangerous it is: she's family, and I'm not going to just sit here while she's in trouble.”  
  
Abby could see the war raging in Kane's mind, could see how much he wanted to insist she stay behind. She wanted to insist the same thing, but knew better than to try: one of the reasons she and Callie had gotten along so well from a very young age was due to their mutual stubbornness. Finally she saw Kane sigh out of the corner of her eyes, before he lifted his fingers up to rub along his forehead.  
  
“I don't like it,” he muttered, and then looked up and met her gaze. “But you're right: you have just as much right as any of us to be going after Clarke.” Callie smiled at him softly, stepping forward. Reaching him, she tilted herself up to her toes for a moment, placing a light kiss against his bearded cheek. Shifting back down, she met his smile with her own before telling him, “Thank you, Marcus.” His smile grew, his hand reaching out and gripping her arm affectionately before saying, “I believe I learned a long time ago that it's best not to argue with you once you've set your mind on something.”  
  
Callie's grin grew, a light chuckle emitting from her lips as she nodded. “Exactly,” she agreed, before turning to Nygel. Abby followed her look, and found the other woman standing stiffly, her jaw clenched as she watched Callie. Her friend simply lifted her eyebrows at the other woman, and Abby heard Nygel let out a loud sigh.  
  
“Fine,” she growled out, her fingers clenching around her spear, “But if you're coming, you stay with me. Gun or no gun, you're still not a fighter.” Abby saw her friend's lips curl up just slightly before she let out what seemed like a forced sigh.  
  
“Alright,” Callie agreed, shrugging. “I can agree to that.” She stepped over to the other woman, looping her arm through Nygel's before pulling her lightly back towards the center of camp. “Now let's go get your pack ready: you told everyone else they need to be ready in a half hour, so you should be ready sooner.” Nygel grumbled something in reply and Abby watched them until they disappeared into the crowd that was still gathered around them.  
  
“I'll go round up a few guards,” Kane said suddenly, pulling her attention back to him. His eyes were already on hers, determined as he added, “This many people going after Clarke is good, but we should have more who truly know how to handle a gun.”  
  
Abby nodded, but reached out to stop him before he could walk away.  
  
“Marcus, you need to stay here,” she told him, seeing no reason to dance around an issue she knew he wasn't going to like. His brow pulled down, eyes widening, and she knew she was right.  
  
“I'm going with you,” he replied, something akin to shock coloring his tone. “I'm going to help you get your daughter back, Abby.” The doctor just shook her head, and the confusion she read in his eyes increased.  
  
“I need you to stay here, Marcus,” she told him, reaching up and carefully undoing the Chancellor pin from her jacket. She saw his eyes move to the pin, and she could read the realization in his eyes. “I'm going to ask you the same thing you asked me once, Marcus: I need you to be Chancellor until I get back.” He shook his head, looking as though he was about ready to argue, but she reached out and grabbed his hand, gently pushing the pin into it. “Somebody has to be Chancellor,” she continued, meeting his stubborn look. “Someone has to stay here and run Arkadia, make sure those that are left behind are safe. I have to go after my daughter: I can't just stay here when I know Clarke's in trouble. I have to go Marcus, which means you have to stay. I'm sorry.”  
  
She watched as Marcus scanned her face, the worry already obvious in his eyes. His fingers curled around the pin laying in his palm, but he didn't look at it, didn't look away from her.  
  
“I don't like this,” he murmured, his voice quiet. “I don't like us splitting up.” Abby heard something in his tone that made her insides twist momentarily, but then she watched as he shook his head, letting out a small sigh as his eyes fell closed. When they opened again, there was a new determination in them, and then he nodded, eyes returning to hers. “But you're right: one of us needs to stay here, and you have to go after Clarke. Just...” He trailed off, eyes scanning her face before he said quietly, “Just be careful Abby. We have no idea what our enemy is planning this time, and we don't know for sure we can trust the Commander. I don't think she'll turn on us again, don't think she'll turn on Clarke, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't still be careful.” Again her gut twisted painfully as he added, “I need you to come back.” His lips curled up, almost in a forced smile. “Preferably in one piece,” he joked, trying to lighten the tension.  
  
“I'll be back, Marcus,” she promised. “And when I come back Clarke will be with me.” He nodded, holding her gaze for just a moment longer before he looked past her. The crowd had begun to dissipate, those who planned on leaving going to gather their things and those who planned on staying going to find something else to do, and he looked back to her. “I'll help you pack,” he offered, taking a step forward when she turned to go. He looked down at the pin in his hand before reaching up and securing it to his own jacket. “While we get together what you need, you can fill me in on any little things I need to know about being Chancellor until you get back.”  
  
Abby nodded, feeling a small smile tug at the corners of her mouth as they moved back into camp. “Of course, Marcus: that sounds like a good idea.”

***

Seeing Abby and Kane getting caught up in a conversation with Callie and Nygel, Bellamy turned his focus elsewhere, quickly finding Monty and Raven still standing over to the side with a group of what remained of the Delinquents standing behind them. Fifteen of those who were left of the original hundred stood around, a few shuffling their feet but all with looks of determination on their faces.  
  
“Everybody who's going needs to be armed,” he informed them as he made his way over to the group, hearing his sister follow behind him. They all turned to him, a few eyes flickering to the gun he still held. He jerked his head towards the center of camp where their armory had been built. “Go grab what you need. Load up on ammo: who knows how much we'll need, and once we're out there won't be anymore. But make sure there's enough left behind so that Arkadia will still be able to defend itself.” He looked to Raven, meeting her eyes. “There's enough bullets for both, right Raven?” She nodded but shrugged at the same time, telling him, “There's a lot, sure, but we've had to spend time working on more than just bullets. And since it's been pretty quiet lately, we really haven't made many. Wick'll be able to make more if they need 'em, but it takes time to make them and supplies that're still limited, so don't get too greedy.” Bellamy nodded and then looked to the others, telling them, “You heard her: go get ready, but make sure enough's left that those here will still be able to fight if they need to.” The Delinquents all nodded and then those who weren't already armed headed out, Bellamy calling after them, “And move fast! We're leaving in a half hour too!”  
  
As the rest of the group walked away, Bellamy was left standing with Raven, Monty, Jasper, Miller and Octavia, each of them already armed with their chosen weapon. He saw Monty look at his best friend out of the corner of his eyes.  
  
“Maybe it isn't such a good idea for you to come,” he muttered to Jasper, trying to keep his tone down, but Jasper just laughed.  
  
“Yeah right, like I'm gonna miss this,” he scoffed, shrugging his gun over his shoulder. Octavia looked at him too, the worry clear in her voice as she told him, “Maybe Monty's right, Jasper. It was only a couple of days ago you were pointing a gun at Lexa and threatening to shoot her. I don't think following her into battle is exactly the best choice you could make right now.”  
  
His face darkened the moment Octavia mentioned the Commander's name, and his eyes flickered over to her. Bellamy felt his grip tighten around his gun, not taking his eyes away from Jasper's.  
  
“I'm not following the Commander,” he said, practically spitting the Grounder's title out. “I'm following Abby.” He looked around the group, eyes never staying on one of them for long. “Clarke's saved us more times than any of us can count; she saved me just in the first couple days of being down here and I'm not gonna sit back when I can return the favor.” His expression darkened further, his fingers tightening around the grip of his gun as he looked out in front of him, not focusing on anything at all. “And if I get to kill some Grounders on the way, that just makes it even better,” he grumbled. Without looking back at any of them, he pushed his way through them, walking over to the closed gate, shifting the gun he held against his arm.  
  
Without looking away from him, Bellamy murmured to Monty, “You up for watching him, Monty? He's a good shot, so it'd be good to have him, but he needs to be watched; after the other day, I don't trust him around the Grounders.”  
  
“Not sure I trust the Grounders with us,” Miller pointed out, raising his eyebrows, and Bellamy looked over at him.  
  
“I don't either, but everything'll only get worse if Jasper goes shooting anybody he wants,” he told him, and Miller nodded his head reluctantly in agreement. Monty let out a small sigh, still watching his best friend, his brow turned down sadly.  
  
“I'll watch him,” he said, tone quiet, “It's what I've been doing for four months: what's a little longer?”  
  
“I'll help you keep an eye on him,” Miller informed him, shrugging his gun against his shoulder. He looked at Jasper and then back to Monty, jerking his head towards Bellamy. “I don't trust the Grounders, but Bellamy's right: if Jasper tries attacking anybody he wants thing's are only going to get worse for us all.” Monty sighed again and shook his head, clearly more upset about his best friend than he felt like expressing, and then he shifted the bag over his shoulder slightly and moved to join his best friend at the gate. Miller's grip on his gun tightened, shooting Bellamy a small nod which he returned, and then he followed after Monty.  
  
“I really think we can trust Lexa, Bell,” Octavia informed him as they moved away. He turned to his sister, eyebrows raising as he pursed his lips. “You saw them together: she cares about Clarke.”  
  
“Or she wants Clarke to think she cares about her,” he replied. He scowled, saying, “I'm still not convinced she doesn't have anything to do with this. She's already turned on Clarke and the rest of us once: why are you so sure she isn't just doing it again? Since when are you on her side?”  
  
For a moment Octavia just shook her head, her brow pulling down as she glared at him.  
  
“I'm not on her side,” she insisted, her tone low. “I haven't forgiven her for anything that's happened anymore than you have. And I'm not saying we should follow her blindly or believe everything she tells us: we'd have to be idiots to do that, after everything we've been through.” She stopped for a moment, eyes turning towards the gate, looking out as though she could see the army that they all knew waited behind it. “But you didn't see her,” she finally continued, her voice almost soft. Her eyes flickered back to his, and he saw something in them he didn't know how to describe. “When she found out about Clarke... You didn't see her, Bell. When we told her Clarke had been taken she just... She was terrifying. And terrified: she couldn't have faked that reaction. She has nothing to do with any of this, and she's just as worried about Clarke as any of us. Maybe more so.”  
  
Her words hung over them for a long moment, weighing down on them, until Bellamy shook his head.  
  
“Still doesn't mean she's off the hook,” he replied. “She still turned her back on us at Mount Weather: I don't trust her and won't trust her.” He held his hand up when she opened her mouth as though to argue again. “But,” he told her, “I know that we need her and her army for this. I'll make sure our people don't do anything to cause trouble with hers. Once Clarke's back though, I'm all for going back to having no interactions with her or her people.”  
  
“You can't blame all of them for the choice Lexa made,” Octavia argued, one hand moving to her hip. “You don't blame Lincoln for it, and he's a Grounder.”  
  
“Lincoln's different,” he replied, brow pulling down further. “He's proven he can be trusted. He's one of us now, not one of them.” Octavia bristled at the words, her jaw clenching as she took a step forwards. “And what if I say I'm one of them?” she asked, her tone rough. “I'm more Trikru than Skaikru.”  
  
“You're my sister,” he said simply, “As far as I'm concerned, that's always what you'll be, first and foremost. I don't care what you call yourself, that's what you are and how I'll always see you.”  
  
Octavia looked as though she was about to say something else, clearly not ready to let the matter drop, when Raven reached out, her hand moving to the other girl's shoulder.  
  
“Alright alright, that's enough, cool it you two,” she told them, looking back and forth between them. “As rousing as this little debate is, we have more important things to deal with right now.” They both continued to hold the others look for a moment longer, before each nodded almost imperceptibly, turning their attention to her. “We're agreed: no one attacks any of the Grounders. For now at least we trust them until they give us a reason not to. Once Clarke's back we'll go from there, but right now we need them.” Again they both nodded, and Raven returned the motion, drawing her hand away from Octavia's shoulder. Shifting her full attention to the younger girl, she asked, “But speaking of Lincoln, where is he?”  
  
“Lexa sent him and a few of her warriors to try to track the movements of Clarke's kidnappers,” the brunette answered, shifting where she stood as she turned to Raven. “Their orders were to follow them and to leave us an easy trail to follow also, and if they get the chance they're supposed to try to save Clarke before they get to the Ice Queen.”  
  
“How much do you know about this Ice Queen, O?” her brother asked her, and Octavia had to shrug.  
  
“Not much,” she admitted. “Lincoln's told me about the different clans, but not much about this one, other than the Ice Nation queen has it out for Lexa for some reason. I didn't get why, but apparently she does. Lincoln thinks she's using Clarke to try to get to Lexa, that's why she was taken.” She didn't tell them the way Lexa had reacted the moment she found out who it was that had Clarke: the reaction told her that things were far worse than she thought, but until she knew just why that was she didn't see any reason to worry anyone more than they already were.  
  
“Figures,” Bellamy muttered darkly, “Of course Clarke would get caught in the middle of a Grounder war.”  
  
“That definitely sounds like her,” Raven agreed, and Octavia had to just nod. After a minute Bellamy let out a long sigh, running his free hand quickly through his hair to brush it out of his eyes.  
  
“Alright,” he told them, “We're gonna be leaving soon, so we should all make sure we have everything we need too. Meet back here in fifteen minutes?” They all nodded, both girls turning and heading out to grab whatever last minute supplies they needed, and before he followed them Bellamy shot one last look at the gate still closed in front of Monty, Jasper and Miller. He looked past the three of them, thinking about the army that once again stood outside their wall, and shook his head.  
  
Leave it to Clarke to get mixed up in a Grounder war they should have no part in.

***

Reese paced angrily in her room, one hand grasping around the hilt of her dagger while the other remained balled up in a tight fist at her side. Fury raced through her, causing her heart to race in her chest. How dare Dr. Griffin tell her she couldn't go after Clarke! Didn't she get that she was Clarke's Second? It was her _job_ to make sure Clarke was okay, to be her back up, and she'd already failed once by not being with her leader when she was taken. She should have been there, should have insisted Clarke let her go with them to take Heda back to her village. If she had, maybe she could have helped and Clarke wouldn't be in trouble now. So she had to go, had to find Clarke and help her, she couldn't just stay behind and wait to find out what would happen. Clarke needed her, which meant she couldn't, _wouldn't_ , stay here while other people went after her. She just needed to figure out the best way to get out of Arkadia without alerting anyone that she was leaving. If she could sneak away, she could help find Clarke.  
  
The door to her room opened and she glanced up to see Thom standing in the doorway.  
  
“Leave me alone, Thom, I'm thinking,” she growled, resuming her pacing, trying to rack her brain to come up with something.  
  
“You're gonna sneak away, right?” he asked, and her head shot up again.  
  
“What?” she asked, unable to come up with a better response on the spot. He just grinned at her, repeating, “You're gonna sneak away: I know a way out. We can get out 'fore anyone knows we left.”  
  
His words stopped her dead in her tracks, her head beginning to shake before she realized it was moving.  
  
“Nu uh,” she just said, “Nu uh, no, you can't come.” He scowled at her, taking a step inside their room, and the door shut behind him.  
  
“Why not?” he demanded, both arms crossing in front of him. “I'm a warrior too, jest like you are! I get to come too!”  
  
“You're too little,” Reese argued, and he just glared harder as he exclaimed, “And Abby says you're too little!”  
  
“I'm bigger than you!” she informed him, “Which means you're really too little to come. It's too dangerous.” His scowl deepened, lower lip thrusting out for just a moment before his eyes lit up, almost making him grin.  
  
“Fine, you don't want me to go, then I'm not helping you leave,” he told her, lifting his head higher. “Do you know how to get outta here without gettin' caught?” She glared at him harder, only making his grin grow. “Thought so,” he said smugly. “I'll only show you if you let me come with you.”  
  
Reese let out a noise that seemed to be stuck somewhere between a growl and an exasperated sigh as she looked away from him, clenching her jaw. She needed a way out of the camp, needed to find a way to catch up with Heda so she could go after Clarke, but Thom was too little to go with them. He could get hurt, and she couldn't let that happen to him. Her eyes darted back to him, and she saw that his arms had moved, both now hanging down at his side, one hand curled around the hilt of a dagger she hadn't seen since the Chancellor tried to take it away and he'd had to hide it. The sight made her close her eyes as she took in a deep breath. Telling him he couldn't go because he was too little was exactly the same thing as Abby telling her she couldn't go for the same reason – even though she was right and the Chancellor was wrong – and she knew Thom would listen about as much as she planned on listening to Abby. He planned on leaving, planned on following the warriors towards an enemy that was probably worse than anything either of them had ever seen before, and he was the one of them who actually knew a way to sneak out of the camp without being caught. At least if she agreed to let him go with her, she would be with him and able to protect him.  
  
“Okay,” she finally told him, noticing the way his lips curled up into a bigger grin. “But you have to do what I say: I'm in charge until we meet up with Heda, so you have to listen to me no matter what.” He nodded, easily ready to agree to her terms. She licked her lips, nerves starting to buzz through her as she began pacing again. “We can't go right now,” she murmured, trying to think things through the way Clarke would. “If we do, Abby or Kane or someone will just make us come back. We'll have to wait until after everyone's left, so that by the time we catch up with them they won't be able to send us back.” She saw Thom nod out of the corner of her eyes. Turning to him, she asked, “So how do we get out of here?”  
  
“One of the panels on the gate is loose,” he informed her, purposefully not saying which one. “Raven showed me it a long time ago. We get out with that.”  
  
Reese nodded, looking away as she thought something through. She glanced over at her bed where she'd tossed her bow and arrows the moment she'd come into the room, and again let her fingers curl around her dagger hilt. Looking at the weapons, she made up her mind about something and moved towards the door.  
  
“Come on,” she said to Thom, the boy quickly following her as the door opened and they stepped out of the room. “If we're going, there's something we need to get first. Better do it while everyone's busy.” Thom nodded and quickly followed her down the hall, not questioning it as they moved towards Clarke's room.

***

“ _You need to relax, Leksa,_ ” Taigon murmured beside her, his voice low enough and her warriors far enough away that no one else would be able to hear him. She didn't take her eyes from the tree line, didn't even bother to turn towards him as she growled back at him, “ _Do not tell me what I need to do, Teigon._ ”  
  
The healer eyed his sister, trying not to let his worry for her show. Every since she'd returned from the Skaikru camp she'd sat on her horse, eyes not moving from the trees. She hadn't once looked back at the camp, even though every warrior in her army seemed unable to tear their eyes away from it, and Taigon could feel the nervous hum running through all of them. Horses shifted where they stood, warriors mumbled to one another, but few other sounds could be heard, and the quiet from so many warriors felt eerie. His skin crawled, not used to waiting around for something to happen, and constantly found himself looking over to her, not having to wonder what she was thinking about.  
  
Finally he heard a loud creaking noise and turned his attention back to the Skaikru camp, just in time to see its gate opening. The warriors all seemed to stiffen at once, the thrumming energy running through everyone only seeming to intensify, and Taigon couldn't help but let his gaze once again dart to his sister. Lexa's attention had turned to the emerging Skaikru just as everyone else's had, though her back only seemed to straighten further in her seat, her head raising. He could practically see her push her thoughts aside, could see the mask of the Commander fall across her face once more, and he clenched his hands around his reins tighter, making his horse shift beneath him. He reached out and ran a comforting hand along its neck, though honestly he couldn't say whether the touch was meant to comfort the animal or himself. When the small army of Skaikru had closed half the distance between their camp and the Grounder Army, Lexa urged her horse a few steps forward, one hand moving up and quirking a single finger. Her people were well trained, the little motion all that was needed. Without a word, Walsh and a second warrior urged their horses after her, flanking her just a couple of steps behind on either side, while two others moved up to draw even with his horse.  
  
The Skaikru all stopped when those leading them were only a few paces in front of the Commander's horse, and Taigon saw Walsh and the second warrior shift in their seats, even as his sister remained perfectly still. Lexa's voice rang out loud enough to be heard by both Skaikru and her own people as she called out, “Welcome, Skaikru. I thank you for choosing to join us: we move now as one against a common enemy.”  
  
“We go to save my daughter,” a woman at the front of the small group of warriors replied, her tone hard, and Taigon examined the woman who was Clarke's mother. “I will find my daughter, and I won't let anyone stand in my way of that.”  
  
Even Taigon could hear the veiled threat in the words, and the tension only shot up as a number of the Commander's warriors growled, many of them shifting on their horses or clenching their weapons tighter. The reaction only made the Skaikru army glare back, fingers wrapping tightly around guns, and Taigon had to close his eyes. Nothing about this was getting off to a good start.  
  
“We all want the Wanheda returned to her people safely,” he heard his sister inform the Skaikru leader, and when Taigon opened his eyes to look back at them he saw confusion written on many of their faces. Lexa didn't give them time to wonder about Clarke's title, however, instead turning in her saddle towards her own people and lifting her hand again. With the smallest of gestures she had a few of her people moving forward, the extra horses she'd had saddled and brought with them led towards the Skaikru. Turning back towards them, she simply said, “As I said, there are a few extra horses for your people.” She gestured again, and a warrior led one of the horses directly to Clarke's mother, and Taigon could see the surprise on the woman's face. “Mount up, Chancellor,” the Commander told her, “And ride with me. Together we will lead our people to our enemy and your daughter.”  
  
Taigon watched as the warrior handed the reins to the Chancellor, the woman accepting them hesitantly. The horse shifted, clearly unimpressed with the woman's hesitance, and Octavia stepped forward, gently taking the reins from her. “I'll hold her still, Abby,” he heard the girl tell her leader, and then Abby nodded. Before mounting, the Skaikru leader turned around, addressing another of her warriors. She looked to him, the two sets of eyes meeting before Taigon managed to hear her say, “Take care of things while I'm gone, Marcus.”  
  
“I will, Abby,” the man replied, giving her a small nod. “Go find your daughter.” He scanned her face for a moment before adding quietly, “May we meet again.”  
  
“May we meet again,” the Chancellor echoed in the same tone, and Taigon's gaze was pulled to his sister as he noticed her shift where she still sat. The motion was small, unnoticeable to anyone who didn't know her well, but Taigon had known her his entire life: for some reason the words these Sky People had just spoken had effected her, had hit her in a way she hadn't been completely able to hide. He did not know exactly why, but he didn't have to wonder if it had anything to do with the very blonde girl two armies now marched together to find.  
  
The Chancellor mounted clumsily, Octavia holding the horse in place while she did so before moving to the horse she'd ridden from Polis, and a few other members of the Skaikru army moved to the remaining horses, all pulling themselves into the saddles in a range of uncoordinated maneuvers. Finally the last horse had a rider, and those still standing looked as ready to go as those in the saddle, and Lexa turned her horse, allowing the Chancellor's to move up beside her, and the two leaders led the way back into the trees. Taigon urged his horse forward, following behind his sister, and two armies moved as one alongside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Lexa. She has to deal with the Skaikru and their alliance when all she wants is to be able to go after Clarke. This is not going to be easy for her...
> 
> But anyway. As always, hope you enjoyed the update! I always love hearing from you and finding out what you think. I know I don't usually reply to comments here, but if anyone has any questions or wants to start a conversation, you can always reach out to me via my Tumblr, clarkethewanheda. I do my best to reply to anything I get there. So yeah, hope you liked the chapter, and hope to hear from at least a few of you! Thanks everyone!


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for a bit of violence in this chapter. I will continue to give warnings at the beginning of chapters when needed (and as we go, it's going to be needed).

Over the past few weeks, the days had begun to lengthen. Despite the snow that still remained on the ground or the chill that continued to bite in the air, each day the sun remained in the sky just a few minutes longer than the previous one. The oncoming Spring fought with the stubborn Winter, pushing the darkness back later and later, grasping to get just a few extra minutes of light.  
  
Even so, the light of the day was slowly being extinguished by the dark of night by the time Lexa's army of mixed Grounders and Skaikru met the rest of her warriors. She saw Indra in the distance, staring through the trees towards her and the people traveling behind her, and had to stiffen her muscles to keep herself from urging her horse forward faster. She desperately wanted to push them harder, make them go faster so that she could catch up to her enemy and their captive, but despite her earlier words she'd kept the pace slower than she wanted so that the walking Skaikru could keep up. More than half of Clarke's people traveled on foot, many with packs across their backs, and as much as she wanted to leave them behind, she knew she couldn't. They hadn't stopped once since leaving Arkadia, and to the Sky People's credit none of them had yet to complain about the pace. Perhaps if one did she could use that as an excuse to leave them all behind, but for the time being she had to show them a willingness to work together, and that started by traveling as one, no matter what the slow pace did to her nerves.  
  
“Heda,” Indra stated the moment Lexa rode close enough to be heard, her head lowering in a partial bow from her seat. The Commander did not miss the fact that Indra's eyes flickered to Abby riding beside her the moment her head was down, only returning to her as she lifted her face back up. Lexa said nothing, simply raised her brow and she saw the chief clench her jaw for the briefest moment before she looked over to Abby, nodding to her stiffly before saying, “Chancellor.”  
  
“Indra,” Abby replied, returning the nod, her tone no less distrusting than Indra's had been. The warrior's lips pursed but said nothing, returning her attention to Lexa.  
  
For her part, Lexa remained silent, her horse fidgeting beneath her as she unconsciously tightened her hold on her reins. Looking past Indra to the dozens of warriors behind her, she saw all of them looking past her, many with glares on their faces, fingers curled around hilts of swords and daggers or bows. She didn't need to look to know that the Skaikru behind her were giving the warriors the same look of distrust. All day they had either ridden or walked away from her own people, the two clearly divided. Tension coursed through the air making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, and if she'd been able to keep her mind anywhere other than miles away from her, her gut would be wrenching due to it. As it was, the sick feeling weighing her stomach down had nothing to do with any of them, and everything to do with a missing blonde.  
  
Hooves clomped softly in the snow behind her, and Lexa allowed herself to look back out of the corner of her eye. Octavia rode up to them, moving to Abby's free side, but she wasn't looking at either of them. Her eyes held Indra's, and Lexa noticed her chief raise her chin a hair higher as the young warrior approached.  
  
“Master Indra,” the girl called out almost softly the moment she drew even with Abby. She bowed her head, a clear sign of respect, but never completely broke eye contact with the other woman. Indra met her look but didn't reply, appearing for all the world as though she hadn't heard. Lexa noticed Octavia's jaw clench but the girl only held her head up high at the silence. The two stared at each other, and behind them their armies stared back, nerves and tension flying through the air.  
  
None of this was good. Not that Lexa had expected it to go well or easily, mixing the two people together, but the hostility pouring off of both groups filled the space around them. She looked back and saw Bellamy and a number of other warriors standing with guns in their hands, aimed at no one but their stances proved that they would be ready to aim in a moment's notice. She noticed Bellamy's gaze didn't waver and she followed it, finding him locked into a glaring match with Shet. The big warrior sat only a few feet away from Indra, and the smile that so often pulled at his lips was nowhere to be seen, his eyes instead narrowed as one fist held tightly to the knife hanging at his belt. Countless others held the same kind of looks on their faces, and Lexa knew that if she didn't do something soon the tension would break, and she wouldn't be able to stop the fight that so clearly threatened to break out. She pushed all thoughts of anything other than those around her out of her mind, forcing herself to focus as she sat straighter in her saddle. Flicking her reins, she urged her horse to take a step forward, moving to the center of where the armies had come together.  
  
Her movement caught the attention of all her warriors, and she felt it as they all turned to her, eyes still glancing at the Skaikru but giving her the respect and attention she got whenever she stood before her people. She allowed her gaze to sweep over them all, the silence growing around them as they all waited to hear what she had to say. She said nothing until she'd looked at them all, allowing all of them to meet her gaze, showing no signs of discomfort even when she turned that look to the Skaikru.  
  
“Warriors,” she finally called out, her voice ringing in the silence, and just at the one word she heard the almost non-existent shift as her people all sat a little straighter in their saddles. Her gaze continued to sweep over them as she continued, “You all know why we are here. Azgeda.” Growls and muttering could be heard from a number of her people, but she didn't allow it to stop her. “Azgeda warriors attacked me. They attacked me because their queen believes I stole what should be hers. She believes that I am not your Heda, that I do not deserve my title. She believes the title is her birth right, but rather than challenge me openly, she sends her people to attempt to murder me.” The growls grew louder and mutterings turned into curses, and she allowed their scowls to fuel her on. Her tone rose, voice carrying so that even those furthest away from her could hear her with no problems. “Nia is a coward,” she spat, her hate for the woman easily recognized by everyone around her. “She and her people are traitors. By attacking me, they have broken the coalition. By kidnapping Klark kom Skaikru, they threaten the alliance with our allies.” Saying the blonde's name made it feel as though someone's fist had viciously made contact with her gut, but she forced herself not to dwell on it. “I will stand for none of this. I have made it clear what will happen to those who break my laws.” Her eyes scanned the crowd again, and she saw many of her warriors lift their heads higher, saw many of them catch their breath from the fury that glowed in her eyes. As she turned, she caught Indra's eyes, their gazes locking, and Lexa felt herself clench her teeth before she whispered, “Jus drein, jus daun.”  
  
“Jus drain, jus daun,” Indra echoed fiercely, her voice a little louder, and then the warriors behind her were repeating it, the warriors who had followed Lexa quickly falling into the chant as well.  
  
For a long moment, Lexa allowed her people to chant, allowed them to speak the words they'd been saying for generations. The words fueled them, brought a new light to their eyes, a new purpose to why they rode, and distracted them enough to momentarily forget about the Skaikru that rode with them. She allowed her gaze to flicker over to them, finding many of them shifting where they stood or holding their reins tighter, but more than just nerves she saw a fire lighting in them as well. These words were new to them, far less familiar than they were to her own people, and yet they seemed to stir the same reaction. Octavia was the only one to fall into the chant, pounding her fist against her leg in the same manner that a number of her own people had begun to do to draw out the rhythm of the words, and yet they all seemed effected by the words in the same way. As the words continued to ring out around her, she looked over first to Walsh and then to Indra, both falling quiet the moment she nodded to them, and quickly they moved to flank her. The moment they settled behind her, she looked over to Abby, the woman still sitting a few feet away from her and near her people.  
  
“Come, Chancellor,” she called amidst the words that continued to fill the air around her, “Let us go find our enemy.” _And your daughter_ , she nearly added, but stopped herself before the words could slip past her lips. Abby seemed to hear them anyway, determination once again settling into her expression, and she nodded, her body jerking slightly as she urged her horse forward. The moment she drew even with Lexa, the Commander nodded, looking one last time over their people and then flicked her reins. As her horse began forward and her army followed, she set her sights in front of her, a fierceness filling her eyes she hadn't felt in many years. 

***

Stifling a grunt, Clarke just managed to stop herself from wincing as she felt her hands get crushed between her back and the rough bark of the tree Maloch all but threw her against. She didn't miss the small smirk he gave her, but ignored it, choosing instead to push herself up before she could fall over any further. Her captor only watched her for a moment as she struggled to right herself, and then walked back over to his horse, his attention leaving her for the moment.  
  
Every part of Clarke hurt. Her thighs burned and her butt ached, the hours in the saddle far too many with far too few breaks in between for someone not accustomed to that type of travel. Pain shot through her back all the way into her skull, screaming at her for sitting up so straight for so long, but she'd take the pain over leaning back against Maloch for even a second. Her shoulders felt as though thousands of microscopic needles had managed to bury themselves beneath her skin, digging into her whenever she moved, and her arms felt much the same way. She knew her hands would feel the same eventually, but they had long ago fallen asleep to the point where now they were more than just asleep: they were stiff, any and all feeling in them having vacated the day before. Ever since her attempt at escape two days ago, her hands had remained firmly tied behind her, never once released for even the most menial task. Needless to say, it did not make traveling any more pleasant than it had been before.  
  
By some miracle though, she still held onto the chalk she'd managed to commandeer from the cave. How she managed she'd never be able to say, other than through sheer will-power alone, but even now as she forced herself to sit up, she could feel it dig against her palm. The one good thing about having her hands tied behind her back meant that none of her captors thought anything of them anymore, so as long as she kept the chalk hidden in a closed fist or up a sleeve, no one had any reason to look for it, and she used that to her advantage. Every time they stopped and she was placed against a tree, she would let the chalk slip to her fingers and slowly maneuver it until she'd left her symbol behind, her mark for Lexa to find so that she knew she was following the right trail. For a day or so, that mark had been simple, just a small circle with an X through it, but as the time wore on and her fingers stiffened further, the mark had to be simplified even more. The last time she'd drawn a circle had been the previous afternoon, and even without seeing it she knew that there was no way what she'd managed to leave behind could possibly resemble a circle. Since then she'd stuck to just the X, and even that became more difficult with each stop.  
  
Clarke saw movement in the corner of her eye, and looked over to see Jojesh approach Maloch, his back to her so that she couldn't hear whatever it was he was saying. She saw Maloch glance over at her quickly, giving her another smirk when he saw her looking over at them, and then turned his attention back to the other man. Their horses shifted beside them, one with its nose to the ground as though it were looking for something to eat, while the other stood calmly looking around. Other than her captors' muffled voices and the movement of the shifting animals, the woods around them was quiet, and Clarke breathed deeply, trying to pull that quiet inside herself to steady her heartbeat.  
  
She felt one shoulder blade scrape against the tree, her jacket battered after so much traveling and rough treatment and unable to block against the rough pull of the bark. Ignoring it, she didn't take her eyes from her captives as she turned all her focus on her hands behind her. Both were curled into fists, and she had to keep herself from letting out a small cry as she fought to uncurl her fingers. They'd been clenched so long they fought against the movement, sharp pains wracking through her joints as they moved, but she fought back, stubbornly clenching her jaw and forcing them to move as she demanded. The chalk was even harder to move, and it took every bit of her will-power to guide the small stick down her palm and into her fingers without dropping it. It rolled a second longer than she thought it should, and her heart skipped a beat before she realized she still held it in her fingers. Trying to hide the relief from her expression, her eyes darted back to her captors, finding them still standing together and talking about something she imagined she didn't want to know about. With them busy in their conversation, Clarke grasped the small piece of chalk in a painful grip and shifted against the tree once more.  
  
At first press against the bark, the chalk only slid back against her fingers, her grip not strong enough to hold it in place. Holding in a growl of frustration, the blonde closed her eyes, her mouth pursed in concentration. Slowly she moved the chalk back and held it tighter, ignoring the sparks of pain that flew through her fingers, and once again pressed it against the bark. This time the chalk stayed in place, and slowly she dragged it down the bark, hoping that she actually managed to leave a mark behind.  
  
Her marks, her symbols, weren't much, especially now that her fingers refused to cooperate, but they had to be enough. When she'd first managed to get a hold of the chalk it had been a matter of making sure Lexa knew she was alright, knew that she was fighting back and that she hadn't given up. It had even been a small matter of pride, a little flare of rebellion to her captors to show herself that she wasn't as helpless as they might believe her to be. Now, however, the marks had become so much more.  
  
The following night after they had taken Clarke to her cave, the group of Ice Nation warriors had split up into three groups, each going off in a different direction. Hours later they had all met back up, but it hadn't been long before they'd split once again. Since then Clarke's captors had broken off into separate directions six times, usually in two or three groups, and once breaking down even into four groups. Every time they broke apart, Clarke would be forced to travel with Maloch and Jojesh, the two never letting her out of their sight, every now and then another of the warriors even traveling with them. They would travel for at least an hour before they met back up with any of the other groups, until eventually they were all traveling together once again.  
  
Clarke didn't have to guess as to why they kept splitting off into different directions: each time they did so, it made it more difficult for them to be followed. Every time they broke up into two, or three, or even four parties, it meant anyone tracking them had to guess at which path to follow, making it that much longer before they would be able to find the right one. The first time they'd split up, Clarke had only just managed to keep her expression from sinking before Maloch looked over to her, that sneer she was becoming all-too familiar with already on his face. She'd hidden it just in time and only tightened her fist around the chalk pressing against her palm. Now that chalk was so much more than just proving to herself and anyone else that she could take care of herself: now it was the only way she had of making sure Lexa and anyone else following them knew which path to take, knew the fastest way to find her. She had no way of knowing for sure if the symbols she left behind would even last long enough for anyone to see them, but she clung to them like a life-line. That life-line was weak, far too easily possible to be broken by weather, animals or other natural occurrences, but she clung to it nevertheless.  
  
Once the first line of her mark was drawn, Clarke forced her fingers up, pulling the chalk down against the bark a second time, hoping that what was left behind came even just somewhat close to resembling an X. The mark made, whether well or not, she let a small silent sigh escape her, finally relaxing her stiff fingers. Even relaxed they hurt, but she tried to force the pain to the back of her mind. She took in a deep breath, trying to keep her head clear and mind aware, but that became increasingly harder to do the longer she let her eyes remain closed. She'd barely gotten any sleep ever since waking up to find out she'd become a prisoner of Lexa's greatest enemy, and the tree she leaned against felt blessedly solid behind her, far too easy to sink against.  
  
Just about to lose the battle and fall into unconsciousness, Clarke felt herself yanked back to her feet when a hand grabbed at her shoulder, lifting her by her jacket. Her eyes sprang open, heart stopping in her chest, but it wasn't Maloch's smirk that caused either reaction: the force of his yank pulled her up too quickly, her body having no time to comprehend what was happening in order to respond, and suddenly the chalk rolled across her fingers, its light weight falling from her hand. For more than a day she'd barely been able to feel anything against her stiff fingers, but the moment that chalk fell, they burned as though a heated blade were pressed against them.  
  
A lump formed in the back of her throat, air seeming to slam out of her chest as she realized what had just happened. Her mind shut down, unable to focus on anything but her empty hand, and a small cry barely bubbled past her lips. From somewhere in the back her mind she saw Maloch's smirk grow, equating the sound to a reaction to his movements, but she couldn't fully comprehend it. Her mind could put nothing together other than the fact that she could no longer feel the chalk against her palm because it wasn't there anymore.  
  
“Let's go,” she heard Maloch say almost cheerfully, the words moving like syrup through her head. She didn't move, no longer knew how to, and he stepped forward to push her towards the horses. He paused in his movement as his foot came down, and a moment later when he looked down, Clarke registered what had happened at the same time he did. Clenching her jaw, she just closed her eyes, trying to lose herself completely.  
  
When Maloch stepped forward, he didn't expect anything to break beneath his boot. Sticks littered the ground, yes, but none where he'd stepped, so when he felt something snap, his brow furrowed, surprised. Lifting his foot he looked down, and it took him a minute to realize what it was. After all, the white chalk blended in all too well with the snow on the ground, but the moment he made out the chalk, his mind began to whirl. None too gently, he pushed the blonde captive out of his way, not looking at her as she stumbled to the side, falling down to one knee in order to catch herself. He scanned the tree he'd set her against, and a second later saw the X.  
  
Clarke's eyes only opened when she felt herself get shoved to the side, only just managing to drop to one knee rather than go sprawling face first into the snow. She wobbled for a moment, unable to reach out and steady herself, but managed to keep herself up. Just as she was about to try to stand back up, she felt herself yanked harshly back to her feet, her shoulders screaming in protest as a hand wrapped around her bound wrists and jerked her backwards. She hissed softly at the pain, but when Maloch's face was suddenly in hers, she just lifted her chin, meeting his eyes. Those eyes burned with a white fury, no sign of a smirk or sneer anywhere in them, but though they made a chill run down her spine, Clarke just met them, keeping her own as controlled as she could.  
  
“How many?” he hissed at her, that same fury causing his voice to rise higher than she'd heard it yet. She didn't let it get to her, didn't allow him to see anything other than her own glare, before she felt her lips turn up into a smirk of her own.  
  
“That's a very good question,” she told him, her tone even. “Wouldn't you love to know the answer?”  
  
Taunting him was, she knew, probably one of the dumbest things she could do, especially in that moment. The hand against her wrists jerked again, causing fresh sparks of pain to erupt down her arms, and his free hand suddenly found its way to her neck. Fingers clenched around her throat, tightening with every passing second until Clarke was gasping, desperately trying to draw air into her lungs. She struggled against him, but no amount of squirming could make him release his hold. Her mouth hung open, drying as she fought to draw in oxygen, but none could make it past his iron grip. Her vision blurred, defined shapes becoming less defined, and panic set into her chest as she realized he had no intention of releasing her. The panic made her struggle against him harder, but her movement only made his fingers tighten against her skin. Just as darkness began to creep along the corner of her vision and she felt herself about ready to give in to it, something bright and shiny entered what remained of her field of sight.  
  
“ _Meilok_ ,” she heard said, and somewhere in the back of her foggy mind she recognized Jojesh's voice. “ _Release her, now, or I will not hesitate_.”  
  
For another second nothing happened, the pressure at her throat no less tight, and the darkness continued to creep in, and then suddenly those fingers were gone and Clarke fell to the ground, her body unable to hold her up now that she'd been released. Her shoulder hit the ground hard, a new jarring pain shooting through it, but she was too busy coughing and trying to breathe past those coughs now that she finally had the ability to to notice it. It hurt as she sucked lungful after lungful of sweet oxygen in, her throat burning from the ghost of the touch she still felt against her skin, but the hurt was a welcome relief from the pain that had burned at her lungs only a few moments ago. She continued to cough, hacking as her body worked to right itself, her eyes watering from the sheer force of it all. As the darkness cleared from her vision, she had to blink to shed those tears that gathered, and only just managed to watch one set of feet disappear from her line of sight before her. A moment later and a hand once again wrapped around her arm, thankfully the less injured of the two, and she found herself being pulled back to her feet. Her coughing finally stopping and being replaced with heavy breathing, she looked up to see Jojesh in front of her, his other hand returning his dagger to his belt. He eyed her as he did so, looking over first her face and then her neck, no doubt at the bruises she knew must have formed from Maloch's hold, and then she thought she saw him give her the smallest shake of his head.  
  
“That was not wise,” he told her, his tone low. “If the queen didn't want you alive you would have just been killed.”  
  
“If the queen didn't want me alive, I would have been dead days ago,” she croaked back, her voice breaking as she spoke. She glared at him, trying to show him nothing other than the same stubborn look she'd given any of them ever since they caught her, and she watched as he scanned her face. He raised one eyebrow at her, and then nodded.  
  
“That is true,” he replied, and she thought he was going to say more, but then he just pushed her forward, much more softly than she expected. She didn't fight back, had no way to, really, and let him lead her over to his horse. Maloch already sat in his saddle, his horse fidgeting anxiously beneath him as he looked around. Seeing them out of the corner of his eyes, he turned, and Clarke noticed he didn't look at her, only at Jojesh. She also noticed a very small trickle of blood running down his pale neck.  
  
“ _Hurry up_ ,” he growled, once again looking around him, “ _We have to go. Now._ ”  
  
Jojesh didn't argue, didn't say anything. Instead he just grabbed at Clarke's waist and then lifted her up to his saddle before mounting up behind her. Maloch tugged at his reins, urging his horse around slightly, before taking off in a gallop. Jojesh flicked his reins, and a moment later his horse followed just behind him at the same fast pace.  
  
As the two sets of hooves pounded against the ground, Clarke clenched her eyes shut, trying to forget about the fact that she'd just broken her last life-line to Lexa. 

***

A few years ago, Lexa had learned a lesson that no vessel before her had ever learned: it is much more difficult to maintain peace than it is to maintain war. Perhaps that was just part of human nature, the ability to hate overpowering the ability to forgive, or perhaps fighting had become just so ingrained in the human psyche it was impossible to ignore, but it was a truth she learned the hard way as she bled to form her coalition. It did not take long for her suspicions to be confirmed that a peace between her people and the Skaikru would be just as difficult to maintain. Possibly even more so, and no amount of motivational speeches would fend off the mistrust between them for long.  
  
They managed to travel a few more hours in the dark, torches lighting their way and her words ringing in their ears to hold their hatred for one another at bay, but even her words couldn't hold it back forever. Slowly those feelings of mistrust built back up, until the tension once again hung heavy between the two armies. She'd tried to ignore it for as long as she could, but finally she'd had to pull them all to a halt, declaring they would rest for the night and continue the moment it began to get light. No one had tried to fight with her, and her people had moved to one side of the area they'd stopped while the Sky People moved to the other, members of both parties sneaking suspicious glares across the middle at each other. Other than a small skirmish over some firewood, since they'd stopped the two people hadn't interacted with each other, and as far as Lexa could tell that was as good as it was going to get. The Skaikru pitched their tents and built their fires while her people did the same, each trying to ignore that the other was there.  
  
Lexa heard footsteps approaching from behind her but didn't bother to turn around. Even if she'd wanted to, she wasn't entirely sure she'd be able to wrench her gaze from the dark woods in front of her. Flickering light from the fires many feet behind her played at the edge of her vision, but it was the darkness her heart beat for. Somewhere in that darkness was Clarke; somewhere out there was the girl she cared so much for that her insides felt completely hollow without her. Part of her believed if she took those few steps into the darkness, if she allowed it to swallow her up as she longed for, Clarke would be there waiting. She knew it wasn't possible, knew that by now Clarke would be many miles away, closer to Nia than she was to Lexa, but that knowledge only made her gut wrench even more painfully.  
  
“ _You should try to sleep, sister_ ,” she heard Taigon tell her quietly, his footsteps stopping when he stood just behind her shoulder. She didn't answer him, didn't even make any move to indicate she'd heard, her eyes still trained on the dark in front of her. He sighed, and then she felt his hand wrap gently around her shoulder. “ _You can't do this, Leksa,_ ” he told her just as quietly, “ _Worrying like this isn't going to help anyone. You need to relax and get some rest. If not for yourself, then at least for your guards_.”  
  
She'd felt two sets of eyes on her all night, known she was being watched, but didn't care. Shet had offered to build her tent for her, but she'd declined the offer, leaving it tucked away for another night. He'd watched her move away from their fire, watched her take her place here just at the edge of darkness, but she'd said nothing to him. Another had joined him, she'd heard the movement, but she never turned around to see who it was that kept watch with him over their wary Heda. She felt them watch her as she stared into the dark woods, every fiber of her being aching to continue forward but knowing she couldn't until those she led managed to get the rest she couldn't even begin to force herself to take.  
  
“ _There are some things I cannot do_ ,” she murmured, not taking her eyes from the night in front of her. “ _Not even for my people_.”  
  
“ _Leksa_ ,” her brother began, worry clear in his tone, but she didn't let him continue.  
  
“ _But you should be resting_ ,” she informed him. Finally tearing her eyes away from the dark, even just for a moment, they flickered over to look at him. “ _And you should not be without your guards. I allowed you to come because you said you would stay with them_.”  
  
“ _You allowed me to come because you had no choice_ ,” he argued, his tone easy. She merely raised her eyebrows at him, and he rolled his eyes. “ _My guards are resting, as we all should be doing. I told them I was coming over to speak with you. They watched me the entire way here, and I am sure they will watch me the entire way back. So please don't threaten them like I know you want to_.” She didn't try to deny the words, didn't even try to argue with them. Instead she just nodded once before returning her attention to the woods before them. She heard Taigon sigh, felt it when his grip tightened on her shoulder, and knew he had more he wanted to say. Before he could get anymore words out though, they heard another pair of footsteps approaching them. Taigon turned to see who it was, and his grip on her shoulder tightened further, trying to get her attention. Forcefully she broke her gaze from the dark and turned to find Abby approaching them, as close to an even expression on her face as she could manage.  
  
“Chancellor,” Lexa said to her, nodding to the woman as she approached. She pushed her thoughts of the dark, her thoughts of Clarke, as far from her mind as she could, doing her best to focus solely on the Skaikru leader.  
  
“Commander,” Abby replied, returning the nod, and her eyes flickered to Taigon and then his hand that still held her shoulder. Lexa stood a little straighter, her shoulders both squaring, and Taigon let his hand drop.  
  
“Chancellor, I do not believe you have been introduced to Taigon yet,” she told the other woman, and Abby shook her head, her eyes quickly running over the other man. Lexa folded her hands behind her back, one hand clenching into a tight fist while the fingers of her other hand curled around its wrist, even as her expression remained controlled. She could feel her heart pick up its pace in her chest, but she ignored it, instead simply saying, “Taigon is one of our healers and my brother.” She turned slightly to him, nodding towards the other woman as she added, “Taigon, this is Chancellor Abby, leader of the Skaikru.”  
  
Looking back at the Chancellor, Lexa didn't miss the way Abby's brow shot up from her words. Her shock was clear even as she tried to hide it, but Lexa made no indication she noticed.  
  
“I... I wasn't aware you had a brother,” Abby finally said, eyes darting momentarily back and forth between them before they finally stopped on Taigon. She seemed to study him even more now that she knew his significance, and Lexa's heart only beat harder against her ribs.  
  
“There are few who know about me,” Taigon informed her with an easy smile, one that seemed to draw the Chancellor's lips up as well. “I do not leave Polis often.” He looked her over as well before meeting her eyes. “You are Clarke's mother.” Again her brow rose higher, and she simply nodded. The smile fell from his lips, his expression turning more serious, and Lexa saw Abby's eyes once again flicker back and forth between them. “Clarke is strong,” Taigon murmured quietly, his voice just loud enough for them to hear it, “Far stronger than most: she'll be fine, Chancellor Abby.”  
  
A lump of fear rose in Lexa's throat and she had to fight with herself not to try to clear it and make her pain known. Instead she watched as Abby's lips pursed, her own fear pulling at her features and it took every bit of strength Lexa possessed not to turn away from her. She managed not to, and when Abby looked over to her, she felt her head tilt higher, meeting her look.  
  
“That's actually what I came over here for,” she said, her eyes now boring into the Commander's. “My daughter's missing again, taken prisoner, and all I know is that it's your enemy that has her. I'd like some more information, Commander. Who is this, this Ice Queen, and why did she decide to take Clarke? What exactly is going on?”  
  
Her voice rose as she spoke, her tone angry and loud enough to carry more than just the few feet between them, and she saw Shet and the other warrior with him shift, moving as though to get up and come over. Lexa allowed her gaze to move from the angry mother's for just a moment, looking over her shoulder to the two warriors.  
  
“All is well, Shet, Lein,” she called to them, “You may stay where you are.” She saw both of them look to the Chancellor in front of her, saw the way they both glared at her as though they hoped the look would be enough to make her drop to the ground, but neither argued. They simply settled back down where they sat, not taking their eyes away from the Skaikru leader. For her part, Abby didn't look away from Lexa, and when she looked back, the Commander met her look.  
  
“The Ice Queen is one of my enemies,” Lexa answered, not looking away. “Her name is Nia. She wishes to hurt me, and knew that taking Clarke would do so.” Just as she has done before, she could have added, but didn't. While she would not lie to Abby, there was some truth she refused to tell her, even if she was Clarke's mother. _Especially_ since she was Clarke's mother.  
  
“How did she know about Clarke? How did she know where she would be to take her?” Abby asked, the fear mounting in her tone even as her expression remained hard.  
  
“Those are questions I would like answers to as well,” Lexa informed her, her grip on her wrist tightening. “And I will find those answers, of that you can be sure.”  
  
Abby seemed to study her for a moment and Lexa simply held her look, her head lifting a hair higher until the other woman nodded. Her brow pulled down, less from anger than from worry and contemplation, and a moment later she asked quietly, “And exactly why is it that Nia thinks having Clarke is going to hurt you? What is going on between you and my daughter, Lexa?”  
  
Lexa's throat went dry, the lump still there only growing and making it difficult to breathe. Her heart seemed to go still in her chest, the Chancellor's words bringing it to a stop. Words formed in her chest but never made it to her mouth, and her mind whirled to try to answer.  
  
The reaction wasn't caused because this was Clarke's mother and she had just asked a question that made Lexa uncomfortable: the reaction came from the question itself. Because no one had ever asked it before because no one other than Taigon had known. It was a question Lexa had forced herself not to think about, had driven from her mind whenever it threatened to form, but now it was asked, the words had been said, and Lexa didn't know how to reply to them.  
  
Images of Clarke flashed through her mind, too many and too fast to truly focus on. Clarke walking into her tent the first time they ever met, the fear she had been feeling all but hidden. Clarke presenting the idea of an alliance between their people. Clarke standing beside her in the war room, planning a battle against their mutual enemy. Her face when she'd learned of the Mountain Men's deal and the fact that Lexa had taken it. The grip she'd held on her gun when they'd met in the woods only a few days later. The distrust that took weeks to slowly melt away from her eyes. The pain and guilt that shown to anyone who could bare to see it as they burned the dead at Mount Weather. Clarke learning to fight because she knew it was necessary to survive on her own. Clarke riding Lexa's horse, Clarke running beside her as they gathered supplies. Clarke's voice as she questioned Lexa's ways and answered the questions she got in return. Clarke's laugh; the way her smile always started small and then grew. The way her lips had felt against Lexa's every time they kissed. Clarke's touch, the way her fingers ghosted over her skin, touching her as though she might break if she held on too tightly. Her eyes: those eyes, so blue, so deep, eyes that showed everything she felt, eyes that couldn't hide any of her emotions away. Eyes that told Lexa exactly what they had never said, both too afraid of the day they'd have to turn away from each other. Eyes that Lexa may never see again.  
  
Lexa felt a sob rise in her throat but forcefully pushed it back down. Her jaw clenched tightly together, teeth scraping against each other from the pressure she put on them. At some point her eyes had closed as the images flashed through her mind, and now she could feel the water building at their edges. Aware of the fact that she was allowing herself to nearly fall apart for anyone to see, her eyes opened, the tears she fought to keep back remaining just on the edge of her vision, and when she did she immediately met the Chancellor's eyes and almost lost the fight against a second sob. They weren't the same: there was a difference between Abby's eyes and her daughter's that Lexa couldn't name, but they were similar enough to tear Lexa's heart to shreds.  
  
“I-,” she finally managed to get out, trying to find a way to tell this other woman how she felt about the blonde when she didn't have adequate words to truly describe it, but her words were cut off by a loud exclamation.  
  
“Heda! The Skaikru! They sent others to follow us!”  
  
Tearing her gaze from Abby's, she looked past the woman to see a number of her warriors approaching, a couple of them hauling what looked to be small bodies between them. She was too far away to see them clearly, but she didn't miss the confusion on Abby's face, or the way her eyebrows shot up at the words.  
  
“What?” she asked, turning around so that she could look at her accusers. Lexa stepped around her, immediately schooling her expression and wiping away any trace of their conversation from her mind as best she could. Her back straight once again, she quickly marched over to the group, Abby and Taigon right behind her. Her eyes flickered around them as she moved, seeing that their exclamation had pulled attention from both sides of the make-shift camp.  
  
“What do you mean, we sent people to follow you?” Bellamy all but growled, reaching the warriors before Lexa could. She noticed that a small gun hung at his hip, but at least the large one he often carried had been left behind somewhere. Octavia stood beside him, moving as though to place herself between her brother and the large warrior he currently glared at. Other Skaikru crowded around them, some shifting on their feet while others stood still, and Lexa noticed that their hands seemed to hover over the guns at their waists.  
  
“I mean we found two of your people following us,” the warrior growled back, taking a step towards Bellamy. “If you can really be trusted, why have some of your people hide in the woods?”  
  
“You're the cowards that hide in the trees,” a new voice told him, and everyone's focus shifted to Jasper as he pushed his way through his own people to stand beside Bellamy. Unlike the other Skaikru, he held his gun in his hands, crossed over his chest. The warrior saw it and drew his knife from his belt, holding it as though he were ready to attack.  
  
“ _Tonsin_ ,” Lexa warned loudly, shooting a glare at him, “ _Sheathe your weapon_.” He did so slowly, his eyes never leaving Jasper's.  
  
“I don't understand,” Abby said, trying to draw their attention away from Jasper, “What do you mean there were some of our people hiding in the woods?” In answer to her question, Tunsin and another warrior stepped aside, putting the two new Skaikru on view for everyone gathered around. As Abby's expression pulled down into a scowl, Reese simply met the look, Thom shrinking closer to her side. The young girl's head lifted higher, not letting the Chancellor's look effect her. Seeing the two children, Lexa wanted to groan in frustration and only just managed to keep herself from doing so.  
  
“Reese!” Abby nearly shrieked, “What are you doing here?!” The girl just lifted her head higher, her fingers curling tightly around the bow she carried while the sword hanging from her back bumped against her quiver of arrows.  
  
“I told you,” she spat, “I'm Clarke's Second; I'm going to help her.”  
  
“And I told you it's too dangerous!” Abby exclaimed. The girl just met her glare and the Chancellor let out a frustrated sigh before angrily running one hand through her hair, as though to pull it out of her face.  
  
Ignoring the argument between girl and Chancellor, Jasper's mouth curled up into a sneer.  
  
“You're afraid of _kids_?” he all but laughed at Tunsin. One hand released his weapon just long enough to gesture towards Reese and Thom. “What're you afraid they're gonna do, attack your kneecaps?”  
  
“Be careful, Skaikru,” Tunsin growled, taking another step forward, and Jasper's smirk only grew as he mirrored the step, not backing down.  
  
“Jasper, enough,” Bellamy growled at his friend, one hand reaching out to stop him, but Jasper just shrugged it off. Nevertheless, he didn't take anymore steps forward. Seeing that he wasn't going to move, Bellamy looked back over at Tunsin and raised his eyebrows before he asked, “He's right though: are you really afraid of a couple of kids?”  
  
“How do we know there aren't more of you in the woods?” another warrior shouted, lost among the crowd so Lexa couldn't tell who'd spoken. A number of her warriors muttered their agreement, shifting where they stood, and she watched as their hands moved closer to their weapons.  
  
“I don't have to listen to you!” Reese exclaimed, pulling Lexa's attention back to her and Abby, “I told you, I don't care who you are! You're not my leader; I'm here to follow Heda and help her get Clarke back!”  
  
“Skaikru can't be trusted!” a warrior yelled out, “They will only turn on us!”  
  
“That's hilarious, since you're the ones who've already turned your back on us!” a Skaikru warrior she couldn't remember the name of hollered back.  
  
“Yeah!” another Skaikru agreed, “You're the ones that left our people at Mount Weather to die! You've already betrayed us!”  
  
“Hey!” Octavia yelled, one hand wrapping around Bellamy's arm and the other grabbing for Jasper's shoulder, “That's enough!” Raven stepped up, grabbing Bellamy's other arm as she told him, “Cool it, you idiots!”  
  
“The Grounders left us!” Jasper exclaimed and then pointed at Lexa. “It's her fault Clarke's in this mess to start with! We can't trust them!”  
  
“You will not point at the Commander that way, boy!” Shet growled, stepping up beside Tunsin. A number of warriors yelled out their agreement, all moving a little bit closer to the encroaching Skaikru.  
  
“Skaikru burned one of our villages!”  
  
“And then murdered eighteen lives in another!”  
  
“Grounders have been attacking us since the moment we got down here!”  
  
“How many times have we had to try to dodge your damn spears? How many times have you tried to kill us?!”  
  
“Grounders-,”  
  
“Skaikru-,”  
  
“Can't be trusted!”  
  
The two armies began pushing against each other, weapons still held back but any kind of restraint either side had quickly began slipping away. Lexa's fingers curled around the hilt of her dagger, drawing it. Just as she was about to begin pushing her way into the mass of screaming warriors, she felt something being pressed into her free hand. Turning, she saw Taigon standing beside her, handing her the reins to her horse. When he had moved away, she didn't know, her focus having been on the war about to break out in front of her, but now she nodded to him. Grasping onto the reins, she quickly threw herself into the saddle. The moment she was seated, she re-sheathed her dagger and flicked her reins, urging her horse forward, not caring that there were people in her way. They would move, or her horse would walk over them: it made no difference to her. Bracing her feet against the stirrups, she stood up, rising far above even the tallest member of the crowd.  
  
“Em pleni!” she yelled, using the voice she'd learned from Anya at a young age that would allow her to be heard by hundreds of warriors. It worked now as it always had for her mentor: at her screech, her people all went silent, turning their attention to her. Seeing their enemy turning, the Skaikru turned to her as well, many now with their hands on their guns. “ _Skaikru rides with us now!_ ” she shouted, her horse still stepping forward. The beast waded through the warriors, forcing Grounders and Sky People to part. She glared down at her people, forcing them to take a step back and go silent beneath the force of her fury. She continued, ignoring Octavia as the girl quietly translated for her own people. “ _Any warrior who cannot accept that will leave, now. I will stand for no more of this: anyone who attacks a member of Skaikru will be attacking me, and will pay for it with their life_.” Her eyes narrowed, and those closest to her shrunk back even farther. “ _You waste our time arguing while our real enemy gets further away. I will have Naia's head, as well as the head of anyone who stands in my way. Attack the Skaikru again, or slow down my army, and you will die. Am I clear?_ ”  
  
For a moment, nobody moved, nobody dared to as her glare pierced down on them. Finally the first warrior nodded, and then the second, and then each of her warriors were following suit. Still she held her glare for an extra minute, only then returning the nod. “ _Good_ ,” she said, her tone quieting just a bit but still loud enough to be heard by everyone. “ _Now pack: since no one is sleeping anymore, we are leaving_.” Again her people nodded to her before they broke away, some quickly to do as they were told, others hanging back to give the assembled Skaikru one final glare. When the last warrior had left, she shifted on her horse, turning to look down on the Skaikru still nearby. Some of them had already left, probably to pack their own things up, but a number still stood there, just looking at her. Abby and Bellamy were two of them, and it was them she looked to.  
  
“Get your people under control,” she spat at them, the fury still lingering in her tone. “My people will no longer provoke yours, but if any Sky Person attacks any of my people, I will not hesitate to act.”  
  
“Neither will we if yours attacks us,” Bellamy told her, crossing his arms over his chest. She glared down at him, causing him to shift beneath the look.  
  
“If it is a war you want, I can give you that,” she informed him, “ _After_ we have finished what we have come to do.”  
  
Bellamy looked like he was about to say something, but Octavia shoved her elbow into his side, shooting him her own glare. Giving him a warning look when he turned to her, she then shifted her focus up to Lexa, the glare falling away.  
  
“We don't want a war,” the young warrior replied, holding her head up. “We just want to save Clarke. That's it.” Lexa nodded to her and Octavia returned the motion, shooting her brother one more glare before she turned around and jogged off to pack up her own stuff. Bellamy glared after her before looking back up to the Commander, finding her piercing eyes already on him. He met them for a moment and then sighed.  
  
“She's right,” he finally admitted gruffly. “We don't want a war. But that doesn't mean we don't expect one.”  
  
“I've lived my entire life expecting a war to break out at every turn,” she told him evenly, meeting his eyes without letting her expression or tone drop. “But just because I expect something will happen does not mean I will not try to prevent it.” His mouth opened, as though to say something, but then closed, brow furrowing. He looked away, eyes scanning around him, before he shook his head. Reaching out, he grabbed Jasper by the arm, the boy still not having moved or taken his glare from the Commander.  
  
“Let's go Jasper,” he said. “You heard what she said: we're leaving.” Jasper just shot one last glare at her before he allowed himself to be pulled away. She watched them go, noticing that Bellamy released his grip on the gun still at his waist while Jasper's hold on his own only tightened, and then turned her horse around. Behind her, she found Abby still arguing with Reese while Thom stood beside her, looking much more at ease now that no one other than the Chancellor and girl were shouting.  
  
“It does not matter whether they are supposed to be here or not,” Lexa stated, her horse slowly moving towards them. All three turned to her, Abby with her brow raised and Reese and Thom with small grins. “I am not turning my army around to take them back to Arkadia, so either you send some of your people to take them back, or they come with us.” Her eyes swept over the children, seeing the way Reese's mouth twitched up further and how Thom lifted his head higher. “Personally, I believe it would be a waste of your people's time to take them back: they were able to get out of your camp without being noticed once before, so sending them back to do so again is not only foolish, it is dangerous. But that is your decision, Chancellor.”  
  
Reese took a step forward, drawing Lexa's attention to her.  
  
“I don't listen to her, Heda,” the girl announced, shooting a glare at Abby before looking back to the older girl on her horse. “She's not my leader.”  
  
“Clarke is your leader,” Lexa informed her, her tone hard, and hearing it made the girl step back, frowning. The Commander looked down, giving her a glare. “And when Clarke is gone, the Chancellor takes her place.”  
  
Reese's brow pulled down, but she only held her head up higher before shaking it. “Clarke's my leader,” she agreed, “But when she's gone, then I follow you, Heda.”  
  
Lexa clenched her jaw, her patience all but at an end.  
  
“You are not one of my people, Reese,” she told the girl. “And if you were, I would tell you just how foolish I think you both are for sneaking out of your camp against your leader's orders.” The girl's jaw dropped open, stunned into silence. Seeing her stunned expression, Lexa turned to Abby, asking her, “Now what will you do with them, Chancellor?”  
  
Abby sighed, rubbing the spot between her eyes as though her head ached, but finally she shrugged. Looking first to the two children and then up at Lexa, she replied, “They're coming with us, I guess. It's dangerous, but at least here I can try to protect them. It's better than taking a chance they'll sneak away again and get into more trouble.” Lexa nodded, movement drawing her attention out of the corner of her eyes. Taigon rode over to her at the head of a number of her warriors, all looking ready to go. Indra and Walsh rode on either side of him, the two guards she'd assigned to him riding just behind them, and she noticed Indra looked only at her, while Walsh looked past her at the Skaikru still pulling their camp together behind her. A few seemed ready themselves, and Lexa looked behind her as she heard a few sets of hooves clomping towards them. Octavia and Raven walked towards them, Raven leading the horse she'd been given for the journey while Octavia led her own as well as Abby's. Looking back to the Chancellor and two children standing by her, Lexa nodded again, gesturing towards the horses.  
  
“Very well,” she said, “If they will be joining us and you wish for them to be protected, they will ride.” Her eyes flickered over to her brother who raised his eyebrows at her, and then she looked down at Reese. “Reese, you will ride with Taigon for now.” She waited a moment to see if the girl would argue, but she just met her look, nodding begrudgingly a moment later. Turning her attention to the young boy, Lexa informed him, “Thom, you will ride with Raven. I have been told that the two of you get along well.”  
  
“Hey, alright, c'mere mini me!” Raven exclaimed behind her, and Lexa watched as Thom's grin stretched across his face. He moved to step forward and then caught himself, returning his attention to Lexa. He bowed his head, murmuring a quick, “Sha Heda,” before he let his control fall away and ran over to Raven and her horse. Lexa didn't allow the surprise his response caused to show on her face, simply sitting up a little taller in her saddle.  
  
“Come on Reese,” Taigon called to the girl quietly, and with one more glance up at Lexa, Reese turned around and moved over to Taigon, letting the healer help pull her up into the saddle.  
  
“Here Abby,” Octavia said, leading both horses over to the woman and then holding the first still as the Chancellor mounted up. The moment she was securely in her saddle Octavia easily pulled herself up into her own saddle, turning the horse around slightly so she could look towards Lexa.  
  
The Commander scanned around, seeing more and more torches approach her, warriors holding them from the back's of their horses as they moved towards their leader. The Skaikru began to approach as well, most on foot while the few others with horses moved alongside them, and this time when the two people drew together, no one shouted, no one shifted: everyone simply waited for their leaders' orders.  
  
With the dark of night still surrounding them, Lexa gave the order, and they were once again on the move. 

***

Her captors split up twice more the night after Maloch discovered Clarke had been leaving marks along the way for anyone to follow. Each time they split into three groups, and each time it was hours before they came together again. Clarke managed to keep her expression controlled, blank, refusing to show her captors how her insides twisted in on themselves knowing that anyone following them would take at least twice as long to find the right trail.  
  
They stopped less now. Maloch didn't allow it, would simply threaten any of his people when they complained about the pace. He kept them moving, kept their horses galloping forward, refusing to slow down for any reason. Clarke rode with Jojesh almost exclusively, which honestly was fine with her: depending on how she moved, she could easily feel the ache from the bruises Maloch had left on her neck, could still feel his fingers tightening around it. Being as far away from him as possible made it easier to control the panic that continued to grow with every step their horses took.  
  
Around mid-afternoon the day after the chalk incident, that panic tripled. The nine horses and their riders broke through the trees, and Clarke's eyes widened as she looked before her. A great frozen lake laid out in front of them, its ice showing in spots where the wind had blown the snow from its surface. The lake stretched out as far as she could see in one direction, its frozen surface meeting with the horizon. The shore stretched out beside them, woods meeting shoreline, and even there it was hard to see where the lake might end. The warriors led their horses out onto the ice, and Clarke tensed as the horse she and Jojesh rode stepped onto it, afraid it would break. The ice held, and the party traveled north, following the shoreline. They traveled on the ice for over an hour, the horses moving as though they had been born for it, and finally when Clarke looked out in front of them she squinted and then her heart almost fell out of her chest. The closer they got, the easier it became to make out the buildings, many of them broken down or in ruins, that littered the shoreline and fell back into the trees. Sitting on top of a piece of land that seemed to jut out into the frozen lake was a tower, just a little taller than the buildings near it. As they closed the distance between their party and the tower, Clarke had to squint when sunbeams bounced off of the top of it and back into her face. Trying to look at it through her eyelashes, she realized that broken glass surrounded the topmost floor of the tower.  
  
For the first time since before his fingers had been around her throat, Maloch turned to her and grinned.  
  
“Welcome to Keerie, Clarke,” he told her, his eyes flashing. “It is time you met Queen Nia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is out a little later than I sometimes update: pieces of this ended up being longer than I expected them too, and others didn't come together quite as seamlessly as I wanted. I had planned on getting the introduction of Clarke and Nia in this, but decided that this felt like a perfect place to stop for the moment, and so figured I would go with it. Next chapter though, Clarke will finally meet Queen Nia. Things are about to get interesting. Until next week, enjoy!


	28. Chapter 28

Maloch shifted from one foot to the other, his head lifting so that his chest stuck out further. Once again a smirk pulled at the corners of his lips, the tension that had been wrapped around him for almost two days now gone. He exuded an air of smug confidence, eyes flickering away from the closed door before them to Clarke and back, his smirk growing with each look. Jojesh stood as calmly as ever, the loose end of Clarke's rope wrapped around one fist while his own attention never wavered from the door. Clarke hoped her own expression mirrored his, prayed she had the same blank expression so that the way her heart pounded against her chest wasn't obvious at first glance. She could feel the way her body temperature had spiked, knew it by the sweat she felt forming along the nape of her neck and down the center of her back. Her fear had a hold of her, but she hoped it didn't show.  
  
The beating of her heart only spiked as the two guards that stood on either side of the door began to open it, her mouth going so dry she suddenly feared choking on her own tongue. Door now open, the two guards each took a step back before Maloch's head lifted higher and he began forward. Jojesh followed, needing to reach out and push at Clarke's back to make her move. The push nearly caused her to stumble, her entire body having all but shut down in terror, but she caught herself and then raised her own chin high, holding herself up as she forced her feet to step forward. She was terrified, yes, terrified of what was about to happen, but that didn't mean she needed to show it.  
  
The room they entered was designed to look longer than it actually was. A large hole towards the top of the wall at the far end allowed daylight to filter in, and torches lined the side walls to build on that natural light. The floor was hard, stone or cement, Clarke didn't know for sure, but their muffled footsteps seemed to ring out, alerting anyone else in the room of their presence. There was only one other figure in the room however, and she didn't need to hear their steps to know they were there: the moment Clarke stepped through the door, she locked eyes with the other girl, and neither looked away as the blonde was forced forward.  
  
Nia, or the girl Clarke assumed must be the Ice Queen if the throne she sat on or air of importance that surrounded her were anything to go by, studied her as she closed the space between them, and Clarke studied her right back. It shocked her for a moment, just how normal this other girl seemed. Because of the stories she'd heard about her, Clarke had expected Nia to look like the monster she knew she was, and yet she didn't. She sat casually in her chair, quite clearly meant to be a throne, and the closer she got, the more detail Clarke noticed.  
  
Her age shocked her the most; even after Lexa telling her that the Ice Queen was the same age as her, for some reason Clarke had been expecting someone older. The woman who sat before her now was young, barely older than Clarke, and she looked it. Her skin was smooth, the scars designed along her forehead and brow the only blemish the blonde could see. Her features were sharp, pointed, her posture relaxed but regal. Her long almost white-blonde hair was pulled back in braids very similar to the way Lexa always wore her own, but she allowed its ends to tumble over her shoulders as though to frame her face. Her eyes were a blue so faded they almost appeared gray, and at the moment they peered through long lashes, clearly studying Clarke in the exact same way the captive studied her. It was with a shock of surprise that Clarke realized that this girl was beautiful, far more beautiful than she'd ever even begun to imagine.  
  
The corners of Nia's lips turned up, her eyes scanning across Clarke's face, and the blonde felt a chill run down her spine at the way those eyes looked at her. She was beautiful, there was no denying that, but something in her look made Clarke's breath get stuck in her lungs in a far from pleasant way. As those eyes moved over her, Clarke realized that Nia truly was the Ice Queen, in far more than just title.  
  
Her studying was cut short when she felt her two captors stop with only a few feet between themselves and the throne, the rope still attached to her wrists forcing her to a stop as well. She felt boots press harshly against her calves and then she fell forward, her teeth clenching tightly as her knees hit the hard floor beneath her. She heard movement, and out of the corners of her eyes saw both Maloch and Jojesh kneel just behind her, both bowing their heads in respect to the woman still watching them. Stubbornly Clarke looked up at her, refusing to bow and show her the same respect. The minimal defiance did nothing but make the queen's lips twitch.  
  
“Ai kwin,” Maloch said loudly, his head still lowered, “Osir don lid yu Wanheda.”  
  
For a moment, the queen made no indication she'd heard him, instead simply continuing to stare at Clarke, meeting her glare. Again the corners of her mouth twitched as though to pull up into a smile, but she held it back, keeping her face carefully controlled. Finally she stood up, the movement almost lazy, as though she had no desire to leave her throne. Slowly she moved forward, her steps too controlled not to be deliberate, eyes still not moving from Clarke's. Reaching the kneeling girl, she looked down, her gaze casually falling to the bruise that had just begun to fade along her cheek from where she'd been struck only days ago. She reached out, and as her fingertips brushed along the bruised skin, Clarke had to force herself not to let another chill show on her face as it ran down her spine.  
  
“ _How did she acquire this?_ ” she asked, her tone almost soft. Her fingers ran gently along Clarke's cheek, and it took everything inside her not to react to the touch.  
  
“ _She killed Maks_ ,” Jojesh replied, his head also still down. “ _She tried to escape, and when she was caught she gave one of our warriors a hard time. He hit her_.”  
  
Her eyebrows rose almost imperceptibly at that, the only reaction the words received, before the fingertips still running along Clarke's cheek gently fell down to her neck, now brushing over the fresher bruises she knew were still there. Having another hand so close to her throat made panic rise in the blonde's chest, but she forced it back, refusing to let it take control. She had to remain calm, had to keep her mind clear in order to think of some way to survive this. One of Nia's fingers pressed down at the center of her throat, adding just the smallest amount of pressure to the bruise beneath her touch, and Clarke couldn't stop it before she felt her face flinch in the smallest of winces. Meeting Nia's eyes again, the tug of her lips told Clarke she'd seen it too. “ _And this?_ ” she asked, tone just as soft.  
  
“ _I admit my queen, I did that_ ,” Maloch answered, and Clarke could tell by the shift in his voice he'd lifted his head to look at her. Nia didn't return the look, didn't look away from Clarke at all, only allowed her brow to raise higher as her warrior continued, “ _My apologies: I allowed my anger to cloud my judgment. It will not happen again_.”  
  
Nia said nothing in return, simply let his words hang there, a threat obvious in the silence. Her fingers moved from the bruises along Clarke's neck to her chin, tipping the girl's head higher. For a moment the two simply stared at one another, Clarke's glare meeting Nia's cool confidence, and then all of a sudden the queen released her and turned back around all in one swift motion. Her long stride took her back to her throne much more quickly than it'd taken her away from it, and a moment later she sank back down, leaning back against the hard wood and letting her gaze jump to her warriors for the first time since they'd entered the room.  
  
“Breik em au,” she told them, the soft edge that had been in her tone a moment ago gone now, and without arguing Jojesh reached forward, the knife from his belt already in his hand, and quickly slid it between Clarke's wrists and the rope tied around them. She clenched her teeth harder, expecting to feel at least a slight sting of the blade against her skin, but instead it simply sliced through the binding, the rope that had been tied to her for days now finally falling away. Her shoulders protested as she pulled her hands in front of her, arms shaking with the effort. Looking down, she saw that her fingers were swollen and discolored, not enough blood having been able to reach them for too long, but when she tried to move them they only fought back for a moment. She winced again as her joints ached, punishing her for not using them for so long, but she was happy enough to just be able to see her hands again that she didn't care. Still, the sudden freedom only made her more suspicious, that feeling only growing as Nia added, “Gon we osir.” Without a word, the two warriors rose, heads bowed still, and then together they both turned, exiting the room. The door closed behind them with a loud thud, and for the first time Clarke found herself alone with Lexa's greatest enemy.  
  
For another moment, silence weighed heavily between them, their eyes once again meeting and simply holding the others gaze. That silence was only broken when Nia tipped her head back, chin rising as she called out, “So you are Klark kom Skaikru. The one who has become known as Wanheda.” Clarke didn't say anything, simply pursed her lips, not letting herself react to the queen's words. The lack of reaction seemed to be enough of a reaction in itself though, and Clarke watched as Nia's lips curled up into a small smile. “You are quiet,” she stated, and when the blonde once again said nothing her brow lifted ever so slightly. Her eyes traveled down Clarke's body, seeing her still kneeling before her and she lifted her hand, gesturing for her to get up. “You may stand, Clarke,” she informed her before her eyes flickered back to the girl's neck. “I apologize for Maloch: he has a temper I'm afraid, and it seems you were able to spike it. I wouldn't advise doing so again.”  
  
Clarke rose shakily to her feet, her hands tingling painfully as they fell to her sides. She ignored them, never taking her eyes off of the girl in front of her. Nia's words shocked her, more in their clarity than in meaning: she spoke with barely a hint of an accent, her English as good as any Grounder Clarke had met, and that surprised her. This far away from Mount Weather, Nia would have had little use for the foreign language, and the fact that she'd learned it and learned it so well only made Clarke more suspicious. On her feet once again, Nia's smile only grew, and so did Clarke's nerves.  
  
“There now,” Nia said, leaning forward just slightly on her throne, “That is better. We have much to discuss, and I am sure you will be more comfortable standing while we talk. Or perhaps you would like a chair? I can have one brought for you.” She lifted her hand as she raised an eyebrow, clearly waiting for Clarke to indicate whether she wanted something to sit on. The captive only returned the look with a glare.  
  
“I'm surprised you're interested in my comfort,” Clarke told her, trying to control the tone of her voice to keep her fear out of it and anger known. “After being kidnapped and tied up for almost a week, why do you care about it now?”  
  
The corners of the queen's mouth pulled up just a bit farther before she let her hand fall back to rest on the arm of her throne and replied calmly, “I apologize for that, Clarke. I desired to speak with you: I'm sorry if my warriors were a bit more rough than I intended them to be.”  
  
“Where I'm from, you don't kidnap a person just because you want to speak with them,” Clarke all but snapped, taking a single step forward. Her fear quickly turned into fury in her chest, fury that stemmed from so much more than just the fact she'd been captured on this woman's order. This was the person who had hurt Lexa so much. This was the person who'd crushed Lexa's heart until she'd had to shut it away to try to avoid the pain. It was because of this woman that Lexa had closed herself off from everyone around her, refusing to allow herself to feel anything too deeply for fear of putting others in danger, and Clarke hated her for that.  
  
The snap in her voice or the threatening step did nothing to intimidate the queen. Instead it only seemed to cause her lips to pull up higher, amusement clear in her eyes. That amusement echoed in her tone as she replied, “Unfortunately, I saw no other way to get you to me. I did not believe you would ever come on your own. Was I mistaken?” The question was asked with a raised brow, a look of polite disinterest flashing across her face, as though she knew the answer and didn't care enough to hear it. Perhaps that's why she waited only a short moment for Clarke to respond, and when she didn't the queen stood once again, meeting the blonde's glare before she slowly made her way down from her throne. Rather than go to Clarke again, she wandered to the side of the room, her steps once again slow and deliberate. She walked towards one of the many torches along the wall, her focus supposedly on that, even as she called over her shoulder, “You see Clarke, I have heard many things about you. This does not surprise you, I am sure: you must know by now how the stories about you have spread amongst my people.” Clarke's eyes followed her as she stopped by the torch, staring into the small fire. Her hand reached out, fingers idly running along the edge of the dancing flame, just far enough away to keep from burning herself. The blonde watched the movement, her brow pulled down as the queen continued. “The leader of the Skaikru. The Sky girl who will not die. Commander of Death. The girl who brought down the Mountain.” The words were quiet, each softer than the last. Nia trailed off for a moment, almost as if she were lost in thought, and then she turned back around, her hand falling back to her side. She didn't move any more than that, simply met Clarke's eyes as she informed the Sky girl, “They are all great stories, each greater than the last. I care for none of them.” Her eyes trailed down Clarke once again, as though she needed to take in every detail. “No,” she said, an edge to her voice now, “There is only one story about you that I am interested in.”  
  
“Yeah?” Clarke asked when she went quiet again, unable to stay silent any longer. “And what story is that?”  
  
The question just made the queen smile before she turned and began walking to the next torch along the wall, keeping a distance between them. She strode idly along as though she didn't have a care in the world, the fury still radiating off of Clarke all but ignored.  
  
“I wish for you to be my ally,” she informed the other girl as she moved, ignoring Clarke's question. “I believe that you and I could help each other, Clarke. We could help each other, and in doing so help both of our people.”  
  
“I don't really see how that's possible,” Clarke replied, her tone even as she raised her brow, eyes following the queen's movements. Nia looked over at her and surprised the blonde as her smile simply grew.  
  
“It is possible, Clarke,” the queen murmured. She seemed to break her stride mid-step, and then she was walking slowly towards the blonde. There was a hunger in her eyes, a look that made Clarke's heart beat hard against her ribcage, but when she spoke again, her voice was just as calm as ever. “It is very possible. All you have to do is tell me what I wish to know about Lexa, and I will promise to form an alliance with your people once I have taken over my rightful place as Commander. Tell me what I wish to know, and I can guarantee your people's safety.”  
  
“Never,” Clarke growled, her hands balling into fists at her sides. The pressure along her fingers only made the stinging pain hurt even more, but her anger clouded the feeling. Nia continued to walk towards her and she felt herself take a simple step forward, shooting a glare at the other woman. “I don't care what you say, I will never turn against Lexa.”  
  
With just a few more steps, the distance between the two shrunk to almost nothing, and Clarke would have been surprised to realize that Nia was just about her height if she'd been able to focus on anything other than the other girl's words or eyes. That steely gaze just met hers, the hunger in them only deepening at the open defiance, but still Nia kept a straight face.  
  
“You will wish to be careful, Clarke,” she warned her, her tone low, but with so little space between them the blonde had no problem hearing her. “And you should think. I am giving you a chance that you as a leader must take: I am giving you the opportunity to save the lives of all your people. Tell me what I want to know, and you will once again have saved them.”  
  
“I won't turn on Lexa,” Clarke informed her, her voice just as low as she just continued to glare at the other girl.  
  
“And yet Lexa has already turned on you once before,” Nia replied, and Clarke's eyes just narrowed further. The queen simply met the look, telling her, “And she would do it again. You know this: Lexa will turn on you. She will choose her title over the person she claims to care for. She has done it before.” Clarke's jaw clenched noticeably harder, and Nia's lips quirked into a partial smile. “That is why I am giving you the same choice I gave her previous lover. Tell me what I want to know, and you and your people will be safe; refuse, and I will destroy you and all those you care about.” She leaned in just a hair closer, her tone dropping as she added, “I imagine Lexa has told you what happened to her Costia: if so, then you know I am not bluffing.”  
  
“You murdered her,” Clarke spat, fury taking over her tone. Nia didn't back down from it, didn't even let it show she noticed, and the calm only made Clarke angrier. The blonde's fingers clenched at her sides, suddenly wishing her captors hadn't taken her knife away from her. She wanted this girl to suffer the way Lexa had suffered, but had no way to make it happen. Her hands were too weak after being tied behind her so long that she knew any punch she tried to throw would be nothing less than pathetic. So she let the venom in her voice show her wrath as she continued, “You murdered Costia and then gave Lexa her head. You're a monster and I will _never_ help you!”  
  
Nia's eyes flickered across the blonde's face, not showing a hint of worry about being so close to the infuriated Sky girl. She read the hate there, the anger, and a moment later Clarke watched as she just shook her head.  
  
“You are angry and tired,” the queen told her, finally taking a step back and putting some distance between the two of them once again. “You are not in the right mindset to fully think about the choice you are making. Guards!” At the last word, the doors immediately opened, the two guards who had been standing outside the door when Maloch and Jojesh brought her here quickly stepping inside. Nia gestured from them to Clarke, telling them, “See Clarke to her room.” The two guards nodded, immediately walking forward and each taking a hold of one of the blonde's arms. As they moved, Nia looked back at the girl and informed her, “I had a room made up for you. I'm giving you a chance to think about my offer, Clarke. You have one night to rest and think it over. I will expect your final answer in the morning.” The blonde simply continued to glare at her, not breaking under her steely gaze. The guards forced her to turn around, began to drag her out of the room, but the queen's voice stopped them. “Oh, and Clarke?” she called out, but Clarke refused to look back at her. The blonde just kept her eyes trained forward, glaring a hole into the far wall as she heard Nia tell her, “While you are thinking, I want you to remember something: I can be a very powerful ally. Or, I can be an even more powerful enemy. It is your choice.”  
  
She must have made some gesture of dismissal, because the next moment the guards were pulling at Clarke once again, forcing her out of the room, and even as the doors shut behind her Clarke could feel a set of eyes the color of ice boring a hole into the back of her head. 

***

Two sets of hands pushed Clarke through the open door and she stumbled into the room before her, her legs managing to catch herself before she could fall. She whirled around, but even before she could turn they were pulling the door shut. She made it to the door just as it thudded into place, her fists pounding on its hard surface just to see if it would budge at all. It didn't, instead remaining firmly in place, not even moving when she tugged against the door handle. She was trapped, just as much a prisoner now with her hands free as she'd been when they were bound, and that thought only made her heartbeat pick back up, even as her anger continued to pulse through her. In an attempt to control herself, Clarke took a deep breath, closing her eyes briefly as she leaned against the door. The hard surface felt cool against her forehead, and she used it to try to anchor herself down. Even now she had to keep her mind clear, had to remain sharp and constantly on the lookout, and allowing herself to panic over the fact she was trapped or the things Nia had said to her would only make that harder. Her fingers clenched against the door and she took another deep breath, steadying herself before she turned around, her eyes opening so she could take in her surroundings.  
  
The guards had dragged her out of the queen's throne room and back out into the village, pulling her through the streets. As she'd moved Clarke had taken a quick look around, finding that this little village wasn't as little as she had been expecting. Broken buildings mixed with large tents, some with fires flickering in front of them, others with hide racks stretched beside them or vendor booths for selling wares. She hadn't been able to see the entire village, but it didn't look like it was any smaller than Arkadia, and possibly even bigger. She'd lost count of how many people stood outside their homes or walked through the paths that had turned into streets over time, but she hadn't missed how nearly all of them had shrunk away from her as she'd been forced past them. Few of them met her eye when she looked at them, and more than one parent had pulled a child closer to them when they noticed her looking their way. She couldn't help but wonder exactly what stories they'd heard about her to cause the reaction, and part of her feared the ones they had were nothing but true.  
  
After being dragged through the streets for just a couple of minutes, her two captors had brought her into this building, forcing her to climb more than one set of stairs until they made it to the open door they'd pushed her through, and now she looked around the room Nia apparently had prepared for her. A couple of small torches lines the walls, casting an eerie glow throughout the room. A single window stood out on the far wall, and seeing it Clarke immediately rushed over to it. It was small, but if she angled herself just right, she thought she might be able to get through it. Jagged glass jutted out from its frame, as if just waiting to catch her trying to escape, so she carefully stuck her head out the hole that had already been punched through its center and looked down. What she found made her nearly swear out loud: she was on at least the third floor, too high up to easily jump, and the stone wall immediately outside the window was far too smooth to be able to find a foot or hand hold. Without a long length of rope, she would have no way to get out.  
  
Carefully pulling her head back into the room, she turned away from the window and once again took a look around. Other than the torches and window, it was fairly sparse. A large bed with a single thick fur and pillow lined one of the side walls, and along the opposite wall she found a small desk and chair set. Nothing else stood out, no other furniture or decoration, and the blonde felt her heart sink as she realized there was no way out.  
  
Just as Clarke's mind began to fully process the reality of her situation, she heard voices on the other side of the door, too muffled to make out what they were saying, but definitely not moving away. She looked around, desperate for any kind of weapon she could get her hands on, but before she could find anything the door opened and her eyes flew back to it. She watched as Jojesh stepped in, blocking the way out, his eyes skimming over the room and finally landing on her. She met his eyes as they narrowed slightly and she frowned at the look. Before that moment, he'd barely looked at her with any kind of emotion, but in that moment he appeared threatening, almost as though he were sizing her up.  
  
“ _Move, Joujesh_ ,” she heard a voice say from behind the big man, and for a moment he didn't, his eyes only narrowing further at Clarke. She heard someone sigh and then a girl was pushing her way past him, just managing to squeeze between him and the door frame without spilling anything from the tray she carried. Clarke's eyes flickered back and forth between the girl and one of her original captors, Jojesh not looking away from her while the girl entered the room. She also didn't look away from Clarke, and the blonde was trying to quickly study her when movement caught her eye and she looked up to find another girl push past Jojesh, this one looking a little older than the first. Rather than move further into the room as the first girl did, this second girl simply leaned against the wall near Jojesh, her arms crossing in front of her as her eyes quickly skimmed over Clarke.  
  
Eyes moving between all three of them, Clarke felt herself take an unconscious step back, her legs hitting against the wall behind her. Her fingers clenched at her sides, desperate for something to use as a weapon. She saw Jojesh's eyes fall to her hands, noticing the movement, and he shifted, taking a step further into the room.  
  
“What is this?” Clarke asked, her eyes darting to him even though the girl with the tray continued to walk slowly towards her. She saw the girl try to give her a smile but she didn't return it, didn't even look away from the man still standing just inside the room. The girl sighed and then looked over her shoulder, glaring at him.  
  
“ _Leave, Joujesh_ ,” she told him, an annoyance clear in her voice that Clarke was surprised to hear. “ _You aren't helping_.”  
  
“ _I am not going anywhere_ ,” he replied, eyes still not moving from the blonde pressed up almost against the window. Clarke couldn't tear her eyes from his until the girl whirled around, placing herself in their path of sight, forcing them both to look at her instead of each other.  
  
“ _Go_ ,” she repeated, something that sounded like anger growing in her tone. “ _You're scaring her_.”  
  
Jojesh looked as though he were about to say something but before he could get the words out he was interrupted by the girl leaning against the wall.  
  
“ _Go on, cousin_ ,” she said, pulling their attention to her. Her eyes met Jojesh's as he turned to look at her, and then she nodded towards Clarke. “ _I'll keep an eye on them for you and make sure Nodia is safe_.” He hesitated for a moment, eyes flickering back to the girl with the tray for a moment before returning a quick look to Clarke, and then he nodded. Without another word he turned and left the room, pulling the door closed behind him. The moment he was gone, the girl with the tray turned back towards Clarke, giving her a small smile.  
  
“I am sorry about that,” she said slowly. She gave a little shrug, managing not to disturb any of the items on her tray, before she added, “He worries about me. But he would not hurt you.”  
  
“He's already hurt me,” Clarke told her, eyes narrowing as she turned her focus on this girl. She could see the other girl as she leaned back against the closed door, but since she seemed to have no intention of moving, Clarke decided to keep her attention to the closer potential threat. “He and his warriors knocked me out, tied me up, and forced me to come here”  
  
Something that looked like guilt flashed across the girl's face, her head turning to the side for a brief moment as though she couldn't meet Clarke's eyes.  
  
“He was following his orders,” she murmured quietly. Even more quietly she added, “He is very good at that.” Eyes darting back up to meet Clarke's, the girl gave her another small smile as she said, “But that is how I know he won't hurt you: the queen has given orders that you are not to be harmed and he would never go against her orders.”  
  
“He would if he thought you were in danger,” the girl leaning against the wall called out easily, her shoulders shifting as her arms loosened their grip on each other slightly. “And you know it.”  
  
Clarke watched the first girl roll her eyes, and if she hadn't been in such an unknown situation she might have laughed at the familiarity she felt with the simple gesture. These two were comfortable with each other, very comfortable, in the same way Clarke was always comfortable around Octavia or Raven or Bellamy. The thought caused a pang of jealousy and longing to run through her as she realized not for the first time that she may never see any of them again.  
  
“Well I am not in danger, so you can leave,” the girl with the tray snapped at the other one who simply raised an eyebrow. Her eyes flickered back to Clarke and the blonde met them, both studying the other for a moment. Her eyes narrowing slightly, the girl looked back to her friend, shook her head once, and replied, “I will not be doing that.”  
  
Clarke thought she heard the girl mutter something about warriors under her breath, but then she just sighed before she turned back to the blonde. Looking at the prisoner again, her face just softened, her smile reappearing.  
  
“I am sorry for Echo as well, but she will not hurt you either Clarke,” the girl told her, taking a single step forward, as though she were trying to approach a wounded animal. Her smile grew just a little when Clarke looked at her, and she held out the tray between them. “I thought you may be hungry, so I have brought you some food.” The blonde's eyes fell to the tray, seeing a bowl of something that looked like some sort of stew along with a thick chunk of bread beside it, and she felt her stomach growl. She tried to remember the last time she'd eaten a full meal, but couldn't come up with it; while traveling, her captors had fed her, but it had almost always been while they were on the move, and had been little more than jerky or a few nuts. Seeing the stew made her mouth water, but she didn't let it cloud her judgment, fully aware it could be a trick or trap.  
  
The girl seemed to read her mind, eyes dropping down to the food before she began to shift the tray over to one hand. Eyes looking up to meet Clarke's again, she said, “It is safe.” As if to prove it, she tore off a small chunk of the bread, dipped it into the stew, and then ate it, holding Clarke's eyes as she did so. After swallowing, she held the tray straight out in front of her. “See?” she asked, “It is just food. Eat it: you need to gather your strength.” After a moment Clarke took a hesitant step forward and then another, her eyes moving to the girl leaning against the wall – Echo, she reminded herself – and then she reached out and took the tray. Now close enough to smell the stew, this time the growl her stomach made was audible, but she didn't look up to see if either of them had heard it. Instead she side-stepped around the girl, moving towards the bed while keeping both Grounders in her peripherals. Reaching it she sat, her body still rigid and on the look out for any kind of trap, and then picked up the spoon that laid on the tray next to the bowl and took a large bite of the stew. She just managed to keep herself from groaning as the broth coated her tongue and she began chewing a piece of meat that seemed to all but melt in her mouth.  
  
“You like it?” the girl asked, her tone hopeful, and begrudgingly Clarke nodded. Her smile grew and then she returned the nod, telling her, “Good; I am happy to know this.” She watched Clarke eat for a moment, the silence spreading between the three of them, before she stepped forward, one hand moving to her chest as the other moved to a pouch hanging at her belt. “My name is Nadia. I am a healer in this village.” The hand at her chest pointed to Clarke's face, eyes darting to the bruise there, before she added, “I hoped that when you are finished, I could take a look at your injuries. Maybe I can help with them.”  
  
“Why?” Clarke asked, putting down the chunk of bread she'd been about to put in her mouth. “Why do you care about my injuries? If the queen thinks the food and your help is going to get me to change my mind, it won't work: I'm not going to turn on the Commander.”  
  
Nadia opened her mouth to answer, but before she could, Echo interrupted her.  
  
“Why?” she asked, repeating Clarke's question back to her. The blonde turned towards her, noticing the way her brow pulled down in confusion. Echo's eyes met hers and she told her, “The Commander has already turned on you, why can't you turn on her?”  
  
Clarke clenched her jaw, eyes falling down to the food in front of her but not seeing it. “It isn't that simple,” she replied, her tone hard.  
  
“It seemed as though it was a simple decision for the Commander to make,” she heard Echo say. “One moment we were inside the Mountain preparing to attack, and the next the Mountain Men were allowing us to leave. Simple.”  
  
At the words, Clarke's head shot up, eyes wide as she looked back over to the other girl. She scanned Echo's face, noticed the way her jaw was set, how she appeared to be trying too hard not to be effected by her own words, and asked, “You were there? You were inside Mount Weather?”  
  
After a moment, Echo nodded, telling Clarke, “I was. That is how I know the Commander turned on you without a second thought. And yet now you swear you won't do the same to her.” Clarke's eyes narrowed, her teeth grinding together, but she said nothing. Echo scanned her expression, clearly reading her stubbornness, and then shook her head. “It is foolish to try to fight Nia,” she informed the Sky girl. “If you do not give her what she wants then she will take it by force, and you will not like how she does that. If you want to save yourself and your people, tell her what she wants to hear. If you do not, she will kill you and then march her army against your people and wipe them out. Nia gets what she wants; no one stands in her way for long.”  
  
“ _Ekou_ ,” Nadia snapped, glaring at the other girl, “ _That is enough: you will scare her!_ ”  
  
“ _She should be scared_ ,” Echo replied, pushing herself further against the wall while shooting a glare at the younger girl. “ _Naia will not let this Sky girl stand between her and her plans. If she wishes to survive, she will talk_.”  
  
“I won't do it,” Clarke stated, breaking up their conversation as she shot another glare at the warrior leaning against the wall. “I can't do it.”  
  
Echo just shrugged, looking up at the ceiling before telling her, “Then your people will die, and yours will be the most painful death.”  
  
“We are not here to discuss this,” Nadia cut in, also shooting a glare at Echo. Turning, her brow softened as she looked to Clarke, finally unhooking the pouch at her waist. Reaching in with the tips of her fingers, when she withdrew them Clarke could see some kind of ointment along them. Taking a couple of steps towards the blonde, she continued, “This will help the pain fade from your injuries.” Gesturing towards her face she met the blonde's eyes as she asked, “Can I?” Clarke looked from the ointment to Nadia's eyes, seeing nothing in them other than the desire to help, and finally nodded slowly. The girl moved to sit carefully beside her on the bed and Clarke moved the tray from her lap so that none of what was left of her food would spill, and then Nadia reached out, her fingers coming in contact with Clarke's cheek, and the blonde stiffened.  
  
The cool sensation of the ointment made Clarke's eyes fall shut without her meaning to let them. It felt good against her skin, if not a little sticky, and she just let Nadia spread it across the bruise. Once her cheek was seen to, she moved to the blonde's neck, gently spreading it along the line of bruises that circled around it.  
  
“This was Maloch, wasn't it?” Nadia asked her quietly, sympathy in her voice, and it made Clarke's eyes open. She looked over to the girl sitting next to her, still not entirely sure what to think about her, and just nodded. She noticed the girl's lips purse, but she said nothing. Looking past her, Clarke noticed Echo's brow pull down into a scowl, but she didn't say anything either.  
  
Her neck taken care of, Nadia dipped her fingers into the pouch again and then reached forward, gently pulling Clarke's hands into her lap. She made a little noise of sympathy as the blonde's sleeves were pushed up, showing them both the angry red marks that circled her wrists. Days of being tied up had rubbed the skin raw, and only now that Clarke's attention had been pulled to it, she felt the pain flare up along her wrists. That pain turned into a deep sting that made her inhale sharply when Nadia began to rub her ointment carefully along the angry marks.  
  
“I am sorry, I know it hurts,” she murmured quietly, her fingers moving even more gently along her skin. “It is necessary.”  
  
“Some things that hurt are,” Clarke replied, the words coming out before she even knew she was saying them. Nadia met her look, and she saw something in the girl's dark eyes that made her frown. Before she could question it, she'd finished with her hands and was standing up, lowering her head slightly to Clarke as she took a step away.  
  
“Your wounds are now seen to,” she said simply, raising her head and meeting Clarke's eyes again. “We will go now, and allow you to enjoy the rest of your food. Thank you for letting me help you.”  
  
“I... Thank you for helping,” Clarke finally told her after studying her for a moment. “And for the food.” Nadia just nodded, giving her another small smile before she turned around and began walking towards the door. She reached Echo, the older girl pushing herself off the wall when she made it to her, one hand reaching out and grasping Nadia's shoulder lightly. The two moved, opening the door, but before Echo could leave Clarke saw her pause.  
  
“There was a boy in the Mountain,” she said suddenly, not looking back. “He was Skaikru. He was the one who helped us. Did he survive the battle?”  
  
“Bellamy?” Clarke asked, and when the other girl gave no response, she nodded. “Yeah,” she informed her, “He survived.” Again Echo said nothing, but Clarke noticed her nod her head once before she stepped out of the room, pulling the door closed behind her.  
  
After they left, Clarke turned her attention back to the food on the tray, but after a few minutes she put it back down. Now that she was alone for the first time in a week, her mind began to wander, and as it did, she felt the food she'd already eaten turn into lead in her gut. Pushing the tray aside, she stood back up and moved over to the window. Looking out it, she tried to think of anything to distract herself, but her mind kept falling back to Nia and what she'd said, and the more she thought about it, the faster her heart beat.  
  
Nia had given her something she hadn't been expecting: a choice. Ever since she realized that she'd been taken by the Ice Nation, she had assumed the moment the Ice Queen had her she would be as good as dead. Lexa had told her what happened to Costia in enough detail to know that eventually death would be a mercy and wasn't likely to come soon enough. So now that she was alone with Nia's words swirling around in her head, she tried not to think about them, but found it impossible. As hard as she tried to ignore the choice the queen had given her, her words repeated over and over again, and no matter how hard Clarke tried to push them away, they just kept coming back, each time more loudly.  
  
She'd seen with her own eyes what Grounders could do. Even when trying to find justice, their methods were horrifying. If she closed her eyes, she could still see Gustus tied to a pole, managing to hold his head high while dozens of his own people had cut him up until there was barely a bit of skin that hadn't felt their knives. She'd killed Finn specifically to prevent the same kind of horrible justice from happening to him. And Murphy... Clarke shuddered, remembering what he had looked like after his escape from the Grounders. The things they had done to him were too terrible for words, and Clarke didn't have to wonder if what Nia had in mind for her would be worse. She'd wanted Lexa's power for years now, and if she thought the things the blonde knew could get it for her, Clarke knew the queen would do whatever it took to get it out of her.  
  
At the thought of Lexa, voices began ringing in her head, words she'd heard so many times before repeating over and over, pushing past Nia's proposal. She'd been able to ignore them before, but at the moment it was as though the floodgates had broken, and everything came rushing out at once. With the voices came images of those who'd said them, and when she closed her eyes to try to shut it all out, the images only became clearer.  
  
Jasper's grip on his gun, his knuckles completely white as he tried so hard to get past her to the wounded Commander lying behind her. _All of it! It's her fault! She's the cause of every bad thing that has happened since we landed!_  
  
The set of Bellamy's jaw, how he could barely even look at her while they sat up in a tree and Reese slept peacefully below them. _You and Octavia are playing Grounder, as though they aren't the enemy, as though they didn't betray us, haven't been killing our people since the first day we got here!_  
  
Echo's confusion as she stood with her arms crossed, not understanding where her loyalty could be coming from. _The Commander has already turned on you, why can't you turn on her?_  
  
The betrayal that Clarke still saw shining in Octavia's eyes every now and then when she caught the younger girl looking at her. _You trusted Lexa, and she turned on you. You let those people die, and then she walked away to let you die_.  
  
Shaking her head to try to get the voices and images out, she turned from the window and began pacing circles in the small room, but no matter what she tried she couldn't shut any of it out.  
  
Too vividly, she remembered the concern and distrust she'd read across her mother's face after she'd finally told her the truth about their relationship. _I would like to know everything that has happened that's got you to trust in the person who already proved she can't be trusted. How do you know she isn't just using you?_  
  
That smirk mixed with the nearly triumphant look that flashed across Nia's face as she gave Clarke her proposal. _She would do it again. Lexa will turn on you. She will choose her title over the person she claims to care for. She has done it before_.  
  
_I am always the Commander_. Lexa's voice. _No matter where I am or who I am with, I am always Heda_. Clarke's pace slowed, images of Lexa flashing across her eyelids. Her posture, her expressions and movements, those slight shifts that Clarke had learned to read. Around her people, she was never anything short of regal. The way her eyes could scan over a crowd, taking in every detail in the same span of time it might take anyone else just to turn. The tilt of her head, the smallest motion but enough to remind anyone who looked at her that she was in charge, that she was always the one to look to. The way her lips would pull up almost subconsciously whenever she spoke of her people and the great things they did. The pride that poured off of her whenever any of them succeeded at anything, even if it was just something as insignificant as a child learning how to properly hold a knife, and the fury that radiated off of her whenever any of them were in danger. She lived for them, bled for them, would do anything to protect them.  
  
_Because my people come first. Always_.  
  
Two voices blended together in her head. How many times had they both said it? How many times had she heard those words, or a variation of the words, said, and was there now any way to differentiate between when Lexa had said them and when it had been she herself who said them? The words repeated in her mind, but again it was impossible to distinguish Lexa's voice from her own. From the beginning, from the very start they had both known that their own people must always come first, even before the other. It was why Lexa had chosen to walk away at Mount Weather and it was why Clarke had eventually been able to forgive her: because she understood. They both did, both knew that neither could ever come first, not while they both stood as the leaders of their two people. No matter how they felt about each other, that was one thing they would never be able to overcome.  
  
_Tell me what I wish to know, and I can guarantee your people's safety. Tell me what I want to know, and you will once again have saved them_.  
  
Nia's voice cut in, breaking up the rhythm her and Lexa's combined words had created in her head, and Clarke stopped her pacing entirely. Her decision was about so much more than just her own life. She could die for Lexa – in fact, she was pretty sure she would die for Lexa, if it ever came down to it – but could she put the lives of her people on the line for her too? Even if she thought that in a war between Lexa and Nia, Lexa would win, could she risk it? If there was even the slightest chance that Nia would win and then move to slaughter her people, could she take it?  
  
_Lexa would understand_ , a voice that was solely her own seemed to whisper in her mind, and suddenly it felt as though a hand squeezed painfully around her heart, making it hard to breathe. Because she knew that voice was right: Lexa would understand. If Clarke betrayed her, if Clarke told Nia whatever she wanted to hear, Lexa would understand. After all, she had made the same choice at Mount Weather when she took Dante's deal. Even though it had hurt her, she'd chosen to side with the enemy because she couldn't risk any of her people's lives, and now a new enemy was giving Clarke that exact same choice. So yes, she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Lexa would understand, and that she wouldn't hold it against her. The other Grounders might question it, might be furious if they found out Wanheda had betrayed their Commander to her enemy, but Lexa herself would understand, and she would forgive Clarke.  
  
If she lived. If Lexa survived, she would forgive her for siding with the enemy, and if she didn't then Nia would try to take over as the Commander and Clarke would have made sure her people were safe under the new Commander's rule. The only way she had to ensure her people's safety, the only choice she really had at all, was to take Nia's offer. Her only choice was to betray Lexa to her greatest enemy.  
  
The moment the realization hit her, sobs wracked through Clarke's body, tearing her throat to shreds before she even knew they'd started. Her body folded beneath her, knees once again falling harshly against the floor, but no amount of pain could break through the absolute sorrow that had burrowed itself into Clarke's very soul, into the very core of who she was. Her cries bounced off of the walls, no doubt easily heard on the other side of the closed door to her prison, but she couldn't even begin to care. On the floor, tears streaming down her face, Clarke Griffin felt herself shatter as the truth of what she had to do fully took root in her mind. In that small room all alone, Clarke Griffin felt herself break completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I'm mean for leaving it there. But never you fear, faithful readers, next week will be more! Thanks for reading, and as always, love to know your thoughts!
> 
> Also, fun side note if anyone's interested: this story is now officially longer than "The Note," and it's nowhere near done. It's going to be so much longer than I thought while I was just planning it out! Just a fun fact.
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations:
> 
> "Ai kwin" - "My queen"  
> "Osir don lid yu Wanheda" - "We have brought you Wanheda"  
> "Breik em au" - "Let her go"  
> "Gon we osir" - "Leave us"


	29. Chapter 29

Lincoln kept his eyes peeled to the ground, constantly looking for any sign of those they tracked. The hoof prints in the snow were old, and often times they had been wiped away completely due to wind or a melee of other prints on top of them, but so far they'd been able to find them again after only a short time of searching. It took a day to find the spot where Clarke had been taken, and now after another two days of following that trail, Lincoln knew the blonde and her captors were days ahead of them still. He knew without a doubt there was no way they'd be able to find her before she was handed over to Nia, and he didn't care for the way that knowledge gripped at his insides. Clarke was strong though, stronger than most, so he allowed himself to believe she would find a way to survive until they finally found her. For everyone's sake, he prayed for it.  
  
“Natrona. Chek,” he heard Ashi call to him. Looking up from the tracks in front of him, he looked over to the other tracker, finding her a few dozen feet a head of him and pointing towards the base of a tree. Ignoring the name, he moved over to her, eyes trailing down to where she was pointing. “ _They stopped here. The horses tried to find food_.”  
  
The spot she pointed at showed a number of hoof prints, and along with them he saw places where the snow had been pushed to the side, as though an animal scrounging for food had been there. Eyes scanning the area, he looked up and a bit farther out, and then stopped when he noticed something. Moving over to it, he knelt next to the small pile, studying it before he shook his head, not letting out the sigh he felt building in the back of his throat. As he stood, he kicked at the frozen pile of old excrement, chipping it slightly.  
  
“ _They were here_ ,” he agreed with Ashi, looking back at her and noticing her frown and the annoyance that was obvious along her brow. “ _But it was days ago. If they were all riding, they could have gone dozens of miles by now, or easily more_.”  
  
“ _Cowards_ ,” Ashi spat, her fists clenching at her sides as she shook her head. “ _Only a coward takes a prisoner rather than issue a challenge!_ ”  
  
On one hand, Lincoln agreed. A true warrior would never have gone after anyone other than the object of their fury. True warriors fought their enemies straight on, they didn't send up to a dozen raiders out to capture one girl. On the other hand though, Lincoln knew better than to write Nia off simply as a coward. No, the Ice Queen was no coward; a coward would not have been able to present the Commander with the head of her dead love and look her in the eyes. The Ice Queen was cruel but she was calculated: if she'd had her warriors take Clarke, then there was a reason, and it was that reason that worried him.  
  
Before he could tell her as much, however, they heard footsteps through the trees and looked up to find Jynt running towards them. Turning, they saw him stop and then motion towards them, gesturing for them to follow.  
  
“ _Come on_ ,” he called to them loudly enough that Lincoln knew his tone and expression didn't mean they'd found who they were after. “ _We found something_.”  
  
Ashi and Lincoln jogged towards him, their pace quick as they followed their fellow tracker through the trees, and Lincoln didn't fail to notice that the path also followed after their enemy's trail. Jynt slowed only when he rounded a bend of trees, his face set, and Lincoln forced his pace to mirror the other man's before he looked around. With the white snow on the ground, the first thing his eyes were drawn to was the faded splash of red against the snow a few feet away, and as he followed the splash he found the body the blood had clearly come from. Ashi immediately moved towards it, Jynt following her, and together they rolled the corpse over. Lincoln watched them, eyes flickering down over the body as it was moved. Much of the clothing had been torn away, chunks of flesh pulled harshly from its bones, but clearly no large animal had yet to find it, because once it rested on its back, Lincoln saw that the face had been left largely in tact. Ashi spat at the frozen man, glaring at the scars along his cheekbones that marked him as Ice Nation. Lincoln paid little attention to the action, his eyes scanning over the corpse's face before moving down to the large gash across his neck. The wound made it obvious as to how he had died, the only question was who had given to him. Lincoln had a guess, but no way to be certain.  
  
As Ashi and Jynt patted down the body for any clues it might give them, Lincoln let his gaze wander around, looking for anything else that might help them. As he moved, he noticed the mouth of a cave at the top of the hill, and began walking towards it. As he got closer, he noticed black char along the snow at its entrance, and knelt down next to it. Picking up some of it, he rubbed the substance between his fingers, his brow pulled down.  
  
The quiet shuffle of footsteps pulled his attention away from the black char, and Lincoln looked up to see Ryder exiting the cave. The big man's eyes fell on Lincoln and he stopped at the entrance, blocking the rest of the interior of the cave from view.  
  
“ _We should keep going_ ,” he said, his tone quiet but firm. His face was set, something hidden away that Lincoln couldn't quite decipher.  
  
“ _Are there any clues in there?_ ” he asked, standing up and moving to step into the cave and take a look around for himself. Ryder stepped up to block his path, not letting the younger warrior get around him.  
  
“ _There is nothing in there for us_ ,” he replied, his tone harder, almost rough. When Lincoln didn't immediately step away, his brow pulled down further, a look of warning appearing in his eyes. “ _This place is not for us to be. We do not have the right to look around. Now turn around: we have a trail to follow and an enemy to find_.”  
  
“ _Klark is my friend_ ,” Lincoln almost growled, trying to keep his tone steady. “ _If there is something in there that can help us find her, I need to see it_.”  
  
“ _Wanheda means much to all of us_ ,” Ryder told him, taking a single step forward without looking away or allowing Lincoln to see around him. “ _I will not allow anyone else to enter a place that is hers. I should not have come in either. Now turn around: we have too much distance to close already, and our enemy only gets farther away the longer we stand here_.”  
  
Lincoln considered trying to argue more, but he knew the other man was right. Finally he gave in, nodding once, and turned around. Ryder followed him, stepping down next to him, and the moment he did Lincoln couldn't help but take a quick look over his shoulder now that the entrance to the cave was clear. It was too dark inside to make out much, but he thought he saw broken plates and torn fabric not far from where Ryder had been standing. Clenching his jaw hard, he turned back around, deciding he really didn't want to see anymore of what the inside of the cave looked like. If Clarke's captors had been there, which it seemed clear they had, it was probably best if he never knew what had been done to this place.  
  
Together he and Ryder moved back over to Ashi and Jynt, and the moment they were all together again they found the trail that led away from the corpse and the cave, jogging after it back into the woods.

***

Clarke didn't even try to sleep that night. Eventually, once the tears stopped rolling down her cheeks, she managed to pick herself up off the floor and move over to the bed, but once there she simply sat on it, her back leaning against the wall. Knees drawn up to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them, trying to force herself to remain whole, trying to keep herself from falling apart completely. Her knees stung, the repeated abuse they'd been dealt over the past few days obvious whenever she moved, but she ignored the pain. She deserved it, deserved the sting, the hurt, deserved much more than what she felt in that moment, because she knew she was going to do the thing she'd never thought she could: she was going to betray Lexa. Her fingers clenched painfully at her thighs just at the thought, fingers pressing so harshly against them she could feel the bruises forming, but she didn't let up. All the self-loathing, the hatred she'd felt against herself that she thought she'd managed to let go of came roaring back at her, and as the night ticked by she listened to the voices in her head, remembered every terrible thing she had allowed to happen in such short months. She'd been responsible for countless deaths, been the reason that so many innocent people died, and now she was about to do something so much worse than anything she'd done yet. So she just sat there, allowing the thoughts to swirl around her head as her heart stopped in her chest, and she just looked out the window, barely even blinking as the night dragged on.  
  
The black of the night slowly morphed, almost imperceptibly brightening, and soon the black turned to gray and gray turned to violet and pink as the sun rose, and then a brilliant blue took over the sky, barely a cloud in sight as the world woke up. Clarke could hear birds chirping outside her room, saw a few flick by her window, and heard the village around her wake up. She couldn't see anything from her spot on the bed other than the sky through the window, but she could hear people start moving around below, many talking or shouting, others simply moving around, enjoying the beauty of the morning.  
  
It wasn't right. None of it was right, Clarke couldn't help but think. There shouldn't be anything beautiful on a day like this. The sky should be gray, almost black with clouds. A terrible storm should be blowing. Nothing as innocent as birds should be singing, there shouldn't be any movements in the streets below. Everything should be dark, everything should be sombre, threatening. On the day that she betrayed Lexa, the world should be just as dark as her heart felt.  
  
The morning had to be at least half over by the time Clarke heard the sounds she'd been dreading since the moment she made her decision. Footsteps stopped on the other side of her door, and then she heard it being pushed open, but she didn't look over. Tears threatened once again to spill from her eyes, but she didn't let them; she didn't deserve them. She ignored them just as she ignored whoever had opened her door, refusing to look anywhere but at the window she hadn't stopped staring out of for hours. She heard someone march into her room, saw their shape take form out of the corner of her eyes, but still she didn't look. A pair of hands grabbed her by the arm and yanked, forcing her off of the bed and onto her feet. Even then she didn't look around, didn't try to see who it was that pulled at her, instead just letting her eyes drop to the floor as she stood. She'd been beaten, she knew it, been beaten by Lexa's greatest enemy, and she found she didn't have the strength, the courage to even try to hold her head up. When her captor pulled on her arm, she just stepped forward, not even trying to fight it.  
  
They left the room and Clarke felt a second set of hands curl around her other arm, but still she didn't look up. She let the two guards lead her down the hall, down the stairs and then out of the building. As they walked through the streets, she could feel countless pairs of eyes turn to her just as they had the day before, but this time she didn't turn to meet them. This time she just walked, letting herself be led to the woman who she had chosen to betray the person who meant the most to her to.  
  
It was only by the distance and the few details she could make out from the corners of her eyes that she knew her captors led her into the same large building she'd met Nia in the day before. They stopped at the same large doors and once again waited for them to open, except this time Clarke just let her eyes fall closed when they reached it. She didn't open them when she heard the doors open, didn't open them as she was led into the room and to the same spot where she'd stood the day before when she'd first heard Nia's proposal. It made sense, she thought, that she be standing in the same spot when she accepted it.  
  
She felt the two guards release her and heard them lower themselves to their knees behind her, but this time no one forced her to do the same. She considered bowing of her own accord, knowing that she might as well get used to it, but her knees locked, refusing to allow her to. Her mind told her what she had to do, but her body refused to give in so easily, so she didn't fight it. Nevertheless, her eyes remained closed, even as she felt Nia's already on her. She thought she could feel the queen's mirth, thought she could sense the fact that Nia already knew what her answer would be, but she didn't look at her to be sure. If she was going to turn on Lexa, she couldn't look into her enemy's eyes while she did it.  
  
“Well Clarke?” she heard Nia call out, her tone carefully controlled, but even so she could hear the smug curl of her lips in her words. “It is time for you to make a decision. Will you sentence your people to death, or will you turn on your love?”  
  
She probably hadn't meant to say it that way. Maybe it had been a slip of the tongue, maybe her English wasn't really as good as it seemed, or maybe she'd gotten too cocky, reading Clarke's choice in the way the blonde had entered the room, the way her head was down, how her eyes were closed. She couldn't have meant to say the word, but she did, and the moment she did Clarke's heart began to beat once again.  
  
_Love_. It was a thought, a feeling, Clarke hadn't allowed herself to think about since Finn's death. Not in the romantic sense, at least. Not in the, _I love you_ , sense. Not in the, _You mean everything to me, and I would die for you_ , sense. It was a simple four letter word that had never in the history of human existence been simple, and now Nia had spoken it, had released it into being. She'd freed the thought that had been bound under lock and key, hidden away in the deepest recesses of Clarke's mind, of her heart for fear of what the acknowledgment of it might mean. She'd let it out, and now the word grew, morphing through Clarke's being into something entirely new.  
  
Did she love Lexa? She cared for her, yes, but did she love her?  
  
Questions had been haunting Clarke for months now. The question of survival. The question of whether any of the things she had done, the choices she had made were the right ones. The question of what now and what next, of what was right and what was wrong and whether the world could ever really be that black and white. The question of whether or not she deserved to be breathing when she had been responsible for too many last breaths. The questions had jumbled up, one on top of another, digging into her mind and her skin, never too far from her thoughts, and she'd never found the answers to any of them. No matter how hard she searched, those questions, those answers, plagued her as much now as they did when she first wondered them. She couldn't answer those questions, and maybe it was because of that that she was so shocked that the answer to the question Nia presented her rang so clearly through her mind.  
  
_Yes_.  
  
Yes, she loved Lexa.  
  
Yes, somewhere along the way, when Clarke wasn't looking or wasn't allowing herself to look, the care she felt for the other girl had morphed into something so much more.  
  
Yes, Lexa meant everything to her.  
  
Yes, she would die for Lexa.  
  
And _no_.  
  
“No,” Clarke murmured, so quietly she wasn't sure even the guards behind her could hear her. Her eyes opened, head lifting, feeling her shoulders set as her heart raced inside her chest. Her entire body was coming alive again after shutting down, and the sudden tingling in her fingertips grew, spreading out to the rest of her. A warmth bubbled up from her chest, leaking into her limbs and up her neck, and it nearly shocked her as much as it did Nia when she grinned. The queen's posture stiffened on her throne as Clarke met her look, and the blonde watched as her eyes narrowed. “I will never turn against Lexa,” she added, her voice getting louder, tone strong enough to ring out around her. “I don't care what you do to me: you can torture me, you can kill me, but nothing you do will ever be enough to make me betray her.”  
  
“You sentence your people to death with this decision,” Nia tried to remind her, fingers noticeably clenching tightly around the arms of her throne. Clarke just felt her grin grow at the words, a defiance she wasn't sure she'd ever felt before racing through her.  
  
“You'll never beat Lexa,” she told the queen, lifting her chin higher. “No matter what happens to me, she will beat you. She is the Commander, the only Commander, and you don't stand a chance against her, let alone her army. You can kill me maybe, but you won't kill her, and I will never help you try. So you can go float yourself.”  
  
Nia studied her for a minute, eyes scanning across Clarke's face, reading the set defiance there. After a moment she seemed to relax, her shoulders slouching back ever so slightly as her fingers let up on their grip to her throne. She shrugged, a cool expression growing once again across her face, and simply told the blonde, “Very well.” Lifting her hand, she gave a little gesture, and suddenly Clarke felt two strong grips take hold of her arms again, this time forcing them painfully behind her back. She didn't fight back against them, only raised her chin higher, continuing to hold Nia's stare. “You have made your choice, Klark kom Skaikru,” the queen informed her, her tone almost light. “But whether you wish to or not, you will tell me what I want to know. Even if I must force the answers out of you. You have decided. Teik em we!”  
  
The set of guards pulled roughly at her arms, forcing her to turn away from the queen, but she managed to hold the woman's cold gaze until she couldn't see her anymore. They pushed against her, one pushing hard enough that she fell forward, catching herself on one knee, but even as the pain erupted along her leg, she kept her expression controlled. She had made her choice, Nia was right, and she would stick to her decision until she was either dead or free.  
  
She was pushed forcefully back out into the street, except this time as they moved Clarke kept her head up, fiercely meeting the eyes of anyone who looked at her. Most of the people they passed hurriedly looked away when meeting her eyes, but a few held the gaze. Walking by a small building, she saw Nadia, and when the young healer looked at her, neither of them looked away until Clarke was forced to keep moving forward.  
  
The guards didn't lead her back to the building she'd been kept in the previous night. Instead they led her away from the center of the village, back towards the coast, and Clarke's eyes widened when she looked ahead and realized they were moving towards the tall tower she'd first seen when Maloch and Jojesh and their group of warriors had brought her to the village. It stood now in front of her, looking even taller and more imposing, but she didn't let it faze her. She noticed that this building appeared to be whole except for the broken glass around its highest floor, with no holes or windows that she could see anywhere else along its length. A single metal door stood before them, a lit torch on either side of it, and a single guard stood in front of it. His eyes swept over Clarke and the two guards holding her, and then he stepped to the side, opening the door. Its hinges squeaked as it moved, and in the darkness inside Clarke could make out a shifting light. Her guards forced her forward again and together they stepped into the dark.  
  
The inside of the building was a single, high room. Stone, still whole even after all these years, lined the inside of the small circular room, and a few torches lined its interior, their little flames leaping and pushing against the intense darkness inside. No natural lighting filtered in from anywhere, and in the flickering firelight Clarke could see a long winding metal staircase in the center of the room. Her eyes swept up it, noticing the chipped white paint and rusted patches that stood out on some of the steps and along areas of the railing that circled up to the ceiling. It was too dark inside, the torches not high enough to see where the stairs led to.  
  
Forcing her gaze away from the stairs, Clarke looked around the walls and nearly shuddered, but managed to hold it back. Shackles lined the base of the walls, too many for how small the room was, and a number hung from the sides of the walls as well. She even saw a few hanging from the winding staircase, and couldn't help but wonder just how many people had spent the last few days of their lives in this cramped place. One of her guards pushed against her again and she stepped forward, eyes still sweeping around, and they were drawn suddenly to a bit of movement. She continued forward, letting her guards guide her to where she was going, but she focused on the form curled up against the wall across from where Clarke was being led. The form shifted, and suddenly a face appeared in the dancing light of the torches. The light wasn't enough to see by, but she could feel a set of dark eyes following her.  
  
Her guards pulled her to a stop and one released his hold on her while the second only tightened his. With very little effort on their part, Clarke felt a metal shackle snap into place along her ankle, the guard giving it a quick tug to make sure it was secure. The tug forced her ankle to move, the leg almost moving out from under her, but the guard still holding her kept her up when otherwise she might have fallen. Giving a satisfied nod, the guard bent by her leg stood up, dusting off his hands as he moved. The other guard released his grip on her, taking a step back, and then the only thing holding her in place was the shackle around her ankle. She tried to take a step, barely putting any effort into it, and was unsurprised when the manacle held her in place.  
  
“Do not bother, Sky girl,” the guard who had secured it to her leg told her. “You will not be going anywhere.”  
  
“You should have taken the queen's offer,” the second guard informed her, shaking his head. She didn't bother giving him a response, instead just lifted her head higher. He shook his head a second time. “You are a fool,” he just said, and then turned to his partner. “Let's go.” They both gave her one more look and then turned around, quickly making their way over to the door. As soon as they were gone it swung shut behind them and the darkness grew around Clarke, the flickering light of the torches the only thing keeping it back.  
  
“He is right; you should have taken whatever offer the queen gave you,” she heard a soft voice tell her from the far side of the room. Clarke looked through the spaces in the winding metal staircase, barely making out the young woman's face that matched with the voice. Sitting down carefully to try to avoid injuring her knees again, Clarke leaned back against the stone behind her, letting her head fall back lightly against it. She looked up at the pitch dark above her and felt her lips curl up into a small smile.  
  
“No,” she told the girl across from her as well as herself, “No I shouldn't have. I made the right choice. And I'd make it again.”  
  
The girl said nothing, and Clarke felt her eyelids begin to fall. The moment they closed, she fell into a deep sleep, the kind she hadn't had for days. 

***

Raven felt Thom's little body sag against her front, clearly having passed out. She couldn't help the grin from pulling at her lips, even as she tightened her arms around him to make sure he wouldn't fall off the horse. He'd held out for a while, but after traveling for almost twenty-four hours to catch up with them, she wasn't at all surprised he fell asleep as quickly as he did. She looked to her left to see if Reese had fallen asleep too, but found the young girl sitting in front of Taigon, her back rigid and brow pulled down into something caught between a scowl and a pout. Seeing the expression, Raven's grin fell away, her own brow furrowing, and Taigon must have noticed. She saw his eyes flicker to her and then down to the little girl sitting in front of them, and he shifted, holding his reins in one hand in front of her.  
  
“Would you like to hold the reins, Reese?” he asked her, their horse close enough that Raven could hear the genuine tone in his voice. The girl just shook her head, still staring out in front of her. The mechanic followed her line of sight right to the Commander's back, riding a few yards in front of them, far enough away that Raven knew she couldn't hear them. Taigon didn't look away from the girl, but Raven heard him let out a small sigh before his arms fell slightly, each hand wrapping around the reins once again.  
  
“Do not take Heda's words to heart, Reese,” he murmured to the girl, and that made her look up at him, the confusion on her face obvious even as her scowl deepened.  
  
“She said I'm foolish,” she told him, hurt obvious in her voice. “She told me I'm not one of her people and that I'm foolish for coming. But I just want to help find Clarke. She needs me: how come Heda doesn't know that?”  
  
Raven looked at the two of them out of the corner of her eyes. She didn't really understand the kid's devotion to the Commander, but it was clear she'd been hurt by the Grounder's words. Eyes skimming over the Commander's back again, she tried not to let her grip on the reins tighten, but even so the horse beneath her fidgeted for a moment and she had to tear her gaze away from the woman who had betrayed them to focus on her riding, something she was far from used to.  
  
“Heda knows why you came, Reese,” she heard Taigon tell her quietly. Looking over again, Raven saw him looking at the Commander as well, but she was shocked to see worry in his eyes. She didn't understand why anyone would need to worry about the woman who commanded an army. “She understands your worry for Clarke and understands that you feel it is your responsibility to find her.”  
  
“Then why is she mad at me?” Reese asked him, her fingers curling into fists before one hand reached down to brush against the hilt of the sword they'd strapped to Taigon's saddlebags. “Why did she yell at me?”  
  
To be fair, Raven thought, the Commander hadn't yelled at her, per se, but she got where the kid was coming from. For someone who clearly worshiped the ground the other woman walked on, she could see how the Grounder's words had hurt Reese so much. Again she took a quick look at the woman riding in front of them all, and then let her eyes flicker back over to her riding companions, running over the other Grounder. He appeared more composed, less rough than most of the Grounders she'd met, and other than the clothes he wore and the few braids mixed into the long hair that was pulled back out of his face, he might have even been able to pass as an Arker. His head lifted up to look at the Commander, and Raven had to immediately take the thought back: there was something about the way he held himself, back perfectly straight and head held up, that she hadn't seen in any Arker before.  
  
“Heda is not mad at you, Reese,” he promised the girl quickly, something flashing across his face too quickly for Raven to analyze as he looked at the Commander. “She is just worried about Clarke. When she worries, it is harder for her to keep her patience.” He tightened his arms around the young girl in front of him, looking down at her while she looked back at him, and gave her a small smile. “And now that you and Thom are here, she is worried about both of you as well. It is dangerous, what we are going to do, and she does not want either of you to get hurt. Plus our people are at odds, so even just traveling together is dangerous.”  
  
Raven noticed Reese roll her eyes as she said, “Yeah, cause Skaikru are dumb.” The mechanic raised her eyebrows at her, giving her a look.  
  
“Excuse you, but no one has ever accused me of being dumb before, thank you very much,” she informed the girl, watching her duck her head just for a moment at being heard. Her eyes flickered back up to Taigon and then to the Grounder warrior riding not far behind him on his other side, and she added more seriously, “Besides, it's not exactly like we have no reason to be pissed. Your Commander did just leave us at Mount Weather to defend for ourselves without any warning. We trusted her and the rest of you, and because of that a bunch of us ended up taken by Wallace and tortured.” Subconsciously, she rubbed at the spot on her good leg where she knew a scar would always be. She'd healed, but even now she could remember the excruciating pain as the drill had entered her flesh, could taste the blood in her mouth from when she'd bit the ear off of the asshole who strapped her to the table. Even now, months later, she still woke up in a cold sweat far too often, the whirl of a drill ringing in her ears as the phantom pain from her good leg mixed with the all too real pain of her bad one, making further sleep impossible.  
  
“The Commander made her decision,” the Grounder on Taigon's other side told her, barely looking at her. Instead his eyes were trained on his leader, his lips pursed but facial expression otherwise blank. For the briefest of moments he allowed his look to flicker to Raven, but almost immediately it returned to the Commander. “She does what is necessary for her people. Do not expect she will ever do differently.”  
  
“Walsh,” Taigon murmured, an edge to his voice that clearly was meant as a warning not to start anything. The warrior looked at him, the skin along his forehead going tight as he met the younger man's look, a clear warning in the expression. Taigon just let out a sigh and shook his head before he turned back to Raven and Reese, both looking at him now. He met Raven's eyes and her single raised eyebrow, clearly waiting for him to try to defend the Commander, but instead he gave a small shrug of his shoulders before turning back to Reese.  
  
“They are both right,” he informed her, and Raven's eyes widened just a little. “Your people have a right to be angry. Two armies marched together to the Mountain, and then one marched away leaving the second behind. I do not doubt had the roles been reversed, my people would be just as furious.” His head lifted, meeting Raven's look again, and she saw his expression harden just slightly. “But Walsh is correct as well: as Heda, as Commander, it is my sister's job to make sure her people are safe. That is precisely what she did when she marched her army away from Mount Weather. Whether it is what she wished to do makes no difference. She did her duty, protected her people, just as she has always done. Now she marches again to protect us while having to balance out two armies that distrust each other. She worries about everyone who follows her, knowing it is her responsibility to keep us all safe, and she knows there is no guarantee she will be able to.” He looked back down at Reese, his tone softening as he added, “That is why she was upset when you and Thom showed up, Reese. It is not that she is angry at you, but worried for you. You are here because you wish to help find Clarke, but all she can think of is that you have chosen to march into war with the rest of us, and that she will do everything in her power to protect you.”  
  
“But she said I'm not one of her people,” Reese pointed out, even though her tone had gone quiet, sounding almost awe stricken. He reached to her waist, tapping gently against the knife she always kept there. “She gave you this,” he reminded her. “She taught you how to fight, helped Clarke save you and your people: she feels responsible for you, no matter which group you belong to.”  
  
Reese went quiet, her gaze returning to the Commander riding before them, and Raven couldn't help but follow the look. She studied the woman's back, the cogs turning in her head. She'd never been able to think about the Grounder leader as anything other than the enemy and then the ally that turned against them, but now she could feel something shifting. She didn't like her still, nor did she trust her, not by a long shot, but as her eyes scanned along the young woman's back, she couldn't help but think that maybe she understood her a little more now. It didn't change anything, not really, but she thought that maybe it could. Eventually.  
  
She shifted in the saddle, thoughts turning over in her head as her arms once again tightened slightly around the little body in front of her. She was so lost in her thoughts she didn't notice that Thom's eyes had opened, and that now he was studying the Commander just as thoroughly as the rest of them.

***

Nobody tried to stop Lexa as she walked towards the darkness in front of her, stopping just at the edge of where the light of the fires flickering behind her melded into the black. Once she'd stopped her armies so that they could all get a couple of hours of rest, she stuck around just long enough to make sure the unease between her people and the Skaikru wouldn't grow into anything more, and the moment the various tents and sleeping arrangements between the two had been set up, she'd given whatever orders she needed to give and then marched away. She could hear people behind her, could hear the movement and talking as her warriors settled down for some much needed rest, but she herself simply stood, staring into the dark.  
  
Another day gone. Another day wasted, another day of endless travel, and still she knew she was no closer to finding Clarke. The more time that went by, the more she felt as though she were wading through mud up to her thighs. They had covered a great distance, but not enough, not as much as she wanted. She didn't want to stop, didn't want to slow down, didn't want to do anything but run after the trail. She wanted to keep going, keep moving, never stop until either Clarke or her enemy were in front of her. If it was Clarke she found first, she would pull her close, hold her so tightly that they might as well be one person, and would swear to the blonde to never let go. She would give Clarke anything she asked of her, make any promise she wished and would hold to it, just so long as Clarke never left her sight again. If it was her enemy she found first, she wouldn't stop until their blood dripped from her hands just as it did from her sword, wouldn't stop until they were in pieces at her feet, and when they begged for mercy she would show them none. They would die, first one by one and then in twos and threes if needed, until she'd drenched the earth with their blood, and then she would find Clarke and hold her close and make any promise to her she wanted. She would destroy the entire nation and then swear to Clarke to keep her safe.  
  
Somewhere in the dark before her was everything she wanted to do, but behind her was what she needed to do: she needed to think of her people, her warriors, and she needed to keep her people from attacking the Skaikru or vice versa. She needed to keep the peace even though all she wanted was to spill the blood of her enemies, and the dueling emotions that caused inside her was beginning to give her a headache. Or perhaps the ache in her chest had simply grown powerful enough to spread to her head, and it was this hurt that stung just behind her forehead. She didn't know, nor could she focus on it long enough to care. All she could focus on, all she could think about, was the darkness in front of her and the pain she knew waited for her somewhere far away in it. She knew that pain, when she finally reached it, would be far greater than anything she felt now.  
  
“Heda?”  
  
She stiffened, not having heard anyone approach, and silently cursed herself. Now was not the time to get sloppy. Now was not the time to allow her emotions to control her or allow them to distract her. She had to be Heda, had to focus on her people and her surroundings, and staring into the darkness in front of her clearly was not allowing that. So she took a silent, deep breath, and then turned around, none of the emotions she felt inside showing on her face. Her eyes trailed down, finding Thom standing only a couple of feet away, fidgeting as he watched her.  
  
“Yes Thom?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at him. “Shouldn't you be asleep? You have traveled a long way and must be tired.”  
  
For a moment he simply looked up at her, his eyes moving across her face, and her brow creased, unsure of what to do or say as he clearly studied her. She was not used to this: few of her own people dared to openly study her for so long. Most of them would look away not long after meeting her eyes, even if just to bow to her. Children, she'd found, were more likely to stare up at her, yes, but those of her own people usually only smiled at her, pressed a picked flower into her hand and then ran away, or pulled at her hand to have her follow so that they could show her some little trick they had learned to try to impress her. She loved the displays, always, but this she wasn't used to.  
  
“Thom?” she repeated, even less used to needing to repeat herself. Still he didn't say anything, but this time he took a few steps forward and then quickly wrapped his arms around her legs, pressing his face into the side of her thigh. Shocked, she simply stood there frozen for a moment, unsure what to do. After a few seconds he pulled back and then looked back up at her, crooking his finger at her. Still unsure, she knelt down so that she was at eye level with him, and he grinned at her as he reached out to her, grabbing her arms.  
  
“Don't be worried, Heda,” he told her, his voice quiet but clear. “We're gonna find Clarke. And we'll save her, just like she saved us. She's real strong: nothing hurts her.”  
  
Lexa's jaw dropped, mouth opening just enough to part her lips as her eyes ran across the little boy's face. He continued to grin at her, his fingers digging into the sleeves of her jacket as he clearly tried to comfort her even more. When she didn't say anything, unable to find any words, he just added, “Member? She took on a _bear_ : nobody can hurt her! And me'n Reese have our knives and we been practicing, so we're okay too. You don't gotta worry 'bout us. We're gonna help you save Clarke, and then we'll all go back home and she'll keep teaching us. Right?” His eyes lit up then, his fingers clenching even more tightly around her arms. “And maybe now you can come see us! You n' Clarke'll be able to teach us more, and maybe we can have story time too? Like back at the library! Clarke'll be safe, and things'll be okay again.”  
  
The Commander's heart clenched painfully in her chest, as though the boy's grip were on it and not her arms. She wanted it to be true; she could easily picture everything he mentioned. Standing with Clarke beside her, their young warriors before them, all learning something new with their knives or bows. Thom making himself comfortable in Clarke's lap as she read to them from one of the books she'd taken from the library, Lexa sitting beside her while Reese leaned against her, the other children sitting in front of them, their eyes all glazed over from the images the stories brought to life in their minds. She and Clarke simply walking along while their little army of child-warriors trailed along behind them, both girls trying to hold back their grins as the children all puffed out their chests. Clarke laughing as she ran around, Thom clutching at her back and squealing with joy as Reese chased both of them or as they chased her, all three unable to focus on anything but their fun. The images, the memories, all flickered through her mind, and a hard lump formed in the back of her throat, burning it as she tried to breathe around it.  
  
She'd spent the past week thinking primarily of her own pain, her own heart breaking at the thought of what she was sure would be at the end of the path they now followed. What she hadn't thought about, what hadn't been able to push past her own fear and grief, was what this would do to Reese and Thom. She'd thought of the Skaikru as a whole, of course, thought of how this would effect them, but those thoughts had mostly been in regards to how it would effect them towards her own people, about whether or not she was going to end one war and then another would simply spring up in the wake of what they found. Reese and Thom, and what Clarke's loss would do to them, she hadn't thought of.  
  
The lump still burning in her throat, Lexa reached out and gently pulled the little boy against her. His arms wrapped immediately around her neck, all but latching onto her, and she allowed hers to circle around him in return. She felt his little face press against her neck, felt his grin against her skin, and it only made her heart wail. She pressed back, letting her eyes fall closed as his bushy hair tickled against her cheek, and forced the wetness she could feel forming at the corners of her eyes back. She swallowed thickly, fighting to maintain control of her emotions, and pulled back just a bit, just enough to look at him. His head lifted up, the same innocent, sure grin on his face, and the guilt in her gut only hardened.  
  
“Would you like to keep watch with me, Thom?” she asked him, pretending that had been her purpose there all along and not just staring into the dark and thinking about what was waiting for her. His grin widened and he nodded quickly, his hold simply tightening around her neck, and she returned the nod. As he clearly had no desire to let go, she lifted him up, supporting his weight against her as she stood. She didn't care if any of her people looked over to see their Heda holding the young Sky boy, simply held him tighter as his head lowered back against her shoulder.  
  
She stood there for a long time with the little boy in her arms, mind whirling even as she tried to keep her heartbeat under control. Before long his breathing evened out, sleep taking over his tired frame, and she tried to focus on his even breaths to keep herself grounded. Fear gripped at her, as though fingers of ice held tightly to every inch of her, but she simply wrapped her arms tighter around Thom, and without even realizing it she found herself gently swaying with him. A fresh wave of hurt crashed through her chest as she realized the motion was familiar, memories of her mother holding her the same way hitting her before she could brace herself for them. She fought down the sob that threatened to escape her throat, clenched her jaw until she could fight every emotion back, bottle it all up in her gut where it needed to remain until she had the freedom to let it all out. She tried to ignore the part of her that reminded her she might never have that kind of freedom.  
  
Focused on Thom and trying to keep her emotions in check, this time she heard the approaching footsteps behind her, but she didn't turn around. She kept her eyes trained forward, barely seeing what was in front of her until she heard, “Lexa?” At her name, she closed her eyes for the briefest of moments before opening them again, feeling her spine straighten without her needing to tell it to.  
  
It had been Taigon who had spoken to her, but as she turned she saw that he wasn't alone. Reese stood on one side of him, looking almost shyly up at her, while Raven stood beside her. The older Sky girl's eyes swept quickly over her, her brow creasing only slightly as she took in Thom's sleeping form held against her chest, his head still nearly buried into her neck. Lexa met her look, showing her no hint of her own thoughts, before she looked at her brother.  
  
“Taigon,” she said to him in greeting. “What do you need?”  
  
“We were looking for the kid, actually,” Raven told her, nodding to Thom, and after a brief pause Taigon nodded his agreement.  
  
“I'm sorry he was bugging you, Heda,” Reese murmured quietly, her eyes quickly moving down and away from Lexa's. “I'll keep a better eye on him so he doesn't do it again.”  
  
“He did not bother me, Reese,” Lexa informed the young girl, her tone much softer than it had been the last time she spoke to her. “Neither of you have ever bothered me.” The girl's head whipped up, eyes bright as her lips immediately turned up into a large grin. Lexa couldn't quite bring herself to return the grin, but she did allow the girl a small nod. Eyes moving to Raven, any emotion that may have escaped was quickly pushed away again, and she raised her brow at the older Sky girl. “However, I do think you should both try to get some sleep. Preferably beneath a blanket or two.”  
  
Raven got the message and stepped forward, Lexa moving to meet her. Carefully they transferred the sleeping boy into the other girl's arms, Thom not making a peep as he was switched from one to the other. He curled up against her similarly to how he'd curled against Lexa, and then the Sky girl stepped back, shuffling slightly for a moment as her damaged leg got used to the extra weight in her arms. As soon as he was settled, she reached down with her free hand and touched Reese's shoulder, telling her, “C'mon Reese, time to get some shut eye.” The girl shot one more look to Lexa and then nodded, and together they turned to walk away.  
  
As they moved, Lexa's gaze was drawn to something on Reese's back, and she couldn't help the sharp intake of breath as her heart restricted painfully in her chest. Clearly the sound was loud enough to be noticed, as they all looked back at her, different kinds of confusion ranging along their faces. Swallowing thickly, she lifted her chin, unable to rip her gaze from the object as she called out, “The sword. It is...”  
  
“Clarke's, yeah,” Reese admitted, looking sheepish for a minute as she reached behind her back and gently touched the scabbard hanging there. The weapon was so long it nearly dragged along the ground. “I know I'm probably not supposed to have it, but nobody else got it before they left, and she might need it when we find her. So, you know, I got it for her.”  
  
She hadn't noticed it before. Silently, Lexa cursed at herself, because she should have noticed it already. These were the kinds of things that she, as Heda, was supposed to notice. She was supposed to notice everything, and the fact she hadn't noticed this only proved to her how little she'd been paying attention to those around her. All she'd been able to think about was Clarke, and because of that she was missing details, missing important pieces of information she needed to have. She needed to get a grip on herself, or the next thing she missed might lead to the death of her people.  
  
“You were wise,” she simply said to Reese, not letting her own berating thoughts known to those in front of her. “It was very smart to bring it, and you were right that she may need it.”  
  
The compliment made the little girl's grin grow, her entire face lighting up for a moment before she frowned. “Should I give it to you?” she asked, reaching as though to remove it from her back. “Do you wanna hold on to it until we find Clarke?”  
  
Lexa's eyes jumped back to the hilt of the sword just as her heart jumped in her chest. Her mouth went dry, emotions once again battling within her, but she merely gave the girl a single shake of her head.  
  
“No,” she told her, “No, you are her Second: it should be you who carries her weapon until she can once again carry it.” She wouldn't tell them, any of them, that just the thought of touching the weapon she had given to Clarke so long ago now only made her heart break further than it already was. Reese just nodded, her expression turning serious as her grip on the big weapon tightened.  
  
After that, Lexa didn't stop them when Raven and Reese turned again to leave, Thom still sleeping against Raven's shoulder. She watched them go, felt the ball of anguish twist once again like a knife in her gut, but held her head up high. Her brother remained behind, watching the Skaikru leave, and once they had he turned to her, his eyes scanning over her quickly. She met his look, simply lifting her chin higher, and watched as he let out a deep sigh.  
  
“Come on,” he said to her, gesturing for her to follow him. “I had some of the warriors prepare your tent.”  
  
“I will stay right here,” she argued, giving him no indication of following as he wanted. He turned to her, his brow pulled down, and told her, “Lexa, you need to sleep. You cannot keep spending every night staring into the woods and waiting for morning.” She clenched her jaw stubbornly, showing no signs of backing down, and he stepped closer to her, closing the distance between them. His tone went quiet, but no less serious as he asked, “When was the last time you slept? Have you even done so at all since you found out about Clarke?” He scanned her face, seeing the answer hidden in her eyes. “ _You cannot keep going like this, Leksa_ ,” he informed her, the worry easily edging into his tone. “ _You need to sleep, need to take care of yourself_.” Still she said nothing, made no move to go anywhere, and he let out a frustrated sigh. “ _If you won't take care of yourself for you, then you need to do it for your people. If you are weak, then we are weak, and Naia will crush a weak army without even needing to try_.”  
  
The threat to her people and of Nia's victory worked where care for herself hadn't, just as he'd known it would. Lexa pursed her lips, barely able to contain a sudden flare of anger at the mention of her enemy, the woman who had caused all of this, but just as quickly as it sprung up, it flickered out, and with it so did any semblance of strength she'd been trying to show. Her shoulders drooped, her spine bending out of its usual rigid column, and she felt the absolute exhaustion sink into her bones. Without a word she just nodded, giving in, and Taigon reached out, wrapping one arm around her waist and pulling her close. She allowed her body to sink against his, allowed her eyes to fall shut as her head bumped against his shoulder. In a moment she would stand back up straight and would walk back into the camp. She would do as he asked and go to her tent and would get the sleep she hadn't been able to even think about for days, but for a moment, just a second, she allowed herself to rest against one of the only people she trusted enough to see her like this.  
  
She just hoped he wouldn't be the only one left, when this was all over. 

***

They'd been traveling the majority of a full day after finding the cave, finding nothing but some hoof prints, a few footprints, and the occasion horse dropping to lead them to believe they were still on the right trail. The group they followed was smart, obviously trackers themselves who knew how to leave as little a trail as possible, and as far as Lincoln was concerned, it was becoming increasingly more frustrating. He knew what awaited Clarke, and couldn't help but feel like he was failing her with every hour that went by they had to spend searching for the trail after losing it.  
  
Jynt was the one to find the rest spot. They'd had to split up and spread out after losing the trail for the second time in as many hours, but when they heard him make the call they'd all agreed on at the beginning of their journey, the other three had all gone running to catch up with him. When they found him, they also found the many hoof prints, the jumbled footprints of the many warriors who had needed to get down from their saddles for one reason or another, that clearly marked the area as a stopping spot for the party they followed. The four had gone to work, taking in every detail they could and leaving their mark for the Commander and her army to follow, and had been about to move once again, follow the new trail they found, when Ryder looked to Lincoln and gestured to him. He knelt beside a tree, the snow at its base packed in one specific spot, and Lincoln's brow pulled down as he moved over to join him. Eyes looked up just for a moment to catch his, and then Ryder looked back at the base of the tree, his hand reaching out to point at something.  
  
“Chek,” he simply said, and Lincoln followed his arm, scanning the tree until he saw it. The moment he did, his eyes widened. Ryder's hand moved, his fingers gingerly pressing against the small circled X, and when he pulled them away a bit of the chalk stuck to them. “Wanheda.”  
  
“Clarke,” Lincoln breathed, his lips turning up into a small grin.  
  
_Finally_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, okay, so the response I got back after the last chapter was kind of amazing! It was really interesting to see the different opinions people had on Clarke and the proposal Nia gave her. Some people were dead set against it, others seemed to think that she could do it but she shouldn't, while others thought she had every right to take it and she could use it to her advantage. Reading them all was just so much fun for me!
> 
> But anyway, I hope you all like or at least can understand why she answered the way she did. Because, you know, she kinda loves Lexa. Which, you know, until this chapter she'd never let herself think about before. So thanks Nia for bringing that up. ;) As always, love to hear your thoughts and hope you enjoyed the chapter (also, for those of you who have told me you're sick of Skaikru acting all high and mighty and righteous, I was thinking of you when I wrote Reese's line, "Yeah, cause Skaikru are dumb." I hope she spoke for all of you well enough in her nine/ten-year old vernacular).
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations:
> 
> "Natrona. Chek," - "Traitor. Look,"
> 
> "Teik em we!" - "Take her away!"
> 
> "Chek," - "Look,"


	30. Chapter 30

_Sweat beaded along her upper lip, tiny droplets too small to see, but she could feel them as they condensed. Larger, more distracting beads trickled down the small of her back, and Lexa had to fight with herself not to peel her tight shirt away from her skin. It clung to her, the thin material too heavy for this heat, the armor that rested on top of it propelling any relieving breath from her lungs. Her usual sash hung off her left shoulder, just about killing her with the extra heat. Her pauldron weighed heavily on the same shoulder, causing the usual ache she felt when wearing it to flare up and mix in with the intense heat. Her limbs wanted to move, ached to shift even just the slightest, but she didn't allow them to. Even after almost two years of the added armor and gear, her body hadn't gotten used to the garments that marked her as Commander._  
  
_She noticed movement out of the corner of her eye, but forced herself not to draw her attention away from the Sankru chief, knowing that what she said now could make or break the coalition. Instead she felt Gustus move from her shoulder, blocking the path of the warrior who had just entered the tent. Their lowered voices made it impossible to hear exactly what was being said, but even as she listened to the chief she couldn't help but strain to hear it anyway. Seeing the chief give her a look as he finished voicing his thoughts on why the coalition would never hold, she merely gave him a polite smile, doing her best to show nothing more of her thoughts. About to respond, she stopped when Gustus moved back to her, his lips suddenly so close to her ear she could feel his breath as he spoke._  
  
“Heda,” _he whispered to her, and she felt her back straighten a little further._ “One of your warriors says that the queen of the Ice Nation has arrived with a small group of warriors. He says she wishes to speak with you about joining the coalition.”  
  
_Lexa couldn't keep the momentary look of surprise from her face, but when she noticed the chief before her giving her a look, she wiped it away. Raising her hand, she said to Gustus quietly,_ “Inform Queen Nia that I will see her in a moment.” _She felt more than saw her closest guard bow his head to her, and then listened as he moved away from her and back to the flaps of the tent. He wouldn't leave, she knew: ever since he'd become her personal guard almost two years ago he had lived by her side, leaving her alone only when she slept or ordered it. In this place, this tent with a chief well-known for his days as a ruthless warrior, there was no way Gustus would leave her alone. So when she heard him stop and begin speaking to someone else by the entrance of the tent, she was unsurprised._  
  
_Turning back to the chief, the young Commander simply raised her brow, telling him,_ “It would appear we have company, Chief Hektar. My guard informs me that the Queen of the Ice Nation has arrived. She wishes to speak to me of joining the coalition.”  
  
_The chief's brow raised in response, his surprise obvious before he replied,_ “Nia has been known to speak against the coalition. I find it difficult to believe she has changed her stance so suddenly.”  
  
“She is one of the few who has yet to accept my terms, yes,” _Lexa admitted, giving a single nod towards the older man. She felt his eyes scanning her, looking for any signs of a trick, and the young leader simply met the look. Finally he looked past her to Gustus still standing by the flap of the tent, and told him,_ “Admit the queen. I wish to hear what she has to say to our Commander.” _Lexa could feel Gustus's eyes on her, waiting for her permission over the chief's, and gave him a subtle nod. The next moment her guard shouted out the entrance of the tent and then made his way back to her side, his large stature shrinking hers in comparison as it always did. She didn't move as he approached, simply remained in the chair the chief had given to her over an hour ago when they had moved into the stuffy tent to speak of the terms of the coalition._  
  
_Only a moment after Gustus had settled back at her side, the flap of the tent was pulled back, and various bodies entered. Queen Nia entered first, her posture straight, regal, head back and eyes bright as she looked straight at Lexa. The Commander met the cold blue eyes, tilting her head up just a hair further, not looking away as first the queen and then her warriors stepped into the room. After Nia's party entered she noticed a small handful of her own warriors follow, obviously prepared in case of any threat that this meeting might cause, and seeing them it was difficult not to let her hand fall to her dagger. Her sword she had left outside with her horse and the others who had traveled with her from Polis and the Trikru territory, as a gesture of good faith to the Sankru chief, but she couldn't help but feel naked without it._  
  
_A feeling that, as more people entered the tent, began to seem like a better and better idea. The hot sun of the desert beat down on the tent, easily sinking its heat through the skins and fabric, and with each body that entered, it felt as though the temperature in the room increased tenfold. The sweat beading along her back began to trickle faster along her skin, and she could feel her damp shirt sticking to her in less-than comfortable ways. All of a sudden she wished for the shade of the trees in her own territory, wished for the breeze that would blow through the leaves and bring with it the cool temperature of their many small rivers and lakes. She didn't let her discomfort show, instead remaining perfectly still as the final few warriors stepped into the tent and its flap fell shut behind them._  
  
_For the shortest of moments, Lexa and the Ice Queen studied each other, neither saying a word. Lexa knew how Nia felt about her: she was convinced the brunette had stolen her birthright, had taken the title that was meant to be hers. She knew it had been this fury, the thought of being wronged, that had caused her to lead the uprising against King Danek about a year ago. A large part of Lexa wanted to tell her she could have it, she never wanted to be Commander anyway, but an even larger part of her knew that she couldn't do that. The Commander's spirit had chosen her, and she had to live up to that responsibility._  
  
“Queen Naia,” _she finally said as she stood up slowly, her hands moving to fold behind her back. Stepping down towards her while keeping her posture perfectly straight, she added,_ “This is a surprise. I am told you wish to join my coalition.” _She felt Gustus's footsteps in the packed sand behind her, heard his movement and knew he followed close behind._  
  
“You have been told true, Leksa,” _Nia answered. Her eyes flickered up to Gustus, reading the warning glare Lexa knew he gave her, and she amended,_ “My apologies: Commander. I have traveled all this way to speak with you of joining your coalition.”  
  
“I see,” _the Commander replied, unsure really what else to say to that, but inside her heart was racing. This could be it. This could be what she needed, the moment she had been fighting for, breaking herself for since Ula had first named her Commander. For almost two years she had fought to try to end the fighting, fought to try to bring all Twelve Clans together, united once and for all. Nine had agreed, and now all she needed was to convince the remaining three. With the leaders of two of those three remaining outliers in the room right now, she might have a chance to change things once and for all right here and now. If Nia truly did want to join the coalition and she did so in front of Chief Hektar, that just might be enough to convince him as well, and then the final clan would have no choice but to join also._  
  
_Still, Lexa was no fool. Nia had been adamantly opposed to joining the coalition until this moment. If something had changed, she needed to know what it was._  
  
“While I am pleased to hear of your decision, I must ask you why now, Queen Naia,” _she said to the other girl, taking another step closer. They now stood close enough that either of them could reach out and touch the other if they so wished. Neither looked away from each other, even as the queen gave a small shrug of her shoulders._  
  
“It is the only wise decision to make,” _the blonde replied, barely raising an eyebrow._ “You have already united nine of the twelve clans: if I do not join mine with them, you are likely to try to wipe mine out, either before or after you go against the Mountain Men. Joining the coalition ensures my people's safety. Correct?”  
  
“Yes,” _Lexa assured her, giving her a small nod._ “If you join the coalition, your people, our people, will be safe from attack from any other clan. I will personally lead the army against any who move against another united clan.”  
  
_Lexa noticed the corners of her lips pull up, a smirk almost hidden in them, but thought nothing of it. Instead she watched as the queen drew a knife from her belt. She felt Gustus shift beside her, but he stilled as she reached out to him, gesturing for him to remain back. The queen met her eyes, the small smirk reappearing along her lips, before she drew the tip of the dagger across her palm. Bright red blood immediately flowed from the wound, droplets dripping into the sand beneath her feet. Reaching her hand out as the other re-sheathed the knife, she said,_ “I swear Azgeda's loyalty to the Commander. As queen, I submit Azgeda to be the tenth clan of the coalition.”  
  
_Without breaking eye contact, Lexa drew her own dagger, drawing it, dragging it across her palm, and then sheathing it all in one smooth motion._  
  
“And as Commander, I, Leksa kom Trikru, welcome Azgeda into my coalition as the tenth clan,” _she swore, her own red blood splashing to the earth below. It ran along her palm but she did nothing to stop it, instead simply reaching out as she added,_ “May our people forever live in peace with one another, and together may we bring an end to our enemies.”  
  
_Nia closed the distance between them, and then first their hands were clasped, blood mixing with blood, and then those hands moved up until they clasped against each others forearms. The warmth of Nia's blood mixed with the heat she could feel radiating off of her, and something akin to a chill ran down Lexa's spine. She looked up, meeting Nia's eyes once again as the queen nearly whispered, “Osa tai choda op kom jus.”_  
  
_“Osa tai choda op kom jus,” Lexa repeated, allowing her grip to tighten slightly against the other woman's arm for a brief moment. They held to each other a moment longer, staring into each others eyes, before Nia finally released her hold, taking a step back. Lexa mirrored the movement, eyes only leaving the queen's when she noticed Gustus hand her a cloth. She nodded to him, a silent thanks, and pressed it against her palm. She wouldn't wipe the blood from her forearm away yet – it would seem disrespectful to the queen to do so in front of everyone – but it would do to stop the flow from her hand._  
  
“Welcome to the coalition,” _she said to the queen, barely managing to hide the little spark of excitement she felt from her tone. Allowing a corner of her lips to pull up into a small smile, she added,_ “With the Ice Nation with us now, I feel like we will do great things.”  
  
_Again that little smirk pulled at the queen's lips, and for a moment Lexa almost frowned, unsure what to make of it, but quickly forgot about it as Nia began speaking._  
  
“Yes,” _she agreed, giving the Commander a simple nod. One of her own warriors held a cloth out to her, but she ignored it, letting the blood from her palm continue to drop against the sand._ “Great things are sure to happen.” _Turning slightly, she looked over her shoulder and met the gaze of one of her warriors, motioning to him._ “And to celebrate these great things, I have brought you a gift, Commander.” _The warrior she had gestured to moved forward, a bag hanging from one hand, and he handed it to his queen. As he stepped back, he also shot a small smirk at Lexa, but she wasn't focusing on it, simply on the bag now in Nia's hands. For some reason, her heart began to speed up in her chest._  
  
“For you,” _Nia informed her, holding the bag out in front of her. Her voice echoed oddly in Lexa's ears, almost as though she were under water, as she added once again,_ “To celebrate.”  
  
_Time slowed down, and with it so did her movements. While Lexa's heart raced in her chest, her movements became sluggish, so much so that as she reached forward it felt almost like she were pushing herself through mud. The noises around her that had a moment ago been clear – the shuffling of feet inside the tent, her own breathing and that of those around her, the barely existent wind that pushed against the side of the tent – suddenly went silent, until all Lexa could hear was the pounding of blood in her ears. The pounding turned into a ringing, some noise she wasn't sure she'd ever really heard before, but she couldn't focus on it, couldn't focus on anything but the bag that now seemed to float in the air in front of her. Nia was still there; she could just barely make out the blurry figure at the edges of her vision, but the queen no longer seemed to be made of flesh and bone, of any real substance. She just was, she simply existed, and suddenly Lexa felt her all around her. Pushing through air that had grown thick, the brunette's fingers finally curled around the bag and pulled it to herself. The intensity of her beating heart only increased, and she could feel dread creeping up along her spine, but she couldn't seem to stop herself from reaching inside the bag._  
  
_She felt the hair first, and a small sob began to grow in her chest. She didn't let it out though, didn't allow herself to break with her enemy surrounding her, with her enemy watching her. Fighting with herself to remain in control, she gently pulled the item from the bag, letting the cloth fall to the ground._  
  
_Blonde hair tumbled around her hand and Lexa's heart stopped. The hair was so dirty, dried blood and dirt matted all through it that it almost, almost appeared brown, but here and there a clump remained blonde, the color of the sun. Pale skin, so much paler than she'd been expecting, showed in patches between the black and the blue, the dried blood and the cuts. Lips, once warm with life, with a smile that had brightened Lexa's entire world, now remained forever parted, a silent cry issuing forth from them, the trickle of dried blood from one corner telling her all she needed to know. A film had settled over the eyes, eyes that had once been blue, been the picture of life itself for Lexa, turning them into the dullest white she'd ever had the misfortune of seeing._  
  
_As Lexa stared down at Clarke's head in her hands, she felt her heart burst, felt the sob that had grown in her chest shatter, as her entire world fell down around her..._

***

Lexa jolted up, her eyes flying open even as the image of Clarke's head remained forever imprinted in her sight. The bright light of the desert sun was immediately replaced by the flickering of the few candles scattered throughout her tent, the heat replaced by the biting chill in the early spring air, but she couldn't take in any of the details. All she could do was gasp as her hands flew to her chest, fingernails digging into her skin even with her shirt separating them. Mouth wide open, she tried desperately to draw breath into her lungs, but found it impossible. Her throat had closed up, thoroughly blocking off any way of taking in oxygen. Her heart raced at impossible speeds, and the longer she went without breathing the faster its beating became.  
  
“Leksa!” she heard behind the roaring in her ears that started during the dream and had yet to stop. From the corner of her eyes she saw Taigon throw himself from the pile of furs he's been sleeping in on the other side of the tent, scrambling madly towards her. He covered the distance between them in what seemed to be less than a second, dropping to his knees in front of her. He reached out towards her, but she shied away from the hand, shaking her head.  
  
“ _Don't_ ,” she somehow managed to croak out, her head still moving even as her throat continued to refuse to allow oxygen past. Immediately he withdrew his hand, both falling to his knees where his fingers gripped around his pants tightly, but he didn't move away.  
  
“ _Leksa, come on, you need to breathe!_ ” he yelled, his eyes wide and the fear in his voice far too obvious.  
  
“ _Qu-quiet_ ,” she managed to get out, shooting him a glare even as her arms wrapped around her upper half, as though she were trying to hold herself together. He needed to be quieter, needed to not be so loud or someone might come in and that was something she couldn't have. None of her people could see her like this. No one could know of the way her heart flew in her chest, no one could see the way she shook even now or how she couldn't manage to force air into her lungs. Her people couldn't see their Heda like this, couldn't see this weakness from her, and neither could the Skaikru. Her brother needed to lower his voice, or everything else would come crashing down as well.  
  
“ _Alright Leksa_ ,” Taigon agreed, his voice immediately quieting. It softened, sinking into the comforting tone she hadn't needed in years. “ _I won't touch you, and I will remain quiet, but you need to breathe now. Watch, and breathe with me._ ” Lexa watched as he took an over-exaggerated breath, pulling air slowly into his lungs and then holding it for a short count before slowly releasing it. He repeated the motion and Lexa forced herself to focus on it, trying to think of nothing but the way his chest moved as he breathed slowly. For another moment her throat remained closed, her airways restricted, but as she watched her brother, she felt them slowly begin to open up. She wheezed as air finally began to trickle into her lungs again, but she ignored the noise, focusing only on trying to draw in more.  
  
For long minutes the brother and sister sat, Lexa watching Taigon's chest as Taigon scanned her face, neither of them saying a word. Breathing became easier, though there was a pain in her chest that wouldn't go away, and no matter how much oxygen she took in, there was no way for Lexa to stop herself from shaking or stopping the way her heart pounded against her ribcage. Her fingernails dug into her arms where she held herself, the sparks of pain helping to clear her mind and focus. No matter what she did though, or how she tried to forget it, she couldn't wipe the image of Clarke's severed head from her memory.  
  
“ _I will make you your tea,_ ” Taigon murmured once she'd finally calmed herself down enough to breathe on her own. Her eyes moved up to his, tongue flicking across lips that had gone completely dry before she asked, “ _You brought the herbs?_ ”  
  
He nodded, managing to maintain a calm expression as he replied, “ _I was worried that you might need them._ ” Lexa's eyes fell closed, a new lump forming in her throat that burned even as she managed to breathe around it.  
  
There had been a time when she had needed that tea every night. For almost two years now she'd been able to go without it, but for a year that tea, those herbs, was the only thing that managed to help her get any sleep. Only three people had known of the dream and her reactions to it, and for weeks all three of them had tried to find some solution for her. If Taigon hadn't thought of the herbs a month after the dreams had started, she knew she wouldn't have made it that year. Before she'd started drinking it, every night had been hell for her, the dream taking over almost the moment she closed her eyes and waking her up every time she pulled the head out of the bag. Until now it had always been the same head, the same details, and now it was all starting over again.  
  
Except this time she did not have the luxury of being able to fall into the dreamless sleep the herbs provided for her. Now she had two armies to lead, an enemy to find, and only so much time to do it in.  
  
“No,” she told him, her voice firm as she shook her head at her brother once again. Her shoulders squared, her back straightening, even as she felt herself continue to shake. She saw his brow crease, saw the flash of anger in his eyes, but just continued, “Do not make the tea.”  
  
“Lexa, you need to sleep,” he growled, fighting to keep his voice down as she requested. He knew why he couldn't be any louder, knew his sister didn't want anyone else to know about her dreams especially now that he was the only one left who knew about them, but that didn't keep him from wanting to yell at her. “You and I both know it is only the herbs that will be able to help you fight off the dream and get the rest you need.”  
  
“The herbs will make me sleep longer than I can afford to,” she argued, shifting back on her pile of furs, trying to hold herself up as though she were perfectly fine now, but he could still see the tremor in her hands. “In just a couple of hours we need to continue after our enemy, and if I take the herbs it will be long past morning before I wake up. We can't afford to lose that time, not when they already have such a head start on us.”  
  
“So, what, you are just going to stay awake until we find Clarke?” he asked, an edge in his voice, but he knew it wasn't his tone that made her flinch when he said the Sky girl's name. Seeing the movement, his voice lowered, his tone softening as he reached out and gently touched her arm. He felt her stiffen beneath the touch and didn't move any closer, knowing how much she hated to be touched after one of her attacks. “You can't do that, Lexa,” he insisted, “You cannot just refuse to sleep. We have no idea how long it will be until we find Nia and her people. You can't survive without rest.”  
  
“I am aware of this, Taigon,” she bit back at him, and then clenched her jaw when she realized how she sounded. Closing her eyes, she let her hands fall to her lap and took a deep breath, filling lungs that still burned from their period of time without any oxygen. Forcing herself to calm down, only once she felt like she could control her voice did she open her eyes again, meeting his as she added quietly, “I know I cannot survive without sleep, and I know there is no way to know how long it will take to find her.” Taigon could tell from the pain that flashed across her face that it wasn't the Ice Queen she referred to. “But I cannot allow our pace to slow anymore than it already is, and if I take the herbs we will have to stop for entire nights. We'll lose hours of travel time, and it will make it that much longer before we are able to catch up. I won't allow that.”  
  
“So you aren't going to let yourself sleep until we find them? Your mind won't be able to handle that, Lexa, and we all need your mind working if any of us are going to survive this, not just Clarke,” Taigon argued, his tone softer than it would have been if he couldn't see just how exhausted she already was. He watched as her head lowered, eyes falling down to the hands that laid open in her lap, and they watched as her fingers clenched into fists.  
  
“I did not say that, Taigon,” she informed him, her voice quiet, any trace of fight or argument gone. Instead she sounded resigned, her tone almost tired as she looked back up at him, pain badly hidden in her eyes as she said, “I understand that I cannot let myself show any weakness. My mind must remain sharp: I will not put my people in the danger I know they will be in if I do not get the rest I need. So I will sleep. Without the tea.”  
  
“Then you will dream,” Taigon stated bluntly, a lump of his own forming in his throat as he realized exactly what his sister planned to put herself through. “If you sleep without the aid of the herbs, you will dream, and your body will react to the memory as it always has.”  
  
“I will dream,” Lexa agreed, giving a small nod and meeting her brother's worried expression with her own stubborn one. “But while I dream, I will get some rest: it will have to be enough until...” She trailed off for a moment, the lump burning in her throat growing, and she swallowed thickly around it. She felt tears prickle at the corners of her eyes, but she blinked them angrily away. She couldn't say her real thought, _I will dream until the dream becomes a reality_ , and instead managed to get out, “Until we have caught up to our enemy.”  
  
Taigon scanned his sister's face, seeing the resignation there, the knowledge of what she would be putting herself through clear to both of them. He was torn between trying to argue with her more and wrapping her in his arms to try to comfort both of them, but he knew neither reaction would be welcome, so instead he simply sat there, his hand still on his sister's arm as she met his gaze. The flickering candlelight around them held back the demons that surrounded them, but they both knew that those demons lived comfortably inside Lexa's mind, and that the next time she closed her eyes they would be waiting to remind her of all the pain that should have been solely in her past, but now waited for her once again in her future.

***

The stiffness in her neck is what pulled Clarke from her sleep, her consciousness returning slowly as details began to cipher through her mind. The hard wall she leaned against, the cold dirt floor she sat on, and the darkness she sensed even before she opened her eyes reminded her of where she was. The weight on her ankle and cool metal of the shackle reminded her she wasn't there willingly. The fact that she felt fully rested, had gotten better sleep than she had in over a week, reminded her she had made the right choice.  
  
A part of her didn't want to open her eyes; that part of her told her to go back to sleep, to escape her prison in her dreams as she'd been doing for an unknown number of hours. A larger part of her knew she had to, knew she'd slept long enough and that it was time to face the reality of her situation and see what she could make of it. So after giving herself one more blessed moment of peace, she forced her eyes to open, finally taking the look around she knew she probably should have taken as soon as she'd been left alone in the prison.  
  
The torches on the wall had all shrunk, the flames burning at their ends eating away enough of them for her to calculate she'd been sleeping for at least a few hours. With the meager light they still managed to throw off, she looked around, eyes slowly scanning the room for any details she might have missed earlier. There really weren't any: other than the staircase in the center of the room, the shackles lining the wall all around it, and the torches, there was little else to look at.  
  
Bracing her hands on her thighs, Clarke pushed herself up along the wall, forcing herself to her feet. Her body protested the motion, her back and butt aching after being pressed against a hard surface so long with no movement, and a dull throbbing pulsed from her knees, the repeated abuse they'd received over the past few days making itself known now that she had time to think about anything other than just what would happen when she met the Ice Queen. She flinched slightly as she straightened, the many small aches and pains pulling at her body, but other than that she ignored them. Stiffly she turned, eyes scanning the wall she'd been pressed against.  
  
The end of the chain attached to her ankle had long ago been forced into the base of the wall. Grabbing it, she gave a hard tug, but no matter how hard she pulled it didn't budge. When the chain itself showed no signs of releasing her, she knelt down, biting her lip as her knee came in contact with the hard dirt, and studied the manacle around her ankle. The shackle itself was large enough that it moved slightly along her leg, but too small for her to slip her foot out of. She tried yanking at it a few times to see if she could get it to release her, but had no luck.  
  
“You will not be able to get out.”  
  
Clarke jumped, her heart leaping into her throat as the soft voice spoke out, and it was only then that she remembered the girl on the other side of the room. The guards had placed her exactly opposite the girl so that the staircase stood between them, and because of it and the low light in the room, Clarke hadn't seen her when she woke up. She remembered her now though, and after taking a moment to calm her racing heart down, she stepped to the side. The length of her chain made it possible to move a couple of feet, and when she moved to its maximum length she could manage to make out the outline of the girl in the dark. When she stopped she saw the girl look up at her, eyes that seemed far too dark due to the light of the torches returning her look. Clarke saw her shift and heard the slight movement of the girl's own chain before she said, “Nobody has been able to break out of here before. Many have tried, but all failed.”  
  
Her English was good, but not as good as Nia's. She spoke it as someone who'd been taught it long ago, but seldom used it. Just the fact that she could speak it at all told Clarke a little about her though, and she studied her for a moment to see if she could figure anymore out.  
  
She sat hunched, one arm wrapped around knees that pressed against her chest, even as her head rested against the wall behind her. Her free hand laid on the ground, fingers running nonsensical patterns in the dirt that she didn't look at, her eyes stuck on Clarke. Even with the minimal light the blonde could see the corners of her lips were pulled down, not in sorrow but more in study. Her dark hair seemed dirty, hanging limply at her shoulders, as did her clothes, and Clarke couldn't help but wonder how long she'd been in there. With the way she sat, almost resigned to her fate, she couldn't help but think it had to have been quite some time.  
  
Rather than commenting on the way she held herself or asking any questions, Clarke just looked away and took the few steps forward she could until she was closer to the staircase. The chain didn't allow her to get close enough to try to climb it, but she was able to reach out and touch it, so that's what she did. Her fingers ran over the railing that circled along the steps up towards the ceiling, dried paint chipping away beneath their tips. Her head tilted back, eyes following the curve of the staircase up until it disappeared into the darkness.  
  
“Do you know what's above us?” she asked, ignoring the girl's words. She tried to take another step forward to see if she could make out any more details from another angle, but the shackle at her ankle stopped the movement before she could even make it.  
  
“No,” was the simple answer she got, and her eyes flickered over to the girl on the other side of the staircase. “No one knows where it leads, as no one has ever gotten free to find out. As I said, none has ever been able to break free from this place.”  
  
“This prison hasn't met me before,” she simply told the girl over her shoulder as she turned around and moved back over to the wall. Once there, her hand reached out, fingers running over its rough surface to see if she could find anything useful there. “I have kind of a talent for getting out of bad situations.”  
  
“Your talents will not help you here,” she heard the girl inform her, her voice carrying easily across the small room, “The only way you get out of here is by telling the queen what she wishes to know.”  
  
“I won't do that,” Clarke replied, her brow creasing as she scowled at the wall.  
  
“Then you will remain here until the queen decides what to do with you,” the girl told her, and Clarke just gave her a shrug. She could feel herself being studied, felt the girl's eyes moving across her shoulders and back, but didn't turn around. Her hand continued up the wall, brushing against another shackle that hung just above shoulder height, feeling the hard texture of the stone beneath her finger tips. Every now and then a finger would dip when it ran over a crack in the wall, but so far nothing appeared promising in an attempt at escape.  
  
“Whatever offer the queen gave you, you should take it,” the girl told her again, her tone serious. “You do not know what she can do.”  
  
“I do know,” Clarke assured her, taking a quick look over her shoulder at her fellow prisoner. “Believe me, I know exactly what she's capable of.”  
  
“You do not,” the girl argued, shaking her head, and when Clarke looked again she thought she saw something flash across the girl's face. “If you did know, you never would have refused her. No one can take the queen's anger for long. If you knew what she will do to you, you would not be in here right now.”  
  
“She's going to torture me,” Clarke stated, as matter-of-factly as she could. She turned around fully, looking over at the other girl and gave another shrug. “Possibly even going to kill me. I know that: I accept that. But there's no way I'll tell her what she wants me to.”  
  
The girl's eyes scanned across her face and she met them, seeing the way her brow pulled down further. Suddenly she shook her head, telling Clarke, “Then you are a fool, and you put yourself through pain for no reason. You will break beneath Nia's power whether you want to or not; tell her now what she wants and you will spare yourself much agony. Tell her and she will let you live.”  
  
“I'm going to live,” Clarke murmured, staring off in front of her, no longer completely focused on her companion. “I won't let Nia beat me. I won't let her win.”  
  
The girl raised an eyebrow at her, her chin lifting a little higher before she stated, “You sound sure of this. But you have never seen the queen when she wishes to know something. She is...” She paused for a moment, searching for the correct word, and then her brow lifted as she found it. “She is ruthless, and she will get her way. You stand no chance against her.”  
  
“You'd be surprised what I've lived through so far,” Clarke mused, letting herself slide down the wall until she was once again sitting. Her free leg was bent, her elbow resting against it as the one with the shackle remained out straight in front of her, the chain attached to her ankle pulled taut so that she could still see the other girl. The blonde looked up at the torch across from her, letting herself get lost slightly in the way the flames flickered inconsistently in the darkness. In her mind she recounted all the many times she should have died already, from the moment the dropship crash landed to the present, and she just murmured, “I've been through too much to let Nia be the one to kill me. I won't let her do that to me. I won't let her do that to Lexa. Not again.”  
  
A shadow crossed the other girl's face before she turned away, no longer able to look at the blonde. Her fingers dug roughly in the dirt beneath her, her back pressing a little more stiffly against the wall before she replied roughly, “What happens to you will have no effect on the Commander. You are not even one of us. To her you are barely more than an enemy; what makes you think she will care?”  
  
Clarke felt her eyes close as she leaned back, her head resting against the wall. Images of Lexa flashed through her mind, and a sad little smile tugged at her lips.  
  
“The Commander cares,” she assured the other girl quietly. “She cares about everyone. More than you could possibly know.”  
  
“She cares about her coalition. Everyone knows this,” the girl bit back, the smallest trace of hostility in her voice. “That is what she cares about, and you are not part of the coalition.”  
  
Frowning, Clarke opened her eyes, looking back over at the other girl curiously as the small smile fell from her lips. She studied her for a second, something pulling at her that she couldn't quite place. In the dim light she could just manage to make out the way the girl's brow had pulled down into a glare, or the way one hand clenched tightly at her knees. She stared to the side, not meeting Clarke's look, and the blonde felt her own brow crease.  
  
“What's your name?” she asked, realizing she knew nothing about this other girl. She noticed eyes flicker to hers and then look immediately away again, and her curiosity only increased.  
  
“I do not have a name,” the girl replied quietly, her tone shifting as she pulled her legs closer to herself. She looked down at the designs she'd drawn in the dirt beside her. “I have not had a name for some time.”  
  
Her confusion growing, Clarke opened her mouth to ask what she meant by that, but immediately closed it when they heard a noise outside and then a loud creak. The door slowly opened and they both looked towards it, needing to shield their faces as the bright light of the outside streamed into the room. For a brief moment that light washed everything out and Clarke had to squint to try to see past it as a figure made its way into the room. A second figure stepped inside just after the first, but where the first moved forward, the second stood just to the side of the door. Blinking quickly to try to clear her vision, the door shut partially a moment later and Clarke finally managed to make out each figure as her eyes got used to the shift in the light.  
  
Maloch smirked at her from his spot next to the door, his eyes going right to the blonde the moment he stepped inside and not looking away. He didn't spare any glance towards the girl with no name, instead keeping his entire focus on Clarke. She met his look and raised her chin, refusing to show him the way her heart had begun pounding against her chest the moment she heard the creak of the door. While the two of them stared at each other, Nadia moved over to the other girl, placing a bowl of something on the ground beside her, a piece of bread quickly set next to it as well. As soon as she finished, she moved around the staircase towards Clarke, effectively cutting Maloch from the blonde's line of sight. The prisoner noticed the way the young healer's brow was pulled down, noticed the way she seemed to be forcing herself to concentrate on her actions, and felt herself frown. Nadia stopped just in front of her and knelt down, holding out a second bowl and piece of bread.  
  
Clarke's eyes flickered back to Maloch over the healer's shoulder, seeing him still smirking at her, and then she leaned forward to take the offered food. As she leaned forward so did Nadia, and suddenly Clarke heard her whisper so quietly she almost missed it, “Be strong, Clarke.”  
  
Before the words had even really registered in the blonde's mind the healer was up and moving back towards the door, her posture showing no signs of anything other than the desire to leave. Just managing to hide the shock she'd felt from the words, Clarke watched as she walked out of the room and back into the light outside. Maloch looked at her for one last long moment, his eyes dropping to the shackle around her ankle and raising his eyebrows slightly at her as his smirk grew, before he turned and followed Nadia out. The next moment the door banged shut behind them, falling back into place and plunging the room back into darkness.  
  
Looking down at the bowl of soup in her hands, Clarke felt her heart continue to race in her chest as her mind tried to process the two little words.  
  
She would be strong; she had to be strong, didn't have a choice to be anything else. She would be strong, and no matter what the girl with no name tried to tell her, she wouldn't break beneath Nia. She would be strong for Lexa. She would be strong _because_ of Lexa: the Commander was coming, and she just had to hold out until she made it.  
  
She could do it. She _had_ to do it; she had no other choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the update, my friends! As always, love to hear your thoughts, worries, concerns, etc! Also just as a note: in case you haven't noticed, I really don't respond very often to questions that are asked in comments. That's mostly because I don't want to give anything away with what's coming, especially in a place where anyone could see it (some people want to have an idea of what's coming, others don't). However, I will always respond to a message on Tumblr (again, there I'm clarkethewanheda). Admittedly, I might not tell you exactly what you want to know because I don't like the idea of spoiling my own story, but I promise to respond with at least something if you reach out to me (even if it's, "I'm really sorry, but I can't tell you that yet!"). So yeah, I just wanted to make sure everyone knew that. So thanks, and until next week!
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations:
> 
> "Osa tai choda op kom jus." - "We bind ourselves in blood."


	31. Chapter 31

With no windows or holes in the wall, there was no way to tell how much time went by. Clarke watched the torches as the flames ate away the wood, using the shrinking poles to try to guess how long she'd been in there. Before any of them could completely extinguish, one of the Grounders she assumed guarded her prison came in, replacing them with new ones. By the dimmer light that streamed into the room when the door was opened, she guessed it was now late afternoon. Making a note to herself to pay attention to the amount of light that came in the next time the torches had to be changed, Clarke kept her face turned away from the guard, stubbornly not meeting his eyes as he moved around the small space. The job done, the guard left, closing the door behind him without trying to say a word to either of the prisoners and the blonde once again found herself alone with the girl with no name.  
  
After Maloch and Nadia left, the other girl said nothing, simply sitting against the wall and staring at the ground. Clarke watched her for a moment, her brow pulled down slightly in curiosity, but didn't try to resume their conversation. For what Clarke assumed were hours the two sat in silence, the crackle of the torches' fire and the small noise the other girl made as she continued to draw in the dirt the only sounds breaking through the quiet.  
  
After eating the soup and bread, almost surprised by how hungry she was, Clarke went back to surveying her surroundings, trying to find a way out. She studied and tugged at the chain holding her to the wall, looking for any weak spots she might be able to work with, but found none. Her fingers grappled at the manacle itself, furiously trying to get it to release its hold on her ankle, but had to give up when the pressure only made her fingers ache. She pulled at the chain link embedded into the stone wall, but gave up on that too when her knees screamed at her for kneeling on them for too long. She walked as far as the chain would allow, pacing just to keep her mind working and spirits up as much as to look for a way out. When her ankle decided it had had enough of the movement, the skin beneath the iron link beginning to rub raw, she sat again, resting her head back against the wall and took a nap, deciding that a little sleep certainly couldn't hurt her. No matter what she did, she could feel the other girl's eyes flicker to her every now and then, and each time her previous words echoed in her mind.  
  
The next time a guard came in to change the torches it was dark outside, even darker than it was in the prison. As the guard walked around the room, this time Clarke just stared ahead, a blank expression on her face as her head rested against the wall. She saw the guard's eyes flicker to her but didn't bother to meet them, especially since he immediately looked away again. The same silence rang out around the room that had been present ever since the last torches were changed, and then he left just as quickly as the last had, leaving the two prisoners alone again.  
  
It wasn't long after he left that Clarke felt herself getting restless and stood up once again, eyes trailing over the walls for what could already be the hundredth time. She moved as far as her chain would allow and continued to look around, pulling almost absentmindedly against her shackle. Licking her dry lips just for something to do, her eyes scanned the prison, searching desperately for any way of escape.  
  
“I have told you, there is only one way you can get out of this place,” the girl across the room said quietly, speaking for the first time in hours. Her eyes shifted to Clarke, watching the blonde as she moved, stepping as far as her chain would allow.  
  
“That's not an option,” the blonde repeated quickly, not even bothering to look at her companion. She moved as far as she could to the left, her hands running along the wall, fingertips poking and prodding for any kind of deformity she might be able to use to her advantage. When she felt a small crack, she stopped at it, her fingernails digging into it, seeing if she could work away at it to make it bigger. Little bits of the stone gave way, crumbling to the ground beneath her, but nothing more.  
  
“It is your only option,” the girl insisted, and Clarke could feel her eyes scanning over her. Rather than say anything, the blonde just shook her head in response, trying to calm the way her heart began to pick up its pace. The girl studied her for a long moment, her brow creasing, and Clarke thought she heard something almost like a huff of annoyance escape her. “Why do you insist on this? You know how to save yourself and your people: why do you refuse to do the only thing that will save you all?”  
  
Clarke's nails dug against the stone, one of them chipping from the amount of force she used. Without meaning to she clenched her jaw, even as bile rose up in the back of her throat. Whether it was due to fear or anger she couldn't say, but she swallowed it down before taking a deep breath to try to calm herself.  
  
“My people are safe as long as Lexa's the Commander,” she finally answered, keeping her tone as even as she could. “She wants peace as much as I do.”  
  
“She did not want peace when she left you at Maun-de,” the girl pointed out.  
  
Whirling around, Clarke's hands clenched into fists as she growled, “Does everyone know about that?” The other girl merely raised her eyebrows, not put off by the amount of anger in the blonde's tone, and Clarke forced herself to relax. Rubbing her forehead with one hand, she replied, “And yes actually, that's exactly what she wanted at Mount Weather. She wanted peace for her people and the only way she knew she could get it was by betraying mine.”  
  
“And still you will not tell the queen what she wishes to know?” the other prison asked, her voice skeptical. “You risk your life for one who has already risked it for you?”  
  
“Yes,” Clarke answered easily, turning away again. She didn't reach up to run her hands along the wall this time, instead just keeping them down by her side as she stared at the stone in front of her. Quietly she added, “She did what she did for her people. I understand that. I've gotten over it.”  
  
“She will always do what must be done for her people,” the other girl said, and Clarke noticed a sudden edge to her tone. She turned slightly and looked across the room, finding the other girl glaring at one of the torches. “You do not matter to her: you can never matter as much as her people will and you are a fool if you think differently. You are a fool if you think she will risk the lives of her people for you. If she were in your position, she would save her people and kill you.”  
  
“You're wrong,” Clarke murmured, completing her turn and narrowing her eyes at the other girl. Her voice rising, she added, “You're right, but you're wrong. You're right, Lexa does care about her people more than she is allowed to care about anything else, but that doesn't mean she would turn on me again, especially not to Nia. She was already going to lead an army against her, and when she finds out that the queen had me captured she'll just come sooner. All I have to do is make it for a few days, and Lexa will be here. I know she's coming.”  
  
“Why do you think that?” the girl asked, folding her hands in her lap. From where she was, Clarke couldn't see that they were shaking. She looked to the side, not really focusing on anything as she asked, “What makes you think she is coming here?”  
  
“She was already planning on coming,” Clarke replied, her heartbeat picking up even further in her chest. “Nia sent some of her warriors to attack us, and that was all the excuse Lexa needed. Last time I saw her she was going back to Polis to gather an army to lead against the Ice Queen.”  
  
“She should have done it sooner,” the girl said quietly, so quietly Clarke couldn't be entirely sure she'd heard correctly. Looking back towards Clarke, their eyes met once again and her voice rose as she asked, “What made this attack different? Why lead her army against the queen now?”  
  
“Because she attacked Lexa directly,” the blonde answered, her brow creasing in confusion at the question. “Is that why?” the other girl wanted to know, “Or is it because she sent her warriors to attack you?” Clarke's mouth dropped open, moving as though to respond, but no answer came. She watched as the other girl studied her for a moment, anger suddenly evident before she growled out, “Why?” Her fingernails dug into her thighs, the most obvious sign of her tension, but Clarke didn't look away from her eyes to notice. “What makes you special? Why would she come for you?”  
  
“I don't... I'm not... What do you mean?” Clarke asked, taking a step back even though with their chains neither would ever be able to reach the other. “She's coming because Nia finally gave her the excuse she's needed for years.” The crease in her brow grew as she looked away from the other girl, staring off as she added quietly, “She's finally going to be able to get her revenge for what the queen did to Costia.”  
  
At the words, the other girl went still, her jaw clenching tightly one moment and then loosening the next. She turned away, no longer meeting Clarke's eyes before she murmured just as quietly, “She shouldn't have needed an excuse. She is the Commander: she should have marched an army against the queen long ago if it is what she wished to do.”  
  
“She didn't have the freedom to do that,” the blonde replied, studying her companion. She was going to say more but the other girl cut her off, biting back, “She is the Commander: she could have marched an army if she wanted to and no one could have said anything against her.”  
  
Both girls were too focused on each other to hear the sound of footsteps approaching the door.  
  
“They could have and they would have,” Clarke told her, her voice rising just a hair. She shook her head, letting out a small sigh before she said, “You don't know what it's like for her, being Commander. The choices she has to make aren't for her: she isn't allowed to do whatever she wants, she has to think about everyone first.”  
  
“If she has to think of everyone first then why do you believe so fully that she would lead her people to war for you?” the girl replied quickly. “What makes you think she would not sacrifice you for her people as she has already done once before?”  
  
“Because I know her,” Clarke answered angrily, her fists clenching once again. “I know how she thinks and I know how she feels, and I know what it would do to her if I betrayed her, so even if she doesn't come, even if the queen tortures me or kills me, I will never turn on her like that! If I have to, I'll die just like Costia did. Lexa trusts me, and I won't break that trust, no matter what.”  
  
“Trust is for fools,” the other girl informed her, lifting her head higher and jutting her chin out. Something about the movement struck something inside of Clarke, but she couldn't make herself focus on it. “You blindly believe Lexa will come for you, you blindly believe she cares, even when you know she will always put her people before you. You have the chance to save yourself and your people, but instead you risk it all on the hope that Lexa will be able to defeat the queen, and even then you don't know for certain your people will be safe. You make the fool's decision when the smart choice has been handed to you over and over.”  
  
“No, I'm making the right choice,” Clarke argued, taking a step forward as she leveled a glare at the other girl still sitting on the ground. “You can tell me over and over that I'm an idiot, you can keep telling me that Lexa's not coming or that the queen is going to torture me, but it doesn't matter; whatever you say, whatever anyone says, I'll choose to trust Lexa every time. I won't give up on her, no matter what.”  
  
“You are wrong,” the other girl informed her, a sudden hollowness in her tone that caused Clarke's stomach to drop. “You can say you will remain strong in your decision, but you won't. It does not matter how strong you believe you are: everyone breaks eventually. The queen will break you, and you will tell her what she wants to know, and then all of this talk, all of your belief in Lexa will be for nothing. You hope that Lexa is coming or that she will win when she faces Nia; you _know_ the queen will torture you until you talk. Save yourself immense pain and just speak now.”  
  
“No,” Clarke stated, a note of finality in her tone that didn't go unnoticed by either of them. The other girl met her glare, returning it, before she replied, “You will regret your decision.”  
  
About to tell her she would never regret sticking by Lexa's side, she immediately shut her mouth when the door suddenly creaked open. A figure stepped into the flickering light of the torches, the darkness outside mixing with the darkness inside, and it took a moment for Clarke to make out the features of the Ice Queen herself. The girl across the room shifted from her spot on the floor, wrapping her arms tighter around her knees. A moment later two more figures stepped into the room, each placing themselves on either side of the door before it swung closed again. Clarke didn't bother to look at either of the guards, her gaze going straight to Nia. Even in the dim light, she could see the small smirk on the woman's face.  
  
“Clarke,” she stated, meeting the blonde's eyes as she walked across the room. The guards stayed back but she moved right over to the prisoner, clearly not caring that she was now close enough that Clarke's chain wouldn't hold her back if she chose to attack. The Sky girl wasn't that foolish though, knowing she wouldn't stand a chance against the Grounder without any weapon and the limited mobility she had, so she simply stood where she was, her body stiffening as she watched Nia move towards her. The queen's brow lifted, her eyes quickly scanning over the blonde, before she asked, “Have you given anymore thought to my proposition, Clarke?”  
  
“No,” the blonde told her, lifting her head just a hair higher. “I won't turn on Lexa.”  
  
Nia shook her head, an obviously forced frown taking the place of her smirk before she informed the prisoner, “I had hoped you would see reason, Clarke. This prison does not need to be your new home if you tell me what I want to know. I could make life very comfortable for you, but only if you agree to my terms.”  
  
“Sorry to disappoint you,” Clarke replied, shooting the queen a small glare. “But I've made up my mind and you're not going to change it.”  
  
This time she didn't even try to hide her smirk, her lips curling up as she continued to meet Clarke's eyes. She didn't move, didn't take a step closer or shift her gaze, but just the stillness and the way she looked at Clarke made the blonde's mouth go dry as her heart began to once again race in her chest.  
  
“We will see about that,” she all but purred, and Clarke could easily read the challenge in her eyes, the excitement she felt knowing she would be able to try to break the Sky girl. It took all Clarke could do to keep her hands from shaking, doing her best to remain perfectly still so that she couldn't see the way fear had gripped the blonde's insides. Despite her best attempts, she could tell the queen sensed it, but she just continued to hold her head up, refusing to break eye contact. Her obvious determination only made the queen's smirk grow, and for a moment neither of them said anything else, a silent battle of wills raging between them. Finally the queen broke the silence between them, calling out, “Breik em au.”  
  
Clarke's eyes widened slightly, not expecting that to be the queen's next move. She was even more shocked when one of the guards moved to the other prisoner and not to her, swiftly pulling a key from his belt and undoing the manacle at the girl's ankle. The blonde's brow furrowed in confusion as the guard helped the other girl to her feet, her eyes shifting quickly over to the other girl and then back to the queen. Nia didn't take her eyes from Clarke, watching the reaction, and the Sky girl thought she saw something flash across the queen's face.  
  
“Did she tell you anything useful?” she asked, her eyes still not leaving Clarke's even though it was clear she wasn't talking to the blonde.  
  
“Only that she thinks the Commander is on her way with an army,” the girl stated, and Clarke's jaw dropped slightly even as her eyes flew to the other girl. The girl who was no longer a prisoner stepped forward, wincing a little as her limbs got used to movement again. She looked up, meeting the blonde's eyes as she continued, “She says that Lexa was already on her way before she was taken, and that she will only be here sooner after learning of the Sky girl's capture.”  
  
Nia waved her hand, dismissing the words as she replied, “We planned for that. We are more than ready to take on whatever army Lexa brings to us. What else?”  
  
The girl took another couple of steps forward, reaching out with one hand and grabbing onto the railing of the stairs in the center of the room, her fingers clenching tightly around the thin metal bar even as she looked at the queen. Shaking her head, she said, “All she would say was that she will not turn on Lexa. She claims she is willing to die for her.” Her eyes flickered over to Clarke, staring at her wide-eyed, and added, “She has also been looking for a way out, but I have informed her there is none.”  
  
“You-,” Clarke began, taking a step forward as her hands curled into fists at her sides, but she stopped when the queen raised her eyebrows at her. Instead of taking another step, she simply turned her glare on the other girl, clenching her jaw tightly to keep herself from saying anything else.  
  
“You would do well to listen to her, Clarke,” the queen drawled out, turning around and slowly walking towards the other girl. Reaching her, Nia deliberately placed her arm around the girl's shoulders, and even through her anger Clarke noticed the other girl stiffen slightly. Her fingers curling around the girl's shoulder, Nia added, “Costia spent a few days in here herself and learned that there is no escape. Though she too tried to find one before she realized the only way out was by giving me what I wanted. For a while she too claimed she would die for her love, but she realized the foolishness behind that mentality just as you will.”  
  
Clarke didn't hear her. Everything said after the name was completely lost to her, a loud buzzing drowning out everything else. The single name rang through her head, repeated over and over, and she couldn't help it as she stumbled back, hitting the wall. Her eyes dropped from Nia's, turning to stare at the girl beside her, her mouth hanging open in shock. The girl didn't look at her, her head turned just off to the side so that she wouldn't have to see the blonde as she realized who she really was.  
  
“N-no,” Clarke stammered, her tone so low it was hard for her to hear over the buzzing in her ears. “You can't be-, you're not... Lexa, she, she held her head in her hands. You can't be her.”  
  
Nia's lips curled up further, but Clarke couldn't tear her eyes away from the girl to see it. The hand on the girl's shoulder lifted, moving to her face and Clarke watched as Nia gently stroked her cheek, the girl's eyes closing as her fingers pressed lightly against her skin.  
  
“It is interesting what death does to a person's face,” Nia mused, turning to look at the girl beside her. “Bruises and cuts. A little swelling here and there, they disfigure one greatly as it is, but death... Death changes something about us. Have you ever noticed that, Clarke? A face, especially once removed from its body, changes once death settles in. With eyes swollen shut and a little skin stripped away, it can be difficult to be sure you are looking at a face you are supposed to have known so well. So difficult, in fact, that you may think the head you hold in your hands is that of the girl you love, when in reality it is another person entirely. Funny, isn't it?”  
  
_I didn't even realize who it was at first. The face was beaten so badly, I didn't recognize her. It was too bruised, too swollen. I did not know until I saw the tattoo..._  
  
Lexa's words rang in her ears, even louder than the buzzing, and suddenly Clarke thought she was going to be sick. The bile that had been gathering in her throat expanded into something more, and it took everything in her not to let it out. The girl – _Costia_ – still wouldn't look at her, doing her best to keep a passive expression on her face, and all of a sudden everything about the situation made Clarke furious. The fact that Costia was alive; the fact that she was here, standing before her, that she had tricked her into talking about Lexa; that she was standing next to Nia, letting the queen touch her; that she had clearly chosen Nia over Lexa: one realization just piled on top of the next, and suddenly all Clarke could see was red.  
  
“You _bitch_!” she nearly screeched, jolting forward. Her sights were narrowed on the other girl, on Costia, completely forgetting about the chain that kept her attached to the wall. She reached the end of it, the metal stretching as far as it would go, and felt it as the hard manacle jarred her to a stop, her skin screaming painfully as the force of her movement dug the metal into her flesh. She didn't let the pain deter her, barely felt it through her rage, and stood as close as she possibly could to Lexa's previous lover, the girl who'd broken the Commander's heart the moment she thought she held her head in her hands. “How could you? How could you do that to Lexa? She loved you, and you turned on her! Do you have any idea what it's done to her, thinking you died because of her? Do you have any idea what she's put herself through because of it? How could you do that to her?”  
  
The moment the Sky girl lashed out, Costia picked her head up, eyes wide as she looked back at Clarke. She wanted to step back, to put more distance between herself and the enraged Sky girl even though it was clear she couldn't move any further forward, and at the same time she wanted to close the distance between them, to put herself directly in front of this other girl to get an even better look at her. In that moment, she could entirely understand how this girl had become known as Wanheda, seeing the Commander of Death in the way her hands shook, the way her teeth were bared and in the furious glare that shot through her. At the same time however, the girl's words simply made her own fury boil up, until she felt her fingers curl into fists as well.  
  
“How could I do that to her?” Costia replied quietly, her voice shaking as she tried to control it. “It was simple: I could either choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose survival.”  
  
“You turned against her!” Clarke cried, disbelief melding in with the anger in her tone. Her fingers curled into fists, now shaking almost uncontrollably at her side, but she just managed to temper her anger, trying to control the fury she felt coursing through her veins. “She trusted you more than anyone, and you let her go all this time thinking you were dead. How could you do that?”  
  
Costia looked as though she were about to say something, but then her jaw snapped shut and she looked away. Clarke saw the tension in her body, saw the way that her own hands shook and the way she stood stiffly beneath Nia's arm still resting over her shoulders, but she couldn't force herself to focus on any of it. All she could think about was Lexa and the pain she'd been in for so long thinking this girl was dead, that she had died because of her. Each thought just made the pit of rage in her stomach harden, weighing down on her until it was all she could feel.  
  
The Ice Queen moved, pulling her arm away from Costia's shoulder, and the movement managed to break through Clarke's rage, pulling her attention to the real enemy. She raised her eyebrows at the blonde, that smirk ever present and pulling at the corners of her lips, before she told the Sky girl, “I can see we have upset you, Clarke. I realize Costia's presence is more than a bit of a shock to you. Perhaps we should leave and give you some time to digest this information.”  
  
Without needing to be told, Costia stepped away from the queen, moving over to the door. She didn't open it, instead just stood with her back towards Clarke, waiting. The two guards didn't move either, both also waiting for the cue from Nia, but the queen continued to stand where she was for a moment, studying the blonde. Clarke just met her calm gaze, returning it with a glare, and she watched as the queen's lips merely curled up further. Instead of moving towards the door, she took three steps forward, until she was just out of Clarke's reach. “You will break, Clarke,” she murmured, the words whispered softly. She reached forward, cupping the blonde's cheek. Clarke didn't flinch, didn't move away from it, just held herself completely still as she continued to meet the queen's look with a glare. “Just as Costia did, you will break, and you will tell me everything I want to know about Lexa. It will get to the point where you will tell me entirely benign things I could never possibly need to know, but you will tell me just to try to stop the pain. You will tell me Lexa's war strategies. You will tell me who she trusts and who she does not. You will even tell me how she kisses, how she touches you or prefers to be touched, if I want to know it. You will tell me anything, just to make it all stop. You can believe you are strong enough to fight me, but you will learn you are not. Everyone breaks, Clarke, and you will not be an exception.”  
  
“Never,” Clarke whispered back, every trace of hate she had for the queen muttered with the single word. Nia's grip on her cheek tightened, the pressure of her fingers against the blonde's skin increasing almost imperceptibly.  
  
“You will,” she promised, “You will break, and when I finally stand over Lexa's body as she struggles with her final breaths, I will tell her that it was you I learned her weaknesses from. The last thing your love will hear before she dies is how you turned on her, just as her Costia did.”  
  
If she'd been fast enough, Clarke would have reached forward and wrapped her hands around her throat and squeezed. Even if the guards came at her with knives, she wouldn't have let go until the queen was lying on the ground, harsh bruises the shape of the Sky girl's fingers forever pressed against skin that would quickly turn cold without any life inside to warm it up. She would have held on until the cruel smirk had been replaced by silent screams, would have only increased the pressure as she watched those ice-blue eyes dim. If she'd been fast enough, this war would have ended right there, because Clarke would have killed the Ice Queen, even if it meant she would die moments later.  
  
But she wasn't fast enough. Before the urge had morphed into an actual thought, Nia was already stepping away, turning around and moving over towards the door. Before she was even halfway across the room one of the guards was opening the door, all of them then standing back to let their queen leave first, Costia following immediately behind and then the two guards bringing up the rear and closing the door behind them. She wasn't fast enough, and an instant later Clarke was alone, entirely alone this time, alone in her prison with nothing but her anger and her pain to keep her company.  
  
For a moment after they left, Clarke just stood where she was, staring at the closed door. She couldn't immediately process it all, these sudden truths she'd never even considered before battling inside her head. With Nia and Costia gone, she almost felt numb, as though they'd taken her rage with them. It was still there, she could still feel it boiling in the pit of her stomach, but where only a few moments ago it had ignited her from within, burning through her entire being, now it sat, bubbling and stewing and impossible to get a grip on. Eventually she moved, turning around and walking back towards the wall, barely even feeling it as her ankle stung from the metal that had bitten into it. Reaching the stone, she leaned forward, her forehead coming to rest against the wall, and she let her eyes close.  
  
Costia was alive. After all this time, Lexa's first love was alive. She'd believed for years that the girl she loved had died because of her duty to her people, because of her need to form the coalition and because of a title she never wanted, and now it turned out Costia was alive and working with her greatest enemy. She'd been taken but she hadn't been killed, instead breaking and telling Nia anything she wanted to know about the Commander and how she might take the title she'd always wanted. For years now she'd lived as Nia's personal informant on anything related to Lexa, telling her anything she wanted to know.  
  
Clarke had to bite her lip to keep the sob she could feel building in the back of her throat from escaping as she thought about Lexa. She could so clearly remember that look in her eyes when she'd talked about Costia. She remembered the tone of her voice every time she'd so much as mentioned her love, from that first time just after they'd finished burning Finn's body, to when Lexa had told her about her in their cave. The awe that had been in her voice when she talked about when they first started dating. The care she'd used when describing her. The soul-wrenching pain when she'd talked about holding what she believed was Costia's head in her hands. The guilt that was laced into every word she ever spoke in regards to the other girl. It was all there, all too easy to remember and to read off of Lexa, and it all only reiterated one simple fact for the blonde.  
  
Lexa was going to be crushed. Devastated. Over-joyed and then immediately destroyed when she found out that Costia was alive and well and had spent all of this time with Nia. Her entire world would come crashing down when she realized that the head she had once held in her hands hadn't been the girl she so desperately had loved, but someone else. Her guilt would only triple, thinking about how all this time she could have marched on her enemy and saved her love. She would blame herself for everything Costia had been through, whatever it was, and it would just crush her. And nothing Clarke could do would be able to prevent any of that from happening.  
  
Letting the sob out, Clarke fell to her knees and then sat, turning so she could brace herself against the wall. No tears formed, her anger still more powerful than her sorrow, but inside her chest she felt nothing but pain. Pain for Lexa. Pain for the situation Lexa was going to find herself in when she finally reached Nia. Pain for herself because she knew Nia would do whatever it took to try to get her to break. Even a little bit of pain for Costia and everything she must have gone through to make her the queen's pawn. It all hurt, but since she had nothing she could do about any of it, Clarke just sat there and let herself drown in that pain.  
  
Very little time had gone by when she heard the door creak as it was pushed open once again, and Clarke immediately stiffened, her eyes darting to it. She braced herself, mentally trying to prepare herself for what was about to happen, but felt her shoulders slump once again as she made out Nadia's features as the girl stepped into the room. Someone slipped in behind her, but this time Clarke recognized Echo in the dim torchlight, even as the older girl simply stood with her arms crossed in front of her across the room, her back braced against the wall. She and Echo both watched Nadia as she moved forwards, the healer's eyes moving directly to Clarke as she stepped towards her. Reaching her, she set the small bag she had with her down on the ground before kneeling in front of the blonde. She reached out but Clarke shifted away, glaring at the girl. After Costia, the Sky girl didn't have it in her to trust anyone. The healer bit her lip and looked up at Clarke through her lashes, barely even able to make eye contact with her.  
  
“I am sorry,” she whispered, shaking her head. “I wanted to tell you, but I could not do so while she was in here to listen. She would have told Nia, and the queen would have assigned a new healer to you and I would have been punished. I had to stay quiet. I am sorry.”  
  
Clarke didn't answer, just met the girl's look with as much of a blank expression as she could muster. If it seemed more like a glare than a blank expression, it would just have to do: it had been a long day and she had too much anger and pain inside her to care about anything else.  
  
Nadia just nodded when she didn't say anything, her lips pulling down into a small frown, but she didn't say anything else, instead just reached into the bag she'd brought in with her. She pulled a damp cloth out of it and reached forward, leaning towards Clarke's shackled ankle, but the blonde pulled it away before she could touch it. The healer sat back up, meeting her eyes as she held the cloth in front of her, telling the Sky girl, “Please. Let me wash the blood away.”  
  
Clarke looked down, not having even realized she was bleeding, and saw the red trickle that showed just above the line of her boot and below her pant leg. She reached forward, ignoring the healer for a moment and pulled off the boot before rolling up the pant leg and winced when her fingers accidentally brushed against the wound. When she jolted forward at Costia and Nia, the manacle must have bitten deeper than she realized, puncturing through the already raw skin and giving her another wound to deal with. As injuries went though, she'd had worse, and was likely in for ones that would make this look like a paper cut. So she leaned back, letting her hands drop away, eyes closing as she leaned her head back against the wall. A moment later she felt something cool press against the wound.  
  
“Go away,” she muttered, not even bothering to open her eyes. She felt the cloth leave her skin, but knew the healer didn't move any farther away.  
  
“Please Clarke, allow me to help you,” Nadia murmured. She felt the cloth press against her again and her eyes shot open. Without warning she reached out, her fingers gripping around the healer's wrist, holding it in an iron-strong grip. She heard Echo move, pushing herself away from the wall quickly and saw her draw a knife from her belt out of the corner of her eyes, but when Nadia furiously shook her head, the warrior stopped. Clarke didn't even bother looking towards the warrior, her eyes boring into the healer's as she growled, “I said, go away. I don't want your help.” She held on for another moment to get her point across and then let go, pushing the girl back a little as she did so.  
  
Nadia looked at her with sad eyes, but nodded. Placing the cloth back into her bag, she pulled out a small jug instead and placed it next to the blonde before she pushed herself back to her feet. Looking down at the Sky girl she said quietly, “I understand. I would not trust any of us either, if I were in your position. But I really do just wish to help.” She turned as if to leave, but then paused. Clarke watched her stand there for just a moment, looking as though she were debating something with herself, and then the healer looked back down at her. “You must stay strong, Clarke,” she told her, an urgency edging its way into her tone. Her eyes flickered back over to Echo who stood watching, her eyebrows raised at her, before she looked back down to the prisoner. “For all of us, you must stay strong.” Before Clarke could question what she meant, the healer and warrior left, the door creaking behind them as it once again closed.  
  
For a moment Clarke didn't move, just sat where she was and stared off in front of her, but eventually her curiosity won out. Her eyes flickered to the jug left behind, and finally she reached over, pulling it into her lap. Removing the top, she peered inside but the flickering light of the torches wasn't enough to make out what it was, so she sniffed it. Unable to smell anything, she lifted the jug to her lips, taking the smallest sip possible of what was inside. Water ran past her lips and over her tongue, wetting what suddenly felt like a very dry mouth. She swallowed and then took another swallow of the water, going until she'd drank almost half the jug. Letting out a small sigh, she carefully placed the water next to her before she allowed her head to fall back once again.  
  
Too many thoughts whirled around inside her head, from a queen who would stop at nothing to get what she wanted, to a supposedly dead past love, and then to a healer who claimed all she wanted to do was help. The thoughts whirled, too many and too quickly to allow her to sleep, but even so Clarke let her eyes closed, trying her best to shut it all out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the people who thought the other prisoner was Costia, well done. To the ones who thought it could be her but didn't know how, here you go (there will be even further explanation as the story continues). To those who thought it was somebody Lexa knew somehow but didn't necessarily think it was Costia, you were right, in a way. To everyone else and anyone who was actually surprised, hope it was an interesting plot twist (really I hope that with everyone, but especially for anyone who really hadn't thought it). Love to know your thoughts, so feel free (as always) to reach out and let me know how you liked the chapter! Thanks all!
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations:
> 
> "Maun-de" - "Mount Weather"
> 
> "Breik em au" - "Let her go/Free her"


	32. Chapter 32

“Nomajoka natronas...” Ashi cursed, just barely keeping the words low enough that Ryder almost couldn't hear her. Her fist lashed out, striking the tree beside her, but he didn't look up from the tracks in front of them to assess the damage. By this point he was used to this reaction, and he wondered briefly if her knuckles had hardened over time due to the excessive number of trees she'd hit, but didn't give it any other thought. Even Jynt swore beneath his breath, Lincoln the only one besides himself who managed to keep his frustrations inside.  
  
For almost two days they had been tracking the trail not only of their enemy, but also the feeble trail Wanheda had managed to leave behind. In that time they should have made it to at least one of the Ice Nation villages, but they had lost considerable time due to the very problem presented before them for the fourth time now. The single trail they had been following for only a few hours once again branched out before them, one set of tracks breaking off northwest, one set breaking off northeast, and the third continuing straight on before them. Looking down at these just as he'd looked at the previous paths, it was just as impossible as before to know which set Wanheda had been forced down, and which were the decoys. Just as before, they would have to split up and travel each trail until they either came together again or found Wanheda's mark. The pace of the travel itched at Ryder, but he knew they had no other choice.  
  
“ _Ashi, Northeast_ ,” he simply said to her, nodding towards the respective trail. “ _Jint, North. Linkon is with me on the third_.” He could sense the groans of frustration they all felt, but none of them voiced them, instead all simply nodding and moving down their trails without another word.  
  
Ryder and Lincoln moved carefully, neither of them ever looking up from the trail too long, each scanning the nearby trees when they did for any glimpse of the Wanheda's mark. They kept to the side of the tracks, never walking over them so as not to disturb them, and didn't talk. The sun continued to rise higher above them, its heat beating through the thick hair that covered his neck, drips of perspiration beginning to bead at its base. The heavy jacket he wore was quickly becoming too much as the Winter chill lost to the oncoming warmth of Spring, but he didn't dare take it off. Carrying it meant he would be unprepared if an attack came, and come night fall the chill of Winter would return so he couldn't leave it behind. This truth was an easy one to accept, so he pushed the minuscule annoyance to the back of his mind until it had all but disappeared and returned his whole attention to the task at hand.  
  
He bent down, one knee falling to the wet snow to brace himself, and carefully reached out to run his fingers over the tracks. One set of hoof prints appeared to sink further in the snow than the others, which meant this horse had been carrying more weight. Either its rider was far larger than his companions, or it had carried two riders. Looking up, he caught Lincoln's eye, and saw the same thought hidden in his gaze. Neither voiced it, the younger warrior simply nodding to him, but both felt sure they followed the Wanheda's trail. Without any kind of proof though they could do nothing: in the event they were wrong, Ryder didn't dare call Ashi and Jynt back from their own trails and risk taking even longer in reaching the Skaikru leader. So without a word, the warrior stood back up and the two continued on, eyes scanning for any sign of the blonde.  
  
As they walked, Ryder allowed his sight to turn to Lincoln briefly. He could remember the warrior as a boy, one of the young warriors who had often followed Indra around whenever the chief visited Polis, and he had been impressed by what he had seen. As a boy the warrior had been quiet, reserved, in a way Ryder himself was, but with that quiet he had been far from fearful. There had been a strength inside him the older warrior had been aware of the first time he had sparred against him, a kind of pride that had shone in his eyes. Now he'd kept a close eye on the warrior since leaving Polis, and he saw that strength being over-shadowed with a worry that mixed with fear.  
  
“ _The farther we go, the more you worry_ ,” he suddenly stated, looking back at the trail in front of him. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw the younger man look at him, hesitance written across his face.  
  
“ _It's more like the longer we go without finding Klark, the more I worry_ ,” he finally replied slowly, clearly choosing his words carefully. Ryder was unsurprised: he had seldom spoken up the past few days, speaking really only when necessary to give orders to the other three trackers. Add that to the way Ashi and Jynt had both been speaking to the traitor since they'd started, he expected the hesitancy.  
  
“ _Wanheda will be well_ ,” Ryder informed him, frowning only due to the small stream the tracks suddenly disappeared in. The thin layer of ice at its top was frail, clearly no more than a couple of days old, and he knew it was already melting under the warmth of the sun. Holding in his sigh of frustration, he motioned for the other man to stay on this side of the water, and then trudged through the stream, the water unable to get through his thick boots and soak his feet. Once on the other side, his gaze returned to the ground, searching for where the trail must pick up while Lincoln did the same on the other side in case it had been a trick, and together they began moving slowly up along the stream.  
  
As they began moving again, Lincoln let his line of sight quickly dart to Ryder, his brow furrowing before he called out, “ _What makes you so sure?_ ” The warrior didn't even look up, crouching lower to the ground as he studied it even while they moved, simply telling him, “ _Because she is Wanheda_.”  
  
“What do you know about Clarke?” Lincoln asked, slipping into Gonasleng in a way that the other warrior couldn't tell was purposeful or not.  
  
The question wasn't accusatory, merely curious, but even so Ryder felt his forehead crease. He turned the question over in his mind, and the answers came easily. He'd first been displeased when Heda had given him the order to stand as the Sky girl's personal guard, feeling the way for Skaikru that all of their people did. The idea of following her around and having to protect her had been an unpleasant one, and he'd wanted to say if he'd wanted to be a babysitter he never would have picked up a sword or bow. He hadn't of course, never one to question his Heda, and quickly he'd come to realize the position wasn't as terrible as he'd believed it might be. The Sky leader had a good head on her shoulders, a mind fit to run a people far better than he witnessed with any of the other Skaikru he was forced to be around. She'd been smart, strong, and even though he'd witnessed her beginning to crack every now and then under the pressure at first, she had always managed to pull everything together. Her survival skills hadn't been terrible either, considering she had managed to sneak up on him and point a gun to his head before he'd been able to take out the other Sky girl as Heda had commanded, and the loyalty she'd had for the one girl had proven something else to the warrior. Add that to all he'd seen her do at Maune-de in putting the dead to rest and then saving her lost people, he had a very solid idea on who Wanheda was. There was only one other person he knew to be as strong as her, and that other person was counting on him to find her trail.  
  
“ _I know enough about her to know she will be well_ ,” he answered after a moment, not falling into Gonasleng as the other man had. About to add more, he was cut off when Lincoln interrupted, “Hir.” Looking up, he quickly made his way back across the stream, immediately seeing the trail the traitor had found once again. They followed it back through the trees, and Ryder allowed himself to continue. “ _Wanheda is strong. Stronger than most of us. She will survive this, and we will find her._ ”  
  
“ _She has to survive_ ,” Lincoln murmured, his voice quiet as though the words weren't necessarily meant for Ryder. The older man looked over to him, seeing the worry that once again clouded his eyes. “ _She's the only hope for peace we have. Without her, any kind of lasting truce with Skaikru will fail. If she dies it'll mean war, first with Azgeda, and then with Skaikru_.”  
  
For a moment, Ryder didn't say anything. Only months ago, he would have scoffed at the idea of peace with Skaikru, the invaders who had fallen from the sky and destroyed so much. He would have been as happy as any warrior to pick up his bow and try to pick the young invaders off one by one. When he heard of the village that they had burned to the ground, he had been as heart-broken and angry as any of them. After hearing of the eighteen more innocents who had died due to one of their guns, his fingers had itched to lift his sword and bring it down across their throats and he had waited as impatiently as any of them for the Commander to give the order to march on their camp. When she had he had been among the warriors marching behind her, close enough to see her as she rode before them all, her back as straight and proud as ever and the sight had only made him raise his head higher. Then when he'd heard of the truce, the agreement that the Commander had made with their enemy, he'd been just as astonished and upset by it as any of the other warriors who had marched forward to get their justice. He'd never shown it – he'd never think to question Heda's decisions, especially never daring to voice those questions out loud as some did – but he hadn't understood.  
  
Wanheda had changed that, and so had the Commander. He'd watched the way they worked together during their war meetings, saw the way one so effortlessly picked up where the other left off as they thought their plans through and explained them. He'd listened to Wanheda as he followed her around, listened as she'd defended his own people against hers whenever one would voice their displeasure at the peace treaty. Months later, when he once again found himself following the two young leaders, he found himself observing the way they worked together once again, and then somehow found himself working alongside the Skaikru. He'd never expected it to happen, but those few days of working alongside and traveling with the Tesla Skaikru had shown him just how possible and beneficial a peace, a true peace, might be.  
  
Even with that knowledge, he knew Lincoln was right: any hope for peace they had rested on Wanheda's shoulders. She was the only one so far who had been able to help Heda bridge the chasm that still laid between their people, and without her they would never be able to close it.  
  
“ _Wanheda will be well_ ,” he finally repeated, stopping as they came to what clearly had been a resting spot for those they now tracked. He moved over to where a small litter of seed shells had been dropped to the ground, bending over and running his fingers over them. “ _She will be well, and we will find her and then the only war will be between us and Azgeda._ ”  
  
“We'd better find them soon then,” he heard Lincoln call over his shoulder, and he shifted where he knelt, turning so he could see the other man. When he turned, the younger man looked back at him, meeting his eyes, and Ryder noticed the way his lips pursed together. Standing back up, he moved over to the other warrior, peering over him to find what had caused the further shift in his mood. “I don't think Clarke's having an easy time.”  
  
Up until this point, Wanheda's mark had always been a circle with an X through it. The image itself meant nothing to the warrior, other than the simple fact that they were on the right trail, but he knew now it would be a simple mark he would never forget. This mark was different. A shaky X was scrawled on the bark of the tree, no circle surrounding it. The difference was small, possibly even insignificant, but nevertheless Ryder felt his brow pull down, felt his lips purse just as the younger man's had.  
  
“Make the call to Ashi and Jynt,” Ryder ordered, not even realized he'd slipped into Gonasleng to match the traitor. “We will continue to follow the trail and they can catch up.”  
  
Lincoln just nodded, swiftly loosening the horn tied to his belt and brought it to his lips, giving off two short blasts and then three long ones. The moment the last was out, the horn was back at his belt and the two warriors began forward again, Wanheda's long trail laid out before them.

***

Taigon's gaze flickered to his right, keeping a sharp eye on Thom. The little boy rode the healer's horse by himself, the reins held in a white-knuckled grip. The grip seemed to be the only clue towards the boy's nervousness, a little grin pulling at his lips as his eyes darted back and forth between the back of the horse's head, Reese across from him, and Taigon and Raven walking between them. To his left, Reese rode Raven's horse, her grip more relaxed though the way her legs kept tensing up against her horse's sides revealed her nerves just as clearly as Thom's white knuckles revealed his. Both horses moved easily, clearly aware of their inexperienced riders and neither letting those nerves effect them. Taigon gently stroked his horse's side, silently thanking the beast for its patience, especially as Thom accidentally gave a little yank to the reins as he shifted in his seat. The horse's ears just flickered, the only indication it had noticed, and Taigon silently promised to give the animal an extra treat that night when they stopped.  
  
“Stop fidgeting so much,” Reese called over to the boy, rolling her eyes at him. Taigon had to hide his smile behind his hand when Thom merely stuck his tongue out at her. Little moments like this reminded him of similar times he'd shared with his sister when they were younger, and without meaning to his eyes flickered to her back, unsurprised to find it as straight as usual as she rode in front of the column of warriors.  
  
“You're so immature,” Reese told the boy, rolling her eyes once again, and then looked at Thom when she realized he hadn't put his tongue back in his mouth. He was no longer looking at her, and she and Taigon both followed his line of sight, finding Raven with her tongue out as well, returning the look to the kid while her lips curled up in a grin and her nose scrunched up. Thom began wiggling his head and making faces, his tongue never retreating behind his lips, and while Reese let out an exasperated sigh, Taigon couldn't keep a chuckle in. The sound only spurned Thom on, and without thinking he dropped the reins and raised his hands to his face, sticking his thumbs in his ears and wiggling his fingers at them. The movement and lack of anything to hold on to made him lose his balance, and his eyes widened as he felt himself begin to slide sideways. Before he could panic, Taigon's hands darted up, grabbing his waist and holding him in place.  
  
Hands dropping from his ears to grab at the reins again, Taigon noticed his cheeks turn red as he muttered, “Thanks Taigon.”  
  
“You're welcome,” the healer replied, shooting the boy a grin, only letting his hands drop away once he had the reins in his hands again. “Perhaps you should hold on to those reins, though.”  
  
Thom nodded, but before he could say anything they heard Reese pipe up with, “Yeah Thom, stop fooling around. If you wanna be a warrior you gotta act like it. Warriors don't fall off their horse.”  
  
Watching the boy's face drop, Taigon looked back to his sister and then turned back to the boy. Letting his voice drop dramatically, he let his eyes flicker between the two children, getting their attention as he whispered loudly to them, “Actually, can you two keep a secret?” They both nodded, Thom vigorously while Reese did so slowly, and he looked around dramatically, as though to make sure no one was listening in. He noticed Raven raise her eyebrows out of the corner of his eyes, but just looked to the two children as he informed them, “Heda fell off her horse once. I saw it.”  
  
Thom's jaw dropped, his eyes widening in shock, even as Reese's narrowed, her forehead creasing. She looked at him skeptically, asking, “What do you mean?”  
  
“She fell off her horse while training once,” he repeated, giving her a small nod, “When she was younger. One moment she was in the saddle, the next she was in the mud.” He didn't tell them that he actually hadn't been there when it had happened, but between Anya and Lexa he'd been able to weasel the story out of them after Lexa came home one day all covered in mud. He could still remember her scowl and Anya's grin, and the way their father roared with laughter when he heard the story and the way their mother just shook her head. They were simpler times, times before his family had dissolved until it was just he and his sister, but they were some of the memories he most cherished.  
  
“Wow...” Thom said in awe, looking forward at the Commander, and then he turned back towards Reese. “See?” he said to her, “Warriors can too fall out of the saddle! If Heda did it, then I can still be a warrior too!”  
  
“I bet she wasn't making stupid faces when it happened to her,” the girl just muttered, but this time when Thom's tongue stuck out at her, she returned the gesture.  
  
Raven shook her head at the two, a smirk tugging at the corners of her lips before she looked back at Taigon. Seeing her looking at him, he turned and met her eye, watching as she raised an eyebrow at him. “I don't know your sister all that well, but I have a feeling she isn't the kind of person who likes having embarrassing stories being told about her.”  
  
Taigon met her look and gave a small shrug, keeping a straight face as he informed her, “What she does not learn cannot hurt me.” The response only caused the girl's grin to grow, before she held up one hand, swearing, “Hey, I won't tell her.” Looking up at the two riders, she added, “And our little fighters here aren't gonna say anything either, right?”  
  
Thom nodded, the reins loosening momentarily in his hands before he remembered to adjust his grip, and Reese looked forward at the Commander, her brow pulled down before she finally shrugged and said, “Yeah, we won't tell.”  
  
“Very good,” Taigon replied, returning Thom's nod. “Then I will be lucky enough to live another day.” The little boy just laughed, and even Reese cracked a smile.  
  
The healer noticed Raven's eyes dart to his sister's back, grin falling only partially before she asked, “So you got anymore embarrassing stories about our fearless leader?” Her tone sounded off, dis-genuine in some way, and when he turned to look at her, Taigon found her studying his sister's back.  
  
Before he could reply, a voice said behind them, “You're always looking for trouble, aren't you Little Bird?” Taigon saw Raven's eyes roll, even as her grin returned full force. She turned slightly, looking over her shoulder to find Nygel just a few steps behind them, and replied, “If I don't go looking for it it just finds me anyway, so I figure I might as well just jump right in.”  
  
Nygel shook her head, her pace picking up enough so that she could move to walk between the mechanic and healer, and drawled, “And you've always had a knack for getting out of whatever trouble you get yourself into as well. Be careful: one of these days you might run out of luck, Little Bird.”  
  
“Pff,” Raven snorted, “Luck has nothing to do with it.”  
  
“I don't think Heda wants any embarrassing stories about her told,” Reese cut in, looking nervously at the Commander ahead of them. Taigon followed her look, and watched as one of their many scouts appeared from between a couple of trees. The scout moved over to his sister, saying something Taigon couldn't hear, and then he moved back into the trees he'd just come out of, Lexa turning her horse slightly to follow him and everyone else following her. He must have picked up on a new trail, Taigon knew, and felt the nerves in his gut shift. No matter how innocent the conversation around him, he couldn't forget why it was they were out there.  
  
“Agreed,” Nygel said, nodding to Reese before she raised her brow at Raven, the mechanic once again staring at the Commander's back. “How about we don't make her mad.”  
  
“No,” Raven muttered, barely loud enough to hear, “Wouldn't want that. Someone might get tied to a tree and everyone else might have to get their knives out.”  
  
The muttered words surprised Taigon, his eyes widening slightly as his head whipped to the side to look at the girl. A dark expression had spread across her face, and he noticed her fists clenching at her side before she visibly relaxed, the expression leaving as quickly as it'd appeared. Giving a little shake of her head, she turned to Nygel, asking the woman, “But anyway: what do you want, Nygel?”  
  
“I came to talk with Taigon,” she answered, turning to look at the young man. One side of her mouth quirked up into a small smirk, before she said, “It's been a while, healer. What've you been up to? Saved any lives lately?”  
  
Taigon returned the smirk with a smile, telling her, “I've seen to a few injuries, but not had the opportunity to save any lives recently, no.”  
  
“I'd imagine you'll get an opportunity soon enough,” Nygel replied, looking around at all the people in front of and behind them. Taigon nodded, the truth of those words more than he cared to think about at the moment, and then raised his eyebrow when he noticed the woman's smirk grow slightly. Her tone was light, casual, as she added, “I've been talking to Shet. He says that I should ask you to a spear match when we stop for a rest tonight. He seems to think I'd have a damn good chance of taking you down. Considering its been my ass that's been falling in the snow the past couple of nights due to his own spear, I can't say the opportunity doesn't sound appealing.”  
  
The healer lifted his chin, taking on the same expression he'd witnessed his sister make so many times before, and noticed Raven's eyes widen slightly out of the corner of his.  
  
“If you wish to train and be smacked around with a spear every night, you should do so,” he informed her. “I, however, have no desire to spend my days sore from unnecessary bruises or broken bones. I'll leave that to you warriors.”  
  
Nygel didn't even try to fight the grin that grew on her face, even as she shook her head. “You know, he said you'd probably say that,” she told him. “Healers: too afraid to get a little dirty.”  
  
“Warriors,” he replied immediately with his own quirk of the lips, “Too busy bruising each other to notice they've spent all night fighting when they should have been getting some rest.” She just grinned, not denying it.  
  
“Wait a second,” Raven interrupted, looking back and forth between them before stopping at Nygel. “You've been training with the Grounders when we stop to rest for the night?”  
  
“Of course,” the woman simply said, “We're going to war: better to be prepared for it.”  
  
“You could have a gun,” Raven pointed out, “We brought a few extras.”  
  
Nygel simply raised her eyebrows at the mechanic, her grip tightening around the spear Taigon hadn't seen her without since Jax showed her how to make it. “I'll stick to my spear,” she informed the girl. “Why?” Raven asked, “Guns are the safer choice. You don't have to get as close, and all you gotta do is aim and fire.” Taigon noticed a shadow flick across the older woman's face, her shoulders squaring a little further before she answered quietly, “Guns aren't what saved us. Arrows and spears: those are what saved us, those are what fed us and protected us.” She looked down at the gun hanging from the strap over the mechanic's shoulder, and murmured, “Just because they're more high-tech, that doesn't make them better. This spear has kept me and mine safe since I made it, and it's what I'll keep using.”  
  
Obvious confusion spread across Raven's face, but she didn't try to argue again. For a moment they were all quiet, until Reese broke it. She looked down at Nygel and her spear, her hand curling around the hilt of her dagger before she asked, “Can I train with you tonight?” Not wanting to be left out, Thom quickly added, “Me too!” Raven was about to protest, but before she could Nygel just shrugged.  
  
“Sure,” she told them, much to the mechanic's surprise. “Bring those knives of yours and we'll see what we can do with you.” Both kids broke out into excited grins, Thom all but bouncing in his saddle.  
  
Raven's eyes flickered between them, worry pulling at her lips before she looked at Nygel. “Look,” she said softly, “I know I'm not exactly known for safety, but is that a good idea? I know Clarke was teaching them some stuff, but you really think they should be fighting with Grounders?” The older woman just shrugged at her, telling her, “Hey, it was the Commander who first started teaching them.”  
  
“Many of those who become warriors start learning when they are little older than Thom,” Taigon informed the Sky girl, watching her eyes widen once again. “My sister began training with Anya at five. Learning young is what helps them to survive. The warriors who will work with them know how to teach children as well as those who are older.”  
  
After a moment, the mechanic just gave a slight shrug, though the expression on her face told Taigon she was less than convinced. “Alright,” she just said, “I'm certainly not gonna stand in the way of their fun. If that's what it can even be called.” Thom let out a small cheer while Reese's smile just grew, her back straightening even further in her seat. Taigon looked at them both, and felt his own lips pull up into a small smile.  
  
For a while more, Nygel continued to walk with them, the small group jumping between various conversations and silence. Before long Callie joined them, falling in to walk beside Nygel, and the smile she gave Taigon was easily returned. Not long after that the Sky girl Octavia rode over to them, her horse just on the other side of Reese. A stubborn expression pulled at her brow, and Taigon noticed her gaze flicker now and then to Indra, riding not far behind his sister, but when Raven called over to her, she easily fell into conversation with them. Taigon noticed some of the warriors near them shooting him different looks, but he simply kept his head up. Some of them, he knew, were the warriors Lexa had assigned to him to keep him safe, and they clearly felt nervous about their Commander's brother surrounded by so many Skaikru. Others looked skeptical or suspicious, clearly unsure what to make of the easy conversation he managed to make with the Skaikru, but no one tried to approach or end it. He simply walked with them, adding to the conversation at times or just listening, only letting his attention shift to his sister every now and then.  
  
It just so happened to be one of these moments when he looked away from those around him to his sister when he saw her visibly stiffen. The gait of her horse slowed for just a moment before it fell back into its previous movement, and Taigon didn't have to doubt that no one else had noticed the tiny shift. Lexa was his sister before she was his Commander though, which meant he knew her better than anyone else, and the moment he saw her back stiffen, he knew something was wrong. With a quick word to those around him he left their small group, quickening his pace to catch up with her while trying to make it seem as though nothing were wrong. Indra noticed him approaching and pulled her mount further to the side, allowing him space to easily slip beside the Commander. He had to walk faster to remain even with her horse, but he did so, looking up at her and studying her. What he found didn't encourage him; Lexa's eyes remained straight ahead, but even so he saw an anger in them that betrayed itself in the slight curl of her lips and the crease of her forehead.  
  
“ _Leksa_ ,” he murmured quietly, keeping his voice down so that those closest wouldn't be able to hear. “ _What is it?_ ”  
  
Rather than answer, Lexa simply turned to look at him, and the look she gave him only made his eyes widen and jaw fall slightly open. The anger showed even brighter in her eyes, a green fire burning behind them as she shot a glare down at him. Her grip on her reins tightened momentarily as she held his look, before she flicked them, urging her horse to move faster. Rather than try to rush to remain level with her, Taigon just stopped in his tracks, not moving as Indra and a few others rode past him, a few shooting curious looks down at him.  
  
He'd seen Lexa angry before, seen her furious in fact to an almost terrifying point, but never had that look ever been directed at him before, and now that it had he found it difficult to focus on anything but the image now burned into his mind.  
  
“Hey,” he heard, and he blinked, turning to the person who'd called to him. Raven stood beside him once again, their traveling group just behind her, all of them giving him looks that ranged from curiosity to confusion to worry. She reached out, her hand briefly closing around his forearm, before she asked, “You okay?” He worked his jaw for a moment, still trying to process what had just happened, before he nodded.  
  
“Sha,” he answered, and then quickly changed back to Gonasleng, “Yes, yes I am well.”  
  
“What was that all about?” Octavia asked, glancing at the Commander now further ahead of them. Taigon took a moment to try to come up with an answer, and then just shook his head.  
  
“I am not sure,” he answered quietly, his gaze too moving back to his sister. He began walking again, following the warriors in front of them, and the group moved along with him. “She is... upset about something.”  
  
“Isn't she always?” Raven asked with a roll of her eyes. Taigon's jaw clenched, his head rising a little higher, and she immediately looked sheepish. “I mean... she seems to be the kind of person always worried about something. She and Clarke, they're both just like that. I'm sure she'll get over it, whatever it is.” After a moment, Taigon just nodded but didn't say anything, and before long the group fell back into harmless conversation.  
  
Everyone but the healer. Taigon remained quiet as they walked, still too lost in his interaction with his sister. The Skaikru could say what they wanted, but he knew Lexa, and if she had given him a look like that, then something was very, very wrong. He could barely force himself to look away from her now, the anger he'd seen hidden beneath her surface replaying over and over in his mind. For a while he thought it was the only thing bothering him, but when he finally managed to look away from her and at their surroundings, he realized something else was pulling at him, something he couldn't yet name but that had formed a hard ball in his gut. That something continued to toy at him, dancing along the edge of his mind for far too long, until it suddenly all came crashing together.  
  
He knew where they were. Worse, he knew where they were going. 

***

The moment Lexa realized it, her stomach dropped, bile rising in the back of her throat that she only just managed to swallow down. Her heart all at once stopped beating and began vibrating in her chest, the roaring of her own blood pulsing through her body filling her ears. She didn't want to believe it, couldn't fully grasp the reality of any of it, but with every step they took, every turn through the trees her scouts led them to, the truth only built up stronger and stronger. Finally her horse began climbing the slope, and any piece of her that had been denying it was dashed to pieces by reality. As the trees cleared out, all she could do was stare straight ahead, not even having to guide her horse. Keryon knew this path, had walked it so many times that she could have stopped guiding her hours ago and they still would have ended up right here, right to the place where the last piece of Lexa's heart would get chipped away.  
  
Leading the way into the little clearing, the first thing Lexa noticed was the cave, standing as it always had been, straight in front of her. The second thing she noticed was all the prints in the snow, some from hooves and some from boots, many of which simply trampled over each other. The third was the body laying by one of the trees, too far away for her to make out any details other than the fact that long blonde hair did not sprout from what remained of the scalp, and therefore was not the body of the girl she currently searched for. The fourth was that every happy memory she had had of this place before this moment was gone, forever clouded by the knowledge that her enemy, those she hated most, somehow knew about it. The hollowness in her stomach grew, spreading throughout her until she felt like nothing but a shell, a skin of the one who had at one point been Lexa.  
  
“Spread out,” she ordered, surprising herself by how calm she managed to sound. “Search for any sign of those we follow.” She heard those closest to her answer her, heard as many of them dropped from their horses to get a better look at the ground around them, but didn't look back. She couldn't tear her sight from the cave still looming ahead of her, and where once the same sight had caused butterflies to stir in her stomach, now it did nothing but wash a sense of dread over her.  
  
Without another word she dropped from her horse's back, barely feeling it as her boots sunk into the melting snow beneath her. Someone moved forward to take her horse's reins and a few others moved to follow her, but she held up her hand, the only indication she could give at the moment that no one was to go with her. The gesture was enough, and when she stepped forward she did so alone, no one daring to follow her.  
  
With every step she took, that hollowness within her and the dread that washed over her fought for control, fought to take her over completely, and she could do nothing but let the two feelings battle within her. Her heart had left her chest, somehow moving to her throat, and it was there she could feel it beating, racing in anticipation for what she feared she would find.  
  
The first sign were the ashes scattered along the entrance of the cave, windswept so that half of them lay black against the white snow and the other half crowded the cave's entrance. A small strip of the fur still hung from where she'd fastened it those many months ago, charred at the edges where a fire had eaten away at it. She felt her heart give an extra strong beat in her throat at the sight but she just forced herself to step forward, knowing nothing would be able to prepare her for what came next.  
  
Without a fire going, it was dark inside the cave, but without the fur blocking the entrance, just enough light managed to filter in to make the picture all too clear. Broken dishes scattered along the ground. The fire pit she'd built years ago with Anya had been kicked apart, stones turned haphazardly over and scattered throughout the cave. The blankets they'd left behind had boot prints all over them, mud now caked into the soft fur that had kept them warm so many nights when just body heat wasn't enough. A shirt she could clearly remember pulling off of Clarke on numerous occasions lay on the ground, shredded almost beyond recognition but not quite.  
  
And the walls...  
  
The images Clarke had spent so many hours creating. The pictures she had drawn, had spent so much time losing herself in: all smudged. All wiped away until almost nothing was recognizable, only little traces of what they had once been remaining behind. Lexa looked around, eyes sweeping over all of them, and felt her breath hitch as she remembered them for what they had been, and now saw them for what they had become.  
  
Her gaze stopped at one almost at the back of the cave, and she felt her hands begin shaking. The last thing she wanted was to take another step, to walk further into what had once been a dream and now was nothing more than a nightmare, but her legs took her forward anyway. She didn't even have to tell them to move, had no control over her own body as her feet dragged her towards her reflection. She stopped only a few inches away from it, and had to clench her jaw impossibly tight to keep the tears from forming.  
  
She'd done her best at laying still, but all she'd wanted to do that entire time was pull Clarke towards her. She remembered watching those fingers, so skilled at so many things, run over the wall, creating her likeness with every stroke. The picture itself hadn't amazed her, it had been the blonde herself who had done that. The amount of concentration she'd had; the way her brow creased ever-so-slightly as she added the details; the way her lips had curled up as she'd added Lexa's own to the face. The fact that when she had stepped away, when Lexa had managed to pull her eyes away from the artist to the art, her breath had gotten caught in her chest because Clarke _saw her_. In that one image, she'd seen a reflection of herself she'd never seen before, but it was right, it was perfect, and it was how Clarke saw her. Within the image she could see the balance of Lexa the person and Lexa the Commander that she so often felt fighting within her, so clear that she'd barely been able to look at it.  
  
Now. Now the image that had once been perfect was a new kind of perfect. Now the lines ran together, details were smudged, some areas wiped away completely. It was broken and damaged, almost unrecognizable to what it had once been, and Lexa felt that damage inside her skin, ringing in the hollowness ever-growing within her. She was just as destroyed as the image of her, only no one could easily see it.  
  
Footsteps approached the cave, the crunch of snow turning to the churning of dirt before she heard, “Commander, what are we-”  
  
Abby broke off her sentence, and Lexa could hear the sharp breath she suddenly took. Trying to swallow around the impossible lump of her heart in her throat, the brunette schooled her expression, forcing her emotions back as far as she could. Fists clenched at her sides, fingernails digging into her palms, the Commander turned towards the Chancellor, forcing herself to look at the other woman.  
  
Clarke's mother wasn't looking at her. Instead her eyes flickered around the room, trying to take it all in at once. Lexa watched as her gaze darted to the broken cutlery and shredded fabric on the floor, only to quickly turn back to the walls. It was here her eyes remained, sweeping around to try to take in every damaged image. She stepped forward, her hand visibly shaking as she reached out, fingers barely touching the wall, tips brushing lightly against the chalk outlines that remained.  
  
“Clarke,” she whispered, her daughter's name a strangled mix of surprise and pain and love. If Lexa flinched at it, even just slightly, the older woman was too focused on the walls to notice. She moved slowly, taking it all in, until she was only a foot away from the Commander, and then her eyes fell on the one image that continued to tear at the brunette's insides. Her eyes widened, mouth opening slightly as she took in what detail remained, before she turned her sight to the flesh and blood image standing beside her. Lexa met the look, allowing Abby's eyes to scan rapidly across her face, even as her fingernails just dug further into her hands.  
  
“What...” the mother began, but then trailed off, clearly not even knowing herself what she wanted to ask. She just turned back to the image on the wall, studying it in the same way she'd studied the person, and after a moment Lexa turned, her eyes falling back on it too.  
  
Lexa didn't know how long they stood there, silence ringing out around them as two hearts beat rapidly in their chests, before a new set of footsteps could be heard approaching the cave. Neither women turned, though the Commander's shoulders squared, waiting for whoever it was to speak. For a moment, they didn't, simply standing at the mouth of the cave and looking in, and then she heard them move again, stepping further into the cave.  
  
“Chancellor,” she heard, and she immediately stiffened. “Would you mind if I spoke to my sister in private?” At first Abby didn't move, unable to tear her eyes from the wall, but finally she did, letting out a long, heavy sigh before she turned and nodded.  
  
“Of course, Taigon,” she replied, and Lexa was surprised to hear how controlled her voice was. She saw the woman look at her out of the corner of her eyes, and then she added, “I'll leave you two alone, but we should be going soon.” Lexa didn't move, didn't agree or disagree, though she could easily picture her brother's nod. With a final look around the cave, Abby stepped away, and Lexa listened as her footsteps took her back out into the snow and to their waiting army.  
  
Another set of steps mirrored hers, except these ones moved closer to her, and still the Commander didn't turn around. Her eyes remained forward, boring a hole in the wall as she listened to her brother move towards her, but she remained still as he stopped, close enough she could feel it as he just barely brushed against her.  
  
“ _Leksa_ ,” he began, but he didn't get a chance to say whatever it was he wished to say.  
  
With no warning, Lexa moved, one hand going to the belt at her waist and the other reaching for her brother. The next thing either of them knew, she had Taigon pressed up against the rock wall, her body pressing against his as one hand clenched tightly around his throat, the knife she held in her other pressed just beneath his jaw. She felt him go entirely still against her, barely even breathing as the sharp blade pressed lightly against his skin.  
  
“ _You_ ,” she hissed between her teeth, a kind of fury she'd seldom felt before raking through her. She met his eyes, seeing the surprise and the sudden fear there, and only clenched her fingers tighter. “ _You were the only one who knew! You were the only one I told about this place!_ ”  
  
“ _Leks_ -” he tried to say, but she squeezed her grip tighter, causing him to choke as his airway was completely cut off.  
  
“ _I told you how to find me_ ,” she growled, her voice and hands shaking with her fury. “ _I told you where to go, what landmarks to look for in case I was needed. You alone knew about this place and you betrayed me!_ ”  
  
“ _No_ ,” Taigon managed to get out, before the knife held at his throat pressed harder against him.  
  
“ _Yes_ ,” Lexa snarled, “ _Yes, you knew how to find this place and you betrayed me! You told Naia how to find me, and instead she found Klark!_ ”  
  
“ _Don't be... idiot_ ,” he wheezed, returning her glare even as he fought to breathe. Reluctantly Lexa loosened her grip a little, making it easier for him to speak. “ _I would never... betray you. You're my... sister_.”  
  
“ _Which is why I never suspected_ ,” she hissed, the pain slipping past the wall she tried to put up so that they both could hear it. “ _Ever since I heard, I knew that someone betrayed me. Someone turned on me to Naia, someone told her about Klark, but I didn't think... I didn't think it could be you. My brother._ ” Her entire body shook, and she knew he could feel it, could hear her pain in every word, but she didn't remove either her knife or her hand.  
  
She watched as the fear and surprise drained from his face, watched as something else replaced it. “ _Leksa_...” he murmured, a complete and utter sadness in his tone that shook her, but she still refused to let go, even as her fingers loosened just a bit more. Slowly he shook his head, never once taking his eyes from hers. “ _I didn't betray you. I would never turn on you to Naia. You know that._ ”  
  
“ _Then you told someone how to find this place,_ ” she said, voice still shaking. “ _You told someone, and they betrayed me to her_.”  
  
“ _I have never told anyone about this place, Leksa_ ,” Taigon swore, his tone low. “ _Up until you brought me to meet Klark, I didn't even know the significance of it. If someone betrayed you, it wasn't me._ ”  
  
For a moment, Lexa allowed her eyes to flicker across his face, reading everything there. She'd known that face almost her entire life, had been able to read it from the time she was three. Or so she'd thought. Now she couldn't be sure, not of anything, and that knowledge squeezed at her heart just as tightly as anything else. She'd already begun to try to accept the fact that it was more than likely at the end of all this she would lose Clarke: how could she even begin to force herself to accept the fact she may be losing her brother as well?  
  
A new set of footsteps moved at the cave entrance, and she heard someone step inside. Whoever it was only took a moment to see the Commander holding her brother against the wall with a knife at his throat before he called out, “Heda.” Lexa's eyebrow raised, even though she knew it couldn't be seen as she refused to look away from her brother, and then Walsh added, “ _We found something. An arrow with blood on it was less than a mile away. We compared it to the corpse outside and believe it was used to kill the Ice Nation traitor_.”  
  
Lexa stared her brother down for just a second longer and then finally released him, immediately sheathing her knife in her belt once again. Without looking back at him, she turned and quickly strode over to Polis's chief, holding her hand out to him. He placed the shaft of the arrow into her palm and she let her fingers fold over it, holding her head high as she looked it over. The wood of the arrow appeared faded, as though it had been left out in the elements for too long, and she quickly realized exactly what arrow it was. Something stirred within her, a fierce pride at thinking of Clarke using the single arrow to take down one of her enemies, the only possible scenario she could think of, and her grip on the arrow tightened.  
  
“Walsh, make sure everyone is prepared to keep going,” she ordered, her eyes easily meeting his. He nodded, and then she heard her brother move over to them, clearly hesitant in his steps. She looked over to him, the arrow still gripped tightly between her fingers, and met his eyes. “I will destroy the Ice Nation,” she promised, her words ringing with a certainty and ferociousness that suddenly sparked like a fire inside her. “I will find Nia; I will make her beg for my mercy, and I will show her none. She will die regretting ever trying to move against me, and so will all those who helped her.” She took a step towards her brother, and he didn't step away. “I do not care who they are,” she whispered, the words nevertheless strong enough to ring throughout the cave. “Ai laik Heda: I will destroy the Ice Nation, and I will destroy any who dared to help its queen.”  
  
“Good,” Taigon said quietly, thrusting his chin out. “And I will be right there beside you while you do it. I didn't betray you, and I want the blood of the one who did just as much as you do. Jus drein, jus daun.”  
  
“Jus drein, jus daun,” Lexa repeated, the words snapping through the air between them, and she couldn't help but wonder if it really was her own brother's blood she was calling for. When she found Nia, she would get the name of her betrayer, and when she did that person would pay for what they had done; no matter who it might be. Jus drein, jus daun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts on who betrayed Lexa? Anyone think it is Taigon, and he's just a really good liar? I'd love to hear your theories if you have them! :)
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations:
> 
> "Nomajoka natronas..." - "Motherfucking traitors..."  
> Maune-de – Mount Weather  
> "Hir" - "Here"  
> "Ai laik Heda:" - "I am the Commander:"  
> "Jus drein, jus daun" - "Blood must have blood"


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: graphic depictions of violence in this chapter.

Without warning, the door crashed open, banging against the wall from the force of the push. Before it could swing shut again, four people marched inside the room. The crash of the door jolted Clarke awake, arms wrapping tighter around the knees against her chest. Her heart thudded in her chest but she did all she could to keep the fear from her face, even as two of the guards moved straight over to her. Closer now, she recognized one of them as Maloch, and felt her stomach drop at the smirk that spread from his lips to his eyes. She pushed herself further against the wall, eyes not leaving his, and gave him her most scathing look.  
  
The look did nothing to stop them. Without pause, the two marched over to her, and then their hands were on her. She felt fingers wrap tightly around her arm, a second hand pulling at the collar of her shirt. She fought against them, struggling to remain where she was on the ground, but both of the guards were well-muscled. They barely had to strain, and then she was being roughly pulled to her feet, and even as she tried to twist and yank herself away, they held on tightly. One reached up to the wall beside her, dragging at a shackle hanging a few inches above her, his other hand pulling at the arm she'd curled into her body. She fought him, squirming and lunging, trying to keep her arm away from the second shackle, but he forced it to extend and the next thing she felt was cold metal snapping into place around her wrist. A wave of panic blossomed inside her chest but she swallowed it down. Maloch pulled at her opposite arm and she desperately struggled against his grip. As she thrashed, she happened to meet his eye, still finding the smirk glowing back at her from the flicker of the torches reflecting back at her in them. She pursed her lips, yanking her arm closer to her, but this time when he tried to pull it out she let him, using the combined force of his pull and her own thrust to clip him in the eye with her fist. His smirk disappeared, a quiet rage taking its place, and she only had a second to give him her own satisfied smirk before she felt the second guard's hand wrap around her wrist, forcing her arm out straight in a painful grip. She bit her tongue, refusing to wince from the painful tug, and felt her eyes widen as she turned and saw a third guard standing next to the spiral stairs in the middle of the room. She stood with one manacle in her hands hanging from a higher rail along the stairs. Eye dipping down, Clarke easily saw the second manacle lying on the ground by the female guard's feet, and the wave of panic washed over her again. She did all she could, thrashing and pulling and twisting, but only a few moments later her once free arm was being secured into place just as her first arm had been, and then the same guard was closing the final manacle around her ankle, but not before Clarke got in a good kick to her chin. The blow didn't seem to even slow the woman down however, and when she stood up Clarke could only feel slight satisfaction from the little trail of blood running from the corner of her mouth. All three of the guards stood back, and Clarke struggled, her limbs all pulled out uncomfortably. She could stand, but couldn't force her feet closer than shoulder-width apart, and there was no give in the chains holding her arms out straight beside her. She was completely and irrevocably trapped.  
  
The extent of her situation didn't make Clarke stop fighting against her chains. If anything, feeling the cold metal around both of her wrists and ankles only made her pull against them harder. Thrashing her head as she desperately tried to yank herself free, more than just bile rose up the back of her throat, and it was all she could do to swallow the fearful vomit back down. Panic settled like a new organ inside her chest, just as much a part of her as her lungs or heart. A cold sweat broke out over her body, the beads of moisture pooling at the nape of her neck and along her hairline, and all she wanted at that moment was to wipe the proof of her fear away. With her arms bound out so tightly, she couldn't though, and instead just had to keep meeting Maloch's pleased expression as he eyed her up and down, the smirk once again tugging at his lips. The other two guards had stepped back almost against the wall as far as the circular room would allow, but he stopped only a few feet away, far too little space between them for Clarke's comfort. She forced herself to look away from him, knowing that doing so was only going to help the panic grow in her chest, and looked at both of the other guards who'd helped him secure her. Neither looked familiar to her, each standing straight and looking at her with blank expressions, and then she made herself look to the fourth person in the room. In the flickering candlelight, it was the short hair and straight posture she recognized as Jojesh remained standing on the far side of the room, just to once side of the still open door. He stared straight ahead, almost as though he refused to look at her, but in the darkness she couldn't read the expression on his face.  
  
Two more figures entered the room, everyone's attention immediately turning to them. The first walked regally, her back straight and head held high, and even before she'd really entered the room Clarke knew it was Nia. The queen walked forward, her pace quick, and the one behind her followed on her heels. Costia walked in with her head down, her hands clasped in front of her, knuckles almost white from the force of her grip. Clarke thought she saw the other girl stiffen when the door slammed shut behind her, but she still didn't look up, and it wasn't her that the blonde prisoner kept her focus on.  
  
Nia stepped easily across the room, her expression almost bored but for the glint Clarke saw in her eyes. She moved in front of the two guards back against the wall, her gaze turning to the prisoner only when she came to a stop. Costia stopped right behind her, shifting just for a moment where she stood before she stilled, her head still down. Maloch stepped to the side, clearing the space between queen and prisoner, and for a long moment the two simply held each other's gaze, blue eyes boiling with fear and rage meeting blue eyes as cold as ice. The gaze didn't break, neither of them even blinking, until Nia simply nodded. Without a word, Maloch stepped forward once again, placing himself between queen and prisoner as he closed the distance between himself and the blonde. Clarke tried not to break her gaze from Nia, tried to ignore Maloch, but then a fist connected solidly with her cheek, and stars appeared in her vision as her head was whipped to the side from the impact.  
  
The warrior's fist pulled back, about to lash out again, before Nia called out, “Not the face. When I hand her head to Lexa I don't want there to be any question whose it is.” Maloch nodded, and then just as Clarke turned her head back to look at Nia, blood coating her teeth and tongue, that fist flew again, this time connecting with her stomach. Clarke gasped, desperately trying to suck in air as it was forced from her lungs, pain blooming out from her abdomen. She fought with her lungs, trying to take in oxygen and ignore the pain, but a moment later that fist hit again, this time striking just below her ribs. Over and over again the hard fist made contact, knuckles digging into her skin and adding sparks of pain to the radiating hurt, and each time it did it became harder and harder to keep the panic from completely taking her over. Finally Maloch's fist struck her right in the soft spot of her stomach, and the next thing Clarke knew vomit was once again rising in her throat, only this time its force was too powerful, and she couldn't help it as she spewed what little food she'd eaten in the past few days out in front of her. Maloch side-stepped it, clearly having anticipated it, and waited until she was done, painful heaves dragging against her throat, before he regained his position, fist drawing back once again without hesitation.  
  
“Stop,” the queen murmured, her voice quiet, but as the only sound in the room came from the prisoner being beaten, the command rang out, easily heard by all of them. Maloch's fist immediately dropped and he stepped back to the side, once again clearing the path between Clarke and Nia. The blonde gasped, her entire body drooping against her chains as her chest heaved, trying to catch her breath. She was barely able to keep herself from wincing as each contraction of her muscles caused fresh waves of hurt to radiate through her. Even as she gasped, Clarke managed to lift her head, meeting the queen's eyes again as her mouth hung slightly open, the blood still dripping down her chin from the first strike.  
  
“I do not want to do this to you, Clarke,” Nia informed her, taking a step forward, her expression so controlled that Clarke believed she could almost be telling the truth. “I do not wish to see you in this pain. You and I could help each other; we could even be friends.”  
  
“Where I come from,” Clarke managed to gasp out, “This isn't... how you tell someone... you want to be their friend.”  
  
“What I am telling you is that I am still willing to give you a chance, Clarke,” the queen insisted, stepping forward once again. She passed Maloch, the man shifting to follow her, but Nia shook her head and he remained where he was. She stopped only when she was directly in front of the prisoner, stepping around the sick on the ground in front of her. She scanned Clarke's face, her icy gaze seeming to search for something, before she told her, “Tell me of Lexa's weaknesses. Tell me of her battle strategies, tell me what is important to her and how she thinks, and you will never have to feel this pain again. Tell me what I need to defeat her, and you will be safe.”  
  
“I'd rather... Maloch hit me... again than be your... friend,” Clarke replied, unable to stop a grimace as a particularly deep breath made her side ache more than it already did.  
  
“Can do,” Maloch grinned, taking a step forward, but when Nia didn't step aside he stopped, waiting for the order to continue. The queen simply stood there, her eyes scanning the prisoner's face once again, and Clarke could practically see them turning into ice. Finally Nia nodded and then turned around swiftly, stalking back to her spot in front of Costia and the other two guards.  
  
“Very well,” she called out, spinning on her heel to look back at the girl chained before her. “Remember you have made your decision. Maloch: take out your knife.”  
  
The cold sweat that had broken out along her body only increased, the beads pearling at the nape of her neck finally running down her spine as those along her forehead condensed further. Clarke could feel herself beginning to tremble, Maloch's blade glimmering in the firelight as he pulled it from his belt, twirling it expertly between his hands. Her fists clenched, jaw tightening, and even though she could feel her heart all but racing out of her chest, she just held her chin up a little higher, swallowing as she prepared herself for the bite of the blade as it ripped along her flesh.  
  
That specific bite never came, and Clarke's brow furrowed in confusion as Maloch moved to her right side, until he reached up to her hand and she suddenly remembered Murphy's fingers after he'd been tortured for days by the Grounders. She remembered the way his fingernails had been torn back, some cracked and some completely torn off, and a new wave of panic so much stronger than any she'd felt before crashed over her. She tried to pull away, desperately tried to remove her hand from Maloch's grip as his fingers tightened around her arm, but the manacle around her wrist kept it in place no matter how hard she pulled. When that didn't work, she tried to keep her fingers all tucked in, to hide them inside her fist, but the hand not holding his knife moved to her fist, forcefully uncurling her fingers. As she fought against him, she heard him sneer, “If you struggle, it will only hurt more, _Wanheda_.” The title dripped from his tongue like syrup, sticky and sweet and clearly meant as a mockery, but she ignored it, still fighting to keep her fingers safe.  
  
She lost that fight. Even as she struggled, she knew she would, and suddenly her pinky was out straight, held in a vice-like grip, and no amount of struggling could hide it from Maloch and his threatening blade. He grinned, meeting her eyes before he brought the tip of his knife up, running it gently over the tip of the finger, not breaking the skin as it slowly moved closer and closer to her nail. A drop of sweat ran down the side of her face, almost tickling her as her nerves all stood on end, waiting for the pain she knew was coming. He watched the bead trickle down her skin, his grin only growing as he read the fear she tried so desperately to hide from all of them. He looked her in the eyes, smirked, and then the knife moved.  
  
A scream tore from Clarke's throat. She couldn't help it: the pain was unlike anything she'd ever felt before. The tip of the knife pushed beneath nail, trapping itself between nail and skin, and then it dug in. Somewhere in the recesses of her mind, where she managed to detach herself from her situation, Clarke was almost surprised at how easy it was. Maloch barely seemed to need to put any pressure on the knife, and suddenly the tip of her smallest fingernail was being torn back away from the skin beneath it. She felt the blood begin flowing over the tip of her finger before he added the smallest bit of extra pressure, and the knife dug further beneath the nail. Clarke managed to clamp her mouth shut, forcing the scream that rose in her throat to remain locked behind closed lips, but even so she noticed the tips of Maloch's lips twitch. He pulled the knife back, flicking it up just enough to dig the nail further back as it receded, and as a fresh wave of pain hit her and more blood began to drip from her fingertip, the prisoner just clamped down harder on her jaw.  
  
“Tell me Lexa's weakness,” Nia ordered from her spot across from the room, and Clarke forced herself to look away from her direct torturer to the one running it all.  
  
“No,” she spat out, wincing as she subconsciously clenched her fists and her pinky screamed at her. Nia said nothing in reply, and without waiting for the order Maloch's fingers moved to hers once again, this time wrapping around her middle finger and forcing it straight out. Again Clarke thrashed, at this point more in the hopes the movements would distract her than thinking she'd be able to actually get away. The movement did nothing to slow the warrior, and within seconds he brought the knife up again, not hesitating this time as the tip of the blade slid beneath her fingernail. Another scream tore from deep within her, even if it was muffled by her clenched lips, as another sharp wave of pain tore against her nail bed. She felt hot blood pulse out against the ripped up nail, flowing steadily over the sides of her finger and dripping to the ground below her.  
  
“Tell me Lexa's weaknesses,” Nia repeated, her tone even as she watched Clarke struggle against her chains and the grip Maloch still held on her finger.  
  
“No!” the prisoner screeched, the single word said with all the force of her pent up screams. Maloch didn't even wait this time: the moment the word dropped from her lips his hand moved, releasing her middle finger only to wrench out her pointer. As soon as it was straight, he moved, the tip of his knife once again plunging down between nail and bed, wiggling just enough to separate the two and cause intense stinging pain to flood through Clarke.  
  
This time Clarke knew what to expect, but it was that expectation that did her in. The moment the knife moved, the blonde felt her gut clench, and then the moment the pain hit, her stomach dropped and kept dropping. Without warning, whatever contents remained in her stomach rose to her throat, and then she was vomiting. The detached part of her noticed a little of the sick splash across Maloch's front, and she couldn't help but be pleased as his lips pursed. The moment she stopped heaving, he moved to grab her ring finger and once again her stomach clenched in anticipation for the next dose of pain about to hit her.  
  
It didn't happen.  
  
Before Maloch's knife could press beneath the nail, Nia called out loudly, “Enough.” Immediately the man's knife dropped, the warrior stepping back away from the prisoner so that nothing blocked the queen's view of her. Her head hanging, Clarke could feel the queen's eyes running over her, and with a grit of her teeth she forced herself to look up, meeting the girl's eyes and forcing herself not to wince as waves of pain rippled through her. Again they held each other's eyes, an almost battle of wills taking place between them, before the queen nodded. “I think our prisoner has had enough for the moment. Come.”  
  
Without any questions, Maloch wiped his knife on his pants before sheathing it once again in his belt. He looked at Clarke one last time, smirked, and then quickly made his way over to the queen. The two guards behind her turned, leading the way towards the door before Nia turned without another look towards her prisoner, following them as Maloch fell in step just behind her. Before she moved to follow them, Costia finally picked her head up, looking at Clarke for the first time since she stepped inside the room. Clarke met her look, glaring daggers at the other girl, and after the briefest moment Costia turned away, quickly following after her queen. The door was opened and the queen and her people quickly walked outside, Jojesh leaving last and pulling the door shut behind him.  
  
Clarke waited until they'd all been gone for a long moment before she finally let out her breath, her entire body shaking as she did so. With no one there to see her, the trembling in her trapped limbs increased, her breaths becoming quick and shallow. She shook, whether from fear, adrenaline, pain, all of the above, she couldn't say, but her body shook and it took everything she had within her not to completely break down. The faster her breaths came the more her mid-section ached, her bruised muscles protesting the near-constant movement. Closing her eyes, she forced herself to take a deep, calming breath, desperately attempting to get control of herself once again before anyone could come back in and see her breaking down. As she did so, she noticed the absence of any sharp pains, and felt fairly certain that no ribs had been broken during her beating. That at least was good; bruises, lacerations, these kinds of injuries, though painful, were less threatening than a broken rib. Broken ribs meant the potential for punctured lungs, and that would be an injury much more difficult to deal with than bruises. She was a little concerned about the potential for internal bleeding from any of the number of blows she'd received, but since she had no way to check or even to lift her shirt up to assess the extent of the bruises, she knew she'd just have to hope there wasn't any. Though sore all over her torso, she didn't feel any particular areas where the pain was greater than others, so she felt safe assuming no internal damage had been done.  
  
With the mental check of her stomach and sides completed, Clarke swallowed thickly, feeling the tips of her fingers still pulsing, the pain coming in waves almost as consistent as her heartbeat. The pain burned and stung all at the same time, making her almost dizzy from its intensity, but she took a second deep breath through her nose, trying to force herself to be calm. Her left hand clenched, fingers twitching along her right to mirror it before the pain made them stop, and she bit her lip, just hard enough to give her something else to think about. Dreading what she would find, Clarke swallowed a second time, the acrid taste of vomit still fresh on her tongue, and then opened her eyes and forced herself to look.  
  
The nail to her pinky had been ripped almost completely off, hanging on now by just the last little bit of it. Her middle fingernail had somehow been cracked, the break cutting at least halfway down the nail, the center of both sides of the break sticking up further than was natural. Somehow with the last one the knife must have slipped to the side as it dug in, as only half of the nail on her pointer finger had been torn away from its bed, sticking up at an odd angle. She could feel the blood dripping from each finger, droplets turning to veins on the outside of her skin as they rolled down the underside of the fingers, somehow meeting in her palm before gravity could take into effect. Up to the first knuckle of each finger was black with blood, the sticky substance spreading out further as each simply continued to bleed. Seeing the way each finger glistened in the flickering firelight, Clarke felt her stomach churn, the desire to vomit rising once again, but she held it back. As far as torture went, she knew she'd gotten off light, even with the damaged fingers: she had no doubt that it would all just get worse the longer she held out, but that knowledge did nothing but make her bite her lip harder. She would take it, would take any of the pain Nia threw at her because she had to.  
  
The door opened again, much more softly and slowly this time, and Clarke's head whipped towards it, her heart pounding harder in her chest at the thought of round two starting already. Instead a single person stepped inside, closing the door behind her, and then she walked around the room, approaching Clarke slowly. She didn't have to get far before the prisoner recognized Nadia, the younger girl's hands wrapped tightly around the strap of the sack hanging from one shoulder, her fingers gripping and re-gripping the strap nervously. Clarke watched her as she got closer, still as suspicious of the healer as she was of any of the Ice Nation. She shifted, as much as she could while still chained in place, and Nadia stopped, only a few feet away now.  
  
“Beja,” the young healer murmured, holding up one hand. “Please Clarke: I only wish to help you. I am here to see to your wounds if you will let me. That is all.”  
  
“Why?” the blonde asked, a little more bite to her tone than probably necessary, but considering she'd just been tortured by this girl's people, she didn't care that much. “Why do you care about my injuries when Nia's just going to come back in here and do it all again?”  
  
“She will not be back again today,” Nadia told her quickly, the hand still clutching her bag tightening again. “She believes leaving you alone with your injuries may make you change your mind. It is always her strategy.” Clarke narrowed her eyes, and Nadia looked to the side before letting out a small sigh. Eyes flickering back to the blonde, she said, “It is how the queen breaks her prisoners. Tortures them for a short while, sends in a healer to help with the worst of the injuries so that they do not die, and then she leaves them. Sometimes it is a day, other times it is many. She has broken many this way.”  
  
“None of my injuries are fatal,” Clarke replied stiffly, and when the girl gave her a look, clearly trying to remember the strange Gonasleng word, she bit out, “Deadly. Maloch may have a hard fist and a sharp knife, but what he did isn't going to kill me. So why are you here?”  
  
Nadia fidgeted for a second, but when she met Clarke's look again the blonde saw a sincerity in her eyes she didn't think could be easily faked. “I wish to help you, Wanheda,” she repeated, and then looked as though there was more she wanted to say, but the next moment seemed to think better of it. Slinging her bag from over her shoulder, she dropped it gently to the ground and knelt down, rummaging through it. Carefully she started removing things from it, speaking as she did so. “I have a drink to help with the pain, as well as a...” She trailed off, once again looking lost for whatever word she was searching for, before Clarke noticed her face light up as she pulled a small jar out of the bag. “A paste to put on your injuries. It will help them to heal.” Standing up once again with a canteen in one hand, the jar in her other and a few strips of cloth dangling over one arm, she met the blonde's eyes again. “Please,” she said softly, taking a single step forward and then stopping. “I just wish to help you.”  
  
For a second, Clarke just eyed her. Her nerves still buzzed from the torture, and that buzzing and having been face to face with both the Ice Queen and Costia had made her suspicions mount once again, but so far Nadia had done nothing but try to help her. The sincerity along her face and the way she held back, waiting for Clarke's permission to approach her even though there would be nothing the prisoner could do to stop her with or without permission, tugged at something inside the blonde. She didn't want to trust any of them, didn't trust any of them in fact, but felt like if there were anyone in the Ice Nation she could trust, it might just be the healer. She was far from ready to spill her guts to the other girl, or even really tell her anything at all, but not putting up a fight while she treated her wounds might be enough of a show of faith for the moment. So finally she just nodded, eyes not leaving Nadia's face as a small smile spread across the girl's lips before she took the final few steps forward.  
  
The moment Nadia was directly in front of Clarke, the blonde was able to see her shift into her position of healer. The smile fell away, her brow furrowing slightly as she studied Clarke's body, taking inventory of what she could already see. Bending down, she placed both the canteen and jar beside her, away from the vomit still on the ground, and then reached out as she stood back up. Her eyes met Clarke's, silently asking permission, getting it in the prisoner's stillness. Fingers gently pulled at the hem of the blonde's shirt and lifted, and Clarke couldn't help her wince as the cool air hitting her bare stomach caused her muscles to contract, pain pulling at the minimal movement. Pushing the pain to the side, the Sky girl continued to watch the healer, noticing her lips purse as she saw the extent of her stomach. Clarke tried to look down, unable to get the greatest view from the angle of her shirt and low light, but from what she could see her stomach was one giant red and purple bruise.  
  
“I am sorry,” Nadia whispered, eyes still on Clarke's stomach, and the blonde could tell from her tone she meant it. The shirt fell back down as the healer bent once again, lifting the canteen from the ground. “Here,” she said, standing back up and lifting the canteen up towards Clarke's lips as she unscrewed the top. “This will help take away some of the pain.” The blonde eyed the canteen in suspicion, remembering the poison that had been on the arrows she and Lexa had both been shot with, and just clenched her lips tighter. Understanding her hesitance, Nadia brought the canteen to her own lips, taking a sip of its contents to show that it was safe, and then held it out to the blonde once again. This time Clarke only hesitated for a moment before her lips parted, and carefully Nadia lifted the drink to her mouth, gently pouring the liquid so that the prisoner could easily swallow. The drink was lukewarm and bitter, leaving a strange taste in her mouth, but it helped to wash away some of the acidic taste of her own sick, so Clarke welcomed it. Eyes darting back to Nadia, she caught the girl smiling. “I know: I do not enjoy the taste either, but that is not why we drink it.”  
  
Clarke couldn't help it: one corner of her mouth twitched up, a ghost of a smile pulling at it as she thought of all the times her mother had told her that medicine wasn't supposed to taste good, it was supposed to make you feel good. Nadia clearly caught the small smile because her own grew, her eyes dancing as she brought the canteen back up to the blonde's lips. Clarke watched the healer, her curiosity getting the best of her, and once she'd swallowed more of the bitter drink she asked, “Why? Why are you trying to be nice to me? That isn't part of your job.”  
  
The smile immediately fell away from Nadia's face, the corners of her mouth pulling down as her expression turned serious. “Because,” she answered, taking a step back, “It is important. You are important, Wanheda. We need-” Before she could get anymore out they heard the door opening once again and the healer's mouth clamped shut, even as some kind of internal fire seemed to flash at Clarke through her eyes. Nadia turned to walk back towards her sack and they both used the movement to look up as three sets of boots walked into the room. As her eyes darted past the healer, Clarke noticed the other girl stiffen before she knelt back down next to her bag.  
  
The three figures walked into the room, the door closing behind them, and after the moment needed for her eyes to readjust to the low light, Clarke's jaw clenched as she realized she recognized each of them.  
  
Echo walked in first, her stride long and easy and expression controlled. She lost a bit of that control when her eyes fell down to Nadia, immediately recognizing the healer, and her lips pursed, but other than that her expression didn't change. She walked across the room, stopping by the wall directly in front of Clarke at the other side of the room, and stood with her hands clasped behind her. Jojesh followed her, his expression immediately turning into a scowl when he noticed the second person in the room, recognizing her even sooner than Echo had. The third person trailed after them, her jaw clenched and hands curled into fists as she entered the room, and stopped only when she was standing no more than a few feet away from the prisoner. Clarke barely even looked at the two warriors, her eyes going straight to Costia, and her own jaw clenched at the sight of the other girl.  
  
“ _Nodia, what are you doing here?_ ” Jojesh growled, his fists clenching as he shot a glare at the young healer.  
  
“ _The prisoner is injured_ ,” the girl replied with a shrug as she dug around in her sack, not even looking at the warrior. “ _I am seeing to her injuries_.”  
  
“ _You should not be in here_ ,” he told her, his voice low. “ _She is dangerous_.”  
  
Standing up, Nadia pulled a water bladder from her bag, a larger piece of cloth in the same hand as she held the smaller pieces in her other, and rolled her eyes at him. “ _She is completely immobilized, brother: what exactly do you think she is going to be able to do to me when she can't move her arms or legs?_ ” He didn't have an answer for her, though his glare just intensified, and she turned away from him, moving back towards Clarke. “ _Besides, the queen made it my job to make sure she lives: if her injuries kill her it will be my fault_.” Again he had nothing to say, but his eyes didn't leave her as she moved to the blonde's side, carefully dumping water on the biggest cloth.  
  
Clarke barely paid them any attention, her focus not leaving Costia for a second.  
  
“What do you want?” she spat, eyes glaring daggers at the girl since it was all she could do at the moment.  
  
Costia's eyes trailed down to her stomach and over to her hand before having to look quickly away. Meeting the blonde's glare, she calmly stated, “Now you have seen what the queen is capable of. Be wise, and end this before it goes any further.”  
  
“No,” Clarke growled, pulling against the chains holding her back as she tried to take a step towards the other girl. Jojesh shifted where he stood, watching her intently, but she still barely even remembered he was in there. “I won't be like you. I'm not a coward: I won't turn against Lexa like you did just to try to stop the pain.”  
  
“You have no idea,” Costia muttered darkly, her voice shaking. The calm she'd been trying to control began to break, her lips pulling back enough for Clarke to notice how tightly she clenched her teeth together. “You judge me, tell me I betrayed her, but I did what I had to in order to survive. You have been through nothing so far: they tortured me for days.” Her movements suddenly jerky, the girl roughly pulled the sleeves back of her shirt. Looking down at the newly exposed skin, even in the dim lighting Clarke could see the faded scars and burns that littered her arms, painting a clear picture. “I refused to talk, and when I did they did far more than just beat me. I was not a warrior like Lexa: I was not used to the sting of a blade slicing my skin or the heat of burning metal. I screamed and I begged and I cried for it to stop, but the queen wouldn't allow it. She told me there was only one way to make it stop and that I knew exactly what that way was. So finally I told her what she wanted.” Her voice caught, chin nearly quivering before she could stop it, her fingernails biting into her palms as her voice shook. “I told her about Lexa: I told her everything, anything she wanted to know. I had no choice.”  
  
“We all have choices,” Clarke told her, her tone low. Inside, a small part of her cried for Costia, saw the pain she still clearly felt from everything that had been done to her, but she pushed that part of herself behind an iron door in her mind. She wouldn't pity her, couldn't pity her, because every time she looked at the other girl all she could see was Lexa and what the death of her first love had done to her. “We make our choice, and then we have to live with the consequences.”  
  
“ _And so do others_ ,” Nadia whispered, almost too quiet for even Clarke to hear her. The blonde's eyes flickered over to the healer where she stood on her right, gently dabbing at the blood on her hand with the damp cloth. A shadow had settled over her face, a small glare pulling at her features as she stared at her work, clearly seeing something other than Clarke's hand even as she continued to gently brush it with the cloth. Movement in front of her pulled the blonde's focus back to Costia as the girl shifted, tears forming in her eyes that she fought to hold back.  
  
“You learned that from Lexa,” she accused, and when Clarke only nodded, she noticed the other girl swallow thickly before she shook her head. “Very well: I made my choice, and I have lived with the consequences.” Nadia shifted, turning her entire back to the other girl, but no one but the warriors behind them noticed. “I chose to live and end the agony. The choice you make now will only increase yours, as well as put all of Skaikru in danger.” She studied the stubborn set of Clarke's face, and her brow only pulled lower before she stepped forward, her fists clenching even tighter. “You are a fool,” she stated, venom in her voice. “You are an idiot: you will suffer more pain than you can imagine, and then you will break, but by then it will be too late to save yourself or your people. You try to prove you are stronger than me, but you will break: everyone breaks.”  
  
“I won't,” Clarke just said, lifting her head higher. Costia's eyes flashed, and the blonde just added, “I'm not like you, Costia: I'm not willing to put my life before Lexa's.”  
  
The words were a slap in the face and they both knew it. For a second Clarke was sure the other girl was going to retaliate with her own physical slap, but it never came. She simply stood there, shaking in fury for a moment, before she turned on her heel and stormed across the room, pulling the door open and then slamming it shut behind her as she left.  
  
Clarke felt the smallest bit of pressure against her wrist, and she looked over to her right. Nadia's eyes flickered up, giving her a small smile before she gently began dabbing a paste on the blonde's fingers, having picked up the small jar at some point during the confrontation. The blonde flinched at the sting of the paste against her fingers, but managed to return the smile. Even if she still wasn't sure what to make of the healer, it was clear that the girl had at least enjoyed watching Costia storm off, and she figured that was something they could enjoy together.  
  
“ _Nodia, finish quickly so we can go_ ,” Jojesh called, and it was only then that Clarke even remembered he and Echo were in the room. Her smile disappeared, eyes darting to the two warriors, but Nadia didn't look up from her work.  
  
“ _Will one of you release Klark?_ ” she asked, completely ignoring her brother's order. “ _She does not need to be chained up like this any longer_.”  
  
“ _That will not be happening while you work on her, cousin_ ,” Echo informed her, as Jojesh clenched his hands into fists at his side. Nadia just rolled her eyes at them, meeting Clarke's, and gave her another little smile.  
  
“You spoke well with her,” she told the blonde, her head gesturing towards the door Costia had disappeared through. “I have been waiting for someone to shake her like that.”  
  
“Why?” Clarke wanted to know, and then looked from the healer to the door. Speaking carefully so as not to give away the fact she'd understood her earlier, she said, “You act as though you have something against her. If she told your queen what she wanted to know, why do you have a problem with her?”  
  
Once again Clarke watched as a shadow passed over her face, her lips pursing momentarily as her brow pulled down. For a moment her hands stilled in their movement to get one of the smaller pieces of cloth, but then they grabbed it, gently pressing it against the blonde's pointer finger. As she began to slowly twirl the cloth around the finger, she told the Sky girl, “It was a little over three years ago when Nia had some of her warriors capture the Commander's love. Costia was brought back here and chained in this place, as you are now. For three days she was tortured, and what she said was true: the queen did terrible things to her, things that few could even think of going through. She remained strong for those three days, but on the fourth she broke. She broke, and she told the queen anything she wanted to know. Because of that, the queen promised to allow her to live, but...” The healer trailed off, her eyes pressing shut, and Clarke watched as she fought to control herself. The grip of her hands never tightened, but it was clear that whatever she was remembering hurt just to think about. Taking a deep breath, her eyes opened, and she turned back to her work, not looking up to meet the blonde's eyes. “Among the many things she told the queen, one thing stuck out to Nia. She told her exactly how the Commander felt about the girl, how she had sworn to love and protect her always. She told her of the Commander's love, and in it Nia believed she had found the way to break the Commander's coalition as well as the Commander herself. She believed the best way to do that would be by showing the Commander she had been unable to protect the girl she loved, but she had already sworn to Costia she could have her life.” Nadia shook her head, before adding darkly, “I believe she would have killed her anyway, had she not believed she might be able to get more information from her. But if she wanted her plan to work, she needed someone else...”  
  
“Who was she?” Clarke whispered, understanding what Nadia hadn't yet quite been able to say. In order for Nia's plan to work, she would have needed to show Lexa proof that the girl she had loved was dead. Lexa had said the queen handed her someone's head, and only now was Clarke realizing that if it hadn't been Costia's, then someone else had needed to die in her place.  
  
“Nita,” Nadia whispered, voice not quiet enough to miss the pain in the name. “She was my... my greatest friend. She was chosen because she looked similar to Costia. She was not a warrior, not a healer, not important to Nia and so was not necessary.” The last two words were spat, an anger in them that only increased as she continued. “She was taken, a tattoo forced on her to match Costia's, and was beaten. She screamed, she plead, she begged...” Nadia had to stop, her hands beginning to shake almost as much as her voice, before she shook her head. Swallowing thickly, she continued, “My friend was tortured, her head cut off only when you could not recognize her, and then her body burned while her head was stuffed into a bag and taken far away. All because Costia did not wish to die. All because Nia is too cowardly to openly challenge the Commander as our laws say.”  
  
“ _What you say is too close to traitor talk, sister_ ,” Jojesh warned, stepping forward, but when Nadia whirled around he froze again.  
  
“ _I am not the traitor here, Joujesh_ ,” she snapped, eyes burning. “ _I know where my loyalties lie, and I know what is right_.”  
  
“ _You do not think_ ,” he growled back, his brow pulling down in anger and showing more expression than Clarke had seen from him yet. “ _If you act like a fool I might not always be able to protect you_.”  
  
“ _I am trying to protect all of us_ ,” she replied, her tone still hard. “ _You just don't see that we need her! She is our only hope of surviving the war Naia has forced us into_.”  
  
Clarke stiffened as Jojesh's eyes moved to her, studying her for a minute before he looked back at his sister. “ _If she is our only hope, then it is already over_ ,” he informed her. “ _Kostia is right: no one can take the queen's torture for long. She will break, just as they all do, and I will do whatever I need to to keep you from learning this the hard way_.”  
  
“ _You are wrong_ ,” Nadia told him and he just shook his head.  
  
“ _And you, Nodia, are a fool_ ,” he declared, before he shot another glare at Clarke and then turned around, walking calmly to the door and leaving the room.  
  
Echo watched him go, and then shook her head once the door had closed behind him. Reaching to her belt, she grabbed a set of keys even as she looked at Nadia and informed her, “One day you might start listening to him. There are times he knows what he is talking about.” She moved forward, her eyes falling to Clarke's, and her eyebrows rose. “If you fight back, I will break your arm. I don't care what the queen does to me, it will be better than anything Jojesh might do if he found out I was releasing you while she is still in here.” Nadia rolled her eyes, the obvious “she” the warrior referred to, but then turned back to Clarke, returning to her work on her fingers. Echo moved to that arm first, fiddling with the key before it fit into the manacle, releasing the hard metal. Clarke's arm slumped down before she could fully stop it, a fresh ache coming from her shoulder as it moved, but this ache she welcomed. Rather than fight back, she just stood still as the warrior knelt by her feet, releasing one ankle before turning to the other arm. The second ankle remained in its shackle, but just being able to lower her arms again had the blonde feeling better.  
  
As Echo released her, Nadia scowled at the Sky girl's hand, beginning to wrap the next finger. “There might be times, but this is not one of them.”  
  
“Nadia,” Echo began, but Nadia cut her off with a glare.  
  
“He was not the only traitor I meant,” she muttered, and then her voice got stronger as she continued. “You led her there. You were the one to show her... You gave her exactly what she wanted!”  
  
“Hey,” the warrior snapped, the easy calm she'd clearly felt a minute ago gone. “I did as I was ordered by my queen. No matter what _she_ might say,” her eyes flickered to Clarke and then back, “Sometimes we do not have a choice. Sometimes all we can do is what we are told.” With that she too left, her back straight as she walked across the room and out the door.  
  
The bite in Nadia's voice left her as soon as the warrior was gone, and her shoulders slumped. Carefully she finished what she was doing and moved to the last finger.  
  
“I am sorry,” she murmured, eyes not looking away from Clarke's hand, but the blonde could easily see the way her lips pulled down. “They don't understand...” She sighed, the breath released with the motion heavy, her brow worried. “They are warriors,” she tried to explain, finally looking up at Clarke and meeting her eyes. “They have been taught from childhood not to question orders so they don't. They see Nia as their leader, and our people are expected to follow their leader without question. Because of that Nia believes we will all go along with her desire for war, and the warriors do because she is their queen. They do not look past her to see that the Commander is our true leader; they do not think of what will happen to us all when the war Nia wishes for finally comes to us, and if they do they do nothing to prevent it because that would mean going against their queen. We are all stuck in this space where defying either is too dangerous to think on, so they focus on the immediate leader and hope that when the Commander comes we can defeat her.”  
  
“You can't,” Clarke stated, certainty and fear boiling together in her gut. Even just the thought of Lexa losing to Nia made her feel sick.  
  
“You are right,” Nadia agreed, surprising the prisoner. She shook her head, eyes falling back to her work even though Clarke was pretty sure whatever she was currently seeing wasn't in the room. “Nia has... plans and tricks, yes, she has ways to make the battle long, and yes, she may even take out much of her opponent's army, but she cannot win. We are one nation: before the coalition, she may have stood a chance against the Commander, but now when she marches against us, it will be with the warriors of the other eleven clans backing her. Even if they are not all there for the first battle, Nia has started a war she cannot win. And when she loses, it will be terrible.”  
  
Nadia trailed off for a moment, and Clarke watched her. Her eyes were wide, fingers now almost trembling as they finished wrapping the cloth around the blonde's pinky. Looking up, she met Clarke's eyes again, and the Sky girl was almost shocked by the amount of fear she saw in them. “I have never met her,” she whispered, terrified awe in her voice, “But I have heard the stories. The Commander does not forgive. Nia has broken the laws of the coalition: she attacked the Commander herself, has destroyed the peace that was between our people. She will come, and this time when she does Azgeda will fall. She is ruthless, and the law is clear: the clan that turns against the coalition will be wiped out. None of the other clans will try to stop her or risk their own destruction. When the Commander reaches us, it will mean the end of the Ice Nation. And that is why we need you, Clarke.”  
  
“Me?” Clarke asked, completely thrown by her sudden inclusion. “What do I have to do with this?”  
  
Nadia looked up, meeting her shocked expression with her own determined one. Finishing with the final finger and dropping the blonde's hand, she didn't step away before she replied, “You are Wanheda. The Commander cares for you, and you are leader of Skaikru. There is a chance she might listen to you. If you tell her we are not all to blame, if you ask her, she might settle for just killing Nia and those who are truly loyal to her. If you ask, she may not kill us all.”  
  
Clarke wanted to argue, wanted to tell Nadia that she didn't know Lexa, that she would never kill innocent people, but she stopped herself. She thought about before they'd officially met, back to when an army of grounders had circled the little camp once known as Camp Jaha. That army was there on the Commander's orders. Lexa herself was there, and had given them one of two choices: run away, or stay and die. There had been innocent people there too, people who had nothing to do with the war that had somehow started up between Grounders and Arkers, but that hadn't mattered then, and it wouldn't matter now. The only thing that had saved her own people had been an offer that the Commander couldn't refuse, and even then she'd still needed blood before their peace could be official. Clarke wanted to argue that Lexa would never do the things that Nadia feared, but she knew the Commander would have to.  
  
“I don't have that kind of power, Nadia,” Clarke told her instead, shaking her head. She looked down at her hand, bandages now wrapped around three of her fingers, and curled her fingers, wincing a little at the pain that still shot from her injuries. “Maybe you wish I did, but I don't. Lexa leads her people the way she needs to, and I lead mine the way I need to. She doesn't tell me what to do, and I don't tell her what to do.” _Anymore_ , she thought, remembering a few times when one had tried to do just that, but for months now the divide had been clear. She looked up, meeting the healer's eyes again, and almost winced again when she saw the hope and fear still in them. “I mean, sure, I can try to talk to her, but that doesn't mean it'll change anything. And that's even assuming I'm still alive when she gets here.”  
  
“Nia will not kill you until after you give her what she wants,” Nadia murmured. “As long as you do not break, you will live.”  
  
“So that's really why you don't want me to break,” Clarke replied drily, raising her eyebrows. “So that I can try to convince Lexa not to kill you all.”  
  
“Yes,” Nadia answered immediately, her eyes flashing, and Clarke's brow raised higher. “You are Wanheda,” the healer continued, her voice rising. “Everyone has heard about what you have done. You fell from the sky. You burned three hundred warriors alive. You were captured by the mountain and escaped, then you _destroyed_ it. You created a peace between two people that would have otherwise fought until there was only one left. You have saved your people countless times: is it really too much of me to ask that you try to do the same for mine?” Clarke opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out, and Nadia just shook her head. “You are strong Clarke: even if I had not heard all these stories, seeing how you have already stood up against Nia proves that to me. Costia was always going to break; I have seen countless of the people who have gone before the queen and declared they will stand up against her, and each of them have broken beneath her. I look at you, and I believe you will not. I look at you, and I think that my people may have a chance. Nia is great: the Commander is powerful. You? You are both. You will not break. You will beat Nia, and if you ask, you might even be able to save my people. I know it may not be possible, I know that what I am asking you to do is not fair, but I am asking anyway. Clarke, I need you to remain strong: my people, we need you to remain strong.”  
  
For a moment Clarke's jaw worked, moving up and down, but no sound came out. Her brain tried to come up with a response, but nothing formed. Nadia's words, what she wanted Clarke to do, just kept playing over and over in her head, and she didn't really know how to react to them. She'd been asked to save people before, but never those that weren't her people, and never the very people who were torturing her now. Here she stood, a manacle clasped around her ankle, bruises all over her torso from a beating she had taken not even an hour ago, and three fingernails that were barely still attached to her fingers, and all she could think about were Nadia's words and the strength that had been behind them.  
  
Nadia seemed to sense just how overwhelmed she was, and ducked her head, stepping back.  
  
“I am sorry,” she said, regret clear in her voice. “I did not mean to say all these things now. I do not want to force this on you, or make you feel as though you need to do it. I should not have said any of this, especially now.” Her eyes darted down to the blonde's hand, and guilt flashed across her face. “You are tired,” she quickly added, grabbing the few things she still had out and moving back over to her bag. “You would be, after all that has happened to you today. I should not have made you think about these things. You should rest. I will, I will leave you now, so that you can get the rest you need.” She grabbed her bag from the ground, slinging it over her shoulder, and then hurried across the room towards the door. Just as she was about to reach out to pull it open, she heard, “Nadia?”  
  
The healer turned around, her heart beating in her throat, but when she looked she saw Clarke just watching her with a forced smile. She held up her wrapped hand, telling her, “Thank you. For your help. And... And I'll think about it. What you said. I'll think about it.” Nadia felt hope blossoming in her chest, but she tried to hide it, instead just returning the blonde's smile with her own.  
  
“That is all I can ask you, Clarke,” she replied, and then nodded to the blonde before she finally pulled the door open and left.  
  
The moment she was alone again, Clarke stumbled back against the wall, sinking down to the ground as soon as her back touched it. Nadia wanted her to save her people. She was already counting on it, already clearly convinced she could do it, but Clarke wasn't even entirely convinced she could save herself this time. She wouldn't break, wouldn't betray Lexa, but that didn't mean standing up to Nia wouldn't kill her. She'd already started trying to accept that, already started thinking that she might die right here in this small room, but if that happened, there would be absolutely no hope for the Ice Nation. If Lexa made it here only to find her body, she'd lay waste to this village and probably any other Azgeda villages. She would wipe out the Ice Nation, and Clarke highly doubted there would be anyone able to stop her.  
  
Clarke let out a loud groan, her head dropping into her hands, and then let out another as her fingers screamed at her. Nadia's words whirled around in her mind, interrupted only by images of Lexa, and she didn't know what to do. Sure, if she was still alive when Lexa and her army got there, she could try talking to her, but that didn't mean it would do any good. Grounder laws were Grounder laws, and as the leader of the Grounders, Lexa had to enforce them, she'd proven that time and again. Nadia might be banking everything on Clarke, but she was only one person, and no matter how many tales of Wanheda had been told by her people, there were only so many things she could do.  
  
She sat with her back against the wall, head in her hands for many minutes, only lifting it when the door was once again opened. She looked up, and two guards marched into the room. Neither so much as looked at her, each moving to a different torch, and for a moment she thought they were changing them out until she realized neither of them carried any new ones. They circled the room, moving to each torch and dousing it, and then still without looking at her they marched back to the door, slamming it closed behind them.  
  
The absolute darkness swallowed the noise of the door just as entirely as it swallowed Clarke.


	34. Chapter 34

With every step he took, the pounding along his temples only increased. The light didn't help either, the sun far too bright and only adding to the pain in his head, but Jasper just squinted and kept moving. He noticed Monty once again look over at him out of the corner of his eyes, but like the hundreds of other times, he just ignored him. The strap of his gun pulled against his shoulder and he rotated it, hoping to relieve the pressure and for a moment it worked. The next moment the heaviness of the weapon returned though, and Jasper just glared ahead as he tried to ignore the ache. His shoulder was far less bothersome than his head, and he had to shut his eyes quickly as a sudden ray of light bounced off of Monty's gun, temporarily blinding him and making his headache just spike.  
  
“Watch it,” he grumbled, turning his head away from his best friend, and heard Monty shift, the strap of his gun moving as the other boy quickly slung his weapon over his shoulder so that it could lie against his back.  
  
“Sorry,” he replied, the same tone of guilt he'd used on Jasper for months now hidden in the single word, but Jasper didn't say anything back, instead just opening his eyes and looking forward again. He heard Monty let out an almost silent sigh, but acted as though he hadn't, ignoring the mixture of anger and guilt that boiled deep in his stomach. That combination had been living inside him for months now, sometimes in equal parts and other times when one was so much more powerful than the other, and he'd only learned of one way to tamper it down.  
  
Without thinking, he reached behind him and opened the bag on his back, digging around in it as best he could at the awkward angle. When he felt the canteen hit his fingertips, he silently cursed as it easily rolled away. Even just from the little bump, he could tell that it was almost empty, probably only a couple of swallows left, and the thought only made his head pound harder and the pit in his stomach boil hotter. He grabbed the canteen, roughly jerking it out of the bag, and quickly unscrewed the top before throwing back a mouthful of the substance within it. As the liquid ran down his throat, it burned, but by now he was used to it. By now it was a welcome feeling, a welcome burn that he could feel travel all the way down to his gut. The one swallow wasn't enough to make his headache go away completely, but it did manage to tamper down the boiling in his stomach. Shaking the bottle carefully by his ear, he scowled before closing it once again and dumping it back in his bag. Yep, he was definitely just about out, and he didn't look forward to the moment when he wouldn't have even a single drop of booze left to help him block out everything around him. As it was, he was already more sober than he had been in months and he hated it.  
  
“Hey,” Octavia said to him as she moved to walk on his free side, giving him a small smile. He didn't return the look, but he did give her a nod of acknowledgment.  
  
“Hey,” he replied, quickly looking over at her before he looked ahead again. “What, got tired of the horse?”  
  
“Reese and Thom are riding it,” she answered with a shrug, looking behind her, and he followed her gaze. Sure enough, not too far behind them the two kids were riding on Octavia's horse, Raven riding on one side of them and that Taigon guy riding on the other. Seeing the Grounder, Jasper felt his jaw tighten, but he didn't say anything. Octavia looked back at him and he raised his eyebrows, listening as she added, “Besides, I haven't walked for a while now. My legs needed to stretch.”  
  
“Lucky you,” they heard Miller state, both turning to the boy walking on the other side of Monty. He rolled his eyes, one fist dropping from his gun to his thigh and giving it a solid hit as he said, “My legs feel like rocks. I don't think I've walked this much since we first landed on the ground.”  
  
Octavia cocked a grin at him, her eyes almost twinkling before she informed him, “You can ride the horse next then, if you want.”  
  
Miller's expression immediately fell, eyes flicking back to the horses behind them, before he muttered, “Yeah, no thanks, I think I'd rather walk.”  
  
“What's the matter Miller?” Bellamy asked from his other side, nudging his shoulder. “Afraid of them or something?”  
  
“Not afraid,” Miller growled, glaring at Bellamy, before he looked back at the horses once again and shook his head. “I just think I'll be keeping my feet on the ground.”  
  
Octavia's grin just grew before she lifted an eyebrow at him, telling him, “Okay, but just let me know if you ever need a break. I'm sure the horse would be happy to have you on his back.” When Miller looked back at the horses again, giving them a face, both of the Blakes couldn't help but let out a little laugh and even Monty grinned, one corner of his mouth turning up. Only Jasper remained straight-faced, expression not changing as everyone around him laughed.  
  
“How much further you think we've got?” he asked, feeling his own legs protest the constant movement, but even that couldn't beat the pounding in his head.  
  
He barely noticed Bellamy's shrug at the side of his periphery, but he knew the older boy gave one. “Don't know,” he answered, eyes scanning around as though some sign might pop-up to answer the question. “Hopefully not too long.” Jasper could practically hear the scowl in his voice as he added, “Clarke's already been gone for over a week, so we better be finding her soon.” The others around them nodded, the mood suddenly shifting.  
  
“How do we even know we're going in the right direction?” Jasper asked, not bothering to keep his voice down. “We're following the Commander, but how do we know she's even taking us to the right place? And if she knows who has Clarke, shouldn't she also know where we're going? I don't get why we have to follow these tracks and look for signs.”  
  
He noticed them all look at him, some worriedly, some angrily and some in between, but he didn't care. They were valid questions, and so what if anyone overheard him? The Grounders could deal with him talking against their precious Commander.  
  
“The Ice Nation isn't just one place,” Octavia finally answered, eyes still flickering to him. “Like Trikru, it's a number of villages, all ranging in different sizes. My guess is that the Ice Queen could be in any of them, so we have to track the people who took Clarke to try to find the right one.”  
  
“Beats just starting at one and working our way through 'em till we find the right place,” Bellamy agreed with a nod, his eyes trained forward. His jaw was clenched just slightly, but Jasper had known him long enough now that even out of the side of his vision he noticed it. He ignored it, not caring if he was pissed about Jasper not bothering to keep his voice quiet or if it was something else. As the others around him quickly changed the conversation topic, Jasper zoned out, completely ignoring them all.  
  
His head pounded, and for a moment that was all he could focus on. He wanted another drink, craved it to push the headache as well as his emotions away, but with just the little he had left, he fought the temptation. He'd need that last little bit before he fell asleep that night, otherwise his dreams would be as haunted as they always were when he couldn't pass out drunk.  
  
Not that it really mattered. If he didn't see the visions in his dreams, he knew he'd just see them while he was awake. His mind had become cruel like that, finding ways to sneak images in whenever he thought he was safe. Even now, as he managed to catch a glimpse of Octavia's hair out of the corner of his eye, that dark mane turned into another's, and then he couldn't help but see Maya standing beside him, her lips pursed together as she smiled, eyes shining at him. Somebody behind them laughed, and even though it was low and deep, somehow it turned into hers, the quiet, simple sound that had pulled at his heart then as its phantom twin did now. Except now that laughter was only a memory, never to be truly heard again, and that memory was mixed in with far too many unpleasant ones surrounding it.  
  
Jasper's stomach churned, and the guilt in his gut grew, sweeping out and over-taking the anger, even just for the moment. He closed his eyes, tried not to let himself sink into it, but really, who was he kidding? He'd sunk long ago, months ago in fact, and hadn't managed to drag himself up for air since. That guilt had spread through him, pouring down his throat and somehow managing to enter his bloodstream, over-taking him far more strongly than any drink or drug ever had.  
  
He shouldn't be here. Those few words, that true belief, rang out inside him, just as intensely as it ever did. He shouldn't be here, and not just here, marching towards Clarke and this new mess she got them all into. He shouldn't be here, outside, breathing, living a life he no longer wanted. He didn't deserve it. None of them, none of them deserved it.  
  
It should have been him. He's the one that should have died at Mount Weather. Not her. Never her. Maya had been innocent, so innocent, so kind, so generous and so ultimately good; she never should have died. She'd done everything she could for Jasper and his friends, because he had _asked her_ to, and even if he hadn't specifically asked her to help, he shouldn't have let her. If it hadn't been for him, if he hadn't dragged her into the war that wasn't hers to fight, she'd still be alive. He might be dead, sure, but she'd still be alive, and that was all that mattered. She deserved it and he didn't, and that was the same thought that had haunted him ever since he felt her body go limp in his arms. Maya should be alive, and she wasn't.  
  
The pounding in his head increased, as though someone were trying to split his head open. He grit his teeth, squinting his eyes to try to filter out more light, but the pain didn't let up. He swallowed thickly, trying to swallow down the pain as well, but it didn't work anymore than he'd thought it would. He hurt, physically, mentally and emotionally, and he'd realized a long time ago that there wasn't anything he could do about it, so he tried to push past it just like he'd done every day since he had to walk back down the mountain, and just like every other day he knew he was failing miserably.  
  
Something nudged his arm and he looked over, finding Monty holding another canteen out for him. He eyed it, his jaw clenching when he met his best friend's eyes, but his head hurt too much to refuse it. Without a word he grabbed it, moving the already open canteen to his lips. Greedily he swallowed, barely cold water flowing down his throat, and while it wasn't exactly the liquid he wanted, his headache almost immediately began to dull, not leaving but no longer raking against his temples. After a few more mouthfuls he stopped, pulling the bottle from his lips, and then just nodded as he handed it back to Monty.  
  
“Thanks,” he managed to get out, his tone maybe a little less harsh than usual, but he couldn't tell for sure. The other boy just nodded, taking a quick drink of his own, and then closed the bottle and carefully put it back in the bag he had slung over one shoulder.  
  
“Don't mention it,” Monty simply said, his own tone more formal than it used to be, eyes not holding his friend's as they used to, but Jasper thought he saw something flash across his face.  
  
Miller elbowed Monty lightly, grinning at him and raising his eyebrows before he asked, “What, you're not gonna offer any to the rest of us?” Monty rolled his eyes, quickly telling him, “You didn't bring your own water, Miller?” The other guy just shrugged, an almost lop-sided grin growing before he replied, “Hey, yours was already out.” Jasper knew if Monty had cared he would have kept arguing, but instead he just reached into his bag, once again pulling the canteen out and offering it to the other boy. Miller tipped the bottle back, still grinning at Monty, and began chugging the water even as Monty began to protest about how he hadn't said he could have all of it.  
  
“You shouldn't drink that much that quickly,” Octavia informed him, peering over to the two boys and raising her eyebrows at them. “You'll get cramps, and then you really might need to take a turn riding the horse.” Miller just rolled his eyes, pulling the canteen away from his mouth just long enough to tell her, “You're not getting me on that horse, and the water isn't going to give me cramps.”  
  
“She is right,” they heard and all stiffened. Jasper looked up when they all did, and saw one of the Grounders walking towards them, leaving the place she'd kept behind the Commander all day. A few other Grounders followed her, most with controlled expressions on their face, but one of them met Jasper's eyes and returned his glare. The woman who spoke looked at Miller, telling him, “Filling your stomach with water will not help with your march. You take small sips, not large mouthfuls.”  
  
“Master Indra,” Octavia said in surprise, and Jasper noticed her straighten her posture almost on reflex. The Grounder looked to Octavia and nodded, before she looked back at the other Grounders who had followed her, and nodded to them as well. They all turned, walking forward and putting just a little space between themselves and the Sky People, but Jasper noticed one of them shoot another look at them. He met the man's look, returning it with his own glare, and for a moment they held the eye contact. A second later one of the other Grounders elbowed him, making the man break the eye contact and turn around, but Jasper could practically feel him listening to them.  
  
“Octavia,” the remaining Grounder replied, giving the girl a nod. Her eyes flickered over her shoulder, before she added, “I see you still carry your sword with you.”  
  
“Of course,” Octavia told her almost indignantly, reaching behind her and drawing it. “A warrior without a weapon is useless in battle.”  
  
Jasper thought he saw the Grounder's lips curl up momentarily, but if so her expression almost immediately straightened back out. “I see you remember at least one of the lessons I taught you,” she commented, “But do you still know how to use it?”  
  
“I know how to use it,” Octavia informed her, before one corner of her mouth turned up. “I had a pretty good teacher, after all.”  
  
“Hm,” the Grounder hummed, “We will see. Tonight come meet me once we have stopped, and I will see how much you remember. No former Second of mine will embarrass me once the real battle begins.”  
  
Octavia's face lit up before she could control it, having to swallow down her grin. She just nodded, keeping her expression as composed as she could before she replied, “Sha, ticha.”  
  
“Careful Octavia,” Jasper said, interrupting them, and he could feel it as they all looked at him even as he remained looking forward. “Don't get too attached. You know how Grounders are: they make promises and then run away as soon as they can.”  
  
“Jasper,” Monty warned quietly, one hand reaching out and closing around his arm, but he shrugged out of it. Ignoring his friend, he turned, meeting the Grounder's look with a glare. “When they're not killing people, that is,” he added, and watched as the woman's head lifted up, not so much as flinching beneath his words.  
  
“Skaikru are ones to talk,” they all heard, before Indra could say anything, and Jasper looked ahead of him at the man who had been glaring at him just a few minutes ago. He barely turned around, just enough to throw a look over his shoulder before he said, “You are the ones who break treaties so you can steal land. You are the ones who kill the innocent.”  
  
Jasper just scoffed, his nostrils flaring as he shot another glare at the man's back. “What world do you live in?” he growled, hands tightening slightly on his gun. “Grounders started everything, and have killed more of us than I can count!”  
  
“If you ask me, we have not killed enough of you,” the man replied, his voice rumbling in his chest. He stopped in his tracks and turned around easily meeting Jasper's glare, and after a moment his friends stopped too, hanging back and shooting each other looks. Jasper stopped as well, a few feet between them, and when he stopped those walking with him went still also.  
  
“Jasper, that's enough,” he heard Bellamy call to him, but when the older boy walked over and put his arm on his shoulder, Jasper just shook it off.  
  
“Tonsin,” Indra barked, giving the other Grounder a look, “Em pleni.” He didn't back off either, and Jasper felt his limbs begin to tingle, adrenaline spreading through him.  
  
“Skaikru are invaders,” Tunsin continued, his eyes shining with hate. “You came into our land and believed you could take it for yourselves. All we have done is shown you what we do to invaders.”  
  
“Yeah?” Jasper said, “And we've shown you what we do to spear-throwing Grounders who think they can just kill us off. Sorry you weren't invited to the barbecue: next time I'll have to make sure to send you an invite.”  
  
Tunsin let out a snarl, and then suddenly he darted forward, his hand dropping to his side. A second later and Jasper caught sight of the dagger he wrenched from his belt, and only just managed to stumble back in time to keep himself from being gutted right then and there. He heard Indra yell, “Tonsin! Hod op!,” but the warrior ignored her, just as Jasper ignored it when he heard Octavia shout, “Jasper, knock it off!” Heart pounding in his chest, Jasper fumbled with his gun, quickly pulling it up and holding it in front of him. The warrior hesitated when his weapon moved, and for a second he held back, fingers loosening to shift his hold on his knife.  
  
Jasper's fingers wrapped tightly around the grip of his gun, not breaking eye contact with Tunsin. He shifted on his feet, the big warrior all but looming over him now, so close he could nearly feel the man's body heat. His palms itched, the trigger beneath his finger warm against his skin, and he just glared at the Grounder. Tunsin returned the glare easily, holding entirely still unlike the Sky boy, his eyes never leaving Jasper's even as he kept his focus on his enemy's gun. For a second they both held their ground, both waiting for the other to make the next move.  
  
Suddenly Tunsin's eyes lit up, the hatred in them lighting the same fire Jasper felt burning in his own gut, and then the warrior lunged forward, hand curling tighter around his knife and moving it through the air faster than Jasper could follow. He jumped back again, almost surprised by the movement after the stillness, and felt his grip tighten even more around his gun. The metal of the trigger pressed against his finger, his skin molding against it perfectly, and without a second thought he shifted, ready to finally pull it.  
  
Just as the big warrior was about to be on him, Jasper watched his eyes widen, and before the Sky boy could apply the little pressure his needed against the trigger, Tunsin was stumbling backwards, being forcefully pulled away. Before Jasper could process what was happening, the Commander was between them, her knife already out and held easily in one hand. Her free hand released its hold on the back of the other warrior's jacket and she dropped. One leg swept out in front of her, easily keeping her balance on just the one foot and free hand, and then that leg connected with both of Tunsin's. Already off-balance from being pulled back, the force of the sweep pushed him over the edge, and he crashed down, his eyes still wide as he looked at his leader. The Commander was back on her feet before Jasper could even blink, and somewhere in his mind he wondered how someone could be so fast. When Tunsin tried to push himself back up, knife still in his grip, the Commander lifted one leg and harshly kicked against his shoulder, using the bottom of her boot to force him back into the dirty snow. This time before he could push himself back up her foot came down again, this time on the hand that still clutched the knife, and they all heard the crunch as bones shattered. The warrior only let out a low grunt of pain, not even trying to move the crushed hand. When he didn't try to get up again, the Grounder leader bent over, her free hand tangling in his long hair, and with a clearly painful wrench she pulled him up to his knees, grip not loosening on either his hair or her knife.  
  
“Yu gonplei ste odon,” they all heard her say, her voice clear, and Tunsin simply met her gaze. Jasper almost flinched as her hand darted out, knife sweeping past the man's exposed throat, the motion so smooth it was hard to tell the contact had even been made until his skin peeled back where it had been parted, harsh red blood spurting out of it. Jasper's eyes were glued to the man's neck, unable to look away as first his skin and then his jacket were washed in the red, and for some reason he felt like he was going to be sick.  
  
The next moment Jasper was on his back, his eyes widening and vision blurring as he felt something solid make contact with his chest and then his back smacked against the ground. Whatever had hit him didn't let up, the weight still resting on his chest, and the moment his vision cleared he felt his throat muscles restrict. The Commander stood over him, her foot resting heavily on his chest, expression even as she stared down at him. His gun was in her hands, having somehow disarmed him without him even feeling it, the barrel of the weapon pointing directly at his head. Even with his own weapon turned point-blank at him, his focus almost completely zoned into the red freckles across her cheeks, and his airways restricted even further as his incredibly slow-moving mind processed that the dots weren't freckles at all, but her warrior's blood.  
  
For a long moment, Jasper just stared up at her, completely frozen. He couldn't think, couldn't even begin to process the simplest thought other than, _I'm going to die_. There was a pounding in his ears, loud and steady, and he wondered if the last thing he'd ever hear would be the sound of his own heartbeat. The Commander stood above him, ready to finish what had been started countless times since he and ninety-nine other delinquents had been pulled from their cells on the Ark, and he couldn't help but think that it just figured she was going to be the one that finally managed to kill him. She shifted, dropping so that her knee was against his chest, gun still pointed at him, but the distance greatly closed. The barrel pressed against his forehead and his heart all but stopped in his chest. He closed his eyes and just waited for the twitch of her finger that would finally end his life.  
  
“The next time you choose to pick an argument with one of my warriors, I will kill you,” he heard her murmur, and his eyes flew open. He met hers, hard, unforgiving green piercing into him, and scanned them as she shifted, picking the gun up and moving it away from his forehead. “But when I do, it will not be with one of your weapons,” she promised him, and it was only then that he noticed her knife had somehow made it back to the sheathe at her belt. She nodded behind her, gesturing to the warrior lying dead on the ground only a few feet away, his blood still running sluggishly from the gaping wound along his throat. “And when I do, it will not be the quick death I gave Tunsin. If I kill you, you will wish you had died your first day on the ground or any other day since.” She held his eyes for a few seconds longer, the threat lingering in them. Even more quietly than her voice had been before, she murmured darkly, “I swore to Clarke I would allow you to live so long as you did not directly attack my people first. Do not make me break that oath.”  
  
Her words settling over him, Jasper just continued to look up at her in shock, eyes still wide and mouth hanging slightly open, and then she stood, stepping away from the Sky boy. Walking over to Bellamy who still looked as though he were about to jump in even though the fight was now long over, she thrust the gun into his hands, recoiling from it the moment he had a hold of the weapon. Jasper watched from his spot on the ground as she walked back over to the body of her dead warrior, stopping beside it. Indra and another Grounder stood on the other side of the body, their backs perfectly straight and faces expressionless as they watched their leader, and the rest of the many Grounders stood just a few feet back, all watching the spectacle before them.  
  
“Build a pyre for the body,” she called out, her tone perfectly controlled, as though she hadn't been the one to just kill one of her own warriors. “And build it quickly. And know this: this is the only pyre we will be building until we reach the Ice Nation. The next person who disobeys my words, I will leave their body behind for the animals to feast on.” He watched her scan the crowd, possibly making eye contact with every one of her warriors, before she barked, “Go.” Her warriors scattered, a few all but running to do as they were told, while others followed along in a more controlled manner. A few stepped forward, moving to the body and kneeling beside it, and then they were lifting it up, carrying the dead warrior away somewhere to be seen to however their customs dictated. She said something to Indra, too quiet for any of the Sky people gathered around to hear, and then she strode away, her people creating wide paths around her when any of them were in her way.  
  
“I think the Commander just saved your life Jasper,” Miller observed, stepping forward and offering him a hand up. “Twice.”  
  
“I... I don't think I know what just happened,” he mumbled, the words almost getting stuck on his tongue. His throat was so dry it felt like he hadn't had a drink in years. A moment later and a water skin was thrust into his line of sight, making him blink rapidly. He looked up, and was surprised to find Indra as the one handing it to him.  
  
“What just happened is that the Commander spared your life,” she informed him, the corners of her lips pulled down just slightly. It was clear to him she didn't think her Commander should have, but she waved the water skin in his face nonetheless, drawing his attention back towards it. Hesitantly he took it, taking a small, almost non-existent sip, but the moment he felt cool water flow over his tongue, he tilted his head back, greedily sucking down more of it. He handed it back to her with a cautious nod, but she didn't return it. “Be grateful,” she spat instead. “You should be dead right now. The fact that you are not speaks to how much the Commander wishes for our people to remain in an alliance.”  
  
“Hey, he attacked me first,” Jasper told her with a scowl, crossing his arms over his chest. “He followed you over here looking for a fight, and I would have been glad to give it to him if she hadn't gotten in the middle of it.”  
  
“Jasper, why don't you just grow up already?” Octavia hissed at him, her temper reaching boiling point as she glared daggers at him. “We all know you're pissed, we all know you hate Grounders, but get over it!”  
  
“Of course you would choose their side!” he growled, his voice rising. “You've been in love with the Grounders ever since we landed! Forget about everyone they've killed, forget about everything they've done to us, as long as you can play with your sword and train with your Grounder boyfriend none of the other things matter!”  
  
“Hey,” Bellamy warned, stepping forward, Jasper's gun still in his hands but held down at his waist. “Watch it, Jasper.”  
  
“No!” he yelled, turning his glare on the older Blake, “No, I'm not gonna 'watch it!' I'm right and you know it! That guy comes at me for no reason, and all any of you can do is yell at me because it might break this fake treaty we want to pretend we have with them? Screw you!”  
  
Bellamy scowled, opening his mouth to say something, but someone spoke first.  
  
“Tunsin was one of the few survivors left of the village Skaikru burned down,” Indra interrupted, her tone even, a hardness in her voice. Her jaw clenched, a fist curling at her side as she met Jasper's eyes. “He was not there when your missile hit his village, but he saw what was left when he returned.”  
  
“What missile?” Miller asked gruffly, “We never sent any missile.”  
  
“It rose from your camp, flying into the sky, and came down on his village,” Indra replied, turning her look on him. “Not long after your people first fell from the sky.”  
  
“The flares,” Monty realized quietly, and Bellamy clenched his jaw shut, knuckles turning white against the gun in his grip. “When we tried to contact the Ark to tell them we were alive.”  
  
“Whatever it was, it destroyed the village it came down in,” Indra informed them, anger coloring the edge of her voice. “When Tunsin reached what was left of his home, he found the bodies of his wife and child. They were burned. His daughter had been three.” She turned back to Jasper, her eyes piercing his. “So no, he did not go after you 'for no reason.' We never do anything 'for no reason.' He attacked you in grief and in anger, trying to get the justice he felt he was owed, even knowing it would cost him his life. Now we must take the time to burn his body, so that his spirit may be free to move on.” She held his gaze for a moment, letting her words sink in, and then shook her head, her rage barely maintained. Just as she was about to turn away, Octavia's hand reached out, carefully grabbing her arm. The Grounder looked back at her, raising her eyebrows, and the girl just met her look.  
  
“I'd like to help,” she murmured, not looking away. “Please Master: let me help put Tunsin's spirit to rest.” Indra studied her for a moment, and then nodded.  
  
“I'll help too,” Miller said hesitantly after a second, not flinching as the Grounder turned to him. Bellamy nodded, agreeing, and after a moment, Indra nodded to them as well.  
  
“Very well,” she told them begrudgingly, but then looked to the guns they both carried. “You would do well to leave those behind, however. Get rid of them, and then find me.” Both boys nodded, reaching up to pull the straps over their shoulders and then walked over to a group of Sky People standing nearby. As they moved so did Indra and Octavia, quickly heading over to where a number of Grounders had gathered together.  
  
The moment they were alone, Monty rounded on Jasper.  
  
“That's it,” he snapped, hand coming up so his fingers could curl tightly around his friend's arm, “That's it. I'm done.”  
  
“Done what?” Jasper snapped right back, trying to push the shock that had run through him from the Grounder's story away.  
  
“Done with this!” Monty yelled, throwing his hands up in the air. “For months now I've sat by and watched you drink yourself into a stupor, watched you push everyone away, and I'm done. I'm sorry that you're hurting, I'm sorry about what happened to Maya-”  
  
“Don't say her name,” Jasper warned darkly, eyes flashing as he took a step towards Monty. “Don't you dare say her name. After what you did, you don't get the right to say her name!”  
  
“I did what I had to do,” Monty reminded him, his tone rising, about to say more before Jasper cut him off.  
  
“No,” he argued, “No, you don't get to justify it to me. Maya was your _friend_! She was my-... And you killed her! You killed her and hundreds of other people and then you went back to Arkadia as though nothing happened! You act as though you're fine, as though everything's fine and it's _not_!”  
  
“I'm not fine!” Monty exploded, months of listening to him, of watching him push everyone away and treating everyone like shit finally bursting from inside him. “Look around you Jasper: there isn't a single person here who is fine! There isn't a single person here who hasn't lost someone, but you act like you're special, like you're the only one who's hurting! Well news flash, you're not special! None of us are, none of us get a free ride from pain, but you're the only one who's letting their pain destroy them! Well I've had enough: if you want to continue living like this, of spending your days drunk off your ass and wallowing in self-pity and every bad thing that's happened to you, then fine, go ahead, but I'm done watching! Either pick yourself up and figure out how to move on, or enjoy your life alone, because I'm done.”  
  
With that Monty marched off after Miller and Bellamy, harshly pulling his gun-strap from over his shoulder and all but shoving it into someone's hands before he turned to follow where he'd seen Indra and Octavia disappear. Jasper watched him go, his mouth open, mind trying to process everything that had just happened. The pounding in his head had gone down, but the twist in his gut only increased as he watched his best friend storm away.

***

Fingertips ran over rough bark, tracing over the circle that had already begun to wear away. Lexa knew they had been lucky to find it: if not for the mark her search party had left carved into the tree a few inches above it, she doubted any of those with her now would have seen it. Time and nature had begun to wipe it away, and in just another day or two she was sure it would be gone forever.  
  
The previous evening one of her scouts had found the first mark. When he had come back to her, excitement evident in his eyes if not elsewhere, she had followed him to the tree, and there she had first seen the thick line carved in the tree she knew Ryder and those with him had made. This didn't interest her: they'd been following the same mark for days now, following where Ryder's group led. When her eyes trailed down though, her breath had caught in her chest, her fingers itching to reach forward and run along the chalk drawing. The symbol had been rough, a circle with two lines crossed in its center, the X marking the spot where Clarke had once been.  
  
She knew it was Clarke: the moment she saw it, Lexa just knew. She'd supplied the chalk so many weeks ago now that it was almost laughable that she found herself once again staring at one of Clarke's masterpieces, and for the briefest of seconds she almost had laughed. The feeling had bubbled up from her chest, nearly uncontrollable, but she had caught it before it could escape. The fire in her gut only burned hotter, and that she didn't even try to quench, because this was Clarke. This was Clarke, at the mercy of an enemy too terrible to even think about, but still she fought back. Her Clarke, her amazingly clever Clarke, had found a way to leave a trail for Lexa to follow, and the Commander knew she would follow it wherever it might lead. Even if she couldn't travel as quickly as she might like, she would never stop following it until she came to the end of the trail, no matter what might be waiting for her at the end of it.  
  
Lexa's fingers traced over the circle once again, slowly following the lines of the chalk. This far away from any of the fires her people had built, it was almost difficult to see it, but she knew that even in the pitch dark she'd be able to follow it. Her fingers moved, and as they did it was almost as though phantom fingers ran along her back, following the same pattern Clarke had traced so many times. If she closed her eyes, Lexa was back there, back in their cave before it had been ransacked, lying with her arms folded in front of her, a small smile turned on the blonde as Clarke's eyes followed the pattern of her fingers along the Commander's back. She could see it, could almost feel it even, and as she allowed herself to get lost in the memory for just the shortest of moments, she felt her lips pull up. In the memory she was safe, and more importantly Clarke was safe, and they were safe together, warmth from the fire mixing with the warmth of their bodies pressed so closely against each other, and Lexa ached to simply fall into the memory, to leave her reality and live the rest of her life, the rest of eternity, in that one moment with Clarke.  
  
Not far away she heard laughter, and the illusion shattered. She opened her eyes, and she was back among the trees, her people and Skaikru mixed together, all resting and waiting for the moment when the sun would begin to rise and she'd force them to start once again. With her eyes open, the illusion slipped back into nothing more than a memory, reality taking its place, and she felt her smile slip away with it.  
  
Straightening back up, Lexa shifted, grimacing as she did so. Stinging pain pulled at her side and she pursed her lips. The pain was nothing really, certainly far from the worst she'd ever felt, but it was unpleasant. The hand that had been tracing Clarke's mark dropped to her shirt, fingertips prodding against her side, and when she pulled them away she could feel the little bit of blood that clung to them. She had pulled her stitches when she killed Tunsin, a fact she had known the moment it had happened, but she'd ignored the opening wound until this moment. There had still been time to get a few more miles in before she had to stop them for the night, and she was not about to lose that time seeing to a wound as trivial as this one. She had thought she'd have it taken care of once they stopped, but when they'd found this symbol left behind by Clarke, she'd decided being near the only sign of the blonde she had left had been far more important.  
  
Footsteps approached from behind her, and Lexa pressed her hand a little more firmly against the wound, covering it up. Perfectly composed, she turned, watching Abby as the Chancellor took the last few steps towards her, leaving only a few feet now between them. The older woman nodded, something hidden away in her face that Lexa couldn't yet read.  
  
“Chancellor,” Lexa said to her, giving her a polite nod, and Abby returned it.  
  
“Commander,” Abby replied, shifting where she stood for a moment. “I just wanted to apologize for Jasper,” she finally continued. “He was completely out of line today. I've had his gun and any other weapons taken away from him and he won't be allowed near them again until we've reached the Ice Nation. I'm aware it isn't much, but hopefully it will keep him from causing anymore trouble while our people are together.”  
  
“Good,” the Commander stated, tilting her chin up. “Because if he does cause more trouble, I will have no choice Chancellor: I will be forced to kill him, and I am aware that will not settle well with your people. But I will not allow someone who threatens danger to my people to live. Anymore trouble, and Jasper dies.”  
  
Lexa saw Abby's jaw clench, but nevertheless the older woman nodded.  
  
“I understand,” she simply said, her tone hard as though she hated saying the words but knew she had to accept them. The two stood in awkward silence for a few minutes, Lexa surprised that the older woman hadn't immediately walked away after saying what she needed to about Jasper, and Abby looking as though she had something else she wanted to bring up, but didn't know how. The Commander felt the older woman studying her as she turned away, her attention returning to the many people camped out among the trees behind them, but she ignored it for the moment. She had a feeling she knew what Abby wanted to talk about, and she would get to it eventually. Until then, Lexa would focus on her people, because that was easier than thinking about how similar Abby's eyes were to Clarke's whenever she were thinking something over.  
  
“I-,” Abby finally started, but before she could get anymore out her eyes flickered down, seeing the hand still pressed against Lexa's side. Lexa watched her take a step forward, her brow immediately creasing in concern as she said, “You're bleeding.”  
  
“It is nothing,” Lexa informed her, her hand pressing a little more firmly against her side. “I have had worse.” Abby took another step forward, closing the distance between them before she reached out, pulling the brunette's hand away from the wound. The sight of the blood had clearly caused her to forget just exactly who it was she spoke to, but Lexa allowed the woman's boldness to slip away. Abby wore the same expression on her face she'd seen on countless healers before, and she knew it was simply a healer thing. Two fingers gently prodded at Lexa's side and the Commander did nothing, merely allowing her brow to rise momentarily.  
  
“You pulled your stitches, didn't you?” the Chancellor asked, raising a single eyebrow at Lexa, and for a moment she felt like a child again beneath her nomon's exasperated eye. Keeping her face straight, Lexa simply nodded. The look seemed to remind Abby exactly who it was she was talking to, and she quickly drew her hand away, taking a step back. Even as she did so, she said, “We should take care of that so that it doesn't get infected. If you don't mind...”  
  
The Chancellor trailed off, hesitancy clear in her voice, and Lexa felt the same hesitancy. Allowing the woman to work on her while she was severely wounded and had no other choice was one thing, but allowing her to do so now was completely different. Now the wound was far from fatal, and now she had her own healers only a few steps away if she did need to be seen to, including her own brother. She hadn't spoken to Taigon since the day before in the cave, however, and she had no real desire to now. No matter what he said, she couldn't look past the fact that he had been the only one she'd told about Clarke's hiding place, and her suspicions and fear fought within her whenever she even looked at him. Besides, showing her people she trusted the Chancellor enough to allow her to work on her wounds may go towards the peace she was fighting so hard to keep between them.  
  
So finally she nodded, taking a step around Abby before simply saying, “We will need light, I assume. What tools will you need?”  
  
“I have my bag,” the healer replied, a bit of surprise clear in her voice as she gestured towards their encampment. “I'll go grab it and meet you.”  
  
Lexa nodded, the only reply she gave, and then the Chancellor quickly walked back towards where many of the Skaikru had gathered together for the night. The brunette watched her for just a moment before her eyes briefly flickered back to the symbol on the tree beside her. Giving it one final look, she walked away from it, forcing herself to keep her back straight and head high as she moved. She strode over to one of the fires burning nearby, a few of her people picking their heads up from where they stared into their own fires as she passed them by, some muttering a greeting to her, others nodding to her. She returned each acknowledgment with her own nod, and then stood by her fire, Indra quickly moving over to her when she saw her stop, Walsh following just a few steps behind.  
  
“Heda,” Indra greeted, her tone even though Lexa could see the concern in her dark eyes. She didn't look down, but it was clear from her expression she could see the bloodstain growing slowly along the Commander's shirt from her open jacket. “I will get you a healer.”  
  
“That is unnecessary,” Lexa informed her, just as she saw Abby approaching from the corner of her eyes. “The Chancellor will be seeing to my wound. See that we are not disturbed.”  
  
“Sha, Heda,” Indra replied, even as her eyes swept over Abby suspiciously. To her credit, the Chancellor met the look, just lifting her eyebrows at the chief, and then Indra and Walsh both turned away, putting some distance between themselves and their Commander.  
  
“I'm going to need to get a look at the wound,” Abby told Lexa, kneeling down and beginning to rummage through the bag she brought. Lexa nodded, easily shrugging her jacket off and letting it fall to the ground behind her before she sat on the log someone had dragged over to the fire after it had been built. Fingers grasping at the hem of her shirt, she pulled it up, so that her side with the bleeding wound could easily be seen. Grabbing what she needed for the moment, Abby moved over to the Commander, kneeling down next to her. Lexa watched her as she took a quick look at the wound, before she dumped water from a canteen onto a cloth in her hand.  
  
“I'll clean it before I re-stitch it,” she informed the brunette, eyes darting up momentarily to meet Lexa's. “And then I'll bandage it, to try to keep it from opening again.” The Commander just nodded, saying nothing, and the Chancellor got to work, gently pressing the damp cloth against the brunette's side to wipe away the blood from her skin.  
  
As Abby worked, Lexa just sat still, staring into the fire in front of her, and she allowed her mind to drift off. She should focus, she knew, should be thinking about the people and problems around her, but for the moment she couldn't make herself care enough to do so. She let her mind wander, allowed images of blonde hair, blue eyes, and that easy smile to run through her head, and as it did she felt her insides twist painfully, unable to keep herself from thinking about what Clarke was undoubtedly going through right at this moment.  
  
“That cave...” she heard, and just like that Lexa felt herself being pulled back to the present, back to her own reality, the words and memories they brought forth jarring inside her mind against what she feared could be happening still much too far away for her to do anything about it. She looked down, and from the careful purse of Abby's lips she knew she wasn't the only one thinking about Clarke at that moment. The healer's eyes darted up once again, meeting hers before they immediately moved back to her wound, and the mother continued. “That cave we found yesterday. The drawings that were on the wall. Those...” She trailed off for a moment, closing her eyes even as the cloth she held still managed to wipe against Lexa's skin carefully. Eyes opening again, they met the Commander's. “I'd know my daughter's drawings anywhere. That's where she was, isn't it? After she disappeared from our camp, that's where she lived for three months.”  
  
Seeing no reason to lie, Lexa just nodded. The truth had been plain to see for anyone who stepped foot inside the cave, especially to one who knew Clarke as well as her mother must. Abby's focus turned back to the Commander's side, and Lexa watched her work, until the older woman asked, “Did you show it to her?” She didn't look up from her work, probably forcing herself to focus on the brunette's side. “All of that stuff that was in there, it wasn't hers. She didn't take anything from our camp, and she had to get it somewhere.” Rather than say anything, again Lexa nodded, her own focus turning to the fire in front of her. She didn't look away from it, even as she saw the Chancellor look up from her work, studying her for a moment before she asked the most complicated simple question Lexa knew: “Why?”  
  
“She would not have survived on her own,” the brunette answered immediately, her tone controlled, giving nothing away to how she truly felt. “So I showed her the cave.”  
  
“But why?” Abby repeated, pulling the cloth away from the girl's skin. “Why did you care whether she survived? Especially back then after... everything that happened.”  
  
Lexa's eyes didn't move from the fire, and for a moment Abby thought she wasn't going to answer. But then she saw a subtle, almost invisible shift in the brunette's expression, before she heard the Commander murmur, “Clarke is special. I was not about to stand back and allow her to die if there was anything I could do.”  
  
“Why show her the cave then?” Abby wanted to know. “Why not just make her come back to Arkadia? We needed her.”  
  
One eyebrow rose as Lexa finally looked away from the dancing flames, turning to look down at the older woman. “Clarke is not one that can be easily made to do something, Chancellor,” she replied, “Surely you are aware of that.” Her forehead creased, brow pulling down just slightly before she added, “Besides, she needed to take care of herself for once. She needed time to heal after all she was forced to do.”  
  
“All that-,” Abby began angrily, and then bit her tongue, glaring as she shook her head. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, and when she let the breath out opened them again. Folding the damp cloth and placing it on the ground, she pulled her bag closer to her before rummaging around inside it. She didn't speak again until a needle and thread were in her hands, her focus seeming to be solely on threading the needle before she asked, “And you two. How did you two...? I mean, it seems as though...” She sighed again, shaking her head. “What I mean to say is that my daughter seems to be very... attached to you, Commander, and you seem to be fairly attached to her too. How did that happen? Before she disappeared, I was pretty sure that Clarke hated you. So what changed?” Lexa's jaw clenched shut, her gaze returning to the fire, but even so she noticed Abby look back up at her. “You'll have to forgive me: Clarke and I were supposed to have this talk once she got back from taking you your village, but since-” She had to swallow, her own jaw clenching for a moment, before she finished, “Since we haven't been able to yet, I was hoping you could fill me in.”  
  
As much as she didn't want to, Lexa nodded. She figured if anyone, Clarke's mother had a right to know. Some things, at least.  
  
“You are correct,” she informed the woman, keeping her voice even as she spoke. “She did hate me after what happened at Mount Weather. She came very close to shooting me when she first saw me after. But she knew as well as I did that she could not survive on her own during the winter. She allowed me to show her to the cave where there were already some supplies for her. She stayed there, and I returned to check on her when I could. She had few bullets left in her gun, so I taught her how to hunt with a bow. When I visited, I brought her other things for the cave, to help with her survival. She took the time she needed to heal, to forgive herself, and along with that she was able to forgive me.” She had to stop, her throat closing up momentarily, and she feared the Chancellor heard the sudden emotion that had colored her tone before she could stop it. She couldn't look at the woman, couldn't meet her eye, and just continued to stare straight ahead as her head tilted up further. If she tried to say anything else, she couldn't be sure she'd be able to control her tone, so she stopped there, waiting to hear what the mother would have to say.  
  
For a long moment, Abby didn't say anything, just seemed to study the brunette in front of her. As her eyes scanned across her face, she couldn't see the hard Commander who had killed one of her own warriors just hours ago. All she could see was a girl, a girl barely older than her own daughter, who was forced to sit with her back perfectly straight. She saw a girl who couldn't even let her own emotions show for fear they might make her look weak. She saw a girl who clearly cared greatly for her daughter, who had done everything she could to make sure Clarke survived the winter. As she studied her, as she really truly looked at her, she saw the fear and worry buried in green eyes that even now were guarded. She saw a girl who had probably been bleeding for hours, just because she couldn't bare to put anymore time between them and when they would finally find Clarke. As she looked up at her, Abby saw someone who loved her daughter, and would do everything in her power to find her.  
  
Leaning forward, Abby turned her attention back to the injury in front of her, lifting the threaded needle and moving it towards the girl's side. As gently as she could, she began to sew up the wound, no longer surprised when the girl didn't even flinch under her touch. For a few minutes she worked in silence, the crackle of the fire the only sound coming from their little campsite, and then Abby heard herself whisper, “Thank you. For helping her; thank you.”  
  
Lexa closed her eyes, feeling the heaviness in her chest only increase as guilt weighed down on her. She swallowed past the lump in her throat, before she replied as evenly as she could, “I have done nothing that requires your thanks, Chancellor.”  
  
“I'm not talking to you as the Chancellor,” Abby informed her quietly, eyes flicking up. “I'm talking to you as Clarke's mother. Thank you.”  
  
Lexa only shook her head, unable to voice her thoughts as the lump grew in her throat. Because if she knew, if Abby knew that it was her fault, she wouldn't be thanking her. If she knew what Clarke was going through now because of her, her hands wouldn't be so gentle against Lexa's side. If the mother knew that all of this was only happening because Lexa hadn't been able to walk away, hadn't been able to keep the distance between them she had known needed to be kept, she would instead be hating her just as much as Lexa hated herself. If she knew what was currently happening to her daughter all because Lexa hadn't been able to walk away, that hope the Commander saw in her eyes would be replaced with despair, and her heart would stop beating just as Lexa's had done days ago. So Lexa remained quiet, keeping the truth locked inside, giving the mother that hope for as long as she could possibly hold onto it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translations:
> 
> "Ticha" - "Teacher"  
> "Hod op" - "Stop"


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Graphic depictions of torture.

Once again, the path split in front of them, splintering off into three different directions. It took more effort than he would care to admit, but Lincoln just managed to keep his groan of frustration inside. He could feel that same frustration barely contained inside his companions as well, and knew that the extent of their tracking had long since begun to take a toll on them all. His limbs felt heavy, even his bones weary, and if he tried to, it would have been impossible for him to think of the last time he'd gotten more than just a couple of hours of sleep at a time. At this point even if they did manage to find Clarke, he wondered if they'd be able to do anything about it: even Ryder had begun to show signs of his weariness, though he managed to keep his back straight and shoulders even with every step they took. Ashi and Jynt showed signs of their own decrease in strength as well, Jynt's arm hanging loosely at his side as he walked, his bow held lightly between his fingers, and Ashi hadn't spoken in hours, the longest Lincoln had heard her remain quiet since they started. After over a week straight of travel, Lincoln wondered how much further they had to go, and how much longer it would take to get there.  
  
They were close: he could feel it, could sense the end of this grueling mission, but at the moment it was just out of reach. From the knowledge he had of the land, there were three Ice Nation villages all within twenty miles, but each was in a different direction. If they stopped focusing on the tracks, he knew they could reach one by the end of the next day, but if they chose the wrong village they would only be that much farther from Clarke, and they couldn't take that risk. So they continued to follow the tracks, breaking up every time they found paths split like the ones in front of them. If this one was anything like the last one they had found, these three paths would each travel miles before it became clear which was the right one. With any luck, they would be able to find Clarke's mark down one of them, but it had been over a day since they'd last seen the X the Sky girl had left behind for them. Lincoln didn't want to think about what that might mean.  
  
“ _We will not find her just standing here_ ,” Ryder muttered finally, words even more clipped than usual. “ _Let's go. Heda cannot be far behind us: we must go as far as we can before she reaches us_.”  
  
The other three all nodded and then they split up as they'd done each time before, Ashi moving down one trail, Jynt taking the second, and Lincoln and Ryder taking the third. Lincoln noticed that they all seemed to move a little faster at Ryder's reminder of the Commander, and he felt something stir in his gut. She was not going to be happy if she reached them and they still didn't know exactly where Clarke was. Not happy at all.  
  
His expression setting, Lincoln clenched his fists and followed the other warrior forward, determined to find his friend before the Commander could find them. 

***

It burned, white-hot pain exploding in her chest.  
  
As though in a daze, somewhere in the back of her mind Clarke thought, _Water isn't supposed to burn._ Not when it hasn't been sitting over a fire. Not when it hasn't been brought to a boil first. That kind of burn she understood, that would make sense, but this, this didn't make sense. This water was cold; not freezing, no, but definitely cold, and close enough that she could feel her face going numb. And yet, as the water forced its way past lips she desperately tried to keep closed, as it tore down her trachea, her lungs burned as though it were liquid fire. Panic had set into her gut long ago, but with the force of the water burning against her lungs, she could almost forget about it. Pain over-set the panic, and in that place at the back of her mind, that realization almost helped relax her. The pain seemed easier to fight than the panic, so even as the water carved its way through her lungs, she almost welcomed it.  
  
The fingers in her drenched hair tightened their grip and yanked her head up, and the next moment she was free from her water prison. Far too large an amount of water remained in her lungs, and even as Clarke tried to gasp in oxygen, all she could do was cough, her chest trying desperately to expel the water that had been drowning it. Her body demanded oxygen, but the amount of water in her body left almost no room for it, so between her gut-wrenching hacking and desperation to breathe normally once again, she could almost forget there were others in the room.  
  
Almost.  
  
“Again,” she heard, the one word nearly drowned out by her loud coughs, and before she could even try to get her breathing back under control, that hand once again pushed against her, shoving her face back into the tub of water in front of her. Her knees dug into the hard dirt, muscles in her calves tensing as she tried to push herself back, tried to stand up and get away, but the hands on her didn't give her any kind of leeway. The fingers in her hair only gripped against her harder, and she could feel small clumps being forcefully ripped from her skull. The second hand tightened around her shoulder, the arm it was attached to pressing harshly across her back. Her own fingers moved frantically, trying to grasp anything that might help her, but no matter how she tried to move them the cord tying her wrists together behind her would not give. She could feel her skin bruising where it was caught between her ribs and the metal side of the tub, and her movement only caused Maloch to push her harder against it. She fought to hold her breath, fought to keep the endless water from lungs already drowning, but as the large warrior pressed against her, she couldn't help the small gasp she gave, and then even more water rushed into her chest. Her vision, already black from the water and darkness of the room, began to get fuzzy, bright lights bursting at the edges. The bursts danced in front of her, darting every which way until she couldn't possibly try to follow their trails, and just as she felt herself beginning to fall into those lights, felt something begin to slip away inside her, the pressure against her let up, those hands yanking her once again out of the water. The pain seemed to only double once she was free of the tub of water, and then she felt herself be tossed aside, as though she were some kind of old rag that no longer had any use.  
  
Maloch's toss was not gentle: he pushed her, adding to her momentum before she came crashing down into the dirt. With her hands still tied behind her, she had no way to soften the fall, and pain burst from her hip as she landed directly on it, taking the entirety of the force of her fall on the one spot. Her head bashed against the ground and she felt her eyebrow open up, a hot trickle of something new running down her face. She couldn't focus on it, couldn't even really think about the new hurt, because the moment she hit the ground her body protested all it had been through, endless streams of water retching from her body. Breathing now became just as impossible as it had been when she was fully submerged in the water, and rather than try to fight it, Clarke just gave herself over to it, taking whatever oxygen managed to get past what she expelled from her body. Pain burned all throughout her body, from her chest to her hip to all the muscles in her stomach as she continued to vomit up the water. She remained on her side, her face turning even closer to the ground, and she could smell the stomach acid, greatly diluted by the water, that came up as her body fought to take control of itself once again. Turning into the ground, she felt the sting from her newest injury as dirt made its way into the cut, but the small pain was nothing compared to her many others.  
  
“How many warriors does Lexa have that will march with her?” Nia asked, her voice perfectly controlled as though they were having nothing more than a polite conversation. Clarke couldn't answer even if she wanted to, her body not yet done expelling the water in her lungs and stomach, so the queen waited patiently, just watching as the blonde shook on the ground in front of her. Only when the Sky girl's loud retching had quieted did she ask again, “How many warriors does Lexa have?”  
  
“More than... you,” Clarke managed to lash out, turning and managing to meet the queen's eyes even as her sopping hair hung limply across her face. She could feel the small stream of blood continue to flow down the side of her face, beginning to dye her hair where it met wet strands. Without easy use of her hands, she had no way of moving the hair without just shaking her head, and so she let the strands remain plastered across her skin, her blood mixing with a few tips of the blonde. She noticed the queen's gaze follow the trickle, but didn't look away from the queen's face.  
  
“You would be surprised by what I can do with my warriors, Clarke,” Nia informed her, her tone light. “My people have something Lexa's do not, and so I do not concern myself with their numbers. I would like to know how many Lexa will have, however, so that we can accurately prepare ourselves. So tell me, how many warriors does she have?”  
  
“What could you have that Lexa... doesn't?” Clarke asked instead, ignoring Nia's question as she finally began to be able to breathe again. She glared up at the queen, and didn't like it at all when her lips turned up into a slight smile.  
  
“You will know soon,” she replied, her words clearly meant to be vague. Her hands folded in front of her, fingers intertwining. “And once you do, you will understand why I do not worry about my numbers.” Her lips twitched, as though her grin wanted to grow, but she controlled it. Giving a shrug, she added, “I suppose Lexa's numbers are no matter either: large or small, her army will fall when it arrives, and Lexa will fall with it.”  
  
Hate rose like bile in her throat, and for a moment Clarke thought she might be about to throw it up just as she had the water. It remained inside, however, stuck to the back of her throat, oozing down and filling her chest like syrup, so much thicker than the water had been. It clung to her, growing and sprouting and burying itself into her very cells, becoming a part of her. In that moment she embraced her title of Wanheda, suddenly wishing more than anything else that she truly did have power over death, because if she did Nia would be screeching in agony in front of her now before she dropped, never to speak or cause pain ever again.  
  
Since she didn't have that power though, she just allowed this new kind of hate to settle into her chest, even as she spat out, “You'll never beat Lexa. She's stronger... than you, smarter than you, and has hundreds... more people ready to fight for her than... you do. She'll beat you, and then she'll kill you, and I'll be watching every second of it... You're going to lose, Nia.”  
  
Infuriatingly, her words only made the smirk pulling at he queen's lips grow.  
  
“You might have been right, at one point,” she agreed, giving the girl on the ground a small nod. “At one point, I did not stand a chance against your Commander. When I stole her last love from her, I never would have won in battle.” Costia, across the room and almost hiding in the shadows, shifted uncomfortably, but everyone ignored her. “That is why I did not even try. Instead I tried to make her break her word by presenting to her what she believed was the head of her dead love. A love who died simply because of her, because Lexa was unable to protect her. I had hoped she would attack, would call for my head, and then I would have used her actions against her. I would have turned her own coalition on her, and I would have won.” The queen's eyes sparkled in the firelight, something flashing in them that caused a shiver to shoot down Clarke's spine that had nothing to do with her wet clothes.  
  
Again, the queen shrugged. “But she did not,” she said, her tone light. “She did not, and she seemed to let it go, seemed to take the loss as nothing more than a small blow.” Nia took a step closer to Clarke, walking further into the firelight, and her white-blonde hair suddenly seemed to glow an eerie orange, as though it too were on fire. “But I learned something in that moment, something far greater than anything Costia has told me of her. Do you know what that is, Clarke?” The Sky girl felt her jaw clench, but didn't say anything, and a moment later Nia continued, her voice lowering. “I saw it. Before Lexa could hide it, before she could cover it up, I saw it. The realization. The pain. The _fear_. She managed to hide it a moment later, but I watched and I saw Lexa crumble before me as she held her dead love's head in her hands. She hid it, but I _saw it_.”  
  
Nia took another few steps forward and then crouched down, avoiding the watery vomit on the ground beside Clarke's body. She balanced on her toes, not so much as swaying, and reached forward. The blonde wanted to move away, wanted to get as far away as she could to avoid this touch, but refused to give Nia that much power over her, so she just remained still as fingertips brushed across her cheek. The gentleness in the queen's touch shocked Clarke almost enough for her to show her surprise, but she just managed to keep it hidden. Nia's fingers swept across her cheek, the touch nearly non-existent. They found the hair strewn across Clarke's face and carefully pushed it away, her eyes never leaving the blonde's.  
  
“I saw it,” she murmured, her voice so soft Clarke wasn't sure anyone else in the room could hear her. “And ever since that moment I've wanted to see it again. For years I have waited, waited for Lexa to get sloppy, for her to make a mistake and let what she loves get away from her so that I could take it.” Her eyebrows rose, even as she gave a little shrug. “I always believed it would be her brother: I've had him watched, waited for the day that he would leave Polis and I could finally take him.” She let out a sigh, her face turning down almost in sorrow even as her fingers continued to skim gently over Clarke's skin. The movement caused goosebumps to raise on the blonde's arms, but she tried to ignore them, not wanting the queen to notice the reaction. Her mind reeled, thinking about all the times Lexa had told her about why Taigon never left Polis, why she didn't allow it, and her heart broke just a little bit further thinking about how right Lexa had been.  
  
“I waited,” Nia repeated, voice still quiet. “I waited and I planned what I would do when I finally had him. Costia told me how much Lexa cares for her brother, so I had options. I could demand she give up her title and life to spare him. I could break him as I did Costia, and leave Lexa knowing that the only person she trusted had broken and betrayed her. Or I could kill him, and watch Lexa break. All appealing options.” Her brow pulled down, the smallest of scowls spreading across her face. “But I never got the opportunity. Taigon never left Polis, never so much as stepped foot outside the gate, making my plans impossible.” The pressure of her fingers against Clarke's cheek increased, though not nearly enough to bruise, and the blonde just continued to lay still. Nia seemed to stare off as she added, “You do not know how angering it was, being unable to act on my plans because Lexa was too careful to ever let her brother out of her sight. I had begun to think I'd never get my chance...”  
  
Suddenly Nia's vision seemed to snap back into focus, her eyes moving to meet Clarke's. The corners of her lips turned back up, her brow softening as she murmured, “And then certain events happened, and you came along. You fell from the sky, defeated the mountain, and suddenly everything became clear. I learned of your secret relationship with Lexa, and I knew exactly how to break her, how to finally destroy her and take my place as Heda. Everything fell into place, and after years of waiting, I will finally be rid of her. And I owe it all to you, Clarke.” Her smirk grew, fingers gliding over the blonde's skin, tracing the water droplets that fell from her hairline. “Lexa finally got sloppy, and gave me exactly what I need to destroy her.”  
  
Clarke didn't look away from the queen, didn't let her eyes drop, instead just glaring harder at the other girl. She felt the same words she'd already told her form, was about to deny ever doing anything to help her, when something stopped her. Her mouth opened, ready to say the words, but loud pops suddenly erupted outside her tower, one after the other, and the blonde's jaw fell open instead as her eyes widened. The sounds continued and Clarke's mind whirled, the realization of what was happening dawning on her, and she felt her lips turn up in a grin.  
  
Gunfire.  
  
Her mother, Kane, Bellamy... Her people were there. Somehow they'd tracked her, somehow they'd found her. They were here, launching what had to be a surprise attack on the Ice Nation. They would win, they would take down any of the warriors who might stand between them and her, and then they would rescue her. They would rescue her, and she'd have won, because she never broke, never told Nia what she wanted. Her grin grew as she realized it was all over, and she looked up, sending a triumphant look to the queen...  
  
...And immediately that look fell away. Immediately her grin shifted, a frown taking its place when she noticed the same small grin on Nia's face. She didn't look worried or concerned or like she was ready to fly into battle. She looked just as relaxed as she had before the gunfire had started, a smugness now pulling at her features that hadn't been as obvious before. She looked like she had been expecting the shots, and when Nia met her eyes again, Clarke felt her heart completely sink.  
  
“I told you, Clarke, I am not concerned about the size of my army,” the queen nearly purred, finally pulling her hand away from the blonde's face. She continued to balance in front of the prisoner, her lips curled up in a smirk. “Because I have something that Lexa's army does not.”  
  
“How... Where...” Clarke stammered, trying impossibly to wrap her head around this sudden change of events, but of everything, this had been the last thing she had ever been expecting. Nia's smirk only grew before she tilted her head to the side, informing the prisoner, “When you destroyed the mountain, you left much inside. I had one of my warriors lead me there, and helped myself to what I found. There was much there that will be very useful.”  
  
A memory flashed through her mind of a canister falling as if from nowhere in the dead of night, Grounders with gas masks suddenly taking shape in the dark. It had shocked her in the moment, but since then Clarke had been preoccupied, too busy worrying about everything else going on around her to put much thought behind it other than the occasional wonder of how they had gotten it. Now she knew. Now she understood, and that understanding made her blood freeze in her veins.  
  
“But... But Grounders don't use guns,” she said, and even to her own ears the words sounded weak. Nia gave her a shrug before she stood up, clasping her hands behind her back.  
  
“We didn't use guns,” she corrected the blonde. “But now we do.” She raised her eyebrows as Clarke shook her head, still clearly bewildered, and lifted her chin. “Until now, we did not use guns. They were the weapons of the enemy and we had no way to get them. It was believed the Mountain Men would destroy us if we tried to use their weapons.” She unclasped her hands, holding them up in front of her as though to gesture around the room. “But now the Mountain Men are gone. Thanks to you, we no longer have to worry about them. They are gone, but their weapons remained.” One corner of her mouth pulled up even further and her eyes shone brightly in the flickering firelight. “Lexa should have taken the weapons for herself and her people, but she did not. She is stuck in the old ways, stuck believing stories that no longer apply. She is afraid: I am not. I do not fear, and now I will use the weapons of her enemies, weapons that she has lost to every time she has tried to fight them.” A look of triumph flashed across her face, as though she'd already won, and after a moment her eyes flickered back to Clarke's, clearly taking satisfaction in the blonde's barely contained anger and fear. “So you see Clarke, it truly does not matter how large her army is: this time I will beat her. When she attacks, I will wipe her army out. And do you know what the best part is, Clarke?” she asked, pausing for a moment. She turned then, walking towards the door, almost as though she wasn't going to answer. When she was only a few steps away she stopped, looked over her shoulder and immediately met Clarke's eyes. “She has absolutely no idea. She will attack with the belief that her numbers are greater, and then she will watch as her warriors fall one by one. She will learn that she has led her people to the slaughter just before I get my knife to her neck. She will die knowing that it is her fault so many of her people are dead.”  
  
She turned around again, looking towards the door, but called over her shoulder, “What do you think that will do to her, Clarke? She will only live for moments after realizing it, but what do you think those moments will be like for her? I believe she may in fact beg me to kill her.” Clarke watched her shrug. “But we will have to see about that. Whatever her reaction, I think we both know that they may just be the worst moments of her life. Perhaps I will be kind to her and wait to kill you once she is dead.” She gave a flick of her hand, and one of the guards standing beside the door moved, immediately opening it for her. Bright light flooded through the opening, turning Nia into nothing more than a living shadow as she walked forward. “Or maybe not,” she added, standing in the middle of the doorway. “Maybe I will carry your head with me while I walk to her, let her see just what her weakness has caused. Think on that, and next time I come, be ready to tell me what I want to know, Clarke.” She stood there for another moment, letting her words lay thickly between them, and then she continued forward, disappearing around the corner of the door and out of sight.  
  
The moment she left, everyone else in the room followed. Costia quickly slipped out after her, nearly running out of the small room. The three guards who had been standing back and just watching followed her, and then Maloch left as well, but not before throwing a smirk over at Clarke still lying on the ground. She didn't even look at him, instead staring off at the other side of the room, her mind whirling with everything she'd just learned. He walked through the doorway and pulled the door shut behind him, and Clarke was all alone once again.  
  
Guns. Nia had guns. Nia had an army, and they had guns. Nia had guns from Mount Weather. It all made sense but at the same time no sense, no sense at all, because Lexa was coming, that's what Clarke had believed, had wanted, but now everything had changed. She didn't want it anymore; no longer did she want Lexa to come find her, because it was a trap and they had both fallen right into it. Nia had planned it all out, every detail it seemed like, and they had done everything exactly the way she wanted them to. Lexa was coming, and an army with guns was waiting for her, and she had no idea.  
  
Before Clarke could work herself into a panic, the door opened again, mere minutes after it had closed. The prisoner barely looked up, having a good idea of who it might be, and as Nadia quietly made her way across the room, leaving the door open behind her, Clarke just shut her eyes, trying to control the beating of her heart. Yes, everything was suddenly even worse than she'd thought they were, but she couldn't let herself panic. She would figure this all out: somehow she would find a way out, find a way to get to Lexa before she could fall into Nia's trap, and it would be okay. She'd get out, and she'd make sure Lexa was safe.  
  
Nadia stopped a few feet away from the prisoner, remaining quiet for a moment before she murmured, “I would like to help you, Clarke. Is that okay?”  
  
The blonde forced herself to push the news of the guns to the back of her mind to go over when she was alone again. Instead she looked up at Nadia, the angle awkward considering she still laid on the ground, and just nodded. The healer gave her a small smile and then quickly placed the bag she held in her hand on the ground. Without saying anything, she opened it and pulled what looked to be a blanket out of the top. Clarke pushed herself forward, trying to sit up without any help, but looked at the healer curiously. Some type of cloth seemed to be tied around her torso; Clarke hadn't noticed it before, too focused on her thoughts, but now she did, and when she followed the curve of the cloth, she thought she saw it move. She watched as Nadia quickly laid the blanket out on the ground, and then untied the knot tied across her waist. With what clearly had become easy practice, she reached behind her and maneuvered the cloth, pulling it around, and with it came a baby. Clarke's eyes widened as the little body appeared from behind the healer's back, the child too preoccupied with the toy in his hands to even seem to notice the movement. Nadia kissed the top of his head, brushing against the small bundle of dark curls there, and carefully placed him on the blanket.  
  
“Kamp raun hir,” Clarke heard her murmur to him, “Ste os gon Nomon.” He didn't seem particularly interested, didn't even look up from the toy in his hand, and the blonde noticed Nadia's lips pull up in a small smile. With the child settled, she turned back to the prisoner, moving over to Clarke. Carefully she grabbed a hold of the blonde's shoulder, helping to lift her so that she could finally sit up. As she did, her eyes scanned over the prisoner and her smile disappeared.  
  
“I am sorry they did this to you,” she said, her tone quiet, but Clarke barely heard the words, her eyes still on the little boy.  
  
“Is he... I mean, you have...” Clarke trailed off, her surprise making it difficult to get her question out. She doubted Nadia was any older than Octavia, so the fact that she had this little boy and had just called herself his mother completely shocked her. Nadia in turn just nodded, her lips curling back up as she too looked over to him.  
  
“Sha,” she answered before she corrected herself. “Yes. He is mine. My son.” Her eyes practically shone as she looked at him, her love for him clear. “His name is Sef.” The little boy looked up when he heard his name, but just grinned at his mother, not moving from the blanket. Clarke watched Nadia as she looked at her son, studying her. Nadia finally turned to look back at the blonde, meeting her eyes. “I would not have brought him,” she informed the prisoner, releasing her hold on Clarke's shoulder and moving back over to her bag. As she rummaged around in it, she continued, “This is not the place for the young. But my parents were unable to watch him, and Echo and Jojesh are both on duty, so he had to come with me.” She pulled a knife out of her bag before she made her way back to Clarke. The blonde watched her, a little wary, but sat still, her eyes following the knife. The healer moved behind her and Clarke felt the knife move to her wrists, and the next thing she knew they were free, the cord tying them together falling to the ground.  
  
Wincing in relief at the ache in her shoulders, Clarke moved her hands in front of her, rubbing at her sore wrists. She wasn't at all surprised to see marks along them where the cord had bit into her skin while she struggled. A moment later and Nadia was in front of her, pulling one hand into her lap so that she could dab at it with a damp cloth. Clarke watched her, holding still even as small pulses of pain radiated from her wrists. “Why can't his father watch him?” she asked, eyes darting over the healer's shoulder and back over to the boy.  
  
The moment the question left her lips, Clarke noticed the healer stiffen. Her movements stopped for a moment, hands going still, before she seemed to force herself to return back to her work. The Sky girl noticed a shadow fall across Nadia's face, and for a moment she didn't say anything. When she did answer, her voice remained quiet, too quiet for the little boy to hear.  
  
“Sef has never known his father,” she replied, her gaze trained down on the prisoner's wrists. “He was a warrior. While I was... When Sef was...” She finally looked up, her brow pulled down as she gestured to her stomach. Realizing what she was trying to say, Clarke supplied, “While you were pregnant?” She just nodded, trading one wrist for the other before continuing her story. “Yes, while I was pregnant, he was sent on a mission to spy on the Trikru.” Her eyes flickered up, meeting the blonde's. “Nia was trying to learn of the Commander's secrets, trying to find any way to break her down. He was sent with a few others, but only one of them came back.” Her focus returned to the hand in her lap, but Clarke noticed her lips pull down even farther. “The warrior who came back told us what happened. They were attacked by the Maunon and all but him were taken to Maun-de, and he only got away by pretending to die during the battle.” Gently she let go of Clarke's hand, finished with both wrists, and clenched the cloth tighter. Looking up and meeting blue eyes, she finished, “Sef was born two months later, and I never saw his father again.”  
  
“I'm sorry,” Clarke whispered, feeling a pang of sympathy for the young healer. She knew as well as anyone how much it hurt to lose someone you cared about.  
  
“Echo has refused to tell me what it was like in there,” the healer murmured, scanning Clarke's face. “She says I do not need to know. But he was my son's father, and my love. He died away from all who cared for him.” Her jaw clenched, as though she were trying to keep herself together and her emotions in check. “You were there as well, yes?” Clarke saw the real question written all over the healer's face, and she had to swallow against the sudden ache she felt in her chest. She thought of that room she'd found Anya in, thought of the cages and chains, thought of the broken looks on every Grounder trapped inside that horrible room, and she shook her head.  
  
“I think Echo's right, Nadia,” she replied quietly, “Sometimes it's better not to know.” She saw tears well up in the corners of the healer's eyes and again felt the ache in her chest grow, but watched as the girl just closed her eyes and took a breath before nodding.  
  
“Yes,” she finally whispered, “I am sure you are right.” The words were weak, quiet, but when her eyes opened again, Nadia forced herself to smile. “Would you like to meet my son, Clarke?”  
  
“I... Sure,” the prisoner finally said, nodding, and Nadia let her smile pull up a little further. Quickly she got up and walked over to her son, swooping down on him and lifting him up into the air, causing him to screech in delight as his toy fell to the blanket. “Nono!” he shrieked, arms quickly wrapping around her neck, and her smile softened as she held him against her.  
  
“Ai hodnes,” she said to him before kissing the side of his head. As he continued to laugh, Nadia returned to where Clarke still sat, just watching them. The mother sat back down, turning Sef and settling him in her lap, before she said, “Sef, this is Clarke. She is my friend. Ai lukot.”  
  
The little boy looked curiously at the prisoner, almost as though he were studying her. When he heard the word “lukot” though, he grinned, as though any reservations he had about her were gone the moment he knew his mother trusted her. He made a noise, nothing more than toddler babble meant to be speech, and reached forward. Surprised, Clarke mirrored the moment, letting him wrap little fingers around a non-injured finger. The boy's trust and eagerness caused the corners of her lips to pull up, warmth flooding through the blonde for a moment.  
  
“Hei, Sef,” she said to him quietly, and his grin widened. As he began to play with her hand, Clarke looked back up at Nadia. “How old is he?” she asked, finding the mother smiling fondly down at her child.  
  
“Just over a year,” she replied, her arms loosening around the boy. They both watched him play with Clarke's uninjured hand, his concentration focused solely on the fingers as he moved them. Nadia's own fingers ran gently through his hair as she added, “Though it is hard to believe so much time has gone by.”  
  
“I'm sure it is,” Clarke murmured, eyes glued to the little guy in front of her. His laugh was almost infectious as he looked up at her, grin spread across his face and giggles bubbling from his lips, and for the briefest moment Clarke could almost forget where she was. He seemed to wipe any thoughts of what she was going through from her mind, a distraction she hadn't known she needed.  
  
And then footsteps approached the still open door, and the moment of distraction ended, her reality crashing back down around her.  
  
“ _Nodia_ ,” they heard, and both looked up to see Echo entering the room. The warrior looked between them, finding the little boy, and instantly her face darkened. " _What are you thinking?_ ” she snapped, picking up her pace and closing the space between them and herself. Without warning, she reached down and snatched Sef from Nadia's lap, hoisting him against her waist. The transfer didn't cause the grin to slip from his lips, not even as he was forced to release Clarke's hand, and he just looked at the woman holding him and began to babble once again.  
  
“Ko!” he exclaimed, one hand curling into the hair hanging over her shoulder. Echo barely let her eyes flicker to him, her glare remaining on Clarke and Nadia.  
  
“ _How could you bring him in here?_ ” she demanded, turning the glare fully on the healer. “ _How could you let him get so close to her?_ ”  
  
“ _There was no one to watch him, so I had to bring him,_ ” Nadia answered, her tone matching the warrior's. “ _And he likes Klark. I let him get close because I knew she would not hurt him_.”  
  
“ _Foolish!_ ” Echo spat, even as she began to rock side to side for the sake of the child in her arms. “ _She is an enemy and a prisoner, Nodia! You cannot trust her. If your brother knew you had brought him in here..._ ”  
  
“ _Sef is my son!_ ” Nadia cried, pushing herself to her feet as she returned her cousin's glare. “ _I would never do anything to put him in danger, and how dare you think otherwise!_ ”  
  
“ _This is putting him in danger!_ ” Echo growled back, “ _Bringing him here, near her, is putting him in danger!_ ”  
  
Clarke barely listened as the two went back and forth, her mind translating what it could of the conversation even as she focused elsewhere. The arrival of the warrior reminded her exactly where she was, and the wet hair still dripping on the ground around her reminded her of what she had just been through. More than anything else, however, Echo's arrival reminded Clarke of the guns she'd heard, reminded her of Nia's words about how and where she got them, and everything seemed to click at once.  
  
“You,” she growled, eyes narrowing as she looked at Echo. The warrior returned the look, her back automatically straightening, posture shifting to hold Sef further away from the prisoner. Ignoring the way her body protested every move she made, Clarke forced herself to her feet, her hands clenching into fists. She took a step forward, but was forced to a stop as the shackle still attached to one ankle pulled against her. “You did it,” she accused, fists shaking in rage, “You led Nia back to Mount Weather. You're the one that showed her where the guns were, the one that showed her where everything was, didn't you?” Echo's head tilted higher and Nadia's jaw clenched as she looked away from the other woman, unable to meet Clarke's eyes, and she knew she was right. She wanted to wrap her hands around the woman's throat, but since she couldn't reach she just stood there, shooting daggers at her with her glare.  
  
“I did,” Echo agreed, not trying to deny it. When Nadia shifted, her own fingers curling into fists, she leveled a look at her cousin. “I did what I was ordered,” she said, sounding as though she'd already had to repeat these words more than once to the healer. “My queen demanded I take her back to the Mountain, and so I did.”  
  
“You shouldn't have done that,” Nadia told her, but before she could say anything else Echo cut her off.  
  
“Do you think I wanted to return to that place?” she asked, her voice low and angry. “Do you think I wanted to go back to the place I believed for weeks I would die? I would have cut off my arm before returning there, but I did not have a choice. The queen wanted the Mountain Men's weapons, so I was forced to return to the place where I had been imprisoned and tortured for weeks.”  
  
“That must have been terrible,” Clarke spat, pulling purposefully against the chain attached to her leg. Echo's eyes fell down to it, and the blonde thought she saw guilt flash across her face for just a moment. When her eyes lifted again, however, that guilt was wiped away.  
  
“I did what I had to,” she repeated, this time not looking away from Clarke as she spoke. “I followed my orders, and I will continue to follow orders.” Turning abruptly back to Nadia, she added, “Remember that, cousin. We all must follow our orders.” She held the healer's eyes for a long moment, looking away only when Sef stuck his fist in front of her face. Looking down at him, she shifted, holding the boy closer, before she stated, “I am taking Sef with me: he should not be in here.” Eyes meeting Nadia's again, she added, “I will not tell Jojesh of this; I have no desire to get a headache from his yelling if he knew. Finish here quickly, and then leave.” Without waiting for a reply, she turned and march out of the room, Sef bouncing in her arms.  
  
For a moment after she left, neither Nadia nor Clarke spoke. They both just stood there, Clarke glaring at the door the warrior had disappeared through, and Nadia looking at the ground. Finally the healer moved over to her bag, bending down and digging around in it before she pulled out a canteen. “Here,” she said as she stood up and walked back over to the prisoner, holding it out in front of her. “This will help with any pain you are in.” Clarke accepted it, fingers wrapping around it, and quickly she undid the top before taking a long gulp of the drink. Its bitterness coated her tongue, but she took another swallow, forcing it all down.  
  
Handing it back to the healer when she was done, Clarke's gaze flickered back over to the open door. “She seems very protective of your son,” she said, simply as something to say to break through the tension in the room. Nadia nodded, taking the canteen from Clarke, but didn't put it away. Instead she turned it over in her hands, absentmindedly playing with it, as she replied, “She is, yes. My whole family is very protective of him.”  
  
“Mm,” Clarke muttered as she took a few steps back. When she felt the wall hit her back, she slid down it, wincing as her muscles protested the movement. Trying to ignore any and all pain she felt, she pulled her hair over one shoulder and began to ring it out. By now there wasn't that much water left in it, but just the motion of having something to do made her feel better and helped her relax a little.  
  
“I am very protective of him also,” she heard Nadia murmur, and let her eyes flicker over to the healer. The mother still remained standing in place, the canteen in her hands as she stared at the ground, but now her brow had pulled down, something about her expression changing. She looked up, immediately meeting Clarke's eyes, and said, “I am afraid of dying. But as much as I fear death, I fear my son's death a thousand times more.” Her fingers tightened around the canteen, knuckles turning white, before she took a single step towards the prisoner. “My son is the reason I am here, Clarke. He is the reason I have asked you to do such impossible things. It is not my life I need spared: it is his. I can not stand here and allow this war to come, allow this danger to approach my son, without doing everything I can to protect him. I need to know that he is safe.” She stopped, shaking her head in disgust, before saying, “Everyone in this village, in this nation, is too afraid of Nia to stand up to her or go against her. I am afraid of her too. I know what will happen to me if she believes at any time that I have helped you in any way. But my son's safety is more important than my fear or even my life.” Her eyes flashed, determination and fear both showing in them, but her jaw set, the determination clearly winning out. “I need you to remain strong, Clarke,” she insisted, “I need you not to break beneath Nia, and when the Commander comes, when Nia's army falls, I need you to speak to the Commander, need you to convince her that we do not all deserve death. There are many of us who are just trying to survive, many of us who have no power in any of this, and it is these people I need you to remain strong for. Beja, Wanheda: I know we are not your people, but we still need you.”  
  
As she finished, there was a sense of desperation in her tone that Clarke couldn't have ignored even if she wanted to. Nadia's eyes were wide, her jaw still set and shoulders forward, as though her enter being were gravitating towards the blonde. Her words rung out, as though they still bounced around the room, and all Clarke could do was meet her eyes. She couldn't look away, couldn't seem to find a way to break their eye contact, and as the prisoner scanned Nadia's face, she began to see the similarities between her and her son. The eye color was off, but the concentration in their gaze was the same, as was the stubborn set of their chins. Clarke thought of the few times she'd seen the healer smile, and realized that was another thing mother and son had in common. With all the similarities in front of her, there was no way to keep the little boy's face from coming up in her mind's eye, and her heart clenched at just the thought of anything happening to him.  
  
“Okay,” she finally said, giving a distinct nod. “I'll do what I can to help you, Nadia.”  
  
“Swear it,” the healer told her, desperation coloring her tone. “Please: please swear that you will help us, Clarke.”  
  
For some reason, the request hit her directly in the gut, nearly knocking the wind out of her. Faces flashed through her mind suddenly, faces of all the people she hadn't been able to help. Her father. Wells. Finn. Anya, Maya. The list went on and on, face after face flashing before her, and she felt the hole inside her open back up as it had so many months ago before Lexa had found her, back when her despair had threatened to swallow her up. She had failed them, every one of them, but she wouldn't fail this time.  
  
Palms moving to the ground, Clarke pushed herself back on her feet, head held high. Without taking a moment to think any of it over, she took the few steps needed to close the distance between them, just managing to make it before her chain stopped her, and she held out her arm. Nadia looked at it for a moment and then reached forward, their fingers curling around each other's forearm.  
  
“I swear,” Clarke began, her voice strong, “I swear I will do everything I can to help you, Nadia. I won't break, and when Lexa comes and Nia loses, I will make sure your people, those who are innocent, are safe. I swear.”  
  
Clarke felt dots of pressure against her arm as the healer's grip tightened and watched as water formed in the corners of the other girl's eyes, a single tear slipping down her cheek. “Thank you,” she whispered, the relief in her tone all too clear in the quiet surrounding them. Clarke just nodded, not looking away from Nadia, feeling the way her heart beat in her chest. She didn't know how she would do it, had no idea how she would manage to keep this promise, but Clarke knew in that moment that absolutely nothing would make her break it.  
  
The two girls, so different but now fighting for the same thing, simply remained standing there, their grip holding tightly to the other's arm as they each held just as tightly to the promise just made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't get to really proof-read the second half of this chapter, so I'm really hoping there aren't any glaringly obvious mistakes, or when I do get to read it, I will be very sad. But I figured you'd all rather a chapter with a few mistakes (that is admittedly up a little later than usual anyway) than have to wait longer for it. And as always, happy to hear your thoughts!
> 
> Trigedalseng Translations: 
> 
> “Kamp raun hir,” - “Stay here”  
> “Ste os gon nomon.” - “Be good for mama.”  
> “Ai hodnes,” - “My love”  
> “Ai lukot” - “My friend”  
> “Hei” - “Hello”


	36. Chapter 36

Taigon stood with his horse's reins in his hands and Thom quietly beside him, watching as two armies slowly prepared to leave. The night was only just ending, the dark not quite giving way to the gray of dawn just yet, and a number of campfires still remained lit in the space around him, lighting the area. Warriors broke down the few tents that had been set up mere hours ago so that those who wished could get some rest, while others tended to their own horses, hands running along long necks, words murmured for ears that flickered in recognition. Some stood at the campfires, finishing up the task of turning the deer that was caught not long after they stopped into jerky, the simplest meal while traveling. Skaikru moved around as well, taking down their own tents, seeing to their weapons and supplies, each doing whatever was needed so that they would be ready to move once the Commander and Chancellor gave the command.  
  
A group of people remained detached from the commotion of packing, causing their own noise in the quiet woods as some people cheered and others laughed. This was one of the few places where Taigon saw a mixture of his people and the Skaikru, and he watched them from where he stood. Currently Octavia stood in the loose circle of bodies, pacing as Indra stood still in front of her, watching the girl's movements. As he watched, the Sky girl darted forward, the blade in her hand out and prepared to attack, her movements quicker than many would have thought probable. Indra was ready for the attack though, and easily dodged the sweep of the girl's sword, her elbow connecting with the brunette's back and sending her momentarily off balance. A number of those watching laughed, some shaking their heads or just grinning, and when she caught herself, Taigon saw that Octavia too merely took the blow with a grin. She turned and attacked again, no one cheering louder for her than Reese, the young girl standing between Nygel and Shet. Her eyes appeared as wide as her grin, and her fist punched the air as Octavia attacked, well enough that this time Indra was forced to lift her own blade to block the blow.  
  
He heard footsteps approach him, and turned to see Bellamy move up beside him, his arms crossed over his front and a proud grin pulling at his lips. He too watched the group of fighters, his eyes not looking away from his sister as she dodged Indra's counterattack.  
  
“I don't think she's ever happier than when she has a sword in her hands or one coming at her,” he commented, shaking his head, and Taigon noticed a glint in his eyes. “I don't get it, but I guess it works for her.”  
  
“She is very good at it,” the healer told him, nodding to the match that continued to take place in front of them. “I have seen Indra in training before: you would not know that Octavia has only been fighting for a few months.”  
  
Bellamy's grin softened slightly, pride clear along his features as he shrugged, admitting, “She's always been a fighter. Now she gets to show everyone that.” His eyes flickered to the group of people surrounding the two fighters, his glance lingering on the many Grounders there. Taigon looked over at him, noticing that while he studied them, his brow no longer pulled down as it had when the healer had first met him only days ago. Instead the look appeared calculated, as though he were thinking over his thoughts before he spoke again. “I hate that she likes to fight so much,” he finally admitted, giving another shrug of his shoulders, “But I get it.”  
  
“That does not keep you from worrying,” Taigon stated, looking back towards the group of warriors even as Bellamy looked at him. The fight between Octavia and Indra appeared to be over, the chief saying something to all those around her before the circle opened and she walked away, Shet and Nygel quickly moving to the middle for their own skirmish.  
  
“No, it doesn't,” the Sky boy admitted, eyes flicking back to the group and watching Octavia as she moved to the outer circle. “She might be able to fight, but she's still my responsibility.”  
  
“Of course,” Taigon agreed, giving a nod, “She is your sister.” He turned, gaze following Indra as she walked quickly across the camp and joined the Commander by the edge of the light, and felt his gut clench when he noticed the dark war paint surrounding her eyes. “I too understand what it means to have a sister who is a fighter.”  
  
A look of realization and understanding flashed quickly across the Sky boy's face as he looked at the Grounder leader, before he shook his head. “And I thought I had it rough,” he said, eyebrows raising as a grin tugged at his lips. Taigon turned to meet his look as Bellamy nodded towards Lexa, saying, “At least my sister isn't in charge of hundreds of people. If I were you I don't think I'd ever let her out of my sight.”  
  
“Why do you think I chose to become a healer?” Taigon asked him, his own lips curling up. “Even before she was called to lead our people, I knew that she was going to be a great warrior. I had to be sure that I would always be able to do what I could to make sure she was safe.” Bellamy nodded, clearly understanding, and they stood together in silence for a moment, two people who understood the responsibility of being born solely to take care of another.  
  
A cheer suddenly went up from the fighters and they both turned to find Nygel on the ground, her spear beside her, Shet grinning as he leaned over to help her to her feet. The woman just shook her head, wearing her own smirk as she grabbed her spear and pushed herself out of the muddy snow. Reese rushed forward, her knife drawn, and looked up at Shet with wide eyes, causing the man to let out a loud laugh as he nodded, motioning for her to follow his lead. Taigon watched the warrior show the young girl a quick set of attacks, Reese's brow drawn as she tried to soak it all in, and just grinned. In many ways, the Sky girl reminded him of his sister when she was young, and again he felt his gut clench, wishing that Lexa still smiled just as easily.  
  
Feeling a shift beside him, Taigon tore his gaze away from the young girl and looked down, finding Thom still standing between him and his horse. The boy's face appeared drawn, his bottom lip pulled up between his teeth, and even as the healer watched his eyes kept flicking towards the fighters and away again. Something was clearly wrong, and when Taigon took a step back, Bellamy looked down too, worry immediately sprouting along his face as he took in the sight of the little boy.  
  
“Hey,” he said almost softly, an encouraging smile pulling at his lips as he knelt down next to Thom, “What is it, buddy? What's got you so quiet?”  
  
“Nothing,” Thom answered, moving closer to the horse as he refused to look at them. His fist continually clenched around the hilt of his knife, skin pulling taut over his knuckles, and his jaw only seemed to jut out further.  
  
“Thom,” Taigon said quietly, looking down at the boy, “What is it? Did you want to go train with Reese?”  
  
The boy's response was an immediate shake of his head, his eyes widening slightly. “No,” he answered, “She asked me and I said maybe later. I got stuff I gotta do before we go.” As though to prove it, he turned completely towards the horse and reached up as far as he could, his fingers barely able to reach the buckle to the saddlebag, but began fiddling with it. Bellamy and Taigon shared a look over his head, and then Taigon too knelt down, carefully reaching out and taking the boy's hand, making him turn towards them.  
  
“Thom,” Taigon murmured, his voice gentle, “What is wrong?” The boy fidgeted for a second, refusing to meet their eyes, before he mumbled something too quietly to hear.  
  
“Sorry buddy, couldn't quite get that,” Bellamy told him, flashing him a reassuring smile. “Try it again.”  
  
The little boy clenched his jaw tightly, his fingers balling up into little fists, before he seemed to deflate right in front of them. “I said I don't know if I wanna be a warrior anymore,” he finally grumbled, pulling his arm away from the healer and crossing both over his chest.  
  
Again Taigon and Bellamy shared a look before the Sky boy just shrugged, telling him, “That's cool, kid: you don't have to be a warrior.”  
  
“Are you worried you will upset Reese with this?” Taigon asked him, still uncertain why the boy looked so scared. “Are you worried you will disappoint Heda?”  
  
Thom's eyes widened immediately and his arms dropped, terror taking over his expression. “Please don't tell her,” he begged, inadvertently taking a step forward. “I don't want her to be mad at me!”  
  
Taigon's brow furrowed in confusion, the sudden reaction surprising him. “She will not be angry, Thom. Why would you...”  
  
He trailed off, understanding dawning on him. He hadn't thought anything of it when Lexa had killed Tunsin the day before, other than to feel sorry for both the warrior and his sister. All his life, he'd been around warriors and known that most of them met gruesome endings: it was one of the reasons he had chosen to become a healer, to try to save some of them. Even as a child he knew what happened to warriors who didn't follow command, though he had been far older than Thom the first time he had witnessed a warrior's death. The Sky boy had been right there, had witnessed every moment of Tunsin's death and the role Lexa had played in it, and it wasn't until that moment that Taigon realized how much it had scared him.  
  
“Thom,” the healer murmured, reaching out and gently taking his hand. The boy looked up, fear so clear in his eyes that Taigon cursed himself for not seeing it sooner. “You are safe. What happened to Tunsin is not going to happen to you. Heda would never hurt you.”  
  
Realization dawned across Bellamy's face even as Thom's pulled down further, his fear still far too real. “But he was her warrior, and she killed him.”  
  
“It is not that simple,” Taigon informed him, “Heda gave a command, and he broke it. He knew that doing so would end his life, but he made the choice and did so anyway.”  
  
“What if I break a command?” Thom asked. “Sometimes I forget things, and, and then I do something I'm not sposed to.”  
  
“You are a child, Thom,” the healer replied with a small shake of his head. “If you did something you were not supposed to, it would be forgiven. He was a grown warrior, and knew the consequences.”  
  
“But why?” the little boy asked, “How come he had to die?”  
  
“The Commander did what she had to, Thom,” Bellamy told him, and both of them turned to look at him. Thom stepped back, pulling his hand away from Taigon, and Bellamy met the little boy's eyes, gesturing to everyone moving around the camp. “There's a lot of people here who don't like each other. If we're not careful, those people could start fighting, and then a lot of people would get hurt. If Tunsin and Jasper had gotten into a real fight, there's a good chance that others would have joined in, and a lot of people would have probably died. The Commander killed Tunsin and stopped Jasper so that that wouldn't happen.” Thom looked at him, wide-eyed, and he shrugged. “I'm not saying it was good that she killed him, or even that it was necessarily right, but it's what she had to do to stop that fight from breaking out. So while it seems like it was really bad, she was actually trying to save everyone. Including you.”  
  
“She, she was?” the little Sky boy asked, the fear leaking from his face, and Bellamy nodded. Thom looked past them both over to where Lexa now stood with a few warriors, his mind clearly working to process it all. “Oh,” he finally just said, his shoulders relaxing slightly. “Well... Okay then.” His brow scrunched up again, eyes darting back to the two of them as he added, “But I still don't know if I wanna be a warrior anymore.”  
  
Taigon gave him a grin and a nod, telling him, “That is fine. You do not have to be a warrior if you do not wish to.” The boy returned the nod, his own lips beginning to pull up into a smile, clearly now more at ease than he had been for hours.  
  
Bellamy and Taigon both stood, straightening back up just as a small group of people approached them. Reese led the group proudly, her back straight and chest puffed out even as her fingers remained curled around the dagger at her belt, with Octavia, Raven and Shet following behind. Shet gave her a congratulatory thump on the shoulder, an amused grin on his face.  
  
“Keep practicing the attack I showed you, and you will be a great warrior someday,” he informed the girl who was clearly taking the words to heart as she nodded. He gave her another grin before looking up and nodding to Taigon. The healer returned the nod and then he looked to Bellamy, hesitating for a moment before he gave the Sky boy a nod as well. Bellamy returned it with just as much hesitation, but both seemed to accept the interaction. He thumped Reese on the shoulder once more before nodding to all of them, continuing on to join the couple of people around the Commander. Taigon's eyes were drawn momentarily back to his sister, noticing the way her jaw was set and the way her eyes flashed even with so much distance between them. He frowned for a moment, clearly seeing that something was wrong, but didn't think on it for much longer as his attention was pulled back to those around him.  
  
“How was training?” Bellamy asked, smirking down at Reese and then up to his sister.  
  
“It was great!” Reese exclaimed, her eyes wide with excitement. “Shet showed me some new attacks, and he said later he wants to spar with me! Clarke's gonna be so surprised when I show her after she's back!”  
  
“I'm beginning to wonder if she's Clarke's mini-me or yours,” Raven muttered to Octavia, which earned her an eye roll. Bellamy however just grinned, his eyebrows rising.  
  
“You gotta admit O, she does sound like you,” he told her, and she rolled her eyes a second time before a smile cracked through the look of exasperation.  
  
“She is getting pretty good with that knife,” the Sky warrior admitted, shooting a grin to the younger girl. “Soon we're gonna have to get you a sword, though.” The words only seemed to make the young girls excitement increase.  
  
“Did you hear that, Thom?” she asked, moving quickly over to the boy. “I'm gonna get a sword soon!” Thom nodded quickly, her excitement rubbing off on him.  
  
“Oh, Abby's gonna love this,” Raven muttered, one corner of her lips quirking up. When Reese turned to glare at her, opening her mouth to say something, she immediately held her hand up. “I know,” she said, “Abby isn't your leader, Clarke is, and when Clarke's not around you follow the Commander.” The girl just nodded.  
  
“Well whoever your leader is, it looks like we're almost ready to get going,” Bellamy stated, looking around and seeing that most of the tents were down and many of the fires were being doused. “Why don't you guys go get Raven's horse and grab some of that jerky on the way by.” They both quickly agreed and then took off, racing to see who could get to the other side of camp where the horses were picketed first.  
  
“I could have gotten the horse myself,” Raven informed him, her fist unintentionally curling beside her bad leg.  
  
“I know,” he shrugged, lifting the bag on the ground beside him and slinging it over his shoulder. “I just didn't need to hear anymore warrior talk; I get enough of that from Octavia.”  
  
“Watch it, Bell,” his sister warned him as she began to walk forward to where a number of people were gathering to wait for the orders to head out. The rest of them followed her, even as she added, “As a warrior, I could kick your ass.”  
  
Raven rolled her eyes, letting out a sigh of exasperation before telling Bellamy, “Great, now you've got her on it.”  
  
The Skaikru continued to bicker back and forth, and Taigon just listened, a small smile on his face as he followed, leading his horse with him. They stopped walking when they were only a few yards away from where his sister still stood with some warriors, too far away to hear much, and Taigon focused on them until his sister's raised voice broke through the Skaikru's conversation.  
  
“ _Well find him! I want him back immediately!_ ”  
  
He looked up to see the warriors surrounding his sister quickly dispersing, a number of them disappearing into the trees. He saw Lexa look up and for a moment their eyes met, and when they did Taigon clearly read the guilt that flashed in her green eyes. She turned away to address another warrior beside her, but Taigon couldn't unsee what he'd just witnessed. Trying to push the sudden worry that had grown in his gut away, he turned to Indra, watching as the chief stalked towards them. He saw the fury etched across her face, her hands clenched into tight fists at her side, and felt his own fists clench.  
  
“What?” Octavia asked worriedly when the chief reached them. Clearly he hadn't been the only one to hear his sister's words or notice the interaction, and now all three of the Skaikru were watching Indra, different levels of worry written across their faces as well.  
  
“Walsh has disappeared,” the chief answered, her voice clipped in anger. “One of our warriors tells us he showed up to relieve him of watch last night, and now he is nowhere to be found.”  
  
Octavia's face pulled down in confusion, her head tilting partially to the side.  
  
“But chiefs don't stand watch,” she said, and Indra nodded once, her eyes flickering to Taigon's.  
  
“Exactly,” she growled, and that was when Taigon put it all together.  
  
“He's the traitor,” he breathed, barely believing the words as he said them. “He's the one who turned on Lexa. He told the Ice Queen about Clarke.”

***

Clarke took another bite of the bread, closing her eyes as the nuts riddling it crunched between her teeth. It wasn't much, but it was good, and her stomach gladly accepted it, growling as it reminded her she hadn't eaten since the day before, and then had thrown most of that up along with the water that had seeped into her lungs and stomach. For a brief moment she wondered how long it would be until this too came back up, sure that she had another afternoon of torture before her, but pushed the thought away as quickly as it came. It would happen, she had no doubt, and saw no reason to spend the time up until then worrying about it.  
  
“It is good?” Nadia asked, a small smile playing at her lips. The prisoner just nodded before taking another bite, and the young healer let the smile grow. “Good,” she told her, “I will try to get you more tomorrow then, if you like it.”  
  
“Thank you,” Clarke replied, eyes opening and meeting Nadia's. The other girl just shook her head, telling her, “It is the least I can do for you, Clarke.”  
  
Popping the last bit of the bread into her mouth, the blonde sighed before leaning back against the wall. Nadia sat in front of her, dabbing a cloth against the angry red marks around her ankle from her shackle, but raised her eyebrows at her.  
  
“We need a plan,” the blonde muttered, head leaning back to rest against the wall. “If I'm going to be able to help save your people, I need to be able to get out of here and meet Lexa before she can give any orders. If I can't reach her in time, I won't be able to stop any of it.”  
  
“You must escape,” Nadia agreed, her brow pulled down in concentration, eyes flickering up from her work. “Which will be difficult.” She looked around the room, shaking her head at the hard walls around them. “No one has ever escaped this room before, and even if you did manage, Nia has placed a guard outside the door at all times. You would not only have to get away from here, but also get around them.”  
  
“Great,” Clarke muttered, “No problem.” Closing her eyes again, she rubbed her forehead, desperately trying to come up with a plan. All the motion did was cause her fingertips to tingle.  
  
“I will help in any way I can,” Nadia told her, sitting back, her brow drawn as she too tried to think of some way out. “Perhaps together we will be able to come up with something.”  
  
“Mm,” the blonde agreed, opening her eyes again. Her gaze wandered around the room, coming to a stop suddenly on one of the torches directly across from her. Her eyes widened as she watched it, momentarily mesmerized. Its flame almost appeared to be pulsing, growing larger and then shrinking and then growing larger again, moving as though to a steady rhythm rather than its usual sporadic flicker.  
  
About to point out the strange flame, Clarke immediately clenched her jaw shut when the door banged open, Nia stalking into the room with a few warriors following her. Nadia quickly stood up, bowing hastily to the queen, wide eyes flickering over to the blonde when her face was blocked from the queen's view. Clarke didn't meet them, knowing better than to let the queen see any kind of interaction between herself and the healer, and simply glared the other girl as she moved into the center of the room. Nadia quickly stepped to the side, clearly unsure what to do, but didn't leave since the queen hadn't commanded it.  
  
“Hello Clarke,” Nia greeted her, her expression controlled and easy. “How are you feeling today?” The corners of her lips twitched for a moment, before she added, “Thirsty?”  
  
“No, I'm fine thanks,” the blonde replied, trying to keep her voice even as her heart began to beat faster in her chest.  
  
“Good,” Nia simply said before she looked over at Nadia and then to the blonde again. “And you've eaten, yes?”  
  
“Yes,” Clarke answered, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. There was something different about the queen, something that the blonde couldn't quite name. She looked briefly over to Nadia, and saw similar confusion on the healer's face.  
  
“Well then are you ready to continue?” the queen asked her, lifting an eyebrow. “I have something especially fun thought out for you today. Or you can just break now and tell me what Lexa's battle strategies are, what I can expect when she gets here.”  
  
Just barely managing to hold in an exasperated growl, Clarke's hands fell to the ground, helping her to push herself up. She began to open her mouth, about to once again deny helping the queen, when she had to quickly take an extra step forward to keep herself from falling. She blinked, trying to clear her head, and looked back up, once again meeting the queen's eyes. Something flashed across the other girl's face, something that looked far to much like triumph, and for some reason the blonde felt her stomach sink, even as she continued to hold her chin up.  
  
Clarke clenched her jaw, trying to maintain her glare even as her vision began to spin. She felt lightheaded, weak almost, and for a moment she wondered if maybe she just wasn't getting enough air in this small prison, its door almost always shut. Without any windows, she supposed it was possible, but even as her vision began to blur slightly, she thought of the cracks she'd found in the stone around her. While nothing she'd found would be any help in an escape, surely those cracks were big enough for air to get through. The torches continued to flicker around her, oxygen clearly fueling the flames just as usual, and she knew whatever she was feeling now couldn't be due to low oxygen.  
  
“Clarke, is something wrong?” she heard Nia ask, and her attention snapped back to the queen across the room. Even with the way her head seemed to be spinning, she could see the little smirk on the other girl's face, heard the insincerity in her words. Her eyes shown, blue ice looking like it was on fire, and for a moment Clarke had to blink, sure for a second that the scars marking her face had shifted, dancing like the flames of the torches behind her head. When she looked again the scars had stilled, returning to their immobile placement along her brow, but Clarke couldn't get the image of their movement from her mind. “You do not look very well, Clarke,” she added, her hands clasping behind her back. “Perhaps you need to see a healer.” Nia looked to the side where Nadia still stood, her back stiff and concern in her eyes as she looked at Clarke. The blonde turned to look at the healer, her head feeling heavy on her neck. It felt as though her breathing had slowed, and for a second she felt disconnected, as though the rise and fall of her chest didn't match up with her steady breaths. She knew she should probably be worried about that, but for the moment she couldn't seem to figure out why.  
  
“I feel fine,” she informed the queen, doing her best to focus on the people in front of her. Once again her vision blurred, everything going slightly out of focus, and she felt herself lick her lips even as her mouth went dry.  
  
“Very good then,” Nia replied, the blonde hearing her grin in her tone, “Then we can continue with our conversation from yesterday. I want to know about Lexa's battle strategies: how will she divide up her people, who does she trust to have in command, how is she most likely to attack?”  
  
“When are you going to get it?” Clarke growled, even her words feeling heavy on her tongue. She looked up at the queen, no longer entirely able to make out her features, but still said, “I'm not going to tell you anything about Lexa.”  
  
“You would be wise to reconsider that, Clarke,” Nia said, but Clarke barely even heard her as another voice spoke over her.  
  
“We all do what we have to, Clarke,” a familiar voice informed her, and the blonde's eyes widened, her vision suddenly sharpening. The queen and those with her remained blurred, out of focus, but another stepped from behind her, and everything about him was perfectly clear. He looked as he had when she'd first met him: his gray suite looked perfectly pressed, not a crease anywhere along the fabric. His tie was straight, tucked beneath his suit jacket, his hands folded together in front of him. White hair stood out in the dark room, and his eyes, so small, pierced into hers. He didn't smile, not like he had when she'd met him in the Mount Weather infirmary, but kept his lips pursed in a straight line. He looked through her like he had back then, back before she'd killed him, as though he could read her mind. As though he understood.  
  
Dante Wallace took a few more steps forward until he was in the center of the room, and Clarke felt her mouth drop open. Her jaw worked, moving as though to say something, but nothing came out. Her mind went blank, completely unable to process what was happening in front of her. President Wallace merely rose his eyebrows, clearly not as effected as her.  
  
“You and I understand the burden, Clarke,” he told her, nodding towards her. “We carry it, carry the weight of the innocent and the guilty. We carry what our people cannot, because they look to us to do so. We make the difficult choices so that our people will not have to, and then we live with those choices.” He looked into her eyes, studying them in a way that made her feel open, raw, made her feel as though he were looking into her very soul. “We do what we must not so that we will survive, but so that our people will.”  
  
“You're not, not real,” Clarke whispered, unable to tear her gaze away from him. “You can't, can't be... I, I killed you.”  
  
“You did,” Dante agreed easily with a simple nod of his head. “You killed me, and then you killed my people.”  
  
Suddenly Clarke wasn't in her tiny prison anymore. She didn't know how, couldn't begin to describe it, but in less than a moment she found herself back in Mount Weather, found herself in the middle of Level Five, in the middle of the room where almost every member of Mount Weather had been when she had pulled the switch. Bodies littered the cement floor beneath her, others laying against the tables they had fallen against as they took their last desperate breath of radiated air. The details were all there, all exactly as she remembered them, and she felt herself begin to shake. The only difference was now President Wallace was there as well, standing on the other side of the room, staring at Clarke as the bodies of his people covered the distance between them.  
  
“This is what happens in war, Clarke,” he told her, eyes not breaking away from hers to look at his people. His hand stuck out, palm up, and he gestured to the room. “People die. Good and bad, it makes no difference: war kills, and every time it is the innocent who suffer the most.”  
  
“How could you?” she heard, and finally she managed to tear her gaze away from Dante. Looking to one side, she found Jasper on the floor hunched over a body. He shifted, and Clarke knew immediately it was Maya, even as radiation burns covered her body making her almost unrecognizable. “How could you do this?” Jasper asked again, a glare shot at her before he turned back to the body in his lap. “Please come back. I'm so sorry. Please Maya, please come back.” His words fell into sobs, great cries that wracked his frame, and Clarke felt her own sob tear up from her chest.  
  
“I didn't... This isn't what I wanted,” she tried to tell him, even though she knew the words wouldn't mean anything to him.  
  
“Nor is it what I wanted,” Dante informed her, and when Clarke looked back at him she gasped. In the seconds she'd turned away, he had changed, the gray suit gone and switched for a pristine light blue shirt. In the center of the shirt, a bright red bloom sprouted, blood spreading from the bullet wound in his chest to mar the otherwise perfect shirt. He looked down and Clarke followed his gaze, surprised when she found a gun in her hand, its metal warm beneath her fingers. The trigger pressed into her finger and she released it, not sure when she had pulled it. Hearing footsteps, she looked up, and watched as Dante walked towards her. He looked around as he moved, his sorrow obvious as he took in the sight around him. “These people were innocent,” he continued, meeting her eyes once again, and Clarke found it impossible to look away. “But far too often it is the innocent who pay. We make the choices we make to try to keep them safe, to try to build a land, a world where our people can live and be happy, but it is they who die when we cannot follow through on the promises we make them. We promise to care for them, to lead well and put their needs far above our own, and yet in the end they are the ones who pay for all of our mistakes. We stand and are forced to watch as they fall around us.”  
  
Screams followed Dante's words, startling Clarke. She jumped and turned, and when she did Mount Weather fell away, as though she'd never been there. Now she stood outside, stood in the middle of a village burning, great craters blown into the ground around her. Rubble laid everywhere, some with bodies trapped beneath it, some covering paths that had moments ago been clear. Smoke rose into the sky, turning a dark night even darker, even as flames licked at the ground. People moved around her, some writhing on the ground, their screams piercing the air, while others ran around, desperately trying to help all they could. Suddenly hands were on her back and she felt herself pushed forward, so hard she almost lost her balance again. Turning, she found Octavia behind her, her fists clenched in rage, fury in her eyes.  
  
“You knew,” she accused, spitting the truth at the blonde. “You knew this was going to happen and you did nothing! How could you let this happen!”  
  
“I had to,” Clarke stammered, shaking her head. “I had to, I couldn't say anything, we needed to get into Mount Weather. I didn't want them to die, but I had to.”  
  
“That isn't good enough!” she yelled, taking a step forward and Clarke mirrored the step back. She felt something at her back, but found nothing but open space behind her. Even so, she couldn't back up any further, and was forced to stand still as Octavia stalked towards her. “You let this happen! These were innocent people, and you just let them die!”  
  
“I didn't want that to happen!” Clarke cried, not looking away from the other girl even as the screams only seemed to increase around them. “I didn't want any of them to die, but I had to make a choice!”  
  
“What are you doing Clarke?” Octavia growled, “When did you become the person who decides who lives and who dies?”  
  
“I didn't... I don't...,” the blonde tried to argue, but then just had to shake her head before she shouted, “I didn't ask for this! I'm doing the best I can!”  
  
“Well it isn't good enough!” the other girl yelled back, “None of this is good enough! You're supposed to be the one to figure things out, to make it all work, but all you're doing is killing people!”  
  
“Clarke. I did it for you.”  
  
Clarke's eyes squeezed shut, tears pressing against her eyelids before a few managed to slip past and slide down her cheeks. Her throat burned, her hands shook, and it took everything in her not to completely fall apart. “No,” she whispered, shaking her head, “Please no. Please not you.”  
  
She opened her eyes, and there he was. Finn stood in front of her where Octavia had just been, his eyes piercing down at her, ripping through every defense she could have possibly put up. A gun strap laid across his shoulder, the gun itself resting in his hands. She looked past him, and saw the bodies laying on the ground, heaped up one on top of the other, the only clear details coming from the blood that flowed from the many bullet wounds that riddled the pile or corpses. One hand released the gun and reached forward, and Clarke felt herself shudder as his fingers brushed her cheek.  
  
“Hey there Princess,” he murmured, his lips crooking up into that smile she'd grown so easily to love that now made her insides twist painfully. “I found you.”  
  
“Finn,” she said, her voice trailing off as her throat continued to burn. “Please, don't...” She wanted to continue, but didn't know what she was begging for. For him to disappear like Dante and Octavia had. For him to be real, and not the very realistic image she knew he actually was. To go back months ago, back before he'd killed eighteen people and forever changed the way she looked at him. Back to before she fell in love with him. She didn't know, so she just let her words go, her head shaking.  
  
“Clarke, look at me,” he whispered, and almost against her will she did, turning slightly into his touch, eyes looking up into his. “I am looking at you,” she replied, and then felt her heart clench as she heard him say those same few words that she knew had been true the first time she'd heard them. “Not the way you used to,” he muttered, and the broken look in his eyes broke her, and she felt another tear slide down her cheek. “They were innocent,” she whispered. “They didn't do anything. And you killed them.”  
  
“How many innocent lives have you taken, Clarke?” he asked, taking a step back, and suddenly they were no longer alone. Suddenly Dante stood next to him, and Clarke felt her sobs get stuck in her throat as she realized blood soaked both of their fronts from the wounds she had given them. Behind them stood an army, waves of people reaching out as far as she could see. People no longer recognizable, their flesh now nothing more than black char; others covered with radiation burns, their skin bubbled and covered in angry red welts; some with bullet wounds or slashed throats. She thought she'd gotten past this guilt, gotten past what all these deaths had done to her, but apparently the guilt still remained buried deep inside her, and suddenly she realized she would never be entirely rid of it. One person stepped forward, moving just behind Finn, and Clarke had to bite her tongue to try to quiet her sob as Anya met her look, her eyes piercing into the blonde even as the bullet wound in her abdomen continued to bleed sluggishly.  
  
“How many more will you allow to follow?” the Grounder warrior asked her, and then Clarke watched as Nadia stepped out from behind her, Sef in her arms. Before the blonde could blink, others she recognized joined the army, all watching her. Ryder stood not far behind Nadia, Shet by his side. Indra stared at her from further away, her head just as high as it always was. Taigon watched her, his eyes sad as he moved to stand between Anya and Nadia. The faces just kept coming, one right after the other, and Clarke could do nothing but stand there and shake her head, fresh tears streaming down her face.  
  
“No,” she whispered, her words burning in her throat, “No, please. I'm sorry. Please, don't, don't do this. Please. I'm so sorry.”  
  
At this point, she didn't even know what her pleas were for. All she knew was that they were there, in front of her, those still alive mixed in with those who'd died, and all she could do was imagine them following. Her eyes closed, trying to block it all out, and then she heard a set of footsteps and she felt everything go still all at once. There hadn't been noise before that moment, nothing more than Clarke herself, but those footsteps brought out a silence so loud that the blonde couldn't help but open her eyes. The moment she did, she felt everything shift around her.  
  
Lexa's back was to her, and Clarke could tell she was staring down the army in front of them. “Go,” she simply ordered, her voice calm, steady, and just like that the army began to melt away. One moment hundreds of people were there, standing in front of Clarke and watching her with accusing looks, and then they were gone, and she and Lexa were all that was left.  
  
“Lexa,” Clarke breathed, unable to tear her eyes away from the other girl. As though in response to her name, the warrior turned, and the blonde met green eyes after what felt like weeks. War paint adorned her face, the signature three marks running down each cheek. Her pauldron lay against her shoulder, the red sash flowing from the armor just as easily as it had as they marched to war together. Her sword lay across the Commander's back, completing the regal warrior look, but all Clarke wanted to look at were her eyes.  
  
“Clarke,” she replied, her features softening with the blonde's name, and as she stepped forward the Commander melted away just as the army had. When she stopped in front of the blonde, only Lexa remained, armor, war paint, weapons, all these things gone. She stood easily, her lips curled up into the softest of smiles as she simply met the prisoner's gaze. Hands raised and then fingers brushed against Clarke's cheeks, and though she could still physically feel the stains on her skin, Clarke also felt the soft tips of Lexa's fingers brushing the tears away. She sank into the touch, her eyes falling closed, her entire body relaxing. For some reason she knew, just entirely knew, that Lexa wouldn't disappear. When she opened her eyes again, the brunette would still be there.  
  
And when she did, she was. Clarke opened her eyes, and Lexa was still there, still right next to her. They no longer stood outside in a field that had been crowded by the dead: when Clarke opened her eyes again, she found herself back in their cave, looking as it had before Maloch had destroyed it. The fire had been lit, its soft flames dancing, drawing shadows along the wall. She and Lexa laid beneath one fur while resting on the other, barely any space between them. She opened her eyes to find green eyes watching her, a tenderness in them that took Clarke's breath away. For a moment she wondered if what she read in those eyes was merely a reflection of how she now knew she felt for the Grounder, or if that look had been there all along, and she was only now noticing it. Either could be true: neither mattered.  
  
The blonde reached out almost hesitantly, her fingers meeting warm skin. She traced Lexa's face, ran her finger tips down her cheeks, over her nose and across her forehead, mapping every detail out in her mind. Her eyes followed the path of her fingers, but she saw that Lexa's never left her own. She moved her hand, her thumb brushing over delicate lips, and looked back into green eyes.  
  
“You're not real,” Clarke whispered, afraid speaking too loudly would break the spell around her. She knew the truth of her words: though she could feel the girl's skin beneath her fingers, she couldn't feel the warmth of the fire or the weight of the fur on top of them. Some details of the hallucination were more powerful than others, and she was just thankful that it was Lexa's details that stood out the most. The truth should have pulled at her, should have made it harder to be seeing an image of the brunette rather than the real thing, but she'd spent too many hours now afraid she'd never see any bit of Lexa again. Though a hallucination, this was more than she believed she would get, so she let herself settle into it, into the girl beside her.  
  
“No,” she agreed, her voice quiet as well, as though she too were afraid to break this moment. “I am not.”  
  
“I wish you were,” the blonde murmured truthfully. “I wish this was real, that we were really here rather than anywhere else. I miss you.”  
  
“I am always with you,” Lexa replied, her fingers moving to brush a strand of hair from Clarke's face. “Anywhere you are, I am with you, Clarke.”  
  
“I know,” the younger girl told her, her lips pulling up into a small smile. “And I'm always with you.” The smile fell slightly, her brow creasing as she scanned the brunette's face. “I'm sorry this is happening to you again. I'm sorry for everything you're gonna find when you get here.”  
  
“I am going to find you, Clarke,” Lexa informed her, fingers trailing down to her neck and drawing light patterns against it. “I will find you, and that is all that matters.”  
  
“It isn't though, Lexa,” the blonde began, “There's so much more to it than that, you have no idea what's-”  
  
“Shh,” Lexa murmured, fingers leaving the blonde's neck briefly to move to her lips. A pressure that didn't actually exist pressed against them, and Clarke cut herself off. As though she were waiting for a moment to make sure the blonde didn't continue with that line of thought, Lexa simply held her finger there, eyes scanning Clarke's, before her fingers returned to the blonde's neck. Blue eyes scanned her face, widening slightly in realization.  
  
“They can hear everything I'm saying, can't they?” she whispered, remembering the enemy that had been standing in her prison before it had disappeared. Lexa merely nodded, not taking her eyes from Clarke, and the blonde frowned, taking in that realization. She understood, suddenly, what the point of this was. In the bread Nadia had given her, Nia had fed her the Jobi nuts in the hopes that whatever she would see, it would make her say something, spill something that the queen could then use to her advantage. Her hallucinations were meant to tell the queen anything that might help her, and for a moment the blonde's mind raced, trying to think of everything she'd said up to this moment. She couldn't remember saying anything specific about Lexa until now, but even so she feared maybe something had gotten out she shouldn't have said.  
  
As though she could read her thoughts – which in this hallucination seemed entirely possible – Lexa leaned forward, moving close enough that her forehead pressed against Clarke's. The blonde looked up, eyes darting to meet the Grounder's, and felt herself immediately relax against the other girl as Lexa simply smiled at her.  
  
“You are so strong, Clarke,” the warrior whispered, her breath tickling the blonde's face. “You do not realize how strong you are. You will survive this.” Green eyes scanned over her face, so many different emotions flashing across them Clarke couldn't possibly sort them out. “You will,” she continued, pressing against her forehead just a hair harder. “There is no one I know stronger than you.”  
  
“You are,” Clarke murmured in reply, and she felt Lexa shake her head against her. She felt her lips pull up in a small grin before she reached out, slipping her fingers through Lexa's. They held each other's hand, arms pressed between their bodies, and Clarke found she couldn't look away as she continued quietly, “We're stronger together.”  
  
“Ogeda,” Lexa whispered in agreement, her hand squeezing gently against Clarke's own. The blonde held onto the hand, returning the pressure, her focus solely on the brunette even as distant noise began to penetrate their bubble. Voices, as though far away or underwater, began pushing at the blonde's senses, but she fought to ignore them. She wanted to stay here, stay in this moment with Lexa, wanted to ignore the reality of the fact that this wasn't real, that this safety she felt was in fact nothing more than an illusion, so she held on to the other girl's hand tighter, pressed harder against her forehead. Lexa seemed to sense her sudden desperation to stay here, seemed to understand that the cave around them had begun to slip away, firelight now dancing from torches rather than the pit she'd built with Anya years ago, and let her lips pull up a little further. “You were right, Clarke,” she murmured, her voice suddenly no more than a whisper in Clarke's ear, “Love is not weakness. It is strength.”  
  
Hands more real than Lexa's grabbed Clarke by the arms, forcing her up, and the blonde felt something inside her chest quiver. “Don't go,” she begged, trying desperately not to lose sight of Lexa as she felt herself being hauled up to her feet. She twisted, pushing against the hands holding her, trying to turn to get another look of the Commander, but when she did the cave was gone, and Lexa was gone with it. “No, please, please don't go!” she pleaded, tears once again gathering in her eyes as her arms were pulled out, something cold and hard clasping against each wrist. “Please...” she whispered, head falling forward, heart breaking at the thought of losing Lexa.  
  
Arms wrapped around her middle, and a new sense of strength seemed to flood through her as she felt a body press against her from behind. “I'm right here, Clarke,” Lexa whispered against her ear, her grip on the blonde only tightening. “We will face them together.”  
  
Across the room, someone spoke, Nia's voice moving through the air as though each word had to fight to reach the blonde. The words all registered, their meanings clear, the questions and orders ringing out, but Clarke didn't focus on them. Instead she pressed back, pressed herself against the girl she loved, and let that feeling stem through her. Lexa's words seemed to beat within her, just as strong as the brunette's grip around her middle, and Clarke allowed herself to sink into them. Lexa's strength became her strength and vice versa, and for a moment Clarke wasn't entirely sure what was illusion and what was reality, but she knew it didn't matter; they would get through this, just as Lexa had said.  
  
“Together,” she murmured in agreement, her eyes falling shut as she felt Lexa's chin press gently into the crook of her shoulder.  
  
This time when Maloch's fist met her stomach, Clarke barely even felt it, Lexa's hold on her the only real thing in that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! So I got some feedback last chapter from a few people that I want to take a quick minute to talk about. A few people told me in comments that over the past few chapters, this story has gotten repetitive and dull, and it feels as though we are going nowhere, fast (I'm paraphrasing, but that's the gist of it, I believe). I wrote out a whole response to each point that was made, but then that response ended up being almost a page and a half long, and I really didn't want to post that entire thing here, so I'm going to try to sum it up without taking up a ton of space. Basically, thank you all for your feedback, it really is appreciated and I take it all into consideration and use it in my writing process (this chapter was going to be drawn out into two, but I condensed it into one, which I think worked out really well)! That being said, I've been planning this story out for a year and a half: trust me when I say, if I write something, it's purposeful, and not just to make the story longer. This story is not driven by action: it's driven by characters, and Clarke and Lexa are only two of those characters (though yes, most certainly the most important characters), which means that time needs to be taken to develop characters that are generally disliked (Jasper, Bellamy, Abby), characters barely explored in the show (Reese, Nygel, Callie) and completely original characters (Taigon, Nadia, Thom) for the story to make sense. I have a very specific plot line planned out, and they all matter in it. So yes, I can absolutely see how it can feel dull or repetitive, especially after the first half focused almost solely on Clexa and their development, but I can assure you, everything has a purpose (case and point: the Jobi nut scene in chapter eleven was specifically written to build up to this chapter).
> 
> Something not known because there was no way to write it in the story: "Keerie," the village Clarke is being held in, I named after "Lake Erie," in a similar style to how "TonDC" is named after "Washington DC." This means that Lexa and the gang are traveling 321 miles on foot/horseback (that is, Washington DC to Presque Isle Lighthouse, the exact building Clarke is being held in), a distance that takes many days to complete (roughly 4.5, according to my math since google maps can tell me how long it takes to walk that distance). That is why it is taking so long for Lexa to get there, for anyone wondering.
> 
> All of this being said: I'm sorry if you still think the story is dragging and becoming uninteresting. Like all writers, I want my readers truly invested in what I write, so maybe that means it would be easier for some readers to stop reading and wait until the story is over so that you can just binge it all at once. If that's what you think is going to be best for you, then do it friends! If you're tired and don't care anymore, then I'm really sorry to see you go, but maybe it would be best to stop reading. Obviously I don't want that, I want everyone interested and loving the story, but if that's what works for you, then I hope you find or have other fics that you love that are more what you're looking for! All in all, I just hope everyone's reading whatever they want to be reading (since that's the point of fanfiction, after all), and enjoying every minute of it! My apologies for writing such a long author's note, but if you read all of this (kudos to YOU!), I hope it was informative and worth your time! Thanks everyone, and until next week!


	37. Chapter 37

Lincoln heard them before he saw them, and the moment he did he felt a flurry of mixed emotions spread through him. On the one hand, they hadn't found Clarke yet. They still followed the trail, and while he knew they had to be close, they hadn't reached the right village, hadn't found the place where the Sky girl was being held captive. That had been their orders, that had been the entire point of going ahead and following the trail: to find Clarke before the army could reach them, and in that they had failed. On the other hand though...  
  
“Lincoln!”  
  
The call of his name immediately pulled his lips up into a smile and he turned, finding Octavia at the head of the army. Others were around her, but he had no time to look and see who. He watched as his love swung from her saddle, running almost before her feet touched the ground. Almost as if they had a mind of their own, his mirrored the movement, helping to close the distance between them until they were close enough that she jumped and he caught her, swinging her around before placing her back on the ground, her body so blessedly solid in his arms. They held tightly to each other, fingers clasping at the backs of each other's jackets, and then his hands were on her face, drawing her in for a long awaited kiss. He suddenly felt grounded again with her pressed so close to him, and he could feel her sink into the same feeling. Even in the middle of the woods on the trail of an enemy, they both felt at home.  
  
Even as he felt movement around him, the feeling didn't entirely dissipate. Footsteps drew up beside him and he pulled away just slightly, remembering that they were all still on a mission and had work to do. Nevertheless, he kept one arm around Octavia, holding her close as she continued to press against his side, as he looked up to take in those around him.  
  
Ashi and Jynt stood just a few steps away, both glancing at them before turning their attention to the army in front of them. Ryder didn't even spare them a glance; he walked past them, stopping only a few feet in front of the Commander's horse, bowing his head respectfully to her. She sat at the front of the army, dark war paint around her eyes, looking like she was ready to ride into battle at a moment's notice. Abby sat to her right, looking no more comfortable on a horse than Lincoln had imagined she would, her own gaze darting from Ryder to Lincoln and Octavia. Indra rode on the Commander's left, her jaw clenched so tightly that Lincoln immediately knew that something was wrong, and he felt something inside him twist in anticipation. Behind them, Bellamy held the reins of Octavia's horse, Raven and Taigon riding beside it while Jasper, Monty and Miller stood near them. Lincoln felt his eyebrows rise in surprise when he noticed Reese sitting in front of Taigon and Thom in front of Raven, but didn't have long enough to really dwell on it.  
  
“Ryder,” he heard Lexa say, nodding at the warrior standing in front of her. “Report.”  
  
“We continue to follow the trail, Heda,” the warrior replied, holding his head up, even though Lincoln knew he would be ashamed the army had caught up to them before they'd found Clarke. “We have not found Wanheda or where she is being held.”  
  
“The enemy anticipated being followed,” Lincoln added, stepping forward. His hand slipped away from Octavia's back, but when he moved she followed right along beside him. He stepped up to stand even with Ryder, not looking away when the Commander turned to look at him. “They split up many times, leaving two or more trails to track that would go for miles. We had to track each of them, which slowed us down greatly.”  
  
“What of Clarke's mark?” she asked, green eyes bright, and for a second Lincoln thought he saw something flash across them before she could stop it.  
  
“We have not seen Wanheda's mark for two days, Heda,” Ryder answered, “But we know we continue to follow the right trail.”  
  
The Commander just nodded, not saying anything for a moment before she grabbed the canteen at her hip. Tossing it to Ryder who caught it easily, she told them, “You have all done well. Now eat and drink and get some rest. I will have others track our enemy's trail: ride and rest.”  
  
Ryder shook his head, even as he took a long gulp of the Commander's water. “No Heda,” he replied the moment the canteen was away from his lips. “We know how to read this trail: please, let us continue to lead the tracking party.” She seemed to consider it for a minute, eying each other them before she nodded. “Very well,” she agreed, “But when we stop tonight, I expect all of you to rest.” Each of the four trackers nodded in agreement, but before they could turn and continue on, she added, “And if you find a fresh trail left by one person, tell me immediately.” Again they nodded, and then Ryder, Ashi and Jynt turned, moving back over to the trail they'd been tracking, and once again followed it, this time with an army following them.  
  
Lincoln had planned to move with them, but at the Commander's words, he turned to Octavia, confused. “Why is she interested in a fresh trail?” he asked, believing up until now that Clarke's trail had been the only thing any of them cared about.  
  
“Walsh disappeared last night,” Octavia informed him, nodding to her brother as their group moved over to them and he handed her the reins to her horse. Looking back at Lincoln, she added, “Lexa thinks he's the one who told the Ice Queen about her and Clarke.”  
  
“What?” he asked in shock, eyes immediately moving to Taigon. The Commander's brother had his jaw clenched together, his fingers curled tightly around his reins, clearly barely containing his fury. His eyes didn't leave his sister, watching her as she rode ahead of them, and Lincoln didn't think he'd ever seen so much of a family resemblance. “Walsh would never be the one to betray her, and especially not to the Ice Queen. Are you sure he wasn't just attacked as well? This is Ice Nation land: maybe some of their warriors spotted the army and found an opportunity to take out one of the Commander's chiefs.”  
  
“Perhaps,” Taigon agreed with a clipped nod, still not looking away from his sister. He urged his horse forward as the army once again began to move, Raven flicking her reins as well as the rest of them moved on foot, Octavia simply leading her horse for the moment. “She had the area searched, however, and no one found any signs of a fight. One of our people say that Walsh appeared last night to relieve him of watch, and this morning he had disappeared.”  
  
“That doesn't make sense,” Lincoln said, shaking his head, “Why would Walsh work with the Ice Queen? He hates her as much as anyone after what she did.”  
  
“I believed so as well,” the healer told him, his lips pursed in a straight line. “When I see him again I plan to find out exactly what could have made him turn traitor. If I have to, I will make him tell me.”  
  
“I thought you were a healer, not a fighter?” Raven asked, shooting him a look, and Taigon merely lifted his chin higher. “I am the Commander's brother,” he simply replied, eyes still looking nowhere but straight ahead. “I have spent my life watching her train and have learned a few things in doing so.”  
  
“Okay, hold on,” Bellamy called out, shooting a confused look up at the healer. “Why is it so surprising that this Walsh guy turned on the Commander? What'd the queen do to him?”  
  
That question finally managed to tear Taigon's gaze away from his sister, instead turning to look at Lincoln, his eyebrows rising in surprise. “You didn't tell them?” he asked the warrior, shock clear in his voice, and Lincoln simply shook his head.  
  
“It was never my story to tell,” he replied, still staring straight ahead even as he felt all their focus shift to him. He felt Octavia shift beside him, saw the curious look she shot him out of the corner of his eye before she asked, “What didn't you tell us?”  
  
For a moment, neither Grounder answered, Lincoln because it still wasn't his story, and Taigon because he'd gone back to studying his sister many feet in front of them. Lincoln could practically see him debating whether or not to tell the Skaikru the story, and for a moment he thought he wasn't going to, until he saw Taigon's eyes shift to Thom and Reese.  
  
“Thom,” he called to the young boy, the child perking up and turning towards him as he sat up straighter in front of Raven. “Would you mind going to find Nygel and Callie for me, and telling them I'd like to talk with them when they get a moment? Reese will go with you.”  
  
“Sure!” the little boy said, flashing Taigon a big smile as Raven pulled her horse to a stop. He wriggled, pulling one leg over the saddle and then let Bellamy help him slide down, before he turned back towards the horses, looking up and gesturing to Reese. “Come on Reese!” he called up to her, before he took off in the direction they'd last seen the two women in question.  
  
As he began to walk away, Reese turned to Taigon, shooting him a look. “You just don't want us hearing whatever you have to say,” she accused, one hand moving to her hip, and one corner of the healer's lips pulled up into a slight grin.  
  
“It is not a story Thom needs to hear,” he agreed quietly, eyes turning to watch the little boy as he moved further away. “And it is best that he not walk around alone. Please go with him.” Reese studied him for a minute, and then let out a long sigh.  
  
“Fine,” she said, “I don't care about Walsh anyway. If he turned against Heda, he's my enemy now too.” Lincoln noticed the pain that flashed in Taigon's eyes, but the little girl was too busy shifting in the saddle to notice. The moment both legs were on one side of the horse, she grabbed his arm and the healer helped lower her to the ground until she let go and fell the last few inches, her boots crunching in the melting snow. “Thom, slow down!” she yelled, before breaking out in a jog to catch up with him.  
  
The moment both children had moved far enough away, Taigon's eyes returned to his sister, even as he felt all of the Skaikru watching him curiously, waiting. Lincoln followed the healer's gaze, turning towards the Commander, and saw not only the strong leader he had walked away from only a few months ago, but also the friend he had known when he was younger. His heart wrenched painfully in his chest, thinking of the stark difference between the two.  
  
“Back before my sister became the Commander, she was in love,” Taigon began, his voice quiet as he started the story that every one of their people knew. Seldom was it told, especially among the Trikru, but everyone knew its details, each as memorable now as it had been three years ago when it had all taken place. “Costia meant everything to her, and Lexa often said she would do anything for her. Costia returned her love, and they were happy together.”  
  
For a brief moment, Lincoln's eyes flickered over, getting a quick look at the healer as he told the story. He could see the sorrow in those green eyes, could see the pain he allowed to pull at his expression, and had to quickly look away. When he did, his eyes flickered to Octavia, and he looked at all of the Skaikru around them, finding each with their focus on the younger Grounder. “At first, that didn't change once Lexa took on her role as Commander,” he continued, sitting up a little straighter in the saddle. “They spent less time together because my sister had to travel, but each understood it was the way it needed to be in order for Lexa to complete her new duties. Then she began putting together the coalition, desperately trying to unite the twelve clans together, a feat that had never been done before. Lexa spent even more time traveling, visiting each of the nations in order to try to convince them to join. Many believed her relationship with Costia would fall apart, the two having to spend so much time away from each other, but it didn't. Costia waited, every time Lexa had to leave, waited for her to return, and every time she did, Costia was the first person Lexa would see. It was difficult for them both, but they made it work.”  
  
He paused for a moment, his eyes on his sister, and Lincoln knew he was remembering a time when she was just as likely to smile as she was to give an order. The thought caused his heart to squeeze in his chest, remembering just how different the Commander had been back then, back before she'd lost her love, and he felt his hand move over, his fingers slipping between Octavia's. She gave them a squeeze, flashing a small smile at him, before she turned back to Taigon as he continued the story.  
  
“It was about two years after she became Commander,” the healer said, his tone quiet. “Lexa had successfully united nine of the clans, leaving only three who had yet to join the coalition. That in itself was unheard of, and people began realizing she may just be our greatest Commander yet. Lexa refused to stop until all of the clans had joined however, and left our home to once again try to convince those that were left to join.”  
  
“The Ice Nation was one of them, right?” Octavia asked, and Taigon nodded, clenching his jaw.  
  
“Yes,” he answered, “The Ice Nation was one of those that had yet to join. While she was visiting the Sankru, one of the others not yet joined, Queen Nia showed up, saying she wanted to join her people with the coalition. Lexa accepted, welcoming her into the coalition, not knowing it was a trick. She welcomed the queen, and the next moment Nia handed her Costia's head.”  
  
“Wait, what?” Raven exclaimed, eyes wide, “What do you mean she handed her Costia's head?”  
  
“Not long after Lexa left Polis to visit the Sankru, Costia was captured by Ice Nation warriors,” he answered, eyes briefly flickering over to her. “She had been out with a hunting party and they were ambushed, but she was the only one taken. A few of our warriors were sent after Lexa, to warn her of what had happened, but they arrived too late. When they returned, we all learned what had happened.” A shadow fell across his face, his tone hardening, and even Lincoln had to look at him out of the corner of his eye. “The queen had kidnapped her and then tortured her. She'd used Costia to try to learn my sister's secrets so that she could take over as Commander. She wanted Lexa's power so she beat Costia, tortured her, and then when she was finished she cut off her head.”  
  
Monty let out a small gasp, his jaw dropping open, and Lincoln looked around at the rest of the Skaikru. Raven seemed to have paled, her legs pressing harder against her horse. Octavia's eyes burned with barely concealed fury, her grip on his hand tightening to the point of being painful. Jasper looked confused, almost as though he didn't know what to think, his brow drawn while Miller's eyes were wide, his grip on his gun tighter than it had been before. Bellamy stared ahead, his jaw clenched and back rigid, as though he were forcing himself not to react too much. Taigon himself still hadn't looked away from his sister, his head still held high as he recounted the worst day of her life.  
  
“Lexa knew none of this,” he continued softly, voice carrying to only them. “When Queen Nia agreed to join the coalition, she had no reason to believe there was anything more to it other than just that. So she accepted, welcomed the Ice Nation into the coalition, and the next thing she knew Nia handed her a bag. When she reached inside, it was her love's head that she pulled out.”  
  
“And this Ice Queen is still alive?” Miller asked, disgust in his tone. “I'da killed her right there.”  
  
A few of the others nodded, but Taigon shook his head. “If she could have, Nia would not have breathed another breath after that moment,” he replied. “But Lexa could not do so without breaking her own law.” When they looked at the Grounders curiously, Lincoln piped in, saying, “Once a clan has joined the coalition, they are forgiven for any crime committed before that moment. It was the Commander herself who made the law.”  
  
“Which meant she could not break it,” the healer agreed. “If she had killed the queen for what she had done, she knew her coalition would fall apart and the clans would turn back to fighting against each other. In order to prevent that, she could not go back on her law, and had to welcome Nia into the coalition. She had no other choice.”  
  
“That's... Wow,” Raven breathed, shaking her head. “I don't know how she was able to do that.”  
  
“It was not easy for her,” Taigon informed her. “The choice has eaten away at her ever since, but she goes on because she knows she made the right choice for her people.” He glanced back over at her, the corners of his lips pulling down slightly before he added softly, “Every choice she has made since the moment she was named Commander has been for us, never for her.”  
  
For a moment, the words settled over them all, weighing down on Grounders and Skaikru alike, until Jasper's head tilted to the side, looking back up at the healer. “Okay, but what does this all have to do with the Grounder that turned on us?” he asked, realizing none of this answered Bellamy's question.  
  
“Costia was Walsh's niece,” Taigon answered. “He had no children, but helped raise her as though she were his own. When he learned of what had happened to her, he was furious. He demanded Lexa move our warriors against the Ice Nation, demanded justice for his niece's life, but Lexa refused. Even though it was what she wanted too, in order for the coalition to remain strong she had to let Costia's death go.”  
  
“But jus drein, jus daun,” Octavia said, shooting a confused look between him and Lincoln. “Blood must have blood. Those are our words.”  
  
“No,” Taigon replied, shaking his head as he ignored her precise wording, “Not that time, and that was one of the things that angered Walsh so much. Lexa knew that blood could not have blood, not that time, not if she wanted to keep our people from falling into another war. The clans all saw what she was willing to do to keep her coalition strong, and it was that, her strength and her belief that finally convinced the final two clans to join. Lexa lost her love in the cruelest way imaginable, but her reaction to that loss is what finally united her people.” They all watched him as he focused completely on his sister, his shoulders squaring just a little further back in pride, as he murmured, “It is not just the coalition, but also all that she has sacrificed for her people, that has marked her as our greatest Commander yet.”  
  
His words seemed to hang in the air around them, their quiet intensity causing the hairs on their arms to all stand up. Power charged the air as though it were electricity, and each of them stared ahead, unsure if that power came from the words or from the woman they were about. As she led the two armies, her back as straight as ever, head high, none of them could really say, but each felt their own backs straighten, that power seeming to sink into their skin as well.

***

The effects of the Jobi nuts wore off slowly and then all at once. Little pieces of her delusions began to slip away, soft touches, quiet words, and then it was all gone, nothing but the reality of her dark cave surrounding her. Queen Nia and her people slipped out of her prison long before the effects were entirely gone, so for at least an hour Clarke got to sit there, falling to the ground and held in Lexa's arms. Those arms weakened, their touch slipping away before the vision itself, and yet the blonde held onto every detail for as long as she could. She whispered words into the air, words of love, wishes of what could be or could have been, even as the brunette began to blur. Details appeared and then disappeared, and as they shifted, Clarke knew her time with Lexa's image was slipping away. She watched her, tried to commit it all to memory, tried to keep her around for as long as possible, but finally she blinked and then Lexa was gone, her system no longer effected by the nuts.  
  
The moment the image of the Grounder disappeared a hollow ache formed in Clarke's gut, so much stronger than the pain she felt from Maloch's many hits. She hurt, both inside and out, enough that she winced whenever she moved, but she couldn't wipe the content smile from her lips. Her situation was no less dire than it had been that morning, perhaps even more so now, and yet she felt more at peace. It hurt, once again being alone in this prison and at the mercy of the Ice Queen, but now she had something to sink into, had the memory of Lexa's skin pressed up against her's fresh on her mind. Her body aching from bruises both new and old, Clarke felt herself lean back against the hard wall, her head falling back and eyes falling closed. Ignoring her pain, the blonde let herself drift off to sleep, hoping that her dreams would only bring her back to Lexa.  
  
For a period of time, they did. She slept, and in that sleep she found herself with Lexa again, found herself training with Lexa, running with her, touching her and being touched by her. In her dreams they could both ignore the truth of what was happening, and live in a world of their own, separate from everyone else. As she slept, her chest rising and falling in even breaths, she lived in the world she desperately wanted to be in.  
  
The door to her room opened, the creaking of its hinges immediately pulling Clarke out of her dreams, and for a moment she panicked. She panicked because she knew more pain was coming, knew that the queen would be trying some new trick to try to get information out of her, but she also panicked because waking up threw her back into reality and away from her world with Lexa. Dark shadows danced along the walls, the light from the torches barely enough to see by, but with that minimal light she looked across the room, expecting to find Nia, trying to fight down the panic she felt building in her chest.  
  
A hooded figure stepped into the room, quickly pushing the door behind them so that it just nearly shut. Hurried footsteps brought the figure towards Clarke, and the blonde watched them suspiciously until a hand quickly drew back their hood. Nadia stared at her with wide eyes, her face visibly pale even in the dim lighting. She carried a second hooded cloak over one arm, and hanging from her other hand Clarke saw a ring of keys.  
  
“Quickly,” the healer told her, pushing the cloak into the blonde's hand, “Put this on.”  
  
“I don't-,” Clarke began, her mind barely able to process what was happening even as she felt the rough material rub against the palm of her hand. She watched Nadia as the younger girl bent in front of her, the ring of keys held out, and then stared in amazement as she fit one of the keys into the lock on the shackle around her ankle. The key twisted and then the manacle fell away, barely making a sound as it hit the ground. For a moment Clarke just stared at the raw skin of her ankle, unable to fully process the fact that her leg was now free. The moment the manacle was on the ground, Nadia stood up, her eyes moving over Clarke and taking in the fact she hadn't yet moved.  
  
“Quickly, Clarke,” she whispered hurriedly, “We must go now before anyone finds you free!”  
  
At once, her brain snapped back into focus and she wrenched the cloak over her head, letting it settle over her shirt. “How did you get the key?” she asked, keeping her own voice down in fear that someone might walk by and hear. Nadia lifted her hood back over her head, Clarke quickly mirroring the motion, and then the healer led the way across the room. With every step, the Sky girl kept expecting to feel a tug at her ankle, but the tug never came.  
  
Nadia stopped at the door, pulling it open just a few inches and peering outside before opening it enough for them both to slip through. Every nerve in Clarke's body felt as though electricity shot through it, her attention everywhere at once, and when she followed Nadia out of the room she immediately spotted a warrior on the ground, his body slumped back against the outside of the building. The blonde leaned closer, unable to tell if he were dead or alive, and then felt Nadia's hand on her arm, fingers tightening almost painfully around her wrist before she tugged on it, forcing Clarke to follow her.  
  
“The queen gave me the idea,” the healer murmured, her eyes darting around as she led the way around the building, desperately on the look out in fear of getting caught. Clarke's eyes were also constantly moving, waiting for the slightest hint of someone catching them, but listened as Nadia continued, “I realized that if she could trick you into eating Jobi nuts, I could trick your guard into eating something stronger. He will remain asleep for hours.” She pulled Clarke around the building, until her prison stood between them and the rest of the village. Looking in front of them, the blonde felt herself gulp.  
  
Her prison was perched on the edge of a cliff. Sharp rocks jutted downward, a steep slope leading to the giant body of frozen water below them. Even in the best lighting, she could tell it would be a dangerous climb, and at the moment all they had was an almost full moon lighting the way. Nadia pointed, and Clarke tried to follow as the healer gestured sideways, indicating something the blonde couldn't yet see.  
  
“About halfway down there is a trail,” Nadia informed her quickly, and the blonde realized she could feel her shaking beside her. “The trail will lead along the side of the cliff. We will have rock on one side, and open air on the other. Above us will be the village, so we will have to remain as silent as possible. However, once we reach the end of the trail, we will be able to slip into the trees.”  
  
“That does not sound like an easy way out,” Clarke commented, once again peering down below her, her heart beating furiously in her throat. Nadia just shook her head, replying, “It isn't, but it is our only choice. We cannot travel on the ice: it would be too easy to be spotted, and we cannot try to reach the trees by going through the village. There is no way we would be able to avoid everyone.”  
  
“You make a good point,” the blonde admitted, though knowing this was her only choice made the cliff look no more appealing. The healer just nodded, and then took a step forward to lead the way, but Clarke's hand sprung up, grabbing her by the arm. “Wait,” she told her,before moving closer to the other girl. Quickly, she whispered, “Nadia, you've done enough. Thank you for getting me out, but you should go back now. If they realize I'm gone, they're gonna know someone helped me. If they catch you...”  
  
Clarke didn't want to say what would happen if she was caught, but the moment she started talking, Nadia began shaking her head. “I must go with you,” she insisted, her eyes flicking over Clarke's shoulder to be sure no one had decided to come circle the building. “You do not know where the trail is, or how to make it down the cliff. Once you make it to the woods, you will need a guide, someone who knows the area in order to help you find the Commander. I must go.”  
  
“No Nadia, it's too dangerous,” the blonde argued, her grip on the other girl's arm tightening as she just shook her head right back at her. “I can't let you do this. What about Sef? What'll happen to him if Nia realizes you helped me?”  
  
Guilt and fear flashed across the healer's face, but the determination Clarke could see in her eyes didn't waver. “Sef is safe,” she told the Sky girl, “My parents are with him now, and I know neither they nor Jojesh or Echo would allow anything to happen to him. He will be well, as long you reach the Commander. I must do this.”  
  
Clarke's eyes flickered across the healer's face, desperately trying to think of an argument that would convince her to stay, but she could tell by the set of the other girl's jaw that nothing she could say would work. Even now the healer's grip tightened on her wrist, and Clarke could see the sweat beading along her forehead, her fear visible, and yet she refused to back down. Her throat went dry, thinking of what would happen if they were caught, but finally she just nodded. Spending anymore time trying to argue only made it more likely they would be found before they could even reach the woods, and Clarke knew nothing she could say would change the girl's mind. Nadia returned the nod with one of her own, and then released her hold on the blonde's wrist, turning around and leading the way down the cliff.  
  
For a few feet, they followed a fairly worn path, the going easy, and then almost all at once it changed. Nadia turned and fell to her hands and knees before carefully moving to the edge of the cliff, slowly lowering her bottom half over the edge. Her hands held onto the rock, and then she disappeared over the side and Clarke felt her heart leap to her throat before she peered over the edge. She saw Nadia slowly moving down the face of the cliff, her feet carefully finding the most secure rocks to rest against while her hands held tightly onto those she passed. Looking up, she caught the blonde's eye, and nodded again. Feeling herself begin to shake, Clarke took a deep breath and then copied what she'd seen the healer do, getting onto her hands and knees and carefully lowering herself over the rocky ledge. For the briefest moment her legs dangled in open air, only her arms anchoring her to the rocks, and she felt a wave of panic wash over her. The next thing she knew her legs hit solid rock and she scrambled, her feet quickly finding a perch, and even as she shook, she crawled over the ledge.  
  
Sharp rock dug into her palms, and the tight grip she held on them managed to cause the fingers whose nails had been torn only a couple of days ago to open up, blood once again slipping down them. The addition of the blood only made her heart thud even louder in her chest, fear that it would make her grip slippery pounding through her veins. She moved slowly, methodically, only lowering herself down after testing each and every foothold she managed to find in the rocks, and strained her ears to listen to Nadia moving below her. Her body bumped and banged against the rocks, her many bruises all protesting the rough treatment, but she pushed each pain to the back of her mind, knowing that one false move and she'd be toppling down to the hard ice below. She strained her eyes to try to be able to see around her, but with just the light of the moon, far too often found herself groping almost blindly for the next crevice to hold onto.  
  
Finally, after far too long for her liking, Clarke felt both of her feet hit solid, level ground. For the first time since she moved herself over the edge of the cliff, she looked at more than just the rock at eye-level. Nadia stood to the side, waiting for her, eyes constantly darting up above them, as though to make sure they still hadn't been caught. Clarke didn't bother looking up, instead looking down, and immediately pushed herself closer to the wall of rock in front of her. They were still far too high up for her liking, and when she looked, she found the path that Nadia had mentioned appeared to only be a foot or so wide. They would have to move right up along the side of the cliff, or risking stepping out into open air. Just the thought of it caused the blonde's stomach to drop, and she had to breathe slowly to keep herself from getting sick.  
  
“Come,” Nadia murmured, as though they weren't still practically hanging off the side of a cliff, “This way.” Carefully she stepped to the side, her gaze moving down to the path below their feet, and Clarke followed behind her, feeling her cloak catch on the rock every now and then as she continued to push herself against it. She tried not to look down, tried not to focus on the white of the ice below them as the moonlight danced along its surface, but found it impossible. In order to be sure she remained on the path, she had to look down, had to be sure she stepped in the right place, and had to just try to ignore the racing of her heart as she continued to move.  
  
As they moved further along the side of the cliff, the wind began to pick up, whipping at their cloaks, pulling at the wisps of hair that escaped their hoods, and with it came sounds from the village above them. Nothing quite so solid as conversations managed to reach them, but Clarke could make out noise, the whiny of a horse or screech of a child, and she just pressed her lips tighter together, tried to make her footsteps lighter. The last thing she wanted was for either of them to make a noise loud enough that those above might be able to hear, and then get caught on the side of the cliff trying to escape. So they both moved even slower, picked their way even more carefully, trying to make as little sound as possible, even as their hearts beat crazily in their chests.  
  
There was a small dip in the path, a slight slope she wasn't expecting, and then Clarke took another step and she felt snow beneath her boot. She looked out around her and realized they'd made it: the cliff melted away on one side, and on the other she found a few feet of open space that disappeared into a mass of trees. Seeing the trees, for a second the Sky girl thought she might cry, relief flooding through her veins, but she managed to hold it in. Nadia looked around them quickly, making sure there was no one else around, before she looked back at the blonde and gestured for her to follow. The next moment she pushed away from the shadows of the cliff and raced forward, dashing madly across the open space, Clarke right on her heels. The Sky girl felt like there was a target on her back, felt like every person in the village must be watching, and held her breath while she waited for someone to shout, for someone to point them out. The shout never came though, and a moment later the two escapees disappeared into the trees, leaving the village behind.  
  
Within the trees, Clarke felt something spark inside her, some feeling that had been buried while Nadia freed her from her prison, buried while she scaled down the side of a cliff: she felt hope, burning white hot, flare up in her chest, and as she followed Nadia further and further away from the village behind them, that hope only grew. Her fingers curled into fists, the cuts and scrapes she'd received from the rocks all but forgotten, and felt her lips pull up into a small smile as her expression settled, determination now flowing through her. She was out, finally free, and all she could think of was one thing: _I'm coming, Lexa. I'm coming._

***

Moonlight streamed through the hole in the wall, pouring down on her throne. The torches along the walls added to the light, their fires flickering and casting shadows throughout the room, but Nia knew it was the moonlight filtering around her that made her nearly white hair glow, that lit her pale skin. It was the moon, she knew, that cast her in the white light that made all who entered her throne room pause, seeing a queen who shined like ice itself. She knew because she had placed her throne in this spot specifically for nights like this, when the moon was all but full, few clouds in the sky to dim its glow. In this spot, she knew the white furs she wore shown as bright as her hair, knew that she nearly became the moon itself. Those who looked on her could only do so for a moment, before they had to turn away. In fear, in awe, in respect: it did not matter. All she cared about was the fact that they did, that they saw her greatness, saw her for the powerful leader she was and soon would be, and would immediately bow before her, just as the two in front of her did now.  
  
“ _What is it?”_ she asked, her tone mild as she looked them over. They were two of her guards, two of the ones who stood just outside her door, and since she had not summoned them she knew they must have something important to tell her.  
  
“ _Your informant has arrived, my queen_ ,” one said, keeping his head bowed, while the other remained quiet. A corner of Nia's lips twitched but she allowed no more than that, before she flicked her wrist, telling them, “ _See him in. And one of you go get Kostia._ ” Immediately they nodded and stood, moving quickly to do as they were told.  
  
Hands moving to rest on the arms of her chair, Nia's fingers moved slowly over it, tracing patterns within the wood as she thought of what the informant's arrival meant. Lexa must be close: he would not have deserted her if he had far to travel, unless staying had become dangerous. If he was here, that meant Lexa and her army would soon follow, and that knowledge sent a clash of unsettling emotions through her. Before she had time to analyze them, the doors opened once again, and her informant walked through them, two other guards following to position themselves on either side of the doors. Walsh walked into the room, his shoulders back and expression set, eyes immediately meeting hers. He didn't look away, and her brow rose just a fraction at his boldness. She could see the twist of his lips, noticed the fact that his jaw was clenched, and knew he liked her no more than he had when she'd first approached him over a year ago, stealing away in the woods a few miles outside of Polis to tell him that his niece lived, and that if he did as she wished she would remain safe and he would be able to see her again. She'd read the hatred then as clearly as she did now, but just as then, it made no matter. He had agreed as she'd known he would, feeding the scouts she'd sent back periodically any bit of information he thought she might find useful, until he'd finally given her exactly what she needed to bring Lexa to her knees. Again her lips twitched, the image causing her heart to speed up in excitement, but she pushed the emotion away, to bask in when she was once again alone.  
  
Finally when he stood only a few feet away from her throne, Walsh stopped, still meeting her eye, and for a moment he just stood there. She raised her brow at him, the only indication she gave towards his insubordination, and a moment later he sunk to one knee, albeit stiffly. His head finally lowered, eyes turning to the ground, as he simply said, “Ai kwin.”  
  
“ _Wolsh,_ ” she replied, giving him a slight nod. “ _What news do you have for me?_ ”  
  
“ _The Commander is little more than a full day away, maybe a little more depending on how easy the trail is to follow,_ ” he answered without looking up. Nia allowed the use of the title to slide, showing her irritation only in the way one fingernail dug into the wood of her chair. “ _And?_ ” she instead just asked, knowing there must be more for him to say, and he looked up again, meeting her eyes before he added, “ _And she rides at the front of not only her own army, but an army of Skaikru as well. Forty of them chose to join the Commander, most of them with guns. They will all be here soon._ ”  
  
For the first time since she heard of his arrival, Nia felt herself frown, but then she quickly controlled her expression when she noticed him look to it. Raising her head, she looked down on him, giving him the same look that made her warriors cower before her, but he simply remained there, still kneeling before her but meeting her gaze. She wanted nothing more than to draw her dagger from its spot at her belt and show him exactly how she dealt with insolence, but she didn't move, didn't even allow her finger to twitch. Instead she just met his gaze, staring him down, until the door to her throne room opened once again.  
  
“ _Uncle!_ ” she heard, and immediately Walsh stood, turning his back to her as he crossed back towards the door, Costia running to meet him. She watched as the two came together in a tight hug, holding on to one another as tears ran down the girl's face and he whispered quietly into her ear, but Nia simply tuned them out.  
  
His news was not as she'd hoped it would be. She had guessed, back when she'd first thought of capturing the Sky girl, that some of her people would come after her. She had wondered even if they might join with Lexa's forces, and she had only smirked at the thought. It was well known, the tension between the Sky People and her own, especially that between them and Lexa. She'd thought that if the two people did try to travel together, they would only slow each other down, perhaps even begin a new war between themselves, greatly diminishing each side so that when Nia rose up with her own people, wiping each out would take no more than a simple breath. That they continued to ride together, unhindered, was a problem. That there were that many Sky People with guns, was another issue entirely.  
  
Yes, she'd managed to get a hold of some of the Mountain Men's weapons. Her army now held weapons that none of their people had ever used, and in this way she held the advantage over Lexa, as she knew she would. The Maunon had proven for dozens of years just how powerful their guns were, and then the Skaikru had proven it again after falling from the sky, so the fact that Nia's army now held them should have solidified her victory, but her people were not yet experts with the weapons. They'd been training with them for days, even weeks now, and if it were only Lexa's forces she went up against, she would not worry. The Skaikru with her, however, changed things, and the fact that it seemed they now followed Lexa changed things greatly. For the first time since she'd devised the plan of Clarke's capture, she began to feel an inkling of doubt in her gut, but she immediately extinguished it. She would still win this war, would still kill Lexa and take her title back, but in order to do so, she needed more information. She needed to know of each one of Lexa's weaknesses, needed to know how she would attack, what her strategy would be, who of Lexa's people had the most power and therefore would need to die first. She needed to know how to break Lexa's army and therefore Lexa herself, and in order to do that, she needed to finally break Clarke.  
  
The Sky girl had lasted far longer than Nia had believed she would. She'd been truly surprised when she refused her offer, sure she'd seen a look of defeat in the girl's blue eyes, but then she'd refused, and strength had seemed to flood through the girl. Even then though, Nia had thought little of it. She'd believed that strength wouldn't last, had believed that the torture she put the girl through would break her, would have her telling her everything by the end of that first day. Clarke hadn't broken though, then or any of the other times Nia had walked into her prison, even managing to remain steady under the influence of the Jobi nuts, and the queen would be fascinated if she hadn't started to get a little annoyed. There were few who had ever been able to hold out this long against her, and even fewer that managed to hold her gaze as they did so. Most were cowering by now, spilling their guts, telling her anything she could ever possibly want to know and more, just so long as the pain stopped. Clarke, it seemed, was unlike any of them; instead of talking, her lips remained tightly shut, her eyes bright as she held Nia's gaze with her own.  
  
The queen stared off in front of her, watching the family reunion taking place before her without really seeing any of it. Instead she pictured a blonde prisoner, cheeks wet as tears rolled down her face, and Nia felt her lips pull up into a small grin. Clarke had not broken yet, it was true, nor had she told her of any of Lexa's weaknesses while effected by the Jobi nuts, but she had told Nia of her own. As she cried out, the queen had watched, watched as the guilt from those she hadn't been able to save crippled her. She'd watched and she'd listened and she'd learned, and what she learned was that she had been going about this all wrong. If she wanted to break the Sky girl, it was not fear for her own life that would do it: it was fear for the lives of others. If she wanted Clarke to talk, it was not the blonde's life she needed to threaten.  
  
Nia settled back against her throne, her grin growing as she thought about how to finally break the Sky girl, and was only shaken from her thoughts when the door opened once again. For a moment she paid little attention to the warrior entering, but when he hesitated by the door, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides, her focus shifted to him. Eyes narrowing, she met his before he flinched and immediately looked away, and even from so far away she could practically see him shaking. He hesitated before taking a few, small steps forward, and she watched his every move.  
  
“ _What is it?_ ” she all but barked at him, knowing from the way he held himself whatever he had to say was not going to please her. Even knowing so, she wasn't prepared, and she felt her vision go white as he stammered, “ _Wanheda. She's, she's escaped._ ”  
  
“ _WHAT?_ ” the queen screamed, jumping to her feet, eyes blaring as she stalked down her throne and crossed the room in seconds flat. One hand lashed out, tightening around the neck of his coat, furiously pulling him closer to her, and she watched as all of the color drained from his face. “ _The, the guard on duty has, has been knocked out, possibly poisoned with something,_ ” he informed her quickly, his words all running together in his fear. “ _Someone noticed him on the ground, and when they looked in the prison, sh-she was gone._ ”  
  
“ _Find her!_ ” Nia yelled before thrusting him away from her. She ran to the doors, yanking them open, and growled to every guard gathered outside her throne room, “ _Find her! I want every warrior out there, now! I want the Sky girl found, and whoever helped her escape! I want them back, and I want them back alive!_ ” Each and every one of them scattered, all cowering beneath her glare, even Costia yanking Walsh out of the room, the girl almost as pale as the guard who'd delivered the news.  
  
The moment she was alone, Nia spun around, her hand moving to the hilt of her knife as she stalked angrily back towards her throne. She paced back and forth in front of it for a moment, thoughts running madly through her mind, before she threw herself into the large chair. Without thinking about it, she quickly drew her knife, plunging its sharp tip into the arm of her chair while a frustrated scream tore from her throat, terrifying anyone outside the room that heard it. Those who did knew that something terrible was coming for the one who caused it, and each one of them hurried back home, praying that whoever it was wasn't someone they loved. 

***

The wind whistled through the trees around them, whipping at the bare branches and tugging at their cloaks. Clarke felt a shiver run down her spine, but whether that was from the cold or from the anticipation coursing through her body, she couldn't tell. She and Nadia continued running, covering their tracks whenever they could, but focusing more on putting as much distance as they could between themselves and the village than on hiding their trail.  
  
They did not have to go far for the blonde to realize the other girl had never been a hunter or a warrior: though she managed to remain quiet as they moved, she stepped on just as many branches as Clarke did, maybe even more, and it wasn't too long before she was breathing heavily, clearly not used to running so fast for so long. She didn't complain though, instead just pushing herself to lead the Sky girl through the woods, and it was clear that she knew her way around. Where Clarke thought she saw tightly packed trees, Nadia saw the small paths between them; when the blonde nearly ran directly into a hunting trap, the healer pulled her away just in time before the net could snap up around her. Nadia led and Clarke followed, both keeping their eyes open for any sign of the Commander's army and ears open for any indication they might be followed.  
  
Clarke wanted to go faster, wanted to push them both harder, but didn't for multiple reasons. The first was that it was clear Nadia was already traveling as fast as she could, and considering she was the one who at least had an idea of where they were going, the blonde knew she couldn't just go on without her. The second was that in among the trees, the moonlight filtered in sporadically, lighting up one section of woods and then getting caught in clusters of branches and leaving another almost completely black. Already the blonde had nearly twisted her ankle twice, stepping poorly due to minimal lighting, and knew that their chances of injury only increased the faster they moved. Finally, she didn't because while Nadia's breathing made it obvious she was tired, Clarke's torso wailed at her, her many bruises protesting so much movement. Even without thinking about the bruises, her legs felt weak, tired and stiff after almost an entire week of barely being able to use them. She couldn't push her body any harder than Nadia pushed hers, and she knew they would just have to make do with the pace they had already.  
  
The two run-aways continued throughout the night, putting an unknown distance between themselves and those they tried to escape. They barely stopped, barely allowed themselves even a moment of rest, instead just pushing themselves to go further, to run faster. They ran, praying that each desperate step would take them further from their enemies and closer to their allies, but as the light of the moon began to grow dim and the dark light of the dawn began to take its place, they heard shouts far behind them, and knew their chances were just about up. Still they ran, hoping to lose the faint noises, but rather than losing them, the shouts only seemed to get louder.  
  
Knowing that no amount of running would save her, Clarke suddenly stopped, her eyes glancing widely around her, desperate for any idea that might help. Nadia skidded to a halt a few feet away, whirling back around when she realized the blonde was no longer following her.  
  
“Clarke,” she wheezed, her voice breaking as her chest heaved, panting now that she'd finally stopped. “We have to keep going!”  
  
“It's no use,” the blonde told her quickly, her own breathing coming in short, quick gasps. “They're right behind us. We're not both going to be able to get away.” She felt her heart speed up even further, even as she turned to look at the younger girl. “Go,” she insisted, nodding towards the trees in front of them. “Keep running, keep going until you find Lexa. Tell her about Nia, tell her about the guns and what's going to happen when she and her army make it to the village. Tell her you tried to help me escape, but I told you to keep going.”  
  
“No,” Nadia argued, her head shaking furiously as she took a step back towards the blonde. “No, no, I can't. You are the one that must find the Commander. You must speak with her, not me. She will not listen to me.”  
  
“She will if you tell her I told her to,” Clarke insisted, peering briefly over her shoulder when she heard another shout in the distance. Looking back at the healer who simply continued to shake her head, the blonde quickly walked over to her, her hands moving immediately to the other girl's shoulders. “Nadia, they want me,” she said, her words racing out of her. “If they find just me, they're less likely to keep looking for you. As far as we know, they don't even know you're the one who helped me. If I stay back, that means you have a chance to find Lexa; if you stay back, there's a better chance they'll just kill you and keep looking for me. You go, and I can buy you and Lexa time. Nia's not going to kill me until she gets what she wants, and I'm not going to give that to her. Go, and the Commander's army can be ready for Nia's before Nia even knows they're nearby.”  
  
The healer opened her mouth as though to say something, but nothing came out. Sweat dripped down her forehead, and Clarke could feel her shaking beneath her hands. She gave the younger girl's shoulder a squeeze to try to reassure her, and then whispered, “Nodia, beja: gon.”  
  
Nadia's eyes widened, but then she finally nodded slowly. Her eyes flickered over Clarke's shoulder, worry obvious in them as they heard another shout from not as far away, before she turned that sharp gaze on the blonde. Her hands came up to wrap around the Sky girl's forearms, returning the same pressure. “You are strong, Clarke,” she murmured, unblinking as she looked into blue eyes that held her gaze. “Yu ste Ubroukai.” Each held on to the other for another moment, and then Clarke lightly shoved the other girl away, nodding towards the trees. Nadia licked her lips, her fear still clear in her expression, before she nodded one last time and then turned, running until she had disappeared from sight.  
  
The moment she was gone, Clarke was looking back around her, desperate for something to do. She might be waiting to be captured again, but that didn't mean she needed to go easily. Her heart hammered against her ribs but she took deep, even breaths, trying to keep the fear from clouding her mind. Eyes scanning around her, she saw a thick stick on the ground not too far away, and hurried over to it, immediately lifting it up. When her captors found her they would take her back, she knew that, but not without any kind of fight. Quickly the branch warmed up in her hands and she swung it a few times, trying to loosen up her muscles in preparation. She shifted from foot to foot, nerves humming through her, just waiting for those shouts to get louder until any of her pursuers found her.  
  
Waiting, she almost immediately found, was impossible to do with nothing to distract her from what was coming. She took a few steps, thinking she could put more distance between herself and those tracking her, but stopped when she realized she was moving in the same direction Nadia had disappeared in. She returned to shifting where she stood, her hands clenching instinctively, and then winced as pain shot through her fingertips. Looking down, she saw droplets of blood slowly gathering and falling away from the wounds that had once again re-opened, and felt her eyes widen as an idea suddenly sprang to mind. Quickly she looked up and let her gaze dart around her, until she found what she was looking for. Without hesitation, she ran over to the wide birch tree, dragging her fingers along its bark the moment she stood in front of it. She knew there was a better chance of Nadia finding Lexa than of Lexa finding this message, but even so she guided her fingertips along the bark, barely even flinching as the pressure against them caused sparks of pain to shoot along her nerve endings.  
  
Her message was only half-written when she heard another shout, this one close enough that Clarke could actually make out what was being said. Her left hand clenching around the stick she still held, she stepped back, taking a final quick look at her work before turning around and hurrying away from it. It wasn't done, but she couldn't take the chance of being caught near it, and she knew Lexa would understand the message if she ever found it.  
  
Hurriedly the blonde ran through the trees, both to get away from the tree and to try to put more distance between herself and whoever followed her. Fear prickled along the back of her neck, but she just kept going, kept trying to stay ahead of those behind her. She heard another shout, closer than she wanted to admit, and just a minute later heard the beating of hooves against the ground.  
  
“Ai don hon em op!”  
  
The voice crashed against her eardrums almost as loudly as the horse's hooves crashed against the ground, and Clarke could feel the warrior's eyes on her. She stopped and whirled around, finding him riding towards her, rope in one hand and a knife in the other. Her grip on her stick shifted, loosening slightly as she felt herself fall into the position Lexa had taught her months ago, waiting for just the right moment. The warrior rode closer, eyes darting to her stick and then back to her, almost as though it didn't matter. Her eyes narrowed and her grip tightened, her heart beating in time with his horse's steps. When he was only a few feet away, the warrior easily slid from his saddle, both hands moving to his rope.  
  
“Let's go,” he called to her, eyes hard, but she said nothing. Instead, the moment he took another step, she lashed out, her branch gliding through the air and striking his hand before he even realized she'd moved. He dropped the rope, letting out a low curse as his hand pulled back, shooting her a glare. Clarke fell back into position, waiting for his next move and her next opportunity.  
  
“ _What are you doing?_ ” they both heard, and the warrior looked over briefly to see two more Grounders ride towards them. One looked on with a scowl while the other nearly grinned, one eyebrow raised. “ _What, are you afraid of her stick?_ ”  
  
“ _She is fast,_ ” the one she'd just hit spat back, turning his glare on the one who'd just spoken. The other warrior's grin only grew before he too dropped from his saddle, strolling easily over to him.  
  
“ _She is a Sky person,_ ” he said with a roll of his eyes, “ _Without a gun, she is as dangerous as a bird. Now let's go: the queen wants her back immediately._ ”  
  
His attention was too focused on his friend. Without warning, Clarke took a quick step forward, bringing the branch out in a wide arc as she would a sword, and smashed it against the warrior's back. The force made the man flinch, taking an involuntary step towards the other Grounder. The one she'd hit first raised his eyebrows, almost grinning himself as the other one shot a glare at the blonde.  
  
“ _See?_ ” he said, “ _I told you: she is fast._ ”  
  
“Shof op,” the second Grounder growled, turning to face the Sky girl. His hand fell to his dagger, pulling it from his belt and he held it out in front of him, crouching as though getting ready to attack.  
  
“ _The queen wants her alive,_ ” the third warrior called out, still watching everything from his horse. “ _She will be alive,_ ” was the reply he got, “ _She just might be bleeding more when we are done._ ”  
  
Without warning, he sprang forward, his knife darting out before him. Clarke had anticipated the movement though, and had her stick swinging in time to knock his knife away and side-step the attack. The second Grounder came at her immediately after, lower than the first had been, and Clarke shifted her grip on the stick, bringing its free end up to meet the man's chin. The blow was hard enough to wrench his head back, and when he looked back at Clarke she saw a trickle of blood running slowly from the corner of his mouth. She didn't get any longer to look at it though, because her first attacker had righted himself, his fist flying directly at her head. She dodged the blow, ducking in time to let the fist fly right by, and then drove her elbow into the softest part of his stomach.  
  
For another minute or so, Clarke dodged and attacked, holding her own against the two warriors, but the moment the third slid from his horse and joined in, she knew she wouldn't last much longer. She managed to step away from a knife as it bit through the air at her, but couldn't then dodge the elbow directly in her path. It smashed into her head, opening up a cut along her eyebrow, and had to blink quickly to clear her vision. A fist made contact with her stomach, the blow something that might not have incapacitated her if not for her many other injuries there, but the pain made her double over. A hand grabbed at her stick, wrenching it from her hands, and then she felt a foot on her back, roughly pushing against her and making her fall to the ground. The next thing she knew her arms were pulled behind her back and a rope wrapped around her wrists, effectively pinning them in place.  
  
Two hands grabbed the shoulders of her cloak, yanking her back up on her feet. She breathed heavily, but felt a sense of satisfaction when she realized at least the first two who had attacked her did too. The third stepped back, running his hands through his hair to clear the wisps that had gotten loose from his braids away from his face, and then nodded.  
  
“ _Let's go,_ ” he simply said, nodding to the other two. “ _The longer we take to return her, the angrier the queen will be._ ” Each of the other two Grounders nodded, the one who'd found her first pulling her with him towards his horse. Just as he was about to lift her up, they heard more hooves, and they all turned to see two more warriors moving towards them. Clarke looked too, and felt her heart sink when she saw them.  
  
“ _Looks like we have found them both,_ ” one of the new Grounders said, his eyes falling on the blonde. “ _The queen will be happy._ ”  
  
Nadia sat in front of him, a trail of blood dripping from a long gash along her hairline. Even with so much distance between them, Clarke could read her barely contained fear in the tight press of her lips and wide set of her eyes. She met the blonde's look and shook her head, the motion so small it was barely noticeable, and the Sky girl felt her heart sink as her own fear rose up, filling her until there was no room for anything else. The warrior beside her lifted her up and then fell in the saddle behind her, and as he turned his horse back in the direction of the village, all Clarke could do was close her eyes. She had escaped, and she had failed.  
  
As the warriors rode back towards Keerie with their two prisoners in tow, tiny drops of red dripped down a lone birch tree, the only true splash of color in a world comprised otherwise of shades. The droplets ran down, at some points blending together, but never enough to blur the letters that had been left behind. The letters, seven in total, laid out in two rows, one on top of the other; a simple message left behind for one of the only Grounders alive who knew how to read.  
  


G U N S

K E E

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you guys know this already, but you are all seriously the best readers I could ever ask for! Really, the responses I got from the last chapter and my author's note were all amazing, and I can't even begin to describe how happy they all made me! I'm glad to know that there are so many people who love my story, and anxiously wait every week for the next chapter. You're the best, and I love you all! Hope that this chapter was worth the wait, and I'll see you again in one week! :)
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations:
> 
> "Nodia, beja: gon." - "Nadia, please: go."  
> "Yu ste Ubroukai." - "You are Unbroken."  
> "Ai don hon em op!" - "I found her!"


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Graphic depictions of violence.

She heard the footsteps outside the door to her prison, but even as the heavy footfalls reached her ears, Clarke didn't look up, didn't even open her eyes. It wouldn't have mattered even if she had: the complete darkness of the room swallowed her up, shrouding her in a black too thick to see through. She remained on the ground, back pressed firmly against the now familiar wall, knees drawn to her chest and forehead pressed against her knees. The manacles on her ankles weighed heavy, and the new weight of the ones on her wrists pulled her arms down as well, their chains giving her just enough room to curl her arms around her legs. To any who saw her in that moment, she looked beaten, broken, but inside she was calculating. She may be back in this cell, surely about to be punished for trying to escape, but she'd gotten out, and she'd left her message. Now she just had to wait for Lexa to find it, and then find her. She could make it: after all this, she _had_ to make it.  
  
The door swung open and two warriors approached her, their footsteps clearly getting louder as they got closer, but Clarke still didn't look up. Only when they stopped did she open her eyes, her sight adjusting to the new light until she could see their boots and legs just at the edge of her vision. Without warning their hands were on her, yanking her roughly to her feet. She didn't fight back, didn't bother to try, even when a pair of hands came into her line of sight, and then one warrior was kneeling down by her legs, releasing the manacles around her ankles. The second warrior held her tightly by the shoulders, as though she might run away, but Clarke made no effort to do so. There was no point: after her escape, she was sure that Nia had placed warriors outside of the tower in the event she did try to get away from these two, and even if not she was sure there were any number of other warriors around, all told to keep their eyes sharp. She had escaped once and had no doubt she wouldn't be able to do so again. She would have to wait, silently taking whatever punishment Nia wanted to hand to her, and wait for Lexa to find her.  
  
The weight around her wrists fell away and the two warriors moved, one going to each side of her. The next moment her arms were twisted painfully behind her back, causing her to let out a sharp breath as she tried not to wince. They pushed her forward and she started walking, knowing that no amount of fighting would get her away from them. She was too weak, too tired from everything she'd already been through, and already she was tired from what she knew must happen next. So she walked, allowing them to lead her out of the dark room and back into daylight, the blonde squinting as the sudden bright blinded her momentarily. Only then, out in the sun, did she finally lift her head, eyes scanning around her hurriedly. People were everywhere, some of them clearly warriors with their hands on their swords or bows or guns as they watched her pass, others clearly not, many holding bags or baskets, animal skins or children. They watched her too, and when she met their eyes she found the fear and flashes of sympathy, and realized they didn't fear her, but what was about to happen to her. They feared their queen, the one who was supposed to protect them, and again her rage and hatred for Nia swirled inside her, building like a growing storm.  
  
After being pushed through the growing crowds, Clarke looked before her and set her jaw, holding her head a little higher. She saw the twin posts they were leading her to and the chains that hung from them, as well as the single post standing many yards away with blade marks all along it, but she refused to show fear. Nia could try to break her body as much as she wanted: Clarke would never talk, and to prove it she just lifted her chin higher, not letting herself fight back against the warriors holding her even as her heartbeat began to race in her chest.  
  
They reached the twin poles and then the warriors were shoving her between them, one of them once again holding her in place while the other grabbed one of her arms and lifted it as well as one of the chains, and then a new manacle was around her wrist and she couldn't drop her arm down. The action was repeated on her other side, and when the two warriors stepped back she remained stuck between the two large poles, her arms held out to her sides, and she had no doubt that no amount of pulling would release her, so she didn't even try. Instead she stood stock still, head still high even as her heart beat at a speed it'd never reached before. A crowd had begun to gather around her, light murmurings coming from a few of them, but Clarke just looked ahead, not meeting anyone's eyes. This was going to happen, and there was nothing she could do about it, but that didn't mean she would give Nia the satisfaction of showing her fear.  
  
Movement from the crowd caught her eye and she turned her head just slightly when she saw it part, and then simply clenched her jaw even harder as she saw the queen walking towards her, a little smile pulling at the corners of her lips. Maloch walked just a few steps behind her, and the smirk on his face was anything but small. His fingers were wrapped around something, and in the brief moment Clarke let her gaze drop to it, the beads of sweat on her forehead only grew as her fear gripped her harder even as she fought to keep it from showing. Beside him walked Costia, her eyes already on the prisoner, back rigid as she moved forward with her lips pressed in a tight line. Just behind her walked Walsh, and the moment Clarke saw him her eyes widened, everything suddenly clicking into place. The rage in her gut rolled, spreading out through her and warming her limbs, and rather than fight against it, she let herself sink into it. A number of other warriors followed them, but it was these four who Clarke watched, unable to stop the glare she threw at them. They looked at her, and from the glint in Nia's eyes and the grin on Maloch's face, her pulse only sped up.  
  
The queen moved until she stood just a few feet in front of the chained blonde, her eyes not leaving Clarke's once they met. Stubborn eyes met icy ones, and for a moment no one spoke, the crowd's breath held as the two leaders stared one another down. Finally the smirk on the queen's face grew before she told Clarke softly, “You made a foolish choice, Clarke. I do not like when my prisoners try to leave me.”  
  
“I don't exactly like being held prisoner, so I guess neither of us get to be happy,” the blonde replied evenly, still meeting Nia's hard gaze. The queen quirked an eyebrow, the single movement enough to draw Clarke's attention to it, before she offered, “We could both be happy, Clarke. Tell me what I wish to know, and then I will have what I want from you and can release you. All you must do to end the pain is tell me Lexa's secrets; that is all it will take.”  
  
Rather than say anything, the prisoner just held her head high, shifted where she stood so that she could stand straighter, and refused to look away from the queen's cold eyes. She heard the smirk in his voice as Maloch murmured, “She does not seem to care what happens to her,” but still didn't look at anyone but the girl directly in front of her.  
  
Nia's eyes flicked back and forth between the blonde's, as though studying her. A moment later her head tilted to the side just slightly before she mused, “You don't, do you?” She stepped forward, closing the space between them until her face was a mere few inches away from Clarke's, eyes still scanning the blonde's. “You are strong, that is clear. You believe you cannot be broken.” The look in those icy eyes made breathing difficult, the fear the prisoner felt quickly growing to something akin to panic, but still she didn't let it show. One corner of the woman's mouth turned up, even as she shrugged. She turned, stepping back and once again putting more distance between them, before saying loudly, “You are wrong, of course. Everyone can be broken. It is just a matter of finding the right way.” Her eyes darted over to Maloch, gesturing briefly with a tilt of her head. “Get her ready.”  
  
“Sha ai kwin,” he replied, and then his smirk only grew as he stalked across the space before him, his gaze directly going to Clarke's immobilized form. His eyes moved over the girl's body and she could easily see the glint in them, and she tried not to shudder as the hand without the whip in it reached out, gently running along her arm as he walked around her. The hand moved down to her side, fingers briefly grasping at her waist before it moved to her back, and suddenly she heard a rip and felt cool air against her bare back as the shirt was torn almost to her shoulder blades. She felt fingers brush briefly along her spine and this time she wasn't able to keep her shudder in before the man stepped back, his attention returning to his leader and waiting for the command.  
  
Nia met his look and was about to nod at him to begin when once again the crowd behind them parted and more of her warriors stepped up, dragging another form between them. When Clarke realized who the form was, for the first time she fought against the restraints holding her in place, her eyes going wide. Nadia stood between them, her fear clear even as she tried to hide it. She had multiple bruises along her face, and on her bare arms Clarke could see more bruising and a number of shallow cuts, all which bled sluggishly still. The gash along her forehead continued to drip down the side of her face, only looking worse now than it had when the two of them had been split up upon returning to the village. The shirt she wore was nearly soaked through in places with sweat, and Clarke didn't have to wonder if there were more injuries along her body that were hidden from view.  
  
“Let her go!” she yelled, still pulling against the restraints, eyes boring holes into Nia. The queen simply raised her eyebrows at her while Nadia called to the blonde, “Do not speak, Clarke! You must not break!” Nia flicked her wrist, and suddenly one of the warriors holding the younger girl in place slammed his fist into her stomach, causing her to double over. “No!” Clarke screamed, fighting against the restraints harder, but no amount of pulling could free her of them.  
  
Clarke was about to yell again when Jojesh pushed through the crowd, his face drawn as his eyes fell first on his sister and then back to his queen. A small group followed him, Echo standing among two people the blonde had never seen before, but the fact that the woman held Nadia's son in her arms told her that they were her parents. Their eyes were on Nadia, tears silently running down the woman's face as her husband held on to her, but Jojesh's focus remained on the queen, not looking away. Clarke could see the concern for his sister on his face, but he held his back straight as he approached the queen, his family staying back at the edge of the crowd. He stopped just a few feet away from her, and she met his look with disinterest. A few of the warriors near the queen shifted, unsure what to make of his approach, but everyone's eyes widened when he slowly fell to his knees in front of her.  
  
“Beja,” he begged, his voice loud enough for everyone to hear even as he bowed his head before her. “Please my queen, have mercy on my sister. She is little more than a child: she did not think and acted foolishly. Beja.”  
  
“She is a traitor, Jojesh,” Nia informed him coldly, hard eyes falling down on the warrior at her feet. “She deserves to die a traitor's death. Why should I show mercy?”  
  
“I am begging you,” he pleaded, his head rising just enough so that he could meet her look. “Banish her. Strip her of everything she owns. Cast her out: just please, do not kill her.”  
  
Silence hung around them, Nia seeming to study her warrior as she once again raised an eyebrow. The crowd gathered around all watched, their entire focus shifting between the queen and the warrior on the ground before her, their collective breath seeming to be held as they waited to see what would happen. Finally she nodded, telling him a moment later, “You wish for me to show mercy? Very well, I will show this traitor my mercy. But first you must prove yourself to me.” He lifted his chin, jaw set, and then Clarke watched as Nia's eyes flickered back to her. “You will give the prisoner her punishment.”  
  
“Jojesh, no!” Nadia cried, trying to pull away from her captors, but the warriors holding her silenced her with a rough shake. Her brother watched it, fists clenching at his side, and then he looked back to the queen. Before he could say or do anything, they all heard Sef call out, “Nono?” Clarke turned and saw the little boy shift in his grandmother's arms, saw him look over at his restrained mother, and then saw how Jojesh's eyes fell closed at the sound of his nephew. Eyes opening again, they flickered momentarily to his sister, and then turned back to the queen, and he nodded. He stood, turning his back to both Nia and his sister, and walked to the posts where Clarke stood. Moving behind the girl, he held out his hand, and Clarke distinctly heard the small growl Maloch let out before shoving the whip into the palm before him, stepping back to the queen's side once he'd released it. She couldn't see Jojesh any longer, but in the short pause that followed she knew the warrior had turned his attention back to his queen, waiting for her word.  
  
Nia's eyes fell back to Clarke's, and the blonde did all she could to hide the sudden quick rise and fall of her chest as her breath picked up.  
  
“Begin,” the queen merely said, her eyes not leaving Clarke's.  
  
“I am sorry,” she heard whispered softly behind her, so quietly she doubted anyone else could hear, and then the next moment she heard the crack of the whip. She couldn't help but let out the small cry as the leather came down on her bare skin, the sting remaining even once the whip had left her. She clenched her teeth, refusing to cry out again as the whip came down a second time, a new pain erupting along her back. A third and then a fourth time the leather made contact with her bare skin, pain and heat rising from her body at every point of contact, and each time she fought to keep the pain bottled inside, fought to keep any cries from escaping. As the whip fell down against her over and over, she curled her fingers around the chains holding her in place, clenching them in a tight grip as she tried to anchor herself so that she could fight the pain. She could feel the welts forming, each lash of the whip causing a new stinging ache to erupt along her back, but she refused to let more than the soft cries fall from her lips. The prisoner fought against it all, and suddenly all of her hatred for the woman before her rose inside her, taking her over completely, and even as she winced as the tip of the leather hit her again, she raised her head up, eyes boring angrily into the queen's.  
  
“I. Will. Not. Break,” she growled, one word coming out between each lash. Out of the corners of her eyes she noticed members of the crowd start shifting in place, heard slight murmurs that she wouldn't have been able to make out even if she were completely fluent in their language, but still she didn't break eye contact with the queen.  
  
“Everyone breaks eventually,” the queen simply replied, eyes holding Clarke's even as she watched the blonde barely flinch as the whip struck her again.  
  
Clarke didn't keep track of the number of lashes, but even as the pain increased with each hit, she refused to break eye contact with those cold eyes. Every now and then she would flinch as the whip struck where welts had already begun to form, a small cry breaking from her lips, but she refused to show anymore than that. To help keep her resolve up, she thought of one of the first lessons Lexa had taught her at their cave, repeated her words over and over in her head like a mantra. _Pain: you take it, you fight through it, you ignore it. You do not let it beat you. You take it, you fight it, you ignore it: you do not let it beat you._ The blonde grit her jaw harder as the whip came down once again, but rather than allow herself to think of it or how many more there might be, instead she focused on Lexa's voice in her head. The words were only a thought, but as she glared the queen down, she felt them run through her far more powerfully than the lash of the whip. Out of the corners of her eyes Clarke could see the audience around them, could see the people watching, and noticed as they began to shift, their eyes flickering from her to the queen. She herself never looked away from Nia, barely even blinked, her expression set in the defiance she felt coursing through her. The corners of the queen's lips began to pull down as the murmurings from the crowd began to grow just a little louder, and Clarke allowed that to fuel her even more.  
  
“No!”  
  
An angry cry suddenly broke through the space between the strikes, and suddenly Costia was running forward, an almost crazed expression pulling at her features.  
  
“No,” she growled again, eyes wild. “You aren't doing it hard enough! Everyone breaks.” She ran behind Clarke, grabbing the whip from Jojesh's hand, immediately bringing it back. “Everyone breaks!” she repeated, almost more to herself than to anyone else, and then she brought the whip down with all her strength.  
  
Clarke couldn't hold her cry in: the force of the leather against her skin in the one blow was greater than any had been before, and she didn't know if Jojesh had been holding back or if Costia was simply using more strength, but she could feel her skin rip apart where the whip struck her. Again the leather fell harshly against her back and again she cried out, no longer able to keep in the pain. Her eyes fell shut, held tightly closed to try to block the people around her out and keep the tears in as her body forced her to succumb to the pain. Her legs tried to take her away, tried to move her out of the line of fire of the demanding whip, but the shackles around her wrists held her in place. Costia rained the whip down on her back and with each lash she could feel her flesh break open, blood quickly covering her skin. She tried to hold in the tears but the agony was too great as the unforgiving leather ripped her skin open over and over, and soon they fell, mixing with her sweat as both rolled along her cheeks.  
  
“Tell me what I want to know, Clarke,” Nia ordered, her tone rising so that she could easily be heard over the crack of the whip and the blonde's cries. “Tell me Lexa's secrets.”  
  
At the name of the Commander the whip came down even harder and Clarke heard the unmistakeable sound of a sob come from behind her, and couldn't hold in her scream. The pain was too great, and Costia showed no signs of stopping even as her own breath grew wet and heavy behind Clarke, and so the prisoner let herself scream. She let herself scream, and she directed every one of her words at the queen as she did so. “No! I won't turn on her! I'll never tell you anything, so just go ahead and kill me!”  
  
“Enough!” the queen suddenly exclaimed, and with one final strike of the whip Costia dropped her hand, stepping back as her breathing remained ragged, tears streaking down her face and eyes glaring at the blonde head before her as she shook. When the whip stopped, Clarke felt all the energy drain out of her, and she slumped forward, the chains the only thing holding her up. Her entire back burned white hot and she could feel the blood coating her skin as it rolled along her flesh, dripping down along her skin until it either soaked into the material of her pants or fell to the ground below her. Her body went limp, arms aching from holding her up, and her chest heaved as she tried to get her breathing back under control. Eyes opening, she could see the little red dots coloring the earth beneath her, and watched as a new drop splashed against the packed snow. She barely had the strength to lift her head up as the queen stepped forward once again, but somehow she managed, meeting the queen's look with as much defiance as she could muster.  
  
“You will not die, Clarke,” the queen promised her quietly, her tone so soft it was menacing. “But you will wish you had.” Turning back around quickly, she locked eyes with the warriors still holding Nadia and gestured to the single post standing only a few yards away from them. “Chain her to the pole and gather the wood,” she ordered. They nodded and then roughly pulled the girl between them to the pole, and Clarke's eyes widened as she realized what they were doing.  
  
“You said you would have mercy!” Clarke cried, energy suddenly shooting through her again even as she heard Jojesh shift beside her.  
  
“I am showing mercy,” Nia replied evenly, a menacing tint to her voice. “She will not feel the blades she deserves: this will start and end with fire.”  
  
“No! No, beja,” Jojesh begged again, panic in his voice, “Beja ai kwin!” He moved to take a step towards his sister, but suddenly Echo stepped forward from the crowd and moved beside him, wrapping both arms around his shoulders and holding him back. Faintly Clarke could hear her whispering to him quickly, but she didn't try to listen to what was being said. All she could focus on were the warriors already chaining the girl who had tried to help her to the post, others quickly piling wood at the girl's feet and up her body. “No! Stop!” Clarke screamed, the shackles around her wrists tearing into her skin as she desperately tried to save the only person who'd tried to help her.  
  
“Tell me what I want to know and I will stop it,” Nia growled, something like victory lining her voice. “Tell me everything about Lexa, and the girl will live.”  
  
Clarke's jaw dropped open and then immediately closed, and she went entirely still. Emotions whirled inside her, thoughts moving too quickly to really grasp. She couldn't turn on Lexa: she wouldn't. But she couldn't just let Nadia die for her either. She had tried to help her. She had tried to save her from this place. She had a family, a son, and Clarke couldn't let her die because of her. Too many people had already died because of her, and Clarke couldn't just stand by and watch it happen again. The blonde's mouth fell open, her jaw working a few times to try to grasp words, and Nia's eyes flashed, easily seeing the Sky girl's uncertainty, but just as the blonde was about to say something, a cry silenced her.  
  
“No!” Nadia cried, her eyes boring into Clarke, and when the blonde turned to her, their eyes met and she could see the determination in them. “You must not break, Clarke! You must stay strong!” The blonde tried to argue, tried to say something, anything, but all she could do was shake her head, tears once again forming as she looked at the healer chained to the pole. Nadia saw it, and she turned away, scanning the crowd around her. “Ai Ubroukai op!” she exclaimed, her voice rising to be heard by each of them. Any who hadn't already been watching her turned, the entire crowd listening as her words washed over them. “ _She is the one who will free us when the Commander comes! Naia has led us down a path of death, but she will free our people when the queen dies!_ Ai Ubroukai op!”  
  
With a snarl Nia nodded to one of her warriors, and suddenly he brought the torch he held down to the wood at the girl's feet, the tinder catching quickly. The healer ignored the flames licking at the wood around her legs, ignored them as they grew around her. Her mother began screaming, her cries too broken to be understood, tears falling freely along her cheeks as her grip on her grandson only tightened. Beside her, Nadia's father began shouting, his voice breaking in agony as he tried to run forward, tried to run to save his daughter. Echo stopped him, her body colliding with his as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, leaning all of her weight against his to hold him back. He pushed against her, desperately trying to shake himself free, but the warrior only held on tighter, furiously refusing to let him go even as her own tears ran down her face. Jojesh didn't try to rush forward, didn't let out any cries of agony like his parents: instead he fell back to his knees, his entire body crumpling beneath him as he was forced to watch the flames lick up the large branches and begin to dance along the furs still covering his sister's body. Behind him, Sef began wailing, the noise clearly terrifying him, and he began pushing against his grandmother's shoulder, crying for his mother at the top of his lungs. Nadia continued to yell out to the crowd around her, refusing to back down, until the flames started biting at her skin. She tried to fight it, but suddenly her yells turned to shrieks, the pure agony she felt coloring those cries. Clarke's stomach rolled at the noise but she paid no attention to it, too focused on the sight before her as the flames began to climb up Nadia and the post she remained bound to.  
  
“No! No! No, Nadia!” Clarke screamed, her cries mixing in with both the other girl's and her family's. As his daughter's cries turned to wails of agony, Clarke saw the healer's father fight against his niece all the harder, his fists starting to rain down on the warrior's back. Echo only held on tighter, her jaw clenched as she just took the blows. Clarke strained against her chains, fighting them with every last bit of strength she had as her own tears streamed down her cheeks. She didn't feel the fierce pain as the wounds on her back opened further, didn't feel the hard steel biting into her skin and digging against her bones as her wrists yanked against the metal around them: all she felt was the burning of her lungs and vice grip on her heart as the girl's screams got louder and louder, the flames dancing against her body. Clarke didn't stop pulling at the chains or screaming, even once Nadia finally did.  
  
“I'll kill you!” she howled, eyes burning into Nia as the queen turned back to her. Her voice turned harsh, her screams tearing her throat to shreds, but she didn't back down. “I will kill you for this!”  
  
The queen stepped towards her again, and this time Clarke only pulled at her chains harder, her fingers clenching as they itched to close around the girl's throat. Nia stopped just a few inches short of the blonde girl, bending over just slightly as she met the hate-filled blue eyes.  
  
“I will get what I want, Clarke,” she said softly, her lips pulled up in a menacing sneer as she ignored the blonde's threat. “And when I do, Lexa and all those loyal to her will die. Only once you see the woman you care for dead before me will I allow you to die. Until then you will suffer.” Clarke only screamed louder, pulled against her chains harder, her boots digging into the snow as she tried to close the space between them. Nia stood completely still, watching the Sky girl as she fought to get closer.  
  
Smoke curled up towards the sky, the snap of the flames a constant white noise beneath Clarke's threats. The crowd still around them shifted nervously, many people fighting against their own tears or trying to keep their own fear in check. Nadia's mother clutched desperately at Sef, the volume of her grief turning down even as her body began to shake uncontrollably. Her father finally collapsed against Echo, all the fight draining out of him as his cries broke down into sobs, the warrior very nearly buckling beneath his dead weight until she managed to guide him to the ground, both falling on their knees. She dealt with her own grief in silence, and simply allowed her uncle to wail his own against her shoulder. Jojesh remained where he had fallen, his eyes glued to the post that continued to burn and the body that burned along with it. He had no tears, not at the moment, though his eyes burned as though they too had flames licking at them. Sef wailed, his cries for the mother that would never again hold him carrying through the air, and every person listening suddenly felt lumps form in their throats. Parents grabbed for their own children, holding them close while those old enough to understand what had just happened shook, and those too young simply cried because that's what everyone else was doing. Warriors stood stiff, tension coursing through their bodies as their eyes scanned over the crowd, seeing the way many of them stood, the way many of them looked at their queen, but Nia had eyes only for the raging blonde before her.  
  
The wind picked up, carrying smoke and threats and grief with it, as well as the spirit of a young healer who had given her life doing what was right for her people.

***

Clarke kicked and screamed all the way back to her tower, cursed Nia, threatened her, swore she would kill her until her voice was all but gone, her throat torn to shreds almost as badly as her back. The warriors dragging her fought for every step they took, their fingers digging into her arms as they forced her through the crowds, forced her across the village, and finally managed to get her back into her cell. Somehow they successfully chained her once again to the walls, closing the manacles around both ankles and wrists, and even as they left the room and closed the door behind them they could still hear Wanheda screaming her revenge. When the door closed, those who could bolted, happy not to be the one left to stand guard, and the one who was felt a shiver run down his spine as the prisoner's shrieks continued to penetrate the walls and escape into the air around them. In her chains once again, Clarke yanked against them, throwing herself away from the wall as far as she could, tugging with all her strength to get free, but no amount of willpower would loosen any of the chains' hold on her. Finally she slumped forward, every ounce of strength rushing out of her, and she just sobbed. She sobbed for her injuries, her throbbing back that continued to bleed sluggishly, her wrists and ankles that were now torn up as well. She sobbed for Lexa and everything she would find when she finally made it to the village. She sobbed for the family that had just lost a loved one, the family who had been forced to stand there and watch it all happen without being able to do anything about it. She sobbed for Nadia, a girl who had so much love for her family and neighbors that she had knowingly risked her life and lost it in the most gruesome way imaginable, and she sobbed for everyone left behind who had no choice but to follow their queen or risk the same thing happening to them.  
  
She was still sobbing what felt like hours later when the door opened again and a single person stepped inside, and she quickly fought to get control of herself. When she recognized the person, she just watched them as they made their way across the room, the door closing quickly behind them. She watched, her jaw clenched more in an attempt to rein in her emotions than anything else, and stood a little straighter, fighting not to wince as her back screamed at her when she moved.  
  
“What do you want?” she managed to get out, her voice cracking and much deeper than usual due to her screams and grief. Jojesh didn't say anything, just continued to meet her eyes until he was close enough that very little space stood between them. He stopped, looked at her for a moment longer, and then slowly fell to one knee, his head turning down. The motion caused Clarke's eyes to widen in surprise, and she didn't even bother to try to wipe the shock from her face.  
  
“For years, I have followed Nia,” he murmured, his voice quiet even in the small space. “I have been loyal. I have followed my orders even when I knew they were against our ways, because she is my queen. I have done what was asked of me, and never questioned it. Every terrible plan, every dishonorable order, I have followed them because that is what I was supposed to do. I am a warrior: I follow my leader because that is the way it is supposed to be.” His head lifted, his eyes meeting Clarke's, and she saw the anger burning inside them as his brow pulled down, his lips pursing. “No more,” he continued, the strength in his voice growing with every word. “No longer do I follow the queen who cares only for herself. No longer will I follow her into a war that will do nothing but kill us all. I am a warrior, but my loyalties are first to my family, and today-.” He had to stop for a moment, his voice getting thick, and when she looked again, Clarke could see how blood-shot his eyes were. “Today Nia killed my sister. After swearing to show mercy, she burned Nadia alive; in doing so, she also burned any bit of loyalty I had for her.”  
  
He scanned the blonde's face for a moment and Clarke just watched him, each seeming to size the other up. When their eyes met again, the warrior continued, “Nadia trusted you. She had faith in you, believed in you. She saw a strength in you and thought it was what would save us all.” Jojesh scanned her face again and then said honestly, “I do not know if you can save us. I do not know if you possess this strength that my sister saw or if you can truly be trusted. What I do know is that you are the only one who has been able to stand up to Nia this long. You have held up against her torture and mind tricks when no one else could. You show a loyalty to the Commander that I have not seen before. You are smart: even from the moment we captured you, you were planning how to get away or how to leave a trail to be followed. Even with Maloch taunting you, you did not stop thinking and instead used what was around you to your advantage.”  
  
“So you did see me,” Clarke interrupted, confirming what she had been afraid of that moment in the cave when she turned around and he had been standing right there. “You saw me get the chalk.” After a second, he nodded. “Why didn't you say anything?” she asked, confusion and curiosity clear in her tone. He frowned for a second, as though he were thinking about the question, but when he looked back at her he seemed sure of his words as he answered, “Because kidnapping someone is not the way to fight a war. Nia wants the Commander's power, but she is too afraid to challenge her and demand what she believes is her birthright. She fears fighting Lexa, aware that she may not be strong enough to defeat her in single combat as the laws say, so instead she captures those closest to her in order to try to find a weakness she can use to her advantage. She wants the power but not the danger taking it requires, and that is the coward's way of fighting. I did what I was ordered to do and brought you to her, but no more than that. Now I am done even doing that.” He lowered his head again, his eyes closing as he swore, “Klark kom Skaikru, Wanheda, I swear my loyalty to you. From now until my fight is over, my sword is yours.”  
  
The blonde's jaw fell open just a bit before she could stop it, his words surprising her even further. Twenty-four hours ago she never would have thought anything even resembling this moment would happen, but that had been before Nia killed his sister. Looking at him now, Clarke realized just how big a mistake the queen had made. Thinking about Nadia, her heart squeezed in her chest, and her jaw clenched. Nia would pay for what she had done, and maybe Jojesh was the only person she would need to make sure of it.  
  
“Get up,” Clarke told him, her voice firm, and slowly the warrior rose to his feet, his eyes still turned down. “Look at me.” Jojesh did as he was ordered, his eyes once again meeting hers, and when they did he scanned them, reading the determination in them. “Don't ever kneel in front of me again, Jojesh,” she said. “You are a warrior: stand up straight and proud.” As though her words pulled on a string attached to his spine, he straightened, his shoulders squaring and chin lifting higher. Seeing the shift, Clarke nodded, her facial expression softening ever so slightly. “Joujesh kom Azgeda, I accept your sworn loyalty, and I return it. Help me, and I will do everything I can to help protect you and your family. Help me, and together we will take down Nia. Help me, and I swear to get justice for Nadia.”  
  
Fingers curling into fists down at his sides, the warrior's eyes flashed at the mention of his sister, and stiffly he nodded. Eyes flickering to the chains holding her back, he informed her, “I can get a key and release you now, if you wish.” Quickly the blonde shook her head, fear momentarily gripping at her insides.  
  
“No,” she told him, “No, if you let me out right now we won't have a chance against her. We need to wait until there's a good enough distraction or the same thing that just happened will happen again.”  
  
“Very well,” he replied, giving a simple nod. His eyes moved to the blood around her wrists from where she'd pulled too hard against her restraints and then added, “I will get you something for your wounds then.” Pain flashed across his face but his voice remained strong as he said, “I am not a healer like Nadia, but I know of some herbs that will help.” The same pain tore at Clarke's gut, causing the lump to rise back up in her throat, but she fought to hold it back.  
  
“Thank you,” she said to him, her voice as clear as she could make it. He nodded and then turned around and began to walk towards the door again. Seeing it, the blonde's eyes widened, a new thought coming to her. “Wait,” she called out, and Jojesh turned to look at her, raising his eyebrows. “There has to be a guard out there,” she told him. “What are you going to tell him? Won't he be suspicious you were in here after what just happened?”  
  
“He is a friend,” Jojesh informed her, looking back towards the door. “He will say nothing.” He paused for a moment, as though that's all he was going to say, and then he added quietly, “I am not the only one who has become tired of Nia's reign.” He didn't turn back around and so couldn't see the way Clarke's brow turned down at his words, and then he continued towards the door. A moment later it opened and he stepped out, pulling the door shut behind him as he left the room.  
  
Even when she was once again alone, the Sky girl's brow remained drawn, his words ringing in her head along with new thoughts that were only just now beginning to form. In the dark of her prison cell, Clarke let those thoughts fester, let them grow until she could begin to piece them together, and the picture that started to come together managed to push her pain and grief away, if only for the moment. She stood still, letting the picture continue to grow, and felt the hairs on her arm begin to stand on end. There was no way to know if it would work, but Clarke knew she had to try it: it was what Nadia would have wanted, what she had promised her, and so she would do it. She would do it, even if there was a good chance it would kill her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That hurt so much to write. I love Nadia so much, that just hurt.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed, as much as one can "enjoy" a chapter like this. Just as a heads up, I want to let you know that there is a chance I might be a little late in updating next week: I think the next chapter is going to be a long one (shit's about to get real), and I'm going away this weekend, so won't have the usual amount of time to write. So it is possible that I might not be able to update until Thursday, but I am going to try very hard to stick to my usual schedule, and if I absolutely can't then I am determined to update by Thursday night at the very latest! If that happens, I'm sorry, I know that extra 24 hours might be agony for some of you, but I will do my best! Thanks all!
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations:
> 
> "Nono" - "Mama"  
> "Ai Unbroukai op!" - "See the Unbroken!"


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Graphic depictions of violence.

“Heda! Heda!”  
  
Lexa shifted where she sat, turning towards the two scouts jogging towards her, keeping her expression controlled as she watched them approach. One eyebrow lifted, and they took that as permission to continue. “ _Up ahead,_ ” Ashi, the warrior closest to her said, pointing back over her shoulder. “ _We found something_.” She nodded, making sure no traces of the way her heart suddenly began to speed up showed on her face, and swung one leg around, pushing herself effortlessly off her horse. The moment her feet were on the ground she looked back at them, the one eyebrow lifting again as she simply said, “ _Show me_.”  
  
Ashi and Jynt turned and led the way back between a few trees and Lexa followed, not missing it as another set of boots hit the ground behind her. She knew Indra would argue if she tried to tell her to wait behind, so rather than bother, she just let the chief follow, leaving the rest of their army to either wait for them to return or to catch up with them. Silently they hurried through the trees, the wind blowing through the branches the only sound to be heard. The two scouts took them another few yards before turning right, and in only a few minutes Lexa could see Ryder and Lincoln ahead of them, both standing in front of a tree and staring at it.  
  
“ _What did you-_ ,” Lexa began to ask, but cut herself off with a sharp breath when both warriors turned to look at her. As they shifted, space opened up between them, and the Commander's eyes shifted to the spot on the tree they had been staring at.  
  
That it was blood was obvious, the dark red stark against the white of the tree's bark. Lexa stepped between the warriors, both immediately moving out of her way, and closed the distance between herself and the message, her hand slowly reaching out. Carefully she ran her fingertips over the letters, just barely managing to contain the way they shook. The blood was dry, and yet the message was clearly recently left. Each letter remained whole, no animal or natural occurrence having yet broken any, and for a moment she stood there, brow drawn as her eyes ran over them, slowly piecing together the symbols she had only recently begun to understand.  
  
“ _It's a message_ ,” Indra stated behind her, clearly looking at the letters as well. Lexa heard the frustration in her voice as she added, “ _In Gonasleng, it would seem_.” She must have turned to Lincoln, as next she heard the warrior growl, “ _What does it say?_ ”  
  
Out of the corner of her eye, Lexa saw Lincoln shrug, but didn't pay much attention to it.  
  
“ _I don't know_ ,” he told them, a similar frustration in his tone. “ _I've learned to read a few words of the language, but not all of them_.” Indra let out a loud huff before turning back to Ashi and Jynt. “ _Go bring Abi here, or another member of Skaikru. We will get them to read it_.”  
  
Behind her, both scouts nodded, but still Lexa ignored them all. Her fingers continued to trace slowly over the letters, her lips moving just the slightest as she read each individually, and just as she heard the two scouts begin to head back towards the rest of their people, the Commander's eyes widened.  
  
“Guns,” she let out in a breath, her shock clear in her tone as her mind registered the word and exactly what it must mean. Both of the scouts stopped immediately, but Lexa looked to the letters beneath the first word, rapidly trying to remember what they were and what word they might make. She strung the K and two E's together, her mind silently sounding them out and trying to figure out what they must mean, when all of a sudden the entire message clicked in her mind. Whirling around, she saw each of them staring at her, eyes all wide in surprise, but she ignored it. “ _Indra, tell the army we're making camp. Make sure the warriors have their weapons prepared for battle, and then report back to me_ ,” she ordered, and at the command her chief snapped to attention, a spark of anticipation igniting in her eyes. “ _Raider and Linkon, find Teigon, Shet, Abi, Belomi, Okteivia and Reivon, and have them meet me in my tent in ten minutes. You two come as well. You two_ ,” she said, turning to Ashi and Jynt, “ _Continue tracking ahead for another mile and see if there are any other messages or signs. Do not go any farther, and when you are done or if you find something else, come find me immediately. Go, now._ ” Each of them nodded, shock still obvious in some of their expressions, but each turned to quickly follow their order.  
  
Lexa followed after them back towards her people, but her mind was behind her, still stuck on the tree and her heart raced inside her chest. She barely noticed the few minutes it took to get back to her army, but the moment she saw them spread out in front of her, she turned towards her horse, stalking quickly towards it. The two warriors who stood next to it straightened quickly, the one who held her reins holding them out for her, but the Commander just shook her head. Rather than reach for the reins she moved to her saddle bag to where she knew part of her tent was, but the moment they saw what she was going for, her warriors took it from her. Instead of be annoyed as she often was when others refused to let her do a task as simple as preparing her own tent, she just let them do it, getting out of their way as they and two others quickly got to work, gathering what was needed to put the tent together. While they worked, she dug around in another saddlebag, pulling out a large rolled up piece of parchment and a bit of charcoal. Her nerves buzzed and Keryon clearly felt it, the horse beginning to shift where she stood, her head turning to look at her rider as though to make sure she was well. Shifting parchment and charcoal to one hand, Lexa reached out and gently ran her hand along the horse's muzzle, though whether the motion was to calm the horse down or herself, she couldn't say.  
  
Her warriors were very used to setting up her tent by now: within minutes, the furs and cloth were up, hanging tautly around their poles, and with a nod of thanks Lexa pushed the fur hanging at its entrance aside, moving inside quickly. Two warriors followed right behind, one carrying an old table and another a rickety chair, both pieces of furniture small enough to travel with, while a third followed with a large torch to add to the light that filtered through the cloth. As he was placing it in the ground, the fourth stepped inside with a number of other furs, Lexa's bed when traveling, but she held up her hand to him and shook her head.  
  
“ _That will not be necessary_ ,” she informed him, and the warrior immediately nodded and turned, carrying them right back out. The other three all bowed their heads to her and she returned each with a nod of thanks, before they all left as well, leaving her alone.  
  
As soon as they were gone, Lexa moved over to the small table and chair and sat, smoothing out the parchment in front of her. She tried to bring the charcoal down to the parchment but her fingers shook too much, creating a mark on the paper she didn't mean to leave. Growling at herself, she closed her eyes and forced herself to take a deep breath, fighting the urge to get up, jump onto Keryon's back, and race ahead of her army. The message had been clear, even if it hadn't been complete, and now Lexa finally had one of the answers she'd been looking for, and an answer to a question she hadn't even known she should be asking. Because of that second answer, those first four letters, Lexa couldn't race ahead: she had to plan, had to prepare and calculate and figure out exactly the best way to attack, the best strategy to take on the weapons she would never have even begun to expect she needed to prepare for. This war had just become far more dangerous than she had been expecting it to be, and that meant preparing for it in order to make sure as many of her people as possible made it out of the battle alive. As much as she wished she could ride off on her own to find Clarke, she knew seeing to her army and devising a battle plan was the smart choice. Taking another deep breath, she opened her eyes, her fingers no longer shaking, and this time when the charcoal met the parchment it moved exactly as she wanted it to.  
  
She was only alone for a few more minutes before the first of those she'd summoned began to make their way into her tent. Abby walked in first, her pace quick, obvious worry on her face. Immediately her gaze turned to Lexa, and the Commander stood up from her chair, meeting the Chancellor's eyes.  
  
“What is it?” Abby asked, the same worry clear in her tone. “What's happened?”  
  
“We found something,” Lexa answered her, taking a couple of steps towards the older woman. “A message.”  
  
Hope and fear both flashed across the woman's face, her hand lifting up almost subconsciously to press against her chest. “Clarke...?” she asked, her voice trailing off as her eyes scanned Lexa's face. Before she could answer, the flap flew back, Bellamy quickly making his way in with Shet just a few steps behind him. His eyes scanned the small room, first going to Lexa and then to the Chancellor before he asked, “Abby, what's going on?”  
  
“I don't-,” Abby began to say, but then the fur was pushed aside once again, and Taigon and Raven both walked inside, each scanning the area in the same way the previous two had. Raven's eyes took in everything, but when Taigon found Lexa his stopped, and Lexa felt the lump of guilt rise once again in her chest. She hadn't talked to her brother since she realized that Walsh was the traitor, had barely been able to make eye contact with him. She had accused him, had truly believed for a moment that he could possibly have turned on her, had even held a knife to his throat. Had anyone else done that, she would have had them gutted, and as it was a large part of her wished she could give that order for herself. Her guilt ate away at her, dug its way around in her gut, and all she wanted to do was rip it out. She managed to hold his gaze, her mouth only going a little dry, and just held herself straighter. Now was not the time to focus on her guilt or what she had accused him of: she would be able to focus on it later, but right now she had a battle to plan. Octavia, Lincoln, Ryder and Indra entered only a moment later, the chief moving to stand by her while Ryder moved over to stand by Shet. Everyone looked at her, waiting to hear why they had all been summoned.  
  
“My people found a message,” she stated, looking to the assembled Skaikru. “Ryder and Lincoln's group found it. The message was written in blood, and appears to be fresh, most likely no more than twenty-four hours old. I believe Clarke is the one who wrote it.”  
  
A few of them shifted, hope suddenly appearing in their eyes or hands clenching into fists. A spark lit in Bellamy's eyes, but even so he frowned, his head tilting partially to the side. “What makes you so sure it was her?” he asked. Lexa looked at him, her expression even as she answered, “Because she is the one who taught me to read it. The majority of my people cannot read or write your language: Clarke left it knowing that I would be the only one of my people who would be able to decipher it, and the only one who would understand it.”  
  
“What did it say?” Abby asked, taking a step forward. Her fingers clenched together even more tightly hearing her daughter's name, and Lexa knew she wasn't the only one who could barely think about anything else at the simple mention of the Sky girl's name.  
  
“The first message was 'guns,'” she answered, her jaw pressing together, not allowing her eyes to fall down to the weapon that hung around Bellamy's shoulder and pressed against his back.  
  
“'Guns?'” Octavia repeated, clearly confused, and Raven asked, “What about them?”  
  
“I believe the message is a warning,” Lexa informed them, “The second word was incomplete, which means Clarke clearly did not have enough time to write much. What she did leave behind must be important, and if she felt strongly enough about it that she needed to make sure she got that message across, it must mean our enemy has access to them, and plans to use them against us.”  
  
Shet swore, and Indra glared at the words, her teeth baring together.  
  
“How?” she spat, anger rolling off of her, “How could the Ice Queen manage to get a hold of those kinds of weapons?”  
  
“And how can they use them?” Shet wanted to know, his own fury just as palpable as the chief's. “Guns are the weapons of the Mountain Men, the enemy: it is well-known what happens to any who touch them.”  
  
“The Mountain Men aren't around anymore to destroy us,” Lincoln reminded him, his brow furrowed, as though he were thinking it through as he spoke. “Our people never used guns because we believed anyone who did would only bring the Mountain Men's destruction on them, but they're gone. Nia must have decided there was no longer any risk.”  
  
“And guns turn the tides of the war to her favor,” Bellamy added, continuing off of Lincoln's thought. They all looked at him and he said, “Guns have been stopping you guys for years. When this queen decided to start this war, she must have known she'd be outnumbered: using guns gives her a hell of a lot better chance at winning.”  
  
Again, Shet swore and Indra's hand fell to the sword at her belt, her fingers tightening around its hilt at the thought of fighting an enemy with guns once again. Lexa saw her people getting caught up in this new development, and held her hand up. Immediately they all turned to her, and she stated simply, “Nia has guns, and we do not know how many. What we do know is that her people will not be familiar with them.” Shet perked up at her words, though Indra's hand remained at her belt. Lexa continued, “When the battle starts, Azgeda will be using weapons they do not entirely know how to use. Nia believes she has strengthened her people, but really she has weakened them. The guns will be a threat to us, yes, but not in the way they were when it was the Maunon we fought, or even when we fought the Skaikru. They understood their weapons, had been raised knowing how to use them: Nia's warriors are like our own, never having touched a gun before this. They will be sloppy, unorganized, and we will use this to our advantage.”  
  
“Plus,” she added, eyes once again falling on the gun strapped to Bellamy's back, “Our enemy is not the only one with guns. Skaikru carry their guns as well, and they know how to use them. Even if Azgeda has more than we do, on our side is the knowledge of how to use them.” She scanned each of their faces, seeing the way they each reacted to the news. Most relaxed slightly at the reminder, and both Bellamy and Shet grinned.  
  
“You said there was another part of the message?” Abby asked, and Lexa nodded.  
  
“Yes,” she said, “The second part of the message was K E E.” Everyone looked at her, utterly confused, no one having any idea what that meant. “I believe these letters are part of a name that Clarke did not get to finish,” the Commander informed them, turning and walking back towards her table. “I believe what she was trying to write was the name of a village. Keerie.” She looked down at the basic map she had drawn, her fingers pressing down on one corner of the paper. Energy buzzed through her, her pulse pounding against her skin, but she managed to keep her voice calm as she said, “Keerie is an Ice Nation village that is just a little over five miles from here. I believe this is where Clarke is being held.”  
  
“Well then what are we waiting for?” Octavia asked, the same buzz Lexa felt pulling at the other girl's features. “Let's go get her.”  
  
“We will,” Lexa agreed, trying to ignore the voice in her head that reminded her the blonde very well may no longer be alive. “But we must be smart about it.” She gestured for them to all approach and they did, somehow all managing to stand around the small table. Lexa pointed to the image she'd drawn on the paper in front of her, turning their attention to it. “Keerie is large for one of our villages, and formed along the side of a cliff. Its buildings trail from the tip of the cliff to its base.” She pointed to one side of the map, where she'd sketched in a dense forest. “One side of the village is surrounded by trees, with some of its buildings built among them. The other side,” her finger moved to the other side of the map, indicating the lake she had drawn out, “is completely surrounded by water. This time of year, that entire body of water will be frozen.” Her eyes scanned the map, wishing it could be more detailed, and hoping she remembered everything important about the area. She'd only visited the village twice, both times years ago when she was trying to convince Nia to join the coalition, and knew it was entirely possible she could be forgetting something. Anya had taught her to take note of her surroundings however, had trained her to remember every detail of any place she visited, often times testing her and tugging sharply on her braids if she got anything wrong, so she felt fairly confident that she remembered at least the most important details.  
  
“Nia had to have known I would come after her,” she continued, looking up at those around her once again. “So there is a good chance that she will have more warriors than usual in the village. There is no way to know how many, but thanks to Clarke, we at least now know what weapons they will be using. However it is also safe to assume that Walsh has informed her not only of our weapons, but our numbers and position too. If that's the case, then she knows we are close, and therefore most likely has her warriors ready in case of an attack. Even if they do not know how to properly use their weapons, that means any attack from our people could be met with brutal force. It is likely her people have orders to attack the moment they see movement, which could be devastating to our numbers.”  
  
“So what do you propose?” Abby asked, eyes moving from the map up to Lexa.  
  
“Instead of one large attack, we will hit them with many small ones,” the Commander replied easily, voicing the plan she had started putting together the moment Clarke's message had clicked in her mind. “We will divide our people up into small groups, each numbering no more than five people. Within each group will be at least one Sky person armed with a gun, one of my warriors with a bow, another with a spear, and another with sword.” She looked back down to the map, bringing their attention with her as her finger drew a half circle around the cliff. “During the night, the groups will get into position, circling around the village as best we can. Most of the teams will be placed in the woods, as this is the area most likely to be covered by Nia's warriors, but a few others will line the shores along either side of the village, to take out any warriors she might have placed there and to ensure no one gets away. In the dark, the teams will carefully scout the area, finding any look-outs Nia may have on duty. In the first light of dawn, a signal will go out, and the bowmen in each group will take out the look outs, as silently as possible. We will continue to take the enemy out in this way for as long as possible, that way we can try to catch them off guard. The less amount of time they have to prepare for battle, the better our chances are.”  
  
“And once they know we're here?” Raven asked, lifting an eyebrow as she looked up from the map. Lexa met the look, not allowing the way her blood hummed in her veins to color her tone as she answered, “Once they know we are here, our people work together to destroy them. They will fight back with everything they have, but so will we.”  
  
“Sha,” Shet agreed, a wolf-ish grin growing along his lips. “We will make them pay for all they have done. Jus drein, jus daun.”  
  
“Jus drein, jus daun,” Indra, Lincoln, Ryder, Taigon and Octavia all echoed, and even Bellamy nodded. Abby looked back down at the map, studying it for a minute longer, and then finally nodded as well. Eyes shifting up, she met Lexa's gaze and simply said, “It's a good plan, Commander. What do we do to put it into action?”  
  
“We break our armies down,” Lexa answered, eyes scanning across everyone in the room. “We decide the best place for every warrior we have, and then we tell everyone where they are to go and who they are to answer to.” Abby looked to the side, eying the dimming light that filtered through the walls of the tent, and raised her eyebrows. “We better get started then,” she said, turning back to the map, and they all nodded.  
  
For hours they worked, breaking down their armies into dozens of small mobile units, deciding who should be where and how each team would work. The sun set and the moon rose, and the group remained crowded around the small map, fingers jutting out here and there to point to a spot they hadn't focused on yet. Voices rose, questions asked and answered, problems pointed out and dealt with, and with every minute that ticked by Lexa felt the storm of emotions inside of her settle, each falling away to be replaced with the calm that washed over her. This was it: after days, almost weeks even, they were finally almost there. The battle was close now, her target all but in sight, and everything around her fell into sharp focus. No longer was she wandering aimlessly: now there was a plan, now there was a definitive destination, something to latch onto. Her palms began to tingle, itching to close around the hilt of her sword, and after having to push that desire away for far too long, finally she was able to fall into it.  
  
With only a few hours left until dawn, Lexa dismissed everyone from her tent, each with orders of who to talk to in order to put their plans into place. The Skaikru all left first, excitement and anticipation buzzing around them as they continued to talk quickly even as they left, disappearing out into the night. Ryder and Shet left next, neither showing a bit of exhaustion from staying up all night to plan their battle, and bowed their heads to her before quietly slipping out of the tent. Indra followed shortly behind them with the same bow and a quiet, “Heda,” and then Lexa's calm began to slip away as she realized she was left alone with her brother and Taigon had made no move to leave. She stood awkwardly for a second, staring down at the map simply because she couldn't meet his eyes, and then clenched her fists.  
  
“Teigon,” she finally managed to get out, “Ai-”  
  
Before she could say anything else, he cut her off.  
  
“I will need a sword,” he said, his tone even, and the words finally made her look up, her brow creasing as she shot a slight glare at him. “You will not be going near the fighting,” she informed him, her tone firm and leaving no room for argument. “You will stay in the back with the other healers where it is safest.”  
  
“Yes, but I will still need a sword,” he replied, giving a small shrug of his shoulders. “Even back with the healers, you know it is likely that some of the enemy will get through our lines. I will need a sword in case that happens.”  
  
Lexa wanted to argue, wanted to remind him that she would be assigning some of her best warriors to guard them and had told Abby to assign a handful of gunmen to them as well, but she knew as well as anyone that no one can predict a battle. For every plan they made, she had to expect that something would go wrong, and in doing so had to make sure that everyone was prepared for that likely outcome. As much as she hated the idea of arming her brother and allowing him anywhere near harm's way, she knew leaving him unarmed only put him in more danger. So finally she nodded reluctantly, her posture stiff as she gave in. “We will get you a sword.”  
  
“Good,” he told her, before his hand disappeared into the small pouch at his waist he often carried herbs and ointments in. When he pulled it back out, he held a small jar, and as he removed the cover from it, Lexa could see the black war paint inside. “Now how does this work?” he asked, tipping the jar slightly so he could peer inside. “How do you decide on your design? Is it assigned to you, or do you just begin putting it on and see what you get?”  
  
He was being foolish, trying to get her to relax. She saw right through him immediately, but couldn't help it as her lips curled up into the smallest of smiles. His fingers dipped into the jar, three pulling out with paint on them, but she stepped around the table, swiping the jar from his hand before he could do anything with it.  
  
“Only warriors wear the paint,” she reminded him, and he just met her look, telling her, “And today I am a warrior.” Her heart squeezed in her chest, afraid of what might happen to him, but she pushed that fear aside. She nodded, dipping two fingers in the jar as she said, “Today, you are. And I know the design you should wear.” He stood still as her fingers moved to his face, streaking the paint around his eyes from the bridge of his nose back to his temples, similarly to how she wore her own. Rather than drag three marks along his cheeks however, she dragged two below each eye, roughly an inch apart, and drew a single mark above each eye, between the two below. Slowly her fingers moved away as she scanned her work, before she pulled the small mirror she carried around from her own belt. Opening it, she held it up so that he could see, and watched as the recognition grew in his eyes.  
  
“Nontu's design,” her brother murmured, his gaze flickering from the mirror to her. She nodded once before closing the mirror and replacing it in her belt, once again unable to meet his eyes.  
  
“Sha,” she replied, looking anywhere but at him. “It served him well. Just do not do as he did in his last fight, and you will be well.”  
  
“I will be well, Lexa,” he assured her, one hand clasping gently against her forearm. “Your plan is good: today we will take down the Ice Nation, and we will get Clarke back. You will save her.”  
  
A lump grew in the brunette's throat, and it was all she could do to swallow it down. Emotions swirled in her gut, enough to make her feel sick, but she pushed them all away. “You do not know that, Taigon,” she whispered, fully aware of how this day might go. His grip on her arm tightened and she looked up, meeting his eyes again, and saw the certainty in them.  
  
“I do,” he informed her, “I know it. You are Heda.” His other hand rose, black paint still clinging to it, and he ran a finger down one of the streaks already marking her cheek. “You are my sister.” He traced the second. “And,” he added, a small grin pulling at his lips as he traced the third, “You are stubborn: today's battle will go in our favor, and soon you will have Clarke back.”  
  
Lexa's eyes fell closed, her heart grasping onto the words. She wanted them to be true, needed them to be true, so she allowed them to sink into her. It was dangerous, she knew, allowing herself to get her hopes up, but in this moment, it was what she needed. One hand came up, covering his that still held her arm, and when she opened her eyes and looked at him again, she gave his hand a small squeeze. “Thank you,” she whispered, the words holding so much more meaning than what she could truly convey. She didn't know for sure what she was thanking him for, but knew it was more than just what he said in this moment. Maybe it was for forgiving her for what she had done to him and what she had believed; maybe it was for always standing by her even when few others would, or maybe it was for always seeing her as herself before her title. Maybe it was all of it and more, but whatever the real reason, she knew she could never tell him how much she truly appreciated it. “Just... Mochof, bro.” Rather than reply, he just smiled, giving her a little nod.  
  
They stayed there for another moment, allowing themselves the extra minute or so of putting off the responsibilities that were about to come at them, but finally Lexa let out a small sigh and then stepped back. His hand fell back to his side and he nodded again, simply saying, “We should see if your warriors are ready. Dawn will be here soon.” She nodded, taking a deep breath to try to ground herself, and then squared her shoulders and lifted her chin, as though she were settling into her title in the same way she had to settle into her armor. When Lexa was gone and only the Commander remained, she picked the map she'd drawn up from the table, folding and sticking it into her belt, and then turned towards the entrance.  
  
She led the way out of the tent, Taigon following right behind her, expecting to step into a fray of movement. People should be everywhere, saddling and taking care of horses, seeing to their weapons, perhaps even breaking up into their teams, but instead she found her people all standing together in the center of their large camp, a few Sky People mixed in with them. Shet stood before them all, standing on a large stump to elevate himself in front of them, and as the siblings approached, Lexa began making out what he was saying.  
  
“... _dared to attacked our Commander! They dared to attack and capture Wanheda! Now they even dare to fight with the enemy's weapons!_ ” A loud booing and growling spread through the crowd, each warrior voicing their opinion on the Ice Nation's choices. “ _We will show them what happens when they threaten Triku! We will show them what we do to our enemies, and they will regret ever even thinking about plotting against our Heda!_ ”  
  
“Heda!” a voice from the crowd called out, seeing Lexa approach. A number of other warriors noticed her just a moment later, and then cries of “Heda!” rang out through the crowd. Shet immediately stepped off the stump, bowing his head to her and gesturing to it, clearly hoping she would say something to her assembled people. She nodded to him and then stepped up, barely tall enough even with the stump to see over the crowd, but her raised position only made her people call to her even louder, some of them stamping on the ground or clanging their weapons together. These were Trikru warriors, her people, and each motion or call of her title showed that each was ready to go to battle for her, to die for her. Pride swelled in her chest and she held her head higher, showing them the face of a leader who would never flinch. The noise seemed to draw more of the Skaikru towards them, the second army approaching slowly, but her people did not take their eyes from her. Finally she raised her hand, and immediately all went silent.  
  
“Warriors,” she called out, eyes scanning the crowd in front of her. She spoke in Gonasleng so that the Skaikru would understand her too, but none of her people seemed to notice or care. “Our journey is nearly over. Nia believed she could hide from us, but we found her: our enemy is in sight.” A light cheer went up through the crowd and she gave it to them, let them bask in that knowledge for just a moment before once again holding up her hand and silencing them. “Everything that Shet said is right: Azgeda attacked me, breaking the coalition. They attacked and captured Klark kom Skaikru, the Wanheda, Destroyer of the Mountain, and threatened our alliance with the Skaikru. Now they go against every one of our traditions, and choose to use the Maunon's weapons against us.”  
  
In front of her, Lexa's hand clenched into a fist, and her eyes burned, her fury obvious to everyone who looked on her. In just the flickering light of the many lit fires, she looked like a demon walking among them, sinking into the shadows with her dark armor and war paint, the red sash slicing through the dark, and those closest to her didn't know whether to step closer or shrink away. “The Ice Queen has made her choice, and now I make mine,” she declared, before reaching behind her and swiftly pulling her sword from its scabbard. The crowd of people were so quiet the soft sound of the blade sliding against its casing could be heard by everyone around her, causing shivers to crawl up countless spines. “Azgeda will fall! Tonight we march out, Trikru and Skaikru together as one, and as one we will destroy our enemy. At dawn we attack, and by the end of the day Keerie will be no more, and soon the rest of the Ice Nation will follow. Blood must have blood, and for all they have done, the Ice Nation will bleed!”  
  
Thunderous roars rolled right on the heels of her words, and then countless swords could be heard sliding from their own scabbards, each being held up over their heads. Fists pumped the air, swords, spears and even guns lifted with them, and as Lexa scanned the crowd she saw the majority of the Skaikru adding their own cheers to the fray. Chants of “Blood must have blood,” and “Jus drein, jus daun,” filled the air, and each word pumped inside of Lexa like a new heart. Her limbs all tingled, the hilt of her sword fitting perfectly in her hand as though one were made for the other, and her breathing quickened, the energy around her filling her up until her body couldn't possibly contain it. She felt reins being pressed into her free hand and turned to see Taigon beside her, Keryon between them, and her brother tilted his head towards the horse, lifting his eyebrows. She nodded to him, and the next moment stepped into one stirrup before flinging her other leg over the animal's back. Rather than sit, she stood in the stirrups, facing her people, and rose her sword into the air.  
  
“Kom wor!” she bellowed, and the roaring in front of her only increased in volume as her people and Clarke's all echoed the war cry, their voices ringing out and shattering the quiet of the night.

***

Nygel turned when she felt a hand on her shoulder, finding Shet grinning behind her. “Ready to go put that spear of yours to the test, Naijel kom Skaikru?” he asked, his eyebrows lifting as his eyes flickered to the spear in her hand and then back. She returned the grin with her own, nodding as she said, “I'll be ready in just a minute, Shet kom Trikru.” A flash of movement caught his eyes and she followed them as he looked past her, finding Callie standing a few yards away talking with Abby. A knowing look flashed across his face and his grin just grew before he focused back on her. She raised her brow at him, as though daring him to say anything, and he just shook his head, the smile never leaving his face. “Be quick,” was all he said as he pulled his hand away from her shoulder, “Dawn isn't far off, and we still have a couple of miles to go.” He began to walk back to the other two Grounders waiting for them, but stopped after only a couple of steps. “And tell Callie to be safe for me as well,” he shot back over his shoulder. Looking back at her, he joked, “After all, she is the only one who can convince you to put that stick of yours down.”  
  
“Just wait and see what this stick can do,” she shot back at him, lifting the spear a little. “It'll take care of more Ice rats than your little knife.” Shet held his sword up in a mock salute, bellowing back, “We will see!” before he continued walking towards their team.  
  
She watched him for a second, and then turned back around and almost immediately the smile fell from her lips. Joking with the big warrior, it was easy to push aside the fear that gnawed at her gut, but the moment that joking stopped that fear crept back in. Turning, she stood there for just a moment, just watching Callie as she spoke with her best friend, and she felt that fear burrow teeth-first into her stomach. She tried to push it away, tried to ignore it, but now it had settled, making what she worried would be a permanent home in her intestines. Rather than allow herself to stand there and focus on the painful emotion, Nygel made her way over to the two women. As she approached, she caught the tail end of their conversation.  
  
“The Commander is right, Abby,” Callie was saying, one hand on the other woman's arm. “You aren't a fighter. You belong back here, away from the heaviest action. There are only so many healers here, and you're our best doctor; when the battle's over, we're going to need you to take care of all the wounded.”  
  
“But this is my daughter,” Abby argued, her voice strained as she tried to keep it down so that no one else would hear. “I need to be there as soon as she's found. I have to be there for her, Callie. I need to know she's alright. I can't just stand around and wait to find out where she is, how she is. Clarke needs to know I'm here, that she's safe now.”  
  
“Clarke's smart, I think she'll be able to figure that out the moment she sees the dozens of warriors coming for her,” Nygel cut in, moving to stand next to them. Both women turned, giving her different looks, but for the moment Nygel only let herself focus on the mother. She leaned against her spear, as though she didn't have a care in the world. “They're right, Chancellor: you're no warrior, you're a doctor, and a damn good one. Let the warriors do the fighting, and when it's done you can do what you're good at. We can't risk you on the front line: we lose our healers and it won't matter if we win the battle, we'll still lose more of our people than we'll want to count.” Abby's lips pursed, as though she wanted to say something, but she kept it in, clearly knowing they were all right. Seeing the hard lines along the other woman's face, Nygel softened just the smallest bit. “We'll get her, Abby,” she promised. “The Commander isn't about to let anything else happen to your daughter, and neither are the rest of us. Clarke's saved the majority of us here, and now we're here to return the favor. Your daughter will be alright.”  
  
The mother's eyes closed, worry still deeply etched along the creases of her forehead, but finally she just nodded. “I know,” she let out in a hoarse whisper. “I know, you're right. I'm needed back here, and Clarke will be alright. She'll be alright.” The repeated words sounded more like she was trying to convince herself of them than that she actually believed them, but Callie gave her an encouraging smile and a light squeeze on her arm. The woman let out a long, deep breath, giving them both a small nod, and then looked at Nygel, clearly trying to push her concern for her daughter to the side. “Be careful,” she just said, her tone completely serious. “I don't want to see you in my infirmary after this unless it's to help clean bandages.”  
  
“I'm more likely to delegate jobs like that,” Nygel replied, waving a hand nonchalantly. “But if you need someone to help you obtain more supplies, I can do that. It might cost you though.” Abby's lips pulled up into a small smile that Nygel mirrored.  
  
“Abby,” they heard someone call, and all turned to see Bellamy standing only a few feet away, looking towards the Chancellor. The woman sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she closed her eyes, and then straightened back up. She nodded to them both, taking Callie's hand for a brief moment and giving it a quick squeeze, and then just nodded to Nygel. “Really Nygel, be careful,” she told the woman, giving her a look before turning and making her way over to where Bellamy still stood waiting for her. Nygel simply returned the nod, a silent agreement to do her best, and watched the woman walk away, and then she and Callie were alone.  
  
For a moment, Nygel stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to say. Too many emotions crowded inside her skin, and she didn't know which to focus on. Her eyes flickered up to meet Callie's, and she couldn't control the way her heart sped up just a little when she noticed the worry in the other woman's eyes.  
  
“I still don't see why I can't come with you,” she muttered, fingers moving over the strap that rested against her shoulder. “Your team needs a shooter and I have a gun.”  
  
“That Harper girl is going to be our gunman,” Nygel replied. Her lips quirked up just the slightest before she joked, “Just because you have a gun doesn't mean you're particularly talented with it. We'll need someone who can actually hit what they aim at.” Callie shot a small glare at her and Nygel's lips pulled up even further, before it fell away completely, her mouth going dry as the fear gnawed on a new spot inside her. Her eyes flickered away briefly, unable to completely maintain eye contact as she admitted, “And I'll feel better, knowing you're back here where it's safer.”  
  
From the corner of her eye she saw the other woman's face soften, and then she felt something bump against her free hand. She didn't fight it as Callie's fingers slipped into the spaces between her own, and then returned the pressure when she felt the other woman squeeze lightly.  
  
“I won't feel better, knowing you're where it isn't safe,” Callie whispered quietly, taking a step closer to Nygel and closing a bit of the distance that still stood between them. Nygel felt her heartbeat begin racing in her chest, the new sensation battling with the fear clawing at her gut, as Callie leaned down just a bit. Her other hand gently cupped Nygel's cheek and the woman couldn't help but close her eyes as she pushed against the touch. This was the closest they'd ever been, the closest they'd come yet to admitting what they had both begun to feel towards the other as they had led the survivors of the Tesla Station out of the desert and through the trees. For the moment, Nygel allowed herself to get lost in the feel of Callie's fingers wrapped around her own and her palm against her cheek, reveling in the woman's soft touch. “Please come back,” she heard Callie whisper, the words barely audible. “Please, just come back to me. That's all I ask.”  
  
Nygel's eyes opened, staring immediately up at the woman standing so close to her, and then she released her grip on her spear, letting the weapon fall to the ground beside her. Her now free hand moved up to the other woman's neck, gently cupping the back of it, and without any hesitation she pushed herself up and carefully pulled Callie down, until their lips touched. The kiss was light, sweet, the promise of new love, and she only allowed herself to get lost in it for a few moments. She felt Callie kiss back, felt the woman's grip on her hand tighten further and her hand press harder against her face, but forced herself to pull away even as she longed to simply kiss her again and again. Instead she bent over, picking her spear back up, and as she stood she shot the other woman a cheeky smile. Callie's eyes were bright, the corners of her lips pulled back in her own smile, and seeing it only made Nygel's heart leap once again in her chest.  
  
“Of course I'll come back,” Nygel promised her, flashing her another smile. “Don't think you can get rid of me that easy.” Callie just let out a little laugh, shaking her head, but Nygel could feel her eyes on her as she turned and walked away. She moved towards Shet where she saw him and Harper and the others in their team waiting, her grip on her spear tightening as she tried to push everything but the elation she felt away. The big warrior watched her approach, a cocky grin pulling at one side of his mouth, and the moment she reached him, he just looked past her where Callie still stood.  
  
“Have a good good-bye?” he asked, raising an eyebrow, and Nygel just shrugged before telling him, “Yes, and I plan to have an even better welcome back, so let's get going so that we can get this battle over with.” He let out a roar of a laugh and shook his head, clearly not caring when a number of people looked their way. When his laughter subsided, the grin simply returned and he nodded, saying, “Sha, let's go so that you may come back to your woman.” Nygel's gaze flicked back to Callie, finding her still watching, and her expression softened for the briefest moment. The next moment however Shet was off, leading their team, and Nygel followed right behind him.  
  
They traveled in the dark, using nothing but the dim light of the moon to guide their way. The Commander had ordered it: no party was to move with torches, for fear of the lights being spotted and their enemy learning of their approach. The dark made the travel slow, agonizingly in some places where the trees all but blotted out the moon's glow, but the knowledge that every step brought them closer to their target made the time fly by faster than Nygel would have believed possible. The farther they went, the more the fear grew inside her, worried more for Callie than for herself, but she pushed those feelings away. Instead of letting herself get lost in it, she simply gripped her spear tighter and looked forward, focusing on what was in front of her rather than what was behind her.  
  
Shet led the way, skillfully picking his way around trees and across small rivers, up small inclines and over large rocks. The rest of them followed, each walking only a handful of steps behind the other for fear of getting separated in the dark. They all kept their ears open and strained their eyes, searching for any sign of an enemy who might spot them, but either they were lucky and none that were out did, or none were in the area they traveled through. Finally Shet led them through a line of trees, and then they were standing along a shore and Nygel just managed to keep her jaw from falling open. The great body of water spread out in front of her, so far it was impossible to see across, and moonlight sparkled along the icy surface.  
  
“It's beautiful,” she heard Harper whisper beside her, and she nodded, having to agree. Shet simply held one finger to his lips, clearly unable to take in the beauty of the sight before him, and motioned towards the cliff jutting up above the frozen lake a few dozen yards away. He jogged towards it, his head constantly swiveling around in search for any watching eyes, and they all followed after him. Reaching a large cluster of rocks near its base, he pressed his back up against one, crouching down and looking up over his shoulder. They all stopped with him, lowering themselves as well, and listened as he gave his orders.  
  
“We'll use these rocks as cover,” he informed them, his voice barely above a whisper. “I want our bowman and gunman with their weapons ready, aimed at the cliff. If you see any movement coming down towards us, you take them out. Until the fighting really begins, we will use only arrows, but once it starts, pick off any warrior that comes down this cliff or out of the trees, especially any with guns.” He looked at Nygel and the other Grounder, both with their spears, and told them, “Once the fighting starts, it is likely there will be too many coming this way for the gun and arrows to take alone. When that happens, we will get to join in the fun. Remember the Commander's orders: no one gets away. Jus drein, jus daun.”  
  
“Jus drein, jus daun,” they all repeated, nodding, and he returned the nod. “Spread out,” he ordered, and they did just that, moving until each either laid against the ground and peered over the lower rocks, or pressed up against the larger ones, looking around them.  
  
Nygel laid with her stomach pressed against the ground, the mixture of ice and snow beneath her immediately chilling her, but she tried to ignore the cold. She stared ahead of her, not letting her eyes move from the cliff, and waited. For a while, she remained focus on the task at hand, not letting her mind wander, but after almost an hour of waiting, her mind began to drift off. Without consciously realizing it, she thought about how much her life had changed in such a short amount of time. Less than a year ago she'd been living on a station in space, running back-door businesses and trading goods illegally just for something to do to give her a better living than what their lifestyle allowed, and then she'd come crashing to Earth and somehow survived. She helped to lead those who'd survived along with her to safety, not even knowing in the moment if anything like safety actually existed, and then had somehow been led back to more of the people who'd come crashing down with her. Now she laid here, a spear in her hand and warriors beside her, fighting a war she hadn't been a part of but had immediately stepped into, and while all of this had unfolded, she'd somehow fallen for the ex-girlfriend of the man who had constantly been trying to have her arrested back on the Ark. It was a strange life, and far from anything she could have ever dreamed of back on the Ark, but it certainly had its exciting moments. Like now, for instance.  
  
A gun shot went off in the distance, startling Nygel out of her thoughts, and then more followed it. She looked around, realizing the sun had begun to rise, that she had somehow missed the approach of dawn, and saw everyone else tensing around her. Her muscles followed suit, her fingers tightening around her spear, and her eyes narrowed, entire focus turning to the area in front of her.  
  
Barely even a few minutes later and she saw the first bit of movement, two people hurrying down the steep pathway of the cliff. Their bowman straightened up, pulling his bowstring back and let his arrow loose, just at the same time that Harper pulled the trigger of her gun. Both warriors went down, one simply clutching at the gunshot wound that had sprouted against his thigh and then ducking away from Harper's second shot, the other falling off the side of the cliff as he tore at the arrow stuck in his shoulder. His screams broke against the rocks and ice below just as his body did, but Nygel had no time to think on it. More warriors followed the first, a few with guns already searching them out after hearing Harper's gunshots, and she ducked back behind her rock when they began to fire. Their gun and bowmen waited for the shots to cease, and then returned fire, picking off more of them. Nygel looked up over her rock just in time to see a few warriors running through the trees towards the frozen lake, their own weapons up and the early morning light gleaning off the metal.  
  
Suddenly Shet was beside her, a wild grin on his face as he looked at her, crying out, “Time to see what that stick of yours can do, Nygel!” Without waiting for an answer, he sprung up, a war cry already escaping his lips. Nygel shook her head, a grin pulling at her own mouth even as her heart went wild in her chest, and then she followed, pushing herself up and running after the crazy warrior, her spear held tightly in her grip. 

***

Pounding on her door woke her up, and Nia growled, clenching her eyes tighter. Her bed was warm, her many furs easily keeping out the night's chill, and all she wanted was to remain undisturbed for as long as possible. The pounding continued though and she let out another growl before forcing herself to sit up.  
  
“ _Enter_ ,” she finally called out, and immediately her door opened, one of her warriors all but falling into her room and going to one knee before she could even really see his face. “ _What is it?_ ” she spat, shooting a glare at him. “ _It had better be important_.”  
  
“ _Yes my queen_ ,” the warrior said, his voice mumbled from the way his chin pressed against his chest. He looked up and she raised an eyebrow at him. “ _The Commander's army has reached us. They are surrounding the village. Somehow they managed to pick off some of our lookouts, as they are within a mile of the village_.”  
  
“ _Go_ ,” she ordered, throwing her furs off of her and quickly stepping out of her bed. In an instant, she was fully awake, her blood beating rapidly in her veins. “ _Find Meilok and Joujesh and have them summon every warrior we have. Every gun we have should be out. Arm some of the villagers even if we have to: I want Leksa's army in pieces, her people's blood staining the ground. Everyone is to die but the Commander: Leksa is mine._ ” He nodded but didn't move, and she let out another growl before exclaiming, “ _Go!_ ” The next second he was on his feet and out of her room, the door shutting firmly behind him.  
  
Nia paced around her room for a few moments, feeling her heart speed up in her chest. Where only a few minutes ago she'd been asleep, now she stood, wide awake and itching to be out there. She moved to her closet, opening the doors, and began pulling her armor out of it. It was all the same style as the Commander wore; she knew, as she'd had it designed specifically to show her true rank. The only difference was where Lexa always wore a red sash from her shoulder, Nia's was white, a nod to her heritage and clan. She snapped and buckled and zipped, pulling each piece on, and then drew on her war pain, covering her palms with white paint and then dragging her hands down her face so that long streaks grew along her forehead and a mask sprouted around her eyes. The excess paint she wiped along her sleeves, and then she turned and walked to the side of her room, grabbing her sword from where it sat and unsheathing it, testing the hilt in her grip. As always it felt perfect, a mere extension of her arm, and she allowed the smirk to grow along her lips. Leaving the scabbard behind, she made her way over to a small chest at the end of her bed and knelt in front of it, still holding her sword in one hand. Opening the chest, her free hand reached inside and moved to one of the back corners, her fingers closing around something. Carefully she pulled the small vile from the chest, her smirk only growing as she held it out in front of her. The small flames of the candles in her room danced along its glass, reflecting back at her, and her grip along its sides only tightened.  
  
“ _Today_ ,” she whispered, her words ringing out in the empty room, “ _Today Leksa, you fall, and I take the title that should have been mine five years ago_.”

***

She would never know who's gunshot started it all. She'd never know whether it was one of Nia's warriors or one of the Skaikru who took that first shot, alerting everyone else around that the attack had begun, but the moment it rang through the trees, the battle officially began.  
  
That wasn't to say that the timing was bad: the sun had begun to rise, gray light filtering through newly-budding tree branches by the time the fatal gunshot was heard. She'd already led her own team into position, her bowmen taking out two sentries and she herself sneaking up on a third and slitting his throat on the way. Truthfully, if it hadn't started when it did she knew the Commander would have just issued the order soon, and it all would have begun anyway. All in all, she knew the shot could have come much earlier, and they were all lucky that it hadn't.  
  
Indra's grip on her sword tightened, her shoulders shifting as an enemy bore down on her. The man was large, heavy, and when their weapons came together he tried to bare that weight down on her. Her muscles screamed beneath the pressure but locked, not giving the man the advantage he clearly hoped for. More shots rained down around them, and briefly she allowed her gaze to move from the man pressing down on her.  
  
“To the trees!” she yelled behind her, shooting a look to her warrior with the bow and the Skaikru holding a gun. “Find their shooters in the trees and take them down!” She heard shouts behind her but was forced to turn her attention back to the warrior in front of her when she felt him move. His weight shifted to his right, clearly about to make a move, but she moved faster. Before he could complete whatever his plan was, she unlocked their swords, swung to the side, and brought her elbow down hard against the man's clavicle. She felt the crunch of the bone more than heard it, noticed the man's wince, but rather than give him the moment to recover, her sword darted up, its blade tearing along his throat and parting the skin. Blood sprayed against her, splashes of the hot iron hitting the corner of her mouth, but she ignored the coppery taste as he died before her. His body fell to the ground, dead before he reached it, and she turned, eyes quickly scanning around her to take stock of the situation.  
  
Her gunman and bowman had their weapons pointed up, looking to the trees as she'd ordered, and even as she watched the Skaikru man pulled the trigger of his weapon and the next moment she heard something crash to the ground many yards away. Her bowman loosed an arrow, and then she heard a scream from the branches above them.  
  
To her left her warrior with the spear fought his own battle, his enemy using his sword to try to keep the spearman at bay. Even with just a quick glance she knew that fight would soon be over, and turned to her other side. Octavia dodged her opponents attack, popping up behind the woman's sword and slashed at her stomach. At the last moment her enemy pulled away, the Sky girl's attack only grazing her where otherwise it would have gutted her. She let out a hiss but otherwise didn't react to the wound, swiping her weapon at Octavia. The girl pivoted away from the attack, the motion taking her around her enemy's side, and then her sword came down in a sweep, biting into the back of the woman's knee. The warrior tried to turn, tried to limp away, but this time she wasn't fast enough. Octavia grabbed a handful of her hair with her free hand and then reached around with her sword, slashing the blade along the warriors neck. When she released her hold on the woman's hair, her body crumpled, knees folding up beneath her before she fell to the ground.  
  
“Not bad,” Indra stated, eyeing the body on the ground as she took a few steps towards the Sky girl. Eyes drifting back up, she added, “I see you do remember how to use that thing after all.”  
  
Octavia flashed her a cheeky grin, reaching down and wiping her blade off on the warrior's clothing. “I had a pretty good teacher who beat the lessons into me,” she joked, using her free hand to push a few wisps of hair from her face. “Made it hard to forget them.”  
  
Indra returned the grin with one of her own. “Good,” she replied, “If you had forgotten, I would have just had to beat them in again.” The brunette nodded, readjusting her grip on her sword as she pulled it away from her enemy's body, and then they heard another body thump to the ground. They both turned to see their spearman pulling his weapon from his opponent's body, looking up just in time to meet their looks. He just nodded, and Indra nodded back.  
  
“Let's go,” she ordered, taking a few steps forward and allowing them all to fall in behind her. They did, Octavia moving to stand on her right, the other three fanning out behind her. “Keep your eyes open and to the trees,” she added, her own scanning the branches above them. “The closer we get to Keerie, the more warriors we are sure to run into.” They all murmured their agreements and then followed her as she led the way towards the village.  
  
They didn't get far before they had to stop again: after only a few minutes they heard shots and fresh bullets rained down around them. One clipped her bowman's shoulder, causing the man to curse as he pressed his hand to the bleeding wound. “Behind the trees!” Indra yelled, grabbing the man by his good shoulder and yanking him back while the rest of her warriors ran to follow her orders. The moment they were somewhat hidden, their Sky man peered around the tree he hid behind, searching for the enemy. Before he could get a good look, fresh shots rang out and he had to duck behind the tree or risk getting hit as well.  
  
“They're pinning us down!” Indra growled, her voice carrying to those around her. Her hands pressed harshly against the bowman's wound, and she tried to ignore how pale his skin turned as he clenched his teeth together, trying to fight the pain. “ _Don't you dare!_ ” she ordered, speaking only to him, “ _Don't you dare let this stop you!_ ” He nodded, clenching his jaw tighter, his knuckles turning white under the grip he held to his bow.  
  
A few feet away, Octavia carefully peered around her own tree, her eyes scanning the tree tops above them. She heard fresh shots ring out, but both were aimed at their gunman, who only just managed to hide again and avoid the attack. Following the angle of the bullets, she searched the branches until she finally found them.  
  
“Indra!” she called, turning back towards the chief and injured warrior, “Toss me his bow and an arrow!”  
  
The chief grabbed the bow from his hand, forcing it out of his tight grip, and then tossed it towards the Sky girl's tree. It fell to the ground just short of its target, but the brunette was able to quickly step out and grab it before hiding behind another tree. The movement brought her closer, so when Indra threw the arrow, it landed at Octavia's feet. She grabbed it, set it to the bow, and with a deep breath, quickly stepped back out. In a second the bow was up, she took aim, and then allowed the arrow to fire from the bowstring. The moment the arrow was loose, she dove, just managing to dodge the bullet that tore through the air right where her head had been. They heard a loud curse, and then the Sky guard stepped out and fired twice, freed up just long enough to take the moment he needed to aim. Both enemies went down, crashing into numerous branches as they fell back to the earth.  
  
“Quick thinking,” the gunman said to Octavia, shooting her a smile as he re-positioned his weapon against his shoulder.  
  
“And good aim,” their spearman added, stepping out from behind his tree. “That was well done.”  
  
“Mochof,” Octavia told him, nodding to them both, before she moved over to Indra and the warrior still on the ground. Her brow furrowed, concern for the warrior taking over. “How bad is it?” she asked, eyes darting to the man's shoulder, but he just shook his head.  
  
“I am fine,” he got out between grit teeth, shrugging his shoulder beneath Indra's hand. The chief got the hint and stepped away as the warrior pushed himself to his feet. He grimaced, his shoulder clearly paining him, but accepted his bow back from Octavia and immediately put another arrow to it. Looking to them all, he just nodded towards the fallen enemy, saying, “We should continue.”  
  
They did just that. Indra led them forward once again, each warrior falling into place as they moved, and quickly they picked their way through the trees. Gunfire continued to be heard, sometimes a lot of it and other times only a little, but none of it was now around them. Twice as they moved they came across another battle, more of their own warriors locked into a battle with the enemy, and each time they joined in, the increased numbers quickly taking down their armed enemies. Only once their enemies were slain did they move forward, getting closer and closer to their primary target.  
  
As they moved and met with other teams, Indra was able to paint a picture of their overall progress. From those she spoke with, she learned that the Commander had made it into Keerie, the four teams she'd taken along with her own managing to break through the queen's defenses and now fought inside the village. One warrior said he'd heard that some of their own teams along the west side of the village had met with more guns than expected, and that they'd lost a number of fighters. At that news, Indra noticed Octavia stiffen, clearly remembering that both Lincoln and her brother had been placed on some of the teams ordered to come in from the west, but the Sky girl didn't say anything about it, only allowed herself to shift a little in her stance. Indra thanked them all for their information, and then they were once again on the move.  
  
Her group had gone another half a mile without meeting any trouble when Indra's hand rose, drawing them all to a stop. She paused, listening for a second, and then crouched lower, her fingers repositioning themselves along the hilt of her sword as she slowly moved forward. Her people followed her, all taking her lead and making no noise, only a moment later hearing what had caught her attention. The clang of metal on metal ricocheted through the air and they snuck towards it, keeping low in case of any enemies in the trees. The sounds continued, growing in volume, and soon she could hear the other movement that went along with it. Indra led the way, and the moment she saw who it was that was fighting, her eyes widened before pulling down into a scowl, her nostrils flaring.  
  
Taigon just managed to get his sword up in time to block Walsh's attack, the healer's form sloppy and uncontrolled while the warrior bore down on him. Behind him, Thom cowered against a tree, desperately holding onto a small knife while Reese stood between the boy and the battle, the sword she'd been carrying around held out in front of her, her hands clearly shaking even as she tried to appear fearless.  
  
“ _Give up, Teigon_ ,” Walsh said, pulling his sword away from the healer and taking a step to the side. Taigon mirrored the movement, keeping himself between the warrior and the children, though the way his mouth was pursed gave away his fear. “ _You are no warrior_.”  
  
“ _But I am_ ,” Indra growled, stalking out from behind the trees. Walsh whirled around, the hand not holding his sword flying to his belt and grabbing his knife, arming himself with both weapons. His stance shifted, no longer as relaxed as it had been when he faced only the healer, his muscles clearly tensing. Indra felt her own muscles loosening, her body subconsciously preparing itself for battle as she continued to walk forward. “Natrona,” she growled, her hate for him rolling off of her. “ _How dare you show your face or hold a sword: you are nothing but a coward_.”  
  
“ _I am no coward, Indra_ ,” Walsh replied, his eyes never leaving her blade. “ _Leksa is_.”  
  
“ _Do not speak the Commander's name!_ ” Indra spat. “ _You lost that right the day you turned on her_.”  
  
“ _It is she who turned on us!_ ” Walsh shouted, his fury barely controlled even as he continued to hold completely still. “ _We should have destroyed the Ice Nation long ago, but she stopped us! They attacked us, murdered our people, and she chose to create a coalition with them rather than fight back! Even after they captured and tortured my niece, her love, she still clasped hands with their queen and welcomed them to the coalition!_ ”  
  
“ _And now you belong to the same queen who cut off your niece's head_ ,” Indra said, disgust in her tone. “ _You are the worst kind of traitor_.”  
  
“ _You know nothing_ ,” he growled back, and she gave a little shake of her head. “ _I know you will regret what you have done_ ,” she told him, and then called over her shoulder, “He is mine. Gonrah, Marks, get Taigon and the children out of here.” She heard her gunman and spearman both agree and then move, and kept her eyes on Walsh in case he tried to intervene. He didn't, his focus never leaving her as the two moved over to the healer and kids, and from the corner of her eyes she watched them disappear into the trees.  
  
As soon as the Commander's brother was safely away, Indra moved. One moment she was still, and then the space between herself and the traitor lessened, her strong legs carrying her towards him at an alarming speed. Her sword swung up, ready to bite into his flesh, but when it came down his came up, stopping it. His other hand darted out, the blade of his knife turned towards her, and she jumped back, avoiding the sharp blade at the last moment. He followed her, not allowing her to put any distance between them, and brought his sword up before slicing down towards her side. Indra blocked it, the two blades locking together, and rather than push away she used the moment to push closer. Her fist darted out, catching him on his cheek, and the force of the blow caused his head to to swing to the side.  
  
The blow barely phased him: without so much as a delay, his knife moved towards her throat. She leaned back, no more than an inch of space between her neck and the knife as it sliced through the air in front of her, and had to take quick steps back to keep herself from losing her balance. They used the brief moment of space to size each other up, and then it was Walsh who attacked first, his sword swinging in a series of thrusts towards the chief. Indra blocked each but was forced back as Walsh came at her, his movements too quick for her to do anything but defend against. Suddenly she felt her back hit against a tree and saw a flash in her opponent's eyes, clearly thinking she was at the disadvantage. She allowed him to think that, remaining where she was for just a moment, and when he brought his sword down this time she ducked, letting the blade scrape across tree bark. The moment the sword was occupied, her own weapon darted out, sliding off of Walsh's knife as he tried to block it, and biting into his side. Using the momentum of her movement she rolled to the side, cold snow sticking to her clothing as she freed herself, easily pushing herself back up to her feet only when there were a few feet between them. She raised her sword again, letting her eyes glance to it quickly, and saw the drops of red beading along its edge.  
  
“ _You betrayed the Commander_ ,” she told him, her voice dangerously low. “ _I will not let you get away with that._ ” Walsh turned, both weapons still in his hands, and ignored the red stain that grew along his side. He met her hard gaze and simply clenched his jaw tighter, refusing to respond.  
  
Indra didn't expect one, nor did she need one. He turned and she moved, her feet pounding against the ground as she took the few steps needed to close the distance between them. Once again their swords met, each moving in a blur too fast to focus on for more than a split second. Walsh attacked with sword and knife, and Indra attacked with just her sword, constantly twisting her body to dodge the second weapon. She shifted too slowly, and felt the sharp sting as the knife bit into her arm but just kept moving, immediately pulling away from it. She watched even as she moved, waiting for the right moment, the opportunity she needed, and then Walsh stepped back and she saw it.  
  
Walsh stepped back and shifted his weight, his grip loosening around the knife for just a second as he prepared for his next attack, but Indra didn't let him have it. She locked onto his movement, somehow noticing the grip on his knife, and in a move too fast to anticipate her sword moved up to block his and the side of her body continued. Her shoulder slammed against his chest and she turned until her back was against his front, her free hand reaching up across her body and grabbing onto his wrist. Using the strength she'd built up over a lifetime of training and fighting, she fell to one knee, using her grip on his arm to yank him over her body. With his weight already off-balance he had no anchor to hold himself in place and suddenly his body was upside down, her grip on his wrist not loosening. His body crashed against the ground, the air knocked from his lungs and his shoulder popping out of place as she continued to hold his wrist, but when she finally dropped it he rolled away, ignoring the pain and forcing air back into his lungs. Walsh pushed himself back up to his feet, clenching his hand into a fist as he realized he'd dropped his knife, but used the now free hand to pop his shoulder back into place, barely even flinching at the pain. Sweat beaded along his brow, slipping down his face and stinging his eyes, but he ignored it, never letting his focus drift from his opponent.  
  
Indra didn't give him a chance to catch his breath; as soon as he was on his feet again, she moved. She ran as though to come at him straight on, and then shifted at the last minute, instead coming in towards his weaker side. Walsh's sword rose up, blocking the worst of her attack, but the movement was just a hair too late and he winced as the tip of her sword bit into his shoulder. She turned, her elbow coming up with the force of the movement, and smashed it onto his face. They both heard the crunch as his nose broke, blood pouring out of it immediately, but neither stopped to give it a thought. His fist came up, somehow managing to clip her in the eye, and then they once again broke apart, their eyes never once leaving each other.  
  
For long minutes, the fight went back and forth, each trading blows with the other. Fists made contact with faces, swords managed to carve shallow cuts along the other's flesh, neither allowing any injury to slow them down. Soon however both were breathing heavy, their chests heaving and sweat pouring down their bodies, the clothing and light armor they wore sticking to them. Drops of blood speckled the ground below them, as though they were mapping out the course of the fight, and Indra's people looked on, Octavia nearly holding her breath as the battle continued. The Sky girl watched, her grip on her own sword tightening with every blow, able to see how much each warrior tired as the fight continued, and wondered how much longer either of them could go.  
  
Finally it ended. Walsh moved in, just tired enough to not entirely control the attack, and Indra dodged his blade, ducking beneath the swing. Her fist lashed out, striking him directly on the wound at his side that continued to bleed, and then her own sword darted up, its blade slicing against his arm. With the movements her foot shot out, hooking behind his own, and then he stumbled back, crashing to the ground, his sword slipping from his grip. Before he could grab it from where it had fallen beside him, Indra's foot was on his chest, the tip of her own sword at his throat, pressing against the skin. He looked up, met her eyes, and just lifted his chin higher.  
  
“ _Do it_ ,” he just said, exposing more of his neck, giving her the access needed to kill him. Rather than do so however, she just held up her free hand, her sword never wavering, and motioned behind her. Octavia came running to her side, bending down and picking his sword up from the ground the minute she was there, getting it out of his reach. As soon as it was gone, Indra bent down, moving so that it was her knee that held him down, her sword still at his throat. She bore down on him, her face only inches away from his.  
  
“ _No_ ,” she growled, “ _You do not get the honor of a warrior's death. You will get the traitor's death you deserve_.” Before he could try to say or do anything in response she stood back up, digging her heel into the wound on his side, making him gasp as the pain shot through his body. The next instant she forcefully rolled him over and then Octavia's knee was on his back as she roughly pulled his arms up behind him, grabbing the length of leather from her belt and tying his hands behind him. The cord bit into his wrists and then both pairs of hands grabbed the back of his shirt, hoisting him back up to his feet.  
  
As soon as he was up, Indra pushed him a few steps forward, her grip on her sword still tight in case he tried anything. Nodding towards the trees in front of them, she let her gaze dart momentarily to Octavia and her other warrior, telling them, “Let's go. The Commander may need more warriors.” Both nodded, moving to follow her, but all three froze when they heard a branch snap only a few yards away from them.  
  
“ _You aren't going anywhere_ ,” the Ice Nation warrior informed them as he stepped out from behind the trees. Though his grip on his gun appeared awkward, his finger rested against the trigger, the weapon pointed directly at Indra's chest. Her bowman moved, about to lift his bow, but the warrior called out, “ _Try it and I kill her_.” The man froze and then shot a glare at the enemy before tossing his bow to the ground and holding his hands out. “ _Good_ ,” the enemy warrior said, “ _Now release your prisoner_.”  
  
“ _No_ ,” Indra growled, her sword still up and directed at Walsh's back. “ _Do it,_ ” the Ice Nation warrior warned, “ _Or I will kill you_.”  
  
“ _Do that_ ,” they all heard, “ _And I will kill you_.”  
  
The Trigedasleng was broken, sloppy, but the words were clear. They all turned, surprised by the new voice, and found Bellamy standing a few yards away, his gun up and aimed directly at the Ice Nation warrior. Behind him stood six others, Miller and Lincoln among them. All were armed, Miller's gun also pointing at the Ice Nation warrior, while the two bows they had pointed at him as well.  
  
Seeing them all, the warrior panicked. He looked back at Indra, the one his gun was still aimed at, and moved his finger. Twin shots rang out, one masked by the other, and Bellamy didn't even flinch as his finger squeezed against the trigger. The warrior went down, his bullet hitting the man right between his eyes, and his head snapped back as his body crumpled to the ground.  
  
“Bellamy!” Octavia exclaimed, the relief at seeing her brother alive and well flooding through her. She ran to him, her arms wrapping around him the moment he was close enough, and felt one arm wrap around her shoulders.  
  
“Hey O,” he simply said, his own relief obvious in his voice even as he just slung the one arm around her. “Glad to see you're alright.”  
  
“Octavia,” Lincoln said, stepping up, and then the Sky girl pushed herself away from her brother and ran to throw her arms around him as well.  
  
“Lincoln,” she murmured, closing her eyes as she breathed in deeply, her face all but buried against his chest. Pulling back she looked up, eyes flicking back and forth between him and her brother as she asked, “What happened? We heard there was a problem around where your teams were sent, that a lot of the enemy were there and we'd lost a lot of our warriors.”  
  
Bellamy nodded, his brow creasing as his lips pulled down. “There were,” he replied, “There were seven teams sent that way, but we hit about a dozen shooters and more archers. The first team wasn't expecting them at all, and all went down almost before anyone knew what was happening. It-”  
  
“Indra?” they heard, the bowman cutting Bellamy off. They all turned around to find Indra still standing where she had been before Bellamy and his crew had shown up. Sweat poured down the sides of her face. She'd moved her sword to her other hand, her right hand now pressing against her left shoulder. The hand moved away, and they saw the blood coating her palm. She looked up, met Octavia's eyes, and then she was falling backwards.  
  
“Indra!” Octavia screamed as she ran towards the woman now lying on the ground. 

***

Clarke yanked harder at her chains, desperately trying to free herself. Another gunshot went off outside her prison, and with it her heart only sped up faster. She had no way of knowing how much time had gone by since she heard the first one or since the shouting had started outside, the walls of her cell too thick to make anything out, but she guessed it had to be somewhere between a half hour and an hour. Ever since that first shot, she'd been pulling and yanking, trying everything she could think of to get herself free of these chains and out of this room, and so far all she her efforts had produced were sharp pains from her wrists and back.  
  
Suddenly the door burst open and her head shot up, her heart in her throat. The moment she realized who it was she managed to calm down, forced herself to breathe evenly as Jojesh moved across the room towards her. Echo stopped about half way across and the third person stood even further back and Clarke's eyes darted to them both, but when she noticed what Jojesh held her focus turned entirely on him. The moment he reached her the key was in the shackle attached to her left arm, quickly turning and the manacle finally coming undone. As her left arm dropped, Clarke wincing a little as the muscles protested the long time of limited mobility, he moved to the other arm, doing the same for it.  
  
“What's happening?” she asked, carefully rubbing both wrists as soon as each arm was free. Jojesh knelt in front of her, fitting the key to one of the shackles around her ankles as he answered, “The Commander and her army are here. It appears they have the village surrounded. We must get you out of here before Nia decides to use you to get to the Commander.”  
  
“Lexa's here?” the blonde asked, less because she didn't believe him and more because even just thinking it made her heart race in her chest for too many reasons to count. Jojesh simply nodded, standing back up after her second ankle was released, and gently grabbed her shoulder.  
  
“Yes,” he replied with a quick nod, “And her army is fighting against Nia's. It is only a matter of time before Nia's warriors cannot stand up to the Commander's, and when that happens she will come for you, to use you against the Commander. We have to get you away from here before that happens.”  
  
“We are going to sneak you out of the village,” Echo added, shifting where she stood, her eyes darting to the door. “But we must hurry if we want to be able to do so without being spotted. If Nia sees, those loyal to her will be on us in seconds.”  
  
Clarke looked at the other warrior suspiciously, as though she were sizing her up. “So you're helping me now, is that right?” she asked, not sure yet that she could trust the other girl. Echo met her look with a straight face, her expression serious as she replied, “Nia is a terrible queen. She would make a worse Commander. I made myself look past all that she did before, but I refuse to look past what happened to my cousin. I would rather Azgeda faced the Commander's wrath than stand by and help Nia overthrow her. So I will help you, in whatever way I can, no matter the danger.”  
  
The blonde nodded slowly, her mouth going dry as she thought about the warriors words and everything that must be going on outside of her little prison cell. This was her chance, she realized, her heart beginning to beat against her throat; this might be her only chance to put her plan into motion.  
  
“Okay,” she finally said, focusing back at the warriors around her. “I'm getting out of here, but I'm not hiding.” The cousins both opened their mouths to argue, but Clarke shook her head, cutting them off. “No,” she told them, “Hiding isn't going to make things any better.” She looked at Jojesh and then at Echo, and then held her hand out to the woman. “Echo, I need your sword.” The warrior hesitated for a second but the blonde just raised her eyebrows. “If you want to stop Nia, then you need to trust me,” she just said, and then the warrior finally nodded, grabbing the hilt of her sword from over her shoulder. She drew the blade from its spot along her back and then handed it to the blonde, and Clarke tested it in her grip. It was heavy, heavier than her own sword at least, but was almost certainly lighter than Jojesh's. It would have to do. “Thank you,” she told her, and then looked over to the man still standing by the entrance. “Your name is...?”  
  
“Paten, Ubroukai,” he replied, bowing his head to her slightly. “I too will help you, however I can.”  
  
“Thank you, Paten,” Clarke said to him and then looked from him to Echo. “I want you two to find all of the villagers, anyone who isn't a warrior and might get hurt in this battle, find them and take them somewhere safe. I don't know where, but just get them away from here. Got it?”  
  
“Sha, Ubroukai,” Paten agreed with another bow of his head, and after a minute of studying her, Echo also nodded.  
  
“Good,” Clarke muttered, her mind whirling as she tried to think of everything at once. Staring off in front of her as she tried to think the next few things through, she told them, “Go now, before anyone else innocent gets hurt.”  
  
Paten looked to Echo, standing up straighter as he prepared to follow their order, but Echo stood there for another second staring at Clarke. The blonde noticed and met her eye, letting the warrior study her, before the warrior reached up and pulled off the cloak she wore. As soon as it was off, she reached out, holding it out to the Sky girl as she said quietly, “Wear this and you will not be immediately spotted. You should be able to get farther with little trouble if you hide your face.”  
  
Clarke accepted the cloak, something stirring inside her chest as she looked back at Echo. “Thank you,” she murmured sincerely, and the warrior just nodded.  
  
“Good luck, Klark kom Ubroukai,” Echo whispered, and then she turned quickly, jogging to the door, Paten joining her and both slipping out of the room hopefully to do as they were ordered. The blonde watched them go, feeling her nerves start buzzing inside her, but tried to push the many thoughts flying through her mind aside. Quickly she slipped into the cloak, pulling the hood over her head so that it partially covered her face, and then adjusted her grip on the sword. Looking up at the remaining warrior, she said, “Jojesh, I need you to help me with something...”

***

Thom ran.  
  
Thom ran and ran and ran, his short legs carrying him as fast as they could possibly go. Never before in his life had he run so far and so fast, but he didn't stop. His chest burned, his lungs screaming at him to stop, a sharp pain in his side trying to force him to, but he ignored it all. The gunshots echoing in the air from both near and far away spurned him on, fear clogging his system.  
  
He'd been okay at first. When Heda and the rest of the warriors left, he'd done his best to stand tall, to act the brave warrior, and for a while he'd been able to fool everyone. For a while, no one had been able to see the way his heart thudded against his chest or the way his hands shook at his sides. He'd hidden all that fear away, buried it as far down as he possibly could, and no one had been able to see it.  
  
And then the shooting had started.  
  
Not there, where he'd been; it had started in the distance, the action hidden by all the trees, but he'd been able to hear it. That first shot rang out, and he and the other two dozen people left behind had jumped or turned, all looking out into the woods as though they'd actually be able to see whatever was going on. After the first one, gunfire could be heard from just about every direction, too many shots to even begin to try to count. The warriors left behind with them had all shifted, their grips on their weapons tightening, and no one had said anything. They'd all just watched, waited for whatever would happen next.  
  
Thom had tried to wait. He'd tried so hard to hide his fear, tried to stop his body from shaking as too many loud noises fired not too far away. He'd tried to stand tall like Reese, tried not to let anyone see how scared he was, but no matter how hard he tried, he knew it wasn't working. His mouth went dry, his hands shook like leaves, and he felt the cold sweat running down his spine. A battle he couldn't see raged around him, and he wasn't just scared: he was terrified. So when multiple gunshots went off and two of their warriors went down and everyone turned to find the Ice Nation warriors creeping out of the trees from behind them, some how getting around them without any of them knowing, Thom let his fear take over and he ran.  
  
Without looking back, he dashed into the trees, dashed away from the people who were supposed to be protecting him. He ran because the people with him weren't the ones he needed. Yes, Taigon was great, always watching out for him. Yes, Raven was funny, and always made him laugh even when he felt grumpy. Yes Monty was really smart, and yes even the Chancellor wasn't as bad as she used to be, but none of them were who he needed. If he was scared, if people were out there trying to hurt him, he needed Heda. He needed Heda or Clarke, and even though he didn't understand everything that was going on, Heda had gone this way, disappeared into these trees, and he knew she was going after Clarke. So that's the way he went.  
  
He heard Reese as she raced after him, shouting for him to wait up but he didn't slow down. He heard the heavier footsteps following them, and knew that someone else was with them too, but he didn't even look behind him to find out who. He just stared ahead, his eyes constantly flicking from side to side in a desperate attempt to find either of the women he was looking for.  
  
A root stuck out of the snow and his foot snagged on it, and suddenly Thom toppled forward, his body finally coming to a hard stop. He rolled a couple of times, flinching as the hard snow struck his back and arms, but overall it didn't hurt too much. When he finally stopped he laid there for just a second, his body heaving as he gasped for breath against the hard ground. The moment he stopped running the exhaustion kicked in, his legs feeling all funny and the pain in his chest and side flaring up as though to punish him for not stopping sooner.  
  
Someone else fell to their knees beside him and then rough hands grabbed his shoulders, hauling up into a sitting position. Reese glared at him, her own chest falling up and down rapidly, and he noticed how red her face was.  
  
“Why'd you do that?!” she exclaimed, smacking him on the arm. The words came out between gasps, but the glare she threw at him never went away. “You can't just run away like that, Thom!”  
  
His shoulders hunched up, head tilting down a little as he told her sheepishly, “I was scared.”  
  
“So you ran towards the shooting?” she growled and he blushed, ducking his head even further.  
  
“Enough Reese,” they heard Taigon say, and both turned to see the bigger man standing near them. His eyes darted around them, trying to take everything in, and Thom noticed his breathing seemed to still be steady. “Thom was scared and he didn't think, he just reacted. But now we have to go back; it isn't safe out here on our own.”  
  
“I was trying to find Heda,” the little boy admitted quietly, trying to keep the whine out of his voice and only mildly succeeding. Reese's glare subsided slightly, and Taigon just looked down at him, giving him an encouraging smile.  
  
“We'll find her again,” the healer promised, kneeling down to help both children to their feet. “But not until after the battle. For now we have to let her do her job, and we have to go back so that we can do ours.”  
  
“What is our job?” Reese wanted to know, eyeing Taigon curiously as she stood back up. The older man met her look and simply answered, “Right now our job is to stay safe.”  
  
“But we're warriors too,” the girl told him, her tone only a little hesitant as she asked, “Doesn't that mean we should be fighting too?” Thom remained quiet, not voicing his opinion on whether he really wanted to be a warrior, and just listened as Taigon said, “You may be warriors, but you are not ready for this kind of battle yet. Heda knows this, and so do you.” The boy thought that Reese might argue with that, but instead she just remained quiet, eyes falling down to her hands.  
  
As soon as all three were once again standing and their breathing had gotten somewhat under control, they turned around to head back towards the rest of the healers, but they didn't get very far. After only a few steps they heard movement behind them, and they all froze as someone called out behind them in words Thom couldn't understand. The boy saw Taigon's eyes widen and then the healer spun around, his hand moving immediately to the sword Heda had given him before she left.  
  
“Wolsh,” Thom heard him say, and the boy turned to find the warrior guy who'd disappeared just a couple of days ago standing just a little ways away. He already held a sword in his hand, his expression blank as he took a step towards them.  
  
“Teigon,” the warrior replied, saying the name in that funny way the Grounders did whenever they spoke in their own language. His eyes momentarily moved to Thom and Reese, and the boy felt a fresh burst of fear explode in his chest.  
  
“Thom, Reese, stay behind me,” Taigon murmured, moving so that his body was between the warrior and the kids. Thom nodded frantically and Reese took his hand, slowly backing them up. The healer began to speak in the Grounder language, using the funny words that Thom didn't understand yet, Walsh replying in the same language, and the boy couldn't decide if he wanted to know what they were saying or not. He and Reese continued to back up until he nearly tripped against a tree, his back pressing against it with a dull thud.  
  
For another minute or so the two Grounders continued to speak, never saying more than a word that either of the kids could understand, and then Walsh took a few quick steps towards the healer, his sword darting out. Thom's lip jumped between his teeth, holding the bubble of fear in his throat at bay as he watched Taigon just manage to lift his own sword in time to stop the blow. Reese moved in front of him, drawing the sword she'd been carrying around for days now from its spot against her back, and held it in both hands in front of her, and Thom couldn't help but notice the way her hands shook. Walsh took a step back and then attacked again, his sword coming down against the healer at another angle, and once again Taigon only just managed to get his up in time to block it.  
  
Whether he was a warrior or not, even Thom could see that the healer wasn't doing anything but defending himself, and even that wasn't going very well. No matter how quickly he tried to move his sword, Walsh's was always faster, and soon the warrior began making hits, small cuts appearing on the healer's arms and torso. Taigon never stopped trying though, and never once did he move so that he wasn't in front of the children, using his own body to protect them.  
  
Walsh attacked, and the healer stumbled back, his sword coming up just in time to keep his enemy's sword from biting into his skin once again.  
  
“Set daun, Teigon,” the warrior said, pulling his sword away from the healer and taking a step to the side. Thom watched Taigon mirror the movement, still keeping himself between them and the bad guy. “Yu laik nou gona.”  
  
“Ba ai laik,” a voice growled, and Thom's head whipped around. Indra stalked out from behind trees only a little ways away, glaring at Walsh. Behind her Thom saw Octavia and three other people, and he couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. He heard Indra call the bad guy natrona, but lost everything else she said, unable to focus on her words as the fear he'd felt started to slip away. Indra and Walsh yelled back and forth and Reese shifted in front of him, letting her sword lower just a little bit while he stood up, no longer cowering against the tree. His attention snapped back to the Grounder chief when she yelled in English, “He is mine. Gonrah, Marks, get Taigon and the children out of here.”  
  
With nods and quick words of agreement, the man with the gun and the Grounder with the spear stepped forward, neither of them taking their eyes away from Walsh as the moved towards them. Taigon only let his sword fall to hang by his side when the warriors had reached them, and with barely a look back the small group quickly moved away from the rest of the warriors.  
  
“What are you doing out here?” the man with the spear asked, shooting a look over at Taigon as they made their way through the trees. “The Commander would be furious if she knew you were where it isn't safe.”  
  
“It wasn't planned,” the healer answered easily, his eyes looking nowhere but in front of him, but Thom felt his cheeks turn red. “And if you have not noticed, right now there is no safe place around here.”  
  
“But there are safer places,” the man argued, lifting his spear up a little higher as he stepped over a fallen branch. “Being out here unprotected is foolish.”  
  
“Then we should get somewhere that is protected, shouldn't we?” Taigon merely replied, raising his eyebrows. The warrior didn't answer, just nodded even as he sent the healer a look, and the conversation dropped, everyone instead listening to their surroundings.  
  
If they hadn't stopped talking, who knows what would have happened. If they'd still been talking when the stick snapped, their gunman might not have heard it, and might not have been able to warn them. The snap would have gone unnoticed, and they might not have gotten away in time.  
  
As it was, they did stop talking, and when the stick snapped, the gunman looked over his shoulder, seeing them just in time.  
  
“Go!” he shouted, scaring Thom with his sudden yell. “Run!”  
  
Before he ran, the boy followed the man's gaze, and again his mouth went dry. Behind them three warriors stood, each with a bow. He looked just in time to see one of them let their arrow fly, and watched as it sprouted through the gunman's shoulder. The man swore, dropping to one knee, and at that moment everything happened at once. The other two warriors let go of their bowstrings, both arrows flying towards the group, and the Grounder with the spear let out a loud growl before he ran straight towards them, ignoring it as one of the two arrows skimmed his side. The third arrow lodged into the tree just beside Taigon, and the healer immediately grabbed Thom's hand.  
  
“Move!” he yelled, and suddenly the three were all running again, desperately trying to escape the new fight behind them. A gunshot rang out, and Thom couldn't help it: his fears turned to tears, and those tears began running down his cheeks.  
  
“I don't wanna be a warrior!” he cried, his voice already ragged from the way his insides twisted and turned. “I don't wanna!”  
  
“Keep running!” Taigon just said, his hand squeezing a little harder around the little boys as he led them farther and farther into the trees. More gunshots rang out, further away but in both directions, and through his tears Thom saw Reese's forehead crease in confusion.  
  
“Why are we running towards the gunshots?” she yelled, her words broken up as she took quick breaths, fighting to keep up with his long legs. Taigon's gaze darted down to her just for a moment, not stopping while it did, before he answered loudly, “If no place is safe, we're going where we're most likely to be protected!”  
  
It didn't make sense to Thom and he could tell Reese didn't understand either, but the two kept running, kept following the healer. Again they ran and they ran and they ran, their legs pumping and chests heaving, and the tears didn't stop flowing down the little boy's face. Now the sounds of battle began to grow even louder, fewer gunshots now and more clashes of metal on metal, and terror rooted itself into Thom's chest. He trusted Taigon though, trusted that the healer knew what he was doing, and forced his feet to keep going.  
  
The trees thinned out and then they were basically out of them, only a few standing here or there. Buildings of various sizes stood before them, more huts than anything else, but a few here and there that looked kind of like the library but only smaller. In the space between the buildings and trees people fought, arrows flying through the air, guns being shot every now and then, and swords and spears striking each other or flesh.  
  
For a moment, Taigon stopped, Thom and Reese both crashing into him. He searched around wildly, his head whipping around from side to side, clearly looking for something. Thom looked too, though he had no idea what it was he was supposed to be trying to find, and jumped when he heard Reese scream, “Taigon, look out!”  
  
They both turned to find a warrior running towards them, his spear held out and its tip pointed directly at the healer's chest. Quickly Taigon pulled his sword up in front of him, knocking the tip of the spear to the side so that it struck his arm and not his chest. He let out a hiss as sharp metal tore its way through muscle, but forced himself to ignore it as the warrior pulled the spear back and then swung it in a wide arc around to his other side. This time he got his sword in front of it soon enough to block the attack entirely, but the warrior just continued moving, looking for a weakness.  
  
Thom jumped away the moment the spear struck Taigon, his hand flying to the knife at his belt. He drew it without a second thought, holding it in shaking hands the way he'd been taught, and watched as Reese held up the sword. He saw her move, the sword darting out, attacking the enemy who attacked Taigon. The man moved just in time, only seeing the little girl just before she could catch him in the side, and used the butt of his spear to deflect the blow. Taigon used the opportunity to attack, Reese following with him, and the warrior somehow managed to block both attacks. Thom watched for a second while his friends attacked, clearly forgotten by all of them at the moment, and gripped his knife harder. Taking a deep breath he sprinted forward, coming in from the enemy's side, the man still distracted by the two swords, and the moment he was close enough, he lashed out. His knife plunged into the back of the man's thigh, sliding into the leg more easily than the boy would have believed possible, and the warrior let out a cry of pain. Without thinking about it, Thom forcefully pulled the knife out of his leg and then lashed out again, the blade running along the tendons in the back of the warriors knee. Blood sprayed from the wound, coating the boy's hands, and all he wanted to do was throw up.  
  
Before he could, the butt of the man's spear flew through the air, striking him just above his eye. Thom went flying back, the force knocking him off of his feet, and he felt pain crackle along his forehead. His eyebrow opened up, blood gushing down his face and white spots suddenly appeared in his vision.  
  
“Thom!” Reese screamed, and then she rushed at the warrior, a fresh scream on her lips as her sword flew out in front of her. From his new spot on the ground, Thom watched as the man stumbled, trying to shift away but unable to due to his injured leg, and then Reese's sword slashed across his stomach. For a split second the man just stood there as though in awe, and then looked down and they all watched as his guts began to slip out of the opening Reese had just created. He swayed, and then his body fell face first, smashing against the ground.  
  
Thom couldn't hold it in after that. He turned, and anything he'd eaten in the last few hours came spewing out, coloring the snow almost as easily as the dead warrior's blood was doing. Every time he thought he was done more just came up, until his stomach was clenching and his body had nothing else to release. When he finally finished he looked back over to Reese and Taigon, happy to see that Reese at least looked a little more pale than she had a moment ago, and then froze again as he heard a set of footsteps stop just behind him. He watched as Reese just grinned and Taigon visibly relaxed, and then he turned around.  
  
“Heda!”

***

Lexa glared down at Thom and then over at Reese and her brother, her mind whirling. When one of her warriors had shouted to her to look to her right, she'd never expected to find the three of them standing there, let alone see Thom stabbing a man's leg before Reese gutted him. That's what she'd found though, and the sight had simply made her deal with her own enemy that much faster. The moment the Ice Nation warrior was on the ground, a wound to her thigh that would clearly keep her down for a while, she was on the move. Either no one noticed her or no one dared get in her way with her brow set as deeply as it was, because she had no other trouble getting to the small group.  
  
“Heda!” Thom shouted from his spot on the ground, before he frantically pulled himself to his feet and then wrapped his arms around her thigh. Reese looked just as relieved to see her, though she didn't move, and Taigon visibly relaxed, his sword falling down just slightly.  
  
“What are you doing here?” she spat, her fear turning to fury as her mind raced with images of the three of them traveling alone through a war zone.  
  
“That's not important right now,” Taigon told her hurriedly, his eyes scanning around them. “We're here, and there's nothing any of us can do to change that.”  
  
Lexa let out a growl of frustration, part of her wanting to ring her brother's neck. Now she not only had to find both Nia and Clarke, but she had to keep them safe as well. She figured it was better they were there where she could keep an eye on them than out by themselves, but part of her still wanted to smack all three of them over the head. Instead she knelt down beside Thom.  
  
“Get on my back,” she ordered, and without arguing he quickly wrapped his arms around her neck and held on as she stood back up. His legs wrapped around her middle and her left arm moved back to hold him on, even as she turned to the other two. “Stay close to me,” she ordered, giving them both a serious look. “And keep your swords up.” They both nodded, each stepping over or around the body on the ground, and then they followed her as she made her way back from where she'd been before she saw them.  
  
“I see you got a passenger,” Jasper stated, eyes momentarily flicking away from the scope of his gun and over to her as she moved back towards him. “And some more fighters.”  
  
“Do not take your eyes from the enemies,” Lexa just told him, shifting Thom on her back, her own gaze scanning in front of them. As though to prove a point the Sky boy's eyes turned back to his scope and his finger pressed against the trigger, and they watched as another Azgeda warrior went down.  
  
It had been Lexa's choice to have Jasper be the gunman on her team. Those in her tent had given her looks, some of confusion and others of skepticism, but she had been adamant. She'd been told of his ability with a gun, and she'd needed someone with good aim, but mostly she'd chosen him because she didn't trust him with anyone else. If he decided he no longer cared what Grounders he shot, she would be the one there for him to turn on; she would not put any of her people in that danger.  
  
“Move forward!” the Commander yelled, her voice carrying over the battle around her, and slowly her people began forward again. The enemy pushed back, tried to get them to stop, but she'd chosen some of her most ruthless people for these teams. No one with her feared death, no one flinched when their enemy landed a blow, and no one would question her orders.  
  
Their enemy didn't make it easy. Some still had guns, firing at her people and landing every three out of five shots. Their aim was as pour as Lexa had hoped it would be, but the bullet wounds still slowed her people down. The rest of their enemy held their usual weapons, and these they were far more deadly with. Most of Lexa's people were quickly locked into battle, their progress temporarily stopped.  
  
A woman with a sword came at Lexa from the right and she turned, quickly moving Thom out of the way. The woman's weapon came down but the Commander's easily beat it, halting the attack before she could draw blood. Her enemy tried to press against her but Lexa's muscles locked and then her foot was up, pressing against the woman's middle before she shoved her away. The moment the woman stumbled back Lexa's foot was back on the ground, regaining her balance before she could fall over with Thom still holding on to her, and then she ran forward. The Azgeda warrior clearly wasn't ready for the attack, her sword barely even moving before the Commander's sliced across her shoulder and across her chest. Down the woman went, her arm pressing against the long wound, and Lexa fell back into place beside Jasper, Reese and Taigon both remaining behind her.  
  
She dealt with her next two enemies just as swiftly, only having to tell Thom to hold on once when she needed both hands, and the boy clung tightly to her back. She turned, about to swing her left arm around again so that she could support the boy, but as her eyes scanned around her, she suddenly froze.  
  
It wasn't possible. It couldn't be possible. Three years ago she'd pulled the head of the girl she loved out of a bag, stared down at the face for immeasurable moments. She had held Costia's head in her hands, so that girl holding the sword and desperately trying to back away from one of her warriors couldn't be her lost love.  
  
It couldn't be, but it was.  
  
She remembered that face, though for years now she hadn't been able to picture it without seeing it bruised and beaten. She remembered those lips, always quirked into a smile. She remembered that hair, those hands, remembered a time when they refused to hold a sword. She remembered the girl's laugh and the lilt in her voice whenever she accused Lexa of trying to turn her into a warrior. She remembered those eyes, always so warm, always showing that little spark of mischief Lexa knew she could drown in. She remembered the first girl she had ever loved, and suddenly she not only remembered her but she _saw_ her.  
  
There are times in battle when everything seems to freeze. Noises dim, motions slow down, everything seems to blur together. Lexa had never experienced it before, but she'd heard stories of it, stories warriors would tell around the fire as she was growing up, and then others she'd listened to as Anya's Second. She'd never truly believed them before, hadn't understood how there could ever be a moment of battle that could be considered slow when battle was by very definition chaos. Now she understood. Now she knew what they'd all been talking about, because it happened for her. She knew that the fighting continued around her, knew that nothing had truly stopped, but for a moment, her world did. Her world stopped and narrowed down to the one person she'd never thought she'd see again, standing only a few dozen yards away.  
  
And then, as it always does, time reset itself. As though a switch inside her brain had been turned from off to on, everything shifted back to real time, weapons and fists flying out all around her, screams and shouts piercing the air, and everything returning to focus. She saw Costia raise her sword to attack the woman attacking her, and then she saw Jasper turn, his gun pointing directly at her.  
  
“No!” Lexa screamed, panic ripping through her chest. Without thinking, she reached out, pushing against the side of the boy's gun, and ran her shoulder into his. Jasper's body lurched to the side, his finger pressing against the gun and the weapon firing, but the bullet went astray. Lexa's head darted up, desperately checking to make sure Costia hadn't been hit, and their eyes met.  
  
“What the hell?!” Jasper exclaimed, glaring at the Commander, but Lexa couldn't tear her eyes away from the other girl. She watched as Costia shifted, her free hand curling into a fist and flying to her chest, but the other girl didn't look away either. Jasper yelled something again, but Lexa couldn't focus enough to truly understand it. It was Taigon who finally answered for her.  
  
“Costia?” he whispered, almost as much shock in his voice as Lexa felt running through her system. Out of the corner of her eyes, Lexa saw Jasper's brow furrow in confusion before he asked, “Wait, Costia? I thought she was dead.”  
  
“So did we,” Taigon replied, awe still in his voice. Lexa didn't even question the fact that Jasper seemed to know the name, her mind too muddled to notice.  
  
The Commander watched as Costia continued to stare at her. She looked as though she were unsure about something, as though she were trying to make a decision, when she finally began to step forward. Lexa's heart rammed into her chest, still having no idea what was going on, but she mirrored the movement. For a brief moment, she forgot about Thom on her back, she forgot about the warriors around her, both hers and her enemy, or the battle taking place, and thought only of the girl she'd thought was gone forever so incredibly alive in front of her.  
  
A set of hooves beat against the ground, and Lexa felt herself being ripped back into reality. She turned, and there was Nia riding towards them, a white sash flowing out behind her, her head held high. Her eyes blazed, her lips curled up just slightly into a grin, as though she'd already won, and her eyes fell directly to Lexa's. A few warriors rode at her back, all with splashes of blood scattered along their armor, but Nia sat without a single drop anywhere on her.  
  
It was one of the hardest things she ever had to do, looking away from Costia. Fear gripped at her chest, more fear than she'd felt walking into battle, a voice in the back of her mind telling her that if she looked away she'd never see her again. But her greatest enemy rode towards her and she felt her people's eyes turn to her, and she knew she had to. Allowing herself one last second to look at the girl she wasn't sure she'd ever stopped loving, she finally turned away, her gaze immediately going to the Ice Queen.  
  
“ _Leksa_ ,” Nia called out, her voice loud enough to be heard over the warriors around them. Most of the fighting stopped, everyone turning to look at their leaders.  
  
“Thom,” Lexa murmured, “Time to get down.” She felt the boy nod against her and then his grip on her loosened before he slid down her body. Only once he was off did Lexa step forward, her chin tilting higher as she shouted, “ _Queen Naia. You have broken my coalition and threatened the alliance with the Skaikru. For this, you and your people will die._ ”  
  
Her words did nothing but pull at the queen's smirk. “ _Do you think I fear you?_ ” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “ _I don't. I know what you are, Leksa: a fake. A liar. A snake who stole my title years ago. Until now, you managed to get away with it, but today everyone will see you for what you really are, and then I will kill you._ ”  
  
“ _The Commander's spirit chose me as its vessel the day I was born, Naia,_ ” Lexa replied easily, taking another step forward. A few of her warriors moved to follow her, but she held up her hand. “ _You desire power, so you spread lies to try to convince people otherwise. You couldn't become Commander, so you rose up and killed your king rather than wait to see if he would name you his heir. You dirty my laws and my people, and I've grown tired of you and yours. Because of what you have done, I will wipe out the Ice Nation, but you will be the first to die._ ”  
  
Lexa really hated the spark that grew in the other girl's eye as she finished: it looked far too much like the spark she'd seen before Nia had handed her a bag with a head inside it.  
  
“ _Not the first,_ ” the queen stated, humor coloring her tone. “ _It really is too bad it took you so long to get here, Leksa. One day sooner and you might have saved her. Meilok?_ ” The warrior sitting to her right smirked and then shifted, grabbing something behind him. A fur covered whatever it was, but as he turned back around, Lexa's heart began to thud against her eardrums. She tried not to think about the shape beneath the fur, but then the warrior tossed it forward, letting it fall to the ground. It fell, the fur slipping to the side, and Lexa heard a number of her warriors take sharp breaths.  
  
That it was a body was obvious, but any details had been burned away. The flesh, or what could only be called flesh, was now a patchwork of red and brown and black, every inch covered in burns so deep that a few flashes of white could be seen beneath it, the bits of bone a stark difference from the skin. Nothing but the fur covered the corpse, all clothing either burned or stripped away. No eyes remained in the skull, the earlier flames having licked them away just as thoroughly as it did the hair. All in all, nothing but the shape and smell made it clear that this thing had once been a human being.  
  
“Is that... That's not... It can't be,” Lexa heard Jasper stutter behind her. He took a step forward, enough that she could see him out of the corner of her eye, and she could see he was shaking. “No,” he said, shaking his head. “No, no, no.” And then, “You _bitch!_ ”  
  
His gun was up as soon as the word rolled off his tongue, pointing it directly at the girl sitting on the horse in front of them. He shifted, as though to take aim, but froze when a hand darted out, grasping the muzzle of the gun.  
  
Lexa still hadn't taken her eyes from the corpse in front of her. Her breathing slowed down unexpectedly as her mind completely stopped working. Deep, deep within her, she felt her heart wail, felt it thrash and kick and scream, shrieking her grief in a place where only she would ever be able to hear it. That spot was deep though, so deep that for the moment, she was able to ignore it, able to look past it and try to focus on the thought that fought behind her eyes. In a few minutes, she would give into that grief. She would give into it and fall apart completely, possibly even in front of her people, fall apart until there was no way to put herself back together again, but at the moment, she remained still, her mind desperately trying to put together the thought that danced behind her eyelids. That thought moved slowly, piecing itself together one tendril at a time, and she waited, almost as though she were coaxing it to life. She stood, her hand wrapped around the muzzle of Jasper's gun and her eyes on the body in front of her, and she let the thought come to life on its own terms. When it did, it settled within her, sinking down into her flesh and running across her muscles, digging its way into her bones and then even puncturing the soul riding somewhere within her.  
  
Nia had to die.  
  
Nia had to die, but not only that.  
  
Nia had to suffer.  
  
“I will kill you,” Lexa murmured, eyes still looking at the corpse on the ground. Her voice was quiet, low, barely audible to those around her. She finally looked up, once again meeting Nia's gaze, and she repeated, “I will kill you.”  
  
Her tone was too calm. Her people had heard her shout, they'd heard her give orders or make threats, had heard her give praise and encouraging speeches. They'd heard every inflection of her voice, but never had they heard that exact tone before. Those closest to her stepped back, even the strongest warrior suddenly afraid.  
  
“Not if I kill you first,” Nia replied, her voice also calm but not carrying the same power Lexa's did. She stood in her saddle and then swung one leg over her horse before she let herself fall to the ground. Her sword was already in her hand, had been there since she'd first rode up, and now she held it up. “ _Now it is time,_ ” she whispered, “ _Time to see who the true Commander is._ ” Lexa didn't reply, simply held her sword up as well, taking another step forward, carefully moving away from the body on the ground. Nia mirrored her movement, her eyes shining as they slowly began to close the distance between them.  
  
Everyone around them watched, all nearly holding their breaths, the quiet ringing out around them so loudly that when another set of hooves beat against the ground, no one could entirely tell what they were right away. Lexa didn't think anything of them, her focus entirely on her enemy, until she heard Taigon shout behind her, “Lexa! Look!”  
  
Almost against her will, she did, her eyes flickering up and looking past Nia and her people, and when she did her jaw dropped open and her heart began beating again after almost two weeks of barely functioning. Something nearly resembling a sob tore from her throat, and Nia looked at her curiously before turning around, her body stiffening the moment she saw who it was.  
  
Clarke sat atop a horse, the hood of the cloak she wore falling back as her hand moved to once again grip the reins, her other hand clenched tightly around a sword. She sat perfectly straight, her head held up, and Lexa saw her eyes blaze with fury. Another rider followed her, pulling his horse to a stop just behind her, but Lexa couldn't tear her gaze from the blonde if she wanted to. For a moment their eyes met, something silent and powerful moving between them and Lexa felt her world shift, everything coming into a focus she'd never known before. The next moment Clarke looked away, her eyes falling to Nia, and her fury only grew as she said the last thing Lexa had ever thought she'd hear from the blonde.  
  
“Naia, Kwin kom Azgeda: ai throudon yu in soulou gonplei.”  
  
Just like that, Lexa's heart once again stopped beating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so sorry that this chapter is so late! However, considering its length and the sheer magnitude of everything that happened in it, I'm hoping you can all forgive me. For those of you who've been wanting action for a while, here you go! For those of you who might be yelling because of the cliffhanger(s), don't worry, I don't see any reason right now why I won't be updating again on my usual day, so it'll only be a few days before the next chapter is out. I'd really love to hear your thoughts on this chapter, so please, feel free to leave a comment or message me on Tumblr (clarkethewanheda)! Thank you all and happy Friday!
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations:
> 
> Klark kom Ubroukai – Clarke the Unbroken  
> "Set daun, Teigon," - "Give up, Taigon"  
> "Yu laik nou gona." - "You are not a warrior."  
> "Naia, Kwin kom Azgeda: ai throudon yu in soulou gonplei." - "Nia, Queen of the Ice Nation: I challenge you to single combat."


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: graphic depictions of violence.

Octavia's fingernails bit into the palm of her hands as she watched Lincoln work on Indra. The chief was still conscious, growling and grimacing as Lincoln's fingers poked and prodded her shoulder wound, but the young warrior didn't like how pale she'd become, or the fact that sweat continued to pour down her forehead. Her limbs tingled, as though her body were telling her to do something, but the brunette didn't know what, so she continued to watch, her teeth grinding against each other as she scanned the warrior on the ground. Indra looked over, catching Octavia's worried expression, and she just glared at the younger girl.  
  
“Stop,” she ordered, and Octavia felt her spine immediately straighten. “A warrior doesn't worry.”  
  
“Until after the battle is over, I know,” the brunette said, completing the words her teacher had repeated to her on more than one occasion, but that didn't temper the ball of worry eating away at her gut. Indra clearly saw, her glare only deepening, and shifted as though to stand up. Instead of rising to her feet, the chief hissed as pain erupted along her shoulder, and Lincoln's grip on her arm tightened slightly, holding her in place.  
  
“You need to lie still, Indra,” the warrior told her, his brow drawn as his eyes momentarily left the wound and met hers. Rather than say anything back, Indra just increased the intensity of her glare, but the look did nothing to him. His attention moved back to the piece of cloth he'd ripped off his shirt and pressed harder, trying to stop the flow of blood. A low noise emerged from the back of Indra's throat, but other than that she made no indication that the pressure had hurt. Using the second strip of cloth he'd ripped off, he tied the bandage securely in place, and Octavia noticed as he pursed his lips. She knew why the moment her eyes moved back to the bandage: already the blood had begun to soak into the cloth, turning it a deep red, and it had only been on there for a couple of minutes. Indra was losing a lot of blood, and Octavia felt her heart jump into her throat as she thought of what might happen if they didn't get the wound looked at by a real healer right away.  
  
Instead of letting the wound slow her down, the moment Lincoln let up on the pressure on her shoulder, Indra moved away, using her other arm to support herself as she stood up. Her ex-Second noticed the pain flash across her face, but the moment she was up, Indra simply reached down for her sword, lifting it in her good hand and letting her fingers curl tightly around it. Her other arm hung at her side, and any time she tried to move it, Octavia saw the chief wince. Rather than focus on it, she just looked around her, eyes meeting the brunette's last.  
  
“Let's go,” she stated, taking a step forward, but Octavia immediately moved in front of her.  
  
“Indra, wait,” she said, her worry for the older woman making her speak quickly. “We need to get you back to the healers. That wounds needs to be taken care of.”  
  
While Lincoln nodded his agreement, Indra didn't let up on her glare.  
  
“We have a battle to win,” she stated, her grip on her sword shifting. “I will fight until it is over.”  
  
“Octavia's right,” Bellamy spoke up, finally taking his eyes off of the trees around them. He turned towards them, his gun shifting across his chest, as he looked towards Indra. “Look: you can barely move your arm. You need to take care of your injury, not run head first into another fight.”  
  
The hand hanging down by the older woman's side clenched into a tight fist even as she took a step towards him. “I am a warrior,” she declared, stubborn pride coating her tone, “Until the battle is over or my fight has ended, I will not go back.”  
  
“Indra, please,” Octavia tried to say, but the woman just looked at her sharply. “You should know this,” she growled, eyes flashing as she looked at her old Second. “I thought I taught you what it means to be a warrior.”  
  
“Even a warrior has to know when they must take care of themselves,” Lincoln replied, stepping in and wrapping his fingers around Octavia's. She looked over and gave him a small smile, and then both returned Indra's hard glare. “If a warrior can't be entrusted to take care of themselves, then they can't be entrusted to take care of others.”  
  
Indra's eyes flashed, her nostrils flaring at the insinuation she couldn't care for her people, but before she could say anything they heard movement in the trees behind them. In an instant they all moved, those with guns placing them on their shoulders and aiming towards the noise while those with other weapons held them in front of them, prepared for anything as they waited to see who was approaching.  
  
None of them expected to find Monty, Abby and Raven round the trees, and the moment they did each of the three newcomers dropped the guns they'd been holding up to their sides, their other hand going up.  
  
“Hey, we're with you guys so maybe drop the weapons,” Raven said, eyes flickering down to Bellamy's gun, and he was the first to lower his weapon. Everyone else followed right behind, most of them looking at the three in confusion.  
  
“What are you three doing here?” Octavia asked, and Indra followed right up with a quick, “The Commander ordered you to stay back with the others.”  
  
“We were planning on staying back there until Thom and Reese and Taigon took off,” Raven informed them, shifting the strap of her gun so that it hung down freely at her side. “Now we're here looking for them.”  
  
“You missed them,” Octavia told them, and even Bellamy and his people looked at her curiously. “We found them cornered by Walsh and Indra stepped in so they could get away.” As she spoke, the young warrior motioned to the side where a few of their people surrounded the traitor, none of them letting him out of their sight.  
  
“What happened?” Miller asked as he moved towards them, his focus on the blood dripping down the side of Monty's face. As he got closer he noticed it ran from a wound hidden by the other boy's hair, and Octavia noticed him purse his lips together.  
  
“We were attacked,” Monty replied, nodding back in the direction they'd just come. “Somehow some of the enemy got around all of the teams that went out and decided to attack us. We were able to fight back and take them down pretty quickly, but at some point during the attack those three ran away.”  
  
Abby moved forward, barely listening to anything being said around her, her focus narrowing in on the bandage that only continued to get bloodier with every minute that passed. Indra raised her head higher, not backing down when the doctor looked at her, raised an eyebrow and said, “We need to get that taken care of, Indra.”  
  
“Good luck,” Octavia heard her brother mumble under his breath, but neither doctor nor chief seemed to hear as they just watched each other. Just as she'd told them, Indra just said, “I will have it looked at once the battle is over. Right now we waste time just standing around.”  
  
“Indra,” Abby began to argue, but she was quickly cut off when they heard a horn let out two sharp blasts in the distance. They all went silent, listening, as the blasts were followed by a long, low bellow, and Octavia froze where she stood, remembering the last time she'd stood next to Indra and heard a horn blow.  
  
“That's not...” she tried to say, eyes wide as she looked at Indra. “She's not doing it again...”  
  
“That is not the call to retreat,” the chief informed her, her brow drawn in confusion as she listened in case there were anymore blows. Bellamy looked at her, suspicion clearly written on his face as he shifted where he stood. “Then what is it?” he asked, looking back and forth between her and the other Grounders with them.  
  
“It's a challenge,” Lincoln murmured, looking just as confused as Indra. When Octavia shot him a look, he clarified, “It means that someone has issued a challenge to another person. Single combat, and the winner of the fight gets whatever place of power is being fought over.”  
  
Without warning, Indra turned around and shouted, “ _Let's go!_ ” The few Grounders with them all nodded, about to follow her, but Abby reached out and grabbed her good arm, stopping her before she could go more than a step. The chief shot her a scalding glare, but the doctor didn't back down.  
  
“Indra, you still need to get that wound taken care of,” she insisted, raising her eyebrows.  
  
“What I need,” the other woman snarled before she forcefully wrenched her arm from the doctor's hold, “Is to go. As far as we know, Nia just challenged the Commander to single combat, and if that is the case, then I must be there to support Lexa.”  
  
“Wait hold on, she can do that?” Raven asked, eyebrows raised in surprise as she looked from Indra to Lincoln. Lincoln nodded, meeting her look as he answered, “Anyone has the right to challenge the Commander or any person in power, but it seldom happens. When it does the challenger and challenged must fight until only one lives, and the person left takes over that position until they die or another challenges them.”  
  
The mechanic shifted where she stood, gripping her gun a little tighter before asking, “So what happens if Nia wins?”  
  
“She will not win,” Indra snapped, her eyes flashing as she looked at the brunette, but Raven just met the look raising her eyebrows. “Yeah, we know we don't want her to win, but what happens if she _does_?” Raven insisted. Indra looked away, directing her glare at no one in particular and even Lincoln clenched his jaw, and Octavia felt her heart begin to pick up its rhythm and pound against her chest again.  
  
“If Nia wins,” Lincoln finally replied, his voice quiet enough that everyone had to lean towards him slightly to hear, “Then she will become the Commander and the coalition will break.”  
  
“The clans will once again be at war with each other, first Trikru and Azgeda, and then others,” Indra continued, her eyes slowly going over each of them. They landed on Octavia last, and the warrior and her old Second didn't break eye contact as she added, “The coalition will break, and war will rain down on all of us, Skaikru included. Nia will destroy everything in her struggle for more power.”  
  
For a moment, they all remained silent, letting the words fall over them. A few people shifted, their weapons held closer or grips tightening, eyes trying to take in everything or nothing as the picture painted settled in each of their minds. They all knew what war looked like, all knew exactly what kind of danger awaited them if any of what the warrior or chief had said came true, and none of them liked it.  
  
“Alright then,” Bellamy finally said, shifting his gun back to his shoulder, “Let's go make sure the Commander kicks the queen's ass.”

***

“Clarke what are you _doing_?!” Jasper hissed, but Clarke just ignored him. Instead she held Nia's gaze, staring her down as her words hung in the air. A look of surprise and then incredulity passed across the queen's face, and then she let out a little laugh.  
  
“You wish to challenge me, Clarke?” the Ice Queen asked, humor in her tone as though the blonde had just told her some great joke, but the Sky girl didn't back down.  
  
“Yes,” Clarke answered loudly, switching back over to English due to the simple fact that she didn't know enough Trigedasleng yet to be able to speak fluently and get out what needed to be said. “I challenge you, Nia, for your crown. You no longer deserve it. You never deserved it.”  
  
Nia's eyebrows rose, the humor still in her eyes as she looked back over to Lexa. Clarke didn't let herself follow the look, knowing that of anything, whatever she saw on Lexa's face at the moment would be the only thing that might stop her from doing what she knew needed to be done. “You know about the law, I suppose,” the queen drawled, her lips curling up as she looked over at the Commander who hadn't yet looked away from the Sky girl. “I wonder who could have told you of it.” Tearing her gaze from Lexa a moment later, she turned back around and met Clarke's eyes, and the blonde noticed as just a single eyebrow lifted this time. “But did you know you must have supporters in order for the challenge to be truly issued?” she asked, “Otherwise it does not need to be accepted. And not supporters from another clan.” Her eyes flickered to the warriors who'd come with Lexa, all watching quietly to see what would happen, but Clarke didn't let her gaze move from the queen.  
  
“Are you afraid?” she asked, lifting her head higher. She noticed the queen's lips come together, the smirk that had been on them falling away at the accusation. “Do I scare you, Nia?”  
  
“Of course not,” the queen replied, mirroring Clarke's head motion. She turned slightly, clearly eyeing Lexa from the corner of her vision as she added, “But I have waited a long time to get my revenge on your dear Commander, and now I have my opportunity. And you,” she turned her complete focus back on the blonde sitting above her on a horse, “Have no supporters. There is no reason I should accept your challenge.”  
  
“I support her,” Clarke heard someone say behind her. She recognized Jojesh's voice, and didn't let her slight surprise register on her face. Instead she continued to watch the Ice Queen even as the warrior rode up to her side, watched as Nia's expression turned to a glare she shot at her one-time trusted follower. “The Ubroukai is right: you were never fit to be a queen to our people. You stole your crown from our previous queen using the same challenge, with only a few warriors backing you then. You should not have won then, and you will not win now.”  
  
“ _I never believed you would turn traitor on me, Joujesh,_ ” Nia murmured, her voice dangerously quiet. Her eyes flashed, cold fury turning them to ice, but the warrior didn't waver under the hard look. Instead he met it, his grip on his reins tightening only slightly as he replied, “ _You should not have burned my sister._ ”  
  
In an instant, the cold fury disappeared, as though it had never been then. A calm spread over her to replace it, her lips quirking up once again as she told him, “ _She was a traitor, as you now are: I will do as I please with those who betray me._ ” Turning away from him, she looked back at Clarke again, her smirk growing slightly as she met the blonde's set expression. Raising a hand, she gestured towards Jojesh, telling her, “You have one supporter: that does not give you an army.”  
  
“Guess again.”  
  
The two words soared through the air, audible to everyone, and almost as one everyone there turned to see who'd spoken them, other than Clarke and Lexa. Clarke's eyes never left the Ice Queen, and Lexa's eyes never left Clarke, but everyone else watched as Echo approached the gathered armies. Behind her was her own small army, no more than fifteen to twenty people and all villagers, but each walked as proudly as any warrior, their hands wrapped around tools never meant for battle but that would do damage if swung. Part of the crowd around Clarke and Nia opened, and the small army moved to stand behind the Sky girl. Echo looked directly at Nia, not bending under the angry glare being shot at her.  
  
“We all support the Ubroukai,” the warrior declared, her voice rising as an arm moved to indicate each person behind her. “We are Azgeda, and we are tired of you, Nia. We live and will die for Klark kom Ubroukai.” Those with her roared their agreements, fists raising and pumping into the air, and Clarke watched as Nia silently fumed.  
  
Maloch urged his horse forward, drawing his sword as he grinned at Jojesh. “ _I would be happy to kill these traitors for you, my queen,_ ” he told her, holding his sword up a little higher. Rather than answer immediately, Nia turned her gaze back to Clarke, as though she were studying the blonde for a minute. Clarke didn't balk under the look, didn't even allow her expression to flinch as the queen looked at her. Finally the queen held her head higher and her hand up, telling Maloch, “ _Patience, Meilok. You will have your chance._ ” Putting her hand back down, she raised her eyebrows and called to Clarke, “Very well, Clarke; I accept your challenge. Single combat: no one interferes and we fight to the death. Last one alive wins. Now get down from your horse.” One corner of her mouth turned up, humor once again pulling at her tone as she added, “If you can, that is.”  
  
Clarke knew exactly what she was referring to: even now, sitting up perfectly straight in the saddle her back ached, tiny spikes of pain rippling along her skin. She could feel each mark on her back as the cloak she wore brushed against them, but she'd thought ahead. The moment Echo and Paten had left and Jojesh had freed her, she'd had the big warrior take her to where their healers stored their many herbs and medicines. Once there, she'd gone through it all until she found the herbs Taigon had taught her were used to relieve pain and had taken some for herself. It wasn't much: she'd had to use only a small amount, too worried about them effecting her mind or reflexes, so the pain was still there, still very much real, but she hoped that now it wouldn't be unbearable. If she was to survive these next few minutes, she needed to be able to both move faster and think faster than ever before in her life.  
  
She'd issued the challenge, and Nia had finally accepted: there was no more putting it off. Clenching her teeth and adjusting her grip on her sword, Clarke swung one leg around before pushing herself off the horse. The move wasn't graceful; the sword weighed awkwardly in her hand and even with the herbs she'd taken, the lashes along her back burned as the skin was pulled taut, but she made it down, and the moment she did she held her reins out to Jojesh, silently telling him to take the animal away. The warrior did, grabbing the extra reins in one hand before he urged both horses back, and as he did so Maloch also moved back. At some point while they'd talked, the many warriors had created a large ring, and now Nia and Clarke stood in the center of it, staring each other down.  
  
Lexa watched everything unfold in front of her, her brain working both at half speed and at top speed. She couldn't entirely process what was going on, her entire system in shock as she watched Clarke step down from her horse. Her pulse raced and yet she couldn't feel her heart beating, didn't know for sure that it even was. Acid rose in the back of her throat like liquid terror, burning her as it moved, and even as she felt her lungs expanding she knew it wasn't oxygen that filled them but uncontainable fear.  
  
“Commander, stop this,” Jasper whispered furiously beside her, his eyes momentarily leaving Clarke to move to the Grounder. “You know Clarke can't win this!”  
  
“She can't interfere,” Taigon told him quietly, his own fear barely coloring his tone. If she could have looked at him, Lexa would have noticed the way her brother clenched his fists at his side, how he'd gone pale beneath the grime and sweat stuck to his skin, but looking anywhere but at the blonde was entirely beyond the Commander's control at the moment. “Clarke called for the challenge: if anyone tries to stop it or help her, she will be killed anyway.”  
  
“What the hell kind of rule is that?” Jasper spat, glaring at the healer, and Taigon simply shrugged, looking back at the two in the center of the circle as he replied, “The idea is to prevent people from issuing challenges like this. If you are more likely to die, it is less likely you will make the challenge.”  
  
“And of course Clarke would decide to do it anyway,” Jasper growled, the worry all too clear in his voice. Someone stepped up beside Lexa, her own eyes never leaving the blonde, and Reese just said, “Don't worry: Clarke can do this. She can win.”  
  
Lexa wanted to believe the words: every fiber of her being ached for them to be true, but the voice in her head refused to listen to them. She'd seen Clarke's progression with a sword, and while she'd certainly come a long way, she'd only been training for a few months. Nia'd spent her entire life in combat, much in the same way Lexa had, and that knowledge sent a cold flood of panic washing through her. Clarke was good, but in this Nia was better, and now Lexa would have no choice but to watch as her greatest enemy cut the girl she loved to shreds.  
  
Clarke stood, sinking immediately into the stance Lexa had taught her months ago outside a cave that had become home to them both. She held Echo's sword loosely in her grip, its extra weight barely noticeable as her pulse raced. Her chest rose evenly, her breathing controlled as she forced herself to take deep, even breaths, and she waited. She waited, pushing the fear that pounded beneath her skin away, her entire focus narrowing down on the queen who stood only a few steps away.  
  
“You were a fool, Clarke,” Nia murmured, lips curling back up into a smirk as she shifted, falling into her own stance. “This is a fight you will not win.”  
  
“We'll see,” the Sky girl simply returned, her eyes not leaving Nia's. “After all, you haven't been able to break me yet.”  
  
Nia's eyebrows rose, her smirk only growing, but rather than say anything, she moved. Without warning, she darted forward, her sword raised and eyes bright, and Clarke watched as she bore down on her. Just as she'd been taught, the blonde waited until the last possible moment, and then took a step to the left, spinning away from the queen. The move was made almost too late, Nia's side gliding against Clarke's as she shifted, but the queen passed right by the blonde, her sword missing its target. The moment she stopped moving, Clarke sank back into her stance, eyes not leaving her opponent for even a second. Nia looked back at her, surprise clear in her expression, but then her eyebrows simply rose.  
  
“Perhaps this won't be as boring as I thought it would be,” she said with a grin, but Clarke didn't say anything in return.  
  
Like a flash, the queen attacked again, this time too close for the Sky girl to step away from. Clarke got her sword up just in time to catch Nia's as it swung down, and tried not to flinch as the wounds on her back protested, a few of them opening back up as the skin pulled. Nia pressed harder against her sword, and Clarke grit her teeth before quickly stepping to the side again and letting up, hoping it would make Nia lose her balance. For the briefest of seconds it did, but then Nia shifted, finding that balance immediately. She flashed a grin at the blonde, and attacked again.  
  
The queen was fast, and Clarke's sword was heavier than she was used to. Add to that the number of injuries littering her body and slowing her down, and the blonde was unsurprised to find herself defending against Nia's attacks without managing to get her own in. She would move to try, but then Nia would see it and counter before she could even complete the attack and Clarke would have to fall right back into defending herself. Nia's sword flew through the air, carving patterns left and right and their swords hissed as the metals scraped together. With each attack the queen would press forward, forcing Clarke to take a step back, trying to knock her off her feet. Somehow the blonde managed to stay up, managed to move quickly enough to block each swing of her opponent's sword, but she was quickly losing ground. People moved behind her, everyone hurrying to get out of their way as the queen forced the Sky girl back, and all Clarke could do was defend.  
  
Nia pulled her arm back, preparing to let loose another flurry of strikes, and Clarke saw her opportunity. Moving as fast as she could, she stepped to her right, her sword darting out towards her opponent's unguarded side. Nia's sword came up at the last minute to block it, but the blonde used the chance to get out of the corner the queen had tried to pin her into. Twisting around in a way that made her back scream, Clarke spun, her feet moving quickly until she was behind Nia, open space once again behind her. Her sword came up to block the attack Nia hurried into, but rather than try to pull out of it, Clarke pushed into it, locking their swords together momentarily. She pressed even closer, and without warning her free hand darted out, her fist making contact with the queen's mouth.  
  
Pain bit at her fingertips, but Clarke ignored it as she watched a trickle of blood slip from the corner of Nia's mouth to trail down her chin. Almost immediately, the blonde pulled back, taking fast steps behind her to put space between them once again. Rather than follow after her, the queen simply stood there for a moment, her free hand moving up to her mouth. Pulling her hand away, her eyes fell on the blood that stuck to her fingertips, shock obvious in them. After a moment of looking at it, Nia's eye darted back up to Clarke, and the Sky girl watched as a slow grin grew on her lips, her tongue darting out to run over the blood running down her chin. Her eyebrows just rose, and Clarke felt a shiver run down her spine at the look the queen gave her.  
  
The queen said nothing; instead, she dipped her head to Clarke, as though giving her a nod, and then her grin grew before she took off once again. This time when she attacked, it was in a series of swift movements. Her sword was up, striking from the front, and then immediately pulled back to fall to Clarke's right and then shifted to swipe across her body, and the blonde scrambled to meet every thrust. The queen didn't stop, didn't let up on the ferociousness with which she attacked, and suddenly her sword snaked around the Sky girl's, and with a flick of her wrist, the sword went flying. At the same moment her elbow darted out, catching the blonde in the chin, and Clarke felt blood flood her mouth as her tongue was caught between her teeth as they snapped shut. Rather than let herself focus on the burst of pain, the blonde ducked and rolled, hissing as her back hit the ground, and then pushed herself back to her feet the moment she was out of the queen's reach. She looked up, meeting Nia's smug look, and immediately knew why her opponent looked so happy: in her evasion of the queen's attack, she'd moved in the exact opposite direction of her sword, and now Nia stood between her and it. She spat on the ground, bloody spittle coloring the snow, and didn't take her eyes off the queen as her mind raced.  
  
With every attack, Lexa found it harder and harder to breathe. Her eyes stung, simply due to the fact she hadn't blinked once since the fight started, too afraid that the moment she took her eyes away from Clarke would be the moment her enemy's sword hit its mark. When she saw Clarke's fist connect with Nia's mouth, her heart gave a single beat of triumph, but then only a few moments later her gut filled with liquid lead as she watched Nia's elbow smash into the blonde's chin and force her head back. At the same moment she saw Clarke's sword go flying and she felt her heart ram into her throat. Clarke moved, evading Nia but putting herself only further away from her weapon, and Lexa didn't take a second to think.  
  
Reese still stood next to her, the same sword in her hand she'd carried all the way from Arkadia, and Lexa grabbed at it. She barely felt it as the blade sliced into her palm, the Commander too distracted by her fear for Clarke to think about the proper way to hold a sword, and she yanked it out of the young girl's grip. Somewhere in the back of her senses she heard Reese give a gasp of surprise, but there was only one thing the brunette could focus on.  
  
“Clarke!” she screamed, her voice sounding like the terrified girl she was and not the strong Commander she was supposed to be, and the moment the blonde turned to look at her while still keeping her enemy in sight, Lexa hauled back and threw the sword into the air.  
  
Lexa's cry surprised Clarke, enough for her to momentarily turn so that she could look to the brunette while still making sure Nia wasn't attacking. She saw the sword in the Commander's hand, her heart skipping a beat in her chest, and then she watched as Lexa tossed it into the air. The weapon fell to the ground only a few feet away from her, and Clarke made a mad dash towards it. Nia moved at the same time she did, a scowl pulling at her features, but the Sky girl was closer. She grabbed the sword from the ground, feeling triumph wash through her as she realized it was her own sword, and threw it up just in time to block Nia's downward swing. The sword Lexa had made just for her caught her enemy's attack, stopping it in its path, and Clarke felt herself give the queen a grin. She didn't know why or what possessed her, but suddenly having her own weapon in her grip gave her the burst of fresh energy she didn't know she had.  
  
With a growl, Nia stepped back, her weight shifting so that she could adjust her position. Clarke took the opportunity and let her sword dart forward, the lightness of the new weapon making her attack faster than it'd been before. Nia blocked it, pushing the Sky girl's sword away from her, but Clarke didn't let up. Now it was her turn to attack, sword moving from left to right and back again with barely a moment to notice, and the queen was forced to do nothing but defend. She managed to block each movement, but Clarke noticed the fury building up in her enemy's eyes.  
  
“Clarke?” they heard just as their swords once again came together, their bodies pressing close enough that the blonde could feel Nia's breath on her face. “Clarke!”  
  
Her mother's voice rang in the blonde's ears, and her heart began to race even faster in her chest. She tried not to let anything show on her face, but when her eyes darted to the side, finding Bellamy and Raven both holding her mother back as Abby tried to get to her, Nia saw the fear flash in her eyes. The queen followed her gaze over, her eyes also finding the woman being held back by others, and the smirk once again appeared along her lips.  
  
“Is that your mother, Clarke?” she asked, her voice almost sickly sweet as her eyes swept over the older woman. “She appears to be very worried for you.” Their eyes met once again and Clarke felt herself clench her teeth as Nia told her quietly, “I will have to kill her quickly, once I'm done with you, to end her suffering.”  
  
The words pounded against the blonde's ears, and for a moment all she could do was imagine what Nia would do to her mother if she won. The images that flashed across her mind tore through her, and she only pressed harder against her enemy's weapon.  
  
“You won't touch her,” Clarke growled, her voice incredibly low, the threat all too clear. “I will never let you touch her. Not her, and not any of them.” Nia's eyes flashed, an almost giddiness in them as she leaned forward, her sword sliding down Clarke's a few inches before she murmured, “You can't stop me.”  
  
Suddenly the queen moved, slipping to the side, and Clarke felt herself falling forward. She caught herself, one foot coming down hard on the packed snow to keep herself up, but even as she did she felt the bite of the sword as it pierced her side. She gasped, impossibly sharp metal sliding against cloth and bare skin, parting them both, and then she felt it as blood began to flow out of the wound. She jumped back, avoiding another strike, and let her free hand fall down to press against her bloody side.  
  
The wound was shallow but long. The sword had come at her at an angle, making initial contact at her hip and sliding up her side at a diagonal. It was far from life-threatening, but even just one more injury to add to the many others would slow her down, something she knew she couldn't afford. She looked up, turning all of her attention back to the queen, but kept her hand pressed to the wound.  
  
Triumph pulled at Nia's features, as though she'd just won the fight. Her sword lowered just a hair, and she lifted her chin up higher as she called out, “Give up, Clarke. You know you cannot win this fight. I am the queen, and soon I will be Commander as well. Show me your throat, and I will cut it quickly for you so your suffering can be over.”  
  
“You are not... a queen,” Clarke panted, her breathing heavy. Her already weary body was tiring, too much energy she didn't have spent, and she could begin to feel the exhaustion creeping into her bones. She took a couple of deep breaths, forcing herself to get her breathing under control, and then straightened up before she continued. “A queen doesn't terrorize her people. A queen doesn't try to steal power that isn't hers, without caring how many of her own people die in the process.” She took a step forward, her eyes moving over to the body laying on the ground at the edge of the circle of people. She felt a lump form in her throat, tears stinging in the corners of her eyes, but didn't let her emotions take over. Instead she just pointed at the body, yelling out, “Your people needed you to protect them, not put them in danger, but you brought an army down on them! These people trusted you to put them first, above everything else, and you failed them! From the first day you took the crown, you didn't care what happened to any of them; all you cared about was stealing the title you thought was yours but isn't. You aren't a queen Nia, and you will never be Commander.” Nia glared at her, her free hand clenching into a fist, but Clarke just continued. “Even if you kill me, you won't get that title. Lexa's stronger than you, in every way, and you will never be able to beat her. You've already lost, Nia.”  
  
With a loud growl, Nia sprang forward, hate in her eyes as she raced towards Clarke. The Sky girl shifted, bracing herself for the attack. Her opponent's sword slashed through the air, faster but less controlled than it had been, and Clarke's caught it. The two blondes moved, their swords humming through the air, and this time as they did it was a flurry of attack and defense. Clarke would block Nia's cuts and then thrust her sword out and Nia would catch it, one's movements constantly trying to out-do the other. Sweat poured down their foreheads, clearing away streaks of grime and blood as fists managed to connect with skin, stinging their eyes as it fell, but neither of them dared look away. Movements were too fast, strikes too sharp, as they both looked for the opening they needed.  
  
Clarke stepped to the side, and Nia saw what she'd been waiting for. With a cry of triumph, one of her feet swept out, her leg wrapping around the Sky girl's, and the two came crashing to the ground, Nia's body falling on top of Clarke's.  
  
As they'd fought, the adrenaline coursing through her mixed with the herbs she'd taken before the fight, and Clarke was able to ignore her many injuries for the most part. When her body connected with the ground however, she let out a desperate gasp as pain erupted along her back. She felt it as each of the many lashes across her flesh reopened, sharp agony pulling at each. Nia shifted on top of her, digging her knees into her hips painfully, and the other woman just grinned as Clarke's mouth fell open in a silent cry. Her free hand came down on the blonde's wrist, pinning her sword hand down while her own blade moved to hover along the flesh of Clarke's neck. She leaned down, stopping only inches away from the blonde's face, close enough that the Sky girl could feel her hair tickling her cheeks.  
  
“You are dead, Clarke,” she murmured, her voice incredibly quiet. Clarke looked up into eyes as cold as ice, shifting slightly as Nia told her, “Even if I do not slit your throat right now, you are dead. You have lost, and now your love gets to watch you die right before her eyes, and there is nothing you can do about it. Thank you: I couldn't have planned this better myself.”  
  
“Neither could I,” Clarke managed to get out before her fingers curled around the knife at her belt. 

__

_***_

_Jojesh watched her as she explained her plan, his expression hiding any thoughts about it. When she finished, she waited, letting the warrior take a moment to mull it all over._  
  
_“It will not be easy,” he finally said, giving the smallest shake of his head. “Nia may be a terrible queen, but she is a good fighter: beating her would be difficult even for a warrior who was used to fighting and hadn't been tortured recently.”_  
  
“ _That's why I need the medicine,” Clarke explained, holding back her wince as the cloak now hanging off of her rubbed against her back. After her whipping, no one had thought to give her a new shirt, so this was the first time she'd felt cloth against it, and just the pain that came from that didn't give her the highest hopes for this potentially really bad plan she'd come up with. “If you take me to where your healers store their herbs, I can find something that will help me with the pain. I'll at least stand a better chance then.”_  
  
_The large warrior looked down at her, his brow furrowed, before he reached towards his belt, quickly untying the knife and sheathe that hung there. He held it out to her, letting it hang from his fist as he said, “Make her angry. If she is angry, she is less controlled and may give you an opening. Even then it may not be enough, but it is probably your best chance.”_  
  
_Clarke looked at the knife, her mouth falling open for just a moment in surprise, before she reached out, gently taking it from him. He let go of the strings, and the weight pulled down against her grip. The knife was small, smaller than anything she'd expect the big man to use, but not a bad size at all for her. With her free hand she lifted the long cloak and then she bent over, tying the knife securely to her belt. Even as she worked she let her eyes drift up, meeting his before she told him quietly, “Thank you.” He just nodded, not saying anything, and Clarke stood back up, letting her cloak fall back over the knife, completely obstructing it from view. “Okay,” she said, her expression setting, determination filling her veins, “Lead me to the herbs.”_  
  
_“We will also need horses,” Jojesh added as he turned, leading the way towards the still open door. “Nia will be down towards the trees, at the edge of the village.” ___  
  
_“Alright,” Clarke agreed, even as she readjusted her hood so that it covered as much of her face as possible. “Herbs and a horse: let's go.”_  


***

Clarke's grip on the knife tightened, and then she yanked it from its sheathe. Without warning, her hand moved, the motion too quick and the weapon so unexpected that Nia had no time to react. Almost an instant after the knife was free from its casing, Clarke buried it into her opponent's side. Nia gave a grunt of surprise, her eyes widening even as they looked down to where the Sky girl's hand was, and even as she watched Clarke wrenched it from her flesh, only to bring it down again. Four times Clarke stabbed, blood pouring from each wound the moment the knife was free, and each time Nia just watched, her mind too clouded by surprise to react. Her grip on the blonde's other arm loosened, and the moment she could Clarke pulled her wrist free. Her sword fell to the ground but her hand flew to the other girl's shoulder, and then she shifted, forcing their weight to move as she guided it. Only then did Nia's mind seem to snap back into focus, but by then it was too late. Clarke rolled, forcing the other girl to roll with her, and suddenly Nia was the one pinned to the ground, the Sky girl straddling her. The Grounder shifted, her arm moving as though to bring her sword up, but Clarke saw and moved faster. Her knife flew over to the other girl's arm, its tip biting through skin and getting buried between her radius and ulna. Clarke's grip on the knife tightened, and then she wrenched it down her opponent's arm, opening her flesh from the inside of her elbow to her wrist. Nia howled, her sword immediately falling from her grip.  
  
Blood spewed from Nia's arm, covering the ground, the knife, and Clarke's hand. With a firm yank, the Sky girl freed the weapon from between the other girl's bones, unsurprised when Nia's arm remained on the ground. Nia watched her with wide eyes, shock and fear and agony clouding her expression, as both of Clarke's hands wrapped around the hilt of the knife. She lifted the weapon up until it was over her head, blood dripping down its blade to spot against what little white remained of Nia's sash, strewn on the ground beside them.  
  
“For Nadia,” Clarke whispered, hate dripping from the two little words, and then the knife plunged down. The force of the blow caused a few of Nia's ribs to crack as the blade bit through her flesh again and the Sky girl's fists beat down on them, but the Azgeda warrior had no time to really think about it. Clarke pulled the knife from her chest, her eyes not leaving Nia's even as the blood began to bubble at her lips, sharp gasping noises coming from the woman on the ground. The blade had pierced one of Nia's lungs, and Clarke just watched as Lexa's greatest enemy fought to breathe, blood pouring into the lung instead of oxygen. Nia's lips moved, desperately trying to form words, but nothing but gurgling made its way past them. The two stared at each other, neither looking away, until all Clarke was looking into were eyes that could no longer see.  
  
Even after Nia stopped breathing, Clarke just sat there for a moment, letting her chest heave as she tried to control her breathing. Her hands trembled, her grip wet around the handle of the knife, Nia's blood coating them both. She stared at her enemy, stared at the one who had tried to destroy so many lives, and let it sink in: she had won.  
  
Finally Clarke rose, first pushing herself up on one foot and then the other. She felt old, older than she'd ever felt before in her life, and every inch of her body hurt. An exhaustion she'd never felt before sunk into her skin, making every limb feel heavy. Her knife weighed too much to lift suddenly, but neither could she loosen her fingers enough to drop it. It hung at her side, blood still dripping down its blade, almost forgotten as she stepped away from the body. Her breathing continued to come quickly, her lungs expanding and contracting as though they were never able to get quite enough air, but for the moment she ignored it. She had more important things to focus on at the moment, things she needed to do right away. The crowd around her was silent, not a single person making even the smallest noise as they watched her stand up. Clarke turned away from the body on the ground, barely even allowing herself to glance at it, before she shifted all of her focus on Lexa.  
  
Lexa stood across from her, her eyes wide and jaw hung slightly open, and if she allowed herself to focus on it, she could see the way her throat trembled, could see the tears building in the back of the brunette's eyes. Shock and disbelief and absolute _joy_ shone in those green eyes, but Clarke didn't allow herself to focus on that either. Trying to take a deep breath and failing to, the blonde faced her.  
  
“Naia gonplei ste odon!” Clarke bellowed, somehow finding the strength to lift the fist that still had the knife clenched in it in the air. “Ai laik Klark, Kwin kom Azgeda!”  
  
A roar went up around her, nearly every person shouting but her and Lexa. Clarke didn't break eye contact with the brunette even as the noise nearly deafened her, until her other hand rose. As instantly as if she were the Commander, everyone immediately went silent. Her knife fell back to her side, but the other hand remained up, gesturing to the body behind her.  
  
“The crimes of the Ice Nation died along with Nia,” she continued, and as she finished she noticed a few people around her begin to shift, some giving her strange looks. Her own eyes never left Lexa's, and she began slowly walking towards her. “Other than those who helped Nia plan her rebellion, everyone else will be forgiven. Those who helped Nia will be rounded up, and will all die the traitor's death they deserve. Jojesh will be in charge of finding all of them.” The warrior stepped forward, his footsteps crunching against the snow, but even then she didn't turn around. “The rest of my people will be left alone to live in peace, and will not suffer any consequences for Nia's choices. If you agree to this Heda, then I will bow before you, and declare Azgeda's renewed alliance with the coalition. If you do not, then I will fight for my people.”  
  
Clarke stopped only a few feet away from the brunette, and the shock that ran through the crowd at her words was nearly visible, soft murmurings heard or sharp breaths breaking the silence. Lexa's jaw dropped even further, her shock more palpable than anyone's, but she recovered almost immediately. As though it had never left, the mask of the Commander resumed its place along her features, her shoulders squaring and head lifting, but even now Clarke could see emotions in green eyes that were almost never visible. The brunette stepped forward, closing the distance between them until only a foot of space kept them apart.  
  
“I accept your terms, Klark kom Azgeda,” she agreed, her voice carrying over the entire crowd as she reached one arm forward. The words were meant for the people, but the meaning hidden between them was meant solely for Clarke, and the blonde felt herself immediately loosen up as she fell into it. “Those who are guilty will die, but let those who are innocent live, so that our people can begin to understand what true peace is like.”  
  
Clarke felt her lips turn up into a small smile, even as her breathing only continued to grow more labored. She reached out, grasping Lexa's elbow in her grip, and felt it as Lexa returned the hold. Her features softened, finally able to let her shoulders go slack. She felt her heart beat erratically in her chest, and tried to swallow but couldn't. She closed her eyes for a moment, finally looking away from Lexa, and when they opened again she put her last bit of strength in her voice as she called out, “As queen I name Jojesh... as my successor. Should anything... happen to me... he will be king.”  
  
Again whispers spread through the crowd, but this time Clarke couldn't hear them. Blood pounded against her ears, creating a roaring that obscured every other sound. She looked forward and saw Lexa's expression shift, the Commander slipping away long enough for her to see the worry on the other girl's face, and Clarke just felt herself smile as her grip tightened on Lexa's arm. The formality slipped away, and even as her vision blurred her world narrowed down until it was just her and the brunette. She leaned forward slightly, her eyes closing as she whispered, “I knew you'd... find me...”  
  
The words were barely out before Clarke's body crumpled, falling against Lexa's as violent tremors tore through her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know. I'm cruel. I promise I don't mean to be, it's just what happens. Hope that while I am leaving you with yet another cliffhanger, you enjoyed the chapter!


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: graphic depiction of violence.

Lexa's knees folded under her, her body falling down with Clarke's. Without thinking about it, her arms wrapped around the blonde's body, holding her close as her tremors only grew more violent.  
  
“Clarke!” she exclaimed, her heart gripping in her chest. The other girl's head snapped back, eyes still closed, and to Lexa it felt as though every one of her muscles contracted. “Clarke, Clarke!”  
  
Somebody fell beside her, their hands moving frantically over to the blonde, but Lexa didn't let go when they pulled against her body. Vaguely, as though they were talking under water, the Commander heard someone say, “Lexa, let go!” Another body fell beside her, their hands grabbing her shoulder, and she shook them off roughly. “Lexa, let go, she's trying to help!”  
  
As though the world were moving in slow motion, Lexa finally looked up, only now connecting that it was Abby's hands on Clarke. The woman grabbed for her daughter, a barely controlled panic spreading across her face, and immediately Lexa loosened her grip on the blonde. Suddenly everything began moving in real time again, and as it did the brunette began to make out the many people around them, most of them either shouting or murmuring, all eyes on the blonde still in her lap.  
  
Lexa ignored them all. Out of the corner of her eye she recognized Taigon, one of his hands still gripping her shoulder tightly, but she couldn't focus on anything but the blonde and her mother.  
  
“What's happening?” she nearly yelled, her tone nearly as frantic as her felt. The Chancellor just shook her head, not looking away from her daughter as she replied in a clipped voice, “She's seizing. Hurry, we need to get her on her side.”  
  
Just as they tried to shift Clarke's body off of Lexa's lap, the trembling got worse. Her back arched, one arm jerking out to the side while her leg kicked up once, and Lexa felt as though someone had poured ice water down her spine. She froze, her hands still on Clarke, but the doctor did not. Abby's hands were no longer gentle: she yanked the blonde off of the Commander's lap, getting her on the ground and on her side just as white foam began to gather on her lips. A moment later and she was vomiting, anything that had been in her stomach spewing out on the ground beside her. Abby's hands held her still, one holding onto her shoulder while the other ran fingers through blonde hair.  
  
“You're okay Clarke,” the mother murmured frantically, her own terror barely concealed. Lexa saw how her fingers shook, could practically see her pulse racing and she knew it must have matched her own. Beside her, one of Taigon's hands reached out, fingers gently prodding at the wound on Clarke's side.  
  
“She's been poisoned,” he told them, his fingers coming away from the wound with blood coating their tips. “Nia: she must have coated her sword with it.”  
  
A burning fury settled into Lexa's gut, warring with the icy grip of fear she felt, but she did her best to push past them both. Her head snapped up, glaring at the man Clarke had called Jojesh. The moment the blonde had fallen he'd moved closer, his brow turning down and lips pursing together.  
  
“You,” the Commander snapped, “Take us to your healers' tent. Now.”  
  
“Sha,” he agreed immediately, his back straightening in response to the harshness of her tone.  
  
The moment Clarke stopped vomiting, Lexa's hands were back on her, gently shifting her arms beneath her body. Without a thought to anything but the blonde, she stood, carefully lifting Clarke with her. She shifted, doing her best to hold the other girl as gently and comfortably as she could, but Clarke continued to shake against her. The trembling was no longer as violent, but neither had it stopped and Clarke still hadn't opened her eyes back up. Taigon and Abby stood with her, and without a word the three followed Jojesh, the crowd parting to let them by. Lexa felt eyes on her as she all but ran after the Ice warrior, but her eyes barley looked away from the girl in her arms.  
  
They didn't have far to go. After only a few minutes, Jojesh stopped at a small building that seemed to stand apart from the others around it. Already three people stood just outside the building, as though they were waiting for them. Before Lexa or any of those with her could do so, one of them stepped back, pushing the door open behind him.  
  
“ _Here, Commander,_ ” he told her quickly, his eyes glancing down to the blonde in her arms. “ _We already have a fire going and a bed prepared for her. We saw her fall._ ” Lexa just nodded to him, unable to focus on anything long enough to try to piece words together, and brushed her way past him. A chimney stood along one side of the room, a firing already roaring at its base, but Lexa barely looked at it. The moment she was inside the room she saw the bed across from the door and moved directly over to it. A small table stood next to the bed that she had to step around, but the moment she was close enough she gently laid the girl down on it, not bothering to move the furs to the side. Even once the younger girl was out of her arms, she didn't step away.  
  
“ _Where are your herbs and poultices?_ ” she heard her brother ask behind her, and then heard some shuffling as one of the Ice Nation healers pointed them out, but Lexa didn't turn away. The moment Clarke was laying in the bed her hands moved directly to one of her own, wrapping around the still limb. Her eyes scanned the blonde's face, searching for any sign of movement, anything that could help her get control of her heart once again, but nothing of what she saw did anything to help slow its beating down.  
  
Abby moved to Clarke's other side immediately, getting right to work.  
  
“We need to treat that poison right now,” Lexa heard her mutter, and then saw the older woman look up before calling out, “Taigon, I need that antidote immediately! And boiling water!”  
  
“I have it!” the brunette heard her brother call, and at that she felt her heart squeeze in the smallest bit of hope. “I am making a tea, as well as a poultice for the wound.”  
  
“Good,” Abby called over to him, her eyes falling back to her daughter. As her gaze scanned down the girl's body, she began rolling her sleeves up, her brow drawn determinedly. “Stupid,” Lexa heard her whisper furiously, “Stupid, stupid.” The Commander looked up, near panic taking over her expression, and the Chancellor easily caught her gaze. “I didn't bring my doctor's bag,” the woman explained. “I left it back with our own healers.”  
  
Without a second thought, Lexa whirled around, her eyes immediately finding the healer who'd opened the door for them. “ _You,_ ” she growled, too afraid to be polite. He snapped to attention, his eyes going wide. “ _Go out to my people, and tell them to take you to get the Chancellor's healing bag. Go now!_ ” With a hasty nod he agreed, quickly turning and all but running out the door. The other two looked at her, one fidgeting slightly where she stood, before she asked, “ _What would you like us to do, Commander?_ ”  
  
“Do you need them to help?” Lexa asked Abby, even as the woman began tearing at the scraps of cloth she found on another table along the side of the room. The Chancellor shook her head, telling her, “No, too many people will just make it harder. Anymore than just me and Taigon are likely to get in the way.”  
  
“ _Go out and join my own healers,_ ” Lexa ordered the other two, glancing over towards them. “ _Tell them I want you and them to treat our wounded, Trikru and Azgeda alike._ ” They both nodded quickly, and then a moment later were gone. Lexa's gaze followed them as they moved, finding Jojesh still standing inside the doorway, his worried expression still leveled at the blonde in the bed. “ _Your queen gave you an order,_ ” she snapped at him, not even realizing she was glaring. He tore his eyes from Clarke, focusing on her as she said, “ _Go round up everyone who was loyal to Naia. They are to be imprisoned until we can hold the Traitor's Ceremony. Take whatever warriors you need to find them all, including Trikru warriors. As soon as you have everyone, come find me._ ” He gave her a stiff nod, his eyes flickering back to Clarke momentarily, and then he too left the room, the door closing quickly behind him.  
  
The moment he and the other healers were gone, Lexa's gaze fell back to the blonde. Clarke lay in the bed, her body still trembling, though her limbs no longer jerked as though she had no control over them. The hand held between Lexa's own was limp, and when the Commander looked down at it, she felt the rage inside her boil through her veins. Three of her fingernails had nearly been removed, what was left of them either cracked or hanging out of her nail bed. For a moment Lexa's grip on the hand tightened, the fingers clenching around her heart squeezing so hard she couldn't breathe. Abby shifted across from her, and from her edge of her vision she saw the woman look down as well, and then heard the sharp breath she took.  
  
Rather than comment on the fingers, Abby just swallowed thickly, her words once again clipped as she called back to Taigon, “How's that antidote coming?”  
  
“Here,” the healer just said, appearing beside Lexa. He stuck his hand out, a small jar with some sort of paste in it resting in his palm. In his other hand he held a bowl full of steaming water. “The tea is almost done as well.”  
  
“Thank you,” Abby told him, taking first the jar from him, and then the bowl of water, carefully placing the bowl on the table beside her. He just nodded and quickly turned around, moving back over to the fire. In turn, Abby just held the jar out to Lexa, telling her, “Hold this and give me your knife.”  
  
The Commander didn't argue; instead she grabbed the jar from the Chancellor, her other hand going directly to her belt. Within seconds she had it out and pressed into Abby's palm, even as her own fingers curled around the jar.  
  
The moment she had Lexa's knife, Abby grabbed the end of the cloak Clarke still wore and very carefully began cutting the fabric away. The shirt beneath it was cut too, and when the two women saw the blonde's bare skin, Abby took another sharp breath and Lexa had to clench her teeth as hard as she could to keep herself from screaming.  
  
Clarke's torso was painted with bruises. Purples and reds, blues and greens and yellows: they grew from her stomach and spread along her sides, a terrible picture that neither women could stand looking at for more than a moment, but neither could look away from either. Lexa could make out obvious fingerprint and knuckle bruises hidden inside or around the larger shapes, and inside she heard someone begin to scream, the silent sound that only she could hear tearing through her eardrums.  
  
Abby couldn't let herself focus on the bruises. Instead she dropped Lexa's knife on the table beside her before dunking one of the pieces of cloth she'd ripped apart in the bowl Taigon had given her. Steam still rose from the water in lazy patterns, but the Chancellor ignored the heat, making sure the cloth was completely soaked before pulling it back out. Wringing it out until there was no excess water in it, Abby's eyes trailed down to the long wound on her daughter's side that continued to bleed. As gently as she could, she ran the damp cloth over the wound, trying to clean the blood away. As one hand wiped at the long cut along her daughter's side, her other hand gently prodded at the girl's torso, searching for any signs of broken bones. The moment she touched her daughter's skin, she felt her pulse pick up even further.  
  
“She's burning up,” she muttered, and then called over her shoulder, “Taigon, I need that tea!”  
  
“Pouring it now!” she heard the healer call back, and she just nodded, even though she knew he probably had his back to her. As one hand moved the cloth to wipe the blood away from her daughter's side, Abby's other hand moved to Clarke's face, gently brushing back hair that was sticking to her skin. Even as she continued to gently dab at the wound, her eyes trailed up to the blonde's face, and Lexa watched as her expression softened. “You're going to be fine, baby,” the mother whispered to her daughter, fingers brushing lightly over the girl's cheek. “Do you hear me? You're going to be just fine.”  
  
Seeing the absolute care in Abby's eyes, Lexa felt her throat begin to burn, a lump forming she could barely swallow around. She could feel the wetness gathering in her eyes, felt it trying to pool at the corners, but she blinked hard, forcing it away. She couldn't let herself fall apart, no more than she was already, couldn't let go of whatever managed to still hold her together. If she let herself give in, if she allowed herself to collapse, to break down from all of the many emotions raging inside her, she knew she'd never be able to piece herself back together, never be able to fight her way back into control. So she clamped down on those emotions, clamped down on everything inside that threatened to break apart, and just held onto Clarke's hand as though it were her life-line.  
  
As soon as Abby wiped away as much of the blood as she could, she dropped the now dirtied cloth on the table beside her and reached out, a couple of fingers reaching inside the jar Lexa still held out in front of her. The Commander watched as the doctor transferred the healing ointment to Clarke's wound, gently spreading the paste along the open injury. Even as she did so, Lexa heard her brother move towards them, stopping when he reached the head of the bed. Lexa's eyes flickered over to him, and she saw him reach out and carefully cradle the blonde's head up before bringing the cup he held to the girl's lips. Slowly he guided the liquid into Clarke's mouth, clearly undeterred as a good portion of it slipped out of the corners of her lips and ran down her chin, and Lexa's gaze moved to the blonde's throat, watching as her muscles worked even while she slept to swallow the drink. Her brother didn't stop until the entire cup was empty, and only then did he use the sleeve of his jacket to wipe away what still clung to Clarke's chin.  
  
As he worked to get the antidote into her, Taigon looked down at the unconscious blonde, his eyes moving straight to the many bruises along her torso. “I'll make another paste,” he said quietly, briefly looking up at Abby as the doctor turned to meet the look. “It should help with the bruises. And I already have a knife on the fire.” With the last bit, his eyes moved down to the wound Abby still worked at, carefully spreading the ointment along its length.  
  
The doctor shook her head. “No,” she told him, eyes falling back to her daughter, and Lexa watched her brow crease. “This wound isn't that deep. Once I have my bag, I can stitch it up: we won't need to use the knife.” Taigon pursed his lips, clearly not entirely agreeing, but didn't say anything, just nodded.  
  
“When will we-,” Lexa began to ask, but had to pause when her voice broke. She swallowed thickly even as they both turned to her, and tried desperately to lock every bit of emotion she felt down, but knew that enough slipped out to be noticed as she managed to get out, “When will we know if the antidote has worked?”  
  
Something flashed across the Chancellor's face as she looked back down at her daughter, and Lexa heard the break in her own voice as she answered, “I don't know. Soon, I hope. We'll keep giving her more tea to fight whatever is left of the poison and treat her other injuries, but there's only so much we can do. We need to get the fever to break: if we can do that, she should be okay.”  
  
“She will be okay,” Taigon added, his gaze slowly moving across all three of them. It ended at Lexa, and his sister felt him hold her gaze as he repeated, “Clarke will get through this. She is strong.”  
  
“I know she is strong,” Lexa snapped, momentarily losing control of the fear that seemed to needle its way into her heart. She closed her eyes, forcing herself to take a deep breath, and when they opened again they fell down to the blonde's face. Other than the grime and sweat and streaks of blood here and there along her skin, she could be sleeping, could simply be dreaming, and Lexa felt that lump in her throat grow further. “I know she is strong,” she whispered, holding the hand tighter in her own.  
  
She felt her brother's eyes on her, then saw him nod out of the edge of her vision. “I'll go get started on something for her bruises,” he told them, gently lowering the girl's head back down to once again rest against the bed.  
  
“Thank you, Taigon,” Lexa heard Abby murmur, even as the woman dunked a second strip of cloth into the water and then began wiping away the grime sticking to her daughter's face.  
  
For a few minutes none of them spoke, the two healers doing what they needed to to care for their patient and Lexa just standing there staring at the blonde, and then they heard movement at the door. Without thinking, the Commander released her grip on Clarke's hand with one of her own and quickly drew the sword from her back, all of her nerves too strung out to think of anything but an attack. The healer she'd sent to get Abby's bag stopped in his tracks, his hands flying up and eyes widening as he glanced at the sword, and the moment Lexa realized who it was she re-sheathed her weapon.  
  
Abby seemed to barely notice the quick interaction. Seeing the healer, she turned and moved over to him, quickly grabbing the bag from his grip. She nodded to him, the only thank you she could get out at the moment, and quickly moved back to her daughter. While the Commander ordered the man to go help the other healers, the Chancellor got to work, opening her bag and quickly pulling out a needle and thread, as well as clean wrappings to bind the wound with. She got to work, carefully sewing up the long injury along her daughter's side, hardly even noticing anyone else in the room.  
  
As Abby worked on the wound, she bent down closer to her daughter, and for a moment her focus remained entirely on the one injury, her needle and thread pulling the skin back together and doing as much as she could to stop the bleeding. Just before she had to tie off the string however, her eyes glanced further down, and she felt her heart jump back into her throat. Blood coated the edge of the cloak Clarke still wore, seeping around her sides to color her skin, and the mother had to take a couple of deep breaths to calm the sudden tremble in her hands. She controlled herself, didn't allow that tremble to effect her current work, and then finished with the wound along her daughter's side. As soon as she was done she dropped the needle and remaining thread on a clean cloth on the table next to her, and began to gently pull one of her daughter's arms from the sleeve of her cloak.  
  
“Help me get this off of her,” she told Lexa, and the brunette looked at her curiously but didn't argue, her hands moving just as slowly as she began to mirror the Chancellor's movements on Clarke's other side. As soon as the cloak was off, Abby picked the Commander's knife back up and carefully worked the rest of Clarke's shirt off of her. As the fabric began to fall away, she saw more smears of red along her daughter's skin, and felt her heart once again begin to hammer against her ribcage.  
  
“Help me turn her over,” she said, eyes glancing up to meet Lexa's, and she saw the Commander nod. As carefully as they could, the two worked together to flip the blonde over, having to move slowly so as not to put the girl in anymore pain than she already must be feeling, and gently settled her on her stomach. What they found when they did made Abby's stomach drop and Lexa's vision go red.  
  
They had to peel what was left of the rags of Clarke's shirt away from her skin. The blood had stuck to it, holding to the fabric like an adhesive, and when Abby pulled it away they heard the unconscious girl give a little whimper. Lines created a grotesque criss-cross pattern down her back, a few just red and puffy where the skin had formed welts, others letting out little droplets of blood here or there along their lengths, and others had been torn completely open, freely bleeding and turning once-pale skin a deep red. X's and crosses and parallel lines turned the blonde's back into a bloody canvas, bits of dirt or tiny pebbles embedded inside them.  
  
Abby felt like she was going to be sick. Her stomach heaved, her throat clamping down just in time to keep everything inside, and her hands shook harder than they ever had before. Tears streamed down her face, though when they'd started she couldn't say, and fell to the ground below. Without meaning to she let out a small sob, and heard Taigon as he turned quickly to see what had caused it.  
  
Everything inside of Lexa went dangerously still. The screams that had been echoing through her mind since the moment she saw Clarke fall immediately quieted, as though suddenly cut off. Somewhere in a place too deep for her to ever be able to reach she felt her fury, cold, dangerous, unstoppable, swell up, growing as it flowed from that place and sank into the rest of her, filling her skin as though it had a life of its own. One simple thought echoed inside her head, growing louder with every repeat: those responsible for the horrifying picture before her would suffer her wrath, suffer every pain Clarke had felt and more.  
  
“Taigon,” Abby finally managed to get out from between pursed lips. The healer took a step over to them, his eyes first on the Chancellor until the red of Clarke's back caused him to look down, and then he drew to a sudden halt, his hands clenching into fists at his side as he felt his own fury well up inside him. “We're going to need that knife after all.”  
  
It was lucky there were three of them in there: taking care of Clarke's back turned out to be a three person job. Abby and Taigon worked together to clean the many wounds, wiping away the blood as best they could and at the same time removing as much of the dirt and pebbles from them as possible. Only once they were clean did they get to work, finding the lashes that were the deepest, bled the most heavily first, and after Abby gave the approval, Taigon brought the white-hot blade down on them, searing them shut. Only once the worst were seen to did Abby begin stitching up the rest while the healer applied ointment to those that were only welts.  
  
Even unconscious, their work effected Clarke. Small whimpers and little screams flowed from her lips, her brow scrunched and the pain clearly flashing across her face every time either of the healers worked at a particularly bad lash. Lexa watched those flashes of pain, could barely look away from that face even as she held Clarke down by the shoulders, doing her best to keep the girl still while the other two worked. With each flash, every cry, Lexa felt the pieces of her heart break more, felt her gut twist more painfully.  
  
Finally they were done, what felt like hours later, and together they turned the girl back around before forcing her to sit up. Taigon smeared more ointment on the bruises along her front, and then Abby began wrapping a long piece of clean cloth around her middle, wrapping it around and around and around until it covered from her hips to just beneath her breasts. Abby secured the wrapping in place and then tucked it beneath the bottom of the bra the blonde still wore. As gently as they could, the three worked to lower the girl back to the bed. The moment she was down, the back of Abby's hand moved straight to the blonde's forehead, and with a quick word to Taigon, they managed to get another cup of the antidote into the unconscious girl even as Lexa pulled a fur up over her.  
  
After that, there was nothing else for them to do. For a moment they all stood around the bed, each looking down at the blonde in it, as though watching her would will her to wake up. When it didn't work and he realized they'd all simply been staring for a few minutes, Taigon finally looked up.  
  
“I should go help the others,” he murmured, looking to the door and then back to Clarke, his body not moving as though he had no desire to go anywhere. “I'm sure there are others who need help, and they probably don't have enough hands.”  
  
Lexa nodded, the motion feeling heavy and her mind moving slowly. She'd forgotten about everyone else; she'd forgotten that two armies were waiting outside this room, forgotten that countless others had been injured in the battle that had led her here. She should go out, she knew, should go see her people, but no amount of duty could get her to leave that room until she knew for sure that Clarke would be okay. As all of these thoughts and more swirled around her muddled mind, she looked up and over to her brother. Her brain clearly could only process things slowly all of a sudden, because it took multiple moments of staring at him to realize the fabric along one arm was darker than the rest.  
  
“You're hurt,” she stated, a tint of surprise in her tone. She must have noticed it before, but in focusing on Clarke, she'd completely forgotten about his injury.  
  
Abby's eyes pulled away from her daughter, as though she had to force them up, and looked over at the other healer. “Take off your jacket and shirt,” she told him, grabbing a large piece of fabric off the table and ripping a smaller piece off. As he followed the order she moved to where more water stood near the fire, this water clean, and dunked the fabric inside, careful not to burn her fingers in the hot water. When she turned back around, wringing the excess water from the rag as she did so, the man's jacket and shirt were both off, and both he and his sister were looking at the wound on his upper arm.  
  
“It doesn't look bad,” Abby said, moving over to get a closer look. Carefully she dabbed at the wound, wiping away the dried blood and the small amount of fresh blood. “It should only take a few stitches and then we'll wrap it up.” Taigon nodded and then held still as Abby went about sterilizing the needle and re-threading it, before she began to stitch him up. As she said, it took almost no time for the thread to pull the skin back together, closing up the wound, and immediately after the Chancellor wrapped bandages around it. The healer watched her as she worked, eyes every now and then flicking over to the blonde on the bed or his sister, until the woman had finished. He pulled his shirt and jacket back on, the wound not slowing him in the slightest.  
  
“Thank you,” he told her before looking to both of them, eyes falling on Clarke even as he began to step towards the door. “Come and get me if anything changes.” Lexa nodded, her mouth going dry at just the thought, and Taigon returned the nod before turning towards the door. Just as he was about to open it, the door opened for him, Jojesh stepping into the room. The healer's eyes darted to his sister, before he slipped out, closing the door behind him. As it closed, Lexa noticed how dark it had begun to get outside; without her realizing it, they'd spent most of the day in this room, trying to care for Clarke's injuries.  
  
The Commander forced herself to shift her attention to the warrior, even though it was impossible to think about anything other than the blonde at the moment. She lifted her eyebrows, and he easily read the silent question.  
  
“We found all of those loyal to Nia,” he informed her, lowering his head slightly as he started. “There were not many left: most died during the morning's battle. We've placed them all in our largest prison, to wait for the Traitor's Ceremony as you said. The bodies of the dead are being gathered to burn, traitors and allies alike, Azgeda, Trikru and Skaikru.”  
  
“How many dead?” Lexa heard Abby ask, and when she looked over she noticed the older woman clench her fingers tightly around the furs on her daughter's bed. Jojesh looked at the woman, clearly trying to size her up, and Lexa growled, “Answer the Chancellor's question. She is the leader of the Skaikru, and your queen's mother.”  
  
Jojesh's head lowered even further, bowing slightly to the older woman out of respect. “We are still finding the dead, Chancellor,” he answered, only then looking up and meeting her eyes. “The numbers are not as bad as one might fear, but all three peoples lost warriors.”  
  
“Have our people gather the dead together so that we know who was lost,” Lexa ordered him, trying to ignore the clenching in her gut. “We will all pay our respects to the dead, once they are collected. Find Indra kom Trikru and Belomi kom Skaikru, and an Azgeda warrior you trust, and tell them these are my orders. Once you have done so, return here: you will guard the door. I will not take the chance that one of Nia's allies was missed and is looking for revenge on the one who brought her down. If that happens, you will protect your queen. Is that understood?”  
  
Jojesh nodded, not wavering the slightest beneath Lexa's harsh glare. “I protect the Ubroukai with my life,” he replied, easily meeting her eyes with his own, and the Commander held them for a minute. Finally she just nodded stiffly, turning away from him and back towards the blonde on he bed even as she called out, “Good. Now go.” Without another word the big man turned, quickly leaving the room to follow the orders she'd given him.  
  
After he left, Lexa and Abby fell into silence neither having anything to say as they both turned back to the girl who neither had been able to stop thinking about for more than a second for nearly two weeks. They'd finally found her, but now here she was, lying unconscious between them, and all they could do was hope that she'd soon open her eyes again.  
  
The minutes ticked by, the burning of the logs on the fire the only thing they had to tell the time by. Whenever it began to die down, Lexa would move over to it and drop another log in, keeping it alive as the water beside it continued to boil. Abby used this water to keep making Clarke new mugs of tea, the antidote always slipping down the sides of her mouth as well as down her throat. Lexa went out just once, returning with a bucket full of snow, and the moment it had melted Abby dunked a bit of cloth in it, placing the cool rag along Clarke's forehead to try to help cool her down. They continued to do little things to try to fight against the fever still radiating off of the unconscious girl, but eventually they found themselves sitting on either side of her, both just staring, neither able to pull their focus from the girl between them.  
  
Lexa's thoughts ran wildly through her mind. As she watched Clarke, flashes sparked behind her eyelids, memories racing by so quickly it was hard to focus on one before the next took its place. She saw Clarke flashing a smile at her over her shoulder as she added another picture to their cave wall. She saw the stubborn determination as the blonde fought to get her footing just right with a new move she'd only just learned in hand-to-hand combat. Laughter rang through her ears as she thought of the two of them riding through the trees together, their single horse forcing them to sit close together. She remembered seeing the girl's pain when she lost someone, or when she thought back to all she'd had to do for her people, just as easily as she remembered the pride that showed even stronger when she watched one of her people do something new or challenging. She could practically feel fingers tracing down along her skin, moving carefully along her back as she memorized the tattoos there. Words that had been whispered in her ear now echoed in her mind, Clarke's voice carrying those words and bringing them to life, and with each thought, each memory, Lexa felt the hole in her gut, in her heart, grow, grow until she wondered if she herself was anything but an empty space, desperately waiting to be filled by the only person who could fill it. Part of her wanted to speak, wanted to beg this girl who had stolen every piece of who she was to wake up, to just open her eyes so that she could stare into that blue that seemed to encompass Lexa's whole world, but she didn't know how to, couldn't even begin to think about what she'd say, so she remained quiet. Instead she reached out, about to take a hold of Clarke's hand again, when she realized blood still clung to the blonde's skin from her earlier battle.  
  
Eyes darting over to the bowl of water beside Abby, she nodded towards it. The Chancellor seemed to understand what she wanted even without any words, and grabbed the rag inside it, wringing it out before handing it to the Commander. Taking it, Lexa held Clarke's hand with one of her own, and then gently began to run it over the younger girl's skin. She moved slowly, almost timidly, as though she were afraid of hurting the blonde anymore than she already was. The cloth ran over Clarke's palm, down her wrist and then over the back of her hand, Lexa doing all she could to get every bit of blood she could find. She moved even more slowly over the girl's fingers, especially those whose fingernails had been damaged, working them until she'd removed as much of the dried blood as possible. When she finished, Abby took the cloth from her, rinsing it in the water, and then handed it back, even as she gently moved Clarke's other hand closer to the brunette. Lexa repeated the same motions with Clarke's other hand, holding it delicately as though it might break if she pressed against it too hard.  
  
Abby watched the way Lexa held her daughter's hands, watched as she oh so carefully cleaned them of the blood that had been clinging to them all day. As the girl finished, the mother's eyes trailed up, looking at her face as she said quietly, “That was a good idea.” The Commander didn't look at her, instead looking back over to Clarke's face, green eyes not moving from the closed eyelids even as she murmured, “She would not have liked it, waking up to find blood on her hands. Even if that blood belonged to her enemy.”  
  
The Chancellor studied the brunette for a moment, watching her even as she watched Clarke. She didn't let any of her thoughts show on her face other than the way her forehead creased, before she looked down. Moving to take the rag from the girl now that her daughter's hands were cleaned, the moment she did she noticed the deep cut along the palm of the girl's hand.  
  
“When did that happen?” she asked, staring at the cut that looked as though it had just been re-opened, little droplets of blood forming along its surface.  
  
Lexa tore her eyes from Clarke's face, forcing herself to focus on the Chancellor. She heard the question but it took a moment for it to actually register in her mind, and when it did she looked down at her palm. As though it had been turned off until that moment, a flash of pain shot across the wound, and her eyebrows rose momentarily in surprise.  
  
“Earlier,” she just said, still staring at the little trickles of blood that flowed down the natural lines of her palm. She clenched and unclenched her fist, and a fresh spark of pain ran across the cut. “When she was fighting Nia. She needed a sword.”  
  
The words were nondescript, barely telling Abby anything, but she pieced it together. Her eyes darted up to her daughter's face, and then moved back down to the Commander's hand. She reached out, the fingers of one hand curling around the girl's fist, and she felt it when the girl stiffened. Rather than let go, Abby gently pulled against the wrist, bringing it closer to her, even as she re-wet the rag in the bowl of water beside her. Her grip on the wrist shifted until she was supporting the back of the girl's hand, and even as she began to press the damp cloth against her palm, her eyes turned up, looking to the brunette's face.  
  
“You taught her how to sword fight, didn't you?” she asked quietly, and watched as a guarded expression passed across the Commander's face. After a moment, she nodded. “So she'd be able to protect herself? After she left our camp?” Again, a nod. Instead of say anything else, the doctor simply stared at the girl's hand, as though she were thinking something over.  
  
Lexa's heart beat against her chest as she watched the Chancellor. The woman's grip on her hand was light, something she'd easily be able to pull away from if she needed, and the cloth that dabbed against her skin was gentle. Her hand was one of the last things on her mind, however, as she studied the woman's face, seeing the way she stared off in front of her without actually looking at anything. She wondered what the woman could be thinking, and felt her brow pull down just slightly when she began to speak again.  
  
“She's always been a fast learner,” the mother murmured, eyes momentarily turning up to look at her daughter. “Ever since she was little. Her father used to say it was because she was so stubborn.” Lexa heard the almost non-existent laugh that escaped the woman's lips. “She learned everything she could, read every book she could get her hands on...” She trailed off for a second, and Lexa just waited, fairly sure the woman wasn't expecting her to say anything. Abby gently pressed the cloth against her palm, and she didn't flinch at the tiny sting of pain, instead just focusing on the other woman as she continued. “She was always so protective too,” the Chancellor told her, “Just... protective of everyone. Jake said she got that from me, but really I got it from them. The few times she ever got in trouble as a kid, it was because she was sticking up for someone else. She just... She never knew how not to take care of everyone else.”  
  
“She is a born leader,” Lexa told her, her voice barely more than a whisper as she too turned to look at the girl lying between them. She heard the Chancellor take in a deep breath, and when she turned again she saw the tears forming along the edges of the woman's eyes.  
  
“She is,” Abby agreed, her voice heavy, nearly breaking. She let out a small sound, almost like a laugh, before she shook her head. Lexa watched as her lips pulled back into a thin smile, even as she said, “When I found out... When we realized that some of the hundred were still alive, and when I found out she was the one leading them... I wasn't surprised. Not really. I was terrified: my daughter leading a bunch of delinquents, all kids but many of them dangerous, on a planet that seemed to become even more dangerous with every passing minute... I was terrified. Terrified, but not surprised.” She shook her head again, and Lexa watched as she closed her eyes. “Every minute I was on the Ark, I was thinking of her, thinking of a way to get to her. And then I made it. I made it to the ground, and eventually found her. I had her back again but... She'd gone through so much.” Her eyes opened again, a single tear slipping down her cheek as she once again met Lexa's eyes. The Commander felt her heart clench painfully in her chest, but didn't look away. “She's gone through so much. More than any of us, more than I can... I stopped knowing how to help her, how to protect her, a long time ago. Maybe I've even made it harder for her, but I'm just so... So absolutely terrified. I don't know how to stand back and let her put herself in all this danger, but I don't know how to protect her from it either. I just want her to be safe. I want her to be safe.”  
  
On the last few words, the Chancellor's voice broke, the words hardly audible around the cracking in her tone. Lexa felt the tears gather in her own eyes, but she pushed back, forced them back as she grit her jaw, refusing to let the other woman's pain effect her in the same way. She felt the lump burn in her throat and closed her eyes, swallowing a few times to try to lessen it, and though it didn't get rid of the lump completely, it worked well enough. She took a few deep breaths, forcing air into her lungs in an attempt to control her body, and only then opened her eyes, looking back at the Chancellor.  
  
“You are her mother,” she simply said once she was in control enough to speak. “She will always need you. She will always turn to you for comfort. Just because you don't know how you are helping her, does not mean you aren't. Clarke could never have become who she is now without your protection and guidance along the way. She is strong, the strongest person I know, and much of that strength she learned from you.”  
  
Another tear slipped down the woman's cheek, but she nodded even as Lexa noticed her jaw clench. She watched as the woman took a deep breath, forcing herself to regain control, and then roughly brushed the tear streaks from her face. She tossed the damp rag back in the water before grabbing a new piece of cloth from the table. Carefully she began to wrap it around the Commander's hand, her gaze turned down to her work, and for a moment Lexa thought that might be the end of the conversation. A minute or two later however, Lexa's eyes flickered back up to her face as she heard the woman say, “Thank you, Lexa. For everything you've done for her. For, for what you've taught her: I don't know if she would have survived this without you. So really just... Thank you.”  
  
Guilt crashed through Lexa in one incredible wave, and it was all she could do not to yank her hand out of the woman's grasp. If it hadn't been for her, Clarke never would have gone through any of this in the first place, and that was the truth she'd never be able to wash away, no matter how hard she scrubbed at it. She couldn't say as much though, couldn't voice her guilt to the other woman, couldn't even begin to wrap her mouth around the words. So rather than say anything, she just closed her eyes, shaking her head slowly as she whispered, “Please don't thank me, Abby.” She half expected the woman to question her, to ask her why, but the words didn't come; instead she just felt the older woman give her hand a small squeeze before she secured the bandage in place.  
  
The moment she'd finished, Lexa expected the Chancellor to pull her hand away, but she didn't. Instead, her grip shifted, her palm gently resting against Lexa's own, and she felt fingers grip her hand lightly. The brunette's eyes opened in shock, momentarily darting down to look at the spot where Abby's hand rested on top of her own, and then looked up at the woman's face. She wasn't looking at their hands, wasn't looking at Lexa even, her eyes instead on Clarke's face, fear and love and worry showing in her eyes, and without thinking about it, Lexa felt her fingers twitch, felt her return the pressure she felt against her own hand. It'd been so long, years even, since she held anyone's hand other than Clarke's, other than perhaps Reese's or Thom's or maybe her brother's, that it felt strange, awkward almost to be holding the Chancellor's, but at the same time it felt right, felt almost good. It was comforting, in that moment, to hold the hand of the woman who cared for the blonde just as much as she did, hold the hand of the woman whose heart was likely beating just as quickly as her own. It felt odd, certainly, to be touching this person she barely knew outside of Clarke's stories about her, but when her gaze shifted and she too turned back to look at the blonde's closed eyes, she felt herself grip the woman's hand tighter. She didn't let go, didn't loosen her grip, and just shifted into it as Abby returned the tight grip. Their hands remained connected, resting across Clarke's legs, as they both simply sat there, the silence surrounding them once again as they watched the face of the girl lying between them.  
  
After that, the two fell into something like a trance. The time moved by, slowly and quickly at the same time, and neither could seem to force themselves to look anywhere but at the blonde. Their hands remained connected, held out between them as though each were anchoring the other down, but they no longer spoke. Instead they just sat, watching and waiting and silently praying, desperate for the moment when they'd be able to breathe again. When that moment came, Lexa barely even dared to believe it.  
  
She had no way to know how much time had gone by when Abby shifted in her chair, the hand not holding Lexa's reaching up to press against Clarke's cheek. The brunette heard the Chancellor take in a sharp breath, and for the first time in what might have been hours Abby let go of her hand. The doctor stood up, shifting so that she stood closer to the blonde's head, and pressed her hand against the girl's other cheek.  
  
“She's cooled down,” Lexa heard her mutter, and then watched as the Chancellor carefully pressed two fingers against Clarke's neck. She held them there for a moment, Lexa's head tilting slightly as she watched, and then she pulled them back. “Steady pulse,” Abby added before leaning down, lightly pressing her ear against her daughter's chest. She seemed to listen for a short moment before she stood back up, turning slowly to look at the Commander. Lexa met eyes brighter than they'd been a moment ago, and felt her heart skip a few beats when she heard the older woman whisper, “She's okay.”  
  
“Are you-,” she began to ask, and had to swallow down the mixture of joy and fear that bubbled up from her stomach before she could continue. “Are you sure?”  
  
Abby nodded slowly, her expression quickly morphing from fear to delight. “Her fever's broken, pulse is steady, and breathing is even: I'll give her another cup of the antidote to be sure, but I feel safe in saying she's out of the most dangerous time.” Fresh tears built in her eyes, and this time when they slipped down her cheeks she didn't bother to try to wipe them away, instead just meeting the Commander's eyes as she murmured, “She's okay, Lexa: Clarke's going to be okay.”  
  
Lexa couldn't speak. For some reason, she felt her own emotions swelling up, her breath stuck in her chest and refusing to leave her. The lump in her throat grew multiple sizes, its burning searing through her skin, and no matter how many times she swallowed, she couldn't lessen it. Her head fell down almost all the way to the bed, only stopping when she felt Clarke's hand against her forehead. Without looking up she grabbed the hand, gripped it tightly before gently pressing her lips to the back of it. Something akin to a sob swelled in her chest, but she forced it back down, only letting the tight grip she held on the girl to show how much the doctor's words were effecting her. Against the girl's skin, too quietly for anyone including herself to hear, she breathed, “ _You're okay._ ”  
  
The Commander stayed like that for a long moment, keeping her face pressed down against the bed and the body of the girl on it, as she tried to get the rhythm of her heart back under control. She didn't know if it'd ever been more difficult, trying to rein in all of the emotions rushing through her, and she didn't want the Chancellor to see them. So she stayed, head down, until she could push them all to the side, bury them until she had time to actually feel and acknowledge them, and only then did she pick herself back up.  
  
Abby could see the change in the girl as she sat back up, as clearly as though she were two different people. She'd thought the brunette was doing well with keeping her emotions hidden away before when they were just sitting there together and waiting, but when she saw the girl's face as she sat back up, she realized how open she'd actually been. The person who looked up now kept her expression entirely straight, her forehead completely smooth and her lips pressed into a straight line. She felt herself shift as the Commander's eyes turned to her as she stood up.  
  
“Thank you, Chancellor,” Lexa told her, her tone once again even, somehow able to keep everything that continued to swim through her out of it. “I will never forget what you did for her today.” She stole herself, trying to build her inner walls back up before she continued, “Now that we know your daughter is safe, I will go see to our armies and tell them the news. You stay here with Clarke: I don't want her alone until she's awake and there's no more question to her health. I will check in with your people as well as mine, and make sure that all are well.”  
  
The Chancellor felt herself nodding even before the brunette had finished speaking. She saw the Commander's eyes glance down at Clarke, saw the look that managed to flash across her face before she could hide it, and understood just how much she wished she didn't have to leave. They'd been holed up in this room for hours though, far longer than probably either of them could guess, and she knew that one of them at least had to go see how everyone else was doing.  
  
“Alright,” Abby just said, one hand moving down and slipping into Clarke's. She looked down at her daughter for a moment, before turning back to the Commander and telling her, “If she wakes up, I'll send someone to get you right away.”  
  
“Thank you,” Lexa told her quietly, her mask breaking momentarily. “I appreciate that.” The doctor just nodded again and she returned the motion, before she turned and forced herself to walk towards the door. Her legs felt heavy, far heavier than they should, but she pushed herself and didn't allow herself to turn back even once. Slipping out of the room, Lexa closed the door behind her, her fingers clenching tightly on the doorknob. Her heart ached, practically screaming at her to turn back around, but her back remained straight, her head held up high, even as she forced herself to take a deep breath. The sun had barely begun to rise in the sky, and Lexa knew it was time for her to check in on the rest of her people, even if all she wanted was to stay by Clarke's side until she woke up.  
  
Jojesh stood beside the door, immediately turning to her the moment she stepped outside. She looked to him, trying to turn her insides to stone, as she held her head up even higher. “I want to know everything that happened,” she all but growled, trying not to glare at him and failing. Stalking over to him, she added, “Every bit of Nia's plan, everything that happened from the moment Clarke was taken, every detail: everything.”  
  
He told her. Every bit, every plan that Nia'd had, every attempt she'd made even before taking Clarke, he told her. He told her about Costia's capture, told her about the girl who'd died in her place. He told her about capturing Clarke, readily admitted to being one of the ones who took her and of everything that happened on their journey to the village, and then informed her of every detail of Clarke's imprisonment, every horrible thing that happened to her. He spared her no detail, told her exactly what she'd asked to hear, and Lexa listened to it all.  
  
She tried not to react. From the very start, her fingers curled up, pressing into tight fists, but she tried not to show anything more of what his words did to her. She kept her head up, her jaw set, but the more he said, the harder it was for her to control her fury, her agony, her absolute need to make them all pay for everything that had been done. Guilt bloomed inside her, creeping its way into her chest, into her lungs and heart until neither seemed to be able to function, and still she listened. When he finally spoke of the marks on the blonde's back and his part in them, her resolve broke.  
  
“ _You are lucky she spared you,_ ” she spat, her words shaking with her uncontrolled fury, venom in her voice. At her sides, her fists shook, and it took every bit of control she had not to reach up and grab her sword and run it through him. “ _If she hadn't done so, I would have you locked up with the rest of them, would make sure you lived to feel the blade of every warrior here against your skin._ ” He barely flinched at her words, his jaw only tightening in response, and she turned away quickly before her resolve could entirely disappear.  
  
“Stay here,” she ordered, her tone hard. “I want this building under watch at all times. If anything happens to the queen or the Chancellor, I will hold you responsible.”  
  
“Sha Heda,” the man replied before her turned to face forward again, once again staring straight out in front of him and on the lookout for any danger.  
  
With barely another glance at him, Lexa walked away, her hands still shaking at her sides as her mind tried to process everything she'd just learned. She'd known it would be bad, known that whatever he had to say would tear her insides apart, but even knowing it couldn't prepare her for the feeling of knives shredding her insides to pieces.  
  
For the moment, she forced herself not to think of it. She pushed the thoughts and reactions they'd caused as far back in her mind as she could, fully aware she'd never be able to fully forget them, but at the moment she had other matters she had to focus on. First and foremost, she had to find her people, and find out their losses.  
  
Tents had been set up at the edge of the village, countless people moving around them and the few small buildings that seemed to also make up the little infirmary area. Fires burned between many of them, different pots hanging over them while people gathered around, bits of motion everywhere. She walked towards them, watching the many people come and go from one spot to the next, barely even acknowledging those who stopped to bow their heads to her. Fear gripped at her insides, terrified of what she might find, but when she saw one specific person sitting at one fire while a healer worked on her shoulder, she felt that grip lessen just slightly.  
  
Indra moved to her feet the moment she saw the Commander walking towards her, much to the displeasure of the woman working on her shoulder, as well as the brunette sitting next to her.  
  
“Indra, you need to sit still!” Octavia exclaimed, glaring worriedly at her mentor, not even looking to see what had made the woman rise. The warrior ignored her, however, as well as the look the healer was giving her, and instead focused solely on Lexa.  
  
“Heda,” she said, standing even straighter as the girl stopped in front of her. Lexa nodded to her, her eyes glancing to the fresh bandage the healer was trying to press to the woman's shoulder. “Sit, Indra,” she commanded, nodding towards the spot she'd just risen from. “Let the healers care for your wound.” The chief looked as though she wanted to argue, but the expression she saw on Lexa's face stopped her, and she carefully sank back down, holding still once again as the healer got back to work on her shoulder.  
  
“Heda,” Octavia greeted, and then quickly asked, “Clarke, is she...?”  
  
“She's okay,” Lexa quickly told her, unable to even think of her as anything else. “She hasn't yet woken up, but Abby says that everything seems to be well, and that she is out of the worse of it.”  
  
“Oh thank god...” the younger girl breathed, her eyes closing momentarily as her shoulders physically relaxed, a weight clearly lifted off them. Lexa nodded, feeling the same weight still pressing against her own but not quite as hard as it had been, and then she allowed her eyes to glance around them. “Indra, tell me of our numbers.”  
  
“Azgeda had the most losses,” the chief immediately replied, knowing exactly what numbers the Commander wanted to hear. “At least a third of their warriors were killed in battle, many of them those who were loyal to the queen. Many more were wounded, but have been treated, those who could not be saved given the mercy stroke. Thirteen were gathered as prisoners, to die the Traitor's death. According to Jojesh, they are all that remain. We lost eighteen.” Sorrow gripped at the chief's tone just as it did at Lexa's heart, but neither allowed themselves to sink into it. This was war, these were the consequences of battle. “Fifteen were lost during the fighting, the other three given the mercy stroke when they could not be saved. Skaikru lost six in the battle, and one was given the mercy stroke. The wounded have all been seen to, healers from Azgeda, Triku and Skaikru all working to care for the injured. A few of the worst injuries are still being worked on, but most have been taken care of.”  
  
Lexa nodded, letting the words all digest for a moment. The numbers weren't good, but they weren't bad either: she knew that they all could have been much, much worse, and would have been if Clarke hadn't stopped the fighting when she did.  
  
“Heda!”  
  
The brunette turned and immediately knelt the moment she saw Thom and Reese racing towards her. Behind them she saw Taigon, Raven, Bellomy and an Azgeda warrior following at a slightly slower pace, but she barely looked at them. She held out her arms, quickly curling them around the backs of the two children as they raced into them, both heads burying into her shoulders. She let her eyes fall closed for just a second, feeling her heart thumping against her throat. In that moment she remembered the fear that had gripped her when she'd looked over to see them standing in the middle of a battlefield with an enemy bearing down on them, and she just held on to them tighter.  
  
Reese was the first to pull back, just enough so she could look up and meet the Commander's eyes, an unspoken fear gripping at her before she whispered, “Clarke, where is she? Is she, is she alright?” Lexa's hand moved to gently cup the girl's cheek, and she allowed herself to give her a small smile as she nodded. “Yes,” she answered quietly, her eyes moving over to Thom as well. “Yes, Clarke is alright. She's still asleep right now, but Abby says she will be fine.” A few tears slipped out of both of their eyes, and Lexa's thumbs quickly brushed them away.  
  
“I was so scared,” the little girl admitted, her words nearly inaudible. “I was just... so scared.”  
  
“Me too,” Thom whispered, another tear slipping from his eye to roll down his cheek, and again Lexa's thumb brushed against his skin, wiping it away.  
  
“I was too,” she admitted quietly, “But she's alright now and there's no more reason to be afraid. You'll see her again soon, after she'd gotten all the rest she needs.” They both nodded, obvious relief in their eyes, and again Lexa let herself give them a small smile. Her eyes darted to Thom, looking up to find the large knot on the side of his head, and gently she ran her fingers over it. “You know, you are not supposed to let the enemy get you,” she joked, smiling as she said it, and he just grinned.  
  
“I don't think I'm a very good warrior,” he admitted with a shrug, and then his face brightened, looking quickly over his shoulder as he said, “But Taigon said he can teach me to be a healer instead!” He stopped then, sudden guilt spreading across his face before he looked back at her. He bit his lip, eyes trailing down for a second, before he looked back up, asking, “Is that okay?” Lexa gripped his shoulder tightly, nodding slowly before telling him, “It is a great thing, to be a healer.”  
  
He beamed, obviously happy with the praise, and Lexa returned the smile with a small one of her own, before she looked past the two children. The smile wiped away even before she stood back up, her expression smoothing back out as her head tilted up, looking to the others who'd stopped by Octavia and Indra.  
  
“It's true?” Bellamy asked, his jaw clenched slightly as though he were afraid of the real answer. “She's okay?” Lexa just nodded, and out of the corners of her eyes she saw him relax, but she barely looked at him. Instead she looked past him, turning to the only person there she couldn't name.  
  
“You,” she called out, looking at the Ice Nation warrior. “Your name.”  
  
“Echo, Heda,” the woman replied immediately, something in her expression that told Lexa she was sizing her up. The name was familiar as soon as she said it, Lexa remembering the few times she'd come up when Jojesh had been filling her in on everything that had happened, and the Commander just nodded.  
  
“I need you to take me to your prisoners,” she informed Echo, carefully clasping her hands behind her back. “There are a few I wish to see.” The woman just nodded, stepping away from the group, and with a nod to them all Lexa followed her, leaving everyone else behind as Echo led the way back into the middle of the village. They walked for long minutes, neither saying a word. When they finally stopped, it was in front of a long building, far more broken down than any others, giant holes along its sides and roof. Three warriors stood outside its door, two Trikru and one Azgeda, and they all bowed their head to Lexa the moment they saw her.  
  
“Take me to Maloch,” Lexa ordered Echo, her blood boiling in her veins just at the man's name. The woman didn't say anything, just stepped forward and opened the door, and Lexa slipped into the building behind her.  
  
There were no torches along the walls, no fires of any kind. Enough light filtered in from the holes along the building to see by, but nothing warmed the space. A chill crept down Lexa's spine as a small gust of wind blew through the holes, making the area seem much colder than the outside, but she didn't let it show. She followed Echo as the woman led the way through the building, walls built up and breaking the space into multiple rooms. Chains hung from each wall, the majority now holding those who'd been loyal to Nia in place, and everyone she passed either shied away from the Commander or refused to look away. Lexa didn't spare any of them a second glance until Echo stopped in a room where two men stood, their wrists shackled and holding them in place against stone walls.  
  
Lexa's eyes flickered over Walsh, noticing that the man didn't move an inch when she entered the room. His expression remained controlled, drawn slightly, and she could tell from the look in his eyes that even now he didn't regret what he'd done. She looked at him for only a second, and then turned to the man standing beside him.  
  
This man who must have been Maloch sneered, an ugly smirk pulling at his lips.  
  
“ _So the Commander honors us with her presence,_ ” he drawled, not letting the fear Lexa knew he felt into his tone. She didn't say anything, just looked at him, and he seemed to take that as an invitation to keep talking. “ _You're lucky that Sky bitch stepped in for you,_ ” he told her. “ _My queen would have torn you to pieces. She'd been waiting for years: she would have done it slowly, piece by piece, until you were begging for her mercy._ ” Still Lexa said nothing, just stared ahead, and she saw something in his expression shift. The smirk fell away slightly, even as he continued, “ _You would have fallen, and then we would have destroyed your entire army. Naia would have become Commander, and then she would have killed your pet after she forced her to look at your mangled body. You would have both fallen, and we would have had all the power._ ”  
  
His words barely registered in Lexa's mind: instead all she could think about were the bruises on Clarke's stomach. She thought about everything Jojesh had told her, thought about every horrible thing this man had done to Clarke, everything he'd put her through. The images of her injuries merged with what the other warrior had told her, and Lexa's blood roared in her ears. Her fury boiled within her, so hot that it seemed to burn everything else away, and suddenly she could no longer stand it. Without having to think about it, suddenly her fingers were wrapped around the hilt of her sword and then in one motion too quick for even her to follow, it was drawn and then being driven through the air with every bit of strength, every shred of hate and anger and guilt and fear that still clung to her insides. It sliced through the air until it was stuck in rock, and with a small grunt Lexa yanked it free. Blood dripped down its tip to the ground below, little drops splashing next to the hand that now lay on the ground.  
  
For the briefest of moments, Maloch didn't seem to know what had happened. And then he was screaming. The arm with the hand still connected to it tore against the manacle around it, desperately trying to be freed but failing. The arm that now ended in a bloody stump thrashed, crashing against the stone of the wall and then flying out into the open air, and all color drained from the man's face as his scream continued, a never-ending howl of agony. Blood dripped and poured from his wrist, and everyone in the room other than Lexa found they couldn't look away from it, shock and fear freezing them where they stood. Lexa herself never looked away from Maloch's face. She watched as it crumpled in excruciating pain, any semblance of strength he'd had draining out of it, and only held her head up higher.  
  
“Take him to the healers,” she ordered, and it seemed to take a second for Echo to realize she was talking to her. The Commander's steely eyes never left the screaming warrior, and Echo felt herself almost shrink away from the younger woman. “Tell them that I demand he lives,” the Commander continued, her voice harder than any the other woman had heard before. The brunette took a single step closer to the man, not missing the way he flinched away and pressed harder against the wall behind him as though to try to keep distance between them. “You will feel every blade,” she murmured, the cruel promise in her tone causing him to sink back even further. “You will feel every cut, every bite of steel, and then you will feel the flames. You will die the traitor's death you deserve: I forbid you to die until then.” Lexa held the man's eyes, hers remaining hard even as Echo stepped around her, her sword out as well in case he tried anything, but when she released the single shackle holding him in place he just fell to the side. He whimpered and cried as the other warrior led him out of the room, and Lexa watched them go until they'd disappeared behind a wall and she couldn't see them anymore.  
  
Once they were gone, Lexa didn't turn to follow them. Instead she carefully wiped her blade against her pants before re-sheathing the weapon, and then turned in the opposite direction. She had yet to come to the end of the building, and there was one more person she needed to find. Her heart gripped in her chest, its beating nearly coming to a standstill, but she forced herself forward, not even looking at the man she had at one point trusted that was now left chained to the wall.  
  
Lexa let her feet guide her further into the strange building, dreading every step but forcing herself to always take the next. Once again her hands clenched into fists, her fingernails biting into her palms, but she just grit her teeth harder as she continued. She passed a few more people chained to the walls, and somewhere deep in the back of her mind thought it was fitting that she wouldn't find the person she was looking for until she made it to the very last room in the building.  
  
Costia must have heard her coming: she walked through the open doorway, and the other girl was already looking at her. She already stood, her arms down by her side, the single shackle around her ankle keeping her close to the wall. Lexa met her look and knew she'd been expecting this. She stopped with a few feet of empty space between them, and for a long moment they both just stared at one another.  
  
Everything inside of Lexa buzzed with confusion; every thought, every feeling felt muddled, incomplete. The joy she wanted to feel, that she _did_ feel, at the sight of this girl she'd thought for years was dead, became dark, tainted, as it mixed with the knowledge of everything that went along with that life. Here Costia stood, so very much alive, and all at once Lexa's heart wanted to burst with joy and fall into a never ending chasm of agonizing sorrow. She stood, staring, and felt it as the greatest war she'd ever fought tore at her insides, absolutely aware that this was one fight where she had no possible chance at a victory: this was one fight that she would never be able to win.  
  
“ _Leksa,_ ” Costia finally murmured, her voice getting caught in her throat, and at the simple whisper of her name Lexa felt everything inside her come crashing down. Every wall, every defense she'd managed to build up over the years fell away, and she felt it as she was stripped emotionally naked in front of this girl she'd at one point loved with all her heart. That love still beat through her, but now rather than give her the peace it once had, it pricked at her like a thousand tiny needles, over and over again until she bled from every inch of skin.  
  
“ _Kostia,_ ” Lexa managed to get out, and then watched as the girl took a hesitant step forward. As though her body were drawn to her, Lexa mirrored the step, slowly closing what space remained between them.  
  
“ _Leksa, I-,_ ” she began, but the brunette shook her head roughly, her eyes clenching shut.  
  
“ _Don't,_ ” she just said, and then she forced her eyes open again, forced herself to meet Costia's, and her voice softened as she told her quietly, “ _You don't have to explain: I understand._ ”  
  
“ _I didn't want to,_ ” the girl she still loved said, her voice breaking. Lexa watched as a tear slipped down her cheek, and her fingers burned to wipe it away, but she just clenched her fists tighter, barely feeling it as her nails dug into the cut along her palm. “ _I never wanted to. I tried so hard not to, but I, I just... I couldn't do it. I couldn't fight her._ ”  
  
“ _I wouldn't,_ ” Lexa started to say, but had to stop when her voice broke. She swallowed, but even so her voice shook as she said, “ _I wouldn't have expected you to. Few could._ ”  
  
“ _Klark did,_ ” Costia whispered, something in her tone that Lexa couldn't entirely read. The Commander had to swallow thickly once again before she managed to whisper, “ _Klark is... Klark is special._ ”  
  
Hurt and understanding both flashed across Costia's face, and Lexa felt a tidal wave of guilt crash through her, but she didn't look away. She knew the truth of her words, knew what she was silently saying, and could see that Costia understood it too. The other girl seemed to study her for a moment and Lexa let her, completely aware that everything showed on her face, every emotion that spun and swirled inside her was entirely visible at the moment, but she let the other girl see it. A moment later the other girl's fingers were lightly tracing along Lexa's cheek, and the brunette felt her eyes slam shut as her breath hitched in her chest.  
  
“ _You are special,_ ” she heard Costia say, her words so quiet they barely made it across the small space between them. Fingers ran lightly along her cheek, down to grip her chin, and Lexa forced her eyes to open. Tears fell down Costia's cheeks but one corner of her lips had turned up in a sad smile, and Lexa met her eyes as the girl added, “ _You deserve someone just as special._ ”  
  
A small sob escaped from between Lexa's lips as she felt a single tear fall. Her shoulders shook as she tried to keep her sobs inside, tried so hard to keep her sorrow locked away, but another sob escaped when she felt those fingers brush her tear away. Again her eyes clenched shut even as she felt Costia move, and then arms were wrapping around her and a face was pressing against the side of her own. She felt the arms of the first girl she ever loved hold her, and everything inside her chest broke, every emotion swimming to the surface in a way she couldn't control.  
  
“ _You were always special too,_ ” she informed the other girl softly, her arms still held down at her side, unable to move and return the hold. Her heart clamped in her chest, her body shaking. “ _You need to know that: you were always special to me. Always._ ”  
  
“ _And you were always special to me,_ ” she heard Costia whisper in her ear, the words just as broken as Lexa's. “ _Every moment: you were always special._ ”  
  
Another sob fought to escape, but Lexa grit her jaw and clamped down on it, forcefully burying it back into the box she tried to hide all of her emotions in. She allowed herself to be held for only another second, and then she was stepping back, putting distance between herself and the other girl once again. Costia watched her go and Lexa could see the understanding in her eyes, even as fresh tears fell from them. With space between them once again, they stood for another moment, just staring at each other, and then Lexa forced herself to turn around. She didn't say anything: they'd already said everything important, already spoken the only words that needed to be spoken, and now she needed to leave. If she didn't go now, she knew she would never be able to do what she needed to do, what she had no choice to do. So she turned and she walked away, her back held too straight, her head up too high, and she forced the trembling in her hands to lessen until it was no more. She felt Costia's eyes on her but she didn't turn, didn't allow herself to show any sign of weakness as she walked back through the door. Not once as she made her way back through the building did she turn around or even look anywhere but directly ahead of her. Even though inside she cried, cried for the girl she still loved, she forced herself to walk away from her.  
  
She didn't stop to so much as look at any other prisoner; she made her way back through the prison slowly, her footsteps leading her back to the entrance, and when she finally made it there, her eyes closed once again and she allowed herself to take a deep breath. Only once she'd made sure that every bit of emotion had been wiped from her expression did she reach forward, opening the door and stepping back outside, and the moment she did the two remaining guards outside immediately turned to her. One fidgeted, and she narrowed her eyes at him, clearly seeing that he had something to say. She watched as he took a breath to calm himself, and then stood straighter before he said, “ _Commander, while you were inside, a warrior came with a message for you._ ”  
  
“ _What is the message?_ ” she asked, her voice even and showing no signs of the emotions that still whirled inside her.  
  
“ _The Unbroken has woken up._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had no idea this chapter would be this long. Was not expecting it. But yeah, hope you enjoyed it! Sorry for the lack of conscious Clarke and for leaving you with another kind of cliffhanger, but I promise you, next chapter our wonderful Clexa are back together again (as it should be)!


	42. Chapter 42

Waking up felt like trying to walk through a thick fog. Part of her wished to remain there, in that place of peace, of quiet and calm, and it was difficult for the other parts of her consciousness to remember why she couldn't stay. Little flashes danced around in the fog, little bits of memories, of ideas or thoughts, that Clarke fought to try to grasp, tried to grab a hold of it. These flashes teased her, swirling in and out of the heaviness of her mind, and some how she knew the only way to catch them was to push through the heavy mist. Even as part of her tried to keep her there, something inside of the girl stirred, a knowledge buried too far to truly understand, but she knew, just knew, that catching those glimpses, those flashes of memories, was far more important than the calm surrounding her. So she pushed herself, forced herself to fight through the mist around her, and slowly felt it as her body began to wake up.  
  
She was hot, almost unpleasantly so. After days of being cold, of having nothing but her clothes to ward off the chill, the fur she felt on top of her pressed heavily against her body, overheating her. She felt the sweat beading along her forehead, felt it as one drop skimmed down the side of her face, but didn't have the energy to wipe it away. Her back felt like it was on fire, the dozens of marks burning against her skin, and she couldn't help but grimace as she shifted and the binding against the wounds pulled against them. Now that she was lying down, now that she could allow herself to feel all the ways in which her body hurt, each injury seemed to flare up, deep aches mixing with sharp agony, and she couldn't help it as a small whimper escaped from between her lips.  
  
“Clarke?” she heard whispered, the voice soft and so close beside her head that the girl's heart nearly went still in her chest. A moment later and its beating continued, a heavy thud pounding against her ribcage as she barely dared to believe the voice had been real, that she hadn't just made it up in her own head. Images flickered through her mind and she suddenly remembered seeing her mother being held back while she fought Nia, and the pounding of her heart slowed only slightly as she realized she hadn't been hearing things.  
  
“Mom?” she murmured, her tongue heavy in her mouth and almost unable to get the single word out. Her eyes opened slowly, the light in the room slowly filtering into shapes, until she looked over and finally was able to make out her mother's face. She saw the tears running down cheeks that had been turned up in the most relieved smile the blonde had ever seen, and Clarke couldn't help it as a tear or two of her own gathered in the corners of her eyes, slipping down the side of her face. She felt her mother's hand against her own, felt it shift slightly, and gave the hand a small squeeze. “Mom.”  
  
“Clarke,” Abby repeated, her voice hoarse, the single word breaking as the older woman's eyes fell shut for the briefest of moments. The moment they opened again, Abby was leaning over, more tears streaking down her cheeks even as her forehead pressed against her daughter's. “Clarke. Baby.” She had so much more she wanted to say, so many words that were caught in her throat that needed desperately to find a way out, but at the moment her throat closed up, unable to get anything else out. Rather than fight the tightness of her throat, the mother just stayed there pressed against her daughter, willing everything she wanted to say to somehow get through by touch alone. Her grip on Clarke's hand tightened as more tears rolled down her face and she couldn't stop the grateful sob that burst from her chest.  
  
“I'm okay,” Clarke told her quietly, returning the firm hold she felt on her hand. Even as her body protested the words, every injury she'd received in the past nearly two weeks telling her otherwise, she sunk into the words as easily as she sunk into her mother's touch. She felt the corners of her lips turn up as the words truly registered, their truth washing over her. “I'm okay.”  
  
While the hand holding her daughter's remained where it was, the woman's other hand shifted, moving up as Abby pulled back just enough so she could look at her daughter's face. So gently that she barely felt the touch, Abby brushed a small strand of hair from Clarke's face, her eyes trailing over it, and the blonde could see the fear that still remained embedded behind the calm demeanor the woman tried to show.  
  
“You are,” Abby agreed quietly, giving her a small nod along with her wet smile. “You're okay.” There were any number of other things that either of them could say, apologies and explanations built up after days of being apart, realizations made that each could have tried to explain to the other, but as the silence grew around them, instead they allowed themselves to sink into it. They held on to each other, mother and daughter both just relieved and thankful that they were together when only twenty-four hours ago neither had been sure they'd even see the other again, and let everything else slip away.  
  
Clarke let it all slip away, until her eyes darted to her mother's cheek, watching as another tear slipped down her face, and a pang of guilt flared up inside her. Her throat, already dry, seemed to close up even more, but she forced herself to meet her mother's eyes as she shook her head. She knew her guilt showed, could tell her mother saw it by the way the Chancellor's brow furrowed slightly, but she didn't look away as she told her quietly, “I'm sorry Mom; I can't go back to Arkadia with you.”  
  
Abby's expression softened, the corners of her lips pulling back up into a small smile, and Clarke could see the resolution settling in her eyes. She reached out again, fingers gently brushing through blonde hair, before she whispered, “Shh. I know. We'll talk about it later.”  
  
“You're okay with that?” Clarke asked, a little surprised, and saw her mother just lift an eyebrow at her. “Do I have a choice?” Abby returned, and the blonde just gave her a small grin. The older woman shook her head, her fingers not stopping in their gentle movement, before she met her daughter's eyes again. “I understand that you're needed here. Doesn't mean that I like it.”  
  
“I don't,” Clarke began, and had to cut herself off as she felt a lump burn against the back of her throat. Fresh tears gathered in the corners of her eyes but she fought against them, instead just holding on tighter to her mother's hand. “It's not like I'll never see you again after you leave. I can visit, or, or you can visit.”  
  
“Shh,” Abby just repeated, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. Clarke's eyes shut tightly as she felt her mother's lips shift against her skin as she whispered, “We'll figure it out. Right now I'm just glad you're safe.”  
  
“I'm glad you're safe too,” Clarke murmured, and then pulled away slightly so that she could meet her mother's eyes again. “How did you get here?” she asked, confusion clear in her tone. “How'd you find me?”  
  
“We followed the trail you left,” Abby told her, her smile falling away slightly as she remembered everything that had happened the past couple of weeks. “Lincoln and a few others went ahead to try to track you down, and the rest of us followed behind. Lexa-” She stopped suddenly, her eyes widening, and Clarke felt her heart start to race again in her chest. The sudden panic that gripped her must have been obvious, because the next moment her mother patted her shoulder comfortingly, even as she stood up. “Just a minute,” Abby told her, giving her hand another squeeze before she let go, and then the blonde watched as she quickly made her way around the bed and towards the door. Without any hesitation the Chancellor opened it, sticking her head out the doorway and she heard her call, “Jojesh?”  
  
“Yes Chancellor?” the blonde heard, and a moment later she saw the warrior who'd helped her take down Nia step into the doorway. His eyes were on her mother, but the moment the bed was in his line of sight Clarke watched as they shifted over to her and saw his expression relax just slightly, something akin to relief flashing across his face. Even as her mother stepped back, the warrior didn't take his eyes off of the blonde as he nodded his head, bowing it deeply. “Ubroukai,” he called to her, and when he looked up again Clarke could see the small smile pulling at his lips. “It is good to see you awake.”  
  
“It's good to be awake, Jojesh,” she replied, easily returning his smile. She tried to push herself up a little to be able to look at him better, but immediately stopped when she saw her mother raise her eyebrows at her. After eighteen years, she knew exactly what that look meant, and just let out a silent sigh as she carefully fell back against the mattress beneath her, just managing to keep in the small wince as her back protested against any kind of movement.  
  
The moment Abby knew her daughter wasn't going to try to get up, she turned her attention back to the warrior. He looked back at her as she told him, “Have someone go find the Commander: tell her that Clarke's awake.”  
  
“Sha, Chancellor,” Jojesh agreed with a swift nod, momentarily looking past the woman and at his queen, but Clarke was no longer looking back. The moment Lexa's title was spoken, Clarke felt her heart begin thudding against her chest once again. The door swung shut as Jojesh went to follow the order, but the blonde barely noticed.  
  
“Lexa,” she breathed out, all thoughts of anything other than the brunette running from her mind. No longer thinking about her injuries, she started to push herself back up, eyes quickly darting back over to her mother. “Is she okay? Where is she? What-”  
  
“Hey, easy,” Abby called out softly, quickly moving back over to the bed and gently pressing against her shoulders. Clarke gave into the careful touch, laying back down on the bed, but didn't take her eyes away from her mother as Abby sat down beside her, one hand once again wrapping around her daughter's. “Lexa's fine,” she informed the blonde, her voice soft and soothing, clearly trying to help her relax. Her other hand moved back to Clarke's hair, and Clarke couldn't help but fall into the soft touch. “She had to go out and check on everyone else, but she'll be back as soon as she knows you're awake.”  
  
“She's okay,” Clarke whispered, her eyes falling shut even as her heart continued to pound in her chest. She didn't remember seeing any terrible wounds on the other girl before she'd passed out, but that hadn't meant there weren't any, or that she hadn't gotten any after she'd fallen unconscious. The near panic she'd felt at just the thought of Lexa being hurt began to subside, and she forced herself to take a deep breath. Opening her eyes and meeting her mother's once again, she forced herself to push Lexa to the side for just a moment. “And what about, what about everyone else? How are they?”  
  
“I don't know,” her mother told her, guilt flashing across her face for just a moment. “I've been in here with you ever since the fighting stopped. As soon as we'd done all we could to help you, Taigon went to help everyone else, but I-”  
  
“Wait a second,” Clarke interrupted, her eyes going wide. “Taigon's here?” When her mother just nodded, her mouth fell open just a bit, her surprise clear as she asked, “Lexa let him come?”  
  
“She did,” Abby answered, “He was supposed to stay away from the fighting, but when Thom and Reese took off he followed them-”  
  
“Thom and Reese are here?” the blonde exclaimed, pushing herself back up quickly, this time pushing back slightly when her mother tried to get her to lay back down.  
  
“Clarke,” Abby said, her voice firm even as her grip on the girl's shoulder remained gentle as she pushed her back towards the mattress, “I need you to stay calm and to relax. Your body's already been through too much: you can't push it any further. You need to relax.” The muscles along her stomach seemed to agree, fresh waves of pain hitting her as they contracted in her effort to get up. Rather than fight, the blonde gave in, leaning back once again even as she met her mother's eyes.  
  
“Okay, I'm relaxed,” she told her, settling back down against the soft fur beneath her. “Now tell me everything that happened since I was taken.” Her mother raised an eyebrow again, clearly not convinced she'd remain calm, but the blonde held up her hands. “I swear, I'm relaxed. Please Mom, tell me.”  
  
“I expected you to come back after escorting Lexa to her village, but instead just Bellamy returned,” Abby finally began, her voice dropping a little as she settled back into her chair. Clarke could read the panic she'd felt the moment she found out what had happened, but didn't say anything. “He told us what happened, how you'd been attacked after Lexa left you, and that your attackers kidnapped you and knocked the rest of them out. He told us that Octavia and Lincoln had gone to Polis to tell Lexa what had happened. We were getting ready to try to go out and find you when she showed up with her army...”  
  
Clarke listened as her mother explained everything. Lexa explaining that it was the Ice Nation who'd taken her; Lexa inviting Skaikru to march with her own army; Reese and Thom sneaking away from Arkadia to join them; the problems they'd had to deal with, both in trying to follow the correct trail and to keep the two armies from breaking down and attacking each other. Clarke listened and she pictured it all, could only imagine the struggle they'd all been through, but mostly just imagined Lexa, trying to keep the two armies together while her greatest enemy loomed ahead of her. She listened, and the more she heard the harder her heart pounded in her chest.  
  
Just about at the point in Abby's story where they had all realized that it had been Walsh who'd turned against the Commander, the door to the room opened and both women looked towards it. Abby didn't stop her story, just gave the Commander a slight nod and smile, but her words now barely registered in Clarke's mind. She heard them, but couldn't focus on them, couldn't focus on anything other than Lexa standing stiffly in the doorway. Her breath caught in her chest, taking in the sight of the Commander in full battle armor, war paint still streaked across her cheeks, but when their eyes met all she saw was Lexa. She saw fear and worry and absolute relief, all the same things that swirled inside her own gut, and she felt something settle inside her, some energy that seemed to have been buzzing around for days now finally calming down. She watched Lexa slowly step into the room, watched as she quietly closed the door behind her, and then watched as she walked across the room.  
  
Clarke's eyes followed her, unable to look away from her now that she she was finally in the same room as the other girl, and she noticed how stiffly Lexa moved. Her hands were pulled behind her back, one hand gripping the opposite wrist. Her shoulders seemed stiff, her chin held high as though she didn't dare allow it to fall. Her back was straight, even straighter than it usually was, and Clarke couldn't immediately hide the confusion she felt seeing just how uncomfortable the other girl looked. The brunette didn't say anything, simply nodded whenever Abby mentioned her or gestured towards her while telling her story, and instead just stood on the far side of the room, as though she were purposefully keeping distance from the blonde.  
  
Even as she spoke, Abby knew her daughter had stopped really listening the moment the Commander stepped into the room. She continued with her story, but even as she did she studied the two girls, noticing how neither seemed to be able to look away from the other and how even though the brunette stood on the other side of the room, Clarke's body had shifted, turning towards her. She got to the end of her story, and then stood up, and the movement seemed to break whatever spell they'd been under, both girls looking towards her as she stood.  
  
“But now you're awake, and I should go check on everyone else,” she said, giving Clarke's hand another squeeze. She leaned over the bed, pressing another kiss to the blonde's forehead, even as her eyes glanced up at the Commander. “You two need some time to talk.” Standing up again, she looked back at her daughter, giving her a look before she added, “And I mean it Clarke: take it easy. You still need to rest.”  
  
“I'll take it easy, Mom,” Clarke promised, momentarily glancing at her mother, but a second later her eyes were right back on the Commander and Abby just shook her head. She looked back at her daughter for another minute, gently running her fingers through her hair one last time, and then she turned around, moving straight for the door.  
  
As the door shut behind the Chancellor, silence spread through the room. Two pairs of eyes held the other, but neither girl spoke, almost as though they couldn't. Clarke scanned Lexa, taking in every detail, and Lexa scanned her right back, her heart clenching in her chest. All she wanted to do was rush over to the blonde, to hold her close and to never let her go, but she forced herself to stay where she was, forced herself not to give into the desire to just touch the other girl to prove she was really there. They watched each other, neither of them even really daring to breathe, and just let the quiet spread around them.  
  
Finally Clarke couldn't take it anymore. She didn't fight the small smile that pulled at her lips, just let herself sink into this moment.  
  
“Hi,” she whispered, almost afraid that if she spoke too loudly this dream would end and Lexa would be gone once again. She saw the brunette swallow thickly, saw the way the corner of her lips twitched before she answered just as quietly, “Hi.”  
  
Nerves buzzed throughout her body, nerves she didn't entirely understand, but Clarke just ignored them as she shifted slightly in the bed, turning more fully towards the other girl. “You should come over here,” she told her, flashing her another smile. “I have something I want to tell you.”  
  
Lexa's eyes closed, her jaw clenching tightly as her body physically ached to move towards the blonde, but still she held herself stiffly where she stood as she shook her head slowly. When her eyes opened again, she noticed the way Clarke's expression had turned down, saw the confusion on the other girl's face, but all she could think about were the dozens of wounds littering the girl's body, and guilt tore through her in a fresh wave, splintering her heart into smaller shards than it already was in.  
  
“I can't,” she began, and then had to stop when she heard the obvious waver in her voice. Clarke heard it too and sat up a little, worry pulling at her expression, and Lexa forced herself to swallow, forced herself to push against the burning in her throat. Her fists clenched harder behind her back, trying to fight against the way her hands trembled, and her teeth ground together as she desperately tried to hold back the hurricane of emotions that spun around her gut. “Clarke I,” she tried again, and when the waver returned to her voice, she just hurried on, pushing past it even as the emotion seemed to grow with every new word. “I'm sorry.” She shook her head again, but when she looked back at Clarke, her resolve cracked. “This is my fault,” she whispered, her nails biting into the skin of her wrist. “I knew this could happen. I knew the danger I was putting you in, and I allowed... I should have been, been stronger. I should have known better. I did know better, and yet I allowed myself to... Nia only took you because she knew what you mean to me, everything that happened to you, I could have prevented. I knew what she would do if she ever got you, and yet I let us... I let you... It's my fault, it's my fault and I will never put you in that kind of danger again. I can't. I won't.”  
  
Clarke's heart ached for Lexa, for the guilt she could see clawing its way through the other girl, but she wasn't having any of it. With a small scowl, she threw the fur still covering her to the side, and pushed herself up on the bed. Even as she sat up she saw Lexa's eyes widen, saw her take a single step forwards before she could stop herself.  
  
“Clarke,” she said quickly, fear and worry pushing momentarily against her guilt, “You aren't supposed to be moving. You need to rest.”  
  
“If you don't want me to go over to you Lexa, then you'd better come over to me,” the blonde informed her, even as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. Even before she winced at the movement Lexa began making her way across the room. “Clarke,” she began again, but this time didn't get anything else out.  
  
The moment she was close enough, Clarke reached out, grabbing her coat and yanking her to her. Lexa's eyes widened slightly in surprise at the motion, and then her body was pressed between the blonde's legs, her thighs hitting off the bed. One of Clarke's hands held her waist tightly and the other moved up, cupping the back of her head. The next thing the Commander knew, the blonde pulled her head down and their lips met for the first time in weeks.  
  
Clarke didn't really know what she meant to tell Lexa with the kiss, but whatever the meaning behind it had been, it melted away the moment their lips touched. For the briefest of seconds, Lexa remained still against her, as though she were still fighting to maintain control, but then that control broke. Clarke's eyes fell shut as she felt two hands on her, one hand moving to mirror the hold she still had on the brunette's neck, and the other moving to her cheek. Delicate fingers brushed against her skin, so gently she felt like glass beneath Lexa's touch, and she sank into it. Her own grip on the other girl tightened, too afraid to let go, and she felt the fingers on her neck rub against her, the thumb running soothingly along the nape of her neck. She shivered beneath the touch even as her body seemed to warm up, seemed to come back to life after days of just getting by. Certain emotions finally settled inside her while others began their own flurry within her gut, and without needing to think about it she tilted her head, deepening the kiss.  
  
The moment she felt Clarke's lips against hers, Lexa lost the little bit of control she'd been able to hold on to. A part of her told her she was making a mistake, that these were the very actions that had put the blonde in danger in the first place, but Clarke's lips moved against hers and all she could do was get lost in them. An almost sob wracked in her chest, maybe escaping even as the blonde's mouth remained molded against her own, but she couldn't be entirely sure. All she knew, all she could focus on, was Clarke and her touch. Her fingers burned against the back of her neck, and Lexa knew she'd forever have marks there, hidden beneath her hair but evidence of the way Clarke's touch felt like flames against her skin. Her other hand shifted, moving to the small of her back and pressing her even closer, and Lexa allowed herself to be moved, knew she had no control over anything when it came to Clarke. Her eyes remained shut, and when the blonde shifted to deepen the kiss, Lexa immediately followed, allowing only touch and Clarke to guide her along.  
  
The kiss was more than just a moment of relief. It was more than just the “I missed you,” “I was so scared,” or even the “Please don't ever leave me again,” that they both felt raging in their chests: the kiss was home, was falling into the only other person who knew them inside and out, who understood every decision they'd ever had to make. The kiss wasn't just one promise but hundreds, thousands, promises they wouldn't even realize they'd made until decades after the events happened they were made for. The kiss was everything, a combination of everything that had already happened and everything that was sure to come, was the entire universe wrapped up in two sets of lips. The kiss was safety and comfort, love and care and understanding and trust, and they both allowed themselves to fall into it, allowed themselves to anchor everything they were with the one person who made them everything they wanted to be. The kiss was forever, the first promise made, and even as they finally pulled back, finally allowed their lips to disconnect, they felt forever dig into their skin, holding onto them just as tightly as they held each other.  
  
“What makes you think,” Clarke finally whispered once she'd got her breath back, “That you get to make decisions for me?” She looked up at Lexa through her lashes and slowly began to trail her lips along the brunette's jaw, smiling slightly when she heard the other girl take in a sharp breath. Pulling back without releasing her grip on the back of her neck, Clarke looked up at Lexa and told her quietly, “I know you're worried, and I know you feel guilty about what happened to me, but it wasn't your fault Lexa.” The brunette opened her mouth to argue, but the blonde just shook her head. “No,” she said, cutting her off, “I mean it: none of what happened was your fault. Nia wanted power: even if she'd never found out about us, there's no guarantee she never would have come after me. She used us, our relationship, as the excuse, but that's just what it was: an excuse. Everything that she did, all the things that happened, it was all her fault, all the choices that she made. None of it's on you, Lexa. None of what happened was your fault. None of it.”  
  
Lexa felt her throat close up, felt another sob building in her chest, but she pushed against it, trying to tamper it back down. She leaned forward, pressing her forehead against the blonde's even as one hand moved, cupping lightly along the side of her face. Her other hand fell down and when her fingers brushed against the bandages wrapped around Clarke's middle, her eyes followed it. She saw the bandages, remembered the horror that lay beneath them, and had to bite the inside of her cheek to hold in her tears.  
  
“This,” she murmured, her fingers running gently along Clarke's side, barely putting any pressure behind the touch in fear of hurting her. “What, what Costia did...” The burning along the back of her throat flared up, as though her guilt were a fire burning in her gut that only intensified at the thought of her first love and all she'd done. Lexa shook her head, her eyes clenching shut again as she whispered, “I'm sorry.”  
  
Fingers gripped her chin lightly, and Lexa opened her eyes, forcing herself to meet Clarke's.  
  
“None of it,” the blonde repeated slowly, punctuating the words one at time, “Is your fault.” She paused then, a frown pulling her lips down, and Lexa's eyes scanned her face before she added quietly, “But I'm sorry. That Costia... That Costia, that she...”  
  
“She made her choice as well,” Lexa just said, barely managing to keep her tone even, but Clarke could read the despair that continued to cling to her heart, the despair she'd felt three years ago when she'd believed her first love had died, and the same despair that had re-ignited the moment she learned of the other girl's part in everything that had happened.  
  
“Lexa...” Clarke tried to say, tried to come up with something to ease the pain she knew must be tearing at the brunette's insides, but the other girl just shook her head.  
  
“Please,” she whispered, her voice breaking slightly. She looked down at Clarke and knew the blonde could read everything, every emotion she seemed to be drowning in, but she didn't try to hide any of it. “I do not want to talk about her. Please.”  
  
“Okay,” Clarke agreed immediately, her voice still soft, and Lexa felt the arm still wrapped around her tighten. “We won't talk about her. But I need you to know, I need you to understand that none of this, not even anything she went through, none of it is your fault. Okay?” Lexa didn't say anything, couldn't say anything because she knew the truth, knew that it all stemmed back to her, so she just stood there, looking down at the blonde in front of her. She knew Clarke could still read her guilt, knew that's why the younger girl pulled her back down, but she didn't fight it as lips once again pressed roughly against her own, as though willing her to believe everything the blonde had just said.  
  
“It isn't,” Clarke muttered, her lips pressing repeatedly against Lexa's, even as she held the other girl tighter. “Your fault. It isn't your fault, Lexa. Please believe me.”  
  
Lexa listened to the words, felt them against the blonde's lips as they continued to rain down against her own, and she tried to believe them. She couldn't, not entirely, but the tighter Clarke held her, the more she felt those lips brush against her own, the more she knew that she couldn't walk away from the other girl. Maybe she'd known it all along, ever since that first moment when Clarke had stepped into her tent, maybe she'd known that everything in her life had changed in that moment, and that she would do anything this strange, beautiful creature who'd fallen from the sky asked her. Maybe even then she'd known her heart belonged to Clarke and that no matter what happened, she'd never be able to tear herself away from the blonde. Even at that first moment, she'd known, as surely as she knew now, in this moment here with three groups of people outside all waiting on them and both of them battered both physically and emotionally, she'd known that Clarke was her life, was her everything, and that she could never live without her again.  
  
And then...  
  
“I love you.”  
  
The words were whispered so softly, so quietly that if they hadn't been pressed against her skin, Lexa might have missed them, but when she opened her eyes in surprise, when she looked down at Clarke, she saw them. She saw the words written along the blonde's lips. She felt them in her touch, in the pressure of the arm that remained curled around her, in the fingers that ran lightly along her jawline. She read them in eyes so bright, eyes so blue and clear and true that she felt her breath get caught, get lost somewhere during the journey from her lungs to her lips. She read them in every part of Clarke as the blonde looked up at her, and Lexa felt her heart, for years so broken, piece back together bit by bit before it swelled until her chest ached. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes and then fell, and for once she didn't try to stop them.  
  
“I love you,” she whispered back, and then, “I love you. I love you.”  
  
In the next instant, Lexa decided she would spend the rest of her life uttering those three beautiful words. Clarke's face lit up, something so much more powerful than a simple smile pulling at it, and she felt Clarke pull her back down. Their lips crashed together, a hurried frenzy of emotions driving them together. Hands moved to faces, cupping chins and cheeks and necks, and they pushed and pulled against each other.  
  
“I love you,” Clarke whispered between kisses, “God Lexa, I love you.” The words registered, and Lexa felt herself grinning like an idiot, even as she continued to return every kiss, every touch. Between her whispers, Clarke heard Lexa's equally soft, “I love you Clarke. Ai hod yu in. I love you.”  
  
In a healer's hut, in the middle of Keerie, with Azgeda, Trikru and Skaikru all milling around just outside, Clarke and Lexa finally told each other everything they felt, every emotion that shot through them and whirled around inside them until it made it hard to breathe. They both admitted what each had known to be true for weeks now, months even, and let the knowledge root them in place, let it forever anchor them together. They were in love, Grounder and Sky Person, drawn together as though they shared a single soul, and neither was ever going to try to deny it again. They were only three little words, three little words that couldn't quite encompass everything the two truly felt for each other, but they were enough: as Clarke and Lexa held each other close, as they allowed the words and everything they meant to wash over them, they were enough, would always be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprisingly, I actually had a hard time with this chapter and getting my thoughts for it out on paper. I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about it to be honest, but I think I'm happy with it. If nothing else, Clexa are back together again and they love each other, so that's good!
> 
> A few people have recently been asking me if the story is almost over, saying that they hope it isn't (you guys are seriously the best, all of you, just the best!), and I have an answer for you: yes, "Unbroken" is in fact almost over, there's just a few chapters left. However, that being said, the wheels in my head are turning. I won't say anything more until this story is done, but I just want you all to know that I have thoughts, and that I don't think you should be too concerned. I imagine I will continue to write Clexa stories until I either run out of ideas or out of time, and I don't think I'll ever really run out of ideas. So yeah, even if this story line ends, there's likely to be others. But yes, anyway, as always, hope you enjoyed, and see you again next week!
> 
> Trigedasleng Translation:
> 
> "Ai hod yu in" - "I love you"


	43. Chapter 43

A hand cupped her cheek and Clarke leaned into it, until she registered the fabric pressing against her face. Her own hand reached up to circle fingers around the delicate wrist, and blue eyes fell down to the bandage wrapped around the brunette's palm. When those eyes looked back at her, Lexa noticed amusement twinkling in them and lips twitching up into a smile.  
  
“You know Lexa, you aren't supposed to grab a sword by the sharp end,” the blonde teased her. “Didn't Anya teach you that?” The small grin grew just a little when Lexa's lips mirrored the movement, unable to tamper down the euphoria still igniting her veins. Somehow she managed to keep her voice even as she replied, “She did, but I was a little too distracted to care in that moment. I had other things to worry about.” Clarke's expression softened just a little, the teasing edge disappearing from the smile still tugging at her lips before she leaned forward, gently pressing a small kiss to the palm of the bandaged hand. Lexa watched her, her breath getting caught in her chest as she felt the smallest pressure against her hand, and then readily met blue eyes as they flickered back up to her.  
  
“I guess that makes sense,” Clarke said, her voice soft, before she pressed another light kiss to the palm. Lexa felt her body move almost of its own accord, until her forehead once again pressed against Clarke's. Her eyes fell closed, her hand moving back to cup lightly against the back of the blonde's neck while Clarke's hand moved to her arm, and she allowed her body to lean against the other girl's, every emotion inside her seeming to leak out. Her other hand ran gently along the bandage wrapped around Clarke's middle, remembering every injury beneath it, and she just pressed herself harder against the other girl.  
  
“I was so scared,” she whispered, the admission breaking past her lips before she could stop it. “Every moment, every second since I heard, I was so scared. I thought I would be too late.”  
  
“I'm right here, Lexa,” Clarke murmured back, her own hands moving to the brunette's neck. She held on, leaning against the forehead pressed to her own, and slowly brushed her thumbs over Lexa's cheek. “You made it in time.”  
  
“And the moment I find out you are still alive, you challenge her,” the brunette added, pulling back just slightly so that she could meet Clarke's eyes. Her grip tightening just a hair, her eyebrows rose as she told the blonde, “And then all I could do was watch as you fought, barely breathing the entire time. I couldn't... I didn't know how to...” She trailed off, unable to get any of the emotions swirling inside her head to form into words, but she didn't need them. Clarke just held her close, not letting her grip loosen for even a second, and she let the blonde anchor her in place.  
  
“You know why I did that,” Clarke whispered, even as her thumbs ran soothingly along her neck. Green eyes met blue, and Lexa saw something flash across them, a pain she was all too familiar with. She didn't let it spread, instead lowering her head and meeting the blonde's lips with her own, pushing back against that pain they both had learned to carry with them. She felt more than saw it leave the other girl, felt it in the way Clarke returned the kiss, and allowed the corners of her lips to tug up once again. “Yes,” she returned, her voice just as quiet as the blonde's had been the moment she pulled back. “I know why you did it. That does not mean I liked having to watch.”  
  
Clarke looked up at her, her own lips pulling up into a small smile again before she pressed another quick kiss to Lexa's lips.  
  
“I'll try not to do it again,” she promised as she pulled back, and Lexa just nodded, finding it impossible to look away from the blonde.  
  
For another few long moments the two just held one another, basking in the freedom of being together again, before the blonde let out a long breath. The conversation reminded her of the people waiting for her outside, and now that she was up she knew she needed to see them. Her hands fell back to the bed, bracing herself as she began to shift forward, doing her best to ignore the way pain shot from her back from just the small movement.  
  
“Clarke,” Lexa asked, one eyebrow quirking up, “What are you doing?” She stood still even as the blonde shuffled further forward on the bed, her feet finally reaching the ground. The brunette didn't look away as the other girl shot an uninterested look up at her.  
  
“Getting up,” was all the blonde gave her, and when she felt Clarke try to stand up, her hands fell to her love's shoulders, her grip tightening just enough to keep the blonde on the bed.  
  
“Your mother told you to stay in bed,” Lexa told her, eyes not leaving the other girl's face even as Clarke began shaking her head.  
  
“No,” she replied, “She told me I need to take it easy.” When the brunette's grip on her shoulders didn't loosen, she met green eyes that clearly planned on keeping her right where she was. “I need to go out there, Lexa,” she just said, pushing lightly against the other girl's touch. She forced herself forward a little further on the bed, and had to grit her teeth as fresh sparks of pain rippled across her back and the muscles along her torso protested the movement. She saw the concern flash across Lexa's face and felt the fingers on her shoulders tighten and then immediately relax, clearly afraid of adding to her injuries. The reaction only made the fluttering in the blonde's chest increase, the electricity that seemed to have built beneath her skin grow, but she forced herself not to get lost in it. Instead she pushed back against the hands, meeting Lexa's eyes as she said, “I need to check on everyone.”  
  
“It can wait, Clarke,” the older girl insisted, her eyes darting over the other girl as though to try to read every little emotion that flit across the blonde's face. She pressed closer to the bed, as though to block the blonde's path, but Clarke just gave her a little smile and then grabbed her arms. When the blonde's grip tightened, using the brunette to pull herself up, Lexa inadvertently grabbed her elbows, supporting her as she stood. When she realized she'd just helped the other girl to stand, Lexa's brow pulled down, shooting a small glare at the blonde. “Clarke, you need to rest.”  
  
“I have rested,” Clarke just said, wincing slightly as she turned and took a step forward. Lexa's grip against the blonde tightened, as though she were afraid of what might happen if she let go, and Clarke didn't bother to try to shake it off. For too long now she'd lived knowing that she may never feel this other girl's touch again, and now that she had it, now that Lexa was beside her and holding her, she never wanted her to let go. Plus, as she took another step forward she felt her legs begin to tremble and pain shoot through too many parts of her body to try to name, and she knew that if Lexa let go it was entirely possible her body would give out on her. So when the brunette's fingers curled around one arm and the other arm moved to hover along her back, Clarke allowed herself to lean into Lexa's hold. She looked up, meeting Lexa's concerned expression, and just gave her a small smile. “I'm okay, Lexa, and you know I have to do this: you'd be saying the same thing if the roles were reversed.”  
  
Lexa's lips pursed together, but she didn't argue. She knew Clarke was right: if she was the one injured, she would be just as anxious to check on her people as the blonde was now, but knowing that didn't lessen her worry. She saw the pain flash across the other girl's face, noticed how slowly she moved even with her support, and wanted nothing more than to order Clarke to get back into the bed and give her body the rest it needed. She knew Clarke though, and knew that the blonde wouldn't stop until she'd checked on her friends and people, so instead she just nodded. She watched as the blonde flashed her another smile and then turned towards the door, but stopped her before she could go much farther. When she gave Lexa a curious look, the brunette pulled her hands away just long enough so she could shrug out of her jacket. When Clarke's eyebrows rose, she allowed her gaze to drop over the blonde's torso.  
  
“Wear this,” Lexa simply told her as she handed the long jacket to the other girl. “We will find you a shirt and jacket to replace your own after we see to your people.”  
  
Clarke felt her cheeks heat up, only now aware of the fact that the shirt and cloak she'd been wearing earlier no longer covered her torso, and accepted the Commander's jacket. “Thanks,” she just said, flashing Lexa a grateful smile, and didn't argue as Lexa carefully helped her into the jacket. The moment it was zipped up, the brunette's hands returned to their light hold on Clarke's arm and back, and this time the Commander didn't try to stop her as the blonde stepped forward.  
  
For a brief moment, Clarke wondered if Lexa would pull away once they left the room, but as they stepped outside the brunette's hand on her back only shifted, careful to stay above the bandages hidden beneath the jacket but less obvious. The fingers cupping her elbow tightened their grip, and Clarke couldn't help but glance over at the other girl. Lexa now stood tall, her expression calm, but the way she held onto the blonde told Clarke how much she still worried.  
  
“Ubroukai,” she heard murmured, and Clarke felt the Commander stiffen next to her even as she turned. The blonde smiled at Jojesh as he stepped closer, bowing his head respectfully to her.  
  
“Jojesh,” she replied, giving him a small nod, and at his name he straightened up. She saw his eyes flicker over her quickly, as though trying to take stock of how she was, but she just stood tall, not letting any of her many pains show on her face. Instead she met his look, worry pulling at her brow as she asked him, “What happened? After my fight with Nia; how are our people taking the fall of their queen?”  
  
“Azgeda's queen did not fall,” Jojesh answered, his head lifting up slightly. “You defeated Nia: you are our queen.” He looked out momentarily, looking at the few buildings near them and the fewer people walking by them, before he told her, “Thirteen of those loyal to Nia are still alive and have been captured. The rest who were truly loyal died in the battle. Everyone else will follow you.”  
  
She wasn't entirely sure how much she believed that, but Clarke nodded anyway. She felt Lexa still beside her, holding onto her lightly, and leaned slightly into the hold even as she looked around her. She didn't know this part of the village, didn't recognize any of the few buildings or tents around her, but even so she was surprised that other than the three of them, no one seemed to be around.  
  
“Where is everyone?” she asked, still looking around, and Jojesh followed her gaze. “Many people volunteered to help the healers with those who were injured in the battle,” he informed her. “Others are trying to find extra food and furs for the Trikru and Skaikru.” He shrugged then, meeting her eyes as he added, “Some are afraid and are hiding in their homes. Not everyone believes that they are safe, that the Commander will not demand her justice even now that you are our queen.”  
  
“I gave your queen my word,” Lexa said, not looking at the warrior. She still stood stiffly, and when Clarke looked over she noticed the brunette clenched her jaw, her words coming out harder than the blonde knew she meant them. “The guilty will die, but the innocent have nothing to fear.”  
  
“You did,” Jojesh agreed easily, nodding once, “But even so, there are some who are still afraid. Once they see the truth of the words, they will come out of hiding.”  
  
Clarke nodded, her brow still drawn as she tried to decide the best thing for her to do. Even with how determined she was to check on everyone, she could already feel the little bit of energy she'd managed to build back up beginning to drain, and knew she wouldn't be able to move around as much as she wanted. She'd have to decide what was most important, and at the moment the people hiding weren't as important as those who were hurt. As soon as she could, she'd try to go around and assure everyone that they were safe, but for the moment she had to focus on the injured.  
  
“Where is the medical area?” she asked, looking from Jojesh to Lexa. The warrior looked unsure for a moment, but Lexa gestured to her right. “This way,” she just said, and Clarke followed her lead, the Commander not releasing her grip on her as they moved. They walked slowly, the blonde unable to move at any other speed, but neither Lexa nor Jojesh said anything about it, the big warrior following along behind them as though he were their shadow.  
  
They didn't have to go far before the number of people around began to increase. At first Clarke saw mainly Azgeda, the decorative scars along their skin and how easily they made their through the village the only real distinguishing factors to tell Clarke they were Ice Nation, but soon she saw Trikru and Skaikru warriors mingling around with them. The Azgeda citizens all seemed to step away from her, many clearly unsure what to make of this girl who was now their queen, but the Trikru all seemed to bow their heads, though Clarke couldn't say for sure if the motion was meant solely for the girl walking along beside her. Many of those they walked by had bandages wrapped around limbs or stitches sewn into their flesh to close up the wounds they'd received in battle, and Clarke couldn't help the way her heart thudded against her chest as she saw the results of the war Nia had brought down on her own people.  
  
“Clarke!” she heard, and her head whipped around in the direction the voice came from. Surprise and then relief flooded through her as she saw Callie and Nygel make their way over to them, that same relief obvious on Callie's face. The blonde's eyes scanned over the two women, taking in every detail from the bruise sprouting from Callie's chin to the way they held the other's hand, to the slight limp Nygel seemed to move with. As she scanned the second woman, her eyes widened: the moment she was close enough, she saw the long cut that ran along her right cheek and up at an angle towards her hairline. The cut had been stitched up, but whoever had worked on her had been unable to fix her completely: Clarke's eyes darted up, noticing that the tip of her ear had been sliced off. Even so, the woman just grinned at the blonde, the hand not holding Callie's gripping tighter around her spear before she leaned on it.  
  
“Glad to see you're up,” Nygel told her, and Clarke just nodded. Callie's eyes didn't stop, worriedly scanning over her before she said, “Clarke, you shouldn't be moving. Your mother said you were awake, but that you needed your rest.”  
  
“I'm okay, Callie,” the blonde assured her, trying to give her a smile. Her mother's best friend just continued to look at her worriedly, clearly not believing her, but before she could say anything else to convince her, two more people moved over to them. Shet's grin grew as he looked at her, shaking his head, while Ryder just met her eyes. Clarke saw bruises peppering both warriors, a particularly nasty looking black eye causing Shet's left eye to be practically swollen shut, but other than that neither seemed to have taken any terrible injury in the fighting.  
  
“Heda,” Ryder said, nodding to Lexa, the Commander returning the nod. He looked to Clarke then, nodding just as deeply, before saying, “Wanheda.”  
  
“Ryder,” Clarke replied with her own nod, and then she did the same for the other warrior. “Shet.”  
  
“Wanheda,” Shet said, and then his grin widened. “I am told you took down the Ice Queen in soulou gonplei.” Clarke nodded, watching as the large warrior just shook his head. “I wish I could have seen that. Though watching this one,” he gestured over to Nygel, “Was also a show. It would seem we should not arm you Sky People: you learn our weapons very quickly.”  
  
Clarke returned his grin, his mood infectious. She just shrugged, ignoring the pain the motion caused, before she informed him, “I've always been a fast learner.” His grin grew even more as he shook his head again. She looked away from him, seeing Ryder looking past her and watching Jojesh suspiciously, but didn't say anything. When she stepped forward again, Lexa still right beside her and Jojesh behind her, the other four followed as well.  
  
They made their way through the village, even more people watching her now, but this time they didn't stop again until Clarke saw a number of large tents set up, a few fires burning in front of them, and she immediately knew it was the infirmary. A couple of the tents' flaps were pulled back, people going in and out of them with supplies or to be seen to, while the others remained closed, obviously a sanctuary for those too injured to be up and about. People sat around the fires or stood around the tents, movement everywhere, and the blonde didn't quite know what to focus on first. She scanned the area, her heart beating loudly in her chest, and managed to let out a breath of relief when she recognized a number of the faces in front of her.  
  
Lincoln and Octavia crouched on one side of one of the fires, Lincoln stirring a pot of something that sat nestled in the flames. Across from them sat Bellamy, his brow furrowed as he stared into the flames, clearly only half listening at whatever was being said. Miller relaxed beside him, an easy grin on his lips, while Monty sat next to him. On Bellamy's other side sat Jasper, and the moment she saw him, Clarke's eyes widened.  
  
“Jasper?” she quietly gasped, stopping in her tracks as one hand moved to grab Lexa's arm. Images of the last time she saw him flashed across her mind, the gun clasped tightly in his hand pointing directly at the brunette behind her, and she felt her heart begin to race. “What is he doing here?”  
  
“He came with Skaikru,” Lexa answered just as quietly, her hold on Clarke's arm not changing. The blonde looked over and saw the Commander looking at him, none of the people around the fire noticing them yet. “He wanted to help save you.”  
  
“But, Jasper, he...” Clarke tried to say, the words getting stuck as she tried to get them out. “He hates Grounders.”  
  
“He does,” the brunette agreed with a simple nod. Clarke shook her head, not understanding how he had made it all this way, but it was Nygel who helped fit the pieces together.  
  
“The Commander made it very clear,” she informed the blonde, her voice also quiet but by no means soft as she shot a look at the group around the fire. “Skaikru and Trikru were to work together to get here. When he tried to pick fights, she was sure to remind him and any others who had a problem with it what would happen if they started something.”  
  
“He didn't... He didn't try to hurt anyone?” Clarke asked, eyes scanning along Lexa's face, and for a moment the Commander met them.  
  
“He did nothing that some of my own people didn't do,” she finally answered, the words clearly purposeful in their vagueness. Her eyes flickered away, and Clarke knew there was more to the story, knew that something must have happened that Lexa didn't want to talk about. For the moment, she let it drop, but made a mental note to get more information later when there weren't so many people around.  
  
Even if she'd wanted to, she wouldn't have been able to get more information in that moment. While she questioned Lexa, Bellamy looked up, and when Clarke looked back at the group she found him staring at her. She felt his eyes scanning over her, taking in not just her but the people around her, and she met his stare. After a second she watched as he shook his head, his expression breaking out into a grin.  
  
“Well it's about time,” he called out, pushing himself up from where he sat. The others around him all gave him curious looks before following his gaze, and then they were all jumping up at different speeds, their focus all immediately shifting to the blonde.  
  
“Clarke!” Octavia exclaimed, nearly running towards her the moment her feet were under her. The blonde gave Lexa's arm a squeeze and then took a step forward on her own, the Commander getting her silent message. A moment later Octavia's arms were around her shoulders, and she had to fight to keep in the groan that threatened to escape as her body protested the rough movement.  
  
“Careful,” she heard Lexa call behind her and felt her shift, but Clarke just returned the girl's hug, ignoring her pain. Even as she did, she heard more footsteps approach and then Bellamy say, “Watch it, O. You're hurting her.”  
  
“Oh shit,” Octavia muttered before pulling quickly away, guilt flashing across her face. Clarke just gave her a smile, her grip on the girl's arms tightening a bit as she told her, “You're fine, Octavia. I'm okay.”  
  
“Sure you are,” Bellamy let out in a drawl before he reached out and pulled her away from his sister. “C'mere.” Clarke stepped into his hug, feeling his arms close around her carefully, clearly more conscious of her injuries than his sister had been, but still she ignored them. Her own arms wrapped tightly around him and she smiled against his neck, feeling his own smile press against hers. When she pulled back he shook his head again, the smirk making it all the way into his eyes as he told her, “Only you could be taken by Grounders and end up as their queen.”  
  
Clarke returned his grin but didn't say anything, instead turning towards Monty. He'd stopped just beside Bellamy and when she looked at him she saw his brow pulled down, concern obvious in his expression. Her grin softened, nodding to him as she called quietly, “Monty.” The younger boy shook his head and then it was his turn to hug her, his grip even lighter than Bellamy's had been but no less desperate.  
  
“Clarke,” he murmured and then pulled away, asking quickly, “How'd you do it? Are you okay? What happened?”  
  
“Maybe we should wait to ask Clarke our questions,” Lincoln said, placing a hand on Monty's shoulder. The blonde looked up, seeing the warrior standing behind him, and met his eyes. The corners of his mouth were turned up into the smallest of smiles, but she could read his amusement in his eyes.  
  
“Right,” Monty said sheepishly, rubbing his hand along the back of his head, and Clarke gave his arm a little pat. “I'll fill you guys in later,” she promised, before she looked back up at the warrior behind him. “Lincoln,” she just said, nodding to him. Her lips pulled up a little further before she added, “I'm told you and Ryder were the ones who tracked me down.”  
  
“We had help,” Lincoln replied, giving her a small shrug. “And the symbols you left helped a lot.”  
  
“Thank you,” she murmured and he nodded, his lips pulling up a little further.  
  
Miller stepped up next, reaching out and Clarke mirrored the action, grasping his arm as he grasped hers. The smirk on his lips wasn't quite as big as Bellamy's, but she could still hear his amusement as he told her, “Bellamy's right: only you could become a Grounder queen after being captured.” Clarke just shook her head, rolling her eyes slightly at the comment, before she turned to the last person, holding back from the rest of the group just a bit. She looked at Jasper, noticing the way he was looking at the jacket she wore, various emotions playing across his face.  
  
“Jasper,” she said, not entirely sure how to act around him or how he would react to her, but his eyes just flew up to her own. They studied each other for a moment, neither saying anything, until he nodded, one corner of his mouth turning up.  
  
“Clarke,” he replied. She heard the sincerity in his voice as he added, “Glad you're okay.”  
  
“Thanks,” she told him, a little surprised. “I am.” He just nodded again, not trying to move any closer but also not moving any further away from her or the Grounders around her.  
  
She didn't have time to think about him or this slight change in his behavior; before she could do or say anything else, two voices broke through the air and she felt her lips pull up into a large smile. Turning, that smile only grew as Reese and Thom ran towards her, tears already running down their cheeks even as smiles practically split their faces in two. She shifted to kneel down but stopped herself when her body screamed at her, and instead just held her arms out to them.  
  
Lexa saw the two children coming, and her eyes widened. She thought of the way they always just ran into her before wrapping their arms tightly around her, and anxiety over the thought of them doing so with Clarke's injuries spread through her. Before they could, she stepped forward, placing herself between them and the blonde, and both kids came to an abrupt stop right in front of her, looking up at her curiously.  
  
“Gentle,” she insisted, looking back and forth between the two kids. “Clarke is injured: you need to be gentle.” They both nodded solemnly and Lexa held their eyes for another moment before she stepped back. As soon as she was out of their way, they both moved forward slowly, and Lexa watched as Thom very carefully wrapped his arms around one of Clarke's legs and Reese carefully wrapped her own around the blonde's waist.  
  
Clarke wasn't as concerned for herself as Lexa was: the moment she felt them against her, she had her arms around them, holding them close. Her heart raced in her chest, both thrilled to be with them again and terrified of the fact they'd made the journey to her, and she felt her own tears building in the corners of her eyes. She ignored it as one slipped free, running down her cheek, and just held them both tighter.  
  
“I missed you guys,” she murmured, wishing she could easily kneel down and really wrap her arms around them. “So much.”  
  
“We missed you too,” she heard Reese say, her face nearly pressing against her side but held just away from it. Thom nodded frantically, his head rubbing lightly along her leg as he did, and she felt his grip on her pants tighten. “I was scared,” he admitted, looking up at her, eyes wide, and Clarke ran her fingers through his mop of curly hair.  
  
“I was a little scared too,” she told him, and then gave him a little smile. “But I'm alright, and so are the both of you.” She raised her eyebrow at him, before moving and running a careful finger over the bump on the side of his head and along the cut parting one of his eyebrows. “Except for this. What happened here?” He grinned up sheepishly, wiping the wet trails from his cheeks before telling her, “I'm not a very fast warrior. But it's okay, cause Taigon's teaching me to be a healer instead!”  
  
“I am,” Clarke heard, and she looked up to see Lexa's brother approaching, Raven walking beside him. A relieved grin rested on the other girl's face, her eyebrows rising as the blonde looked up at them, and a small smile pulled at the healer's lips as well. His eyes trailed momentarily down to the two kids still holding on to her before meeting Clarke's eyes once again. “He's a fast learner. He probably knows enough already to know that you should not be up.”  
  
“You shouldn't be?” Thom asked, finally pulling away, Reese following just a second later. Both looked at her worriedly, clearly now seeing the few smaller bruises littering her face she'd received over the past many days and the way she stood stiffly, unable to move very much.  
  
“I'm okay,” she assured them, giving them a small smile, and looked up again when she heard someone let out a little snort.  
  
“Yeah, sure you are,” Raven scoffed, crossing her arms in front of her as she leaned heavily to one side. Her eyebrows pushed up even further, meeting the blonde's eyes as she added, “I bet you're feeling just fantastic. Tell you what, why don't you and I race, and I bet I'll beat ya.”  
  
Clarke grinned, raising her own brow to mirror the other girl's, before she replied, “You could beat me on my best day though, how's that fair?”  
  
“Damn right I could,” Raven agreed, and then closed the space between them, pulling Clarke in for a firm hug. The blonde returned the hold, her eyes closing as she held tightly to the other girl. “It's a good thing you're okay, or I'd have to kick your ass,” she heard the brunette murmur against her, and Clarke's grin only grew as she held tighter to the other girl, hearing the obvious emotion in Raven's voice. “I would have understood,” she replied, “But I'm glad you didn't have to.”  
  
Raven held on to her for another moment before pulling back and stepping away. The moment she did, Clarke looked up at Taigon and her smile softened a little.  
  
“Thanks for helping me, Taigon,” she told him. His hands clenched into fists even as he smiled easily at her, and she could practically read how much he wanted to hug her, but he held himself back. Instead he just shook his head, telling her, “I think it is all of us who should be thanking you, Clarke. You are the one who ended a war.” The blonde just shrugged, unsure of what to say, but Raven just let out another scoff.  
  
“Yeah, that's right,” she pointed out, the side of her mouth pulling up into a large grin, “Our Princess is a princess no more; long live the queen.” Clarke rolled her eyes even as a few of those around her echoed the chant, but didn't fight it when she felt herself grin.  
  
For a few more minutes the large group just stood around, Clarke catching up with her friends and making sure they were all as okay as they looked while they did the same with her, until the blonde felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned, lifting an eyebrow at Lexa, but didn't have to ask to see what she wanted: the moment she turned, she knew. Her expression changed immediately, her smile falling away, and her friends all went quiet as they noticed the shift in her expression.  
  
A few dozen people stood back, defined space between them and the group around Clarke, but none of them so much as glanced at either the Sky People or the Commander beside her. All of their eyes were on Clarke, some looking at her with calculating gazes, others clearly unsure what exactly to make of her. The blonde looked back, meeting each of their eyes, until she froze, recognizing the four standing front and center. Echo stood calmly, her posture perfectly relaxed, the two people standing with her trying to appear just as relaxed. The woman shifted, repositioning the toddler in her arms as he moved, his focus on the toy in his hands.  
  
Images flashed through Clarke's mind. They hadn't been the ones she was really paying attention to at the time, but even so she knew she'd never forget. The woman's sobbing, her voice broken as she cried for her daughter and clung to her grandson. The man fighting with every bit of strength he possessed, trying so desperately to get out of his niece's hold and run to his daughter's rescue. Both breaking in front of the woman who had sentenced their child to death as they were forced to watch the flames dance along Nadia's flesh. Screams, screams of agony, of fear and desperation, screams of revenge and absolute hatred that had torn from her own throat, echoed inside her head, and Clarke felt her throat begin to burn as she remembered what had happened to their daughter, to the person who had tried so hard to help her.  
  
Slowly, no longer able to think about anything else, Clarke walked towards them, closing the distance between them. She heard footsteps follow her and then saw the person out of the corner of her eye, but didn't look over as Jojesh moved with her towards their people. She stopped in front of his parents, barely more than a foot of space between them, and she just looked at them and let them look at her.  
  
“I'm sorry,” she finally whispered, her voice breaking. Tears slipped out of the corners of her eyes, rolling easily down her cheeks, as she met their eyes. “I'm just... I'm so sorry.”  
  
She didn't know if they understood the words or the emotions behind them, but they both just nodded. The mother's lips trembled, her own pain barely manageable, but she met Clarke's eyes, her expression strong. The father slipped an arm around his wife's shoulders, his jaw clenched, and just stood straighter.  
  
“ _Nodia said you were strong, that you would save us,_ ” he said, Jojesh translating his words as he said them. Clarke didn't look away from him, didn't take her eyes off of him. “ _She was right._ ”  
  
“ _Nodia was strong,_ ” Clarke replied, managing to keep her voice from breaking. A few eyes widened, surprised by her use of their language, even if it was rough. “ _She was the strongest person I've ever known: I will spend my life trying to be worthy of what she did._ ”  
  
She noticed him swallow thickly, saw the way his jaw began to tremble, but didn't look away as he just nodded. She returned the nod, and then looked over as the woman shifted again. She seemed to hesitate, as though thinking something over, and then she reached out, holding Sef out in front of her. The toddler was still too focused on his toy to notice what was going on around him, but Clarke felt her eyes begin to water again. This time she fought against it, forced the tears back down, before she reached out. Very carefully she took the little boy in her arms, cradling him against her body. The extra weight, even as little as it was, pulled at her muscles, causing her torso to ache, but she didn't let the hurt stop her. She held tightly to the little guy, letting her eyes fall down to him.  
  
The exchange finally pulled the boy's focus away from this toy, and when Clarke looked down, she found a set of small eyes peering up at her curiously. She had to swallow, fighting down the emotion that threatened to swallow her up when she met them. She hadn't realize she'd known Nadia long enough to recognize her eyes, but when she looked into Sef's, she saw his mother's gaze reflecting back at her. Her grip on him tightened subconsciously, and after a moment his little mouth curled up into a smile. Without needing to think about it, her lips mirrored the movement, giving him a small smile in return.  
  
“Hei, Sef,” she murmured, her voice soft. “Ai laik Klark. Yun nomon's lukot.” The words turned his small smile into a wide beam, his eyes crinkling closed. The toy dropped from his hand, falling to the ground, and one fist tangled into her hair, the other moving to her chin. “Kirk!” he exclaimed, eyes bright as he looked up at her. “Kirk!” At the attempt at her name, a wet laugh bubbled up from her chest, and Clarke didn't try to hold it back.  
  
The peace of the moment shattered only a few seconds later when loud yelling broke through the quiet that surrounded them. Clarke's grip on Sef tightened, her expression hardening as she recognized the voice, and she held the toddler closer to her as she turned back around. Her friends, each of them hanging back when she stepped towards the group of assembled Azgeda, all stepped back as a flap to one of the tents behind them was tossed open and two warriors wrestled a third person out of it. Clarke watched as Maloch thrashed in his captors' grips, his feet kicking and body flailing as they dragged him out of the tent. For the briefest of moments she let her eyes drop, quickly taking in the bandage wrapped tightly around the stump his left arm now ended in, but didn't let her surprise show. She looked back up, her eyes meeting his, and the moment they did he began flinging curses at her.  
  
“ _You bitch!_ ” he screeched, once again thrashing against the hands on him. He tugged desperately, trying to get free so he could run at her, as he screamed, “ _You Sky bitch! I'll kill you! I'll kill all of you! You and your Commander whore, I'll kill both of you!_ ”  
  
Three sets of feet moved at once. Lexa stepped forward, placing herself between the raging warrior and Clarke, lifting her head higher as she stared him down. Ryder followed along behind her, already pulling his sword from the sheathe along his back, clearly prepared to step in if the man got loose. Shet didn't wait for an order or for him to break free: the moment the man's words turned against Clarke and Lexa, he stormed over to him, not saying a word or uttering a sound. Clarke had always thought Maloch was big: Shet was bigger. The moment he'd closed the distance between them, his fist lashed out, pounding into the screaming man's gut. Maloch doubled over, the hands on him the only things keeping him up, until Shet had circled around him. Behind him, a heavily muscled arm snaked its way around the Ice warrior's throat, clenching tightly around it and forcing his head back up. Clarke heard Maloch let out a few gurgling noises, clearly barely able to breathe, and just watched as the man who had tormented her for so long was held in place.  
  
“Take him back to the other prisoner's,” Lexa ordered, her tone perfectly even as she leveled a controlled look at the struggling man. “He will await his death with the rest of the traitors.” Her eyes trailed over him momentarily, as though she were deciding something, and then she added, “Gag him: we have all heard enough from him.”  
  
Shet nodded once before he drew his knife. He cut away a long strip from the captive's shirt and then roughly tied it around his head so that the fabric pressed harshly between his lips. The moment he was done, the man reached out and shoved the warrior forward. Maloch stumbled, and Clarke watched as the three warriors led him away.  
  
Her attention caught on the Ice warrior, Clarke didn't notice anyone else step out of the tent, but Abby's gaze went straight to her daughter the moment the warriors moved out of her way.  
  
“Clarke!” she exclaimed, fear-fueled anger coloring her tone. She moved quickly over to her daughter, one hand moving to her hip, her eyes trailing over the blonde. When she stopped, Clarke met her eyes, nearly letting out a sigh as her mother demanded, “What are you doing? You are supposed to be resting!”  
  
“I needed to make sure everyone was okay, Mom,” Clarke replied, trying to keep her tone perfectly even. She knew it didn't work, knew her mother could read how tired she was and how her muscles had began to protest every move she made, but she just met the older woman's glare.  
  
“No, what you need to do is take care of yourself,” Abby insisted, her lips pursing as she read the exhaustion creeping into her daughter's face. “Your body's already been through more than any ever should be: if you keep pushing yourself like this you're going to cause permanent damage!”  
  
Clarke opened her mouth to argue, but stopped when she heard another voice. She turned, finding Nadia's mother looking at her, and the woman kept speaking.  
  
“She says you should listen to your mother,” Lexa translated, moving closer to the blonde. The translation was as much for Abby as it was for Clarke, even more so, and she continued as blue eyes turned to her. “She says a mother always knows what is best for her child, even more so when that mother is a healer.” She lifted her eyebrows, trying to keep her expression relaxed as she told the blonde, “I agree with them both: you need to get back to bed, Clarke. Your body needs to rest.”  
  
“Kirk!” Sef exclaimed again, piping up and clearly putting in his two cents. Clarke looked down at him, her lips quirking up, before she finally nodded.  
  
“Alright,” she admitted, looking between her mother, Nadia's mother, and Lexa. “You're right.” Turning back to the Azgeda woman, she stepped towards her, carefully handing Sef back to her. Meeting another set of eyes remarkably similar to Nadia's, Clarke murmured, “Mochof.”  
  
“Sha, Ubroukai,” the woman replied, pulling the little boy back against her. She met blue eyes before bowing her head just slightly. “Ai kwin.” The young leader returned the woman's nod, and then watched as she and the other Azgeda members began to break up, filing back into tents or buildings, or moving to help with the medical area.  
  
The moment her people began to disperse, Clarke turned back around, meeting her mother's look. A single eyebrow rose, her hand still propped up against her hip as Abby asked her, “Can I trust that you'll let Lexa take you back, and that you'll actually stay in bed this time?” She let out a loud sigh, rolling her eyes even as a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.  
  
“Yes Mom,” she just said, and when her mother's eyebrow only lifted higher, she sighed again. “I promise.”  
  
“She will get the rest she needs, Abby,” Lexa assured the Chancellor, not looking away from the mother as Clarke turned to give her a look. “I will make sure of it.”  
  
“Alright then,” Abby agreed, giving the brunette a brisk nod. She shot another look at her daughter, telling her, “Rest, Clarke. I'll be by in a little while to make sure you are,” and then turned around, making her way back towards the tents.  
  
Lexa's hands immediately fell back to Clarke's arm and back, just as they had been as they made their way to the infirmary, but her gaze shifted to Ryder.  
  
“Ryder,” she said, the warrior immediately standing straighter and turning to her. “You will come with us and stand watch with Jojesh.”  
  
The big warrior's eyes flickered to the Ice warrior, giving the man a slow once over, expression still suspicious, before he nodded. “Sha, Heda,” he agreed, and then fell in step behind them as Lexa turned and began to lead them back in the direction they'd come from. Jojesh followed as well, a shadow behind his queen, and Clarke shot him a thankful smile before turning back to the Commander.  
  
“Since when are you and my mother on first name terms?” she asked, raising an eyebrow, and when Lexa saw it, she had to keep herself from grinning as she realized how much the other girl suddenly looked like her mother.  
  
“The Chancellor and I understand each other,” she merely replied, eyes flickering forward once again. “That is all.”  
  
“Mmhm,” Clarke just said, clearly not believing her, but she didn't dig any further. They walked quietly for a few minutes, silence settling between them, before the blonde asked quietly, “Lexa?”  
  
“Clarke,” the Commander said, sensing a shift in the blonde's mood. When she looked over, she could tell the other girl was fighting to control her expression.  
  
“When is the Traitors' Ceremony going to happen?” she finally got out quietly, her tone even. She saw Lexa's head lift a little higher, something flashing briefly across her face, before she answered just as quietly, “Whenever you are ready for it. You are the queen.” Clarke just nodded, staring off ahead of her.  
  
The quiet grew between them once again, only the sounds of the village breaking through it. Clarke didn't ask anymore questions, and Lexa didn't push her to, the two just holding onto the other as they walked. They reached the healer's hut and Jojesh and Ryder moved to either side of the door, neither saying anything as they took up their positions. Lexa pushed the door open, leading the way inside, and let it fall shut behind them. Making her way over to the bed, Clarke grimaced as she laid back down, every part of her body screaming at her, but reached out and took the brunette's hand when she sat in the chair next to her bed. Lexa returned her grip, leaning forward just so she could be closer to the blonde, and watched as the other girl closed her eyes.  
  
“Tomorrow,” Clarke whispered, finally breaking the silence. Eyes opening again, she looked over at Lexa. “I want to get it over with.”  
  
“Tomorrow,” Lexa agreed, brushing her thumb gently along the back of the blonde's hand. “I will let our people know tonight. Now sleep, Clarke: you will need your energy.”  
  
Clarke nodded, letting her eyes fall closed once again even as her grip on Lexa's hand tightened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad everyone seemed to like the last chapter so much! Clearly we all were just incredibly happy to have our girls back together again. ;) Although not quite as lovey, I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter too!
> 
> Trigedasleng Translation:
> 
> "Hei Sef. Ai laik Klark. Yun nomon's lukot." - "Hi Sef. I am Clarke. Your mother's friend."


	44. Chapter 44

Stifling a grunt, Clarke carefully pulled the shirt on over her head, doing her best to ignore the pull she felt along her muscles. As soon as the shirt was on, she grabbed the jacket lying on the bed and shrugged it over her shoulders, ignoring the part of her that wished she could still wear Lexa's. The Commander needed it though, needed to look the part she had to play for all of her people, so Clarke pushed that wish aside as she buckled the many clasps on the jacket's front. The simple actions took longer than she wanted, her injured fingers slowing down the process, but finally she let her hands drop, the final buckle securely in place. As they dropped, her fingers brushed against the knife already sheathed at her belt. It was the same knifed she'd used to kill Nia, and for a brief moment she flashed back to that moment, feeling the blood coating her fingers as the Ice Queen went still beneath her.  
  
Shaking her head, the blonde forced the memory away. She'd have plenty of time in the coming weeks to think over what she'd had to do, but at the moment she needed to focus on what still needed to be done. Her eyes dropped to the sword lying on the bed, its steel blade hidden away in its case, and she just lifted her head higher as she reached forward, her fingers closing around the strap attached to it. She pulled against it, drawing the blade closer to her, and carefully tied it around her waist, knowing her back wouldn't be able to take the extra weight for at least another week. When she stepped back, the blade followed her, sliding off of the furs and falling to her side, hanging opposite her knife. For just a second, her palm pressed against the handle of the sword, her fingers slowly closing around it, and Clarke tried to use the weapon to ground herself, to try to control the way her heart beat roughly in her chest. It didn't work; the feel of the cold handle warming up beneath her palm only made her heart beat faster, and finally she just shook her head, releasing her grip. Quickly she made her way to the other side of the room, grabbing the cup of tea her mother had left for her, and downed its contents. The herbs in the drink tasted like dust on her tongue, the tea doing nothing to ease the tightness she felt in her throat, but she knew its only purpose was to help her with the pain while she forced herself through the next few hours.  
  
As soon as the cup was empty, Clarke set it back down on the table and then turned, forcing herself to take the necessary steps towards the door. As she opened it, she tried to wipe away any traces of her nerves from her expression, and then stepped out into the morning.  
  
“Ubroukai,” Jojesh greeted with a bow of his head, turning towards her the moment she emerged from her room. She returned the motion, unable to force a smile as she replied, “Jojesh.” Knowing she couldn't put it off, she ordered, “Find some other warriors and then go get the prisoners: it's time.” The warrior nodded, standing straighter, and then turned to do as she said.  
  
Clarke watched him walk away, her heart unable to quiet its furious beating, looking away only when he disappeared from sight. She wanted to go back inside and curl up on her bed, wanted to hide away from what was about to happen, but knew that she couldn't. Instead she turned in the opposite direction of her warrior, and began calmly making her way through the village. She walked slowly, every step causing some part of her to hurt, but the tea had already begun to kick in, masking the pain for the moment. As she moved, others stopped what they were doing to look at her, many giving her nods or nervous glances, and for a moment she wondered if Lexa felt like she was on display wherever she went too. Instead of saying anything, she just met every look turned to her, giving whoever it was a nod or a small smile, and continued heading towards the edge of the village.  
  
Reaching the medical area, a real smile finally pulled at her lips when she saw Reese and Thom standing beside one of the fires. Callie stood with them, watching carefully as Reese stirred a pot of something hanging over the flames, one hand resting on Thom's shoulder. She seemed to be saying something to them, but when Thom looked up, any attention he'd been giving her shifted completely.  
  
“Clarke!” he shouted, beaming as he looked at the blonde. One arm shot up, waving frantically as he called to her. His shout made both Reese and Callie look towards her, and Clarke's smile grew as she simply waved back.  
  
“Hey Thom,” the blonde greeted as she made her way over to them. Shifting her gaze to Reese she nodded, saying, “Reese.” Looking back at the pot over the fire, she asked them, “What are you guys doing?”  
  
“We're making soup,” Reese answered, flashing her a grin. “For everybody who's still injured. Taigon asked us to, and Callie's helping.”  
  
“Yeah, but Reese is hogging the spoon,” Thom said, sticking his tongue out at the girl. Reese just rolled her eyes as she continued stirring, and Clarke had to force down the smile that threatened to split her face.  
  
“Thom, you got to stir earlier, and now it's Reese's turn,” Callie reminded him, giving him a patient smile, even as the little boy just let out a loud sigh.  
  
“Yeah Thom,” Reese told him, and when he stuck his tongue out again at her she just returned the gesture.  
  
“Well I'm sure the soup is going to be delicious,” Clarke informed them, breaking in before any kind of argument could really begin. “And I know Taigon and the other healers appreciate your help.” Reese's chest puffed out a little further, her back straightening, and Thom just grinned. The blonde returned the smile, before looking up at Callie, telling them, “But do you mind if I talk to Callie for a second?” They both just shook their head, returning their focus to the soup in front of them, and Clarke and the older woman moved a few steps away so that they wouldn't be overheard.  
  
Looking up at Callie again, Clarke told her quietly, “Thanks again for watching them, Callie.” The woman who'd always been like an aunt to her just nodded, replying, “It's not a problem, Clarke. I didn't particularly care to go to the Traitors' Ceremony anyway, and this gives me a reason not to.”  
  
Clarke nodded, her smile slipping away slightly. She'd already talked to both Callie and the children, and as much as Reese hadn't liked it, she'd agreed. The blonde knew she wanted to be a warrior, but Clarke wasn't ready for her to watch what would be happening. When she'd told the girl that she wanted her to stay with Thom because he was too young to witness this, she had begrudgingly agreed to stay back with him, and Callie had happily agreed to keep an eye on them both during the ceremony. Clarke wished with every fiber of her being that she could just stay with them, but knew she didn't have the choice to miss it.  
  
Footsteps broke Clarke out of her thoughts, and she looked up to see Bellamy, Raven, Octavia and Lincoln walking over. None of them were smiling, clearly all thinking about what was about to happen, but Bellamy met her eyes, giving her a nod.  
  
“Hey Clarke,” he just said, and then took a quick look around. Turning back to her, one of his eyebrows rose as he asked, “Where's the Commander?”  
  
“She had to go talk to Indra and a few of her other warriors,” the blonde answered. “They had to go over a few things before... before we get started.” Bellamy just nodded again, his lips pursing, but didn't say anything else.  
  
“So...” Raven began, shifting slightly. Her eyes flickered over to Clarke, and the other girl could see the hesitation in her expression as she asked, “When exactly will we be getting this thing started?”  
  
“Soon,” Clarke replied, her tone quiet but forceful. “I just told Jojesh to start gathering up the prisoners.” Raven nodded, her jaw clenching, and then she gave a little shrug. “Better be getting over there, then,” she said, and the others all agreed. Clarke looked back at Callie and the kids, giving them as much of a smile as she could manage, and then turned along with her friends.  
  
They began walking, but before they got very far Clarke heard another pair of footsteps following them, and turned to see Taigon walking towards them, the flap of the tent he'd just emerged from swinging slightly as it fell shut behind him. She slowed down, letting her friends get in front of her while the healer caught up with her. As soon as he was even with her, she began forward again, remaining quiet as they walked behind the others.  
  
For a few minutes she studied Taigon out of the corner of her eye. He walked with his head up, but his lips were pursed, his brow drawn, and Clarke could tell that something was wrong.  
  
“What is it?” she asked softly, her words too quiet for her friends in front of them to hear. She met his eyes when they flickered down to her before turning frontwards again, and watched him as he continued to walk quietly beside her.  
  
“I am worried,” he finally answered, his tone equally as quiet. “This is not going to be easy for Lexa.”  
  
“I know,” Clarke nearly whispered, a lump forming in the back of her throat. As much as she hated what they needed to do, she hated more that Lexa had to be apart of it.  
  
“She would not say anything, but I know what she must be thinking,” he continued, still staring forward. “Costia was her first love, and I know she still cares for her. That this is what has to happen...”  
  
“She can't show her special treatment,” Clarke reminded him, the words hurting her as much as she knew they hurt him. “Costia turned against her, helped Nia plan her rebellion, just like the others that were captured: if Lexa doesn't give her the same punishment, for all we know another rebellion could start. She doesn't have any choice.”  
  
“I know,” Taigon agreed, his voice hard as he tried to keep his emotions in check. “And so does she, which is why Costia will suffer the same fate today as the rest of them. But that does not mean that Lexa will easily be able to live with herself for what she must do. She barely survived the first time, when she believed her enemy had killed her love; I do not know how she will handle it, having to kill her herself.”  
  
Clarke's heart clenched at the words, at just the thought at what this was going to do to Lexa, but she didn't have time to respond. Her friends stopped a few feet in front of her, and she looked up, finding a number of people milling around. They stood at the very edge of the forest, an uneven line of trees in front of them, thick cords already twisted around thirteen of them. In front of the trees stood a mixture of Azgeda, Trikru and Skaikru, the Trikru and Skaikru mixed here and there with the Azgeda members standing off to the side. Warriors, healers and villagers alike all stood around, barely more than quiet murmurings breaking through the gathered crowd. Even as she stood there more people arrived, moving into the crowd, and Clarke had to hold her head up higher as many of those gathered turned to look at her. She found faces she knew well, friends who had traveled from Arkadia to rescue her, as well as faces of those who weren't necessarily friends yet, but people who she knew and respected, such as Ryder and Nygel, the two standing beside each other. In the group of gathered Ice Nation villagers, there were a few faces here and there that she recognized though didn't necessarily know well, and all of them turned to look at her. Standing towards the front of the assembled crowd she found Nadia's mother and father, their faces drawn as they turned from the trees in front of them to look at her, and she felt the burning in her throat grow. Sef at least wasn't there, his grandparents clearly thinking that the toddler had no place here, and for that Clarke was grateful.  
  
The blonde continued forward, moving in front of her friends with Taigon still beside her, and led the way through the growing crowd. Those in her way moved without her saying anything, a path immediately clearing in front of her, until Clarke made her way to the edge of it, closest to the trees. Breaking through, she found Lexa and Indra already standing away from the crowd, one of the chief's hands resting casually on the hilt of her blade as she slowly scanned the crowd. Clarke barely looked at her, her eyes immediately moving over to Lexa. The Commander stood with her back ramrod straight, her chin tilted high and her hands folded behind her back. Her sword hung just over her right shoulder, its grip visible behind her, while her red sash hung regally from her left shoulder. She wore her battle armor, the pauldron resting along her shoulder and war paint freshly spread across her face, every detail about her making it seem like she were about to walk into another battle. Her expression remained calm, controlled, but for the brief moment Clarke met her eyes, she could read the emotions raging inside she knew the brunette was trying so hard to lock away.  
  
Clarke hadn't seen her since she woke up earlier that morning. She'd slept through the night, fitfully at times, but when she woke up, Lexa had been right there beside her, sitting in the same spot she'd been in when Clarke had fallen asleep. She'd already been awake, and when Clarke had given her a small smile, the one Lexa returned had been forced. The younger leader knew why, understood that she must already have been thinking about what was going to happen, and it hadn't been long after Clarke woke up that the brunette had excused herself, telling the blonde she needed to go speak with Indra. Now that she was seeing Lexa again, all Clarke wanted to do was go over and hold her, try desperately to comfort her and get her mind off of everything going on around them, but Clarke could easily see from the way Lexa stood that the gesture wouldn't be welcomed. She could see from the stiffness in her posture how hard the Commander was fighting to keep herself together, and she knew anything she might do to try to help could only end up breaking the control Lexa managed to keep.  
  
Taigon didn't seem as concerned about giving his sister space; the moment he saw her, he squeezed Clarke's arm lightly and then made his way over to her. He didn't try to hug her, didn't touch her, didn't even try to speak with her, instead just moving to stand beside her, but it was more than Clarke could do. She wanted to go over also, but her feet remained rooted where she stood, her legs suddenly unable to move. She felt dizzy almost, her heart racing wildly in her chest, and she had to force herself to take a number of deep, even breaths to calm herself down.  
  
Almost as soon as she felt like her nerves might be about to calm down, she saw the crowd part out of the corner of her eye, and turned to watch as Jojesh led the way down the pathway that had been cleared. In one hand he carried a rope, its other end pulled taut behind him, and Clarke and the rest of the people gathered watched as the thirteen prisoners trailed along after him. Their hands were all bound in front of them, the rope Jojesh held tied to their bound wrists, and only a couple feet of space remained between each of them. Many of them seemed to have fresh bruises along their faces, black eyes or split lips that looked as though they'd just received them, and Clarke knew they must have tried to fight back when Jojesh and his other warriors went to get them. Those other warriors trailed along beside them, their focus sharp and looking for any sign of problems, often stepping up and pushing one of the prisoners back in line when they tried to get away. Echo walked along the side with them, her eyes on the prisoners until she passed by Clarke. As she did, her gaze flickered momentarily up, giving her queen a nod, and Clarke returned it. The blonde watched as the line of traitors walked by, many of them glaring at her as they passed, and only held her head up higher.  
  
The last three on the line were the hardest for her to look at. Walsh walked forward with his head held up, looking nowhere but in front of him, nothing about his expression even remotely telling her that he regretted what he had done. Costia followed behind him, and Clarke had to clench her jaw when she saw her, easily dwarfed walking between two warriors. She also held her head up, but her gaze scanned around her, trying to take in everything at once. For a moment, she met Clarke's eyes, and the blonde thought she saw something flash across the girl's face, but before she could try to decipher what it might be, Costia was already looking past her, and when her eyes froze, Clarke knew she was looking at Lexa. She didn't turn around, didn't want to see the mask Lexa would have forced on in order to meet the eyes of her previous love, and just kept watching as the prisoners were led by her. Bringing up the rear just behind Costia, Maloch fought, yanking against the ropes binding his elbows and forearms together. The fingers he still had clenched and unclenched, clearly trying to find purchase, to find some kind of weapon he could use to his advantage, but he found none. A gag still pressed against his lips, quieting the growls and curses she knew he was trying to yell, and she just watched as he was forced forward. His head thrashed, never stopping in its movement, until he saw her. The moment he did, his fighting only doubled, desperately throwing himself to the side, trying to get to the blonde. Clarke just stood still, not moving or lowering her head as he tried to get at her, meeting his eyes as the curses he tried to get out increased in speed and volume. Two hands grabbed him by the back of his shirt, dragging him back in line roughly, pulling tight enough on the material that it pressed against his trachea, and Clarke watched with a kind of satisfaction as his face began to turn red.  
  
“That is no way to treat your queen,” Shet growled behind him, tightening his grip on the shirt momentarily, even as he pushed against the other warrior to force him forward again. The larger warrior met the blonde's eyes, giving her a nod and a small grin over the prisoner's shoulder, and Clarke returned the motion before Maloch stumbled away from her, following the rest of the prisoners as they were led to the trees waiting for them.  
  
Jojesh stopped at the nearest tree, another warrior moving over to him, and together they cut the first prisoner from the line. They forced his back against the tree, lifting his arms above his head and bound them tightly against the bark. When they stepped back, the man tugged against the rope, trying to pull away, but it remained tight, holding him securely in place.  
  
They moved down the line of trees, binding a traitor to each as they went. Some tried to fight against them, desperately trying to get away, while others just let themselves be moved, clearly resigning themselves to their fate. Walsh and Costia both moved easily, not putting up any kind of resistance as their arms were lifted over their heads and tied to the trees, but it took three warriors to bind Maloch to his, two of the warriors forcing his arms behind him and tying a rope to his elbows while Shet held him in place. The moment he was securely in place, thrashing against the tree, each of the warriors stepped back, melting back into the crowd. Jojesh and Echo moved to stand just behind Clarke, Shet walking over to stand behind Lexa even as he continued to watch Maloch, the others all ranging themselves among their people.  
  
As the warriors stepped back, Lexa stepped forward until she stood apart from the crowd, standing alone in the space between traitors and those assembled. She looked at the line of traitors for a moment, letting her eyes scan over them all, and Clarke noticed that she could only look at Costia for a moment before she had to look away. As soon as she'd finished, the Commander turned to the crowd, letting her eyes scan over them just as she'd scanned over those bound to the trees.  
  
“ _Woods Clan,_ ” she suddenly called out, her voice ringing over the crowd, and everyone before her immediately went silent. “ _Ice Nation. Sky People; we all know why we are here today. Naia turned against the Coalition, captured the leader of the Sky People, and tried to start a war. She was defeated, but some of her followers still live. Today we show them what happens to those who turn against our laws; today we remind every nation, every clan, what happens when they try to start a war against us. Those lined up before us will serve as the reminder of how powerful we are._ ” She turned then, once again looking at those bound to the trees, and let her eyes roam over them before she called out, “ _Death by a Thousand Cuts;_ jus drein, jus daun.”  
  
“Jus drein, just daun,” the entire crowd echoed behind her, some saying it loud and proud, others whispering the words. For a moment no one moved, waiting for the Commander to begin, but then Lexa turned, and when she did she looked straight at Clarke. The blonde saw the apology hidden behind her mask, felt it even if she didn't hear it in the words as Lexa nodded to her, telling her, “ _Queen Klark: the first cut to each of them is yours._ ”  
  
Clarke forced herself to keep her head up high, nodding stiffly, before she stepped forward. She felt her palm get clammy even as little beads of perspiration began to form along her hairline, but she ignored it. Walking slowly, she moved to the far side of the line of warriors, stopping in front of a man she didn't know. He looked familiar, but wasn't anyone she could immediately recognize, even as he looked down at her. She noticed his arms trembling above him, but he just stared down at her, clearly trying to hide his fear. She didn't hate him, didn't even know him, but even so her fingers curled around the hilt of her knife, carefully pulling it away from her belt. The blade felt heavy in her hand, far heavier than she knew it was, and she had to tighten her fingers around it to keep her hand from visibly shaking. Maintaining eye contact, she reached up, and then she felt her knife glide along the man's chest, the shirt he wore parting against the blade just as his skin did, and almost immediately bright red flowed from the wound, dying the shirt.  
  
She stepped back, still unable to look away from the man's face, and then Jojesh was up beside her. He didn't take any time; knife already in hand, he drew it along the traitor's shoulder, another line opening up and red flowing out of it. Her warrior walked back to the crowd with her, a silent shadow behind her, and as they moved a line of people moved up to the warrior, one person at a time using their own knives to open a new piece of flesh.  
  
There weren't a thousand people there, not by a long shot, but even so, by the time people stopped moving forward, Clarke couldn't see a spot along the man's torso or arms that hadn't been dyed red. Gashes even bled along his thighs, people moving to those when his upper half had been carved to shreds. For the first few slices the man had managed to be quiet, holding in any cries of pain, but before long his screams tore through the air, chilling Clarke to the bone even as she forced herself to watch.  
  
Finally the line in front of him dwindled, the last person skimming their blade across the man's side, and as they walked back to blend into the crowd, Lexa stepped forward. She walked slowly, purposefully towards the man, her shoulders squared and chin out as she met his look, her eyes not trailing down to look at the dozens and probably even hundreds of marks now drawn along his skin. She stopped in front of him, holding his gaze for a moment, before she reached up, easily drawing her sword from its sheathe along her back. The gentle slide of the metal against its case could be heard throughout the entire crowd, not a single person so much as breathing heavily, and then the Commander shifted, turning her blade sideways as she shifted so that the flat side rested against her left arm.  
  
“Yu gonplei ste odon,” Clarke heard her say, her voice completely controlled, and then she pushed the sword forward, its tip disappearing into the man's stomach. He let out a small cry, and then Clarke watched as his head fell forward, all life finally fleeing from his body. Slowly Lexa drew her sword back, half of it now glistening with blood as the sun's light reflected off of it, and then she let it carefully fall to her side. She turned, met Clarke's eyes, and nodded. Her fingers clenching tightly against her dagger, Clarke stepped forward once again, moving to the next person in line.  
  
For over an hour they continued, Clarke stepping up to each traitor in turn and beginning again, her knife dragging along their skin as she began the ceremony over and over. She would step back, and then Jojesh would step forward, and then an entire line of people would follow, leaving their own marks against the person's body.  
  
Not everyone marked every traitor, she noticed. Some did, Azgeda and Trikru alike stepping forward and slashing into the traitors' skin, but others only participated in some of the traitors' deaths. A person who stepped forward for the previous person might not move forward for the next, and every now and then Clarke heard sniffles or sobs, broken noises coming from the loved ones watching in the crowd as someone they cared for tried to stand up against every sting of the knife. Every time the line in front of the prisoner thinned, Lexa would step forward, position her sword, and then whisper the words as she pushed her blade forward, and then the process would start again.  
  
The tenth warrior died, Lexa's sword slowly exiting from her gut, and Clarke stepped up to Walsh. Everyone before this she'd barely known, hadn't known at all, in some cases, and only now did she find herself staring at a person she actually recognized, actually knew. Walsh looked down at her, his expression still blank, still not showing even a hint of regret, and the blonde felt the lump in her throat grow. Dueling emotions battled within her, fury at him for betraying Lexa mixing with guilt and anxiety at knowing that she had to be the one to begin the process of his drawn out death, and those emotions only made the trembling in her hand increase. She forced herself to take a deep breath, forced her hand to still, and then lifted the knife. Still meeting his eyes, she pressed her blade against his side, letting it slide down a few inches before she pulled back. She felt his blood as well as the blood of ten others run lightly over her fingers, and stepped away just as Jojesh moved closer. His knife pulled a mark down opposite of where she'd drawn hers, and then the two turned, once again moving to fall back into the crowd. This time before they could get very far, Indra walked past them, her steps quick and deliberate, and Clarke heard the grunt Walsh couldn't stop as the chief harshly brought her knife down against the man's skin.  
  
“Natrona,” she spat, hate coating her tone, the word loud enough for Clarke to hear. “You deserve more than this.” Not waiting to see if he would have anything to say in response, Indra turned and walked proudly back to her spot beside Lexa.  
  
Many followed Indra, more Trikru stepping forward than any had before, and Clarke watched as they each tore at Walsh's flesh, carving him into pieces. To his credit, he never cried out, never begged for them to stop as some of those before him had, only grunted against the pain. He flinched every now and then, his face screwing up as the sharp, white-hot pain sprouted all along his body, but never once did he cry out for mercy.  
  
The last person turned away from him, her knife dripping along the snow as she walked back into the crowd, and then Lexa made her way over to the man she had trusted for years. Her own blade hung at her side, blood coating its length and little droplets also coloring the ground beside her, but she just stared forward, looking at the man she'd trusted. She held his gaze longer than the others, simply staring at him and he stared back, not crumpling under her look, before she finally lifted her sword. She positioned it just as she had done ten times already that morning, and didn't looked away from him as she informed him, “Yu gonplei ste odon.” Her sword slid forward, piercing his stomach and then easily parting the skin and sinking inside him. He said nothing, just watched her as long as he could, blood bubbling up from his lips before his head also fell forward, his fight finally over.  
  
Lexa stepped back, drawing her sword from Walsh's limp body, and Clarke noticed the way she continued to stare straight ahead, unable to look to her side as she turned around and once again moved back over to the crowd. The younger leader's heart clenched in her chest, completely aware of how the brunette felt at the moment but unable to do anything to help her. Instead the blonde forced herself to hold her head higher, her grip on her bloody knife tightening as she turned her focus to the tree with the twelfth prisoner bound before the crowd.  
  
Costia met Clarke's eyes, her fear obvious in them, but alongside it Clarke saw a resignation, a kind of acceptance. She simply remained still as the blonde moved over to her, the entire crowd quiet behind them, not looking away from the other girl as she moved. Clarke stopped when there was only a couple of feet between herself and Lexa's first love, and for a moment they just stared at each other.  
  
“You could have ran,” Clarke told her quietly, breaking the silence between them. Her brow knit together, studying Costia as she added too quietly for anyone else to hear, “You could have gotten away. I wouldn't have sent anyone after you. Why did you stay?” The question had been burning inside her since the moment she found out Costia had been captured with the other traitors, and now she watched as the girl simply looked at her.  
  
“I made a choice,” she finally answered softly, not breaking eye contact with the blonde. “These are the consequences of that choice.”  
  
The answer felt like a fist to the gut, her breath getting stuck in her lungs, but Clarke didn't let the effect show in any way other than how her empty hand curled into a fist. She just nodded, unable to think of anything she could say in response to that, and felt her grip shift on her knife. Her hand trembled, her chest tight, but she knew she had to step forward, had to continue with this horrifying ceremony. She forced one foot up, forced herself to move another foot or so closer, and lifted her knife. Looking up, she met Costia's eyes again, until the other girl looked past her, over her shoulder.  
  
Even as the blonde's knife came up, Costia couldn't keep her focus on the other girl. Instead she looked past her, looked over her shoulder, and let her eyes fall on Lexa. She stood back at the edge of the crowd, one hand holding her sword down at her side, blood dripping from its tip, while the other hung by her other side, fingers curled into a tight fist. Her chin was up, her eyes staring forward, forcing herself to watch, and Costia allowed her eyes to scan over her for just a moment.  
  
She looked so much more comfortable in her Commander gear now than she had three years ago. Back then, even after two years of wearing it, Costia had known how uncomfortable it made her. When they were alone, she'd often complain about the weight of the pauldron on her shoulder, of the sash that so often seemed to get caught around her ankles. Every evening she couldn't wait to take it off, slipping out of the armor as soon as her door was closed to the outside world. Costia would laugh, even as she helped her remove it, and tell her how she'd get used to it eventually.  
  
Now she looked used to it. Standing there with a dripping sword and black war-paint spread across her eyes, Costia saw the mighty Commander, the person she'd often told Lexa she knew she could be. She saw the leader and the warrior, the person who had united the twelve clans and could rain down destruction as well as peace, and she knew that somewhere along the way, Lexa had settled into her title.  
  
Her gaze moved over the armor, over the sash hanging from her shoulder and the sword at her side, and then Costia could focus on nothing but her eyes. Those green eyes shone, both brighter and harder than she'd ever seen them before, and in them she saw past the Commander. In those eyes, she saw Lexa, saw the girl she'd fallen for years ago, and she felt her throat begin to burn. In an instant, every memory of her passed across her eyes, from the little girl she'd known when they were young, to the teenager who finally convinced her to go on a picnic with her, to the young woman she'd known she was in love with even before she was named Commander. The memories flashed through her mind and she felt the corners of her mouth pull up, unable to stop the smile they caused. She looked at Lexa and all at once felt calm, felt sure, and then she finally pulled her gaze back to the blonde in front of her.  
  
“Please,” she asked quietly, meeting blue eyes that had widened the moment she'd smiled. That smile fell away, her expression turning serious as she murmured, “I know I do not deserve your mercy after all I did, but please: do not make her do it.” Her eyes flashed to Lexa once again, unable to keep them away, and she heard herself once again whisper, “Please.”  
  
Clarke's heart seemed to stop beating, her breath getting caught as something in her chest tightened. The request, the plea, echoed inside her head, and all she could do was stare in front of her as Costia stared behind her. She knew who the other girl was staring at, knew that Lexa must be staring back, and all at once she felt her fist tighten at her side as she remembered the barely concealed emotions she'd been able to see fighting behind the Commander's war paint all morning. She remembered the stiffness of her movements, the painful square of her shoulders, and the way she'd barely been able to look at this girl tied up in front of her. She thought of the way Lexa's voice had trembled, back in their cave when she spoke of Costia's death, thought of the way she hadn't even been able to talk about her the day before and all she had done, and then she thought about Costia's words, and she knew she had to do it.  
  
Lifting her head higher, Clarke carefully wiped the blade of her knife against her pant leg, removing at least some of the blood from its length before she slid it back into its sheathe along her belt. The moment both hands were free, her left hand fell to the sword hanging at her waist, and without pause she slowly drew it from its case. She heard people begin to murmur behind her, heard a few people begin to shuffle, but she didn't turn around. She shifted, lifting her sword as she'd seen Lexa do, balancing the flat of the blade against her right arm as she bent it in front of her.  
  
“Yu gonplei ste odon,” she called out, her voice low but clearly loud enough to hear over the quiet murmurings of the crowd. She watched as Costia's lips pulled up into a small smile, tears forming in the corners of her eyes as she just nodded.  
  
“Thank you,” the girl murmured, only meeting blue eyes and not looking down at the sword. Her gaze shifted again, looking past the blonde in front of her, and she met green eyes that she knew she'd forever love. “Take care of her,” she whispered, tears finally spilling down her cheek. “Please; she needs someone to take care of her.”  
  
“I will,” Clarke promised quietly, her voice barely above a whisper, and then she pushed forward, her eyes nearly clenching shut as she felt the tip of her sword sink in to Costia's stomach. What little space remained between them closed as Clarke pushed forward even further, her body nearly pressed against Costia's, her head almost resting against her shoulder. The girl gave a sharp gasp, more tears falling down her cheek, but her lips never fell, her eyes remaining bright as she continued to stare past the blonde.  
  
“Do not forget... to make her... smile,” Clarke heard her say, her voice incredibly soft. She felt Costia's body stiffen against her before immediately loosening, the girl's head falling against her shoulder even as she continued to stare at the brunette behind her. “I always... loved... her...”  
  
“I promise,” the blonde whispered, turning so that her lips nearly brushed against the girl's ear. “I promise, I'll make her smile. I'll take care of her. I promise.”  
  
The words fell on a lifeless body.  
  
For a second Clarke just stood there, pressed against what remained of the first person Lexa had loved, and then carefully she stepped back, slowly pulling her sword from Costia's body. Blood dripped down its length, slowly pooling at its tip before dropping to the ground, and all Clarke could do was stand there, staring at the shell of the girl before her. Her throat burned, her own tears threatening to spill as they gathered in the corners of her eyes, but she held them back. Finally she turned, and when she did almost without meaning to she met Lexa's eyes. Bright green flashed at her, her jaw tightly clenched and her nostrils flaring just slightly, and even as far away as she was, Clarke could see the water forming in green eyes that fought to keep the emotions at bay. The blonde's heart ripped in her chest, wanting nothing more than to try to comfort her love, but at the moment she couldn't do that. At the moment the blood of Lexa's first love still clung to her blade, some of the sticky red even coating her hands, and she knew she couldn't touch Lexa, not yet, not until she'd washed it off.  
  
One more person remained tied to a tree, still fighting against the rope holding him in place, and just a moment after looking at Lexa, Clarke turned to him. Her jaw clenching, she looked at Maloch and used the hate she felt for him to push away every other emotion. Lifting her chin higher, she stalked over to him, refusing to look away from him as she approached. He glared at her, tugging only harder against his bindings as he fought to break free, and she knew if he managed to his fingers would immediately curl once again around her throat. No matter how hard he thrashed against the tree however, he remained in place, and for a second Clarke just looked at him, studying him. Surprising both him and herself, suddenly her lips turned up in a smile. She took another step, closing the distance between them, and when she leaned forward she could nearly brush her head against his chin.  
  
“Looks like you're the one who chose the wrong Commander,” she informed him, her voice almost cruel, and even with the gag forced between his teeth, she saw him try to clench his jaw, his throat working to try to reply, but nothing came out. Her smile just grew, shifting her sword to her right hand as her left drew her knife once again, lifting it as she told him, “You and Nia made the wrong choice, trying to break me: Ai laik Wanheda.” With that, her knife darted out, dragging a long, shallow line from one shoulder to the opposite hip, his shirt tearing beneath her blade and his blood dripping down over her fingers. She didn't tear her gaze away from his, holding it, until she pulled her knife away from his body and took a step back. Just as he had done eleven times before, Jojesh appeared beside her as soon as she moved, and then he pressed forward, his knife slashing a deep gash down along the other man's side. He didn't say anything, but he too held Maloch's gaze until his knife hung by his side, and then he and Clarke both moved back to the crowd as others stepped up to leave their own marks behind.  
  
More people stepped forward than any before, and soon they could all hear Maloch screaming against the gag in his mouth, but no one stopped to pay attention to it. Person after person stepped up, countless knives tearing at his flesh, and no matter how hard the man writhed or thrashed against his tree, he could do nothing but take the torture, this twisted sense of justice digging over and over again into his skin until he was nothing but a torn, bloody mess.  
  
The final person returned back to the crowd, everyone's eyes turning to the Commander as she stepped forward, slowly making her way over to the man panting harshly against the tree. His head hung forward, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath, but the gag in his mouth made each breath difficult. Blood flowed from a gash along his forehead, dripping along the side of his face and into his eye, but even so he tiredly glared as the Commander closed the distance between them. When she stopped, many feet still remained between them, and he and everyone else just watched, waiting for her to lift her sword to end it.  
  
Her sword remained by her side, the blood along its blade beginning to dry. She just stared ahead at him, her expression unreadable but for the glimmer in her eyes, before she tilted her head further back.  
  
“Your hand is my mark,” she informed him, suddenly breaking the silence around her. She saw his expression change, the confusion obvious even with the gag in his mouth and blood dripping down half of his face, and she just met his look. “I told you,” she continued, her voice loud enough that she knew those standing behind her could hear her, “You will feel it all: first the blades, and then the flames.” Even beneath the blood, she saw him visibly pale, but she didn't back down. Instead she just turned around, ignoring him completely, as she once again faced her people.  
  
“ _The Traitors' Ceremony is over,_ ” she announced, her voice easily carrying out over them all. “ _Now the pyres must be built: once they are complete, we will burn those lost in battle as well as the thirteen traitors._ ” She nodded towards Indra, the chief straightening further at her acknowledgment, and continued, “ _Indra will oversee the building of the pyres: go to her, and she will tell you where you should be. Thank you, all: you all did well today._ ” She nodded again, an obvious dismissal, and everyone before her began moving, most of them turning to Indra for further instruction.  
  
Clarke didn't go to Indra: instead she remained focused on Lexa, and when the brunette turned, she immediately met her eyes. She saw something flash in those green eyes, and when the Commander turned and began walking back into the village, the blonde just followed her. She didn't try to catch up with her, didn't try to talk to her, just followed her silently, her eyes never leaving Lexa's back. They passed a few people as they made their way through the village, but Clarke barely acknowledged them, her focus solely on the girl in front of her.  
  
As she suspected, Lexa disappeared into the same building Clarke had been staying in, and the blonde followed her inside. As soon as she was in, she pushed the door shut behind her, finally closing them away from the rest of the world.  
  
Lexa stood on the opposite side of the room, her back still to Clarke, her shoulders still squared. The blonde studied her for a minute, her eyes taking in everything from the grip she still held on her sword to the way she stood stiffly, and then she shook her head.  
  
“I'm not going to apologize,” Clarke informed her, even as she walked over to the table at the side of the room. She dropped her knife on the surface and then carefully placed her sword next to it before turning to a small bucket already there with cool water inside it. The blonde dunked her hands in it, desperately wanting to wash away the blood that still clung to her skin, and then grabbed one of the many cloths on the table. “I don't care if it made you look weak, or if I should have stuck to ceremony: I wasn't going to let you be the one who had to kill her, Lexa.”  
  
Turning back around, Clarke's eyes darted up and suddenly the cloth fell to the floor, almost immediately forgotten. Her jaw dropped open, her eyes widening, before she forgot everything else and quickly rushed over to the brunette.  
  
Lexa's shoulders shook, silent sobs tearing from her throat. Her sword fell to the ground, clanking against the packed dirt, before her legs crumpled beneath her, her entire body dropping as her knees crashed against the floor. She pressed her hands harshly against her eyes, unable to think about the spots of blood that still clung to them, as the tears burned her eyes before sweeping down her cheeks. Her shoulders sunk forward, her body nearly curling in on herself as it shook, her breath unable to reach her lungs. Suddenly two hands were on her shoulders and she felt Clarke fall in front of her, those hands moving to her face and frantically trying to pull her hands away, but she just pressed them harder against her eye sockets.  
  
“Lexa?” Clarke breathed, and she could hear the sudden fear in the blonde's voice. “Lexa, please, look at me!”  
  
“I'm sorry,” Lexa finally gasped, the sobs breaking and tearing from her throat. She shook her head, barely able to get the words out, and then just repeated, “I'm so sorry.”  
  
“Hey, no, it's okay,” Clarke whispered, trying to push down the fear that suddenly gripped her as she just continued to try to pull Lexa's hands away from her face. She'd never seen this before, this complete breakdown, and it terrified her, but she tried desperately to push that terror away. Her voice remained quiet, soft, and one hand moved up to brush gentle fingers through her hair, trying not to get caught on any of her braids. “You're okay, Lexa; whatever this is, whatever happened, you're okay.”  
  
“You shouldn't have,” Lexa began, still shaking her head, “Shouldn't have had to do that. C-Costia wasn't s-supposed to be alive, and you, you never, never should have had to go through any of this. If I were stronger, if I had protected you, or, or kept my distance like I, I knew I needed to, none of this would have happened. I should have been stronger. I should have p-protected you better, and now you had to, to kill her for me. You shouldn't have had to do that.”  
  
“Shh,” Clarke whispered, her arms wrapping behind Lexa and pulling her close. For a second the brunette tried to keep her distance, tried to fight it, but then her body was sinking into the younger girl's, her head moving to the blonde's shoulder. One arm curled around, Clarke's hand moving back to her hair, and again she began to soothingly brush against it, trying to help her calm down. “You're okay, Lexa,” she murmured, holding the older girl tighter. “I've got you; I'll always have you.” She began rocking slightly, her eyes closing as she pressed her nose against the other girl's hair, listening to her sobs. “I already told you Lexa, none of this is your fault. None of it. I love you, and there's no way I'm going to let you pull away from me. I'd rather have gone through all of this, every moment of it, than live a life where I let you walk away from me. I love you.”  
  
Lexa listened to Clarke's words, heard the absolute sincerity in them, and they only made her sob harder. Rather than hide though, she let her hands fall, wrapping them tightly around the blonde's shoulders as she buried her face against the other girl's neck. She felt one hand running gentle fingers through her hair and a second rubbing soothing circles over her back, and she just held on to Clarke tighter, just let herself sink further against her. All of the pain she'd forced down for the past couple of weeks came bubbling up to the surface in a rush so ferocious she couldn't control it, so she just let Clarke hold her while it all tore through her.  
  
Finally the sobs began to lessen. The tears didn't stop, not entirely, but the sobs wracking her body did, her breath now coming in short, quick succession. Clarke's hands never stopped, simply continuing to soothe her, and she let the circles along her back help slow her breathing. Her body still shook, her hands trembling as she held herself against the blonde, but slowly her emotions began to tamper down until she felt like she had at least a little control over them again.  
  
She felt Clarke pull back a little, and then her hands moved, one dropping to her arm and the other slipping between them, tucking carefully beneath her chin. Gently Clarke pressed against it, and Lexa let her guide her face up, until she met worried blue eyes. Seeing them, she felt a few more tears slip down her cheeks, but she let her hands fall to the blonde's arms, her fingers gripping them tightly.  
  
“I'm sorry,” Lexa whispered again, her voice a little hoarse. “I didn't mean to break down like that. I shouldn't have allowed it to happen.”  
  
Clarke's brow furrowed further, even more worry spreading across her face, even as she began to slowly shake her head.  
  
“You have nothing to apologize for, Lexa,” she murmured softly, one hand moving up so that her thumb could begin gently rubbing against her cheek. “You're allowed to break down every now and then, and I'm more than happy to hold you when you do.” She pressed forward, her forehead resting against Lexa's, and the brunette felt her eyes close. “No matter what your people say, you're only human, Lexa. You're allowed to have human moments, and this is a human moment.”  
  
“I don't,” the brunette began, opening her eyes, but when she met blue again, she cut herself off. Shaking her head, she just admitted quietly, “I don't always know how to do this, how to allow myself to be... like this.” Clarke's lips twitched slightly, the corners rising, before she pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.  
  
“I know,” she told her, “But that's what you have me for, to help you through it. I'll always help you, Lexa, in every way I possibly can. I love you.”  
  
“I love you too,” Lexa whispered, closing her eyes again as she pressed harder against the blonde's forehead. She felt her other hand move up, and then both thumbs were rubbing along her cheeks, and she let herself sink into the small touch.  
  
Clarke watched Lexa, watched her face relax even as another tear slipped from her eye, and then she brushed her finger over the tear, trying to wipe it away. As she did, she wiped away more of the war paint still pressed against her skin. Much of it had already been smudged or removed, between Lexa's hands against her face and then the blonde's fingers running gently over the skin, but as she wiped away another streak of it, Clarke felt her brow furrow. She shifted, her fingers moving with more purpose now as she pulled back, staring as more skin was revealed, and she felt her heart jump back to her throat.  
  
“Lexa,” she asked quietly, noticing green eyes open once again, “When was the last time you got some sleep?” The brunette opened her mouth to answer and then closed it, biting lightly on her lip, and that was about all the answer the blonde needed. She rubbed more of the war paint away, and watched as the incredibly dark pouches beneath her eyes were revealed, the bags far darker and more obvious than any Clarke thought she'd seen before. Gaze flickering up, she looked into Lexa's eyes, and saw how red they were, and suddenly she wondered how much of that was from the crying. Shaking her head, she closed her eyes, letting out a small sigh, and when she opened them again, she raised her eyebrows at the brunette.  
  
“You can't do this to yourself, Lexa,” she told her, shaking her head again. “You need to get some sleep.”  
  
“I couldn't,” Lexa replied quietly, her tone a little rough. “We had to find you, I could not let our armies rest for long, and when I did sleep-” She cut herself off, biting her lip lightly once again as she looked away. She saw Clarke looking at her curiously out of the corner of her eyes, and turned again, her eyes flicking back up to meet the blonde's. “When I did sleep, I dreamt,” she whispered, and she knew Clarke heard the tremor in her voice. “The dream that I had did not allow for much rest, so often times I did not bother trying to get any.”  
  
She didn't have to say more about the dream for Clarke to understand: she saw something flash across her face, and then the blonde nodded. She leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to Lexa's lips, and the brunette felt her eyes close again as she lost herself against the blonde's touch. “Well now we're together again, and you need to sleep,” she murmured against her lips, and Lexa just nodded, not even bothering to put up a fight. Her fingers tightened their grip on Clarke's arms, and then she pushed herself up, shakily rising to her feet once again. She looked down, expecting Clarke to rise as well, but the blonde just looked up at her, giving her a sheepish grin.  
  
“Could you help me up?” she asked, her hands slipping to Lexa's. The brunette saw her wince slightly as she shifted, before adding, “I don't think I can get up by myself.”  
  
“Of course,” Lexa answered quickly, guilt suddenly washing over her for making Clarke get down when her body clearly couldn't move like that yet, and as carefully as she could she helped the blonde rise once again. As soon as Clarke was up, she looked back at Lexa, giving her a soft smile, before she nodded towards the bed.  
  
“Get in bed, Lexa,” she told her, and the brunette shook her head.  
  
“Clarke, you need to rest as well, and I will not take your bed,” she informed her, her fingers curling around the blonde's for no reason other than they were there. “I will sleep on the ground.” Before she even finished talking, the younger leader's head was already shaking, even as her eyebrows rose.  
  
“Nope,” she just said, “You're not sleeping on the ground. Get in the bed.” When Lexa opened her mouth to argue, Clarke cut her off. “You're not stealing my bed, Lexa; I'm getting in it too.”  
  
Lexa eyed the bed. For one person, it was plenty big, but for two she knew it would be a tight fit, and with Clarke's many injuries she wanted the girl to have her space. Still, Clarke was still looking at her, waiting for her to do as she was told, so finally she just nodded. Quickly and carefully she removed her sash and pauldron, folding the sash carefully before placing them both on the ground, and then she removed her jacket, setting it beside them. Pulling back the top fur, she sat down, reaching forward to untie her boots before letting them drop to the ground beside the rest of her gear. Once they were off she slid into the bed, and the moment she felt her back press against the soft fur beneath her, she immediately felt all of her muscles relax. She scooted over as far as she could in the bed and then looked over to Clarke, but the blonde was no longer standing by the edge of the bed. She watched curiously as the younger leader moved back towards the door, opening it just far enough to pop her head out the small opening.  
  
“Jojesh,” she heard her say, and then, “And Ryder: the Commander and I are not to be disturbed until the pyres are all ready for the Lighting Ceremony. Until then, I don't care who it is, this door is to remain shut. Understand?”  
  
Lexa heard two voices speak up, each giving her their agreement, and then the blonde stepped backwards, closing the door once again. Faster than Lexa would have thought possible with her injuries, Clarke moved back to the bed, starting to pull at the buckles along her jacket as she moved. Her fingers were clumsy with the cumbersome buckles, especially those that were injured, and Lexa gave her a small smile as she sat up, scooting back over to the other side of the bed.  
  
“May I?” she asked, reaching out a little, and Clarke returned her smile before nodding. Quickly Lexa's fingers moved to each buckle, snapping them apart with little trouble, and then she helped Clarke push the jacket from her shoulders. The blonde kicked her boots off her feet as Lexa lay back down and moved to her side of the bed, and then Clarke was sliding between the furs. She laid on her stomach, only flinching a little as her bruised torso pressed down against the mattress beneath her, and then pushed herself up against the Commander. Her head moved to Lexa's shoulder as one arm slid over the other girl's stomach, and she felt Lexa's head dip, resting against the top of her own as fingers curled between hers.  
  
“Sleep, Lexa,” Clarke murmured, pressing a little harder against the other girl's shoulder. “I'm right here, and I'll be right here when you wake up.”  
  
She felt lips curl up into a smile against the top of her head, and then she practically felt it as Lexa finally drifted off into a deep sleep for what she knew was the first time in many days. Her fingers held on to the brunette's tighter, and then she closed her eyes, letting herself fall asleep as her cheek pressed against Lexa's shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope there aren't too many typos in this; this would be one of those chapters that I didn't get to edit as much as I might have liked to because I'm already uploading later than usual. Oops.


	45. Chapter 45

Even with the gag still in his mouth, Maloch's screeches howled through the air. Clarke watched as he writhed against the post holding him in place, and didn't look away as the flames leapt at his legs, making quick work of his pants. The material, no matter how thick it was, couldn't withstand the bite of the flames, and quickly dissolved beneath their power. His flesh bubbled and burned, the stink mixing with the scent of all the other bodies that burned around him, but only he was left alive to feel its wrath. He shrieked and he howled and he threw himself away from his post, but no matter how hard he struggled, the chains wrapped around him held him in place.  
  
Clarke watched every second of it, from the moment the burning branch was handed to her, to the small flame that grew ever larger as she fed it to the great pyre built in front of her. The smaller branches lit easily and soon the fire had gathered enough power to light the larger ones, and within minutes she'd watched as the flames began to dance around the dozens of bodies lying on the structure before her. There hadn't been enough extra blankets or pieces of cloth to wrap around each of the dead, so the warriors had lined them up carefully, arms pinned close to their sides and legs stretched out. With the flames growing and flickering between and then on top of them, it became impossible to spot the differences between the Azgeda, Trikru and Skaikru dead, each body burning as easily as the last.  
  
Eventually Maloch fell silent, his head falling forward and his body turning limp, and Clarke's eyes followed the path of the fire as it danced up his body, climbing up his torso. She watched as the ends of his hair lit up, flames almost immediately gliding up to his scalp, and had to fight against the rolling of her stomach. Smoke burned her lungs with every breath she took and the reek of burning flesh and hair clogged her nose, but she just watched, just stood there as the pyre burnt before her.  
  
Lexa stood beside her, as still as stone. If she looked, Clarke knew she'd see the tilt of the brunette's chin, see the way her jaw clenched almost imperceptibly. A part of her wanted to reach out, wanted to slide her fingers between the Commander's and give them both the comfort they needed, but she didn't. This moment was not a time for comfort: this was a time to watch and learn, a time to reflect on how one person's actions can effect the lives of many. Thinking on it, Clarke's eyes fell from Maloch's body, landing on the body closest to his feet. His queen lay there, as still as the rest of them, her hair and clothes feeding the flames just as easily as the others. While Clarke watched, dull blue eyes melted from their sockets as easily as ice melting on a hot day.  
  
She had no desire to look at her predecessor for long: after only a few seconds her gaze moved, traveling to the body laying in the spot of honor at the front of the pyre. What remained of this body had already turned black, the flames eating away at it much faster than it could with the others for the simple fact it had already burned once before. Nothing left of the body resembled the young woman who had given everything to save Clarke and her people, but she knew she would never be able to forget the healer's face, her bright eyes shining with a strength few others would ever be able to fathom.  
  
_Rest in peace, Nadia,_ Clarke thought, finally looking away from the fire as her gaze traveled up. She stared up at the sky, watching a cloud as it slowly moved against the blue backdrop and then a bird as it flew across her vision. _May we meet again_.  
  
Even with the size of the pyre and the dozens of bodies on top of it, eventually the great blaze died down, the corpses and wood eaten away until nothing remained but a large pile of bones, scorched timber, and ashes that continued to smoke. The two leaders stood still and the crowd of people behind them remained in place too, until slowly people began to trickle away, the ceremony over and the war that could have been officially diverted.  
  
Clarke and Lexa stood silently together even as others began to leave, until the barest wisps of smoke could be seen curling from what remained of the burnt pyre.  
  
“It's over,” the blonde finally stated quietly, still staring in front of her.  
  
“Mm,” Lexa agreed with the barest nod of her head, her eyes still trained on the spot where she'd watched her first love's body burn. She felt Clarke look at her out of the corners of her eyes, her voice still quiet as she asked, “How do you feel?”  
  
“I do not know,” the Commander admitted softly, unable to break her gaze from the piles of ash and charred bone in front of her. She felt the blonde's eyes still on her, and forced herself to glance sideways, barely looking at the other girl. “How do you feel?”  
  
“I'm glad it's over,” Clarke admitted with a little shrug. “But I know everything's changed now.”  
  
“Yes,” Lexa agreed quietly, finally turning away from the wreckage in front of them. She met blue eyes as the other girl mirrored her movement, feeling her insides stir as they looked at each other. She wasn't yet sure what she thought about these changes, none of them anything she'd ever expected to happen, so didn't say anything else. She could see the same uncertainty in blue eyes, but returned the small smile that grew along the blonde's lips.  
  
For another moment the two simply stood there, staring at each other as they thought about all that had happened to them, and then Clarke turned, quirking an eyebrow up at Lexa before she started walking back into the village. The Commander followed her, easily drawing level with the blonde, and together they walked back through streets now packed with far more traffic than they had been only days ago. They passed Azgeda, Trikru and Skaikru, and everyone who walked by them stopped, either looking away quickly or giving one or the both of them a shy smile. Each returned the gestures, nodding to those they passed, and continued on their way, until Clarke saw Jojesh and Echo approach. She stopped, clearly seeing they were moving towards her, and felt her lips turn up as Sef wriggled happily in Echo's arms, his head whipping every which way to try to see everything at once.  
  
“Ubroukai,” the two warriors said together, both nodding to her, and she nodded back.  
  
“Jojesh, Echo,” she replied, and then smiled down at the little boy and added softly, “Hi Sef.” The toddler looked up at her and his grin only widened, his arms reaching out as he cried happily, “Kirk!” He wiggled even more in Echo's grip, his little fingers stretched out as he tried to grab onto the blonde, and Clarke's eyes shifted upwards, looking at Echo as she held out her arms. “Can I?” she just asked, gesturing for the child desperately trying to get over to her, and the warrior just nodded before holding the boy out. He practically slid into the blonde's arms, laughing as he did so, and Clarke's smile grew as she held the boy against her. She bounced him up and down a few times, his laughter turning into shrieks of joy, and then looked back up at her warriors. “What is it you needed?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at them while she continued to bounce the toddler.  
  
“We wanted to know if you needed anything, Ubroukai,” Jojesh answered, Echo nodding beside him.  
  
“I want us to bury the bones and ashes that remain,” Clarke answered immediately, the smile wiping from her face as she thought back to the great pyre that had just burned in front of her. “The ground's too frozen to do so now, but when it's thawed enough, I want them buried. Would you two gather up a couple of our other warriors and go find a spot you think would be good for that?”  
  
“Sha, Ubroukai,” Jojesh agreed, even as Echo told her, “We can do that.” They each gave her another nod and then repeated the gesture to Lexa, before turning around and walking over to a couple of Azgeda warriors not far away. Clarke watched them go, still getting used to how immediately these people followed her orders, and then turned back to Lexa. The Commander stood stiffly beside her, the smallest of glares pulling at her features as she watched Jojesh walk away. Clarke rolled her eyes and then grinned as Sef jumped in her arms, clearly wanting to be bounced again. She did as the boy commanded, and then shot a look up at the brunette.  
  
“You know, you can't hate Jojesh forever,” Clarke informed her, raising her eyebrows as the other girl turned back to her. “He only did what he did to me because Nia told him to.”  
  
“I'm the Commander,” Lexa replied easily, her expression smoothing out as she looked back at the blonde. “I can hate him for as long as I want. I just cannot do anything about it because you named him your heir.”  
  
“We did just prevent a war between Trikru and Azgeda,” Clarke agreed with a simple nod, “Let's not do anything that might start another one.” Lexa shot another brief glare at Jojesh, the look too quick and controlled for most people to really notice, but Clarke just shook her head, unable to stop the little grin she felt growing from the look. When she looked back, Lexa straightened, her hands folding behind her back, and she just nodded.  
  
With Sef still happily babbling in her arms, Clarke started forward again, Lexa immediately falling back in step with her, and they continued making their way through the village. Even more people stopped now to nod or smile at them, and Clarke watched as the expression on the brunette's face softened with each gesture, even as she seemed to only walk taller. The blonde felt her own posture shift as people smiled at her, and couldn't help but smile back.  
  
They'd made it almost all the way back to the infirmary, Clarke's initial destination, when they were stopped once again. Clarke heard her name called and turned, seeing Octavia running over to her, Lincoln walking quickly behind her. The other girl's eyes turned briefly down to look at the toddler in her arms, but didn't seem to give him a second thought. The younger warrior shifted, her brow pulled down just slightly, as though she were nervous about something, and Clarke felt a flutter of worry stir in her gut. She'd just burned dozens of people, and now Octavia was shifting from foot to foot in front of her, clearly upset about something. Now what could possibly be wrong?  
  
“What's up, Octavia?” she just asked, even as worry gnawed at her gut. Lincoln stopped just behind the younger girl, one hand resting lightly on her shoulder, and Clarke watched as the brunette looked up at him, seeming to calm down with him there. One hand moved up, resting on top of his, and then Octavia looked back at her, her expression smoothing out, before she stated, “We want to stay here.”  
  
“What?” Clarke asked, unable to contain her surprise. She wasn't sure what she had been expecting but it hadn't been that.  
  
“We want to stay here,” Octavia repeated, her tone serious as she met the blonde's eyes. “We don't want to go back to Arkadia. We don't belong there. We're Grounders.” For the briefest of moments, her eyes flickered over to Lexa, the Commander simply watching the exchange with a controlled expression, and then she looked back at Clarke. “Lincoln can't go back to Trikru,” she stated, “You know that. But he doesn't belong stuck inside the gate at Arkadia, and neither do I. We want to stay here, with you. We want to join you and the Ice Nation.”  
  
“We would be your warriors, Kwin Klark,” Lincoln added with a small bow of his head. She could see the way one corner of his mouth twitched, just managing to keep the smile from his face, but could also see the seriousness of his words when he looked back at her.  
  
For a second, Clarke's eyes flickered over to Lexa, unsure of what to do. She knew that up until she'd been taken, Lincoln had been a traitor to the Grounders after choosing Octavia and the rest of the Sky People over his own. It seemed that because of everything he'd done to try to help save her, his life was no longer in danger with the Trikru, but she also knew that Lexa couldn't just forgive him of what he'd done. More than anything though, she knew how miserable they had both been, trapped at Arkadia when all they really wanted was to be somewhere else. Clarke knew how that felt, understood that kind of pain, and knew she couldn't refuse them.  
  
“You're welcome to stay,” Clarke told them, raising her head a little higher. She didn't look at Lexa, looked only at them, as she said, “It'll be good having some familiar faces around.” She grinned then, unable to stop herself, before she added, “Besides, what would I do without my training partners?”  
  
Relief seemed to wash over both of their faces, and then Octavia returned the grin, raising an eyebrow at her. “Hey, I'll be happy to kick your ass whenever you want. My queen,” she added, and then scrunched up her nose. “That's gonna take some getting used to, though.”  
  
Clarke let out a small laugh, the noise cutting off when Sef's fist wrapped around a strand of her hair, yanking it. She winced, shifting her hold on the toddler so that she could carefully pry her hair from his grip, and then she looked back up at the other girl.  
  
“You get to be the one to tell Bellamy,” she informed her, raising her eyebrows. “I've got enough to deal with.” The grin on the brunette's face fell slightly, her expression changing as she remembered her brother, but she just nodded.  
  
“I'll tell him,” she replied. Clarke's eyebrows rose a little higher as she said quietly, “He isn't going to like it.” Octavia just shrugged, letting out a small sigh before saying, “I know, but he'll get over it.” She shifted as though to walk away, but then looked back over her shoulder. The brunette looked back up, meeting Clarke's eyes, before telling her quietly, “Thanks, Clarke.” The blonde just nodded, giving her a small smile, before the other girl began to walk away. Lincoln shot her a quick smile, his shoulders more relaxed than Clarke thought she'd ever seen them, and then followed after his love.  
  
For a second Clarke watched them, still not looking over at Lexa. Twinges of guilt riddled her gut, wondering if she'd just done the right thing. She didn't know much about Grounder law, no more than what she'd managed to learn from Lexa, so had no idea if she'd just made a big mistake. She may be queen, but Lexa was the Commander, and she'd labeled Lincoln a traitor, and Clarke had just accepted him into her village.  
  
“Was that alright?” she heard herself asking, her voice quiet but surprisingly strong. She turned, finally looking at Lexa, and found the Commander watching the two walk away. Unlike with Jojesh, her expression was calm, as though she didn't have a care in the world. When she looked over at the blonde, Clarke watched her eyebrows raise just slightly, her expression barely changing.  
  
“These are your people, Clarke,” Lexa simply informed her. “If I tried to dictate who was and was not allowed to join the different villages, each of the clans would rise against me in no time.”  
  
Clarke shot her a look, clearly telling her she didn't believe her. “Don't tell me that you have no say over what happens in the other clans. If Maloch had managed to escape and a clan had agreed to take him in, would you have just let him go?”  
  
Lexa's expression darkened momentarily, her jaw gritting tightly. She looked forward, not meeting the blonde's eyes as her hands gripped each other behind her back before she replied stiffly, “Maloch and Lincoln are very different people, who committed very different crimes.” Finally looking back at Clarke, she relaxed a little when she met blue eyes. Her tone softened as she added, “Lincoln made a choice for others and he has had to suffer the consequences of that choice; Maloch did what he did because he wanted the power Nia promised him and because he enjoyed hurting people. Maloch deserved the consequences of his choices; now Lincoln deserves this. I could not allow him to come home to our clan, but I will not stand in his way from joining another. He has proven himself, and as long as he serves you loyally, he will be safe under your rule.”  
  
It took everything in her not to kiss Lexa right then and there, but she held herself back. Instead Clarke just gave her a soft smile, one that seemed to melt away whatever stiffness still clung to the brunette's shoulders, and the older girl couldn't help but return the small smile.  
  
“Thank you, Lexa,” the blonde told her quietly. The other girl just shook her head, her expression settling once again before she replied, “There is nothing to thank me for; you are the one who welcomed them to your clan.” Clarke rolled her eyes, but the smile tugging at her lips only grew, and she saw the brunette's grow along with it. The Commander turned, continuing on to the infirmary, and this time it was Clarke's turn to fall in place beside her.  
  
“I will be staying as well,” Lexa suddenly said as they walked, staring ahead of her. Clarke's eyes widened, her jaw nearly dropping a little at the words, but Lexa didn't look at her as the blonde's head turned.  
  
“What?” Clarke just asked, too surprised to think of what else to say. She couldn't pretend that Lexa's words disappointed her, but they did shock her. The Commander continued to look forward, her shoulders just squaring once again as she said, “Keerie is not the only village in the Ice Nation; soon others will hear about Nia's fall, and they will come to see the one who is their new queen. Not everyone will immediately accept you. Many still believe Skaikru are invaders, here only to destroy us and take our land, and those who believe that will not like knowing that the Skaikru leader is now the queen of their nation. People from other nations may even wish to see the truth for themselves, and they are not likely to like it either. You are the queen, but that doesn't mean others won't challenge you or try to hurt you. We were lucky with Nia, but not every person is as cocky as she was; there are others, great fighters, who will be much more dangerous. I will stay with you until I know that you are safe, that others won't come after you.”  
  
Clarke felt countless emotions race around her stomach, her heart filling as she listened to the care in Lexa's words. Even so, she shook her head, stopping in her tracks and forcing the other girl to stop too, once again lifting her eyebrows as she informed the brunette, “Lexa, thank you, but you can't just stay here indefinitely; you know you need to go back to Polis.”  
  
Even before she finished speaking, Lexa began shaking her head.  
  
“I will not leave you until I know you are safe, Clarke,” Lexa repeated. “I just spent two weeks afraid I had lost you: I will not walk away just to let it happen again.”  
  
At that moment, Sef began wriggling again, clearly bored. The blonde began bouncing him, looking at him for just a second before her eyes flickered back up to the brunette. She gave the other girl a small smile, before telling her, “I'll be fine Lexa. I have Jojesh and Echo and the other warriors here to help me, and when other people come to see their new queen, I'll win them over.” When Lexa looked away, Clarke just took a step forward, forcing her to meet her eyes again. “It's not that I don't want you here, it's just that I have to prove to these people that I'm worthy to be their queen, to take care of them. The people in this village saw what I did, but the rest of the Ice Nation didn't: if they show up to find the Commander here, they aren't going to think I'm fit to run their people.” She noticed Lexa clench her jaw, clearly not liking what she said but not having any argument either, and she just lifted an eyebrow. “You've been telling me for months that I'm a leader; let me prove it.”  
  
Lexa's jaw only clenched tighter, her brow furrowing ever so slightly. She had no desire to leave, desperately didn't want to go before she knew that Clarke would be completely safe, but she knew the blonde had a point. If she refused to leave, those others who came to look at their queen would only see the Commander, and wonder why she didn't trust Clarke to rule on her own. It could only put her in more danger, and Lexa refused to do that. She didn't like any of her choices, but she knew which she had to pick, no matter how much she hated it.  
  
Still, she wasn't ready to concede entirely.  
  
“I am not going until you have healed,” she stated, refusing to budge. “Your body is still weak from all it went through, and I will not leave until you are well again.”  
  
“Okay,” Clarke conceded, a smile tugging at her lips. “You'll stay until I've healed.”  
  
“And in a few months you will come to Polis,” Lexa continued, her mind racing ahead now. Even as she began to plan, she saw the blonde lift an eyebrow, clearly wanting to know why, and informed her, “Every summer the leaders of each nation travel to the capital to celebrate Coalition Day, the day the twelfth and final clan joined the coalition, uniting us all as one people. Those who are new leaders to their people swear their loyalty to me and to the coalition. As the new queen, you must come as well, and when I accept your fealty, it will solidify your position as queen. Very few would try to challenge you after that.”  
  
Slowly Clarke nodded, clearly trying to take it all in. “Alright,” she just said, “In a few months I'll come to Polis and we'll figure it out from there.” She saw something flash across Lexa's face, a kind of sadness she couldn't hide before the blonde saw it, and frowned. “What is it?”  
  
Lexa's eyes darted to the side just for a second, before she admitted quietly, “I just don't like that I will not get to see you for a few months. I will miss you.”  
  
Emotions tumbled inside her, each too strong to get a grasp on before another pushed it to the side, and Clarke felt her breath get caught in her throat. Without thinking about it, she shifted Sef to one arm, her other hand reaching up and clasping lightly around Lexa's arm.  
  
“I'll miss you too,” she informed the brunette softly. “So much. I wish we could be together and didn't have to spend so much time away from each other, but I'm needed here, and you have to go back to Polis, Lexa. You can't be away that long: your people need you.” At that, the brunette turned, meeting her eyes, and Clarke saw an emotion she'd only recently allowed herself to name brighten those green eyes. Lexa's hand reached out, gently grabbing the hand against her arm before her fingers slowly entwined themselves through Clarke's, not once looking away from the blonde as she moved.  
  
“You _are_ my people, Clarke,” the Commander murmured, stepping a little closer to the blonde, and the younger girl's jaw dropped open just a little. Lexa watched as realization slowly dawned across Clarke's face, a smile slowly pulling at her lips, and she felt it as the blonde's grip tightened around her fingers.  
  
“You're right,” Clarke said slowly, as though the truth of the words were only now sinking in. “I am your people.” She started forward again, unconsciously pulling Lexa with her, her mind racing as she looked around.  
  
Everywhere she looked, she saw people interacting with one another, people from three different villages. To her left, she saw a guard she'd barely known on the Ark and only kind of known at Arkadia help an elderly Ice Nation woman beat out a large fur, the language barrier between them not stopping the man from smiling as he helped her or the woman from laughing as she watched him. To her right, she saw five people gathered in a circle playing a game, two Ice Nation, two Trikru and a Sky Person, and she watched as they all reacted when a knife landed point down on a small cloth spread out in front of them. As they rounded a corner, she stopped again and just looked forward, taking in the sight before her. Countless people milled around the infirmary area, some walking in or out of one of the many tents, others gathered around the fires spread out in front of them. Indra knelt on one knee in front of one of them, talking with Abby and Callie, all three women looking more at ease than Clarke had seen them in days. Reese stood a little ways a way, holding her knife out as Shet worked with her on her attacks, laughing whenever she sprang forward and simply correcting her stance. Thom stood to the side, watching them, as Taigon and Raven stood behind him, Raven grinning and shaking her head at Reese while Taigon simply watched with a smile. Nadia's mother sat at another fire, stirring a large pot of something, with Monty and Miller sitting next to her and Ryder standing beside them, acting as the translator when needed. Every person she saw looked to be entirely at peace, not a care or worry among them, and Clarke felt her pulse begin to race.  
  
“We did it,” she whispered. Looking over to Lexa, she let the smile completely break through as she repeated, “We did it. Lexa, we brought our people together. Look at them; Skaikru and Trikru and even Azgeda, they don't hate each other anymore. We did it.”  
  
Lexa did as she was told, and looked in front of her, seeing exactly what Clarke was seeing. She couldn't point out the moment when it had happened, but somewhere along the way, the distrust and hate between their peoples had melted away, and now she watched as all three worked together before her. She felt her heart squeeze in her chest, felt her lungs try to take in a breath past the burning lump in her throat, and tried to control the idiotic smile that threatened to break out across her face.  
  
“We did,” she just agreed, her head tilting back a little further, a bubble of pride for Clarke and herself threatening to burst within her. They'd done what she'd believed was impossible, and the proof of if was everywhere she looked.  
  
They heard a shout, and then both turned towards it, seeing Reese walking quickly over to them, her chest puffed out as her arms swung by her sides. Thom followed along behind her, trying to hide a yawn behind his arm that both women saw and had to force themselves not to grin at. As soon as he was close enough, Clarke asked him sympathetically, “Tired Thom? Did you sleep last night?”  
  
The boy just shrugged, barely looking up to meet her eyes.  
  
“A little,” he said, and then had to fight against another yawn. Lexa took pity on the little guy and knelt down, briefly letting go of Clarke's hand. As she did, she turned, presenting her back to him, and gave him a look over her shoulder.  
  
“Would you like to come up?” she asked, and watched as a giant grin broke out across his face as he nodded frantically. He nearly ran up to her, latching on as soon as he was close enough, and as she stood Lexa looped one arm around her back, helping him balance and holding him in place. Her other hand immediately moved back to Clarke's, her fingers wrapping back around the blonde's, and the two just shared a small smile.  
  
“Heda?” Reese asked, breaking the moment, and Lexa shifted her focus down to the young girl. “When can we start training again?”  
  
Lexa lifted an eyebrow before saying, “I thought you were training with Shet.”  
  
“I am,” the girl agreed with a single nod, “But he's not as good as you. No one's as good as you, except Clarke.” The girl's face scrunched up for a moment, before she corrected herself, “I mean, except ai kwin.” The words came out heavy, over-pronounced, but her obvious attempt at the foreign language only made their smiles grow.  
  
“You don't have to call me that, Reese,” Clarke informed the younger girl. “You're my Second, to you I'm just Clarke, not the queen or Ubroukai or anything else.”  
  
Reese opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, something happened that hadn't happened in at least five years.  
  
Lexa laughed.  
  
Without warning, the Commander broke out into a fit of laughter, every wall she'd built suddenly falling down. The laughter wasn't long, but it was loud, loud enough for others to hear, and those who did turned suddenly, not knowing what to do. The Skaikru there looked surprised, not expecting that sound to come from the Commander, but the Trikru looked entirely shocked, as though they didn't know what to make of it. Indra jumped up and her hand flew to her sword, an automatic reaction, but then she just stood there, not believing what she saw and sure someone must have drugged her Commander. Shet and Ryder both watched, Shet's jaw dropping open and Ryder looking uncertain, as though he didn't know how to react to the situation. Even Taigon looked surprised, but after a second a smile broke out along his face and he just listened to a sound he hadn't heard come from his sister in many, many years. He watched and he listened as his sister laughed, every care he knew she carried seeming to fall away with the sound, and he just basked in it, praying he'd get to hear it again before another five years passed.  
  
Clarke had no idea what was happening, but she didn't try to stop it. She watched Lexa laugh, gripped her hand tighter and let her smile grow. The moment the brunette stopped, a grin still pulling at her cheeks, the blonde just asked her, “What? What's so funny?”  
  
“I just never thought,” Lexa answered, shaking her head and for once not fighting it as her expression showed every single thing she was feeling, “I never thought I could love the Ice Queen.” The words only made the smile dancing along Clarke's lips grow, her eyes shining so brightly Lexa believed she might go blind if she continued to stare into them, but couldn't and wouldn't ever force herself to look away.  
  
Clarke stepped closer to the other girl, bringing their connected hands up and placing a soft kiss against the back of Lexa's hand. “Ai hod yu in, Leksa,” she murmured, knowing in the deepest part of her that no words ever spoken in the history of the universe had ever been more true.  
  
Lexa's gaze softened, only holding tighter to Clarke's hand before she pulled it over to her, pressing her lips as gently against the back of Clarke's hand as the blonde's lips had been against her own.  
  
“I love you, Clarke,” she whispered back, knowing with every fiber of her being, everything that made her Lexa and Commander and everything else she was, that no words spoken from that moment forward would ever mean more.  
  
Clarke and Lexa just stood there, a toddler in one arm, a little boy on one back and a little girl standing in front of them, and they simply held on to each other, completely getting lost in everything that made up the other. They were so lost in each other that they forgot others stood around watching them, forgot that anything existed but the two of them and the incredible love they felt for each other.  
  
Three different nations, three different peoples, looked on in that moment, and each person who did so knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that they had never seen two people who loved each other so entirely, so wholly. They looked on, and they knew there had never been and would never be a love as pure as that shared between the Commander and the new Ice Queen. Their love had won over hate, won over fear and mistrust and an insane desire for power, and those watching had a feeling their love would continue to triumph, knocking down every obstacle in its path.  
  
And there would be more obstacles to come. Peace had been established, no longer tentatively, between the Grounders and the Sky People, and the alliance between Trikru and Azgeda was now stronger than ever, but more obstacles waited on the horizon. Clarke still had the rest of the Ice Nation to convince of her right to rule; Lexa had to figure out a way to make sure the rest of the coalition accepted the once-Sky girl into their ranks; threats still lingered everywhere, enemies waiting for just the right moment to rise up against one or the both of them, but at the moment, they didn't worry about any of it.  
  
For the moment, Clarke had Lexa and Lexa had Clarke, and that was all either needed to get them through to the next moment. They had each other, and both knew that as long as that remained true, as long as they always had each other to turn to, they could make it through anything.  
  
“I love you,” Lexa whispered again, because she loved Clarke too much just to say it once, and Clarke just laughed, a beautiful, bubbly laugh too infectious for Lexa to ignore, and then they were laughing together. Sweet, simple laughter bubbled up from two girls who at one point in their lives had believed they would never laugh again, as they each held onto the person who had somehow managed to repair their crushed hearts. Only a few months ago, neither Clarke nor Lexa had believed they deserved love, but now they were drowning in it.  
  
Really, Clarke didn't mind that she didn't know how to swim: she was more than happy to drown in her love for Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you might be thinking this feels like a final chapter. That feeling is correct: technically, this is the last chapter of "Ubroken." I will be writing an epilogue, which is the real final chapter, so I guess in reality this isn't it, but I'm going to call it the last "chapter."
> 
> But! If that upsets you or makes you sad in any way, don't despair! I WILL be writing a sequel! It won't be out immediately because I'm still planning out a lot of the details (and because I really need to get some work done on "Continuum" since I've kind of been ignoring it and it deserves some love too), but it will indeed be happening! Which leads me to the following author's note, which is almost entirely about the sequel, so if you don't particularly care, please don't feel the need to read it:
> 
> As you probably guessed from this chapter, the sequel will be all about Clarke going to Polis and the Coalition Day celebrations and treaties and whatnot. It will have similar threads I think to season three, but most certainly will NOT be modeled after it (why model after something so horribly planned?). It will include each of the twelve nations, which means there will be many new characters (since the show barely developed any of the clans other than Trikru and a little bit of Azgeda and Floukru...), and because of this, I thought it might be a fun idea to turn to you all and ask for your help. If needed, I should certainly be able to come up with enough ideas to create ten clans worth of characters, but I thought I would see if any of you guys would like to help me. I want to create this world so completely, map out as many details as possible, and I'd love Clexakru's help.
> 
> If you're interested, here's a list of things I'm thinking about:
> 
> Characters (names, clan affiliations, if there's a specific actor/person they are modeled after so I can get the details of the looks right, character relationships, etc.)
> 
> Village Names
> 
> Clan locations
> 
> Societal Structure (Are the clans all run the same? Probably not, and if not, how is one run differently than another?)
> 
> Leaders' Titles (Are they all kings and queens? Chiefs? Ambassadors? Emperors?)
> 
> I'm sure there's a ton of other things, so really, if you have an idea, let me know! Depending on how many ideas I get (and I have no idea if this will be well received or not, so we'll see), I won't be able to use all of them. Some might clash, I might have my own idea for a character or position, or it simply might not fit well into the storyline I'm creating for this sequel, but I will take every idea I get into consideration. If you have an idea, you can either leave it in the comments or you can send it to me via my Tumblr, clarkethewanheda.
> 
> Ever since 307 (and hell, even long before), I've seen just how amazing and creative Clexakru is, so I'd love it if even just a few of you would help me build this world that so deserves to be created with respect and love. Thank you to any of you who took the time to read this author's note, and a greater thanks to everyone who's taken the time to read this story: "Unbroken" wouldn't exist without all of you, and I love you for that.
> 
> Until next time, my amazing readers!
> 
> (For anyone not aware, the twelve clans are: Woods Clan/Trikru, Ice Nation/Ageda, Boat People/Floukru, Desert Clan/Sankru, Lake People/Podakru, Delphi Clan/Delfikru, Glowing Forest/Trishana, Plains Riders/Ingranrona, Blue Cliff Clan/Ousekjon Kru, Shallow Valley/Louwoda Kliron, Rock Line/Boudalan, and Broadlead/Yujleda. In case that helps with any thoughts/ideas.)


	46. Epilogue

_Two Weeks Later_

Light streamed into the room, dust particles twirling through the bright beams. The few candles still lit managed to give off a small glow, their wax melted and pooling against the tables they stood on. They sputtered, the smallest bit of wick left to keep them going when their companions had long since died out, but the light from the morning made them useless. They flickered and sputtered, each meeting the same end as the others throughout the room as they burned themselves out.  
  
On the large bed, Clarke hummed, her eyes still closed even as she felt the body beside her shift. She didn't need to open her eyes to know Lexa was awake: she'd known for a while that the other girl had woken up, could tell from the change in her breathing, but had ignored the knowledge, choosing instead to pretend to sleep. Fingers traced light patterns on her arm, and her lips curled up, even as she pressed her face further into the crook of the brunette's shoulder. She felt Lexa shift, the shoulder she was pressed against dipping, before lips planted the softest of kisses to the top of her head.  
  
“Good morning, Clarke,” Lexa murmured quietly, her words dancing along blonde hair. Clarke's smile only grew, her own lips moving to press lightly against the brunette's jawline before she replied, “Morning, Lexa.”  
  
The pressure of the fingers against her arm increased at the touch of her lips to Lexa's jaw, but their patterns never wavered. Clarke heard the light breath her love let out, and only grinned, finally pulling herself back and lifting her head. Eyes opening, she looked down to find Lexa staring up at her, green eyes bright and the smallest of smiles tucked away at the corners of her lips. The look she was giving Clarke made butterflies swarm in her stomach, a feeling that didn't go away until the blonde leaned forward, closing the distance between them until her lips fell against Lexa's. The moment their mouths touched, the swarm calmed, everything inside her settling into place, a sense of peace practically filling her to the brim. She felt the brunette's lips curl up against her, and then a hand was against the back of her head, fingers tangling haphazardly into her hair, and when Lexa's grip against her tightened, trying to pull her closer to deepen the kiss, the blonde gave in. She sank against Lexa, holding herself with one arm against the mattress while the other shifted, her hand finding its way to the other girl's neck. She cupped her face and Lexa tilted into the hold, and the kiss only deepened further.  
  
“Mmm,” Clarke hummed again as she eventually pulled back. Eyes opening, she found green eyes looking up at her over cheeks that shone with just the slightest flush, those lips she loved so much turned up into the same incredible smile that always managed to make Clarke's stomach turn in the greatest of ways. Looking at Lexa, all she wanted to do was kiss her again, so that's what she did. Their skin pressed together as she leaned down once again, bare breasts flush against each other. As she moved, the fur covering them slipped down some before Lexa could catch it, and then Clarke felt fingers trailing softly up her back as the brunette pulled the cover back over them even as they continued to kiss. One of the blonde's legs tangled with both of the brunette's, and again bare skin burned as it made contact.  
  
“You know, I could really get used to this,” Clarke finally murmured, peppering tiny kisses to Lexa's lips before she moved back over to her jaw. “I really like waking up next to you, especially when we're both naked.”  
  
Clarke didn't look up, didn't open her eyes as her lips continued to rain down along the other girl's jaw, but she could hear the smile in Lexa's voice as she agreed, “It certainly is the greatest way I can think to wake up.” Clarke's grin just grew, her eyes opening to send a quick look up at the other girl, and Lexa met blue eyes that shone in a way that took her breath away. The next moment that breath was stolen again when she felt Clarke's lips move again, sliding down to leave open-mouthed kisses along the skin of her neck. Even as her lips moved she felt the younger girl's hand fall from her cheek to trail down between them until fingers began to twirl lazily against her hipbone, and Lexa had to shift as she felt her mouth go dry. Her body reacted to Clarke's attention just they way she knew the blonde wanted it to, goosebumps forming along her arms and her legs shifting, trying to relieve the sudden ache that formed between them, but her mind continued to work, and ever so slightly she found herself shaking her head.  
  
“Clarke,” she warned quietly, her gentle grip on the blonde's arm not changing, “We can't. There isn't time and you know it.” The other girl's fingers didn't let up in their gentle swirls along her hip, but she felt the sigh she let out against her neck before Clarke pulled back. A part of Lexa desperately wanted to tighten her grip in the blonde's hair and pull her back to her neck, but she fought against it.  
  
“I know, you're right,” Clarke admitted with a sigh, her face still close enough for her breath to tickle Lexa's skin. Her eyes momentarily flickered over to the small table beside the bed, and she grinned. “I guess that's why we were up so late that nearly all the candles burned out. I'm going to have to see how I go about getting more of those.”  
  
“It is not difficult,” Lexa assured her, unable to look away from the other girl long enough to spare a glance around the room. The hand in the blonde's hair fell down her body to join her other one where it carefully rested against the small of the girl's back. Dozens of criss-cross patterns raised the skin there, only a few of them still with rough scabs or stitches holding them together, the rest now soft scars. Worry flashed across the brunette's face, her fingers still gentle as she carefully traced a few of them, catching Clarke's eyes again. “Are you alright?” she asked, the worry leaking out to coat her tone. “Are you sure I didn't hurt you?”  
  
Rather than answer right away, Clarke felt her smile soften before she leaned down. This time when their lips met she kept the movement slow, delicate but sure, trying to convey to Lexa just how alright she truly was.  
  
“I'm fine, Lexa,” she promised, barely breaking an inch away to whisper the words. “You didn't hurt me.”  
  
“Good,” Lexa breathed out before leaning up and closing the bare space between their mouths, capturing the blonde's lips once again. Her hands fell to the blonde's sides, her grip tightening to hold the other girl against her while her fingers traced the few light scars that had been etched along Clarke's skin there. For days the blonde had been trying to get them to be physical once again, but up until the night before Lexa had always refused anything beyond deep kisses and soft touches for fear of the blonde re-opening any of the numerous lashes along her back. She had only finally relented the previous night when Clarke had sworn to her she was fine, that they would be gentle and she would stay off her back if that's what Lexa wanted. As much as Clarke argued for her health and recovery, Lexa knew that while most of her injuries had healed or were in the final stages of the healing process, her back still hurt her at times, the worst of her lashes still working against her. Clarke had been persistent though, and after days of the blonde doing her best to work her up and with the threat of her departure hanging over them, the Commander had given in and had gladly fallen into bed with her love to re-explore the bodies they each knew so well but never got tired of mapping.  
  
Now however, it was morning, and the time for mapping had ended and the unfortunate truth hung over them both. For another moment they ignored it, but finally Lexa let out a sigh, her head falling back lightly against the pillow behind her. She met Clarke's eyes, seeing the knowledge there the blonde tried to push away, and knew she had to accept it herself.  
  
“We should be getting up,” Lexa said quietly, even though she made no indication she planned to move. “I need to make sure Trikru and Skaikru are ready to leave.”  
  
Rather than shift away from Lexa to allow her to get up, Clarke's body simply pressed closer to her, her weight baring down further against the girl beneath her. Again the blonde found herself nuzzling her face into the crook of Lexa's shoulder, eyes pressing shut as though she could shut out the rest of the world. She felt the older girl's grip on her sides tighten, and her own arms raised to curl around Lexa's shoulders, her arms now pressing against the mattress as she held onto the brunette.  
  
“I know I was the one who said you needed to go back to Polis,” she finally murmured, shaking her head even as she continued to hold close to Lexa. Lifting it up so that she could meet the other girl's eyes, she added, “But now I really don't want you to go.”  
  
“And I do not wish to go,” Lexa replied just as quietly, her grip on the blonde not changing. The rest of the words, the simple truth of, “But I have to,” hung in the air around them, and though they weren't said, both girls could hear them ringing out none the less. For another few moments they held onto each other, putting off the inevitable, but finally Clarke let out a small sigh, Lexa feeling it against her more than hearing it, and her grip loosened.  
  
They got up slowly, neither saying anything more simply because it wasn't necessary. Clarke sat up first, the fur slipping down her back, and she just grinned as she watched Lexa's eyes trail over her exposed body, before her own focus fell on the other girl's. They didn't take more than a minute to look, and then Lexa was following the blonde up until they were both sitting in the bed. Lexa was the first to swing her legs over the side, and she could feel Clarke's eyes on her as she stood, moving over to the pile of clothes they had thrown to the floor the previous night. She reached down to pick up her shirt, but before she could slip it on, the blonde was behind her, arms encircling her waist and lips dancing across her shoulder, and it took everything in her not to just turn around and push the blonde back into her bed. She held strong though, allowing her body to sink against Clarke's, and allowed her eyes to fall closed as lips glided along her skin.  
  
Getting dressed took longer than it needed to, but neither ever even thought to mention it. Each would interrupt the other with kisses, pulling a shirt out of the other's hands in order to trail kisses down their collarbone, or halting the pull of a pair of pants so that fingers could trace delicate designs along thighs and hips. Lexa bent to help slip Clarke's shoes onto her feet, but got distracted by her calf, and the blonde could only laugh when she felt long fingers gliding along the slope of her leg. Clarke moved to help Lexa zip and buckle her coat, but somehow her hands ended up beneath the brunette's shirts, pressing lightly against her taut stomach, and Lexa only smiled before pulling her in for another kiss. Neither could begin to keep track of the number of times their lips met, and neither bothered to try.  
  
Finally both were dressed and ready, and then their mouths met again, hands tangling lightly in hair or pressing gently against a chin or cheek, and they simply held onto each other. Their mouths danced the dance they both felt they'd been born knowing, and they clung to each other, using the other's strength to prepare them for what must happen next. Hands fell down each body, and for a moment both considered undoing all the work they'd just completed, but neither moved to act on the impulse. They poured themselves into the kiss, giving the other girl everything they were, until it was as though each carried a part of the other inside them. Only then, when they both felt strong enough, did they part, eyes meeting before Clarke gave Lexa a small smile and the Commander returned it. Together they turned and moved towards the door, exiting the room and taking the steps they needed to take to move forward.  
  
As soon as she'd been deemed healthy enough, Clarke had been moved out of the healer's hut and into the queen's chamber. It had taken some getting used to, being able to feel comfortable in a room that had once been Nia's, but with rearranging and adding her own touches, Clarke had turned it into her own. Now she and Lexa walked through the large building, walking right by the door she knew led to the throne room she'd first met Nia in. She'd yet to step foot in it, preferring to meet those she now led in the streets of her village, but knew at some point she'd have to go in and take a look at her new throne. For now she just walked past it, following Lexa through the building and into the street.  
  
Outside, it seemed as though everyone was moving. Skaikru and Trikru packed, checking and re-checking to make sure they had everything they needed, saddling horses and gathering supplies. Azgeda helped however they could, offering little bags of food or pieces of advice to those preparing around them. Even with all the commotion, they didn't walk far before Jojesh appeared behind them, silently following them as they moved towards the edge of the village where the most movement took place. To anyone else, his addition didn't effect them at all, but Clarke noticed the nearly indecipherable tilt of Lexa's chin, the only clue towards her dislike of him. Many days had passed, but the Commander still made it clear, to Clarke if not to anyone else, that she didn't trust nor like the Azgeda warrior.  
  
They reached the edge of the village, and stopped to look out and take in everything happening in front of them. Mass amounts of Trikru warriors either stood next to their horses or were already in their saddle, trying to calm their impatient beasts. Skaikru milled around them, weapons simply slung over their shoulder as they heaved packs over their backs or up to hand to one of the mounted riders. The two peoples spoke amicably, many even friendly, and looking at them, it was hard to tell that only weeks ago war had nearly broken out between them.  
  
At the front of the large army, Clarke found Octavia hugging her brother, both Blakes clearly doing their best not to show just how emotional they were. The usual group stood around them, their friends all giving them space to say their good-byes. Lincoln stood just to Octavia's side, nodding to Monty, Miller and Raven, saying his good-byes to them, and then even Jasper stepped up to say good-bye to the Grounder. Taigon stood beside Raven, and when Lincoln nodded to him, he stuck his arm out, the warrior quickly grabbing it, and she could see they way their fingers tightened around each other's forearms. Reese and Thom stood beside Lincoln, and while Reese was biting her lip to keep herself from crying, tears freely fell down Thom's cheeks. When Lincoln and Taigon released their grips, the healer knelt down, and Clarke watched as the little boy bolted into the man's arms, wrapping his arms tightly around Taigon's neck.  
  
“I don't want you to go,” she heard Thom say quietly as she and Lexa approached, and met Taigon's eyes over the little boy's shoulder. The healer grinned at her, and then turned back to the boy, pulling away just slightly so he could make eye contact.  
  
“I will see you again soon,” Taigon reminded him. “You both will come to Polis with Clarke for Coalition Day, and then I will be able to show you my home. Until they, it is up to you two to keep her out of trouble: you know how difficult that is for her.”  
  
“Yeah, our Clarke seems to just be drawn to trouble,” Raven scoffed, glancing up and meeting the blonde's eyes. She grinned, one corner of her mouth pulling up, before she told the kids, “You've got your work cut out for you. Good luck.”  
  
“I'm not drawn to trouble, I think it's drawn to me,” Clarke replied, lifting an eyebrow as she closed the space between them. Looking down, she smiled softly at Reese and Thom, a hand falling to their shoulders, before she peered back up at the other girl. “Besides,” she added, giving Raven a look, “You get into just as much trouble as I do.”  
  
“Nah, I'm the one who gets your butt out of trouble,” Raven insisted, shaking her head and crossing her arms over her chest. She gestured towards Octavia, still standing close to her brother, and said, “Her too. You're both gonna be screwed without me.” Clarke's grin softened, and then she stepped forward, her arms wrapping around the mechanic's shoulders.  
  
“We probably are,” she agreed quietly, tightening her hold on the other girl, and then she felt arms wrap around her to return the hold. “Just don't get into too much trouble without me,” Raven told her, her voice just as soft. “I'd hate to have to come back so soon to save you again.”  
  
“Yeah, cause you did all the saving,” Miller said, rolling his eyes, and again Clarke just grinned. Stepping away from Raven as they both let go, she turned to Miller, giving him a smile before telling him, “You did a decent amount of saving yourself.” He just shrugged with one shoulder, giving her a half nod before he returned the smile with a grin. “We've got each other's backs,” he just said, meeting her eyes. “Always have, always will.” She returned the nod, feeling the same way, before she turned to Monty. The younger boy stepped forward and flung his arms around her shoulders, his eyes closing tightly as he held onto her, and she quickly returned the hold.  
  
“I'm gonna miss you, Clarke,” he mumbled against her shoulder, and she just held him tighter. “I'm going to miss you too, Monty,” she told him, before she pulled back a little. Meeting his eyes, she added, “Take care of yourself.” She grinned then, and said, “And next time you make your moonshine, have a drink for me.” He returned the grin with a laugh, nodding his head, and then stepped back, falling into place beside Miller. As he stepped back, Jasper stepped forward, and Clarke turned to him, her grin faltering for only a second. In the two weeks they'd been there, she and Jasper had barely spoken, so she didn't know what to expect. When he took another step forward and awkwardly pulled her into a hug, her eyes widened, but she returned it. The move was stiff, almost uncomfortable but not quite, and after just a second Jasper stepped back, putting distance between them again.  
  
“Bye Clarke,” he just said, before he gave her a stiff nod. “I'm glad you're okay. And... Good luck.”  
  
“Thanks Jasper,” the blonde told him quietly, giving him a slight smile. “You too. Have a safe trip back.” He nodded again, and then moved back next to Monty, and Clarke turned to find Octavia next to Lincoln and Bellamy watching her interaction with Jasper. When she met his eyes, he just grinned.  
  
“Guess it's my turn,” he said, and then he and Clarke moved to each other, and his arms circled around her while hers fell around his shoulders. “Take care, Clarke,” he nearly whispered, holding her tighter. “Be careful. And good luck.”  
  
“You too, Bellamy,” Clarke murmured, wrapping her arms around him tighter. Pulling back a little, she glanced over to their friends around them, before she looked back at him. “Take care of them,” she told him, “I know it's not fair of me to ask you again, but I'm counting on you to take care of them.”  
  
“You took on a crazy queen to keep everyone else safe; I think it's okay to ask me to take care of them,” he just replied, shrugging his shoulders before giving her a crooked smile. “Besides, if I don't do it, who will? You know, now that you're a queen and all.” Clarke just returned his smile, before he stepped back, falling into place between Raven and Miller.  
  
“But Heda, do you have to go?” she heard, and Clarke turned around to see Lexa kneeling behind her, Thom all but attached to her neck and Reese giving her the most pitiful look the blonde had ever seen. Lexa shifted, managing to keep her balance as the boy's grip around her neck only tightened, and she curled one arm around his back while her other reached out to gently take Reese's hand.  
  
“I do,” she simply informed them, keeping her tone soft. “My people in Polis need me, and Clarke needs you here.”  
  
“But we need you here too,” Thom managed to mumble out, the words nearly muffled against Lexa's neck, and Clarke had to fight to keep her lips from curling up at the same time she fought to keep those same words from escaping her lips. Lexa looked up, meeting her eyes over Reese's shoulder, and Clarke knew her words were directed at her as much as the two children. “I cannot stay here, but we will be together again soon. Coalition Day will be here before you know it, and all will be well.”  
  
Reese let out a big sigh, clearly unhappy with the answer but aware she had to accept it, and reached out and grabbed Thom's shoulder.  
  
“C'mon Thom, let go, we gotta let Heda get ready,” she told him, giving his shoulder a small tug, and though he refused it for a moment, eventually he let go, tears still running down his cheeks. He rubbed them away with the back of his sleeve, and then nodded, holding his head up higher. When Reese stepped away, he followed, both of them moving to stand with Lincoln and Octavia.  
  
For a brief second, Clarke's attention got caught on Lexa, a fresh lump forming in her throat, but then movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention and she turned. As she did, she managed to hear Bellamy mumble, “Come on guys, let's give them some space,” but she'd stopped paying attention to her friends as a bigger lump lodged itself in the back of her throat. Her friends turned around and disappeared into the crowd behind them, Taigon the only one staying behind, but Clarke couldn't even spare them a glance as she focused on the people walking towards her.  
  
Callie and Nygel walked towards them, Indra, Shet and Ryder with them, but Clarke barely glanced at any of them. All she could focus on was her mother, walking beside Callie, and the tears that glistened in her mother's eyes as she met Clarke's gaze.  
  
“Heda,” Nygel called out when they closed most of the distance between them. Lexa nodded to the woman, and Nygel stuck her arm out, not breaking eye contact with the Commander. “It was an honor traveling with you and fighting for you.”  
  
“It was an honor to travel and work with you as well, Nygel,” Lexa replied, even as she reached out and clasped the other woman's forearm. “You are a great warrior, and a loyal follower; Clarke is lucky to have you at her side.” The woman nodded to Lexa, her chest sticking out a little further in pride at the words, and then she released the Commander's arm.  
  
“Thank you, Commander,” Callie simply said to Lexa, meeting her eyes. She smiled, her lips easily pulling up, as she added, “For everything. Just thank you. It really was an honor.”  
  
“I need no thanks, and the honor was mine,” Lexa answered, returning the woman's smile with a nod. “I am glad to have been able to meet you both, and to have been able to work with you, and look forward to working with you again in the future.” Callie's smile only grew, her expression bright, even as she nodded.  
  
Clarke could barely look away from her mother, but when Shet stepped up, grinning down at her, she forced herself to turn to him. His grin grew, his eyes bright, as he told her, “Stay safe, Wanheda, and if any of these Ice Nation fools try to give you trouble, make them regret it.” She let out a little laugh, even as she shook her head, but met his eyes as she promised him, “I will, Shet. You stay out of trouble.”  
  
“Never,” he said, a twinkle in his eye, and when Nygel let out a scoff behind her, Clarke saw him look to her and his grin widened. Rather than say anything, he just winked, and then shifted slightly, and Clarke's focus turned to Ryder. He watched her quietly, his face as solemn as ever, but when she looked at him, she watched his lips curl up in the smallest of smiles. He nodded to her, never breaking eye contact, and just murmured, “Wanheda; be well.”  
  
“Mochof, Raider,” she replied quietly. “You too.”  
  
Indra seemed to study the blonde for a moment when Clarke turned to her, the next in line, and then she held out her arm, and the young leader just managed to keep the surprise from her face. She clasped the woman's forearm, feeling fingers with a grip of steel close around her own, before the chief simply said, “You did well. Now lead well.”  
  
“I will,” Clarke promised, increasing the pressure of her fingers on Indra's arm slightly, and the older woman just nodded before she dropped her arm. Her eyes skimmed past the blonde, falling on Octavia standing not far away, and she informed Clarke, “You have great warriors behind you who will help you.” From the corners of her eyes, the blonde could practically see Octavia swell with pride, clearly having heard her mentor's words.  
  
Indra stepped away from Clarke, and then the blonde was turning to her mother, once again fighting with the burning that tore at the back of her throat. She saw the way one of her mother's fists pressed against her chest, as though she were trying to forcefully keep a hold on all of her emotions, but she also knew she was failing. As Abby stepped forward, Clarke mirrored the movement, and she knew she wasn't doing any better at controlling the flurry of emotions tumbling inside her gut. Suddenly her mother's arms were around her and Clarke felt herself sink into them, unable to stop the single tear from slipping out of the corner of her eye.  
  
“Stay safe, Clarke,” she heard her mother murmur against the side of her face. Abby's arms wrapped around her tighter, and she buried her face in her mother's shoulder. “I love you.”  
  
“I love you too, Mom,” the blonde managed to get out, barely able to contain the little catch in her voice. Her heart squeezed in her chest, not wanting to let her mother go, and for a second she only held on harder. Abby must have felt the pressure, because she just returned it for a brief moment before she pulled back just slightly, her hands still gripping her daughter's arms tightly as she met blue eyes she'd spent eighteen years loving more than anything.  
  
“I'm so proud of you,” she informed her daughter, everything she felt racing through her and coloring her voice as her eyes shone. One hand moved up to wipe away the second tear that slipped down Clarke's cheek, and then she leaned forward, leaving a simple kiss against her daughter's forehead. “More than you'll ever know.”  
  
“Thanks Mom,” Clarke whispered, and then she took a deep breath, steeling herself and trying to get a grip on the emotions coursing through her. Her grip on her mother's arms tightened, and she met deep brown eyes that had always been there, always made her feel calm when everything else was anything but. “May we meet again.”  
  
“May we meet again,” Abby whispered back, and then for a moment they simply stood there, looking at each other, until the Chancellor forced herself to let go of her daughter and step away. She looked at her for another long moment, as though memorizing every detail, and then she turned to the Commander standing just behind the blonde and nodded. The next moment she turned, disappearing back into the crowd, and Clarke watched her go, not allowing anymore of her tears to fall.  
  
“Indra,” Lexa called out quietly, and the chief turned immediately to her, “Begin leading our people home.” The older woman nodded and then turned around sharply, Ryder and Shet moving along with her. Lexa saw Callie nudge Reese and Thom, catching their attention, before she gestured back towards the village, and then they, Nygel, Lincoln, Octavia and even Jojesh slipped back between the buildings behind them. The next moment, she and Clarke and Taigon were the only ones still standing there.  
  
Taigon moved over to Clarke, placing a hand on her shoulder.  
  
“Your mother will be fine,” he promised, “And you will see her soon.” She let out a small sigh, but nodded, before looking up to meet his eyes.  
  
“I know,” she replied, “She will be, and I will.” She smiled then, lifting her eyebrows, before she added, “And I'll be seeing you again soon too.” She pushed into him, and he just laughed, easily wrapping his arms around her and squeezing her into a tight hug. “Take care of yourself, Taigon,” she told him, “And take care of your sister. You know she does crazy things when she thinks no one's watching her.”  
  
“I do not,” Lexa insisted, lifting her head higher, but her brother just laughed again as he nodded, completely ignoring her.  
  
“I will,” he promised. “I will do my best to keep her out of trouble, though she too seems to be drawn to it.” His eyes twinkled, shining bright, as he added, “Just another thing you two seem to have in common.” Clarke just grinned and he held her tighter, letting out a little sigh. “Be careful,” he murmured, his tone much more serious now. “Stay safe.”  
  
“I will, Taigon,” she promised, closing her eyes as she held him closer. “You stay safe too.” She paused for a second and then grinned again, eyes opening as she pulled back a little before adding, “And see if you can think of anymore embarrassing stories about your sister; you know how much I love those.” He just grinned, eyes flickering over to Lexa and seeing the glare she leveled at him, but he just nodded.  
  
“I will definitely think of more for you,” he swore, and then released his hold on her, stepping back. His eyes moved to his sister and back once again, and then he simply said, “Good-bye, Clarke.”  
  
“Good-bye, Taigon,” she replied, and then he turned around, jogging to catch up with the army that had started to leave without them.  
  
With that, Clarke and Lexa were alone once again, standing in open space between Clarke's village and Lexa's disappearing army. They looked at each other, and for a moment no words were spoken, each just fighting to grapple with the emotions tearing through their chests. Neither wanted Lexa to go, but both knew she had to, and both just had to accept that. Finally Lexa just nodded, meeting blue eyes.  
  
“Good-bye, Clarke,” she murmured, unsure how to make this moment any less painful for them both. The blonde seemed to have one idea, and she just reached forward, grabbing Lexa's arm and pulling her closer.  
  
“Not good-bye,” the younger girl told her quietly, her face hovering only inches away from the brunette's. “This is just an 'I'll see you again soon,' moment. Not a good-bye.” Her eyes darted up, meeting bright green, and she leaned forward a little further before whispering, “I'm never saying good-bye to you again, Lexa. Never.”  
  
Lexa would have argued, would have told Clarke that good-bye is simply the appropriate response to give when two people are parting ways, but Clarke didn't give her a chance. The younger girl pulled her forward another step, and then their lips connected and Lexa's words died away at the touch. The kiss was short, sweet, a simple reminder of what one meant to the other, but it was all that was needed. They had spent the previous night and much of the morning showing how much they cared and how much they would miss each other, and the words simply weren't needed now. This one kiss, this little reminder of a promise and of their love, was all they needed. When they parted, the corners of Lexa's lips were pulled up, and she simply pressed her forehead against the blonde's.  
  
“You are right,” she agreed, “No more good-byes. We will be together again soon.” The corners of her lips twitched, and Clarke thought she saw Lexa's eyebrows raise almost imperceptibly before the Commander added, “After all, I will need my queen by my side for Coalition Day, and that is only a couple of months away.”  
  
Clarke's lips mirrored the brunette's, her smile just a hair bigger, before she promised, “Your queen will be there.” She pressed harder against Lexa's forehead, sinking into the feeling of being so close and hoping she'd be able to remember every detail, before she added, “You promised to show me around Polis a long time ago, and I look forward to you keeping that promise.” Lexa's smile grew, her eyes bright, before she nodded. With a barely contained sigh, she pulled away, dropping her hands from where they'd fallen to Clarke's shoulders, but didn't yet turn.  
  
“Until we meet again, ai hodnes,” Lexa murmured, gazing into the blue eyes she knew she'd never stop loving. She watched as Clarke's smile first began to slip away and then grew back, her eyes never leaving Lexa's.  
  
“Until we meet again, Lexa,” Clarke replied softly. “I love you too.” With a final look, Lexa turned and began walking after her people, leaving Clarke behind to watch her go.  
  
This time as she walked away, Clarke's heart squeezed in her chest, already missing Lexa even as she watched her go, but continued beating steadily, remaining whole.  
  
This time the tear that slid down her cheek came from a heart too full to contain all of her love, all of the care she felt for this other girl.  
  
This time as Clarke watched Lexa leave her, she knew that even with distance between them they weren't actually apart, knew that they'd never be completely apart again.  
  
This time Clarke knew that she loved Lexa, knew that Lexa loved her back, and that nothing could ever change that.  
  
This time Clarke watched Lexa until the Commander disappeared between the trees, until all that remained of the other girl were the footprints she'd left in the snow, but this time her heart didn't break the moment she lost sight of braided hair. This time instead her heart soared in her chest, because this time her plan had actually worked and she and Lexa had rescued their people together, and nothing was ever going to stand in their way again.  
  
Clarke waited until she lost sight of Lexa completely, and then she turned, lifting her head as she made her way back into her village.  
  
This time it had all gone right, and she knew that nothing could ever go terribly wrong again, because from here on out, whether she was beside her or not, she had Lexa, and that was all she really needed. Whatever came next, they would face it: ogeda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm shocked I'm managing to get this out tonight, but here it is: the end of "Unbroken." I have absolutely no words, this all feels a little surreal to me; I just can't believe it's done. It's done.
> 
> But a quick thank you to everyone who has reached out with ideas for the sequel! They have all been absolutely amazing, and so far I've been able to work a good number of them into my planning, so thank you thank you thank you! You all are beautiful, amazing, truly wonderful people, and I really appreciate both your ideas for the sequel and the fact that you stuck with me all the way to this point. I think I've said it before, but I'll say it again; "Unbroken" wouldn't be written now if it weren't for all of you, so thank you for that! I hope you enjoyed the final installment of the story, and I'll see you all at the sequel (or maybe before at "Continuum," if any of you read that)! Thanks again!
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations:
> 
> "Ai hodnes" - "My love"
> 
> "Ogeda" - "Together"
> 
>  
> 
> **The sequel is now up! If you'd like, take a look at "Connections" and see what trouble our ladies can get up to next!**


End file.
